Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-26-24

Episode Date: December 27, 2024

Bill rambles about Christmas pajamas of past, British engines, and going on a journey. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (32:28) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 12-26-24 - Bill rambles about woman removers, NBA hoop, and blaming the year 2016. (01:04:53) - Anything Better Preview & Picks - Week 17

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast and Ah La la la la la la la la la la la la I'm checking in on I try to make it the holiday the holiday season Podcast I don't know I try to I to infuse it and it didn't work. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? It didn't work. Just like your ex-wife.

Didn't work. Bonjour, bonsoir, bon après-midi, tout le monde. Je m'appelle Guillaume et je suis si heureux parce que j'ai un bon Noël. You guys have a good Christmas? I had a great Christmas. I had a great Christmas. C'était parfait. It was perfect. I gotta tell you this cute story. When I was a little boy, I was faced with a Sophie's Choice When I was a kid and this is probably how I ended up being a comedian the trauma of this I was in a department store

Back in Massachusetts and my mother Was getting me some new pajamas And she brings me over to the pajamas section. She said, pick out the pajamas you want. And I'm scanning the pajamas. And the first thing I see is the Bugs Bunny stuff. And I love Bugs Bunny, right? And they had Bugs Bunny playing basketball and Bugs Bunny playing football. And I was like, oh, like I loved football from the time I remember watching TV. And like when I was like, oh, like I loved football. From the time I remember watching TV. And like when I was a little kid, I

didn't know they were wearing pads. So I thought their shoulders were that big. I thought they were these little, like these these not little, they thought they were like these fucking hulks just slamming into each other. Interestingly enough, writers I was about ready to pick Bugs Bunny playing football, you know, he had the old school leather helmet on and he was holding the football running for a touchdown. Nobody near him, right?

Hey, could, go, all the way, right? And I look to the left and what do I see? I see Hulk pajamas. And the Hulk is built like the football players, I don't know, like they're wearing, I didn't know that they're wearing pads. So I'm like, I'm looking at him and he's green and he's shredded and he's fucking angry and it's green and I've always loved green. So I was going, I couldn't make up my mind.

So I said, Ma, Ma, come over here. Oh, I was young. Ma, Ma, come over here. Um, you know, I wanted both. Could I get both? And she said, No, because it was the 70s. And that's a word kids heard a lot. She was like, No, you. She's like, I'm gonna do some more shopping. And another thing, you just leave, she's like, I'm going to do some more shopping. And another thing, you just leave your kids, right? I'm going to fucking pick. How every kid was not abducted in the 70s is just fucking beyond me. So she walks away in a department store.

So me and my brother are standing there. He's trying to figure out what he wants and I cannot make up my mind. I am agonizing, agonizing, and I just couldn't make up my mind. I am agonizing. Agonizing. And I just couldn't make up my mind and I finally I chose Bugs Bunny playing football because I love football and I love Bugs Bunny. I love the Hulk too but there was two things that I loved or whatever. And I grabbed a bug, I finally she said come on we gotta go pick one. So I reached for Hulk and then went over and grabbed Bugs Bunny, handed it to her, and then she took me by my arm the way they used to.

Your first separated shoulder is your mother giving you the let's go tug, right? So she's pulling me out, and as we're walking away, I'm looking over at my shoulder sad, looking at the Hulk pajamas. And every time I wore the Bugs Bunnies, I loved them, but I always thought about the Hulk pajamas and I never got them. Alright, so here we are fucking 50 years later. I told that story to my daughter because she was going through something where she wanted something, you know, you know, then she had to make a choice or whatever. And it brought me back to that moment.

And what I always do whenever my kids are going through some stuff is rather than talk to them about them, I tell them a story of when I was going through the same thing. Like if they have to do like a performance at school and they're nervous, I go, of course you're nervous. I always get nervous right before I go on stage.

And then my daughter's like, you do? Yeah, yeah. My stomach's in knots. I'm hoping it's going to go well. But then once I get out there, I have so much fun. And then when it's over, I feel great. I feel proud about myself because I went up and I did it, right? I do stuff like that.

Or like if my kid's feeling sad, I just sort of clock that and a few days later, I'll just sort of work in how I was sad today. It makes them feel like it's all right to have all these emotions, right? So what were you sad about then? Well, I was thinking about some friends that I lost and haven't seen in a while and blah, blah, blah, blah, and whatever, right? So anyway, I related that story to her. I forget what the heck she was dealing with.

She had like something about sports, something about soccer. She had to make a choice, right? And I could see it was bugging her. So I told her that story, right? And about how sometimes, you know, you don't get everything, but if you get something, that's still great, right? So I tell her that story. And guess what she got me for Christmas at 56 years of age?

I got Hulk pajamas. Now granted, no offense to Comic Con people, Comic Con people, I am way too old for that shit right? But it was the gesture that she did and I made sure I told her that night. I said in the hallway, I said, sweetheart, I go, you just made a childhood dream come true. Thank you so much. She just broke out ear to ear grin and gave me a big hug.

And I was thinking, there you go. That's my Christmas right there. So look at that. Usually a gloom and doom podcast. I started off with a nice story that I like to think in my own ego maniac fucking skull that you guys all just went, aww. But I know as a lot of you damaged fuck were like, aww, Billy fucking pussy tits or whatever. And I don't take that personally.

And whenever somebody says something like that to me, all I hear is the lack of hugs in your childhood. Or if you're just Irish, you're born with it. Before somebody doesn't love you, before you don't get the hugs, before your dad spends the weekly paycheck down in the pubs doing some Angela's Ashes shit, right? They're just fucking born with it. The Irish people are simultaneously my favorite people

and the most miserable cunts I've ever met in my life. I won't even say that. I would say the English are. You know what I mean? Because at least the Irish still have something to go for. It's like the English are there and they were there and it just didn't fill them up and now they're just cunts. Right?

And it always blows my mind how the English are like the, that's like the, the English are the European version of American New Yorkers. Like American New Yorkers, they just think they fucking know everything. They think where they live is the be all, end all, and this shit doesn't fucking stink. It's very relatable. Whenever I go over to England, right, it's so funny.

They always say, right, what's this all the guns, mate? General standard, what you call football, right? Always fucking, you know, you don't use your fingers, you use your hands. You use your hands. Like they think they're the first person that ever fucking said that every time you go over there And it's what what's with the guns mate? It's fucking crazy over there right at least. That's what they sound like to me All right, they all sound high-pitch II Ricky Gervais to me So And I always look at me. Just like, what do you mean what the fuck happened

over here? You started what happened over here. The fuck did you come over to America with, with your ships? You come over with a bunch of flowers? You didn't. You came over with cannons and muskets and all those other fucking long guns, right? So musket the pistol back then, the Bugs Bunny one that flared out and you just fucking shot metal at people.

You guys started this shit over. You guys, the French and the Spaniards. And then all these years later, after you set the fucking tone over here, you wonder why it still exists. You're like the abusive parent who then just blames it. I don't know why he's so angry about it. He used to be a happy kid. Yeah, and then I had you as a parent and that went out the fucking window, didn't it?

Anyway, yeah, if you don't understand America, that's because you live in a fucking country where it's all you basically. It's all you and then there's a little bit not you and do you get along with them? Do they feel welcome in your country? They don't. That's our entire country. Our entire country is a bunch of fucking people that weren't from here. Our ancestors were not fucking from here. There's all these different teams. And we have CNN and Fox News to make sure we all fucking hate each other every goddamn week.

All right? And there you go. This country was stolen. We're driving a hot car over here. and you don't know when the cops are showing up. So everybody's fucking strapped. That's what's going on here. And it's been going on so long you're not going to fucking stop it. So enough with the stupid fucking questions. Why do you use your hands in football? Because soccer is boring. No it isn't. It's a beautiful game. It's a beautiful fucking game if it's not played here.

But if it's played here by Mexicans, then it's beautiful. But they're from a country, or at least our ancestors are, if they're native to this country, that appreciates that fucking game. Because it's a gorgeous game. Here's another question I have for the English. I don't understand why you're so into fucking racing. Why you're so into high performance and all of that,

you know? It's like, what's that? That Top Gear show? And that old cunt on there is always making fun of American cars and technology, which I totally get. But then you go out and you buy an English car, it's the biggest piece of shit you're ever going to, like the Range Rover engine engine that's the best you can fucking do? You buy a Range Rover you just fucking married the lemon law here in the United States and that's your idea of a luxury fucking SUV. You guys

ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Anytime they have that fucking F1 race or the MotoGP race over in England they're all my god legendary, oh, this is Lewis Hamilton's favorite fucking place. I guarantee you what, Lewis Hamilton doesn't drive a fucking Jaguar or a Range Rover. He's got a Mercedes. Sure, he's got something Italian. 100 fucking percent. All I can say is thank God the English don't make planes.

Ha ha ha.'d be going down left and right now. Right, you fucking can't, they all got Rolls Royce engines in them. Rolls Royce people, there's always an exception to the rule. They're the Larry Bird, the inexplicable, uncoordinated fucking white guy that can somehow play at the NBA level. That's what Rolls Royce is. Everything else is fucking garbage. Your Triumphs, your fucking Jaguars, your fucking Range Rovers. Gar-bash. They look good. Right. Fucking brilliant. Pretty to look at. Pretty to look at as you drive it to the fucking mechanic. Anyway, there we go. That ought to rile up some fucking pasty cunts over there. Anyway, plowing ahead here. I had a great fucking Christmas. Shout out to Amazon drivers on strike. I like what you're doing. I like

what you're doing. Enough with these fucking internet nerds taking over the fucking world, and then on top of that, not paying anybody. You fucking stay on strike. You stay on strike. Fucking, what's it like to drive a truck like a man working for somebody who fucking you know walks around in feet pajamas? It's got gotta be terrible.

Anyway, plow in. I'm in my podcast, my new podcast studio has been my car lately. I'm sitting in my car like a fucking maniac. And what the best thing is, is I'm such a loud jerk off that even when people walk by, they can even with the windows up, they think I'm such a loud jerk off that even when people walk by, even with the windows up, they think I'm in an argument with my significant other, whatever that might be in this day and age.

But that's not the case. That's not the case. I had a great Christmas. Everything is wonderful. The Patriots have a quarterback now. I saw some of the highlights of the Bills game. You know, I don't have the NFL package this year, so all I'm seeing is the Rams and the Chargers.

And I just saw the highlights. You know, we had a bad little play in the end. Gave them a fucking touchdown. But, you know, Drake May, Drake May, we can build around this guy. I believe in this guy. And the Pats, you know, Drake May, Drake May, we can build around this guy. I believe in this guy and the Pats, you know, slowly but surely are going to come back. And I actually believe that they're going to be coming back. Whereas as a kid, I always knew, hey, if we just get the wild card, I was happy just because

that's where we were. And then came a guy named Robert Kraft. And that guy has gone three for three with coaches. I mean the three greatest coaching hires right in a row by any owner. Bill Parcells, okay we'll give him that one. Everybody already knew he was a fucking legend. But he was able to get him. And then we go to Pete Carroll. Woo! Pete Carroll. The fucking khaki king himself. Right? Woo! Still running up and down the stairs. Don't let that Flanders vibe fool you.

That guy was fucking an alpha. Dressed in fucking, I go to church every week, clothing. And then he hires the one and only, the Paul Brown of today, Bill Belichick. Fucking incredible. So I'm believing in everything and I'm very excited that, you know, the rough couple years, whatever, rough couple years, I can shake that off. I had a rough couple decades, hey, let me tell you, it was rough before all of that

shit happened. So I'm very excited where they are at. And I'm also excited to have time off. I'm excited that the script is handed in. Now I'm sitting on pins and needles waiting for the feedback. You know, we're handing in, this is fucking great. And then every second that I don't hear the feedback,

I'm like, wait a minute, is it not? Oh, the doubt. The doubt is fucking creeping in. the doubt. The doubt is fucking creeping in. Anyway, I had my nine millionth meltdown about what I consider to be arguably the biggest lie in America in the 20th century. Like if you had to like think what is the biggest lie? Okay, you're probably going Federal Reserve, Magic Bullet Theory, you know, we didn't see the entire Japanese Navy coming across the fucking ocean. I mean then you can go

like fucking conspiracy. That is a lot of that is conspiracy. That's all conspiracy when we talk about but the newer conspiracies 9-eleven inside job fucking lizard people There's aliens that we're already fucking in business with Man, can you imagine seeing this fucking place as an alien you're like, yeah, I can do something with that Can you imagine that? I? Mean, why would you think that other than this is the only planet around that seems

like it's got some shit going on? I mean, the only reason why I think the fucking aliens would stop here is because there's some hoolas. Other than that. We've got some good music, too. Some nice weather. But I don't know what they breathe, right? That's what gets me about these fucking aliens. They just show up and they can breathe in our atmosphere.

Why am I afraid of a fucking alien if all I gotta do is just rip your gas mask off? You know, just because they can get here doesn't mean they have like fucking super powers. I mean, if that fucking nerd on Twitter can get a rocket to fucking go up and stick another satellite like we need more surveillance up there and then come back and park in the same parking spot if that fucking laminated dyed hair plugged cunt can make that happen you're telling you know you're telling me that the other people with more of a head star can't make some fucking, you know, glue a couple plates together and fly over here?

But that doesn't mean that they're like, well I guess some of the shit that they've been showing lately. I'm just stopping in midair and then just going fucking light speed. All right, they're a little hell of an aviation, all right? But I mean that stopping in midair and then just going fucking light speed. All right. They're a little hell of us in aviation. All right But I mean that happens in the world. I mean her in Asia that I heard their fucking cell phones are way beyond ours You know doesn't mean they're gonna take over the world You know, but you See and then Fox News are saying different things aren't they? I don't even watch those channels I just I just blame them for everything. It just feels good. You know CNN and Fox News are saying different things, aren't they? I don't even watch those channels.

I just blame them for everything. It just feels good, you know? Who better to blame than just a bunch of fucking people walking around acting like they're journalists when they're not? When was the last time you were walking down the street and you saw somebody with a Fox News or a fucking CNN card tucked into their fedora to go get on the scene and cover a story. They're not doing that. They're in the office in a controlled environment reading some ticker tape and then fucking

figuring out how to spin it their way. Oh Jesus, Bill. I thought you had a good Christmas. What's going on? You're going dark here, dude. The fucking walls are closing in. Speaking of the walls closing in, this play that I'm going to be doing in New York, Glen Gary, Glen Ross, Glen Levitt.

That's what I'm going to be if I fucking blow this gig. Oh, that would be fun. That's the New York Post. That's the fucking New York Post Glenn Gary if I get fucking I go back to drinking and I'm just like stumbling around missing shows hammered Glenn Gary Glenn Ross more like Glenn Levitt Hanging on a park bench talking to a fucking pigeon Talking to the pigeon like see this is real conversation man it's not memorized we're just feeding off of each other connecting. Fucking pigeons looking at me like are you gonna toss me some bread Pista, geez. So, I'm savoring these days before I have to go to work.

That's what I'm trying to do, trying to hang out with everybody I can. All my family, obviously, and then all my friends around town, I'm trying to get one hang in with them before I embark on this next chapter. I hate when people say that. The next chapter of my journey. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.

Fucking journey. Magellan was on a journey. Johnny Appleseed walking across the fucking country when it wasn't all fucking air-quotes civil All right, I went over the fuck he did it All right Those people were on a journey. Jack Kerouac was on a journey in a car I think his last guy that actually had a fucking journey You know me if you're going to work every fucking day and you're coming back and now my kids are teenagers. That's not a journey It's an experience

There's a fucking difference. All right. If I go to the Dominican Republic and I land and I get a car service and immediately go to some fucking resort, I didn't go to a journey. There's not a journey. All right. If I learned how to sail and I got a fucking boat and I went down the fucking western coast of this country, Central America, somehow had the fucking coin to go through the Panama Canal and fucking went back up. That was a gut in a Dominican Republic. That's a fucking journey.

All right. If you're some fat fucking cow, you know, who's been fed poison by your own fucking countrymen, right, that you're now so fucking big, even if you wanted to get a boat license. You know, even if you fucking had the wherewithal to push yourself away from that hot fudge Sunday you're eating every goddamn night. I needed to go to sleep. Right? Even if you fucking had the wherewithal to do it,

you don't have the money to buy a boat big enough that you can get on that's not gonna fucking capsize. All right? Your boating dreams are out the fucking window. Which by the way, I was joking with Nia last night, like how many of today's rappers everybody in hip-hop seems to be rapping about liabilities. Cars, bitches, boats, all that stuff, you know? This might be the old man to me, but I just listen to that stuff and I just think, you're not getting your money back on any of that. All that's going on, it's right in the toilet, so it's all a depreciating fucking asset. My favorite thing, back when rappers and musicians could make money off of album sales, remember

the fucking money people would, the fucking shit that rock stars and rappers would buy? It was so fun to watch when they used to do the MTV Cribs, just looking at all the dumb shit that they would buy. They'd commission an oil painting of themselves. And hanging over a fireplace that was big enough to be considered a two-car garage. Remember that shit? The fucking rock stars would get a pool in the shape of their signature guitar rock stars were fucking amazing Jumping off their roof into the pool fucking hammered out of their minds Just have some giant fucking swing hanging from like

your double fucking ceiling or whatever that went all the way up. Pillars and shit in front of your house. Everybody's house looked like the fucking, like you were working for the government, right? And my favorite thing, rappers, they would, instead of a Jesus piece that went beyond that, they would spend all this money on diamonds to have their own face made. It's like, dude, you better keep writing hits if you think you ever, if that's ever gonna

be fucking worth something. Like how much would you pay for a Sonny and Cher diamond fucking piece? You know? Or a Mac Davis, rest his soul. Baby, baby, don't you get, don't you get hooked on me. Ever hear that song? Baby, baby, don't you get hooked on me ever hear that song baby baby don't you get hooked on me Because I'm just gonna love you babe and set you free Just sing I'm gonna fuck you and leave

And you know what women loved it they loved this song you know why cuz back then they were raised right Women loved it. They loved the song. You know why? Because back then they were raised right. This isn't even a podcast. This is just me filling up 30 minutes. I'm like that guy who should have been fighting for the title, you know, and the fucking champ needs a tune up fight.

So he's just carrying me for seven rounds and I'm just fucking hanging, you know, taking two to the head and then just grabbing onto him. And you sit and they're going, what the fuck? I paid for this? you did yes you did pay per view pay per view that was the funniest thing about that that last Tyson exhibition everyone was all fucking upset by it I said dude you didn't pay anything we already had Netflix you already had it you didn't like shut it off It's Netflix there's 30,000 other fucking things oh

My god if you watch that shit on Netflix like what did that do to your cue or whatever they call it? Did you just watch a bunch of fixed fights after that? It's that all come up Like they just show you like a bunch of not like fixed fights, but just like bad decisions, where the crowd booze and all of that shit, and then the trainers fight each other. That's what I do love about boxing and the UFC and everything is everybody knows how to fight, like the trainers, they all know how to fight. So at the end, it's not like an NBA fight. NBA fights are the worst because those guys are like nine feet tall, whoever who the fuck ever took a swing

at them. They were all like six feet tall by the time they were in fifth grade, nobody ever fucked with you. So when they they throw punches, man. It's like they can't fucking hit each other. It's shit is hilarious. There's a few that could fight. But generally speaking, nobody throws like a fucking jab followed by like an overhand right. They start with the overhand right. I would say like the NBA guy, average NBA guy, the way they throw a punch, it's like they're trying to throw somebody out from like the warning track.

And then they just, are you ever see like the people in the bars when they do that stupid ego thing, trying to punch that, that, that just a stationary speed bag basically right you just punch it and then it Measures how much of a man you are the amount of fucking people that swing and miss and then fall in their ass That's that's what an NBA fight looks like. All right, but then you watch anytime. There's a bad decision And this is the brilliance of the octagon in the UFC is it's very hard for the fight camp of the other side. The losing fighter to get in there and fucking... Oh, do they walk in with them? I always feel like they just... The interview the guy loses quick and then Joe talks to the winner whether they're standing or not. I never understood why Joe got shit for sitting down next to Conor McGregor. He

was like he was on the ground. What, was he gonna stand over him? Fucking hanging the mic down like his dick? He had to get down there. He did what he had to do. He did what he had to do, unlike those cunts on Fox News and CNN. You don't see them crouching down to fucking talk to them about

why they shouldn't have refinanced their house. Anyway, what else do I got? I don't have any ad reads. You do a podcast like this. The ad reads are few and far, far in between. So I did real good in the holidays. I stayed away from the sweets. I don't fuck with you.

I don't even like it anymore. It's great. Once you get off sugar for anywhere from four to 10 days, I don't even like it anymore. It's great. Once you get off sugar for like anywhere from four to ten days It doesn't even taste right anymore And then other shit that used to seem bland is amazing Like I remember the first time I like had like a raw avocado I was like am I eating like wallpaper like what what is this? This is disgusting now. I love it You know I used to have to have all this salt in it fucking line the whole the whole guac thing. I had to have that or whatever I was doing.

I had to like, you know, kind of zhuzh it up, right? Now I can just eat it. I eat it fucking straight. It's delicious. But you can't eat an avocado because there's always some fucking cunt there going, you know, that's a lot of fucking, that's a lot of fat. Then somebody else goes, oh, it's actually a good kind of fat. Kind of like salmon.

Oh, salmon? You mean the ones that they fucking grow? And then fucking hollered out fucking suitcases? Whatever the hell they're doing? They got cloudy fucking eyes? That's why they chop the heads off over here. They don't want you to see the health of the fucking fish before you ate it.

Oh, Jesus, Bill, Jesus. You got a minute and a half to go and you're coming like this? I gotta come home for this! What movie? Goodfellas, Ray Liotta, Rest of Soul. Talking to Karen! The original Karen.

I like to say. You know, she was original Karen. I like to say. Um, you know, she was a Karen. She knew what she was. We fucking pistol-whipped the guy across the street. You didn't think he was going to have hooves. You didn't think he was going to be out banging Janet Rossi. What did you think you were fucking signing up for? You thought you were going to be different?

You saw all them mob girls. They all looked, you know, they were wearing secondhand stuff. They all look like they'd been shook. Anyway, alright, that's the podcast people I tried to bring the holiday vibe. I started off I started off with the holiday vibe. And you know, it went it went south, it went south quick, it went mid mid January really quickly. You know, shout out to everybody in the Midwest. The real Midwest, not Chicago, there's plenty to do there. I mean, when you get

out in the weeds, get out there in Nebraska and Kansas and Iowa, the Dakotas, Wyoming, which I know is the mountain but whatever mountain time you owe it to yourself to fucking go out there at some point see what those people have to live in during the wintertime when the crops are all cut down and that barren earth meets that gray sky you feel like you're walking on the surface of the fucking moon. I've said this a million times. I never understood how a band like Slipknot came from Iowa.

I didn't understand where the anger came from. I didn't understand it. I liked it, but I didn't know. Those guys are from Iowa? And then I did some college gigs in Iowa in like February, and I was like, oh, okay, I get it now. I get it now. I get it. As per usual, I had an idea of a place and then I went there and I was like, turns out my idea was 100% wrong.

All right, that is the podcast everybody. I hope you had a nice Christmas. Hanukkah, I think starts tonight or whatever. Happy Hanukkah to you, happy Kwanzaa. Happy hope you had a nice Christmas. Hunnica, I think it starts tonight or whatever. Happy Hunnica to you, happy Kwanzaa. Happy if you don't celebrate anything. I hope you had a good one. Hope you got some time off. And once again, shout out to those Amazon drivers.

We should not be under the thumb of people with fucking dyed hair plugs and feet pajamas. I don't think that's too much to ask. I don't mind if you run shit, but you know, break a little something off for the people working for you. Um, this is so busy, she's done. Is it? Is that how business is done?

Does that make you sleep warm at night, knowing that your workers go home crying, trying to figure out how they're gonna pay their bills? Exhausted, missing their kids growing up just so you can have a bigger infinity pool? You fucking cunt. You don't have to take the infinity pool literally. It can have a bigger infinity pool, you fucking cunt. You don't have to take the infinity pool literally. It doesn't have to keep going, you know?

I wish you have half the size of a fucking pool and then you know pay somebody to drive your shit that nobody needs across the goddamn country. All right, that's the podcast everybody. Enjoy the music picked out by the amazing, incredibly talented, Andrew Thamelis, who by the way shot a stand-up special that made it to the Cannes Film Festival in France. Enjoy his music and then after that we have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. Have a great weekend, ya cunts! Enjoy the football and I'll talk to you on Monday. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday

afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. And ah la la la la la la la la la la I'm checking in on I try to make it the holiday the holiday season podcast I don't know I try to I try to infuse it it didn't work what are you gonna do what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? It didn't work. Just like your ex-wife. Didn't work Bonjour, bonsoir, bon après midi, tout le monde. Je m'appelle Guillaume et je suis si heureux parce que J'ai une bonne Noël. You guys have a good Christmas? I had a great Christmas. I had a great Christmas. C'était parfait. It was perfect.

I've got to tell you this cute story. When I was a little boy, un petit garçon, un petit garçon, un petit garçon rouge, ah très rouge, trop rouge, trop rouge? Ah ouais, trop rouge. Ah, c'est un ouro. Um, I uh, I was faced with a Sophie's Choice when I was a kid. And this is probably how I ended up being a comedian, the trauma of this. I was in a department store back in Massachusetts. And my mother was getting me some new pajamas. And she brings me over to the pajama section. She said, pick out the pajamas you want.

And I'm scanning the pajamas. And the first thing I see is the Bugs Bunny stuff and I love Bugs Bunny, right? And they had Bugs Bunny playing basketball and Bugs Bunny playing football and I was like, oh, like I loved football from the time I remember watching TV and like when I was a little kid, I didn't know they were wearing pads. So I thought their shoulders were that big. I thought they were these little, like these, not little, I thought they were like these fucking hulks just slamming into each other.

Interestingly enough, right as I was about ready to pick Bugs Bunny playing football, you know, the old school leather helmet on and he was holding the football, running for a touchdown. Nobody near him, right? Hey, could, go, all the way, right? And I look to the left and what do I see? I see Hulk pajamas. And the Hulk is built like the football players.

I don't know what they're wearing. I didn't know what they were wearing, Pads. So I'm like, I'm looking at him and he's green and he's shredded and he's fucking angry and it's green and I've always loved green. So I was going, I couldn't make up my mind. So I said, Ma! Ma, come over here! Oh, I was young. Ma! Ma, come over here. You know, I wanted both. Could I get both? And she said, no, because it was the 70s.

And that's a word kids heard a lot. She was like, no, you, she's like, I'm gonna do some more shopping. And another thing, you just leave your kids, right? I'm gonna fucking pick. How every kid was not abducted in the 70s is just fucking beyond me. So she walks away in a department store. So me and my brother are standing there. He's trying to figure out what he wants and I cannot make up my mind.

I am agonizing. Agonizing. And I just couldn't make up my mind. And I finally, I chose Bugs Bunny playing football because I love football and I love Bugs Bunny. I love the Hulk too but there was two things that I loved or whatever and I grabbed a, I finally she said come on we got to go pick one. So I reached for Hulk and then went over and grabbed Bugs Bunny handed it to her and then

she you know took me by my arm the way they used to you know. Your first separated shoulder is your mother giving you the let's go tug, right? So she's pulling me out and as we're walking away I'm looking over at my shoulder sad looking at the Hulk pajamas. And every time I wore the Bugs Bunnies I loved them but I always thought about the Hulk pajamas and I never got them. All right, so here we are fucking 50 years later. I told that story to my daughter because she was going through something where she wanted something, you know,

you know, then she had to make a choice or whatever. And it brought me back to that moment. And what I always do whenever my kids are going through some stuff is rather than talk to them about them, I tell them a story of when I was going through the same thing. Like if they have to do like a performance at school and they're nervous, I go, of course you're nervous. I always get nervous right before I go on stage.

And then my daughter's like, you do? Yeah, yeah. My stomach's in knots. I'm hoping it's going to go well. But then once I get out there, I have so much knots. I'm hoping it's gonna go well. But then once I get out there I have so much fun and then when it's over I feel great. I feel proud about myself because I went up and I did it, right? I do stuff like that or like if my kids feeling sad I just sort of clock that and a few days later I'll, you know, I'll just sort of work in how I was sad today. And you know

it makes them feel like it's alright to have all these emotions, right? So what were you sad about then? Well, I was thinking about some friends that I lost and haven't seen in a while and blah, blah, blah, blah, and whatever, right? So anyway, I related that story to her. I forget what the heck she was dealing with. She had like something about sports, something about soccer. She had to make a choice, right?

And I could see it was bugging her. So I told her that story, right? And about how sometimes, you know, you don't get everything, but if you get something, that's still great, right? So I tell her that story, and guess what she got me for Christmas at 56 years of age? I got Hulk pajamas. Now granted, no offense to Comic-Con people,

Now, granted, no offense to Comic-Con people, Comic-Con people, I am way too old for that shit, right? But it was the gesture that she did, and I made sure I told her that night. I said in the hallway, I said, sweetheart, I go, you just made a childhood dream come true. Thank you so much. She just broke out ear to ear grin and gave me a big hug. And I was thinking, there you go. That's my Christmas right there. So look at that. Usually a gloom and doom podcast. I started off with a nice story that I like to think in my own egomaniac fucking skull that you guys all just went, aww. but I know there's a lot of you damaged fucks who are like, aww,

Billy fucking pussy tits or whatever. And I don't take that personally. And whenever somebody says something like that to me, all I hear is the lack of hugs in your childhood. Or if you're just Irish, like you're just born with it. Before somebody doesn't love you, before you don't get the hugs, before your dad spends the weekly paycheck down in the pubs doing some Angela's Ashes shit, right?

They're just fucking born with it. The Irish people are simultaneously my favorite people and the most miserable cunts I've ever met in my life. I won't even say that. I would say the English are. You know what I mean? Because at least the Irish still have something to go for. It's like the English are there and they were there and it just didn't fill them up. And now they're just cunts, right? And it always blows my mind how the English are like, that's like the English are the European version

of American New Yorkers. Like American New Yorkers, they just think they fucking know everything. They think where they live is the be all end all and this shit doesn't fucking stink. It's very relatable. Whenever I go over to England, right, it's so funny. They always say, right, what's with all the guns, mate?

General standard. What are you called? Football. Right? Always fucking, you know, you don't use your fingers. You use your hands. You use your hands. Like, they think they're the first person that ever fucking said that.

Every time you go over there and they say, what's with the guns, mate? It's fucking crazy over there, right? At least that's what they sound like to me. All right, they all sound high-pitchy Ricky Gervais to me. So, and I always want to look at them and just be like, what do you mean what the fuck happened over here? You started what happened over here. The fuck did you come over to America with with your ships? You come over with a bunch of flowers? You didn't. You came over with cannons and muskets and all those other fucking long guns, right? So musket the pistol back then? The Bugs Bunny one that flared out and you just fucking shot metal at people?

You guys started this shit over. You guys, the French and the Spaniards. And then all these years later, after you set the fucking tone over here You wonder why it still exists You're like the abusive parent Who then just blames it. I don't know. He's so angry about it used to be a happy kid Yeah, and then I had you as a parent and that went out the fucking window, didn't it? Anyway, yeah, if you don't understand America, that's because you

live in a fucking country where it's all you basically. It's all you. And then there's a little bit not you. And do you get along with them? Do they feel welcome in your country? They don't. That's our entire country. Our entire country is a bunch of fucking people that weren't from here. Our ancestors were not fucking from here. There's all these different teams. And we have CNN and Fox News to make sure we all fucking hate each other every goddamn week. All right? And there you go. This country was stolen. We're driving a hot car over here and you don't know when the cops are showing up. So everybody's fucking strapped. That's what's going on here.

And it's been going on so long, you're not gonna fucking stop it. So enough with the stupid fucking questions. Why do you use your hands in football? Because soccer is boring. No, it isn't. It's a beautiful game. It's a beautiful fucking game if it's not played here. But if it's played here by Mexicans, then it's beautiful.

But they're from a country, or at least our ancestors are, if they're native to this country, that appreciates that fucking game. It's a gorgeous game. Here's another question I have for the English. I don't understand why you're so into fucking racing, why you're so into high performance and all of that. It's like that, what's that, that Top Gear show?

And that old cunt on there is always making fun of American cars and technology which I totally get but then you go out and you buy an English car It's the biggest piece of shit you're ever gonna like the Range Rover engine. That's the best you can fucking do You buy a Range Rover you just fucking married the lemon law here in the United States and that's your idea of a luxury fucking SUV. You guys ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Anytime they have that fucking F1 race or the MotoGP race over in England, they're all my god this legendary, oh this is Lewis Hamilton's favorite fucking place. I guarantee you what Lewis Hamilton doesn't drive, a fucking Jaguar or a Range Rover. He's got a Mercedes.

I'm sure he's got something Italian. 100 fucking percent. All I can say is thank God the English don't make planes. Maybe going down left and right now. Right, you fucking can't, they all got Rolls Royce engines in them. Rolls Royce people, there's always an exception to the rule. They're the Larry Bird, the inexplicable, uncoordinated fucking white guy that can somehow play at the NBA level.

That's what Rolls Royce is. Everything else is fucking garbage. Your Triumphs, your fucking Jaguars, you fucking Range Rovers. Gawrbash. They look good. Roy, fucking brilliant. Pretty to look at. Pretty to look at as you drive it to the fucking mechanic.

Anyway, there we go. That ought to rile up some fucking pasty cunts over there. Anyway, plowing ahead here. I had a great fucking Christmas. Shout out to Amazon drivers on strike. I like what you're doing. I like what you're doing. Enough with these fucking internet nerds

taking over the fucking world. And then on top of that, not paying anybody. You fucking stay on strike. You stay on strike. You stay on strike. Fucking, what's it like to drive a truck like a man working for somebody who fucking you know walks around in feet pajamas? It's got to be terrible. Anyway, plowing. I'm in my pod. My new podcast studio has been my car lately. I'm sitting in my car like a fucking maniac. And what the best thing is, is I'm such a loud jerk off that even when people walk by, even with the windows up, they think I'm in an argument, you know,

with my significant other, whatever that might be in this day and age. But you know, that's not the case. That's not the case. I had a great Christmas. Everything is wonderful. The Patriots have a quarterback now. I saw some of the highlights of the Bills game.

You know, I don't have the NFL package this year, so all I'm seeing is the Rams and the Chargers. And I just saw the highlights. You know, we had a bad little play in the end. Gave them a fucking touchdown. But, you know, Drake May. Drake May, we can build around this guy. I believe in this guy, and the Pats, you know,

slowly but surely are gonna come back. And I actually believe that they're going to be Coming back where as a kid. I always knew if we just get the wild card I was happy just because that's where we were And then came a guy named Robert Kraft and that guy is Gone three for three with coaches. I mean the three greatest coaching hire is right in a row by any owner Bill Parcells. Okay, we'll give him that one. Everybody already knew he was a fucking legend, but he was able to get him. And then we go to Pete Carroll.

Whoo! Pete Carroll. The fucking khaki king himself, right? Whoo! Still running up and down the stairs. Don't let that Flanders vibe fool you. That guy was fucking an alpha. Dressed in fucking, I go to church every week, clothing.

And then he hires the one and only, the Paul Brown of today, Bill Belichick. Fucking incredible. So I'm believing in everything, and I'm very excited that, you know, rough couple years, whatever, rough couple years. I can shake that off. know, the rough couple years, whatever, rough couple years, I can shake that off. I had a rough couple decades, hey, let me tell you,

it was rough before all of that shit happened. So I'm very excited where they are at. And I'm also excited to have time off. I'm excited that the script is handed in. Now I'm sitting on pins and needles waiting for the feedback. You know, we're handing in, this is fucking great. And then every second that I don't hear the feedback, I'm like, wait a minute, is it not?

Oh, the doubt. The doubt is fucking creeping in. Anyway, I had my 9 millionth meltdown I had my 9 millionth meltdown about what I consider to be arguably the biggest lie in America in the 20th century. Like, if you had to, like, think, what is the biggest lie? Okay, you're probably going Federal Reserve, magic bullet theory. You know, we didn't see the entire Japanese Navy coming across the fucking ocean. I mean, and you can go like fucking conspiracy.

A lot of that is conspiracy. That's all conspiracy. What am I talking about? But the newer conspiracies, 9-11 inside job, fucking lizard people. There's aliens that we're already fucking in business with. Can you imagine seeing this fucking place as an alien? You're like, yeah, I can do something with that. Can you imagine that?

Why would you think that, other than this is the only planet around that seems like it's got some shit going on? The only reason why I think the fucking aliens would stop here is because there's some hooahs. Other than that, we've got some good music too. Some nice weather, but I don't know what they breathe, right? That's what gets me about these fucking aliens. They just show up and they can breathe in our atmosphere? Why am I afraid of a fucking alien if all I gotta do is just rip your gas mask off?

You know, just because they can get here doesn't mean they have like fucking superpowers. I mean if that fucking nerd on Twitter can get a rocket to fucking go up and stick another satellite like we need more surveillance up there and then come back and park in the same parking spot. If that fucking laminated, dyed, hair-plugged cunt can make that happen, you're telling me that there's other people with more of a head start can't make some fucking, you know, glue a couple plates together and fly over here. But that doesn't mean that they're like, well, I guess some of the shit that they've been showing lately, I'm just stopping in midair and then just going fucking light speed. All right, they're a little ahead of us in aviation. All right. But I mean, that happens in the world.

I mean, I heard Asia, I heard their fucking cell phones are way beyond ours, you know? Doesn't mean they're gonna take over the world, you know? But CNN and Fox News are saying different things, aren't they? I don't even watch those channels. I just blame them for everything. It just feels good, you know? Who better to blame than just a bunch of fucking people

walking around acting like they're journalists when they're not? When was the last time you were walking down the street and you saw somebody with a Fox News or a fucking CNN card tucked into their fedora to go get on the scene and cover a story? They're not doing that, they there in the office in a controlled environment Reading some ticker tape and then fucking figuring out how to spin it their way. Oh Jesus bill. I thought you had a good Christmas

What's going on? You're going to hug you dude. The fucking walls are closing in Speaking of the walls closing in this play that I'm gonna be doing in New York Glen Gary Glen Ross Glen Levitt. That's what I'm going to be if I fucking blow this gig. Oh, that would be fun. That's the New York Post. That's the fucking New York Post. Glenn Gary, if I get fucking, I go back to drinking and I'm just like stumbling around missing shows hammered Glen Gary Glen Ross more like Glen Levitt Hanging on a park bench talking to a fucking pigeon Talking to the pigeon like see this is real conversation man. It's not memorized. We're just feeding off of each other connecting We're just feeding off of each other, connecting.

Fucking pigeons looking at me like, are you gonna toss me some bread? Like, what's going on here? I'm not your therapist, geez. So, I'm savoring these days before I have to go to work. That's what I'm trying to do, trying to hang out with everybody I can. All my family, obviously, and then all my friends around town. I'm trying to get one hang in with them before I embark on this next chapter. I hate when people say that.

The next chapter of my journey. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Fucking journey. Magellan was on a journey. Johnny Appleseed walking across the fucking country when it wasn't all fucking air quotes civilized. All right? Whenever the fuck he did it. All right? Those people were on a journey.

Jack Kerouac was on a journey in a car. I think it was the last guy that actually had a fucking journey. You know what I mean? If you're going to work every fucking day and you're coming back and now my kid's a teenager, that's not a journey. It's an experience. There's a fucking difference. All right.

If I go to the Dominican Republic and I land and I get a car service and immediately go to some fucking resort, I didn't go to a, there's not a journey. If I learned how to sail and I got a fucking boat and I went down the fucking Western coast of this country, Central America, somehow had the fucking coin to go through the Panama Canal and fucking went back up, That was a guy in a Dominican Republic That's a fucking journey Alright, if you're some fat fucking cow You know who's been fed poisoned by your own fucking countrymen, right that you're now so fucking big

Even if you wanted to get a boat license You know, even if you fucking had the wherewithal to push yourself away from that hot fudge Sunday you're eating every goddamn night, I needed to go to sleep. Even if you fucking had the wherewithal to do it, you don't have the money to buy a boat big enough that you can get on that's not gonna fucking capsize. Your boating dreams are out the fucking window. Which by the way, I was joking with Nia last night, like how many of today's rappers, everybody in hip hop seems to be rapping about liabilities.

Cars, bitches, boats, all that stuff, you know? This might be the old man to me, but I just listen to that stuff and I just think, you're not getting your money back on any of that. All that's going on, it's right in the toilet, so it's all a depreciating fucking asset. My favorite thing, back when rappers and musicians could make money off of album sales, remember the fucking money people would, the fucking shit that rock stars and rappers would buy, it was so fun to watch when they used to do the MTV Cribs, just looking at all the dumb shit that they would buy. They'd commission an oil painting of themselves.

And hanging over a fireplace that was big enough to be considered a two-car garage. Remember that shit? The fucking rock stars would get a pool in the shape of their signature guitar. Rock stars were fucking amazing. Jumping off their roof into the pool, fucking hammered out of their minds. Just have some giant fucking swing hanging from like your double fucking ceiling or whatever that went all the way up. Pillars and shit in front of your house. Everybody's house looked like the fucking, like you were working for the government,

right? And then my favorite thing, rappers, they would, instead of a Jesus piece that went beyond that, they would spend all this money on diamonds to have their own face made. It's like, dude, you better keep writing hits if you think you're ever, if that's ever going to be fucking worth something. Like how much would you pay for a Sonny and Cher diamond fucking piece? You know? Or a Mac Davis, rest his soul. Baby baby don't you get, don't you get hooked on me.

Ever hear that song? Baby baby don't you get hooked on me. Cause I'm just gonna love you babe and set you free just sing I'm gonna fuck you and leave and you know what women loved it they loved this song you know why cuz back then they were raised right this isn't even a podcast this is just me filling up 30 minutes I'm like that guy who shouldn't have been fighting for the title, you know? And the fucking champ needs a tune-up fight,

so he's just carrying me for seven rounds and I'm just fucking hanging, you know, taking two to the head and then just grabbing onto him. And you're sitting there going, what the fuck? I paid for this? Yes, you did. Yes, you did, pay-per-view. Pay-per-view.

That was the funniest thing about that last Tyson exhibition. Everyone was all fucking upset by it. They said, dude, you didn't pay anything. You already had Netflix. You already had it. You didn't let it, shut it off. It's Netflix. There's 30,000 other fucking things.

Oh my God. If you watched that shit on Netflix, like what did that do to your cue? Or whatever they call it. Did you just watch a bunch of fixed fights after that? Did that all come up? Like they just show you like a bunch of, not like fixed fights, but just like bad decisions with the crowd boozing and all of that shit and then the trainers fight each other. That's what I do love about boxing and the UFC and everything is everybody knows how to fight.

Like the trainers, they all know how to fight. So at the end, it's not like an NBA fight. NBA fights are the worst because those guys are all like nine feet tall. Who the fuck ever took a swing at them? They were all like six feet tall by the time they were in fifth grade. Nobody ever fucked with you. So when they throw punches, man, it's like they can't

fucking hit each other. Shit is hilarious. There's a few that could fight. But generally speaking, nobody throws like a fucking jab followed by like an overhand right. They start with the overhand right. I always say like the NBA, average NBA guy, the way they throw a punch, it's like they're trying to throw somebody out from like the warning track and Then they just are you ever see like the people in the bars when they do that stupid ego thing trying to punch that that that just a stationary speed bag basically right you just punch it and then it Measures how much of a man you are the amount of fucking people that swing and miss and then fall in their ass That's that's what an NBA fight looks like.

All right? But then you watch any time there's a bad decision, and this is the brilliance of the octagon in the UFC, is it's very hard for the fight camp of the other side, the losing fighter to get in there and fucking, oh, do they walk in with them? I always feel like they just, the interview interview the guy loses quick and then Joe talks to the winner whether they're standing or not I never stood why Joe got shit for sitting down next to Conor McGregor he's like he was on the ground wasn't gonna stand over him fucking hanging the mic down like his dick he had to get down

there you did what he had to do he did what he had to do. He did what he had to do, unlike those cunts on Fox News and CNN. You don't see them crouching down to fucking talk to them about why they shouldn't refinance their house. Anyway, I don't know what else to talk about. I don't have any ad reads. You know, you do a. The ad reads are few and far fucking between. So I did real good in the holidays. I stayed away from the sweets. I don't fuck with sugar. I don't even like it anymore.

It's great. Once you get off sugar for like anywhere from four to 10 days, it doesn't even taste right anymore. And then other shit that used to seem bland is amazing. Like I remember the first time I like had like a raw avocado I was like am I eating like wallpaper? Like what is this? This is disgusting. Now I love it. You know I used to have to have all this salt in it fucking lime the whole guac thing I had to have that or whatever I was doing I had to like you know kind of zhuzh it up

right. Now I can just eat it, I can eat it fucking straight. It's delicious. But you can't eat an avocado because there's always some fucking cunt there going, you know, it's a lot of fucking, it's a lot of fat. And then somebody else goes, oh, it's actually a good kind of fat, kind of like salmon. Oh, salmon, you mean the ones that they fucking grow? And then fucking hollowed out fucking suitcases,

whatever the hell they're doing. They got cloudy fucking eyes. That's why they chopped the heads off over here. They don't want you to see what the health of the fucking fish before you ate it. Oh Jesus, Bill. Jesus. You got a minute and a half to go and you're coming like this? I gotta come home for this! What movie? Goodfellas, Ray Liotta, Rest is Soul.

Talking to Karen. The original Karen, I like to say. You know, she was a Karen. She knew what she was, we fucking pistol whipped the guy across the street. You didn't think he She knew what she was. We fucking pistol-whipped the guy across the street. You didn't think he was going to have hooves. You didn't think he was going to be out banging Janet Rossi. What did you think you were fucking signing up for?

You thought you were going to be different? You saw all them mob girls. They all looked, you know, they were wearing second-hand stuff. They all looked like they'd been shook. Anyway. All right, that's the podcast, people. I tried to bring the holiday vibe. I started off. I started off with the holiday vibe. And you know, it went south. It went south quick. It went mid-January really quickly. You know? Shout out to everybody in the Midwest, the real Midwest, not Chicago. There's plenty to do there. I mean, when you get out in the weeds, you get out there in Nebraska

and Kansas and Iowa, the Dakotas, Wyoming, which I know is the mountain, but whatever, mountain time. You owe it to yourself to fucking go out there at some point and see what those people have to live in during the winter time when the crops are all cut down and that barren earth meets that gray sky. You feel like you're walking on the surface of the fucking moon. I've said this a million times. I never understood how a band like Slipknot came from Iowa. I didn't understand where the anger came from. I didn't understand it. I liked it, but I didn't know.

Those guys are from Iowa? And then I did some college gigs in Iowa in like February, and I was like, oh, okay, I get it now. I get it. I get it. I get it. I get it. I get it.

As per usual, I had an idea of a place, and then I went there there and I was like, turns out my idea was 100% wrong. All right, that is the podcast everybody. I hope you had a nice Christmas. Hanukkah, I think starts tonight or whatever. Happy Hanukkah to you, happy Kwanzaa. Happy if you don't celebrate anything.

I hope you had a good one. Hope you got some time off. And and once again shout out to those Amazon drivers We should not be under the thumb of people with fucking dyed hair plugs and feet pajamas I don't think that's too much to ask I don't mind if you run shit But you know break a little something off for the people working for you This is so busy she's done people working for you. Um, this is how business is done.

Is it? Is that how business is done? Does that make you sleep warm at night, knowing that your workers go home crying, trying to figure out how they're going to pay their bills? Exhausted, missing their kids growing up just so you can have a bigger infinity pool? You fucking cunt. You don't have to take the infinity pool literally. It doesn't have to keep going, you know?

I wish you have half the size of a fucking pool and, you know, pay somebody to drive your shit that nobody needs across the goddamn country. All right, that's the podcast, everybody. Enjoy the music picked out by the amazing, incredibly talented Andrew Themelis, who, by the way, shot a stand-up special that made it to the Cannes Film Festival in France. Enjoy his music.

And then after that, we have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. Have a great weekend, you cunts. Enjoy the football and I'll talk to you on Monday. What's up everybody? Welcome back to the Anything Better podcast show with your host, Paul Verzi, Bill Burr,

Greek freak, Andrew Thimless out there in Beverly Hills. Well, he's probably home for the holidays. And of course we got Jake the Snake with the injury report. We got a show, Bill. We got a show. You know what I mean? We're a mess this week. Hey, you know what? You look like you just got called. You just had a flat and called AAA and you forgot your winter jacket standing outside your car. I'm in my PJs. We're a mess.

Oh, dude. I've been puking and shitting for fucking three days. Oh, that's good. You're dropping weight? Yeah. That's a fucking Hollywood question. No, I know. You know what? Hey, nothing like a little... Any other place in the world, they're like, oh man, that's terrible. I hope you feel better. It's like, oh yeah, is your stomach flattening out? Nothing better than a little stomach bug to fit in that sweatshirt, okay? I got an acting gig coming up. Paul, can you just kind of breathe in this room and I'll fucking take a big inhale so I can fit into costume?

We are ready to get into week 17, everybody. There's only two more regular season weeks of the NFL season, which is nice. But before we do, we have to shout out our incredible sponsor. It is the Bet MGM Sportsbook, everybody. Bet MGM is offering 1,500 in free bets to get the season going.

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There you go, Bill Burr goes, here's Bill Burr's last three weeks, everybody. Three and one, two and two, and four and oh, making him nine and three. In the last, he's coming in the fourth quarter. I gotta go four and oh the last two, I gotta go four and oh, three weekends in a row. Dude, if you go four and oh no Three weekends in a row dude if you go for no three weekends in a row That's a trophy never been done, and I would still be 500 um yeah Paul I just with the kids and writing the script dude. I I've watched a disgustingly Small amount of football and what I've been since I started turning it around

I just bet on shit that I don't think is gonna happen I swear to God I just been betting stupid shit The Patriots first the Bills fucking pats had that game one if they didn't They didn't have that little Flub there in the end dude. We got a QB. We got somebody to build around. I'm getting excited Yeah, Drake may Drake may yeah, I haven't worn my Patriots jacket all season. I'm about to take it out of the fucking... Dude, I haven't watched one second of...

All I've seen is the highlights. I don't have the package, Paul. All I'm getting are Chargers and the Rams out here. Dude, I feel like the Patriots, even games they lost, they just fucking fight. They're a good team. They're a good young team that's like getting better. Second half, second half of the season. The first half was looking like a disaster. I mean, I was just betting against them

and they were losing every week, you know? And they weren't covering the spread either and the spreads were getting disgusting. They were getting up seven, eight, nine and they still weren't covering. But they kind of like put something together and that kid, Drake May, now granted, I'm just watching highlights,

he looks like a fucking gamer, man. And it seems like the team's rallying around him. They like him. I'm excited, Paul. How's the defense? Dude, I can handle a little fucking, you know, nine and eight, little 10 and seven, creep back up to where we were.

No, but how's the Patriots defense? Like, is it D good? Paul, I have not watched a second this season. I've just been, dude, I was in a writers room. I had no windows, Paul, the walls were closing in. It was crazy. You know what? I'm borderline not an American at this point,

how little football I watched this year. You know what though? They could have said when you weren't winning weeks, they could have been like the game passed them by, but no, you know what you did? You pulled the, you pulled the fuck in. You reinvented yourself. I'm betting like a housewife over here, Paul.

Give this guy an offensive tackle. He starts fucking making it rain out there. I just needed to change the scenery. That's it. All of a sudden I can play football. I can bet on football again. Well, collectively, our show has gone like 12 and four in the last, our show is doing well. Somebody sent me something and they go, dude, my kid had a better Christmas because of your picks. I said, hey, all right, just don't go crazy.

Hey, as we always said, bet responsibly. Don't have a fucking podcast determining whether your kids have a good Christmas or not. Christmas. He hands his kid a- Hang on, buddy, I'm doing a podcast. It'll be done in a minute. He hands his kid a basketball.

He was like, hey, it would have been better if Mersey didn't pick the Jaguars, okay? All right. Jake the Snake, come in here with an injury report, dude. Second to last week of the season. It always gets sad. Hey, before we do that, Paul, can we show our records for the year, dude? We're doing all right on this show. the All right, so I'm the guy who's gonna be, get traded for a player to be named later at 28 and 36.

Paul Verzee on his way. He needs, Paul Verzee needs one victory. No, it's over already. In the next two weeks, that's all you need is one victory, right? No, I'm 12 over. Well, if you go- If I go 0 and 8, I'm still 4-0. Oh, that's it? No, he did it again.

Yes, he did. he did it again! Yeah. Yes, he did. He did it again! Three... four years! Jordan didn't win four in a row. Granted, you know, you had to take a little sabbatical because of some off-court and little activities there. I'd just like to thank my team. Yeah.

Paul Verzee, four years in a row. I think this is... Andrew, this is your third year in a row doing it, right? Yeah, third year, third year keeping tabs. All right, let me see. Go back, go back down the final. This was last year. That was Bill 31, 34, and four.

Paul 37, 26, and three. And then I had that fluke, 44, 25. It's not a fluke, you have the same record again. Yeah, almost. Look at Jake the Snake. Jake the Snake can do it. He's not a fluke. You have the same record again. Yeah. Look at Jake, the snake. Jake, the snake can do it. He's got two weeks to do it. He's getting a wild card call. He's sneaking in the last weekend. Exactly. It'll be a close race. Yeah. I apologize guys. If I was watching football, I feel like I could,

I could be 500. Ben MGM has got to be afraid of this podcast man. If you know anything don't listen to me. Listen to these other three guys. All right. I'm excited about your last three weeks though. I'm just a decoy Paul. I make I make it look like how Bet MGM thinks it's gonna go and then you guys come up. All right picked up where we left off I was saying uh yeah I'm batth in the order or whatever we're gonna do here. Hey dude, you're nine and three the last three weeks. I look at the positive, we don't look back. So they tell you- It's what you're doing right now.

Why don't it be like Jerome Bettis and be shut down for fucking three quarters and then run 11 yards and start stomping around the stadium. No disrespect to the bus. Although, you know, in defense to him, he had to wear down the defensive line, the first three quarters, and then he could break free. Maybe

that's what's going on. Oh, by the way, can we talk about this on the show? Some people aren't gonna like me saying this. The college playoff has been a fucking absolute disaster. That's such a poor take Paul,

come on. It's terrible. Paul, give him a fucking absolute disaster. That's such a poor take Paul. Come on. It's terrible Paul Give him a fucking break. Okay. What is Thursday Night Football? Is that good? No No Kansas City Chiefs football is that good? No, they had a bad weekend Paul. I'm gonna tell you right now This isn't like the WNBA where it's I'm gonna tell you right now, this isn't like the WNBA where it's just gonna suck forever, alright? This is college football. They're

gonna get it right. Alright? And that fucking Lane Kiffin, go, oh, bitch-mode and then complain. It's like, dude, you had three losses! What did Lane Kiffin say? He's like, oh wow, this is so exciting. He's literally biting the hand that feeds Lane Kiffin the guy who went to Tennessee The volunteers and said he was gonna take him to the promised land He meets one whore at a Waffle House the next thing you know He's going to USC to fall on his face out there in the palm trees. He was terrible at USC Yeah, and then he scurries back underneath Nick Saban At Alabama rides his coattails for a few years, and all

of a sudden he's in Mississippi. And now he's feeling smart because no one can read in that state. And all of a sudden he's fucking tweeting out there. No, I'm kidding. I like Mississippi. I'm not going to say I love it. It's a little hot. I was so excited to watch those games. And I was like, I'm rooting for I'm like dude get a score get a score

Make it close make it close do something do something but maybe this week will be better. It's gonna be amazing this week Yeah, and I'm gonna tell you right now state plays, uh, oregon. That's gonna be a game. That's gonna be a game But I think I like oregon you Um, i'm too fucking biased. I just love seeing Buckeye fans sad because they're always whining about something. I do like that their coach is starting to win again. You see Dave Portnoy had the plane saying to extend that guy's contract. The head coach of Iowa State. I think this weekend college football is gonna be fantastic and I the head coach of Iowa State.

I think this weekend college football is going to be fantastic. And I think the playoff is amazing. The only thing that is bad about it was I saw this CEO come on and saying how it was going to open up the opportunity for these college football teams to be up for sale. Yeah, gross. Yeah, exactly. It's just like, do you have to own everything?

Can you just leave something alone? There should be a rule. You can't buy, like Dave Portnoy should be able to invest in the fucking, you know, Wolverines. Do you know he's gonna do the fucking right thing? By the way, I got to shout out Dave Portnoy for what he did. I'm sure you guys all saw it. That pizza review thing he did in Baltimore, man,

when the guy was like, Christmas is our last day. And he was like, why? I heard the pizza's good. And he's like, no, we can't get our liquor license. We can't afford it. So Portnoy goes outside, he does the pizza review. He likes the pizza. He says it's good.

And then he asks the guy, what's it gonna take for you to stay open at least another year? And the guy's like, whoa, I mean, I don't know. I can't answer. He goes, well, you got a rich guy in front of you and you don't want him to walk away. So what's it gonna take?

And he goes, I guess, I mean, I guess we could get our liquor license to stay open a year with like 60 grand. And he goes, done. And he shook his hand. And then after he did that, there's a line around the fucking block for the place and he saved the business, dude.

Dave Portnoy, man. I got to be honest. No, I good guy, man. No, here's the thing, dude. That's what we should be doing for each other. We're all sitting around, myself included, bitching about politicians and everything. We all have the ability to help each other out and just go to each other's businesses. Fuck these box stores and all of this, you know, as much as you can. I mean, they got a pretty good foothold in the towns

and everything, but there's no reason why you can't do stuff like that. He's a man of the people. He is. Shout out to Dave Portnoy. Yeah, shout out to Dave Portnoy. He started something from nothing, and he's crushing it.

Good for him. Yeah, and what about all the stuff he did during the pandemic, helping all of those? Thousands of businesses. Yeah, and then those fucking assholes tried to cancel him like two or three times, and he was all the stuff he did during the pandemic, helping all of those? Thousands of businesses. Yeah, and then those fucking assholes tried to cancel him like two or three times,

but they were fucking with the wrong guy. Oh, I love that. I love that he doesn't give up. Oh, and he called up that lady at the newspaper? Who am I talking to? Oh, the guy you write the article on. And then you listen to her like, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, fucking stammering.

Oh, she was backtracking. Oh, that was the best. And that's the thing too. And then you listen to her like, you write for a newspaper? He had her dead to write. And dude, Barstool is great. He's got great shows on Barstool. But you know, he doesn't have Oh, he doesn't have handy. He doesn't have handicappers like

a B. I know. Well, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what their records are over there. Not for sale. All right. Um, Jake, the snake tell us the injury reports

going into week 17. What are we looking at? Who's out? Well, can I relatively healthy week but the big one is Jalen hurts is still not been cleared. He had a concussion last week against Washington. And the Eagles arresting

everybody anyway because the Eagles don't aren't don't have anything to play for That's not true because if they don't win this game the commanders can still win the division But I think if they win it they clinch so they need to win one more game. Oh, they got one more. Okay Yeah, so oh no, that's right when they play the Giants next week They don't have anything to play for if they were okay got if they beat the Cowboys, which is the Cowboys, you know They they burned me bad last week against the Bucks,

so I don't think they're an easy out anymore. The Washington commanders, the Washington commanders are starting to creep to the door. Yeah, I love watching Jay and Danny. They're not knocking on it yet, but they're at the welcome mat. You know what they're doing? They're lurking.

Yes. It's suspicious. They're sort of pacing in the street, waiting to come up the walk. They're not in the club, but they're going like this past the red rope, asking what's going on in there. No, no, no, my friend, my friends already inside. It's not last call. My girlfriend's in there. A lot of people's girlfriends. My girlfriends in there. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I just need to take a piss. I just need to take I don't want to do it on the side of your establishment. You know, you get all eloquent when you're drunk. I would never disrespect you start you start using that mental law degree that you have on the premises of this establishment. I don't want to desecrate it. Oh By the way, dude

What's his name horrible what happened at Tank Dell? dude wide receiver Rookie wide receiver second year wide receiver with the Texans and it was friendly fire his own teammate shredded his knee, dude It was bad. Yeah. How? He caught a touchdown in the end zone and the fender was low by his legs and then his guy came in and his knee was just, just got and dude, you know, when it's bad is when the teammates start crying and kneeling like immediately, dude, it was like it was

fucked man. And that kind of did the texans in because they don't have stefan digs now and they don't have him and they had a really good good season but i think that's going to be too much to overcome so never want to see that man wish that guy nothing but the best fucking i love that guy small great slapback terrible and then some reported in some reporter gives cj strad shit for crying at the press conference. Yeah, they're like, let's see, let's see what you've cried about in your time, you know.

So he cried instantly, because that was his go to he saw it and he just got on his knee and started crying. Yeah, I mean, they said dislocated knee torn ACL, MCL, LCL. So yeah, it's like a year and a half.

If Jake, if you fell off your chair right now and you went down for the rest of the season, we're crying. Oh, 100%. And the overall victories go down. Yeah, around the time. By the way, I'm going to say Andrew Thamelis is the Josh Allen of this podcast, where he's killing it in the Mountain West region. And the Scouts aren't on him.

And then he goes up to the pros and he dominates. Yeah, he played Wyoming. Jake the Snake is the West Coast kid. He's out there in San Diego slinging it. Everybody sees that game. You see the East Coast games a little Midwest and then they skip the Mountain and then they go right to the West coast and that's your fucking Saturday

There in Wyoming throwing it all over the yard Yeah Yeah I'm flailing in the ACC Who goes first this week? I think you. It's an even week. It's an odd week.

I think Bill, so it was, yeah, Bill. I think you go first. All right, Paul. You know what I like this time of year? You know what I like? I like points because I feel the teams cover in the first couple of quarters and then they're like, alright, we got to rest this guy We don't want to fucking have any injuries So the Panthers have been in explicably

Scoring points lately. I don't know why I love Baker Mayfield I love that guy because I know every success he has Colin Cowhert has to be, oh man, I'm gonna have to say I was wrong, which I've never seen him do. That's what I'm rooting for, but I gotta take, I gotta take the Panthers, get Nate, you know, they're in the same division, Paul, they play each other two times a year, they know, it's all about the points. I feel like Baker Mayfield's gonna get him up and at some point they're gonna take him out of the game Although they're gonna have to fucking pull him off the field like I'd like a pit bull fucking Clamp it down on a mailman's leg though. I don't think he's gonna want to come out

There's one two Panthers are starting to play better. Yeah. Hey, you know This is what it's a Paul. Here's the classic cliche. I don't know what's in the water down there the I think Jake DeLong's gonna do great this week in Caroline. Jake DeLong. Jake DeLong, holy shit, I haven't heard that. He was a gamer, dude. I don't remember. Dude, Jake DeLong. Jake DeLong was fucking good, dude. He was good. He was not scared at the Super Bowl.

He was having fun. I'm gonna ride out the team that is playing for their lives and playing better. I'm going to take Joey B and the Cincinnati Bengals minus three and a half. Oh, you've been riding the Bengals. Dude, I just think that they came on late and they still have a chance. They're in the hunt, as they say, and they're home. And the Broncos have not, every time you think the Broncos are going to turn that corner with Bo Nicks it's just not happening it's just not happening.

Paul is there anything you like better than a team playing for its playoff life? As a favorite no. All right I'm going with the New England Patriots at home. Fuck the spread they're going to win this game. Oh they're going to win this game plus four and a the game. Saturday. Yeah. And it's a Saturday game. That's a Saturday game. Yeah, the first three are Saturday games. How do they say it? Where we come from? There's no there's no

constant. Hey, Andrew, why don't you come over on Saturday? That'll be on at 10 AM, Bill. It's either Saturday or Saturday. Dude, I like the Chargers in that game, but I don't know. Hold on here. Well, Jake, didn't you say that they

gotta they need that right to clinch? Oh, you're really gonna go head to head with me. Make it fun. Hey, Paul. Paul, you're playing with house money. Hey, who am I? I'll tell you this, Paul. Next time we do a gig in Vegas, those Bet MGM guys ought to come out and fucking genuflect, or at the very least, offer you a job at the MGM

handicapping games. We got to get this kid on our side. Just give me like $100,000 marker. Let me go have fun. They try and distract him. They bring him over to a slot machine with his face on it. They're like, no, no, no. Come over here.

Come over here. How underrated is the scene in Casino when the Asian billionaire comes off the plane and they acted like they grounded the plane because something was wrong with the plane and Don Rickles goes, hey, you know, better down here than, you know, up there. Yeah, but he goes with his head up there. I don't know. I'm going to think about the Chargers thing because I did like the Chargers, but the Patriots are scaring me right now. All right. Let's do is Michael Pennex Jr. and the Falcons. He looked really, really good, but I'm gonna take the Washington commanders. Minus four at home because they look really fucking good and

they're also playing for the division still. It means a lot. So I'm gonna take them minus four at home. I got two home favorites. I know you do. All right, I'm gonna take the Eagles at home, laying seven against the Cowboys. That's a great one. Because I think Nick Soriano is an emotional wreck, and he's gonna need to destroy this team in order to sleep at night.

I just feel like he's just had a fucking bipolar trip, I don't know, since the ending of last season. And I think that it's not gonna just be enough to beat this team. I think they need to beat the fuck out of them. And they need to get some momentum going into it. I know that they're winning in that type of stuff, but I just think that they're going to... He doesn't want to slow it down. I think the ending of last season is haunting him.

And I think he puts his head on the pillow at night, and he has one of those knitted caps with the pom-pom on top of it, and he pulls it down over his face. Then his wife's going, Nikki, Nikki, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. No, I know. No, I know. Well, let me see your eyes.

I can't see your eyes. No, I just, you know, what's going on under there, Nikki? You know, I'm just thinking about stuff. Dude, Bill, imagine Nick Surriani and Rex Ryan on the same coaching staff. Dude, I love those guys because how do you not see yourself in them? Yeah, they're emotional wrecks. They win. They're like, ah, they lose.

They got their fucking head in an oven. Who doesn't relate to that emotional torture? That's why we all drink. That's why people eat gummies. That's why people watch sports. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. They really are like two guys that were fans at a tailgate

that just got handed a headset. We're gonna kick their fucking ass. Yeah. I can't tell if they were not hugged or hugged too much. Something happened. Like they're fucking equilibrium. Or me, I was like, I came from the, you know, take care of it yourself generation. I think Rex probably not hugged because, uh, yeah, buddy Ryan was out there coaching and all of that shit. But I think Nick Soriano might've been a little coddle. I also think if your dad...

Manja, Nicky, manja! Mike, can't eat anymore! I think that if your dad was like a tough coach in the NFL, there's kind of a chip on your shoulder because probably people were like, oh, the kid's not gonna be like Buddy, you know? I don't know. coach in the NFL, there's kind of a chip on your shoulder because probably people were like, oh, the kid's not going to be like Buddy, you know? I don't know.

Unless his dad was like fucking pesky in casino, and he came home and he always made him pancakes. Maybe that's why he had the weight issues, because that was his only connection with his dad was breakfast. And I feel like if I make a big breakfast, my dad's going to come through the door. All right let's keep going here.

All right so what did I I just took the commanders. Yeah you got two more. Wait do I go now? No Bill just took the Eagles. I just took the Eagles. Okay. I mean dude. With Nicky Nuts. At some point I

gotta take it. Starts probably. You like that one Paul? What's that? Nicky Nuts. Nicky. Crazy. He's got the balls to go for but he's also crazy. Works both ways. I like to think. Are the 49ers eliminated? They are. By the way it's another thing. Why does this stadium look like Paragon Park to me? This looks like an old fucking roller coaster. What was wrong with candlestick? I mean, I guess it was old but you know

Yeah, that's what's wrong with it. Is these fucking billionaires see another, you know, somebody else has a new stadium. They got to have one I'm going to take the team and go somewhere else. I'm charmed at Levi's Stadium. Is Arizona Cardinals eliminated? Yeah, they are. Paulie, questions. Pick a fucking team over here. I'm just taking too many points. The Lions have a lot to play for if you're

thinking about that game. I'm going to take the Chargers, go head to head with Bill. Yeah, go Chargers. I'm gonna think the old me would have taken that personally but I don't know I liked it from the gate and I said what you said you said what you said I like but I don't like that I have all favorites this is like old me yeah yeah all right this is a stupidest thing I'm ever gonna say I'm gonna take the Jets get nine going into Buffalo you know Buffalo's coming off that scary game against the the the I don't think they're gonna win the game. I don't think they're gonna win the game, because I do think that in some way they are kind of phoning it in to get that pick.

But I think that they're gonna play and probably lose by a touchdown. So I like the half a point. Oh, you guys are well on your way to the pick. They said the first time in Giants history, as painful as this stat is, it's really impressive. You guys lost 10 games in a row. You've never done that.

And it's our 100th season, and we haven't won a game at home. Well, the fact that it took a century for that to happen, I felt like that happened to the Patriots a whole bunch when I was a kid. Paul, your Giants pick here is in direct correlation to you having already beat the book. Just a little bit, right?

Just a little bit? A little bit. A little bit. Let me ask you this, Paul. What are you guys going to draft another quarterback? And do you still go Ivy League? And if you do, are we going Cornell this time? No, we are going Cam Ward at University of Miami,

or Dion's son, Chador Sanders in Colorado. Hi. Hey, what did it was it? What was Jake, you might have this was didn't one team say that they were going to, oh, no, if the Eagles, if the

Eagles and which this doesn't make sense now, I guess, because that affects their placement. But if they threw the game, they could do it so that it would Remove the Giants from getting the first pick that I hear that read that correctly if the Eagles win this week They're gonna arrest everybody against the Giants and basically they're saying let's win So the Giants don't get the first pick and they drop to like the eighth pick which is such a bitch move

Yeah, I think you'll be all right. Karma, fuck him. If you know something, a lot of times, you know, those those first couple of guys don't work out. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of times it's a lot of times because they're going to a team that has no offensive line and they've just run for their lives like RG3. Yeah. Who knows what that guy could have done? Really? Yeah. More heart than offensive line.

That's what did him. And Jake, I just want to say, I'm Bill. I'm going to take the Patriots with you this week. I just want to take the charges. Let's go. And Jake's taking the charges. Oh, my God. We got a civil war going on here. This is a first. I love it. You can put me down for the Bengals, too, by the way, while you I love it.

You can put me down for the bangles too by the way while you're at it. Thatta boy Jake. Oh. Jake is dialed in. He just fucking rattled off too quick. Hey you know what Paul? I had the cheats but I forgot to text him. Oh. I'm taking the colds.

I'm in the championship for my fantasy league this year. I'm in the championship game this week. So I had Lamar, he had moms, nobody wants to hear about fantasy, but I got the colds defense and I picked them because I think they're going to demolish the Giants. So I'm doubling down. So anyways, Lamar Jackson is what was he 13 yards away from Mike Vic career Lamar Jackson is, what was he, 13 yards away from Mike Vick's career? Lamar Jackson does what Mike Vick does and stays in the pocket and throws darts, dude. He's the most exciting NFL player in the league, I think. Him and Josh Allen, I think, together.

Who the hell is Lamar Jackson? The Ravens quarterback. Oh, the Ravens quarterback, alright. I don't look at them every week. I fucking forget their names Jaylen hurts Lamar Jackson Joe Sizeman's down there in Washington, right? Ron Jaworski, yeah Jake you got any others you We could still name the starting quarterbacks in 1978 throughout the whole league Bill Cowers crushing it with Steelers still throughout the whole league. Do Bill Cowers crushing it with the Steelers still?

When I first started watching football, the quarterbacks in my division were Bert Jones with the Colts, Bob Greasy, Steve with the Dolphins, Steve Grogan, Joe Ferguson, and Richard Todd. Dude, Bert Jones is the fucking... That name is unbelievable. Burt Jones was great. And I swear to God, there's no way you convinced me that he wasn't related to Bob Avelini, the quarterback for the Bears

when they first got Walter Payton. They had Virgil Livers and all of those guys. Pre-Mike Singletary, I want to say. Have you ever known a Virgil? I'm not a single Terry I want the Those aren't great names. Yeah, Leon, a bunch of Leons, Daywoods, and then like, White Night in fact, they were just the names that I had. A lot of Roberts. What? Wait a minute, no Virgil's or White? Bobby. Dude, the names, the first names of the quarterbacks in my division were Bob, Burt, Steve, and Richard.

What are the names now? Drake? Lamar? What was no, no, in the AFC East to and Josh, to Drake. Gosh, and I can't remember the names fall like these fucking names, these

names, even the white guys have exotic names. Drake, I never met a Drake my entire life I never met a white guy or anybody named Drake Drake May Drake May yeah I would have thought that was his whole last name like Michael Drake May like Michael Drake may know that's my name Drake may okay they must think all guys like me what's your name Bill like that hey what about the NFC North you got Jamis Lamar Lamar is a great name even though I could remember we was Russell and Jordan yeah those things just they might have been. No, I knew a Jordan, but that was his last name. Wait a minute. First name was Rob. Wait a minute. A white guy can't be named Virgil. Wyatt Earp's brother. I've only seen one Virgil my whole life and

that was Virgil Livers. There's a wrestler Virgil. I believe rest is soul. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, what did you say? Wyatt Earp's brother? Yeah, Virgil. I mean, in the movie it was. Here's another old school black guy named Floyd. Floyd. Floyd Little. That's a great fucking name. That's a name you gotta bring back. Floyd's great. Floyd, you gotta name a baby that has that old soul vibe coming in the room.

I remember probably thinks Floyd Mayweather now though. Lydell. That was a good name. That's nice. Clyde. Clyde was a great one. Clyde's a great one. Clyde was a great one. Been old school. Listen to the old basketball, Larry. Bob McAdoo.

Kevin. The only cool like really, Julius. How cool was that? Julius Irving. That was a great name. And then you got into the 80s, those players, and you had the new ones that had a little bit of more flair like Dominique, Dominique Wilkins. That was a great name. Dominique Wilkins is maybe the best. The human highlight film.

Dominique Wilkins might be the best basketball name of all time. Oh, by the way, we got to do a shout out here. Rest his soul to the greatest, greatest lead off baseball hitter ever. Oh my god. Ricky Anderson. I'm putting my hood down for that one, dude.

Yeah, first time I saw him, he was playing for the Yankees in the mid-80s after he had gone. He ran with the A's and broke the stolen base record. And dude, I remember he got on first base. I can't remember if it was a single or a walk. And that was the years where it was, like you walked the guy, you gave him a triple. And like, dude, the place was electric.

Nobody was looking at the pitcher. Everybody was watching him. And he had that little side to side thing that he was doing. Even his side to side motion seemed like the fastest thing you fucking saw. It was almost like, you know, when Tyson used to do, when you would walk in, slip your punches, and then give you the double hooks and the overhand, right? He was fucking electric when he was on the base paths.

You almost rooted for him to get on cuz you wanted to experience it. I tweeted after he passed away. I said, Ricky Henderson was truly the first exciting athlete I ever saw. It was 1985, 1986, 1987, whatever it was with the Yankees. And me and my brother would just laugh every time he stole. We'd look at each other and laugh because everybody knew, like you said, when he got on, it was not, he wasn't staying there. And, um, yeah, I loved Ricky Henderson, dude.

And, you know, it's funny, when I went to Cooperstown, I didn't realize that when you go to Cooperstown, I thought all getting in the Hall of Fame. I thought it meant just being your name in there. When they say get in the Hall of Fame, it means actually have the plaque and the whole thing there.

But when you walk through the wings of Cooperstown, the one thing that I remember was every time I would see a category, whether it was slugging percentage, stolen bases, hits, Pete Rose and Ricky Henderson were one through three, almost on every category through the hallways of the Hall of Fame. Such an amazing player.

Some argue the greatest. Most lead off home runs of all time most stolen bases probably arguably other than pete rose he's got to be too to like games played played appearances you know at bats um i forget one of those uh baseball analysis on espm was listing all of the things that he was number one in, it's incredible. Yeah, it's incredible. And, June, talk about gone way too young. Yeah.

It was in 2005. That's what I was gonna say. Yeah. Yeah, he played three, I can't believe it. He played 3,081 games. He was born in 58. So he must, his birthday must be right here

at the end of the year, because he would have been 50, he would have been 66. He said, if my uniform doesn't get dirty. I haven't done anything in the baseball game Someone also brought up what a great defensive player he was too Yeah, he's what's missing from today's game, you know, someone personality like that What he did to the strike zone is nuts. He would get so low dude He made the strike zone his own he would, if you watch how low he would get, he would bend his knees and he actually made it for,

he made it for him. Yeah dude, that guy was just, everything he did was fast. The way he hit a home run, the way he would snap, snap and flip the bat was fast. Everything was just fast. And he was all fucking muscle. And he wasn't like the eighties with the skinny legs, dude. He was like, he looked like a fucking running back.

His thighs were, he had thighs like a... Andrew. Andrew, let me, I know how many, hold on. I'm gonna list mine and then everybody else could do it. But just tell me, you have them all? I'm looking at it, so I, yeah. All right, so I'm gonna list mine and then everybody else could do it, but just tell me you have them all I'm looking at it So I yeah, all right, so I'm gonna say obviously Oakland New York

He played for Boston. He played for the Angels He played for Come on you're missing a big one in there. Yeah, there is Hold on he played for the Padres Yeah, he might he might have won a World Series at the place I'm thinking of. He didn't play for the Dodgers, did he? He did play for the Dodgers.

That was his last team. That was where he retired. A missing one? Yep. Oh, Canada. Oh, he played for the Blue Jays. In 93. That was when they played the Phillies. Or was that 92? Dude, that's nine teams right there. Canada. Oh, he played for the

Blue Jays in 93. I was I was playing with the Phillies or was that not you? Dude, that's nine teams right there. I think you're missing the Mets too. Yeah, he played for the Mets. I don't want to see that. Did he play for the Red Sox? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Then when his baseball career was over in major leagues, he went to like the Newark Bears the the the the the the the the

the the the the the I can't even picture him in a Marinus jersey. Padres played for the Padres twice. The Dodgers won the Dodgers like

four or five times. Wait, what was his first year? He played four or five times. So he played like 25. He played from 79 to 03? That's insane. Dude, I was one years old when that guy started playing baseball. So he played like 25, 29 to 03. That's insane. I was one years old when I started playing baseball.

Yeah. God rest his soul. Dude, 65 pneumonia. It's like. It's awful. Yeah, 10,000 almost 11,000 at bats. 3,000 50,000 hits. the the the

the the the the the even in his old age, almost 280s, nuts. Yeah, walks the... 1,200 in stolen bases will definitely not be broken. No. I think second is like hundreds off. It's gotta be. 297 home runs, are those all lead off or later in his career was he down in the order a little bit?

I think those are two... That was another thing that was great, is when he came to town, you know, you didn't have to wait to see him. He was the first guy up. Dude, he was born on Christmas. Oh, yeah. See, right? No, he was born on Christmas. 1958.ated. Jimmy Fox is a great name. Related Hall of Famers. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Rest in peace to Ricky Henderson. Yeah. I know this is going to sound dumb, but like when I heard pneumonia, I was just like, dude, so many people this year getting like that's like still fucking getting people, man.

It's always, pneumonia always gets people, you knew, I, turn of a newborn who had pneumonia just passed away, yeah, pneumonia will get you. I had it in 2022. It's crazy. I just thought I had it at that time. Lucas had it early this year. Yeah, Lucas had it early this year, dude. He was coughing for like four weeks.

It freaked me the fuck out. It's just, it's brutal. Yeah, one week into a cough, got to get them there because I think it ends up it ends up developing into it is what happened to me. What's the difference between a lung infection and pneumonia? Like what? I don't want to know. I have no idea. Yeah. I know what I know what I just know what it feels like when you have pneumonia be coughing so much it like hurts to cough. Like a whole fucking throat is just like, if I cough one more time,

I think my whole fucking insides are gonna come out. On that note, you guys wanna do a Monday night special? Yeah, let's get to the Monday night special. Let's turn this puppy around. Death and pneumonia into Monday night football. Here we go. It's a metaphor for the football season coming, drying. the They probably are. I hope they vote against that. They're playing through, yeah, they're gonna play through March. Well, I don't know about that, but close. Has anybody subscribed to leave them wanting more?

Chiefs have played every day of the week this year, except I think it was Tuesday. So pretty impressed, which is crazy. They're just so greedy, but whatever. Wow, that's funny. Yeah. They've, and they've had, that's amazing. They're the first team ever that's gotten away with holding on, on six out of seven the the the

the the the the the the last week. We did last week. Let me pull that up. We took the 14 and a half points. No, we said that they were going to cover. They did. It was just the same to cover that. You sound like an old lady right now when you catch getting the wrong change back like now. No, you lost because the Saints didn't score a point.

No, we didn't take the Saints. Would we take do we take Green Bay? We said Green Bay was going to be on the 20th. That's right. Yes. Jesus. Jesus. We won last week. We won the spread. Whoo. I was born. Oh, we said I was only percent on the **** Monday night special. Wait. No, no, no. We gotta find out. Did the running back score touchdown? Oh, I did. I celebrate too soon? It's going to review.

It's Josh. Did Josh Jacobs score a touchdown last week for the Green Bay? I think he did. OK. I'm going to check. I'm going to check. This will be the third one.

This will be. Paulie's already backpedaling down the court. That ball is going in. He did score a touchdown. I don't know what the third leg was though. All right. So we had Josh Jacobs. We had Jordan Love to throw one. Did Jordan Love throw one?

Jordan Love passed the two-yard touchdown. Yeah. We did it. We did it. Not only did we go 12 and 4, but we hit the special. Oh, we're coming in strong at the end. We're killing it. Hell yeah. All right. Let's go. We've never hit two specials in a row, Paul. Let's do this. And if we hit one more special, we tie our record for the year we always did it. So we got to get this one. What is our record? Four? I think we hit four in a year.

All right. All right. So I love the Lions to beat them up bad. The 49ers aren't playing for anything. They're probably banged up their rest and the Lions got to get home field. I say we take the Lions and the. Yeah. What happened there Paul? He had a little fucking cardiac episode? You got all choked up. You believe in this bet so much man. You're making me tear up over here. I just think they're going to close it strong.

I like the Lions. I love Jared Goff. I think he's the most underrated quarterback in football. I really do. I'm finally somebody fucking saying that. Somebody say, hey, there's something about him. What are you talking about? He's playing for the Lions and he's killing it.

That was a great trade for both teams. Even though the Rams aren't doing that well, they got their ring. Now it's the Lions turn. You like that storyline? Cause I go- You know what I love? If Jared Goff wins a Superbowl this year,

him and Matt Stafford go to a bar together, have a beer, they clink and they go, we did it. That's a good commercial. That's a great commercial. That just reminds me of Bird and Magic. When they got them together to play the 101. Nobody remembers it. All right, let's go. Okay, so we're taking the Lions, laying three and a half. Yeah, why is it so fucking small? That's what she said. Why is the spread so small? the I don't know why I'm doing this alone, but gotta take it. You seen that kid who's **** doing the Italian thing? Have I sent

you that kid yet? What's the over the **** top Italian? Oh, dude. It's the funniest **** ever. When I go, then they actually that fat baseball player. What do you what do you eat? You know, a lot of what of those something balls or

whatever. They just cut to themselves. Guy ain't eating. This guy's eating burgers. I can't do it. Look at this guy. He's like running out of air. What about when he was going through the chocolates and he was just like. Creme brulee. Look at this guy eating meatballs. the Uh, hey Jake, I think I know. Did you see those guys who did the croissant video? No.

Oh my god. They go in and they're like Americans but they go in, can I get a croissant? And they stop going croissant, croissant and they're still doing all this thing and they're yelling across the street croissant! The guy goes, I love it, he goes croissant! Nice! And he says it in an English accent and they keep

doing it. And then they fucking come and there's a guy dressed as like a stereotypical French guy sitting at a bus stop with like a beret on and the striped shirt. They go, croissant, croissant. Then they see him, then they're all fucking nervous because he's the real deal. And they start playing that,

I don't know who plays the song. You know that, wow, whatever that old school fucking class. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the bodies hit the floor. Started doing this trash metal metal thing, saying, Quessant, it's fucking amazing. No, that's great. That's so funny.

Internet, dude, I'm telling you. Did you watch that thing I sent you, that fucking, the Ronnie Dangerfield tape? I did not yet, no. Oh my God. No. He sends this, it's him telling the band that's going to be there. That's going to be backing them on his show. All their cues. And it's the funniest shit ever because he's

doing the jokes. And he goes, I went to a Chinese. It goes, okay, so when I say I went to a Chinese restaurant and they said we invented a new dish for you, one dumb fuck, then the bass drum goes boom. That's great. Except it's like Rodney. Yeah, one dumb fuck. Boom, the bass drum. You got to hit it after I say fuck, OK? That's great. Yeah, then I say, hey, what are you guys doing?

Then the whole band stands up and he says, we're fucking idiots. Then I go into. up and he says we're fucking idiots then I go into it's like a four-minute audio tape and he's serious right yeah and in the end when he's done he actually says like a joke he goes hey I already don't get enough respect don't fuck it up he kind of makes a joke you know but but like everything is a whole act and everything was tight as a drum. Not only is that, but like his interaction with the band.

And I just can't imagine, you know, I said it to like comedians and musician friends of mine and all the musician friends were like, dude, if I had a gig and I had to listen to Rodney and knew that, you know, I had to play some drums at that point, he goes that I would be fucking fulfilled as a musician. Oh, that's sick. Yeah. All right, let's finish here. So we got the Lions laying three and a half.

We got Goff to throw one. Yeah, that's good call. And then what do you want to do, like St. Brown or I don't know? Jameer Gibbs. You want to do anything on the other side I guess it's so banged up yeah hanged up yeah also to get held on every play and for some reason I don't fucking call it what does the NFL have against that kid every time I see him he's like got both arms up like what the

fuck in his jerseys like this yeah he's always getting fucking held uh what do you want to the third one? You know what it is, Paul? You know, you know, I heard, you know, I heard. I'm just fucking with you. How about Jimmy or Gibbs to put that to to plus touchdowns? To that's a lot. At the end of the year, Paul, you already pay when a guy with 44 wins is sitting there and he gives a little fuck in the back Paul knew the talk of the head there. I don't know Yeah, we could do I mean Montgomery's out right? He's out. Yeah. Oh Montgomery Ward closed down a long time

I'm the guy who knows nothing about football anymore. Let's do Gibbs to score one and then you want to add a fourth No, Paul, let's not get fucking Paul. Paul's already popping the call. There's a little Ricky Henderson here. Come on Andrew Thamelis for getting the Montgomery Ward reference. I Remember that store. Yeah Paul I can see you shopping there as a seven-year-old and it doesn't make any sense You just the four-door sedan and you're coming out. I like this, this is a nice shirt. You know, you're dressed like an old man. That's my favorite thing about Paul.

Paul's been, Paul's had old man vibes in a good way, not saying he's old, okay? You should see the guy get around the track when he goes down the street, I'm telling you. He's nimble, but he understands, he's understood life like an old man since I've known him. Bill, it's so funny you say that. I remember I was like 16, 17.

My stepfather was like, you know, what kind of car? Like, what kind of car do you want? Like eight. And I was like, I don't know. I was like, do you want to go like, look at like Buick's? I was like, I kind of like those Ford or Buick's. But I was like 17, 18. And he just started laughing. I just loved I'm like, where am I going?

I'm not going fast. I want a fucking nice whip, like a nice. Yeah, I like to watch people I going? I'm not going fast. Well, I want a fucking nice whip like a nice Yeah, I like to watch people going fast. I'm not into it No, I like I like I can go to nice drive Like the cruise. Yeah, nice cruise with a lady fucking take your fucking head. I'm kidding You can't go fast when you're doing that. Take it down the lane. Just switch over sweetheart. I got a convertible. What are we doing?

I'll put the top up. All right. I'll put the top up. There we go. All right. We'll do lions to cover. No lions to. Yeah, cover three and a half.

Jared golf to throw one. And Jameer Gibbs to run one. Andrew wants two. I mean, two is going to take us out of the bet. All right, we'll just do one. Come on. We're trying to make money. We're trying to win, huh?

Yeah. All right, everybody. There you go. We went 12 and 4 last week for you, and we hit the Monday Night Special. We're going to try to do it again in week 17. What do we have to do here? We're leaving these pics right at the door for these people. I mean, put the paper inside the fucking screen door. The only thing we're not doing is leaving a fucking envelope of cash. Not leaving

an envelope of cash in the fucking mailbox. Now watch, next week we go fucking 0 and 16. What do you want me to do? Tape the cash to your fucking front door? we go fucking on 16. What do you want to take the cash to your fucking front door? Um, guys, this week at next week, I will be at levity live performing New Year's Eve, seven and 10 o'clock. We added it late, but I can't wait to be there first time I've been in that building since I shot my Netflix special get tickets levity live and go to Paul verzee.com for more dates. Um, and then yeah, I mean I mean, that's pretty much it. You want

to hear something? And if you don't heckle them, they'll give you a couple of picks. My mother-in-law has been here. You ready for this? No, my mother-in-law. Let me tell you. My mother-in-law has been here since December 19th. She was here for Thanksgiving for a few days. She's been here since December 19th. She's leaving today and I gotta say zero issues Amazing I mean zero

Zero One or two comments I could have done without but not but that's me You know what you go for a walk Listen you get a one way? You go for a walk. Listen, you get one way. You go for a walk. She was great. Hey, is there anything I can get you? No, no, you want anything to eat? You want me to fix you? Can you get me something? You can get the fuck out of here and enjoy my holiday. Get to the airport. You get them feet moving and take a fucking walk right out the front door. Take out the trash while you're at it,

sweet. You know those people you need to ride to the airport. Now I got it. With their bags. No, I got it. I got it. Let's go. Let's go. They got a good lounge already warmed up. Dude, have you been to the Delta lounge? It's incredible. She's like, my bag. Oh, they you been to the Delta lounge? It's incredible. Get there early.

She's like my bag. Oh, they have a bag like I overnighted them. You have to. You got status. We're going out. mimosas are there you grab one. Now we're gonna go now. I'd love for you to stay longer. But you got status without the

airlines. I mean, you're gonna miss out. I just want to take advantage of the platinum. Isn't it too early to go to the airport? No, no, no airport. You're going to miss out. I just want you to take advantage of the platinum. Isn't it too early to go to the airport? No, no, no. 9-11. You gotta get there early. Five hours. No, dude. Oh, after the

holidays. I'm telling the place it's gonna it's gonna be it's gonna be a zoo. No, dude. This time of year, you pull up. There's like nobody there. It's all awkward. Dude, I can't mention the name but we're at my house at my we're at my house at my 4th of July party, and there's a couple of comics that I'm close with in the living room talking, and one of them says,

I can't mention the name, one of them goes, hey dude, so and so, like, should we invite so and so, like, because he's home. And it was just a guy that was a, what I like to call it do without. So it's like you like them, but you could do without them. And I just go, ah, dude, traffic right now is gonna be everyone just started laughing. I don't do that to him. Don't do that. Dude, if he gets on the road now, you go like this, you go now, now we're gonna get here. You get here seven o'clock and I'm gonna enjoy

it. Yeah. It's all right if he shows up, but it's all right if he doesn't why would he do that to his girlfriend? He's sitting in the car all day. Thanks. They'll relax Game on we're running out of chairs We have chairs for him, but they're not they're not comfortable. It's not worth the drive. They're sitting that chair Fireworks he might not make the fire. He's gonna be the car Look if you asked me 20 minutes ago, 20 minutes ago, you start lying. I wouldn't be saying the exact same shit 20 minutes ago. Or you put it on the person who offered it. Why'd

you tell me now? Would you tell me now? Oh my god, you should have told me last night. I knew there was somebody I forgot to invite. All right, everybody. That's why this show is the best. Hey, and there's another thing too. If it's this time of year and you're calling around to see what people are doing, you were a fucking douche for 11 months. Hey, man. Just want to say Merry Christmas. You guys doing anything? Oh, dude. You have to invite a party the way you draft a team. It's who gets along. It's, you know, you get a pay, you go ahead. Oh, yeah. You can't bring someone that doesn't fit into your system. No, go like this. You go, yeah, he's good. How's the wife?

Nah. Drinks too much. Drinks too much. You know what? She starts crying after the fourth glass. No good. I can't do it. Nice guy.

They're out. And then the wife's always good. No, but they're getting a little better now. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. The alcohol brings out the truth. That's what she's telling you. That's what she's telling you.

The alcohol brings out the truth. Amen. Oh, it's so great. So true. How funny would that be? Hey, can I invite so and so up? Nah, too loud. Brassy. And they're my favorite old school guys who say she's brassy. Yeah. He wanted to go to jail. You know, goes to jail, they want it because he wanted to get away from his wife. He wanted to get away from his wife.

That's how dumb. That was really saying how dumb the lives are, though, in that movie. Dude, too brassy was my fucking favorite. Let's just say she has that she's not going to shut the fuck up. And her voice is that, that the rarity, the rare female voice that no matter what registered, that person has a complete inability to give you a hard on.

Doesn't even make sense. You know what? We saw, I saw a wife ruin her. I saw a wife ruin her invitation to my house forever. Hey Paul, you could have stopped at wife. I saw wife, right? It was over. What they do, Paul. We say dumb shit and they ruin good times.

It is what it is. Oh, I thought you meant saw the wife like she was a dog show. I can't have a dog show in the house. No, I didn't. Yeah, you know, he brought his wife, all right. And then problems ensue. No, Stacey is like an overly, one thing we take pride in in the Verzi household is we like to overly host.

Make sure you had a drink, you need something, you're empty, you're hungry. And Stacey went over to do it. And one insecure wife was just fucking yapping. And like, she got mad, Stacey kind of came. She rolled up the newspaper, Paul, right across the snout. I know. No, she goes, she goes, hey, can I get you?

And she just kind of looked at my wife like, I'm talking. And it was like, and my wife was like, In your house? My house. Oh, Paul, that's what a bay window's for. You got to throw them right through like, absolute foley. Yeah. She said, I'm talking?

That's insane. Oh, she didn't say I'm talking. She just kind of looked like, like she kind of looked as if like you're interrupting me and my wife was going over to make sure she didn't need anything. Oh, it's super rude. You know? Yeah, really. Just say your name. Say your name. I'll bleep it out. Don't worry. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Janice Rossi.

Be funny, Stacey, no dog shows, okay? Nice people, but no dog shows. She got that. I would never, we would never do that. You know, look, Paul, listen, we have a rep here. Okay. I need a reputation of coming up the walk. Hey Paul, can I invite Jennifer over? I don't know, is she hot?

Here's some other dumb things you can say to ruin your holiday. No, she's on Ozempic. Alright, give it a shot, alright? Alright guys, this has been a fun one. You know what's funny about people on Ozempic? They all have that look of doubt on their face, you know what I mean? Like they can't believe it either. the Like, your muscle, like, it takes away your muscle mass too. Yeah, you start looking like Skeletor, which is me saying that too. Dude, there's a fucking guy on my block, right? This fucking chatterbox.

Dude, there's this chatterbox on my block. He's always gossiping about everybody. I try to blow him off. This fat fuck with a mullet. He's always waving at me and shit, right? And then I didn't see him for a while. And then I swear to God, I'm driving down the street and this fucking string bean is waving at me I just go who the fuck is this guy I just keep seeing him and then I finally said to my wife

I'm like, is that fucking so I think he did Ozempic. Oh Shit, dude. He looks like he has a blood disease. Yeah His face is all gone Yeah, yeah, by the way, it's my favorite Aerosmith lyric all gone. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, it's my favorite Aerosmith lyric. What was it? When they were talking about their drug addiction, it's walking on Gucci wearing Yves Saint Laurent, barely stay on because I'm so goddamn gone. And you just picture wearing this this fucking designer suit and like, you know, which usually makes you look great but everybody's looking at him like death goes by real quick yeah Aerosmith rocks for anybody else over 55 listening to this podcast

she wearing it's in the wrong belly they are cuz I'm so goddamn gone I know I should have just said it you know then I had to sing it all right this podcast for me? It's a good way to end, but it's been a fun one. Let's be honest. All right, guys. It's been a great year. Last one of the year.

Well, listen, everybody have a happy and healthy New Year. Come and see your boy if you're on the Tri-State area telling some jokes on New Year's Eve. Count that booking money. Those are our picks. Hey, listen, I'll do a meet and greet. I'll give you a tip. All right. Paulie the Greek.

Oh, wait a minute. We got two Greeks on this. We do. Rushing it. It'd be funny if I took a picture with a fan after the show and I was like, dude, Jaguars are going to cover. Take care.

What if Greeks were the only people Casinos were afraid of? For some reason you guys just had this fucking innate ability to get around it. They'd find a way to ban us. I knew a guy, I worked at my dad's store growing up and we had Kino and this guy was Greek and yeah he didn't have the gene. This guy would come and play Keno, I mean, every day, he didn't have it. He didn't have it, man.

You're gonna get that though. Oh, God. Well, Keno is like, that's like set up for you to lose. I mean, like picking a game, I know that's set up to lose, but there's a little more thought involved. Keno, you're just pushing buttons, right? Well, no, it's like you pick, he'd walk in, he'd be like four numbers five dollars

one game so he'd bet five dollars to get four numbers you know five years it'd come out and it'd be like a quick pick so come out he thought oh these are terrible numbers I like this I like these numbers and then come back the next week and say to guys the terrible numbers oh man all right all right let let's wrap this up because I've got to hang with my wife today. All right guys, those are the picks. You guys know what to do. Bet responsibly if you want to use the app. It's the best app out there, Bet MGM.

You put $10, right? Deposit $10 and you get $1,500 in bonus bets if the bet loses after the first bet is settled, your original bet is settled and use our code, BURR, B-U-R-R, there you go, first touchdown, you do a player prop, any player in any NFL game to get the first touchdown, you win, if it gets the second touchdown, you will get your cash. You'll get your stack back in cash. There you go. Bet responsibly, everybody.

Have a good week 17 of the NFL. Let's see what we can do and I'll see you at Levity Live. That's it. All right, Happy New Year, everybody. Thank you so much for watching again this season. We'll see you later. Happy New Year. Bye.

Bye, guys. Later, guys.