Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-4-21

Episode Date: February 5, 2021

Bill rambles about unnecessary renovations, nukes, and expensive wine.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. What's going on? How are you? How's it going? How's it going? All right. All right. Let's do it. Let's do it. End of a long fucking day. Just when you think the day is over, you realize you got more shit to do in the morning, so you got enough out your podcast tonight. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I was sitting down fucking settling in, watching my fucking Bruins playing the filthy, the filthy ones, the Philadelphia Flyers. Bruins go up 12 seconds in. David Pasternak with the brand new bionic hip. He shoots. He scores. Bruins up one to nothing. And after that, it was a shit show. Fucking

Flyers scored. What the fuck? They were up like three to one. They went up three to one. Last two games, we've been down three to nothing. Played the capitals over the weekend. Right? We went down on Saturday and on Monday. We went down three goals, both games. Both games, two Bruins came back. They tied it up. All right. Saturday night game, we went into overtime with the capitals who are leading the Eastern division or whatever fucking division we are in. Right as we get into overtime, fucking Ovechkin with the fucking laser, nobody in front, just pure fucking natural, goddamn Russian ability, just blasted the puck right past Tuka Rask. Gave me all right there, Fred. We still got a point though. And we were down

three, nothing, right? Well, I already talked about in the podcast, I told you, Frederick was going to fight Wilson told you didn't have to be a genius to figure that out. He did all right against him too. And I was glad that Wilson did not get any salt punches in because that is a tough fucking dude. So we were down three, nothing Monday night came back to tie it up in regulation, went ahead on who the fuck scored. I keep thinking it's Coralli, but it wasn't the big defenseman, six foot five guy, he fucking scored. And then I think Marshawn had the empty net or we had to win five, three. So tonight we went up one, nothing. Next thing you know, we're down three to one. Pasta gets a fucking hat

trick ties it up with like five seconds left, three to three. We go into overtime and the captain Patrice Bergeron puts it away for two points. So I got to tell you, you know, playing the capitals over the weekend, seeing as they don't show are looking as good as he's always looked. I know we got a ton of shit for not resigning the guy, but we are a really, really, really fucking young team right now. A lot of young people on the team and they're all playing great. So I kind of get it. I think it worked out for everybody and I'm really happy for Chara that he went to contender and he has an opportunity to win another cup or whatever. So, you know, if the Bruins get knocked out of the playoffs,

I will be rooting for the capitals and Zidane of Chara. That's what I'm going to do. So I'm settling in. I'm relaxing. Right. Daddy's got himself a little root beer. This is as fucking crazy as I get now. I'm all out of cigars. The humidor has been put away. I will only smoke cigars when invited out with friends. That's what I'm doing now. And I got to tell you this afternoon, oh, this afternoon, it just so happened. My wife took my beautiful little baby boy who was just the best. I swear to God, he stood up by himself today on the couch. I freaked out. I think I scared him a little bit. You know, he was standing there and he kind of let go of me. He was just standing up. I think a little bit, he was cheating

a little bit leaning into my hip, but he was standing up and he sort of balanced himself. And I just yelled out, I'm like, he's standing up. His face got all twisted. I'm like, what the fuck was that? Started crying. I was like, oh, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm sorry. I was proud of you. Sorry, buddy. Plus he's teething and everything. So the poor guy. And I got to tell you, it's kind of a cool story. My wife said to me because he was teething. She goes, you got any Jack Daniels or anything? And I'm like, I don't even know what I got left. I haven't drank, you know, forever 800 days, by the way, the other day, celebrate 800 days and no booze. So I actually have a bottle of Kentucky bourbon that I had never opened

called the Duke. And it's John Wayne's family is makes this bourbon smells delicious. I didn't have any, but it was given to me as a gift when I did the Mandalorian by Brendan Wayne, John Wayne's grandson. And he gave it to me because he's one of the coolest people I've ever worked with. He's the guy in the Boba Fett suit, whatever, whatever, Star Wars terminology is supposed to say, Mandalorian thing. So I thought it was pretty cool that my son, the first booze that he got was from the lineage, the lineage of John Wayne. How fucking cool is that via Star Wars? Because he was teething. And you know, it was funny. At first, he made a face and then he liked it. And I was just like, ah, he's a chip off the old block. And then my wife goes, come on over. He's

breath smells like booze. We were cracking out. I don't even know if it works. But that was an old an old school thing that mothers used to do back in the day when babies were teethings, they put a little booze, little whiskey on their gums to try to numb it a little, I don't know. Anyways, why the fuck is this fucking air conditioning on right now? The fuck knows I give up. I give up. I give up with this fuck. I don't give up. I'm just going to keep fixing it because I'm not fucking leaving. I'm not leaving. I am not fucking leaving. And that's it. And you know, my wife was talking about possibly getting some, I don't know, furniture or some dumb shit. I'm just like, no, we're not. We're not. Okay, my parents have had the same couches for like 40 years.

And they just get them reupholstered. Right? I'm not doing this shit. Okay, this, you know what the problem is, this is like nine million fucking shows out there, where they're just doing makeovers. Everything is a fucking makeover. When I was a kid, nobody did a makeover. When you bought a house, you just fucking moved in. And that was it. You fixed shit as it broke. But you didn't come in like going like, everything has to look the way I want it to. It just got the fucking house. So I don't know. I'm just kind of like, felt good about it. I was just like, yeah, no, we're not, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. Really? Really? I'm not doing that. I'll do something else. You want to go on a little fucking vacation? Why don't we do that?

Okay, but I'm not, I'm not, I'm not getting into this. I'm buying a new living room set once a decade. I'm not doing it. All right, we're going to stay on these fucking couches. We're going to die here. That's how I look at shit. That's how I fucking look at it. So anyway, I got the Celtics on in the background. I've been watching, dude, that just, you know, I don't know. One fucking thing I have enjoyed during all of this fucking craziness is my ability to be home with my kids and then also watch sports. And I'm getting them into, I'm getting my daughters like getting into the Bruins. And she said AC DC today when I drove her to school and I almost fucking crashed the car. I was like, oh my God. It's one of the greatest

things you've ever said. So anyway, yeah, we beat the Warriors last night. And we get to start off this West Coast swing here. It's weird going on the West Coast. We're playing everybody but the fucking Lakers. We already played them, lost to them, but play competitively. And I've been watching a little bit of the Brooklyn Nets in the Pelicans. I've been watching, just watching a ton of sports. I'm really enjoying it. Like James Harden is one of the most fun players to watch offensively. He scores. And then like when you watch him on defense, might the funniest shit ever, he's the worst defender in the fucking league. And what I love is, is he knows he stinks. So he tries to, he points at other players on his team where they should be. And it's just like,

James, have you ever watched film or your fucking defense? Who the fuck are you to tell anybody where they should be on D? So yeah, he's like telling other guys where they're supposed to be, why he's like giving his guy a 15 foot fucking cushion. His defense is basically, I think he said, you know, you score 35, I'll score 40. There you go. I want plus five. Go fuck yourself. Great beard though. You got to give it up, man. He has a great old, that's like a 1970s like beard. You know what I mean? It's not like the ones the kids have today where it's all, you know, it's like, you know, like they have like a fade and then the beard is faded in and it's all like fucking, I mean, just laser straight. He's got that old school, like you just let it grow,

you know, fucking Santa Claus. I like it. I approve. Okay. I approve of that goddamn beard. I do not approve of his fucking defense, but it is, it is fucking hilarious to watch. I've never seen a guy, a superstar. I'm trying to think the last time I saw a superstar that bad at something would be Shaq with free throws where it was just, he sucked at him. He knew he sucked and he didn't give a shit. And I remember Charles Barkley a long time ago said if Shaq could hit a file, a file shot, he would own every offensive record at the end of his career. Cause that's what was that thing. It was like, all right, well, we can't stop this guy. So they just file, file him Hackershack. Remember that way back in the day?

Anyway, and now look, now they're both analysts on the best fucking basketball show out there. The one was a T, TBS, TNT, whatever the hell it is. That's, that's how much fucking time I have, free time I have. I'm doing my first goddamn show since December, doing one of these parking lot shows. And I don't even think about standup or my fucking act anymore. And I got to get it together because I'm going to be doing a benefit show. I'll have more details coming up in the next week. I'm going to do like a zoom show. It's going to be like 10 bucks. And it's going to help some kid out who had a really, a really tragic event happen to him. So we're just putting it together so I can't say what it is yet. So anyway, what else? What else? Oh, Joe Biden, he ain't fucking around,

huh? Joe Biden is not fucking around. Did I call it? Or did I call it? He's already starting shit with fucking Iran. He got nuclear weapons. It's like, isn't that what the fuck we said about Iraq? We went in there and found nothing. And we've yet to address it. We've been there for 20 fucking years. He's got weapons of mass destruction. We found nothing. Nothing. And a handful of corporations made a ton of fucking money and we are still fucking there. And now this forgetful Freddie guy is going in there and he's already starting shit with him. But there's one thing I don't understand. How come we're allowed to have the bomb? Right? But other countries can't have it because we say so.

That doesn't sound right to me. It's like we're having a fight. You have brass knuckles. I should be able to have brass knuckles. Like what are we doing here? It's just fisticuffs. Is it a knife fight? Gunfire. Oh, you got a nuclear warhead? Well, shit. I evidently we need one of those too. No, no, not fair. You can't handle the responsibility like we can. I'm just fucking around. I have no idea. I don't understand why they can't have it. Doesn't everybody basically fucking knows if you use it, it's the dumbest thing ever. It really is. It's sort of, I would say it's sort of the, I'm trying to think of a good, you know what? It's the weapon version of the Bugatti,

which is the ugliest supercar I've ever seen in my life. It looks like a fucking etsyl that you lower down to the ground. I just don't get that car. I know it's super fast, but a million dollars for that fucking piece of shit. One speed bump and you do 200 grand worth of damage. Dude, if you own that car and you never take it to the track, you are a fucking jerk off and you deserve the gold digging whore that you fucking attract with that thing. There, I said it. Okay, I'm done. I'm done. All right, I said it. I'm being fucking dangerous here. No, I could never be as dangerous as Chrissy Teigen. I literally have nothing to fucking

talk about right now. I'm not on the road. I got no fucking stories. So now my wife has me into Twitter gossip and Chrissy Teigen was saying, what's the most expensive thing you've ever, you've eaten that you thought sucked? She's like, one time John and I were at a restaurant and the waiter recommended a nice Cabernet. We got the bill and it was $13,000. How do you casually recommend that wine? We'd even finish it and it had been cleared. So all these people just say, it is like fucking tone deaf. All this fucking shit, right? Why are people upset that she can afford to have a $13,000 bottle of wine? Good for her. She made it. All these other people get an offend. That's like totally tone deaf. As I sit here with my own struggles wearing shit that

was made in a sweatshop by people I could give a fuck about, I want to get offended by Chrissy fucking Teigen and her goddamn $13,000 bottle of Cabernet. Shout out to that waiter. He slipped it right by him. I'll take 20% on this. What is that? 20% on that is like fucking $2,600, right? Did I do that right? 13 times two is $2,600 and I threw a couple zeros at the end. I'm gonna say $2,600. Well, 20%. Wait, did I do that? 20%. Yeah, that's right. It'd be 200 on the grand. Two grand on 10 grand. And then another $600. $2,600. There I did it. Ah, look at that. Public schools. We need to get back to the public schools. Anyways, look at Tice. Tice, taking it to the rack. I got the fucking Celtics game on in the

background. Loving life. Loving life as much as I can right now. How the fuck are we down to Sacramento? 59, 55. Tice going to the line. He hits the first one. Gotta love those tall white guys from fucking Europe. They don't bang underneath all Tice does. They usually kind of fragile to big white guys, you know, but they're like nine feet tall and they can take a hit of three-pointer. Like Andrew Tony back in the day. Tice hits them both. 59, 57. Just stack the third quarter. Sacramento's got a nice floor. When they go with the blue and the black, I like that. I haven't watched Hoop in fucking forever. I think if anybody scores over 40 points in the NBA, don't they automatically become a Laker?

Is that how that works? I'm not sure. Fucking stupid league. It's fun though. It's a fun game to watch. All right, plowing ahead here. This is hilarious after just saying that. Dude, what the fuck? They got some... What is that, that German crest they have? That looks like some fucking Nazi shit. Center court of the Kings. What does Lowenbrow sponsor them? Something's going on. Sacramento Kings, when did they, when did their mascot become like a lion? I don't know. All right, Old Freckles is back in therapy. And I actually had a really productive therapy session today where I kind of learned,

and my therapist's telling me that you're carrying around a lot of shit and it's killing you. It's just like, oh shit. Well, how do you let go of that stuff? And this person's trying to teach me how to let go of shit. It'd be fucking hilarious if I learned how to do that and I just became this really nice person, right? And then all you guys left me because you didn't think I was funny anymore because I didn't have the anger. And you were like, yeah, man, he fucking blew it. He had the whole career being this pissed off orange bald man. And then he got happy and then it all went away, right? Then you guys count me out. And then I come back with my clean Christian act.

And I start doing fucking arenas across the land. I start doing mega churches. And you know what? I'd probably make even more money, you know? Be all kinds of fucking women throwing their Jesus panties at me and shit, you know? There's a million ways to skin a cat, right? You can go clean. You can go puppets. You can go puppets and clean. You can go puppets and dirty. You can go puppets and magic. You can go magic and dirty. You can go magic clean, right? You can go topical. You can go political. You can tell stories. There's a fucking million ways to stand up there for a goddamn hour and entertain a segment of the fucking population, you know? You can go on Twitter and talk about how you drank a $13,000

bottle of cabinet. I got to tell you something, man. Like everybody's going after her. What about the fucking waiter? Slipping that in because your husband's got a bunch of Grammys, you know? You just slip in a $13,000 bottle of cabinet. I didn't know that you could buy a $13,000 cabinet. I thought that was just regular people wine. You know, I always thought like those super expensive, they just ticed it a fucking tree, spilled it all over the corner and it lays it in. New Jalen Brown and fucking Jason Tatum are the best one-two punch they're saying. Highest score in things since Larry Bird and Kevin McHale. It is their team. It is their fucking team. I'm telling you. I'm telling you, if I was running this team, I would trade Walker and I would get a fucking big

man because those two kids can run the backcourt. And I know this because I just started watching the NBA again. That's what I would do. That's what I would do having never even coached a fucking third grade basketball team. That is exactly what I would do. So I think with the Chrissy Teigen thing, the real point of that story is what the fuck does that waiter get off putting a $13,000 bottle of wine on the fucking table and not telling either one of them about it? I found that more shocking than the fact that they were drinking a $13,000 bottle of wine. I would think with all the Grammys and how talented her husband is and she's a fucking supermodel, I would think they are hot tub is filled with that

shit, right? Kind of fucking assholes. I love these fucking assholes who take the time to get offended by a fucking goddamn tweet. Why don't you grow up, all right? You got a place to live? Do you flip a switch and you got heat? Do you flip another one? You got AC? Do you got a flat screen TV? Well, then shut the fuck up. You're doing better than fucking probably at least 70% of people in the world you're doing better than. Do you ever think if you believe in God, what God thinks of American prayers? Lord Jesus, if you can hear me, I'm trying to lose weight with these bacon double cheeseburger specials are fucking killing me, man.

Can you imagine when he clicks over to our prayers? You have to listen to people who are really struggling in some country that sits on oil and all of a sudden in other countries bombing them, right? Or they fucking they're in the middle of some genocide goddamn shit or whatever the hell they're involved in. Like real prayers and then he's got to listen to us. Please God, let that last pair of Jordan ones be there in my size tomorrow. Please, can you please make that happen for me? And meanwhile, he was just listening to the person who had to make those Jordan ones who makes like fucking $3 a month going, please God, when I try to jump out of this sweatshop tomorrow, can you please make the net be weak enough that

it doesn't break my fall and I actually hit the ground and I just die? Can you do that for me? Um, sorry. All right. That's a little tone deaf. It's a little tone deaf. Shut the fuck up. Fucking fucking whining fucking babies. All right, here we go. I don't even know what I'm talking about at this point. Okay, I'm just having a good time. I got a basketball game on. I just finished a fucking root beer. You know, I mean, this is about as exciting as it gets for me these days. Dude, what is that fucking crazy looking lion in the center quarter of the Sacramento Kings? That reminds me that Jim Carrey movie, The Cable Guy, when they went to that medieval manor place.

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today's Thursday. It's payday. I feel so fucking bad for fucking young people right now. How long this has been going on? Like, I just realized, you know, I guess technically in a month I've been doing stand-up comedy for 29 years, but I, you know, I kind of did it for 28 years and then this shit happened. And as sad as that is to me that I didn't get to do what I love to do, that's got to be Celtics ball. What the fuck? You threw it out of bounds. You know, it's just stand-up comedy and I'm an old man, right? I feel so bad for young people when like, I just remember when you got to be a certain age, you were out of college or maybe you didn't go to college. You had an apartment and you had like a decent car,

you know, and you had a waist length leather jacket. I mean, the world was yours and you go out to the local fucking bar, you know, you get a couple of fucking, you know, oh god, a nice cold fucking beer right from the tap and one of those big goddamn glasses, you know, there was no Uber back then. You drove, you took a chance, right? You sucked a few of those down, you know, you talked to the chick with the biggest fucking hair in the place, just a big giant fucking, you know, walking in there like she was some sort of sun god. Acid washed jeans, mustard colored pumps, you know, the fucking 80s, you know, and at least six people in their head blow and you go in there with your leather jacket

and just say, I'm only going to do a couple of lines, right? I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. I just feel bad like that part of your life. I don't know how it's done now. They probably don't even go out anymore anyways, right? Just have an app, you know, it just links you to somebody who thinks the same way you do is into the same shit you are and then you guys just show up and bang and then you leave. Is that how it works? I don't fucking know. But anyway, kids should be out having a good goddamn time, not now. I mean, get the fucking vaccine first. Do you know they're actually anticipating because this weekend is Super Bowl Sunday that there's going to people are just going to have parties

anyway, fucking selfish cunts. It's unbelievable. I mean, people are still dying, but I don't know, people don't give a shit. They don't give a shit. But you know what they give a shit about? Somebody tweeting that they had a $13,000 bottle of wine. Those people, I feel so bad for John Legend and Chrissy Teigen. You know, they went out, they tried to have a nice dinner and some toxic, I'm sure the waiter was white and a male took a $13,000 bottle of wine and put it on that table of people of color. I don't know if she's a person of color. She at least has a tan. Everybody's a person of color compared to how fucking white I am. Okay. I think they are the victims. And I feel like the restaurant owes them an apology,

not the other way around. All right. And congratulations to both of them that they've attained a, you know, I mean, both of them came for nothing, right? They both fucking work their way to where they are now. You know, you got to tell you something. As much as people go, yeah, it's like countries in oligarchy. You can still, but it's a cool oligarchy that some asshole like me can fucking tell shit and dick jokes. And next thing you know, he's doing a podcast, he's got a flat screen on his TV watching the Celtics, you know, anybody can be, you should be inspired by the fact that they have that thing. If you should be mad about anything, you should be mad at that fucking waiter that slipped that $13,000 bottle of wine on their

fucking table. They came out to have fish and chips. And this guy could smell the Grammys on the table and he fucking, look what he did. He didn't give him a good bottle of wine, either. I don't know. Oh, Jesus, the animatic is up on pics. All right. Now I got to go do some editing. See, it never rents. All right. That's it. Okay. I hope this, this podcast wasn't tone deaf. All right. Have a great weekend, you cunts. Let's go. Let's go, Brady. Let's go, Tommy. You know, Tom Brady has been in the Super Bowl every other year since 2014. All right. Pats one and 14, then the Broncos, then the Pats, then the Eagles, then the Pats, then the Chiefs, and then Tom Brady again, baby. I think they got to get them.

They can just establish the run game and keep that high power offense on the sidelines. They get a shot. All right. That's it. I will talk to you guys on Monday. Okay. Just, you know, keep your dreams in the clouds and your feet on the ground. All right. I'll talk to you later. All right. Now listen to the Super Bowl segment from Anything Better, my new podcast with Paul Verzi. We're going to be joined by the guys from the sports gambling podcast to make our picks sponsored by monkey knife fight. Paul, I know we, we talked on the phone real quick earlier today about this monkey knife fight promo and I could hear in your voice the excitement about gambling on more stuff, about betting on more stuff, just having more action on the

Super Bowl. What is your, you know, as far as Super Bowl bets, what's the weirdest thing you've ever bet on? I bet big money on tails once in the coin toss. I usually go tails and one time I put a stupid amount of money on it, but I was like, Hey, it's 50-50 and I hit it. And also, who's going to score first? Those are the, those are the only ones I never did. I never did like national anthem length or anything like that. But can I just tell you guys, monkey, when my wife heard the name monkey knife fight, we burst it out fucking laughing and I said, I'm betting with those guys regardless of the service compared to those ones based on the fucking name. Well, yes, it's off that old, old Simpsons episode where they're in international waters

betting on two monkeys go at it fighting with knives. And you got to, you got to appreciate that for a company name. You know, a lot of people put, you know, fan draft wager in it. They're like, no, monkey knife fight. That's what we're rolling with. What about you, Bill? Any, any crazy action on this Super Bowl or in the past? Not on Super Bowls, but I went to the masters with Paul Versey in 2010. And we said, what, we sit on the 15th hole. Yes, we did. We were waiting for him to come through. You just sitting there drinking beers and there was turtles on these rocks on this water hazard. And we were betting which ones were going to go in first. And we've got so much money going on it that people around us were like listening.

And I had the easiest system. He wasn't paying attention. I just picked the turtle with the dry shell. He was like looking at sizes and shit. I'm like, that one's getting a little dried out. I love that though. The handicap, like the dried shell, that turtle is due. Look at him. He needs to hydrate it. He needs to go for a dip before he figured it out. Then he started picking the dry. Yeah. He beat me on those for sure. Now was my worst sharp turtle racing action. I like that some turtle insider. That was my worst Super Bowl prop bet a host in a gambling podcast. Some guy hit me up. He's like, dude, I, I, I got an inside tip. The puppy bowl is already, it already happened. They already taped it.

Team rough dominates. And I go, okay, this is an inside tip. I got to take advantage. So I bet a shit ton of money on team fluff thinking that they, oh, hey, the game's already happened. This is easy money. And then I watch it live and they, they just get destroyed. I'm sitting there screaming at the puppies. Like, what are you doing? You don't know how to cover a spread. This is humiliating. It's a, it's, it's horrible losing money on animal related props for the super. It's, it's funny. You said that my dad got a tip in the, in the, in the seventies. Somebody just told him a ghost. This horse has taken it at Yonkers raceway. And the horse didn't take it. No, any inside tip because every gambler has a system. They think

like, Oh, I got to figure it out. I know a guy. I mean, we had the, we had the guy who does the radio sideline reporting for the bucks, trying to get him to leak out the information on what possible Gatorade color we could be seeing. Bill, any thoughts on, on a Gatorade color for the Super Bowl glue is the first thing I think, but then I'm thinking like, because it's such a big game, they're going to want Mojo. Yeah. They're going to want like team color. So considering Tampa Bay doesn't make a pewter. I mean, uh, they don't have pewter colored Gatorade. I want to say red, but I think it's going to be blue. I'm going to go with blue. I'm going heads. I'm saying Leonard Fournette scores first. Oh, nice. Yeah. They're going to establish the

fucking running game to keep them, uh, that high powered offense off the field. Um, what else did I say I was going to bet? What's the over under? I'm taking Tampa. What do I get three? You're a big, you're a big Brady guy. Is it weird rooting for Tom Brady in the Super Bowl now that he's playing for the bucks? Is it going to be a little bittersweet him possibly getting his seventh not wearing at all? I can't even tell you all the Pat's fans. I know it goes to just like watching a Pat's game. Gronk is there. We even had Antonio Brahman. We're fucking psyched. Dude, we want this guy. I hope he wants like the next three in a row. I know as a nine. I love the guy. Dude, we were, we weren't shit before he came. Well, Bledsoe and Parcells, they put us on the map

and Roger, uh, Robert Kraft did. Okay. And then we got the new state, but he came in. Dude, we had zero championships as a non-patriots fan. It's tough to watch because finally one year, the Patriots aren't good. They're not in the playoffs. And now the Patriots fans find this other route to get to the Superbowl emotionally. And they're not even, they're not even going to be hurt when he wins. They're ready to dump the Gatorade. They're, they're buying in on the bucks. No, I learned how to have peace of mind as a, as a sports fan. You don't root against anybody else. It's such a fucking waste of energy to even like hate your rival to the point. If you lose to them, it ruins your day. You start asking grouchy around your wife. They can really shit

on her watching real housewives at that point. It's like, say what you want about how dumb this is, but it doesn't affect my fucking mood the next morning when I'm eating my cereal. You're doing well again. I know you're, you're, you're basically describing my life because the Eagles lost to the Cowboys must win game and we had rented a cabin for Christmas. It was supposed to be a nice vacation. She's like, why are you ruining a vacation? I'm like, I didn't ruin it. Doug Peterson ruined this vacation. Jalen hurts ruin this vacation. She goes, you need to go on a long walk and I'm just going on this long walk thinking how much money I spend this vacation and how it's ruined and, and fuck the Eagles. You know what's funny about Eagles fans is they

always bring up that they beat us in the Super Bowl. I don't have the heart to tell them that, dude, we won the one right before you and then right after you, I barely remembered the game. I was a shitty game too, but here's another thing too. Tom Brady. Tom Brady won in 14, 16, 18, and now he's with the Bucks. He's won every other year since 2014. It's got Patriots, Broncos, Patriots, Eagles, Patriots, Chiefs. And now, you're not going to have to say is it's going to go Brady, Broncos, Brady, Eagles, Brady, Chiefs. I'm hoping Brady, although I do love, I do love my homes. Yeah. My homes, I really like my homes. And I've heard you talk about this. We even have a soundtrack of you going off on showtime, my home back in the day. He's fun to root for.

He's so awesome. But the way the commentators kind of slobber all over. Oh my God. They ball wash him. It's like, he'll throw like a fucking three yard no look pass. It's like three yards. Like, I hope you like when they first started selling them, they were like, I hope you appreciate what you are just like, dude, you don't need to sell this guy this hard. He's the real deal. No, I know we're acting like you're selling me fucking Cade Mcnown. Paul, I know you're a, you're on the chiefs for the game. How do you, how do you kind of see it shaken out as far as game script wise that they can be thrown a lot, trying to get the running game going a little bit. How do you see their path to victory?

Well, you know, I was just telling Bill before, before this segment, I was telling Bill that the way the bucks are behaving with media day, they are acting like they haven't been there before. I've noticed the pictures and the poses and I'm seeing a little bit of a lay low from the chiefs, but one thing that I stick with, and Bill and I did this when we went to the Red River rivalry and we went to the Cincinnati Bengals Jackson, Jacksonville Jaguars game on the road. Here's a, here's a betting tip, but it's hard because you need to be at the game. But this is what happens. Go down low before the game, get there early and watch the teams come out because dude, we bet big money on Texas, right? And Oklahoma ran out of the tunnel and they

just start looking at Texas going and we just knew immediately it's fucking over. Oklahoma not only wanted it like they, they, and I'm going, it's fucking over. Do the same thing. We were standing there quietly. We're all excited. And when Texas and then Oklahoma came out and they would just get in their grills. And then we would just watch an inverse. He's laying, laying down. He goes, they, they're looking pretty confident. That's literally that's my handicapping strategy at the horse track. I want to see the horses walk around the paddock, see who looks like they've been there before. Same thing. You can, you can get one a mean jockey. You got to look for the meanest jockey. I think that that's how that sport works. Um, to answer the question,

I think for me, I think everything is Travis Kelsey because I had Travis Kelsey in my fantasy league. The guy gets seven to 10 catches every game. And even if you, the thing is they're going to be focused on, on, on Tyreek Hill and my homes, I think. So I think Kelsey is somebody has to be open. Somebody has to be single covered. I think Travis Kelsey is going to have a monster game. I think Travis Kelsey is going to score first. I think it's going to be like a seven to 10 yard in the red zone touchdown. Um, I think that, uh, Tyreek Hill is the main threat. And I still think if my homes gets the ball out early, cause the bucks defense is flying right now. So I think that Andy Reed knows that. I think he's got to get it out early. I think Tyreek

Hill will have some big plays, but I think the guy, you got to go to the moose. You got to go to the fucking got to go to Kelsey. He's had an insane year. And I kind of agree with you. I think they see the Tampa Bay pass rush. They're down a couple of offensive linemen. They're going to want to get the ball out quick. And Andy Reed, not afraid to throw a bunch of passes. I mean, you know, Patrick, my homes is over under for attempts to set it like 41 something crazy. So I think they're going to be throwing a ton tonight. I don't read the tea leaves, right? This is the greatest show on turf and they won the year before. Now they're playing Tom Brady. This is what's going on. He's going to take them out.

How many times does the man have to do it? Come on, your Eagles beat us. It sounds like last decade. I can't really remember. I think you guys won some game. It was like 58 to 63 or some shit. You got your rig. You look like a greener football leg. Do not bet against this man. Now listen, do you guys think, cause I noticed this and I know you're an Eagles fan. Do you think some mustard came off the fan bases, fastball little, do you notice that when a team doesn't win for a while and then they finally win the fans kind of go, it's like a rapper's second album. When it's like they're just not as, once you get the fucking, once you get the prize, the first one, you're so hungry. Yes. You're so hungry for the first one. But I talked to an

Eagles fan who was like, ah, man, I'm still living off that other one. And I'm like, dude, you used to be a rabbit lunatic. And now he's like, I'm good, dude. I'm good. They were ruined with the championship. That's where I am as a sports fan. Like what I just saw in the last 20 fucking years is like we ran the table with four teams. New York's got like 58 fucking teams. They've never run the table, won every single championship in the four sports. What am I going to do? I mean, there's no way to sustain it. I totally enjoyed it. I got all the dumb hats. So now what am I going to do? I'm going to root against the chiefs to become a dynasty. I hope they do. My money doesn't, but I'm not going to be mad at them

if the fucking Eagles win it again. I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit. Is it some point for someone to address what a steaming pile of shit Jim Hersey is? What a hypocritical steaming pile of shit. And he runs a bitch ass fucking organization. That's all I need. Yeah, I love it. That's the grudge you hold on to. That's not the grudge I hold on to because fucking meathead sports fans actually like he ran a successful smear campaign. He really did. I mean, it was all the cheating himself ridiculously. Well, and the most annoying part was he turned every, you know, New England sports fan all of a sudden into some, you know, physicists with like ideal gas laws guys coming out of the woodwork. Fuck you. That was all you cunts and ESPN proved it was actually a disadvantage

and they buried the story. No, it really you fucking assholes. Don't talk about how that guy tanked a whole fucking half a season to get Andrew luck. Yeah. Oh man. You forgot that when they pumped in the noise. He sat in the competition committee. Now Andrew receiver is fucking illegal and then stole our offense and won a Super Bowl. We didn't bitch. Now Andrew looks like backpacking through Europe hanging out in some hostel goes out to get a fucking hand job. The whole world stops. These fucking guys are like a pill pop and lunatic with a dead mistress. Nobody says shit. Well, and to that does a good point to the box single craft was single. Go ahead. Forward and go to a jerk off. Of course you do. You go look at the alligators. You get rub one out.

What else are you going to do? Go to Ebor city. There's nothing to do there. Not one. Yeah. I'd love to meet the man who was outraged over Robert Graff going to a big game wanted to relax before the game. Get a massage. That's the boss move. He did it right before the game. I'm just glad that fucking video didn't come out. Thank God. No one wanted to see that. Let the man enjoy. Let the man enjoy the twilight of his wife. Restor soul passed away. The guy's going to a fucking joint to get a little relaxation. The man has money. He's helping out the little guy stimulate the economy. Yeah. They tried to turn it into some bigger story of like, well, this is a sex trade and they're, they're bringing these women in and then turned out.

It was just some, some woman from New York. Notice how happy Goodell looks. Cause the Pats aren't in it. Fucking grinning ear to ear and every fucking stadium. Oh man. He is. Oh, he's such a cunt. I don't know what we did to him. I don't know what the fuck we did to him, but that fucking, he's got one. He's got one for us, man. He does have a hard on for the Patriots. You know, as a, as a non-patriots, sometimes it's a little fun to watch. All right. Let's get some of the selfish. Don't like the truth. Get to some of these monkey knife fight a prop picks here. Of course. I can't wait to put the money on the table. And I mean, is there anything better than watching the big game with a fucking wing in your hand? There's five honey riding on it.

And especially with these, with these props that you start like, if you're betting the over and you get it early, you get in the third quarter and you're just, you already won the money. Everything is gravy afterwards. It's pretty awesome. And again, use that promo code Berg and a hundred percent deposit bonus up to 50 bucks and a $5 free play monkey knife fight app. So they, they pair these prop bets up. You're going to pick two more or less. And if you hit both, you win a plus three 60. So a hundred dollars. You win three 60 my homes, 335 passing yards. I'm going more there again. I think even if the bucks win the game, I think he's going to be throwing a ton Brady, three or three and a half. I'm going less. And again, I think it's just more,

they're going to run the ball. I don't see him tossing it a ton. Paul, what are you more or less on a Brady and my homes? I think my homes, I think my homes is going to throw less. Yeah. Under three 30. It's a high number. What is it? 336 you said 333 and a half. Yeah. I think he's going to throw less than that. I could see him throwing for like 315, you know, 295, something like that, because the bucks defense is, I think the bucks defense is good enough to, to stop him from throwing over, over that number. And, and the, the number that's really fucking, you know, hard is, is the Brady because that's right around. That's right around the number that I would say, but I'm going to say Brady under two. I'm going to say under both of

those. Yeah. It's interesting. He's, he's only sharp angle there. Cause I mean, I think both teams might look to get the running backs going. And these are big, like these big numbers. Throwing 300 yards in a super bowl is fucking, you know, those defenses, like it's kind of disrespectful to just be like, Oh, he's going to throw for 350. I say under both of those. Yeah. It's interesting. I mean, Brady, of course, threw for 515 in a losing effort. Should have gotten the MVP that year against the Eagles against the Eagles. So he certainly has it in them, but that game was in a dome. I don't know. I think it's going to be a little bit more defensive. Bill, where are you at? I don't understand that. That was home.

How windy is it outside? I do for 350. If I was inside, I drove 515. But that air conditioner behind you, man. Nice little crosswind on the vent. It interests me. Why do you think that a Kansas city is going to try to get their running game going? Cause I think there's a version of this where they, they tried to get cute and everyone thinks they're going to drop back and throw the ball 40, 50 times. And if they can take control of this game early, which is possible, Brady, only three points in all of his super bowls in the first quarter, which is an amazing stat. So if they can get started with that, that has nothing to do with this year, he's on a different team with completely different play. I hate

I'm on team Brady for the next four days. I'm all in. I'm, I've taken my medicine on Brady. I think he goes over. I think that's the easier one to pick. And what are you out with my homes? I'm going to go under. Okay. Bill, what are you at? Are you under my homes over Brady? I am over on both over on both. All right. Over on both. I just think the way the game is played today, it's just like, I mean, you can throw, you can throw 150 yards in the fast, the last two minutes with a prevent defense, giving up the middle of the field, they just, and there's just so many, there's so many rules that are pro offense. Well, it's interesting too, it's in the conference championship, especially that green

pay Tampa Bay game. They really let them play for most of the game kind of had a late flag there earlier. It'll be interesting to see if they kind of put away the, the, the flags. We did some deep dive stuff on the ref. He is, he does lean more to letting them play. So it'll be interesting to see how that shakes out. If they're calling it tighter, if they're, they're letting them check a little bit in the defensive backfield. Here's another, I have to address though, is that helmet to helmet thing, like running backs and wide receivers, anytime there's going to be contact, they lower their head to their waist. So it's like, where's the guy's supposed to hit him? So I would have a rule that like, if, if you're running back,

like this, it's almost like with hockey, if it's not above the crossbar, you can tip below the crossbar, you were accepting the risk of a fucking concussion. And I would love to see them put every announcer through a combine where they forced them to run full speed and then said, okay, try to tackle this target, but I'm going to move it at the last second. So yeah, I mean, I'm with you. We're probably going to see a garbage person. I do think we might see a garbage person off valve, maybe roughing the passer in this one, just because of it's, it seems to be the thing everyone's hyper focused on while Brady getting a roughing the passer call. I can't see that

happening. Not in the Super Bowl. No crying. No crying. Jesus Christ. Fucking Philly sans. You got your ring. Quit your crying. Another, another fun. What are you suggesting that star players get favorable calls? No, it's not. It's certainly not the NBA where they know where they're fucking through the NBA. I was saying the other day, I've just come to accept the fact that 80% of the good players in the NBA at some point are going to play for the Lakers. So it's so annoying. This thing not even a league anymore. It's like, let's watch all the fucking athletes beat up the math team every other game. Poor math. Yeah. It's like a pickup game where guys are just like, Oh no,

these are my friends. I'm going to play with them. It's like, no, you know, you could be friends with guys, but come on, let's keep these small markets interesting by sending it up to the stars. Just can't decide to leave. Like they just sleep on the pelicans, man. I think that they're going to be all right. I think they know what? Fuck the Brooklyn nets and fuck James Harden. That's the ugliest fucking jersey logo I've ever seen in my life with the parentheses with Brooklyn bigger than the name of the team because they still think it's fucking cool to be in fucking will. Have you been to Williamsburg, dude? You guys could walk around Williamsburg with

fistfuls of cash and nothing would happen to you and these and they're fucking playing Brooklyn. We're Brooklyn at which shut the fuck up, dude. It's not biggie smalls is Brooklyn. It's kind of changed a little bit. It is amazing though, to me, that you could just take another NBA franchise and drop it into the fan base of New York Knicks and they would all just walk away. Like I was joking with pause trying to think of a world where an NBA franchise went to like Worcester Massachusetts or fucking Attleboro or Providence and then everybody like, Yeah, you know what? Fuck the Celtics. We go hard. This Chinese food mistake. All right. Here's another more or less mixing it up here. We got Leonard for net. His more or

less is 55 and a half rushing yards and then Tyree kill receiving yards more or less 99 and a half. I'm going less on Tyree kill. I think they are going to focus a little bit on Kelsey. They played a ton of single high safety. The first game he'll lit them up. I think they're going to adjust there. So I think less on the receiving yards and I think letter for net has a pretty decent game. I'm going more over essentially I'm 55 and a half rushing yards. Versey, where are you at with these two? Fuck man. Those numbers are perfect. Yeah. The numbers are perfect. I'm going to say Tyree kill is going to be under 100 yards. I think I think Kelsey's the one like I said before that's going to have the yardage. So I would say under for Hill and for net 55 is a

perfect number. I'm going to say I'm going to say under. I'm going to say dude, I got under for all four. Yeah. Kramer, you're, I know you're leaning into the Ronald Jones angle for the box. Where you at with four net and Hill? I was playing. I thought he was hurt. Yeah. He's, he's now, I mean, he's healthy. He hasn't had a setback and this is one of those things where you got to take a stab lot, the public and most of the betting you, if you look at the numbers for nets, totally much higher than Ronald Jones. I'm in the Jones camp. So I'm going to take under for for net as far as Hill, as much as I don't think he's going to have a massive game. If he has half the game he had last time, he's still going over by 20 plus yards. So I would say I'm going to go over

for Hill just cause it's terrifying to take an under with that man. And I'm going to go under also for Leonard for net bill. Where are you at with these two? Over with Tyree kill and Tyree kill is so good. If you keep into 120 yards, that's shutting that man down. Yeah. I don't know if 99 yards would be like if he got hurt, which I don't want to see. There was a diversity's point earlier about, uh, you know, kind of trash talking acting like they've been there before. Scotty Miller of the Tampa Bay box is saying that he was faster than Tyree kill, which was just a hilarious all time. Uh, dude, look at that. Would you say that? You know what that is? That's what happens when you have a player coach walking around with the

fucking Kango hat. Yeah. I'm trying to be their friends. Bruce Aaron's sidelines has been a great storyline. He wears the radio thing, like a band of leader across his shoulder. And he's always got some funky hat and he's got the welding mask. Him and Reed are just so interesting to watch. Uh, so Leonard for net. What were you saying on that over under bill? Well, I didn't know run for thing. He's be splitting time with Ronald Jones. I would say under, but like, I think that they're just going to be feeding him and trying to wear down a Kansas city's defensive line early. Um, cause it's all, I think it's all about time and possession. If you're going to be Kansas city chiefs, you just

have, you got to have the fucking ball and keep them on the sideline because they got too many weapons, but I think that defense is very beatable. I think they have a good defense. I don't think they have a great defense. I think Tampa has a better defense than them. Um, they need to get the ball going. So I think they're going to be feeding this guy. So I say he goes over. The only thing that will fuck me is that Ronald Jones also plays and they sort of, well, yeah, Jones is interesting. I need, I need a buck, a hundred yards out of four net. And that is, yeah, I mean, you can probably find that on monkey knife fight a prop about Leonard four net hitting a hundred yards or maybe that's on that. I'll take it.

Rushing and speaking yards. Like that's a fun way. Cause he did the line of the game, the line of the game stated three, right? The line did not change or is it, is it three? Yeah. It's holding it three. There's like a, they're moving it a little bit with the juice, but it's basically Kansas city minus three, maybe minus one 20. And it sounds like it would be three and a half, but there's so much liability on the Buccaneers futures because of those people who bet the bucks as soon as Tom Brady went there. So yeah, it, it doesn't look like it's going to move to three and a half. And there's also all the Brady fanboys like me who were just going to bet them.

Well, and I took my mother's line where it is. Well, yeah. And it's, it's weird to see the chiefs not be the public side cause they have that high powered offense, bunch of big names, but then you're obviously you're going against Brady and his, you know, crazy Superbowl record going for seven. This is another monkey knife fight game. They got picked three. You pick three of these. You win a six to one. So plus six hundred. You're basically parlays. Yes. You're, but you're just parlaying these player props and they, these ones have, have spread. So you're basically picking one or the other with the spread. First part, Patrick Mahomes passing yards or Tom Brady plus 30 and a half.

Again, I'm leaning on my home's big yardage game throw on the ball. Travis Kelsey or Tyree kill, but Tyree kill is getting one and a half on the receptions. I still think Kelsey is going to be the guy come Sunday. Although you're getting a, you're getting a free and a half reception with Tyree kill. What does that mean? What does that mean? Three and a half with the, with the reception? So basically like if Kelsey had 10 catches, but Tyree kill at nine, Tyree kill would win because the spread is one and a half. So essentially would be 10 and a half. Oh, okay. Wow. Yeah. That's a, you know, that's getting wild. Yeah. This is four D chess over here. Yeah. This is, I would definitely take Kelsey cause Kelsey's just going

to run shorter routes. He's going to be right there. He's a bigger target. Everybody in the world is going to be trying to stop Tyree kill. He's going to get his catches and he's going to get his yards, but I don't think he's going to, uh, yeah. And then the last of more yards with less catches cause he, you know, you know, nobody, nobody's talking about special teams. I have a feeling and I don't know if there's a prop bet with this. I got a feeling that that Kansas city chief kid, I don't know if his heartline or whatever, the kid that fumbled on the one or whatever he fumbled on the thing. And then they scored and then he came back and he got his head together. I have a feeling that kids going to have a big play on special teams. Can I bet that

anywhere or no? Oh yeah. Yeah. Defensive or special teams touchdown. I think is 20 to one for the chiefs. I got a little taste on that. And though, I mean, those are the kind of like fun random bets that are just great for the super bowl. I also, you guys will like this one. I have a offensive lineman to score a touchdown at like 25 to one. I could see a chief. That's an Andy Reed move. Yeah. Exactly. That's what I was saying. I liked that bet. I liked that bet. It's, it's fun. And just seeing an offensive lineman spike the ball. It's going to be someone on the right side because they're not going to leave them blind on the other side. That is true. And I, is that where remers plays? They're missing, they're missing both their tackles, but yeah,

I think remers is filling in at left tackle. I definitely send us. Can you send, does the site have every, every bet? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, monkey knife fight. They have a ton of these, these player props, but yeah, you, you gotta find a guy for some of these. They're a little, they're a little off the beaten path. Last one here. Godwin receiving yards or Mike Evans receiving yards. And Mike Evans is getting 12 and a half yards against Chris Godwin. I think Evans might be the guy over Godwin for this game. It's kind of interesting. They go back and forth. Godwin had a huge game against green Bay, but I think Evans might have the bigger game come super bowl. Paul, where are you at with the, with these, these last three dude? I mean this fucking wholeheartedly,

if the bucks win this game, Mike Evans is going to be a huge part of it. It's, you could just see it unfolding when you watch them week to week and the chemistry he's got with Brady and Brady loves him, you know, but, you know, 15 yard line towards it in the red zone. He loves going to him. I definitely, I would take Evans over, over Godwin in that one for sure. Hey, was there any action on Tyreek Hill or that number 17? Who's that number 17 on the chiefs? Are you talking about him right now? That's special teams kid that I think is going to do something. Yeah. I mean, you might be able to find, they have a ton of like player, player matchups. So I'm sure they have one for him. The spread's probably going to be pretty big on that

one. I'm sure Hardman's getting like, what do you think Kramer 50, 60 yards? Yeah. I mean, Hardman's an interesting guy. So one fun way to play a prop on him is that he gets a rushing attempt. They get him involved in like a reverse or something. I saw that was like three, three and a half to one. So I mean, it's, here's the key to the Superbowl like PSA at anyone listening. Have enough prop bets where you're, you're sufficient every five minutes, something, some sort of action is happening. So you don't get bored with the game when Tom Brady and the Boxers. Here's how I watch the game. What I do is I grill and I smoke a stick and I hit record and I don't start the game. I shut off my phone. I don't start the game for like 90 minutes.

Like 45. I mean, I can't do everything. All the dumb commercials, stupid halftime fucking show. Oh, you're going to miss the weekend. Then you get, you get caught up end of third quarter, early fourth quarter, if you do it right. Yeah. Jim Florentine. It's better for like the West Coast because East Coast, I mean, the game comes on later out West. It's perfect. Nobody wants to hear the weekend at halftime. It's a fucking no. Garbage. It's fucking garbage. Canadians. Every year. Dude, I'm going to bet all this. What am I supposed to do with that robot? Yeah, I don't need to see a Florentine. God bless him. So Bill, where are you at with these? You got my home's Brady. I'm

going to say you're going Brady. What about as far as what, as far as like what, who's going to throw more yards? Brady, the spread Brady's getting 30 and a half on passing yards. He gets 30 and a half. Like he's an underdog. Yeah. No, I think my home's will throw more. Oh, okay. I don't think he's going to win, but I still think he's going to throw more. It's going to be one of those weird games. Well, and that's the thing too. For his passing yard, and she can throw for 400 and bucks still in this game. I wouldn't be shocked if something like that happens. Kelsey receptions, Tyreek Hill receptions. Tyreek is getting one and a half catches against Kelsey's going to have more. No, Kelsey's going to have Kelsey going to have more for sure. This is my time.

You guys can vote. Did I give that? Did I give that? I don't even know if I give that. So if I didn't give it, I'm sorry. Oh, no, that's all good. And then the last one is Kelsey just because like I said, he's a big, you know what? I actually jumped in during your question. Hey, we're having fun. Your head is shaped exactly like that. Mike, it's fucking unbelievable. I got, I got entailed in God would receiving yards or Mike Evans receiving yards. Evans is getting 12 and a half. Versey, I know you're all over Evans here. Are you with them on this bill? Which one's God? When there are other options. I don't even know about it from Penn state. He, he had a big game against green Bay. He's kind of an up and down. He's the kid who had the

five drops though. So I'll go with Evans. All right. Kramer, where you at with these? I kind of, I like the angle that I think Evans is the sneaky guy that everyone seems to be forgetting. He's the number one guy. And let's not forget, he made Johnny football look good in college. Like that guy is good. We were at that game. I watched him against Alabama. Johnny Manziel threw two touchdowns to him and they went up 14, nothing to Alabama. And then Alabama had five in a row without that. I'll tell you, that's the loudest I've ever heard any fan base ever, ever. We were conversation. They were going fucking crazy. And Johnny Manziel had beat Alabama in Alabama. One of my favorite games ever. Johnny Manziel have a ton of fun

moments. Sorry to interrupt you by the way, Kramer, my bad. Oh, no worries. And I'm on Brady as well. So on Brady as well. All right. That'll do it for the monkey knife fight props. Make sure you get in there, get the app, sign up, use that promo code burger, get that sweet deposit bonus. Make sure you subscribe to anything better. My last name piece of sports. You are R. There you go. They'll spell it B E R R. A B U R E. I don't know. It should have been beer. All right. Well, appreciate the time guys. Make sure you check out the anything better podcast on all things comedy. Good luck with the pigs, gentlemen.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, February 4, 2013. What's going on? How are you? Congratulations to the Buffalo Ravens. My condolences to the fans of the San Francisco 49ers. What a fucking game, huh? What a Jesus. Can you believe that game? Why does it sound like I'm in a 10 cup this week? You know, it's funny. I actually won money on that. I totally flipped in bet the Ravens. I was sitting there. You know, remember all the shit I talked about last week about how you watch the game and this is what you should do and fuck all this and fuck all that. You know, let the game go for 90 minutes and all that. Well, basically have to reason why

I was doing that was because I was actually working on Super Bowl Sunday, the Sunday of the Super Bowl Super Bowl Sunday. So fucking sick of that shit. So I didn't think I was going to, you know, see the game anyways. And by the time I got home, Neil was already going to be off to a party or whatever. And then, you know, I'd be 90 minutes in or whatever. And I could just start it and do everything that I said I was going to do. Well, we wrapped early and all of a sudden I'm driving home and I pull in and I don't see the car. And I'm thinking, oh shit, she already left. Well, fuck it. Then I'll just stick with my plan. And then I walked into the house and then the dog wasn't there. And I realized that she had taken the dog and they went on some hike or something.

Then she comes back and she's like, oh, you're home. Well, do you want to go to the party? You know, what am I going to say? No. No, fuck you, leave. You go to the party and I'm going to sit here like the old Kramudjan that I am. Now part of me actually wanted to go to the Super Bowl Party because I was elated that I got out of work early. You know what I mean? I feel like a kid, like you had a half day of school and you're so fucking dumb, you forgot you did. So I was in more of a social mood. So I was like, all right, fuck it, I'll go. But I didn't have a dog in the fight. So I just decided to just say fuck it. All right, so I went on to Twitter and I basically I wrote, uh, because you know what I mean? When you're just watching a game, your team isn't in

it. It's going to be boring. You've got to get some sort of action on the game. So I was like, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to talk shit on Twitter and I'm either going to be 100% right or I'm going to be 100% wrong. But either way, people are going to react to it. So I just wrote Ravens will win F what you think you know, know that I know what you don't shut your face, put your money down, thank me later. That's what I wrote. So I figured immediately I'm going to get a ton of shit from 49er fans and people who got shit on the fucking 49ers, you know, just to add some excitement to the day. You know, that's my little world. If I'm not getting trashed on Twitter and I'm sitting on board. So, um, then I'm just sitting. All right. So now I got people yelling

at me on Twitter. Okay, that's getting the blood going here. Now what else can I do? I'm like, I know, fuck this. I'm texting Verzi and Keith Robinson. And I just, I just text them. I just wrote Ravens will win today. Let me see. I got to show you the shit that I wrote to Verzi. He's so fucking, he's so like dejected right now. Because you know, he loves calling shit. I texted him, I'm going to read you these texts right here. I wrote Ravens win today, straight up 25 bucks. He writes back, you're hilarious. Let's be, let's be men and go 50. Just kidding. 25 is cool. Confirmed. And I said 50 confirmed. And he goes nice. And he goes, I think something weird is going to happen. I don't know what that means, but something crazy

happens in this game. And then I wrote classic Verzi Super Bowl prediction. I got a feeling something weird is going to happen. That's like betting every number in roulette. Just saying how he's just throwing that out there. You know, I got this, there's just something's going to, I got a feeling something's going to happen. Anyway, so I just wrote capital letters, Ravens win. No, no feeling just the facts. So then he goes, Ravens are not as good. 49ers have better personnel. I'm saying, because I had to get them to commit. He goes, I'm saying there's going to be Frank of Franco Harris play on this game. Something nuts happens. God of feeling. Okay. And he still hit me with the dude. I called it. I told you something weird was going to

happen. Oh, he drives me nuts. You thought it was going to be human being weird shit. You didn't think it was going to be the fucking matrix. God damn fucking lights going out. So anyways, I said, take everything you think you know about football, take it outside and throw it in the trash. Joe Flacco coming of age game today. He'll be one and done just like Trent Dilfer, perfectly book ending Ray Lewis's career. Randy Moss will retire ringless and will take it out on a meter made. He goes no way. Moss already said he's coming back 49ers love him. He's a model citizen. Moss catches TD pass and game today. You're starting to get stale burr. Your football philosophy is getting old. The game is passing you by parentheses Don Shula. Things change,

dude, lol. And I said, I'll take Don Shula over being Jerry Glanville. You're all talking no results. You couldn't pick a winner. If I gave you tomorrow's paper, you're a bum verse. He said, now we're just talking shit. Right. So now he starts naming all the shit that he did back in the day. And I'm like, uh, you have, you lose so much, you catch phrases. I'm back. And I'm trashing where the fuck is this here? submit your retirement papers and begin your broadcasting career. Okay. He actually laughed at that one. I said, fuck off. And then I said, my brain and money say Raven's hearts want 49ers. And he goes better teams 49s win this game. I said, it's going to be great. Flacco's experience might be the difference. I think Kaepernick is going

to throw a pick late in the game. All right. And he said, Moss is going to do something. I said, Moss is like an old supermodel. All right. So the fucking game unfolds. Every fucking thing that I said is happening. And I'm ready to rub it in this dude's face. And then the fucking Ravens, the fucking Baltimore Ravens, arguably the dumbest call in Super Bowl history since Bill Belichick went for it on like fourth and eight on the Giants 45, I think, or something in the first quarter in 2007. When they didn't just kick the field goal and they had that stupid rookie run with the fucking ball. Jesus fucking Christ. I actually have an all count. I'm just going to

redraw all my tweets for the game. All capital letters. I say dumbest play in Super Bowl history. Kick the field goal. I couldn't fucking believe it. Why would you do that? You know, you got your foot on that fucking throat. Just kick the goddamn field goal. Don't give him any hope. Don't have that. Don't have your kicker going kicker shouldn't even wear uniforms. They should just go out there and pajamas, one slipper and one cleat, right? You're sitting there. Everybody out there is got some sort of injury. You know, you got fucking deer antler juice in your veins, just trying to get through a fucking NFL season and you risk the entire fucking season on a naked bootleg by your fucking kicker. Oh my God, I lost my shit at the Super Bowl

party. By the way, I went to a great Super Bowl party that convinced me that you could watch it in a live time because this dude had one TV for people who wanted to yap and he had another one for everybody shut the fuck up. We're in the war room was great. So anyways, then what happened? The 49ers went down. I was drinking the Budweiser. So I'm trying to remember they went down and now now it's 14 to fucking six. And I'm like the morons. And then I text Verzi. I said, by the way, everything that I said was going to happen has happened. He goes, I know it's it's killing me. And then inexplicably, I don't know what the fucking 49ers did. They let a guy go thinking the safety was going to pick him up. You saw the game was pathetic.

I loved it because I had money on it. But that was fucking pathetic. Guy catches the ball falls down gets back up keystone cops. Nobody can tackle him. The guy goes in for a fucking touchdown. So I write what the fuck. And then Verzi just writes, you're a cunt. So now I'm loving life because I went Verzi on this. Now I never talked. I mean, I talk shit on the podcast, but I never before the game say without a doubt somebody's going to fucking win. I just felt like doing it. Just because I was like I said, my team lost, I was going to have any excitement. So I figured I'd either be getting trashed or I could trash somebody else, which is really the greatest thing about talking shit. So the fucking halftime show,

I mean, it's so Super Bowl so fucking ridiculous. It's like spinal tap at this point, the fucking pomp and circumstance. If I'm using that, that expression correctly, how all the extra shit that is going on the NBA for as much as they blow their fans every 20 minutes, they don't even do that. You don't have a game seven, you know, and then this, you know, in the middle of it, all of a sudden it turns into a fucking Broadway musical. Did you see all those fans like running by the camera doing that? I know how to dance run, or you run with your chin beyond your fucking toes and your hands are like drafting behind you. We run out on the fucking gridiron. Oh, it's fucking horrific and smoke machines and all that shit. I gotta say something. I love

that Beyonce got caught lip syncing because it was great to just see her just go out and sing the fucking song you can sing. She got a little out of breath a couple of times, but it worked, you know, she came out there, you know, with fucking half her goods hanging out, as they all do, as they say, hang, you know, one side of them out. Don't objectify us. Stop looking at us like we're objects of facts, right? And then look at them when they can call the shots. Do they go out? Do they ever, do they ever dress elegant? No, they don't. Tits out, fucking hoo-ha hanging out the side of your fucking leather shorts. You know, that dumb ass walk she's doing webbing, webbing, webbing, webbing,

fucking ass cheeks hitting people in the front row. The fuck are you doing? But anyways, that's not my world. Some people like that. I thought Alicia Keys was really classy. You know, she sat there. She actually had a Jerry Glanville haircut. Oh, is that Wade Phillips? She was doing something. She was doing some sort of tribute. Um, I'm just fucking with you. She had a conch. I think that that's what that was called. Salt peanuts, salt peanuts. Um, anyways, it was a bebop reference. What the fuck song was that? It was way back in the day. Sorry. Anyways, plowing ahead. So then the second half starts and I'm still a little nervous going, I didn't like that fucking

shit. Right. They run the ball back. First play of the game. That was another reason why it was dumb for them not to take the fucking points. It's like, you get the ball back. Okay. You get in the ball back to open the second half. Just take the fucking points. It's what it got. John Madden projectile vomited when they fucking rolled that thing out, puked up like nine turkey legs. He's the guy who actually eats that turkey every year, by the way, that Thanksgiving turkey. All right. Little known fact. That's not even a Wikipedia yet. All right. Someone that's put up there just know that it came from this podcast. Okay. All right. So then they run the fucking ball back and Verzi just goes, congratulations. He calls

it says games over. And I write, I go too early, too early. I hate when the team goes up big like that. Cause then they kind of like, hell, let's fucking chill out. You know, let's kick our cleats off. The other team always seems to come back nowadays. Right. And then the fucking power goes out. Why am I talking to you guys like this? Like you missed the game. The fucking power goes out. One of the greatest breaks I've ever seen a team get. And I know like 49er fans are like, well, you know, the Ravens got to regroup too. They didn't need to regroup. They had you on the ropes, live a shot, uppercut, overhand right fucking your mouthpiece is flying into the front row and you get a half hour time out. You got another half time to get that

holy fucking shell shot look off your face. By the time the fucking game starts up again, that was brutal because then he had to listen to more Shannon Sharp, who I swear to God, I don't get that guy at all. When he was a player, I could understand every word that he said. He spoke more clearly before he started broadcasting. Can anybody explain that? I remember when the Broncos beat us and he did that whole funny riff about, you know, call the fucking Pentagon because the Patriot missiles, I forget what I understood every word. I didn't enjoy it because he was shitting on my team, but I could understand him. And ever since he started announcing, I can't understand a fucking word that guy's saying. That should be a drinking game.

No, it can't be a drinking game because you don't know every time he says, you got to fucking do a shot. He literally sounds like that. I can't, I can't understand a fucking word he's saying. And you're sitting there drunk trying to figure it out. And he's sitting, he still lifts too. So he's bulging out of his pinstripe suit. Anyways, broadcaster, broadcaster, and you can't understand a fucking word he's saying. It's unreal. It's unfucking real. So anyways, he's back doing his shit. And I thought, by the way, I thought everybody did a phenomenal job because that nobody knew that that was coming back. And

all of a sudden all these guys have to fucking talk for a half an hour. And I swear to God, if they ever put that Super Bowl out on DVD, I want to see the screaming and yelling that was going on in the control room. You know, I want to see the whole build, like the lights go out. I just want to hear that. Whoa, what the fuck's going on? Okay, we got a problem here. We got a problem. Vector, Vector, Mayday, whatever fucking military shit that they're using in there to like all the way to the build where the like seven excruciating minutes in, where there's just some guy like doing that. The whole fucking world is watching. Just fucking losing his shit. Throw a fucking switch. Just absolutely. Or did they keep that cool

as beads of sweat? I just pictured it like NASA with all those guys with like their short sleeved dress shirts. You know, what to do during an emergency. You can't, you stay calm. You think it was like that or somebody had to have been flipping out. Somebody in a suit through a phone. Something happened. Somebody, you know what? I bet whoever really runs the NFL, he's upstairs in his villa. He's got one of those long winding staircases. I bet he came bursting out of a fucking bedroom trying to throw a robe on. You know, his real wife downstairs, a couple of hookers up there, coming down the stairs. Honey, what's wrong? And he just runs right out the fucking front door in his goddamn robe,

dives in his Bentley and just starts driving to the fucking electric company. Something happened. But anyways, 49ers get a fucking half hour time out to fucking a half hour standing eight count. Never seen anything like it. And the whole fucking game just turns unreal. Fucking unbelievable. Then all of a sudden they score two quick ones. I had never seen a game like it. Never seen a game like that. But in the end, I know, and I know a lot of 49ers fans are bitching because the dude held that receiver and he did hold that receiver. But they also gave you guys a do over on that field goal. That roughing the kicker call was fucking horseshit. That guy missed it and I swear to God,

Scott Norwood was probably relieved. Good. Somebody else they can yell at and then he does that fucking dramatic dive and he's like, fuck, that's what I should have done. Did you see that? He kicks the ball. He's totally through his whole motion and all that. And I know you can't touch the kicker at all. I think that guy grazed his Achilles tendon, not both of them, just one. And he fucking collapsed. Like he fainted. I think he fainted. I don't even think he was hit and they get to do it over. So I don't know as much as, you know, I think that receive on that receiving play, whatever that could have gone either way. That's one of those borderline. Yes, he held them. But if they gave you first and fucking goal,

you had four downs to punch it in, you couldn't and you got a half hour standing eight count and your team went to, you know, your team went down 28 to six. You did it to yourselves. So I don't know. I'm not trying to fucking give you, I actually, I guess I'm kind of giving you shit, but I'm not trying to do that because whatever, I think the 49 is a great. I think Kaepernick's the future. I telling you right now, Joe Flacco is one and done. One and done. One and done. He's got his one ring. That's it. And then in the end, which is great. Good for him. And in the end, when they, they have this, they have the, like the, the reunion of Super Bowl winners, you know, and they got the big boy table,

the guys with more than one Eli sitting there giving Tom Brady shit. Eh, I got you twice. I have fucked you. I won three. Yeah, but I got you twice. Tom Brady's dimples start sweating, you know, Terry Bradshaw, Joe Montana. They're sitting there and then the little, the little table, the fucking Peyton Manning table. He'll be sitting there. It's fucking goddamn pencil head sticking through the ceiling. Joe Flacco is going to be there. Peyton Manning is going to be there. Trent Dillford is going to be there. That guy from whoever the fuck quarterback, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, they're all going to be sitting there. You know, Lynn Dawson is going to be sitting there going, what? What did you say?

Um, I'm just fucking around. It was an unbelievable game and, um, I don't know. I'm glad I won money. So then, okay, so then the game's over. So now I won. So now I got to talk shit, right? So I call up Verzi. Have I really been talking about this for 20 minutes? I fucking, uh, I called Verzi up. He doesn't pick up and I leave him a message and say that he has a one game suspension. He's not allowed to call me for 24 hours because of his awful Super Bowl prediction. I know I'm a cunt, but you know what? He ended up calling me back and we were laughing about it. So, uh, I was fucking great. I love it. I out dude. I called it Paul Verzi. Is there anything better than that than just fucking beating somebody at like what

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they actually have voiceover actors. So you can actually sound like you have this hot chick from friggin London or something. Hey, hello. How are you? Thank you for calling. Apple cart, whatever the hell you're going to call your company. You get it. You get the deal. All right. Please do it. Please get out of your cubicle. All right. Back to the podcast. So anyways, I watched a bunch of, I watched a bunch of crazy shit this week. You know, I finally, I got the center ice package and I've been loving life. You know what's underrated? The sport you love going on strike for half a season and then trying to cram as many games in as they possibly can for the rest of the season as a fan. You love in life back to back night.

My Bruins are on for them. It sucks. You know, their life stinks. My life is a fan where I have to sit there and not exert myself other than walking back and forth to the fridge is tremendous. I've been watching the Bruins all week. We've been playing great, except we played the Sabres. They made us look like fools, man. They won like every facet of the game and they even won the fight. And Sean Thornton fought this guy, John Scott, and he got a concussion. It was brutal because I love Sean Thornton because even though he's an, he's an enforcer, he's not, he's not a dirty player. He's one of those guys, if he knocks you down and you're on your way down to the ice, he doesn't throw that extra one, you know? And so anyways, he fights this guy and the guy, he's basically

raining punches down on him. It's the most of them are hitting this helmet and he's fine until the end. He takes this brutal uppercut. So I looked at, I looked it up. Sean Thornton is six, two, two, 20. He fights this guy, John Scott. The guy's six, eight, two, 70. He's given away half a foot in 50 pounds. And I'm just like, these guys, it's, it's no wonder. I remember like reading this stuff, you know, like when, you know, Bugard died and everything, and they start talking about the, you know, the, the concussions and all the shit that these guys get. And yeah, I don't know, it's a hockey fan. You just don't, for some reason, you just don't think about it because he enforces like a superhero. He's like the guy you always wanted to be.

The guy who will fight anybody, you know, not scared of anything, you know, you kind of like live vicariously through them. If you're like a pussy like me, you know, so I just started looking these, these guys up. The top fighter last year in the NHL had 20 fights, 20 fights. The season is six months long, four, four weeks in a month. That's 24 weeks. This guy had 20 bare knuckle fist fights. I mean, that's, that's fucking unreal. That's half a boxer's career, career in six months. I don't know, these, they're like, that's just a whole other level of tough. Think about like somebody you went to high school with who didn't give a fuck and he would, he would throw down with anybody. Did he have 20 fights in the entire time you knew him?

And if he did, how many years was that? Did he have 20 fights? Nobody has 20 fights in six months. Go fuck yourself for everybody you email. Dude, I know this guy. I know this guy. Do you? Oh, I don't believe it. I want to see the video. I don't know. That's just one of those. There's a few things, right? I think all guys, you try to pretend you're tougher than you are, but then there's a few things that you see. You just see something like that and you just realize like, I am a fucking, I should be walking around wearing a dress. And then that guy, John Scott actually said he was, he was legitimately concerned going, you know, yeah, we fought, but I, I felt bad. He didn't

come back. You don't want to hurt anybody. Like those are the true tough guys. They just go out and do the job. They don't try to be dirty or any of that type of shit, you know. But I watched a couple of things this week that got my ego in check and one of them was watching Sean Thornton fight John Scott. Watch when he does it too. It's like he realizes the guy's half a foot taller and 50 pounds more when they drop the, they're dropping the gloves and Thornton is already reaching to grab him to somehow get inside where it's just like, I do not want to be, if this guy can extend his arm, I'm going to take this punch from the stratosphere. I just can't imagine what that's like lining up next to a mountain going, this is my job.

I have to fight this guy. You don't even get like gloves to at least protect your hands. You know, anyways, so I saw that like my ego wasn't already enough in check. I then watched this thing about the most dangerous criminals in the penal system, whatever the fuck they call it. And they interviewed four maniacs, three of whom were white dudes. And I swear to God, when white dudes become maniacs, you know, I don't want to talk shit, but I really think that we really do it better than anybody else. When a fucking white dude goes rogue, a lot of people are going to get hurt. I'm telling you that Hannibal, like when a real life Hannibal Lecter comes along, and I know

a bunch of Def Jam comics have done a bit about this, but it really is true. You know, mainly the classic Def Jam bit, if somebody, whatever, shoot somebody, stab somebody or whatever, that could be a black guy, Latino guy. But if somebody after they shoot them, stab them, and then they fucking make a fucking ear sandwich or something, you know, chop off the guy's hand and stick the guy's ear in between it and just munch on it when the cops show up and they're sitting there with their feet on the coffee table like, Hey officer, that's going to be a white guy. So they're showing whatever they picked like, I wish you remember what channel was on. They showed for the biggest fucking maniacs. Oh, you know what? I

watched it online. Did I watch it online? Yeah, I did. I did watch it online. I'll get the clip for you. So I watched this thing and they had this fucking one white dude. He was hilarious because he was really like he was that scariest kind of evil where he was, there's two kinds of scary evil. There's that one where you're you're off like borderline like I don't even know if you've got a complete brain. And what you almost have like a reptilian brain and you're acting literally like a fucking Komodo dragon, like you just don't give a shit. You know, you ever see like a reptile eat something like it could give a fuck. If a reptile ever fucks with the mammal, a mammal is going through the emotions of screaming and pain. And the reptile is just just sitting there with

this blank look on its face as it's slowly swallowing, swallowing the fucking mammal whole. Even when snakes fucking eat other snakes, the snakes that's getting eaten is just kind of going to fucking it doesn't really give a fuck and never loot. I mean, it still has sort of a fierce look on its face. Did I say fierce? Like it's a fucking Broadway dancer, like a ferocious look on its face. But they never like reptiles never have that, you know, oh my god, like they don't, they don't have that. They just don't have that emotion. They just either sitting there going, god damn, it's cold out. I got to get in the sun. Oh, they're like, I'm going to fucking kill you. I just bit you. And I'm going to just wait till the I'm going to slowly choke you out. They just

don't give a fuck. We get it Bill. We've seen the animal channel. All right, all right, whatever. So yeah, these psychos are either like that, or they're even worse. They're just like super intelligent, and they're completely aware of what they're doing. And they just don't give a shit. And that was the guy that I saw. I saw this, this white dude, right shaved head, tattoos right up to his fucking Adam's apple. Then he's got a couple of fucking, you know, little Wayne shits on his face, right? Just a couple of those, you know, and he's sitting. And he has this look of like, you would have thought Rolling Stone was interviewing him about an album that he was really proud of. And he knew that this was the one that was he was going to

make his mark, you know, when he was just sitting there in this fucking cage. And this woman is interviewing him. And she's talking, you know, he got arrested for murder. He's on trial for murder. And he did the shit. He knows he's going to get convicted. So he goes into jail, and he's not scared. He fucking embraces it. He decides that he's just going to become this warrior, that he's been put on this planet to become a fucking warrior. So he starts reading all those books, the art of war and all this shit. And he immediately, while he's waiting to go on trial, joins a gang. Okay. And one of the things he had to do to get into the gang was he had to kill somebody. So for some reason, his cellmate, they wanted this guy dead. So I forget, I can't

remember how the fuck this guy's story was so fucking mind blowing. He fucking just brutalized this guy beyond like recognition. Like they couldn't, like the guy was missing one of his eyeballs. They couldn't even find it. And then in the end, after he kills the fucking guy, he sets up his cooktop on top of him, used him as like a table and like made himself like a fucking egg McMuffin or something, something fucking crazy like that. So he's telling the story. And he's kind of got this half smile on his face and he goes, and here's the ironic thing. He goes, no, he goes, he goes, I go to my trial and he goes, and I get acquitted. He gets acquitted and he goes, and that's when he smiled. He goes, he goes, yeah,

the irony of it was just, it was just ridiculous. Like he was laughing at it. Like I can't even, I, like he was sitting there going, you know, I fucking, you know, put a raincoat on and blah, blah, blah, all this type of shit. I come outside in the sunshine. I mean, the irony of it was ridiculous. He's fucking cook, cooking on top of a guy that he just murdered just sitting there like, yeah, whatever. And then he gets fucking acquitted. So then she's, so that's when he, like truly just embraces like he got 79 years for what the fuck he did to his cellmate. Because I think at that point they were just going like, all right, not only did you do that, you probably did this other shit that we just acquitted you of. So now he's in there and

he's in this gang and he's talking about prison life and just having like a shank and all that type of thing. And he's just was literally, he was like, fascinated the same way I'm fascinated when I watch a football game, how the momentum can shift. He was talking about prison life like that, like how quickly it can shift and why you have to have a shank because, you know, everything can be cool. Everything's great. And all of a sudden somebody's getting stuck like nine million fucking times and he said something to the effect of, you know, I've seen it. I've done it. He's just sitting there just proud. Then they went to two other fucking crazy white dudes. One guy was just sitting there going, just talking about, you know, I just really enjoy

hurting people. You got to see this fucking video. And I didn't even get to the black dude. The black dude was in the end. And I didn't read it, but they said that I saw some of the comments under the YouTube video said that last black guy, the black dude shouldn't have been in there because he seemed like he was bipolar. So I didn't get to the crazy guy. There's always the one fucking crazy dude, but hopefully I'll be able to get you guys this video. But it's one of those things where, you know, for basically for guys, one of your number one fears in life is what if I get arrested for some shit I didn't do and I go to jail? How do I prevent myself from getting raped? You know, and if you don't watch one of these behind the scene prison things,

you can lie to yourself. I do this. I do that. You can have your little fucking kung fu fantasy in your fucking head. I'm speaking for everybody. That's just me. Anyways, that's what I do. But the second I ever watch any of those prison fucking things, I was, I just, you know, I would not last, I would not last three seconds in prison. Not like you didn't already know that. I guess this is more for me. I once again was slapped down to the reality of who the fuck I really am. But I'll definitely get those videos for you. Jesus Christ, am I a chatty Cathy this week 38 fucking minutes in I haven't got to your questions. All right, let's do some more fucking some copy here. What do we got here legal zoom everybody? All right, you waiting for the perfect

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BURR, that stamps.com enter Burr. All right. Let's get to your questions for the week here. Oh, did anybody see the Montreal Canadiens Ottawa Senator Game? That was some old school refereeing. They used to happen all the time back in the day. Not so much anymore. That was classic. Ottawa ties the game up to two. All of a sudden the refs wave it off. No goal, goalie interference. You know, and I know what people are saying, well, what about the goalie interference in the Bruins Toronto game? I'll tell you this, at least Tuco Ross got hit. He was outside of the crease. Bad call. Bad call should not have been a disallowed goal. 100% agree with Maple Leaf fans, but come on. Maple Leaf fans. I know you

hate the Canadians too. You got to admit at least Ross got fucking hit. Fucking Canadians goalie. Nobody even touched them. Classic. Put them on the power play. Third period of any Montreal game the entire time I was growing up. Two minutes goalie interference. Too many men on the boarding. Four minute power play for the French cunts. Anyways, and of course they hang on to win. I actually like what Montreal is doing though. I like that they have a bunch of young players. And that young kid, one of the young kids that they kept up after the five game trial, he had a couple of assists the other night. You know, when they beat the, who the hell did they play when they beat them? The Sabres who embarrassed the Bruins. So hey,

if you're not, if you're not into hockey and you want to get into it, Bruins Canadians Wednesday night. All right. It's always, it's always a great one. You never know who's going to win. The bad blood goes all the way back to pre the depression. Okay. All right. Here we go. Let's get to the questions for this week. Herpes and the girl of my dreams. I am 27 and about four months ago, I met the girl of my dreams. Congratulations. She is hot. Smart, funny and has a great career. We went on four dates. It seemed like she was really into me and we got along great. Unfortunately, after our fourth date, I stupidly slept with a skank. I met at the bar and caught herpes. Oh my God, dude. Oh Jesus. I've always been careful to use

condoms, but that night I was too drunk to keep one on. I became very sick and immediately called the girl of my dreams and told her that I couldn't see her anymore without my explanation. Now I am both physically and mentally better, but I believe she has a boyfriend. My question is whether I should repursue a relationship with this girl or just move on and hope I find another one like her. Also, if I do, should I explain how and when I got herpes? If she becomes the mother of my children, I think I would feel guilty if I didn't. Yeah, dude, if you want to get her back, you know. Well, dude, did you already sleep with her? See, this is what happens when you lie. If you try and be like, well, if you're not going to own up to that shit, I know all the women right now are

screaming. All the women are screaming, which is fair because if a woman wrote this, I would be like, yeah, that's your fault for sleeping with that dirty dick. You got, yeah, dude, you got to totally come clean. You got to tell her exactly what happens, you know, and Jesus, dude. You know, I can't judge you either because, you know, every guy has gone out and done that, that whole scenario, fucked around, not used the condom, except you had the bad luck, dude. Oh, my God. That's fucking brutal. Oh, Jesus. Well, there you go, people. If there's, if that doesn't convince you to wear a condom and not sleep with a skank, because I even heard it, you know, even if you wear a condom, you know, I don't know. They say you can still get it. It's fucking terrifying.

Fucking terrifying. How I never stepped on that landmine is beyond me. So, dude, if you really want to get this girl back, you know, every great relationship starts with 100% honesty. And I'm not going to lie to you. I think you know, dude, you're, you're, that's a hell of a hole to try and crawl out of. No pun intended. But, but from here on out, man, you got to, you can't do what that skank did to you. You got to be honest with people. Yeah, dude, that's, that's brutal. That's brutal. But you know what? It's not the end of the fucking world. Jesus Christ. But yeah, you got, you got to come with, with, with total honesty, total honesty. And, uh, yeah, man, turn in and turn it into a positive dude.

You know, you're being a fucking dirty dog. Now, uh, I'm telling you, I, I believe though, if you come with total honesty and you, you, you stay on a righteous path that you will meet that person if it's not this one. And, uh, you know, who knows? I don't know. I'm not trying, I'm trying not to use a cliche that everything happens for a reason. Um, I don't believe that. And I think, you know, you're fucked up. And now you're paying the price and, uh, you got to try to turn the ship around. So, uh, good luck with that. But like I said, I would go with 100% honesty. You got to, you can't do that to her. I can't do that to her. Um, all right, advice from Japan. Uh, Bill, I'm 28 single and I live in

Japan. I'm originally from America, America. And I moved here after college. I'm a translator and speak decent Japanese. Jesus Christ, dude. How the fuck did you learn that? You know, I listened to French, Spanish, like that type of shit, Italian. That, that seems like, you know, you get a handle on it. But that stuff, how the fuck did you jump on that shit is beyond me? How they, how they can go from theirs and be able to speak ours. I swear to God, it's incredible. Um, anyways, when people ask why I say that I love Japanese people and I love living here, um, what? Let me get back. I'm a translator and I speak decent Japanese, but the culture barrier is still pretty huge for me. When people ask why, okay, there we go. I say that I love

Japanese people and I love living here, but I wouldn't ever want to become Japanese. Generally speaking, they're overworked and unhappy. For better or worse, my attitude keeps me a little isolated. Yeah, I've seen that stuff over there. Like as far as what I've seen, um, you know, the propaganda from what I've seen, I saw in 60 minutes that if you fuck up at your job, they send you to some camp and then you have to sing the company song. These guys were singing the song, trying to get back in the company. They're like crying and everything. And there's like four Japanese dudes just looking at them, just ice cold Simon Cowles to the fucking 9,000 power like your family disowns you. It's crazy. It's hardcore over there, man. Straighten in the damn

rivers. Um, there is one very Japanese woman. What does that mean? I've met who I recently connected with in spite of all that. She's an amateur artist and actress, and we've worked together to make subtitles for local independent movies. That's how we met actually. She's interesting as hell and downright sexy to problem. She's married and has a son. Dude, what the fuck? Oh, are you trying to get a fucking samurai sword to your jugular? You're going to fuck a married broad with a kid in a different country. Dude, I don't, I don't know anything about the Japanese culture, but if you can lose face for not having enough paper clips at your goddamn desk and get sent to a borderline death camp and

you got to sing a fucking song to get back into the company, how much face do you lose if round eye fucks your fucking woman? Dude, you're going to, you're going to get thrown into one of their straighten rivers. I come on, man. Come on, man. Don't do this. He said from early on, it was obvious that there was a mutual attraction going on, especially whenever we were at a movie party with a couple of drinks in us. Like any guy would, I wanted to sleep with her, but I didn't dwell on it. Good for you. It seemed, it never seemed like it was in the cards, but we were working together. We kept each other at, oh, when we were working together, we kept each other at arm's length. Months went by without anything changing. Oh my God, dude, this is like watching a,

this is like a suspense thriller. Dude, you can't do this. There's a kid involved. That kid loves his mom and his dad. You're going to go in there and your dick, like a samurai sword, is going to slice that kid's life in half. You can't do it. I'm going to read the rest of this with one eye closed. Then came the local film festival. Oh geez. When it finished, we were downtown and pleasantly drunk. And the last trains that run every night were long gone. Well, isn't that convenient? When she mentioned taking an expensive cab ride home, I suggested that she crash at my nearby apartment until the morning train started. No, you didn't. You didn't suggest that your dick did. Your dick's like, relax, stand down. I've got this.

Anyways, she had been there a dozen times already because that's where we always worked. Oh my God, dude, this is like some red shoe diary going on here. I'll cut to the chase. In my apartment that night, she turned to me and asked point blank if I wanted to fuck. Wow, dude, at that point, I think all bets are off. Okay, because I thought you were kind of seducing this girl. Now she just like, oh, Jesus, well, maybe you should have. Wow, I didn't see that coming. Anyways, he goes and I told her no. Okay. He goes, I wasn't exactly surprised that she asked. Part of me was hoping she would. When she did though, all I could do was go through what I felt right at that moment. I admit,

I really didn't know what to do and was playing it safe. We went to sleep and she left in the morning. Here's the thing. She and her husband who I've never met, thank God, don't get along. Oh, she and her husband don't get along and have no sex whatsoever. Oh, so she's in a loveless marriage. Okay, this is what she told me anyway. She has long wanted a divorce, but won't do it because of her son. So while saying no might have seemed like the noble non-home record thing to do, part of me kept keeps asking, what difference does it make? You know what? You ever see Scarface when the cop goes, it's your tree, Frank, you're sitting in it. All right. That's her fucking situation, dude. She married a guy

that she didn't love and she had a kid. All right. You know, that's, you're stepping into the world of her bad decision. Now think back when you were a kid and you thought about meeting the woman in your dreams. Is that the way it went down? I'm not trying to shit on this thing here, but like, you know, I think she needs to be free and clear. If you were actually thinking of getting into a fucking relationship with this person. If you're just thinking about banging her, I don't know, dude. I don't know the fucking kid. Look, if there was no kid involved, have at it, but there's just something, there's some kid sitting at home in some racing car bed, you know, loving his mom and his dad. I don't know. I don't know. That's,

do you really want that on your resume? Anyway, he goes, then there's the fact that our friendship suffered anyways, because ever since that night, she scaled back all the contact with me. They say that affairs never end well, but this isn't ending well either. I don't know. I just feel like maybe I should have fucked her. Now, if you've trusted guy friends say they would have, of course they would have. I would have. I would have. I know I would have. If I was drunk and she said that I don't, but the kid, I don't know if I could have blocked out the kid. I am a piece of shit, but I don't, I don't think that I, I'm that big a piece of shit. I'm just being honest. All right. I know there's a lot of ladies that are listening to this thing, but you know how we

are. Okay. You lead us around by our fucking dick. Some fucking hearty you're working with. He's probably already rubbed one out 50 times to her. Finally just says, Hey, you, you won't fuck a wood. I mean, you're going to do it. You know, game on. Um, you know, and for any woman who gets mad at me, that's some of the most honest shit about men you're ever going to fucking hear. So go fuck yourself and your email that you send to me. Okay. God bless you. My few trusted guy friends say they would have whatever she may sound like. I think a lot of this woman and I've never had someone like her just throw herself at me before. I'm starting to feel like I missed the boat. Then again, she's fucking married

and has a kid. What would he view it done? I told you what I would have done if she was single. I mean, she was married and didn't have a kid and she was in this loveless fucking thing. And every day I'm next to her working together. She's in my apartment, comes over smelling good and I have a couple of fucking drinks with me and she says he won't fuck a wood for some reason as a Southern accent. I'm all over it. I would have felt like shit immediately. I would have felt guilty, but I'm fucking weak. All right. I'm a guy. I'm a fucking moron and it would have been the wrong thing to do. So you did the fucking right thing. You did the fucking right thing. Dude, I'll tell you right now. You know what? Go rub one out to her. What do you feel like afterwards? Do you

still feel that you're kind of relieved like thank God I didn't do it? You know? I don't know. I just feel bad for her. You know, she married the wrong guy. She's got a kid with them and then she's fucking just, hey, do you want to bang me or what? And you're like, no. And she's got to be walking back on. What the fuck is wrong with my thing? You know? Why isn't my lightsaber working here? I got this power and it's not fucking, it's not happening for me. I don't know. I can tell you how to get that train back on the tracks, but I don't want to do that to you. So don't do it, dude. There's a kid involved. Okay. Even I have standards. You got to have some sort of standards. All right? Where you just shout your dick back into your pants like, hey,

I said stand the fuck down. You know, you got to have some sort of something. All right. Look, she's eventually going to leave that guy. She is, but I'm telling you, dude, that's, that's not your, your fucking get the fuck out of there. All right, get out of there. What do we got here? 57 minutes in. Here we go. Sticking it to the X. Should I? All right. Right out of the gate. I could tell you no, but let me hear the story. I'm 28. I found out about you and I'm going to get right to it. My ex-wife and I had been together for about five years before we decided to get married right after university. Her family was religious, so we couldn't live together first. So that seemed like the next step as a new grad was working hard, trying to get

work in my field and basically starting at the bottom, but slowly getting my footing. She was working at the same bank. She had since high school and through university and was finally moving up the ranks fast forward a year and a half into our marriage. And she's getting promoted to manager, to manage a bank downtown. She gets a good raise and things are looking good for me or so I thought. Then a week after she starts this job, she lays it on me. She wants to know what it's like to be single again. She never really wanted to get married and apparently she feels that the spark isn't there anymore. There's no other guy, but she just doesn't like who I am anymore. And there was nothing in the six years of us being together

worth saving. Oh Jesus. Well, listen kudos to her for being fucking honest and not wasting another five years of your life. So he goes after, so after some self reflection and a bit of counseling, a bit of boozing with friends and an amazingly insightful mushroom trip, I realized this is a blessing in disguise. She doesn't like who I am anymore. Like there was something wrong with me other than taking her shit and being committed to her for almost six years. Okay, this is understandable anger. I get it. Get it out of you. He says, fuck her. We had no kids, not many assets at this point, a dog that I get. It was a get out of jail card, a guilt free way, a guilt free way clean. What a guilt free way, clean way to get out from under the hoof of an

oppressive cunt of a wife who had turned me into a shadow of my former self content with being fucked maybe once a month. We both move out and put our place for our place up for sale. All right. I don't think that this guy really feels that this woman is a cunt. He's just saying this because she fucking dumped him because I immediately gave myself a no contact policy, blocked her on Facebook and could only talk about business with her until we got through the separation negotiations in June. There you go. It's a strong move. I like it. Then silence. The other policy I gave myself was to say yes to any opportunity that was presented. This helped me make this past summer the best of my life, full of trips and sleeping with new girls

hotter and younger than her, older and uglier. It didn't matter. I was saying yes. Well, for the love of God, we're a condom, sir. Even after finding out from one of her friends a few months later that she had been dating slash living with this guy she had worked with since about a month after she left me. Yeah, this girl is like she goes from relationship to relationship. Anyways, he said I didn't break the no content policy. I didn't want her to think I gave two shits about her anymore. This guy, by the way, I admit on many occasions at work functions and even when it came came out for her birthday that year, I fucking told her that this dude is into you. I don't like him, but she would say, Oh, he's just a friend. He's a fucking snake

in the grass. Oh, this guy, he's like so angry. He's not even writing in complete sentences. He's his fucking snake in the grass, but she's a whore. I'm not an idiot. So I can guess that this wasn't just a lucky coincidence. They both happen to be single together and likely why things move so fast. Regardless, I kept to my policy. Now almost a year later, I'm in the best shape of my life after losing 40 pounds. Good for you, man. Good for you. This is great. Just started a new job where I make as much as her and in my field have a hotter girlfriend and have won all the mutual friends we had that were worth keeping. So why do you need revenge? He goes all is good, but I've been feeling like a bit of a bitch for not taking her to task on all of this shit,

especially now that we've been separated for almost a year and soon can be legally divorced in Canada. I think it's time to finally confront her and break her. So I would like to take this bitch down and my advice on how to go about it would be great. Sorry about the length and thanks for any help. Dude, you're already taking her down. They say the greatest revenge is a life well lived. You're doing it. You lost 40 pounds. You have a hotter girlfriend. Just keep saying, yes, I go easy with the sleeping around, dude. You don't want to catch anything, man, but you know, just go live your life. Leave her in the dust. Okay. She's going to check out your Facebook page. She'll see your pictures. You really want to get back at this girl? Don't ever talk to

her again and just live this awesome life. Marry a beautiful woman. Keep yourself in great shape and just know every once in a while she's going to check in and I guarantee you unless this guy, they just had this ridiculous spark at work, then God bless him. She found who she should have been with as will you and it's all good or she's a serial monogamous whatever the fuck it is. I'm so dumb. She goes from relationship to relationship and eventually this dickhead snake in the grass at the bank is going to get the same speech or he might give it to her. He might be one of these creeps that it turned her on that he's in a relation that she's in a relationship and he can be fucking banging this chick, you know, fuck them. Fuck them with their, their banker sex.

They probably have to wear masks, you know, have some sort of ritual. Anyways, yeah, dude, don't do that. Don't do that because you know what you're doing when you, you walk up to her and you fucking go, let me tell you something, you fucking cunt, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, women are too smart for that shit. She's just sitting there going like, wow, he still does care. Wow, he lost that weight because of me, not because he's actually a better person than I thought he was. All right, don't do that. She wins. If you confront her, she fucking wins. Just keep doing what you're doing, yelling at her like she's in the room, but she isn't. Scream at your windshield. Okay, but keep saying yes in life, keep going after your dreams and

just live this fucking awesome life. And maybe one day, who knows, you go to the same mall, you show up with your hot wife and your beautiful kids, she shows up, she's fat, you know, then you be like, just give her a nod. Hey, that's what you could have been with. Johnny six pack over here. Oh, and you just keep going. You take your kids for an ice cream and you get yourself a sherbet. All right, this has been a fun one. You guys, great questions this week, great questions. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Last one, racism in a relationship. Oh, Jesus. Oh, she's, oh, she says questions for you in the lovely knee of she's there.

Oh, fuck, she isn't here. My boyfriend of a month told me that his mom is racist, and his grandpa is racist to the point where he would disown my boyfriend. He says he's not racist, but he shrugs off family comments and is very non confrontational. I'm not fully black. I'm, I like to call, I'm like what I like, what I like to call African. My mom is from Kenya. My dad is French, Canadian. I live in Canada, so I'm not used to racism. In fact, I'm so confused when somebody calls me the N word. I can't help but think my family's from Africa. They should use the term. Oh yeah, I've heard of that term, which I'm not going to do. I'm not going to say it on my podcast because that's just going to give morons, you know,

I don't know. They'll probably figure out what it is, but they're not going to learn it from me. Anyways, he says I'm so stupid when it comes to people being racist towards me. I don't even know how I'm supposed to react. Obviously, I'm hurt and I'm sure there's some obligation I have to stand on behalf of the belittlement of society. But what do I say that? What? Wait a minute, let me read that more cool. I'm sure there's some obligation I have to take a stand on behalf of the betterment of society. But what do I say to him or his family? I don't know what I should do. My boyfriend is worth fighting for, but family is irreplaceable and I don't want to rip his apart because his needs to be there for him if I can't. Thanks. Yeah, you would like to think

that he would step up there. I don't look when it comes to your grandparents, what are you going to do? You're going to change 80 years. They are how they are, you know, but your parents, that's a harder issue, which obviously could grow into a bigger issue if you get even more serious. I don't know. I think that you should be with somebody who has your fucking back. And I think you need to sit down with them and tell them that he needs to have you back and that his parents need to accept who the fuck he's dating. Or you're going to move on and get with somebody who's more of a fucking man and can, you know, if you're with somebody, they got to be with you. Okay. He is in an awkward position, but he needs to sit down and have a talk with his parents.

His grandparents, that that's a fucking wash. You know what I mean? Old people always bitching. They're bitching about everything. So, you know, whatever. I mean, grandparents came up in a time where if you were Irish and she was Italian, they would flip out. If you were Protestant and this person was Catholic, like they, they were separating to that level. But yeah, I think, I think you need to have a talk with them. You know, and if that ends it and he goes his separate way, then you know what? You got off easy because eventually it would have come to a head and you wouldn't have been happy. All right. Regardless of whether it's a race issue or whatever, the person you're with has to have you fucking back on the big shit. Okay. The little stuff about doing dishes and

arguing about that, that's just crap that you argue about. But something like that is, I mean, that's the whole thing holding the fucking thing together. If that, that's the foundation. If that's not there, then you're wasting your time and you only get one life and you shouldn't be wasting fucking time. So that's my advice. All right. And that is the podcast for this week. Thank you everybody for listening. And now the weird sadness of football is over. The stunned that Monday you wake up, you know, and it's fucking over. There's not a game next week. It's brutal. So my suggestion this week, get into NBA hoop or the NHL, if you want to get into the NHL, I cannot recommend the the NHL centerized package enough, pick a team, you know,

learn all their players and that type of shit. It's a fucking beautiful game. And I'm so happy it's back. And I'm telling you, Canadians, Bruins, even when both those teams suck, it's always a great game. And neither team sucks right now. Canadians are playing great. They're they're they're rebuilding the team. They got all this young talent. And the Bruins are the Bruins. We're playing great ourselves other than that fucking game against this. Whatever, pull up a chair, watch a game. All right, go fuck yourselves. Have a great week. I'll talk to you later. Blakely's has been chosen as a premier flooring center, a distinction amongst some of the largest flooring manufacturers selecting the best flooring retailers in North America. What does that mean

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