Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-8-24

Episode Date: February 9, 2024

Bill rambles about car jacks, arguing, and doing his act in French. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (32:28) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 2-8-16 Bill rambles about the Broncos, three toed sloths, and putting your dick on the table.  (01:32:48) - Anything Better Super Bowl Preview & 'I Bought You A Gift With Your Money' with Paul Virzi

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon. Just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you, baby. Checking in on you. I am fine. I'm out here in Los Angeles. I know that there's been a lot of film footage showing people getting swept into the ocean and SUVs being flooded in basements and all of that shit. There's been a lot of that out here, but it's not everybody. Always remember that, always remember that. Whenever, whenever they're shown, don't ever forget that lady sitting in the canoe

talking about floodwaters. Like, look at this, I'm riding a canoe down the street, then those two construction workers walk by in the background and it was like fucking ankle deep. Definitely been a lot of, a lot of water. I'm sure somebody thinks it's biblical. I don't know. I just like, you know,

you ever have somebody just park a car in front of your house and then just, they never come back. I feel like that's what God did with earth. He just fucking, he just made the shit. You know, he was fucking up and running. And he just went on to something else. Or maybe it's a project he never finished. What if Earth is like that fucking car

that's like three quarters under a tarp? We built the engine, still needs some body work. I'm gonna get to it. I'm gonna get to it. And it just has like basic rims on it and shit You know I got divorced but you know I was able to keep the car But you know when I get my money money's right. I'm gonna fucking fix this thing up speaking of which old freckles Was having a lovely morning with his wife and you know all of a sudden like the the idiot light comes on in my cat Says I'm low left rear tire.

So I go to fill it up. After I get done filling it up, it says it's even less air pressure. I'm like, what's going on? And then I realized I had a flat. I ran over a nail, putting air into it. I don't know if it was expanding the puncture hole anymore, was leaking out. I have no idea. So I'm like, you gotta be fucking kidding me.

So I called AAA, right? Which is really emasculating because I love changing tires. I used to be really fucking good at it. Way back in the day, when I had my Ford Ranger and I would be doing gigs in the middle of nowhere and there was no cell phones and you just had your Rand McNally fucking map and I had a day job to get back

to. I still remember the fucking thing, getting a flat tire and being on the side of like, I don't know what fucking highway it was like, route three, some shit coming back from fucking New Hampshire and I was on the shoulder. So I limped it to where it was flat and I got it as far over to the shoulder, so it wouldn't be, you know, of course it's on the fucking driver's side. And I've never been more scared in my life,

and people weren't even texting while driving, but it was like nighttime out and shit. And I remember I had been arrested for drinking and driving, I went to this mother's against drunk driving, one of them, their kid was coming home from band practice, changed the flat tire and got killed by a drunk driver. So that's, I was like, this is, it comes my karma, right? So I fucking changed this thing.

I swear to God in about six minutes. The best thing I ever did back then was I bought a real jack because even that, like for 40 years, they've been giving you a bullshit jack. Even though my truck was a little two wheel drive thing, it still sat up higher than a car. And they had this dumb ass fucking jack behind the seat. If you had an 83 Ford Ranger,

it looked like a little coffee pot, like one of those Italian ones where you push, you know, your thumb down and the lid comes up and then it had this little fucking, look like, you know, an thumb down and the lid comes up, and then it had this little fucking, look like, you know, an Allen wrench on steroids was what I was supposed to, it was a no leverage. You just couldn't get the fucking thing off. So I went out, you know, I dealt with that one time.

So I went out and I bought a real jack and I put that behind the seat and had a nice big piece of pipe, you know pipe to give me leverage. I got out of the fucking car. I fucking put the jack out of the truck right before it was going to start lifting. I loosened all the fucking lugs, boom, boom, boom, boom, jacked it up, took the lugs off, out, spare it. I had the spare in the back of my truck too.

Put that on, tightened with, you know, finger tightened, textbook, dropped it down, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Back of the truck and fucking got back in. I got the fuck out of there. Terrified, terrified I was gonna lose my fucking legs. It was like pitch black, no street lights, and people just going by and your fucking car shakes a little bit.

Terrifying, so fast forward, fucking 30 years later, whatever. I'm just calling triple A, and even then it just bugs me. You know, the whole fucking thing bugs me. Jiffy Lou bugs me, the whole thing, it's like I know how to do very few things in my car, and just doing those bugs me. Jiffy Lou bugs me. The whole thing, it's like, I know how to do a very few things in my car and just doing those

made me feel like a man. And now I'm sitting here like a fucking housewife. So the guy shows up and, you know, sees I got the nail in the thing, you know, make sure I have enough air in my spare. The guy was a really good dude, like two really good dudes. Puts the fucking thing on. I'm good to go.

He goes, don't drive over 50 miles an hour. So I dropped my wife off at home and she goes, where you going? I'm going to get my tire fixed. She's like, now I said yes. I'm not driving around on that stupid fucking donut thing. So I go down to this mechanic that a buddy of mine told me about.

It was like customer service like you used to hear about it was it was going away even when I was a kid I fucking go down there. I Just pull up I go yeah, I go I got I got a nail on my tire. Can you fix it? The guy's like yeah, he goes bring it over Let's see brings it over You know sprays the Windex on it, fucking fills it up, sees the bubbles, sprays a few other areas, make sure that's the only thing. He fucking pulls it out. He sticks the patch in, you know, with the fucking thing,

you know, like what's that made of? He goes, he laughs, he goes, I don't know, but I've been doing it for 40 years and it works. Patches the tire up, fills it up with air, sticks it on my car, and I'm home. That bullshit I found the flat was at 910 by 1030. I was home back at my house like it never fucking happened. And for the life of me, I don't know why all businesses don't operate that way. Like what that would do for people's psyche, how they would feel, there's nothing worse

than going in some place after you bought something or if you have a problem and nobody in there gives a fuck, wants to help you or even worse, nowadays you can't even talk to a fucking person. So, I mean I just saw today like Elmo from Sesame Street tweeted out on his account, asked how people were doing and people were actually responding to a puppet on social media. That's how sad everybody is. That's how sad everybody is. That's how much like shit everybody is being treated by these fucking corporations that

own all of these politicians. And I'm going to keep talking about this. We need to come together. We got to stop yelling at each other. We have to respect each other's opinions and we need to stop yelling at each other and just turn and look at these rich fucks that are fucking, you know, swallowing up every country, company out there, and just be like, guys, like enough.

No one's saying you can't be the richest fucking guy, but you're taking too much. You're squeezing too much. You've gone too far. I know. I know. It's impossible to get. You can't even get five people to get on the same fucking page. If I've learned anything from watching reality television, Jesus Christ. My lovely wife watches that stuff. And, um... Just fucking brutal. Brutal.

Just a fucking screaming and yelling, my God, the fucking women. Is anybody better at just being mean, saying something? Holy shit. Some of the shit that went, when that fucking Andy guy gets them all together, some of the shit that they say to each other Jesus Christ and then they try not to cry because that means the other one one and you're watching their fucking their bottom lip looks like that thing you've used to put around your belly you know to try to make you not fat or whatever anyway this is just to say that I'm about ready to get back on the road again, and I'm going fucking everywhere

Major cities minor cities red blue I don't give a fuck and I'm looking forward to seeing all you guys and I Can't wait I'm getting geared up to do another special and I think this is gonna be a really good one I can't wait, I'm getting geared up to do another special. And I think this is gonna be a really good one. You know, I'm psyched. I've done, I thought I did like five or something like that. Somebody asked me the other day, and I kind of, I've done seven. I've done seven, and I'm more excited

than ever on my eighth one, which makes me feel good. You know, you don't, you don't wanna dry up, okay? And this weekend, I'm going out to Vegas. Me and Paul Verzi Are gonna be doing a live Live we'll do it live at Brad Garrett's comedy club. We're doing our podcast at the MGM 8 p.m. On Saturday me and Paul Verzi are gonna be talking shit. We're gonna be talking about The Super Bowl and all of that. I'm so fucking excited to go to this game. No matter what happens, it's going to be great.

I either get to see Patrick Mahomes get his third. You get your third ring. It's like, I don't know, you could just be dog shit the rest of your career. You're going to the Hall of Fame. Or did the San Francisco 49ers get their sixth and join the Pittsburgh Steelers, followed by the New England Patriots,

it's the third team to get to number six, which is pretty goddamn cool. Anyway, but, and I'm gonna be smoking my first cigars since January 1st, and this is my plan. I'm gonna smoke like a motherfucker out there. Just to let you know these are the East Coast things, all right? It rains like a bastard and you smoke like a motherfucker. I just made up smoke like a motherfucker but it does rain like a bastard. So I'm gonna smoke this weekend and then I am not gonna smoke again.

I'm gonna smoke this weekend and then I am not gonna smoke again. I don't even know when. I'm thinking the next thing I can think about that is worth celebrating would be like my birthday or something. And that's how I wanna smoke cigars, like a fucking gentleman. You know what I mean? There's something to celebrate, right?

As opposed to like the old me, this fucking rain that's happening right now, I would be outside like a fucking stray cat just sitting on the porch smoking a cigar. I do miss the solitude. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm smoking a cigar by yourself and letting your brain wander, you know, think about what's important and all the dumb shit you've done and the good shit and all of that. I do fucking miss that, but you know, my kids have not seen me smoke a cigar since November and I'm just feeling like, yeah, they don't need, they don't need to see me. One day when one of them gets married, maybe they'll see me do that, but that's a big thing.

At least I never drank in front of them. I don't wanna be that guy. Daddy liked his scotch, coming home, big smile. You go to fucking put your rank coat on the fucking coat rack and as you're reaching to put it there, you start falling backwards. He just kind of goes straight down, hit your head, you hear your daughter's voice, daddy, you know.

You give her a smile before it all goes black. You know, he's never the same after that fall. He tried to work, but he couldn't. And then the stress was on my mother. I just like, or I could not drink. Anyway, I did Adam Ray's show last night at the comedy store where he plays Dr. Phil. It's one of the most fun things I get to do. You got to go down anytime Adam Ray is doing that Dr. Phil show. And just the work, the effort that he puts in with all the clips and all of that and the makeup.

I mean, it's kind of insane. Like, there are moments when I forget that I'm not actually talking to Dr. Phil. I guess. I never think I'm talking to Adam Ray. But I did get him a couple of times with some big laughs that he had to hold his fake mustache on,

which made me feel good. And it was a great crowd down there. And I also got to do a stuffed Toll of Show up in the belly room. So I got a couple of reps in and I don't know, I fucking went to the gym the last couple of days. I'm gonna fly tomorrow, you know? The new script is coming together.

It's all good stuff. My son's beating the crap out of me. My son doesn't even take me seriously. I'm like, buddy, stop it, seriously, stop it. Let me watch the game. And he just goes, no. And he jumps up in the air, knees first, and lands on my fucking stomach.

And then when I tell him to stop, and I try to like mean mug him, he stares at me and I'm staring back at him and then he starts to smile and then I laugh and then I just I get how do I not laugh? It's just funny. Having a three year old staring you down and winning. Yeah, definitely overcompensating a little bit for my childhood. So I've become like a pushover or maybe I just was never that guy. I was never that guy that was going to fucking yell at kids. You know, believe me, I'll give a, Hey, hey, hey.

You know, every once in a while, guys, I'll do something like that. Um, but, uh, I'm not one of those fucking, uh, read them the riot act type of people. I come out of the I come out of the dugout more like Joe Tory. I always respected the way Joe Tory went at the umpires. You know what I mean? I mean, it was never I mean, Billy Martin and Earl Weaver were just amazing. Lou Pinella was another guy, you know, who could come out. Don Zimmer could really get at after him. But I was always amazed at the people that would just kind of,

I think Dusty Baker is another guy. Just doesn't yell. He just kind of comes out. Tommy LaSorta could yell at him. I mean, it really is a fucking art form film if you want to go down a great rabbit hole just look at fucking Earl Weaver One of the greatest quotes of all time he says to the umpire you came here tonight for one goddamn reason And the guy goes what's that Earl? He goes to fuck us Like the fucking umpire is going like, you know what? I'm going to Baltimore, man, and I am just going to fuck the Orioles tonight. I swear to God, Earl Weaver put on such a show, it wouldn't surprise me if that they if they would do that on purpose some nights just to watch him get going. You know what I mean? I mean, oh, yeah, they couldn't do that because then they would actually be affecting the outcome of the game

But Jesus Christ Billy Martin was another great one too. I used to love watching those guys losing their shit But whatever with my kids You know Derek Jeter was another one Derek Jeter was when he Complained to an umpire, he never quite looked at him. He'd always have his, his, one of his fingers was in the earhole of his helmet, like he was starting to take it off, but he didn't. And he would just kind of, you know, have his eyebrows up, not look him, you know, in the eye, not make a big thing and just be like, you know, that

was a strike, get it out, whatever he was saying, but I never saw him, I never saw him go, what the fuck? It's just loses shit. I don't know, that's dead, you know, it's someone who has a temper. That is an amazing, an amazing thing. I don't, you know, I'm doing my best. I don't think I'll ever reach that level of enlightenment personally.

Anyways, I was telling you guys, I was trying to watch all the Oscar nominated best pictures and I was trying to watch Bhabie and I just couldn't figure it out on my TV. I didn't know what the fucking Apple password was. That one feels like I needed like, have an edible. You know what I mean? If some doll is gonna give me a lecture about feminism,

like I just don't feel like I can be in a, I told you my wife went to go see that movie and she, you know, I was like, I thought we were gonna see that together. She goes, nah, she goes, you're too misogynistic to go see that movie and she, you know, I was like, I thought we were going to see that together. She goes, nah, she goes, you're too misogynistic to go see that movie. And I was just saying, all right, fair enough. You know, I get it. I get it.

You know what I mean? I get it. There's just certain things that like, you know, you just can't argue your spouse is right. You know? And you know, I, my son's hilarious because he loves AC DC. He loves playing the drums and all of that. And we go to school every morning. He goes, he goes, dad, AC DC, put on AC DC. And I'm like, yeah, and I can handle AC DC in the morning. My wife can't, which I understand.

So I try to go easy. I try to go bond Scott. I mean, Brian Johnson, I mean, Brian Johnson, you know, when he gets going, he sounds like Earl Weaver arguing a call. So I'm not going to put on like, you know, back in black or honey, what do you do for money? All of that shit I put on like what will I put on I put on dirty deeds you know that's still like I mean what am I gonna do right on I'm trying to think of something if I put on right on my son thinks it's not ACDC because it's not like doesn't sound like aggressive or whatever so we kind kind of have this rule.

Once you get to the halfway point, he gets one jam. So he likes walk all over you. He likes highway to hell, dirty deeds, rocker. What's next to the moon, sin city? I'm getting him into power rage, which is that's one of the coolest things as a dad is you can just expose them to the music you like. And what I like doing is I like to go deep cuts because I feel like they're gonna hear those other songs

on the fucking radio, you know what I mean? So, like my son as far as ACDC songs, he likes that, let me put my love into you, babe. Na na na, ba na da, go. Brutally underrated song by them. I kind of, I go like deep cuts with that shit. And then like,

my daughter likes Queen and Freddie Mercury. So spread your wings. I'll play like stuff like that. You know what I mean? I mean, she knows another one bites. I'm gonna say rides the bus. Such like a friggin' weird owl. rides the bus, such like a friggin' weird ale, such a big part of my fuckin' life growing up. Oh, speaking of which, I got to go to this

Grammy's like benefit, this Steven Tyler thing, kind of based off of the Janey's got a gun as for like abused women and shit. And some of the stuff that they were auctioning off just blew my mind. Like one of the things auctioned off was Steven Tyler started off as a drummer and they auctioned off his,

he had a late 70s I wanna say, mid 70s blue Vistalite kit. And what I loved was it had the Ludwig Speed King both like the foot pedal thing for the bass drum and the hi-hat like matching. It had like the original hardware. And I was like, fuck. I don't have room, but fuck, right?

And just the bidding, it went through the roof It was great was for a great cause and stuff like that, but I Was thinking I was like what a good shit that he put that up For a good cause you know what I mean cuz like he must have had that drum kit for 40 years There's a lot of memories in that thing to get rid of that man And it's the best color Vistalite. That blue Vistalite, I think that's the tits. Fucking tits man.

And I'll tell you, I'm kicking myself. The one that I fucking hate that 50th anniversary, Ludwig Vistalite, I thought they were gonna make a bunch of those, they didn't. They were a limited run. I'm such a fucking idiot. I wanted that one with the matching snare, blue. If anybody has it, I'll fucking buy it off you.

I want the blue, the one, it's like the blue and olive badge. That's that three level swirl with the 24 inch kick and the matching snare. That's the three level swirl with the 24 inch kick and the matching snare. That's the fucking one. That's my holy grail kit that I'm looking at. And I ran into this drummer too. He put something in my head. He plays Gretch.

I have a Gretch broadcaster and he told me his was in Cadillac Green. I'm like, what the fuck is that? And I looked that up and now I can't stop looking at that. But I know myself well enough. I'm just like, you know, Bill, if you got those drum kits, you'd still suck at drums. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Anyway, I just got done playing. You know, I got a little fucking,

my little get in shape girl fucking area of my garage, my little podcast thing. And then I had my little drum space and then my old truck out there. So I threw the weights around a little bit and sat down with the drum kit. I fucking love it. I'm tight right now.

Gretchen the best sound in fucking drums. There it is. It is what it is. It is what it is. So anyway, I don't have any, I don't have any, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup. I don't have any advertising reads this year.

And my tour this year starts next week and then it goes right through the end of June and somewhere around there I'm gonna take my special and then I don't have anything for the rest of the year but I'm thinking that might fill in I don't know if I'm gonna have acting work or not that's kind of up in the air and if it isn't then I'm gonna try and figure out not. That's kind of up in the air. And if it isn't, then I'm gonna try and figure out some fun places. I am toying with the idea of doing a show in Paris. And my goal is, I'm gonna do my act in English,

but in between, I'm gonna be fucking with people in the crowd with what little French I know. And then I just go up there every year, you know? Next year I'll do like, you know, 15% of my act in French and then eventually I'm gonna have the whole fucking thing down and I'm gonna go over there I want to be totally fucking fluent and I mean why not I always thought it was fucking amazing to be able to speak another language so I've

gotten to the point now I'm getting to the point where I can fucking listen to French radio and know what they're talking about. Like I was listening to this radio the other day and they go zippity bop bad, danze wait a minute, is it Axl Rose's birthday today? And I looked it up, sure enough, February 6th, happy 62nd birthday to one of the greatest front men of all time. But I'm able to like figure out what they're talking about. I listen to this relationship show and what's hilarious is the fucking host won't shut the hell up.

She talks over everybody. She just goes, you know, sasevra, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, she's talking to her listeners. But anyway, it is a great way to learn it and I watch, I listen to, I watch that show, Lupin on Netflix. And that's another good one too. I wish if you watched a movie that was French, like American Netflix would let more French title, oh he likes French shit too. They just like, no, you are in America, you speak English.

It's like, well what if I'm trying to learn other stuff? Stop trying to expand your universe and understand other people. You live here. You will speak this and that. I think that was one of the worst fucking things that ever happened in this country. And all of these languages that everybody spoke and all of that culture that was fucking that came from Europe, you were humiliated if you had an accent, if you spoke another fucking language and all of that went away, all the cuisine went away and it just we just

fucking left with English and malls. I'm not shit on English. It's a great fucking language. I mean, what else? I mean, it's the only language I know. But when I was a kid, it was cool. Like, you know, I had a buddy of mine, he was Greek. His parents spoke Greek.

He understood it or whatever. But I remember he would be embarrassed if his dad was speaking Greek. And I thought it was fucking cool. And he would just like listen to him as he was speaking Greek. He'd just be like, yeah, yeah, all right, dad, all right. Okay, I will, I will.

And he would speak to him in English. And his dad would keep speaking Greek And I always thought like even as a kid. I'm going like what his dad's doing is right like this kid should know how to speak Shouldn't lose that. Why would you want to lose that? so dumb You got to speak the king's English and who we trying to emulate huh everybody at the fucking Buckingham Palace those inbred people. I mean, it's like the same four families.

I've been fucking in the same goddamn castle for all those years. That's why so many of them, you know, sort of odd looking, no. I don't know, certain people, they held on to what I feel. I feel like Italians are pretty good about holding on to their shit. I don't know, but maybe it wasn't just the English fault.

Maybe it was also when people started to intermarry in, like half Irish, half Italian or something. Ah, just speak English. It's just easier or whatever the common language and it sort of fucking went away. I don't know, it is funny though, but the reason why the whole world speaks, you know, English is because the British are such cunts, you know, and they kind of made everybody learn it as they went around conquering everybody. It's kind of amazing. Do you imagine if some other culture was that big at fucking assholes? Then we'd

all be speaking like, you know, Indian or Japanese or whatever. That's the only difference is they, there's just those countries didn't do that in England did. Um, it's fucking weird, right? I don't know. Anyway, uh, it's convenient if you speak English. Alright, so that is the podcast, everybody. Thank you to everybody that's coming out to the show at Brad Garrett. Thank you to Brad Garrett for letting us do the show there. Me and Verzi, Andrew Thimlis, we're going to have such a fucking good time out there. I'm so excited to go out there and I can't wait to get this tour going. I have so much new shit that I gotta work out

before I tape in June and I have like, I mean I've got an hour and 45 minutes of material so and I'm only just taking the best shit. I'm gonna put it in that and I'm gonna try to have another fucking, you know, going for the best one I've done. That's what I'm doing, all right? In the meantime, I gotta lose the rest of another fucking, you know, going for the best one I've done. That's what I'm doing, all right? In the meantime, I gotta lose the rest of my fucking,

my last little bit of my belly here. So, all right, that is the podcast. Thanks for listening to me. Meander here. Oh, and thank you to all you guys who watched the John Lovett's podcast. How fucking funny was John Lovett's? He came in, for those of didn't see it, I interviewed John Lovett's and basically

you know, what I loved is we basically did what we do all the time. All me and John do is give each other shit constantly. And John is one of the nicest guys you're ever gonna meet. What's funny is whenever I'm with him, if I ever text him something serious nicest guys you're ever gonna meet. What's funny is whenever I'm with him, if I ever text him something serious, then I'm kind of going through a depression. Like he immediately shuts all that shit off and he's the nicest big hearted person

you're ever gonna meet. But like, if you're just breaking balls, he is just so silly and so fucking mean at the same time. And I love every time when he just fucking trashes me. Just goes your turn. It was just I've had so many of my friends text me going, Oh my God, I watched that podcast. That was fucking amazing. And just to let you know, like that I used to do that with Bob Saget too.

We, except we didn't like trash each other. We would just say over the top, stupid shit, you know, anything, I'm going down, you know, I got to set down at the club and then just like, you know, this is what I'm doing afterwards. And it would always just be something absolutely fucking horrific. And the thing about Bob, he could just go on forever. And like John Lovitz is like that whole generation, they just cut from that

cloth of just Boston chops and trying to top each other. And it just, it's the most fun thing ever. So if you get a chance, check it out. Um, it's last week's podcast, so I don't know what that date would be, but thank you guys for listening. And at some point, I'm definitely gonna have to have him back, I mean, with the amount of views that that got.

But go see John when he's out on the road because he is fucking hilarious. All right, that's it. We have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday, Monday podcast. Have a great weekend. You cunts and enjoy the Super Bowl. Hey, what's going on?

It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, February 8th, 2016. What's going on, everybody? Oh, my darling. Oh, my darling. Oh, my darling. February 8th, 2016. What's going on everybody? I want to hear, huh? Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling, Denver, Colorado. Bunch of hippies and some miners and the one super bowl trophy.

Congratulations to everybody in Rocky Mountain, high Colorado. Killing fucking cows and stinky Greeley. Greeley, Colorado, man. You ever wanna know what a bunch of murdered cows smell like for the next time you eat a burger? I suggest you go there on a bad smell day. That's what they call it, bad smell day.

And then you call up the slaughterhouse. You're like, hey, could you fucking, could you fucking tone it down a little? You know, the wind's blowing down to my house. Why don't you lay off killing those fucking cows? You know, not saying I don't like the burger, right? Everybody likes the burger. Except for them hippies in San Francisco

and all those limousine liberals out in Hollywood out there eating their fucking tofu patties. You know that shit causes cancer, don't you? The fuck is a tofu? Sorry, congratulations to the Denver Broncos. And guess what? Oh, Billy Redface, he won a little bit of money betting on the old, the old man, the old man, Mo River.

Sorry. the old, the old man, the old man, Mo River. Um, sorry. Um, very happy for, uh, Peyton Manning, man. I, I just, I didn't want to see him go in there and get his fucking ass kicked. And I know, I know what you guys are thinking. Hey, Bill, why did you bet on the Broncos? You didn't say shit, predicted one way or the other. Um, I didn't have, uh, I didn't have any feeling one way or the other on the game. I thought what a lot of people thought, I just thought the fucking Panthers were gonna, if they got up early it was gonna get ugly. And I don't know, but then just everybody was saying it, everybody kept fucking saying it you know dude the Panthers dude it's not even gonna be a fucking game dude right everyone was just

saying that the Panthers were gonna fucking destroy they went away by 17 dude it's gonna be 17 nothing but you know the first quarter this is what all my friends were saying so I came up with this quick theory because I wanted to put money on the game you know because my team wasn't in it and I wasn't really excited about it. So I figured, all right, well if everybody's say in the Panthers are right, how does Vegas make any money? The only way Vegas makes money is if the Broncos win. Vegas always has the lights on. Even during the day, they never shut them off they got the AC on with the fucking doors open and I don't see anybody concerned out there right is it making money so I said fuck it I'm gonna go against the grain I didn't even take the points I just bet it I bet the line 100 to make 190 I threw 100 bucks on it and, Jesus Christ, I guess that Denver Broncos defense was, was as good as

they were saying. I just thought like, I thought we made them look better than they were because our offensive line was fucking beat up. But I don't know if you noticed the entire time when the Broncos beat the Patriots at no point was Tom Brady comfortable. He wasn't screaming and yelling like, yeah, let's go, man. Or whatever the fuck he yells at his receivers. You know, it was supposed to be a post pattern.

Wake up. Right? Whatever the fucking is, he yells at him. He didn't do that once. He had his eyebrows down and he looked fucking uncomfortable. He felt people at his feet, the whole fucking game. They never felt comfortable and You know Vaughn Miller would do that little fucking little little I'm going this way Oh, no, I'm not and a guy fell for it every fucking time on the Patriots, right?

And I'm thinking like Jesus Christ How much does that do it on the Patriots stink that he keeps falling for that and lo and behold I watch Vaughn Miller do it all game against Carolina Panthers and I don't know if you noticed this, there's a lot of stats. How many times did you see Cam Newton celebrate? I gotta, as far as I can remember, zero. He didn't do one of those little first down fucking point things, he didn't, not one kid got a ball. He never fucking ripped open up his suit

to show the Superman S underneath. You know? Tell you right now, I don't know if he's any more funny, but I fucking can't do it. You didn't see that once. Cam Newton had zero fun. In fact, if I remember correctly, because I had a lot of Budweises.

I probably drank as many Budweises as fucking Peyton Manning said he was gonna drink. By the fourth quarter, the only thing I remember Cam Newton doing was falling down when they missed the fucking, when they missed that field goal attempt. It just wasn't their fucking day, but he got mugged. Vaughn Miller, kid, just give me that fucking ball. They're like fucking linemen running after like a bunch of crazed dogs or whatever that classic NFL quote goes. That was just complete fucking domination by the Denver Broncos defense.

To the point, I think Peyton Manning only had about 40 more yards passing than I did. But you know what, when it counted, when it counted, he got it done. So congratulations to them. And I actually, I went against everything that I said. I not only, I didn't tape the game. I forgot to tape it like a fucking asshole. And I went to a Super Bowl party, which I always say I'm not going, you know,

cause there's always 50 fucking people there and only like, you know, 12 of them give a shit about the game. And everybody else is running around and you know, all the fucking shit that I fucking had a tampon at my ass about for fucking ever with those things. But I actually said, you know what, fuck it, I'm gonna go to a party because, you know,

I'm just not into the fucking game or whatever. And then I showed up and I realized I was totally into the game. And fortunately the party I went to was great. Everybody was into it. Everybody was watching. People were saying stuff about the game that made sense. It was football fans.

And the food was fucking tremendous. And I had a great time. I got to tell you, going to the Super Bowl party, though, something that I never noticed was the just general open hatred for Coldplay. Why does everybody hate Coldplay? Why does everybody hate that band? They're not that bad. Right?

Everybody's, oh dude, they're so fucking lame. They get like half like Nickelback hate. You know what I mean? Hang on a second, this fucking curtain's messed up. They get like half like Nickelback hate. Hang on a second, this fucking curtain's messed up. It's driving me fucking crazy. I'm gonna stare at it the entire time. What is the problem? There we go, sorry.

I apologize. Yes, so Coldplay comes out. I don't know what they were singing. They were jumping around a lot. I immediately left, because I didn't wanna watch Beyonce sass it up. You know what they were singing. They were jumping around a lot. I immediately left because I didn't want to watch Beyonce sass it up. You know what I mean? I cannot, the same way, you know, the way she behaves on stage is the way a lot of athletes

behave after they make a great fucking play and somewhere that happened during my lifetime. It went from fucking score to touchdown, just giving the ball to the ref to absolutely, you know, just fucking, I don't know what you do. You start line dancing and you just can't believe how amazing you are, right? And everybody clanging, oh, he's having so much fun. No, he isn't, he's marketing himself. He's horrid himself out right now, all right?

You should literally have to put on a pair of fucking stilettos when you do it. Just walk the fucking block after you fucking dunk or score a touchdown or whatever, right? So I didn't wanna watch her, you know, you know that fucking stupid walk that divas do, but they sort of stomp down the stage as they cross one leg over in front of it,

like, hey, hey, hey, hey, swinging their fucking hips. I always just want somebody to just give them a big fucking leg sweep. That's me, you know what I mean? So I was like, I don't wanna watch that shit. So Coldplay comes out and everybody says, oh, God, Jesus Christ, you know, no one wants to see him.

It wasn't that bad, but I could feel it, you know? I just wanna say, you know, I don't understand these fucking bands that sell millions and millions of fucking records yet you cannot find one person that will admit that they were fan. Right? All you guys right now who are nodding your heads, go, oh yeah, they're so fucking lame. Scroll through your fucking phone right now. Go to the seas. Go down to CO. You're gonna find you got one song.

Admit it. You got, you must have one song, right? What's that one? The first hit? I was like, oh, song right? What's that one? The first hit? I was like, oh, it's fine. Look at me face as I walk down the beach with all the things you do. And it was all yellow. I married a chick. She had yellow hair. I didn't wear a condom and never fucking divorced. And I'm still paying child support. Does he pay child support to her or is it the other way around? That's a close one. What's the name of that broad there that he married? She looks fucking moody.

All those good looking chicks that do fucking yoga, they're fucking basket, running the other directions. You know, and they have like those stones that are for their chi, and they put them around the fucking house, and they think that makes them spiritual. You just gotta get the fuck away from them. You know, anybody with a yoga room,

and is at least an eight, as far as being good-looking, you just gotta get the fuck away from them. They're too good- looking to be spiritual. You know what I mean? You've never had to buy a drink for yourself in your life. I don't give a fuck how much yoga you do. You're not gonna be able to have any sort of self analysis. You know?

Like I don't think the thought of, you know, maybe I was being a cunt there. I don't think that ever fucking goes through your head. So I gotta commend that guy in Coldplay for not writing a lot of angry songs. He just kind of has like, does he just have nice songs? I think that's a big problem with that band. It's just nice, right?

These things generally in a good mood. You know, the guy seems like a happy guy. That makes you pretty hateable. You know what I mean? But he's put on a fucking flannel jacket, right? Dressed like a lumberjack, you know, mocking that hard work as you go fucking sitting around eating your goddamn M&Ms in your green room.

You come out and you sing some miserable song. Everybody likes you. All right? What the fuck's that guy's name there saying all those songs oh Nirvana right that Kurt Cobain man. Yeah, I really wish he didn't kill himself so I could trash him more you know Fucking guy I wish I was like you Easily amused thank you fucking know me go fuck yourself. They fucking think I'm doing it. Staring at a dreidel over here,

all amazed that it keeps spitting. I mean, it just came out, I was like, is it me, or is this guy the most condescending, condescending cunt ever? He comes out there first fucking video, he's making fun of tap on solos like he could do it, he just didn't feel like doing it. He's making fun of tap on solos like he could do it. He just didn't feel like doing it

Sorry, this these are just the ramblings of a man who's what who saw the beginning the middle and the end of Hair metal and he took it all seriously That goddamn Nirvana I Just sounded like GM Audi in that fucking Howard Stern movie. Howard Stern. That goddamn motherfucker. Me and DeRosa Rewound that like 15 times. You know in the end of the movie when like Pig Vomit's career is just completely in the shitter and he's like standing outside?

He's just dumbfounded at the success that Howard's had. He's just, Howard Stern, he just kind of looks away. That goddamn motherfucker. Anyways. Howard start you just kind of looks away at goddamn motherfucker Anyways I'm just saying you know how about in 2016 You know, there's so much so many real things out there to get your passion up up about I don't think you should go around hating Coldplay Oh that poor bastard That poor bastard got married to a beautiful woman

that did yoga, oh my God, it's over. It's fucking over. Some of those self-involved fucking human beings you're ever gonna find in your life are gonna be in that fucking stinky ass yoga room. You know, speaking of which, I'm probably gonna take a class this week. No, my wife, she's staying with it, man.

Seven days in, she's gonna try to do yoga this whole fucking month, right? And she actually asked me, I can't remember if she asked me on the podcast, but she asked me because she went to go to one of my yoga classes and I was like, no, I was like, I'll do yoga, but I like doing it here at the house. You know what I mean? Where like, if I feel like stopping doing yoga, I can just hit pause on the audio, You know what I mean? Where like if I feel like stopping doing yoga, I can just hit pause on the audio, you know, go out and have some cereal and then come back and just immediately fast forward to the closing poses. Right? Is not wrong with that. I just

hate how when you fucking go in there, they act like they have just the keys to happiness all the time, you know, and there's not one picture of anybody on the wall, you know, with these testimonies going like, you know, I was a really miserable cunt. And then I went down and I took fucking Sally Struthers yoga class here. And I don't know, she was just rambling and I was in Down Dog and all of a sudden it just clicked

and I have been so happy ever since, you know, I'm not saying yoga is overrated. I just don't need the fucking, I don't need the chatter from the instructor. Just tell me the next fucking pose to do. And tell me to breathe. Okay, stop with your goddamn philosophies. You ever watch a cooking show

and they just get off on these fucking tangents? It's like, well, you just tell me the next ingredient. I don't even know where Basil comes from and how they used to bring it over in wooden ships. I don't give a fuck. All right, it actually comes from Basil, Romania, which is how I got its name. Do you know the amount of people

that are actually gonna fucking waste their time tweeting me that there's no such thing as Basel, Romania, you know, is if I don't know that that city is not in Italy. You know what somebody did to me the other day? I talk so much shit on this podcast. Like when people give me shit for stuff that I say half the time, I can't remember what they're talking about. So somebody tweeted at me, Twittered at me and said, uh, they said, you know, so I guess I supported something. Okay. For whatever reason, they, they took

my rambling seriously and, and they said, uh, supporting blah, blah, blah. He said something, do your homework next time you support blah, blah, blah. Right. And then had a link. See right, right out of the gate, I'm always like, who the fuck is this fucking asshole coming at me with that tone? Yeah. Do your homework. Like I work for you.

You cunt. All right. So he goes, do your homework. And whatever I said about something, his, his about something, his fuck, his homework was he sent me a link to an article in the New York Times. So that was his homework. He fucking looked at one periodical that leans completely one way politically. The old liberal fucking New York Times.

So like, and I'm actually, I feel like I'm a liberal, right? But I would never just read the New York times and just be like, well, there you go. That's evidently what's happening. Do you know how dumb that is? That would be like listening to this podcast and taking it seriously and wasting the fucking three minutes of your life to tweet me.

Jesus, Bill, did you bring it all back around? You fucking old school cunt? Maybe I did. Maybe I did. How about Vaughn Miller, huh? You ever see a more deserving fucking MVP? He just, he mugged Cam Newton. He came right in, fucking Cam Newton back to pass.

Give me that fucking thing, right? He just ripped it right out of his fucking hands. Um, having said that, I think, uh, I think Cam Newton's actually gonna definitely gonna be back and he's gonna win a win a ring. And I said that on, I tweeted that and everybody was like, Oh, he said that about fucking damn, right? That default fucking quarterback to shit on. Um, Cam Newton actually has a fucking running game. He actually has receivers. He actually has a fucking unbelievable defense

and a fucking contemporary coach. Dan Marino had none of those things. He had the receivers. Dupin, Clayton, right? Other than, I'm not gonna go through this again, okay? Just look up the fucking, look up running backs from 1983 to 1999 during Dan Marino's fucking career. I told you, Delvin Williams,

Tony Nathan, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, the football player. He never, he never had his, Edridge and James, his Tony door setting. He never had that man. Never had that shit. Okay. I'm not saying Cam Newton has that, but he has enough of a fucking team around whatever, keep talking shit. You wait, Cam Newton will will be back he needed that as a youngster he had to feel that fucking awful this is what it feels like to lose this fucking game you know you watch the next time he goes out there he's gonna fucking uh i don't know what he's gonna do Bill you don't know what the fuck he's gonna do you guessed you guessed and you guessed right right last year you thought Seattle was gonna win

the fucking Patriots. When you thought your own fucking team was gonna lose. All right, let me read a little bit of advertising. Let me stumble through some advertising here as I attempt to read out loud. All right, where the fuck are we? All right. Oh, this isn't it.

Oh, this isn't it. Oh, here we go. All right, oh Jesus, here we? All right. Oh, this isn't it. Oh, this isn't it. Oh, here we go. All right, oh Jesus, here we at that time of year. It's that time of year when you can say, get me some chocolate covered strawberries, cherries, berries, everybody. Look, if you wanna get us some fucking chocolates, just get us some chocolates.

You know what I mean? You know what, I've actually waited too too long there's a fucking place in South Dakota that has like the best fucking deadwood that has some of the most insane fucking chocolates you're ever gonna get you know you could do that but it's too late now so just remember that for next year okay guys if you want to win our heart back pro flowers Valentine's Day is this weekend. Oh God, here we go again. Only XX days away. I love how they think I'm going to do the math. Six days away. I did it for you. Huh? Tired of guessing wrong.

What she wants each Valentine's Day. See, you see what's in that copy right there? Oh, yeah. She didn't like, you got her a gift and what she didn't like it. So then what? She didn't blow you. Jesus Christ. Why does it just crank one of those music grinders and you dance around with a little monkey head on? This is, I don't like any of the, all right, Valentine's Day, pro flowers.

And pro flowers, they're here to take the guesswork out of it. Yeah, in case you couldn't figure out getting her flowers. Valentine's Day, trust the experts at pro flowers who give you the confidence that Valentine's Day is done right. Pro Flowers is offering my listeners and anybody else in the universe a dozen red roses plus a free vase, glass vase, and chocolates for just $29.99. Uh-oh. They're moving in on Sherry Barry's turf or really do it right and upgrade to the romantic long stem roses with a premium vase chocolates and a spa kit for night just 999.

Just 999. Sorry. Go to proflowers.com and use my code, Burr. Sorry, I was just thinking, is anything worse when a woman tries to be sexy and she isn't? She puts a long stem rose and she tries to do that Beyonce diva stomp over towards you. You know, she looks like she had some in physical therapy. Don't wait till this weekend. Send them to her this week.

When a co-worker's gush over her gift, you know you did Valentine's Day right. Pro flowers is quick, easy, and delivery for Valentine's Day is guaranteed. Pro flowers are guaranteed the last seven days of your money back, it's a no brainer. Like you give a shit after five days. Can't beat the price and convenience.

Pro flowers takes the care of the detail. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to proflowers.com, click on the blue microphone in the top right hand corner and type in Burr. B-U-R-R, that's proflowers.com. Click on the microphone and type in my code Burr. Flowers and chocolates, there you go. Shut your goddamn fucking cake hole

for the next goddamn year. All right, I'll read the rest of these later. Look at me face, I got you some flowers and a box of chocolate and you won't blow me. What the fuck do I have to fucking do? What the fuck is the rest of my shit here? I just don't understand where it goes. Where the fuck does it go?

It should be right behind and it always just disappears. This is really annoying me. Oh God, is that another fucking celebrity on the goddamn stump for a political candidate? Why do celebrities do that? That just makes me not wanna vote for the person. Oh look, the creator of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is gonna tell me why I should vote for fucking

that fat guy in New Jersey, whatever the fuck his name is. He's gotta have an H in his name. Like if I was on Wheel of Fortune, I just looked at his name. I, for some reason, H seems like a fat guy name, you know, husky hash. Fat people eat hash. You know what I mean? You don't even know what it's like a mystery meat and they just fucking scramble an egg on top of it.

You know what's funny? I eat hash. Is that as fucking, is that a side piece meal? Or is that a fucking side meal? Whatever the fuck you call it. Side dishes, hash of side dishes that have fucking, I have no idea. So many fucking meals when I was growing up. Um, I found later were side dishes. Like when I was growing up, mac and cheese was an entree.

My mother would just make a big fucking tray of it. And then she'd make some toast and it was the shit. The Kraft macaroni and cheese that was frozen, right? She did the old right there, Fred threw it, the fucking, threw it right in the fucking stove, right? She made it like golden brown on top. She'd take it out, scoop it out, it's the yolk, there's the yolk, she yonder, she yonder. Fuck out of my face, right?

A little bit of toast, right? Buttering the toast the way old school moms did, every fucking inch of the goddamn piece of toast had at least, you know, at least a quarter stick of fucking butter on it, you know? Remember all those fucking meals from the 70s? Chicken a la king, chip, beef, on toast. I've talked about this before, haven't I?

Green bean casserole was just mushroom soup and they threw fucking green beans in it. Just heated it up. That was a fucking worst, man. I hated green bean casserole. I always had a strategy. That was either fucking worst man. I hated green bean casserole. I always had a strategy. That was either beginning or end. Anytime it was green, I was either getting it out

of the fucking way or I was just gonna put it off like a term paper. I swear to God to this fucking day, man. It took me a long time to ever eat like mushroom soup again. You know, Paul Versey thinks mushrooms are useless. Tell that to the drugies, man. He doesn't like mushrooms. He doesn't like corn and he doesn't like peas.

How do you not like peas, man? There's something fucking wrong with you. Right. You got five, you got mashed potatoes, right? That are made right. Okay. And then you take the fucking spoon, right? And you mush it down and then you take the fucking the spoon All right, and you mush it down and then you take a big clump of butter even though you already put butter in it

You drop it on there you put salt and pepper on that and then you got some peas right next to it The fuck out of here Paul Versey, why don't we hang out with that guy? How do you hang out with somebody that doesn't like peas? You know God help that bastard if he ever goes to fucking Scotland, you know? The mushy peas. Anyways, I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about here. You know, I got my car all fixed up, right? I got it all fixed up, got all the dents taken out of it, and I fucking backed into something

yesterday. Not hard. And by something, I mean somebody else's car. Not hard, but hard enough. I just put a couple of hack marks. I didn't do anything to their car. They of course had a fucking SUV. So you know, they're like a dentist or something. And it had like this, this fucking license plate holder thing that just dug right into my bumper. So it's already a little hacked up, but I don't know. You know, it's funny ever since I, the Prius, right? I used to be really good at backing up and ship it ever since the yet like that

backup camera. Like I find myself not even looking anymore. I've become worse at it. You know what I mean? It's like when you start delegating power, you have a job and you just start delegating power and then all of a sudden you just sit behind your desk and you're like, I really have nothing to do here. And then you look up and there's your superior

standing there in the doorway. What are you doing today? You start shuffling some papers and then saying, you know, you get laid off, right? You just delegated enough fucking power. That's what I've done with that backup camera. I've delegated so much of my fucking senses to make sure I don't run over somebody.

I really shouldn't say this, because if I ever fucking hit somebody, how bad would that be if they played my own podcast in court, right? Your Honor, we'd like to submit into evidence, exhibit A, the podcast from February the 8th, 2016 2016 where he clearly states that the man does not even look behind his calf when he backs up. Cleo what's the matter? Who's here?

Who's here? Who's here, Cleo? Huh? You want to eat somebody? You wagging your tail though? You never know. All right, buddy, relax. Now they got you all amped up.

Huh? Nia, is this somebody here? All right, buddy, relax. Now they got you all amped up. Huh? Nia, is there somebody here? You know what's funny about being married, aside from the fact that you got to whisper on your own podcast sometimes just to make your day easier, it's just the ups and downs. You know what I mean?

You can see it in your wife's eyes. Some days she knows why she married you, and then other days she's like, what the fuck did I hitch my wagon to? And I know it's early, I know it's early in the day, but I'm feeling like it's going to be one of those what the fuck did I marry day? Cleo, get up here. Come here, get up here. Come on.

How are you, buddy? Huh? Lay down. Could you lay down? Thank you. Jesus. Do you do anything easy, buddy? Huh? Lay down. Could you lay down? Thank you. Jesus. Do you do anything easy, dude? The fucking thing just collapses down on me.

We'll do your homework, man. All right, let's read a couple of questions here for this week. Was there anything else? Oh, I don't know. I was talking about celebrities talking about fucking candidates. It's like, why the fuck do you think I need, like I'm undecided and then like the guy

who created Jag comes on TV or like one of the stars. You know, they're always out there fucking. I don't know what are they doing? What are you doing? You're an actor, you're a writer. The fuck do you know about running the country? Shut up. Stop ruining the candidate that I like.

Right? I like Bernie Sanders because he reminds me of an old fucking club owner that I had. And when he gets mad and he starts screaming and yelling, this is clip of him yelling at Alan Greenspan when he was running the Federal Reserve. And it's a classic fucking clip put on the fucking internet. They were like, Bernie Sanders takes the fucking, you know, whatever, the fucking guy from the

big bank there. I just said it, the Federal Reserve, yeah, takes him to task, right? So he's reading the guy, the riot act, and it's this amazing clip. And right when it goes for the other guy to respond, the fucking thing ends, it's like, well, I wanna hear what the other guy said. Why am I yelling this week?

I wanna hear what the other guy says, you know? What kind of a fucking dope just watches that clip and then doesn't try to find, you know, what the guy from the Federal Reserve said, right? The guy should at least be able to, you know, point counterpoint. It's kind of like that country who sent me that thing, like, do your homework,

and he just sends me the thing from the fucking New York Times. I like the New York Times, but I would never just read something that they said and be like, oh, well, there you go. Oh, shit. That's all I need to know. Isn't that right, Cleo? We'll exhale into the mic.

I've been really doing really good about keeping my energy low, trying to around the dog to get it to be a little more, a little more mellow. You're still trying to eat the guests. My torturing you guys with the fucking, you know what, that's the only Coldplay song I know. I know there's some other ones. I'd go see those guys in concert, you know what I mean? Watching some soccer moms losing their fucking minds.

Doing some fucking dance moves from the fucking, well, wait a minute, they're actually younger than me. The hell am I talking about? I think I need to shut the fuck up. You know, I think a general, I think a general bill. Think of generally, you might need to shut the fuck up. No, I'm actually psyched because I was trying to write this thing and I just kept procrastinating. All right, Cleo, I'll see you.

I kept procrastinating. I finally just said, fuck it. And I just broke it down into three segments. And over the course of like four days, I was able to finish it and now it's fucking done. And it's like this giant weight off my chest and I don't have to do shit today. And, uh, oh, you know what I'm going to do today? I'm actually bringing my truck over, my old truck. I found this spare tire assembly.

A lot of them don't have it. At least mine didn't have it. And I was able to find it. It was off this guy's F-250 that he was going to fix up. I just kept offering him money for it. He goes, nah, I don't want to get rid of it. And I finally way overpaid for it and I got it. And they powder-coded it, whatever the fuck that means, to match, didn't match my truck and everything.

So finally I'm actually gonna have a spare tire underneath the fucking thing the way it's supposed to. And like that's my fucking day. That's all I gotta do today. You know why? Cause I sat down and I got that fucking thing done. Although the door locks in my fucking house I still haven't done. I bought the shit, premium paint remover and epoxy remover.

Whatever the fuck that is, I got my little brush. I'm gonna try to get that fucking lock out today. Because I told you I got this old ass house, as I've mentioned a zillion times, and I wanted the interior door locks to work because I think it would be fucking hilarious if when I left one time, if I locked all the fucking doors in the house and then somebody broke into my house and every fucking room they had to like

try to break down another door, they just go to turn it and they're just like, fuck man, this door's locked, let's go around the other side, fuck. You know, 10 minutes in, they're not even trying to be quiet anymore, we were like, dude, what the fuck? The fuck this guy got in there, right? And then he goes in and I just have, fuck, 10 minutes in, they're not even trying to be quiet anymore. We were like, dude, what the fuck? The fuck does this guy got in there?

Right, and then he goes in and I just have, a bunch of fucking hats and free t-shirts from fucking comedy shows. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe You know, there's such an intelligence to just not having really anything of value in your house. You know what I mean? I got a couple of fucking like antique tables and shit like that stuff that I kind of like. But who the fuck's going to steal that? No cat burglar coming out with a fucking table on his back. You know, they like to fucking they like the little shit.

They come in wearing their yoga pants, right? Repelling down from the fucking roof. I just think it would be hilarious. Who's getting hoed? The ultimate thing is if you had like security in your fucking house, right? And somebody comes in, right? And they get to that certain point. I know I've seen this in movies

and all of a sudden there's just that metal thing comes down so then they can't leave. Just right in the sitting there fucking panicking. You know what I mean? I always thought that that would be great. And then like, I was thinking like, even like a giant room, right? When they're in the living room with some shit, like all of a sudden they can't fucking get out and they're freaking out, then they just sit in there and they think worst case scenario is that the cops are showing up and they're going to get fucking arrested. And they're kind of mentally giving themselves into that.

And then you just like, you have like a cobra, right? And you just fucking let it in the room. You know, generally speaking, those things aren't that fast. You just have it just, just maybe you defang the fucking thing. Well, that's not, that's cruelty to animals, right? But it's a reptile, they're not really animals, right? No, you don't, you just let the fucking thing come in there. She's just let the fucking thing come in there shh to show in the hood.

Nobody can fucking hiss like a goddamn reptile, man. You ever go to those alligator farms or you're down in Florida? You know what I mean? And you, first of all, you're looking at the people who go in there and you're like, dude, half of these people have murdered somebody and fed their victim to one of these fucking things.

I mean, just Florida is just, especially in the northern part of Florida. I mean, it just gets really fucking shady. But when you hear those fucking things, they hiss at each other, Jesus Christ. I mean, it just taps into back. I get that shit that's left over from when you were a caveman. You know what I mean? Like, just like, I can't even explain that. Like, I went, I was, what the fuck was I? I can't remember. I went to a classic one too. I think it was just outside of Tampa. No, maybe not. So I ran up the road in Miami or just south. It's that one that has the alligator mouth that you walk right into, right? And I heard that thing fucking hiss and

dude from that tip of my head to the end of my toe tip of my toes at the top of my head, I fucked that up. It just went just fucking like, I can't explain the feeling just that feeling when you lean back in a chair and you almost fall like my entire body did that. And the thing was way far away from me and I knew logically that it couldn't get to me, but I still think that from all those years of when we just walked around living in caves that your body's just still trained that if it hears that fucking noise. That reminds me when I saw this three-toed sloth one time. I was in Costa Rica, right? And we were taking this

zipline tour. It was like the most northern tip of the fucking rainforest. And the guide, you know, these fucking trees were unbelievable. It was like, we were like, it felt like we were 150 feet in the air. And we weren't even mid tree. You looked up, it was like another 300 feet above you. It was fucking unbelievable. It was a other than the fact that we were there, you know, doing a zipline tour and shit and had cell phones and stuff. It was a fucking paradise. So this guy did it every day. So he knew where this three totes sloth was and he looked up and he made this noise of, I forget what the bird is called. It's not an albatross, but it does

begin with an A and has a giant wingspan. And they're not even in that area anymore because we killed all of them. But to this day, he imitates it. The second he fucking imitated the thing, the fucking three-toed sloth just like got up and started fucking looking around and then looked down at us like, dude, what the fuck? You know, just like, dude, don't do that. It's not funny, right? Because I guess those birds are so fucking big that they would swoop down into the trees

and with their talents, they would just fucking, just basically grab these fucking monkeys and just yank them out of the tree and you're just completely fucked. Jesus Christ, those poor things, man. What a fucking way to go. Can you imagine me in that fucking slow? Actually, I can't.

I'm a classic white guy. Can't jump, can't fucking run fast. None of that shit, right? Doesn't understand dancing by men anyways. Yeah, I don't even care if you're good at it. I don't even care if you're good at it. I just don't get it. It just makes me laugh. When don't even care if you're good at it. I just don't get it. It just makes me laugh when I see a man dancing. It just makes me fucking laugh. I'm sorry. It's really immature and I need to grow up when it comes to that, but I'm just being honest.

So anyways, I just can't imagine being that fucking thing like as slow and as fucking awful as I am. I just can't imagine if there was, can you imagine? There's just some giant bird and you were on its fucking menu and you lived outside in fucking trees where birds are. Jesus fucking Christ. The amount of times you just sitting there is a three-toed sloth just chilling,

talking to a buddy or it's going like, hey man, what do you think in the next couple of days? Maybe, yeah, maybe we could go to that branch over there. And your buddy's sitting there talking, he'd be like, oh man, maybe like, maybe like next Thursday, next Thursday, and I'll start, and this fucking thing just grabs your friend, and you think your friend

is just fucking gone. Just gone. You just see him disappear. No! What do monkeys do? I don't know. And then you fucking sit in there. Like what the fuck?

Right? Your heart racing like you just did some blow, but you only got the speed of a fucking three-toed sloth. And you just sit there with the other three-toed sloths doing what? Just looking at each other like, you know, thank God that wasn't me, but what the fuck? Please make it quick. Just fucking slice the things neck already. Sorry, man.

They just had a lot of empathy when I saw that the way the fuck it, it's almost like you had to see the fucking things face. When he made that noise, when he fucking looked around and then looked down and saw that it was us, you should have seen the look on this fucking things face. It was just like, I swear to God, if it could have shit on us, it would have, and you know what, we would have deserved it.

Well, at least the guy who did it would have, all right, enough about three toasts loss. Let me, let me get into fucking reading here. Why do I always have to fucking do this? Type in my fucking password. Hey, does anybody know how, how do I get my computer to fucking link up with iTunes? I actually watched a video on it, the kids going, yeah, you go right over here and you click on this thing and it's like, I didn't have that.

I must have a different version than him. All right, here we go. Let's get into some of the reads here. Or should I just finish with the advertising? Let's just finish the advertising. Let's get the fucking bullshit out of the way first and we'll get into some of the questions for the week. All right.

I already did plural flowers. All right. Let's get to the questions for this week. Okay. Trusting. trusting water. Hey, Billy filter face. I like that one. Don't trust drinking water. I don't trust drinking water. He goes, my friends think I'm nuts. They always point to the fact that public drinking water is tested time and time again. Now this Flint, Michigan fiasco, uh, it surfaced that officials lied about testing, did slow drip tests from faucets in order to get lower levels of whatever

horseshit shouldn't have been there to begin with and even wrote it off because most complaints weren't, were coming from minorities. Dude, how do you do that and go to sleep at night? How do you do that? How do those companies that do that fracking? And I'm saying, I don't know anything about fracking, but you know, I've seen that in some cases it's fucked up to drinking water. How do you not go, Oh my God, we fucked up. What do we do here? Oh my God, we like set fucked up. I'm the worst, but I'm just, how do you, how do you, I don't know how you fuck you do it. The best water comes in glass and is fresh from a natural spring that doesn't neighbor

a Dow chemical plant. I stick to this as much as possible. I know I'm not nuts. I saw civil action with John Travolta in the theater once. I saw about 20 years ago and it's haunted me since. What's your level of trust when it comes to water and what kind of water do you drink? Thanks for the Thursday podcast. Love the music.

That's Andrew Thamelis. Go check in on yourself. All right. I don't know, what is my feelings on it? Yeah, it's probably a scam or whatever. I really feel that, I try to be as healthy as I can. I have this weird thing where you know I'm trying to be healthy and live as long as I can while I also feel that like most people on earth dying would be a great thing.

Because I just think we're yeah we were just putting too much stress on all the, on the natural resources. I believe that personally I do. Now, have I read enough? No. Do I know what I'm talking about? No. It's just what I, I do what you guys do. I, I get a little bit of information and I just run with it in my brain.

And then someone reprimands me on fucking Twitter. Do your homework, man. I actually had an acting gig with one person one time and they they actually got their water delivered. And rather than being in those giant plastic fucking things that you got to tip upside down, they actually were in glass, which anything tastes better in a glass, it always does beer and a bottle tastes better than beer in a can personally I feel it does But as far as where they get the water I Don't think it matters as long as they fucking treat it right That's it I it can't I don't know I don't fucking know I have no idea I try to drink water

As much as I can when I'm not fucking boozing but no, I don't have any faith in anything anymore. I don't. I went to this little fancy fucking pet store today to get my dogs some food and they were like, are you in our system? And I'm like, no, I'm not. And they go, okay, just so you know, whenever you want to be in the system, well, you get a 5% discount every time. And I just want to be like, yeah, and what do you get out of it? What do you get out of it? You know, you sell my fucking information to somebody and they was going, well, no, we don't. Well, I know you don't. Why would you do that? Why would you just give me a 5% fucking discount forever? That means you read the marking the shit up. There's no fucking way. Nobody goes out of their way to fucking make 5% less on some shit, you know, forever.

I can say, hey, we're having a sale. You get people in there and hey, they kind of get used to going to the store and then you phase it out. You get 5% off every fucking time. You know, I think being a paranoid cunt works. It really does, except sometimes in relationships it isn't. I said, who is he? He was just a guy at the post office. I gave him the mail. All right, turn off, turn offs. Hey, Billy Buttercups, my friend and I were having a discussion about what

turns us off about girls. The usual gross things and physical appearance things came up. I threw out, I threw out there. Yeah. And I hate it when girls throw themselves at you with the disclaimer that if you're, if you're a quality, if you're equally as into the girl, it's not a problem. What do you think about this? Is it me or does it feel weird when a girl just puts it all out the out there? You said out that out there and starts casually mentioning her Vaj because she thinks it's

going to interest you or something. Some of my friends thought I was nuts. The others sort of agree. Thanks and go crush yourself. It all depends. It all depends on the person. You know what I mean? Generally speaking, if you just meet somebody, you know, and you have no idea who they are and they just start throwing themselves at you, you know, and you look how I look you're like, I don't think this is her first rodeo. It makes me nervous.

That would make me very nervous as far as like, what's that Beach Boy song? She's been around all over town, oral copulate, son only the third day. I would, yeah, I can see what that would freak you out. But if, you know, I don't know. She's like in her 30s. And she's just like, look, I'm, you know, I'm not looking for a relationship. Just want to kind of, you know, just kind of be fuck buddies here.

Yeah. Yeah. That's what I do until I go, yeah, you know, that always turns the ladies on. Nothing gets them turned on like cracking your voice. Yeah. Does that feel good? Um, that just made me completely think, forget what I was going to say. Oh, fuck. I had a funny story too. God damn it.

Bop, bop, bop, bop. Oh yeah. You know, I don't like when women try to be dominant either. You know what I mean? They just... I don't know. They fucking... They get on top of you and they're like grabbing your wrists. And they got that stupid look on their face and you're just thinking like, you know, if I wanted to, I could just throw you off the bed. Not for nothing.

But if you're into it... Yeah, I understand what you're saying here. If... It's all how they do it. If they're up confident they're into you. Yeah, but if they just start talking about their fucking hoo-ha Yeah, a lot of it is the same it'd be like for a woman if a guy just came out He just flops his dick on the bar. Ah, who wants it? Come and get it Yeah, I would think that would turn anybody off. All right global warming scam

All right, global warming scam. Um, all right. Global warming scam. Okay, this is like a sum that people keep sending me. Um, and they keep sending it to me as if my opinion has any sort of scientific background. I'm just basing it on. Scientists. That's all I'm basing it on scientists. That's all I'm basing it on. And that fucking two and a half times the size of Texas and two miles deep swirl of garbage in the fucking Pacific Ocean. That how just about every fish has some degree of plastic in their fucking system. Okay,

but even number none of that has to do with temperature. Love your show. It's really refreshing to hear someone in show business actually talk about some very important social pertinent things. When the fuck do I ever do that? Like what, football? Three-toed sloths flopping your dick on the bar? These are important to you?

I agree with everything you talk about on your show. I don't need you to. He goes, accept or she says he or she accept global warming. The global warming scam is another system of control. I agree we should stop using oil and coal. These carbon sources are highly polluting and release toxins and mercury into the biosphere. But this has nothing to do with global warming. I know you love documentaries. Ah, God, can you guys just stop being a, wait a minute, I'm taking it in a country way.

I know you love documentaries. God knows you don't read. He's probably right. Look up Global Warming Swindle on YouTube, a little taste in the global war, the global warming rat hole. There's a ton of other information on the web that exposes this bullshit scam. Good luck. And looking forward to hear what you have to say about this. See, I don't get that.

I'm supposed to just look up a bunch of shit that all agrees with the other side and then the other side's wrong. That's like me saying to you, look up all these shit about global warming and how we're affecting the climate. And I'm looking forward to see what you have to say. I would think that the fact that in France, all the leaders of the world just got together with all these scientists and all that. And even on the right, they, who has been saying it's bullshit from day one, from day one, they were saying it's fucking bullshit. Um, even they finally came out and they said, yeah, it's, we are affecting it. And then they were like, but it's too late to

do anything now. Like that's what they came out with. So why would they be doing that? Why would they, why, wait a minute, wait a minute. You're saying that they're doing it to try to control us. That's such a long way to go, isn't it? Can't they just control us by scaring the shit out of us the normal way? Like, oh, there's this group of people that doesn't have planes or a boat and they're coming over here to get us. Like they've been doing for 15 fucking years. Can't they just do that?

I'll watch those things, but I would like to know who paid for those, who financed those documentaries because if they're companies that are getting attacked for it, who financed those documentaries? Because if they're companies that are getting attacked for it, you know, there's obviously, you know, getting attacked for the pollutants that they're putting into the atmosphere, then, you know, they could be going, well, we need to get this off of us by putting the real information out there. But generally speaking, I, I, as a rule, I don't believe corporations. I just don't. People in general, I mean, I'm full of shit, right?

What the fuck would I believe? I'll watch it. You know what? I, you know what? This is the thing. I actually hope you're right. Cause then I can have a lot less guilt and just go out and buy some fucking goddamn V8, man.

Get out there and fucking drive around. Do some donuts. PS, global warming, carbon credits are controlled by the same crooked bankers that are fucking up the world economy. Well, I kind of think like the bankers, don't they control everything? They kind of own everything, right?

Are we still making payments on the White House? Do they have to refinance that? I know it burned down in the 1800s, who knows? New girlfriend bullied by friends, girlfriend. Okay, so your new chick gets bullied by, who's friend, well, I guess I gotta read it, all right. I wanted your advice on something minor, yet difficult for me to figure out on how to approach.

I've just done pretty well for myself, getting a beautiful girl recently. Like she's physically attractive and has an ass I could balance a beer on. Good for you. Anyway, our friend group is a pretty good size, even though some of our friends have moved 30 minutes to an hour away, but a problem came up recently. A friend of mine from out of town recently came by with his girlfriend. And after a night out of drinking, my girlfriend informed me his girlfriend bullied her and

treated her like shit in high school. All right. Well, that was a long time ago. Oh, that's the next thing goes. I told her that was a long time ago. That's what I want to say. He goes with 26 now and that she shouldn she should try to approach her to which she replied that when the girl in question said hello to me, she looked at her and just walked away.

Told her that was a long time ago, wait, wait, and that she should approach her. To which my girlfriend replied that when the girl in question said hello to me, she looked at her and just walked away. Wait, who walked away? Then when the girl in question said hello to me, dude, I don't know who's saying what here.

She also told me her high school was quite small and the girl in question and many others made it hell for her. Here's my question for the freckled fucko of LA. How would you approach this situation? Keep in mind I'm not the best of buds with the dude. We're just in the same friend circle. Well, what happened? You're 26.

You're probably going to see her like what, once every couple of fucking weeks? Yeah, I don't, I don't think it's a problem. I would just look at her, just be like, hey, can you stop fucking making a big deal out of nothing? I have a voice, stick your fucking head in, I stick it in the cover. You start bullying her. I don't know what I would do.

I would just be like, yeah, I would just say, look, you're 26 years old. High school ended eight years ago. Um, I just let it go because she doesn't give a fuck. Bullies never remember the shit that they did to you. And she's probably jealous because you're beautiful with an ass you can balance a drink on. Right.

That's probably what it is. I don't know. In the meantime, why don't you take some, uh, jujitsu classes? All right. Who is Rayleigh, uh, fucking martial arts. I always want to take that shit, you know, little jujitsu and then that fucking Israel, whatever the Israeli martial arts shit is. The fuck is that shit called? I don't know. I don't fucking know. I was just like,

that shit is just like, you know, because the level, the stakes going on over there, like this just, there's no, I guess they're all a fish. I don't know fucking shit about fighting, but I just felt like that that would be the shit, you know, just because of where Israel is and how they never have planes, get hijacked or anything. They just got shit on lockdown. You would think that their martial arts would, they would be, there would definitely be a lot of interesting.

I would think eye gouging just fucking, you take your fucking index and your middle finger and you just fucking, they probably know how to do that. That Mcgruber throat snatch thing, you know, snatching throats. Anyways. Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. I'm not good at that shit, dude. If you haven't noticed, I don't know a lot about women. I really don't. Like, I grew up, you know, with way too many...

It was not balanced, you know what I mean? It was not... It was just fucking... I don't know. To this day, it's still, I mean, I had all brothers for the most part and then the dog, even the dog was a fucking boy, you know what I mean? It was just total overload of testosterone and then my mom and we lived up on a busy street

so we just all interacted with each other. And yeah, this is one of those fucking, this is one of those, that's one of those chick moments, well, I'm just really bad. I'm just like, well, did she try to punch you? Did she ever beat you up before? Then like, what's the fucking problem?

Just tell her to go fuck herself, right? You don't understand. You don't get it. God, it's so frustrating. Oh, no, I know God is so frustrating. I know it's not you. I know it's not you. I know you're trying and I appreciate that. I just feel like and they start talking to me and I sit there and I'm nodding and I'm listening and just over their shoulder there's a TV with a game on and I start looking at it, looking at them. Yeah. Start acting like I'm rubbing my forehead, you know, blocking their view of one of my eyes so I can look at the fucking TV. I start doing that shit and eventually I get busted and then they get mad.

You don't even care! Anyways, if you would like to donate to this podcast, it's very easy to do. It won't cost you any money. It just costs you an extra couple of clicks of the index finger. You just go to billburr.com and you click on the podcast page. There's a link to Amazon. Next time you wanna buy something on Amazon, you can do this.

You just click on it and I get credit for driving traffic to Amazon. And if you buy something, they kick me a couple of bucks or whatever. And then I used to kick it to this fucking charity. The people sent me enough shit that said it was a scam. So now I give it to St. Jude saying juices. That's what I try to do. I give a portion of the proceeds. Well, what portion bill we talking like an NFL portion? No way better than the

NFL. I take 10% and I throw it to the fucking to St. Jude's. All right, that's pretty good, right? Considering fucking the NFL does what? What do they do? They do like 3% of that $100 jersey. And then they give it to the pink lady. So she can go out and get herself a pink Cadillac. All right, that's the podcast for this week, everybody. Once again, congratulations to the Denver Broncos and Peyton Manning.

It was so fucking great to see that guy go out of winter, man. Um, I did not want to see him. You know, you know what I mean? I don't know. I just, I didn't want to see him get fucking anyone's want to see him get his fucking ass kicked again on a Super Bowl. I really did not want to see that. And, um, my condolences to the Panther fans, you know, you guys had a hell of a

season, um, river boat, Ron, is that his name? Someone's tweeting me. So is that the best fucking nickname in sports? I didn't even know the guy's name to be honest with you. But I saw him on the sideline at one point in the second quarter. I said to my buddy, I go, that guy looks like the winning coach of a Super Bowl.

That's what I felt like when I saw the guy. So obviously you guys are gonna be back a lot of times. You get there and you don't win it the first time. And then you remember what that feeling's like and then you come back and I don't know, you guys should be all right. You'll get one, right? Look at all Peyton Manic.

He fucking hung in there. He got one. John Elway came in there. And this Denver is the fucking place to go for old fucking quarterbacks to get one more. What do you guys think? Do you think he retires? He should. He should. There's already rumors that he's going to be coming out here to the Los Angeles Rams, you know, which would be very Joe Namath. Joe Willie,

Joe Willie ended. That's actually, that's a good fucking quiz. Huh? You name Hall of Fame quarterbacks in teams that they ended with. Joe Namath ended with the Rams. John United's ended with San Diego, I believe. It's hard, man. Once they fucking disappear and they go off the fucking radar. Let's pick another one here. Drew Bledsoe, who did he finish with? Drew Bledsoe went to the bills, then he went to the cowboys,

and I want to say he went somewhere else. Brett Favre, where did he end? Vikings. Who was gonna go to the Vikings at the end of his career at the last second said, fuck that, I'm not doing it. And was a smart move. I mentioned him earlier. Dan Marino.

Dan Marino had an offer and he said, no, fuck it, I'm not doing it. And what's great is all of his highlights, he's wearing the Dolphins uniform. He doesn't have that sad, you know, the last team I fucking played for, uniform. Emmett Smith, where did he finish? Huh?

Arizona. Franco Harris. Seattle Seahawks. You know what, I think I invented a good drinking game. Right, you just go through, then somebody's gotta look it up and that means somebody knows all the answers. You know what, I think I just thought I had a great idea

but I didn't. All right, go fuck yourselves, I'll check it on ya! On Thursday. ["The Greatest Song of the Year"] What's up everybody and welcome back. I love when you do that. Oh, okay. I thought I was like, hey Bill take the reins It's all you know. No, no, no. I love when you do it. What's up everybody and welcome back To the anything better podcast show with your host me Paul Verzi over here bill Burr over there

Over there you're doing we got the Greek freak Andrew Thimless and of course the newest addition to the show this year Jake the snake out there from a disclosed area with all of his knowledge hot take Jake He's clean-shaven to the week of the Super Bowl. You know why all those NFL heads He had to go into the casino to go over the Tangiers Let him know what he thought about the games. Yeah, he took his glasses off. So they didn't that's why they weren't scared of That's right. They got him in the book. He's banned. He's banned over there how much he fucking beats the book up All right, everybody before we get started we got to obviously shout out our great sponsor It's bet MGM everybody and you guys know how to do it. There's something really cool right now

You bet $5 you get a hundred and fifty eight. I don't know why they picked a hundred and fifty eight for five dollars But that's what they did place analytics Yeah, it's a place your first bet with bet MGM sportsbook wager and your mobile application at least $5 You'll receive $158 instantly In winnings regardless of your wagers outcome you download the bet MGM app from the bet MGM comm You sign up you deposit five dollars In your newly created account place a wager the amount of at least five dollars at standard odds price Once you place the bet you receive 158 in bonus bets regardless of the outcome of your wager and Andrew that bonus code is

Burr B. You are are or they added numbers to that. What are we doing? Andrew that bonus code is Burr B. You are our or the added numbers to that. What are we doing? Andrew asleep at the wheel companies trust funny fun money This is Mike is out you mute it. You're having a rough day. I mean this kid. It's it's Burr It's okay. You be you are our five dollars get you a hundred and fifty eight in bonus bets I mean listen the one week There's no NFL our our producers out there. He's out there in Beverly Hills. He's got his feet up Don't think I didn't see that trust fun kids. Don't get up till noon The show always throws him off. He's like yeah, there's no game this week. I could throw like

Beverly Hills time she's walking the flats with his little French bulldog. All right, we're not gonna obviously pick the game because we're doing that live at Brad Garrett's comedy club at the MGM grand on Friday night, but what are your what are your initial thoughts here? What are my initial thoughts of the Kansas City Chiefs are getting points. What am I crazy? It's the biggest gift. I've ever seen in my life Until somebody stops these guys, and I am so excited, Paul, to be going to this game because I'd never seen Patrick Mahomes live.

All right, Paul? And I don't hate on greatness. If this guy gets his third ring, it's like I'm watching greatness here. You know, I gotta be honest, that kinda hurt me, man. That hurt. Because I thought you were gonna say something else. I thought you were gonna say,

this is the first Super Bowl, I'm going with my dear buddy. We never did this, we've been to Kentucky Derby, and you went gonna say something else. I thought you're gonna say is the first Super Bowl. I'm going with my dear buddy We never did this we've been to Kentucky Derby and you went right to you all week on how much fun are we gonna have? Okay, can I just can we make it about Patrick Mahone's just for one second before I get back to you? No Yeah, I'm just thinking of on paper you look you got a team being led by they've evenly matched I mean the spread is very small and Okay, the way the game is and the way the rules there are it's it's definitely Pro offense they want offense Paul. They want points. They want DJs. They want Taylor Swift

That they're trying to expand their brand. So you got to look the quarterbacks. Patrick Mahones, Brock Purdy. Okay, they're not even in the same class at this point. I'm not saying Brock Purdy can't get this someday. Who knows? Who knows, Paul? Maybe Patrick Mahones is Kurt Warner. And this is a young Tom Brady, the greatest show on turf and he knocks them off.

But until then, Paul, my hot wants San Francisco but my money Paul my money I got to go with Kermit the Frog and the uh the Kansas City Chiefs what happened Paul you're you're you're blurry there so I agree with everything you said and the biggest gangster in show business I Taylor Swift killing live nation and all these guys business I Taylor Swift killing live nation and all these guys big fan lot of Place is gonna be let's be honest place gonna be packed with talent. Don't forget usher's doing half time I heard he's bringing out ludicrous little John. I mean, it's gonna be a spectacle. It's gonna be a spectacle

I can't get too hammered because I got a special to shoot in a couple weeks here So I got to be so how does that work with you With your, you know, women have to worry about period weight. Guys for us, that's alcohol. You go there and you have a couple, two or three. Well, the nice thing is- You go behind a dumpster afterwards, you go old school actress? No, no, no, no, I haven't been drinking a lot.

And I haven't been smoking a lot. And I've kind of pickin' and choosin', but the Super Bowl is obviously- And I've been crying every day. I say, I need this weekend. No. No, no, you know how it is.

The shut off of phones, we're not calling the wives. It's Stacy, there was no service. I swear to God. I mean, it's the Super Bowl. I mean, everybody's tryin' to feed in on the same. Dude, the satellite was busted, everybody. Imagine how upset I was. Walkin' down the street with those giant stupid drinks. I think I wanted to talk to you right before kickoff. Um, no,

so here's the deal. I'm trying to get the weight down. We're going to be going into saunas. We're going into steams. Oh yeah. I agree with everything you said, but I do have to say I heard Peter Schrager say this on Good Morning Football and I think you might be right I think on paper the 49ers are stacked more it's just the defense of the on paper 49ers are stacked every freaking week and they have yet to have a good playoff game true okay they fell behind two teams they should have kicked the shit out of all right and I know they came back and everybody's all well with the end of the fucking day But it's just like well Paul. What are we doing here the lion's that's like my Celtics Paul

I'm telling you I did not like that game against the Lakers when LeBron and ad didn't play I was at that game with my brother Yeah, and it's just like we didn't show up. We should have been like great You're not gonna play. We're gonna beat you by 30 instead be like well, they're not there I know you can't get the competitive pilot light to turn on that's not the kind of team that's gonna win a championship We should have been in killer mode We're like I don't care if your children are out here We're stepping on them and we're dunking on them because you're wearing that Laker Jersey. That's what should have happened We should have came out with the same fucking passion as those those players that came off the bench for the Lakers

Trying to prove that they deserve to be there They came to play basketball Paul You know what you got the shit kicked out of us Do you know who else came to play you on this show today? Because you were fired up and now I see you sipping the coffee and now I know why so PEDs Paul It's all PEDs No, you know I will go in front of Congress and I will talk about how podcasters Are drinking way too much coffee. I'll go Raphael Paul Marrow on him

Here's one prop bet that I would bet that this would be a versey bet that I'm gonna do in Vegas I'm gonna stack money on it our listeners take it or leave it I definitely think my homes is going for over 300 yards and I think I'm gonna put a significant amount of change on that Yeah, and Kelsey's gonna be inexplicably wide open. And at some point you just have to be like, this guy knows NFL defense, because you always have to go on, how is he that like, oh my God, my home's to Kelsey, what a surprise.

How is he that open? And it's just, dude, I don't know, man. Some of these defenses, every week you just see it. Cause he thought he had help over the top and he didn't. You know, the quarterback looked the safety off and then there's just some A-list top shelf wide receiver just going like this with nobody near him. I think Kelsey is deceivingly fast

and has wide receiver moves too. And I think he just knows how to get open, man. And I think him and Mahomes have that chemistry. Hey, Andrew, can we get Travis Kelsey on the show in Friday night? I mean, is that- He's not doing anything, right? Yeah, what's he doing?

They got curfew. He'll be back in his hotel room at 8.30. He's not until Sunday. Yeah. Matter of fact, let's get Mahomes on there. Dude, I'm not so that big. I'd have to pick them if they came on the stage. Oh, Paul Verzi's this stuff.

I'm already picking them. I know you are, and I am as of now, but there's a chance. I'm trying to think, man. If somebody from the 49ers came on, I would just be respectful. It would be awkward. We just change. When I be protecting my money, I don't want to 49ers came on I would just be respectful. It would be awkward We just change then I'd be protecting my money like I don't want to tell this guy that I'm picking the cheese because I don't I don't want to turn on that competitive thing anymore me and you were just fucking complete flip-flop is like Oh Brock Purdy's on the show Brock. We were kidding. Yeah, of course we're going now. She can we can me

Done deal. You're the next one. You're number 13. What are you nuts? Of course? We had to say that. I think it's going to be a great game. I think it's going to come down to the end, because that's the way all the games are now. None of the games are out of reach anymore. I don't know what they've done, Paul. But every game is like, oh my God.

And it's just like, oh my God, games and up. TPS to get the shit kicked out of them on a regular basis. And games were over in the third quarter. And I'm finding that with the new rules and whatever's going on, Paul, with these math leads, crunching numbers, like every, every game is a heart attack game. It's great for fans. So I think that this is going to be no different. Um, yeah, but I just, I just think in the, in the end, Paul, game is a heart attack game. It's great for fans. So I think that this is going to be no different.

Yeah, but there was a stinker. I just think in the end, Paul, in the end, they're going to go into the make a wish defense, concede a field goal, and maybe they come down and score, touch that. I don't know what. I like the Chiefs. Yeah, dude. Oh, god, they're going to be doing that Tomahawk chop

at the game. Well well half of them are I know Shit dude, I just had something I had a good thought and I lost it. It's so dumb It's like even if you're the most racist white guy ever, you know, we committed genocide on Native Americans and you're gonna sit there and do that I always said that'd be like if Germany won and then they were going oh eBay oh It's sit there and do that. I always said that'd be like if Germany won and then they were going, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the last time they played the 49ers were up 10 with 11 minutes and lost the game It's yeah, it's gonna be one of those games dude Christian McCaffrey is gonna get the ball 30 times You know But the defense now, what are you doing? I honestly think that Pacheco is Neutralizes what Christian McCaffrey is gonna do and I don't think that he's at his level yet. No, he's not.

But I would say, I mean, he's damn close. I mean, that's a nice, that's a nice sort of offset there. He can at least do three quarters what that kid's gonna do. I think Patrick Mahomes to Brock Purdy, it's not even a question. I think the Chiefs defensive line too, is very good. Underrated, Chris Jones, they're very good, man. Yeah, line think the chiefs defensive line to is very good underrated Chris Jones. They're very good man. Yeah linebacker's okay Corn is good enough. We'll see I think it's gonna be

Yeah, it's gonna be a bit of a Lot of the games now Paul, you know, so like a shootout in the first half You're like, wow this game's gonna go way over and then in the second half like 10 points have scored They finish Paul the end of the day. I'm a comedian. Okay, Paul All right, I had average success at a very low level in organized sports. What uh, What's a prop that you like? What do you like? What do you see happening a player? What do you see? Perti throwing three I'm trying to picture the color of the Gatorade and right now my picks are orange yellow

Or for some reason right three years ago our first year green came in you got that right the first year We did it. I believe you picked orange and it was orange. Yeah, and I did it in a Kansas City Chief game, too What do I like I Don't know what I like all I know is I like the Chiefs to go up early and 49ers to have to play catch up If that's what it is, you're not catching that team. You're gonna catch the Packers Paul You're gonna catch the Lions. You're not catching these guys. So I'm hoping the 49ers go up early so I can watch my homes Try to have some dramatic comeback and then see I just want a great fucking game, Paul.

That's all I want. Do you know what I'm seeing, Paul? I'm seeing three days with you. I'm seeing smoking cigars. I haven't had one since New Year's Day, Paul. You think I'm thinking about the game? No, we'll think about the game on Sunday. Yeah, I'm not playing in the game.

I don't need to think about the game. Paul, what's say you? What's say you about these prop bets? I'm Mahomes over 300. Dude, I got this weird feeling, though. And it's it's down in my plums. No, I got this feeling down in my plums. Blueish hue. I feel like the 49ers are hearing that Oh, can't go against my homes can't go against my homes. And I feel like they just may come out and

fucking I don't know. Like there's something scratching me right now. I don't know come out and fucking I don't know like there's something scratching me right now I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is Bill I'm gonna make my decision Friday night on the table here that every week and They want to fucking you know shut him up and they just don't he's good dude This game is just so fucking great cuz either my home is Wednesday's third and you're like he is the guy or The 49ers shot him up question chiefs lose

Does Taylor Swift cry like that guy in Buffalo? I say she does not if they lose she won't cry She won't cry. But my home's his wife. Oh, that's gonna be a wreck. Oh either way. He goes, a lot of y'all, did you see that video? She is the life of the party, that one. She goes, a lot of y'all, she had her head tilted, you saw it? She goes, a lot of y'all picked against us.

Yes again! It was. It was full on, like, you know she cries when she gets drunk with her friends I also think she's kind of Yeah, she's got that like she should be managing wrestlers, but she's so cool like I saw the documentary She's so supportive of a wife like she's one of those like ride or die I'm so sick of women getting credit for supporting somebody ridiculously successful Paul. You could do that

Go get him Patrick. I believe in you. What was that contract worth? Yeah. Women talking about how supportive they are of men is that is the female equivalent is when some guy didn't do shit and he's trying to get money out of you and he starts talking about sweat equity. I got a lot of sweat equity in this project Oh, does that mean? Yeah, that means you didn't put any money in it I give this project doesn't work. You're out. No money. Meanwhile me. I'm out six figures sweat equity Fucking jerks off who the hell came up with that? Yeah

Swit equity Paul, but you know what? I got to give her credit for one thing bill before he got the contract I saw something on them when he was just getting in the NFL And she brought him in this room and I think he had like a blindfold on and they opened this room And this is where it hit me She built him a sneaker room with all of his sneakers displayed with lights on them and it was it was everything I ever wanted I told my wife. Yeah, she did that for me You know get my Jordans all did that for you with your money that you earned. Yeah, that'd be incredible That'd be unbelievably supportive if she called

On your house New York with your with your road money. I'm gonna be like Paul Paul is a surprise I have a surprise look what I spent your money on if she called that contractor and use my account I Mean bill you didn't have to do that You didn't have to go into my wallet take my credit card And with your vision build me what you thought I wanted I Can't believe you threw me that ball that's how much I love you. That's how supportive I am That's so funny dude, but we're friends. I don't view it as your money as much as it's our money

Bill can I tell you something she took $50,000 and threw me a party now I'm out She had a great time All her friends were there Well, I'm gonna go into your bank account with your ATM and buy you your dream car And not even with my own money I'm putting the bow. Oh, crying. Oh, crying. Oh, crying. Oh, crying. Oh, crying. Oh, crying. I mean, that right there, that's when you know, Paul,

I'm ride or die. Yeah, when I start spending your money, I spend it on you, Paul. I mean, I could have just as easily gone out, bought myself 50 grand with the sunscreen, you know, but I didn't. We're going to an all-inclusive, all-expenses page. By you, but I set it up.

I set this up. This was my vision and I don't feel like you're enjoying it. Dude, I got a funny story. I got a buddy. I'm obviously not going to mention names. His wife or girlfriend bought him tickets to one of his favorite musicians in Dublin, Ireland. And she goes, we're going to Ireland. And he was like, really? And yeah, you're going to see so and so. It was like his favorite musician. And we're going to fly to Ireland. We're going to see the show. We're going to stay at this hotel.

And then afterwards I go, dude, that's awesome. Why don't you leave? And he goes, nah, dude, we can't do it. He's like, I really can't afford it. She used my money. Isn't that unbelievable You my girlfriend are you an event planner? What do you like travel agent did she add 20% for her work? He was excited he was excited to go see his favorite musician in Ireland oh

Dude, so that's when you need to tap into your Keith Robinson because Keith Robinson would have straight like you use my credit card God damn it That's not a gift. You got it for yourself. Do my stomach hurt. I'm crying dude. That is the funniest shit. Yeah You know It takes a lot. It takes, that's how you know who somebody is, is the way they spend your money on you. Honey, why is there a bulldozer? Why is there a bulldozer in our backyard?

Wow, I figured I'm gonna build you a new extension. And guess what? The pool is also gonna have a hair salon Where you can get your name Manny and a petty? No, Paul I did this for us See I knew you were gonna ruin this you ruin everything When dr. Dre was getting he was getting divorced When dr. Dre was getting he was getting divorced

His ex-wife's lawyer said you know what she did is said she managed the household Oh my god, we need Cheerios If I didn't say that you would have starved to death. It's like what you have a staff, you know, they had a chef Dude It's like what do you have a staff? You know they had a chef Dude, yeah, I know a guy going through it dude He just he went to court because of the money he makes he's got to give his wife like 30 something K a month We got like Paul, you know something best 30 grand you ever gonna spend That's what I'm the key is dude the key is you just you just never get remarried you don't get married again You got to know when to hold them know when to fold them dude I gotta be on when to give it 30k and live at the beach

but I self a trailer and live like Jamie Rockford and get yourself a fucking firebird and start banging chicks at the beach that's what you do you don't try to go out get another house you just downsize your shit. No, I do, but there's something freeing about the guy. I've seen guys that are like, hey man, I'm on my fourth wife and they're fucking happy. They just try it. They're like, ah, this is the one.

Ah, all right. Next, there's something about that, dude. I've never seen a guy like that that has a bang. How can you have yourself cut in half four fucking times and have any money left? I think if you're like broke, I mean, yeah, you can just get married all the time, but like It's people who get divorced I think it's dumb Like you really got a site great thing about me and my wife is I'm I really love her and she's like a friend

So like when we start drifting apart, it's like not only do I pay attention to it? Like I don't want that to happen You know what I mean? Forget about like Jesus Christ Paul the avalanche that it would fucking cost me, but like I watch these people man It's just like they get divorced and then like a year later They're married again, and it's just like all you did was take your canoe out of the river Drag it up and you're getting back in the sea. It's the same fucking ride. I don't know why these guys don't stash money, man.

I'm serious, dude. I mean, I know my wife wouldn't like, I love my wife, you know what I mean? I'm not trying to get divorced, but dude, these guys like Tiger Woods in them, when you got money like that, why don't you have a safe with cash, stash it, man? Hey, Paul, you know, keep it quiet there.

Paul, if you think that You know they do what you do is you do you peel what you peel off like you know a couple of stacks with each gig Yeah, right Couple of stacks right the skim nobody skim It's like you got to view yourself when you when you're operating at the Tiger Woods level You're basically your own casino. All right, and this the skim and it doesn't go to Kansas City Paul goes to you Okay, and you have your little man cave great reference casino reference fantastic And it was actually about the Chicago mob, but they said Kansas City because they didn't want to have any fucking problems from what I read

You have yourself a little fucking safe there, Paul. You know what it's called? It's called Go Money. Yeah. Go Money. Couple passports in there. God forbid you gotta skip town. Exactly.

You know? You know? Side peace. Little joint around the corner. What? What? What? What?

What? What? Fake beard like OJ had in the fucking Bronco. Little joint around the corner Fake beard like OJ had in the fucking Bronco, what do you have a week? Yeah, you disappear after the divorce then they don't and then just keep the checks coming Well, you can't disappear if you got kids though, or you got to tell your kids where you're going No, it's a package deal you make them choose Take a good look at this face All right prop bets I like this is my prop bets for for the for the game Paul, what do you like? I like Patrick Mahomes to throw over 300 and I like track. This is what this will be. This will be a parlay of mine

Patrick Mahomes to throw 300 plus yards Wow Christian McCaffrey to score really Travis Kelsey just seeing how confident you are your choices Travis Kelsey. What do you think over eight catches or? It's eight a lot Mm-hmm. It's eight a lot. Pfft. It's eight a lot. Come on, Paul, be confident you should.

Eight catches? It's a lot in a Super Bowl, man. And you know something, and it makes no fucking sense. But you know he's done it. He had 12 in the AFC Championship game. Against the Ravens. And he caught all of them. The guy was 12 targets, 12 catches, and a touchdown.

The guy had a lot. Dude, the man shows up. He does. Shows up. All the men in the world that wanted, what's her face there? He showed up. He came walking in the room, Paul, and it was over.

No, he went to her concert and tried to get a bracelet or give her a bracelet. She didn't take it. And he said, oh, that's it. And he felt dumb. And then she came back to him when he was done The man he's getting a touchdown done because you know what she saw that he understood that no meant no I walked from my wife and that's what that's what you do with the good ones you walk away

I walked away from my wife did you yeah, I kept I kept hitting on her and she just was being a Then I doing that shit and right when I thought you know what fuck her Do came right up like no me And my brother shout out to my older brother Christian who got married Saturday. He's the fucking best. He's right over there giving me a look you didn't You didn't play hard to get We had a great breakfast Paul. Uh looking as beautiful as ever Yeah, you do you do you love it and you love me All right

All right, what do we got here so so uh Fuck what was I saying you said Christian McKay? He said Patrick Holmes 300 Christian McCaffrey Yards Travis Kelsey 15 catches I was trying to date my wife for like five months We know each other forever. She was in Jersey said I was in Queens same thing as you try to go out try to go here Try to go get a drink this and that and after a while I was like what am I doing? So me and my older brother Christian went to a movie It was Chris Rock's movie,

had a state where he's gonna be the president. And my brother goes, what are you worried about? It's her loss. Fuck it, move on. And I go, yeah. And that weekend she texted me, I miss you. It was like as soon as I mentally unlocked it, it was done. That's hilarious.

I miss what? Me hitting on you and you slamming me to the curb? Yeah, I miss you. I miss, yeah, I miss rejecting you. Yeah. Oh. I miss saying no to you. What are you doing next week?

I've got to feel amazing. Can you imagine a woman throwing herself after you and you're just like, yeah, nah, nah. Dude, did you see that Matt Dylan, dude, Matt? And then when she walks away, you can walk up to her and then she's just like Oh, no, man, we're idiots or idiots Paul. Do we got we got our fans You got to pull up that scene Matt Dylan's in that scene. Oh, dude

It's typical Matt Dylan, but he's playing white trash and Matt Dylan He's sitting there with a beer and the movie a chick from the office I don't know if it's a show or a movie, but the chick from the office who was the she was John Krasinski's I don't know if it's a show or a movie, but the chick from the office who was the she was John Krasinski's John Krasinski's love interest that she like sat at the reception Okay, and she was also in blades of glory and she goes She goes he's just sitting there with a beer and she goes you want to blow job and he goes Nah, man. Thanks, you know

She goes she goes you want to fuck and he goes nah, man I appreciate it though, you know, and she goes you want to, you wanna fuck? And he goes, nah, man, I appreciate it though. You know, and she goes, you wanna come on my tits? He goes, ah, nah, but dude, it is. And then he just gets up and walks into the beat. Dude, it's one of the funniest, his acting in it is perfect. He's just like, nah, dude, it's all right though, but thanks. No, that guy, like, one of my favorite things in the world is to see a great dramatic actor then do a comedy

and you see that they're fucking hilarious. Yeah. All right, like Matt Dylan, Russell Crowe, Ryan Gosling, all of them, like I was huge fans watching their dramatic stuff and then you watch them in a comedy and you're like, oh my God, and I don't just mean being like, oh you're the one, okay.

Like being like wacky. I mean, they're like, they're not trying to be funny. They're still like just saying it like they believe it. And it's, dude, Ryan Gosling's high pitched scream in, was it the good guys? The nice guys? Nice guys. The nice guys when he does the spiral fracture Russell Crowe does that thing and he does he goes up the octave

And it was just like that's a brutal scene this guy comes in and he breaks your fucking arm He tells you he's gonna do it Yeah, and so that's like you all my and he he made getting his arm broken by a tough guy fucking hilarious I rewound it like three times like just a comedy class. What about Leslie Nielsen man dramatic actor Leslie Nielsen amazing Maybe the goat of dramatic acting too funny Yeah, there's that's um Fucking airplane dude People forget this the first time Danira was like really funny

When he did the analyze this or whatever he's just doing a straight-up comedy. It's like holy shit. This guy's hilarious. Oh my god Um, yeah, he said that was yeah, it's and they say it's harder to do I Don't think it is I Don't think I think that there's a bunch of shit I Think it's like either you Paul. What's going on? What's the under over on the next knees? No, I don't know I got something on here. I Don't think it is because I'll tell you this I would rather have to do comedy than have to do a scene That's really super dramatic and they're gonna do like seven different setups

of it. You gotta maintain that energy. You know, and if you're not gonna do the lemon under your eye bullshit, you're actually gonna go there emotionally. That is that is fucking way more exhausting than anything I've ever done as a comedian. So there you go, Paul. That's what I feel. What do you got, Andrew? So I built that parlay that you're that you're putting together. If anything's off I can swap it out but you had Mahomes getting at least 300 yards. This is priced at 303. Kelsey having eight plus receptions which is where the number started. Eight was the minimum. Couldn't even get couldn't even get lower than that. Look at that. On an at least, over under, you probably could.

Kelsey, you have one touchdown. McCaffrey, you said over 100 yards rushing. No, I said McCaffrey touchdown. Just McCaffrey touchdown. All right, swap it out. What I don't like about that, Paul, is there's no left turn in there. You have three things that should happen.

Well, eight. That makes me nervous. I know. I know. But you need a little nervous to make money. That's a four leg. That's 10 to win 100. It's not a good kind of nervous.

That's 10 to win 100. That's only $10 to win 100? So wait, so 100 to win 1,000. Put up a grand and get 10 grand. Dude, that's basic math here. Dude, that's actually 100 to win 1,000 is good. Yeah. But like Bill said, I think at least three of those How about Pacheco?

Pacheco that's that's the one I think that I think is Yeah, there's gonna be some ground game So I like him and I and the one that I would who's the 49ers number one receiver. Yeah, but dude the 49ers James Taylor The 49ers got a good I've seen I and I this is Paul. I'm not saying this is Paul. I'm not saying this is Paul. I'm not saying this is Paul. I'm not saying this is Paul. I'm not saying this is Paul.

I'm not saying this is Paul. I'm not saying this is Paul. I'm not saying this is Paul. I'm not saying this is Paul. I'm not saying this is Paul. I'm not saying this is Paul. I'm not saying this is Paul. I'm not saying this is Paul. is the guy so. So I do that we just put together a parlay somebody could put 100 bucks I want a thousand to get Travis Kessie.

Paul I'm not saying listen Paul I'm not coming at you. I'm not playing hard to get here Paul. What am I going to get respect on this show. I'm going to bring Jake and see what he can see what Jake likes here. Jake what do you like. Eight catches and a lot of people though. What's up Jake come on man look at that shirt you can tell he's a genius

come on but the guy Jake more context is free guys up but I'm for super one VP I mean if you guys any interest in that especially like the chiefs maybe you can take Kelsey a plus a thousand or even the homes is plus 120 I thought those two come I feel like they got they're gonna give it to my homes you know that you got that I don't know 120 I slot those two, I feel like they got they're gonna give it to my homes Are you gonna?

I don't know. That's a tough. Well, why is Kelsey? I guess the quarterback gets all the glory by the way Jake You should award the guy. I love the glasses. I know I don't want Matt and a idol Jake I want you coming in look like you've been looking at the numbers all week. Your eyes are all red You got to do one of these We got to buy credibility. We're gonna buy him some Sam Rothstein's with the with the brown tint Dude, I'm getting one of those fucking suits with the sock artists. You got to come to Vegas with us I'm gonna give you those big glasses giant glasses We'll be like prescription that's for sure Yeah, it'd be fantastic. There'll be giant readers like that. That's crazy dude Travis Kelsey winning MVP and then getting on the nobody's betting Kelsey so that they're trying to get you to just to spread the money out Paul But if that comes in you know what it is if Kelsey gets three touchdowns or or or or or four something ridiculous It's like well my home's through those

Plus everything else he done did that what if he blows a kiss to Taylor Swift every time Does that? Does that swing it the other way? Does that swing it the other way? It's well that female voters. We're being very disrespectful to the 49ers. What about a Brock Purdy MVP? What does that pay? Plus 190-ish.

I like Purdy. Another one of my bets is Purdy to have over 13 rushing yards or it's a 12 and a half. But yeah, I really like that one. I love that. Yeah. He had 50 last week. So that's definitely one of my parapets. Over 13 rushing yards?

That's nothing. Yeah. I think it's minus 130. I took a slightly higher number. I think it's going to be a lot of good luck. Sounds like you're going to have fun betting this week, Paul. Oh, yeah, dude. I'm going and I'm coming into fucking Vegas

with this knack ready to go, baby. I'm putting a dime on the chiefs. Oh, no Yeah Dude, it's a Super Bowl What am I gonna do here? Action That's Over you. That's actually. Yeah, it's actually over. Man. I like that is

man. I like the check over 16 attempts as well. I thought that was a good one. I like that. Oh, yeah. This guy is just this is why he's on the show. Paul, check over the pretty faces to take the snake is the brain. This is hot. Jake, like classic right here, like when

they put that again, when you retire, they have the highlight reel They're gonna show a clip from this segment means giving us gems here, Paul Deferney Pacheco 16 attempts That what it was. Yes Yeah, that's a good number under I don't know about that one. Yeah, a lot of Russian Dude, that's a lot of touches. It's a lot of commies 20. Yeah, it's true. It's true. But you know the defense about save Ray save Ray miss you any defense any defensive ideas anybody

like safety I saw the numbers on a safe I think Brock Hardy is gonna throw a pick. Oh so listen so since we got to wrap this up in a second should we do a instead of picking the game can we do a prop bet parlay special? Of course we can, Paul. You can do whatever you want. Do whatever you want, Paul. All right, so I think we put Bill's Brock Perti pick in there.

I think that's a good one. Yeah. Oh, hey, hey, you know, I'm over here just talking, Paul. I didn't think we were going to do this. No, let's do a little fun. Look, my homes may throw one too. It happens. I'll price it out.

So list them off, but Take your time in between because I got a bunch of men Brock Purdy to throw a pick To throw an interception. Yeah, I think they just been starting slow He's gonna fuck up or something like that and then they're gonna come roaring back It's gonna be close and then my home's does his bullshit and then they win And then they play Taylor Swift turn around bright In a new Travis Kelsey more than ever But with a what were the odds I'm pretty to throw an interception Andrew

I'm curious because I want I'm in on that I want to know that too. It's minus 150. Oh What are the odds of Patrick Mahone's wife spraying champagne on people below whether they like it or not? Yeah, take that shit, yeah. I love when the dad was smoking the cigar for father-in-law. She's going, yeah, smoke that shit.

And she's fucking saying that to her father-in-law. You see, he got a little too hair on the drive-on. Patrick Mahone's wife, if you stepped to her her she's got like a pool queue she's gonna smash over your back I would not fuck with her on any level hey Bill she's a character man right or die Bill right or die man she could have spent that money on her she could have spent his money on herself she didn't nobody be on him. Nobody's more rider died with

somebody else's check. You know what I'm going to do. We're throwing you a party. All right. So what did you so you what do you want to add to that. Travis Kelsey to catch one. So Kelsey touchdown.

Perdy in a section. You want to go Christian McCaffrey over a hundred. Wait it's a Super Bowl Paul this is sort of my parlay also stick with Paul's don't don't you know listen to me I threw in there that's you know it's throwing a pick dude. I'm respectful of the people's

money that's that you go you just know you're going deep on that one. Yeah trying to spread out the defense on that one you're the first play of the game going up top there. Well we're also doing

something where a little bit of money could get you a lot so you don't have to bet a lot you bet ten bucks you could get a couple hundred bucks okay so I would go heavier on Paul's bed I go a little lighter on mine you know who knows maybe you know bag of money falls in your lap what else What else you want to add in? Yeah, I fucking spent that shit. All right, let's sweeten the pot for people here. Yeah, what else you want to add in? Let's build this. Christian McCaffrey to rush for 100 or plus. All right, so on, so rushing yards, at least. By the way, Paul, I have to be honest with you.

That whole thing where you have the whole cabinets with your sneakers back lit and everything, like that's really stupid. They're sneakers. I'm tired of you guys acting like they're vintage bottles of wine. Well, dude, man, but I have too many laying around. It's a problem.

Like I need a room for it. That's a thing. I know you guys are like chicks. It's like you just got like 5,000 pairs of sneakers instead of heels. No, I'm not. So where are heels no where these what do you think the cement or the smokes does it match my bag dude I saw this thing the guys these sneaker heads and this guy's legit he has a pair of Nike's and he's talking to this dude at this swap meet going like what do you want for me goes 60 grand

The guys like I can't do I can do 40. I give you 40 cash for fucking sneakers. Yeah Yes, dude, I'll tell you the two two areas for three areas art sneakers and and classic cars right now some fucking idiot at Barrett Jackson just paid $202,000 for a Ford F 250 crew cab from the 1970s that things worth like 60 grand maybe if you do a rotisserie and you pay for it Just because the money in the labor it's gonna cost you 110 That's nuts. She's gonna fucking Ferrari for that. Yeah. Yeah. Well the truck market is hot. You know, this is good for your portfolio To F-250 what's the money at now Andrew? What's the bet?

It's tend to win 70. Purdy interception, Kelsey one touchdown and 102 plus yards We've got a Dodge power wagon. We're gonna start to bid in at 200 grand I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to throw in my home to throw 300 plus. Yeah, all right. Do that, that'll fucking up the pot. Starting at 260. What if they just hit him the first play, Paul and he's looking out his ear hole. Oh, fantastic.

I mean, I like the kid. I think something crazy is gonna happen in this game. This might be the cappy talking Paul, but I mean, I like the kid. I think something crazy is gonna happen in this game. This might be the cafe talking but I am I What is it? 100 to win 1700. Yeah nice beautiful do it 20 bucks right now to win 340 just on a whim I'm gonna actually bet this bet me to put my money where my mouth is I'm gonna know you Paul I'm gonna take your credit card. I'm gonna surprise you And I'm gonna put in a bet for both of us with your money, you know something Bill you're a rider die friend

I'm gonna have my hands over your eyes like this and he opened in the two betting slips are gonna be on some bar high top By the way, Paul, can you get us some nachos? Bill, I just got my bank statement. No, those bets were for you. I did that for us. You know, it sucks. We can't go out to the pool out there. Why? Dude, it's gonna be like 58 degrees every day. All right. Can't go to the pool. Paul, you can go to the pool and you can smoke a cigar right down there. We got to do the picture. They took vacations together. No, we got to take a picture by the Bellagio fountain. At night. At night. I'm a Caesars guy. We got to go down to Caesars.

I'm all like Caesars to Flamingo. Oh, Shays. All right. Well, listen, guys, we will be back Friday doing the live show from Brad Garrett's Comedy Club at the Bet MGM Grand sponsored by Bet MGM. The show will work. It'll be a show that will be done live with an audience, but the audio will be out the next day. So somebody will be out the next day.

People look out for the audio from that. Live audience. Me and Bill will give our official Super Bowl picks. I think you know where Bill next day live for the audio from that live audience me and Bill will give our official Super Bowl picks I think you know where Bill's going he pretty much said it. I will I'm kind of leaning that way. Jake

the snake will have up to date injury reports for us and we'll have some prop bets and twenty dollars get you three forty with the bet we just gave you guys. But we'll see you on Friday. Anything else Andrew. That's it. Five dollars. I can smoke. Yeah. Five dollars. Get you 158. Five dollars. Get you 158 bonus code. Burr. I've been watching your next dude. They look solid. I know dude. First time

all this shit you've been talking. They have a team. No they have a team 16 out of the last 19. Hey Bill listen the first round. You're New York Knicks Bill listen when we go to the steakhouse Okay dinner on me your credit card Surprise for you All right guys, we'll see you out in Vegas on Friday talk to you guys soon And thank you so much for watching for another football season. This is the most fun show I do in this business. Thank you, everybody.

We'll see you in Vegas. Bet MGM. See you guys later.