Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-23-22

Episode Date: March 23, 2023

Bill rambles about the suburbs, Hong Kong, and masseuses.   Zip Recruiter:  Try ZipRecruiter for free at www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR Liquid Death: New iced teas are available now with free shipping on Amazon and retailers near you. As an added bonus, [Monday Morning Podcast] listeners get 20% off their first Liquid Death apparel purchase available exclusively at www.LiquidDeath.com/BURR Policy Genius:  Head to www.policygenius.com to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking it all. Just checking in to see how your week's going, man. How everything's going. Oh, you're having a rough one, are you? You know, well, guess what?

Nobody wants to hear about it. You know, that's what therapists are for. God bless therapists. I'm just going to sit there listening to people bitching, whining about their lives. And then they've got to be like, well, why don't you try a different thing next time? I don't know. It's just, I don't know why. I guess I just feel that, you know, the option isn't open for me.

Well, it is open for you. You know, just try to go around the wall rather than keep ramming your head into it. I don't know. I just, I just feel like there's a lot of stuff coming up right now. And it's just like, I know, I know what you're saying is right, but like, I'm just like not there yet. Do you know what I mean? Can you imagine listening to that?

And then looking at the clock and then going, oh my God, it's almost over. It's almost fucking over. And then knowing that another person's going to come in there. I mean, I just don't feel feelings. Okay. So when you say you don't feel feelings, like what does that mean? I mean, like, I mean, if I'm watching a game and like, you know, I got money on it and my wife's staring the pot too loud and I'm losing the bet.

Like, you know, I feel feelings down, but like, I mean, if there's like a bird chirp and it's, it's just kind of annoys me, which, all right, well, being annoying is sexually an emotion. You are feeling things. You just, no, I mean, like I want to like take the bird and twist its head off. Okay. I think we've done enough for one day. Anyway, um, oh, Billy freckles getting ready to go back on the road.

I had a great show last night. I ran my hour. I did my whole hour. Oh boy. Who's a big boy? Who did his whole hour? Oh, did you put on your little clown shoes, Billy? Oh, Billy clown shoes got on stage the other night.

Did his whole hour like a big boy didn't take any breaks. Wow. Look at you. The old bearded blunder went on stage, went on stage last night, ran my hour, did about an hour and 15, an hour and 20. I got a whole bunch of new shit upfront that finally like, I feel tied the hour together. I know what my next special is going to be called. I know how I'm going to work it and I'm doing that for the rest of the year.

I am fucking motivated. I'm excited. I'm working out. I'm stretching. I dropped some weight. I'm ready to go. I'm ready to go do some damage up there in Ottawa. I'm going to that fucking Ottawa Senators, Toronto Maple Leafs game.

Yeah, that's right. That's right. You're jealous. The last Canadian team I need to see, unless I start going to fucking CFL games, Jesus Christ and those fucked up stadiums. You know what I mean? You ever see the, you ever see a CFL stadium? You know, if they have a reshot like Mississippi burning, you know, that era of America where

you know, where you have like the Lester Maddox type of guys, like they should, you know, in this any sort of something revolved around sports or like maybe when they do like the sports, like the, like some college, you know, and they're going to have their first black player and you know, the white coach is like, he's not smart enough to play football. Everybody knows you want a white running back in a white, white receipt, you know, they're doing that and they need like an old school looking football stadium. They should shoot it up and like Winnipeg, one of those ones, even the one in Toronto I thought I saw it.

It's like the thing where you got like stands on both sidelines in it, but it's open ended on either side. Like those ones, like how you can literally be sitting in the, in, in the grandstands and you can look out and see your car in the parking lot and I felt games used to look like that. I remember watching the Minnesota Vikings and they would line up for a field goal and they, you know, they would have the shot behind the field goal kicker and you looking at cars in the parking lot.

They'd be like fucking two guys back there running around to catch the football before it fucking rolled down a hill or something. That I'm telling you right there. That was a fucking football stadium. All right. And that was still in America in America. Wasn't way up there in, in a, what do you call it up there in Canada where it's even more cold.

It's like, it's almost like Canadians are trying to be colder. Well, wait, they start their football season earlier. I don't know. I just drove by one of the Toronto Argonauts and I am going to go to, I'm going to start going to CFL games. I mean, you always have to have something that you're looking forward to when you're on the road or a goal or else you just get that fucking 600 yards stare on your face and you're just like, what have I done with my life?

I thought this was going to be exciting. I thought I was going to enjoy it. I mean, I did for the first 25 years, but I'll tell you, hey, I'll tell you these last, these last seven have been a little rough. Okay. Yeah. That's the hard thing is going to a city that you've been to a thousand fucking times and finding something new to do, something that excites you, something that you can look

forward to. So you keep your fucking mojo, you know, you're, you're, you're up, you know, you're not coming there like, oh my God, like I've been to Ottawa a bunch of times. I've skated along the canal. I'd do that again. I would do that in a second. I'd skate along that fucking canal, get myself a little hot chocolate. If you've never done it, I'm telling you, it's such an underrated thing, not for a Canadian.

You know, I mean, those fucking people, they skate backwards to work. You know, apologizing the whole way. I love how they have, they have that reputation, you know, oh, hey, oh, sorry, they're not like that. Maybe in like the cities where there's like money involved, you know, there's money involved. They got skin in the game. I'm not talking about the cosmopolitan, you know, person that lives in Canada, who was a friend that looks like Drake, I'm not talking about that person.

I'm talking about those fucking animals that live in the middle of nowhere on like a farm and they got their own fucking pond and their dad built a rink, you know, and at the end of the game, every night, you have to fight all your brothers and whoever wins, you know, gets the first cut of fucking elk or bison or polar bear, whatever, those fucking people. Yeah, I'm literally just making shit up. I've never been, well, I've driven through it. You know, I've driven through the farm areas in Canada. I drove from Winnipeg up to Regina and I looked at the farms and I felt the exact same thing

I feel when I drive by American farms, which is there's a good chance a serial killer lives in there. There is just something so creepy. If you just drive by a farm, you know, it's beautiful, right? You want to take the easel out of your trunk, put a canvas up, you know, and paint that little red barn that's in a state of disrepair, peeking over the horizon, you know, that one random cow just standing there, looking at you, you're looking at it, but you really take a look at the fucking place.

You know, if you stay there till the sun starts going down, you know, that's when all the secrets start coming out, man. It's really, a farm is a really creepy thing. You know what, that's all the same shit is a big part of me that wants to live in the middle of fucking nowhere. I was thinking that yesterday when I was driving in the traffic out here and how my entire adult life since I moved out, like I grew up in the suburbs, which I feel is the perfect amount of you're close to the city.

You know, you're not in the city. You're not in the country. A lot of people make fun of the suburbs suburbs of the shit, you know, you're close enough to the city where you can go in there and get some culture, meet different people and see independent films and all of that stuff, but you're not going to like, you know, start stealing cars, right, while you get ridiculously good at math. But if you live in the middle of nowhere, that's when you get like all paranoid, you know, which is totally understandable.

I mean, you just out there by yourself and it's really all on you. I mean, if somebody comes through your front door, you can't yell help. That's why people in middle of nowhere have all of those fucking guns and all of these fucking liberals that live in cities, if they lived out there in the middle of nowhere, they'd have a fucking gun too. And if you don't, you're an idiot. You're a fucking idiot. I mean, some of these people, they're fucking driveways are like a quarter of a mile long.

When I would be out there doing college gigs, make a left on rural road L. Like they didn't even have a fucking name. They were barely paved. You fucking live out there. All right. And your next door neighbor who's fucking nine miles away. He starts getting into the meth. He starts dipping into, you know, he gets high on his own supply and he turns into a

fucking zombie and all of a sudden he starts walking up your fucking driveway. All he's got on is a para overalls. Nothing else looking like fucking Tom Sawyer. Walking up the goddamn driveway with fucking bad intentions. What are you going to do? Huh? You going to go over to that phone on the wall? Operator.

Yeah, let me get the sheriff. Let me get Pennsylvania six, nine, five or whatever the fuck. I mean, they don't even have fucking cell phones out there. No, I'm kidding. That right there's a, uh, uh, it's a silo and a cell phone tower. I got my own fucking network out here. I grow my own fucking food. I'm building a rocket.

Um, yeah. Somebody comes up your fucking driveway out there. What are you going to call the cops? Huh? You can wait for Sheriff Resco Pico train to come up and some fucking Plymouth four hours later and this guy, you know, this guy's a farmer. All right. This guy knows how to filet meat and he's on fucking cracking and whatever the fuck

he's on that wooden teeth, shit, crystal meth. By the time they get there, you're going to be like that guard and fucking silence of the lambs. Remember when he put them up all gutted and he looked like he was on the front of a boat. But you want the worst part is, is the sheriff's going to know the name of the guy that kills you. He's going to sit there like, all right, now forest, you had your fun.

Okay. Put the lawnmower blade down. Now, God damn it. Bill is all kinds of fucked up up there and I, he's still breathing. Now, just, let's just be fair. You had your fun. Let me cut him down. Don't reach into that little pocket.

Don't reach into that little pocket in front of your overalls. Pulls out a six shooter and then he misses. He's got a basset hound sitting on his fucking dashboard. Yeah, you got to have a gun when you're out there. But the problem is when you live out there, all you can do is talk to your neighbor who's like nine miles away and you live in the middle of nowhere. Right. And the people in the cities are making fun of you.

So you're like, fuck them straight across the board. So you won't listen to their information. So now all you're left with is you and your friend who lives nine miles away and your interpretation of the internet. And that's when you start connecting dots, man. I'll tell you what, you know what they're doing. You don't think they're doing what you think they're doing. I'll tell you right now.

I'll tell you right now what the fuck is going on. All right. I went to I figured it out.net. I read some shit. It's fresh in my brain and I want to say it to you before forget it. You like how I'm making it seem like only people in the south live in the middle of nowhere. I always call myself out on doing that, but I continue to do it.

That's that small town thing does exist. Everywhere, you know, I remember when I moved to New York and one of my buddies lives in the suburbs of Boston. And he's like, where do you live in New York where you live? And I said, I live on 97th and Lex. He's like, dude, what's up with the numbers down there? Like all the streets are like numbers. Like, well, it kind of makes it easy.

There's like fucking 200 streets. Do you want to name 200 streets on a little ass island? And it is a little ass island. You know, you can walk from one side to the other in like a fucking hour. You know, I guess you can do that probably in any city. I don't know. I was just always amazed. At how small the city Manhattan was once, once you got in it and you

started to know people the amount of times you'd walk down the street and just run into somebody you knew. Hey, it's like this is not possible. There's like a billion people all stacked up on top of each other. Does anybody over there in China listen? Does that ever happen in like Hong Kong? I went to Hong Kong, man.

00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:34,800 I'm still thinking about the food that I ate there and the energy of that place. God damn it. That was fun. Underrated, underrated, going to Asia. All these fucking idiots want to go to the moon and go to Mars. If you want the experience of feeling like you went to another planet, but there's still oxygen and you can, and I'm sorry, and you can take a plane home.

Right. You can take a plane home and not worry about burning up during reentry. Go to Asia unless you're from Asia. And if you live in Asia, come over here. I swear to God. When I went over there with what blew my fucking mind was it was a completely alternate universe with all the exact same shit all called something different. Bunch of commercial airlines.

I know I've talked about this before, but there's always new listeners. Like to this day, I want to know what the airline was. When we landed in Hong Kong coming in from Singapore, which was also amazing. God, I got to go back. This is just making me want to go back when we landed. We were we were taxing into the gate and I saw this white airplane. And on the tail, it had a red like this dragon on the back. And I was looking at me and go, dude, what the fuck airline is that?

We were in Singapore. It was all these new airlines. They had all their own famous people, all their own shows. You put on the TV and you're literally watching shows that it's like their version of the American show. And then you start thinking like, wait, did we rip them off or are they ripping us off? Because, you know, that's show business around the world. Everybody's just like, hey, that show works.

Let's do the fucking Swahili version of road rules. So anyway, like the food was all amazing, but then what just blew my mind was just the sheer amount of people over there. And you'd be like, when you drive from the airport to go to downtown Hong Kong, I felt like every like 10 miles, there was like a Manhattan of just an impossible amount of skyscraper apartment buildings all clustered together. And you're like, all of those are filled up with people and then you go another few and then they'd be like another was, I mean, I mean, it's an environmental disaster.

Who's kidding? Who, but it's like the fact that it still somehow works is incredible. As we have a tornado. We had a tornado here in LA yesterday. Okay. The weird wacky weather of global warming is going to be fucking crazy. Riding this out. I've just decided I'm just going to fucking enjoy global warming and just watch.

I'm just going to act like I'm watching like a real live Tom Cruise Will Smith movie because they're fucking they're not doing anything about it. Once again, it rained out here and all the fucking water drains into the LA river and they just let it go out into the fucking ocean. And we've gotten so much fucking rain out here this year, so much fucking rain. And like it's like 80% of it just goes out into the ocean. I guarantee you by mid April, they're going to be like we're still in a drought. If you're going to steal water from the rest of the state from Colorado,

if we're going to participate in the reason why as a city, the reason why the Colorado River no longer reaches the ocean for the last fucking 20 years, you think the least we could do is save our fucking rainwater. We don't do it. But anyway, the question I wanted to ask of people that live in Hong Kong is do you do you ever just like run into people you know over there or the worse, somebody you broke up with? That's what always blew up blew my mind and mad at you be like, you know,

get out of a relationship. And you know, right when you were starting to feel better, you know, the loneliness, you know, okay, I can turn it around. I'll find somebody else. Yeah, who comes walking up the street? You're rex and you're like, ah, fuck. Here we go. Right.

And then they'd see you like, hey, how you doing? Yeah, good time. You talk. And then it would just start the mind fuck all over again. You're just thinking like, how what are the fucking odds? What are the fucking odds? I'm nowhere near her apartment or my apartment. Here we are down.

What the fuck are we doing? You know? Anyway, sorry. I got to go to a fucking funeral today. I got to go to the service for my, my masseuse spreading the ashes there. So now I am trying. I'm trying to find somebody else because my shoulders already fucked up in my Jedi. Diana Linden is no longer here, man.

I don't think I've ever lost someone like this. I've lost amazing, amazing friends, but she was an amazing friend who also through her work, just the quality of life that I lived. All of the stuff that she, I mean, literally just me moving every time I moved was easier because of her. God damn it. Those people are healers. If you can find, I'm going to tell you that right now, underrated in your adult life. I also, the younger you are, if you can find a Jedi masseuse

and you can figure out a way to go to that person on a regular basis, like the level of quality of life that you're going to live. I'm telling you, that's probably the most underrated thing. I would say when you're a young person is cause you're young, you know, you don't feel like you need to take care of your body. It's like you got a new car and you're doing burnouts and fucking neutral drops and all of that shit. And like you can do those. But eventually, you know, the tranny starts falling out of the bottom of the car.

And like I really, if I could have gone, if I could go back and redo my life, I literally would have started getting massages in like high school. When I first fucked up my back and everything like that. And it's just like, there's just so much less stuff to undo as opposed to, I didn't start getting worked on until I was like 47. Wow. That also seems young to me. So I figured out what's going on with me with this cough and everything.

It's just that, you know, I feel like I just, my daughter keeps coming home from school. She catches colds and then she gives it to my son and they just keep giving him back and forth like throughout winter. If you just have kids in these damn schools because my lungs are fine. I'm not smoking by the way, everybody. I feel so good about that. 00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:53,800 I thought about it. It's also pretty easy because it's cold out and it's raining. My back porch is fucking drenched.

Maybe I can wring out the cushions and save that water. I feel really good about it. I sleep better and all that shit. I don't know, it's definitely obvious. I'm stating the obvious. But anyway, if you're a young person, I would try to go out. I mean, I know it's expensive and that's type of shit, but like to get a massage and stuff, but like the investment is 100% worth it. You know, and just go out a couple of nights less during the course of a month and invest in a massage. And then if you can work out too, you know, and do a complete workout, figure out how to do that and eat right and everything.

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Hey, what's going on? Hey, it's Bill Byrne. It's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, Monday, March 23, 2015. How's it going? How are you doing? Hey, hopefully you're hearing this thing on time. If not sooner, last week I recorded the thing on Sunday, then of course I brought the wrong fucking wire. So I couldn't upload it, right?

And then fucking, I do my Thursday one. My internet just sucks in my, I don't know what's going on like in my neighborhood, right? They don't want, you know, when they put those trees up, it looks like a weird looking tree, but you can't really tell unless you look at it and it gives you good internet. Well, in my neighborhood, they don't want that. We don't want that. It affects the integrity of the whimscape in your neighborhood, right? So we don't have one of those. So my internet sucks a big bag of dicks.

So what I have to do now, it just keeps getting worse by the week. And I don't know if this is part of some other bullshit, some big conglomerates buying up bandwidth and all this shit where they try to squeeze me down the fucking little porthole they want me to go down. I don't know if that's under the same category. That's just some shit that I heard walking by a TV in an airport. 00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:54,800 So don't hold me to that. All I know is now whenever I do my fucking podcast, what I have to do is I then have to jump in the car after I upload it and then drive down to a local Starbucks. And I got to stand there, you know, eating a muffin, waiting for the fucking thing to upload.

Actually, I'm not, I don't eat a, I'm not eating a muffin. All right. Billy Jim rat. Huh. Oh, Billy squat face. You don't want it. I've been going to the gym now for fucking two weeks and, you know, I fucked up yesterday. Buddy of mine's parents were in town and went to this Greek restaurant.

I ate like a fucking horse and, you know, yeah, it's just, it's just fucking in my age. You just can't do that. You can't like negate two days of working out, but I'm still going to the gym. I'm going to the gym. I'm holding steady. I was, I was 177.8 starting off at 184. I dropped seven pounds, almost a fucking lot, more like six pounds. And I'm not stopping.

And I'm going to keep saying this because if I don't tell you guys this, you won't hold it to me. You won't hold it to me. You won't hold me to it. I got to get down to buck 62 the last time. Oh, whatever fucking way that is, why finally have a flat stomach or you know what I mean? What I've always said. All right. There's standing up flat stomach.

There's lying down flat stomach and then the ultimate shape is sitting down flat stomach. Right. The ultimate truth is when you sit down and you look down. That's the fucking shape you're in. And I got to tell you, I don't like it. I don't like it at all. So you wouldn't know by my coughing. I haven't had a cigar in a fucking month.

And I like it. I think I'm done with them for a while. I'm going to smoke one new years, my birthday, and then like that big college game I go to every year. And then that's fucking it. You know what I mean? I had this fucking cough for like a few weeks, you know, some sort of throat infection. But I mentioned to the guy that I smoked cigars and he took his little fucking mirror and he was looking at the side of my tongue for cancer as lesions. And immediately I'm just like, what am I doing?

What am I an asshole? Where do I get off smoking a cigar? Like I just figured out the fucking economy. You know? Like I just, you know, carved a path towards world peace. I haven't. All I did was come up with more hateful, hurtful, misinterpreted material. That's all I've done.

I don't deserve a cigar. So anyways, I've been going to the gym. I've just decided that going to the gym is part of my day. All right. It's not a part of my day that I like. I don't like the gym. I don't like the gym. You know, you know fucking song they had on today.

Remember that song? Y'all ready for this? BAM BAM BAM BAM. How the fuck? Y'all ready for this? I'm going to start singing my stupid dubstep shit. How the fuck does it go? Y'all ready for this?

I can't remember how it goes. It's like, it always places fucking awful keyboard and then it stops and some dude ask you, are you all ready for this? You know? They played that. They played Herbie Hancock though. Rocket, which, you know, I actually appreciate that song. But I mean, I just don't understand why the music has to be so bad. So anyways, I was going to the gym and I'm walking in my car.

I'm just muttering like, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. And it turned into, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. But the second I do this, it's over. All right.

Second I'm done. It's over. That's what I just kept saying. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. But the second it's done, it's over. I'm fucking walking up the steps to my gym.

You know, people fucking walking out of the gym too. I'm so jealous of them that they're done. You know? And people coming out of the gym, they're in a good mood. They hold the fucking door for you and shit, big smile. Hey, how are you? Get your work out on, right? People fucking dragging ass walking into the gym.

They fucking open. They don't even look back at you. They do everything but slam the fucking door in your face, right? Then you walk up to the counter and there's that little spunky, perky little chick there with their fucking pony tails. Pretending she doesn't realize that she's sort of dressed like a whore. You know? Like something you'd order.

You know what I mean? What's with the fucking whore theme here? You know? Why can't you show up with your hair like an adult? Okay? There's so much I hate the gym. I'm actually taking it out on this person and she probably didn't look like that at all. Right?

I just fucking hate it. And then you go over to the map where you're going to go stretch out and what happens. Every time you go over there, some cunt has fucking, and by cunt, male or female, has sweated at it on the fucking map and didn't even wipe it up. And even if they did wipe it up, you see that? You're like, well, what the fuck am I laying on here? Right? I shouldn't have wore shorts.

It's fucking gross. So, um, I don't know. I haven't been in the gym a while but the gym etiquette, I don't know what the fuck happened. You know the deal? Like if you're using a machine, you use it, then you stand up. Right? You sort of walk around a little bit in case somebody else wants to use it. I was doing legs today.

Legs and eggs. Right? This fucking asshole, I do a set of the things, you know, where you're sitting down, you bring your fucking feet up, whatever you call those things. And then I go over to do the ones where you're doing the back of your legs. And then I do the squat machine. I'm going back to get into the first one. It's called doing a little cycle there.

Right? One, two, three, the crew is called BDP. Right? Three of them. And I go back to the first one. And there's this fucking jerk off, finishes the set, and then he's just sitting there. Staring down at his fucking iPhone, you know? And I didn't say anything because the last time that happened, I said to this lady,

I said, hey, can I work in? She's like, what? And then take out my earbuds. What? I'm like, can I work a set in? And she's like, I only have two more. And she just puts it back in. Oh, I wanted to give her a fucking flare chop.

Right over the top of her fucking breast. She says, but you can't do that. Can't do that now. They're out of the house. They got jobs. They can vote. It's fucking over. There was a time when they weren't even allowed a gym.

I don't know what it is. I don't understand that person. I don't understand the person that still uses the fucking Stairmaster. This fucking guy gets on, right? And you know those people, when they get on the Stairmaster and they stand on it, what happens is the fucking thing starts going down to the ground. That's when you're supposed to step up onto the other one. They let it go all the way down to the ground with both legs.

And then they just go, like little step, little step, little step, little step. They're not doing anything. And then they're just fucking like clinging to the top of the machine. Like they have boat capsized and they're waiting for their turn to get yanked into the Coast Guard chopper, right? And they'll fucking be on the thing, hanging on it for like 20 minutes. And it's like, dude, you didn't do anything other than make your arms go to sleep. Oh, I'm lashing out everybody because I fucking can't stand it.

And I'm so fucking mad at myself that I've got myself into this fucking position that I'm going to have to go there for like two and a half months, just to be acceptable looking. I'm telling you, dude, you eat your way in and out of the gym. And I swear to God, oh, Billy Fatface did a fucking number, man. The holidays and then that fucking world tour. I actually did well on the world tour. I was fucking hitting the, I was hitting the gyms when I could,

just making a huge difference. And then I went to New York and it was just a fucking shit show. You know what I mean? You know, you get drunk. All pizza tastes good when you're drunk. You don't give a fuck, right? Go to those goddamn delis, get a bacon egg and cheese at fucking two in the morning. Oh, that's good, Bill.

There you go. We think that's going, huh? Right to your fucking mantits, your freckled cunt. So I did that for, I don't know. I don't know. I don't even know how long. Started in November, right before Thanksgiving. I started, you know, you just start shifting around in your chair and you feel it.

Ah, you're putting on a little weight there, Bill. What are you going to do about it? I don't want to go to the gym. I want more Fritos, right? I was stuck in it. The sugar, salt addiction. It had me. When I was writing on Fs for family, we had Frito Fridays.

We get a big giant bag and these fucking awesome sandwiches and it was, it was great. It was great until now. Now that I'm on the elliptical. So, um, I actually go into the gym and this is, I actually, to get an hour's worth of cardio. If you're a Steven Adler fan, you can listen to basically, um, I listen, I don't know if I already told you this. Well, this is what I do when I have to knock out an hour of cardio. Um, obviously the towel goes over the timer because I don't want to fucking look at it.

And I put on civil war. The only track that Steven played drums on in the usual illusion albums. And then I just listened appetite from front to back. And I basically look at it this way. You got an hour, right? Break it down to 15 minute quarters, like a game. Civil war into fucking welcome to the jungle and then somewhere in, uh, it's so easy. You got your first 15 minutes because civil war is a long fucking song.

All right. Like seven minutes of some shit. What we've got here. All right. And then you figure your next three, which, uh, uh, night train. It's so easy and Mr. Brownstone. That takes you almost up to a half hour. It all depends on when you press play.

Then you're into paradise city, my Michelle. So the game's half over. Then paradise city, my Michelle and think about you. All right. Then you're coming up on 45 minutes. You're in the final fucking stretch. Then all it is is a sweet child. You're crazy.

Uh, what's the other one? Uh, anything goes. And then you're warmed down as a rocket queen. You're fucking done. That's all I do. I'm getting sick of that because I keep fucking doing that every goddamn day. And, um, I'll just have to switch. You got to have like a classic album that you just like everything wired a fucking wire.

And the musicians in the band didn't put out some bullshit 40 minute album. They actually put out a good like 50 minutes of music and, um, I don't know. At that point you're throwing one of the fucking song and you're good to go. Am I boring you with this shit? Well, that's how fucking bored I am at the goddamn gym. What's with these meatheads that walk around? They got like a gallon of fucking water. Then they're never sweating either.

They walk around. They got that tape handle on it. Walk around like a fucking ape. Right. Is that what they're going to drink all day? I don't understand why they're doing that. I do appreciate the beautiful ladies in the spin class when I walk by with their little half shirts on. That's kind of nice before I walk into the misery.

The fucking gym knowing I'm doing chess that day and there's no fucking way to bed. Oh, you know, there's another fucking cunt move is the guy who uses the bench for the bench press to do like ab work and tricep dips. And then he just fucking sits there and this everybody goes for the fucking weight bench. Nobody does squats. You know what I mean? Go do your fucking ab work on the squat machine. You cunt. Right.

All right. That's it. I'm done bitching. All right. There we go. Jesus fucking Christ. Oh, Bill, why did you do this to yourself? You know, it's funny when you as I put on weight too, I always go and putting on weight and putting on weight and then I don't want to get on the scale because I don't want to fucking see what I already know.

But if I just get on the scale, the second I felt it, I'd feel disgusted halfway down the road instead of being all the way down the fucking road. So anyways, that's it. I'm done. I'm done fucking done fucking ragging at this point. I don't think that fucking hand sanitizer is always out at the fucking gym. Jesus Christ. I'm not a gym guy. I just don't fucking like, are they going to want to just file that fucking guy?

I'm watching Duke San Diego State right now and that Oka for whatever his name is. He did that power gasol thing where he dunks the ball. First of all, he's like nine feet tall. So it's like me dunking on a Nerf hoop and he dunks the ball after a fast break. And what does he do after he dunks the ball? He does that stupid yelling. I think you ought to get teed up for that technical foul for being a douche. What are you doing?

Quit acting like you're in fucking Braveheart. It just it drives me up the fight. I don't know. They never did that when I was a kid. Larry Bird would fucking hit a three pointer to win the game. And I do stick his index finger in the air like, yeah, there you go. Number one. It's over.

He just backpedaled down the court. Like he's this, you know, half man, half fucking. I don't know. Will the beast. Is that the right animal? Oh, Jesus. This is all the misery of you're listening to a sore old man who realizes he has another two and a half months of fucking work in the gym and he's ready to quit right now

and go get himself a cupcake. By the way, I got a hand to the Greeks, man. They got great food, don't they? But I will tell you this. They cannot make a dessert to save their fucking lives. Oh, fuck you with the honey. Jesus Christ. Why don't you just take a honeycomb and roll it and flower and throw it at me?

It's just, it just tastes like ass. It's like they take wallpaper and they layer it up with honey in the middle of it. That's what fucking baklava is. A baklava, however the fuck you say it. Everything else though, outstanding. Maybe that's where I need to live. Maybe I should go move to Greece. I'd never get dessert, not because I don't want it.

It's because they don't make a good dessert and then I would be cutting those calories out. Then I could finish my dinner and after I was done dinner and they'd be like, do you want dessert? I'd be like, no. I'd go, no, no I don't. Then when they walk away I go, like I just did something amazing. Does that work for you? Well, I don't give a fuck. It works for me.

What's with your attitude this week, huh? What happened to you? What did you do this weekend that makes you feel so goddamn important? Did you fill out your brackets? So anyways, Jesus Christ, you know what I have to say is I have so much shit I have to fucking do today. And study for my fucking exams. I'm in the bubble, guys. I'm in the bubble.

I don't know when I'm taking the test, but for the helicopter license, but I am in the bubble right now. I'm testing every day that E6B is my fucking bitch right now. It's my bitch. That thing, I fucking couldn't stand that little stupid computer thing with the goddamn wheel. And after a while, once you start figuring out, you really appreciate the genius of whoever it is that came up with that thing. I'll tell you, whoever came up with that thing, if he did it while TV existed, that's one of the smartest human beings that ever lived, you know? I'm going to go out on a limb and I'm going to say a man is the person that came up with that. And the only reason why it wasn't a woman was because of you filling the blank.

You fill in the blank with the excuse. Because we're not allowed to play with paper during that decade. This has nothing to do with sexism. This just has to do with me. This has to do with me. I fucking hate going to the gym. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this.

I'm just going to get it done. It's fucking over. Anyways, what else? Jesus Christ, my Bruins are fucking ripping my hat out right now. Right when I thought they were putting it back together, we got the capitals, we got Ottawa, we got big games, and we just fucking lose all of them. I haven't even seen the Ottawa game. I was working that night and I just, you know, I followed the Bruins on my phone and I just kept seeing. Anytime there's 10 goals in a game, that's a pretty insane game.

I have it on, I have a DV ad. I'm going to watch it as much as it's going to kill me. But even last night, we fucking lost and over time to the fucking Florida Panthers and Ottawa won again. So now like, I don't even know what the standings are, but we're like the eighth seed by the skin of our teeth. I don't know. Oh shit, we're playing Tampa Bay right now. We're coming up. We got to fucking Tampa Bay is tough too.

Ah, cool, my kid. We don't have it this year. I thought we were getting hot. I thought we were going to be right. Bruins face lightning with one point lead for second wild card in the east. Jesus Christ. I still think the winner comes from the west. What do you guys think?

Still think they're better. Speaking of hockey, I was hanging out with Joe Bartnick, Rose Bowl, Tailgate legend Joe Bartnick. And he said gun to his head. He was picking the Blackhawks and he said maybe St. Louis Blues. I don't want to miss quote him, but if you want to hear the best hockey show that I know of, you got to listen to his, his puck off podcast. Joe Bartnick, it's one of my favorites. And even though he'd fucking ripped the Bruins apart, I couldn't argue with a lot of what he was saying. But I think this week rumored has it he might be going at his own Pittsburgh penguins.

So we'll see what happens with that. But but anyways, this is the Monday morning podcast. I do one of these every goddamn week and then I check in on you on Thursdays. That's how it works. I'll tell you had a rough one, you know. Jesus Christ. Why do I do this to myself? What is it that makes you just you and you know, you're gaining weight just makes you not get on the fucking scale.

It just makes it worse. If you're sitting there right now and you know, you're putting on weight and you don't want to step on the scale. Do yourself the biggest fucking favor right now. Stop listening to this podcast, go in, step on the scale and see what the damages. It's going to be Duke beat fucking San Diego State. They pulled away in the end one by 19. You know, if you don't do it now, you're just going to keep going. You're going to keep going further and you're going to be as miserable as I am right now.

Fucking miserable. Jesus Christ. Why did I do that to myself? Jesus Christ. I look like the fucking Michelin man. I had it well though. I'll tell you, you're going to hide a good 25 pounds of fucking absolute shit with a fucking button down shirt. You know that?

Well, that's what I used to say it was you're in sport coat shape, button down shirt shape, t-shirt shape, wife beater shape. No shirt shape. And then the ultimate is no shirt sitting down in shape. That's right there. That is the deep, the in shape pyramid. All right now. And right now I am somewhere between I'm like button down shirt shape. I'll tell you if you really want to discuss yourself, you know, because you really got to be discussed with yourself before you finally work out.

I find this is what you should do. Stand shirtless in the mirror looking at yourself with a pair of dad jeans and suspenders. Okay. And the level discussed you'll have for yourself. You'll be dragging your ass to the fucking gym like I am. And I apologize for how cuntty I'm being this week. Anyways, I'm heading back East coming up here in a little bit and I was just wondering if it's still snowing in New York. Is it melting?

Are there ice dams? Is the world ending back there? I have no fucking idea. I'm heading back there. Coming back there soon. I just got to hit the gym for the rest of this fucking week and then I'll go to New York next week and everything will be fine. And I'll be back there with all the fucking animals that I used to drink with and eat pizza late at night with and I'm just going to have to fucking somehow plow through that shit. But anyways, you don't want to hear about that shit.

Why don't we go fucking take a quick look at some world news, some world news, some news from the world. As always, I never go to US news sites. I try to stay away from those fucking things because I always hear all that shit anyways. If I don't hear it on the news, I hear comedians talking about it. So I like going to fucking Al Jazeera. I like checking out, seeing what Al's talking about. Son of Ukraine's ex-president drowns in a Russian lake. The youngest son of Ukraine's former president, Viktor Yanukovych.

Yanukovych, what a fucking great name. Yanukovych, Viktor Yanukovych. Sounds like a fucking hall of fame defenseman. He has died after his vehicle plunged through the ice near the Russian Mongolian border. The fuck was he doing all the way over there? An associate of the deposed president said, oh, deposed, the guy got booted. Now what did he do? Did he stick a cigar in somebody's taut? Said on Sunday that the 33-year-old Viktor Yanukovych, who had the same name as his father, was driving at the time of his death.

Russian authorities have not identified a driver who died on Friday when a minibus carrying six people smashed through thin ice on Lake Bakal. Or confirmed reports that it was Yanukovych's son. The five passengers survived. Wait a minute, what are you talking about? This guy was driving a bus? How the fuck are you the son of the president? You're driving a bus carrying six people. He must have been the rebel of the family. You know, didn't want to follow in his dad's footsteps, said fuck this. I'm going to go drive the fucking Hertz Shuttle just north of Mongolia. Is that what he did?

Jesus Christ, what a fucking way to go. I'll tell you what will never always amaze me is when fucking Ted Kennedy went into that goddamn lake. You know what I mean? You think the weight of his giant head alone. I mean, that guy's head was like a safe. I saw that guy. I shook his hand one time. It's a long story. Right after I shook Bill Clinton's head, I was standing on the side of the road in Boston. A buddy of mine wanted to go down and see it. He's like, oh, the president's coming down. Let's go look at the fucking motorcade.

Me and this other fucking friend of mine, it was a total pothead and we could give a shit. We were bleary eyed. We went down there and Clinton came down the street. He just wanted to see the motorcade. Right as he was coming to drive by us, the motorcade dipped down this fucking alley. And then we're looking at our buddy going, yeah, that was great dude. They fucking made a left turn and now we didn't see it. And they go, nah, nah, nah, he's going there to make a speech. You'll probably be in there for like an hour.

I'm going to go get a slice of pizza. You guys want anything? We're like, nah, we're good. We're good. So the dude who wants to see the motorcade goes off to go see if, get a fucking slice of pizza. Me and the pothead are fucking standing there not giving a shit. All of a sudden the crowd starts going nuts. Right? Going fucking crazy. And these secret service guys were behind this police care barricades telling everybody to put their hands up.

Put their hands up. Keep your hands up. Hold the hands up. We can see it. Keep your hands up. They're like freaking out. And all of a sudden here comes old slick Willy walking up the fucking street. High-fiving people. Well, his limo is driving slowly along next to him with the fucking door open. And walking right behind him was fucking Ted Kennedy. So I high-fived Bill Clinton when he was president before Monica Lewinsky.

This is his first term, right? His hands. Soft, like fucking... I don't know what. Creepy soft fucking hands. Little hands. Little soft fucking baby gross hands. But he did have long piano playing fingers.

It was not a good experience. You can't know who I didn't want to be there, right? And then Ted Kennedy came and went to high-five him. And the sheer size, the sheer mass of the guy's head. I literally went, whoa. You couldn't fucking believe the fact that guy... His head was so big, he never should have had a full head of hair. Just the sheer surface area of it.

Even if he had a full head of hair, it's not going to be a full head with that fucking head. I'll tell you right now, thank God that guy didn't go bald, man. Jesus Christ, that would have been something to look at. So I shook his fucking hand and Jesus Christ, he just looked like... I know he was sober at that point, but that guy lived a fucking... He lived a rough one, you know? Fucking lost three of his brothers. The thing that happened to his sister had the whole fuck crazy.

He goes in the lake, he kills somebody. Oh my God, can you imagine his fucking wife sleeping next to him? How much does that guy talk in his sleep? I had nothing to do with it. Give me another drink. Jack it down, get down! That's brutal. Anyways, so then Bill Clinton jumps in his fucking car,

Ted Kennedy jumps in with him, and they just fucking take off. And everybody's like, oh my God, I can't believe it, oh my God. And everybody just sort of walks away. And then all of that took maybe like 17 seconds. And then everybody was gone, and the whole fucking thing was over. It was like it never happened. And then we turn around, and here comes my buddy coming up the street, biting into a slice of pizza.

And I forget, he bites in, and then he like stopped mid-bite, and he looks around, and he goes, ah fuck. He's like, did I miss it? He goes, did I miss it? And I go, yeah. And I go, ah, I shook his hand. He goes, what? He came walking up the street, I shook his head,

and my buddy goes, no you didn't. And then he looks over, I look over, and there's my pothead friend, who's like galloping in a circle. And he's just jumping up and down as he's galloping, and he's going, I shook it twice! I shook it twice! Ah, if you could have seen the look on that dude's face, he was so fucking disappointed.

We didn't even tell him about Ted Kennedy. Anyways, so there's that story. There's that story for ya. So anyways, baseball season is starting up. I'm wondering what my Red Sox are gonna do this year. They went out and they spent a bunch of fucking money. Yankees haven't spent any money, man. They're in a weird place right now.

But I'm excited for baseball this year. I hope it goes the way it did last year. I'd like to see more Baltimore, Tampa, Kansas City, maybe Cleveland, you know, Milwaukee. I like all those fucking teams, you know what I mean? I like seeing, like, you know, I like to see the Padres do something, somebody different. You know, I like what the Dodgers did last year too.

But, you know, it's kind of hard to be a fan of a team that goes out and spends all the fucking money. I know it's legal and that type of shit, but it's just the way that they run that league. They should do it more like football, which I hope they're doing. And I hope last year was not like this anomaly. Did I say that right?

I lost confidence as I was saying it. That's why I went anomaly. Anomaly. Oh, good, good. Oh, the guy, Clark Kellogg's gonna act out a basketball shot. Thank God. Oh, here we go. Now, do it in your wingtips.

Now, here comes the other guy. Now, what you want to do is pivot here. Now, you see, if you do that, that's called a travel. Like, does anybody learn the game of basketball right here? Like, you don't fuck. Did I just say the game of basketball like I'm Michael Jordan? Oh, Jesus Christ. Why do they do this?

Who is the person that came up with this? Like, you know, let's get half a football field in here and have these old guys get down in their three-point stance. Well, why can't we do that with basketball? That's what I love about hockey. They don't, they can't do it. One thing about there was street hockey sticks. It's so dumb.

Why do they wear suits too, by the way? They're fucking pro athletes. Okay. Just get them there in their sweatpants and t-shirts. What's with the habit dash? I, you know, something, I am like 36 minutes into this podcast. I don't think I've liked one thing yet. This is an all-time, like, negative podcast that I'm putting out here.

I got, I got to say something positive. How about this? If you guys, when was the last time you visited the All Things Comedy Network? Go to allthingscomedy.com and check out all the podcasts that we have. Felipe Esparza. This week he has boxer Roy Tapia. I hope I said that right. And UFC fighter Sean.

Ah, Jesus. I'm going to get killed in this one. Lofler. Lofural. Lofler. L-O-E-F-F-L-E-R. Um, we got Doug Stanhope. We got the Verzi Effect.

Dude, the All Things Comedy, All Things Comedy Network is the best podcasting network out there, bar none. If you look at the quality of shows, Ari Shafir, Tom Papa, are you kidding me? Harlan Williams. Bert Kreischer. Your mom's house. Come on, man. We got fucking everybody on this thing.

Quality control here. Just go on to the podcast network. All Things Comedy and just start clicking on some podcasts. And I guarantee you, you're going to have a good time. And I'll probably lose some listeners, but whatever. Gives a shit. As long as the money goes to other comedians, right? All right.

Let's get into some questions for the week here. This is the advertising. This is not what I want. All right. Here we go. Um, all right. And by the way, if you'd like to send emails to the Monday morning podcast, um, the email is bill at the mmpodcast.com.

Bill at the mmpodcast.com. And if you'd like to follow us on Twitter, it's at the mmpodcast at the mmpodcast. Uh, Clark Kellogg. Acting out a fucking layup. Jesus Christ. All right. Thursday afternoon, Thursday afternoon, Monday morning podcast. Um, here's, I've been doing those lately.

I'll do another one this week. Dear Billy Overtime. Thanks for the extra podcast. My wife and I have a longer commute on Mondays and Fridays. And a couple months ago, she said, how about you write in and ask Bill if he can do another one on Fridays. I told her not to get greedy and that we're lucky the man hasn't retired yet. Jesus.

Am I that old? Lo and behold, you did it. And since it's the Thursday afternoon podcast, it perfectly, it's perfectly wrapped for us to listen, to listen to Friday mornings. Love you. Love Nia. Thanks again. Couple of commuters from Ontario.

Nice. Ontario, Canada. Are you, are you Maple Leaf fans? You know, who else is in Ontario, Toronto, Ontario? I already forget where the fuck is Quebec. Which province is that in? Not Quebec. You idiot.

I mean Ottawa. Is Ottawa in Quebec or is in Ontario? I don't know, but I do know it's the capital and that the fucking river freezes over and you can skate to work. And I've been there. How about that? Isn't that enough for you? Um, well, thank you for listening.

Um, I'm actually looking at a Toronto date, possibly in the fall. It all depends. I got a little bit of acting work. All right. Oh, Billy Shakespeare was going to do possibly another movie or two later on this year. And, uh, oh, I want to thank everybody who went out to go see zombie verse. Uh, please continue to see it. I got a lot of hilarious emails about it saying that it was funny.

It, uh, made fun of zombie movies and had respect for it. And they actually jumped like three or four times was legitimately scary. A lot of nudity in it, you know, old school fucking horror shit. Um, once again, directed by, uh, Jordan Rubin stand up comic that I started out with a long time ago. So, uh, that always helps that helps me out, you know, if shit that I'm in does well. So thank you guys for checking it out. And, um, if you don't get a chance to check it out in movie theaters, please, uh, download legally.

Um, so you can see more, uh, movies about rodents and formats to turn into zombies. Um, by the way, I watched it again. You got to see Sam Rockwell and moon. I swear to God, you got to see that fucking thing. I'm not a big sci-fi guy and, uh, it was so good. Uh, me and I were actually saying that we want to watch more sci-fi. So if you have some good sci-fi, um, I might slowly turn it into a fucking, what is that? What does that think comic con?

Am I going to be one of those people? I'm already dressing up like drummers and shit. There's a difference between that and dressing up like Spock. I don't know. All right. Woman in the warehouse. I love when I get letters from females. I never get them on this thing.

Okay. Woman in the warehouse. Dear Bill, I'm a 27 year old lady and I work in a warehouse in Philly. Hey, good for you. I used to work in warehousing. It's one of my favorite fucking jobs I ever had. And I always said that if I wasn't going to get older and I wasn't going to turn 30 someday, um, I would have stayed there forever because it was such a fun fucking job.

It was physical. You got a good workout and everybody that worked in the warehouse was either a class clown, a struggling musician, uh, a fucking drug addict. Everybody was a character out there and they were all fucking hilarious. I loved. I never understood wanting to get into the carpet area and get yourself a little Michael J. Fox. You know, what was that sitcom?

He used to family ties dressing up like him with your goddamn loafers. You know, acting like you're in there making decisions. The decisions have been made for you. You know, you go when you sit in your little half a fucking office and you act accordingly. Um, he says, uh, she says, I work in a warehouse in Philly. It involves some manual labor and I like it. It's just part time, um, as I'm getting my masters in English. What are you working at UPS?

That was the big thing back then. $8 an hour to fucking work harder than you'll ever work in your life unloading those trucks. Fucking thing. Heavy as 70 boxes. And then you have like an entire exhaust system. That job's a motherfucker. Um, the guys in the warehouse are cool, but they always act like I'm going to rat them to HR if I hear them make jokes about women, et cetera.

What can I say to end this? Any advice? Um, well, first of all, you're cool if you don't mind that they do it, but you have to understand. Um, that's the climate right now is that if you make any sort of any joke, if you say anything about women other than, you know, well, I'll tell you, it's a damn shame that more women don't blah, blah, blah. If you say anything about women, the way you say hello to any, all they have to do is just say that you're making them uncomfortable. Um, and next thing you know, they're losing their job and then they have this fucking creepy sex thing on their fucking resume. Sexual harassment or some shit like that.

So, um, I don't know if I hear them make any jokes about women. What can I say to end this? Any advice? Um, you know what? I wouldn't get involved in it. I wouldn't get them. I don't know why you want to get involved in it. I don't know why you want to open that Pandora's box.

No pun intended. Just stay away from it. All right. Don't you're going to get them in trouble or worst case scenario. You're going to be one of those people like, no, I'm totally cool. I'm not with that. How could you say that? And then you go actually go to HR and I'm not saying you're one of these women,

but you are a woman. So you know what I'm talking about. All right. Talking about the old bait and switch with the who are there. So stay away. Don't go fucking, you know, don't go over there biting the apple. All right. The parameters have been set by a bunch of fucking people bitch moaning and complaining

and people adhere to those rules. So every one of those guys by you opening the door saying guys, I don't care if you fucking talk about women in a derogatory way. You're opening a door for all of them to get fired. So it seems to me that you want to be one of the guys and you want to be cool. So if you want to do that, then just fucking respect the fact that they're respecting you and don't pick at that scab because you're going to get them in trouble. All right.

There you go. Well, that makes me God, that makes me wish I was still in my twenties again. There was nothing better than that. You worked in the warehouse all day and once a week you played softball against some other fucking warehouse. And at the end of the game, you are the best. We used to go to this fucking, you know, in Massachusetts, like every other town just has like, you know, their place that claims they have the best bar pizza. It would almost be like a small pizza that you get at some chain thing.

And we had the place where I was at, which I'm not going to say the name of because I don't want fucking a bunch of people going there. So when I go there, I got to stand in line. But we used to go to the original location. It's since changed. And of course, people bitched and moaned, dude, all the original flavors in those old onions, ovens, right? You know, it's like, no, it isn't all your memories are there. Your grandfather took you there and you're sad. So now you're going to say the pizza doesn't taste as good.

They fucking literally moved like 20 fucking minutes down the street. All right, not even that. It's like a fucking six minute drive. So anyways, we used to go there afterwards and I was the fucking best. You worked all day, you played softball and you just slam like fucking six beers, eat a pizza. And then drive home because it was the fucking 80s, you know, drive home buzzed, which was stupid. But you know, and pass out, wake up and do it all over again. I always enjoy, I enjoy manual labor jobs that are inside.

I was, I did not enjoy manual labor outside just because I would get sunburned like a motherfucker. But I did like driving around with people when they were plowing, plowing driveways and going out and shoveling snow. But you really fuck up your back. That's how Larry Bird, same thing. Larry Bird blacktop his parents driveway. And you know, that little stupid little stick fucking handle thing that's built for a guy my size. He was like six, 10 bent over at the fucking waste doing that his back was never the same. But whenever you hear that shit, I don't know, makes me happy that I have a job where I don't have to fucking lift anything.

You know, it's funny. I was making fun of Bill Clinton's fucking soft hands. I have soft hands. The only calluses I have on my hands at this point is from doing pull ups. Oh, Billy soft hands. All right. Repeat television. Hey, Bill, I watch TV like every other American and citizen of the world.

I watch a lot of Seinfeld and Simpson reruns. I was wondering what shows you wrote shoes, what shows you're able to watch over and over again. Also, what shows could you watch as a kid that were before your time? Oh, what? I was not mature enough to watch or we're groundbreaking. That's a great question. Let's see what shows can I watch over and over and over again? The Simpsons, you already said them.

Let's see. You know what is? There's not a lot of them because I really got into sports, you know, in my teens. So I used to watch family ties. I would watch, I would watch Cheers. I tried to watch the Cosby show, but I couldn't stand his wife on the show when she would do that stupid joke where she knew, well, clear, it's going to do this and then clear up and clear up.

I hated the thing. And then I hated that overly cutesy shit he would do with the kids like it was a Jello commercial. And but I did like the show when I would actually give it a fucking chance. I liked the show, but I don't know. I just, there was just, there was such goody, goody. It was like the fucking Brady Bunch. I just can't get into that shit.

You know, it means as goody, goody, his family ties was I at least liked that Michael J. Fox character was kind of a dick. He was like a Republican, which I thought was different, you know, and that was probably another awful one. I can't remember. I would say, but the shit that I actually go back and watch was just all shit from my childhood. I'm like, I'll watch an episode of chips.

Now I love watching chips whenever it comes on because I live in LA now. So I try to guess which highway they're on, what, which one they're filming, which one they're filming on. I'll watch Charlie's Angels. I guess that was ahead of my time. I will watch Charlie's Angels. Um, Beretta, which was considered really violent swat the rookies, $6 million man. Um, those are all the show happy days.

It's probably the one cornball, one that I watched. And then I would watch reruns of the monkeys. I saw every episode of the monkeys, every episode of the Brady Bunch. Uh, and then I watched all the Westerns. Bonanza, big valley. What's the one where the guy would fucking the rifleman, the stupid son used to always call him paw. He used to drive me nuts.

The fucking dude would cry like every fucking three episodes. I couldn't stand him. Batman. Jesus Christ, that wasted a lot of fucking time. Didn't I? Yeah, mostly shit back then. But then in the nineties, I started doing standup in like 1992. So I never even really saw Seinfeld.

I just remember hearing about it by 93. It blew up and everyone was talking about it was on the cover like Rolling Stone and shit. But I didn't really watch it until it came into reruns because then it came on during a time where I could actually see it. What do I watch now? I watch Archer. I watch Last Man on Earth.

I don't know. Now TV watching is different now. It's like you go on Netflix and you like binge watch. Like I still haven't started Better Call Saul. And I know that, you know, maybe next week when I go on the road, I'm going to watch the pilot episode in the second one. I have every other one taped. What happened to me was that show started when I was overseas and I forgot to set my

fucking DV. Yeah. So I got to get caught up in that. Oh, Joey roses is in it. Joe de Rosa with a something and then there's something, something. So a lot of people have been asking me, Hey, Bill, are you going to be on Better Call Saul? And this is what I'll tell you.

If you guys keep watching, I have a good feeling that eventually because it's a prequel the closer he gets to meeting Walter White at some point, I might drop back. My character might come back. That's all I know. Okay. I'm not in the writers room. I have no idea. So if you could, if you could keep watching it, I'd appreciate it.

Listen to me as I haven't even started. I'm starting this week. All right. That's my promise to you. And I'm going to keep going to the chair. I don't like it. All right. Thanks.

And go fuck yourself. All right. Camping. Hey, Bill, you ever do any serious. Or casual camping? Is that something you think you could do? You, you, is that something you think you could nea into? You mean talk nea into.

I've gone on some fun trips as a kid and recently with friends and I'm trying to help my girlfriend to go. She's hesitant. I assured her it would be warm weather camping. There'd be swimming and s'mores and all that, all that stuff thoughts on camping and whether chic should just relax for a weekend without a curling iron. Go fuck yourself. Always wanted to say that.

Um, do I camp? No, I respect it. But, um, I think I went camping once. I told this story before I met this chick at a college and she's like, we were going camping. I was like, well, I want to hook up with you. So yeah, I'll go and, uh, I don't know what happened. I see I'm out there. I'm like fucking 30.

I'm hanging with these college kids. And I was like, what the fuck am I doing out here? And we got hammered and nothing ended up happening. And I think I puked in a tent, which means I did puke in a tent, but I'm embarrassed. So even years later, I had to say, I think I puked in a tent. Um, so that's my experience. Um, I don't know on my bucket list is getting mauled is not on my bucket list. So I'm not into like, I would go camping if I had, uh, a fucking Glock and a rifle.

I would do that, but I don't like that shit where I'm sleeping in a tent and then a bear comes up and smells my food or something. And then looks at the tent and can smell me and the tent and me become like a fruit rollup or a burrito. Oh, Billy burrito. And that thing just starts biting my head. Fuck that. Fuck that. Um, but I do respect people that actually go out there and, um, know how to fucking rough it and live off the land, you know, with your state of the art tents and your fucking heated socks. But as far as your girlfriend not wanting to go, uh, why make her?

Why make her? She's going to be miserable, which is going to make you miserable. Why don't you just have that be the thing that you do? That's just separate time from her. Absent makes the heart grow fonder and then you guys come back together. Why don't you, why don't you just do that instead of trying to. Trying to talk her into that shit and I would never try to talk my wife into that stuff. Uh, I've asked her a couple of times and she has no fucking desire on any level.

She's a city girl. She does not want to go fucking being a tent. You want to rent a house by a lake, you know, with windows and doors and a fireplace. She's all about it. But, you know, as far as like going out there, eating beans with a knife out of a fucking can. Yeah, no, she's not into that. All right, let's read the last couple of advertisers here and then we'll wrap up the thing here. Um, all right.

Well, that is the, uh, that is the podcast for this week. I hope you enjoyed it. I want to thank everybody that's been writing in love hearing from the ladies and, um, I don't know. I got a crazy week coming up and I'll be telling, telling you about it. Hopefully, uh, on Thursday, remember the Thursday podcast. Oh, Billy Redface just checking in seeing how you're doing on payday. Um, oh, and once again, I know I've hyped this for two weeks in a row, but check out Sam Rockwell and moon and also check out Chris. I hate Christian later.

Um, that moon, I'm actually going to buy that on DVD. That's how much I enjoyed that fucking movie. It's I just can't imagine how difficult that must have been. Um, to shoot, to perform and all that type of thing. It's just, just an awesome, awesome movie. All right, that's it. Go Bruins for the love of Christ. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.