Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-20-21

Episode Date: May 21, 2021

Bill rambles about global complexities, mayhem at restaurants, and the 80's attitude.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking it on you who what's going on? How are you? How's your life? How's things going for you in your world? I hope they're doing all right.

I hope they're doing all right. My sports world is pretty good. I gotta tell you that, you know, we for some reason just keep getting paired up with the, you know, the Washington teams. Celtics played the Wizards and the Bruins are in a great series with the Capitals. A series that could go either way. Every single game has gone into overtime. Game one.

Overtime. TJ. Oh, she scores. Capitals go up one game to none. Second game. Bruins went in overtime. Great Marchion put it away. And then last night Riley scored for the Bruins.

Everybody's jumping all over that goalie, whatever. It's like it was also double overtime, you know, people get fucking tired. You screw up. Things happen. But what's his face? Alex Ovechkin, I thought he did a great thing there. He fucking flipped out, started screaming and yelling. That's what you got to do.

Let people know this isn't a joke. All right. Trying to fucking win some shit here. I don't even know what happened. Somebody said, oh, the goalie went around the wrong side, which I don't understand. What do you mean went around the wrong side? As long as he gets to the front side to try to block it. I thought it was the defenseman's fault.

That's not what other people say. Other people say, well, he fucking went around the wrong side. He should have gone back to the same side he came. The defenseman went, went a little wide. It's like, what are you talking about? Capitals. Alex Ovechkin has angry reaction after loss to Bruins. Watch Alex Ovechkin's angry reaction after Bruins, in case you don't believe us.

Alex Ovechkin doesn't like losing and he's especially doesn't like losing on a preventable play. I mean, couldn't you just insert every single fucking NHL player there? That may explain why the Washington Capitol Star was so incensed. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm not even going to fucking read that. Should I read it? All right.

Let's just fucking read it. Well, I can't read it because every time I go to move it, this other stupid ad gets in the way. How many fucking things can they have clicked on this website? I'm trying to read the fucking article. What is this? A porn site with 548 remaining in double overtime of game three in the Bruins 2021 Stanley Clay.

2021 Stanley Cup playoff first round series versus the Washington capitals, Boston winger Craig Smith, capitalized, I thought it was Riley on an apparent miscommunication between the capitals. Goal tender, Ilya Sampson off and defenseman Justin Schultz to score the game winner Ovechkin, who was on the bench at the time of Smith's goal, broke his stick and frustration. The NBC broadcast then caught the Washington Capitol yelling in the direction of one or multiple of his teammates as they skated off the ice. He's just holding them accountable.

It's unclear who the subject of Ovechkin's ire, but his anger is understandable. You know who he's yelling at. Boston also dominated the overtime period 30, 17 edge. That's what I think right there. I thought like we just took it to them and they, um, both over times, I just didn't think they had the jump in there, in their, their, their legs there. They just look like you were dominating them after we dominated in the first overtime. I thought that Washington was going to come out with, you know, was probably going to

get the better of us in the second one. I just kind of felt like we were going to lose last night and they still came out flat. And I think that that has more to do with it than that one last play. So I'm looking for, my prediction is the capitals come out on fire the next game and they tie it up to two. Um, that seems to be what usually ends up happening. Is that fucking toilet still running this goddamn fucking little rubber flangers? This is Christ.

Unbelievable. You know, why can't they just fucking make it out of something that just lasts? One of the worst things that corporations were ever allowed to do is just make shit disposable. I think in the future, like we'll finally actually have to recycle rather than just having recyclable recycled bins, you know, put it in recycling and we'll throw it all in the same dump because I think that that's what they're doing, um, for the most part. But I'm hoping this younger generation can somehow right all the wrongs of everything that all the generations before have done.

This is just, it's fucking ridiculous in this, this constant having to replace shit that if they just made it right, you're done. You know, they got to bring back repairmen for TVs and they got to stop making shit disposable. Maybe five fucking seconds is some new update that updates that fucking fills up your thing and then you can't use it. Jesus. Anyway, and then the Celtics played the, uh, we played the Washington Wizards, uh, it's a great game during the first half.

Pull it away. Hey, the fucking third quarter in the fourth quarter, uh, Jason Tatum and, uh, Walker had big games. I was really excited to see Walker fucking step up and have a big game and a game that fucking counted. I hope he keeps doing that because now we have, um, the Brooklyn nets in the first round, which is, uh, you know, the Brooklyn nets are basically everything that's been wrong with the NBA that started with the Kobe shack, Phil Jackson, Pylon fucking Lakers.

And, uh, it's sort of a joke of a fucking league when it comes to that shit. Um, as far as I'm concerned as a sports fan, where it's like, I watch it for competition. I don't just watch it to see fucking 10 of the best guys all pile on two fucking teams. Um, and then walk around afterwards and be like, how many more do we need to win? And then we're as good as Jordan. That's fucking stupid. And my Boston Celtics were guilty of it in 2008. We went out and we bought a fucking championship.

I hate that fucking championship. It's stupid. The whole thing was fucking stupid. We went from last place to first place because we took out a fucking wallet, um, pile on pile on 409. So I'll sort of be watching that just because, um, I like this Celtics team because it's essentially, uh, for the most part draft picks. Thor was a free agent.

Um, we've kind of kept the same group of people, but like that whole fucking thing of just like, Hey, let's all get on a yacht and just sit around and just decide what, where do you guys want to go? Well, if I went here, would you guys come here with me? I don't want to play you and it'd be too hard. Everybody just play with each other. Boom. Little kids don't even do that outdoor recess.

Um, so anyway, you know, I keep getting all of these fucking, you know, I don't even know why I'm going to fucking bring this up, but like the people are going like, Hey, you know, talk about Palestine and Israel. It's like, I don't even know where a fucking vice president is. Um, I can't tell you this. What I do find this, what I do find fascinating is, uh, just like in sports, where people pick the story up from. So this guy writes column from call pressure from American left for first of all, I love

that it's politicized American left for Israel ceasefire. We'll only strengthen Iran. Um, I just love how people seem like they always like whatever side they are. They're arguing with for, they act like history began and right here and right here. So really, I mean, I, it's just a really complex thing. This person's like, if Hamas listed as a terrorist organization by the United States, State Department launched thousands of rockets to the U S. What would you have the American presence do fire back?

You'd say, of course. It's like, well, yeah, if that's why you started, no one ever goes. Why is there that group? What are they upset with? And then once you get to that, then you'd have to go to Jewish people. Well, why the fuck did we go to Israel? Why did we go there because of this shit? Why did that shit happen because of this shit?

And everybody like starts the fucking argument like, and history begins now. It begins now or whatever. Um, fucking horrible situation. It's especially because I've been over there briefly and you just see just bunch of beautiful people over there. It's just really a fucking, uh, you know, it's just a fucking terrible goddamn thing over there. There's always the oppressor and then the oppressed and then everybody, you know, depending

on what side you are of the fucking life. It's like these cop fucking shows that I'm watching these cop movies that I'm watching where the white cop goes in, you know, to, uh, you know, clean up the non-white neighborhood because he's sick of what's happening to his city and he goes into those neighborhoods and they just pick up the story there. It's like, why is that neighborhood like that? What happened to the, nobody chooses to live like that, but that's not how it's presented. It's just presented.

Are these people, they're, they're animals, they're prone to violence. Oh, fucking thing is silly. It's not silly. It's sad. Um, which is something I'm trying to, uh, I'm trying to avoid being for the rest of my fucking life and right as I was turning the corner, you know, with my whole fucking therapy and I thought I had, I had found the fucking basement, you know, I literally walked around for two weeks and all my anger had gone and then I did some other shit uncovered

and then it just goes, it came right the fuck back last night and now today I feel better though. I'm like, all right, I get a fucking, now I have to go through this shit. I got to fucking deconstruct this shit to figure why this out. You know, I got my own fucking, uh, good guy, bad guy fucking bullshit going on in my fucking head. Um, fortunately, I'm sober while I'm doing it, sober, um, and I'm trying not to give into this whole fucking idea that suddenly if you take like hallucinogens, it heals

your brain. I'm like, uh, all right, that seems a little simple. This is one thing here is like a neuroscientist describes her DMT trip, so I haven't watched it yet. Um, let me just look for the comments here to see what they say. I just have to feel that there's always a price to pay for everything, right? There's never just like, you know, it's like having a flat stomach. The price you pay is you have to eat healthy food.

And I know healthy food is fucking good for you and everything like that, but it's not the most exciting shit on the planet sitting down, as I always call them, eating a sad salad, um, is not the, uh, I don't know, it's not the fucking most exciting thing. And then sitting down and eating what I ate last night where I kind of, um, have decided that like I was just going to go for the whole Oreo family. You know, I know what the regular ones taste like. And then they had double stuff and last night, you know, but with double stuff, I still felt myself taking off the one cookie and then sticking it to the other one.

So then they had mega stuff and I finally, I had some of those last night and, uh, those things are just wrong on all level. And I've reached the end. I've reached the end. Um, it's funny. I look up DMT and so much of it is Joe Rogan, Joe Rogan, DMT, Joe Rogan and so and so compared DMT experiences, Russell Brand wants to know about DMT on Joe Rogan. I mean, is that where I go?

Um, that's hilarious. And if for some reason it says Jerry Seinfeld on reunions and why he hates Newman. Somehow that's in there with DMT. Joe Rogan, Dan Ackroy talk about DMT. What the fuck is another one DMT. I got to watch some of these things. I got to see what the deal is. I don't know that shit's scary as hell to me.

I think I'd rather just try to go the old fashioned way. You know, I kind of look at it like it's like my shoulders. I could have just gone in and got an operation or some shit. Instead, I've spent four years starting and failing, trying to fucking rehab these things with bands. Oh, good. Um, anyway. Um, yeah, I have nothing to talk about except sadness.

I'll figure out who the fuck I am, which I don't want to talk about because I don't want you to fucking bum you guys out. So let's fucking talk about last night. Last night I did, um, I did a couple of shows. I did some stand up and I was having just had a fucking great time, great time doing that. I was really worried because I was going through all this bullshit that when I went on stage, I was going to bring it up there.

And I still felt light and I still didn't feel like I was being, uh, you know, I wasn't being mean. I was saying fucked up shit, but there was a lightness to it. Um, I don't know. I just want to get back on the road so I can keep running from my past. That's what I want to do. I don't want to fucking do this shit anymore. Um, yeah, Jesus Christ.

Anyway, let's just go to the fucking headline. Shall we people? I'll just go, I'm just going to riff on headlines. I don't know what else to tell you. Other than, I mean, I'm, I'm watching that dirty, the dirty hairy shit. And I mean, I am obsessed with the Ford custom 500 four door. I'd never heard of that car. I was always into the galaxies and then there was the fair lines and all of that.

And a lot of those exist, but I'll tell you this, trying to find a 1968 Ford custom 500 four door, there's pictures of them, but trying to find one, like, you know, most of those cars, you just look it up and there's a bunch of people selling them or whatever. There's just not a lot. Um, there's not a lot out there. Um, I can tell you that. Um, what else do we got here?

Right? Israel, Palestine, all the fucking sad shit there. Headlines, top stories. Um, airstrike turns Gaza's schools into shelters, officials fear COVID-19 may turn them into super spreader centers. Yeah, but they have the fucking, why don't you just, why don't you just give everybody the fucking vaccine and understand how we have a cure and you know, why don't we send some stuff over there?

Right? And does that mean that in Palestine, there's going to be the same thing going on? And if so, why don't you bring them up? Uh, Michael Cohen, Trump will flip on family in criminal investigation. Wait a second, wait a minute. I didn't know there was a criminal investigation on Trump. Oh Jesus Christ, this fucking guy, the Trump organization is headquartered in

Trump's, New York's Trump Tower. Um, I love that it's written in gold. It's gold and black, you know, it's really new money, but he grew up rich. It's fucking weird. All right. New York attorney general Latisha James or Latia is investigating former president Donald Trump's business, the Trump organization in a criminal capacity. Now, what you really should say is they're trying to make something stick

on this guy so he won't run for president again. Our office says ratcheting up scrutiny of Trump's real estate transactions and other dealings. Uh, the state attorney general is forcing, this is hilarious because why wasn't this done before he became president? They don't want to back. They're going to try to bury this guy. I'm not saying it's right or wrong.

I'm not saying this guy's a good guy. I'm definitely not saying that, but like I'm just acting like they're not just doing their job here. There's a reason they're doing this. Uh, the state attorney general is joining forces with Manhattan, Manhattan district attorney Cyrus Vance, junior, who has been conducting a separate criminal inquiry into Trump's business practices and possible insurance or financial fraud, as well as alleged hush money payments to two women who said

they had affairs with Trump before he became president. Wait a second. You can get arrested for that. Trump's business practice and possible insurance for that. Yeah. Or financial fraud, as well as alleged hush money payments to women. Isn't hush money payments to two women? Isn't that just some, uh, scuttle butt?

Those other things you can go to jail for, right? Uh, Trump has in the past refused to cooperate with investigations, calling them instances of political persecution. Earlier this year, the US Supreme court cleared the way for vans to subpoena tax, Trump's tax returns and other financial documents. Here's a brief recap of where things currently stand. Prosecutors team up the nuke. Oh my God.

Johnny, he better get, he better reboot that fucking TV show so you can keep the fucking wolves at bay. Oh God, such horseshit. You know what's funny is if he fucking did what the people who are prosecuting him wanted to do, they'd never look at his goddamn tax returns. There's so many fucking people in this country that are so filthy rich and don't even pay taxes. Don't even fucking pay taxes.

And you know what, you know what they're learning? All they have to do is grease the politicians and grease the judges. Just don't run for president and win and piss off half the country because then they're going to come and get you. Then they grab their guns and come and get you. Who is that biggie? Um, your Boston Red Sox are 26 and 18, 26 and 18 have a game, one game lead. And the AL East AL East is tight, tight race game up on the race game and a

half up on the blue jays in the Yankees. And they, uh, they got eight games on the fucking Orioles who just absolutely suck. Um, well, not too bad. 17 and 25. Yeah, he got a 40% chance they're going to win. Right. Is that what it is?

Um, um, white socks are crushing it. So let's see the twin stink. Oh, that's the tiger's stink, the Royal's stink. So far Mariners stink, the angels stink, the ranges. I was all excited that we, we were, we were going to sweep the fucking angels till we gave up that bomb in the fucking ninth inning. He gave up that fucking bomb in the fucking ninth inning.

I fucked up my car yesterday. I don't think I've ever had a car accident in my life. Just the shit that I'm going through. I was sitting there thinking about it and I went around a corner and I just fucking side-swiped a parked car. This is truck that had this big ass bumper fucking creased both doors on the other side. It's just like, Jesus fucking Christ.

What is the purpose of figuring out who you are if you kind of fuck up your car? Um, I don't know. Jesus Christ, of course, there's no fucking advertising this week. There's no goddamn advertising. I wonder why that is. Who did I, what did I do now? Who the fuck did I, who the fuck did I annoy? Um, all right, people, you know what?

I think I'm going to have to wrap this thing up early because I have too much fucking, I got too many demons floating around my fucking head and I'm not going to burden you guys with it. Um, LA restaurant attack investigated as anti-semitic hate crime. I thought it was said asthmatic, like Jesus Christ, the food was so bad. Somebody had a goddamn asthma attack. LA, you know, I walked out of the show last night and there was one Star Wars fan standing there and it's so fucked up.

He's like, Hey, Bill is like, God, Jesus Christ, right? Cause I was, I'm going through all of this shit and I angrily signed in like five of these fucking things. Now I feel like a douche for doing it, but there's just something about that fucking gig where I walk out and I don't have the choice. I have to go buy him and I have to sign that takes me back to, to when I was a kid and it was all that set out and shut the fuck up and eat it. Like you don't have a choice.

The seventies and eighties. It takes me back to that. So I feel like a fucking, I got to stop. Do I got to get myself in the right mindset for when I walk out. That's part of the gig. You're a privileged guy, but you know, you're not allowed to fucking be going through some shit, right? Um, all right, let's look this up.

LA restaurant attack is being investigated. Oh, Jesus Christ. Now there's an ad here as an anti-Semitic hate crime. Tacket West Side Sushi restaurant. Investigators possible anti-Semitic hate crime. Now wait a minute. I thought sushi was Japanese cuisine. Did they convert an attack on diners outside of a sushi restaurant by

people shouting slogans against Israel is being invented? Now how the fuck are you in America outside of a fucking, is this in America? You're outside a sushi restaurant and you can figure out that somebody walking out as Jewish. Oh, it was a violent brawl outside of West is just terrible. The attack came as can't those can't people just fucking go in and eat sushi that has a little bit of plastic in it. They come out and just fucking enjoy their lives.

You can't do that. The attack came as a deadly battle and continuing the Gaza strip escalating tensions in the US among supporters of Israel's and those who back the Palestinians and there's also those people who are just kind of like anti-war and they could be like, Hey, can we all just kind of work this out? That whole part of the world is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been to in my life. Everybody can't just fucking chill out.

A video. Maybe everybody needs to do DMT, man, a video capturing part of the Tuesday night fight shows people in a caravan of cars, flying around in a car. People in a caravan of cars, flying, Palestinian flags yelling, Fuck you. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves as they drive by the restaurant. I like you guys should be ashamed of themselves like those people who walked out of the sushi restaurant fucking called the those airstrikes in at one point before the attack, which later escalated to kicking and punching.

A person can be heard yelling Israel kills children. Um, the violence in Gaza and son has killed at least 227 Palestinians, including 64 children. Oh my God. And 12 people in Israel, including a small child, a teenager and a soldier. I just, I don't understand how war is legal. Um, we don't know what the motivation is. That's fucking hilarious.

The people who perpetrated the hate crime, weren't they yelling what the motivation was, uh, but we were certainly aware that what happens in Israel, what happens in the Middle East does impact us here on the ground. Oh my God. Anyway, um, yeah, my wife still eats sushi. I keep telling her, it's like, I would rather go with whatever fucking shit is in cows that eat cows than eat plastic. I mean, it's, it's all fucking bad.

Um, Hey, people, I'll tell you this, you know, if you're actually like really just sitting in the sadness of whatever the fuck happened to you and then trying to work your way through it, first of all, I commend you. And then secondly, uh, if you want to try to work your way out of it, don't read the news. That is not a, uh, a way to go. Um, you know what I'm realizing about all of this shit finally working my way through myself and I feel much better than I did yesterday when I was in

my fucking days and I creased the side of my fucking car, um, is, uh, there's certain shit you just can't undo and it's never not going to be sad. And so you really won't be able to feel things for the rest of your life. Sorry, I'm just being honest, but what you can do is prevent the people you love from going through the same shit, you know, or a lesser version of it. Um, by figuring out, I guess you're bullshit and then that just becomes your life work as you walk around, not feeling anything is you make sure that

they've, they feel things. Oh God. I swear to all that shit that I just read on the news and the shit that I'm going through right now is why I don't, nor will I ever believe in a higher power that cares. And I really just don't understand, like after all of this, okay, now you're going to judge me. Yeah, let's see how you handle all of that down there.

Just like, dude, what about you? What about you creating all of these, these fucked up situations here? Maybe that that's what you do is what you do is maybe you, if you start helping people, it can make you feel good, like from here on out, that you're helping people avoid feeling the way, uh, that you weren't even aware that you felt for all of these fucking years. Jesus Christ is just starting to feel like a fucking Oprah Winfrey episode. Maybe that's why she just fucking, you know, I think that's why Oprah does

what she does. She went through all kinds of horrible shit that happened to her as a kid. And then what happens as an adult, she doesn't want people to feel pain. And next thing you know, she's like, you get a car, you get a car. Does that make you happy? People, I apologize, because I know you listen to this fucking thing to fucking, you know, make your week go by. So I'm really not doing my job right now.

I promise you, uh, I am going to, I am going to get the truck out of the fucking mud here, the psychological truck. I'll figure it out. There's got to be one funny story here. Uh, Atlas Capital Plans, 650 million studio in downtown L.A. There we go. A little distraction. Good.

Make some movies I can watch. How cars culture shaped the crazy cool car, uh, architecture of mid-century L.A. Okay. This is something I'm into. All right. That's a gas station. February 22nd, 1929. Hundreds of Angelenos crowded on the ground.

Hundreds of Angelenos crowded on the corner of 10th and Hope Street in downtown L.A. They had come to celebrate the opening of a fantastical four story structure designed by esteemed architect Bernard A. Maybach. Uh, was that like the Maybach Mercedes broadcast over the radio station KFI, uh, which back then probably stood for kill fucking immigrants. I love this. So weird going back in history because look at that. Look at that car and everybody's standing around.

But you just know what was going on back then. Uh, the, the event was hosted by L.A. Mayor George Crier. Uh, George Crier is hiding out the movie stars Dolores Del Rio. Great name. And orchestra played standards and Paul Taylor's metropolitan chorus sang popular tunes of the day. Um, yes, we have now bananas.

All right. This elaborate shindig didn't mark the debut, debut, right? Was it data or is it data of a museum or a major university? It was held to celebrate a car lot. The Earl C. Anthony Incorporated Packard dealership. And so I always forget what, um, if Packard was GM, or if it was, uh, Chrysler, let's see.

Packard was an American luxury automobile marquee built by the Packard Motor Company of Detroit, Michigan, United States. The first Packard automobiles were produced in 1899. And last, and the last Detroit built Packard was in 1956. When they built the Packard predictor, their last concept car company was considered the permanent luxury car before World War II and contributed aircraft engines for the war effort to the Allied forces. Owning a Packard was a proceeds prestigious accolade, beginning, uh,

being the favorite with European royalty celebrities and corporate America. President Franklin Roosevelt was known to give limousines as gifts on several occasions. That's amazing. As a politician on that meager salary, how did he do that? And surviving examples can be found in museums, car shows, but, but, but, but, but they don't say under who it, I thought that was under, um, the GM or the Chevy umbrella.

I've always been looking for that way. You could figure that out. Cause I know like, like GM, I believe GM, it went Cadillac, Buick, and it was like Oldsmobile, Pontiac Chevy, something like that. And somewhere Packard into Soto, I don't know where they, they fell into that. But what was cool back in the day was Cadillac didn't make an entry level Cadillac. A Cadillac started where Buick's left off and Buick started where like Oldsmobile left off Oldsmobile started where, so it was like, it was just, we'll just use

tens of thousands of dollars. Like just, just these aren't accurate prices, but back in the day, you had the Chevy like standard, like the Ford custom or whatever, right? And that thing was like, we'll just say it was like 10,000 bucks. And then in order to move up, you know, if you wanted to buy a Pontiac, you had to have money to buy a $20,000 car. Oldsmobile was 30, Buick was 40, and a Caddy was 50. So that's how it was.

So people really could tell how the fuck you were doing in life by the car that you drove back then. Like now, I mean, obviously if you buy like the top of the line, top of the line, something, but I mean, you look at BMW. BMW has cars, you know, all the way from that little fucking ice cube looking electric car all the way up to like the, the M series, whatever, seven series M is that the most expensive one they have? I don't know.

Or that, um, know that, isn't it? They got a super car there, that Panda car that the rapper guy was singing about, whatever the fuck you call that car. Speaking of which, the Ford F-150 next year to 2022 is coming out. It's going to be electric. And the first thing that I noticed, it had a 10,000 pound towing capacity, which I thought was reserved for like an F-350 Dooley, as far as I know, right? Let me see right now.

If we just look at the 2021 F-150 towing capacity. Uh, okay. Oh no, 5,000 to 11,300 pounds. So it is the same. Oh, all right. I always thought that I think maybe that's what it can carry. Like a F-150 is a half ton and F-250 is a three quarter ton and then a three fifties or one ton as far as what it can hold.

I have no idea, but that's amazing though that Ford is going to make an electric pickup truck and I'm wondering if people are going to go out and buy that thing. I think they're going to. And my thing is, how are they going to gear that thing? Cause if that thing moves like a Tesla and you're towing your fucking snowmobiles or all your landscaping equipment and that thing fucking takes off like a jack rabbit, I would think, I would think that you would leave what was ever on the trailer out in the fucking street.

You'd have to really be like careful. I had a friend of mine recently took a Tesla out for a drive and he was like, dude, fuck that car. That car, it shouldn't even be legal. It's so fucking fast. And I was trying to tell him, I was like, dude, you get used to it. You can drive that car like an old lady if you want to and, you know, speeds like anything else, it can, it can save your life or it can fucking kill you.

It's all how you apply it. It's like money. Money can set you free or it can fucking enslave you. Uh, and I'm not, I'm talking about being broke. I'm saying if you go and you, uh, if you go out and make a bunch of money, but then you start living a lifestyle where, you know, you have to continue making a bunch of money, then what was the purpose of making it in the first place? Um, this is a concept that I'm trying to, uh, I don't know.

I try to tell that to younger comics. I try to talk to my wife about that stuff. Cause you know, the ladies, they watch the Kardashians. They, they want stuff and it's just like, okay, well, we could just like not do that or not buy that. And then we could just, I, then I don't have to go on the road and I could just fucking hang out with you and eat a sandwich. Uh, isn't that what life is all about?

I think life is all about the times in between fucking working. Nah, maybe it is. I mean, working's a good thing, but I'm just saying it's like, you know, I think lover boys said it best when they said everybody's working for the weekend. Um, and with that, uh, that is the podcast to everybody. Um, please enjoy this music, which I feel should be, you know what? I'm going to just say it is ladies and gentlemen, lover boy, everybody from 1980 fucking four, I think everybody's working for the weekend.

Enjoy this music. Put yourself in a happy, silly mood. Gotta love the eighties. You gotta love the eighties music. All right. Wasn't like that 90s grunge where they all came in and dumped their day on you. People was sad in the eighties. You know, we blocked it out.

We did some coke. We fucking blew our hair up. You know, look at me. Look out. Look at my big hair. All right. I'm on my way. I'm making it right.

Then the party ended in the nineties. Right. Um, fucking sad. Listen to me. I think that's what I think I've been grunge this whole podcast. I'm sorry, everybody. I'm back. The eighties are back on my podcast.

Everything isn't okay, but we're going to act like it is. All right. Go Red Sox, go Bruins, go fuck yourselves. Have a great weekend. Um, try to be nice to people. I will talk to you on Monday. Bye bye. Hey, what's going on?

It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast for Monday. Um, May, uh, 20th. Yeah. May 20th. People keep it going for May 20th. Come on. Isn't she lovely? May 20th, 2013.

How the hell are you? You doing all right there? You doing all right with your twinkle toes over here? Um, I'm kind of in a fucked up mood. Um, we just got back. I was on the road with the lovely Nia for the last fucking 10 days. And I was really nervous about the whole thing, like 10 straight days, 24 fucking seven, basically, other than when I was on stage running my goddamn YAP.

She was going to be, uh, at my side. I was like, uh, you know, this is going to be bad. We only had one, one major fight, one major like go fuck yourself. I'm going to go become a C captain. You be Google, be an astronaut so we can be as far away from each other as possible. Only only had one of those only had one. Um, so we just got back to California and we, you know, taped all these shows and shit and she was watching one and they just showed some fucking jogger.

Some jogger got mauled to death by a pack of pit bulls. So then I look up the story and it says there's been like five deadly attacks by dogs in California in the last whatever year, year and a half and all of them were pit bulls. So I go to Nia, I go, you know, what exactly do we have on our hands here? And she's like, well, I think there were different kind of owners and I said, oh, okay. Ah, fuck me. What do I do? What do you do when you're in love with a monster?

No, it's not a monster. It can be. It's kind of like a gun in the wrong hands. Is that what it is? I don't know what it is, but it fucking really made me, um, made me nervous. Really fucking made me nervous. This is kind of a creepy way to start the podcast, isn't it? I usually come on, I sing a song or something, right?

The summer when little Vegas action came blowing in from across the sea. You wore night flip flops with dark black socks down to the casino floor. But since the mob has left and it's a bunch of corporate cunts, you can get away with that fashion shit. I don't like your white trash tattooed flabby arms. Sorry, I was just singing about what you see in casinos. You know, people who go to Vegas, can you do me a favor? Can you dress up a little bit?

You fucking pieces of shit. I was going to say, and you know who you are, all right? They don't know who they are. These fucking guys who come downstairs with like a basketball jersey on, right? No fucking shirt underneath it. Sitting there looking at the beginning or ending, depending on which way you're looking at their back of their back acne. You know, they got the shoulder zits, shorts, right?

Flip flops, dark fucking black socks, just standing there. I mean, you know, back in the day when the mob ran it, if you didn't come downstairs with a collared shirt on, looking like a goddamn adult, they sent you back to your room. And they said, hey, look at me. What's the matter with you? So get it out of here. Get it.

Get no fucking, all right? They sent you back to your fucking room and you came down, all right? Looking like a gentleman. Ladies look like ladies and the who is dressed like who is, all right? And if you were some fucking piece of shit, they just threw you out. You know, how much money do we need to make? Do we need to make so much fucking money? We were going to allow this fucking jerk off to be standing here like this.

It was unbelievable. You know, everybody, you know, it just, there was so many people dressed nicely. Ah, fuck, don't do this to me. Sorry, a little technical difficulties there. There was so many people dressed nicely. And all it takes is just somebody like that to just ruin the family photo. I actually took a picture of his flip flops and his dark socks. You know what the funny thing was is the horror that was from the ankles down on this guy actually

matched the casino rug quite nicely, I might add. I don't know if you guys have been to a lot of casinos, but there's some unwritten rule that they have to have zany carpeting. You know, I don't know if it puts you in a more festive mood as you're losing all your fucking money. I don't know what it is, but every one of those casinos, not one of them just has a nice solid color, you know, an electric blue, you know, a red carpet, whatever, an earth tone, none of them.

It's this confetti. It's like they took all the yarn that was left over at a factory and they just sewed the shit together. I don't know. I don't know. Other than that, I had a great time in Vegas, other than when I went down to the pool because I go down to the pool. I'm down there. It's me.

It's fucking Jay Lawhead who's been killing it in front of me and the lovely Nia and her cousins and we're hanging, her cousin, I mean, we're hanging out down the pool and they're doing the usual shit. You know, if you're a redhead and you go down to the pool, like you're just asking for it. People all, you know, look how white you are. You know, like I never noticed. It's like I'm fucking around myself.

I've been around myself since the 60s, the late 60s. I know how white I am. And if I ever forget how white I am, there's always somebody there to remind me. So I don't know if you've noticed your skin tone. What am I meditating, floating up out on my body? All right. So these people I'm with go, come on, come on on the pool. I'm like, I don't want to go on the pool.

I don't want to go on the fucking pool. You know, they're like, why not? Why don't you want to go to the pool? You know why? Because they're fucking, look at, look at these people. Look at them. Look at them.

And you're, you're getting your, you know, would you take a bath with all, with any one of the people that you see here? These fucking just messes of human beings. There's not enough chlorine. And a fucking pool to kill whatever the fuck they're dragging in the pool. You know, it's like, I finally ended up going to the pool. Then everybody made fun of how white my fucking alabaster chest was. And then I had to stay in the shade of the fucking, uh, the lifeguards chair.

You know, you know, I had a show to do. I'm being a professional. I can't come out stage later, half in the bag looking like a lobster. Right. And I got to do my little song and dance later on that night. So anyway, so I ended up getting in the fucking pool against what I wanted to do, you know, and then I get out of the pool.

First of all, for my age, I am in absolutely phenomenal top shelf shape. All right. I got to tell you the fucking just the, the, the fuck the humanity that I saw poolside in Las Vegas, the fucking humanity keyword manatee. Not to skip step on a Jim Gaffigan. I just realized he used to use that reference and I'm pretty sure he used it. I can't remember how the fuck he used it, but if he used it to describe a fat pale torso, not really pale, but whatever, whatever the fucking shit I saw,

the side of the, he was dead on that. Oh my God. Is there anything worse than seeing a tattoo come of age? You know, Jesus Christ, if you get a tattoo, you better, you better just make the mental decision that you're going to P90X for the rest of your fucking life. Cause when you don't, dude, I saw this guy down at the pool. All right. He had like not only the worst tattoos you've ever seen in your life,

like the worst placement, you know what I mean? Like you get one like on the side of your arm up by your shoulder. That looks good. Right on the bicep. That looks good. You know, show somebody gets one right over their voice box. Like I don't give a fuck what you have surrounding that that leads into that part of the, of the, of the work or the piece, whatever they call it.

It looks fucking horrible. Leg tattoos, horrific, horrific. So this fucking jerk off, he has basically the exact sort of like tribal thing that the rock has, except he doesn't look tribal. He looks like an accountant, you know, and he doesn't work out. So just imagine if the rock was as pasty as I was and it never worked down in his life, but he has that same tattoo that starts at the elbow, goes up the arm over the shoulder and covers one whole peck.

But the way this guy had it done was it didn't cover his whole peck. It came swinging in and went right above his, his man nipple. So now all of that, all of that is like colored in. And so because of the pastiness of his torso, your eye is just drawn to his right nipple. Is he standing in the fucking pool? My neck was sore from shaking my head at people. It was, it was absolutely fucking horrific, right? So, so anyways, I go back up to the, I go back up to the hotel room, right?

You know, gonna make sure that I'm all ship shaped for my goddamn show. And I put on the news and what do they end up doing a story about? They start doing a story about the amount of fecal matter found in public pools. Right after I just got out of a goddamn pool, you know, and I know what people always think, oh, stay away from where the kids are. Stay away from the kiddie pool, right? Stay away from there. They always blame the fucking kids.

Well, you know, something after seeing what I saw pools, you know, there weren't a lot of kids in there. But I guarantee you, somebody got a coli. I know this is fucking disgusting, but people, you're basically bathing. You don't see even more fucked up is, is Vegas is just like, you know, people flying from all over the world. You're taking a fucking AIDS bath. You know, with a shot of fucking, what the hell was that shit that came out, but it killed people so fast that it just burned out. Everybody just ran into the woods.

The fuck was that shit called? Ah, Christ, I can't remember. Ebola. That's it. With a shot of Ebola. Or whatever, food poisoning. I don't know what it is, a salmonella shower, whatever the fuck you want to call it. I'm done with public pools.

The only pool that I will ever swim in again is my pool. If I ever get one or the pool of some hot chick that I want to fucking bang because I have Nia's permission. That's the only way it's going to go down. Other than that, you know, I'll just go, I'll just go take a bath. That way I'm out of the sun, you know, I'll take a couple of vitamin E pills, whatever the fuck it is you get from the sun, other than skin cancer, I'm done with it. You know what America needs to implement after years and years of calling the French people smelly? You know, that's kind of like the thing when we went over to France and saved their ass for

the second time last century. Oh wait, did we do it once? We did it one time, right? I can't fucking remember. You know, I thought the Spanish-American war took place in Texas. I thought it was somehow tied up with the Alamo. I had no fucking idea. You know why? Because I never talked about it.

All I talked about was a revolutionary war. We got right up to about the war of 1812 and that was it. French and Indian war and then they just stopped. You know, they never, they never did anything via civil war we talked about, but that was it. Spanish-American war, as far as what I remember from Wikipedia, took place in like, I don't know, Cuba, Puerto Rico and like Guam. Figure that one out. At some point, you know, that's one of those books, like if I ever have insomnia,

I'm just going to start reading the history of the Spanish-American war, you know? I didn't realize it was in a way game. I thought that that was in our building. Evidently it wasn't. And it was spread out all over Hale. So anyways, we've always made fun of the French file. They smell, if you ever watched Bugs Bunny growing up, you saw Peppy Le Pew. If you noticed he had a French accent, you know, that's the kind of shit you can do.

You couldn't get away with today because of political correctness, I guess. They were basically saying that, you know, that they stunk. But I'll tell you one thing that the French have when it comes to hygiene over Americans, all right, is the bidet. All right, I can guarantee you, if I ever go swimming in a public pool again, it's going to be in France. Unless there's a bunch of Americans, I know I've been over to England, I never saw a bidet over there. You know, a bidet is basically a car wash for your asshole.

And, you know, it leaves you feeling refreshed, puts a fucking smile on your face. And evidently in France, you're so fucking happy you forget to put on deodorant. But I'll tell you right now, you can jump in that pool. I bet they're not talking about that shit over there, right? You know what's funny about this? I am 15 minutes into this podcast. I just told a 15 minute shit joke. Do you realize that?

And that can mean only one thing. It's time for some advertising. And when we come back from advertising, everybody, this is what they call in the business a teaser. If I can figure out how to use this tablet. Oh, fuck you. Who's this? I don't want to hear it.

I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear who the fuck that is. Let's get to the library too. Oh, when we come back from the break, I'm going to tell you about meeting Pete Rose. All right, here we go. All right, stamps.com, everybody. You know it.

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transcribes them and sends to you instantly as a text or email. Sorry. So you can e-voice. Ah, so you can check e-voice mails before the meeting ends and not look rude. E-voice is only 10 bucks a month. Right now, listeners to my podcast can get a free trial of e-voice for 30 days. Stop what you're doing, hit pause, set up your e-voice free trial and see what I'm talking about. It's a great way to support my podcast and an easy way to make more money this year.

Go to e-voice.com promo code bill. That's e-voice.com promo code bill. Or just go to the podcast page on billbird.com and click the e-voice banner right now. All right. Good Lord. I have like, I just really have issues with reading out loud some weeks. Yes, some weeks because I've been doing better recently. Okay.

I know you constantly going to give me shit. Some weeks. What about every week? LOL shaking my head. Oh, here's another thing for Twitter hack. When people, when people begin a joke with in other news, you know, that weekend update staple from 1986 on SNL, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

All right. That's your joke right in class. That's probably the worst description ever. I'd go fuck yourself. So anyway, so I'm walking back to the hotel and I walked by this sports members. I'm back in Vegas by the way. All right. Are you with me?

We're out of the shit pool and now I'm walking through the little mall there and I see this sports memorabilia place and I see Pete Rose is going to be there. Like the guy's going to be here in an hour. I'm like, I got to meet this fucking guy. It's fucking Pete Rose. And I'm looking all the baseballs he signs, the tellaries he signs it hits. Uh, like 4,256 steroids, zero Pete Rose hit King. I thought that was the shit.

Um, so anyways, I'd seen him signing there before and the line was too long and I didn't feel like waiting. So this time me in lawhead who does an amazing impression of him breaking Ty Cobb's record, the entire thing, him standing on first base, hitting the ball standing on first place. Waving to the crowd, gradually trying to fight off tears, hugging his son and breaking down. He does the whole fucking thing. Um, he does it at the Rose Bowl after cooking a delicious meal. But anyway, so I'm hanging out with Tim and you can have your biolist memorabilia and Pete

Rose will, uh, will sign it for you. So they had two photos and one was Pete Rose, like sliding headfirst into third base in the 1975 World Series when he beat my Boston Red Sox. And another photo that I saw in the collection was Pete Rose in the 1976 World Series where they beat the Yankees. Once again, sliding headfirst into third base, batting helmet, who knows where it went. It always flew off at scene between first and second base. Um, so I'm like, oh my God, that's part, I gotta get, I gotta get both of those.

Right. So my whole thing is I want him to write on the Red Sox one, Bill, I'm sorry, Pete Rose. And then on the Yankee one, Bill, you're welcome. Pete Rose, right? So I bring it up to him. Great guy. Hey, how you doing and all that type of thing.

So I tell him, I go, okay, I go and big Red Sox fan. This is you beating the Red Sox. This is you beating the Yankee. So on this one, just write Bill, I'm sorry. And he immediately looks at me and he goes, I'm not a fucking died. Laughing. I loved it. He still had that competitive thing, you know, and I was like, I know you're not.

I go, say you're not. That's funny or whatever. And he didn't. He still wrote it. And then just write, you know, you're welcome on the other one. And he actually wrote, uh, wrote bill. I'm sorry on one. And Pete Rose, 1975 World Series MVP.

And on the other one, he wrote, uh, Bill, you're welcome. Pete Rose. And then he wrote Reds for Yankee zero. Something about a sweep or something like that. In fact, when I brought up the Yankees, I said, yeah, but you beat the Yankees in 1976. He goes and he immediately goes, swept their asses. It's fucking great.

So anyways, I got to meet him. We could shot the shit with them for a second. Shot the shit with the greatest hitter of all time. You know, I asked him, who was, uh, who's the toughest guy you ever faced? All right, I'm going to pause here. You're going to guess who do you think was a guy from the sixties? Who do you think? Huh?

What are you guessing? Bob Gibson. It's a good guess. Don Drysdale. Another good guess. Steve Calton. It was actually Sandy Kofax. I was like, really Sandy Kofax.

And then he made this motion of like the ball just fucking dropping off a cliff. He did it with both hands. Like the guy could get it breaking either way. And, uh, I don't know, actually talked to him about the Red Sox. He actually like still watches baseball. He's totally fucking into it. And, uh, I think at first he thought me and Jay were a couple of creeps that he could tell that we really, you know, looked up to him and wanted to talk baseball.

And he was fucking, you know, just totally warmed up, man, cool as hell. So if you ever get a chance and don't be a cunt, like that little weasel that brought that shit up. All right. Everybody knows he'd been on baseball enough already. You know, they didn't let him into the hall of fame. He's cited memorabilia at a casino where he's paying the price. You know, you realize how small that is.

Like they actually had a baseball there. It was all in black that he signs. I'm sorry. I've been on baseball. Pete Rose. And I'm just like, oh Jesus Christ, you bring that ball up to him. Kind of fucking asshole would do that. Oh, who's kidding?

Half the people on Twitter. Anyways, oh, you know what fucking blows doesn't blow. It was actually an awesome sporting experience, but I don't know. Some of you guys who follow me on Twitter or whatever. Last week I was in Boston and I'm, if you listen to last week's podcast, I mentioned that I was going to that Bruins Maple Leafs game seven and I did get in. I was there. I went with this comedian Doug Sinye.

Boston guy came up from up from New York and went to the game. I had a good feeling. I thought we were going to win it. And I got to be honest with you, you know, we look good for the first two minutes and then all of a sudden it was all Leafs after that. And at three to one, I was convinced we were going to lose. Oh my God, that's it. That's it.

We scored two goals. That's our limit. They just scored the third, you know, the Leafs are playing great hockey. They totally got this game in hand. So, you know, and then they went up four to one. And that's when the first like wave of Bruins fans started leaving, like seven, eight minutes left to forget what happened.

And like people were leaving and Leaf fans were moving down. All right. Now it's not like I'm sitting there going, you know, I gave him shit for leaving. I was yelling, where you going the fuck, but my shit was more. We have to stay because I hate when the other teams fans take over your building. You know what I mean? And get to celebrate and kind of fucking dance in your living room. So after three to one, I was convinced we were going to lose.

So the only reason why I was still there was because I was there to basically give Maple Leaf fans dirty look when they beat us. So they'd have to tone down their celebration and also to give a bad description to the cops if somebody threw something at them, you know, unless it was something major and really hurt them. So that's it. So I'd like to thank my mother for teaching me to never leave. You always stay. You never leave the game until it's over.

And we stayed there. And all of a sudden it was four to two, Lucic scored, then it was four to three, four to four, the fucking place was going insane. And I was actually nervous that, you know, end of regulation that was given Toronto a time to regroup, almost like when you're in a fight, you know, you see a fighter and he's got the guy in the ropes and all of a sudden saved by the bell. I almost felt like it was like that. And I just had this, I had this gnawing feeling that they would have come out and score a quick one.

And all that excitement would have been for nothing. But fortunately, Bergeron scored. And I have to tell you, as far as sporting events that I've ever been to, that one is a close second to, I went to the Super Bowl and the Patriots beat the Rams for our first Super Bowl championship. And it was unbelievable. My condolences to the Leaf fans, man. I think you guys are fucking awesome fans.

And I wouldn't wish what happened to you on anybody other than Montreal, Canadian fans for the simple fact that they fucking deserve it. You know what's funny though? Leaf fans are really hated. They're really hated. I don't know why. I've never understood that. Like how you can like have that level of no championships.

I mean, they're, they're going on 46 years, so it's 47 seasons. They're coming up on 50 fucking years, a half a century and not winning shit. And people still hate them. I don't know what, I don't, you know, I'm going to have to ask some Canadian people what, what the fucking deal is with that. Because I would think that they would hate Montreal fans more, but it seems, I don't know. I was surprised. Maybe they do hate Montreal fans more.

I don't know, but I was surprised at the level of hatred, like the emails that I was getting from other Canadians about how much they hate fucking Toronto Leaf Maple Leaf fans. The ones that came to the Fleet Center were cool as hell. You know? And so whatever. So now we're into the next round of the fucking Bruins. Here we go Bruins.

Here we go. That's what it used to be. That after fucking the Rangers won it in 1994 and that let's go Rangers became so iconic. That fucking rhythm took over everything. So now whenever people go, let's go Bruins, I can never fully give my heart into that fucking that chant because I'm always thinking that's the Rangers chant. We were always here. We go Bruins.

Here we go. They were always let's go Rangers. But like that whole, that whole cadence has taken over everything, which the funniest one is, is Yankee fans because they used to go 1918. And then when that was over, they, for some reason, you needed four syllables. They went, they took a fourth like syllable chant and they try to cramp. I mean, elongate the third. They basically, they went from 1918 to Boston sucks, but they kept the same rhythm.

So they go, Boston sucks. Oh, those fucking hero eating jackasses. Why wouldn't you be like, fuck you, Boston? I mean, something that fit. You know why? Cause they're not that smart. Um, anyways, but anyway, you know, it was the best thing about fucking being back in Boston. Cause I watched the, uh, I watched a Red Sox game, went out to get some pizza and I just

walked, I mean, it just was so fucking nice. This is the biggest thing I miss about this living in Massachusetts is just walking into a sports bar or a fucking pizza place. And the game I want to watch is on and everybody in there is for the team that I like. I moved away from Boston in 1995 and it's like, I've been behind any being lines here, coming up on 20 fucking years and I'm exhausted. I'm like, I've said this before on the podcast. I'm like, I'm like a sports like Donnie Brasco.

You know, somebody sent me a fucking tweet today. They go, Hey Bill, uh, now that you live in LA, uh, are you a Kings fan now? Or do you still have loyalty to the Bruins? And I, that is, I can't even relate to that fucking question. That's such a dumb question. I don't understand how people, how you root for a team, your whole fucking life, and then you move somewhere else. You're like, well, I guess I'll root for these guys now.

You know, I don't hate the Kings. I mean, they sucked my whole life coming up. So we never ran into them. We always ran to the Edmonton Oilers as far as people out west. They used to fucking kick our ass. So, uh, but even then I didn't hate them. They hated the Canadians. I hated the Savas.

I hated Hadford. The Nordics, I didn't mind for some reason, but that was the Adams division back then. So I really didn't like them. I didn't like the Devils. Fucking Islanders were always tough. Islanders were tough. Jesus, they were tough back then in the early 80s.

Obviously they went off middle of a fucking dynasty. So, um, yeah, I, so the person who asked me that, I don't hate the, uh, I'm not a fan. I'm actually a fan. Like I like the way they play. I like their, their, uh, franchise the same way I like, you know, I'm a fan of like the devil rays or something like that. But, uh, until they, they didn't let people say devil anymore, you know, like Tampa needed another reason to make fun of you,

fun of them. You know what I mean? I think the name are baseball teams too evil. I don't mind the fish part, but the other part I just, I just don't like. I don't need Devils food cake and I love dessert. Um, you know, it reminds me of last night. Oh, big, first of all, big thank you to, uh, the mirage casino for having me out there. Um, and everybody who showed up, I had so much fun.

The two shows that I did out there and they had me, you know, I took a picture of it. And I know you guys are going to shit all over me. You guys always figure out a fucking way to shit all over me, but I don't give a fuck. It's a big moment in my life. So I'm up on one of those main marquees out there. They had a big, stupid fucking red head right up there. You know, it was fucking awesome. I was playing this theater and, um, it was great.

It was packed both shows, signed some DVDs, took some pictures, had a great fucking time. You know, you know what I did? I only gambled once. I bet on the preakness I came down. I was watching the penguins, um, senators game, the one where fucking Crosby had the hat trick right out of the gate. And, uh, I was sitting there with a lawhead, you know, nursing a beer because I had a show that night and I'm watching it in front of us.

These guys were betting the horses and I got to tell you something. There's no gamblers are funnier than people who bet the fucking horses, man. They are hilarious. They get so fucking into it as they're coming down the home stretch. I stopped watching the hockey game. The hockey game was on the giant one. They're watching it on these little screens and like these fucking degenerate gambling cubicles. And they got their rolled up programs and they're hitting the table.

Just go, come on, you six, come on, you six, come on, you six, hit him. And don't say, they literally go with the horse and go, come on, you six, come on, you six, come on, you six, come on, you six, come on, you six, hit him, hit him, hit him. This fucking guy yelled in the casino, beat that horse. You gotta stand. I'm living out here right in fucking Tinseltown, the most liberal place ever, right? Peter has a goddamn parade out here every fucking three seconds. So just to hear that beat that horse, I was fucking dying laughing.

Even though I love horses and if I ever owned one, my dreams to own a horse and never ride it, you know, keep that fuck up pure. I don't ever want to break it. So it allows me to get on its fucking back. My stupid booze weight sitting on its back as it walks me up a hill. Even though if it wanted to, it could just kick me with its back foot and knock me out forever. There's something sad about that. So anyways, so I go down there the next day with lawhead.

So we put money on the preakness. I think I can remember who the fuck I even, one of the horses we bet wasn't in the race, wasn't in the race from fucking the second it started. And then my other going, I bet was it horse number wasn't three. Something with gold in it. I can't fucking remember. It was in second place until they came around the clubhouse turn and then that was it. But the fucking place was jam packed and people were going crazy for like a minute and a half

or whatever it is. It's just they go nuts the second they're let out. And then that dies down. And then they're coming around the first turn. There's this murmur they go, they go, get on the rail, get on the rail. You know, and then is it coming down the back stretch that fucking shit when they come down and down the stretch they come, the place is going fucking crazy. And everybody's screaming.

There was this one guy. I watched him. He lost six races in a fucking row. So and I didn't bet any of the races. This guy was like the, the, the mush in a Bronx tail. And I'm looking at, he's the guy who yelled beat that horse, right? So I'm looking at him because I bet the preakness and I see him and his family sitting behind me. He's got this big shitty grin on his face.

And I bet I think horse number three and horse number eight. And he's got this big shitty grin on his face and he turned around and he looks basically over my head. He looks back at his family and he holds up number seven and he's smiling and nodding. I'm thinking right there. I go, well, that fucking horse isn't winning. He said three a rate. I swear to God, if I had any backbone, I would have tore up my ticket like fucking

chess, pulmonary and just, just go home guys. 01:14:57,280 --> 01:15:02,880 Um, so anyway, so let's, let's get on to fucking reading something for this week. I had a really, um, interesting email from somebody. I don't know how to, uh, I really don't know how to, what the hell is this? It's going to be brutal this week because you know what these guys are finally working on my house and I don't have internet because the room that they did, they fucking yank the thing out of the wall.

All right. Here we go. Helping an ugly friend. Do you have an ugly friend? Sure, we all do. Here we go. Dear William Burr, um, thanks for doing the podcast. Thank you.

What are my good friends is ugly. I'll say it outright. God bless his heart. He's 26 short, disproportionate face. I don't know what that means. Skinny with a gut slowly forming. Oh God, receding hairline. Jesus.

And worst of all, he doesn't take care of his teeth. Yeah. Wow. Jesus fucking Christ. All I thought of there was Clint Howard. Um, over the past couple of years, he's gotten more and more bitter about life. I believe it's due to his insecurity about his looks and attracting women. He has a great degree, really well paying job, good sense of humor,

and can talk to the ladies. However, he lacks the killer instinct needed to close the deal, meaning he gets friend zoned with every girl that is possibly interested, which is very few. Well, you're kind of talking out of both sides of your mouth. You're saying he's great with the women, but he just can't close the deal. Why are there only a few women interested in them?

What are you going to say? See the first paragraph where you decide to fuck. You basically described a troll. Myself and close friends have been subtly pushing him to work out, clean his teeth, eat healthy, etc. But he gets very offended whenever we suggest anything. He seems to be set on a path of thinking he is going to have to wait until his 40s before women will be desperate enough to ignore his looks and date him

for a successful career. This type of attitude is starting to affect his friendships. He's getting bitter and defensive, bitter, defensive and confrontational. Nobody likes an angry troll. They really don't. Okay, if you're going to go the troll route, you know, you got to be at the very least affable.

You know, working your way towards jolly, I would think. Maybe you could put on a silly hat and build some toys. I don't know. As his friend, how can I help him get off this path and boost his confidence to get that killer instinct and confidence that the ladies love even if you're ugly. Thanks for the advice and go fuck yourself. P.S. Shout out to the beautiful city of Boston.

I was there last year for a hockey tournament and can't wait to go back. P.S.S. Fuck your ruins. I've lost two years of my life due to the stress of the Maple Leaf series. Oh, Jesus. God must have sent that before it was over. All right. So what do you say to this guy? Oh, wow.

Well, I don't know him, but at some point, you're just going to have to fucking lay it on the line and say it to him and say, like, look, you know something, you're just like me. All right. You want to have fun. You want to go sew your oats, as they say, and then you want to find love and get married and start a family, correct?

You know, you got to brush your fucking teeth. I don't know how to, how do you go into it slowly? Like this is no matter how you come at it. When somebody's defensive, there's no way to come at them without burning up in the atmosphere of their fucking bitterness during reentry. How do you do it? I would wait till the next time he says something bitter and or defensive or something like that.

And just look at him and be like, listen, dude, you're your own worst enemy. All right. Life is a horse race and you're shooting yours in the back of the head before the fucking gate even opens. Then you're walking around the track with mud on your shoes, you know, wondering why I don't know why you're fucking some other horse racing thing that I don't know shit about. I picked the wrong metaphor.

You know what I mean? Just wait till he's being a cunt. I remember one time I knew this guy was just negative as fucking hell. And you'd say, hey, you know something? If you keep doing this, maybe this will happen. And then he always be like, yeah, you know, with my luck, the fucking piano fall on my head. And I got sick of it.

And then finally I'd be like, yeah, you know, well, you know, if you think that way, that's probably going to happen. And I only said it one time and he never talked that way again. He's still negative, but I didn't have to deal with that shit. I don't know what to do with this guy. Like you might, you might have to fucking channel Patrice O'Neill. God rest his soul. Patrice O'Neill would have sat this dude down and would have said N word.

What the fuck are you doing? Look at yourself. You know, you got a fucked up face. You're losing your goddamn hair. At the very least brush your fucking teeth. Get some fucking better clothes. What's wrong? I can't do it.

I can't do it. He would have done. He would have been able to do it. He would have hurt the guy's feelings so bad while helping him to become a better person at the same time. You might, you're going to have to come up with your own fucking version of that. You know, I don't know. What do you do when somebody just stops brushing their teeth?

You just tapping out on humanity. And you're saying he's smart. He has a degree. He's not one of those. Is there anything worse than somebody really smart with bad fucking hygiene? You know, those people, they're so fucking smart. They, you know, they show up. They got like sleep in their eye.

Oh, God. Dude, bad teeth is a goddamn deal breaker. You know, Jesus fucking Christ. You know what's funny? I'm disgusted with this guy. Don't you, don't you, don't you, don't you got me fighting you? You just going to quit? Fucking asshole.

I was born with orange hair. Did I quit? I got great teeth. Did I ever stop brushing? No, I didn't. I got second and third degree burns when I went out in the sun. You know, then I stopped flossing. I did.

Quit fucking moping around you ugly motherfucker. You get yourself some scope. Endless to read in a fucking scrub brush. You go to a goddamn dentist. You get your fucking teeth clean. All right. When you hit on a woman, you stay on it. You keep those plates spinning.

Always have a condom. Always be ready. What time is it? It's game time. Right. Do something like that. I don't know what the fuck to tell you. That fucking is nothing that annoys me more than watching somebody just quit.

Tell him that. Tell him stop being such a fucking baby. He's fucking eight year old sewing together his goddamn shirts. He's probably toddlers making the toothbrushes that he's not even using. Oh, poor fucking baby. You know, you don't look like John Davidson. Who gives a fuck? Brush your teeth.

Shave your fucking head down. All right. Go to the gym. Give yourself a fighting chance. Stop treating yourself like you're the pirates. You know, running yourself like the fucking pirates do. What did I do to this goddamn thing? All right.

Sorry, man. I just did something that really fucking gets me about people who do that shit. Who just fucking quit. It's nothing worse than that. Unless you really just truly suck at something. Like, you know, like you guys here, I sing. I'm terrible, but it's funny because it's the podcast. But if I was actually trying to sing professionally, that's one thing you really should quit

and fucking do something else for just just for your fellow man, you know. But you just just a just a quit. You're just going to quit. I'm legitimately disgusted with that person I never met before. I don't know what to tell you. What an asshole. Fuck, and he gets bitter. You know what that reminds me of some reason?

There was one time I was doing a show and there was somebody in the front row that was mentally challenged. So there's no way I'm fucking with this guy. And then I get on stage and the kids are cunt. He starts fucking heckling me. You know, and every time I don't say anything back, he gets a little more fucking confident. And then finally I was just like, you know what?

I can't remember what the fuck I said to him. The crowd pulled back and I'm like, you know what? Fuck this guy. Fuck this guy. They're just like everybody else. Okay? Some of them are cunts and this is a great example. So fuck you, buddy.

I kind of kept it at that. It was really a fight. Oh, man, I thought that guy fucking annoyed me. I was doing some hell gig the first time I lived out here in LA. I'm standing at some fucking Mexican restaurant. I'm getting fucking heckled by this kid. All right? I mean, you know what I'm doing, living in LA.

I'm going through that fucking bullshit. But you know what? I didn't quit. I brushed my teeth before that fucking show. Dude, when you, when you just don't brush your teeth, you just tapped out. You're just saying, fuck it. Why won't this, wait a minute.

Why won't this thing fucking load? Ah, Jesus Christ. You know, you guys hear me battling this shit every week. Do I fucking quit this? Loading. How do I make it go back? Oh, I was doing so well and all I had to do was read a couple more and I was done. What if I shut it off and then I turn it back on again?

What happened? Ah, Jesus Christ. I swear to God, how do these things make your fucking life easier? Can somebody please explain it to me how it makes it easier? Oh, sure. It's easier to go shopping or find out, you know, what your neighbor jerks off to. But other than that, how does it make your fucking life easier for someone like me?

Hey, Nia. Nia. I know she hears me. And that's the thing that slowly kills you in a relationship. I know she fucking hears me. And I know she hears the panic in my fucking voice. And I know she knows that I need her. And she just got, I got to hit pause.

God fucking damn it. Hang on a second. Every fucking week. All right, I'm back. I'm back. Here we go. Hulu Plus, everybody. Hulu Plus, everybody.

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That's phenomenal. That is absolutely phenomenal. I wonder if I can watch NHL games there. Oh, here's some of the shows available. Downton Abbey, it's not downtown. The Vampire Diaries, The Game, New Girl, I was on that. The Office, Glee, The Mindy Project, Parks and Rec, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. Wow, they got everything.

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All right, there we go. Back to the podcast. All right, experience with the threesome. All right, firstly, congrats on the podcast. Love you shit. Anyways, in a recent podcast, you mentioned a guy who wants to bang another chick in front of his wife. Then you asked if someone's got some good stories.

No, no, no. She wanted him to do it. Oh, by the way, somebody else gave me a great insight to that, which was that his wife or girlfriend did the same thing. Said she wanted to see him have sex with another woman. And it turned out that she was trying to lessen her guilt because she already fucked around on him. So, you know, it's a tango web being weaved here. Now that the pussy is after countless efforts of hitting on this,

after countless efforts of hitting on this chick in my class, I found out that she was, she was engaged, so I gave it a rest. Not long after she started hinting sexual stuff all the time, getting a little too comfortable with the touching. I bet a moron was shit like this and fucked myself over to bang some random chick who turns out to be a psycho at least a couple of times. Oh, so you're sitting there going, I think this girl's giving me sexual vibes, but I don't want to be an idiot and shit where I eat.

Is that what you're saying? Well, you're not here to tell me either way. So that's what I'm going to think. So anyways, he goes, I started to question her about her man and what she really wants if she's just being a tease. She said she suggested to her fiance to have a threesome with another chick from class. Now she wants the two dude type of deal. Tag teaming, double penetration of whatever else you want to call it.

Dude, right there. That's not your wife. Okay. That is a free fucking spirit. Okay. You bang her and then you hand her backpack and you let her continue walking down the road with that little saucepan, clink, clink, clink the pots and pans, clinking off the back. Anyways, he goes, I can't say it was comfortable.

So I had to lay some ground rules. No eye contact between the guys. No sword crossing, et cetera, et cetera. Dude, I got to tell you something. What is in it for the, as a guy to have a fucking two on one with another dude? Although I know, I know one guy who I actually understood it because they would be doing the rotisserie with some girl and they would, well, you know, she can't look at them obviously because she's busy and what they would do is they would try to make each other laugh.

Now, to me that that's fucking hilarious. And unless you're the woman, you never want to hear somebody just go in the middle of fucking having sex with you, I guess. Are you laughing at my ass? About a week later, let's get back to the thing here. About a week later, Chick invited me to the house. I'm sorry I'm having more trouble than usual reading this. I keep touching this fucking tablet thing here and shit just keeps popping up.

I don't know how to get rid of it. All right, I think we're back to normal here. So he goes about a week later, the chick invited me to the house to prepare a presentation and asked the dude if he was okay with everything that happened. He said, well, she let me have it with another chick. So it's totally fair. Oh, okay. So you guys haven't done it yet.

So did you guys come on there and dressed in like power suits with like a fucking little briefcases? He's sitting at the end of a long table, you know, with his elbows on the table and all fingertips touching each other. And how do you plan to make my dick some money this week? Anyways, he goes, so I asked if he was okay with it. His eyes started getting all watery and face got red and that vein in the forehead starts popping. He says it fucks him up every time he thinks about it,

but it also turned him on to a whole different level. I asked whether he still want to be married to her. He said he doesn't know and excused himself. I asked what her vision behind this whole shit was and apparently she takes pleasure to see him jealous and can't do anything about it. She likes the whole watching him, watching her being fucked by a man or a woman. She doesn't want to hurt him, so she lets him in on the action, but she loves this swinging type of shit a lot more.

Oh my God. So wait a minute, so you did it. Right? Dude, you're writing, you're leaving out words here and you're making a dumb guy sound even worse here. Let me go back. About a week later, a chick invited me to the house to prepare a presentation and I asked to do it if he was okay with everything that happened, all my fault. I read it wrong.

Or I wasn't listening as I was talking because I was so nervous about fucking up the next sentence. Oh my God. Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you that you went back? You know, like you're doing some follow-up survey. This whole thing is weird. So when he goes, well, let's just say things were awesome in my shoes, but I felt a little bad that they broke up. Dude, you know what you did?

You just saved a fucking soul. The soul that the two of them were going to fucking make, okay? That soul will go into a fucking different person. I don't know how it works. I'm not a religious guy, but yeah, you just stopped a kid from being brought into the world by a couple of fucking people who need to go to therapy, I think. I guess I'm judging. I don't know what.

Those aren't parents. Anyways, funny thing is he still goes over to fucker and another partner. Sometimes even another couple partners swapping things. Basically, swing or fuck buddies. Oh yeah. Well, he opened Pandora's box. No pun intended. Now it's no biggie to him.

He goes, I wouldn't call them freaks. They're awesome people, but this type of shit doesn't usually work out for the best in relationships, let alone a marriage. Excuse my bad grammar and poor descriptive skills. Well, you know what? You should have started your email with that so everyone wouldn't think that it was me. Wow, man. I've never been involved in any shit like that.

I never had a threesome or anything. I think I could have had two. I'd said this before. One of them, I was so young and stupid, I was actually annoyed with the other girl going, why won't she fucking leave so I can bang her friend? You know, I didn't get that she was lingering around. That one kills me because they were both fucking great looking. And then the other one was, was a layup, but one was fucking gorgeous.

And the other one looked like a goddamn refrigerator. She was like fucking six, two, one of those rich people refrigerators. You know what I mean? That's just built into the fucking wall. That's what she looked like. And it's just like, I, you know, I would need one of those like some rock climbing shit to fucking handle that one. So I gracefully bowed out of that.

Yeah, that's, that's an entire, let me ask you this, sir. Do you live in Atlanta? I always get that fucking freak vibe in Atlanta. Anyways, here we go. Philosophy workshop. I'm doing a philosophy workshop this summer called rape jokes and other effects. Dude, what is with all this fucking babbling about rape jokes? I swear to fucking Christ.

I go to comedy clubs all the time. Like you're making it seem like every five seconds somebody talks about it. You know, he's fucking idiot bloggers. Blogging about what kind of fucking jokes. You don't understand how fucking dumb that is. That's like if you played guitar and you start blogging about what chords people should and shouldn't use. Good fucking.

It's not even frustrating. It's just, it's bizarre. It's really bizarre and I've yet to see anybody. I don't know. Anybody that's kind of doing anything or who's considered funny. That's really going around telling people what they should talk about. I would, why don't you work on your own act? You know, if you don't like rape jokes, don't do any.

I don't like country music. I would never say don't do fucking country music. It's bizarre. The whole fucking, it's the whole thing is just fucking. I'm going to stop talking about this because I'm just going to add fuel to the fire. Let's just blow through these dumb questions here. Can people be inappropriately offended? If so, how do we draw the line between a pro?

This is so fucking stupid. Don't go to a comedy club. Oh my God. I went to the pool and I got wet. Is there a way to make the pool drier? How wet is too wet? Is being offended a moral response? If what kind of response?

If you're morally wrong, someone, it's appropriate for you to feel guilt. Who is, is this one of these bloggers who wrote this? I find that whole thing unbelievably childish and silly. I'm not even going to give even a fucking time a day. What about chickens? What about the chickens who died and you're talking about eating a chicken BLT? Anyways, plowing ahead here. Met girl last week of school.

Hey Bill, this past weekend I made out with this girl I've been talking to at school. Since then we've been talking non-stop and I really like her and I think she likes me. Oh, isn't this nice? But in a little more than a week, we will both be graduating. She lives in Philly and I live right outside of New York. Well, you can kiss that pussy goodbye. Sorry, that was me. All right, she's really cool and different than all the other girls at school.

I'm just wondering what you think I should do. This upcoming week is senior, is senior week. You know what? I shouldn't have said that. You actually like this girl. I apologize. I'm an idiot. This up, I'm going to treat it with respect for the rest of this,

for the rest of this fucking email. This upcoming week is senior week, a week full of drinking and non-stop partying until graduation. I know we're going to be hanging out all week and I just want to get your thoughts on what I should do after graduation. I really like her. She's pretty smart and is into a lot of the same stuff I am. Anywho, thanks for everything. Big fan of you and the podcast and I just watched Stand Up Guys.

Hilarious. Oh, thank you. That sound you make when you get shot made me laugh so hard. Yeah, got shot in the head. You're not going to make a graceful noise. All right, where are we going here? What do we do here? You know what, sir?

You're at that time in your life where you have to figure this shit out. You can't ask someone as old and as jaded as me, because you heard what I said right out of the gate. It was fucking insensitive and it was mean and it had nothing to do with you or the wonderful woman that you're dating. It had to do with me and the train wreck of my fucking dating career. All right, so there's your lesson. Here's your lesson, something that I learned.

Tom Papa taught me this one. Anytime he said, anytime I make a big decision in my life and I tell people about it, I realized that most of the time their reaction has nothing to do with what I'm doing. It has everything to do with them. So I say, look, if you like this girl, you know, it's the long distance thing is really hard. You're going to go to the both going.

You guys are both going to different colleges. I mean, it's like a fucking nightclub and just all these single people. But call it, you're never going to be in a greater nightclub than college. And it's just a shame that when you're going through it, you don't realize it. It's just, you have the pick of the litter, you know, but the problem is, is you're, you're, I don't know, you want all these experiences. You're just getting out from underneath your parents and they, they should really have college like when you're 25, 26.

All right. And just make it illegal to get married until then, you know, it just kind of have a good time, figure out what the fuck you want. Then you go to college and you got this, you pick up all these fucking people, maybe not 26 by then you're a little bit, I don't know. It's just everybody kind of in the prime of their life before they get jaded in that type of shit. So I, you know what I would do, sir, I would follow your heart.

That's my advice. And I wouldn't listen to old grizzled asshole like myself. All right. Good luck to you. I hope it all works out. Yeah, you follow your heart. You'll never be wrong. You can still get hurt, but you're not wrong.

Cause everybody hurts. Sorry. Wife is getting heavy. Oh, Jesus. Dear Bill Doe. I didn't get that at first. Shit, I didn't get that. That's fucking hilarious.

I didn't, I read it and it didn't make sense till it came out of my mouth. I saw Doe DOE like Doe. Where did he air? I was like, what is he calling me? A fucking Bambi or something? I didn't get it. Oh my God. That's fucking funny.

Love the podcast. You stay the best guest on Rogan. Yada, yada. All right. I'm a 26 year old fella from Maine due to tie the knot in October with my lady of seven years. And we have a great relationship and are very happy. Well, congratulations, sir. You've hit the lottery.

You live in a God's country. You know, you got yourself a great woman. You got a great start here. Where is the left term coming, everybody? Let's continue reading. She's smart and didn't take shit from no one. She has stuck with me, supported me through my oxy, caught in addiction, of course. Fucking Maine.

You know what? I was going to do, I had a small part in a movie. I was going to do something called Blue Potato. Last September and it didn't, the dates didn't end up working out and it was all about the oxy problem up there in Maine. So look for that movie because the fucking script was great. There you go. There's a little inside Hollywood shit.

All right. Here we go. She helped me get through my through, help me get throughout when my mom died. All right. This guy did some oxy. And when he was doing the oxy, he did not take a spelling class. All right. Let's, let's back up here.

Help me get through when my mom died. She has stuck with me and helped me raise and support my niece from the time she was born till present. Oh yeah. This girl's a champ. My niece is now almost four and now helping me support. You jump it back and forth here, sir. So now there's wonderful woman.

I'm going to help you out here. She's now helping me support my father who can't work due to him dying with multiple melanoma, marrow cancer, bone marrow cancer. Jesus Christ. Not melanoma. My loma bone cancer. I don't know how to read that word, sir. Oh Jesus.

Bill, just get to the end of this fucking thing so we can all stop staring awkwardly down at our pen and pencil set. Okay guys. Here we go. All of this while holding a full-time job and going to college to be a psychological nurse. Psychological nurse. Okay. Bill, she is an angel and I don't know what I would do without her.

But I have one little problem. Over the last few years, she's been putting on the pounds. She loves to eat. I, dude, I read in the beginning of this, wife is getting heavy and I'm like, where's the lifter? I have the memory of a fucking aunt. Jesus Christ, Bill. Stop talking on the cell phone.

Anyways, she's been putting on the pounds. She loves to eat. I guess she stresses out with everything, but she's gained a lot of weight in the last three years. I'm talking at least 80 pounds. No, you can't have that. Can't have that. 80 pounds.

I mean, she's almost morbidly obese. 100 pounds is like morbidly obese. 30 pounds is obese. So she's going to fucking die. Anyways, she got to the point where she almost weighed more than me and I'm not a small guy. Six feet, 240, but in shape for the most part. I've got at least five inches height on her and only weighed 10 to 15 pounds more than her. It's not making me not want to tie the knot with her,

but if we're going to do it for the long haul, I don't want her to have a heart attack at the age of 40. How do I bring this up? Because as all men know, you don't bring up a woman's weight. Help me dollar, dollar bills. All right, I'll tell you, this is how you do it. You need to lose some weight, right? All right, how do you do this?

What you got to do is you bring her in the fold by talking about your own shortcomings with you, you know, whatever weight problem you have, because what are you, you're six feet to 40. You know, dude, you could stand to lose a good 25, 30 yourself, you know, get down to that 215, 210. You know, you guys are getting married. Just say, you know what, let's fucking, you know, watch one of those late night things and just get her into it. You know what?

This is what you do first. I got it. This is what I would do with her. You got all your, you're living up there in Maine. It's absolutely gorgeous. Just say you want to take her on a picnic. She likes food. All right.

Well, you don't say this is going to be a mile long hike. And when she opens the picnic basket, you got Brussels sprouts in there, right? No, you can't do it like that. But I would start enjoying the outdoors more. And I would get into some activities and what I would do is just slowly, if you guys are living together, just start introducing healthier fucking foods into the fridge and the cabinets and toss another shit and just see how that works. And if she calls you on it, you just got to come clean.

Just say, honey, I love you to death. You're the woman of my dreams. I want to marry you. And the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. And I just don't know how to bring up that I'm concerned that I'm going to lose you. And she'll be like, what are you talking about? And if you just bring it up to the fact that you're concerned that you're going to lose her someday and you're bringing into the weight thing.

And then when she cries or whatever, blah, blah, hold her, tell her you love her and just say, listen, I got to lose some weight too. You help me through the oxy thing. All right. To the point I'm kind of punchy right now. Let's, let's get our weight down for these kids. We don't have yet. You know, just do that.

Try that. I'll see, see how that fuck it works. And if it blows up in your face, I apologize. But I got to tell you that, that, that hiking takes a little sneaky. You know, start going for walks. If you hold your hand, they don't notice that they're hiking. You know, that's what you do. Hold her hand, hand, hold her hand and then have, have a guitar that you go fucking acoustic

guitar. You got to throw it around your back like you're going to serenade it. It should just be so blown away. She won't notice that you walked three miles up a mountain. You know, and then when you get up there, you just sing that the bear went over the mouth and all they could see. I'm sorry. Girlfriend going to Vegas alone.

Oh God. Oh, as Joe DeRosa says, you hate to see it. Oh, you hate to see it. I got to have him. I'm going to be going to New York next week. I should have him on the podcast next week. I should really do that. I'm going to reach out to Joe.

You know, I'm actually going to reach out to his people and see if they can get in touch with Joe. He's just finishing the European leg of his latest, uh, his latest CD. Smash it. What was it called? Something personal, I believe is what he put it out as. Anyways, my girlfriend of two years and I have a great relationship. We're in our thirties and get along better than anyone I've dated before. I have no complaints.

You guys always start this shit. Like guys go, he's just like a fucking lover. She's fucking great, but you know, she has a dick. All right. He goes, I have no complaint with the way things are going. Neither of us are looking at marriage in the future. She's divorced and doesn't want to try again. And I've never intended to get married.

Well, then what? You guys are your fuck buddies. He goes, we just enjoy each other's company and I couldn't be happy with her. Here's the thing. She still gets the urge to go out and dance to blow off some steam sometime, but I avoid it. It's not that I don't know how to dance, but let's just say that I partied my way through college and immersing myself in that scene again only gets me into trouble with those mood enhancing substances.

She's got a great job and unlike me can afford to go on a little vacation. She picked Vegas. And no, I'm not the least bit worried about her banging some other dude. She's into the ladies. Oh, she is. And as an unwavering, and as my unwavering permission to go out and have her fun with them, as long as she's safe about it. A threesome has always been on the table in the past,

but I honestly think I'd opt out just so we don't have the potential for any jealousy to show its face in our relationship. That's, that's a smart move. Watching is good enough for me. Anyway, back to the issue at hand. I have no issues with her going, but I'm worried that I'm not fulfilled, fulfilling her need to go out and party. That's what I was going to say.

I was actually going to suggest that he said, let me go back here. I'm not fulfilling your need to go out and party at the club every so often and don't want it to build into a serious problem. She doesn't go clubbing on the regular. This is her first time doing anything like this since we started dating. Do I need to grow the fuck up, put my past behind me and start taking my lady out to the club? Or I just let her keep going out on her own. I think it's perfectly normal for two people in a relationship to have activities that they

do on their own. I'm into outdoor sports and she's into going dancing. We both need our adrenaline source outside of our great sex life together. She says she's not planning on hooking up with a lady while she's out there and I wouldn't carry the weight, but I am setting myself up for failure in the future, not taking her out myself. Or do I just let her go and let her have her fun? I would tell her what you told me.

Just say, listen, I did the party scene in college. No, start with saying like, listen, I'm worried that because I don't take you out dancing, eventually that's going to lead to X, Y and Z. And I have to tell you that the reason why I take you out is not because, the reason I don't take you out is not because I don't want to take you out. It's because I did the college partying scene and I'm worried that if I go into that scene again, I'm going to get in trouble with, you know, whatever drugs you were using. You know, so much of this relationship shit is just fucking taking a deep breath and just

saying it, you know, saying why you're doing whatever the fuck it is that you're doing. And, you know, you can't fuck with honesty. I mean, you can be upset by it. I want to fuck your friend there. It's out there. All right. Here we go. Third break.

Oh my God. I want 15 minutes. You guys got your money's worth. Here we go. Personal capital, everybody. Two things suck about managing your money. It's hard to keep track of. You got stocks, bonds, 401k, IRA, bank accounts, et cetera, all on different

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I hope you guys have been enjoying the NHL playoffs. I know I talk about them a lot, but they're really starting to get great. I haven't watched any of the out the West, but I love what the LA Kings are doing. There's nothing I love seeing better than when, when, when a team that knows how to win just, just, just flips the switch. It's, it's an incredible thing to watch. It really is. I haven't been, I haven't been watching, but I've been watching the results of their games.

The fucking guys, what do they do? They lost two, two in a row to the blues, then came back, won the last four, they won the first two against the Sharks and then the Sharks won it over time. But that's my dark horse out West for taking out the, you know, the winner of the Blackhawks, redwinks. Obviously the favorite is the Blackhawks. Do you got to, the Kings are a very, very dangerous team. And I'm obviously loving how the Bruins are playing,

but I got to tell you the penguins have so much talent, but the goaltending is shaky. That's their Achilles heel there, you know, and why they still have Achilles heel because Matt cook plays for him. So he didn't slice it off with his skate accidentally. Oh, by the way, Phil Jackson, I got a gloat here, a little gloating moment at the end of the podcast. Phil Jackson wrote a book and had some interesting things to say about Kobe. So I just want to ask Laker fans, is he, is he also a hater?

He won five championships with that guy, you know, and if you read between the lines of what Phil Jackson writes in his book about Kobe, all right, you'll basically have exactly what the fuck I've been saying. All right, so there you go. I fucking called it just like Paul Versey. That's it. That's the podcast for this week. Once again, thank you to everybody who came out to the Mirage Casino and thank you to the Mirage Casino and everybody out in Vegas.

That really was a dream come true to perform at such a legendary casino and have all those people come out and got treated like a fucking king there. And we're actually hoping that that's going to be my home base. And I can come out there because of the turnover because every day, I don't know, 100,000, 200,000 people leave, 200,000 come in. I'm really hoping that that can become my home away from home. That's what we're going to be working towards. So that is it for the podcast.

For the weekend. Everybody wants a new romance. Everybody's going off the deep end. Everybody needs a second chance. You want to be from my heart. You play the start from the start. You want to be in the show.