Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-21-20

Episode Date: May 22, 2020

Bill rambles about meal prep, helmets, and contradicting stats.

Finding suitable mental health medications can be a challenge. The Genesight test may help. Did you know that genetics can play an important role in gaining insight on how a person may respond to various medications? Understanding this may help reduce medication trial and error. Genesight is a genetic test that analyzes variations in DNA. It shows how genes may affect someone's metabolism or response to medications commonly prescribed to treat depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions.

Visit genesight.com for more information. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you. How are you? How's it going? Jesus Christ.

Good news. The according to the USA Today, the CDC Center for Disease Control said that the COVID virus does not spread easily on surfaces or on surfaces or whatever, right? That's a good thing. Now, for all you mouth-breathing morons out there, they didn't say that it doesn't spread. They said it doesn't spread easily. You know? Like, you can bend over and tie your shoes, but can you do it easily, right?

If someone were to play the audio of you tying your shoes, would people be like, would they guess you're tying your shoes? Is that what they would guess? Or would they guess it was some sort of assault happening? Number one reason to stay in shape is so when you go to fucking put on and off your shoes, you're not going, eh, eh, eh, eh, hang on a second. Face turning all fucking red, seeing those black splotches right before you pass out, and then you do a fucking header, right?

And that's it. Now the whole family can't go out to in and out. That's what a hamburger is all about. They can't go anymore. Why? Why can't they go? I'll tell you why. Because you got two goddamn fucking out of shape.

You went to tie your goddamn, oh, who can, who's can, who, when you get that out of shape, that's when you just get the vans, right? You get the slippies, slip-mon, slip-moth, right? This generation though, they still wore the Velcro straps, you know? They didn't like, they didn't like the fucking slippers. It was too easy for, you know? That's when you wear the slippers. You wear the slippers when you get two goddamn fat to put your fucking, I mean, come on,

what's wrong with you? You know? You got to record yourself when you're trying to tie your fucking shoes, okay? Do you want to be making those fucking noises? You don't want to be doing that? Go out and have a goddamn salad. You know what I have been doing? What have you been doing, Bill?

Oh, we're just hanging on your every word, you freckled cunt. This is what I've been doing. So I got all these healthy fucking recipes and everything. And as great as it is to eat healthy, you know, cooking three meals a day for yourself sucks, right? What am I fucking chef tell over here? I don't want to fucking do it all the time. So what you did, what I do is I now when I go out, I get the groceries, I come back

and I put everything away and then I immediately make like a breakfast, a lunch in a dinner that'll last for like four or five days. And I stick them in a giant fucking Tupperware and then whenever it's time to eat, I walk to the refrigerator like a fucking zombie. I dump it in the pot, I heat it up and then I eat it and then I'm done. It's kind of the way to go. I have this healthy chicken fajita like soup thing that I make. And then I got these turkey burgers, a little bit of spinach in there and this taco seasoning.

And then I got these, these egg cups with, you put them in like a, it's a mixture that you put a little egg white in there. It's a mushroom, broccoli, onion and a feta cheese and you just pour them in like a muffin tray, third of a cup and each stick them in the oven and there's your breakfast for the fucking week. I'm not going to lie to you. I get boring, but it's also, it's an easy way to stay on your diet. If you are trying to lose weight, because I know I come hard, I come down hard on the

fatties. You know, some people, they go after ISIS, other people go after Harvey Weinstein. I go after the fatties and I think that that's what makes the world great is that, you know, you can never can relax. There's always somebody coming after you, no matter how good a person you are, I've learned that watching these animal videos, you know, we're sitting here fucking bitch moaning and complaining about staying in our houses and our apartments. And if you just look out the window, right, every animal you see for the most part is

going to get murdered. Like if they had insect basic cable, you know, and you know, the first 48, first of all, my lives aren't even 48 hours. The first 48 fucking seconds or something, like the amount of them that get killed. I actually saw a baby praying mantis on the hood of my car the other day. It wasn't even the size of my, like fingernail. It was amazing. Those things are scary as shit.

You stick them in a jar and they just fucking, you know, you need Joe Rogan and those guys to fucking announce what goes down next. That's their fucking octagon. You put them in the jar and there's something if there's two males or two females, I forget what, they just go at it and then one of them gets the other one in a headlock with their fucking those basically the pliers that they have on the front with the teeth and shit. They just fucking snap the head off and that's it. Something like that happens.

I have no idea. I've been still watching those animal videos. There's a good animal video out there, animals that fucked with the wrong animal. Somehow a raccoon got in this fucking zoo cage with these fucking chimps and they were just fucking with this thing. And then when they were done with it, there's one just just ever so slightly the way I would fling a sheet of paper across the room, it would go maybe two feet. Just grab this fucking thing and just through it like a frisbee.

And the thing was like on its back with all four legs out, you know, I think I, you could count maybe five or six rotations and then it landed on its back down at the bottom and it tried to run through a drain and then then it was a game. They ran down, they fucking pulled it back out again. I don't know, those fucking chimps man, who knew all my whole life they were considered cute. You put them in a little suit with a fucking hat, right? You had them for a pet and then one person gets their face ripped off and the next thing

you know, everybody's looking at them in a different way. I actually worked with a guy who got attacked by a monkey. Long time ago, I had this gig and one of the writers in there had this crazy tattoo of a monkey on his arm and he told this crazy, he told a story about, I think when he was a kid, he got attacked by a monkey. He went up and there was some fucking organ grinder or some shit, you know, with the balloons or something and you go to give the monkey like a nickel. I don't know what happened.

I don't know what the nomination, this guy tried to give the monkey, but the monkey wasn't having it and just fucking bit him or some shit, right? So he was telling me ever since then, every time he works with the monkey, he fucking stays away from it. And he was talking about when he was writing for commercials, you know, commercials. That's like, that's the number one acting gig monkeys get, you know, they're going to be in a fucking commercial. You know, there was the heyday was the late seventies when Clint Eastwood was sort of

between Dirty Harry and the Unforgiven and he made those monkey movies. That was a good time. But he only liked the orangutan, which my whole life, I thought it was orangutan. Like the drink, you know, that the astronauts allegedly fucking drank. I don't think they did. I just think everybody at NASA bought stock and tang. But anyway, he was saying that basically this is for anybody who's in the business, like three or four takes, the monkey's cool.

And then it starts to get a little nuts. And then after about a half hour, the monkey's just going to do whatever the fuck it wants. It's over it. You know, it's not interested in getting its sad card. It doesn't give a shit if the movie does well. That's a deal breaker. You ever think about that shit? Oh, you know what?

I didn't get any fucking emails. Maybe I got some emails. I said, check. I like that question of basically what a band that has a huge hit, but you think they actually have another song that's better. Also known as a deep cut or whatever people fucking say, let me see if I got any goddamn things here. I have no idea.

I was watching a bunch of NFL. I watched the 1950 NFL championship game, the highlights. Kurt Gowdy hosted this show and they had like all the guys on there. Luke Rosa, Otto Graham, didn't have Marion Motley though. I was kind of hoping he was there running back, who I guess was one of the great running backs before Jim Brown, and he had a great football mind and wanted to get into coaching and they just wouldn't give him an opportunity at all. That's the one thing, you know, when you go back and you look up the players, like the

level of racism back then was just fucking brutal. I'm not saying that people aren't racist now, you know, but like you can get a job, right? I guess I'm white. What the fuck do I know? But I'm just saying, like this guy literally, he went back to, was it Art Modell? And he just said, no, there's just no openings. And then he hired some guy that wasn't, you know, less experienced, wasn't as qualified.

And then Art Modell was like, well, we have quote, 12 Negroes on the team this year. That was like his defense. It's fucking ridiculous. So anyway, but they have footage of all of these games, just sort of watching them. And, you know, that whole theory that all they did was just run the fucking ball is bullshit. They threw it a lot. The game I was watching, both the Rams and the Cleveland Browns were throwing it a whole

bunch. And I actually read this really cool comment on the YouTube page. This guy was saying, you know, they say the greatest game ever played, 1958, the Colts vs. the Giants in Yankee Stadium. And that's the thing that put the NFL on the map and all that and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. No one ever talks about the 1950 championship game. That was one on a last second kick by Lou the Toe Groza, DeRosa.

And they said that the reason why that game didn't get as much attention is because that was the Browns first year in the league and the NFL, the whole time the All American Football Conference was around, they were calling it a Mickey Mouse league and saying it wasn't professional. So it was a really bad look for the NFL that the first year, one of the expansion teams, the one that won all four titles. And I imagine they were going like, yeah, if they came over here, they lose to the worst team to Miss Mickey Mouse fucking league.

See, you know, whatever they were saying, they came in and they, during the regular season, they defeated the two time defending champion, Philadelphia Eagles. And then they came in and defeated the former Cleveland Rams. That was another thing. Another part of the drama was it was the All American Football Conference team that drew more than the Cleveland Rams. So they left to go to LA to become the Los Angeles Rams. And now they were coming back to kick the ass of the team that drove them out of town

in the inferior league. And they came in and what happened, they didn't get the all right there. Fred, they did at the end of the game. So this person was saying that the reason why this game doesn't get as much attention is because it was a bad look for the NFL. It was embarrassing. And the 1958 game was a better look for them because even though it was the Colts, it was the NFL Colts.

It wasn't the All American Football Conference Colts that folded like a year after they got into the NFL. It was the rebooted Colts. I think they came back in 1953. Jesus Christ, Bill, what the fuck do you want from me? It's a goddamn pandemic. So the Rams had a quarterback called Bob Waterfield. And the Browns obviously had autograph.

Those were the two starting quarterbacks and Marion Motley, one of the great running backs, forgotten name. I swear to God, at some point, I'm going to I'm going to fucking pitch a show in the NFL network where old ass Bill talks about old ass football, because people should know this shit. All right. So anyway, plowing ahead here. Joey B.

Joe Barknick gave me a this book called The Code about, I don't know, the code in professional hockey and how it works, fighting, sticking up for yourself and showing up, answering the bell and all that. It's absolutely fascinating. The game within the game. And but I have to be honest with you, as a lifelong NHL fan and a huge fan of the fights, I've always found it bizarre that the NHL was basically if we don't let the players police themselves, the game's going to get out of hand.

Um, that doesn't make any sense to me. Every other league has been able to make rules. And if people break rules and hurt somebody, you get thrown out of the league. I think that that would cure all of that stuff. But I was like, nah, you don't understand this gating around. They got clubs in their hands. You got to let them handle this shit. I would, I, as much as I'm reading this book, I just, I think you just have to be

a professional hockey player to understand it. Um, I mean, I'm glad it happens. But what's cool is they take some of the bigger fights and some of the bigger hits and some of the uglier moments in the game. Uh, that Todd Bartuzzi hit against Steve Moore and they talk about how 24 hours sports networks just show the hit and then everybody shits all over hockey and they, you know, they don't kind of show what led up to it. Um, not saying that would make people feel any differently, but they kind of

just make it seem like this guy just went up and punched this guy when he wasn't looking and then pushed him down to the ice and broke his fucking neck. It's, it's like, there was a bunch of shit that led up to that. Um, and according to this book, after you read the book, you will watch hockey in a different way. Um, I don't know how you keep all those scenarios in your head though. Every little slight, you know. That happens.

Anything that one player considers that another player did was dirty. They just file it in the back of their head. And when they get a fucking chance, um, they fucking hit the guy. So who knows? You mean that you could play like two, three times and the games are too important and the score is too close and you can't take a dumb penalty. You just buy your time. That's Steve Moore, that poor kid.

He basically, he hit the captain on the Vancouver Canucks. It was a clean hit, borderline hit. So he knew that he was going to have to, you know, fight at some points. The next time they play it or two times later, he ended up fighting Matt Cook. And evidently he lost, but they didn't feel he lost enough. So I think that that's why when Bartuzzi was asking him to fight, he was skating away like I already fought, I'm done, which pissed, you know, Bartuzzi off and then he fucking punched him on all the bullshit happened.

Um, so you might want to check out that book. Uh, right. Sorry. Can you tell that I'm fucking reading while I'm also looking at all of this shit? Um, so anyway, I have regrouped once again with my stupid fucking drum practice. Jesus Christ. This fucking good times, bad times thing. It's the reason why it's defeated me for 30 years is because I simply lack the

patience to just sit at a certain BPM until I get it down totally and move on. I just, I get goal oriented, right? Where I'm just like, okay, it's played at this BPM. I'm at this BPM. I would like to be at this BPM within 10 BPM by the end of the week. But when I just get into that mode and rather than just being like, hey, dude, you can't play it that fast yet, played at this fucking speed. So I'm finally doing that.

And it's, uh, I've regrouped and it's, it's happening for me. And what I had to do because the faster I was playing it, the more I would get lost in the fill because it's weird. It's, it's this 16th note triplet thing he does between his hand and his foot. And he does it 10 times in a row. And I know he puts the backbeat in there, but I just get, I would get lost in it. And I'd put the, uh, the beat, the backbeat on like the end of one or the end of two, I would just fuck the whole thing up, right?

So I finally, I slowed it down for anybody else trying to figure this thing out. And then I just broke the fill into, I count four. I count four again, and then I count two. So it's one and a two and a three and a four and a one and a two and a three and a four and a one and a two and a, and then you're done. And on the four, that's where the backbeat is. One and a two and a three in a backbeat, one and a two and a three in a backbeat, one and a two and a boom, you're done.

Took me forever to, I had to sit there and be like, what the fuck is wrong with me? And what's the greatest thing too was all these frustrating days out there in the garage trying to get it a little bit faster. Is all of these people, you know, I don't even think that they know it bugs me, but if they're trolling me, it's, it's, it's fucking hilarious. And my hats off to you is they keep sending me that clip of that Japanese girl. I think she's Japanese. I don't know what she is.

She's like eight years old and she's just fucking rips through the song. Big smile on her face. You know, like, like it's absolutely nothing. So, um, I'm going to do this podcast and I'm going right back out to the fucking garage again. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm sticking with this thing. Oh, and also, you know, I gave Steve Gad credit for playing drums on that Jim Crochy song and now I just was reading something else.

I think it's this other guy, hang on a second, Jim Crochy drummer. I got to make sure I get this guy's name right. Who is Jim Crochy's drummer? What the fuck is it? Oh, come on. Who was Jim Crochy's drummer? All right, let's click on this thing. Where is it?

Steve Gad did a lot of those cuts. Now there was another guy. Wasn't Gary Chester. Oh, that guy. Rick, Rick Marota, and I watched him play live and there's a lot of overlap in his style and Steve Gad style while they're two completely different drums. And that guy, look them up. Rick, M-A-R-O-T-T-A, absolute beast of a drummer.

So I don't know who played it. The song that I'm thinking of, if you guys can figure out who played it, it's out working at the Car Wash Blues. It's a silly song, but the drums that are played on that track just fucking blow me away. It's that first fill, like eight, nine seconds in, that little buzz roll thing between his hands and his bass drum. And then what I love is he repeats that phrase throughout the song.

It's just, it's ridiculously tasteful drumming. So anyway, I was washing dishes this morning, right? The fucking house husband that I am now. And I actually was reminded of a bit that I done months ago back when you could go out and do this thing called standup comedy. And I couldn't remember once I thought of the line. I couldn't remember how the rest of the joke went. And I'm like, wow, this is going to be.

I should make a fucking set list of jokes that I can remember that I did maybe walk around muttering them in my backyard. I mean, if you're a guitar player and you don't play guitar for fucking six months, you know, I remember hearing Jimmy Page when John Bonham died. He was so depressed he didn't play guitar. He said long enough that I kind of forgot how to do it, which I'm sure, you know, he had muscle memory and stuff, but like, it was kind of scary. So I was talking to Burke Kreischer and he said that he recorded his act right

before the whole thing went down. I wish I had done that. Whatever, I'll get it back. And, you know, Tony V taught me if you can't remember the joke that meant it was time to stop doing it anyways. All right. So there you go. So I gave you a drummer you should know, Rick Morota.

And then a NFL football player you should know, Marion Motley. And then also another quarterback, Bob Waterfield. You should look these guys up, man. The fucking games are great. They're great fucking games. And you look at the Cleveland Browns that first year they had like white helmets. And it was before when the helmets were starting to get a little more sophisticated. And I remember as a kid looking at some old football books.

And I remember at one point there was a face mask that was clear. Let me see this here. Evolution of the football helmet. Tell me this fucking thing doesn't listen to you. All right. The evolution of the football helmet. Here's a video here. Eight fucking minutes.

Helmets through the decade. One minute 17. This is perfect. All right. Here we go. What's up, guys? Hey, guys, you're not going to believe. We are going to believe what I'm selling.

Hang on a second. All right. Here we go. 1920s. You had the leather helmets. All right. Oh, this is cool. This is called through the decades football helmet.

Check this out on YouTube 1950s. Then they had the hard plastic. It was like it was a speed racer helmet. This is the one like Otto Graham and all of those guys wore initially. When they get the when did they get the clear fiberglass across it? The next one is Oh, then 1950s. Then there was a clear fiberglass thing, almost like a hockey shield over your eyes. Oh, the Colts had a cool helmet with it, with the horseshoe wasn't on the side.

They had two on the back of the helmet on either side of the stripe, almost like where they were, where they would put the number nowadays. Late 1950s. Then they then they came with the with the actual face mask, one bar. This guy has all cold helmets. Then the 1970s, then they came with that gray face mask. And then from here on out, you pretty much know what happens. Isn't that interesting?

1980s, then the face mask matched the helmet for the most part, sort of a precursor to the rush. 1990s, then the Colts had the fucking blue face mask with the white. I want to say Peyton wore that one. Didn't he? The 2000s. I don't know what the difference is now. And let's see here, the 2010s. Oh, that's when you get all like the fucking the hood scoops and all of that shit in there.

Well, isn't that fucking interesting? Jesus. So, uh, yeah, I cleaned up the whole house yesterday, got major props from my wife. I fucking went in. I went in, I vacuumed, I scrubbed, I had a mop. Fucking bucket, the whole goddamn thing. My back was killing me by the end of it. That's how old I am.

Backbreaking work to me at this point is cleaning a house, just sweeping up and all of that shit. I gotta tell you, I actually fucking enjoyed it. I put on, you know, I told you guys that that band Jellyfish spilt milk. One of the greatest albums of the 1990s. And also the balls it took to put that out when they did. I put that on and just, I listened to it back to back and I was done with the whole fucking house. A couple of hours I was done. Tremendous, tremendous album.

Check that out. And then lastly, but leastly here, before I wrap this up, I want to thank the guys over at Barstool Sports KFC radio for having me on. They actually watched the, the movie. And they actually had complimentary things to say. I was, I was, you know, I was, you know, fucking, you never know. You never know how people are gonna, gonna take it. So I don't know, that was a big thing. I figure for like who the audience is for that movie to have the guys at Barstool Sports, at least on KFC radio actually watch it and enjoy the movie.

Made me very happy and very excited for when this thing comes out. So we shall see, like I said, it's going to be streaming and all of that shit. So LJ Simpson has significantly more friends than you think than you and I. Is that what you're telling? I don't want to click on that. Oh, there must be something, KFC radio. Anyway, all right. So that's it.

That's all I got. That's all I got for you. Thanks, thank you so much for listening to the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, people out there. If you're making a little bit of money, try to go to some small businesses, restaurants, toy stores, anything. You know, if you got a niece or a nephew or a kid that needs a gift or something like that, try to spend some money at these places. I actually heard the Troubadour here in LA, legendary, legendary music venue. And like, you know, Richard Pryor has done stand up there. Steve Martin, I've read stories about them doing shows over there and that would just be a shame.

So normally what we would do with all things comedy is start a benefit or something. I just don't know how to do a fucking benefit. Well, I guess we could do like a zoom thing. I don't know. Hopefully this thing will be over soon. I got nothing, guys. I'm just I'm trying to be fucking positive here. All right.

This is up this spring with a trip to Cerrillas, where romance finds fantasy. While flowers are blooming outside, bring them inside with a hugely popular rose toy from NS Noveltees, described as small but mighty. The rose is 25% off this month at Cerrillas, along with all NS Noveltees. Afterwards, slip into something as sexy as you're feeling with a huge selection of lingerie in petite to plus size. Shop Cerrillas in Indianapolis with six area locations and in Anderson or shop online anytime at Cerrillas.com. Um, wait, let's look up Italy. Is it over in Italy yet? Is any play?

Can it be over anywhere? Because then people will just fucking travel and fly in there, won't they? Italy COVID cases. All right, I'm on the case for you guys. Here we go. What that that bad dude, dude, dude, dude. Ah, man, those motherfuckers, they're killing it. New cases.

They went for, let's see, zero before March. They peaked at 6,500. And then May 16th, yeah, they're, they're like, uh, they got like 1,500 new cases. So they're doing a great job over there, it seems. Wait a second. Now here's something else. His total case is 228,000 recovered 135,000 deaths, 32,486. Well, that means there's a bunch of people sitting in beds over there.

I hope there are, right? Um, 32,486 deaths. Guatemala angry over Corona virus infected deportees. I mean, that's, that's really in poor taste. You know, to send some infected people, even if they are illegals, it's like, you know, what are we doing? All right, let's see US cases. Granted, we have more people.

US Corona virus cases. What do we got here? What have we got here? Oh yeah. 1.6 million. We're always the best with a fucking best at everything. 303,000 recovered 94,629 deaths. New York, 353,000.

Such a great city. Not a good city. If there's a fucking outbreak though, huh? New Jersey, 149, Illinois, California has 81,795. Well, that's the whole state of New York, by the way, 353. Let's see Los Angeles. Let's see if I lost Angeles. Let's get some stats here.

Can't all just be old NFL football, can it? Um, look at this shit. We had none and then we went all the way up. We actually plummeted below 1,000 and then spiked up to 2,000 on April 18th. Then we dropped back down below 2,000 and then it just keeps going up and down, up and down, up and down between 1 and 2,000 now. All right, so confirmed 81,795, 3,334 deaths. Um, it's a great recovery, isn't it?

What percent? What 3,3004 is what percentage of 81,795? How the fuck do you do percentages? I always just break it down to 10s. So 10, 20, 30, 80. So let's see here, eight divided by, I can't fuck. I don't know. I don't know what it is.

Let's see, at 100%, that would be 3.3%. Right? It's less than 3.3%. Do it that way. All right, here we go. How to do percentages. 30% of what is 60, 0.3 times blank equals 60. So you go 60 divided by three.

Wait, that's not, that's not the way I want to do it though. Percentages. Percentages made easy. Here's another one for you guys to look at. Percentage calculator. There's the cheat code. Dude, you gotta get a percentage calculator, dude. It's got a flat screen TV on it, dude.

All right, that's it, everybody. I don't know, according to our doctor, we're going to be parents again any day now. Any day now. So we shall see. We'll see if it goes full term or if it comes early. We shall see. We shall see. We shall frequency.

I shouldn't say hit, right? He, if he comes early or if he comes right on time. My daughter came right on time. Bang, bang, boom. And I went, I was a full term baby too. I was a big baby. Oh, I was a big baby. I'm a lot of people would say I'm still a big baby.

Maybe that was a theme. You know, there's not one cute picture of me as a baby. You know, I wasn't cute until I was like maybe three or four years old. Um, but like when I was like, I, like I said, I look like I was about ready to attack a Lego city when I was born, just a big giant. I don't know what you would call me. Trying to think what I look like. It wasn't the Michelin man, the baby version.

It was more like a, uh, I look like a silent film star. Oh, bald, silent film star. That's what the fuck I look like. And you know what? That's what I look like today. All right. I also did a, uh, an episode of the Verzi effect, Paul Verzi's podcast. I don't know when he's going to post that thing.

Look for that. I did a video thing. We talked late last night. I was a little tired. So I'm looking like shit. So I'm sure I'll get plenty of emails telling me that. All right. I have drums to play and fucking food to cook.

I got nothing people. Um, I'm not a big fan of that. People, um, I just want to go back to a world where you can go out and get a root beer flow with somebody. Um, okay. That's it. Please enjoy this music. And then we'll have another, uh, episode after here, a bonus episode of a

greatest hits just, uh, Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. That is all I will talk to you. Have a great weekend. Oh. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast for Monday. Uh, the hell month is it? May 21st, 2012.

What's going on? How are you? Did you have a nice weekend? Are you looking forward to Memorial Day? Dude, my buddy's got a fucking boat kid. We're going to get out there with some fucking boys. Dude, guys weekend. Fuck the ladies.

Um, yeah, that's coming up, right? I had no idea. I had no idea that next week was a three day weekend. You know, cause I'm a comedian every week's a three day weekend. You know, I don't have shit to do. I just sit around now. Actually, I've been working my ass off. I just did, you know, I didn't, but I've got offered to do another episode.

Of, uh, of glee. They liked what I did so much last season. It's a possibility. It's not a definite. All right. So I'm already, uh, going to my vocal coach, you know, just working out some songs. You know, I'm a dreamer. My heart is go.

You know, they probably turned that into like a melody, right? They'd start singing that and then they'd go into another one. Right. Had to run away high and see a, why do they always do that? And then the crowd always goes, Oh my God, it's a different. I didn't see that. They, they, they connect all those years. I have both those songs in my iPod and I just never saw how they connected.

It took a bunch of twinkle toes in a cafeteria to show them. They're always singing in a cafeteria. What is the deal with that? What's the deal with gay people singing in guvators? Is there something for my, my gay listeners out there? Do you guys, do you guys feel the need to sing whenever you're in a cafeteria? Is that what it is? You know, come up to the football players semi-vented the way.

Snapping your fingers, moving your arms vertically. Do you? Of course you don't. Right. Isn't that TV's version of what you do? You just like us. You're looking for a closet to rub one out it. Except you think of different shit.

See that bringing people together on the podcast. Speaking of singing, I'm going to order this thing. You guys know that I hate country music, you know? I like the older shit. I don't like the new stuff where they just pander to their audience. You know what I mean? I like American puppies. You don't like it.

We're going to put a boot in your ass. Whatever that fucking jerk off is with the hat pulled down over his face. Almost like he's ashamed of what he's singing. What the fuck is, what the hell his name is? Toby Keith. Toby Keith. That guy. All right.

He always has that hat, you know, pulled down low. You know he's a man yet he's wearing chaps. I like that guy. That guy, he's got a lot of like, a lot of like contradictions. You know what I mean? He's like, you know, rough and tumble guy yet he's wearing chaps. Like the guy in the village people. And he looks like a racist yet his first name is Toby.

You know, which I think is a shout out to Roots. So, you know, I can't figure that guy out. Anyway, so I was watching this commercial. They had like 150 of country music's greatest duets. You know, Loretta Lam, Dolly Parton, Conrad Twitty. That was the only guy I found creepy. I don't know if he was nervous that he was on TV, but he would not move a fucking muscle on his face.

And he had this, just his big fucking pork shoulder fucking head. You know what I mean? Like if you had shoulder of bison, like the size that he had big fucking, you know, just 40 years before P90X, no guy was doing cardio, right? All you were doing was yanking your fucking pants up or pushing them down. And he's singing some fucking song.

About some girl he's with. I can't remember how the whole medley went, but it was something to the effect of, you know, I can tell when I hold you that you've never been this far before. Something like that. It was something to do with him holding this trembling virgin in his arms as he sat there with this fucking 600 yard stare like he's waiting for Charlie to come over the fucking wire.

You know? Or like maybe he was like confessing to being a sexual predator and like he was just waiting for the FBI to come out and just arrest him in the middle of singing that song. You know, like after a while, you just want to get caught. Isn't that something that they do? I'm not saying that he's a sex offender. I wouldn't say that.

All I can say is before he got his perm, he looked like one. You know, he had that Elvis just going straight back, but just a giant fucking head, just a huge head. You know, he looked like he was already murdered and was fished out of a lake. Just a fucking bloated gigantic head and he wasn't moving. He looked like that fucking thing when the first men in black. All right, Bill, we got it.

He's got an awful head. Well, fuck you. I got a whole hour to fill here. I'm only six minutes in. See, you do it, huh? In your cubicle. Somebody sent me the creepiest, creepiest email last week. They said, hey, you know, do you ever know anybody

who jerked off in a cubicle? Dot, dot, dot. Well, now you do. You know? And it's not that he jerked off in a cubicle. It's the fact that he emailed me, his name, his email, all of that shit. It's just like, I mean, you're playing a dangerous game.

Maybe you want to get caught, sir. Is that what it is? Do you habitually jerk off in your fucking cubicle? What if that went to the wrong person? What if you sent that to your boss and he just got done yelling at you saying you need to show some initiative? 20 minutes later, you know, he gets an email from you and he's like, all right, maybe it finally stuck

and I don't have to fire this guy. And he opens it up and he says, hey, do you ever know anybody who jerked off in a cubicle? Dot, dot, dot. Well, now you do. Maybe he meant to send it to his boss. I mean, that was his way of going out, you know, just fucking impregnated his laptop and walked out.

No, there's no way he did that. How could you ever get another job? There's no way around that. Anyways, it's Monday morning and I'm doing the podcast. And for new listeners, I know what you're thinking. Well, I live in fucking Scandinavia and it's not Monday morning over here. But listen, I don't care.

I don't give a fuck. The only Monday morning I care about is in my time zone. It's 9.17 in the morning. I write those douchebags on those morning shows are still on being sassy, showing spunk. You know, those are all morning words. You know what I mean? Nobody has get up and go at 6 p.m.

Right? That's all, that's all 6 a.m. shit. Oh, she's just a firecracker. Right? Nobody says that at 5 p.m. around quitting time. You know? We just, why do I, you know what?

This podcast is just me stating the fucking obvious. How much for a drive yesterday? In my Prius. Somebody actually, some redneck guy was talking about my Prius going, you know them things. They don't do anything for the environment. You realize that, don't you?

I mean, them batteries, them batteries they put in them cars. You know, long it takes for them to break down. Wait, let me tell you, they're doing that. They're actually, they're actually doing more damage than a regular gas combustion car. You know, telling me all that shit. You know what I mean?

Half of it's true. The other half, he's like making up as he's going along. You know, almost like he's talking about the big game that he never played in in high school. But there's no one around that he went to school with. So now he's quarterback, right? And I know there's a lot of people listening right now going, that's actually true.

All right. I don't give a fuck. Okay. I never said I was saving the planet. Did I? I don't think I did. I probably did. I'm hypocritical.

I say there's nothing. Everybody should be, you know, if there was the right amount of human beings on this planet, we could all drive tanks. And it would have no effect on the ozone layer. All right. That's my new philosophy. Stop trying to make cars have better gas mileage.

Try to have less people driving them. Oh, Jesus. Is this my final solution? There's too many fucking people, people. That's what the problem is. All right. It ate the cars. Cars don't kill the ozone layer.

People do. Um, anyways, I got them into the biggest dumbest fucking fight last night with my girl. All right. We had this great day. You know, it was on the road again. Oh, hear that? Hear that?

Hear that? Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump. That's what I have to have it on. For some reason, that's that noise, that alert on my phone doesn't freak out my dog, but every other sound on it freaks out my dog. And it starts fucking shaking like a goddamn junkie. And that is an embarrassing tone to have

when you're walking around with your friends, you know, and it always comes on when you're in the middle of some story that you're exaggerating what you really did. So I walk up to the guy and I'm like, no, buddy, fuck you. You want to take a fucking swing here? I'll give you the first punch right here, buddy. Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump. Yeah, no fucking thing goes down the goddamn toilet.

So anyways, what the hell did we do yesterday? Oh, we went out to brunch, right? I had already eaten breakfast. So she got a brunch and I got a beer. And there was some guy next to me with a big red beard. He'd been growing it for like nine years. It was like ZZ top level, I think a little bit longer. It was like reverse crystal gale, you know,

like the guy version of it, except it was a redhead. And so whatever. And then I'm like, hey, you know, let's go for a drive. She's like, I want to go to some shops. Let's just walk down the street, you know that? And they grab your arm and you're just sitting there, you know, walking down the street. Just thinking, what if I just elbowed her in the ribs

and ran across the street, you know, right to that fucking bar. Now it was actually a good time. And then after that, I was like, you know, I always fly out of LAX and I always see the beach and up in Malibu and Santa Barbara and all that type of shit. And I'm like, you know what? We should fucking check that part of the city out. So we drive over there in the Prius.

That's not saving the environment, but getting great gas mileage, great gas mileage. And we fucking get up there and what a bunch of douchebags up there. All right, I got to shut my phone off. What the fuck? Bump, bump. What the hell is it? You know what?

That's just going to go off in the background. Let me put it on mute here. Don't you wish there was a mute button for people? What's the deal? Yes, we go up there. What a bunch of cunts. What a bunch of cunts live in fucking Malibu. I want to go up there and I was trying to find

like their town center. I don't even know if they have one or what, but every, it's all gated communities to keep out the riffraff like me. I can't even drive by and just look at their houses. You know? So we have, but whatever, we're having a good time. We drive back.

We're going through the canyons. I pull over on the side of the road. We buy strawberries off. Some guy who claims to be an organic farmer, right? Probably stole them from a trader. Joe's who gives a shit, right? Everything's going great. So I stay in.

I take a night off from comedy. I say, hey, why don't we watch? Why don't we watch a movie? You know what I mean? Cap off this wonderful fucking day. Everything's going great. What could go wrong? This is like the beginning of a horror movie where they just

show like the perfect family and everything's great and people are wearing like white linen, you know? And then all of a sudden they just start showing the camera in the bushes like a POV of like Mike Myers. This is basically what happened. So 60 minutes comes on, right? Who doesn't want to watch that show and pretend they're smart? You know?

I like it. Some more, more at least safer comes on. And you know, we smells like an old person. Some old people don't smell like old people, but he looks like he smells like an old person, you know? Smells of cigars, ashtrays, you know? A couple of wars, maybe a date rape. So he's interviewing Meryl Streep.

All right? The great Meryl Streep. And they're going through all her old frigging life and all the movies and all the different characters that she's played. Oh, first of all, they start, they start the report off. With Morley Safer just sitting there, right? Smelling a fucking Ben Gay and whiskey, right? And he says how, you know, how over in England, you know, they, you know, I don't know,

they make their, their actors, they award them by calling them lords and they knight them. But over here at America, all we do is just give them this shiny statue. And it's just like, starts off right off the bat for some reason, just shitting on America. I don't know why. Like an Oscar is somehow beneath Sir Anthony Michael Hall. I mean, or Lord, Lord of what? Lord of what? At least you can fucking hold our statue.

You're Lord of what kingdom? That phony horseshit that you have with Prince Charles and the popper or whatever the fuck is going on over there, you know? Look, if the Rothschilds knight you over there, then that fucking means something. Then you can become, become part of their yacht convoy as they go around the world, figuring out how to take over another currency, right? Then you're in with them. Okay.

But if you're, if you're fucking, you know, Lord of this and your, your wingman is the Duke of Elton John, I mean, it's a whole thing is fucking stupid, right? So right off the bat, it's already bugging me. But I know Neha hates when I talk to the TV, right? So I, you know, I keep my big fucking yaps shut. And they start talking about Meryl Streep, going through the whole thing. And then the old guy there smelling of, you know, prescription meds goes, you know, whenever they talk about the roles you play, they always say, you know, you play independent

minded women, very strong women. And Meryl goes, I know that's, yeah, that's what they say, you know, when a guy, they never say to a guy, oh, you're playing a strong willed character, yada, yada, yada. I let that go, whatever. No biggie. I'll take that. It's probably true. What the fuck do I know?

I'm not a woman, right? But then they show her after she played Margaret Thatcher and she's given a speech to a bunch of women's young girls and she's trying to inspire them. And she, she takes a quote from Margaret Thatcher and it was something along the lines of if you want a bunch of people to talk around, talk and stand around talking about doing something, you know, something, you gotta talk to men. But if you wanted to actually get done, you gotta get a woman. And then all the chicks go, whoo, like flipping out, right?

So I laugh and I'm like, yay, reverse sexism, right? Just seeing, you know, my whole fucking theory how everybody is just a piece of shit. You just don't have the power to act out what the fuck you want to do. Because that, that right there, if you flip that around as a guy, if you're running for president, it's fucking over. You can't be like, let me tell you, I'll tell you what. After I get your jobs and after I fix this economy, okay? And I'm the man to do it because I'll tell you right now.

If you're looking for someone to stand around and talk about doing something, you get a woman. You want to get it done. You got to get a man here in my nuts, right here on the podium. Vote for me November 4th. Go fuck yourself, right? You did that, your presidential campaign's over. She does it, it's fucking adorable.

And it's just as fucking ignorant. You know what I mean? What the fuck do you get off saying that we stand around and do nothing, Meryl Streep, huh? Or quoting Margaret, and you too, Margaret Thatcher. Let me tell you, you bitch is something, all right? We faked a fucking lunar landing. Okay, you think that's just talking?

Anybody can land on the fucking moon. That's easy, but to pretend you did it, all right? And get everybody to shut the fuck up about it. That, that, that right there, that takes skill. So whatever, so I make that little comment. And did I just go that, that, that, that? I suddenly fucking porky pig. So, so I make that comment and like, you know,

I've been with Nia long enough that I can tell by the side of her face when she's just thinking about like, what if I just grabbed everything I really cared about and walked out of this house right now? She got like that fucking mad at me, you know? And I'm like, she's just like, right after the story was over, she just shut the fucking thing off. And, uh, I know what happened next thing, you know,

I'm walking to 7-Eleven to get some ice cream. I've, I've not even know what happened. It was all going great. You know, am I the asshole there? What am I, am I supposed to just fucking sit there with my mouth hanging open with drool coming out when I watch TV? If somebody says something douchey, I'm not supposed to say it. Yeah, whatever.

Whatever. So I just finally just said, you know what, fuck this, I take the dog out, I go around the block. What do I do? I'm calling my guy friends, right? They're all backing me up. I'm not saying who I called. I don't name names, right?

And they're all laughing their ass off and they 100% agree with me, which is all I'm looking for at this point. I just want people to say that I'm right. I don't want to learn anything from this experience. Just tell me I was right so I can be an ignorant ass again. I don't know. Why don't you guys weigh in on that?

Am I a dick for saying that? Should I just let that one go? You know? Ugh, you know what she said that fucking drove me up the wall? She goes, why are you, she didn't say intimidated. She used one of those words. Why are you threatened by what she said? It's like, I'm not threatened.

Ugh, I, you know, Jesus Christ. Then I take the bait. You know, it just sends me right over there. Like threatened about what? Oh my God, this person that I don't know who has never called me, nor will ever call me, who has no effect on my life. How do you get threatened by that?

I'm just calling it for the bullshit that it is. Because you know what? This is what fucking drives me nuts. I can't stand when somebody tells me that their shit sandwich tastes worse than my shit sandwich. Okay? Go fuck yourself. At what point am I supposed to have empathy

as I'm sitting here eating a shit sandwich and you're telling me how much worse yours is? You know, at the end of the fucking day, you know what I mean? Sure, mine might be on, you know, a better slice of bread, which I guess would make it taste a little bit better. But at the end of the fucking day, right? The end of the fucking day.

All right, I'm going to end up in a FEMA camp with you. Okay? You think when the next fucking psycho comes along, I'm going to make the cut? What the fuck do I, what do I bring to the world? Huh? Exactly. I'm going to be standing right next to you.

So go fuck yourself. And you just fucking woman. Every time she sneezes, they give her another goddamn award. She's still bitching. Still fucking bitching. You know, I remember when I did this Oscar-nominated part. Oh, go fuck yourself with your wigs. The whole thing just, you know,

that's what fucking pisses me off when I watch this shit. If you really want to know my perspective, is from where I come from, I can't bitch about shit, because everybody's like, oh, go fuck yourself. You hit the lottery, right? But I got to sit here and listen to you, bitch,

even if you're fucking killing it. Even if you're killing it. You know? Yelled school of drama. And he stepped on the ball. Go fuck yourself with your goddamn yachts. All right, there you go. That felt good.

It's probably ignorant. But whatever. All right, let's get to, let's get to some advertising now that I trashed Lord Merrill Streep. What is she called? Is she a princess? Is that what it is? You know what?

If I ever get to that fucking level, which God knows I'm not going to, because you have to have an unbelievable body of work by the time you're my age, you know, to even remotely have a shot. And then they're not going to give it to you until you're like fucking 60. So that's, that's out.

That's out the door. That's like when I wanted to go to Notre Dame when I was in high school. I wanted to go to that college and by my sophomore year, I knew that that dream was over. And so the same goes forever getting knighted. But let's just say for some fucking reason, they lower the standards and I get knighted, right?

Or asked to be knighted. Like that's some shit I'm not showing up. Why would you show up for that? You know, do you want to, do you want to get knighted in our fake kingdom? You know, I don't know. Who am I going to get knighted by fucking Mr. McFeely? Is that what I'm going to do?

You fucking weirdos. Why don't you guys fuck outside of your gene pool? And then maybe I'll show up to become a sergeant in your little fucking, that's what that's a whole, that whole royal family. Like a bunch of goddamn rednecks. She's my third cousin.

Blimey. That's why they were all weird looking. Prince Charles is a weird looking son of a bitch. Look at his fucking awful teeth, those ears. He really does. He looks like he's missing some parts. You know what I mean? He looks like, you know,

if you have like a fucking 66 Mustang, and then you just, he looks like the piece of shit one that they're not going to restore. And everybody, you know, everybody going in there, taking carburetors out and radiators and shit. He looks like he's missing some stuff.

You know, Prince's diet was hot though. She was hot. She had big feet though, didn't she? She had big feet. Right now I'm losing anybody gay listening to this. Right? That's like their, that's their Jesus, I think. Isn't it?

I don't fucking know. Why do I try? All right, let's get on with the advertising here. What do we got here? What do we got? Oh, let's go. Oh, you know what? In honor of Memorial Day weekend.

This is a big man holiday, right? We got to sit there and act like you don't cry sometimes to yourself late at night. What are you going to do this weekend, huh? You're going to get some alcohol. You're going to rent a boat. You're going to hit a rock and then say you didn't see it. And then there's going to be some sort of big insurance claim.

Or you could stay on the land and you can, you can, you can grill. You know, and I'm not just saying what that normal grill that you have that you've been using for years with those little skinny pretzel rod, you know, grates that you have on it. You know what you need? You need the man great. All right, for this weekend. All right, and if not for this weekend,

you can do it for Father's Day as the copy says. Yeah, why don't you hook up your dad for once? Your dad never gets anything. Okay, this Father's Day, there's only one perfect gift. All right, because every other gift you get him, he's going to throw it in your face. You want to get him this right here. It's the man great grill enhancement system.

What's the man great? You ask, well, I'm glad you asked that because I have the answers in this copy right here. Man greats are 100% made in America. Cast iron grilling grates. All right. And all you do is you just take off your little pretzel rod ones. You know what I mean?

This is like putting like, you know, yanking out the awful engine and putting a bigger one in. All right, you take off your old ones and you slam this one down. All right, these are heavy duty grilling grates to deliver. Exactly what you need to achieve the steakhouse flavor you've been looking for. What the man greats patented design, chicken steaks,

or veggies will have never tasted so good. No more flare ups, no more dry. Ment, you mean no more dry meat, guaranteed. Take advantage of our $20 Monday morning podcast special today by clicking on the man great banner at billbird.com. As a bonus, every billbird.com order comes with a heavy duty man great grilling brush. All right, they're made in America.

They're cast iron. It's really cool, man. They got like these, these little catches. So when the grease comes down, it stays in like a little moat there. So it doesn't flare up and cause uneven cooking and that type of thing. And you know the deal.

Okay, this weekend or giving it to your dad, you want to make the best steak on the block. It's a guy thing. It taps into the cave man and every man. Okay, and your dad came up when guys were guys. So he's going to love it. All right, it's steakhouse quality grilling in your backyard. You get $20 off.

You go to billbird.com, you click on the podcast page and you'll see the man great thing. You click on that, you get $20 off. There you go. Let's hook up dad for once. Does your dad stand around and talk about grilling a steak? And then your mom comes in and gets it done. I don't think so.

Margaret Thatcher. Anyways, you know something? Margaret Thatcher and that chick who, the original cook on TV, they look the exact same as far as I'm concerned, you know? And Meryl Streep got, she won awards for both parts. You know what I mean? And she's still complaining.

She wasn't really complaining. She brought up that one point and I totally blew it out of proportion and that's what the fuck I do. All right? All right. So now that I did a little advertising there, there's a couple of things that I actually

wanted to bring up that have nothing to do with advertising. Just two awesome YouTube channels that I found now that I got a house and I've been trying to learn how to fix shit because you feel like a moron when some other guy has to come over and rescue you from your problems. That dude, El Chippo, I tweeted about this guy. I'm going to have a link to one of his YouTube channel

is the shit. This guy can fix anything, plays guitar. He's like the MacGyver. He's like a bargain basement MacGyver. I don't mean he's bargain basement. I mean, he can do anything for like no money. He does everything for cheap and believe me, after you're in a house or something like that,

or if you've got a shit job and the bankers are fucking you in the ass. This guy will show you how to fix anything for cheap. It's the shit. El Chippo. And then there's another dude. You know, I don't know about you guys, but I always found car engines.

The second they turned them sideways and it became fuel injected. I don't even know what the fuck's going on. This guy, Eric, the car guy, you know, I'm telling you, if you're a moron like me, if you just watch this guy after a while, you start going like, I could do that. I could unplug all that shit

and yank that engine out of the car. Same thing with El Chippo. They're just two fucking awesome channels. And I probably watched just about all of their videos at this point. Like what's his face? Eric, the car guy, I watched that guy like for like an hour.

Hours worth of videos of 45 minutes worth of videos. Um, watching him change a water pump on a 2002 Chevy Cavalier or something. I don't know what the hell it was. It's unreal. And but you just keep watching and after a while, I swear to God, it's like you start to,

you start building your confidence. Now there's no fucking way I would try and do that on my car. All right, but some other stuff, that outskirts and going into it a little bit wouldn't be that bad. So there you go. All right, let's get back to,

let's get back to the podcast, everybody. Um, oh, by the way, real quick, guess who's going to be performing in Burbank, California? Huh? That's the city that Johnny Carson made famous. I'm going to be at Flappers on May 25th and 26th out in Burbank.

Tickets are going fast. Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday. I'd love if you guys come down and I'm going to be trying out some new stuff while also playing some classics. How about that? You like that? You want an overrated for this week?

Overrated, underrated? Here's overrated, a napkin holder. Napkin holder, overrated. They don't fucking work. All right, you want to make money selling something for $19.95 late at night? Why don't you come up with a fucking napkin holder that works?

All right, this is the problem. If you don't put enough napkins in there, gravity takes over and they fucking fall out of the thing. So you got to always have to put too many in there. So then as you go to pull them out, they start tearing. And then you always got to grab like 40 of them out, take one out, stick the other thing in. You might as well just leave it in that plastic hunk of shit.

Really, Bill? What are you really mad at? Oh, go fuck yourselves. This is a rough week for me. You know, I got to... What am I up to here? How much time is left in class? 31 minutes.

All right, we're at the halfway point. Can I go to the bathroom? Can I relieve my bowels? No, you can't. You have to sit here and listen to me pontificate about this bullshit that I stopped caring about the third year I taught it. How do high school teachers do that?

Teach the same material over and over again. You know, I wonder why they always have their hands in their pockets, rubbing their balls, trying to do anything to make it more, I don't know, stimulating for them. All right, Bill, you're not stupid, is what this called. Is what this called, is what this is called. Bill, I've been listening to your podcast

for the past two months, and I honestly don't think you're stupid at all. Just the mere fact, sir, that you have to defend me. You know, if the gloves don't fit, you give great advice, and it's not just some hollow cookie cutter bullshit. I don't know about your educational background, but you have an excess of common sense and wisdom. If I have an issue, I will definitely bring it to you

in hopes that you have advice for me. Anyone who thinks you're retarded is just covering up their retardation by taking it out on you, keep that shit up. Thank you, sir. You know what, that was all good to your last two sentences, and then everyone just realized that you had the same intellect I do,

which is why you don't think I'm dumb. Anyone who thinks you're retarded is just covering up their retardation by taking it out on you, keep that shit up. Dude, you ain't fucking stupid. Keep that fucking shit up. I appreciate that, sir. All right, let's talk sports, all right,

at the risk of having all the fucking people who got picked last in gym class whine to me on Twitter. I had somebody, yet another person, threaten to unfollow me on Twitter if I didn't stop tweeting about sports. Threatening, you know? If you don't stop talking about sports, I'm gonna stop, I might stop listening to you.

I don't give a fuck. Maybe Meryl Streep is right. I think women just unfollow you. Guys sitting there, they talk about it. This is my prediction for the NBA. I think the Spurs are gonna win it all. You know why? The Spurs play basketball the way your dad fights.

You know, your dad is too old to fuck around, okay? He's just gonna end it with a fucking throat chop. He's just sitting there trying to do some Floyd Mayweather shit that you saw on TV. Okay, that's what's happening to the LA Clippers right now. I don't even know if they're still even, if they got swept or not. It's three zip last I saw watching them.

They would just do it, you know? The fucking Clippers, they're out there like trying to throw fucking alley-oops and shit. Goddamn Spurs are sitting half of them are fucking bald. They're just sitting there picking and rolling them to death. You know, every 14 year old kid at some point squares off with his dad like, all right, I've had enough of your shit, old man, right?

And what does he do? Fucking hit you with some shit he learned in the Navy and it's over in two seconds. You're sitting there watching the UFC and rolling around on the mat thinking you know some shit. You don't, all right? This is the thing about old guys, they're very fucking efficient. Tim Duncan doesn't have time for your fucking bullshit.

All right, he's gonna score as many as he needs to and then he's gonna expression, with no expression on his face, he's gonna walk off the court as you sit there scratching your young full head of hair wondering what the fuck just happened. All right, I know a lot of people are thinking possibly Oklahoma City, who I love that team.

But I'm telling you, I think the Spurs are gonna do it. And I've actually, because I was just in a part of the country where they weren't showing any of the hog, I was in a hotel room and I couldn't get any of the hockey. Every time I was working it was on and I missed it but I kept catching the basketball games. And I've actually, NBA hoop is way better, way fucking better than I've been given a credit for.

The games have been great. And actually in the end, even with the timeouts and all the foul shots, there's a ton of drama. It is a great sport. You know what it is? I think it's just regular season games when like Milwaukee's playing fucking Toronto and they're doing that timeout, timeout shit.

I think I judged them on the regular season, which is what a lot of people do with hockey, right? Who's kidding, hoops? So my bet, all right, I have to apologize for that. NBA hoop is actually the shit. I'm actually, I'm back into it. And I really want to see the Spurs, you know, throat shock Oklahoma City after they finish

off the fucking Lakers. And by the way though, how right am I about Pogasol? Have you ever seen a fucking face like that when he gets called for a foul? Or if they, or they, I saw one where he didn't touch the ball and they said it was Oklahoma's ball because they claimed it went off him. Dude, his fucking face.

I'm telling you. Just oh. And then when he dunks it, he's fucking, you know, acting like he's in the Wu Tang Clan. That's not who you are, Pogasol. Oh, I didn't even touch it. Oh, am I going to enjoy watching them fucking lose? But even as a Celtics fan, I fucking, I love Kobe Bryant.

That guy is the shit. I saw the, the first Celtics game, you know, I'm bandwagon Celtics. I saw game one. I saw the highlights at the end of game two. And once again, I was working and I missed three and four. I heard the last game we were up like, like 16 to nothing and still lost the goddamn game.

So I'm going to be watching that one later on tonight. But I'm psyched that the Celtics and Sixers are playing in the playoffs. Just because that takes me back to the unbelievable, okay, so here's an underrated for you. Underrated Boston Celtics first to Philadelphia, 76ers in the early 80s. Those were some of the greatest wars I saw.

Everybody always talks Celtics Lakers. They forget about the Celtics 76ers. I remember one year the Sixers were up three games to one. That was 1981. And we ended up coming back and we, and we beat them four games to three the next year. They go up again, three games to one. Then it's three games to two.

Then it's three games to three. Game seven in the Boston Garden. And the Sixers came in and were like, fuck this and they beat the Celtics. And next, I remember that on that week's Sports Illustrated, the cover was Dr. J. I still remember. It says Julius Jams Jinks and they had him dunking and he had this go fuck yourself look on his face.

But the Sixers, I think they lost in the finals to the Lakers. They even made it that far. I can't remember. And then the next year they got Moses Malone and the shit was over. And that's one of the most underrated teams of all time. It's the 1983 Philadelphia 76ers. I put that team up against anybody. They asked, that's that classic when they asked Moses Malone,

what do you think's going to happen to playoffs? And he said, foe, foe, foe, meaning we're going to sweep everybody. I think they, they lost one game. That was the other Celtics got swept by the Milwaukee Bucks too. Another underrated team. Sydney Monkreef kid. All right. Did that bore you?

Did that make you turn off the goddamn thing? All right. What are we talking about here? All right. Interesting subject, interesting situation. Hey Bill, I was dating my girlfriend for three years. Since the end of last summer, we had been on and off. One week I say I'm done with her and the next week I'm taking her out to dinner.

All right. That's codependent. You know what that just says to me? Either you're afraid to be alone or she's fucking the shit out of you. One or the other. We didn't speak for about a month. Then I saw her out with a guy making out with them. I lost my cool and punched the guy.

I'm usually a laid back person, but seeing that drove me crazy. I realized that if I continue to play this game with her, I'll lose her. So for the past month, I've been great to her. Wait, time out. Time out. Time out. Dude, you already, you saw her in a bar making out with another guy. All right.

You got to walk away from this one. That this one's overdue. You guys, you get together, you break up, you're on the outs for a month, then you're back together. You don't want to do this. That's like one of those curtain Courtney fucking, uh, uh, Sid Vicious kind of fucking relationships. You don't be, you punch this guy in the face. What did that guy do?

He's doing what guys are supposed to do. He's trying to get laid. He doesn't know you, right? You punch the wrong person. If you ask me, but you can't punch the ladies. So you got to dump her right before you dump her. Take a really nice, get a really nice camera and take a picture of her face and then go buy a heavy bag and just put it on that and just go to the fucking ribs.

Um, anyways, he goes, I've been great to her dinners, going out with her parents, doing all the little things that she loves. We got close again. So she's been sleeping at my apartment has been and has been leaving things here and has been asking if she can go go to my apartment when I'm not there. Dude, if she, if this story ends with her banging some dude in your bed in your apartment. All right. Then when she sleeps here, she keeps leaving.

Oh, I already said that one. All right. Oh, then when she sleeps here, she keeps leaving things here in anticipation for her next sleepover, which is usually the next night. One of my problems has always been that she doesn't give me personal space. So this definitely has been bothering me. Also, I hate making out in public and she loves it.

I think it's immature and unnecessary. Last night we were out with my friends and she kept like yelling, let's make out. And I was so annoyed. I said not right now. She then got off my lap and walked away. She was doing little annoying things like this all night. So, so I left. So now I am very annoyed with this girl and I'm definitely back in a,

I don't want to see her stage. Only problem. My mom's wedding is this Thursday and she's going with me and her parents are invited. So do I pretend that everything is good and continue to lie to her and myself and fake that everything is great to everybody at this wedding and my mother? Or do I man up and go solo to the wedding and stop faking that this is the girl for me? Yeah. You answer, you know what you got to do.

You get, yeah, dumper. It's it. It's over. You know, you have a wedding to go to. You want to have a good time. Maybe you'll meet, maybe you'll see a nice girl there that you want to be with. You know, then you won't be able to go there and then she, your her whole first vibe is she's going to see you with this other girl and you with

a scowl on your face and she's actually going to feel bad for the girl because of your energy. When you're the goddamn victim here as far as I'm concerned. Yeah. Dumper. Dumper. Make a list of shit you have to do today. Go to the bank, wash your car, dump girlfriend and just fucking just, just knock them right off and just sit down and it's going to suck.

She's either going to cry or she's going to yell at you, but you know what? In a fucking hour, hour and a half, it's going to be over. All right. You know what you want to do? Talk to Al Madrigal. Al Madrigal, the great Al Madrigal, the Daily Show Zone. Al Madrigal, uh, mini van men podcast. Al Madrigal, you ask him.

Al Madrigal knows how to break it. He should have a fucking billboard. He told me one night these hilarious stories of when he was going to break up with somebody, how he went about it and it was fucking brilliant. He had to have the element of surprise. He was totally prepared. Bing bang boom go fuck yourself. It was over.

It was like, uh, it was basically the same way a corporation fires a long time executive. The only thing that's missing with the way Al would break up with somebody was security walking the person out. All right. So email Al Madrigal at mini van men. Just go to that podcast and you'll see, uh, he'll tell you what to do. He'll tell you how to, I'm telling you what to do, which I think you already know. And Al will tell you how to do it.

Um, they should really have like courses on that. I don't know why they don't have that, especially for young people when you just don't know how to do it, you know, they should just teach you how to do it the most effective way. I think I, I break, I've broken up with girls like every possible way from just never calling them again to sitting down and watching them fucking cry their eyes out, which is the fucking worst to, uh, you know, getting dumped myself. I've done all of that shit. I've been the guy where, you know, you know,

I think I'm pulling the trigger and then she's like, well, good. I don't care. I made out with somebody six months ago. You know, and they, you know, which does hurt, but then also makes you psyched. Like, okay, now I'm definitely doing the right thing because I had no clue. You're such, if, if you have the ability to do something like that and I can't even pick up on it, like, uh, yeah, your poker face is too fucking dangerous. Um, so anyways, dude, that sucks, but you're going to be psyched.

When you go to the wedding and you don't have that fucking lie tied to your ankle. Okay. Mechro's just weird. Let's make out. Like that seems to me and all your friends are there. There's no like emotional connection to that. She just wants to, she just wants to like engage in that act. She sounds like she's sort of like an exhibitionist a little bit.

Like, you know what that little thing right there? You know what? I bet that you could, uh, you could probably round third with her in a bar if it was crowded enough. You know, she was standing up and no one could really see what was going on. She's one of those girls. All right. And, uh, you know, to eat your own, but, uh, that's not the mother of your kids. Um, daddy, tell us how you met mom.

Well, I was finger banging her at a Denny's and I was like, wow, combination this and these pigs in a blanket. This must be the one, um, fresh off a date. Hey Bill, I'm writing this directly after getting home from a date. Needless to say my depression is higher than normal. Uh, I will try to make this as short as possible. In January, I met this girl, this lady, and we really hit it off. We went out for about two weeks and everything seemed great.

Then out of nowhere, she stops responding to my texts slash calls, etc. Yep. That's one way to do it. Then five months later, she texts me out of nowhere. She's drunk and pretends like nothing happened. She's a psycho and wants to get together again. Mistake. Uh, we went out tonight and we had, we had fun, but the goodbye was fairly awkward. Realizing that she's sober and you're not the person once again.

Um, I can't tell if she might be interested in me or if she just bored and wanted someone around exactly. And any advice for a schmuck like me, any advice for a schmuck like me? Uh, I don't have any advice. I have a compliment. All right. You actually know what's going on. And that's a huge thing.

All right. Um, look, this girl is wherever she is in her life and that's not your fault. You went out on this date with sincerity in your heart. Okay. So you're not a schmuck. All right. You're a patsy. No.

I just pictured Lee Harvey Oswald walking into the, uh, you walking in like Lee Harvey Oswald into the fucking police station with that big knot in your eye. Oh, so I'm the patsy. So on the, I get it. I'm the guy that this is all getting blamed on. Dude, this, this isn't you. You liked this girl. You thought it was great.

She hurt you when she didn't text you back. Five months later, she texts you again and you got excited. Then she went out with you because she's, she's trying to figure herself out and she keeps, uh, you know, coming back into your life. You know, just take, take comfort in this. Know that she's miserable and lonely too. All right. You guys aren't right for each other and you're not a schmuck.

You're a good guy. All right. You didn't go out there thinking like, uh, I'm going to fuck this chick, you know, and blah, blah, blah and all that evil crap that guys usually think you went out there because you actually liked her. You're a good guy and there's nothing wrong with that. Okay. Someday you're going to meet the right girl.

This one isn't it, but you're not a schmuck. All right. So stop looking down at the ground, you know, staring at your fucking shoes. There's other girls, right? Fuck her. How's that? Huh? You telling me your friends are going to give you better advice than that?

Um, all right. Where the hell am I? Why does it keep fucking doing that? I swear to God, I'm, I'm the worst with this shit. All right. Let's, let's get to the, uh, all right. Stamps.com everybody. I think you guys have this copy memorized at this point.

Um, I actually just, just, uh, just to let you guys know, I, I have gotten word that they are going to update their copy soon. All right. But just because they haven't updated the copy doesn't mean that this isn't a fine, fine example of American ingenuity. Stamps.com everybody. Do you hate going to the post office? Do you not like standing in lines?

Do you not like smelling the blue wig of the old person in front of you? Um, wouldn't it be great if you could somehow bring the post office into your own apartment? You know, your tented village, um, your waterlogged head. I don't know where you just, I don't know. I don't know what the hell I'm talking about now. Stamps.com you can do, you can do so much more with any meter at a fraction of a cost. You can buy and print official us stamps using just your computer and printer. It's so easy and convenient.

And the best part with stamps.com, you'll never have to go to the post office again. And that's true. You got this, you got a scale to weigh anything that you want to ship. Right. If you got envelopes, anything you can print out the postage for the box and you can print out all the stamps. All right. I use stamps.com.

It's how I send out all my DVDs. It's phenomenal. So if you want a special offer right now, I got a special offer. Use my last name. Burr, B U R R for a no risk trial plus $110 bonus offer that includes a digital scale and $55 a free postage. That's enough money. That's enough postage to mail everybody that you hate and to tell them what you really feel

about them. All right. Don't wait. Go to stamps.com now before you do anything else. You click on the radio microphone at the top of the homepage and type in Burr B U R R that stamps.com enter Burr. All right. Okay.

Now, where do we go from here? You know what I'm going to do this week, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to go see the dictator and I'm going to do a bunch of fucking stand up. I'm really excited about put my new hour together. And for the first time in a long time, I actually sat down and wrote wrote out some ideas. I think I want to try to do just like a new like 20 minute chunk. Like some of the shit I've been working on and just tell a couple of stories. What did I want to talk about?

I'm going to talk about sex scenes and movies and why I think they're stupid and that might lead into something. I don't know what I don't know where I'm going to go with this hour. I mean, I can't really just sit here. Am I really going to dedicate another fucking 20 minutes to ragging on relationships? There's got to be there's got to be a left turn in there somewhere. You know, I'm trying out new shit. I'm fucking trying to rebuild this goddamn carburetor.

Just got the parts the other day. You know what? Here's a question for all you gear heads out there. I'm trying to get I got the I got the what do you call it? Jesus, I don't know what the fuck it's called. The fuel bowl, you know, they got the primary and the secondary. I can get both of those off, but then there's that next piece that's behind it, you know, up against the basically the main body of the carburetor.

And I know there's a gasket on the other side of that. And this thing is really old and it's a piece of shit. So it's really stuck there. So I got a small screwdriver and I'm sort of tapping at it, but I'm worried that I'm going to do damage to the metal. And I'm going to have to get it machined. If you have any ideas on how to fucking get it off, I don't want to damage the carburetor. But this is the thing about doing all that type of stuff is there's really no comedy in science.

It's just so fucking, you know, reading about the elements and everything. I guess the comedy is how fucking stupid I am or blows your mind or whatever. But like, I don't know. I think in a year's time, I'm going to do like four years worth of science classes because I've become obsessed with it. Like my birthday is coming up and I asked Nia to get me this book on like just electrical, you know, for houses and that type of stuff, because electricity is fucking magic to me.

I don't understand it at all. Then I just watched a couple of YouTube videos and I kind of get it now. Like I didn't understand like, like it's just a power source and all the wires are just bringing that electricity. I, you know, I don't know, that's basic to you guys. All right, go fuck yourself. Would I give you shit if you didn't know how to write a joke? I never even thought about any of this stuff.

Why does it keep signing me out of my fucking goddamn account? Sign back in. What is the fucking problem? Anyways, but I was watching that Eric, the car guy, and he was trying to figure out, you know, why, you know, the dome light and his car was fucked up. And, uh, and I watched him just take that thing off on the side of the car. And it's just a little fuse in there. And it's just how the whole thing works.

And it actually, it started to make sense. Speaking of Eric, the car guy, he just uploaded another one. Eric, the car guy just uploaded another video, a Chevy Tahoe rear shoe replacement. I'm such a fucking psycho. I literally want to get, I want to learn how to weld. I want to learn how to do all this shit. All this shit that it, I don't, all my whole fucking life. I watched these guys.

I respected what they did, but I always thought like, you know, remember the kids who took shop class? You know, they were fucking up and every other client, maybe they just had a gift. I have no idea. You know what it is? You just feel like such a bitch as a guy when you have to bring, you know, have somebody come up like, you know what, this one, I actually, sometimes I just tap out. Like I got to get some screens for a window.

One of the windows has like an arch on it. So they go, oh, you got to make like a cardboard cut out of it to measure it like that. I'm like, I'm not fucking doing that. Just come over and do it. Sometimes you just got to tap out, you know, like when it comes to dinner, I can make dinner. But you know, you just got to tell you, you're a woman to go in there and make it. Go in there and make me a fucking sandwich. You know what I mean?

It's why you're here. I kill it and then you make it. Except I don't have to kill it anymore. Somebody kills it for me, but I, you know, I bought it. It's the same goddamn thing. Now I'm like, I'm like the kingpin. You know, I got this, this fleet of hit men killing cows and fucking chickens and that type of shit.

And then they bring it to me, you know, like Al Pacino, I take it through on myself, right? So go in there and prepare it. That's not sexist, is it? Um, all right, let's talk about some dates I have coming up, everybody. This is my whirlwind tour of, uh, of cities. Uh, what do we got here? What do we got here? San Jose, June 15th to the 16th, working with Sacramento's own Chelsea Peretti.

Um, Ontario, California. I'm going to be at the improv inland empire, June 29th, 30th in July 1st. They Hampton beach ballroom casino, July 14th in the Newport yacht and center in Newport, Rhode Island, July 15th. Don't let that yachting center name scare you. Like you, it's like a $40,000 plate for Obama's campaign. And everybody's going to be there wearing tuxedos. It's not going to be like that.

It's a giant tent in a parking lot in Newport, Rhode Island. All right. You'll get to be able to go down there and be just as dumb and fucking as you would be in any other place. All right. So please come down to that and, uh, let me actually look up. I got a couple others. I got one in Charlotte and one in, uh, Jacksonville, Florida that I haven't put up yet.

So I'm going to search for this email. If you guys could just be patient. Um, oh, and I got Cincinnati coming up. There you go. October 19th and 20th. I'm going to be at go bananas in Cincinnati. Bear with me. Bear with me.

I'm, uh, blowing through here. Where else? Where else? The comedy zone in Jacksonville, Florida, September 27th, 28th, and 29th going to the Jaguar game on that Sunday. And I'm going to the, uh, Pittsburgh Steelers Cincinnati Bengal game on the other one. And then the comedy zone, Charlotte, North Carolina, September 13th, 14th, and 15th going to the Carolina Panther game that Sunday.

You like that? See, that's how I do the road. Doesn't have to be miserable people. Um, all right. Do we have anything left? I feel like I'm coming up short. This fucking guy's going to be here any minute with the goddamn screens. Oh, 58 minutes.

I can tap off. I can leave. Um, all right. You're not stupid. I already read that. Oh, here's something. Here's something a buddy of mine came up with. And this has nothing to do with advertising.

This is a friend of mine. Uh, he's trying to get a, uh, an iPhone application. He, he made this new iPhone application. It's, uh, it's called Word Nair, W-O-R-D-I-N-A-I-R-E Word Nair. It's a reverse dictionary. So if you're thinking like, uh, you know, what's a word for, uh, it'll give you a comprehensive list. Um, God knows I could use something like that because I'm a fucking moron.

Um, all right. Is that the podcast for this week? I think it is. I got a couple more, uh, anything else that was going on in my life that I wanted to talk about. Oh, I get my truck back today. I have to talk and all that shit about learning how to fix stuff. I had problems with my brakes and, uh, that's not something I'm going to try and do myself. I'll fuck with something that, that after I fuck with it, might not make my truck start.

I'll fuck with something like that. Like I actually, at this point, um, would have the balls to try and change a head gasket to put in a new head gasket. You know, my engine, I think, you know, what do I have to do? I just take off the, uh, the air filter housing, you know, take off the carburetor off the, uh, manifold, right? Then I imagine there's some other shit that's in the way, but as long as I take it off, whatever, I'd probably fuck it up, but the bottom line is nobody would get killed.

But when you're talking brakes and that type of shit, uh, there's no fucking way I'm doing that myself. I'm going to, uh, I would, at the very least would have to have somebody there. So I'm actually getting my truck back today. Um, but yes, I do feel like a little bit of a bitch because I didn't figure it out myself. But you know, fuck you. I'm trying. You know what the thing about is when you first start to learn how to fix things is

the hardest thing I find is not having the balls to just start taking it apart. It's, um, it's the overhead, the amount of fucking money you have to spend in tools. But once you buy them, you got them forever, man. Oh, and speaking of which, remember I bragged that I fixed the blender? It's fucked up. All the lights are coming on. I don't know what I did to it, but, uh, but I ain't going to quit, um, underrated,

overrated, underrated for this week, uh, overrated fucking voicemails. Leaving them is the most awkward thing. I've always said that I'm terrible at leaving them, but whenever I say that everyone else, whenever I say that, everyone else always says it too. So I'm putting my foot down on the issue and calling it right now, leaving a message for someone on the phone sucks. There's no way to start your message normally without sounding like a douche. And then five minutes later, you realize you've been trailing on and on while saying, uh, um,

too many times, making you want to kill yourself, ending with the inevitable. Okay. Thanks. Bye. Reminding them that you're still a douche. Fucking awful. Dude, this is something that's really like an epidemic in this young generation. Is everybody just feeling awkward and feeling like a douche? I don't know what happened to you guys. I think this last generation of fathers, they flipped like,

I'm not going to beat the shit out of my kid, not hug them and never tell them that I, that I, that I love them. Uh, you know, I'm going to do all of that shit and you end up with these people who can't even fucking leave voicemails. What is so awkward? You know, I, you know what? I have a hard time getting off the phone.

I forget, I forget what I used to say, but I don't feel awkward. Well, I just feel like an idiot, I guess. So I guess I kind of relate. I just go, all right, that's it. I'm out of here. I will say that, but leaving a message, I like leaving messages. I sing on people's voicemails. You know, whenever I call up fucking Bobby, Bobby Kelly, or fucking Joey Rosas,

I call them up and I, I'll just immediately, I'll just whatever comes in my mind. I'll just start singing. Who's the cunt that I love the most? Who's that fucker who eats the toast? It's Joey. He's such a big fag. DeRosa, what's going on? It's Bill.

Give me a call back. You cunt. Click. That's it. Why don't you try singing? You can do it for anybody. Hey mom, what's up, you sweetie? Thanks for having me 40 years ago.

I sent you some flowers. You didn't call me. Do you like my siblings better than me? Click. Right? Why don't you do that? Try that, sir. Try singing first.

All right. Underrated, overrated, underrated. Sitting down to pee if you're a guy. Is it that how old are you? Is it that hard to stand up? What is wrong with this fucking generation of guys? You know, sitting down to pee, it's actually easier. You don't get varicose veins from all those years of standing.

There's nothing better than just pulling out your dick and just fucking peeing all over everything. You know, you fucking shooting the toilet paper around. It's fucking good time. Anyways, it says the guy who drives a fucking hybrid. Anyways, there are many benefits to being a guy and sitting down to pee, such as not having to hear your chick complain about peeing on the seat, even though it's on the fucking top of the bowl.

And it's not actually the seat. Yep. Here's a guy. He's literally sitting down to pee, so his girlfriend will stop yelling at him. Okay. I don't know what happened, people. A hundred years ago, we could hit him with mop handles,

and I don't know what happened. They got organized and we didn't. And now we're sitting down to pee just so they'll stop yelling at us. All right, number two, if you like me, if you're like me and you wake up to pee at night, you don't have to fuck with your eyes and turn on the bathroom lights to aim. Oh, dude, you're taking all the fun out of it. That's how you train your ear.

All right, that sounds like the back of the bowl. Where's the water? That's the floor. There it is. One small step. Number three, not bending down to lift up the seat. Oh, you know what, dude, you're a fucking pansy. Not bending down to clean off the seat, less bending in general.

Why don't you just bend over and suck your own dick as you sit on the bowl, you fucking douche. Fuck that guy. Peeing, sitting down. Do you know? What else, sir? What else is overrated? Lifting weights.

Owning a gun, chewing tobacco, eating steak. What else? Drinking scotch, smoking cigars, fixing your own car. What else, sir? What else is fucking overrated? Everything that makes being a guy fucking awesome. Losing your shit because some guy you don't know, Mr. Fieldgoal, that really has no effect on your life.

Talking shit. Is that all overrated? Lee Movin. The only thing that saved you, sir, is you didn't leave your name. So that's the only thing that I can say is I can at least see that there was sort of some sort of shame in your email. All right, what do we got here? What do we got here?

The man grade, I talked about that. Stamps.com, I did that. And oh, amazon.com, everybody. Last one here, amazon.com. If you guys, you know, if you buy stuff on Amazon, sure we all do. If you want to support this podcast, just go to billbird.com. Click on the podcast page.

You'll see the amazon.com link. Click on that and then you'll write to Amazon. You don't have to do anything else. All right. And if you buy something, not saying you have to, but if you buy something, they kick me a percentage. It doesn't cost you any extra money. And I take 10% of that and I give it to the wounded warriors project.

That's how it goes. And that's the deal. And the last one, oh, sorry, gamefly.com. All right. How would you like to have 8,000 games at your fingertips delivered right to your door or right to your PC? Two week, 15 day free trial. You can play 8,000 games for nothing, not a zilch.

All right. And that's worth a one day free trial. They're giving you 15 days. Just go to gamefly.com slash billburr. And you'll get my podcast listeners get the special offer. There you go. Video games. Look how I hooked you up.

Video games, amazon.com, post office in your own house, and you'll make a better stake this weekend. What else do you want from me? You want more, don't you? Well, go fuck yourself because that's the end of this podcast. All right. Did I forget anything? I don't think I did.

That is it. That is all. And now it's on to Chicago and let's win there. To call my own. I want to dream lover so I don't have to dream alone. Sunday, I don't know how I hope she'll hear my plea. Someway, I don't know how she'll bring her love to me. Dream lover, until then, I'll go to sleep and dream again.

That's the only thing to do until all my love's dreams come true. Because I want a girl to call my own. I want to dream lover so I don't have to dream alone. Dream lover, until then, I'll go to sleep and dream again. That's the only thing to do until all my love's dreams come true. Because I want a girl to call my own. I want to dream lover so I don't have to dream alone. Please don't make me dream alone.

I beg you, don't make me dream alone. No, I don't want to dream alone.