Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-16-20

Episode Date: July 16, 2020

Bill rambles about baseball, silencers, and MotoGP.

Warm things up this spring with a trip to Cerrillas, where romance finds fantasy. While flowers are blooming outside, bring them inside with a hugely popular rose toy from NS Noveltees. Described as small but mighty, the rose is 25% off this month at Cerrillas, along with all NS Noveltees. Afterwards slip into something as sexy as you're feeling with a huge selection of lingerie, in petite to plus size. Shop Cerrillas in Indianapolis with six area locations and in Anderson. Or shop online anytime at Cerrillas.com. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you. It's Thursday, everybody. In case you're losing count out there. It's Thursday, July 16th, even though I think most people are kind of back to work on some level.

Even though I heard they're going to shut down California again. Because, you know, we're not doing what we need to do. I don't know what else to tell you. We're just not doing what the fuck we need to do. It's embarrassing. And I'm sick of talking about it. But guess what? Take me out to the ball. No, wait, let me do the new the COVID. Don't take me out to the ball. Be away from the crowd. But if I like Trump, I'm not wearing a mask. You fucking I don't even know what the fucking I'm watching at home. But I can't smell grass because I'm sitting in my fucking living room waiting for mouth breathers to just do what the CDC says.

Or else the whole Ponzi scheme is going to collapse and we'll all have to eat each other. All right. I shouldn't just signal a Trump people there. You also like young people and that type of shit. You know, I went and I got, you know, I smashed my cell phone screen. I forget how I initially did it and just kept getting worse and worse and I was going to eventually get it fixed. Oh, I remember I smashed it in the fucking Apple store. That's right. Because they weren't helping me with what I needed to help. And I was throwing shit back in my bag. I didn't realize my phone was underneath it. That's how I initially cracked it. Then I kept going and going and going. So whatever. So I ended up got to the point where I was wearing the old sweatpants. Oh, Billy, workout.

Oh, Billy, freckled buns of steel there. I had my sweatpants on and just to update people to miss the podcast. I was getting into a car and as I was closing the door, you know, sweatpants, it just slid out of the pants and got the old Malachi crunch for you. Happy Days fans out there between the door and the car cell phone in the middle being the meat on the sandwich there. So then I couldn't even do anything on the screen and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I ended up getting a new phone because all the Apple stores were closed and I found this person that actually repair screen. So I just had the thing fucking repaired. Finally, I did it in an hour. It was a guy working by himself. You know, the other worker didn't show up that day. He was answering phones and he's still with all the customers and all that shit still got me out of there in an hour. He said, I'll have this thing done in an hour and I'm sitting in there and then what's this fucking guy Cubs jersey take me out to the ball game.

He's wearing a mask. His buddy comes in. No fucking mask. Young kids, right? And then another one of their friends comes in. He's young kid and he's walk as he's walking into the store. He's starting to put his on. So I don't know. And somebody else was showing me how parents are starting to have like these parties where if one kid is infected with COVID, a low level of COVID, whatever from there. Non medical having fucking asses. They're just diagnosing that and then they're just trying to give it to other kids. So they get the antibodies and as far as I know that there's no proof that once you get the antibodies that once they go away, you can't get it again. I don't know what the fuck people are doing. I haven't heard anybody with a lab coat and a degree saying that that's what you should be doing. But people are going to work with chicken pox.

And this is what happens. This is what happens when you're a divided country because of fucking you only have two news networks, but I think they really need to be broken up. But what the fuck do I know? I'm just a goddamn comedian. So don't listen to me. I will tell you this. I watched that MotoGP race. MotoGP is coming back this Sunday. The full fucking Monty there where I watched the MotoGP Qatar race from in March, March 8th, right before this whole thing shut down. That was a MotoGP2 race. Well, for those of you who aren't race fans, that's like the AAA. And Joe Roberts, the California kid, an American, had a great showing. There was some guy, I forget his fucking name, the guy was like, he was winning the whole damn race and Joe Roberts was pressuring him and he kind of ate up his tires. And then for a minute, Joe Roberts was in first place, an American on a motorcycle, winning just below the tippity top of the motorcycle sports world. And it was very exciting. He had the stats and stripes on his helmet, which I loved.

And but I hope I say it right. Tetsuta Nagashima is Japanese writer who just wrote an incredible race, ended up passing him. And then a couple of Italians also passed him. Lorenzo Baldissari and Ania Bastiani. No, Bastiani, right? They all passed him. So now we wasn't on the podium, but it was still a great showing for the young kid. I'm open, you know, he's going to do some things in MotoGP too, and we'll get an American, we'll get a ride up on MotoGP. But big news is it all starts back up the real deal. And if you're living in the United States of America for whatever dumb reason, they don't televise it over here. They used to on Fox Sports, but they stopped MotoGP. You can only watch on MotoGP.com.

I highly, highly recommend it if you're into racing. This is the best racing out there. It's not even close. The level of passing excitement that I've said, I absolutely 100% sold on this sport. And, you know, watch something really interesting on their website where it showed all the muscle groups that you need to ride one of these bikes. And basically when they open up the throttle, wide open when they're flying down, you need basically the same amount of strength you would need to do a pull-up 110% of your body weight. So let's say I weigh, unfortunately, like a, you know, bucks. I think I'm a little less than 180. 180 is my one time when I'm just like, I gotta fucking drop some weight. Let's say I'm 180. So that would basically mean 190 and about 100.

Like I was going to do like a pull down of 198 pounds, which I cannot do. And that's basically, you have to be able to handle 110% of your body weight so you don't get blown off the back of the bike. And then when they slow down and they go into the turns, it's like riding a horse where it's like you're using your legs holding on to the bike. And then you got to keep your forearms relaxed because those are your controls. And there's all these kinds of G-forces. Obviously I have no scientific background. They have a great video that I should repost. Why don't I repost? I'll repost it. That shows all the muscle groups that you need just to keep that thing on the bike. You just keep yourself on the bike.

And what's amazing is once they get up to speed on the straightaway, which is usually a start, finish line always seems to be the long straightaway. There's like a two or three second moment where they can kind of relax and catch their breath before they do it again. It's fucking unbelievable. And if you've ever had a chance to drive a car around a racetrack, which I did when I was out in Las Vegas, just going five times around the track, how much your brain gets thrown around and just how you feel like you flipped the car. At least I did. Just like, yeah, this is why I like the Cadillac El Dorado. I just want to cruise down the fucking street. I don't want to be whipping around corners and shit.

Anyways, check it out. You get a whole new level of respect for racing because, you know, for whatever reason in this country, you're either totally into it or you're just being like, dude, they just drive around in a circle. Fucking stupid. Yeah, so Major League Baseball is back today. Today Yankees versus Nationals. Hopefully Aaron judges back and he's all healthy. So you get to see what that giant Mickey Mantle is going to do. And then one of the greatest rivalries ever going back to Brooklyn at Abbott's Field and the Polo Grounds in New York City. Up in Harlem, you got Brooklyn in Harlem, you got Dodgers versus the Giants. Try to behave yourself, fans.

Oh, actually, the fans won't be there. So that's a good thing. Crazy fucking West Coast fans. No one's going to get kicked in the head till they fucking die a few years later. You always got to bring that one up, right? Absolutely. That one's going down. And then the next day, I think the Red Sox have the Blue Jays or something. I don't know who the fuck they're playing, but I'm going to watch a little bit of that. And then the NBA comes back on July 30th on the 31st. My beloved Boston Celtics play the Milwaukee Bucks.

And at some point, I guess the NHL is going to come back with some round robin fucking like the beanpot sort of quick playoff system. We shall see. We shall see. So that's what's going on in the sports world. Very exciting that the sports are coming back. And I don't I don't know what else to tell you. Hopefully the COVID things going down. I don't know. Because like the rest of you, I have been hemorrhaging cash. I have not fucking worked people in since March.

Okay. And I've built bill. I've I've squeezed a nickel here or there. I'll tell you that, but Jesus Christ. I mean, I don't think I have a plan to take a whole fucking year off. I'll tell you what's nuts right now is the price gouging. The fucking price gouging. If you want to try to get out anywhere. You know, personally, I don't have a fucking problem. You know, we got a nice house, you know, if they dumped all these fucking money into it. I'm fine staying here, but you know, I've been able to run out and go do errands.

So my wife's been going crazy, you know, and she likes the beach. Okay. She has a little more pigment than I do. So she loves the beach. I'm not into the beach at all. Fucking ocean terrifies me. And the sand burns me up. So, oh, I'll tell you, it burns me up. So I'm not into that shit at all.

But like I am into my wife and her happiness and I lever to death. So I need to get her out to the ocean. So we were just looking at some, you know, some just fucking little bullshit little bungalows. You can't fucking believe the money that they want. It's fucking ridiculous. We looked at one just south of Santa Barbara for like a Friday through leave Monday morning. They wanted $15,000. Oh my, that was the easiest go fuck yourself.

That was, let's go fuck yourself anytime. Pandemic, no pandemic. And you know, remember that guy at the beginning of all of this shit who hoarded the fucking hand sanitizer? Basically the only American who took this shit seriously. So he made the proper investment and he got fucking shit on and he had to dump his crap. What about all of these cunts with ocean front property that are now fucking charging all of this goddamn money? I swear to God, all of this fucking shit that we've been talking since 9 11, you know, support the troops and, you know, wave the flag and all of that. It's all lip service when it really comes down to it.

It's if you can fuck somebody, you know, you're going to fuck them. That's basic. There's no fucking loyalty in any of this shit. What the fuck do you get off charging that money? Oh, it's what the market will bear. Go fuck yourself. I'm so sick of that shit. That and that's how business is done. Well, that's how business is done.

You know, if you are new to business, that's how business is done. What? You have a smile on your face and the customer is always right unless they're a cunt. You always have to have a caveat there because there are a lot of cunts out there, right? You give people a decent portion of food. Is that how business is done? No, business is done this way. All the money comes to me and I'm going to fucking rob you blind. And then when you audit me, I'll then I'll just be like, hey, you know, it's how business is done. Hey, that's what happened to me.

So anyway, that was interesting. So guess what? We're going to be staying here. I'll tell you, you know, it's expensive when even your wife goes, Jesus Christ, you know, because we all know the brudge there. They go with emotion first, emotion first, bottom line later. Okay, I just need to see a fucking hermit crab. Yeah, so that was out the fucking window. I got to find some, I'll find some fucking methie part of the coast.

You know, zombie fucking lunatic part of the coast. Maybe I can get in there for fucking 11 grand. Fuck that. Anyway, plowing ahead here. Today, you wouldn't know it by my mood. Today marks 600 days. No booze. Wa ba ba da be ba da boo. 600 days, 600 days.

No booze. You booze at my age, you lose. 600 days. You think after 600 days, I could just be like, hey, you know, I would just love to have one cold ice, cold Budweiser or Miller High Life. That's not what I think. I think, you know what? That dive bar right there, I want to go in there at about fucking two in the afternoon and I want to start and I want to walk out of there around 7pm. I want to pass out and then wake up around 10, have a little hair of the dog and then pass out for the night.

That's what the fuck I want to do. That's what I'm thinking and doing. That's not what I always did when I was drinking, but that's after 600 days, you would think that I would want to fucking dip my toe in. I don't. I do not. I want a cannonball right into the fucking deep end. Although a buddy of mine has been Mr. Thamelis, the producer of the Monday Morning Podcast Thursday afternoon. He's been drinking IPAs.

So I know those are a little bit heavier. Just having like one IPA here or there. So I was thinking maybe I could do that. I don't fucking know. But you know something, I got to tell you this. At my age, even not boozing, it's hard to keep the fucking weight off. The last thing I need to do is go back to that fucking bullshit. So I don't know.

I guess I should be excited. 600 days. I'm just sad that I can't fucking drink anymore. Being honest, I had so much fucking fun. I really had a great time. You know, but like I said, like I've been saying, I would have saved up some of my fun days had I known that now I got to go dry for the like what the final fucking 25 30. I always say 25 30 trying to be modest, but I plan on making 100. Anyway, so that's the deal.

600 days, no booze. I shaved my beard off. You know, I got sick of the whole fucking everybody during this pandemic has been growing beards. I did a zoom podcast and everybody on it had a fucking beard. And everybody looks like fucking Tom Hanks and cast away and I'm just I just like I don't want to fucking look like this anymore. So I shaved it off. It was hilarious. My daughter was just like, data, what?

Why you do that? It's like, you know, just stab like something different. She's like, why? Why? It just kept asking me why I did it. And so I figured I should get used to it. And then yesterday, she said, dad, where where your beard and mustache? So I don't know.

Maybe I'll gradually grow it back. But I'm kind of enjoying. I think I'm going to go fucking clean shaven for the rest of the summer. I will tell you though, oh, oh, fucking Billy, I don't have a fucking wrinkle on my face. I got a little bit of crow's feet and bullshit, you know, the wrinkles, you know, on the forehead. But I mean, you know, I moisturize people. I did do that right as much as I boost. I moisturize and I got to tell you and I stayed out of the sun.

I got to tell you something as a borderline albino to be looking as good as I'm, I look fucking great for 52. Okay. Let's, let's be honest, 52 is not a, not a number you want to look at. All right. But if you did have to look at it, I look all right. I think I'm doing okay. You know, man, I'm trying to stay positive over here, man. So, uh, yeah.

So I just needed to switch it up. I think that maybe I'll get my wife to do that. She got to switch it up or something like that to keep it and make it new again. Do something different. Um, so we don't lose our minds. Stay a little parcel of property here. Um, but I changed the drum heads. I went with a clear ambassador head on my, uh, my two rack to my one rack, Tom on my floor, Tom.

And, uh, I got to be honest with you. It sounds the exact same as the coated one as far as I know, although it does sound good. Uh, my drum teacher, Dave Elich taught me this way of, of, uh, tuning or tensioning drums that like you just guaranteed you're going to get a fucking good sound. You're going to get a round tone. You're not going to get like where the top head and the bottom head are competing with each other and just getting some fucking shit sound. Um, it's fucking easy as hell. And all it is is like all of these years, you know, they show you the pattern of going around and around and around and all of that. Um, no one ever stopped to tell you that you want to feel equal pressure.

So you kind of just go by feel, whatever the pattern is that you're using, you just go by fear, fear by feel. So, because what happens is as you turn those, if you just say, I'm going to do a half turn all the way around with whatever pattern you're using, the, the head is, is starting to get seated on top of the drum. So then what happens is, is to basically have an equal amount of tension with the opposite one. A lot of times you have to go a little further because it's starting to sit down. And obviously the, uh, whatever the fuck you call it, the thing that you screw in there is now further away from the, uh, whatever the fuck you call the, uh, the rim there. Ah, Jesus Christ. How the lug. What happened?

I, I swear to God, the older you get, the less words you use. And if you don't use the other words, you forget them. Um, as the bearing edge, there's the rim and then there's the lug. Yeah. So you just, you just go by feel as you still do the same pattern. You know, and you might, I'm just saying, you don't definitely have to turn further on the opposite lug, but you just, just muscle members. Remember that the, how, how much resistance you were getting on one. You just duplicate that as you go around and you're going to be pretty goddamn close.

And, uh, eventually what I want to do is I got to go back and watch that Benny Greb one. Because Benny Greb has the sickest sounding fucking drum kit I've heard since Steve Gad back in the day up close. When he had the black, those black, uh, Tom heads, the, like his floor toms were the best sounding that I had ever heard. And then, uh, Benny Greb came along and like, I don't know how the fuck he does it. I mean, it sounds like a fucking couple of bass drums. Um, and he has this whole way of doing it. I just don't have the same drum key. He gets his drum key that also has like a rubber stopper on top.

Um, that is part of it. I got to go back and watch it. Um, God knows I have the time and I got a couple extra drums that I'm not using on my kit right now. I'm just playing like a four piece. That's kind of what I like. I like the four piece. Um, but I got to get, uh, one of my other drums. What do I got?

I got a 12 and a 13 to 12. I'll just keep tuning that up and down and just using the Benny Greb method. I just got to get that same drum key that he has. And, uh, I want to get fucking, I just decided like, that's what the fuck I'm going to do. Shave the beard off. I'm going to get really good at tuning up my drums. I already know I can get it for finally after all of these years. Thanks to Dave Vila check and now actually tune up a drum kit.

That sounds pretty good. And, uh, I'd like to get great at it because, um, becoming great at playing drums just doesn't seem like that's ever going to happen for me. Maybe I could be a drum, uh, a dad band drum tech. I have no idea. I have no idea, but, um, I've been, uh, just everything that I'm trying to do playing drums. I just always end up like hitting a wall and I'm learning that it's coming down to the way I'm sitting, the tension I'm holding in my body and how I'm breathing. And you just want to be like relaxed. And what happens is with me anyways with playing drums is whatever I'm working on, if I'm playing along to the song, it's really hard to fight off the,

here it comes, here it comes, and you fucking tense up. And especially if there's any sort of, uh, speed involved, it's like the faster you play, the more relaxed you have to be. It's fucking wild. Um, and for some reason the, it's the exact, your body, because you're going faster, you know, speeding it up. You equate speed with, uh, more difficulty, which brings anxiety or whatever just causes you to tense up. It's just, it's fucking unbelievable. It's really ridiculous how that works. Um, because I can play that bottom triplet lick at about 85 BPMs, but if I'm playing along to the song, I can only play it like it's 75.

And of course, Bonham plays it at 95. And of course, he also did it at fucking 19 and didn't get his first drum kit till he was 15. You know, it's always things like that where I go, oh yeah, Bill, you definitely picked the right road by stop ending your, I'm going to be a professional drummer dream and becoming a comedian. So, um, anywho, I'm just going to get into that type of shit. And, uh, I don't know, I do, we'll tell you, one of the great blessings though is I've been home every single day of my son's life, which has been fucking awesome. And I've just decided to focus on that. And the fact that motorcycle racing is back, baseball is back, the fact that people have finally buying into wearing these masks. I think this fucking thing's going to go away.

And I just believe just, I guess 2020 is just a wash. And, um, I'm already starting to plan ahead. How are we going to do the fucking holidays? You know, cause we always had like this big kid, um, Halloween thing party where people come over with their kids and they dress them up. And, um, you know, a lot of our friends are obviously in the business of show business. They're really talented people and some of the creative stuff that they come up with this woman last year had her kid come over dressed up as an old lady. And she had a little walker and put little cotton balls for her hair and had little granny glasses on. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life.

And, uh, every year there's always like, you know, somebody that just has like this killer outfit. So that's one of those things that we look forward to, you know, and I would make the pumpkin bread and all of that type of stuff. So, um, I don't know, I guess we'll just have to scale it down. I'll tell you this, I am still going all out, still making the pumpkin bread, still making the pies, still throwing down for Thanksgiving. You got to do something, right? Um, anyways, but whatever. Who do you like? The Yankees versus the Nationals. I got to record that game.

Do I have to record the game? No, it's coming on this afternoon. No, tomorrow's game. I got to record the, yeah, the Red Sox game tomorrow. Um, all right, let me do a little bit of reads here, everybody. Um, and I'm just going to keep advising you guys to stop watching CNN and Fox News. Okay. They are in the business of dividing this country and a divided nation is a weak nation and that is an issue of national security.

So, uh, whatever you like, the right or the left, red or blue ties or bras, whatever the fuck you're into, just stop watching those fucking assholes. I really wish that their ratings would just absolutely fucking plummet. And that they would be forced to actually be journalists again, as opposed to the op ed whining, blaming and all of the fucking shit that they're doing and just screaming fire in a crowded movie theater that they do. It's just, it's still one of the worst fucking things that's ever happened in this country. Um, we get people literally yelling at each other about wearing a mask, wearing masks during a fucking pandemic. Take off that mask, you fucking coward. That's the end result. You know, and then he got everybody on the left.

Everything that's ever been wrong with this country is because of Donald Trump. Um, all right, simply safe, everybody. What's the number one sign of a bad home security system? A axe wielding murderer standing at the end of your bed that you didn't understand. Okay, a home security system that's so complicated, you never use it. Exactly. The end result is that you have a fucking mouse in your house turned out to be a mouse, not a rat. It's a mouse.

And I got to tell you something. I have a soft spot soft spot. Soft spot in my heart for mice. I like mice. I don't like them in my house house, but I actually, as far as rodents go, they're fucking adorable. I love a mouse. You know what I mean? In the bullshit that they've gone through, through labs and all of that shit.

Rats, unfortunately, they're like, they're like the sharks of rodents and mice are like the dolphins. You know what I mean? It's funny because a dolphin will help save you from drowning. Everybody looks past the fact that they've raped a lot of trainers and sharks just are just, you know, they're sharks. You know, they never used Invisalign. They got sharp teeth. They're all over their fucking mouth. And they're just doing their job.

They're just doing their job, which is to fucking eat anything that's sort of weak out there. Which human beings are in the ocean? I used to read Runaway Ralph when I was a kid. I used to read that series of books. So maybe it was just one book. I can't remember. And he had a little fucking motorcycle and he had a little peanut shell helmet and all of that. Rattatouille with the great Patton Oswald wasn't out yet.

So there wasn't any good press for rats. So I still fucking hate rats. I don't know what to tell you. But anyway, simply safe everybody. What's the number one sign of a bad home security system? A home security system that's so complicated, you never use it. This is exactly the type of security system Simply Safe has spent a decade fighting against. They believe that simple is safer.

And it's exactly why Simply Safe is the home security for right now. When feeling safe at home has never been more important. Yeah, I got a couple buddies of mine just bought guns. I just don't get like having the gun. And then you always have to have it in some fucking safe and all of this shit. It's not readily available. Then also if you use the thing, you're going to blow out your eardrums. So for the rest of your life, your ears are ringing because that fucking cunt came into your house.

Alright? And on all they do is just go to the gun range and then they just shoot at a non-moving, you know, silhouette. I guess you got to go out and you got to do the pull, you know, with your handgun. Go skeet shooting with your fucking handgun. I don't know. I don't know how it works, to be honest with you. But my ears are so shot. I'm thinking of maybe getting a crossbow and just having that thing fucking loaded. You know, I don't understand why are silencers illegal for somebody who's never, you know, why?

Because somebody will eventually kill this spouse. And it would just, it would just be two goddamn tempting. I'll talk about that. Let me finish this fucking read. They believe that simple is safer. And it's exactly why simply safe is the home security system for right now when feeling safe at home has never been more important. Simply safe was designed to be easy. I can do what you do easy to use while protecting your whole home 24 seven order online with the click of a button. Open the box, place the sensors, plug it in.

Yeah, you're out of your mind during a pandemic if you're not doing this. And your home is protected around the clock. No tech technician or sales person has to come and disrupt your house. You don't need to pay any outrageous monthly fees or sign a two year contract. Simply safe was named best overall home security of 2020 by us news and world report and their 24 seven professional monitoring and emergency dispatch starts at 50 cents a day. Head to simply safe bird.com and get free shipping and a 60 day money back bar guarantee that simply safe.com to make sure they know that our show sent you. All right. If you had like a silencer, I just think that it would just be way too fucking easy, you know, to take out somebody that you you were probably knew, you know, with the silencer, you have time to get your story together.

Not saying it's going to work. You know what I mean? I'll tell you, like, and it's all yeah, you know something people would be too much a cowboys if they had silencers because I'll tell you right now if I had a fucking little pistol with the silencer on it and I saw that fucking little mouse on a mouse. If it was a mouse, I'd be like Frank, if it was a rat, I'd just start fucking shoot. You know, yeah, there'd be too many. I don't know, but silencers are legal in Florida. You know, they are legal in Florida. Let's look this up.

Dude, I've looked up some of the most fucked up shit lately. Some of my my my scans here scans. No, but some of my searches states where silencers are legal. All right. Here we go. Currently the following 42 fucking states allow private ownership of suppressors. All right, let's see. We got the ones that you knew.

Alabama, Arkansas, Arizona. I guess. Oh, AK is, uh, is that Alaska? Sorry, Alabama, Alaska, uh, Arizona. I'm doing this. I got it. I can't always do a Southern accent. That's my old retired Republican, Arizona.

Um, Arkansas. Wait, is that Alaska? What's what's the abbreviations for states? Can my computer hear me? List of all abbreviations. Let's see here. Alaska is AK. Okay, it is AK.

All right, let's get back to it. I'll try to do the proper, um, accent for all I can't do. Okay. Alabama, uh, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Connecticut, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, uh, Indiana, Idaho. Wait, if I end is Indiana. What's I a Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, one of my favorites, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Minnesota. I don't even know.

I do. I don't know my fucking MI is Michigan. Sorry. MD. Is that in Maryland? I'll say Maine, Maryland, Michigan. Don't fucking take the, you know, my word for it. Minnesota.

MS. Ms. M O is Missouri. Right. What is MS? Mississippi. Right. Fuck.

These are, man, I haven't done this in a while. Man. E's that new England? Um, that's Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania. They let people in Philly have silences. Oh Jesus. South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, one of my favorites, Texas.

Of course, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. Let's make it easier, huh? Silencers aren't illegal. California, Massachusetts, New York, right? Let's see. Where are they legal? Oh, they got a nice colored in map here. Okay.

So basically they are legal in every state except California, Illinois, that would be because of LA in Chicago, Massachusetts, New York, Rhode Island, New Jersey, and yeah. Wait a minute. This guy in Hawaii. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What states don't allow suppressors? The eight states that currently do not allow silencers are California, Delaware, Hawaii,

Illinois, Massachusetts, New York, New Jersey, Rhode Island, and the District of Columbia. Basically the brains of the outfit. The smartest people lit. No, I'm kidding. I just wanted you guys to be, oh, what the fuck? So there you go. Who? Who the fuck knew?

I think there's just too many people and too many fucking wise guys in New York, New Jersey area, Massachusetts, we're super liberal. It's funny. It's so funny that Massachusetts is that fucking liberal while simultaneously has a reputation for being as racist as it is. It all comes down to state jobs, I think. People want to lean on a shovel and not have that taken away. All right.

Legal zoom, everybody. The whole new world out there. We're all faced with new challenges. If you need legal help to overcome some of yours, that's where legal zoom fits in. Maybe. Maybe. You've been wondering about the best way to protect your family or maybe you're thinking about starting a business, but you don't know the best way to do it.

Don't let legal questions hold you back. Legal zoom has been dedicated to helping you with the right solutions for more than 19 years. If you're looking to protect your family with the will or a living trust, or you're thinking about the right way to start a business with the DBA, LLC, nonprofit or Mua, legal zoom got you covered. Legal zooms got you covered. I thought they were getting all like hip hop and cool there.

Legal zoom got you covered. Legal zooms got you covered. It's easy to get started online, and if you need guidance, their network of attorneys can provide advice to ensure you make the right choices. And since legal zoom isn't a law firm, you won't have to leave your home and you won't be charged by the hour. Visit legal zoom.com today to take care of some important things you need to get done. That's legal zoom.com, legal zoom where life meets legal.

Warm things up this spring with a trip to cerilas where romance finds fantasy while flowers are blooming outside. Bring them inside with a hugely popular rose toy from NS Novelties. Described as small but mighty, the rose is 25% off this month at Cerilas along with all NS Novelties. Afterwards slip into something as sexy as you're feeling with a huge selection of lingerie in petite to plus size. Shop Cerilas in Indianapolis with six area locations and in Anderson or shop online anytime

at cerilas.com. All right. Okay, I think that's the podcast for this day. By the way, old movie I've been watching. I watched Robin Hood 1938 starring Errol Flynn and yeah, it's a little bit dated, but it's considered one of the great movies of all time. And I actually watched it. It's sort of like the original Braveheart, you know, when everybody still had to do fucking

stunts and all of that shit. I was watching that. I watched the first half hour of that and I cannot recommend, by the way, late night Turner classic movies on a Friday night after two o'clock to two a.m. They show like some like cult classics, just crazy shit. And they also show like these car videos and like police training videos from way back in the day. And this weekend I watched one on the on the, was it the Chevy Corvair?

The one that Ralph Nader tanked and said was the most unsafe car ever. I was watching these people driving up a fucking stream for 20 miles showing how awesome the car was Chevrolet Corvair. Yeah, it was Chevy Corvair. Good looking car too. But it had an engine in the back and all of that. I guess I don't know. If you hit something, I guess it was really bad.

I have no fucking idea. All I know is this is there was another video that I watched, I'll see if I can get the name of it. I got to tell you, I don't know if you want to watch this thing. It was like one of those ones that they used to have people about 10 years older than me. They stopped showing it in Driver's Ed by the time I had come along. And they just wish these to show, to scare the shit out of young drivers, they would show footage from fatal accidents, dead bodies and all this shit.

And they were showing this shit. I'm talking people burned up, people like slammed into a tree. Back when there was like no crumple zones and the engine just came through the firewall, you got impaled by the steering column and just the whole thing was like an accordion and then you like almost like toothpaste were just sticking out the side, you got squeezed out the side, it was fucking disturbing. And I know all you guys like, well, I got to see that. All right.

They used to have them out in California, they used to be called red asphalt. And this one was back in the 50s when cars were super, super fucking unsafe. Jaylen always had that great joke about the dashboard, all the shit that was sticking out of it to impale you and they would just hose it off for the fucking next guy. All right, let me see here. What the fuck was it called? Let me try to find this for you. Highway, death, videos, police, 1950s, graphic.

Let's see what I come up with here. It was like code 39 or something like that. What the fuck? I mean, it was just footage of accidents here. Let me see. Was it 39 code 30 or something like that? Let me see if I can find this for you. Signal 30.

Oh my God. Signal 30, 1959, I'm giving you a nice fucking warning. This fucking video, I mean, this fucking video is not something like, I didn't feel right after I fucking watched this, but it also made me want to drive a lot more careful. Holy shit. Signal 30. Check that out. I'm sorry if I ruin your fucking weekend.

All right, that's it. I'll post that and then I'll post. No, fuck that. You got to listen to the podcast to get that one. Signal 30 and I'll post the MotoGP one. All right, that's it. That's the podcast. Have a great weekend, you cunt.

Keep wearing your masks and don't watch CNN and Fox. Fuck those guys. They're not Americans. They're pieces of shit profiting off of all our misery. All right, that's it. I'll see you. Generals gathered in their masses, just like witches at black masses. Evil minds that plot destruction, sorcerer of death's construction.

In the fields the body's burning, as the war machine keeps turning. Death and hatred to mankind, poisoning their brainwashed minds. Oh, Lord, yes. Hey, this is Bill Burr. This is actually an intro before the intro to the podcast. This is not the official podcast at this point. I was on the road and I recorded the podcast on Thursday. I did it into my iPhone and my iPhone wasn't synced up to my computer and I'm too much

of a fucking moron to be able to figure out how to deal with that. So I had to fly back, give it to my tech guy. So now it's fine. I just want to let you know that that's what it is because in five seconds you're going to hear me talking about, hey, it's Thursday. Look at me doing it all fucking early, all right? So that's the reason for that before you send me your emails. All right, girls.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, July 16th, 2012, recording it this week on my iPhone. I'm on the road, so I wasn't going to bring my mixer and all that other shit. Got a big week. I'm actually recording this on a Thursday before I do my show. So if something amazing happened, like if somebody very important died or if that asteroid

hit the fucking planet, that's because, and I'm not addressing it. It's not like I'm doing some hipster thing, trying to act like I don't notice. It's Thursday here. And I'm in Boston right now, the friendly confines. I've been behind enemy lines since 1995, so I'm back here in Boston, and I figured what better time to do a podcast with a fellow Boston sports fan. Dave Portnoy is my guest this week. I feel like I have a real show here, by the way.

He's the creator. Yeah, the creator of BarstoolSports.com, which is so big now that I've heard it's now in New York, Philly, well, New York's version of Barstool. Obviously, they're not talking Boston sports. But before we get into this, it's like, you know, his website is, you know, all things Boston and then it just shoots off from there, from political stuff to the smoke show of the week, right? The hot chick.

Yeah, pretty much anything that we feel like talking about. We have the Boston version, New York, Philly, college version, but it's almost like a guy gossip site, if you want to put it that way. Right. But geared towards sports. Well, let me ask you this, because, you know, everybody can get a bunch of hits and that type of shit on the internet, you know, but like to actually make money off of the internet. That's what I wanted to do right out of the gate, was to congratulate you that you actually

tried and, you know, there's like major movie studios trying to figure out how to fucking make money on the internet, because everybody like pirates their movies and all that type of stuff. So congratulations, dude. Welcome to the world of making money and not really technically having a job. Yeah, no, it's not a bad place to be. It's not a bad place to be. And it was a long grind, but we're here now.

How long has it been since you started? Barstool's been around for like seven years. Started as a newspaper. So, you know, you see the racks, the proper Bostonian, all that crap. We were just a free gambling rack, four pages, black and white. Oh, so you started off giving people picks and stuff like that? Yeah, it was sort of like that. I mean, I was like a, I mean, I was a degenerate gambler, so I hated my job.

Nice. Tried to move to Vegas, get a job. Well, I... Wait, wait, wait, wait. How bad did the gambling get? Were you like one of those guys, like five hour energy on the way to Foxwood's? No, no, I was never a really big Foxwood's guy, much more sports. You can't get troubled so much at Foxwood's because you need the money in your hand.

You can get troubled much more with like sports because they'll give you credit. But I mean, I used to gamble a lot, hated my job. How far in did you get? Like, how much you making a week and how much did you owe? I mean, I, well, this will be all relative, but I mean, I've been down 30, 40 grand before. That's a shit ton. 30, 40 grand. Yeah.

Are they like knocking on your door at that point? Well, you know what? You have relationships. My guy, who I've gone through, he'll love this part of me talking about, but I've been going through him since college. So, and it gradually, you know, like I did before. But fortunately, you don't go through him anymore, right? Just in case there's any problems?

Right, no, I mean, I was still mutual acquaintances. You see each other on the holidays? You get to be such a degenerate and you get to be so lose, like I never win, never. I mean, I've gambled since I've been alive. I've probably collected two weeks and 30 years. So it's like, I, you know, I'm always going to lose. So if I lose, it's now to the point, if I lost, let's just throw a number. If I lost 20 units, I'll only have to pay 10.

I get unbelievable discounts and it's never knocking you door. You always know what I'm going to pay like most of it, more deals. So it's never been like, Dude, I never had the hard for it. I had a long time ago in like the late 80s, the Patriots sucked. I forget what year, but they were supposed to be good. I think it was 89. And I wasn't, you know, I'd spent all my money on season tickets and, uh, and they just kept

losing. So I was like, fuck this, I'm going to, I'm going to win some money back. So they were losing to everybody and the Buffalo bills came to town and this was 89. So it was before they were the run and gun and everybody knew, but, but, but this was the fucking team before they did. And like the bills always sucked between OJ and the running gun. They just, you know, they had a couple of decent years. So, you know, I buried them, which was 50 bucks in my life or something like that.

I buried them in, I think Miami and they both, uh, the Patriots of Miami and they both didn't come through when I was down like a hundred bucks and I was making like 175 a week and that was enough for me. I did it once. I think the greatest thing that ever happened to me is I, I didn't win the first week. Like did you win the first week and then chase? No, no, most people generally do win. No, I just, you know, I just had the disease.

It's like I love doing it. I know luckily for me, I haven't done it and it's all probably actually this is how I rationalize in my brain. I don't think I would have done bar stool if I didn't have that like gene because there's so much risk with what we do even now like concerts, concerts or it's like stock market type shit. It's like, you know, that's how we make a lot of our money. We do these like basically raise for college kids.

Get those blackout parties. Exactly. So we'll rent out buildings and you know, we're basically betting on kids buying the tickets. Like we're laying out tens of thousands of dollars before we do it hoping. So tell, tell the listeners a little bit about that because I didn't know about those. I knew you did all the talking, the stuff about sports and all that type of stuff. So you host these things, uh, blackout parties, everybody gives you shit, right?

Yeah. We get shit from everybody. We're like enemy number one of Boston and lately moving. I mean, somehow we've ended up, I mean the calls from 2020, we were on inside edition with that thing. Who's the guy? Who's the gay guy with the short blonde hair? Good looking guy.

Anderson Cooper. Anderson Cooper. He, they called. I mean, it's all about the blackout parties. Even though everyone's kind of doing similar stuff, but these are raves. I don't know if he's gay or not. I'm not trying to out that guy in the party. No, I think he's, no, I think he's, I don't know.

No, he's out. He outed himself. Oh, he did. Yeah. Oh, okay. So you may use a Thursday excuse. No, he's, you may want to research it in case you don't have them. No, that makes sense.

He's got great hair. It just always looks good. Gay guys always have great hair. Yeah. No, my wife thinks he's the hottest guy, but I'm 99% sure that he's said he's gay. And if he has, this is such a classic podcast moment. We don't even know. And I'm going to go with it.

It's like it's fucking fact. Well, there's nothing. I got nothing you can sue me for. So it was allegedly, who gives a fuck? Either way, I put my reputation on it. No matter what, even if he hasn't said, I'm pretty sure he is, but I think you said it, but it's your podcast. Not mine.

So, I mean, what? But I think he is gay. Hey, everyone, have you ever walked into the post office and said, you know what? I don't think I ever want to come here again. Not that I hate the postal industry. Not that I hate the people who work here. Not even that I hate postcards or something else, whatever. Would it be great if you could take the post office and bring it into your own apartment?

Well, fortunately, there's a way you can do it. Stamps.com, everybody. Basically, you got your post office in your apartment. If you're a fan of this podcast, you've heard of the Zillion Times. This is a Zillion and one. Anything you can do at the post office, you can do right now from your desk in your apartment. In your house, in your shanty little town in Haiti at Stamps.com. You can buy and print official U.S. postage for any letter or package using your own computer

and printer. And unlike the post office, Stamps.com never closes, so you can get postage whenever you need 24-7. Basically, you can print legal postage and they give you a little scale. And like I always say, you know, you can wear a hat if you want to, but that's not included. You get a little scale. You can weigh packages. You can do all this in the nude in your own house.

I love it. I use it. I endorse it. And that's it. Right now, use my last name, Burr, B-U-R-R, for this special offer. No risk trial. Plus $110 bonus offer includes a digital scale and up to $55 in free postage. Don't wait.

Act now. Go to Stamps.com before you do anything else. Click on the radio microphone at the top of the homepage and type in Burr, B-U-R-R. That's Stamps.com. That's your Burr. We're getting all the advertising out of the way. Here we go. Amazon.com.

Would you like to help this podcast and help the Wounded Warrior Project? Sure, we all would. How do we do it, Bill? Well, you go to billburr.com. You click on the podcast page and on the right-hand side, you'll see the Amazon link. You'll see the banner, I should say. And you just click on that and then go buy something on Amazon. If you want, that's saying you have to.

And they'll kick a percentage to me. I take 10% of that. And I give it to the Wounded Warriors Project. Actually, at this point, I'm kicking 10% of all the advertising to that project because why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you? Are you an American? Well, there you go.

Specifically, an American from the United States before anybody gets a little fancy with the geography. You know, people in Canada, they're American. They all live in North America. What about people in Honduras? Hey, what about your mother? All right, get back to me with that one. All right.

Gamefly.com, everybody. Do you like to play video games while you pretend to listen to the person you're allegedly in love with? Wouldn't it be wonderful if you had 8,000 games to choose from and a 15-day free trial, 15 days free trial, Gamefly.com slash Bill Burr. Go on there. You got access to 8,000 games. Play until your damn thumbs fall off.

And then you can say, you know what? I'm good. I tried all your games. I'm good. Fantastic. If you're a gamer, that's the place you want to go. Gamefly.com slash Bill Burr. Click on the...

What do they got? What do they got? A little game player? I don't know what you do. Just go there and buy something. It makes me look good. All right. Have a nice week.

I'm glad we got that cleared out. I don't even remember now I'm off track what I was talking about. Oh, so I was talking about... You were talking about... ...to a blackout. So basically what we do with the blackouts, I'm going to guess, if you didn't know that Anderson Cooper wasn't gay, that you don't really know what EDM music is either, do you? You meant...

Like, dance music. You know, only because it was on the cover of Rolling Stone. Recently? Just that danger mouse. Not danger mouse. Dead mouse. Dead mouth. Dead mouth.

Dead mouth. I didn't know it was Dead Mouth 5. Dead mouth 5. Is it Dead Mouth 5? Because I was saying Dead Mouth 5, my girl was going... I think it's Dead Mouth and they use it as a 5 as like an S. Hey, where's the mouse at? I'm not going to pass judgment because two years ago I didn't know what it was, but now

like... Now I'm in that scene. That's what we do. So it's basically, as far as I can tell, it's house music with lasers and lights and shit bouncing off kids' eyes. That's what it is. So it's old school like just, you know, kids are doing drugs fucked up out of their mind and those are the parties we do.

Now I'm not saying that, well, that's... If Mayor Monino heard me say that, he'd be like, here knocking on my door, but... So we do these parties, we don't supply any of this stuff, but the lasers, the lights, the hardcore music, and they're super fucked up. It just brings that element. Well, it's a rave. I mean... Oh, it's a rave.

It's a friggin' rave. That's really what it is. But it's not just us. It's what college kids do now. No, I actually saw some of the video of some of the girls and stuff like that. If I was a younger man, that would be the place I would go, whether I like that music or not, and you actually had like some... Eventually we will get to sports on this, guys.

I know you had some fallout though, like you did some... Like on your website, you had some sort of a joke or whatever, a rape joke. And then you went on TV. I gotta tell you, dude, that took balls, man. Like you sticking up for your joke like that. I would have stuck up for my joke, but I would have done it with a little more tech. I'll have a link to it for podcast listeners. She was just...

Lisa Guerrero. Yeah, man. She came in... Lisa Guerrero, who was in... What was the joke? She's been in Playboy, by the way. She was the girl for the sports, for CBS Sports. That Lisa Guerrero.

Oh, good for her. She's gorgeous. Yeah, well, she was. But anyways, the joke was... Dude, look at me. I'm no price. No. Listen, I call it as you see.

I mean, I know she won't look at me, but whatever. Point is, there was a story in Europe, Australia, where a guy got accused of rape and was acquitted. And his defense was she was... The judge agreed with the defense. She was wearing skinny jeans, and there's no way he could have gotten the jeans off without her consent, because there were skinny jeans. So... And that got him off?

That got him off. So that was the story. Oh, my God. So our take on it, and it was the same take as we do with everything. I mean, we make fun of everybody, was it came out the story that she was a size six. And so I said, who cares about the rape side of things? A size six should never be wearing skinny jeans. You gotta be like...

Oh, that's that big? Yeah. Well, for skinny jeans, yeah. I think you gotta be a zero or a two for skinny jeans. And I don't like skinny jeans. So it's a fat girl, you're saying, in skinny jeans? That's what I was saying, the problem. So they were like, well, maybe that's why he couldn't get a month?

Exactly. And that's how he got off. And then I took a step further and said, who cares about that? You actually... If you're going to wear skinny jeans, you probably deserve to be raped anyway. Oh, so it was actually a fat joke. Yeah, that's exactly what... It's actually a fat joke.

Yeah, that's exactly what it was. Oh, I get it. So you go... So anyway, Dave goes on this show, you'll see in the clip, this girl goes right at you and it's just like, you know, you think rape jokes are funny or something. You were like... Somehow she was saying, you think that joke is funny and you're like, yes, I do. And then she tried to hook you.

She tried to spin it and be like, oh, so you find rape funny? You're like, no, I don't. But she goes, well, then I don't think you want to stand how offensive that joke is. And then you're like, well, evidently, I don't. And I totally got what you were saying. You was like, at least what I think you were saying, you're basically saying like, I would equate it to like, seeing an old lady fall down a flight of stairs in real life, not fucking funny, horrific, okay, in a Will Farrell movie, hilarious.

Because it's so horrific, all right. So you actually did like a roundabout, like sort of a fashion joke. You sort of making like going like, that's basically ladies, you know, if you're a size six, don't try to slam your fat ass into a, but you by no means were condoning. Condoning rape. And that's what everyone's twisted on us. But it was funny though, but you didn't even explain it to her. You just, you just answered her questions and didn't try to enlighten her at all.

And like, that's when I watched the clip, I was just like, Jesus Christ, because I would have been like, look, the joke was about this. And then I would have backed out saying, you know, it's not my problem if people don't get my jokes. That's the way I would have handled it. You just were like, you were like fucking all over North, you were just sitting there answering them. You know what?

It came across, and here's the weird thing, a lot of people think that clip made me look like an asshole. And I have people being like, fuck you. I would think that a bunch of people think that you're a piece of shit after that. Right, exactly. Like this, this fuck, you know, my mother-in-law is sitting watching, you know, Channel 4, and it's like my fucking son-in-law is condoning rape, like what's going on. The thing about it, what you just said, they probably in Inside Edition showed 30 seconds

of me talking. I was in there for an hour and a half, and I mean, at one point, I thought we were going to fight each other. Dude, I gotta tell you, when you're getting interviewed, the longer it goes, that's like the first 48, where at some point in the interview, you have to be like, am I being charged with anything? Because if not, I'm going to leave, or if I am, I want a lawyer. But the longer you talk, this is the same thing doing like stand-up specials.

Like I remember back in the day, the first time I got a half hour on Comedy Central, they were like, you know, it's going to be 22 minutes, because they have eight minutes of commercials in a half hour, so they wanted us to, they were like, bare minimum, we need at least 28 minutes. So I did 28 minutes on the nose, other guys would go over, because the way I looked at it is I have no power over how they're going to edit this, so I'm going to give them as little extra footage as I can, and what ended up happening was they took a whole joke, they just took a whole bit out.

I loved the bit, but I only lost, there was only one thing to be upset about, so I think when you get into those interviews, like further down the line, you should just be like, you know, it takes them an hour and a half to ask you about a fucking rave and one joke. And we're all over the map, and we're dumb idiots, I mean, they came to our office, this camera crew, and we're like serving them tea and crumpets, being like, oh, you want, like crack a little joke thing, we're buddies with these people. Yep, that's one of the first things you learn, those aren't your friends. No, no, but we were rolling out the red carpet.

I got there with Friendly as hell. Super nice. So great what you're doing with your website, this really must be great. We always like making young people who are doing things. But the second that interview ended, I knew, I knew this, she was going to make, I mean, there was, I met the camera guy who also did a 2020 thing that we just did, and even he says, like, it was one of the more contentious interviews, and they're built to be contentious, because it was that exchange, that type of tension, the whole time with this lady.

Oh, the second you sat down, you felt she already had a mind-maker. Oh, it was already, I mean, we said stuff like, she's, I mean, I forget the exchange we had. There were some exchanges where it was like, she's like, well, I'm a feminist, like, well, I saw you naked and playboy, so I don't think, you know, they think you're a feminist. And it was that type of exchange, the entire time. Are they going to release this on DVD? I would pay, I would pay five grand cash for the full interview. I actually think it would make me look great, because they cut up.

Like, what you're talking about, she didn't have any of the back contents. I asked her a hundred times, like, did you read the blog? You're just saying I can donate, right? Do you even know what it's about? She couldn't answer it. You know, she asked me, do, um... I actually think at the end of the day, to use that overused expression, that they love having a guest like you, because at the end, I'm going to use it again.

At the end of the day, they want people to watch, and if they have an interview like you, I think there's that weird push-pull thing where they're acting like they're completely outraged, but they're totally psyched that your being what they think is an asshole. Right. And I'm an easy target, and I'm probably somewhat like you. Dude, then you were sitting there in a tank top. Well, that's my army gear.

Like, if, granted, I'm wearing it now, but if I show up to a professional interview in a purple tank top, similar to this, it's a little more outrageous than what I wear. That means I know you don't like me across. I'm going to try to make up a... Not a mockery, but it's like my mental... I know I'm about to be made into an asshole. So you like that. If you're going to try and screw me, I'm not putting on a suit and talking.

Right, exactly. I'm not going to try. I already know you're going to make me look like a jerk. That's actually fucking hilarious. That's the first time. You dress... You know what they say as a comedian, you're supposed to dress to the level of the room. You know what I mean?

Like, if you're going to do some A-room, you don't come in there, dress like a bum. And then if you're doing some hell hole, you can dress it down. But I always feel like you at least want to, in a hell room, have some sort of moat between you and the animals. So if you have some sort of almond show business shiny shirt on, that can kind of help. But dude, I got to tell you. I don't know the whole backstory of that, but all I know when I watched that, I was just like... You know, that's a lot of comedian friends of mine. Opie and Anthony's show.

I should send them that clip, like if they haven't seen it. Like, I think that they would get a kick out of it. I'm not saying they condone it one way or the other, because I'm not trying to get anybody to drag in on the shit, but just the way you did that, and there was no... Like I said, I would have tried to explain the joke. I didn't blink. She threw it at me, and I just stoned faced her right back at her. It was really funny.

You can almost see my face, actually, and when I rewatch it, I almost grind my teeth. I knew it was coming. It was like I was gearing up to, alright, don't back down right here. Just go right back at her. Well, it's going to be interesting as you do more and more of those interviews. I'll be looking now for the tank top. He's got an eyes on it. He kind of likes this guy, maybe the thing.

We haven't even really even talked sports. I've got to tell you, the most depressing thing that I've heard as a Boston sports fan is, I was excited that Dwight Howard was possibly going to go to Brooklyn. My whole thing is anybody but the fucking Lakers. Because I just feel like they are better at the free agency game, and they have the city that the dudes want to play in. They've got better weather. We've got basically, we have humidity, we have the winter, and we have racists.

LA has better weather, celebrity ass, and racists. Because they always try to act like all the racists are in Boston. All you've got to do is just see the LAPD's greatest hits, and you can kind of see a through line. But out here, it really is fucking. That's why it made me cringe when I watched the Bruins lose that overtime goal, and those assholes wrote that meathead shit on Twitter. And I'm like, do you realize that's actually affecting the Celtics' ability, probably, to sign people?

That was a big story. It was brutal. But honestly, with that shit, I think maybe you're a La La Land biolist, because I don't even care about the Lakers. I'm so, the heat right now are like the, just, my, I've said it before. They're an expansion franchise with two titles. No, I would have rather the heat. Lakers' heat in the finals this past year, I root 100% for the Lakers.

Not even a question in my mind. That's how much I hate Miami. I think that's a general consensus around here. How old are you? 35. Do you remember Lakers Celtics in the 80s? Yeah, no, I remember that. Did you let go of that?

Yeah, no, I haven't let go of it. I haven't let go of it, because it was even there when we had the Lakers Celtics. 2009? The 2009 when they called fucking 12 files on us and five on the first quarter? No, I know. Listen, I was there, I know. But this whole Ray Allen thing now too, it's LeBron. LeBron's my least favorite human on earth, and the heat are right now my least favorite team on earth. Oh, so you still hate LeBron?

Just spying. Why? I just, I hate everything about it, just the fact they won. I'm fascinated with people who, who, who. This is really fucking hard for me to talk about now, because he won. So it steals a lot of the shit that I had going. But before... The shit that you're going to talk about?

Well, no, it's all the reason I hated him. We're like, he's never won, but he's been called all his whole life. I hate how he charges fucking 20 grand to go to his birthday party. You know, I hate how he twits something. Wait, did he send you like an invite and then... No, I read about it. I'm up to speed on the internet, though. I keep up on the internet.

All the shit he does. I mean, it just, everything about him drives me berserk. Now, granted, the fact that he used to choke in the clutch and all that shit. I mean, it's hard to talk about. Look, it's quite good. You know, you just, you literally, as you were telling me, that he was unwinding a fucking paperclip. Dude, I'm going to tell you something.

You got to let that shit go. It's tough. What about the real one? What about the real one? And older. How old are you? I'm 44. All right, so you got me by a little bit.

I got you by a lot, dude. You learn a lot in the next nine years, where, you know what it is? There's something about hitting 40 where you're coming down the back stretch and you're like, dude, if I'm lucky, this is midlife. You know, that's fucking 40, 40, 80, right? 44 and 44 is 88. The way I drink, forget about it.

It's over. So there's something where you just kind of get to a point of like, am I going to be this angry? I'm not saying you're angry, but like, am I going to be like this? There's a certain point I won't let it go to. Well, but I've gone to, I hate LeBron. Nobody has cornered me on LeBron. I haven't talked about him at all since he won.

I used to talk about him every day. I've just pretended it didn't exist after I won. But then you brought him up in the LA thing. I'm saying if I lived in LA, I'm sure I would hate the Lakers more because you're from here and you're out with all those people. No, that might be some truth to that. But I think the general consensus right now for people living around here is, like I said, Ray Allen going there just makes it a million times worse.

Well, I look at Ray Allen like, look, we brought him here to do a job. He did it. Okay, the guy was total class act. And in the end he saw the other shoe was going to drop, I felt. And he didn't want to go out like that. And it, I don't know. Like what? They offered him, you've been soft.

You've been softened up, I think, by the LA sunshine. No. Other foot drop, how? I just, look, I think it's one of those things where you feel like someone is slowly breaking up with you and you just say, you know what, rather than go through another two years of this shit, I'm going to leave. I did my thing here. I just, you know what it is?

The thing about athletes is you always see the shit that they do, but the owners for the most part and the shit that goes behind the scenes, those guys are faceless, they're like the bankers. As mad as I am about the fucking bankers, I can't put one face on anybody of who the fuck did this to this economy. And I feel a lot of times that like guys, they're just, you know, you're out there hanging out to drive. Ray Allen, was Ray Allen nothing but a class act in Boston?

Right up till he left, yeah. Okay, yeah. So I look at it like there has to be a fucking reason why he did that. No, I, yeah. Mom comes to the game, wholesome guy, not a selfish guy. Have fun. Well, no, I think he is a little bit of a selfish guy. I think that's what we're learning.

Well, I think the reasons they're saying he didn't come back is he was insulted by how hard they went after KG, but not him. He was insulted that they weren't building the offense a little bit more around him. I mean, I don't think he said that. He didn't use those words insulted. He just said, I felt there was a feeling. Right now what it's going through is the Boston Sports Blender. And by the time it comes out the other fucking side, it's going to be like,

he said fuck Boston. All right, but no, he said in the thing like my heart's always in Boston. I don't care what you fucking do. How many teams are in the NBA? 26? I don't know. No, it's 30. 30?

Yeah. You picked the one that you can't go to. You couldn't have just picked another one like that. Look, they're a fucking expansion franchise. I don't even dignify the heat as like, have you ever been to Miami, dude? Yeah, but I mean LeBron. The fact that he went down. I don't care about the fans.

You think the humidity is bad here and then you got fucking hurricanes and then half the fucking city, you're going to get into a goddamn fucking gunfight if you go to it. And then you go out to Miami Beach where all these rich guys are. And it's all these creepy fucking guys in 60, 60 years old dress, head to toe in linen with like 18 year old chicks. I don't care about that. Was that broad in that show talking about that?

I don't care about that. I don't think she was. I don't care about the fans. It's all LeBron. I fucking hate LeBron. I don't want him to win the fact he's going there. I hate the big three. I hate, I hate Bostridge.

I hate how they complain about everything, every other, like the Pacers series. All they did was say the Pacers taking cheap shots versus them and they were mugging the Pacers in the middle. Do we have any other topics to talk about? No, no. I think the NBA is fixed. Oh, so do I. I thought for the longest time I said they were fixed and then they fucking came on.

I saw like Paul Verzi right now. Dude, I called it. The fucking, you know, they end up having like a mobbed up ref. Like at the very least the thing that I can say is like they, it is an unbelievably inconsistently officiated game. Like you ever watched a baseball game and like the strike zone is like what the fuck. Right. But it's what the fuck.

The whole game. The whole game. Okay. So by the time you get up second time, maybe third time, you kind of got, okay, this guy's calling them really fucking low or he's calling that outside thing. I don't know. It's the way he's standing, but it's consistent. Like when I became convinced that it was fixed, I went to the Celtics Utah game.

The one where Garnett twisted his knee and messed up his knee for that season. And I was watching the game and I swear to God, watch that tape. There are moments where you can literally take somebody's head off. No call. And then like five minutes later, you even look at a guy. There's a foul. And to that me, that's you pulling on the reins, letting it go opponent. That is, that is totally, yeah, that's shaving points.

Yeah. Blue chips. To me. Yeah. And I mean, obviously Celtics heat, not to keep Harvard on, but the call they didn't call on Rondo. I mean, really changed the whole series at the end of game two. Oh, and then Wade went down the call.

Yeah. I mean, it was a dunk. I mean, it went from Celtics with 45 seconds or it had been up two to down two with 45 seconds, set the defense. Bad memories. Bad memories. The whole thing. Like I said, I've really blocked it out of my mind.

I just got it. Look, I'm not worried about the Miami Heat and the two. I hope like, I just don't want the Lakers. First of all, the Lakers kind of BAA championship as a championship. So you're worried about like the portal franchise record. You know what? And you know what it really is, dude? Is I sit in LA and there's the sport show.

It is the worst fucking sport show on TV and always comes on after the Lakers games. Like just when I was like a New Yorker, he's always watched the Yankees root against him. And I watched the Lakers. I root against the Lakers. And at the end of the fucking Lakers game, this is show. It's Michael Cooper. What's his face? Reggie Miller's sister.

Cheryl. And this Asian dude. And it is the worst fucking sport show. They're trying to be like edgy. Like when the Celtics got knocked out by the heat, Michael Cooper came on. He had these, you know, his giant, silly sunglasses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had these giant green ones on.

And he's like, I'm wearing these and I'm taking them off to show that the Celtics season is over and some stupid stuff like that. And like, I would love to tell that guy one day, it's like, this is going to break your heart, Michael. I know you think that you were part of the Celtics Lakers rivalry, but no Boston fan has nightmares about Michael Cooper. They have nightmares about worthy magic, Kareem. Those gave us nightmares in the 80s. But oh, and I think of Michael Cooper. I think of a guy. He didn't suck, but he was a guy.

No, that sucks. Sucks. Oh, it sucks. That's all I think of Michael Cooper. I think of a guy who thought for half a second he could block Dr. J and that dunk. He was like, I can do it. Oh, no, I can't. And he got dunked on.

So I think maybe that's what it is. That's why I'm my hatred of the Yankees. You were so ridiculous and then toned down because it's where you live. Yeah. And I go into sports bars and New York wasn't as bad because they could actually talk the game after they gave his shit. LA is really bad because it never gets beyond like, you know, Celtics are bitches. You guys suck. Go Lakers.

MVP. Like it never goes into actually talking the game where like with Yankee fans, those guys can talk baseball. I'll give that up to them. They know the game. They can talk it. And I just, it drives me fucking nuts. Yeah.

I'm sorry. I'm supposed to be interviewing you. No, you got Lakers. You got LA like in your brain. I don't think, I think if you pull people around here right now, nine out of 10, if you could. That's really interesting. I actually believe it now. The way to ask the question I guess is if the heat played the Lakers in the finals this

past year, who would you root for? We put it on the block. It was almost universal heat. I mean Lakers. People want the Lakers. You know why? Because Kobe already had his titles. There's nothing, when a guy wins his first, like when Peyton Manning won his first, like

once you win one, you can't ever take it back. No, but you know what? I guess you don't hate LeBron. No, I don't. He didn't say, ooh, maybe I'm going to come to Boston. He didn't. Look, I think the guy, like he had something that he had to get over. He had to get over taking the shot at the end of the game.

And I felt during the Celtic series, he took that shot at the end of regulation in like game five or six. I think game six. He destroyed us in game five. I forget what game it was. He took it and he missed. And my buddy goes, see? He missed by a mile.

Yeah, whatever. I thought he climbed it off the ring. But my thing is he had the balls to test like a breakthrough. You got it. You know, he didn't go in, but he did it. And then for the rest of that, you know, that championship run, the guy didn't. I can't believe there's a LeBron podcast. But I mean, that's just telling me he didn't put his team on the back on his back.

Game five. Game five. He had the balls to take the last shot when people are saying he's the best player in like the history of basketball. Not saying that. A lot of people say that. I mean, they compare him to Jordan. You didn't say it, but you said he had the balls to take the last shot.

Oh, okay. Well, when I watch ESPN, I don't listen to what they say. Like their deal is to sell the game. So they're all going to go skip Bayless and just say, say whatever. Yeah. I'm not saying he's not one of the greats. All that shit bothered me. Three time MVP before he won anything.

But now he won anything. He wasn't on Cleveland. What do they win? I mean, what did they win with Cleveland? What did they win with Cleveland? They went to the finals, dude. Who cares? Do you think a Cleveland fan?

You can't even give him credit for going to the fucking finals. I'd like to walk into Cleveland. Any fan say, are you glad LeBron James ever played for you? Fuck no. None of them won him. That's because he left. Yeah, because he left on his hometown and treated him like dirt. He's the anti-Christ, though.

No, he isn't. I think he got really bad advice. Some idiot agent goes, you know, it'd be a great idea is if you make cities beg for you and then sit and talk about it for a fucking, like not even a half hour, an hour, or whoever. I think it was that guy who interviewed him. It was like his idea. Whoever the fuck was around him should have got fired.

There's so many stories out there. They didn't see that. With him being just an ass. Well, I got to hang out with somebody and see them being ass before I sign off on that. But all right, let me ask you this. Going around is another thing. The Patriots with Bob Kraft. That's our video.

That was your video? We broke that video. You broke that video. Correct. Yeah, that was sent to us. Well, I haven't revealed how that was sent to us. A lot of people have asked, but the person who sent it asked not. Anyways, yeah, we got that video.

We got that. We broke it the night before on the morning. So I was actually. How do you feel now? Are you guys big enough at this point where people like sports places and stuff are coming to your site, like looking at your videos and stuff like that? You know, in our world, in blogging world, there's maybe like there's a handful of sites that are kind of all in our range.

So if something gets posted on one of ours, it's it will go everywhere because of the round. Yeah, because enough of the bigger sites will end up with it. And then it'll I mean, like Channel 7 interviewed me about it yesterday. They came over and we got credit, you know, just like anything. I'm sure with jokes even, you know, it comes to free for all for people trying to kick. How long did it take you to go from that? And this is how I interview to I go all over the fucking place. So let's go back to that newspaper.

You said you were handing out that was a newspaper. Yes. How long did it take you? And how long did it take you to go from that to actually seeing like some sort of like movement like this could actually start going? Yeah, you know, it was one of those things. We did the newspaper for about three years before the website. Then the website came and it was you won't be seeing the podcast, but it's like a slight slope.

I always looked at it like it was, you know, the times are it's like very close to making not, you know, having to shut it down. I even took a job because it was a full-time job, but I took another one. You're making no money. Yeah, exactly. So it's the internet. Yeah. But I had to take another one.

I lasted like one day because I just couldn't do it, but it was always a slow. It was a rape joke. You were tanked up. Yeah, exactly. That didn't go over. They're like, who is this fucking guy? So it was always a slight growth. And just in my heart, it was like, it always felt like it was growing.

And then I don't know what happened. People asked me that all the time, like, when did you realize you kind of were over the hump? And I think the number one thing that happened that I started realizing is the more I'd go out in Boston, people would be like, Hey, Prez, what's going on? You know, that's my nickname on the thing. And that's when it was like, huh, maybe, you know, it's starting to work. And it just kind of continued. And we've always, in terms of making money on the internet, I mean, we've always been good at

We're so small. Advertising and stuff. It's not just advertising. I'll try fucking anything. Like, and we'll be aggressive and risk to go different areas. So like the concert thing isn't really an internet thing. Is that the riskiest thing you'd say that you've done? Yeah, probably.

Other than starting it, like we invested a decent amount to start it just to buy, like those news racks that you put in the street and to pay for the printing of the paper. But, you know, I had a sales background, so I called up all the casinos and offshore. So, like you ever heard of like Party Poker? It's one of the big online poker places. Like when you see it on ESPN, all the guys are wearing either Party Poker or Poker Stars. Like we met with those guys in Vegas. I met a couple Indian guys.

They just built like a frigging computer program for it. So we were in with them in the beginning and we had enough money to last like a year or two. And then I just kind of, people were all like, I like the quirky shit. Like I never intended to be a writer or a character on the blog. It just kind of developed. Which I think when people ask me, I think that's why it's kind of successful because there was no plan to it necessarily. It was like my podcast.

I had no plan. I just started doing them and then all of a sudden it just sort of you find your way with it. But I at least I had like stand up to fall back on. So during those two years, the ups and downs of it, where you having like those nights where like your thoughts are waking you up, like what the fuck am I doing? I still have those thoughts. I mean, I still have those thoughts.

So we did a tour last year with this guy, Mike Posner, who he's writing like Bieber songs now. So he's doing well. But I fucking hate him like poison. I mean, no one was coming to see his shows. We invested so much in it. I thought, I thought we were going to... Well, not many promoters are saying that about me.

It read in and fucking me down and sold two tickets. It is. That's how the promoter fucking feels. That's how I felt. And it's like, I want to fucking kill this guy. I always make it right. I always try and I always make it forever. I'm doing good right now.

You know, it took me 20 fucking years. But back in the day, you know, I always, if I ever had any sort of guarantee, you know, like Michael Jackson did with the Sullivan family, when that bull shit went down. That's the reason they lost the Patriots. Yeah. Well, I mean, it was really the city of Foxborough

worried that this little fucking 80 pound man was going to somehow come there and scare everybody. So the Foxborough canceled the concert. And then Michael Jackson was like, well, you're supposed to pay me whether I perform or not. And then the Sullivan family who owned the Patriots back in the 80s had to end up selling it. And they sold it to that Norelco razor guy.

Yeah. Well, they sponsored the whole fucking tour, not just here. They had the whole Michael Jackson tour, which is a debacle. Like I remember reading the finance. One of our writers, Jerry Thornton, wrote his best Patriot writer in the city. He's awesome.

And he wrote a great piece on that whole thing. But yeah, the promoter thing, promoters, I mean, that's a tough racket. Like the thing that we switched with our blackout is we used to have to pay the talent. And now we don't. Like we just use kind of our name. The bar stool and these kids are just ready to party.

So that takes a huge risk. But dealing, not only that, dealing with some of these guys. You don't have to name any names. No, name any names. Give me a bad story. Some artist comes in. I mean, this guy, well, I already named names. But you know, we'll...

Yeah, you don't seem to have a problem like fucking naming names. I usually try to... I don't have a problem naming names. I don't. I feel like we're pretty straight with everybody and people will fucking trash us if they want to. But I won't trash anybody who doesn't deserve to be trashed. The only reason I said him, he does it...

Well, we have this... Why did he do this? Okay, so he goes off. It's not like he's not trying to sell tickets. He must have gone above and beyond. No, he wasn't tweeting about the concerts, helping to promote it. Oh yeah, well then yeah, go fuck yourself.

I get that, I get that. And it's like we're losing, you know, close to six figures and you're telling me in the green room, you want like fucking prime revenue shit. It's like I'm losing my shirt. You want a hundred green towels. It's like, you know what? Fucking...

Yeah, go buy some. Yeah, have a slice of pizza and call it a day. I'm getting murdered here. So it's shit like that. But... You know, as a performer, you know... You know, like back in the day, you know going in, whether you sold tickets,

because I used to try and shield. I did this fucking... In those early days of MySpace, and they would just slam and tour together because of like the Dane Cooke thing. Everyone was watching going, oh my god, he blew up on MySpace. And they just thought it was a My...

What do you think of him? Can you not say that on your... Do you think he's funny? Yeah. He's fucking great. And he really... He takes a beating. Yeah, he took an unnecessary fucking beating.

But it's just... It's part of, unfortunately, going into the public eye. Everybody at some point is going to get beat down. You know, it all... It all just depends. You could just take fucking, you know, one shot a month to the jaw for your entire career.

It's still a shot to the... I mean, it happens all the fucking time. People send me... I try not to read emails, but I have to read them because I got to keep up on this stuff. But like, people... You know, if you're in the wrong mood

and you don't have your defenses up, they can trash you. But he had a whole other fucking level. Yeah, dude, I'm like... I mean, you have strong Boston Street credibility. Like, our readers are vicious. In this moment, though. Dude, after this, they'll probably be like,

they're fucking douche, support, and LeBron, fuck him. I'll never go to another one of his shows. It's like, it's not something that you can really control. So... But like, back in the day, when I would go to do those... Oh, they tried to put together this MySpace tour, and then this was the whole tour.

It was just like, well, you got 10,000 friends. He has 15, and you got eight. So, together, that's like 30-something. We can go play 2,000-seat theaters. Like, that was the thought process. And there was no link between... No throughline. Like, you know, when they tried to package you,

it's like you put like a fucking bluegrass guy with a death metal band. There was no throughline. So, we would show up. Some of the venues we did okay, and the ones that we didn't, we would walk in, nobody would say hello to us. They'd be like, one fucking bottle of Snapple in the back.

And you'd look out, and there'd be a bunch of people out there, and they're like, this is paper. They papered the room, which, to people outside the business, that means they gave it away. They gave away free tickets to try to get people to come in there and drink so they can make some of their money back. And those are the nights you don't even meet

the fucking promoter. If you do, it's for like two seconds. So, we had a story. All right, we did a concert. And, again, this is the same poor, we're getting fucking a bloodbath. And one of the acts didn't show up. And we're in the back room,

and the guy, his tour manager, comes in and says, they said the main guy wouldn't go on stage unless I gave him four grand cash on the spot, on the fucking spot. So, you know, why would you do that? Exactly. That's the stuff that, I actually made a video coming home from that

because I was so mad. Like, I just took the flip-cam still. And this guy hadn't, wasn't even selling tickets? No, that's the thing. Let me ask you this. What if he was selling, what if he sold the place out, you're making a fortune?

I'll suck your dick. I literally, I would do, if you're selling out, I will treat you, and I'll still treat you good, even if you aren't. But I expect some concession on the other end. At what point do you know, like, we'll just say, let's say a 2,000-seater, how far before the gig do you know you're taking a bath?

Do you like this motherfucker? Some people have a lot of walk-up traffic, like last second. Yeah, we don't. We haven't, typically, occasionally, we do. You know, we've done now enough of these where we've been to the same places. So if we've been to House of Blues Boston

and we do a show, how it sells there is pretty indicated of how it will do across. It's like if we fucked up and didn't sell anything at Lupo's, which is 1900 in provenance, then I know we're dead. Let me ask you, what do managers say? When you call up their client,

hasn't sold any tickets yet, the client still wants the money. What do they say to you? You know, I know he's out of his fucking mind. Did they ever tap out? They don't. No, not to me they haven't. And agents. See, we got into dealing with stuff

that we never dealt with. And, you know, I almost liked the interview. I talked to agents like, oh, yeah, how much? We don't negotiate. I trust you. You trust me. And they would just take me with a big club, like that old game point for whatever that system was.

And it bashed me over the head with it. And so, you know, I'm jaded. I'm tough to deal with now for those people because it's like I'm so, I'm so on edge and just ready to snap on people. So I almost need a buffer zone. I almost need a buffer zone. I know that we could ever have talent anymore

because it's, it just, it was, it drove me nuts. And being an agent sucks too. You got to like just constantly be, you know, kissing acts. So right now, the scope of, you have your website and you have this, this blackout tour that you're doing.

I don't even know if we even like talk to people about BarstoolSports.com. And it's just, it's like, what, what? No, I said we haven't talked about it. It's funny. You did? No. What did they say? No, no, no, no, no. I'm saying on this podcast,

we haven't talked about it at all. And just for, you know, people who are new to this, because it seems to me that, you know, the fact that you're in Boston, then New York, then Philly, and now soon to be in Chicago, that eventually you're going to have one in all.

Yeah, we'd like to. You know, our hardest thing, which I underestimated when I started this thing, it's really hard for us to find the people, the people I like the writing. It's like, we've been lucky. I shouldn't say lucky. Well, can people send you stuff?

Yes, we always want. We're always looking for... Where is that? Because I know, like, I talk sports a lot, so I have a lot of sports fans. And I gotta tell you, man, people send me some stuff and I get some funny emails

and like people send me questions and shit and like, there's some really funny people out there, so maybe... That's what we're looking for. So if they send it to tips at barstoolsports.com, just that they want to write, all we ask is for samples. Tips, T-I-P-S?

Yep. Like, I'm not going to sit there. A lot of people, we get a lot of this, like, hire me, I'm great. Like, I'm not even going to reply to that. But if you are serious, just send, like, look at our site for a minute, be like, this is how they write

and send us a sample of what you think would work. If it's good, I will 100% get back to you. Always looking for writers, always looking for new cities. I mean, I was looking for Chicago for three years before we finally found a guy who thought we could do it. And it's just one guy? You start with, like, a half dozen or not?

No, we start with a half dozen, I wish. We, uh, as one guy basically runs per city. So their job requirement is really to post a new blog which is like, I don't know, a paragraph or two current events type thing every from nine o'clock in the morning to basically five at night. I mean, it's a grind.

It beats a real job. But it's a lot of writing. Oh, you have to come up with a paragraph of funny shit. It's basically, I mean, we're like current events. So it's where you scour the internet looking for weird shit, whether it be sports or just, you know, I'm trying to think of a weird... What's one of your favorite weird stories

that you guys kind of wrote? I mean, we have so many weird ones, like... What's the latest one that you guys... I mean, today, even in Rentham, I don't, like, they banned American flags in Rentham because somebody complained that there were too many American flags on the 4th of July.

So they banned them totally? They banned them from the house. Can you do that in America? Yeah, I guess so. I mean, that's a pretty weird story. All right, so what now? What if I have a Taliban flag? There's nothing in there

so we can have a bunch of those fucking hanging around? The commenters were saying that. I should clarify. It was the Weymouth Housing Authority. So it was, like, in, I guess, the subsidized housing. But, I mean, I could go look at this thing. There's so many... I mean, I know there was a story about the chick

with the biggest tits in the history of the world. They were just huge black ones with these saggy tits to the ground. I mean, there's literally... That's the beauty of the Internet is whenever you think you've run out of weird stuff, there's always more weird stuff. There's always going to be something else.

Well, I'll give you an example of... I answer questions every week. You want to, like, people actually, for some fucking reason, like, ask me advice. I don't know why. I'm not good at reading out loud. I'm a moron, but for some reason, they ask me stories. So this says, girl with interesting past.

All right, so I'm going to need your expert advice on something. I'm an expert, evidently, because I have a podcast. I really should start doing, like, some sort of disclaimer before I do these, before somebody tries and sue me. Okay, recently, I moved back home after college and started seeing a girl who went to my high school, but who I never really talked to. Things were going great.

She's really funny for a broad. Pretty cute, not to mention. Has a heightened... See, mentioned has as heightened of a sex drive as I do. Well, maybe that's where the problem lies. So I was telling my high school buddies how I started seeing this girl and thought she was the bee's knees. He just lost a rain jump.

That's when one of my pals said, wait, you know me and Steve and another childhood friend of mine smoked a bull and Eiffel towered her in the back of a minivan a couple years ago. This is like one of these dirty Sanchez things. Eiffel tower? I don't know what an Eiffel... Do you know what it is?

Let me try to guess. Let's see. The Eiffel tower. It's when you build an Eiffel tower with an erector set and you stick it in her ass while you wear a beret. I don't fucking know. Close. It's like you make two dudes making the Eiffel tower this way.

She's in the middle. Oh, okay, that's right. I think I heard that one. Isn't that more like the London Bridge? It may be that... The Eiffel tower. Okay, anyway. So now I have an issue.

So basically these two guys, they smoked a joint in a bowl and they fucking two on one drift. Thank God you were here. Because he said that like I fucking knew. You get an urban dictionary, whatever. One in doubt. I'm one of those guys. The internet scares me.

So now I have an issue. The girl's great, but knowing two of my close childhood friends once penetrated her at the same time kind of puts a damper on things. He says pretty gay, which I kind of have to go along with. I never understood the two guys with one girl. Oh, well, yeah, no, I've talked about this at length. I don't get that.

That's sort of like a... I wouldn't like if you cross swords, I think, then you become gay. I don't think you can become gay, but I think that you're easing into being gay. Yeah, no, I... I think you are... No, you're not gay. But you know what I'm saying?

That's what I look like. Okay, I'm going to hook up with the girl. The only thing they could enhance that is either another girl or, like, I don't know, fucking good fellas playing in the background, pick something. Even then, I don't want to hear Joe Pesci's voices. I'm fucking... So to add another...

All you did was add another dick. You know what I think? It's either gay or it's like you're just... It doesn't make you gay. You're so heterosexual that you could just fucking high-five. No, I'm firmly... I've said that.

I'm not a believer. I don't want to see my buddy's come face. Yeah, no, I really don't. I don't want a two-on-one guy. But this guy's question is this question whether he's going to dump this girl? I think that's where we're going here. What should I do?

Should I cut off cold turkey? Should I bring it up? Should I be the better person? Say, I have fucking who cares. I'm no Puritan. Thanks, Bill. Love your podcast. All right, first of all,

this girl must be fucking the shit out of this guy that he's even asking this question. Or he's brutally ugly. Something. Something going on here. I think you already answered the question. Should you break up with this girl? Look, the honest thing is,

if you don't give a fuck and you actually like this girl, then I'd stay with her personally. Just every time I would go to kiss her, I'd just picture, you know, fucking two of my friends high-fiving over or doing, like, look at the old Jose Cancenco fucking Mark McGuire.

The forearm smash. There's no fucking way. No, that's one of the all-time no-brainers in the history of Earth. That would be a deal break. Well, I had a guy wrote in a few weeks ago, said he met some girl. Perfect thing, you know.

Gorgeous, great personality, funny and all that fucking shit. And then, in the end, he found out that she did a little bit of porn and he broke up with her and he felt fucking bad about it. But it's just one of those things. That would bother me a heck of a lot less than the Eiffel Tower scenario

that this guy just laid out. So what are you saying? It's your buddies. It's your buddies. What, you don't fucking watch a football game? It's, you know that? Yeah, and every time the team scores a high-five, you think that they're mocking.

It's much worse when you know the people, I think. I mean, porn is a job, whatever. I won't want porn either. I mean, I'm not saying... I would prefer not... If you had to choose one of the other... My wife's a virgin before I met her, so it's like... But if I had to choose one or the other,

no-brainer give me the porn. Give me the porn? Your buddy's Eiffel Towering a girl? Yeah, but you know something, those porn star chicks after a while, they're just so fucking like... I don't know, dude, the light's out in their eye. You know what I mean?

Like, it's just something happens to me. I'm not gonna sit here and say... You just can't... Yeah, no. But I... What if you actually really loved her and you just moved away and broke up with your buddies? Yeah, no.

That's one of those things you get rid of them. But how can you love? You can't. That's a deal, bro. I mean, for me, I could not do it. That would haunt me for the rest of my life. I gotta tell you, though, he has great friends that the fact that they told him before he got too emotionally involved...

I don't know, he says he's coming out to the place down the yacht club this weekend. I'm doing this gig at the... I'd like to know what he looks like when you meet him. How does he introduce himself on the guy with the girlfriend who got Eiffel Towered? Well, because he won't... I've already heard this podcast, so he won't know.

I don't know. I don't know if he will. Hey, send me a picture. We're gonna judge you. If you're ugly, you won't. Or even if he doesn't know. I mean, he may know you got the email. Like, I sent you an email about my girlfriend

getting Eiffel Towered. Like, that would be the intro. Yeah, I've actually... I've had people do that. It can get weird. It can get weird with these things. All right. We got time for another one here.

All right. All right. Did the right thing. Basically, you haven't seen my girl in a week. Oh, asking if he did the right thing. All right. I mean, you're a fucking champ for putting up with my poor reading out loud skills here.

All right. Bill, did I do the right thing? Basically, haven't seen my girl in a week. There's this massive outdoor party slash celebration going on in my city, Calgary, where over a million people come and basically just drink, fuck, the party that faces off for a week.

Sounds like when you're black out. Yep. And the saying is like the one in Vegas. What happens in Calgary, stampese, stays during the stampese. All right. Here's the story. I'm trying to hang out with my girl all day,

but she's busy. No problem. She finally tells me her and her friend. Her friend's left her and she's alone. I'm watching the UFC fight, but I decide to get into a taxi and go find her and pick her up. Then she says, while I'm en route,

that she's actually at this bar with this guy she met earlier on. He lost his friends too. How convenient, I thought. She said that it was the polite thing to do to help him, oh, Jesus, help him out, which I never understood. Basically, they were out getting trashed together

at this bar. I pulled up in a taxi. She was on the patio with this out-of-town random guy at a table and saw me and kind of drunkenly stumbled over to the taxi, whereby I locked the door and just told her, have fun and rolled up the window and told the taxi to leave.

Went back to the UFC fight, had a great night. Granted, we aren't married, but we have been dating seriously for the past year or so. What should I do? First of all, do you think he did the right thing at that moment to roll the window up and drive away? That one lost me. That was a long story.

They're all long. This is actually somebody I was going to compliment on how succinct they put this. So he started at this, how do you get from the Stampede thing to the UFC? You know what? My awful reading. You probably zoned out for half a second, and that's not your fault.

It's the Calgary Stampede thing. It's the big thing where everybody whores it up, fucks each other. He's watching UFC fight at home. His girl tells him to come down and fucking meet him, and then she says, oh, my friend's left me, and then goes, oh, I'm with this guy.

You know, I don't even fucking remember at this point. His fucking friends left him. The thing I got from him is, once she ended up in the cab with two groups of friends who left. No, no, she was still at the bar with the guy. She basically was at a bar. She never left. Yeah, she was at a bar.

She didn't get leave by her friends. She was with her friends. She met some hot guy, and they were like, hey, what happens in Stampede? Have fun. They fucking take off. She hangs with this fucking guy. His friends are gone. Yeah, and she goes, oh, my friends left me here.

Come and get me. Damsel in distress. He stops watching the pay-per-view fight. Goes down to get this broad. On the way over, she drops the bomb that she met some other guy who conveniently got left by his friends. Why the fuck did she say that?

I don't know. That's what the fuck's going on. So anyway, so he fucking comes down, he sees it, says have a nice night, rolls up the fucking window. He saw them just sitting there? Yeah. Jesus Christ, do I got to read it again? Well, there's so many things. Yeah, no, then he did not do the right thing.

Just fucking let her in the car. They're at the same bar. This girl was at the bar when she called and picked me up. He drove to the bar. She's still at the bar, sitting at the bar. But with that guy? If you say about guy, I'm going to totally fucking abandon this fucking story.

No, I get it. But who fucking cares? The guy was at the bar. You say who cares? All right, this is good. This is point, counterpoint here. I say he did the right fucking thing. What?

Because I wasn't born yesterday. And I'm not saying you were. I'm not trying to insult you, but I'm just like, I know what the fuck can go down in a bar. Okay? But why the fuck? Especially during Stampede Week.

You know what that means? At the very least, he was robbing a pussy over a fucking slacks. You have weird readers. Like, if this Stampede thing is such a big deal and such an awesome party, why are you sitting home alone

watching UFC in the middle of fucking Stampede Week? You're asking for this girl to do whatever, to get finger to whatever you just said under the bar. Like, it's Stampede Week. Go fucking party. Don't sit home and watch UFC. Oh, so he's saying it's this guy's fault that he was sitting there.

They put a chastity belt on her and let her go out if that's what she's going to do. Listen, no, not even that. I'm putting this in my shoes. If I have a girlfriend and she goes out for Stampede Week with her friends at a bar, it says whatever she said,

come pick me up. Like, I'm not going to be pissed if there's a dude sitting with her at the table. Like, it's a fucking bar. If she wanted to hook up with them, she wanted to call them. I don't have that much faith in women. I just know what I've done.

And she's just done it. I just don't... I don't... I know what I've done. I know what I've done with women in bars. In that situation when they call my boyfriend, come pick me up. I think every guy after a while,

you've rounded third in a bar. Yeah. That's just a weird... And then why call your boyfriend? Well, I mean, look, it ain't about her. It's about this guy. Look, that's what I'm going to say.

He did the... That was a strong move. He said, have a nice night. Go fuck yourself. Because at the very least, you've got to just say, it's not fucking cool for you to be doing that shit.

And you're going to... And it's not my fucking fault. It's whore week and you decided to be a whore. That means if I go to Vegas on a business trip, that's your fault if you let me fucking go down there.

Honestly, if I go to Vegas and I stay in my room to watch UFC when she goes out... He's at Calgary. It's Calgary Stampede Week. Stampede Week. So there's a bunch of guys coming in. What happened to that?

Smelling like fucking oxen coming to town. No, dude. Why can't he go out? He can't go out, but this is my thing. My thing is, is if you...

He has to be just gone. If it's... I will agree with that in a little bit, but I'll tell you this. If it's fucking whore week, all right, and if your girl can't survive whore week,

you don't have a fucking relationship anymore. You know what I mean? Yeah, no. Hey... Could your lovely wife go down to New Orleans, walk down Bourbon Street, and still be a faithful woman?

She could, right? Yeah, I hope so. Well, there you go. But let me put this way. I'm still not... If I see a crew that she's going with that's like six single girls, she's like,

hey, we're going to fucking New Orleans or Vegas for the week. I'm not happy about that. Oh, not at all. Not at all. So this guy's sitting home. This is the image of my head. I get it.

I get what you're saying. UFC... He's a fucking idiot. He's saying her own. And then he's like, fuck you, I'm going to go home and watch more UFC. Fine.

By the time he pulled out of the parking lot, she was probably getting railed for real this time. Like, you showed her. I'm going to go home and I'm going to continue to watch UFC. You know what?

I think you might convince me. I at least... I like his self-esteem and he's also... Fuck you. I want you to fight. I guess the lesson here is on hornet,

you have to protect your pussy. You do. Yeah. Keep it at home. Right in what this guy said what happens in Stampede Week or whatever he said, stays in Stampede Week.

All right. Get your ass out of the living room. He's saying, what should I do? I think at the... I told you, Dave, I told you to see your point.

But I think, you know, you made the mistake of trusting your girl. And when you can't trust someone which you now realize you can't, it's over. It's Michael Corleone.

He says, over. It's over. Godfather part two. So I would get out of that. So before we wrap this up, man, I had a great time learning about your website

and all that type of stuff. Fun. And I'm always psyched when I see somebody who got out of the fucking matrix. Right? You had the balls. Yeah.

You had that people. I get it. I get it. I get people reading all the time, man, can I do this? Can I do that? Like it just takes the balls to go do it.

You just do a little bit every fucking day and you somehow get this. Because I am elated that they are tied for last place right now. Because all I ever wanted to do was see them win at once. They won it fucking twice.

And now it's the inevitable. It's the ebb and flow. You know, the old guard is gone. Now we got to build up the new team. And I'm starting to see empty seats at the games. And I'm loving that. Because I wanted to go back

to not singing that douchey song during the seventh inning. No more pink Red Sox hats. And I want to be able to just walk up and go to a fucking game. Yeah, I'm not mad that they're in last. I mean, I still root for them.

But not for the same reasons you. I mean, they left just a sour taste in my mouth after last year, the collapse. Hate Beckett. Hate him like poison. I don't even know that I can really root for him as hard

as I used as long as he's on the team. I loved when he said it was my day off. You liked that? I loved it. Oh, I hated that. It's my day off. Go fuck yourself. Yeah, that's exactly what it was.

But he was saying fuck you to you. Yeah, he was. He was saying to the fans. He was. I don't know that guy. He was saying fuck you to the fucking press. Stop sneaking around. Follow me, you bunch of fucking bitches.

Sneaking around. No, he got scratched because it was hurt. And he played golf. And he made $20 million a year. And he didn't even. And he won a World Series for us. Who fucking cares? He won a World Series.

I do. I do. No. Just be old. I do. All I wanted to do was see him win it once. They won it fucking twice. So you don't.

Biggest choke in professional sports history. No one will ever top that. No one will ever top it. You can lose four games in a row. But you won't be a $215 million team with four first ball of Hall of Famers. You're not just not going to be. It's not going to happen again. The only person who could do it again is the fucking Yankees.

Because they're the only ones who spent $200 million. Who was the pitching staff on that? Which one? The Yankees and the Red Sox. No, the Red Sox. When we won it was Schilling. Bronson Arroyo. Pedro Martinez.

Lowe. Lowe and Wakefield. Yes. No, no. Wakefield. Was Beckett on that team? No. He was on 07.

Oh, so then who fucking cares? Because you already had your one. You don't care about your second one. Yeah, and they went two. You don't care if a guy's just a little. Everybody says he's an asshole. Universal. From media to fans to everybody.

You don't care. Doesn't bother. Like, rooting for somebody who's an asshole doesn't bother you in the least. I like beer and chicken too. Yeah, but. And if I could do it in between podcasts. Probably can. Look, you know what I think?

I think they fucked up last year. I think that they, they, one of the fucking problems is, is when shit goes bad, people don't accept the fact that shit goes bad. Okay. And it's one of those deals where it's not always going to be roses. And sometimes when it goes bad, it doesn't mean you got to fucking dismantle everybody. Like, I think what the Red Sox did after last year, granted, you got to get rid of some people who aren't fucking playing and not earning their paychecks.

I definitely understand that. But to fucking get rid of everybody, it's like now, you know, everybody is not as good. Epstein going to the Cubs is not in a better situation. Tito, I understand. He, he was sick of the media. He fucking leaves, but everybody. I don't know if it was the media. It was the team.

Well, I think everybody lost by the end. By the end, everybody goes their separate ways. It's like watching, you know what it was like? It was like watching a great band break up. It was like watching David Lee Roth leave fucking Van Halen. And then you, I'm watching Sammy Hagar, who's all right, but he's not David Lee. And then David Lee Roth, when he's in Van Halen, he's a fucking rock star. He gets out of that thing.

He became a fucking lounge singer. I'm telling you, I really believe that that's what's going to, I think Tito's going to be fine, but I just think. I don't disagree with anything you said, but here's my point with the Red Sox. I think these guys make so much money. Millions upon millions upon millions of dollars. And then it bothers me when they bitch about them. I get the media, but guess what?

The media is what gives the information to the fans. The fans is why you make so much money. So just to blow it off, like with, it's just a diss… Your talent is why you make so much money. But listen, you could be talented at picking up trash, and those guys don't make the money. That baseball, that's a unique, weird talent. Like if I could fucking… That's those stadiums.

Correct. But it's no different than necessarily another talent that doesn't make that. It just happens. You found something that the American public isn't actually… I honestly think, I remember reading this thing where Ringo Starr, drama for the Beatles. Just in case, you know. No, I got him. He fucking…

He decided when he was like 71, he goes, I'm not signing any more autographs, I'm done. I remember reading, somebody wrote like… This guy's been signing autographs for 50 fucking years. Somebody said, he goes, that's fucking bullshit. Because the fans, we're the ones that made him famous. Like the fans all got together and had a meeting and went, okay, which band are we going to make famous?

It's like, isn't it more that the Beatles made music that was so fucking compelling that you couldn't ignore it? It's like, I think that whole fucking philosophy, that they're the reasons why you make a zillion dollars. They're not. Okay, because I don't have the power to make Michael Jordan not make a zillion dollars. That guy is so fucking unbelievable that you are going to watch him. You're going to watch Kobe, you're going to watch LeBron.

Those guys have like… You're talking one millionth of the fucking population level talent. And the amount of hours and the sacrifice and all the shit that they go through and all the guys they got to fucking beat up to climb to the top of that mountain. And then the reward is orgies and money. Correct. Absolutely. But at no point do I sit there and I go, now LeBron, you can make it.

I have decided… No, but it is not whether you make it. It's the collective interest. It's without the interest in baseball, which is really irregardless of them. Like people love baseball, people love sports, people love music. But without that demand, you know, they're going to make nothing. And their talent is unique to what they do. But fans have threatened to walk away.

We love it. We have nothing better to do. I would love to turn my back on different times to have turned my back on a bunch of different sports. And in the end of it, I'm just alone with my thoughts and I have to come back. I would avoid college football until they got a real fucking playoff system. That's like the thing that bothered me the most. It's never going to happen. I agree with you.

It's ingrained. It's never going to go away. But that doesn't mean like… And you take a different way. I look at it as like they're my client. Like they're being paid to entertain me, like the press and part of it. Well, let me ask you this. So now this guy is entertaining you.

Who? Okay, the player. Yeah. The responsibility you have. Because I don't think that fans feel like… I go buy a ticket and that gives me the right to dump something in Ron Artes' face where I would… No one would throw a drink in Ron Artes' face in a bar. Right.

No. All of a sudden he has on a jersey. You feel like you can do that. You can feel like you can yell shit about something. I do. This guy is this guy. I think you can say whatever you want. You feel like you can say whatever you want?

I don't think you can dump it. I don't… No contact, nothing, but you can be as mean as you humanly want to be. I completely disagree with that. Oh, I think you can be mean. Okay. Well, I think if you think that you can go like to the point of like when somebody has a kid that was born with some sort of, you know, medical problem…

I mean, I wouldn't do that. That's a real asshole. Yeah. Move. But that's like the type… That's the type of shit that that comes with that big bag of fucking money. And my thing is what I see is that media and the fans all want to hold the athletes accountable. We don't like…

But we feel like, well, then you shouldn't have got famous. You shouldn't have become a baseball player. And I should be able to take out my miserable fucking childhood on you and you shouldn't turn around and tell me to go fuck myself. I think you should be able to take out your miserable fucking nine to five as Keith Folk said, Burger King job on him who's making 20 million to play kids. And you know what? I like that he said Burger King job because he treated whoever fucking said whatever to

him with the same amount of respect. But that's… To me, we look at different ways. I have no… You know what? Take that, Keith Folk. You can say, if someone wants to pay me 20 million dollars, I will stand up there. You can fucking throw rocks at me.

I don't fucking care. Yeah, you're talking a good game, dude. No, no. You're talking a good game. Go out and do it. Do it day after fucking day. And here's another thing. And here's the thing.

You're going to have to have people… Like, you remember how you felt in that fucking interview when that girl was… Yeah. And you felt like you were going to fucking chew your job? Yeah. Every fucking day. Every fucking day. If you're in the public eye, that comes with it.

We take it different. Obviously, it's not face-to-face, but I mean, I get brutalized every fucking day. I think it's really easy from where we're sitting to be like, dude, you know what I would do if I had that kind… Dude, I wouldn't give a fuck. The thing about it is, once you make past a certain amount of money, it doesn't fucking matter how much more you have. And buying a bunch of shiny shit at the end of the day is not going to make you…

There's a few key things that are going to make you happy in life. And one of them is peace, inner peace, and silence, which when you get to that level of fame, you don't really have that anymore in certain fucking cities. But you can have it. I mean, there's guys who aren't assholes. Beckett, going back to the example like no one fucking… Derek Jeter doesn't get treated like Beckett does. Beckett, in going back to that example of the you like one he said…

Okay, fair enough. I was not looking at that that there are athletes that are assholes. Okay, all right. I was kind of playing devil's advocate there. I mean, I don't think people… I mean, you look at… Ortiz is kind of yapping a lot this year. But I mean, he's…

People love him. There's beloved athletes. But then there's asshole athletes. And all I'm saying, going to like the Beckett when he was… Like, coming off what happened last year and all the fried chicken and all the hoopla and all the media, he missed a start because it was hurt. And then he went golfing. To me, that's just…

I don't give a fuck about anybody. That's all he said. I don't think the beer or anything last year had anything to do with him stinking. I think everyone drinks. I just look at it like, you know this is going to be a story. Like, you're… He probably didn't know he was going to get… You know what he got caught?

He got caught like a fucking cell phone's going. It's like, you know, when somebody fakes a back injury, I'm going to say to a guy like they were showing these insurance fraud things. Fucking hilarious. This guy faked a back injury. He was suing this insurance company and then he goes out and goes golfing and the warm-up exercise he was doing, it was so fucking hilarious, is… I got to visually…

I got to explain this to people. It was he had the club, you know, behind his neck on his shoulders with his hands hanging over and he was doing those psycho like taekwondo twists and they also showed him lifting something heavy out of his trunk. Like, I think he had like, you know, charcoal to barbecue. Like, the guy was just living the fucking life. That was hilarious. Look, I'm not saying…

You like how he answered the question. I just think he owed the answer. I loved it. I think he owes the real answer. I loved it. The same reason why I like… I think a lot of people cower in front of the press. I'm not saying whether the guy was right or whether he was wrong.

I loved it. I loved it. He just kept going, dude, it's my day off. I'll do whatever the fuck I want to. Like, that taps into my, yeah, go fuck yourself. I don't like having a boss. Now, I know, yeah, he shouldn't have done that. He got caught.

He should have owned up to it. He should have probably handled it better. But just as a comedian watching somebody to tell a crowd to go fuck themselves, there's always something about that that does make me laugh. But this is my thing. Like… Would you tell your paying customers to go fuck them in an angry way? Like the people who buy a ticket to a…

This is what I would say. I used to always go, you know what I love about mom and pops, places, you know, the customer is always right. And I talked to a guy who owned a place and he goes, no, he goes, right is right. And I was like, you know what? You are right. And I think that if fans… I'm generalizing it.

That's fair. No, that's fair. If fans should have more, right is right. Okay? Don't expect this guy. We made this thing. He can't eat chicken and drink beer before a fucking start. But you can make fun of his kid who has fucking autism.

I mean, give me a fucking break. And well, I paid for a ticket that's your fault for making it as a baseball player. And I can sit here with no fucking responsibility whatsoever and act like a total cunt and throw a drink in your face. And not expect the guy to come in the stands and punch me in the fucking face. Like… We're talking about different things. Because I agree with you.

I agree that… We probably are. I do that a lot. If someone says something like that, no problem with the player going and beating the guy. If a guy won't answer a question and why he fucking golfed when he was hurt, that's a different thing for me. But I would… I mean, yeah, you shouldn't…

There is a line that's just normal. And this is almost like goes full circle. I guess I think like rationally… But don't… A non-rational person… Like, you're not normal if you go to that extreme like, hey, your fucking kid has autism. That's like a fucking idiot. Like, that's just a fucking lunatic idiot that nobody should say that.

Yeah, those racist after the Bruins games. Yeah, exactly. Right, yeah, exactly. So that's… We're 100% on the same page there. I'm talking more like sometimes guys get mad when they get booed and shit. It's like, really? No, no, no.

That's not that. No, then you're being a pussy. And I'm not saying… The reason why I'm going so hard defending athletes on this is just because I feel like this side isn't presented. There's never any sort of like a fan has any sort of responsibility like… What about like walking up for an autograph when he's eating dinner? I think eating dinner is a sacred thing.

You don't do it. I think if they're walking down the fucking street, that's part of the game. But if they're sitting there at dinner, like I think even people know that. You know what else in San Francisco? I fuck it was in a restaurant in Joe Montana. It was two tables away. It was fucking unreal. And somebody asked me, did you ask him for an autograph?

And I jokingly said, I wouldn't ask Screech for an autograph if he was fucking eating. I'm not messing with… I wouldn't… I wouldn't fuck with the… Like, I mean, what do I do? I'm going to sign my napkin and then lose it. No, I meant more on the thing. I wouldn't ask either.

We wouldn't as appetizer on a napkin. I'm going to lose. I wouldn't ask either. But I hope if I ever became that famous, which I obviously won't. But if you did or somebody did, I hope I would never get mad either. It's like that… Absolutely, dude. There's always how you would hope.

But like, I think that like, the only way to truly understand what it's like, because, you know, dude, I mean, nobody fucking bumps me when I… And I'm going to fucking… Like, I have like a cult following in comedy clubs. And other than that, nobody knows who the fuck I am. So I have this great… I'm in the perfect place in this business. I'm known enough where I can sell tickets and make a good living, but I walk around and

nobody fucks with me. But I've been around, you know, at certain events where I've done stand-up with super fucking famous people. And dude, it doesn't look like fun. It looks like they never look comfortable and they just want to get the fuck out of there. And it's one of those things where people go, well, then why the fuck did you become a musician?

Why did you do that? And my answer to that would be like, when you start out what you think being famous is and then what it really is, is for the most part, miles and miles apart. And then when you see like… Just from when I started, when I started to… I guess it was the fucking internet, but I started in 92. There's cell phones with as big as this fucking chair. There was none of these cameras and like filming stuff.

It's like everybody's become like these spies. And like, I mean, like that hasn't affected my world. But like when I look, I've seen guys who are like, it's just everywhere they fucking go. People see, you know, just come walking up to you like filming you. Yeah. They say what's up to my friend. Yeah.

And after a while, like, it's just like anything. It just fucks with you. It's like, look, dude, I get it. Right. I totally appreciate it. I just want to fucking chill here and have something to eat. And it's one of those things that… But on the fan side, it's like, dude, I've been rooting for you.

You know, I'm spending money on your jersey. I put money in your fucking pocket. This is my five second window where I'm going to see you, you know, make this five seconds of my life. And I think people are human and they don't let those guys be human wherever you once in a while. Shit from your fucking people on the website. No, no.

I mean, I think you're doing… You're straddling a fence both ways. So I don't think you will get shit. I mean, I just… And we are in that world. I mean, we're on internet, so that's our living with people taking… Look, you're a cunt and you should be treated like one. But I think sometimes, you know, on either way, you know, if a fan's booing you, you're

not fucking hitting. And that comes with it. And if you cry about that, you're a cunt. Like, if you go to a game and you're yelling that type of shit, you know, about people's families or, you know, other things. Like, you know, they see… They find out, like, psycho fans, find out, like, what… You know, they know what their wives look like and they start harassing them in the

states. Yeah, no, it's all over. There's extremes on both sides. I mean, and then you have athletes, guys like Charles Barkley, uniformly, everyone says it's awesome. Like, if you… I saw him in Daisy Buchanan's year ago, years ago, when he was… Who was he playing for at that point?

It might even have been still the 76ers. And he was just hanging out and he was cool as hell. You know what's funny? He didn't make a big deal out of the fact that he was Charles Barkley. So… He's the robber. So nobody rushed him. I think when you come in, you know, with, like, felt ropes around you, I think you actually

build up that too. We're going to go, like, on for an hour and 16 here. All right, wrapping it up here. Dave, so fucking nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Thanks for letting me swing by here. BarstoolSports.com. And if people out there are insane about sports and you want to start…

You want to get out of your miserable life in that fucking cubicle and actually write about something or you always wanted to write or whatever. Or you think you can do it. Where should they send it to? Tips at BarstoolsSports.com. T-I-P-S at BarstoolsSports.com. That's the Monday Morning Podcast. Go fuck yourselves.

I'll talk to you next week. And that's it. Let me shut this thing off here. They leave peril to the poor. Yeah. A dime will tell them they have powered minds. Making war just for fun. Treating people just like bones in chess.

Awaiting till that judgement day comes. Yeah. Now in darkness world stops turning. As you hear the bodies burning. No more war pigs have the power. And as God has struck the hour. Day of judgement God is calling. On the knees the war pigs crawling.

Begging nurses for their sins. Satan laughing spreads his wings. All again. Welcome to the CPAP Games Live from the Hayes Bedroom. It's another eventful night, Bruce. It sure is, Ron. Steve has been flailing everywhere struggling with this CPAP. His wife Michelle is as tense as a fiddle string trying to contain her rage.

Michelle's rolling Steve over. There he goes and the mask is off. Oh my, the snoring. Michelle throws an elbow, now a shove. She's leaving for the couch taking her place as the Hayes' 100 pound lab. Bask in that dog breath, Steve. With all this struggle Steve should get inspired. Absolutely, Bruce.

Inspire is a sleep apnea treatment that gives you comfortable restful sleep with the click of a remote. That's right, a button. As you sleep, Inspire keeps you breathing normally and sleeping peacefully. There's no mask and no hose. Just sleep. Learn more at Inspiresleep.com. That's Inspiresleep.com.