Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-29-24

Episode Date: August 29, 2024

Bill rambles with Nate Craig about roofer liabilities, mid-west sports, and the newspaper. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (48:57) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 8-29-16 - Bill rambles about golf wear, Reno, and winning the Grand Slam. Thursday Afternoon Interlude: The Jackson Five - I'll Bet SimpliSafe: Protect your home this summer with 20% off any new SimpliSafe system when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring at www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR Hims:  Start your free online visit today at www.Hims.com/BURR  

Hey what's going on it's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday. Monday morning podcast, just before Friday Monday morning podcast I screwed it up and ahhhh I'm just checking in on you. Just checking in on you, I'm checking in on you. I don't know where I'm going here. And you know for a video that means I have a very special guest and this is one of the biggest guests I've had.

Ladies and gentlemen the lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, we have Anthony Kiedis here. Bam. Bam, right there. He's got a new white funk album coming out, you know, where you're talking about banging the chicks there. Haircut, mustache. Yeah, with the scar tissue.

It's Nate Craig, everybody. What's up, Bill? Nate Craig, I would probably say. How do you do this with the tape delay on the monitor? This is- You know what, you learn to block it out. You can do that. I don't look, I sort of glance at the big light up there.

I gotta find, okay, that's a good- It'll be all right. I'll look at the light, I'll look into the light. So Nate, not only are you one of the best joke writers in the business, you're a hell of a hockey player. Good-hmm. Good-looking son of a bitch. You have astronaut haircut. All right. I cut it myself. Cut it yourself? Yeah. What do you use? Just clippers, two guard, one guard, and then no guard. I try to... that's why I... Like this started during the pandemic, right? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Had to... Look at you. You got...

I don't know how to describe this. That's like Kennedy hair. Well... Do you think they would have gone bald had they lived longer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Had to. Look at you. You got, I don't know how to describe, that's like Kennedy hair. Ugh. Well. Do you think they would have gone bald had they lived longer? If they had lived to 200? Well, it's always weird when a guy with like, really fucking thick hair, then all of a sudden,

it always goes back here. And then you're like, what happened? Well, that's what happened to Scott Walker, the old governor of Wisconsin. And then he's, his, and then, you know, when he started, he tried to run for president, he said he went bald and back

because he hit his head on a door. That's what he said? He said he hit his head on a ceiling or like a door frame. And people were like, I guess that's what happened. No, you know what that was? Somebody in his camp got in his head.

And was saying there's never been a bald. Bald president, you gotta have a reason for that. You gotta go back to Eisenhower. Yeah. Eisenhower was the last president who, oh, Ford, but Ford kinda like the guy, Nixon got impeached. Hold up, hold up. Biden and Trump are both bald.

Let's be clear about this. Trump is not bald. Trump is bald as a fucking refrigerator repairman. He was. He got a system now. He's got the system, and Biden got the hair plugs. He's a billionaire. Why would he still stick with the comb over?

He had the comb over. It was the greatest, it was the greatest comb over ever. He's not a billionaire. That's why he's running for president again, so that the taxpayer's gotta pay for his makeup and hair. What are you talking about? How many think he got paid to go, you're fired? You got a little money there?

He gets points, he definitely. He's had casinos. He definitely deposits his checks, his residual checks. All right, well whatever, I'm saying. They were both bald, there have been bald presidents. But you gotta. Can I be honest with you? I don't think I've watched Biden

the whole four years he's been in there. And the backup quarterback who's now running for president, I don't know, if you told me that they were doing a Cosby show reunion and she was one of the little girls that all grew up, I would have been, all right, I have no idea what the, I don't remember Trump's vice president, Pence. Pence.

Let's do this, oh, this is David, we got some trivia, because you're kind of a politics guy, let's go. Oh, don't quiz, don't quiz. Oh, then Biden, Biden was Obama. Biden was Obama, Cheney was Bush. That's right, slow down, slow down. Al Gore. Al Gore. Dan Quayle.

My turn. Al Gore, remember that Gore Al Gore Dan Quayle my turn HW Bush my turn All right My turn was when he said that George Bush when he came walking over and George Bush had the greatest fucking reaction to it He did like double-tick like what the fuck and then the whole crowd laughed and then Al didn't know what to do So then he just went ho ho ho Dude, it was like it was like Pinoc like Pinocchio, he was made out of wood. That guy was like.

Yeah, and then there was the kiss with his wife at the DNC, that was kind of a cardboard moment. You know what my favorite Al Gore moment was? Was after he kinda knew he was losing the election, when he was just a sweaty mess on the dance floor. Like he just was finally, like I can just fucking be who I am. When was that?

This was uh. Like the night of the election night? Yeah, I remember him dancing. He was all sweating through his shirt. Like he had done Molly or something and he was just like, I think just the fucking pressure of first of all he was under Clinton all those years and Clinton just had his dick out eight years

and he was with his wife there, Tipper, right there Tipper right? She didn't even like heavy metal albums forget about Free Willy running down the halls of the office so he had to sit there like probably every day talking her down like you should walk out we're the gores we're above these Clintons right? She did not help him. Just hang in there one of the biggest mistakes he ever made was he didn't use Clinton to help him. He should have brought Clinton. Clinton is the Teflon Don, you can't get him.

Yeah, they got scared off by that blow job scandal. Dude, the amount of women that still love that guy is unbelievable. He's great. He nailed it. Do you hear him at the DNC? When you listen to Trump talk, don't count the, what is he, he said,

don't count the eyes. Don't count the lies, count the eyes. He's talking about how Trump only talks about himself. It was perfect. No it wasn't. It was perfect. No it wasn't. It absolutely was.

Dude, Bill Clinton shouldn't even be speaking. I'm telling you. Post Me Too liberals, this fucking speaking. I'm telling you. Post me to liberals, this fucking guy. You said, you tossed it to me with women still love that guy. I said why. I gave you an example of a line I liked. And now you're fucking flipping the card table.

No, no, because you're liking him. I do like listening to him talk, yeah. I think he nails it. The guy, He's just unbelievable Dead bodies dick out Every fucking thing that that like all like all the left was like against abuse of power all that this guy just write down the fucking Box, I'm not gonna have you he's he's in the hall If you got in on Pete Rose still is coming to me to get mad about a guy getting a blowjob in the Oval Office, you're coming to the wrong guy.

Listen, don't confuse passion with anger. I'm a very passionate man. I came on, I wore a lavender sweater, you know, with a t-shirt underneath on a very hot day. I think that- Because I wanted to look respectable because you- I think that's your brand, Bill. Because you-

Passion as anger. Passion fruit is what I am. It's because you come from the heartland, where you guys put on your dairy pants one leg at a time. This guy knows where to get the best fucking malt, right? There's a lot of options. Lot of options. One of my favorite things about doing the road,

we haven't even talked about what a great comedian you are. I mean it's ridiculous. Likewise, Bill, I've been telling people a great comedian you are. I mean, it's ridiculous. Likewise, Bill. I've been telling people about how good you are at stand-up comedy. People need to know. When I let you close for me on my shows, you bang it out. I know, and I am so jealous.

My show at the Hollywood Bowl, I didn't know if you had what these people wanted. Oh, the first guy to perform at the Acropolis in Greece. That is true. Put it on my tombstone. He opened, and who was there a few days earlier? The great? The great Woody Allen.

Woody Allen with his clarinet. Well, you opened with, what about R. Kelly? When does R. Kelly play this? Hey, Woody Allen, who are you guys booking here next? Yeah, you got R. Kelly coming in Friday. How? Hey, it's a democracy. Oh my God, that place was incredible.

Wasn't it? I completely froze, over the heads of those people, there's 4,000 people, and the most beautiful, I mean, the best sounding theater I've ever stepped foot in made in 151 A.D., this is the Odeon of Herod's Atticus, if you ever go there. The locals call it the Herodion. And over the top of these people.

I think they just sold the name though. It's thebillshakespeare.com. It's the, it's the Wells Fargo. The Wells Fargo. Wells Fargo at the William Shakespeare fucking something Acropolis. Thewashingtonmutualherodion.com. Yeah, so he's been all around.

Brought to you by. He sweated out three days in Dubai before we did, what the fuck? Prague. No, not Prague, we didn't do Dubai, we did the other city. Oh yeah, Abu Dhabi. Abu Dhabi.

Abu Dhabi. Abu Dhabi, Abu Dhabi. And the whole time we were sitting there freaking out, reading stories about people just holding hands over there and going to jail for a year, like, why the fuck are we here? But it ended up being the greatest, right? The Royals came out.

It was fun. It was fun. The crowd was fun. We met His Highness. Yeah, we met royalty out there doing our shit jokes. Yeah, they really keep you on pins and needles though. No, but then they ended up being cool. It was basically you can say whatever you want as long as you don't shit on us.

They were cool. What would they say? Have Russell Peters had to write an apology letter? Yeah. To the royal family? I mean, Russell Peters, I mean. What? I'm a little lighter than Russell Peters.

I thought I was gonna get in trouble. Are you though? I mean, I wouldn't have said that. Not in my heart. If anybody had to write an apology letter, I would say it would be Bill Burr. I would love to read your apology letter to the royal family of Abu Dhabi.

Let me tell you something right now. If they wanted a fucking apology and that got me back to America, I would fucking whatever, I'd write it in pink crayon. I wouldn't give a shit, get me out of here. I ended up having a great time. I would definitely go back. They said to come back for that F1 race.

We gotta do it. Just not in August, that's what I told them. I said no, I'm gonna buy one of those. It was brutal. I don't imagine it gets much better though. It was one. You don't think so? What was it, like 110?

In the shade? No, dude, we were there in August. It was hot like inside of you. It was kind of heat you feel in your throat. Oh, you know what it was? It was like one of those new saunas that fucking. The ocean wasn't even. That they heat you from the inside out.

Like a set it and forget it. What's that? Some sort of, what's that? Some sort of $20,000 sauna you're thinking about having put in your garage? No, it's the one I went to. Look at you, resenting my shit joke success. I just didn't know.

I get it, I get it. You're right, I was defensive. I was defensive because I didn't know about the thing that you were talking about. This is why I don't take him on the road all the time. I haven't even heard of that thing that you just said. So they used to have a dry sauna, which was fantastic. So then the corporate guys are like,

hmm, is there a way that we can make this more cost efficient that might be not detrimental to the people's health but we don't care because we have enough money to beat them in court. What if we did this infrared thing, and what it does is it heats you from the inside like a fucking microwave. Yeah, I've heard of that.

So I showed up, oh Billy Flip Flops, ready to go, and then like, yeah, it's like, oh you don't have a regular? No, it's like infrared. I go, is that safe? And he's like, God, some fucking Instagram idiot. And I went in there. I just did not, I never did it again.

I did not feel right. I'm the only guy I ever met take a bath in a laser gun. I'm the only guy I ever met got heated from the inside and fucking saw him and lived to tell him about it. So you have a special. Live at the Green Mill. Live at the Green Mill that you shot in Chicago. Chicago at the Green Mill.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. And at the Green Mill, yeah. Right? Yeah. And it was such a hot set. Other people started recording there. They had to record there as well. They had to record there. They said I gotta have it.

They were like the mojo's there. The juice is there. Where can they? It's on the ATC YouTube channel. Oh, shows you how much I know about my business. But I'm touring now, natecraig.com, tour dates. All right, let's let's fucking get on to that. Yeah, Portland September 7th, Nashville Portland the siren theater Portland, Oregon the siren theater September 7th

Nashville at Zanies September 15th st. Louis at the funny bone your old stomping ground the Westport funny bone there I love it Septemberth through the 29th. Panama City Beach. You were in Panama City Beach in Florida October 11th and 12th. Is that East Coast or West Coast? That's North Coast. That's the Panhandle. What do they call that there? Redneck Riviera. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Gulf. Up there. Goes to Ken Stabler, still riding the houseboat up there with his who is. Yeah, get your extra shrimp, extra oil. When are you gonna be down there?

October 11th and 12th. So you know what's going on then. You got ACC and SEC football. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gonna get a game? I'm gonna try. I always take a look. Who's down there? You got the Gators?

I gotta see, I'm gonna be, when I'm in Nashville the weekend after we're going for a wedding in Knoxville. Green Bay's in town, playing them Titans there. In Nashville? Yeah, in Nashville. Well, for you in Knoxville, what about the volunteers? I'll try, I'll take a look. That's my whole, my wife's whole family

is all volunteer fans. Oh, okay. They're all Tennessee. The kid. I went there, I did a movie, I was doing a movie in Atlanta and I had a Saturday, I had off and I drove from Atlanta up to fucking Knoxville

to see, and Tennessee sucked that year too. I forget who the fuck they played. They got killed. Now that was the biggest stadium in America for a while was that Tennessee, that's 100,000 plus, right? That's, yeah, that had been that for a while. And then like Michigan, I think, took it for a second. Michigan squeezed in a couple extra 50 seats a section.

Nebraska too. Well, what about your Wisconsin Badgers? How's that place looking? Great, they just, it's just nice. They added a bunch of boxes. They added a bunch of boxes and they added. Oh, that booster money, huh? Booster money, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Little cocaines and whores, right? They're trying to compete up there. Look, you know what it is, they say money's tight right there. Money doesn't go away. People at the top are holding onto it. Yeah, oh no. It's holding onto it for them fucking Badgers, you know?

Get some kid in there who can't read, who can fucking just sling it. That's what I liked. Old school. That's what I liked about that. Did you hear about that yacht crashing? Oh, the yacht that hit the other yacht? No, the yacht that got sucked up by the water spout.

So there's tornadoes on the water. You didn't hear about that? It was like a $100 million yacht that just got completely ripped through by a water tornado in the Mediterranean. They said tech entrepreneur. They said six people are missing and a tech entrepreneur and I'm like, why am I hearing about that?

That's, you say that like it's four star general. I don't care if the guy. Because he died in the water... Ah, we got whacked! He invented the Grubhub for secret documents. You know, I gotta tell you... Get secret documents delivered to your house. But there was a long time where they wouldn't whack you anymore. They would just discredit you.

And they were able to just blast it out. He's a communist, he's a socialist, he's a fucking, you know, he went to Epstein Island. Now- It costs too much. Way too expensive. What?

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Yeah, people don't believe it because half the internet's fake. Half the internet's bots. Well, way over, but I'm talking about half the, like, I'm just throwing that out there. My favorite thing are people that are somehow able to find the truth on the internet. Like, how do you do that?

There's no rules of libel or slander. Everybody's slinging it, everybody's spinning it. You know how you do that, Bill? You look at court records. Where the rubber meets the road is who's suing who and who wins and that's it and then Wait a minute. So then you're just saying like money doesn't win in the court system That was a gaping gaping hole in that. That's that's where you can find out what's actually

happening. I mean people are throwing out wild shit on the internet though like nothing's real out there. You should stick to comedy and hockey. You. Finding malts that are good, I mean what the fuck was that? I will make as many assumptions and generalizations as I so please in the court of Bill Burr. Can you use more expressions? I like when you use those old guy expressions, when the rubber hits the road. Where the rubber meets the road, Bill.

The rubber meets the road, it does. I mean, I feel like, yeah, this guy goes down to the local mom and pop place, gets himself a grilled cheese sandwich. The list goes on and on, though. Okay. You gotta get the transcripts, and then you find it out.

Oh, so are you a truth excavator? Oh yeah, oh, do your research. What is, where do you go? Thisistherightinformation.net? Is that the website you use? I don't know how to find it. I just read, read the paper. Oh, now you just got off the internet.

Yeah, get off, well I mean. The paper is my speed. The paper is your speed. I like to read my lives, you know what I mean? Yes, well you got. Look up, take a break. Yeah, then you can have some, you have a little space. Then when it gets to be too much.

To project what you want to believe about them. I do this when it gets to be too much. You have a little space to project what you want to believe about them. I do this when it gets to be too much. Sports page, sports page, sports page. That was the best about the Sun Times in Chicago. You could just turn it all the way over. Yeah, no that was. Best sports page ever.

Best, yeah, best, I don't have time for this. You know what, that was another, there was, that's another thing to add to the list of what happened to this country. There was Dress Down Casual Fridays, was the beginning of this country not producing things the way they needed to. Just was not, you had your fedora,

you pat your secretary on the ass, told her to keep her yap shut when your fucking wife showed up and then you went in there. Blue jeans is the problem. Yeah, had a two martini lunch and you got some shit done that day. Now you started walking in like, you know, you're coaching a lady softball team.

When was the last time you wore a suit to work, Bill? I'll tell you, the last time I wore a suit. The WGA awards? Last time I wore a suit, I went to something that was supposed to be a burlesque party and it turned out to be something completely different. And I'm still fucking not right about it. I know, I see the look in your eye.

I hear you talk about it. You know what I mean? You know, it's just like the invite was vague. They sat you front row, huh? No, they sat me in the middle, but the light was on me. And it was, you know, you're just one of those interactive shows that I don't wanna interact. And there wasn't a say for it.

There was no tapping out. Everybody was looking at you. Was this another mushroom nightmare from Bill Burr? It wasn't mushrooms. I did eat some weed or whatever. You know. Almost more volatile sometimes. Almost more volatile sometimes, depending on the dosage.

Weed can be a real. With mushrooms there. Talk about heat you from the inside. That's a real infrared sauna there at them weed pills. Well that shit also is not weed anymore. Now that it's legal, I think it's probably way less monitored and way less healthy and the amount of shit. Because I didn't smoke weed until,

I was like 37 was the first time I tried it. But I remember my friends, they'd have a bag of grass man. He had to fucking smoke all night. Then they would get kinda hee hee hee giggly. They didn't get like, dude I remember this guy. It's stronger now. This guy said to me, I remember when I was in New York, this is when weed was starting to get crazy.

And I remember he was like, yo, this dude, fucking big person, yo, last night, I smoked this shit called retarded. Because he took two hits and he sat there, you was just retarded. That's what he said, I'm just looking at him like, why the fuck would you want to do that to your brain? It's too much, too much. It's too strong.

That's when they were buying weed on the street, if somebody told you that's what this shit is called, I'd be like, yeah dude, I'm good. AK-47. Yeah, do you have Groovy? First time I went to Amsterdam, I don't know why, I was just like, well I'm in Amsterdam, I was there by myself.

I was like, just legal weed. I don't even know, I was 22, and I fucking walked into the cafe. The head shop. The cafe head shop, whatever. The rubber met the road. The rubber met the road, I was like, AK-47, I should probably be, I'm a tough guy, right?

I should probably be a tough guy here. Let me get the AK-47. I sat in the corner by myself and watched. You know what, actually, the chick that went up after me and took a bong rip left her purse on the bar. So I felt like I got her purse for her and I felt like I was functioned. Were you super paranoid?

Hell yeah, I was paranoid. 8K47 hit me in the face. I know, and then also the fact that you're in another country, that would add to like my paranoia. Yeah. I had some, I ate too many mushrooms at a Billy Joel concert one time,

although that's not what happened. Mushrooms is an easier. I was too many mushrooms at a Billy Joel concert one time although. That's not what happened mushrooms Mushrooms is easier that it was a body high and then I started You know going up the elevator was going up And it was supposed to stop on the third or fourth floor and it went all over going up to the penthouse Yeah, you know that one where your ears are popping Yeah, well my buddy who told me it was a body high and you know what he said to me He's because he was flying high too. He looks at me and goes, I didn't go to my usual guy.

And I'm like, dude, what the fuck? That is after the fact. Yeah, and we were at SoFi Stadium. So I was like, I wanted to leave, but you know, you can't deal, I couldn't even deal with the people in my row. Forget about the fact there was like, 60,000 people there.

Having said that though, watching Billy Joe work a football stadium was something I will never forget. Was just so casual. Effortless. Dude, he comes out, bangs out four or five number one hits, and then he's just leaning on the mic, because everybody's going nuts,

he just looks around and he just goes, it's a big fucking place. I mean, it just like. That place is awesome. It is, it's insane. Like, I've been there sober, believe it or not, I've been there too, I remember the first time I went to a game sober, I was sitting down low, Buddy Man had season tickets, and looking across

the field at the people, it looked like it was CGI, I'm like, that can't be real. But they are pumping crowd noise in there. Like you cannot fucking believe. What'd you go, Chargers or Rams? I went Rams and this is when I was going, they're fucking pumping noise in here. And then what happened was the other team picked the ball off, so they didn't pump any crowd noise in.

But no, no, it was the, you know, it's a bunch of people move out here from other places. I forget who they were playing. I don't think it was the Raiders, but it had a decent fan base and I heard them cheering. So I was like, this is what cheering sounds like in this stadium. Not that sort of like, even like when you were just

sitting there before the game, they were just sort of pumping in like, ah, this sound, and I'm looking around and nobody's talking, everybody's looking at their fucking phones. And I'm just like. A little white noise machine for 80,000 people. I didn't think it was that, I think it was just a guy up there going, ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. They're cutting costs. So what they did, they just found a 90 year old and they just asked them questions. Michael Winslow up there?

No, they just asked them questions. Like how long did you meet your wife? And he was like, ah. And then they just put it on a loop and they own it in perpetuity. He gets a check. Gets a check for heavy breathing. There's all kinds of like, my wife is finally telling me,

like I show her like, I go look at this chick, like she doesn't give a fuck if I look at hot chicks on Instagram, I go look at that, and she just go, that's AI. Yeah. Like I know, she goes look at it, look at it, look at the waist, look at the ass, look at the waist, like that's fucking AI, and then she goes,

yeah and she goes to the account, she goes yeah, none of these women exist. Yeah, the internet's not real. But you somehow, when the rubber meets the road, can find- I pick up a newspaper. You can, no, but you said you- I open my Wall Street Journal app on my cellular telephone and I read it.

I read my own lies. Could you have said that with a more condescending tone? You're trying to circle back- I open it up and then this is what you do. You love to do this. This is what you do, then you go, and I read it. You circle back and redefine what I said, that's your move. I open it up and then this is what you do. This is what you do. Then you go and I read it. Like I don't read. You circle back and redefine what I said.

That's your move. All right, well we got it on tape. You rewrite the transcripts. We got it on tape. You said, I said how the fuck do you find the truth on the internet? Go to the court records. Okay, now here we are, first base.

We're back here again. But then we started talking about news. Where do you get your news? How do you find it on the internet? Then you jumped off the internet. I said I read the newspaper. If you wanna know what it's like us driving in a rental car across Wisconsin and Minnesota, this is it. Do you remember one of the first road gigs we did

when my roof was collapsing in LA with water and my wife was like, I don't know what to do and I was screaming on the phone? Yes. I believe we had milkshakes too. Yes, I heard you, I had to on the phone. Yes. I believe we had milkshakes too. Yes, I heard you. I had to take your phone away from you. I took your fucking phone away from you.

We weren't even friends. Water was coming into the house. Action needed to happen. And it wasn't. It was like what people do now when they see something bad. You're just filming it with your camera. And I was like, for God's sake, fucking stick something underneath it, re-hook up the thing. Oh, I got fucked so bad by that. I had an old house, right?

You're in a better place now, Bill. You're in a better place. You're gonna get an infrared sauna put in your garage. No, I'm not. I'm not doing any of that shit. No, my old house, this is the stupidest design ever. They had, it was just like a flat top roof, like a school. So they had these drains on all four corners, and you know, they kinda went like that to make it go down. So it drained into a pipe, okay,

that there was a crawl space. They brought it into the house, into the crawl space, and then it went out, you know, the gutters like shot out the front of the house it was a so there was like this one foot crucial place where you went from the roof the waters in the house but in the pipe and then out the front wall of the house and then down the side so when these guys redid my roof they disconnected it and they didn't re hook it up and then what was funny the first rainstorm first rainstorm I got fucking Lake Michigan in my house,

and then when the guy comes back and goes, oh yeah, there's a problem, that thing wasn't hooked up, I'm like, yeah, you guys didn't hook it up. And then he goes, oh, I don't know, and I was like, how am I gonna prove that? And I just said, fuck it, I just wanna get this fixed. So I didn't even sue them, I didn't do anything with that. I just went, it gets worse,

I go to the fucking insurance company. So they're like, yeah, no problem, we'll cover it. The check comes, it's made out to me and my mortgage company, and I have to sign the check over to the mortgage company so they can make sure that I'm actually taking the insurance money and fixing the house. Why? Because I'm a bad guy? No. Because they're pieces of shit that caused

2008 and people were so upside down in their fucking houses they were like, what's the point of keeping this? And they were taking insurance money and buying cars and doing whatever. So now they were, they forced you. Grabbed you by the back of your neck and made me do it. And I, oh my god, the conversations I had with them. You should have sued them. I can't sue, what am I fuckin', who's that guy? Jimmy Stewart? Jimmy goes to Washington? What the fuck was his name?

Mr. Smith goes to Washington? I would love to see the transcripts from you and that contractor. I would love to see where the rubber meets the road on that. Yeah. No, the second he said, oh that's the problem, I didn't even dispute it with him, I'm like, that's gonna be his argument.

I'm not gonna be able to prove it. You guys, it was so funny. It was like A star fucking roofing or something like that. Like, you know, four star roofing or some shit. Just a couple cell phone pictures of where they disconnected your drain pipes. And you're good. That chest.

But how do I prove that they weren't like that beforehand? Because every time it rained it was bone dry. Do you have video of that? And then I gotta do that and then they just take their money, the money that I gave them to fix the roof to just keep draining and then they countersue me. And all of that, you know what I do? Dude, I just walk away.

I walk away, I call my agent, I say my roof collapsed, it fucked up everything underneath it. And they go, how much shit it fuck up? And I'm like, Mike, what's under a roof? The fucking house, get me some gigs. That's how I deal with shit. Man. And then somewhere in all of that, me flipping out,

of course then I end up having to apologize, I'm the bad guy. I heard you. It's not right. I heard you, you are seen, though. I'm the bad guy. I heard you. It's not right. Well you already showed that. I heard you, you are seen, Bill. Your anger was warranted. All right, well maybe I need more people

reading the Wall Street app in my life. You actually can read the Wall Street Journal? I try to stay, I try to absorb both sides of the political spectrum. Wall Street Journal, New York Times, I check CNN homepage, I check the Fox News homepage. I see what the headlines are. So you balance out the lies.

I try to balance out the lies. And then come up with your own truth. Yes. I like that. I think if you check out every, I mean, there's, look, people say that the media is lying all the time. It's like anything else. Like any other profession.

There's a lot of fucking dogshit contractors. There's a lot of dogshit reporting. There's a lot of fucking dog shit contractors, there's a lot of dog shit reporting, there's a lot of jaded agenda being promoted in the media. But there's also spot on, and there's people that take pride in their work, there's people that care about the truth, and there's people that care about reporting, and you can find them if you read it all. Okay, can you give us, who do you like? I mean that's why I read it all. Angela Lansbury? That's why I read it all. Okay, can you give us, who do you like?

I mean that's why I read it all. Angela Lansbury? That's why I read it all. No, like your bands, like who are your top three reporters? Don't get them whacked in a fucking Mediterranean water tornado. There's a lot of people to read. I mean I think some of those historians,

some of the, like Michael Beschloss, or like, what's his name? Peter, not Peter Kane, Peter. You have to see this guy tell jokes, okay? After, after, I got, I literally just said the water tornado, because I couldn't remember what the fuck it's called, a cyclone, a spiral. I think it's called a water spout.

A water spout. That's what I want to learn about. I don't need to know that a tech entrepreneur died. Tell me that there's, that global warming is creating these yacht, these trap doors for yachts. That's going to be the best thing about global warming is that the billionaires are gonna think that their money, they're gonna be able to outrun it.

Like we'll live under a mountain. And it's like, it's gonna get you. I actually think, you know, back east is gonna be fucked because I was thinking, why did I ever leave there and house all those lakes and stuff. But you know what, it's got all those trees and the shit dries out, man. That fucking, it's gonna go up like a bowling alley.

Tender box, yeah. There's an old expression. Go up like a bowling alley? Go up like a bowling alley. Made out of wood, all wood? I think it's because of the, I don't even know why, like the fucking, the alleys were waxed.

I have no idea. But it was also my dad used to say it and he used to fucking fuck up expressions all the time. So it was probably he'd keep, like, you know, you know like fabricators with cars where they'll take the front end of something, my dad does that with expressions and he puts the welding mask on.

What are you fighting for? Put something on. Did you just? I love the welding mask thing. Cause in all those reality shows, it's just like, well you gotta get done. Well I'm going to fucking try, I'll fucking do it, then all right, then the guy goes.

Like, just tacking the thing on. Yeah, it's fucking funny, I'll fucking do it, all right. And then the guy goes, pfft, like, tch, tch, tch, just tacking the thing on. Yeah, it's fucking funny. Father-son wielding a. I bet that fucks their neck up after a while. After too many arguments? Oh yeah, if you're in a loveless marriage as a welder, I mean, there's no way you're not gonna get your neck fused after a while.

All your vertebrae are shot. All right. No, or you know as a welder when you fucking need to take a vacation, because you start doing that even when you're not wearing the mask, to punctuate making a point. Who's got more rings? Who's got more championships?

Celtics or the Lakers? Do they do that? You're at the airport with your family? Yeah, and people don't know you're a welder. They think you have some sort of Tourette's. Some sort of little tick you gotta do all the time. Just hide behind your mask. Yeah, anyway, a lot of people talk about coaching trees

in sports, they don't talk about it in comedy. And I feel like I'm fucking batting a thousand here. As far as the people that open for me, Paul Verzi, all right? The Bill Burr coaching tree. Joe Bartnik. And now Nate Craig, you're the latest. Bill Walsh. The Bill Walsh.

The Aunt Christa Vowel, fucking crushing it at the Edinburgh Festival. They moved her to a bigger room. Oh nice, that's awesome. Did you see the Reindeer Games, or whatever that was called, reindeer? I didn't watch it. Oh my God.

Oh baby reindeer? I gotta watch it. I didn't watch it. Oh you gotta see that. You gotta see that. But the most, one of the most horrifying things. Does it take place at the Fringe Fest? Yeah, it's a comedian, the most horrifying thing

is his gig where there's like five people there in the corner of a bar, and I'm like, oh my God, he had to do that 23 days in a row. And one of them believed in him a little too much. Yes. Well, dude, there was a major fucking red flag. When the guy's joking around, he goes, I'm just a ba-ba-ba-ba-ba pansexual.

I don't even know what that means. To me, that sounds like you fuck boys in Central America. That's a loaded term. Peter pansexual. The Pan American Games and stuff. I'm like, I don't know. This guy's got his dick out around the world. Yeah, anytime you gotta leave the country

to go to get your fucking rocks. Yeah, that's when, as a white guy, that's usually something dark. Something dark's happening. And then you also, then the darkness isn't dark enough, then you gotta buy your own island, right? And then you start thinking like, wow, I'm doing so much fucked up shit here.

I need to bring more powerful people here. Get them to put a skirt on. Take a picture of them. And then eventually they release the transcripts and that's where the rubber meets the road, Bill. I love that they thought they were gonna release those transcripts. They did.

Oh yeah, and everybody went down, didn't they? No, but they're there. What's the point of whacking somebody? DeSantis did it because he thought he could beat Trump, and so they finally came out, but it was just five months too late for him. But they came out at the end of June. Oh yeah, and what happened?

The accusations about Trump are pretty wild. Look, all I know is the point of whacking somebody is like, the joke I was doing in my act, it's not like they whacked, not Oliver North, who's the guy who shot fucking Kennedy? They blame Oswald. Yeah, he didn't have a note in his front pocket. And here's the name of the guys on the fucking grassy knoll.

It was it, it was over. Magic bullet, boom, boom, boom, it's fucking over. So you're never gonna know who went to Epstein Island. What I love about all those fucking people all they want to know is who went to Epstein Island they don't want to know who were the girls that were there can we help them out put their lives back together nobody gives a shit they just want to know who went there. Well those girls don't want to be known they're Jane Doe's. Yeah a lot of of them did. But some of them didn't. Those are the transcripts I'm talking about.

They're witnesses. They can't start like an organization. Oh my God, imagine starting that organization. You start skimming money off of helping 12 year olds get their lives back together. I mean, that's when it gets dark. That's when you're brushing your teeth and you can't look at yourself in the mirror.

There would definitely be, the internet would definitely be a. That's when you're brushing your teeth and you can't look at yourself in the mirror. There would definitely be a, the internet would definitely have a character assassination campaign. That would be an episode of American Greed. I don't know why this is getting so dark. I wore a lavender sweater. This usually doesn't happen. I love that that means something to you.

That was, sounds like you were like, I'm gonna be in a good mood today. I'm gonna wear this lavender sweater. you know what my wife put out her stories on Instagram and I forgot I had this because this is one of these vacation sweaters where she says you should wear that one. So I was like all right and then I saw it I was like you know and I think I look pretty good in that. Nate always dresses sharp. I didn't know you're gonna show up here like you have been for a job. I didn't know that we were gonna be,

I thought it was way stuff. I can redo your electrical. Last couple times I did this podcast, there was a table here, nobody could see up my balls. Yeah, you went like Letterman back in the day when he used to wear half a suit. This is too much. I didn't know, I didn't know.

I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen. I did not know. You did not know. That you'd be able to see these cutoff shorts. All right, any, let didn't know, I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen. I did not know. You did not know. That you'd be able to see these cut off shorts. All right, any, let me make sure, cause I wanna make sure we get all the plugs in here. Any predictions? You're a college and a pro guy.

Madison, Wisconsin, majestic theater, December 27th. Is that what you wanted to know? Wilmington, Dead Crow Comedy Room, December 20th and 21st. First of all, what a great name for a room. Yeah, it's great. It's one of the best clubs ever. It's great. And Wilmington's awesome, too.

Predictions? I don't know. I think I'm gonna be on Mushrooms when the Packers play the Rams at SoFi Stadium. Not gonna be doing it. Okay, and you know what? And you'll start to picture that old guy who's up there going, ah.

I am gonna die laughing, dude. What are you thinking? Old man breath. Jim Harbaugh and the San Diego Chargers. Now the San Diego Chargers have not won a title since the AFL. I wanna say they won 1960 and then they won a couple, like 62, 63, somewhere in there. They won an AFL title and they have not

Even been in a Super Bowl since Chad Humphreys in 1995 when they played the 49ers when they had the white pants, maybe the worst Super Bowl ever I Would say the Colts versus the Bears was a bad one There was but that least that was the the kick return to start it off It was I was in Chicago. My buddies were punching each other in the face bad one. Rex Grossman. But at least that was fun. The kick return to start it off, it was, I was in Chicago, my buddies were punching each other in the face. That was, there was some good moments in that.

And Grossman had a touchdown passing that. That was nowhere near as bad as the Chargers blowout. Packers fan defending the Bears, I mean I'm not gonna fucking, what am I gonna, I'm gonna argue that? I mean everybody else is an expansion team, I can't say that to the Bears. I root for the Bears.

Oh, as far as you guys being part of the original. Yes. Okay. I like, I want the Bears to be good. I'm excited for the Bears. I want the Bears to have, they, You know, I finally figured out. They deserve one quarterback.

Yeah, they just, it's weird how like certain franchises, they just can't miss in one area and then they can't click. The Bears. The Bears defensively. They always got good linebackers and good punters. Stud punters. The Giants always have great defense.

Always have a great defense. All the way back to the Lawrence Taylor years and then they missed it in the 70s and then before that they had Sam Huff and all of those guys. I finally figured out why they don't count NFL titles. Because I look at all these other leagues where it's like, I look at the Stanley Cup

and they absorbed all these other leagues and they still count Stanley Cups all the way back. That's the difference is if you absorb a league, it's different. The AFL-NFL was a merger. They merged. The NFL didn't buy the AFL. They merged. So that's why they don't count NFL titles.

It wasn't called a Super Bowl. I don't buy it. We count them in Wisconsin because you got to be there. If you were there, you count them. I still think it's fucked up because right now the Patriots and the Steelers, I should say the Steelers because they got six firsts. The Steelers and the Patriots and the Steelers, I should say the Steelers because they got six first. The Steelers and the Patriots are considered, you know, basically whatever, the Yankees or the Celtics or whatever, of the most titles. Not in Wisconsin. Which is, I'm gonna, I've always presented

this argument to you. I know how many fucking NFL titles you have. You have 11. You have 11 titles and then you have four Super Bowls for a grand total of 15. The fucking New York Giants also get fucked on that. The Giants have like, they have like six or seven NFL titles. The Bears get fucked.

The only one who doesn't get fucked, ironically enough, was the Steelers because they just sucked the whole time when they were in the original NFL and didn't get their shit together until the 70s. 15 seems high. Look it up, how many NFL titles they have? No, what's your Super Bowl?

No, I know, I think it's... You either have nine or 11. Nine, 11, never forget. Nine. Nine! So NFL championships. NFL championships. No, NFL titles, they weren't the AFL.

Yeah. Yeah, the Green Bay Packers. The Green, you're Green Bay Packers. I think the Chargers will be good. Harbaugh's just a good coach. He is, he's a fucking winner. I was glad when he left the Niners and I'm glad that he left Michigan.

He's gonna win. He won with the Colts, he won as a player. The Bears, the Colts, he won at Stanford, he won in San Francisco, he won at Michigan. He almost took the Colts, he won as a player. The Bears, the Colts, he won at Stanford, he won in San Francisco, he won at Michigan. He almost took the Colts to the Super Bowl, he almost beat the Steelers in the AFC Championship game at the end of that game. I love Jim Harbaugh.

He wins, he's a winner. And I couldn't have been more happy when he left the Niners. I feel like the parents like the Harbaugh that's in Baltimore more. I think he just seems like he's a little more not fucking, you know, game seven energy the whole time. But I think that that's what makes Jim Jim.

Yeah, he's a little bit. Oh, 13 total? Yeah. All right, I said 15, I was off by two. It's close, but I mean, it's the most. It's the most, and I appreciate that. I didn't mean to jump down your throat, lavender man, but yes, it's.

That's all right, no, I felt what it was like to be your wife there. I appreciate it. Don't let people finish their sentences. Why can't you be more like me and learn to listen? You're an example, I watch you as an example, I'm trying to learn. No, I'm kidding, I get shit for that all the time.

The passion is anger, Bill Burr. I'm not angry, I'm kidding. I get shit for that all the time. The passion is anger, Bill Burr. I'm not angry, I'm passionate. Alright, with that, like I said, Bill Burr coaching tree. Alright, my comedy career, I don't bring cupcakes on the road. Don't do it. Alright, I don't do it. I bring killers on the fucking road. Alright, and then when it's time, I sit them down and I say, Nate Craig, you have ascended

to a level of funny that I now need to nudge you. No, you're doing your own thing. You're a fucking artist. I love the way your special looks. Everything you do is quality. I'm Bill Burr, I support his comedic message. So go see him at the Dead Crow in Wilmington, the fucking Majestic in Madison, Wisconsin.

Your St. Louis Funny Bone. The St. Louis Funny Bone. The Siren in Portland. The Siren in Portland, oh gay club, good for you. Zanies in Nashville, all the above. You're gonna be with Dean at the Caverns, the late show, you can punch him if you want that. Zanies in Nashville, all the above. Name a gay bar you did stand up in. What was the name of the bar? Oh, Revolver in West Hollywood.

Okay, I did stand up in a place called Queen of Hearts. And I had no idea it was a gay bar. And I got there 45 minutes early after work and I was sitting there with my car parked right out in front, like two towns over from where I lived. And I was sitting there, and this community, Karen Newch, she booked it. And we were sitting at the bar and there was like,

I remember I walked in and I had my Emerson College sweatshirt on. I looked like they ordered me, right? I was like fucking 19, 20, come walking in. And I walked by and this guy goes, ooh daddy, right? I was just like, what the fuck, right? So I sit down and then I was still like bothered by that fucking guy. I can still feel his breath, right?

So she comes in and she stands next to him. She goes, hey, how's it going? I go, good, I go, hey. I go, go watch out, I go, that guy over there, that guy's a little happy and she goes, hey, how's it going? I go, good, I go, hey. I go, watch out, I go, that guy over there, that guy's a little happy. She goes, what? I go, that guy over there, he's a little happy. I go, you know, a little happy?

She goes, Bill. She goes, this is a gay bar. Everybody in here is a little happy. And then I looked around, like I could see through, you know, oh, fuck. So anyway, I did it, it was still a great gig, except for that one creepy guy. There's always one creep, right? And then, I remember, you know, Patrice, that's his soul, I did it. It was still a great gig, except for that one creepy guy. There's always one creep, right?

And then, I remember, you know, Patrice, so I did that one, and then like a few weeks later, Patrice did a gay bar, and it was called Fiddlesticks. God love the gays. They're the best! They are the best. They do not care. There's a bar called The Motherlode in West Hollywood.

Oh yeah, that's like Al Pacino cruising vibes. It's on you. Fiddlesticks is funny. Fiddlesticks is funny. Sirens that you're playing. That play. The siren, too. And Queen Hearts was funny.

Yeah. And they love a show. Big supporters of the arts. Lot of fun You know all right, so that is the podcast everybody go see Nate Craig out on the road See him now before he's playing the all the big all the big rooms all right I appreciate you coming over here you did a good bit on the job here I think the internet isn't real. Yeah, thanks good

That's my pitch. He has the Wall Street Journal app and he's watching Fox News. He's all over the fucking map. Wisconsin's own, Nate Craig everybody. Congratulations to you Milwaukee Bucks in that championship though. I forgot to bring that one out.

I'll take that. Thank you. That's the lady, fucking right. Yeah. And you went back, I remember you, it was like the height of like coming out, don't go to like public gatherings. You're like, dude, I'm getting COVID,

I don't give a fuck, I'm going there. Had to have it. And they won and you got COVID. He's a man of his word. All right, Nate Craig, everybody, thank you for watching. ["Ice Keeps on the Red Hot Store with Mel"] You don't know that I stole a man, and I betcha A jolly man, very first words of hell, and I betcha If you better go horse to horse, don't win, you can lose, and I betcha If you try, set out now, you're gonna pull, I betcha

If you wanna win in hand Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, August 29th, 2016. What's going on? How are ya? Ah, I'm back. I'm back on the time. No more jet lag and all that. I apologize for the...

I sounded like I was coked up on my last fucking podcast. I was listening to it. I was cracking up. I was like, I literally sound like I'm wired out of my fucking mind, but if I didn't do that, I was going to fall asleep. So sorry, it got a little loud. I got a little fast. I got a little hyper, but I think last night I finally beat it.

I was starting to fall asleep again at 7 I kept falling asleep at 7 then I wake up at 2 30 in the morning and That's not a good time to wake up, you know As a person by yourself waking up at 2 30 in the morning. You you have nothing to do But your mind to just sit there fucking with you, you know, what are you doing bill? You're getting older Are you doing, Bill? You're getting older. Are you doing everything you're supposed to be doing? And just like, you're walking around, shut the fuck up. You know?

You know, isn't it amazing how loud your feet are when everybody else in the house is sleeping? It's so, at 2.30 in the morning, you can literally, like, I'll be at my desk and I'll take a pen out of a glass cup and I swear to God, my wife will stir downstairs What was that? Oh

I'm sorry, honey. I I put a sock on Well, can you keep it down? I'm sleeping Everything is so fucking loud at that hour and Everything is so fucking loud at that hour. Yeah, so I've just been, last night I started to fall asleep again at around 738, so I just drove down to the improv. Didn't even do a spot because I felt like my head was in a cloud and I just fucking, I just walked around talking to people. You know what's great?

I went down, I got a fucking salad, you know? One of those comedy club salads, except this was a good one, so I'm back right now because I gotta drop like fucking 10 pounds before I do my next special, which is gonna be recorded in Nashville at the Ryman Theater on October 21st. Very excited about that and, you know,

I gotta drop like 10, 12 pounds so I don't look like a fucking Billy Fathead on this thing. So last week was the, alright, I'll start doing some cardio, blah blah blah blah blah, still eat like a fucking jackass. And then, you know, but I'll make attempts to not totally eat like a fucking jackass. And now this week is when, now it's like, alright, I'm going to the grocery store

and I'm going back to my fucking, that fucking I need to lose weight diet. Just like a third of a cup of oatmeal and a fucking egg over easy. No fucking toast, no other than that bullshit. Then what do I have? I have like a fucking apple between then and lunch. And then for lunch I have like fucking

turkey slices and some other bullshit. And then around four o'clock, I don't know what the fuck, I have a protein, like a turkey patty with a little bit of fucking salad. And then for dinner, a couple hours later, there's another fucking protein. Sometimes I just go like a fucking salad. It sucks. It's not fun. You know, my wife asked me to make a strawberry fucking shortcake, so I'm gonna do that, you

know? So I'll have that. I always gotta have a little bit of crack on the back burner. But anyway, so I'm back into that. Just gonna do fucking cardio, 45 minutes of fucking day over there, and hopefully this shit will start to come off because I was disgusted with myself when I got back from vacation. Holy shit.

Dude, I was doing that shit, putting on my socks, making those noises. Ugh, ugh. Anyways, I want to thank everybody who came out to, um... The, uh, what is it? The Silver Lake Casino? Whatever the fuck it is. The Silver Something Casino up there in Reno. And, uh, hey, was I right about Todd Rex? T-Rex? Was I right about Todd Rex? I-Rex? Was I right about Todd Rex? I told you the man was a beast.

I told you he fucking kills. I told you he's one of the funniest guys in the country. This fucking asshole. I say that in the most endearing way ever. Did 15 minutes in front of me and got a partial standing ovation. Okay? Alright? And I'm sitting there going like,

Dude, you're supposed to be opening the show. Like, hey, how's it going everybody? Let's get settled into the little fucking knock knock who's there. This guy did like a closing set for 15 fucking minutes. I heard it from the crowd when they clapped, they didn't want him to get off. But anyways, we had a, we had such a great time up there, the crowd was fucking amazing, and I'll tell you, underrated, underrated right here and now is fucking not only Reno, but Reno's International Airport. I don't

know why they're all international. I've never heard of it. Where are you going? I'm going to Paris, flying out of Reno. I've never heard that. Connecting through Reno and then I'm going to South Africa. Reno's international airport. Great food. When you walk right in, there's this place across from where they have all these, they have all this golf wear, by the way, which I am totally fucking addicted to, those polo shirts and the fucking action slacks.

You know, can I just stop for a second? I just want to thank all the unathletic fucking people out there, all the fat fucks, all the people who literally if they tried to bend down and touch their toes, they do a somersault. I just want to thank all of you for taking up that game, attempting to walk a couple of holes and rather than addressing it, addressing yourself and how fucking out of shape you are, you turned around and complained to the companies that your balls were too sweaty

and that your shirt was too tight, because all of your fat fuck complaints, right, has basically created the most comfortable fucking clothes I've ever worn in my life. I wear them all the time now. is basically created the most comfortable fucking clothes I've ever worn in my life. I wear them all the time now. It's, they're comfortable as hell and my wife hates them. So it's a win-win. Every time I walk out the fucking door, my wife,

hey, where you going? You going to go meet Tiger Woods? Oh, they're the greatest fucking clothes ever. It's unreal. You put on one of those golf shirts, you go to reach for something. It just stretches with you. You feel like you're doing yoga, but you're just reaching for a donut. It's the greatest.

If you're not wearing fucking golf clothes, all right, let me tell you something. If you're an old fuck like, you're in your 40s like me 48 sliding into 50 You are a fucking asshole if you're not walking around wearing just golf clothing You know and the sweet spot is is to just buy the clothing and not get sucked in to that game I'm not saying it's a bad fucking game It's actually a fun. It's more. It's like I don't know It's like smoking a cigar with your friends, but you're also walking around hitting this fucking ball. I have a good time anytime I play just because I do not take it seriously and I count every fucking stroke. I don't do any mulligans. I don't say there's any gimmies. I come in at about, you know, I play nine holes.

I come in at about a buck thirty. You know, and I count every stroke and I do it loudly. So all the fucking cheating cunts that I go out with, oh, that's a gimme, that's a mulligan. What the fuck are you talking about? You know something, that's the only fucking, I'm telling you, it's why it's not a, it is an activity. It's a fucking skill. It's not a it is a it is it's an activity. It's a fucking skill Okay, and the guys at the top level the men and the ladies they are athletes without a fucking doubt, but I'm just saying You know Michael Jordan plays a game of darts. I mean he's still an athlete. You know what I mean?

darts is not a fucking athletic endeavor right, I don't know all I know is the fucking clothes are tremendous. And, you know, it was great. I was looking, yesterday I was actually watching this golf event. I like watching on Sundays. Like, you know what I love about golf

is how they try to act like it's this upper crust thing and you listen to the crowd and you can hear it with the people yelling. They all go to the track like golf betting on horses and bowling You know, they're all fucking kissing cousins all of them. All right and bowling just is like whatever We're fucking bowling eat a fucking grilled cheese sandwich as you're rolling it. We don't give a shit but golf

sandwiches you're rolling it we don't give a shit but golf Golf has that fucking like that arrogant, you know cut above type of thing, you know like Democrats Like Republicans are the bowlers of Politics they're not trying to pretend to be something not they don't give a fuck about me They don't give a fuck about you and they don't pretend to be something they're not, they don't give a fuck about me, they don't give a fuck about you, and they don't pretend to. Democrats, on the other hand, try to act like they actually give a fuck about people. When they get paid by the exact same fucking assholes, you know, they keep the fucking wars going, they know what's up. They know what's up.

They don't want to see that 1963 convertible limo pulling up to the White House. They don't want to get back in that thing. You will give them what the fuck they want. Or you, sir, will be taking a trip to Dallas. I know, I'm out of my fucking mind. Whatever, it's a fucking podcast. Just relax, I don't fucking read. But when you listen to the crowd at a golf event,

I'm telling you right now, you know what golf actually has the nerve to fucking fucking pretend they think that they have the same sort of crowd that you find at a Formula One event all right what you have at a golf event is a bunch of fat fucking dopes and really really comfortable fucking clothes you know and anytime anybody hits the ball, why they all have to yell at the ball. Get in the hole! You know, they sneak, you know what it is? You know why they yell like that?

It's because they're so used to being at the track, yelling at the dog or the horse, you know, coming at, down in the stretch they come. Come on, you six! Come on, you six! One time, right? You take them to a golf event, that's just how they're behaving.

If you really look at the people, if you have time, they're fucking animals, and this is the thing too, they know they're animals. You know, I know that they know they're animals because those fucking assholes will stand in front of somebody, teeing off, looking down at it like they're, you ever see people like when the subway's late and they're fucking looking down the tunnel,

they're doing that while somebody is driving a professional. It's God forbid, I can't believe nobody's ever gotten killed. Good, I mean I would have, I'd have a fucking panic if I was a professional golfer, like that would be my nightmare. Hit some little kid in the fucking forehead. Hahahaha Yeah, they're fucking animals, but anyways, I cannot say enough about the clothing.

So I'm sitting there watching the event and one of the guys who of course is falling apart, they all end up falling apart. You know what I mean? All of these golfers. I don't understand what the fucking problem is because I don't play the game but I just don't understand there's nobody stopping you nobody's getting in your face you're not like Tony Romo you're fucking rolled out and somebody tackled you and you broke you broke bones in your vertebrae standing over a fucking ball you You got a club. Just hit the fucking thing.

What is the fucking problem? You're already in the winner's circle. You're already going to win six figures. Everything else is fucking gravy. And then he's like, no, you don't understand, it's a game against yourself. I mean, once you have that one bad shot, you know, you got to forget about it.

It's like, dude, you know, you got you got to forget about it. It's like dude You're literally describing life right now. I Love I absolutely love oversimplifying the game of golf because people have such a passion for it and When people really enjoy something as a comedian if you make fun of it you get to see them get upset and for whatever reason If you're truly a comic it fills up your heart Now don't listen to me. I'm fucking with you. I think golf's a great game. It's a fun game I mean look you get you get yourself a six of course light, right? You get yourself a nice nice fucking stick, you know, I'd do that right now, but I'll tell you right now

I can't do 18 holes. I can't do 18 holes. I can't do, like, doing 18 holes, that's like a marriage. You know what I mean? I'm going to fling. I want to do, I want to go to a fucking par three, nine hole course. You know? Actually, that'll probably go by too quickly.

You know, if I'm smoking a stick. Whatever I do. You know, I would just like, whatever, where ever I go, right? This is how I would like to play golf. I have a cigar. All right? I light the fucking thing. As you do, right? Set it down. Whatever the fuck I set it. I have the little fucking, they got to have like on your bag, you know what I mean? Remember Ronnie Dangerfield in Caddyshack? He had all those extra, you know, he had the radio, he had all that shit. There's no fucking way, they don't have an attachment

where you can have your fucking lit cigar still going. As you stay, as you address your ball. You mean stand over it and get ready to hit it? Ugh, and those, watching those fucking, old fucking people getting down on their fucking hands and knees when they're on the green trying to read the putt, you're watching their face getting all fucking red, you know, and you're just standing there halfway down the fairway, well you just fucking hit the thing! Jesus fucking Christ! Trying to take a couple of strokes off my game. Kill yourself. Just hit the fucking ball. Just be happy a couple of strokes off my game.

Ugh, kill yourself. Just hit the fucking ball. Just be happy you're still walking around. Alright, you bacon and cheese omelette eating fuck. That's another thing too, is then it always ends up getting backed up. You know something, I just feel too much stress when I'm playing golf.

There's always that group of people behind me that are always better than me, and I feel like a fucking asshole like I'm ruining their day. Like when, and a few times I've golfed, I feel the same level of stress like when I'm the first person at a red light to make a left, you know?

And there's like five people behind me. Like, literally, my heart starts racing. Because I know that not only is it my job to make sure that the person behind me makes it through the fucking light, okay, like the person behind the person. This is how it works out here in LA, by the way, for all you Boston people, so you don't fucking almost get yourself killed. You know that move you do in Boston where the light turns green and you just stomp on the fucking gas and you cut in front of people? As far as I know, Boston is the only area of the country that does that.

And it's totally acceptable. Like as soon as the light turns green, you just stomp on the gas and fucking cut in front of two lanes of traffic. Out here, if you do that, you're going to get killed. Nobody's ready for it, they're not good drivers, and it's going to be at least three lanes of two lanes of traffic. Out here, if you do that, you're going to get killed. Nobody's ready for it, they're not good drivers, and it's going to be at least three lanes of shit coming at you.

My brother came out and visited me one time, and I forgot about that move. And we were on Venice Boulevard, and the light turned green, and he stomped on the fucking gas, and I just put my foot up on the dashboard, I was like, do, do, do, dude, dude, dude, dude. We made it halfway across and he was like,

you know like when you're driving and you don't know what's going on and the other person's freaking out but you can't figure out what, you get like mad. I was like, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, and he just stomped, he's like, what? I fucking yelled at him. And everybody's beeping at him.

And I was just like, dude, you can't do that out here. You can't. And he goes, all right. And we had to just sit there as everyone drove around us looking at us like, what the fuck? Anyways, getting back to the golf thing. So out here, one of my pet peeves is fucking people who's the first people in line.

Your job, you get out into the intersection. You get out into the intersection, right? And you make sure that not only the person behind you, the person behind you, behind the person behind you, there you go, two fucking cars back, Jesus, Bill. You know, that's how I feel like when I'm golfing. I swear to God, one of these times, I'm just going to do, I'm going to fucking, I got this GoPro for my birthday,

it's still sitting on my desk just mocking me going. Yeah, you thought you could figure this out. Didn't you Bill? Yeah, you really thought you're gonna use this fucking thing I Would love to give a fucking tutorial on how to drive in LA. I really would you know what I mean, and I'm talking I just how to behave There's too many fucking people out here. The traffic is fucking ridiculous. I just really want to do this. I'll even tell you how to be a good pedestrian.

All right, you get in the crosswalk, you fucking hustle. Okay? You know what I mean? I've been walking, okay, and I see, I'm approaching the intersection, and I see that person wanting to turn, and they're looking at me like fuck. You know what I do?

I stop, I wave them through. Third base coach, waving like five cars through. Go ahead, go ahead. Because the second this thing turns red, I can just run across. It'll be fine, five cars will fucking make it and I'll get across, no biggie. Or I can be a douche and just completely

not even pay attention to the situation you're in in your car Acting like I've never been that guy and just stroll across the street And I'll fuck at least two people out of the light you know I mean you know what I'm talking about right now I'm talking about having a little bit of empathy Which brings me to Colin Kaepernick. Oh what a segue I Am NOT gonna watch me to Colin Kaepernick. Oh, what a segue. I am not going to watch any part of this story. Only thing I'm going to do is listen to what he says. I'm not going to sit here and these fucking assholes on sports radio are going to try to get me all fucking stirred up, like what he's doing is going to somehow bring down this country.

And second of all, like I'm going to say, I can't, I cannot sit there and listen to a bunch of people act like they don't understand where this is coming from. You know what I mean? This is a good time. I think, I don't know. I, you know, I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I think this is for me personally I'm like you know what I'm a white male heterosexual. I can basically within reason do whatever the fuck I want to do Here's a guy who's making zillions of fucking dollars, and he still feels this way. This is this is I

Should probably shut the fuck up and listen to what he has to say It's opposed to all of these soapbox cunts. I saw this person like, you know, of course, you know, shows a picture of a soldier who lost both his fucking legs and writes all this fucking bullshit. And I so wanted to just tweet to the person and be like, Hey, let me ask you a question. What's that soldier's name? You know, what happened to that person? Are they being taken care of? Do you know anything about that person? Will you just fucking hoard out the, the worst fucking thing that obviously has happened

in this guy's fucking life is, for your own political propaganda. I don't know, I can't even talk about it. I just can't stand white people who don't act, who act like they don't understand, you know. I don't know, I can't even talk about it. I just can't stand white people who don't act, act like they don't understand. You know, I don't know. But you know something, I can't even get mad because I'm a hypocrite.

Everybody's a fucking hypocrite. There's literally people out there, they're going to chastise that guy and act like they don't understand what he's talking about when, and completely not in touch with the fact that if he moved into their neighborhood, you know, let's just say he was unknown and a black guy moved into their neighborhood

that how not thrilled they would be. You know what I mean? But it's just the amount of fucking people out there. It's fucking hilarious if you read half the shit that people are writing. They say, this guy should be lucky he's in his fucking country blah blah blah. And then in the middle of that are writing. They say, this guy should be lucky he's in his fucking country blah blah and then in the middle of that are writing racist shit. That's why I think this is a great thing. I think it's great that he's doing it and it's just a way

to open up a little conversation. I mean I don't know. I don't think it's it's it's gonna turn into a bunch of people fucking yelling at each other, as it always does. And then unfortunately, nothing's going to get changed. It's going to be a bunch of people going, my kids in the fucking Navy, my uncle fought Vietnam for your freedom, buddy. You don't like it, go back to fucking Swahili. Whatever the fuck they're going to say.

Completely ignoring the fact that there's been an astounding level of cell phone video over the last couple of years. Can you at least admit that? Of some pretty questionable fucking slash murderous behavior. All this shit your whole life that you heard black people saying was happening, now this video, and I'm not saying all cops are bad, I'm not saying everybody black is fucking innocent.

I'm just saying I've seen a lot of fucking people Black pinned on the fucking ground. No hopes of getting up. Shot in the back or just shot in the fucking chest. So you can't, you know, if you're a fucking rational human being, regardless of color, can you really sit there and act like you don't understand where that's coming from? So, I don't want to listen to uh... I don't know where that's coming from. So, I don't want to listen to, I don't know, I, you can't fucking, you're going to argue with somebody on their experience? Let me tell you something,

your idea of how your life's going is wrong, and I can say that because I'm over here living my own fucking life. So, anyways, I think it's great that he's fucking doing it and hopefully it goes into a You know in a positive direction Because you know what I don't I don't think that I don't think any cop wants to go out and shoot somebody That's innocent either. You know, I mean, I don't know what's going on. I have no fucking idea what's going on, but I definitely think something ought to be discussed.

You know, there. Now I'm off my fucking soap box, but I'm hoping more people than not won't respond to this guy with fucking anger. I really don't think that that's the way to go about it. But in my heart of hearts, I know that that's what's going to happen. I know he's going to get booed on the road by a bunch of fucking lunatics, and it's going

to be ugly. It's going to be fucking ugly, and there's going to be people holding up signs, and they're going to make his life experience about them, which I think is a selfish thing to do at this point. Nobody's saying that anybody who fights for this country isn't a hero. Nobody's saying that. I think this guy's just saying, hey, my group of people is getting murdered. Innocent people are getting murdered and this needs to stop.

How you could be against that, I don't know, and how you would then somehow wrap your fucking life into his shit when, you know, at least I can't do that, when I can drive down the fucking street. You know, I have a fucking hilarious story. One time my brother-in-law, right, was going to move across this country and he was driving across the country in this sheer panic my wife and my mother-in-law had

It was instantly a sketch to me Because I'm thinking I you're driving across the country. You got to do Route 66 And they are in full-on panic mode Going don't drive at night only stop in major cities Do not get off the highway in the middle of major cities Like they were in like you would think that this that he was in Russia and you know, I

Mean right there Can you imagine you imagine fucking driving across the country and if you get pulled off in the middle of nowhere? There could be a chance you could get shot to death just because you're reaching for your license. And I'm not saying it's fucking everybody and all that shit, but that that is actually a something that could happen to a citizen in this fucking country is pretty crazy. So I don't know. I already said I was off my soapbox, but I wasn't instantly just picturing that as a sketch that would be like a great Chappelle show sketch

Now would it be a great one Bill? Well, I think Chappelle could make it great. How about that? You know just have the really white guy in the background You gotta see old faithful You know is big on route 66 Europeans I Don't know what propaganda they sent them over there, but they are fucking all about it. I've met more goddamn people when I go over to Europe that have, they always say,

have you ever driven Route 66? I'm like, dude, I barely know where it is. I know Santa Monica's a part of it. And I want to say it starts somewhere in Illinois. Does it start out of Chicago? I don't know, but they're all about it. They're all about coming over here, renting a classic car, and so many of them have done it,

and they showed me the pictures. I'm like, fuck, I had to do that. Why don't I get out there, Big Daddy Don Garletts? All right, let me read a little bit of advertising here for the fucking week. All right, go. You guys are eventually going to figure out my fucking podcast, because I have to mutter it to myself every time I fucking do this shit.

I always fuck it up. Hey, let me hit pause so you don't have to go through this torture. Okay, just like that, we're back. Alright, um, let's do a couple of reads here for the week. Alright, how many more of these I gotta break this up The fuck is it what do we got left here? Do do do do do do do do do okay? We got two more simply safe and MVMT watches off. I'll read that shit later

Anyways, let's talk formula one racing everybody did uh did anybody anybody watch the fucking Belgian Grand Prix I watched the replay of it thank I want to thank whoever text me going you watching this fucking race because I thought they were off for all of August congratulations to Nico Rosberg I don't know if that puts him back in front I should probably look this shit up Okay through the magic of the pause button. I just looked it up formula one standings Lewis Hamilton still in front 232 points to Nico Rossberg's 223, but I think it was really important to come out of the break I don't know what happened with Lewis for some reason he started in 25th

25th fucking place For some reason he had a bunch of penalties or something. It's like he had a bunch of parking tickets and he's like, well, I'll just pay them all at this race. And they stuck him at the back of the race. And because he's one of the greatest drivers, or at least right now, he went from 25th to third, the guy still made the podium, which was pretty amazing. Look at all this, they got a little gossip here. I've never seen more people bumping into each other. Yesterday's race was fucking

unreal. The first turn the Ferrari team they slammed into each other while this other cunt was trying to cut down low and then he says to his team, they ran into me. It's like, dude, what were you driving on the sidewalk? Whatever the fuck you call it. So anyway, somebody said Max Verstappen will cause a massive accident sooner or later if he does not change his driving tactics. Ferrari driver Kimi Raikkonen says,

oh, he must have ran into him. Raikkonen was angry after an incident during Sunday's Belgian Grand Prix, the latest series of controversies related to the Dutchman's driving. The Finn said, if I had not braked, we would have had a massive accident. It will happen sooner or later if he doesn't change. I am fine with good hard racing, but that is not correct.

Raikkonen swore over the radio because of a tactic Red Bull's Verstappen has adopted repeatedly this year, which is to drive in the middle of the track and only make a defensive move at the last moment When he sees which way the driver's attacking is coming for stopping raking in and Ferrari Sebastian Vettel Collided at the first corner of the race with all three cars suffering damage, but it was an incident on The Kemmel straight later in the race that angered the Finn. Other guys defend but they do it correctly. Yeah I guess you're supposed to, you're only allowed to make one move. If somebody's going around you, you're allowed to make one move to get in front of them. You can't

start fucking zigzagging back and forth. Oh man, it's just, I don't, I can't believe I finally got into this shit. And I, as you can listen, you know, if you actually watch this stuff, I don't, I can't believe I finally got into this shit. And I, as you can listen, you know, if you actually watch this stuff, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, but I really enjoy it. And yesterday's race was the kind of race that I wish they were all like, I think when they're fucking bumping into each other, it was like fucking Mad Max. You know, and this track was crazy where they had like major fucking downhills. So you'd be coming up the hill,

and I learned yesterday, they call it compression. The car's sticking to the fucking ground. So you got a lot of traction. Then you come up over that hill, and they say the road falls away from you, which really made my fucking stomach drop. Because they're driving like 180 miles an hour with the road dropping away from them.

Now you're like coming out of the seat, and this guy in this fucking yellow Car came up over he lost it. He got it. Then he just fucking It's unreal if you saw what the car looked like after this guy's accident You would have thought that like a family of five was dead and he got out his ankle was a little tweaked you know I Don't understand why they can't make our cars like that. We just put on helmets and just drive like fucking lunatics Did I mention you guys how bad I want to buy a motorcycle again?

I can't fucking do it because everybody just tells me I'm gonna fucking die, but I really want to buy I Want to buy a fucking bike so bad I miss it man I want to get that Ducati, that Deval one, that cruiser, have it all in black and then on the side, just right underneath where it says the name of the bike, just have that little Italian flag sticker on it. That's all I want to do. And I want to get up at Saturday and Sunday morning

at like six in the fucking morning, because I had jet lag and I was walking my dog, I'm being like, this is the time to fucking ride. There's nobody on the road, slow down at every intersection, just look. Take it through the gears, you know? Ah, fuck. Everybody, last night I was talking to somebody,

no, you can't do it. I've had fucking three friends of mine, they died, and I'm like, yeah, but they were young, driving like maniacs, no, they were great riders, somebody else hit them, and I'm just like, fuck. Why can't they, I wish they could come up with like, like a suit you could wear, right? Where, right as you get hit, what are those,

what is that thing that stupid thing you put on your desk that people have where you can totally compress the thing or open, it's like a toy, or you can open it up into this big ball. You ever seen that toy for kids? It's a little plastic ball. You can make it as a really small ball. You make a big one. What if you just had that thing, right?

Because it would be heavy as fuck. I don't know. The solution is you always just make carbon fiber always seems to be the solution, which evidently is flammable. Is that what I'm saying? I have no fucking idea. Can't be, right? It always just seems, oh carbon fiber,

the particles, when they go to make it, like underneath the guy's car's on fire a little bit. Anyways, why can't they just have something like that so when you get knocked off your bike, somehow it senses it. This is in the perfect world, and it just expands, this giant ball around you, and the ball takes the hit, right, and you're inside of it. Right?

Isn't there a fucking way to do that? I mean, I could Skype with somebody on the other side of the planet and there's no delay as they're talking to me and you can't come up with some sort of fucking suit that allows a fucking freckled cut like me to ride down the street. Oh my God. If you go to Europe, there's no way to not get into motorcycles because there's so many people over there riding them. I got into it fucking hardcore again.

I'm trying to... I'm waiting for that thing to go away and it's not going away If I just rode like twice a fucking week, six to seven, yeah I know. I'll tell you right now, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. Everybody has to ruin it. Why does this fucking business have to be in this city? Why can't it just be like in Montana? Just in the middle of fucking nowhere, you know? Just a bunch of self-centered cunts in the middle of that giant fucking state, and then you just fucking, you could go out and cruise on a bike.

Just don't understand why it has to be here. All the fucking places to pick. They had to pick here, the middle of a goddamn desert. I always say desert and then desert because of the late great Greg Giraldo When you talk about the the the troops writing home during the Civil War Like how eloquent their writing was as opposed to like, you know during the Gulf War You know age fucking hard to not have your balls sticking against your leg is you sitting out here in the in the desert?

against your leg as you're sitting out here in the desert. Ah, fuck, I missed that guy. All right, let's read some questions here. For some reason, after all the ignorance you just heard, believe it or not, people actually write into me and they ask for my advice, knowing that I have no background in psychology whatsoever. All right, so here you go. At your own fucking risk. At your own fucking risk

It's your own risk. Alright, Kenya Hi Bill, I'm a Bostonian like yourself I'm a suburban Outside of Boston, right? Get it right. Okay. I lived in a cul-de-sac and played street hockey Okay, I was I wasn't down in Southeast stealing cars good at math like in apples. So a whole different breed a tough guy All right. I had Legos. I had Lincoln logs. I had a tree for it. Okay these stealing cars, good at math, like in apples. So a whole different breed of tough guy, all right? I had Legos, I had Lincoln Logs, I had a tree fort, okay? All right, I'm a Bostonian like yourself that has a question for you.

My wife is Kenyan and we have a place near Nairobi, National Park. The government is ramming a railroad straight through the middle of the park in clear violation of the environmental efforts put in place by past generations for the betterment of the Kenyan people. This park is considered a World Heritage Site, and this construction would be devastating. Would you be willing to champion this cause with your connections? What connections do I have to stop a railroad being built in Kenya? I'm

not going to lie to you, my last couple of specials were pretty damn good, but I don't know if I can stop. He goes, I hope just to bring attention to this cause as it is being implemented very rapidly before people can complain about it. I can assure you this is a very good cause and deserves the attention of anyone who values natures nature now I'm off to fight in the traffic on the Jamaica way All right, wait a minute well, you know if you send me a fucking link or something I can definitely retweet it But I think the best thing for your cause would not be me to be a spokesperson as long as I don't have to speak About it because I'll tell you right now. I'm not going to read, even if I read

up on it, I'm going to stutter. It's just going to, you know, it's kind of comical as a dope, right? But yeah, just tweet me a link today and I will retweet it. And I don't know. I mean, they're not listening to their own people. They're not listening to a fucking comedian in LA. Don't you outplay yourself, Bill. Everything counts. Well, fuck it then. I'll go positive, okay? I'll join the goddamn cause. I'll say don't build that railroad through that park, and then they'll say, well, what's your other solution? You got an alternative? And I'll say, no, I don't! All right, concert story. Hey Hey there Billy Vanellatits. That's a good one. A month ago I took my niece the little lady and a couple of friends to

a concert they wanted to see. I get free tickets to lots of shows, yada yada, so I took them. We get there and I'm immediately standing out in an ocean of teens to get into this thing. Another group of friends show up and they're accompanied by one of the other girls' dads, so we say hello and walk into this situation. It's pretty slow at first. The opening band didn't have me in mind when they made music, but they were okay. The second band came on and they sounded real familiar. The dad says to me, I heard about these guys from Bill Burr. They're amazing. So I'm immediately

like, I'm like, fuck yeah, this guy knows about Burr. So after they're set, we walk outside and decide I would guess that was 21 pilots Because I went to go see mute math and they opened for 21 pilots and and they had a very Young young crowd screaming like it was the fucking Beatles So anyway, so after they're set we walk outside and decide to have a couple of beers while the kids enjoyed the main act that definitely didn't have us in mind when they made their music and talked about Jesus she talked about me and left our asses off in the lobby

What a turn not only did I get to stay with my is this like a fluff piece? Why was this sent to me? Not saying that you sent the email. I'm just saying my fucking podcast guy Not that I didn't want to stay with my niece, but I had an excuse to let her hang with her friends without me standing there. And if I didn't have this guy to talk to, I'd be the lone dude in the lobby or even worse on the floor watching the show.

But it doesn't end there. All right, I'm guessing this is why the email was sent. Here we go. While I'm standing out there, a girl walks through and asks me what time it is because her phone died. I answered her and a couple minutes later We're talking about everything and anything the other dad was a champ

He laughed at my joke and then peaced out when he saw things going well What was going well not like some married dudes? Oh what this chick came wait a minute wait wait wait what oh Uh, oh, oh, what, this chick came. Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait, what? Oh, I answered her and a couple minutes later, oh, we're, meaning you and the lady were talking about everything and everything. The other dad was a champ.

He laughed at my joke, then peaced out when he saw things going well. Oh, there's not enough guys like that. Right dad? He fucking made it. Look at this guy he's holding court. There's a guy right there. That guy, he gets out in the intersection when the light turns green He makes sure two cars behind him gets through that's what I'm saying about that guy He said yeah, he made sure he peaced out when he saw things were going well

Not like some married dudes who don't get out much and feel the need to flirt so they have Something to Jack it to later to flirt so they have something to jack it to later. Anyways, I've gone on with this girl a bunch of times then and got into a new band that I love whose name I won't name because you don't like to name names. All because of old Billy Original Recipe tits. Thanks and go fuck yourself.

Well that's great. That's great, you know what? And that's a nice fucking story for all the cock blocks out there. You know what? And that's a nice fucking story for all the cock blocks out there. You know what I mean? Those people who fucking cock block, I've never understood that. It's such like a, it's such like a, ah, this is bad. Someone might want to trash women in this.

I'm the worst. I was looking to see that. It's such like a female thing to do. You know? Chicks have that fucking thing where it's just like, well, if something good's not happening for me, then everybody around me has to suffer. The male version of that is the cock block. Well, if I'm not going to get laid, you're not getting laid.

What the fuck is wrong with you? You know what I mean? That's that fucking douche who throws the lady out of the way and jumps in the fucking lifeboat on the Titanic that person, right? I Don't know how the fuck did that's like male behavior, and I still ended up trashing women like what the fuck is wrong with me I Mean part of is I have issues with women obviously, but the other part is it's just so fucking fun to annoy him

Maybe that's my fault. Maybe that's my fault. Maybe that's my problem. Is it wrong that you'd rather annoy him than fuck him? Is that weird? Or is it just sort of a different approach? Oh my God, the best people watching in the fucking world, Reno International Airport. That fucking Burning Man thing was coming in and I was going on, you know, a couple of, everybody kept asking me, hilariously going, are you going to hang around and go

to Burning Man? First of all, I was like two, three hours away from Reno, I guess. And secondly, it's like, dude, look at me. I was joking about that on stage. I'm a 48-year-old fucking bald white dude. I'm not going to show up there and freak everybody out. I look like a cop. Everybody's going to be in the middle of taking acid

or whatever they're doing and then I fucking show up looking like I have a walkie talkie on my waist. I don't want to do that. That's some young kid shit. I hate when fucking people my age, right before they're just too fucking old to even hide it anymore, I hate when they still try to go to young people's shit.

It's over, it's not your time. You don't remember when you were, I remember back in the day when I would be in the clubs, you know, way back in the day, old Billy Redface in the clubs, won't bump it, don't bump it, don't bump it, don't bump it. That girl is poison, right? There'd always be that fucking old creep in there

and you just keep looking at him. Like I remember just looking at somebody who was like 35. Even like 27 started to seem old, like what the fuck are they still doing there? We were like 20, 21, fake IDs getting this place and there'd be somebody 27 in there like what the, dude you should be like married with kids by now. That's what 27 seemed, now here I am 48.

Ha ha ha ha. You know what, who the fuck am I to tell you what to do? It's just my own personal choice. I like going to adult shit. I want to be with adults. I don't want to be, you know what I mean? I don't want to be around that shit. Oh, by the way, and speaking of young shit, I have to give a shout out to a DJ named Afrojack,

who I'm not going to lie to you, I never heard of the guy. I'm not in that fucking world and everybody's sending me this thing where he took a clip of some shit. I guess I talked about DJs like a couple years ago. That's how it works on my podcast. I'll say something and it takes like two years before anybody really hears it. Like that Kardashian thing or the Yoko Ono thing. Like I said, they did the podcast and it goes, like two years goes by and then somebody who

actually has a podcast with influence like Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan blew up the Yoko Ono thing. So anyways, people were sending me this shit and he did like a, do you call it a song? Is it a track? Is it something else? I don't know what the fuck it is, but he somehow lined the shit up and he put me in a song and as much as I still don't get what the fuck is going on. I want to thank the guy because there's a bunch of young people in the crowd and

You know Performers you need that you got to keep getting the next wave of young people as your fans start to get older They have kids and they can't even go out if they want to go out. You know what I mean? Like he just he probably just stopped me from going on cruise ships. He delayed that for another like six years So thank you very much, Afrojack. I don't know if your name is Afrojack, like that's your first name, or if your name's Jack and your nickname's Afrojack, like, you know, Billy Red Tits.

I don't know, I don't know what it is, but I appreciate it. Thank you for, you know, whatever the fuck, you know. Well, however you say it, however you kids say that shit. You know what's funny? I actually watched this thing one time with Nia recently, this documentary on DJ AM. Can I just say that again so I can make you cringe again? The fact that I, as old as I am, just said that name. On DJ AM. And I watched it.

And I actually started to understand. I know there's an art to everything, but I actually was actually started to understand like oh what I to see that I know there's an art to everything but I actually was really starting to understand it and Nia was talking about how one time she and a friend of hers were in New York and went to some fucking club and that guy was DJ in there and she said it was like the sickest night ever of music and you know within 10 minutes of being in the club everybody's like who the fuck is the DJ and then they figure out it's that guy and I don't know what it is it I guess it's like what song leads into the next song and you're changing the energy of the crowd which I'm relating to stand up right you don't open with your closing

bit but you got to open strong then you got to take him on a ride you bring him up and then they're gonna they're gonna get burned out you got 40 more minutes what do you do you take it down a little bit and you start building it back up, down a little bit, and then you're doing a little, you know, it's like wrestling. It's like what I did with Stone Cold's fucking podcast. And you talk about how you bring them up, down, up, down, up, down, a little more higher, a little bit lower, a little higher, and then you get them right

in that last fucking moment, and then they fucking explode and go nuts. So, I don't know. Having said that, I just fucking, I like seeing live drummers. That was that problem I had when I went to go see fucking Lady Gaga. I can go see anybody if I can see the band. She had a band in a fucking house. They're like in this fucking castle and she's riding around on a goddamn horse.

Jesus Christ. Jesus fucking Christ I believe was my quote. By the way what what the fuck's Tony Roma right now okay if if he was it's hard to say this you know because I could never retire from fucking stand-up I don't feel I could and obviously he loves football the way I love stand-up, I would think, but like, this is the time to retire. This is the time to just say, you know what? Fuck this, you know? It's like Ali, those last few fights, if he didn't have those,

maybe it would have been a little bit different. I don't know, what the fuck am I to say that shit, but I don't know, man. You fucking break a bone in your back for the second fucking time, Jesus Christ. How fucking tough is that guy, by the way? Everybody always breaking his balls. Um... I probably shouldn't have said that shit, you know?

I don't know if he's married or if he's got a woman in his life, because what if I just gave her ammo and then I just ruined his breakfast? Tony, do you hear this? Do you hear this podcast? You hear what this person who never played organized football past the fourth grade said? Sorry. Look at that. I'm sitting there fucking shit-knock cock blocks and I turn around I make a move like that. What a fucking asshole. That's you know what Bill that's just typical you. Alright, alright, let's, let's read these last couple, then I'll read a couple more fuckin'...

questions or whatever. Alright. Um... There we go. I think that's it. Okay, let's get back to the questions. Where are the questions? I'm a little out of sorts here. Uh... Okay. Oh, this'll be a good one.

Stand up at high school reunion. Oh no. Oh, this just has fucking train wreck written all over. If this is a comedian and they're going to do stand up at their high school reunion, that takes balls, man. All right. Bill, fuck you, sunscreen burr. We've missed a couple reunions now.

All my classmates are married with kids. So we, I'm guessing, you're a significant other. I've been doing local standup for a while now, but that's been two hours away from where I grew up and none of my classmates have seen it. S-C-E-N-E. They haven't seen it. This is why it's great to get into show business, is You can be as dumb as me and you can still be successful. Now they've asked me to do a set for the reunion.

I'll admit it's different for people you know, so your advice on going after the home crowd that knows you. Keep it clean, offensive, use your best shit regardless. What are your sunburned thoughts? My sunburned thoughts is you're out of your fucking mind. There is no fucking way. There is no fucking way I would do that gig. I'm going to stand up there in front of these fucking people that I knew for 15 years of my fucking life

and haven't seen for 20 years, and I'm going to be, as I'm looking at them, trying to de-age their faces and figure out who the fuck is who, oh my God, and go right back to being like the pecking order. I'll tell you right now, you got balls. Like right now, the fact that you just said that, you know, I'm going to do stand up at

my high school reunion is the spider moment in Goodfellas where he goes, why don't you go fuck yourself, Tom? And then De Niro goes, oh, that's like that pause. Shoes him in the foot, he tells him to go fuck himself. You know, don't take no shit off nobody, right? Yeah, go ahead. You know what, dude? I say you fucking do it.

And this is the thing, dude. I would not hold back. I would give them both fucking barrels. The only thing you have to lose is if it goes bad, you're going to have a great panel story about bombing in front of people you haven't seen in 20 fucking years. My advice would be I would definitely,

I would see the humor in this situation, how fucking ridiculous it is. That's what I would do. I would make some sort of joke that after me, fucking Joe Blow over here is a biologist, he's going to come up here for 10 minutes and look through a fucking microscope or some shit. I don't know what I would do. I have no idea what I would do. You know what? I've done something like that. I'm not going to lie to you. I've done something I did stand up in a bar in my hometown,

and it just so happened there was, there was like a table of people I went to high school with, and I'll never forget looking at them, the look on their face was, holy shit, that's that fucking guy I used to have snowball fights with. They're not even listening to you, they're just watching. This is the thing, they're psyched you're doing it.

It's all about keeping your own fucking head together. And I'm not necessarily good about doing that. Like, I don't even like seeing the crowd before the show. I hate that. I hate when before I go into something somebody goes, Hey Bill, looking forward to the show! Or like, Hey, really like your stuff. I hate that because I feel like I Always feel like well now what if I go in there and I bomb or what if you don't like my shit And then you already said that you liked me, and then you're gonna feel bad that you said that because I stunk Like after the show I'll talk to people. After it went well and I felt

like I gave you your money's worth, then I'm fine. But I feel like if I get compliments on the way in, I'm like taking out a loan. Does that make any sense? I don't know. So anyways, all I gotta say is you got more balls than I do. And if that sounds weird and disjointed, like from my last thought, it's because I had to pit pause and go fucking shut off the air conditioner. Oh, it's going to be a fucking hot one today, you know? All right, I think this is the last one here.

Last question, all right, last question here. Ex-girlfriend's sister, hey, Billy Bergenstocks, I'm 26 and still in love with my high school sweetheart. We've been on and off again for 10 years and have gone through a lot to say the least. Jesus Christ, yes. I just got back from a two week vacation with her

where everything was perfect and we had the time of our lives. This is the woman I want to start a family with and it became more and more apparent on this trip. Congratulations, what could go wrong? Here's the thing I Slept with her sister on a drunken blacked-out night three years ago while me and her were not together and were on bad terms Oh

boy, oh boy My heart was broken and I had a lot of resentment. I was 23, drunk, weak. Shut the fuck up, dude. You had a dick. You fucking jerked off to her while you were dating her other, get the fuck out of here. Don't fucking come at me.

I got a dick too, all right? Don't fuck. And her younger sister came on to me. Oh my God, you victim. Things were different then and I was a mess. Get a dick too, all right? Don't fuck. And her younger sister came on to me. Oh my God, you victim. Things were different then and I was a mess. Listen, I'm not saying you weren't fucking heartbroken. You were fucking psyched the next day.

There you go. You know what? You just got to check off a whole family. All you got left to do is bang them, mother. That's gotta be called something like the Grand Slam. You know like when Tiger Woods won four in a row and they were saying he won the Grand Slam. You won all four majors.

It would be if you bang the mother and all the daughters. That would be the Grand Slam. The amount of guys laughing right now while the women are pissed. Well a year or so later, me and my high school sweetie started talking again and started to become close, leading up to where it is now. I had an unbelievable guilt for what I did with their sister the closer me and this girl got years later. It is the only thing that I haven't been honest with her about and I had to tell her, you fucking idiot, no you didn't, you should've talked to your sister. And they've been like, look, what are we going to do here? You know? Is it, is it, how does it make things better

that you told her? That's such a, and then, like, for the rest of their fucking lives, that's going to be a problem between the two of them. Ah, Jesus. You shouldn't have said shit and just waited until 20 years later when the sister who never got married gets fucking hammered and you go,

yeah, well I fucked your husband 25 years ago. And at that point, what are you going to do? You'll be like, yeah, dude, I was in the fucking 2000s. What do you want from me? Anyways, he goes, well, a year year or so later me and the high school sweetie started talking again blah blah blah blah. I had an unbelievable guilt. So I had a test. So the last night of our vacation, oh my god, we were laying in bed and I told her everything. I took a slap, she was crying for hours, and it was as ugly as you can imagine.

Well, you know what, dude, I commend you. You got it off your fucking chest. He goes, I feel terrible and am torn on if it was the right decision to tell her. My friends are giving me mixed answers and I would like an outside perspective from someone who I respect greatly. Jesus, I appreciate you respect me. I don't know, do you? If it was really bugging you and you felt like you had to tell her, good, you told her. You know? Now you don't have to worry about that fucking thing coming out of nowhere. He goes, it is still fresh and everything is confusing on what is next. We love each other very much, but obviously I fucked up big time. Do you think this relationship stands a chance?

I really hope it does, but I'm worried I ruined it. She seems to be getting through it better than I thought after her first reaction. She told me she loves me, but I really hurt her and she needs some space because when I'm with her, she needs some space. I hope you don't have a brother. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Because when I'm with her...

Okay, she told me she loves me but I really hurt her. And she needs some space because when I'm with her she can't be mad at me. I'm not a scumbag and this is completely out of character for me to do. I just made a terrible mistake. Thanks and go fuck yourself. I will say, the fact that you actually feel

this level of guilt You're a better man than me because I wouldn't have said shit I just would have just been like well I hope this doesn't fucking come out someday While we're having pumpkin pie over Thanksgiving And I bet there's a lot of people out there that live with that secret my thing is not only the cowardly self preservation that I would try to have, I would also, I'm also thinking like, this is, I would have handled that situation.

I either wouldn't have said shit or I would just break up with her and just walk away from it. Because I wouldn't say, hey, by the way, I banged your sister. And then for the rest of their life, they have to fucking deal with that when I'm the piece of shit that did it.

But I have to commend you that you actually felt that level of guilt and said something because I don't know. So it sounds to me that you're going to get past it. So the good thing is that now you don't have to worry about that fucking grand piano crashing down on your fucking life someday. So that's the upside. Maybe there's an upside that you told her where she'll have faith in you that like, wow, this guy actually feels guilt about stuff like that. So I can trust him.

We were broken up while it happened. You know, let me see if I can get Nia in here for this one. Hang on a second. All right, the magic of the pause button again. The lovely Nia is here. Hi. Hey, how you doing? I was watching the VMAs because you refused last night.

And we're watching. No, because I was watching the car race. Is that Formula One? Formula One. Was it, is it called? Yeah, I said it sounded like a swarm of killer bees. It's a lot longer than I thought it was. They go into the corners? Yeah, I know what, yeah. Little PlayStation fucking Game Boy they have

for a steering wheel now? I didn't know they had to go around 44 times. That's a lot of times. Well, it's a long track. It's like a four and a quarter mile track. What? Yeah, they're going like 200 miles an hour. You can't fucking have them drive around a parking lot. Oh my God. I know, but yeah, it was just a lot longer than I thought.

Yeah, the first time you go to a racetrack, you don't, you never, you can't believe how fucking big it is. Like I've gone by Talladega and it just keeps going and you're like, oh yeah, they're driving like 180 miles an hour. Yeah, so it's got to be long. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, and then I fell asleep so I wasn't able to catch up on all the moments that everyone's talking about. I don't know what anyone's talking about, but... Oh, the VMAs? Yeah, I have to go and watch that stuff.

Obviously, they're not on MTV, but they're all online. Yes, videos are still produced and made, because you're always like, they don't even make videos anymore. They do make music videos, but they're all online. How do I say it? They don't even make music videos anymore. But they're all online, but they do make them, and they still have big budgets too, so... That was going to be my next question. All right. Ex-girlfriend's sister. Oh, Jesus. All right. Really quickly, this guy. All right. I'll give you the abridged version.

I've been on and off again for 10 years. Just got back from a two week vacation with her. Everything was perfect. We had the time of our lives. This is the woman I want to start a family with. Here's the thing. I slept with a sister in a drunken blacked out night three years ago while we met, while we, me and her were not together and were on bad terms. My heart was broken. I had a lot of resentment. I was 23 drunk week and her younger sister came on to me. I don't know. I tell you, that's a rough one. That's a real rough one. You like how he makes himself the victim?

Yeah, she came on to me. I said earlier, I said, dude, I have a dick too. Don't fucking lie to me. Exactly. Stop it. I said you rubbed one out to her before you fucking... Yes, the seeds have been planted for a while that you've been wanting to fuck the sister. Don't try to act like, oh, I was so heartbroken. You and the sister are both dirty.

Okay. So here's the deal. He goes, he felt terrible. The last night of the vacation, he couldn't deal with the guilt. So he told her, he goes, I tell you, he goes, I took a slap. She was crying for hours and it was as ugly as you can imagine. Yeah. Um, she told me she loves me, but I really hurt her and she needs some space because when I'm with her, she can't be mad at me. I'm not a scumbag and this is completely out of character for me to do. I just made a terrible mistake. So he's basically saying, do you think the relationship stands a chance?

I really hope it does, but I'm worried I ruined it. She seems to be getting through it better than I thought after our first reaction. What do you think? Yeah, no, it's not going to happen. You fucked her sister, it's over. That's it. You think so? Yeah, because, I mean, maybe.

Maybe there are some people who are more emotionally evolved than I am, but I couldn't get better. That's her sister. Her sister's not going anywhere. And how's it going to be at like Thanksgiving and Christmas and like all that kind of stuff? Like you're just going to avoid each other or just kind of like it's weird.

I mean maybe the three of them can have a threesome. No. And just get it out of the way. Yes. That's exactly what I was thinking. You can't have a threesome with your sister. That's disgusting.

That's gross. I would never want to see my sister. You just stand there. No. Talking with your sister, that's disgusting. That's gross. Talking to each other. Unless the three of them sit down and both this guy and the sister are so repentant and so whatever, but you'd never be able to trust them. You'd never be like, oh yeah, can you guys run out and get some extra sugar and more groceries?

By the way, try not to fuck with her. Exactly. Exactly. And that's the thing. She might be OK with him now, but in the end, she's going to choose her sister. No matter how her sister betrayed her, that's the sister. So you are disposable.

You're just like the dude. That's her family. So if you think that you really have a chance. But I feel like they've done too. Her and the sister? Yes. Her and the sister will probably get past it. I have to say, what?

A long, long ways from now, and it'll probably always still be there. But because their family betrays each other all the time, you know? Here's the thing though. I think what she did was worse than what he did. The sister? Oh, definitely. If we're going to like, put them on who was the worst person in the situation, the sister,

100%. So here's what I learned. You never do that. If you're with a woman, okay? Okay, you guys break up and blah blah blah, if her sister comes on to you, like you are effectively ending that relationship forever. Yeah. Yeah. Not only what you should have told her and the relationship.

Do you think he should have told her? The thing about it is, is that he told her because he felt guilty. So it was to unburden his own conscience. Because it wasn't real, because there's nothing in telling her that would make her feel better. And oh my God, thank you so much for being honest with me. That's the sister. So I don't know. I don't really know how to answer that.

Is there nothing commendable that he had such guilt that he had to tell her? Not really, because people are burdened with guilt all the time. And they're like, oh, I just had to get it off my chest. And it's like, great, congratulations. It's off your chest. Now I feel shitty. So was that really for me or was that for you? Nia Renee Hill coming here bringing the lumber.

Yeah, I don't, I'm not with that whole like, well at least he was honest with you. It's like, for what? For me? No. That was all for him to unburn himself. I never looked at it that way. Wow. Yeah. Not that I don't think apologies are worthwhile or I don't, it's not like I don't think that you should apologize for something you did wrong, but I just feel like you really need to question. I was really hoping that's what you were saying.

Yeah, you really need to question your motivations for confessing something of this level. You know what I mean? It's like, what are you really trying to do? A lot of times people are just trying to unburden themselves. Well, that's what I was saying. The best thing now is he got it out there,

so he doesn't have to worry about that grand piano coming crashing down into his life someday. Like I'm saying, having like fucking Thanksgiving dinner. What I want to know is what is going on between the girl and the sister. Because obviously that's no sister. That's no real, I don't know.

That's what I'm more interested in. You know something else why that's fucked up is because now you know that the parents know. You know? You think she would have told the parents, like, mom, Stephanie fucked my boyfriend. And then they got to be like, oh my God, we raised a whore. And I don't think that she's a whore. I'm not saying she's not a whore. And I don't think that she's a whore necessarily.

People make mistakes, but that's really, yeah. That's issues. No, no, that's beyond. That's a power thing. Yeah, it is. It's a total power thing. It is, I wonder if this was a younger sister. And I wonder, like, who knows?

But that's what I'm more intrigued about now, is like, what's going to happen with these sisters? You know? That's like, that's some to happen with these sisters? You know? That's like, that's some deep shit right there. So I don't know. That's like a power thing on her thing saying like, you know, as much as you're into her, you still can't fucking resist me. What is it? Yeah, maybe so. Because who does that? Who goes after... Nia, let us into the female mind.

I can't let you in on that. That's not a female thing. That's like a dirty ass hoe bitch nasty person. I don't know what that's like. I would never go after a relative's significant other. So where do you draw the line? What do you mean? Coworker. So you're not.

Hey. Just so the people know, because you really have strong opinions on this. So I want to know. I do. So family, obviously. Yeah, no, you don't do that. Hey, it's about your family.

Yeah. If this is a person that is clearly in a relationship with somebody else and you know, they've been together. I want to know, I want to know where you draw the line. Coworker, okay? You guys occasionally have lunch together. With the sister's coworker? I want to know where you draw the line. You guys occasionally have lunch together. The guy's got the paisley tie with the suspenders. You guys always go nuts about that.

If you have suspenders you don't need a belt. But anyway, yeah. What if he has both? Suspenders and a belt, and then you think like, well, this guy. Then I don't know what it is that you're trying to do. Well, maybe. Why would you have both? Wouldn't that get that thing, that female thing, where you'd feel safe? This guy's really going to have an alarm system and a gun.

Yeah, I know. And a sword. And wear two condoms? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know about that. Yeah, no. I and wear two condoms Yeah, no, I mean if they're not involved if they're not like in a real relationship neighbors Yeah, they were would you bang a neighbor? Would I bang like my sister's neighbor? No, not your sister's number taking family out of it. Oh saying where where is the line? Where it's just like well well whatever bitch, you know. Isn't that how you guys say it?

You put the hand up, whatever bitch. But what are you talking about? I'm saying, cause you're saying like, that's family, you can't fucking do that. I was just trying to find a comedic angle here. Oh, I see what you mean. I mean. Neighbor, two streets over, your neighbor knew them,

invited you over and you went over there. You know what, I have a real life example of this. The guy was an architect. Okay, alright, I got it. I have a real life example of this. During my prom, my senior prom, I went with somebody else. Oh, you're dirty. Wait a minute, I went with somebody who was just a friend.

But my friend, yes, Biz Markey, he was just a minute. I went with somebody who was just a friend, okay? But my friend... Biz Markey. He was just a friend. But my friend went to the prom with this guy that she had just met and they were set up by another friend. He went to a different school, so they didn't really like know each other. But the thing is... They just met. They was set up by friends.

So I'm totally innocent. Just saying the dirty thing you did. We really connected during prom. And as you know, that was not what happened. As you know, my prom did not end that great. My parents came and took me from this house that I was in, because I was dumb enough, wait, to tell them the truth.

I called my parents because I was supposed to spend the night at a girlfriend's house, but instead, we were going to be hanging out at this boy's house. His older sister was there, there was a whole bunch of us who were hanging out. I was having such a great time that I called my parents and I said, hey, just so you know, I'm staying here. My mom completely flipped out and she and my stepfather came

and extracted me from the home. So that's how my prom ended. Exactly. So it didn't end on any, it was very traumatic, but- Great parents. Ultimately, they did the right thing. But anyway, he, me and this guy ended up connecting, and we ended up dating afterwards.

So, you know. Oh, that's different. I thought you afterwards. So, you know. Oh, that's different. I thought you were saying like, you know. Like we went in the bathroom. Went into the front part of the limo and put the window up. No, no, no, no. But it wasn't her boyfriend.

They had just met. I think she definitely felt some type of way about it. You know. Only because he chose you over her. Exactly. You guys didn't have any sort of like friendship friendship? No, she and I were really good friends. Yeah, that's not good.

Oh, that's a rough one. But it wasn't her boyfriend. There's been a lot of rough ones here. A lot of rough ones. And we dated for a while. We dated up until, you know, like I went to college, basically, and that was the end of that. So it wasn't like this long term, you know like I went to college basically and that was that was the end of that so it wasn't like

This long term, you know torrid affair. It wasn't like he was my first love or anything He was just really cute and a football player and like Bob Marley, you know, hey, what can I say? Sort of sorted sorted details here. All right. Well, that's the podcast for this week Cheese, and he came hard this week. He came hard. You really fucking just put that guy You just said you know what then that's it. It's a fucking rap and you know what I think you're right. I Think you're right. I can say that. Yeah, as I said here my PGS. Yeah How long have I had these fucking but you I've had these as long as I've known you these fucking pajama bottoms There's two things that I'll never die pajamas will never get holes in them, right?

And sweatpants you cannot kill sweatpants that I made out of that fucking I'm gonna go do some breakdance Mm-hmm was that boogaloo something rather whatever the fucking movie is yeah Yeah, whatever that fucking movie like break a little break electric boogaloo, right? Right? Breaking to electric boogaloo Breaking Two, Electric Boogaloo. That was such a weird period where all those dance movies are coming out. You know, one of the worst dance movies of all time is Footloose. That is some of the worst dancing ever. It's yeah, it's not great dancing.

It's pretty peak white dancing, but it's still a fun movie. What? Why are you looking at me like that? Because I don't know. I just... How you can fucking sit through the excruciating dances in that movie and still see the... That movie is fun and it's cute and it's like... Because it's a town where they... It's a small town where they banned dancing. That's right. Because dancing invokes the devil. Was that an off-Broadway play that they turned into a fucking... They made it into a Broadway show, of course, because they always do. That's where it should have stayed.

Yeah, I don't know. You should have to decide to go for it. Kevin Bacon was hot in it. Remember that part where he goes and he does that solo dance out of frustration in the barn and he's like flipping around on the beams and the ceiling along the barn and he's, you know, no? Was that the Billy Squire video? Who's Billy Squire?

Billy Squire, the poor bastard. The guy was a fucking rock star. Oh, this guy that you were like obsessed with watching all of his videos when we were on vacation? Yeah, because when I was watching him live in like Detroit, I was like, this guy was a fucking rock star. Nate, you got to see the video. It's so bad.

I know, I remember you showed me the video. Did I show you when he was crawling on his fucking, I feel bad piling on, but like. I know, the guy already feels like it ended his career. What are you doing? I know and I said I wouldn't do it. I said I wouldn't do it and here I am. No, I don't know what it is, it's the.

You need to apologize to Billy Squire and get that off your chest. Off my chest. While he's still, why he still feels shitty about it. Oh, by the way, his drummer, I guess his pronounced Shun, is pronounced Shoonard. Bobby Shoonard. I'm reading through that book and I'm reading that WBCN book, which is fucking great.

All right, that's it. That's the podcast for this week. Thank you for stopping by, Nia. Thank you for having me. Always with your wonderful advice, your stories, your general adorability. The dog needs to go for a walk. Yep. Take her around. Hey Cleo, dog needs to go for a walk. Yep.

Take her around. Hey Cleo, you want to go outside? Look at that look. She has been wanting to go all morning, poor thing. Cleo, let me see, can I get her to howl on the podcast? Cleo. Wait, have her sit down. Cleo, sit.

Sit. Sit. Sit down. Come on, sit. Cleo you want to go outside Cleo, do you? No. Cleo, you want to go outside? Cause she knows you're trying to get her to do it. Wait, hold on. Cleo, you want to go outside?

Woo woo! There it is! Yeah! All right, I'll see you guys. Check in on you on Thursday. ["Losing My Love"] See you guys! Check in on you on Thursday! And I betcha I've got the king in his house Without any juice And I betcha If your shoes are too small

There you'll be I betcha And you can't know what's going on If you're asleep, oh I betcha If you want a perfect man But you'll never lose the love I'm gonna win an adventure But you'll never lose the love