Morbid - Episode 30: Santa’s Dark Helpers

Episode Date: December 8, 2018

It's the holidays, weirdos! Time to get freaky, brutal and murderous. Tonight on our first mini-Morbid episode, we are covering Santa's scary helpers who will beat you, eat you and maybe steal your candles. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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this is a mini morbid. Mini morbid. We like it. I can! We didn't plan that. Unplant. I went rogue. Uncelicited. Morbid. So yeah, welcome to the, it's kind of like a mini morbid episode. That's what our second episode of the week will be. Yeah, from here on out, I think these are going to be faster and looser and there's not

going to be any housekeeping or anything. So we're just going to dive right into it. Let's go do it. Our first episode happens to fall during the holiday season. So we decided Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, Merry Kwanzaa, happy winter solstice, all that stuff. Happy holidays. So we're going to be hitting some creepy ass holiday traditions and, we are going to be talking about not Santa Claus, but his dark ass helpers.

The dark ones. Now, I'm just gonna come out and say, Europe has some scary ass Christmas traditions. Yeah, they do. I respect it because they are all about teaching kids to be good good or they're gonna be like disemboweled or eaten or beaten with branches like they don't fuck around. That's why American kids are just such assholes. We don't get scared

into not being assholes. We don't have enough demons that are in our like holidays to scare kids, you know? It's where we went wrong. It's one of the many places we went wrong. One of the many places. So basically what's interesting is most of these traditions that we're going to talk about, they're kind of earlier pagan traditions that have just been adapted to modern use. So they kind of changed throughout the years. A lot of them get less scary, like they started out way scarier and then they kind of turn into something better. Which I think Santa Claus himself, which we're not going to cover tonight, maybe we'll cover him in another one. But Santa Claus himself started off as like super scary and fucked up.

And the luck he sees you when you're sleeping and he knows when you're awake. Yeah. That alone is scary. So yeah. Like why I don't even get the point of that. Why does he need to see you when you're sleeping? I know because what are you doing that's bad when you're sleeping. You're just chilling. Yeah. So that's kind of fucked up. Yeah. Santa, get away. Santa, calm down. Santa, why don't you have any chill? Yeah. He's like pulling a night stalker. I was just thinking that.

So most of these traditions, like we said before, they really focus on making your kids behave. That's the main focus for it seems European households during Christmas season. Hashtag German parenting. Yeah, it's just to scare the shit out of you to make them behave. Hey, I respect it, man. So the first one I'm gonna hit tonight for Santa's little helpers is arguably the most infamous,

probably the one that a lot of people know about crampus. It's crampus. Good old Cranpus, Cranpus. Cranpus' roots actually don't really have a lot to do with Christmas. Now we've turned them into a Christmas thing, but they dated back to pre-Germanic paganism in the region. So his name was originally Cranpin, which means claw. And basically the legend was that he was the son of the Norse god of the underworld hell. Fun!

Like literally just hell. Which he kind of is. He's still is. During the 12th century, actually the Catholic Church tried to banish any crampus celebrations or any kind of like having him to do with anything because they said he was basically the devil. Oh! And actually in 1934, as recently as 1934, Austria's conservative Christian social party also tried to have him eradicated. But none of these things have held and Krippis has lived on.

Krippis lives on! He lives on. So he traditionally is seen visually to have a long like gross tongue. Jean Simmons' ask. Yeah, literally. And it's like a forked long tongue. It's like creepy. He's kind of, he's like half demon, half goat. Same. Me too. Same. And he's also seemed to have one human foot and one cloven hoove, but I couldn't find anything to like why that is. I don't know if it's just a make him

even creepier. I don't know. In a 1958 article about the Krampus legend in Sterea, which is a state in Southeast Austria, they said that Krampus would deliver gold-painted bundles of birch sticks to children. These things, these gold-painted bundles, were actually smaller versions of the switches that he uses to beat people with. So, you know, typical. And what the families would do of these children once they would get these little bundles of, you know, birch branches, they would hang these birch branches in their house all year round as decoration to remind the kids to stay in line. Or you're gonna get your ass beat by Krampus? Yeah, like he was like, hey, remember when Krampus brought us his

beaten stick? That's gonna stay on our wall all year. That's a heavy metal. That's a Heavy metals. Stay in line. So Krampus himself comes around on the night of December 5th and he comes around with St. Nick. But again, he's like the anti-Santa. Um, excuse me. What? Today is December 5th. Holy shit. Whoa.

Did not plan that. Did not realize that. Hope we've been good. Because Krippus is coming down. I have. Krippus is coming down. It's not so catchy. He's bringing a branch. He's beating you twice.

He doesn't give shit. If you've been on the your nice. No, he does though. He gives you huge shit. I don't think he does, because he's just gonna beat the kids anyways. I don't think Kripp's cares if he's been good Oh, I thought it was only the bad kids

Well, I think that's kind of like supposed to be it, but he seems like he's just kind of an asshole So well Santa is you know handing out candy because in a lot of these countries kids will put out shoes On these nights so that that's where their goodies are left in. It's just like a tradition. I don't have a shoe big enough for all the shit I want. So St. Nick will put like candy in the shoes of kids that were good. And I guess in Austria, they'll do, and I think in Germany, I'm not sure about some of our German listeners can tell me if this has happened there before or if they do it now

Liska Burnt twigs and the shoes of kids that are bad the lesska tell us so so that's what the Satanic just leaves like you know Twigs in your shoes and it's like you've been naughty here's a twig But Crippis is like oh you've been naughty All right, I'm gonna take you out of your bed I'm gonna beat you out of your bed. I'm gonna beat you with this birch branch or with this fucking, it's called a switch,

which is basically like a whip made out of branches. And then he's also going to take these kids and he's gonna stuff them in a sack that he has and then he's gonna haul their asses off and he's either gonna take them straight to hell, or he's gonna dump them in a body of water along the way to drown their asses. He's stuffed them in a sack?

Yeah, that's fucked up. I liked that all you got out of that was stuffed them in a sack when it finished with, and takes them to hell or drown some. Well, drowning would suck. I feel like hell would just be like, you know. I love that you're like, wait, he puts them in a sack. I mean, like that's fucked up.

That is fucked up. He just throws them in the sack. What the hell? Oh, I love it. So, also on December 5th, they celebrate Krampus Night, which they call Krampus Noct, which is really cool and metal sounding. But Krampus Night is crazy. It's like public celebrations. People dress up as Krampuses, so there's just a shit ton of Krampuses walking the streets. It sounds awesome.

And like German dudes in campus costumes, and they don't just walk around, and it's not like the celebration that everyone's like, this is so fun. No, they literally beat by standards. Like these creppances walk around, and they hit people with branches, like they literally beat you.

Is that allowed? Yeah. It's legal. It's, yeah? And so it sounds like a purge kind of. It kind of is. Except so I read a couple of like people who have gone to these things and have come back and been like no seriously like they will beat you. Like you will be beaten. And I guess they they mainly go for your legs and your shins, but they literally beat your legs and shins with branches, and they will chase you into places

to try to beat you with branches. What? Like, this is legit. I'm not interested. Yeah, it's a lot. And so because of this, there have been injuries and people obviously getting terrified in like traumatized.

I mean, yeah. So because of this, they've kind of had to reform it a little bit. And there's some places that require all campuses to wear numbers so they can be identified in case some violent behavior. Crapus number 612 hit me in the face with that branch. Crapus number 53 was the one who struck my shins with a fork. Crapus 4, settle down. It's settle down. Cus four you're you're on the edge. Crampus. Come on. Keep it Keep it together god crampus. So yeah, and I guess it's called like a crampus run where they just fucking

Like it's a fucking five K. It's like a turkey trot Hey, is your family running in the app? Crippis knocked. Yeah, the Crippis knocked. So, uh, and of course, the next day, so tomorrow is, I'm going to butcher. We're both going to butcher a lot of these pronounce. She's just so everybody knows by all means,

if you are Icelandic, German, Austrian, any of these and you want to correct us, correct our asses, because we will totally listen and we will correct it. We just got it. But we're doing the best we can. So the next day, which is tomorrow, after the Krampus Noct, is Nicholas Stogg, which is St. Nicholas's day. And this, that tomorrow is the day for like presents presents, enjoy, and like, happy little girls and boys. But it's really just the ones who haven't been beaten

to death by a crampus. Well, yeah, they gotta celebrate something. Yeah, I mean, after that. So, yeah, that's crampus. He's a, he's something. And if you look like a lot of the, any visual you see of him is usually him. I mean, it's literally like half-deam and half-coat.

The big long tongue, the crazy eyes. He's always holding a sack, usually full of screaming little kids in the visuals. That's fucked up. And he's got like chains around him. He's got the big birch switch. He always looks pretty stoked though. Oh, he's got the big birch switch. He always looks pretty stoked though. Oh, he's always raging.

Like he is so happy to be murdering children. It is like everyone, he's got the tongue open, he's got this like crazy, like yeah. He's kinda, he kinda just looks like Coke Doub. He does, that's exactly. Coke Doub Cranpas. Coke Doub Cranpas, I'm saying. So yeah, that's Coked out crampus. I'm saying. So yeah, that's crampus.

The next one I'm going to talk about, I mean this one's going to be a rough one to pronounce the actual word for it, but it's Jola Caterin, which is not how you say it at all, but in English it's Yulkat. Yulkat? The Yulkat, Which sounds delightful, right? I don't like cats either, but I feel like a Yulkat just sounds like it's like I'm the Yulkat. I feel like he's wearing pajamas and he's just like-

It's James. He's got a song to sing, he's got a story to tell. He's ready to give me a lollipop. I don't know. What does Yulkat remind me of? It reminds me of that video online that's like that the cat with like the rainbows coming out of its ass. Do you know what I'm talking about? I was thinking of that one or I was thinking of the one with the cat playing the keyboard. Oh yeah. Like it's just banging on the keyboard and it's just like that's all I thought of.

Well unfortunately it's none of the ULKAT is not like that. So this is a nice landic tradition. He's not a nice cat. ULKAT will eat you. So that's a thing. So he's tied with a nice landic tradition that basically says that everyone who finishes their work on time like servants, kids, anybody, they receive new clothes for Christmas. That's like a big thing. The people who don't finish their work on time don't get new clothes for Christmas. So now as we're going to see, you cat is very fashion forward. Like he's very conscious of the latest trends. And he's going to know if your ass is not wearing brand new clothes, and he's going to be pissed.

So to encourage children and just workers in general to work hard, parents tell their kids that Yulkat would be able to tell who the lazy kids were because they wouldn't have at least one item of new clothing on on Christmas and these kids would be sacrificed to Yulkat. Why? Literally. So there's a poem written about Yulkat, like a famous poem, and it ends with, and this is kind of a nice, at least they say, it kind of ends with a suggestion that children should help out the needy by giving them new clothes so that they can have protection from being fucking devoured by Yulkat. Oh, jeez.

So it's like, hey, it's a nice charity thought, but it's also like, or a Yulkat is gonna eat you. So it's like, what? But nice to the less fortunate, or you will be eaten by a cat. So the whole thing, you get new clothes, you're safe, and you work tired, you don't have new clothes, you'll cat's gonna eat your ass,

and that's just the way it is. Like there's no gray area here. So nobody really knows the true origin of you'll cat, it's kind of unclear, but from what I could tell, the oldest known writings stayed back to the 19th century. So pretty recent, he's not that old.

Okay. There is that poem that I was talking about is by Johannes Jörn Kotlum. And it goes into detail about the... Now apparently Yukiat is gigantic. It's not like this tiny little house cat that just like nibbles you to death. It's like a big old fucking terrifying cat. It has sharp teeth, it has glaring yellow eyes, and it's here to punish your ass. That's what you will cat. It's like a fisher cat. It's all about. It's like a fisher cat from hell.

Awesome. A fisher cat that cares what you're wearing, which is even scarier. It's like adultering gabb, fish, or cat from hell. Yeah, basically. And I might post this poem because it's like really terrifying. Hold on, wait. What? It's Joan Rivers reincarnated in cat form from hell.

Whoa! You're welcome. You just busted this case wide open. That's the origin of Yulkat. There you go. You're welcome. Thank you for listening. Hope you keep it weird. Bye. Wow. J-O-L-R-I-P. R-I-P-J-O-N-E-R-S-L-I-U-L-C-T. That's so funny. So the U-Cat is going to connect with a couple of other ones that I'm gonna mention. There's like basically what we're gonna see at the end is this big old Icelandic child

murdering family that works around Christmas time. Oh my God. So yeah, so that's the U-Cat, basically a giant, you know, fashion conscious cat. The next one I'm going to talk about is called Frao Perchta. So Frao Perchta is an ancient legend in Eastern Europe, but her story was popularized by Jacob Grimm, the brother's Grimm. He referred to her as Frao Berchta and she was the female counterpart to Birchtold, which is the leader of quote, the Wild Hunt.

Now, the Wild Hunt is just this big old procession of elves, fairies, and demons just running around doing evil shit. Hell yeah, where do I sign up? And which is awesome. Yeah, and basically, so what they say is seeing this wild hunt in passing, so what they say is seeing this wild hunt in passing, which can you fucking imagine seeing this in passing.

It was thought to be an omen that would indicate great misfortune, which is like no shit. It's an omen letting you know that you are losing your damn mind, because you're seeing a procession of elves, fairies, and demons just fucking up shit. Congratulations. You've lost it. Like, wow. So, um, Fraud Birchda or Fraud Birchda, um, she flies around the sky with an army of lost souls around her,

which is pretty meadow. Yeah, to say the least. That's bad ass. Among her army of the night are apparently supposed to be the souls of unbaptized children. Heyo! Whoops! So hearing it. Just ashes floating around because I wouldn't get me. Now the legend also says that if you hear the wind and thunder like rumbling around the mountains on the birch till knights, which I'm not sure exactly what night sozar. What you're really hearing is not thunder. It's the fucking sounds of the wild hunt. So it's like all these

demons and perched a frow perched a just tooting around doing evil bad shit. Oh no. Which would be awesome. So the physical descriptions of frowth perched a kind of very, there's a lot of different legends. Some describe her as being actually kind of crampus-like. While other ones say that she's a tall white robed lady, basically old lady. Sometimes weirdly enough she's portrayed with one extra big foot which I guess this is supposed to mean that she's a shapeshifter that can

take any form she likes. That's what it's supposed to indicate to you. That wouldn't indicate a lot to me. It would just indicate that she had a club foot. I think you got an extra foot. Yeah, why you got a club? Why you got an extra foot? So in Germany and Austria, they sometimes portray her as a witch named Frau Perchda, how she, I originally said her name because it's Perchda and Perchda.

And she basically just hands, she will hand out rewards for good kids, but she'll also hand out some pretty severe punishments for bad kids, like all of these do. It's during the 12 days of Christmas, which is December 25th through Epiphany on January 6th. She's possibly best known not for her rewards that she gives, but for what she does to the bad kids. And what she does is if you're not awesome, she will disembell you and replace your organs with hot garbage.

Wow. That's something that just sticks with you, I think. I'm sure it does. And on the 12, this all kind of happens on the 12th night of Christmas, which is the feast of epiphany. That's when she'll creep into homes and she'll either disembell your ass, or she'll leave a piece of silver in the shoes of children and servants who have been good. I take that. Oh, and she also cuts kids tongues with glass if they lie.

Hey, so like don't fall, don't fuck with or how perched a. Like don't foul, so fuck with all prao perchta. Now, there is a slightly different version of this legend and it's according to Linda Raddish, which I probably said her name wrong. She's the author of the old magic of Christmas. Now she says that prao perchta was also known as perchta, like the original legend says, or bertha. And she can also be referred to as spin

stu-bin frow, or spinning room lady. I see the transition there. Obviously. In this one, she's often depicted having a like beak nose that is made of iron. Wow. Which sounds kind of like a plague mask. Like a plague doctor mask. Yeah, that's why I pictured. Which is terrifying. And she's dressed in like super shitty like ragged clothes and she's usually carrying like a cane or a staff. And she just looks like a decrepit old lady

and this one with a fucking beak nose. Damn. Now in this one, she's a judgy bitch to be honest. She's just, she's real judgy bitch to be honest. She's real judgy. She's gonna look at your house and she's gonna tell you whether it's shit. She doesn't have the right to because she's dressed in regs and has a beacnose, but she's gonna tell you when you're set. So I take all of the mirror, perched birth. Seriously take a long hard look in the mirror.

So this one says that you'd better get all your fllax spun by 12th night, which is January 6th. What's that even mean? It says quote, for when the Christmas season was over, it would be time to set up the big upright loom, at which time you must have enough thread to warp it and start your weaving. So if you didn't do this shit, apparently if you didn't start your weaving, then the lazy ladies in Germany, Austria, and Switzerland would either have their looms trampled or they

would be set fire to by Fraudperchda. And if you really pissed her off, like if you didn't weave your shit and your house is a mess. Oh and that was the other thing. If your house was a total mess and you were supposed to leave a traditional bowl of porridge out for her on this night. That you gotta have her porridge. Like I think you could not do one of those things

and she's probably just gonna like set fire to your loom, which honestly is the best case of all. That's all. And if you didn't do any of this, well then she was gonna probably set fire to your loom and then she's going to come into your bedroom and that's when she's going to disemball you but she's going to fill your insides with rocks and straw. Okay that's like the dopest would you rather question ever? Would you rather be disemballed and filled with hot garbage or would you rather

be disemballed and filled with rocks and straw? I mean I'd say hot garbage because or would you rather be disemballed and filled with Roxanne's straw? I mean, I'd say hot garbage because it might have a soothing feeling, the heat. Oh, I'd say Roxanne's straw because I'm not trying to put no garbage in my bod. Are you sure? No, not hot garbage. Taco Bell is kind of hot garbage. Taco Bell is something that is not explained it is not garbage. It's not your hot garbage. I'm a hot garbage for saying that about Taco Bell. Yeah how dare you. We love to sponsor. Well that'd be awesome if we had sponsor my Taco Bell. Well it's not gonna awesome if we had sponsor. I'm not going to happen now. So man, he fucked up. Burn that bridge.

Well, the moral of this one is no matter what, she's definitely going to get someone in Philadelphia, Thurassic Avenue with hot garbage and rocks one way or another. So frau perch and it doesn't play. There's no please in perch, though. Yeah, she does not play. So, her story is thought to have come from a legendary alpine goddess of nature, which does not compute. I don't like that. But, and this legendary goddess of nature tended to the forest most of the year and then just dealt with humans just during the Christmas time in the holidays. tended to the forest most of the year and then just dealt with humans just during the Christmas time in the holidays.

In the modern day celebrations of Christmas, Perchda or like close relations to her because of course there's always variations of these people will show up in processions during Fastenot, which is the Alpine Festival just before land. So that is for our Perchda. Now, these next two are kind of together because they are a father, they're a mother and her many, many sons. And they are the people who own Yulcat. So it all kind of... Yulcat lives with them.

Yulcat has an owner and the owner is just as big a dick as you'll get. Well, they get to live with Joan Rivers. Yeah, they do. So these ones are kind of fun, like kind of weird, but also kind of, I think you're going to appreciate these. Ashtas going to appreciate these. I just feel it. So these next ones are called the U-Ladz. Oh, I feel like I've heard of this.

These sound delightful. They're also, I'm going to attempt the other way to say them, Jolasvanar, but I'm gonna say Yulads. So the Yulads are 13 Icelandic trolls. They each have a distinct name and they each have a distinct personality, kind of like Snow White's dwarves. Now, back in ancient times, apparently,

they just kinda of caused trouble and mischief during Christmas time. So they were used to scare children into behaving like all of these are kind of like the Yul-Cat because they were like the Yul-Lads and the Yul-Cat are gonna come and they're gonna fuck your world up, kid. Don't keep doing that. So now Icelandic children do get to enjoy

13 nights of father Christmas's technically. That's nice. The Ulaads come for these 13 nights, one of them on each night. They're apparently now known as like very Mary and mischievous, like they're like, they're almost like elves now instead of trolls I would think, like they're just like, they're getting, they've got much more chill. So on each of these nights, children will play shoes on their windowsill. And for the, you know, good boys and girls,

whatever you will add comes the leave candy or like little treats in the shoe. If you're a shitbag, then they're just gonna leave you rotten potatoes. Ha, rotten potatoes. Which just, Which just straight up garbage for bad kids. They're like here's some rotten garbage. Injil. But I guess it's way better than being eaten

or beaten or disembelled. So kids are like, that's fine. I'll take these rotten potatoes. So apparently the ULADs used to be way creepier than they are today. But in 1746, parents were officially banned from actually using U-LADs to scare their kids. Like, what would happen if they found out that you did?

Well, and I guess in this whole banning of the U-LADs and everything, they also banned using campus to scare your kids using any of these because like they were legit using like You're gonna get eaten and kids were scared to go outside During the first time because they were scared they were gonna get eaten or disemboweled or beaten or taken away in drowned like what a different Like time of year than we have what a time to be alive so different like time of year than we have. What a time to be alive. Really? So, the National Museum of Iceland has a list of the 13 Ullads and their names and what they do, and I'm going to read this off to you because it's pretty great.

Oh god. Some of these are amazing. So, the first Ullad is called Sheep Cote Claude. What he does is he basically just bothers your sheep and tries to suckle on the sheep in farmer's shed. So I hate the word suckle. Yeah, I never say it again. It's such a bad, bad word. The next one is named stubby and he's short and steals food from frying pans.

Which to that I say, same. That was kind of scary. We have that in common stuff. It's me too, Stubby. So the next one is called Spoon Licker. And I'm gonna let you guess what he does. He hides your forks. Exactly. No, he looks your spoons. That's gross.

The next one is called pot scraper or potlicker. And he steals unwashed pots and licks them clean. I mean, that sounds helpful to me. I was just going to say, which I'm like, thanks. Thanks potlicker. The next one is called bull liquor. He steals bulls and this one's kind of weird. I say this one's kind of weird like none of the other ones were on the train on time. We're going to get weird. So this one steals bulls of food from under the bed, which apparently back in the old days Icelanders used to to sometimes store bowls of food under their bed. Which seems unhealthy, but okay. And this bowl liquor would steal the bowls of food from under the bed and lick them clean. Okay. Next one is called door slammer. He just stomps around and slams doors and just keeps everyone away. Sounds like papa when he was trying to wake me up

and when I was really school. It does. It sounds like my kids. Yeah it does. The next one is called Scare Gobler or Scare Gobler. I'm not sure how to pronounce it. But basically, it eats up all this kind of Icelandic yogurt that's called Scare or Scare.

I'm not really sure. Somebody will tell me. But basically he eats up this Icelandic yogurt that's made with like, I think it was like milk and sugar, milk and honey. So you see stuff all the yogurt. So the next one is called Sausage Swiper. And it's not as dirty as it sounds. He just loves sausages. Hey, you know, don't we all.

So I really mean sausages. Oh yeah. Where your head. The next one is called window peeper and he sounds off-putting. He just creeps outside windows and then he's, so he creeps outside, looks in windows and then he steals shit. Mmm. So he's just a thief. The next one is called door sniffer. He has door sniffer? Door sniffer. He just sniffs your door.

He has a huge nose and apparently has an insatiable appetite for baked goods. What the fuck? Same. Right? I relate so hard to these guys. These are just all my different personalities. These are all my personality traits. Yeah. Next one's weird. This one's called meathook. Next one's weird. This one's called meat hook. What? And he just snatches up all your meat. That's been left out. Oh, I feel that. And he especially likes smoked lamb.

That's same. The last one is called candle beggar. And he just steals all your candles, which that's just rude. That would piss me off. Do you know how much the Yankee candles are? Especially back in the day. Those were useful. Yeah. I mean, I'm just mad because I want my sugar cookie candle. So you ever heard of Yankee candle, candle stealer? Yankee candle, candle stealer. So yeah, those are the ULATs. And what they're, what I'm doing is I'm going to connect them to the last person I'm talking about

because the last person I'm talking about is their mother. Okay. Yeah, these dudes have a mother. Her name is Grilla and she's their mama. She actually predates them in Icelandic legend as an ogress who kidnaps cooks and eats children that don't obey their parents. So she originally was just used like, hey obey your parents all the time or she's gonna come down anytime during the year and just take you and cook you and eat you. But she became associated with Christmas in the 17th century because they had the Ulaids and they were like the Ulaids need a mom. So they just associated her with them. So I love that. Yeah, they were like, they need a mama. So according to the legend, Greek, I'm not saying her name, right,

Gryla or Grylia had three different husbands, get it girl. And she had 72 children. What? So. Now, when we talked about the Lawson family and they had eight kids, we were like, one might say that's too many.

72 children is far too many. 72, that's a problem. Girl, even the dougher stopped before that. They did. I mean, did they? Or are they still on their way? I think they stopped. I think they're trying to get there.

Now all these 72 children ranged from just being kind of mischievous to just straight up murdering people. Which, if you have 72 kids, there are bound to be a few hooligans and murderers among you, that's just math. And statistics. Statistics. Yeah, it's just the way it is.

So I'm not gonna judge her for that. At a 72, you're gonna get a murderer to take care of. Yeah, of course. Now, the Yul-Kat, like I said, lives with this whole clan. So she's the mother of the 72 kids. She's the mother of the 13 Yul-Lads and their house pet is the Yul-Kat. She was first said to send her 13 Yul-Lads down to town

to snatch up bad kids so they could cook and eat them. But again, by 1746, Icelandic kids were so scared of this that the government stepped in and put the ban on using this lady to scare kids too. So she was part of this all day like, you can't do this. Now later it changed again because of this whole thing. And now she's said to send her 13 boys, her Ulysses down to town during the 13 days of Christmas, where they just spread cheer and are just mischievous and shit. You know, just stealing your meat, stealing your candles, slamming your doors, not eating you. Yeah at least you're not murdering and eating you. Yeah, you know. Now, just to end this, the onion, so apparently she's like a huge,

and like people know who this ogre is. So the onion blamed her for the 2010 eruption of the, I'm gonna try to say this volcano, but it's the Aijaf Jala Jokul volcano. I butchered that. But basically she got blamed by the onion for 2010 volcano. So that's how well known she is an infamous. And that is Grilia, the ogris who will eat your kids.

She has way too many kids. Yeah, that's just like you need to be eating other people's kids. You could probably just eat some of your own. Yeah, just eat some of your own. You have like 70 to spare. You do, you have way too many to spare. That's insane. Those are, that's my dark clan of Santa's helpers.

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today. Well, I also have a couple that I can't say any of them. So they should be faith in you. My first one is Belznickle. That is my favorite name. That's actually what I'm naming my first born. Belznickle. It's good because it sounds wonderful. Like he sounds just delightful.

It kind of just reminds me of Snickers. My name is Belznickle. Okay so Belznickle is a man from southwestern German lore. Oh he's Germany man. Germany has the best dark Santa's helpers. Yeah. They, I'm feeling those were they're all from.

They're cornering the market. Yeah, for real. But he traveled to the United States and he lived on in Pennsylvania and Dutch customs. Yeah, because I was going to say I know that name. Or Pennsylvania Dutch. Is that the thing? Yeah, the Pennsylvania Dutch. So he comes to children sometimes before Christmas,

and he wears like old clothes and like raggedy fur. And he carries a switch kind of like a crampus to frighten the kids. Always a switch. But he also has candy. Oh, well, he says candy too. To reward them for their good behavior. So if you're like a little bitch,

she's gonna hit you with a switch. And if you want candy, he'll give you some. I bet that's a poem somewhere. If you're a little bitch, she's gonna hit you with a switch. Probably. In modern day, like retelling of the story, the switch is only used for noise

to warn the kids that they have to be good before Christmas. So that's more appropriate, I feel. Give it a little witch. But it would scare me in the wine. Just on like the wall or something. Just that witch. Yeah. Um.

And the kids can get candy from him if they're polite about it. Um, I don't really want Bell Snickles candy. Well, it's either candy or the switch, so you pick. You got to pick if you want the switch or the candy. I'm going to take that candy and just put it somewhere else. I'll be like, thank you, Bell Snickle, and then just be like, I'm going to put this over here. I'm not going to eat that candy. I think Grandpa is going to watch you and think that you're unappreciative.

And then he's gonna drown me in a river. No, the worst. He's gonna stuff you in a bag. He's gonna. Yeah. That's the worst of all. I hope he drowns me in the river. I just hope he doesn't put me in a bag.

I mean, if you were in the bag, and he dumped you in the river, you could just swim down the river and have yourself a male time. I think he, you know what I think part of it though is that he chains you up with his chains because he has chains all around him. So I think he chains your ass up so you can't move.

Wow. He's wild and he's a lot. He's he's very extra. Damn. I'm going to try to say these names, but I'm gonna say first group. We're gonna get so much. And Nect-Ru-Pretched. Our similar.

Now I can't even say the word similar. I'm like, they're similar. Hold on, I can check it. Nect-Ru-Pretched and Ru-Class are similar characters to Bell Snickle and they're also from German Folklore and they also dull out beatings to bad kids. So I can't even read at this point. I love it. My other one I have three so my second one Hans Trump. He's like the anti Santa.

Hans. Like Hans Asman. Like Hans Asman. But I mean Hans Asman was probably the fucking anti-Santa. He did it. Yeah, he did it. But Hans Trump hands out punishments too to bad children in the al-Sache and Lorraine Rageans. You don't say I just had Rageans instead of Rageans. The Rageans! Can you cut that out? I just don't know because I love it. Constrap, hands out punishments to children in the... Is it al-Sache?

Oh, it's French, so probably not. Al-Sache. Oh, Al-Sasi. Lorraine. Regions. I love how American you are. You're like Al-Sasi. People are gonna hate us. America.

The legend says that trap was an actual real man. He was rich, greedy, and evil, and worshiped Satan. Whoa. So, I mean, whatever. And he got excommunicated from the Catholic Church, which I think happens pretty easily. So, like, he was pretty chill overall. Pretty good scent to live in the forest. So far, I don't see the issue.

Yeah, I don't know. So, they made him go to the forest where he prayed upon children and disguised himself as a scarecrow with straw-jettin' out from his clothing. Ew. One day, he was about to eat a boy he captured scarecrow with straw jetting out from his clothing. Yeah. Yeah. One day he was about to eat a boy he captured, but he got struck by lightning and was kind of hate when that happens.

Yeah. You know, I hate when I'm about to have a good snack and I just get struck by lightning and died. A good little child snack. Yeah. Seriously. Um, so yeah, he died, but still he lives on and he visits young children before Christmas dressed as a scarecrost still to scare them to be good. So this dude is legitimately the ghost of like a rich Satan worshipping fucking scarecred dress and motherfucker who died by

getting struck by lightning and now he's just eating a boy while eating a boy and now he's just back with a brand new set of wrapping paper I love it. I love it. My third one is Get a sound really shitty when I say it and I bet this isn't how you say their name, but here we go Pierre food card Or food food to tart food to tart. Food to tart. Food to tart.

Just throw like a haw. On the kitchen. So he's French. And his name translates into father Whipper. So we'll just call him that. Yeah, just call him father Whipper. So the legend begins with an evil butcher who carved children to eat, you know, as most legends do. As most fucking butchers do, you know, have ever seen sweetie Todd. But him and his

wife learned three boys into his butcher shop. He was a barber, by the way. What? He was a barber. A barber? Yeah. No, the sweetie Todd. Oh, I was like, no, he's a butcher. He's like, no, I'm looking at it right now. I was like, I did. No, I'm in sweetie Todd. Well, I haven't seen many musicals. The demon barber in Fleet Street. Well, he's a butcher too, because he butchers the peeps.

Yeah. They put some in a pass. Put some in a pass. Baby in the kitchen cooking pass with this baby. Yeah. What just happened? You're not going to get that. What's up in the pot? Baby in the kitchen cookin' paws with this baby. Yeah. What just happened? You're not gonna get that.

Cause you don't listen to rap. I do not. There's this rapper called Fetty Wap and he's like, Abby in the kitchen cookin' paws with my baby. And so it's a sweetie dog, okay? That's where they actually, that's where they got it from. That is. I'm sure.

It's not. But it from. That is. I'm sure. It's not. But anyways, it's not. Foodtarded his wife, lured three boys. Father Whippern is wife. Father Whippern is wife. lured three boys into the butcher shop. He killed them. He chopped them.

And they sprinkled some salt on them. Because you must season your meats. Yeah, yeah. But St. Nick came to the rescue, resurrected the boys, and oh, so he's a Necromancer now? Yeah, St. Nick is everything. Oh my damn.

And he like, just like fucked up, Mr. Father Whipper. Like, I just like fuck you. And he became St. Nicholas's servant and now his job is to dispense punishment to bad children on St. Nicholas day, just like all these other peeps. Wow. As if they didn't have enough people to deal up punishments. And well, I like that he was like, so you took it a little far with butchering these three kids and trying to cook them up with some salt. Yeah.

But now, I think you are good for this position I have opened up. Where you can do a lot of just some light punishment. Children instead of butchering the quick punishment. Like wow, he's lucky to get that job. That is very mental. So mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental.

I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental.

I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're so mental. I feel like you're holiday season. It's like jolly, you know, super chill time where you just get anxiety about buying

presents and material things. And then over in Europe, they're like keeping things metal as fuck. And they are just like, we're gonna keep it real. The shit started, dark as fuck, and we're gonna keep it that way. Which I was gonna stay here for the holidays. But I can't, I love that they like kept it in the straight up like this like the holidays are scary.

I don't like that they they just went with it like they leaned in. Holidays are supposed to be magical. I'm good. I mean they are magical over there. They're totally different. Totally different. And honestly, for our international listeners, we would love to hear any of, you know, if any of you remember hearing about these stories or anything that you guys celebrate like this, like totally tell us because this was fascinating to hear because it's just so different from what we do over in America. So, so let us know we'd love to hear and I know we have some international listeners that probably have some rad stories.

So, by all means, we love hearing them. So, this was our first little mini episode. We hope you dug it. We've been getting a lot of messages lately and we're trying to answer them. So, if we haven't answered one of your messages, I just want to let you guys know that we are going to get dug it. We've been getting a lot of messages lately and we're trying to answer them So if we haven't answered one of your messages I just want to let you guys know that we are going to get to it So don't feel like we're ignoring you. We promise. We love you and we love our messages We love reading through them. So we'll get to everybody I promise and We hope you dig our little

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