Morbid - Episode 306: The St. Osyth Witch Trials

Episode Date: March 16, 2022

Alaina brings us the true story of the The St Osyth Witch trials this week. It all starts with a "naughty named" woman, Ursula, potentially causing the lameness of another woman called Grace. Causing the lameness of another was grounds for being charged with the very serious felony of Witchcraft, and really it all went downhill from there. In the end fourteen were accused, two were hanged and many more died in prison.  The book and pamphlet used as a source for the case:  England's Witchcraft Trials by Willow Winsham  A true and iust recorde, of the information, examination and confession of all the witches, taken at S. Ofes in the countie of Essex whereof some were executed, and other some entreated according to the determination of lawe. Wherein all men may see what a pestilent people witches are, and how vnworthy to lyue in a Christian Commonwealth. Written orderly, as the cases were tryed by euidence, by W. W  As always, thank you to our sponsors: HelloFresh: Get sixteen free meals, plus three gifts, with code morbid16 at HELLOFRESH.com/morbid16. Simplisafe: Go to SIMPLISAFE.com/morbid  today and claim a free indoor security camera plus 20% off with Interactive Monitoring. BetterHelp: This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and Morbid listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com/morbid Noom: Sign up for your trial at Noom.com/MORBID See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hey there, fellow podcast listener, it's Elena. And Ash, and we're taking you back to the days before streaming services. Whoa. You know, when you would come home from high school, and it was only a few hours until that TV show Everyone was watching was about to come on well in 1999 that show was Buffy the vampire slayer in our podcast with Wondery the rewatcher Buffy the vampire slayer

We take it back to 1999 so get out your knee high boots and paste that poster of angel on the wall. It's time to enter the Buffyverse. Some of you avid morbid listeners already know what we've gotten store. Hey, Lennon. Join us as we sway our way through Buffy's drama, action, and romance. Episode by episode. Slacy, follow the rewatcher Buffy the Vampire Slayer, wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen early and add free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Darn, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, eirni, e And it's morning in the morning. That's why we sound like this.

Sound a little whore. Yeah, and I think Ash gave me her cold. Oh, I did. Yeah, it's starting to creep up. To be fair, your children gave me my colds. It's the circle of life here. So that's just, it's the circle of dreams. It's the circle of dreams.

The circle of dreams. It's so weird. Drew, the last time I got sick, did not get my colds. I know. This time did not get it. I'm like, I thought I was gonna get away from it. I still might knock on wood. I just have a scratchy throat, and my nose is a little like

for clumped, but like for clumped. But I think my nose is in a bit of a crumudge in it. It is, it's having a moment. So maybe, but I, sometimes this happens, and then nothing comes out of it. Well, the other thing is like not to get all like, I don't know, but it's allergy season, I think. Not to get all.

I don't know. I don't know. I'm looking at my coffee and I will need to drink about me. It's my, yeah, I haven't had a lot of coffee, but here we are. I'm only here. Who coffee sitting in front of her? I have an iced and a hot in front of me right now.

To whom I am. That's who I am as a person. So we told you that after four harrowing, ruchid, laborious, gut-shattering, gut-shattering, exactly episodes of Albert Fish that we were gonna lay it on easy for a couple episodes, just to ease you back into it. Yeah, so we give you less inner tails. Yeah, so we give you listener tails.

Yeah, just fun. Those listener tails were so, I mean, I feel like I say it every time we do a listener tails, I'm like, that was such a good one, like one of my favorites, but they are all my, they are so good. I love listener tails. I the one about the, I'm gonna just say,

the flush pedestrian, because somebody on Twitter said that, and I was cackling. Yes, and we got a couple. So we, I don't, so flush pedestrians. Yeah. We, there was a couple of mentions, especially from like our Native American Patreon subscribers.

That were like, hey, next time, like if you say the word, can you just like put out a trigger warning because like that is a very real thing, especially. Well, no, it's just like, that's like a very scary, very real thing, especially in Native American cultures. So they were like, it's just like, I was driving and I almost like hit a tree. Oh my God.

Oh my God, I never wanted to do that. I didn't realize that. So Fles Pedestrians, I think you can tell what I'm talking about right now. Yeah. I'm going to say the word, so just like, skip a finger warning. If you don't want to try.

I'm about to talk about Flesh pedestrians. We were talking about skin walkers, and that's why. So, I had no idea, so thank you for letting me know because I had no idea. Yeah, same. We probably will do an episode on them at some point. I apologize in advance. I know.

You'll get lots of warning, but thank you for letting us know that, because I had no idea. I haven't looked into them too much. I woke up at three o'clock this morning, and I had to pee so bad, and it's all I could think about. And I didn't want to flush pedestrian. Yeah, and I didn't want to walk. I didn't want to pedestrianize to my bathroom. No.

Pedestrianized? Yeah. I don't know. walk, I didn't want to pedestrianize to my bathroom. No. Pedestrianized? Yeah. I don't know. Ash has not had coffee. Yeah. Let me just start. Let me just take a brief little sip, but let's. So after that funness, because that was pretty scary.

Yeah. We're going to get into, you know, I was like, I'm in the mood for a witch trial. What, you know, what else is new? You just, you ever wake up and you're like, I'm just in the mood for a witch trial. Not to actually do one, but to like learn about one. I do. So I found some, because I was like, I got to move out of the Salem witch trials because like as much as I could just literally give you guys 65 episodes on that. Like I would love to revisit that and like really lay it out. We'll see. But make it its own show. Make it its own show.

That'd be sick. But I figured there's so many witch trials that I feel like don't get talked about enough. And they're sure. Outside of the United States. Yeah. Because everywhere. When you did the Paisley witch trials,

I'm so long ago. I had never heard of that. Exactly. I feel like they don't get enough, you know? Recognition. They really don't. So this one that I'm going to cover today is, and it's like intense too, but it's commonly referred to as the O Sith Witch Trials.

It is O Sith like the Star Wars villains I learned doing because I, it's pronounced, or it's spelled, a saint, O-S-Y-T-H, so I thought it was O Sith for a while,, it's pronounced, or it's spelled a saint, OSYTH, so I thought it was O-Syth for a while, but it's O-Syth. Okay. I did my research for you guys. Don't get it twisted. And this is, so O-Syth is an English village in your Essex, so we're gonna, across the pond.

Not even a. So this took place February 19th, 1582. Why? Pisces season. There you go.82. Why? Pisces season. There you go. Oh gee, Pisces season. Wolf Wolf. There's, you know what?

There's a lot of energy here. Emotions. There's a lot of emotions happening. Pisces season, I'm just gonna go ahead and say, it's no for me. No, it's not for me at all. No, you're not. I've learned so it's very much not for you.

Pisces season is by far not my season. Too emotional. Yeah, I hate it. Get it away from me. Please, please, get it away from me. I'm so ready to like eat myself in an airy season. Yeah, that's John's season. Yeah, and no, not Papa's.

Like, he cusps it. He cusps that shit. So this started with a fight between Grace Thurlow and Ursula Kemp. Okay. Now, I found a couple of things that went into, because it's from 1582, so as you can imagine, did you find the newspaper?

Not super easy to find a lot of actual documents, except this one happens to have a really gnarly document that survives to this day. What is it? It's called the name of this is like my favorite. It's called a true and just record of the information examination and confession of all the witches taken at Osits in the county of Essex,

whereas somewhere executed and others some untreated according to the determination of law, where an all men may see what a pestilent people which is are, and how unworthy of life in a Christian commonwealth. Can you imagine telling somebody they're unworthy of life? Because, like, who are you? New pestilent which, you're unworthy of life. Unworthy.

In a Christian commonwealth. Like, I'll leave. Imagine that this was written by some guy who only goes by W.W. And I imagine, can you only goes by WW. And I imagine, can you imagine being WW and being like, hey, would you guys like to read my pamphlet? It's called the true and just record

of the information examination and confession of all which is taken out of assists in the county of Essex, where some were executed and some were in treated according to the termination of law. Where an all men may see that a pestilent people which is aren't worthy of life, they aren't a Christian commonwealth. Do you want one? Don't keep a Christian Commonwealth. Do you want one?

Don't keep it that weird. Do you want one? No. Like I'd be like, I'd be like, you lost me at HADYWON. I'd be like, I've lived an entire life while you told me the title of... I had a whole family.

I had a whole family. I'm retired. I'm retired, yeah. I'm like, I'm in, I'm in Florida these days. I'm golfing now. I buy, see ya. Buy WDW. I'm playinging now. I buy. See ya. Buy WDW.

I'm playing shuffleboard with Mavis. Next door. With Mavis. I love that. But you know, so this is a document. It's over 100 pages long. It's like a pamphlet. And it survives.

It's got all the confessions. Like he says, everything in there. And it's all right there. Where did you find it? It's a very thorough document. Well, I found this book called England's Witchcraft Tiles by Willow Winchem. Very interesting.

Love. Very good book. It has a ton of other witch trials and goes into certain witches or accused witches. And that's, she mentioned this in that book, and I was like, ooh, so I went and found it and then I read all 100 pages. Like I went through every document. And let me tell you, the old English way of writing,

where they use a U instead of a V, and like all other kinds of like thank goodness this other book, English witchcraft trials, like kind of helped translate some of the names into what they actually are. Like wasn't awesome. That is. Here, here, here, here, here, here,

it's a lot, it's a lot. So let's start off with how this began. So Grace Thurlow, she was pregnant at the time. And she said that her son, Davey, had been sick the year before that and he was not getting better, and her friend Ursula Camp had come to her home to visit. She was like a well-known healer.

She would like unbewitch people, that was like her thing. And she was just being nice, trying to act like a friend, and she'd come to do some healing practices on Davey to try to help him out. All right. Apparently she took Davey's hand and said, a good child, how thou art lawdom. And the as one does.

What's lawdom? I think it's like, you're a good child. And you are, you're basically like you're sick. You're on your bed. Oh, you know, like you're bedridden kind of thing. Like, but you're a good child. Like, we want to help you out. Then she left,

but she had taken him by the hand and said that, then she left, came right back and did the same thing again. She did it one more time, three times in total. She asked, so Grace was like, okay, I don't know what's going on. So she ended up calling Ursula back that night because again, she's a healer, and she was like, I need some help because he's getting worse. And she was feeling like comfort with Ursula's practices because he was getting, like he wasn't getting worse, but he wasn't getting better. Okay. But she was like, you know, she's the local healer.

I feel like I need her just here, just in case something gets worse. So Ursula was like, sure, I'll come back. And you know what? She was like, Dave, he's going to be just fine. We're going to get him on the mend. And she, according to that official record, said, I warrant the thy child's shall do well enough. That's what she said.

Okay. So that night, he got better. Great. He was better than he had ever been. Now, this has been a year of him being sick. That's suddenly Ursula's there, and he's better. What makes a person a murderer? Are they born to kill? or are they made to kill?

I'm Candice DeLong and on my podcast Killer Psychie Daily, which you can find exclusively on Amazon Music, I share a quick 10-minute rundown every weekday on the motivations and behaviors of the criminal masterminds you read about in the news. I have decades of experience as a psychiatric nurse, FBI agent, and a criminal profiler. On Killer Psychie Daily, I'll give you my expert perspective on cases like the mysterious New York City drugings, breaking down Lori Valow, a.k.a. Mommy Doom stays motives and what drove

Katelyn Armstrong to murder? I'll also bring on expert guests who add even more insight into these criminal minds. I promise you won't regret adding these 10 minutes to your morning routine. Hey, Prime members, listen to the Amazon Music exclusive podcast Killer Psychie Daily in the Amazon Music app. Download the app today. So in fact, when Ursula saw Grace and asked about it, she said, quote, it took good rest this night. God be thanked, which is exactly what I love how that like it took good rest last night.

God be. That's exactly what I will say the night that my youngest child sleeps. It took good rest last night. It took good rest last night. God be thanked. I'm going to walk in with Starbucks and you're going to say that and I'm going to and you'll know. Skirt right out of it tomorrow. You're going to know. You're going to know.

When I come on this podcast, guys, you're all going to be here with me. When I come on here and I said, I say it took good rest last night. God be thanked. You will know that she's gone around the bed. She's finally sleeping. Or that you'll know that all is right. I don't know. I think I'll feel like all is wrong if you say that.

All will be right. I don't know. But yeah, so apparently, you know what? It took good rest last night. Davie was fine. I love that they refer to children a lot. And these records as it. They're like, well, it said that.

It's like, well, you know, it's a human. But okay. But weirdly, in the record, it also states that the kid, you know, was doing much better, that better than she had in, or excuse me, he had in the entire year before that. And then there's also this weird little note in there that says, the palms of the child's hands were turned where the back should be and the backs in the place of the palms. What? So his hands were like, and I was like, where's hands like upside down? Like, what does that mean?

Ash is trying to do it right now with her own hands. I don't know, man. I don't think it has, like, it's not like a very pertinent piece of information, but to me, I saw this. It does. Like, I just feel like I needed to discuss that it has, like, it's not like a very pertinent piece of information, but to me, I saw this. It does. Like, I just feel like I needed to discuss that one, because they, it's very casual and very moved on from. Just like, that's what happened.

For me, it feels pertinent. It felt pertinent to me, but the record did not find it pertinent. At first, I thought you meant like he was sleeping on his hands. No, it's just like his palms are where his back of his hand should be and his hands are where his palms should be. Hmm, not sure, okay. But when, so again, remember Grace is pregnant as well. Oh, okay, yeah.

So when Grace was ready to give birth, she made a boo-boo. Oh. She didn't have Ursula there to help. And this was taken as a real insult by Ursula. Well, yeah. She was kind of, she was a healer, she was a friend. She was kind of like a makeshift midwife. She wasn't like, I couldn't find anything that said she was

like the midwife of the plate, but I think she did midwife duties. Well, and she also saved it. Yeah, exactly. She saved it. She saved it. So she was not, she was not happy about this. This was a real insult.

And instead Grace chose to have someone else assist her, and that was just bullshit to her. So she made this pretty obvious and said she was really offended by the whole ordeal, and the two women immediately fell into a bad way with their friendship. A bad way. You know, a bad way. At one point, Grace suffered from what she referred to as a bout of lameness, which they always need to. I love you too, Grace. I'm in a constant bout of life. I feel like that's like a new insol, like, oh,

you know what, you're just in a bout of lameness. So cool. You know, we're not going to be that later. My entire high school experience could be referred to as a bout of lameness. No, here's where you're wrong. I think the other people who were like rude to you, they were in a bound of lameness.

Oh, that's funny. You were just like reaching your prime. I mean, just reaching for the stars. And they were peaking. But you know what? Grace was really suffering from a bout of lameness. Yeah, Grace actually was. And she basically insinuated to Ursula that,

so she suffered from this bout of lameness after they fell out. I cannot. I can't stop. Can't stop one step. Never. But after they fell out of their friendship, that's when the lameness occurred. So she basically insinuated to Ursula

that she had no issue going to Justice Darcy, you know what I'm saying, about this sudden ailment. And she was, which is like basically her being like, I'm suddenly sick and you were like pissed at me. So like I could go to that justice and tell them that, like basically being like, you know what happens to bitches. You are magic.

Which I'm like, you are a conniving motherfucker. Yeah, it's also like, you know what happens. She saved your baby's life. Like, don't be a butt. Maybe go away. But she was prepared to name Ursula as a witch. It was so wild back then. I know I'm like, Grace, I think you're just lame. I think there's just. I think you're just a witch. It was so wild back then. I know, I'm like, Grace, I think you're just lame.

I think there's just... I think you're just a batch that you're just, you are like the other sense of lame. Literally. Now, apparently Ursula, which I had no idea, Ursula was a well-known witch name at the time apparently, according to... Oh yeah, because like a little mermaid.

You know one, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, a little mermaid. And they, and I'll see that. Yeah, you know, or as it says in the record, they refer to her as Ursly. Oh, yeah. Well, Nick name, which apparently Ursula is like what you would get out of that now.

Yeah, but it says in the record, quote, Ursly, they'll hasten naughty name. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. They'll hasten naughty name. They'll hastenati name. They'll hastenati name. Okay, it was like you and Lollegg. Even back then. Right, that's funny.

And because she had a witch name, she was more likely to be named and prosecuted. Now, also, Grace worked for Justice Darcy. She had some kind of like administrative position under him and had a protected position with him because it was shaky for a woman, even for a woman to accuse another woman of witchcraft without the possibility of her herself having that thrown right back at her. There's three fingers pointing back at you. Exactly. So it's like, this was a huge advantage

to her that she knew she was in a protected position Because most women wouldn't you know would think twice at least especially if they're not in a position of privilege of any kind To go accuse anybody because they're just gonna turn around and go well You're which and then you're thrown in jail with that person. Okay, but she was like deja on this week's episode of RuPaul's Drag Race Exactly. She has immunity. There you go. She has immunity. Now Ursula was unbothered. Unbothered. Okay. Here's the thing. I feel like you can't win. Because if you're unbothered, you're like a witch.

Yeah. And if you're bothered, you're a witch. You're like a witch. Yeah. You can't win. But Ursula was just like, I literally am unbothered. I don't care. Like, get fucked, Grace. She's a queen. That's what she... In the official record, it says, though, has to get fucked, get fucked Grace. I don't care. She's a queen.

That's what she, in the official record, it says, thou hast get fucked Grace. Yeah, I believe it. I would have said that. It does not. Okay, I mentioned in case you were worried. That'll hast kicked off. That'll hast. No, Ursula was used to people kind of being assholes because all their neighbors later said

that, you know, she was known as a volatile woman, and she was a woman and she was quick tempered, and she was very assertive, and people didn't have great things to say about her attitude. But to me, it just seems like she didn't take any shit. Maybe, and people just took that as her being an asshole. Yeah, that happens. It happens all the time.

Maybe she was just a... Trust me, it happens all the time. Maybe she was a capy. Maybe she was a capricorn. We get called it happens all the time. Maybe she was a capy. Maybe she was a Capricorn. We get called assholes all the time for just working. Just for getting shit done. And for just working. And she was out here working.

She was. She was just working. Saving its life. Saving its life, you know? And of course, she was also known, like I said before, like very briefly, that she was known to unhex or unbewitch people of the village upon request. Yeah, just like helping everybody.

Yeah, like she wasn't throwing hexes, andbiwitch is yet, according to everybody. But she was very adept at taking them off. Yeah. Which to me is someone you want to have around. I would think so, that's somebody you don't want to piss off. Go get me that unhexing lady, I need her. Go get me that naughty Ursula.

Yeah, that naughty Ursula. Yeah, that naughty Ursula. No, she, but despite Grace threatening to expose her as a witch, which had just been changed to a felony in England. Yes, the loniest behavior. The loniest witchiness. She tried, she still tried to help. So despite the fact that Grace is like, I'm gonna go to Justice Darcy and tell him that you are which.

She said, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. It was like, all right, bitch, I'm on bother, but like, I'm gonna help your kid. Like, I'll try to help you out. Wow. Yeah. So she still tried to help.

She told Grace, she could help take this lameness hex off of her, and she said it was easy. Which I love this. She said, all you have to do is send away that random birth assistant and let me take my rightful place. Which I'm this. She said, all you have to do is send away that random birth assistant and let me take my rightful place. Which I'm like, get it. Way to get your, you're going to get it there one way or another. You're like, I can help you. One hand washes the other. Send that, send that girl back in. Yeah, she saw her time. So Grace had a daughter who was healthy.

Birth went great. Ursula helped. Everything great. Ursula also told her that she could show her how to take all bewitchings off of herself and others after this. She was like, if you want, I can teach you. She was like, I will take you under my wing. Yeah, I'll teach you my ways, you know? You got hext.

I don't know who hext you. Maybe you need to do this in the future. Okay. Just saying. Okay, you're like, I don't know about her. I'm like, listen, Ursula, you're getting a little shady with it here. You're getting a little shady. Now, another argument, unfortunately, occurred. They were doing well for a little while. They weren't meant to be. They weren't meant to be. They were not bosom buddies. This is not. Now, it occurred

again over, which this is apparently a very common argument back then, because at first I was like, oh, I feel like I can solve this argument very quickly. It was over who would nurse the baby? The mom. That was my initial. I was like, okay, my initial thought was like, ladies, ladies, I can help you out. Mama.

Mama does that. Big mama. But back then, this was a very common thing that the midwife would help nurse the baby and all that. That feels, it feels some type of way. It does. It certainly does. This was a very common thing that like the midwife would help nurse the baby and all that like that feels It feels some type of way it does it it certainly does now There was an argument over this because I think it was also to do with like well grace You've got that fucking lameness

So like maybe you should let me do it because I can be better at it your teeth is also lame I'm sure that was exactly the same. You have lame teats. And Grace obviously wanted a Narser own child. Yeah, I wonder why. And Ursula was offended again. Ursula, you gotta put the offended mishap. Then something really tragic happened. At three months old, the baby fell out of her cradle and died of a broken neck.

Oh my God. Yeah. So the record states that in response to this, it says, quote, Ursula, hearing to have happened made answer, it makeeth no matter. For she might have suffered me to have the keeping and nursing of it. So it's basically her being like, yeah, I got told you so.

Should I have me do it? Whoa. And it's like, oh, that's cool. That's your friend. And that's a baby dream- Three-month-old baby that just rolled out of a cradle and broke her neck. Oh my God.

And she's just like, well, should I let me know, sir? Should I let me do it, I guess? And it's like, oh, Ursula knows best. I guess so. Now Grace immediately, I mean, she was heartbroken, obviously. And she immediately fell back into that lameness bout. All of a sudden it came, born back. A. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. D. P. you're not doing anything. But slowly you're like, she becomes a con man.

What's going on, Ursula? Right. Because she's like, yeah, just give me 12 shillings and I can get this hex off of you again. It's like, why does she keep getting hexes on her? Ursula, why? Why does she keep getting it? Why?

And it seems like you're the unhexer. Like, this seems like, say, this is rife with things for you to do here. Are you creating your own business opportunities here? We love the new work of you. We love the new work of you. I think you are. I think you are, Ursula.

Now Grace agreed because she was like, I just need to get this lameness off of me. We get it all. And for five or so weeks, she felt amazing and cured. Okay. She felt amazing. But she had to tell Ursula, I can't afford the 12 shillings.

Like, I don't have that. So she got the cure. But she didn't have a cure. She didn't have a cure. Now Ursula said, and you know what, Ursula was like, okay, okay, that was a lot, I got it. Okay, do you have some cheese? Oh, you couldn't pay me in cheese any day of this. This is the official record.

Yeah, it is. It's like, you got cheddar? I was like, you know what? I'm kinda on Ursula's side again. I feel a little bit one with her for a second, because I would be's like, you got cheddar? I was like, you know what? I'm kinda on our slow side again. I feel a little bit one with her for a second because I would be like 12, that's fine. You're gonna get me. Do you have a delicious goota?

You got a pound of Hoffman's. Do you have a good Danish blue? A brie. A brie? A wheel of Montego. A brie. I'm done. I'm a Monterey Jack.

I'm a Monterey Jack. Is it even Monterey? No. Yeah, you're good. Yeah, you got it. Okay, I'm done. I'm a Monterey Jack. I'm a Monterey Jack. Is it even Monterey? No. Yeah, you're good. Yeah, you got it. Okay, I'm really good. I got that. So she was like, do you have some cheese?

You know, I'll take that. She was like, I don't know how many cheese. Who doesn't have cheese? You know back then, I was like a lot of people had cheese. I thought everybody had cheese. I thought that's all they fucking ate. That's bread and cheese. I thought cheese was fucking just spilling down the streets.

I kind of did. I thought cheese wheels were a plenty. People even had cloths for that shit. Did everybody have fucking cheese back then? I love how you were like, get out of here. I feel that way. I feel like this is a bullshit or everybody had cheese back. Grace is lame.

Where's your fucking cheese lady? I know, I'm like, what do you, how much cheese? I have my refrigerator and I'm a lactose intolerant bitch. Oh, yeah, we just fight through that. I have I have Ibs and I have fucking pounds of cheese in the fridge. Oh, but yeah, she didn't have cheese. She was like, I don't have cheese either. Well, I'd have the shit out of her at that point.

I was so a left and she was pissed. Yeah, but the cheese hacks on your ass. Not only did you not pay me, but you couldn't even give me the substitution was pissed. Yeah, but the cheese hacks on your ass. Not only did you not pay me, but you couldn't even give me the substitution of cheese. Like get out. When the ass was ass said, like, her soul is like,

Ash told me everybody has fucking cheese in the ass here. So I retroactively traveled in time. It was like, listen, Ursula, get that. Ash just poofed next to her and was like, girl, everybody has cheese. She's like, every single fucking person in here in this time period has cheese in their house He doesn't like you a liar

No, I'm pretty neat. The ailment began again. Yeah, and it got worse You some cheese look because there's was like I'm gonna have to rest now her son Davie Oh, no the one that got better now he would get worse and then when she would get better He would get worse when he would get better. She would get worse and then when she would get better, he would get worse, when he would get better, she would get worse. They were like fluctuating. Okay. I mean, you try to, there's some like 1500s illness.

That was literally that's what was happening. Going back and forth between them. Literally that's what was happening. Yeah. They were just passing germs. That's what was happening. But we're going to call it a hex. So yeah, the records say, quote,

she'd become it soul lame as without. I know. So funny and modern language. She become a soul lame. That's what happened when I had kids. She become a soul lame. You probably think this cheese is about you. Oh, this is 1500 shit, you know? She becomes so lame. Like, Bungus coming out of her face. That's literally who I am as a person now. She becomes so late.

But this one says she's so lame as without help she's not able to arise or to turn in her bed. That's how lame she got. You can't move your soul. You can't even turn over in your bed. You're so late. So now according to the records, the 19th day of February, 1582. And it says like, before the date, which they just, it's always sounds better over there. Yeah.

The 19th day of February, the 1582, year of the reign of our sovereign lady, Queen Elizabeth. I'm like, oh fuck yeah, 1582. Yeah. Like it's just like, whoa, that just made that year like hell yeah. Go off Queen Elizabeth. Apparently on that crazy day, Grace went to the justice, and Justice Brian Darcy was his name. And she told Brian Darcy that Ursula Camp was a witch

who was hexing her and her children. And she explained the whole ordeal above, including saying she basically murdered my three month old, which is like knocked in her cell. And you're just coming to me about that? Yeah, I'd be like, are you? Yeah, I'll come. Now after this, another woman, Agnes Leatherdale,

also did the same thing and told the Justice that Ursula had sent her own son to her home to ask her for scouring sand. Okay. You know how you I ask my neighbors for scouring sand all the time. Yeah let me some scouring sand. You know I am your neighbor. And I guess exactly. And I guess Ursula was like can I have some scouring sand she sent her son and she said in in return, return return, she said you can get quote, the dying of a pair of women's hos for the sand.

So she was gonna die her hos for the scouring sand. I love 1582. Me too. Like records, it's a lot of fun. So she's like, I'll die your stuff. So she's like, can I have some scouring sand? And four, return, because I don't, like, money's, we barter moon rocks here, we don't.

Yeah, money, shmoney. So she was like, in return, I'll die a pair of your hose for you. Okay. And she apparently was like, a need back then. So like, okay. Well, yeah. Yeah, you know?

So I think it's a fucking bar in this far as I'm concerned. Here's some sand, yeah, die my hose. Cool. That's a great trade off. Now I'm concerned. Here's some sand yet, dye my hose. Cool. Yeah, that's a great tradeoff. Now Agnes said no, because she was like, no, I won't do that. I'm not giving you scouring sand for dyeing hose. And you know why?

She said, knowing her to be a naughty beast. A naughty beast. Said I knew her to be a naughty beast. So I said no. She wasn't going to send her shit. OK. But Ursula saw Agnes' daughter give scouring Sam to another neighbor.

And she felt scorned. She was pissed. Yeah. Why do I get scouring Sam? I was gonna give you dying of the hose. She's like, I'm not even a naughty beast. And I wasn't even asking for it for free. I was gonna die your damn hose. Like, it's trade off.

This is, come on. This is the way the world works. This is the economy. Come on. No. It's gonna collapseoff. This is, come on. This is the way the world works. This is the economy. Like come on here. Now it's gonna collapse. So, apparently. Yeah, Agnes's daughter, who gave the other neighbor some scouring sand, she said that Ursula looked at her

and mumbled a spell under her breath. And right after this, the child became very ill with a mystery ailment. She probably just said like, you little beast. And then the kid just got some 1582 illness. Yeah, because like everybody was throwing their poop out the way I was. Yeah, exactly. No.

No. No, it said the child came down, quote, as it lay very big with a great swelling in the bottom of the belly and other privy parts. Oh, so I'm not sure what this is. I'm not a 1582 doctor. Yeah, I don't know. I'm pretty sure what this is. I'm not a 1582 doctor. Yeah, I don't know. I'm pretty sure that was the time, like, you know,

it's like Victorian times when like, they would be like, you have a great swelling in the belly, about a bottom of your belly and other privy parts to do some cocaine about it. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Maybe she like had her period and she was like voted. Probably. I mean, I don't know about the other swelling parts. I'm not really sure. I'm not sure the privy parts, but she had her period and she was voted. Probably. I mean, I don't know about the other one.

I'm not sure I'm pretty. Parts, but she had gone to another healing woman, a woman Agnes had, who revealed that the person behind this mystery illness on her child was Ursula Kemp. So this other healing woman, I don't know if everybody's seeing what's happening here. Yeah, the other healing lady. The other healing lady.

But healing women being like, I can get a monopoly on this village, right?'s seeing what's happening here. Yeah, the other way. He literally is, but healing women being like, I can get a monopoly on this village, right? Just get her out of here. So you know that other healing woman's gonna be like, it was that bitch, don't go to her. Out of way. Do you have any scouring sales? Come to me.

Right. So she named her. So they went to see another very well-known healing woman in town named Mother Ratcliff. You know her, you love her. She has cheese. She has cheese, I bet. I feel as if she was.

Everyone does. Not everyone. Not everyone, not Grace. So she was very well-known for taking Hex's off as well. You know, but if you women in town had this specialty. Because this is the most evolved. Isn't this like a village? They all went to the same college course. Okay.

Now while they were walking there to go see Mother Ratcliffe, Agnes was with her Ailing Childs taking her to see her to see what they could do. This Ailing Childs who we don't have a name for, just Ailing Child, it. I can't believe you. I'm apparently pointed to Ursula Kemp's window and was like saying that, like she's the bad lady. Yeah, because he probably heard the word around town. I'm saying.

Now, when they got to Mother Ratcliff's, she tried, she did all her things and then she said, I'm gonna be honest, there's nothing I can do to help this child. It's that bad. I don't know where they like, you're rich. So they were like, wow, Mother Ratcliff, like, you're not gonna get them monopoly on this village. So you're fake as fuck.

The unnamed healing woman before you is gonna get it. So thank you. They even brought in Ursula's son for the two Lord Darcy's, like, whole inter-acquisition. I was thinking, yeah, acquisition, there you go. Who, according to the official record, was eight years old. And when they say it, they say he was eight years old or they're abouts.

They're just like, we don't suck it there. And we don't know. And the range of eight to 10. He was a kid. That's how I feel about kids. I see these kids going to the bus stop up like. Yeah. On my street and I'm like, are you like 47?

Are you like on social security? You guys in a school and they're like, or are you an infant? Yeah, like I don't know. I'm like, oh, you don't look old enough to go to school. Like you're going on the bus. You're like, this is three days old. What are you doing? It's like, I never know how old kids are.

I think I've gotten you grown up teeth yet. Probably not. Probably not. So he's eight year old. He's eight years old or they're about. He, so her own son, Thomas, said that she, Ursula did indeed have spirits. Why? And and he named them all what does that even mean apparently spirits that were basically Familiar's like a witch familiar. Oh like Franklin for me like Franklin. Okay, or like our IP bubble was yeah or is

Lux also is my familiar. I but but still my my familiar. Yeah, but I was a proud Do love that I just discounted one of my cats. You did. Fuck his wrong face. Just frank. I mean, Lex is like, Lex is like, well, little chunk of monkey. Lex is like the assistant to the assistant manager. One hundred, assistant to the co-regional manager. He's just out here by the, yeah, he totally is. But yeah, her own son Thomas, eight years old, is like, oh, yeah, she has familiars. Like what's that? And then he named them all, which don't worry. I'll tell you their names because why are they naughty, naughty beast names? There's a couple of naughty names in there. He also said the spirits drank blood from his mother's arm and other places not specified.

I think he was having an active imagination. You know, eight-year-olds, you know what I'm saying? But the next day Ursula was brought in to speak to Justice Darcy. She said she herself had actually come down with lameness. She's like, I've been hanging out with that gray spitch, and now her lameness rubbed off on me. I'm lame as fuck. I'm a bummer. I am so lame.

Me? Not a good time. Not a good time. Not a good time. But she said her lameness occurred. I'm loving. I'm loving. About 10 years prior. She was not currently lame. She was previously lit.

10 years ago? Yeah, she said 10 years ago she was lame, but she is not lame now. And she said it was so bad that she sought out help from well-known healers in the village like the ones they had talked to. One woman was from Wheely, I think it is, which was a town about five miles north. That village over there. You know that one. This woman insisted that Ursula had been hexed at the time.

Okay. Told her, you got a hex on you, and we got to take this off. So Ursula made her show her how to fix herself because she was like, if this happens, people are crazy. I can't be coming out to wheel every week, guys. I can not. I need to know how to like, self-unhecks.

So I can't remedy it. Maybe I need it. So she was like, okay, so she showed her how to do it. And the remedy was to mix Hogsdung. Shit. And something called Charval together, I looked it up. I could find nothing that told me what Charval was. I tried to look it up. If somebody knows what Charval or Charval is in

olden times, we're not supposed to know. I imagine it's some other kind of poop maybe or dung or something that you shouldn't mix together with other poop. Yeah. It's where... She then had to hold this mixture in her left hand in a knife in her right hand, and then she had to use the knife to prick the mixture three times

and throw it in the fire. This is how you want to stick. Interesting, because it does feel witchcrafty. It's very witchcrafty. Like you just got a dagger out here in these streets. Yeah, you're just like stabbing Dung in your hand and then throwing it in a fire. And like three times, like three is so important in witchcraft.

Three. Now, after she took three sage leaves and three pieces of herb John. The herb of John. The herb of John just produces herbs now. That is my favorite kind of herb. I just want to say herb, John. I will grow a garden of herb, John.

Just grow a garden of John. Just a garden of John. It's my John garden. And what I got to go water my John. Um, so there was three sage leaves and three pieces of herb, John, and place them all in some ale, which is exactly what herb,john should be placed in.

Be it. John would agree. Yeah, some ale. Some delicious craft beer. Delicious yeast water. There you go. So she was instructed to drink this in the morning and at night, like first thing morning, last thing at night,

and then it would unhexer. I'm sorry, is the dung in there? No, you do. So you do the dung thing first. You got that dung ball, you prick it with the dagger, throw it in the fire. Step one. Then you take your sage leaves, you take your herb, John,

you put them in an ale, and you drink it all along. And you drink that in the morning, you drink that at night. Unhack. It's like an elixir. It is. Atonic, if you will. I love that word. Elixir me.

Elixir. Oh, wow. Gonna name my firstborn elixir. Ooh, that just feels some type of way. It's like elixir. It's magical. It is. That's a good one.

Now she did this. Okay. And it fucking worked. She was unhexed. Okay. See, no lameness. For me, I feel like maybe it was all about mindset and energy. Intentions, if you will.

Yeah, like I don't know about the dog here. Yeah, no about the dog here. Now Ursula told Justice Darcy that she had used this care on other women in the village because she just wanted to share this so that they would not suffer alone. Nice. Like I'm just here to unhex people. I don't want them to be hexed by themselves. Just here to spread the wealth of knowledge. She said she had done it several times and it had worked several times. So at this point, Justice Darcy told Ursula, Listen, if you confess that everything you have done to these children, that they are claiming you have done to grace and agnus' kids, you're going to get leniency if you confess and you tell

me of the other witches in this village. So according to the record, she immediately started sobbing and felt to her knees. Now, it should be noted that I am sure some light pushing happened to get this confed, I don't think she just fell to her knees sobbing and was like, I'm going to confess to you. I'm sure they did something awful. Yeah, like pushing like ripping her toenails off.

Exactly. They did something awful, but they just, they didn't write that down. Yeah, but it's right. But it was on lunch. Didn't put that one in there. No. So here's the confession.

She said she had two female familiars and two male familiars. She's got four familiars working for her. The female's job was to cause that crazy lameness to people that she wanted to hex. And also, Harm Cattle, question mark. Which is like a very specific job description. So I wonder if one of them had that in their LinkedIn profile.

Like, I can harm cattle. And she was like, you're hired. One time a farmer did meme wrongs. Because that just feels like a very specific. Like this one can harm cattle. Yeah. And it's like, is that all that one does? Maybe. Maybe it's just like I'm just here to heart. Everybody has their specialty. Well, the males were the ones who would cause death to anyone that Ursula chose. Okay. Here's where it gets awesome.

She described and named the familiars. A male familiar, a male familiar, was a white lamb called Tiffin, which is just cute. Yes, cutie. There was a female one that was a black toad called Piggin, which is really cute too. There was another male one, which was a black cat named Jack, which is adorable. And then there was another female one that was a gray cat called titty. Titty, I'm my next cat. Mark my mother fucking words. It is Tuesday, March 15th. It is now 127 in the afternoon and my next fucking cat is gonna be a gray cat. Same titty.

Thanks for being here today. Drew, Drew, you heard? I gotta be real with you. Titty does some damage. Oh shit, maybe I retract my previous team. It feels like it might be Tiffin who's really doing the bad shit, but like. But it's Titty.

Titty really does some stuff. Titty's can do damage. Maybe I have to meet my guests. I was like, all right. She, and actually, she admitted that Tittie had been sent... She admitted that Tittie had been sent to Hex Grace, and Piggin had been sent to Hex Davy her son. So Tittie and Piggin went and they fucked this whole family up. Piggin Tiddy. So she said she also sent Tiffin over to the baby to

knock the cradle over and kill her. So Tiffins the one who's like, fuck you Tiffin. And we're the one who told the white lamb. I'm like, that seems like the most innocuous out of all of them. But that's where it where it's at, though. It's really bad, though. She admitted that her sister-in-law, Ursula's own sister-in-law, had called her which and a whore. And in response, she had sent Jack the cat to torture her to death.

I mean, and that comes back later, someone else says that this happened. Guess what, sister-in-law, fuck around and find out. I mean, you call me a witch and a whore. I'm gonna send my familiarity to torture you. I'll send Teddy to torture you. Yeah. I already got Teddy out in the world right now

taking care of someone for me. Yeah, I don't have, well, yeah. Yeah, well, yeah. So after all of this, Justice Darcy brought Agnes and Grayson to the room, the two accusers, and they had her confront Ursula and basically accused her to her face, because that was just like, they were like,

let's make this fun. Yeah, let's watch. So apparently Ursula immediately fell to her knees and begged that they forgive her for what she had done, you know, killing and hexing her children. Yeah, forgive me, please. That's a solid no-sister. Sorry that I sent Tiddy to knock your baby over.

Sorry about that, no, it's Tiffin. Sorry, Tiddy Tiffin. Tiddy gave them the lameness Sorry, Tiddy made Charlie She was so as she's begging for forgiveness. She mentioned a woman named Alice Newman She said Alice was involved because now she's like you want names? I got names. She literally Salis Gallus. She literally was like, go ask Alice. She said Alice was involved and had sent spirits to torment the children as well. So there was a whole fucking baseball team working to torment these kids. They just like, put me in coach. I'm ready to play. Yeah. Like,

and there's a lot of jacks, as we'll see. A lot of Jacks. I wonder what that's about. That's familiar. Yeah. I don't know any Jacks. I know Jacks. You do? Yeah. So the next day Ursula was like, oh shit, I forgot to tell you that like less than a year ago, Alice Newman and her Ursula had gotten a fight. Oh, she's getting into lots of fights.

And she was like, Alice called me a witch, Ursula said that. And she said she was going to report that she was a witch to Justice Darcy. Again, Ursula was unbothered. She was like, didn't bother me. She was like, go ahead and do that. Everything chilled out eventually and they made up, but like that accusation was still out there.

And things went back to normal, but apparently they hadn't, because Alice had actually taken some of Ursel's spirits in a pot and taken them home with her that day. She trapped Tiddy in a pot. She trapped Tiddy in a pot. This was, at first she made it seem like things were not okay, because she took my spirit, and then later she said

that this was actually within her knowledge. Okay. She allowed her to take the spirit. Just baby, set my familiar. You can take them and do what you will. Now Ursula's son Thomas mentioned that Alice Newman was also involved in all this. Like, she had also brought up her name. And he had actually referred to her as Godmother Newman, which is very interesting.

Was she, was she his Godmother? I have no idea. It never goes further into it, but it's like people just like mention these words or like call people things that you're like, huh, and then you never find anything else about it. So crazy. She's actually his satanic grandmother. There you go.

And he got mother. Godmother. He confirmed this story that they had a fight made up and then Ursula gave her some spirits in a pot. He said that. So that's like a well known thing in that house. Macaroni and a pot. Spirit in a pot. He said that. So that's like a well-known thing in that house. Macaroni in a pot. Spirit in a pot.

That's a lot. He also said he heard Alice Newman tell his mother that she sent spirits to torment a man named Johnson and his wife to death. They died. I'm saying. Well, happened. So around Christmas, after the whole thing with grace,

Ursula asked Alice to sent Tiddy and Torma Grace. And Torma Grace. She said she would, and she did, so she did send Tiddy to Torma and her. Okay. That was it. So Tiddy came back and Ursula allowed it to suck her blood as a reward for a job

well done. Tiddy sucked her blood. Yes. Then she sent him sucked her blood. Yes. Then she sent him back to Alice, because rightfully Tiddy is now Alice's. Oh, remember, that whole sucking the blood thing is a very, it's a big thing in like witch lore, and how they would like try to pretend

that people were witches was like a birthmark. Yeah. A birthmark meant that you're familiar sucked your blood out of that area. That's why you know that spot vampires as well. Yeah, it's like that's how you, you're like, well, you have a witch mark. That's where you're familiar, like,

sucks your blood out of you. You would be so fucked. Yeah, I would be really fucked. So she said three months before that, John Stratton, a neighbor of hers, had had a fight with her, and this is Ursula. And she again called her a whore, John Stratton, a neighbor of hers, had had a fight with her. And this is Ursula. And she again called her a whore and quote,

gave her other evil speeches. So like set other shit, like talk shit. And she also said his wife wouldn't lend spices to Ursula's son. Why will nobody give her anything? Just give her some neighborly shit and she'll leave you alone. She's going to hex your ass if you don't give it to her. I will nobody give her so much? If you look at her anything, just give her some neighborly shit and she'll leave you alone. She's gonna hex your ass if you don't give it to her. I don't blame her.

I'll give her some spices. You can have some, I have cumin. It's too bad Instacart didn't exist. I know. This was all happening because so many hexes could have been avoided. So many. I mean, I guess you just like hex your Instacart shoppers.

That's true. They got her wrong. There's a couple of Instacart shoppers that I've wanted a hex before. Me as well. But there's like also Shoppers that I've wanted a hex before. But there's also been ones that I just want to send, like, oh, there's some that I literally want to like invite to Thanksgiving.

Correct. Yeah, me as well. So this was bullshit to Ursula, obviously. So she had Alice send Jack the cat to his wife and Jack went and flocked with her, possibly killing her. So on record that she might have been killed and was given blood from Ursula's thigh and Alice's thigh as a reward.

Is that like better blood? I guess, I don't know. That's thigh blood. So they brought Alice Newman in now. They're like, let's talk to Alice because now she's like fully involved. She's got Titty. So like, we got to break her in.

Alice has Titty. We got to talk to her about this. So she basically was like, yeah, like, we gotta break her in. Alice has Titty. We gotta talk to her about this. So she basically was like, yeah, sure, we had a fight. Like she said. And she agreed that she had told Ursula that she knew she was a witch and she was going to reporter. She's like, fuck yeah, I said that. Yeah.

And look, here we are now. Right. She's like, I was right. But she said, everything else involving her was complete bullshit. No spirits, nothing. Now, let's figure it out. Like, this is all fun and funny. Yeah.

But this happened. This is real. This woman Alice got brought into court essentially and they said, do you have a familiar? Do you have an invisible friend who kills women? Yeah. Like, do you have an invisible gray cat that you intentionally sent To a woman to murder kill her to torment her to death and then when it got back did you let it bite your thigh? Yeah

What yep that really happened reading this pamphlet and I can link to it to it's You you forget that this is real no, I like this happened. That's why I just said, I was like, I need to remind myself that everybody else that this is for realsies. This is real. Okay. And this is how absurd it all was. One day you just wake up and you get called into court

for this shit. For this bullshit. Imagine sitting there and being like, no, I don't have a fake cat named Titty that I tend to kill people. No, I don't know how to prove that to you. But I think- And then being like, no, I don't have a fake cat named Titty that I send to kill people. I don't know how to prove that to you. And then that's the thing. Like, once they decided that, they'd just be like, well, never mind.

Once it's out there, they're not asking you to like clear your name. They're asking you to just confess. So they can go through the motions. But just as Darcy told her that if she didn't confess, then he would take a witch I love this. He said, if you don't confess, I'm gonna take your spirits away. What, how are you gonna find them? Well, she replied, that's impossible because I'll just keep them with me all the time.

She should not have said that. But then she was like, I mean, it was like, I had any. Yeah. Bingo, that was all they needed. They were like, you just answered like, you had spirits. And she was like, I don't know. Whatever.

That was an interesting call. So then a guy named William Hook comes in. And he said he this is Alice's neighbor and he had a lot to say. Yeah. He said that Alice's husband William had been hexed by her her own husband. He said that during male times he heard them speaking out loud like to each other and he heard her husband say, dust thou not see like he was referring to something in the room. And he said he then heard Alice respond several times to the same statement that if he saw something in the room, he should just give it some meat and it would go away. He then later heard William tell Alice

to beat the thing to get it to go away. What? And she was like, I think they were talking about the familiars. I mean, yeah, like give it to me and it will go away. was like, I think they were talking about the familiars. I mean, yeah, like give it to me and it will go away. I mean, I think it might come back for more meat. Yeah, I mean, it's your familiar, that's the whole point. But he also said that Alice had gone to a man named Johnson, who we just talked about before we mentioned him. How Alice said, like the familiar said,

been sent to Johnson and his wife to kill them. Yeah. He was the guy apparently in the village, just Johnson guy who collected money for the poor in the village. Oh, good. And Alice had asked him for 12 pence to help her ailing husband, who remember everybody said she hex to feel that way. She did his job to get the money. And Johnson said he couldn't give her the 12 pence and they had a fight. Alice had later sent spirits to Johnson and his wife

and instructed them to torment them to death. Johnson died as a result. Okay, so he died, like that's on record. He did die. I don't know if it was as a result. I don't think it was a baby, but I don't think it was Titties fault. But meanwhile Ursula is still confessing and still naming other quote-unquote witches Because she's thinking that's gonna get her out of this

They promised her she could get out of this with that, so she's just singing like a canary And then the story's just get more wild More and more wild because Justice Darcy told her over and over I promise you will be safe if you just provide names and you confess your own involvement Doubt it So now she named Elizabeth Bennett, Alice Hunt, and Agnes Glasscock. So it's thought that Justice Darcy was actually

part of like a bigger network of people just trying to round up and extinguish which is in the village. He was likely using his employees like Grace Thurlow, who started this whole thing to expose and manipulate gossipy grudges and rumors just for people to come in and be accused. Now Ursula said she had gone to visit Elizabeth Bennett,

which is one of the people she accused. She had gone to visit her about three months prior, and she saw that she had a spirit and a pot. But you keep your spirits and pots, apparently. No, where else are you going to go? This one was a ferret. She said, Tiffin, her else are you going to put them? This one was a ferret. She said, Tiffin, her spirit, had told her

that Elizabeth, in fact, had two spirits. So now these spirits are gossipy motherfuckers. Yeah, it's like a secret circle. Yeah, they're like, oh, no, she has two spirits. Like, she's like, don't you dare let her tell you that. So one of these spirits was named Succane, and the other one was named Leard. She said Elizabeth had actually hextamann named

Wyatt's wife to death. She had also sent a spirit to make three of his cattle, very sick, and two of the three died. Oh, I wonder who that was. Yeah. I'm like, which one had that in their profile? The guy on the LinkedIn, who? There you go.

He messes with the cattle. I mess with cattle. Hello. She had also sent spirits to kill a man named Willingale and a woman who was married to William Wiles. So there's a lot of murder happening here now. For like no reason. Yeah. And she had most notably sent a spirit to torment

another child as well. Get out of here. Now Alice Hunt, who was accused by Ursula as well, had spirits. She also had killed, quote, six beasts that belonged to a man named Hayward. Alice Hunt had given it some blood to drink as a reward, so they were able to find like a witch mark. Agnes Glaskock, another one of the accused by Ursula, had been accused by a local shoemaker as well. He had said she hext and eventually killed his child. According to Ursula, she had asked Tiffin about this.

We'll see, Tiffin like really, he knows everything. He's got the tea. She had asked Tiffin about this and Tiffin said it was true. And he said she had also been responsible for the death of another child because she had asked her spirits to torment those children to death. These people had way too much time on their hands.

Now I love it because they then asked her if Tiffin, who had been the real informant here, relaying this information to Ursula, who related to Justice Darcy, they asked if Tiffin was a reliable spirit. Had he lied before? This is real. You're shitting me. Like, Tiffin's never given me a reason not to trust him, you know?

Like, I feel like we're bros, I feel like we would tell each other everything. Does it look like we have a imaginary source? This is real. I'm a lie to you. Like, I told Tiffin about a surprise party once and that fucker is like a steel trap. Surprise the hell out of the birthday girl.

Like, we don't have to worry about him. And they were like, you partied. You were in the show, you were in the show, you were in the show. Yeah, they're like, you're a witch. We're gonna kill you now. But she said, nope, he was totally honest. She had no reason to distrust him. This is all on actual official record

that they had this, like a discussion about this. I love it. So they rounded up these accused women because Tiffin said so. This Tiffin that we are just relying on. Reliable, little Tiffin. Now Agnes Glasscock was completely unfazed, just like her slushie was like, fuck you guys. She denied everything.

I was like, that lady is a cuck. They searched her for witch marks anyways, and they found what they believed to be witch marks on her thigh and left shoulder. Remember, these are just freckles, beady marks, birth marks, and itch you scratched literally or anything. So she's still, even though they were like,

look, we found them. She still denied and was like, they are regular skin marks, you idiots, but they brought Ursula in and had her cues agnist to her face, because they just love doing that apparently. Yeah, it's like the ultimate smackdown. It's like celebrity death match.

Because you always believe that somebody's not going to accuse someone to their face or their lying. Like say it. But when death is on the line, like hanging is on the line, yeah, I'm gonna accuse someone. Well, you're gonna get me out of here. Yeah. So Ursula did it.

She accused her right to her face and Agnes lost her mind. According to records, she used a lot of vulgarities and called Ursula a whore, which I'm like, why is everyone calling Ursula Hore? It's like bitch back then. It's like the meanest thing they could say. And told her she was going to scratch her face like the witch she was.

Oh, which I'm like, damn, I'm gonna scratch your face like the witch you are. Like, woo, she then accused Ursula back of being witch and said she had bewitched her and made it so she could not cry. What? She was like, see how I'm not crying? Her fault, she bewitched me and made it so I can't cry.

Where'd he go even, when did that end to the chat? Yeah, I don't know. She fucking froze your tear duct. Tears for fears, I don't know. So they brought in Alice Hunt and another accused and she was like, nope, not true. Not really. Like there to go. Even denying it, she was going to be arrested anyways. So she broke down and confessed to Justice Dickey because she's going to be arrested.

She told him she had two spirits, Jack and Robin. Everybody's got a Jack. And there's a couple of robins, too, we'll see. Okay. There were familiars in the form of a black and white cult. So they are tiny horses, and apparently she kept them in a pot. So they're very tiny. Everybody's in a pot.

She said they told her that Ursula would do this and betray her. She was like, they told me this would happen. Then she went further and said her own sister Margaret, I think Simone, had two spirits and was a witch as well. So just accused her own sister. Well, she's like, if I got to be a nurse, I would have been here just a week ago. Mine is all hang out.

Yeah, not hang out. Not hang, but like actually hang out. Yeah, hang before we hanged. Yeah, so she had two spirits, Toads named Tom and Robin. Okay. And she was a witch. So then she then said that they got these spirits

as a gift from their own mother. So now she's accusing her mother, mother Barnes, who was also a witch. Their mother was dead by the way. I'm like, wait, I'll accuse your dead mother who can't say the defender. Same thing for herself. Yeah. But she's so they bring in Margaret now to question her the sister. And she's like, like, and I literally wrote in my notes, I would fuck my sister's world up if she did this shit to me. Well, I did just tell you that I'd really told me that you would. So that's good to know. Now, where am I?

I just lost my place. So Margaret denied everything, but eventually she also confessed under what I'm certain was not nice, you know, interrogation tactics. Exactly. That's the word I was looking for. Now remember, Justice Darcy promised all these women that he would be leaning on them if they just confessed or gave other names. I feel like he's not a man of his word. No. So Ursula had given all these names. Now Alice Hunt turned on her own sister, Marjorie, and then Marjorie said a widowed older woman named Joan Petchy was also a witch. So they're just, she is Joan Petchy. Joan Petchy.

Joan Petchy. No, that's not what you said. She said she knew this. So Joe Petchy is now in here. He is also a witch. She said she knew this because her mother, Marjorie and, you know, her mother, Marjorie and her sister's mother,

had told her if they didn't want the spirits that she had given them at any point That she should send them to Joan because Joan would use them because she was a witch. Okay Now she said when Ursula had originally been arrested She sent the spirits to live with Joan because she was scared she was gonna be caught So she's like I sent them off to live with Joan with the pot spirits. Exactly off to live with Joan. With the pot spirit. Exactly.

It's just a lot. Alice, her sister, also confirmed to this and said they grew up next door to Joan and would hear her talking to herself, which they assumed was talking to her familiars, which if they lived next door to me, they would also hear me talking to myself. I walk into my house when I get home and I'm talking to myself. I'm talking to the calf, I'm talking to the fucking stove. Oh yeah, I talk to the fact. They also said that Joan was an incredibly powerful witch.

She knew everything about everyone. And she also mentioned that Joan was with their mother the day before their mother died. Oh, so this is all just like a big leg, holy shit. So they brought in Joan Pesci. Now she is elder, she's like elderly. And she was like, absolutely not. I'm not a powerful witch.

Right, she denied everything. She said Alice and Margarit, what is it, Margarit? Margarit, I don't remember what she wanted us to do. And it spelled like several ways in different records. Old English. So there, the sister's mother was also not a witch as far as she knew.

She was like, this is bullshit, they're just lying. And she's like, I don't have any hot goss on anyone in the village. I am not this like powerful witch that knows everything. When asked, she did say that the death of that guy, Johnson, the man who collected money for the poor, she said that was very sonnen and that he was a very honest man. Okay, so that's us. So she's putting out there like, I'm just saying.

I don't know who's gonna drop this right here. She also related that another man who was named Lurken had said he was told by Johnson himself that he believed Alice Newman was bewitching him to death. Oh, so full on which hunt through February and into March now, of course. People were just turning on each other left and right. Now during this hunt, Henry and Sicily Celis were accused and brought in.

They were a couple, like a man and a woman. A man named Richard Ross had a lot to say about them and had accused them. He said something about refusing to sell her malt because she was refusing the price. It was like a very weird involving selling something. She was refusing the price, and it was hard to translate from the old English, but after this they had a falling out. And hard speeches were had. So they called each other a whore. Exactly. Then he said after this his barn had burned down, and it was them who caused it through witchcraft. Oh. Sicily was accused of tormenting a couple of children

to death, at least one belonging to a man named Thomas Death. You're kidding me. In the record, his name is Thomas Death. Interesting. And also was accused of causing the cattle to act weird. Oh, why was you do that? Henry and Sicily's nine-year-old son Henry came in to talk against them and had a wild story, he said, about last Christmas.

He said, last Christmas about midnight. He said, there came to his brother John, a spirit. He said, it took his brother by the left leg and also by the little toe, of course. He said, it looked like his sister, but all black and mutiny. What? It looks like a mutant, like just shadowy his sister. Like sweet little baby, you had a nightmare.

Yeah. So Henry said, his brother John cried out, father, father come help me, there's a black thing that half me by me leg as big as my sister. What? That's what he said. And he said to his father, heard this,

he heard his father say to his mother, why thou hore cannot you keep your imps from my children? And she apparently called it away from John saying, come away, come away, it'll be left. Why? Because you would also call people cutting the sheets. I'm saying, that's all you got to do. Come away. Come away.

And Ims are also like another, like, a familiar spirit or something like that. Henry said he told his mother he was terrified of this thing. And that John had scars from it. His mother apparently was like, you're lying, fuck off. Like just, bye. Yeah. He then told them he saw his mother feed these imps or spirits or familiars from a black dish with milk and salt. And he said their names were

Hercules and Mercury. No. I cannot. And apparently one was black, one was white, one was a girl, one was a boy, and they had eyes like goose eyes. Oh, I don't like that. Yeah. Also imagine if your nine-year-old son spoke out against you like in the middle of a witch trial, I'd be like, I'm gonna learn witchcraft. Which cops? While I'm in the can over here, I think that's the toilet. What are they?

They've been the can over here. What do they call it? Yeah, here's another word for jail. I don't know. They're in the Pokey. I think it's called. No, I was thinking. That is a thing.

I'm gonna learn witchcraft in jail, and I am gonna hex your ass for the rest of your life because that was some bullshit I would be like listen father Darcy whatever your name is justice Darcy. I'm not a witch But I'm I'm now choosing a path. I'm choosing the path of witchcraft because this is bullshitt it This little turn over here. I gave it life. So Benedict Arnold. Yeah now John the brother who was six Came into talk. Did he have scars? Well, they don't say that it was confirmed, but he did confirm that he had seen, quote, a black thing like his sister that took him by the leg and that he cried out saying,

father, father come help me and defend me for the his, there is a black thing that has me by the leg at which he, his father said to his mother, you stinking whore, what mean you? Can you not keep your imps from my children? Wow. He said they have eyes that are huge and his mom called the mumps. Okay, do okay.

So that's just not very concerning. Hexamul, hexal the kids. Now a woman named Alice Mansfield was accused in a nearby town, Thorpe. Mm, Joan Cheston. What, I just took a sip of coffee, I'm so sorry. Thorpe? Thorpe.

Yeah, like Thorpe. Thorpe, exactly. So I had to take that one. No, Joan Cheston, the widow of John Cheston, said the summer before Alice Mansfield had come to her house and asked for curds, but she had none. Nobody has cheese, nobody has curds. When she left, suddenly the cattle were lame as shit. Wow, even the cattle are on the claim.

As fuck, days later, she returned demanding curds again. So now she's demanding curds. She needs some mother's fucking curd. Put them up. And she said they fought and Joan yelled at her that she knows she bewitched her cattle and if she didn't make them better and reverse the hex, then she would have her burned for it. Whoa! She left and suddenly those cattle were good as new. Nothing works.

So she's like, I scared her into it. Get out of here. A woman referred to as Lin's wife, which I'm like that nice, that shitty. Said Alice Mansfield came to her to ask for milk and she only had a little. So she said, no, she couldn't give it because she's like, I only have a little,

I need it for me. She left pissed and she said that night, her calf died and do you wanna know how her calf died? I do. Direct quote, being very lusty. What? I got questions, I got a lot of questions. Being very lusty. What? I got questions. I got a lot of questions.

Being very lusty. Being very lusty. What the fuck does that mean? Like he had a crush on another cow? Like lusty, he was being very seductive. Like this calf. Did he die humping a cow? Did he die doing the dirty?

Doing some dirty shit? Did he die cheating on the cow wife? What happened? What happened? How did he die being very lusty? I need to know, it was in the record. Now, the accused were transferred to the jail at Colechester Castle, and people could come and talk to them,

or they could come just view them like zoo animals. Awesome. Very nice. March 9th, Ursula told people that Alice Newman had sent a spirit to kill Lord Darcy, who was not Justice Darcy, but was a relation to him, like a father or some other Darcy. Lord Darcy died. Oh.

So now Justice Darcy's own family had been touched by this, so no, no. Well, this is dad like fucking 45 and super elderly at that point in time? His dad like 17, like at the end of his life. But come on. No, Henry Durant, a local butcher, came to talk to Ursula, and he asked her about the death of his daughter. He was like, I got questions. It was sudden, and he had suspected witchcraft.

And Ursula said, yep, you're correct. It was witchcraft at work. She said, Henry Durant had the refuse to give Alice Hunt and her mother, mother Barnes, pork when they asked for some. And so they be witched his child to death as punishment. Okay. No pork? Your kid dies. I mean, it was a hard knock life out there. Very hard knock. And and we'll now March 20themp, Ursula's brother came forward and said his wife, Ursula's, uh, or his wife, which is Ursula's sister-in-law, had suddenly come down ill with an ailing back and privy parts. Well, she did call Ursula our whore, so. And after nine months of intense suffering, she had died. And remember, Ursula admitted earlier

that she killed her own sister-in- law. She did say that. Yeah. Now Laurence said, and again, admitted in quotation marks, meaning like, as they know what they did. They literally pinched and hung on a wall. Exactly. Now Laurence said that his wife had told him throughout this ordeal that she was sure it was Darcyl who was making it happen. The two women didn't get along, obviously, and had actually come to blows a couple of years

before this. Does that mean they hit each other? Yeah. And he mentioned something else that further cemented everyone's opinion on Ursula as well. He said she showed up uninvited to his wife's deathbed, and that's when she finally died after Ursula touched her arm.

Ooh. Before that, she was like ailing for days in bed, but she just died. As soon as she was list ailing for days in bed, but she just died. As soon as there's a list up on the scene. So March 29th, 1582, all the accused witches were tried. So Ursula and Alice Newman were indicted for murder by witchcraft. So Ursula did not get the leniency that she was promised.

Imagine if that was still a charge. I could not even fathom. No. And it actually in the official record, it says, on 12 February 1582 at St. Osseth, the bewitched, the bewitched, the bewitched, Elizabeth daughter of Richard Leatherdale, so that she died on 26th of February. And also that on 30th of November 1581 at St. Osseth,

they bewitched Adina, wife of John Stratton, so that she died on February 14th, 1582. Those are the charges leveled against her. So both Alice Newman and Ursula Kemp were both indicted on killing Grace's baby by sending a spirit to throw her from the cradle. Alice Newman was remanded, which apparently means you are, you don't get any, you're not sentenced and you're not charged, you're just kind of like released, but like,

there's like no, there's no real trial for you, but you can be brought back in for this trial. But she got released. But you're not just released out into the world, you're released back into jail, which is where they would mostly die. Yeah. Now, she was remanded, but Ursula was found guilty with a trial and sentence to hang. Elizabeth Bennett was also indicted

and found guilty of murder by witchcraft for bewitching William and Joan Biot on October 1st, 1581, and causing them both to die on February 10th, 1582. She was sentenced to hang with Ursula. Wow. Alice Hunt was found not guilty of killing cattle and of murdering Henry Durant, the butcher's daughter.

I wonder what happened that made her not guilty because I feel like that just never happened. I know. Well, this was the real beginning of like the intense switch trial. So I think it started slower. Maybe. Now Agnes Glasgow was found guilty of a ton of murder by witchcraft, but was somehow remanded and didn't hang. Okay. Joan Petchy was old and she was not tried at all. She was discharged by proclamation,

which meant she was released without trial or verdict, but she couldn't pay herself from jail and she died in prison. Oh my God. Now Sicily Celis was found not guilty of the arson charge of burning down that barn, but she was found guilty of bewitching Thomas child's, Thomas death's child to death. And she didn't think that she did the witchcraft

on the barn, but she did on the person. She definitely killed the kid, but she didn't burn down that barn. They were like fire in a barn unbelievable. No. She was sent to prison on remand, but died while she was in there before release. Because remember, they can bring you back in on remand.

And like the prison conditions. Oh, the diseases that would run through there. Like you were just, that was your death sentence. Alice Newman was probably also one who died in prison. There's no record of her death. But she was an inmate listed on August 2nd, 1582 with Sicily and Alice Hunt and was still on that list March 4th, 1588 a few years later. And had not been released. Then she's gone from the list June 15th, but it is not recorded that she was released.

Interesting. So the general consensus is she died while awaiting release from prison as well. In the end, 14 people were tried and two were executed during the switch hunt. And this all started with one woman whose child wasn't feeling well. And many died in prison, so many more people died from this. And this was the second really major witch trial since the crime of witchcraft became a felony. That is so crazy.

And that is the St. O'seth witch trials in a nutshell. Wow. And obviously, like, with some of the old English and terms, we had fun, but it is. Oh, yeah. But the actual... It's just... It's hard to wrap your brain around it. It's so crazy. This happened to real women. And that like spectral evidence gets entered.

And like, when you see that stuff and like the Salem Witch Trials and the other ones, it's just like how? And we're having like nine year olds testifying against their mother about probably a fucking nightmare that they had. Absolutely. Like a sleep paralysis moment. It's like psychologist didn't exist back then. No, nothing. Do you just took people on there? And it was people, it was wild too to see people like a sleep paralysis moment. It's like psychologists didn't exist back then. No, nothing.

So you just took people on there and it was people, it was wild to see people who knew what would happen if they accused someone and they still did it just because of like revenge or being angry or like some slight that happened. Or to save their own skin. And it's like, you know this person's gonna hang. Like there's a real possibility

this person will hang or rot in prison. Wow. And it's like they just would do it. They just turn around and just, yep, it's really sad when you think about that. And like what people can be driven to do in circumstances like this. Truly.

But so yeah. So that's your, that was my like still scary, still very real, still very much crimes, but like we could have fun with some of the old English and like the silliness of the thought of like... Titty. Of Titty, the great cat that kills people. Well yeah, you know, I liked it a lot.

Thank you. We're welcome. Thank you for putting it together. Thank you. No, thank you. And we hope that you keep listening. And we hope you keep it We're not so weird that you go around just like hexing people and not hexing people and letting your titties out Don't let your titties out. Don't don't accuse people of witchcraft. Yeah, I mean, it's not family anymore So don't do it. Is it? I'm sorry. I'm totally kidding. Hey, Prime Members!

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