Morbid - Episode 32: Faeries Are Dark Part 1

Episode Date: December 15, 2018

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So the next time you have a home project, just Angie that and start getting the most out of your home. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's ANGI.com. Hey weirdos, I'm Alena and I'm Ash and this is Morbids. Mini. Mini, mini Morbids. Ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh,

mini, mini, mini, mini, mini, morbid. We love these mini morbids, they're fun. Yeah, I'm like really obsessed with the Minnesotids, even though this is only our second one. But I'm obsessed with it already. I'm obsessed with you. I am obsessed. You know what else I'm kind of obsessed with right now?

Uh, what? It's something that I think a lot of people listening will dig. That's why I want to make sure I plug it. It's this shop called Murder Apparel. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. See, you know what I'm talking about. You can find them on Instagram at Murder Apparel, I believe.

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make sure I plug that. They have a zombie Santa one and it has like two candy canes like across almost like a skull and bones and it has that one. Yes, that's the one I was thinking of. But it says it like SL, E-I-G-H. I love this hilarious. And then the crampus one says Mary Crampus and he's like holding like a little boy and running off with that. That's the one I was thinking of. Those two. Wow, these are savage.

And they're currently coming out with new ones and the shirts are crazy come feel-looking. Like I'm immediately ordering some like after we stop recording I Know I want some too. Everybody go check out murder apparel because they're rad and I feel like everybody would dig it Go buy yourself some shirts and if you're listening to this next week Maybe you still have time to order them before it's actually and We're just we just and that's literally like they're not sponsoring us, we just really like them.

So go check them out. This is like a little jet plug. Look, jet. So that's going to be the end of our small talk for this episode because our mini morbid episodes are straight to the point. And your mini morbid episode is starting right now. And we're going to dive in the deep, dark, savage world of fairies. So savage.

I know it sounds like it's gonna be whimsical and beautiful and enchanted and all that, but it's not, it's not gonna be any of that stuff. No enchantment here, bitches. Because fairies, despite what Disney would have you believe, are actually terrifying and will murder you. Like at a moment's notice. So from what I've found just to give a little tiny, it's like a really quick little history of fairies.

The word fairy spelled F-A-I-R-Y actually comes from the Latin worm faata, which means fate. And that's interesting. Yeah, right? And then the old French F-A-E-R-I-E, which I think is a cooler way to spell it, actually means enchantment. Oh, I like that one better.

Yeah, I know, that's kind of whimsical and fun. That's as whimsical as we're gonna get. Friends words are always whimsical. Of course they are. Uh-huh. Like escargot. It's just snails. It's just snails. That sounds so funny.

But it's so fancy. I love it. So now we think of fairies as we see them in like popular culture with like pretty wings and they're all pretty and they're there to help you and protect you and do fun magical things for you. Q-tinkerbell. Yeah, exactly. But back in the day, when the world was just like, I know the world is fucking. Yeah, like I know the world is dark as fuck now, but like in a totally different way. Back then it was dark because nobody knew what the hell was going on ever and everything was still mysterious because we didn't know anything about the world at that point. That's when people were horrified that they could offend fairies at any moment's notice and that these fairies would cast evil spells or curses on them.

I'm not gonna get rid of that. Oh my god. What the fuck was that? That was amazing. That's what that was. He's singing? He's having a moment in the kitchen. Okay, so in particular. He's a singing kitchen fairy. I love it. He is. That's the elusive kitchen fairy. He's a cleaning fairy. He's a cleaning fairy. He's a cleaning fairy.

I'm done. I love it. I have deceased. That's not as dark as that. That's a past away. That's the whimsical side of fairies. So in Ireland in particular, because Ireland is all about the fairies, they had such a fear of pissing off fairies that they

don't they wouldn't even refer to them as names like they wouldn't call them whatever name their fairy was or they wouldn't even call them fairies. They called them by like euphemisms like little people, the gentry, or the neighbors. It's like he who must not be named. It's like exactly. And fairies were the original Voldemort's. Exactly. You heard it here first. News with Ashley Kelly. Dundas was in your six o'clock news. And there was a lot of.

Like there were these things called fairy paths where the fairies were obviously just like would travel down specific paths and fairy hills that were forbidden to be dug upon and some houses had their corners removed because they were afraid that the corners were blocking fairy paths. Wow legit. So the houses were round? Yeah, they would round them off because they didn't want a corner to be blocking a fairy path. Shit. And then cottages back then in Ireland were actually sometimes built initially with the front door and the back door, like, perfectly in line with each other.

And then at night, whenever the people thought that fairies were traveling about, they would open both those doors so that the fairies could just pass through their house and not actually chill in their house. Clearly, they never listen to our podcast. Because fresh air is for dead people, not for keeping fairies up. I mean, we tell you to lock your windows, but like definitely close your door. Step one, because if you leave both doors open in the middle of the night all night, you're gonna have a lot more than fairy story about bugs. Bugs. But then again, after hearing this episode, fairies are kind of scary, so there's a lot.

Oh, hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your door. Yeah. And have a round house. Don't, don't build it in a fairy path, I guess. Well, then back then, fairies were actually even blamed for diseases like tuberculosis and birth effects. So basically, just all kinds of shit was just blamed on fairies. You get fairies, bad names. Awesome. I love it. So we're gonna talk about, I mean, there's so many that we might even revisit this subject again, because I didn't even write down all the crazy ones I saw. Oh shit.

So this may be a part one of Ferries. Who knows? PR-AT-1. We're gonna go over a few Ferries now. The first one being the changeling. Now changelings are interesting because I'm gonna give you a real quick overview of it because there is a lore episode on Amazon Prime that covers this subject in a really good way. So go watch the lore episode about this because it's really good. So it's an Irish legend and it's when a fairy child is replaces a real child. So the fairies will come, they'll

steal your child and they'll replace it with a changeling. The fuck I'm saying. Now you're gonna know that this kid is not your kid because they're gonna look like sickly. They're not gonna grow to the normal size that a child should. And there's also gonna be really subtle things you're gonna notice like they might have a beard. Oh you know, are you? What happened? Are you an old man? You and old man, you perhaps an elderly fairy. Are you a bridge girl? I can't put my finger on it, but something's weird here. That's changed.

They could also have long teeth. That's another thing. No, no, no. So if your kid suddenly gets long teeth, be wary. That's all I'm saying. Oh, you know what it is? It's the fangs. That's what's different.

It's the fangs. It's not that beard. It's the fangs. So these changelings will also be very intelligence, like beyond their years, because they're fairies. So they're like ancient. Yeah. They're going to have like crazy insight

and like just be very intuitive. They're gonna have traits that you're like this is weird for a child to have. Yeah. Now why would your child be taken by a fairy? I mean that's like they got shit to do. That's a pretty good question ask. They may take them because they want to use them as a servant. They may just love the human child and want to take it to be its parents, which is shitty. But like, yeah, that's kidnabbing. Or they're just, or they're just dicks and they do it maliciously, just to be assholes. Mm-hmm. Now, there are rare cases where super elderly fairy folk would be placed in like the place

of a human baby, just so that the old fairy could in like the place of a human baby Just so that the old fairy could live out the rest of their days in comfort Like being loved by humans That just makes my heart hurt. So that made it like kind of they really love you if you got a child beard I guess Now there is a way to ensure that your child does not get taken by in exchange for a changeling. I bet it's wild. You can wear an inverted coat so like inside out. Yeah. Or you can leave an open pair of iron scissors where the

child sleeps. Dude. Which sounds safe. When I moved to mom's house, there's like a big old pair of like antique scissors and I always slept with them on my nightstand because I just thought they were cool. Oh my god. They were trying to make sure that you didn't get taken and changed for a changeling. Maybe. Man, they love you. Is Irish. They didn't do that for me.

Apparently they won't wear it for you. No, they did. I found them in your old nightstand. Ma, is Irish. They didn't do that for me. Apparently they won't wear it for me. No, they did, I found them in your old nightstand. Oh, okay, so I didn't even know they did that. Yeah. Wow, I get to ask Ma about that. Wow, that's, I will. Yeah, I wonder if that's why she did that.

I will fall on my ass if Ma really did that for that specific reason. Update next week, update next week guys to see if my mom is that awesome. Because I remember one time I found them and she was like what the fuck are these? What's this big pair of iron scissors? Yeah. They're like rustiest. And you're right, Ma's Irish. This would make sense. Wow. Yeah. We're learning things. She is. We're learning all kinds of things. Now, there are two 19th century cases that actually are true. Like they're not, this isn't legend, this isn't folklore.

These are actual cases where people believed in changeling so much that they actually murdered people. Oh, what? So, in 1826, a woman named Anne Roche bathed a boy who was four years old named Michael Lehi. In this boy could not speak her stand. I'm not positive why I didn't really go far into it. But she bathed him three times in a river in Ireland called the Flesk. On the third time she bathed him in it, he drowned.

Now she wasn't bathing him. Well she swore that she was just trying to drive the ferry out of him because he was a changeling. She got acquitted of murder for that. Yeah, that sounds like Andrea Yates style. I'm saying. I'm saying. And then there's another case which is actually the subject of the lore episode on the Amazon Prime that I was talking about before. So go watch that for the whole story of this. But it was in 1895, a woman in Ireland named Bridget Cleary

was literally murdered by several people, including her husband and her cousins. What? So she had this short bout of pneumonia. And this local dick named Jack Dunn was like, up, she's a fairy-changling because she's not getting better and she's sick because she had pneumonia. So her husband, Michael, her cousins, this dude, I don't even know if there was anybody else there, but they literally murdered her. And then they were only convicted of manslaughter instead of murder because they convinced the

jury that they were just trying to kill a changeling, not Bridget. What? Isn't that bananas? How, like, what was that? This was 1895. Oh, believable. I mean, that's crazy. Those 1800s won't really do yet.

I'm saying. So yeah, those are, that's a very brief overview of changelings. So that's terrifying. And the, what you're going to notice is there's a lot of Irish ones, but there's a lot of Scottish ones too, which is kind of fun. Oh! Yeah. What up Scotland? So the next one is called a kelpie. So they're their group called the kelpies. They're a type of Scottish fairy and they're considered to be cannibalistic and they'll literally eat anything that they come across. So if they come across animals, they'll eat that.

But if they come across humans, they're like, yeah, I'll do it. Whoa. Now, they're thought to live in the waters of Laxon, Scotland, like Loch Ness, where the Earth Cart castle sits, just saying. Yay, messy. And they enjoy eating humans and deer the most. And what they'll do is they're amazing shape shifters. And what they'll do is they'll appear as a beautiful black

or pure white horse. And then they're just offer rides to crazy humans that are like, oh, yes horse. I would love to take that. Thank you. Thank you. What a polite horse. I appreciate it.

And once the person gets on them, they'll just carry them into the depths of the lock and drown them. So we eat. And then when they get them to the bottom of the lock, they'll just tear them apart and then eat them. So they're kind of dicks. Because other than the horses, they're also known to shape shift into super good looking men and women to lure humans into the locks because you know how dumbass humans are You know, and you put a hot person in front of them and they're gonna be like, yeah, I'll walk into Loch Ness. That's fine. Wow. Yeah. So those are the kelpies. The next one is

This is a fairy class from England, Ireland, and Germany. And they're called the Ban Fion. I don't know if I said that right, but we're going to give it a shot. The Ban Fion are a delightful class of fairies. Part of a delightful class of fairs referred to as the quote, drowner fairies. Oh. Sounds so pure. Toad. Like I said, they're found in England, Ireland, and Germany. And they're technically a water fairy that lives in lakes and streams. The name means white woman because she, whatever this fairy appears,

they're known to wear a white gown. And a, their whole stick is they wait for children to come in or near the water, and then they just reach up and drown them. That's a little bit like uncalled for. Yeah, like it is no rhyme or reason, they're just, that's what they do. They're good at it, they stick to it, and they do their thing. Yeah, I mean, respect the hustle.

The next one, which I love the name of these ones are called bookarts. Boogarts. Boogarts. Boogarts. Boogarts. B-O-G-G-A-R-T-S. Bogarts. No, bo-garts. Bo-garts. They are kind of bo-gurs. They're super bo-gary. But they are earth-fares. And guess where they're found? In your nose, Scotland. They look like a gnome, which is unsettling.

I think gnomes are wicked cute. I do not. I think it's unsettling as fuck. I know you don't like gnomes that much. I donling. I think gnomes are wicked cute. I do not. I think it's unsettling as fuck. I know you don't like gnomes that much. I think they're cute. I'm not into it. I don't know what it is about gnomes. I don't know if I was wronged by a gnome at some point,

but I hope not. That's funny. But I have like a weird resistance against them. I like them because of that. Well, kids movie, gnomeo, and Julia, they're so cute. They'll change your standpoint on gnomes. I did not see that and I don't plan to ever see that.

Well, I'm gonna show it to your kids. So you're walking. But they're not allowed. I'm gonna want a bunch of notes. They could not have names in my house. I'm gonna get them gnomes for Christmas. Oh, because gnomes look that apparently boguards look like dirty ass gnomes.

Like they don't look like regular gnomes that are all together and have like their lives together They look like dirty messy Nomes. If I was a gnome I would be a Boo-Gar. Boo-Gar. Bo-Gar. It's more fun to say it wrong. Well, and apparently you're not gonna like this. I don't think their clothing is wrinkled It's dirty. It's like covered in a layer of dust, it's like unkempt. You know, we've all been there. We have.

It's like day five. Well, and apparently they're very malicious and very bad tempered. Same. Yeah. No, I'm kidding. Now, once bogarts enter your home. And once they come into your home,

they're super hard to get out. They kind of, just like bogarts. I mean, in your home. And once they come into your home, they're super hard to get out. They kind of, just like boogers, I mean, in your home. And they kind of act like poltergeists, which I think kind of differentiates them from boogers a little bit. Their favorite things to do. And it's funny, because their favorite things to do are just kind's funny, because their favorite things to do are just kind of like dickish things. Like they seem like shitty little kids, kind of. Uh-oh, what are they doing? Their favorite things to do are dumping over cups

or jugs with milk or liquid, just because they like to see messes. Which I'm like, those are my kids. They can make some feel at home. And they also like to torment dogs. Oh, that's mean. I like to like to tease and make them bark all the time. And then cats hate boguards.

So they'll try to stay away from them as much as they can. And what's different about boguards is usually fairies are terrified of cats and boguards aren't. So boguards will pull cats' tails. They'll pull their whiskers, make them howl and scream, like they love just fucking with cats and dogs. Cats know what they do. And the boguard also like a poltergeist will slam doors, they'll turn on and off lights, they'll like fray your

electrical cords, and they also, which this is like the ultimate shitty bogar thing. They like to torment sleeping babies. They will literally pinch sleeping babies. They'll pull their hair or they'll poke them until they wake up screaming. That's scary. Yeah. And if you get a bogar in your house, it's hard to get out. What you do? You can hang bells on the doors, you can bang pots, you can like scream and yell, and basically the whole idea is to make a ton of noise. Basically, you're trying to be more annoying than the bull guard. You gotta out annoyed them. Yeah, you literally have to out annoyed them. There's also, you can also put iron nails on window sills and hang iron horseshoes above doors, which Ma also did.

I was gonna say, Ma still does that. I just thought there's a horseshoe in there. Yeah, we had a horseshoe above our door. In the kitchen, so that's kind of funny. If you already have a bogar, these things aren't gonna help, but the horseshoe and the iron nails will stop one from coming to your house. So maybe Ma was trying to keep boguards out of our house Which I appreciate. I think that's just a good omen in general. I think we have to thank Ma for a lot right now after doing this episode

Yeah, dear Ma. Thank you Thank you for putting iron scissors in my bedstand so that I wouldn't be turned into a changeling and thank you for hanging a Horseshoe above the door so we wouldn't get boogers in our house. Y'all. So what's funny about Bogart, the name, is it's now used as a verb to mean things like, like you would be like, stop bo guarding the butter. My role is dry, bitch. Like it means like, stop hogging the something.

It's also Zander Bogart's last name. There you go. I wonder if he's annoying in real life. I wonder who knows. Do a poll, who knows. His team. The next fairy I have is called, I'm gonna, I might mess up a few of these names because they're weird. You know what? What? You're trying. I'm doing the best I can. Yeah. And that's all we can ask for, right? I was just gonna say that's the only thing I ask of you. I'm just giving my best. I leave it all on the field.

So the next one is called the Viracas. I don't think that's it. Viracas. Viricas. Virica. Virica's. Something like that. Virica.

B-I-R-I-K-A-S. So that'll do with that what you will. I like that. that sounded pretty. You're welcome. Thank you. So, the things about these ones are, they're never more than 18 inches tall. And they're apparently like spectral entities,

and you can see them by seeing their flaming red face in bloodstain's teeth. Great. Yeah. And in their whole dick, is that... Shhh, dick. When someone is about to die in your house, they'll just stay outside of your house in a big group and just like chitter chatter excitedly while this person is dying.

That's really insensitive. And that's it. Like they'll just hang out at your house and just giggle and laugh in chitter chatter about the person who's dying in your house. I'd kick them. And while they're doing that, they have blood stained teeth and red faces. So they're just like scary and rude. Where does the blood come from? I don't know. Maybe they just like, I don't know. Maybe they rub the dead person's blood all over the maftores, and that's why they're all excited. Yeah, but it's like, what the fuck, man?

Um, maybe they're really all about the vampire facial. The vampire facial. Yeah. That's exactly what it is. Mm-hmm. I think they just really like a smooth, youthful complexion. Who doesn't? I'm saying. The vericus sure do. Appearance. Well that's that's all I really have on them. They're just mainly they're just scary looking and very unpleasant because when someone's dying in your house

you really don't need these little 18 inch fucking blood blood-covered ship eggs, just chitter-chattering outside and laughing. Yeah, fuck that. So the next one is... On the north of Os. These ones are pretty terrifying mainly because of what they look like, but also because they are homicidal. So these ones are called anthril popaggy. Anthropology? Exactly. I love that. The overpriced store.

Exactly. I love the over-crisped store. It's a homicidal terrifying looking fairy. I think it's an intro-papaggy. I think it's called. And they originate from England. This name translates to man-eating. So they're pretty up-friends about what they do. She's a man, you know done. They want attention. They really do. Actually, they're all about getting attention without they look like. So, this is not a pretty fairy.

And this is not anything like your picturing in your head. This fairy is headless. And, yeah. And they do have very tiny little brains that are placed near their reproductive organs. Theva. Now, this fairy's eyes are placed on its shoulders, because remember it doesn't have a head. It has eyes just on its shoulders. And its mouth is this gaping mouth in the center of its chest.

Oh. And it doesn't have a nose. And the reason it doesn't have a nose is that it's good because it won't gag while it's eating raw human flesh. I mean, yeah. Everybody part is useful, right? So they're said to only kill when they're hungry, but like same. But they're basically just always homicidal. Like they might not act on killing you, but they

sure want to kill you. If they're full, they just might not kill you, because they're like, I'm full. But once I get hungry, watch out. Hate that. Exactly. And they are actually featured in William Shakespeare's plays off-fellow and Mary Wides of Windsor. Never seen them. Never seen them. Well, he made them, he kind of made them famous because he put them in his place. So people were like, what are these? And then they, you know, way back then they Googled them on the old fashioned Google machine. Got some pictures on them and were like those things are scary as fuck. So those are those are the answer Pupagi, which I'm saying wrong, but we're going to go with it. Papa G. Papa G. So the next, the next ones, these are, this is just a quick one because in this one I found more funny than anything. It's called

the Caruacr per? I'm sure. I'm sure that's exactly what that's called. They are from South America and they are a great friend to tortoises. This is important because if you dare harm or hunt a tortoise Then these little bastards are coming for you and what they do they have red eyes swollen knees and Their fly. I don't know. I don't know. Get a niceie. It's Like done Swelling continues if you do not ice and a niceie hot. It's like done.

Swelling continues if you do not ice. Keep my finger on front of them. Swelling continues if you do that ice. I know, I think they just need to know. They just need help. Well, and this is kind of a problem. Their feet are turned around backwards. And the reason they can't walk forward.

Well, the reason for this is people know to look for these specific ones in South America because they look for their footprints. And since their feet are turned around backwards, they fuck with people because it looks like they walked one way. And so people walk the other way, but in reality, they walk to that way because their feet were on backwards. That sounds like a shitty math equation. It does. They walked that way because their feet were on backwards. That sounds like a shitty math equation So basically their feet are on backwards so they can fuck with you by making you think they walked one way when they walked another Yeah, no backwards feet and And if you harm or our hunt a tortoise They attack you with their backwards feet and they murder you.

Oh wow. And I just thought that one was kind of funny. That is. And I think a lot of us are safe from that one because I don't know a lot of people who hunt tortoises but if you hunt tortoises watch out now. Tortises are so cute. I know. Torticide. Torticide. So this one is odd. It's called the bendeth and it translates into mother's blessing, which is ironic for this one. There are a clan of wealth, wealth fairies and they engage in kind of the same behavior as the changelings do. They just kidnap kids. So they're like the goblins in Levinth. Oh, okay.

And they, so they kidnap the human baby and then they leave their own deformed offspring called Crimbrils in their place. And the parents of the kids that are kidnap will have, the only way to even try to get their kids back They have to consult a witch and sometimes They'll be lucky enough that the bendeth will just come and return the baby But but there's a specific time that they will do this only after

They have taught them to appreciate good music I'm in favor of that. They make sure that they are up on their bowie. That they... It just sounds like you're a parent. Right? I feel. Yeah. They make sure to put some doors in there.

And then they... Yup. Then they send them home. Stevie Nicks. So Stevie Nicks, Tom Petty, you forgot them. Oh, I'm sorry, Stevie next Tom Petty. I was hoping you would jump in with those ones. How good you.

So, aside from just being kidnappers and you like shits, they also tend to tire out horses by riding them frequently. That's just weird. Which is just inconsiderate. Like I guess they just like will ride horses consistently until they tire out the poor horse and then like bye bitch. We're done here. Now to make these fairies happy and to keep them from stealing your kids, people would leave milk outside of their houses and would only speak these fairies names in like reverence. Never in like nasty tones, never don't never a bad word. So yeah, so people didn't want to fend these bitches because they'll take your kids.

Now the next one I have I have two more and then I just have one crazy little gang of fairies to talk about. This one's called the Fakens. The fakens. Sounds like the Fakens. I'm probably saying it wrong, but I like that way of saying it the best, so deal with it. I love it. And these are Scottish fairies again.

So these ones look terrifying. They are so hideous and horrifying that they were said to stop a man's heart just by somebody looking at them. I believe it. Now the fack ins are covered head to toe in fur and hair and they only possess singular body parts. So they only have one eye, one hand, one leg, one finger, one toe, one foot.

You know, like everything is one. One ear. Yeah, that's weird. It's just, just think about that for a second. One tooth. All of these body parts are placed in a center line down their bodies. That's just stupid. That's a stupid.

That's just stupid. That's not scary, that's stupid. That's just like bad, that's like bad planning. If I saw them, I would say, you stupid. Stupid fucking. You're literally though. And they're also the kind of fairies that can't fly.

Well, what do they do, though? They got nothing going for them. Except they are very violent and very territorial. Now, what do you do hit me with your one hand? Well, what they're gonna hit you with is a spiked club or chain that they always care with them, carry with themselves. Listen, guys, I don't know where the hard feelings came from.

I don't either. We're good. We're bros. I mean, we're bros. So if you trespass onto these hideous beasts slanted and don't immediately get scared off by them having a center line of body parts down their bodies, they're just going to bang you in the face with a spiked club or a chain. So I mean it seems like fair enough.

So my word to all of you listening right now is stay away from the fackin. Stay the fack away from the fackin. Also it's probably pronounced like fashion or something maybe it's the food but I think it's the fact and because it's Scottish so I feel like it's like right because I feel like that's how it all says is that how Scottish people sound that's nice we just lost all our Scottish listeners like the best way like Scottish accents to me are beautiful and amazing. I love that. Yeah, you really made them sound that way with your sound.

But they're all very like, it's slightly harsh. Yeah. So those are the fackins. Stay away from them. The last singular, you know, kind of fairies, I'm going to talk about are pretty gross. They're called the red caps. Oh no.

Guess where they originated in Scotland. Oh, I was like, I don't know. They look like gaunt sickly old men, but they also have sharp claws and sharp teeth. Oh. Although they look gaunt and sickly, they have super crazy strength and can overpower a grown man. They also carried around a scythe and they would use this scythe to hack and slash people to death if you come near them. The hash slinging slings. No, they're not done.

After they hack and slash you, they will mop up your blood with their caps, and that's how they get their name, the red caps, because their caps are just full of blood. That's gross. And thought it's something nasty. Oh no. What? They just got tampons. I literally knew you were going, you a tampon head.

That's what I odd say to them. And then they would hack you with their sixth sight. They would still have a tampon head. So who's the real loser here? Who's the winner here? I'm a lesbian piece, but you got a blood soaked hat on your head. Now they also, they join a couple of their other fairy friends in being cannibals who will eat both humans and other fairies after they kill them.

Phenomenal. Yeah, they're serious. The only way toward these delightful little men away from you is to recite Biblical verses. I'd be fucked. And yeah. And you have to be real quick with this biblical verse recitation that you have to do out of nowhere because they are very quick and very strong.

So they will come at you like, and you just have to be like, Jesus. And just start. One more time like what? Wow. Oh, okay. Just so I'm prepared in case. I mean, it doesn't say that they use that sound,

but I feel it. I feel it's right. Now, the last thing I'm just gonna talk about, which was just interesting in me, and it was also kind of a call back to the last episode where we talked about Santa's scary ass helpers. Okay. This is called, now it looks like it's pronounced the slog,

but it's actually pronounced the slua. Oh. And me just saying that is pretty bad. Apparently. Slua. Now you said it. Ha! Good, okay, we're in this together.

I'm glad I made you say that. I tricked you. Shit, bitch. So now we're in this together. So this is a wild hunt callback. Do you remember last episode we talked about the wild hunt where it's just a bunch of goblins, fairies and ghouls and demons just wreak and havoc and cause and mischief? Yes. Well the slua is the name of the unceiligourt or the evil fairies.

The name means the host, which is actually, because there's a lot of times where they'll use euphemisms to say these things, instead of saying them, because saying them is supposed to invoke them. In this case, the host is the euphemism to avoid invoking them, because if you say their name, then you could be invoking them. So thank you, asshole. You're welcome. So what they are is, because we should know now, because we've invoked them. They are a group formed of the darkest, most vile creatures imaginable. So that's fine. So they're supposed to be like super thin, gunt, haggard looking. They have skin that's barely just like just hanging off their bones.

And they also can look bird-like even when they're not flying around. They have leathery wings that they keep super close to their bodies and it kind of looks like a cape or like a creepy-ass cloak. Oh. Their hands and feet are like bony claws. They have like stringy, sparse dark hair that covers their heads and they have creepy-ass, gnarly, pointed fang teeth that are coming out of a beak-like mouth.

Hate that. Yeah. They hang out with the wild hunt, with all those hooligans and heathens. And so they just fly around the night skies. And they basically, I mean, this is going to be a shock, but they stem from Scotland in Ireland. And, but there's also, there's also accounts of these creatures being like this whole, this whole gang of creatures. Being seen in Germany, France, the Czech Republic, Poland, Scandinavia, Russia, all kinds of places. They're basically writing for hapless souls, like they're trying to steal people's souls.

Me too, so. It used to be thought to be like the telltale sign of some horrible war that was going to happen or some kind of widespread like plague or catastrophe or some kind of awful thing that was like always associated with that. Which I mean again, if you're seeing the wild hunt, if you're seeing like a fucking gangle of demons and fairies and fucking misshapen turd creatures flying all over the place, like some bads gonna happen.

Yeah, I mean some bads already happened if you're seeing that. I mean that's bad. Hey, hey, hey, it's happening. It's happening. Um, they were seen as fair, quote, fairies gone amuck and they're kind of believed to be just kind of like a fucked up version of fairies, like a distorted anti-fairy and they basically have no, no logic, no reason, no loyalty and no mercy. Which is everything that fairies are supposed to have. Now, when this was, that's what they were thought of pre-Christianity, but then Christianity came around to Ireland and Scotland and this slua became a pack of staying at it. We already said it. It's happened. They became there's no we. I

said it won't you said it man. You're in this with me. Yeah, but you said it like so many times of this but you know what you're thinking it now. You're hearing it and you're thinking it. It's in your brain. It's in your head. No. But well once Christianity came and got ahold of this,, this gaggle of ugly fairies became

thought to be just a bunch of unrepentant dead sinners. That's what they referred to them like fallen angels kind of thing. So what we're seeing is like they've been looked at as either anti-fares or if you're looking at it from a Christianity point of view These were once humans that are now these like just crazy creatures that were just thrown into this wild hunt and have to spend eternity here now Their prey are humans. They go after humans their main Their prey are humans. They go after humans. Their main purpose is to steal souls of the living.

And specifically the dying. But that doesn't mean that if you're in good health and everything's fine and you're not dying and you're happy, they won't come and take your soul too. They're happy to do it because they're dicks. If they come for you, you're going to be lifted up from a great height and then you're gonna be dropped from that great height. Like that's okay, thanks. They're just, they're the worst. And they're like a terrible version of that ride that you love where it like shoots you up

and then just drops you from a great height. Oh, that's my favorite fucking ride ever. At Six Fags, it's called Scream. So you would love this. I'm not opposed. I'm not opposed. They're known to have a pension for sadism. They are sometimes known to force their victims to shoot at other people and animals with poisoned arrows. That's like ridiculously intense.

Right. Now, there are ways to try to fend them off, and you can do something that we've been telling you to do from the beginning. Close your damn windows. Lock your fucking door and close your windows. And specifically close your windows and lock them, the ones that are faced west

Because that's usually where the fuck that is you better find it out because that's where the swarm of crazy Heatheness anti-fairies are coming swarm and to your house from and no thank you now apparently the other way that you can always tell that they're coming Is they smell like shit Like they're gonna be this big bunch of flying. They're gonna smell like a bunch of corpses just flying through the air. Oh, and the other, this is another dick move that they do. They like to pray on dying souls before they're given their last rights.

Oh, that's really sad. Like, that's like their specific dick move. Like, they're like, how was that, that's not even fair game yet? Right, that's really sad. Like that's like their specific dick move. Like they're like, how was that, that's not even fair game yet? Right, they're just dick. So they wait until they like right at the brink and right before they're about to get their last rights and then like, haha, we gotta take you so a bit.

And my opinion, that's cheating. You get it, that's. But you know what they don't care because they're anti-fares. To this day, in some places, doors and windows on the west sides of houses are kept locked and closed if there's a sick or dying person in the house. Like this is still something that people believe today.

You better be superstitious. The right ends in the west. Now the way that you're going to call them upon you is one by uttering the name. Good job. Whoops. But there is a way to stop them. Oh, tell them. Once you've drawn their attention, only by placing another person in their path, that's the only way to get out of it. So IE a human shield. So you literally have to be willing to sacrifice another person. Which I mean, I'm ready. I'm not opposed.

I'm ready. I'm glad we're on the same page. I wouldn't use you though. I wouldn't use you either. So we'll find someone to throw in their path. We'll be together when we have at least five people in mind. Yeah, there you go. I have a couple people that I'll throw in their path.

Cool. And I will feel nothing. I will feel nothing at all. So that is the anti-fares that I'm not going to say that name one more time because I feel like I'm testing fate. Yeah, you are. So those are my crazy ass murderous cannibalistic blood soaked fairies. But this is the first half of our murderous crazy ass fairies. And who knows when you'll get part two? I do, but you don't.

You don't. But you don't. You don't, but you'll know. No, no, no, you don't even know. There's so many more guys like once you start looking through dark ass fairies you realize how many scary it's like Santa's dark helpless you don't realize that they're there until you start looking for them. There's a lot of dark corners in the world. I know, and I love it. Yeah.

So we're definitely going to be back with another round of dark fairies that Ash is going to tell you all about. And I will. That's going to be on another mini morbid episode. So stay tuned. Keep listening to mini morbid. Yes. There are many more bit episodes, so stay tuned. People listen into many more bit. Yes. Many, many more bit.

Ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh. Exactly. That's the theme song. That's the theme song. I should just put that as the intro song. I dare you. I will. Can you make that the theme song please?

Yes. All in favor say aye. Aye. Aye. Cool.. All in favor say aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Cool, everyone's in favor, that was so easy. I was so easily.

I was so easily. I was so easily. Made. So by this point in the episode, you already know whether that was the intro or not. But now it's explained. And this isn't a many episode anymore, guys. So we'll see you next week with our different case.

Yes, so stay tuned for our holiday extravaganza. Yeah and it's gonna be either what is it our last holiday case? Yeah it'll be our last holiday case and it's gonna be a two-parter because it's a big case. So look out for that guys. So we hope you keep listening and we hope you keep it weird. Stay away from fairies and don't say that last one's name and if you do lock your fucking West Wing and if you do that and they still got you find a human? Everybody's got an enemy. Guys, find someone to toss in their path and you're good. Everyone has got a human enemy.

Everyone has a human shield in mind. You all do it. Bye. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, bye. I'm going to be a little bit more patient. Hey, Prime Members! You can listen to Morvid, Early, and Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen Add Free with Wondery Plus and Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey. Kids for Cash Scandal, a story about corruption inside America's system of juvenile justice. In Northeastern Pennsylvania, residents had begun noticing an alarming trend. Children were being sent away to jail in high numbers, and often for committing only minor

offenses. The FBI began looking at two local judges, and when the full picture emerged, it made national headlines. The judges were earning a fortune carrying out a brazen criminal scheme, one that would shatter the lives of countless children and force a heated debate about punishment, an America's criminal justice system. Follow American scandal wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wonder App. you