Morbid - Episode 345: Listener Tales 45

Episode Date: July 29, 2022

For Listener Tales 45 we are joined by a special, rather good looking guest, you know him…. You love him… its DREW :) You weirdos also sent us some seriously hilarious and intense tales!!! There’s cops sharing too much information after bursting into middle school dances, hot debates over the name Doll(e)y Madison, hotboxing realness and a Berenstein Bears life saving connection. If you have a Listener Tale that you’d like us to read, please send it to [e-mail] with “Listener Tale” somewhere in the subject line :)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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That's ANGI, or download the app today. Hey, weirdos, I'm Ash. And I'm Elena. And who else is with us, baby? And I'm Drill! My feet! Oh! Sick. Oh! What a sick! Drew Sepher is here today.

Hello, weirdos. Thank you for having me. No problem. Any time, brother. Literally, anytime. Any time. I probably shouldn't call you, like, brother on the podcast. Because that means when we call each other on a daily basis, literally.

Drew gets home and he's like, hey brother. I'm like, what's up brother? Romance is not dead everybody. Well, today we're doing a listener tales episode. So we figured we would have Drusa for a come on the podcast and hang with us for a listener tale. Yeah, you want to just react, right? Yeah, cool.

I mean, I was here anyway, so I might as well. Yeah, Drew is helping us build a desk and, well, actually, Elena really built the desk. You did help a little. But then Elena's really good at building things. And so you, you're good at building things. You're good at hanging things through. And I am good at eating a tuna melt with a diet coke and watching it all go down. And encouragement. Yeah. I'm sure that's surprising to all. It's all. Now you know what, together, we formulate a pretty good team. Yeah. We got it done.

And now we're in our new little space that's in the same room, but just looks different. Yeah. We got an L-shaped desk, so we don't have to be so close to each other. It's big news. OK. It's big news, big changes, big things happen

and we're very professed over here now. When you get old, you get so excited about things like L-shaped desks. Yeah, it's true, right? But we can put our candles on this desk. It feels very, it feels like a big deal. I kind of love too how there's like an Elena Candle and an Ash candle without even intending to do so.

That's very true actually. We should make our own candles. Maybe we should. Let's do that. Three-wicked candle. Ooh. Ooh. Yes.

The one that I know is the kind that flickers to, that like, that crackley one. Or we could do like no wick and do the like cardboard one. Yes, that's the crackley one. That's the crackley one. Yeah, that's the crackley one. Did you say three-wicked because through all the sups? Real housewives. I love all of them. I love you so on. Yeah, that's the crackling on. Did you say three Mac cause three olives? Real olives, I don't think. I love you so much, Aaron, you good.

There you go. And you know what, with that, let's do some left-to-left hotels, Grand Dom's here, the Grand Dom's here. All right, do you wanna stay anonymous or not? I don't know. No, I think they changed names for you. Oh, hot.

All right, the subject line is true crime and twat waffles, listener tale. Hot. Hot. Hi, ladies. I have never done anything like this before, so I'm not sure the proper etiquette. I've attached a double space puttiful with my story. There it is. That's the proper etiquette. That is beyond the proper etiquette.

I'd say that's just, that's just, blah. Shep's kiss. Enjoy or don't, either way, I'm a lifetime fan of you amazing humans. Happy reading. You're wonderful already. I love you a lot.

It says, hello, you badass babes. My name is Hannah. Feel free to use the names because I've changed them to protect privacy. You're a real one, honestly. A few months ago, I accidentally stumbled upon your podcast, and I instantly fell in love. Oh, well, the next sentence is the best.

I too love Gilmore, girl. Yes. Shit's creak. Yes. And just singing randomly throughout my day. In an almost unhealthy way to the point where the middle of the meat. We're in the middle of a meeting with the CEO for my company.

I just really started singing. Ah! A little bit of Lexus. Because I'm ADD. I'm still employed. Thanks for asking. I was going to ask that. So thank you for letting me know ahead of time. If they fired you for that, they're a fake fan. We're very fake. Yeah, like fake as fuck. I get bored easily, me too. But when it comes to you, ladies, I feel like I have found my spirit animals and have often referred to you as my new BFFs. No, seriously.

I love you. I know I love you so much. I love you so much. Drew, you're in this too. Oh, thank you. And it applies to you too, you're a BFF. No, seriously, I'm a 40 year old married of mom. Married of mom, that's why I'm not.

Married mom of three, and like full time and I take classes, nights and weekends. What if bad, we're not bad asses, you're a bad ass. Exactly. This mom, I need some brain candy every now and then. Am I right, mom? You are correct.

There you go. And you ladies are my brains, Reese's peanut butter pops. Oh hell yeah. That is a compliment of the highest order. That was the best compliment I've ever received. I'm of somebody's brains, Reese's Peanut Buttercup. Me too.

Ooh. Oh, I'm feeling it. I feel. I am feeling myself right now. I feel what's the word when it's like, I feel savory. Ooh, you are savory. So are Reese's Peanut Buttercups. Anyways. There's those sweet peanut butter cups? Anyways.

There's those sweet savouries like salty. Yeah. Um, have you had the peanut butter in the middle? Is peanut butter savory? Oh, what be considered savory? That is savory. Wait, and savory. I'm gonna go to it now.

Peanut butter is totally savory. Totally savory. Totally! Totally dude! Peanut butter rocks. Peanut butter. Totally! Totally dude! The Otter Rocks! Peanut Butter! See, free! Live, live, Google-ish.

Yeah, very important question. Let's see. More of a podcast. Peanuts have a sweet taste, and peanut butter often has sugar added. So, nope, this is just a random person, excuse me. I feel like this is a very opinion-based question. Oh, this is a hot, hot button topic everywhere. Oh.

No one feels like they have the correct answer to this. Peanut butter itself is sweet, but it goes great with savory things. Let's choose the thing, everybody. Peanut butter is not sweet. The peanut butter that is processed at the factories and shit is sweet. But actual peanut butter is not. Well, it says most peanut butter contains sugar.

So it would be considered sweet. Yeah, the ones that are in the, the ones in Reese's peanut butter cups are definitely sweet. Yeah, but I feel like- Because I would have sugar in it. Okay, but I think we could- I see both of your your stances here. I just would never like I would never qualify every

seas cup as savory. I wouldn't either. Yeah, I would say it's sweet and savory. When I think of savory, I think of like fries. Yeah, that's I think of like salt. Yeah. And and like spice and herbs and Like I'm the sweet person in our relationship and ashes the savory person. Yeah, that is true Yeah, but I love a Reese's peanut butter cup for its savory element. How about that? I can understand I can understand where you're coming from yeah I'm airing on the side of sweet you You always side with truth. I'm just going to keep reading this tale from my friend, okay? From my friend? From my friend. I respect everybody's opinion, they're super real sweet. So, I've listened to your listener tell so many times

wishing I too could join in on the fun and send in a tale of craziness. Sadly, I am so stupidly cautious of people in general. Not a stupid. That's not stupid at all. That I tend to keep my distance, which in turn has kept me from being on the next episode of Dateline. Still wondering how I met my husband online dating, but here we are. I love it. That's great. Then one day, I got smacked in the face with some truth that just blew my candy coma

brain. Oh no. My best friend Sarah, greatest human I've ever met. Next to my husband's and kids of course, husband and kids of course, my various husbands. I decided to put her stuff out there and join the online dating world. While I always support my friends and all things, I still warned her about the dangers of meeting strangers online and I made her promise never to go anywhere without sharing her location and keeping in contact with me the entire time. That's smart. Yeah. If I didn't hear from her, I would drive to her location just to make sure she was okay because true crime. One night, Sarah let me know that she'd met someone and was going to meet her at a bar for a quick drink. Okay, please be careful and check in with me so

I know that you're alive, I said. Normally I ask for first and last name and Google the shit out of whoever it is. The horror stories I've lived of most people I met online could be an entire episode alone, but I digress. I was unable to find anything out about this particular date because my friend didn't know her last name and couldn't find her anywhere on social media. Red flags, anyone? Uh oh. Red flags. Yeah. Sarah told me only the first name of the person that she was meeting and all she said was she's a therapist in the

prison system. In my mind I'm thinking, huh, how bad could she be? She's a therapist helping people in the prison system with their mental health issues and partnering with them to transitioning from prison life to after prison and helping them navigate through their new life and starting over. That's fucking awesome. How bad could you be? Well, I was about to find out. They met up. They met up.

They met up everyone. They met up ones. They met up on a Tuesday. Did they meet over node? Did they meet down node? They met up. It was. Did they meet over node? Did they meet down node? They met up. It was up. And hit it off.

Oh, all the direction. Up and off. And then they dated for several months. Get it. Every now and then, Sarah would talk to me about how things were just off. She couldn't explain it. She was always having a fly to California

for a few hours to go to trial because her ex-husband, a dirty cop, as she referred to him, was suing her. She said he was so abusive to her, but that because he was a cop, it was virtually impossible to get him behind bars, because cops protect their own, and she needed to testify in person to add weight to her claims. Given all the things in the last few years, she made a lot of sense. She gave this sob story about how he beat the shit out of her, forced her to get an abortion when she got pregnant, and then cheated on her with her best friend. Oh my God. This sounds familiar to something a little bit.

Yeah, a little bit. Okay. As someone that has been a victim of domestic violence, I'm really sorry to hear that. Oh, I wanted to support her in any way that I could. Feeling like you aren't alone is vital to the healing process. Yeah. We protect each other, lift each other up.

I had that and I wanted to pay it forward. As an empath, hearing all this, my heart went out to her and I just wanted to help her in any way that I could. Emotional support, lunch and the occasional. Let's go get a drink and forget about responsibilities for a little bit. Wow, I'm so glad that you're my best friend now.

I was gonna say you're a great friend. I'm gonna say you're a great friend. Yeah, you're great. You offer all the things that we need. Yeah, but things just started to not add up. One day she would say that her lawyer needed her in person. And then the very next week she would say that she didn't have a lawyer

and that she was representing herself so she needed to be there in person. Uh-oh. It was all confusing. On another day, she said that the forced abortion caused her to have so many medical issues that she had to go and have surgery. The same day that she had surgery, she threw herself a not-mothers-day party. Oh.

All I kept thinking was, wow, she's handling this his-his-direct to me better than anyone I've ever met. Ehh, I don't met. I don't know. I don't know what's going on here. Yeah. I'm confused. She was drinking and dancing all night long with no signs of having just gone through a major surgery

to rip out those inside lady parts. Yeah, I was gonna say that's a major surgery. It's a huge surgery. Yeah, I remember like having to like, like deal with family members. Yeah, absolutely. It's like help them not deal with them. I remember dealing with that.

I remember dealing with that. I'm dealing with that hysterectomy patient. No, you know what I mean? Just speaking from experience, I was unable to drink or dance around four hours after my procedure, but maybe I just can't hang with the cool kids. Who knows?

I don't know. I think you know. I think you know. And me who, things just were not adding up. She was starting to manipulate Sarah into thinking and doing things that she never would have done on her own, to a point where I felt I needed to,

as the best friend forever, step in and stop the mental assault that was happening. It wasn't pretty. And I'm glad I stepped in when I did. Otherwise, who knows what would have happened? Sarah and I both suffer from depression and anxiety and we are each other's person. I couldn't lose my person.

Man, you're a really good friend. I know. I'm just really glad we're best friends now. Friends. About a month later, while still in communication with this Tawatt waffle. Amazing. Sarah had found out that she'd started a relationship

with her best friend Matt. Okay, cool, awesome. Happy for you. Also, happy that Sarah is able to get back to being her amazing self again without the underlying manipulations and lies that she was being fed. While with her new boyfriend, she still kept in contact with Sarah, and we would occasionally hang out over holidays and football season, but boundaries were set for obvious reasons. All the while, this nagging feeling in the back of my brain, that something is just off with this person.

I don't like to use this word often because I'm a female, but she just seemed crazy. Not in the, yeah, my ex is crazy kind of way, but in the, if I piss her off, I am pretty sure she's going to slash my tires kind of way. Yeah, you just, you always know those people that you're like, you know what, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna push this. I'm not gonna piss you off. I'm not gonna push their buttons. I'm not gonna get gonna push this. I'm not gonna piss you off.

I'm not gonna push their buttons. I'm not gonna get in their face. I'm not going to say something. I'm just gonna let it go. Yeah, because you'll know how it's gonna end. Yeah, because that person is like, I just can't, I don't know what's gonna happen. Mm-hmm.

I always made it a point to just smile and be kind because humanity, but also self-preservation. Smart. It's not. In both ways, it is. I did not want to be on the next episode of Date Line. I have trust issues if you couldn't tell. We all do, don't worry.

Speaking of Date Line, if it isn't obvious by now, I should mention that I'm obsessed with True Crime Stories podcast, TV shows, all of them. I feel like the more knowledge I have, the better equipped I am to protect myself, my kids, and my family. Hey, you're not wrong. I agree.

That's like constantly on in our house. Yeah. Yeah. And the real housewives. You know, balance. Same thing. So it's a sunny Tuesday afternoon here in Good old Arizona, and I'm working from home. Thanks pandemic. And I'm multitasking, watching old date line episodes. The episode that day, season 25, episode 21, the very first picture that pops up on the screen may be pee my pants a little, but I have three kids so it could have just been that sneeze too. We'll never know. Sarah's date slash friend's picture flashes across the screen and I am no longer multitasking. Immediately I text Sarah and ask her for the last name, kicking myself hard for not asking sooner. Like

seriously, I'm better than this. You're great. I immediately googled this swap waffle and I lost my shit, metaphorically speaking, of course. I'm glad for you. Everybody shits themselves sometimes. Who the fuck have we been hanging out with? Who?

It was Angela Diaz. Oh, I think it's Diaz. I think it's Diaz. I think it's Diaz. Diaz. Angela Diaz. Or as we know her, Angie Connell. Whoa! Shit! I remember listening to one of your episodes on this very case, 188 to be exact. How did I never put this together? Oh my God. So you had already listened to the episode and then you were hanging out with her and didn't realize it? Whoa, that's nuts true. Have you listened to that episode? So we're gonna I don't know if she explains it, but if not, I'll explain it the story is crazy as hell

And like who the fuck does any of what she did to another human? Literally the worst kind of shit stain of a human and I spent part of my 40th birthday with this person. Oh my goodness! That is bananas. So it turns out as cautious as one can be, you can never be 100% sure about people. The day I told Sarah about this was the very day that Angela reached out to say that her current boyfriend had suddenly broken up with her for no reason. No reason? Yeah, maybe he saw Dateline that day too. And she needed a place to say, I told Sarah to block her immediately. Don't let her come over. If she comes near you, call someone, authorities, me, your roommate, I don't care, just don't get involved. Thankfully, she was able to block her from her life. And Angela seems to have moved on. I'm sure to fuck up somebody else's

life. And while this wasn't really scarier creepy, it sure did scare me a little bit. That is both scary. That creepy. Terrifying. Knowing who she is. Yeah. One thing is for sure, I don't want to get involved with some crazy

to-ot-waffle that could potentially frame me for something I didn't do, and end up in jail away from my babies. No, thank you. Thanks for reading. My apologies for the long story. You ladies are amazing, keeping the awesome badass

Which is that you are and as always keep it weird Hannah damn Hannah Yeah, Angel Dias Dias sorry Angela Dias is one of the craziest people I've ever read about it's a horrifying tale It really is yeah for those of you who have not listened to episode 188, like my actual own fiance, Angela basically, she was like dating this guy. I think he was like a US Marshall and they broke up and he started dating somebody else and she was pissed about it. The girl he was dating ended up, they ended up breaking up, but Angela made her life a living hell and she was saying that like Michelle was writing her all these threatening emails, and that she would, like, had showed up and was, like, beating her up,

that she sent somebody to, like, sexually assault her. And then it all turned out not to be true. And the thing was she was saying that Michelle was, like, posting these things, I think, on Craigslist. And then it turned out, like, when they checked to the IP addresses, or a dress I, I don't't know that she was doing it all herself basically and but the the woman who she Michelle who she said was doing all this stuff to her spent time in jail. Oh Jesus. Yeah, it was very wild tale. It was nuts. Wild. That's wild. Not your friend. Oh like or did, was in a long relationship.

Yeah. Like, woof. That's scary. Wow, I'm glad you guys got out of there. Me too. I'm kind of pissed that you guys had to spend, or you had to spend your 40th birthday with her. But you know what, I'm glad there were all best friends now.

So, something good came out of this, I suppose. The hot debate about the Reese's is still there. It's gonna forever remain. So, my next tale is called Listener Tale. Saved from the middle school dance by a dead body. Oh, question mark, question mark, question mark, it says. Alrighty. This one says,

Hi, thanks for even opening this. Oh, no problem. Of course. Of course. I hope you get a kick out of this as much as I do. Please see put a attached double space. Let me open this right now. Let me open this.

Hi. And it says, Hi, Ash and Alaina. My name is Emily. Yes, that's my real name, but there's a bunch of us, so I don't think it matters. LOL.

I'm a huge fan. Also sorry, but also not sorry to get a little sentimental in my opening, but it's important. Anyways, I've been listening to you guys for a few years now, never miss an episode, and I'm originally also from Massachusetts. Oh cool. That's amazing. Let's go. Massachusetts gal. Your podcast brings me so much comfort. That's amazing. I know a strange sentiment for a true crime podcast. It's really not. That's, we hear that a lot. Yeah. People say that we have soothing voices, which is weird,

because as soon as I hear my voice, I'm like, ooh, who scratched a chalkboard? Yeah, it's just a very nice sentiment. But other than the regular reasons that everyone else has, that you are great storytellers, that you guys are funny, that you are just generally awesome facts. Oh my god. Oh, excuse me while my head explodes. I was, I like literally like facts. I was like, wow. No me while my head explodes. I was, I like literally. You got my face in fact. I got these facts and I was like, wow. No, excuse me, they wrote facts. I mean self confidence, baby. But also facts. I also have a much deeper comfort in your shows.

That is that you guys remind me so much of me and my sister. Oh. I am very much the Elena, the responsible nerd. Hopefully that is not offensive. This is also how I categorize myself, not offensive at all. I feel good about that. And my sister is very much the ass.

What do you mean by that? I'm kidding. We even have the confusing family tree. Oh yeah. The biggest difference being that I am the younger of the siblings. Ash's intonation of voice, sense of humor, and general charm reminds me so much of her. Oh. And for that, I'm really grateful. My sister has some serious mental health problems

and often isolates herself from everyone, cutting us off with no way to contact her for sometimes years at a time. But when she is healthy, she's the most friendly, charming, wonderful person. When she's in a good place, she has social skills I've always embied, and people naturally navigate towards her. Oh. Together, we are in one of those periods of not being able to contact her, and it's really difficult. Oh, I'm sorry.

I know, that's hard. That also said currently, not together, I don't know why I said together. I was confused. It's okay. I miss her a lot, and we'll obviously always love her no matter what. And maybe this is not really the most mentally healthy thing for me to do, but listening to you guys banter, and Ash speak, really brings me a lot of comfort of the times when we are good and when we used to be so close.

I don't know how else to explain, but I could listen to you guys talk all day. I literally want to give you a hug right now and I don't even like hugging. That was so nice. And I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that you're going through that. Oh, anyways, this tale goes back, goes back, back, back to the land of 2007, and I was in seventh grade, like mentioned before, being the elaine of the two of us, I was bullied. I remember listening to your very first few episodes about alainist childhood bullying trauma and relating hard.

I'm sorry that you relate to that. I know. Most general bullying stuff, nothing particularly creative or outstanding, but like the picking, yeah, never is. But like the picking on my appearance, general demeanor, personality outfits, ostracizing mocking, stealing, and reading my diary in front of the class, she knows the general psychopathic middle school girl shit.

Yep. Readier diary in front of the class, like where are the fucking adults in these situations? I know it's wild. Now because of this, my parents didn't allow me to go to the school dances in the sixth grade. They were six to eight grade dances. I remember those. Oh, those were the... Oh, sorry. What? I was gonna say they were the best.

But you just see you were like, I was like, they were the best for me. I'm so sorry. I'm literally like, I remember those. I don't know what you're saying. I was gonna be like, I was like, they were the best for me. I'm literally like, I remember those. I don't know what you're at, it's gonna be like, you know? Me and you were like, I just really liked what they played. To the window! To the wall! You know? Then we were all in sixth grade and had no idea,

but we were like, yeah! I'm in the window, am I right? You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I'm screaming. Oh, that was great. They talked.

Yeah, they're the worst. OK, so I thought this was because they wanted to torture me, but it was actually because they didn't want me getting tortured by other kids. Oh, that hurts my heart. Your parents having to deal with that, too, was like the saddest. Which is fair.

I had a lot of other shit going on at the time for a sixth grader. My mom was in the hospital and about midway through seventh grade. My dad was kind of like, do whatever you want. Live your life. I'm sorry, everything sucks. Oh man, you were going through it. I wish that we lived closer.

I want to give you a hug. And again, I don't even like hugs. So you really don't like hugs? I really don't like hugs, but I'm saying a lot. So that's saying a lot Emily. So off goes depressed, low self esteem me to the actual worst place I can possibly be put a middle school dance. Yeah. And first it was kind of fun.

I danced with my friends and drank fruit punch as you do. But then I went downstairs downstairs, I don't know, I was gonna say that. I have a British old soul. Maybe it's all the Jack the Ripper Research is like this British old soul inside of me. You're like blind me But then I went downstairs to grab some free Cheetos still cannot will not resist. Why should you never should and I remember I'm sorry what oh no, I'm not bomb was right. Oh, no, I do remember this because you don't like the texture of puff chips Yeah, I don't like puff chips weird I really like the only snack my brothers and my cousin's who would eat so I would get like crackers

This is something new. I did not know about you. Yeah, I don't like the texture of the cheesy chip or puff chip I can eat yeah, I think I got freedom is recently and I was like here Do you want some and you're like that's disgusting? Yeah, yeah, there you eat. Yeah, I think I got Fritos recently and I was like, here do you want some and you're like, that's disgusting. Yeah, yeah, there you go. Wow, that's interesting. I love Fritos. Fritos are it be- I don't like artificial cheese.

Oh, I'll take cheese anyway, you can give it to me. You ain't cheese with growing up. No, I didn't. My brothers did. Oh, I never did. I thought you said you didn't. What an all-editioned chocolate. I think I said, I'm sh- David and Rachel said you didn't do that. What an allidation to watch. David and Michael. David and Michael.

David and Michael. David and Michael. David and Michael. David and Michael. David and Michael. David and Michael. David and Michael. What did you choose?

I never did. I hated it. Oh, yeah. All right. You said that with such confidence. You launched that alligation. You did like, hey, so here's the thing. Sometimes I swear you like tell me things and then you're like, no, that's not true It's like remember when I thought you loved Abba like a time

You thought I was like Abba's number one thing. I did and then you like I just like the music from up in me Yeah, we You're like hello, I'm Ash I mean I get it. I got it. There's a lot of things to learn. I mean how long have we known each other? Ten years anyways, there's a lot of things to learn. I mean, how long have we known each other? 10 years, anyways. There's a lot of things to learn. I mean, John and I've known each other

for more than 15 years. So at this point, like, dated for more than 15 years. And John dropped a hot secret on the hot screen. Yeah, he dropped it like a, yeah, it was like a pretty juicy detail. It was. And we were like, what? And we were like, how have you been hanging on to that one?

We'll tell you. It was flying. It was a funny one. But like, still, it was wild. I'm actually excited, yeah. But there's a lot to learn, I suppose. Dances, Cheetos. Here we are, we're eating the Cheetos

because still cannot will not resist unless you are Drusefer. And I remember looking my head over to the corner and there was the girls who were always mean to me, giggling and very obviously looking at me. Go carry on the racist. I'm gonna round house kick them for you. Fights.

One of them came up to me and was like, oh my God Emily, is this your first dance? I immediately knew this was a loaded question. That's so cute, they giggled. As if how cute of me to think I belong there at a school dance where they were. And more specifically where there were boys. Do you like anyone, she said?

I quickly said no, but hope you have fun. Good for you. I was gonna say, I'm a bigger, the bigger person. And scooted away to find my protection in tall Emily. Yes, I had a best friend with the same name who was a foot taller than me and none of the mean girls messed with because she was captain of like every sports team.

It was nice enough to adopt me as her small Emily. That's so cute. It's a small Emily TM. I had a best friend with the same name as me and it was like eighth grade, ninth grade, and her name was actually Nicole. I love that. Yeah. I never had that.

Elena, I never had an Elena that was like, I got that. I never had my name. No. I did name. No. Yeah. I know. I'm trying to say, I definitely never had a friend named Elena. It's funny though, the first,

this is even weird to say, the first boy I danced with, how does school dance was named Andrew. Oh really? Is that the origin story? Left and impression. And I decided that one day my name was gonna be Andrew. Left and impression.

Love the name Andrew. I know sometimes I forget that your like government name now is Andrew because we just call you Drew all the time. Well I always forget too and then my mom though they day because she has the tattoos of me and my brother initials and she's like I'm glad this still works. I was like I think it was like why you did that. Yeah, yeah, I love that. Yeah, it's a beautiful name.

I've always loved Andrew as a name because I was a big Andrew McMahon fan and I was always like, Andrew, every Andrew's hot hell yeah. Well, there you go. So it says, anyway, I spent the rest of the night on edge, uh-huh, tucked into the shadow of my beautiful tall Emily TM, wondering what they would possibly going to do to harass me.

About 45 minutes goes by and I'm starting to relax. Maybe they'll leave me alone. Come to the next sentence. Maybe I can jo- Why? I swear to you. I had not read this before on everything I loved. It says maybe they'll, and I don't even know

if I can say this without dying laughing. Maybe they'll all leave me alone. Maybe I can really, maybe I can really just to the window, to the wall. To the sweatshirts, down my balls, in a beast. Ha ha ha. Everybody fucking loved that song, okay? Wasn't it like the game-

You were the show stopping. The way it was like, that was, maybe I can really just to the window to the wall till the sweat drips down my balls in peace. That's the only way you should do till the window to the wall to the sweat drips down your balls. In police. I'm gonna bump that song all the way home.

I cannot believe that that just happened. That's wild. We're all meant to be. All of us, yes. Look at all meant to be. All of us, yes. We're all in this together. But then a boy approaches. Gross. And not just any boy.

The eighth grade basketball star, every girl's crush, tiny Chad Michael Murray, of small town eighth grade boy. He very quietly came up to me and asked me if I wanted to slow down. I will punch him in his stupid face if he's gonna hurt you. I will. And then it went in slow motion.

I looked at him confused. I looked at Tal Emily T.M. confused. She looked at me confused. I looked at the mean girls who were all looking at me. I was trying to read the situation so fast. I thought of how I'd have to tell my dad if I danced with a boy. I triangulated all possible outcomes of saying yes or no. I quickly decided this is a trap.

It's happened before. The mean girls would set their guy friends up to fake ask you out. And then when you say yes, they laugh at how you thought he actually liked you and then mock you for having a crush. That actually happened to be interesting. I also can I just sign on here? I'm looking at a picture of you. These girls were mean to you because you're fucking beautiful.

And that's exactly the two things in two. It does. And that's why they were mean to you, Alina. I'm your beautiful Emily. You are gorgeous. So. I wanna like your green hair. Ooh, I love that.

Thank you for sending these pictures. You guys are adorable. Is this the boy you slow-danced with? I got a shut up so I can find him. No, so I looked right at him like a very mature seventh grader, stuck my tongue out, and like a lady blew a giant raspberry right in his face. I wasn't being tricked this time. At this point, everyone in the entire dance floor is looking at us. I look at the Mean Girls and realize they are mad. And then I look at eighth grade dreamboat and realize he is sad. I knew it.

I'm excited. He sadly looks down and says, so no. And I just stood there and shocked as he walked away and kept saying, wait, I'm so sorry because apparently every Hawk Girls eighth grade vision board prince charming had a very, I had a big old crush on this tiny bag of fruit loops. Me. You're not trying to make a fruit loops, you're great.

Anyways, you're a big bag of fruit loops. No, you're a fruity pebble, baby. Ooh, yeah. Anyways, the next 10 minutes, chaos ensues. All the mean girls are just loudly chatting angrily about what would he see in her? Did you tell him to do that? No, did you?

Oh, they're so dumb, I want to fuck them. That's just full blown evidence right there that they're so fucking jealous. Yeah, that's, that's fuckery. I was interrogated. Do you even know him? Me. Yeah, I guess he volunteered to do lights

for the musical I was in, so we've talked a bit. More girls. Did you know about this? No, this has to be a joke. I asked him on a date last week and he said no. And what the fuck is this? Probably because you're a bitch. Because you're a bitch, Becky. Get outta here. Your hair's not even good. Ugh, it was too much. I was starting to break. I was devastated, not only for the general meanness of the girls, but for possibly turning the only boy who ever genuinely showed interest in me. My tall Emily TM was grabbing me endless snacks

because she is an angel. She is, I love tall Emily. Two screaming. Tall Emily TM. Everyone needs a tall Emily. And she knows how to fix things, but it was getting to be too much. I was going to start crying.

I could feel it. I started belining towards the bathroom, trying not to let anyone see when boom, the metal double doors of our community center burst open and cops. Just so many cops. Immediately everyone starts screaming. Just so many cops. It's an all caps. so I feel like it's just the way you say. Cops, just so many cops. So many. Immediately everyone starts screaming. They turn all the lights on blindingly.

I'm in so much shock standing right in front of a cop. Literally, I level with his gun. That's terrible. I'll punch a whole bunch of that. That my tears suck up right back into my eye sockets. And as they say on the TikTok, quote, the women was too stunned to speak. I never heard that one either.

Are we dumb? We just might be old. They informed us all that the dance was ending early. Thank God. And that all our parents had been called to pick us up early. Chaos, chaos, more chaos. Cars come to pick everyone up. As we're standing

there waiting, people start whispering. They found a dead body. They canceled the dance because there was a body outside. I immediately was like, that's not real. If nothing else from this story, you've learned that 11-year-old me took nothing at base value and trusted no one. You should. No, you should. However reader, it was real. It was very real. I feel like I've been bridgeted. Brudgeted. I feel a reader.

The place is flooded in cups and ambulances. And the whole area next to us is blocked off as they try to get 200 middle schoolers accounted for home and all without anyone seeing the fucking dead body. Sticking with my tiny Tim General demeanor here, I was the last one left to be picked up. So I need to have a moment fucking stiches.

I'm so sorry. My tiny Tim demeanor here. I was the last one left to be picked up. This was the case, this was the case a lot for me since my mom got sick. So I wasn't too concerned about it. I also lived about a 10 minute walk from the community center and guess I'll just have to go to the hospital. I guess I'll just have to go to the hospital. I guess I'll just have to go to the hospital.

I guess I'll just have to go to the hospital. I guess I'll just have to go to the hospital. I guess I'll just have to go to the hospital. I guess I'll just have to go to the hospital. I guess I'll just have to go to the hospital. I guess I'll just have to go to the hospital. I guess I'll just have to go to the hospital. I guess I'll just have to go to the hospital.

I guess I'll just have to go to the hospital. I guess I'll just have to go to the hospital. I guess I'll just have to go to until later. I was a mad at him, it tracked. At this point, I was used to walking around everywhere and getting rides from friends, parents, teachers, random people who felt bad for me, LOL. Oh, so, I love that there's just like an LOL at the end of that. Ha ha. I tried to tell the cops to, oh, cops, to just let me walk home. It wasn't far.

And at this point, I was back on the verge of tears thinking about everything that happened earlier. Oh, no. Can one of them just drive you home? I know. That's like, hello. This very nice, very young male cop stuck on babysitting duty who was clearly uncomfortable with an 11-year-old girl on the verge of tears was very nice and tried to explain

that he simply could not let me walk home by myself and pitch black. Again, small town, no street lights, in snow, and 10 degree weather. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention, this is like winter winter. Oh, and we know in Massachusetts it do be. Oh yeah, I look at him and I'm like, It looks at me.

It's shirt. It is. I'm not old. TikTok. And I'm like, I don't know if I told you, but it's going to be a while. I sat on the steps of the community center and he plopped right down next to me and said, well, I guess we we're gonna wait together. Cute and nice man. He asked me about my parents and I explained. I was sad but was used to

explaining it and he was very nice about it. Then he asked about how my dance was going. This I was less prepared for. I told him I wasn't great, too embarrassed to admit details and started tearing up a little again. He, an a valiant effort to soothe me, and a pretty fair guess, spits out something along the lines of, boys are really dumb at your age, you know? This is... This is obvious. I'm in, true.

This, somehow more embarrassing, did not make me feel better. I actually, I start to actually cry a bit. He clearly panics a little. He tries to comfort me by blubbering around, but clearly 11-year-old girl drama is not his strong suit. After about five minutes, he kind of just blurt's out. You know, we found a dead body over there. What the fuck? I stopped crying, she's like, eh!

What? The rumors were true. Are you serious? He looks confused, but relieved I've stopped crying. Yeah. Yeah. Then I immediately jump to, are you not letting me walk home because there's a murderer on the loose? I'm like, dude, read the room. Yeah. Immediately he regrets everything. He's denying the murderer theory. I started asking so many rapid fire questions. He starts being like, listen, I'm dying the murderer theory. I started asking so many rapid fire questions. He starts being like, listen, I'm not really supposed to tell you. Everything is fine, don't worry.

But I'm like, no, we are confidence now. I need the whole story. I need the whole story. Luckily, it took my dad even longer to drive home because of the snow. And I somehow guilt-slash guilt slash cute tripped this cop. And it's telling me the entire story. Because a man who sadly was drunk or on drugs.

No, no, basically. Oh, sorry. We're just used to saying because a man. Because a man. Basically a man who sadly was drunk or on drugs had passed out in the parking lot next door. Then it had snowed a lot over the night in the next week. Oh, baby.

He basically froze to death under a few feet of snow right outside our community center. And they didn't find him until a few weeks later the night of our dance, as the snow plow was plowing the area for parents to park to pick up kids, and the snow plow knocked into his body. Oh, my goodness.

Obviously, this is all very sad. I had no idea what to do with this info. Luckily, I was mature enough to know that it wasn't great to spend this, to spread this kind of info out like gossip, but I knew. For weeks at school, everyone was debating the dead body story. Real? Not real? A lot of people thought maybe it was just some dumb story and eighth grader made up to scare everyone. And there was a different reason the dance ended early. But I knew. You had a confidante.

And you did. And no one was talking about me. No one was talking about dreamboat, boat, or me, or how embarrassing the entire thing was. I was literally saved from my horrible middle school dance by a dead body and an overwhelmed cop. And no, unfortunately this is not a Netflix romcom. And I was really hoping that this is gonna end though. I really was.

And I did not make up with Dreamboat 8th grader. We just kind of ignored each other forevermore. And I awkwardly apologetically smile at him. And he's kind of nodding, keep going. I went on living my life ignored by boys until college. It's better that way. And honestly, I'm not mad about it.

You should have seen me. Because even though I didn't want to hear it from a cop as I was crying on a frozen stoop, boys really are pretty dumb at that age. And just in general. Nowadays, I have quote unquote, glowed up a bit as the kids say, and have a pretty cool life.

I'm a fashion designer in New York City. The fucking vindication must run through your veins. And live with my super duper dreamboat boyfriend of four and a half years in a lovely apartment. Indicated! Toll Emily Tiam and I are still friends! Of course you are. And even though we don't live close anymore,

still stay in contact. There's a lot of shit in between, but let's call it a W for now. Hell yeah. A big old W. So anyways guys, I hope you laughed a bit at how ridiculous this entire situation was. And thanks for reading and keep it weird. But don't keep it so weird that when you're asked out by someone nice you blow a raspberry in their face out of self-defense. Just because you think no one could think you're cute. Because you probably are cute as fuck, and you shouldn't let anyone else make you feel otherwise. And also, don't keep it so weird that you don't plow your parking lots for weeks at a time. And also, be safe when drinking, doing drugs, and don't be so weird to go out and walks in the snow

when you're incapacitated. And probably don't keep it so weird that you tell random 11-year-olds the classified details of a police case. But it did make me feel like I had a friend and somehow a lot better. So maybe do keep it that weird and definitely keep it so weird that you find a tall or mini version of yourself to protect slash care for regardless of who is which because you will turn out to be lifetime friends.

I fucking loved that listener. Dad, that was great. That just like cleared my skin, it paid my bills. Yeah, no debt. Let's go. That was wonderful. Also just like cleared my skin, it paid my bills. Yeah, no debt. Let's go. That was wonderful. Also, you were fucking adorable even when you were 11. You didn't have a glow up, you've just always been glowing.

Oh, and there's tall Emily. Tall Emily! You guys are adorable together, there's tall Emily. You and your boy, he is a dreamboat. Oh, he is a dreamboat. Good for you! And you know what, he, I don't even know what to say. You're beautiful together.

Just blur around the face. Beautiful, the offense. I just love that you said in self-defense. That was my favorite part of it. You're just beautiful together and I'm obsessed. I hope all of those girls see your like picks on the insta pages and say, Foo. I do.

Like, Foo on you, girls. You think it's go, Foo. I do. Like, Foo on you, girls. I do. Foo. Yeah, look, I fucked up. Like, Foo on you. You know what I mean? On you. Okay, the next listener tale is gonna start another fucking debate.

It's called listener tales. How do the baronstein bear saved my life? And what the actual fuck did he say in his deposition? Yeee. But have you heard the fucking Mandela effect thing about your have? Is it the baron steam bears? And then what's the other one? What is it?

Oh it's the Bernstein bears. Bernstein? And they claim it's the Bernstein bears, but I'm here to say no. No, no it's not because I was a big baron steam bearers fan what I was told me to still read my kids those books and it was so I don't give a shit when anyone says I'm moving this candle so it does not light the computer ablaze I would love if it did not yeah me too I moved it everybody don't worry fire safety okay and then really quickly before we read this one

another mandala effect that me and Alina found out the other day, Brittany Spears, and the oops I did it again video. She had the fucking headset on, I know she did. I thought that was just cause she had wore the headset in her concert. You are John. Yeah, cause when we said this to John, John was like, well, did she do it at like the VMAs

or something, and I was like, possibly. But both of us were like, no! We're like, fuck that. Cause they even sold her Barbies with that shit. But maybe it was from the VMI. No, no, it was from the video. I'm loved, Bernie Sanders, when I was little. I know, that's what I called her.

It's true, pretty I love you. Pretty I love you. So, so on to this. Hey, Ash and Alina, this is my listener tales. How the Baronstein Bears saved my life and what the actual fuck did he say in his deposition? Yeet! Yeet.

I have attached a double space pedafa for your reading ease and I've also timed it. It's about a 10 minute read. That's another level of courtesy. That's Queen Shit. You're on some mother fucking Queen Shit. Damn. I really, really hope you guys read, we are.

And I really, really hope you guys enjoy it to be determined. I'm totally kidding. It's the first time I've ever actually written it down, and it made me cry as I did. Love you guys. Oh my goodness. Hi, Ash and Alina, you can say my name.

It's Bethany with an A. Bethany, not a Y, but also not with an E and N Y, because let's not keep it that weird. We got it. We get it. So you're not Bethany, Frankl? That. What over your head? Let's not keep it that weird. We got it. We get it. We understand. So you're not Bethany, Frankl? What over your head?

Street names have been changed, so feel free to use them. Short and sweet, but obviously necessary. Love you both. You're great, and you are the friends that keep me going throughout my work time. Ash, I think you were my long-lost Gemini twin, June 10th. What, what? Because I swear, we're ridiculously alike. ask my incredibly Virgo sister Amanda say her name and she'll poop her pants. Oh

Introduced me to you Aren't you ever going your chart too? I have Virgo in my chart. So that's funny. There it is I lost my place But also Alina thank you for saying room like room I've been room-cosely picked on my whole life because I say room. And hearing you say it fills my weird heart with joy. I love that. I love that so much.

Lastly, I will not apologize for the length nor will I offer you to cut or edit this as you see fit, because I know that your reply will be never. Never. OK. Now on to the question that you've been asking yourself since opening this double space put a f- How did the Baronstein Bears, I know it's so fun-

Oh, there it is! But it wasn't when I was a kid I swear, it's not sane. I believe you, it was not. How did the Baronstein Bears save your life and what the actual f- did he say in his deposition? I've been wondering, well, our story begins on a beautiful, Western New York June morning. It was the first day of summer vacation.

I had finished fifth grade and I was finally a pre-team. I mean, honestly, I was like two days past 11, so does that even count? Hell yeah. It counts. I remember on my 11th birthday, I was in the shower, dancing and going, I can't fit my age on my hands anymore. I have an actual memory of doing that.

Core memory, I love you. I had a lot of alone that. Core memory unlawful. I had a lot of a load time. Anyway, you couldn't. You couldn't count your age on your hands anymore. You were right. I thought at the time that it was exciting, little did I know it's a downhill from there. Yeah, it's a kick down. Because then you're like, wow, I can't fit my age on this fucking line anymore.

It's sad. And then you don't even know what age on this fucking line anymore. It's sad. And then you don't even know what age you are at some point. And then you move into a different bracket of eight. Ooh, I hate that. What's my age again? Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, you go, I don't know.

I don't know. Anyway, it was a school tradition to have pizza and ice cream party for the kids that came in on that first day of vacation to help their teachers clean and pack their rooms for the summer. That's cool. It was nice. That being cool. That's nice. That being said, my little brother Corey, who was nine at the time, and I decided one more

school day was well worth it because well pizza duh. Of course. I mean, I would do anything for pizza. So we got up early and walked to school per usual as we were within the walkers distance away. Same. We cleaned, we ate pizza and ice cream and I said, cyanara, baby school, middle school, here I come. You know, the way a preteen brat who didn't remember that one scene from Billy Madison

would say, don't you say that? Don't you ever say that? Stay here. Stay as long as you can for the love of God, cherish it. I love that you included a photo. They included a photo of that scene. It's amazing. But you're just watching Billi- Billi- Billi- Madison, I was Billi- Billi-

Madison. Billi- Madison is a great movie. We were just watching Billy Madison. Oh, did I tell you that? I told you that, um, no one in my family when that dog was named Dolly Madison, no one knew who Olly Madison was.

What? Yeah. Oh, that's sad. Yeah. That's a sad, literally mean by a gale or brother where the only ones at the rest of the race. Oh, that's sad.

That's really sad. Everyone's like, oh, that's such a weird name. Dolly Madison. And I was like, that's an epic name. Like, what are you talking about? Dolly Madison is like a president's wife. Isn't she? After quite a large argument, like, what are you talking about? That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing.

That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing.

That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing.

That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing we still have some cool important shit. I read about her once. We should have some cool important shit. Yeah, I did like history at one point. I love that for you. Yeah, I'm glad that I remembered that. Like, you guys, I'm the president person. No, everything about president.

That's why I was like, who do I trust? I know. Oh my god. Yeah, because Drew loves president stuff. But when you said that, I would be like, love do I trust? I know. Oh my god. Yeah, because Drew loves president stuff. But when you said that, I would like. But when you said that, I would like girls next door more. I think so. There's that.

Yeah. So there is that. All right. We'll back to this tale. Any who perfectly placed. Corey and I were on our way home. And it's worth noting that we lived in a quiet suburb. Where literally nothing happened.

Oh, that's where it all begins. We were just about two blocks away from home when we came to an intersection, and weren't sure which way would be faster. See, untrained cartographer. Thank you, I can never say that. Drawing below, I remember Judge Judy used to have the bay lift hold these, and I'd be like, what?

Anyway, the conversation went something like this, Bethany. I love this. Thank you for the images. Do you know Judge Judy? Such a... Oh, I'm so glad. All right, I was gonna say, remember the phrase everyone would say, like, um, only Judy can judge me.

I don't remember. I don't remember. I don too hurt, you're hurt. No, and I was a judge Judith Scheinler Stan. I used to come home every single day. She was on after Ellen and it was great, but I could go on for days. Oh, man. That only Judy can judge me. I'm telling you that.

I'm shocked you guys have never heard of. No. Oh, man. Bethany, should we go up Elm Street and turn left onto Birch Street, or should we turn left onto Willow Street and go up Maple Street? Adult me wants to scream, you idiots, it's a block. No matter which way you go,

you'll make it to the corner of Maple and Birch. Then it's face palm. Face palm. Corey, I don't know which way's faster. Bethany, I'm not sure you want to find out. Corey, yeah, but how? Now, Ashina, don't get mad at me. I was freshly 11 years old,

but my reply was one of nightmares. Let's split. Oh, no. Dun, dun, dun. That's the beginning of every horror movie, Bethany. I also love that the theme of this is, I was 11. Yeah. Like the theme of this listener tells us, I was 11.

And so, after laying down the ground rules, no running, don't cheat. This will make it a faster walk home next time. We split up. I was going left down Willow and right up Maple to meet my brother at that Maple Street stop sign. Almost as soon as I turned on to Maple, a car came, oh fuck this. No, behind me and slowed down.

I turned my head thinking that it had to be somebody I knew from the neighborhood. Instead, I was staring at a car, oh my god, that I did not recognize and a gun pointed directly at my face. You are a leaven. Oh my god. I don't think it fully registered as he didn't stop. He just slowly drove past me while holding up the gun. What the fuck?

What? When he left, I felt utter relief and quickened my pace, knowing that Corey must have cheated and would be at the stop sign at any moment. And ultimately, what other choice did I have? I still needed to get home and cell phones were only a thing in movies and rich neighborhoods. Oh my god! Trying to remain calm. I kept I kept speed walking. I know what you're all thinking, but Corey and I had laid ground rules. No running. Until I heard a car

turn, excuse me, until I heard a car and turned to look. Unfortunately. Stop. The man was back. No. This time, he fully stopped the car next to me and pointed the gun back at my face through the passenger side window. Stop it. Oh my god, I'm so stressed out. I froze. Right as I saw my little brother approach the stop side ahead of me, the driver said, get in the car. Oh my god! I looked at him and then back to my brother and I started shaking. All I could think was, if I scream, he'll shoot me. If I run, he'll shoot me. And worse, he might shoot my baby brother if he sees him. Oh my God, I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing.

I stood there for probably 20 seconds, although it felt like much longer. Unmoving, except for the involuntary shaking, terrified knowing that I was not going to get in that car, but knowing nothing beyond that. Next thing I know, he lowered the gun and drove away. Why? My adrenaline kicked in and I went into action.

I looked at his license plate and tried my best to remember it, along with the car making model, you little badass. Yes, seriously. I don't love it. I would have been like, mom, I'm scared. I would have been like, it was a car, I think. Yeah. It had four wheels.

There was a guy in town. Yeah. Wally ran to my brother and grabbed his hand and just shouted, run. Oh my God, he poor babies. I know. He had no clue why I screamed at him to hide behind the trees any time a car passed.

He kept begging me to tell him what happened and who that was. We were home within three minutes and I immediately ran to the court, oh, the cordless phone base. Oh, that base station. Yup. And repeatedly pressed the page button.

Corey brought me a glass of water, which I accidentally dropped on the floor, because I was shaking so badly. And my sister Amanda came down the stairs with the phone, having no idea that anything happened. Remember the page button? It would make all the phones make noise. Yep. Because you really, like, we would always misplace one of the house phones. I grabbed the phone from her, I ran up to my bedroom and I called who else but my mom. Hell yeah.

I told her what happened to which she quickly instructed me to lock the doors. She was calling the police and she would be home as soon as possible. She must have been terrified. In such a state of panic, I would be like warp speed getting there. Literally. And then imagine the poor woman having a drive home. That's the thing. It was a long day of telling and retelling the story to each police officer, Corey giving his point of view, walking back to the scene to give the exact points of reference, giving

them the car make model, and three of the six license plate numbers that I could remember. All of this ended back at the station where I gave a facial description of who the man that was, along with the the story released to the news Later that night this dumbass man child proceeded to go into work and brag about what he had done Homie wasn't even smart enough to keep his mouth shut let alone turn on the TV to see if he was on the news for it What the fuck he went to work and brag to that he pointed a gun at an 11 year old girl like what they tried to kidnap her What is what the fuck? He went to work in bragged that he pointed a gun at an 11-year-old girl, like what the fuck? And tried to kidnap her?

What is life? What the fuck? What are people? Ew. Oh. One of his co-workers who actually lived in my neighborhood, promptly called the police, and he was arrested at work by midnight that night. Yes.

So where did the damn bearers fit in at the street? I honestly, I was wondering. They wrote that, not me, by the way, I wasn't like being like- Okay, where are the bears in this story? Where the fucking bear is fit in the story. I honestly, I was wondering. They wrote that not me, by the way, I wasn't like being like, hey, where are the bears in this story? Where the fucking bear is fit? Bring me the baronstein mother fucking bears. I mean, that's what I'm saying. Always.

For some reason, up to that point, my adult witchy self says that it was spirit guidance, I believe in it. My favorite damn VHS tape was the baronstein bears. Learned, excuse me. My favorite damn VHS tape was the baronstein bears. Learned, excuse me. My favorite damn VHS tape was the baronstein bears learn about strangers. I think I knew every word to that episode.

Number three, saved my life. But all six are worth reading, so here they are. Brother and sisters bears for, brother and sister bears rules for cubs. One, never talk to a stranger. Never. Two, never take candy or other gifts from a stranger. Three, never ever go anywhere with a stranger.

Four, don't keep secrets from your parents, especially if somebody asks you two. That's such an important one. Five, your body is your own personal property, and nobody else's business, especially the private part. So important. Six, use common sense. We can't have rules for everything. Common sense is what keeps us safe by telling us what to do in situations that are not covered by rules.

Bernstein bears. Still fucking relevant. Still Bernstein. Fuck yeah. Staying. So this leads us, oh fuck, I see this guy's picture and I want a punch him in his belly. Oh my god.

Oh my god. I'm gonna roundhouse kick him in the jaw. Ugh. You're roundhouse. You's got a lot of things to do. I'm going to go to the next question. I'm going to go to the next question. After he was arrested, this bozo was deposed, right? He says he drove off because he thought I was going gonna scream and he didn't want to get caught. What?

But the real one-two punch was when he found out that I was 11 years old. He said, oh, I thought she was like eight or nine. If I had known that she was 11, oh my god. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I would have forced her into the car and raped her. Oh, kill him. Kill him. Bye. Oh, bye. Bye, monster. Bye. I don't even want this man's face. You know, me right now. What's up? What a disgusting piece of shit. I hope he got what a shit kicked out of it. What a disgusting piece of shit. Oh, why do you know that he said that? Who told you that? Yes. Oh, I'm sorry, what the actual fuck did he just say?

Oh, chop it off. Yes, that is what that should be brought back. Yeah, chop it off. He received the maximum sentence for his crime of attempted kidnapping in the second degree, 12 years in prison. That's maximum and a registration as a sex offender due to his own Ed Kemper chatty-cafy complex.

It was also revealed in trial that he had a previous incident- incidences- incidences. Did I say incidences? Yes, incidences. I don't know why I've got it. You got it. A flashing minors. Cut it off.

He's currently out of prison, although it seems to be an in and out of prison type of life for him. I have a restraining order against him, and I am alerted to his whereabouts when he moves. This is him. He is dead eyes if you ask me. I don't- oh, get the fuck away from me. I swear I'm wrapping up. Don't even worry about it. I just want to do a quick fast forward to where I am now because this isn't his story of failure. This is my story of success. Fuck yeah. I love you. I had a tough time in middle school in high school. I had a lot of fear and I went through a very rebellious period

where I was too young to be drinking as much as I was. Same. But I have probably been in therapy since I was 16 years old and recommended it to everyone, whether you're in a good place or a bad place. You say that all the time. I say it all the time. I have worked so hard to overcome my fears

and I am now a proud member of the United States Army. Hell yeah. Thank you for your service. I married my sixth grade sweetheart. overcome my fears and I am now a proud member of the United States Army. Hell yeah. Thank you for your service. I married my sixth grade sweetheart. Love you, Ryan. Love you, Ryan. I scream.

And last year we welcomed our first baby boy into the world. You're gonna, I have chill bumps. I am just screaming. That little boy, oh my God, I'm gonna cry right now. That little boy is my whole life, my night, my day, my mood, oh my god, fuck you. My moon and my stars. I would kill anyone who fought to her kill.

Yeah. But the strangest thing is, now is a mom. I realized what my mom went through that day. Exactly what I thought of. When she, that's because your mom, yeah. Yeah. When she got that call from me 20 years ago, sobbing her, sorry, I'm so stressed out.

Sobbing, telling her what had happened to me. At that moment it hit me that she had experienced a huge trauma too. So I called her and cried as I held my baby boy and apologized to her for the trauma that she endured as a mother because I can't even begin to think about being in her shoes in that moment. Oh, what a daughter! And that's on therapy. Yeah! My wonderful, amazing, beautiful, strong mama just chuckled and said, about being in her shoes in that moment. Oh, what a daughter. And that's on therapy. Yeah.

My wonderful, amazing, beautiful, strong mama just chuckled and said, well, I guess I never realized that it was my trauma too. That's mom shit. That's mom shit. That's also, I think a lot of times, people don't realize when like a traumatic thing happens to someone that you love, that's traumatic for you too. Yeah.

You know? And then we cried together and talked about all of our feelings with regard to the past and my son's future. And I feel like it brought that last bit of closure to us both. Wow. This, what a beautiful story. Wow. I love the end of this. So let's end the shittiest story on a happy ass note. Keep it weird, but not so weird that. Take it away, Ash. Not so weird that you drive around looking at little children and wanting to point guns at them and saying horrible things later, but do keep it so weird that the parents and your bears tell you how to live your life.

That guy is disgusting. I want to, what are you, the milk levers? I want to pound, you know what I'm talking about. A bee pounder and a bee cleaver. At the same time. Yep, yeah, a little symphony of them. Ooh, wow. Wow.

All right, so the last one that we will do is listen her tails, mistaken identity. Snipers or potheds. Wow, those are two very different things. They are. One of these things is not like the other. Hello, weirdos, I'm Emily. We love Emily's here.

Hey. We love, we love tall Emily's TM. We love short-dump, small. Emily's TM. We love just Emily's TM. Yeah. Shout-outs are welcome and encouraged. First, I want to say how much I absolutely love you guys.

I'm a mom of three. So many moms of three. Moms of three. We've got a lot of themes here. We do. And my guilty pleasures include morbid. I love that. The Kardashians.

Same. No. And Savignon Blanc. Oyster Bay question mark. You make weighting in the school pickup line a lot less boring. I feel that. Especially when I forget to pause it as the teacher scourts my seven year old into my minivan.

And my speakers are blurring with the phrase, Sparky Big Time. Iconic. No shame in my game though, you guys truly are the best. So you are. I will jump right into it. This story dates back to 2002. Back when everyone had flip phones and bond Dutch trucker hats. Have you watched that documentary? Crazy.

I was 14 or 15 at the time. I lived in the town where the DC sniper was. Well, sniping. It was a scary time. I remember that. That was one of the scariest times ever. I don't think I remember that. Yeah, you were probably too young.

2002, 2002. 2002, yeah. It was really scary. Because no one knew, there was all these false reports about what he was driving and where he was and like the white van thing became a thing. So every time you saw a white van, you were like, that's him. And it was like a long, drawn out thing. M from, so every time you saw a white van, you were like, that's him, and it was like a long drown out thing. M from, and that's why we drink,

has a wild story about the DC sniper, like a personal connection. Oh really? So go listen in, that's why we drink to figure out what that is. Go listen in, that's why we drink. We love them. Yeah. Several people had already been killed in broad daylight

in a very short span of time, while pumping gas, mowing their lawns, walking through a grocery store parking lot, etc. They hadn't been caught yet, and the media told everyone to look out for a white van. So pretty much as long as your eyes were open, you'd see a white van. They're everywhere. Not exactly comforting. That's very true. You saw so many white vans at that time.

So many. So while everyone is staying inside, locking their doors and hiding behind their cars at gas stations, what is a group of teenagers to do? Go for a blunt ride, of course. Fuck yeah. Myself and a few friends twisted up an L and packed into my boyfriend's car for a little late night toks-esh.

We drove around puffing the magic dragon without a care in the world. We had that teenage invincibility mentality going for us. Isn't that fun? Suddenly, red and blue lights flash for us. Isn't that fun? Suddenly, red and blue lights flash behind us. Isn't that not fun? It's the police. For the Gen Z-ers, weed used to be illegal.

I know. Crazy. My boyfriend pulls over. We're all panicked. Yalling someone eat the jade. As if the cops won't notice our bloodshot eyes and hot boxed vehicles. The cops have backup and surround the car with flashlights and glocks. I nearly shit by pants.

Terrified, I'm thinking this seems intense for a doobie. What are the actual fuck is going on? Why are there guns pointed at us? We're not Pablo Escobar for fuck's sake. The cops at the driver's side window. Ass us all for IDs. There's another cop on the passenger side just shining a flashlight around

and a couple of others behind the car with guns pointed. As they're checking our IDs, they ask our friend in the back seat, the only one in the car with a little extra melanin in his skin to please step out of the vehicle. Are you kidding me? I know what you're thinking.

Classic police, police profiling. We thought that too. They seem to study him in a way, search him, and then let him back into the car. They give us all our IDs back and send us on our way. No explanation. I feel like I hear this all the time. Like back in the day, police used to like pull people over,

be crazy intense about it, and just be like, all right, you're free to go. Yeah, just be like, you're not gonna tell me like, wow, what happened. They never do. That's the thing, they just like are like,

well, you're not them, so you don't need to know anything. Papa has told us crazy fucking stories about so wild. That's right, and my mom has like told a story about like, I think it was either Christmas or New Year's Eve like when she was younger. She picked her friend like was drunk driving and crashed his car and the police just called my mom to pick him up.

Oh my god. There's like that. Yeah. I like imagine this. What? My god. Yikes. Back in the days.

They did. It was a wild time. It was a wild west. A couple days go by and news breaks that the snipers have been caught. Hurrah! They were found asleep in their car at a rest stop. What's that?

A car? Not a white van. Yes, a 1990 blue Chevy Caprice to be exact. The exact same car that my boyfriend drove down to the color. Oh, shit. Suddenly it all clicked. The cops were checking to see if we were said snipers. The guns, the backup, the letting us go,

even though we were as high as Mariah Carey's pitch. Our profiled friend, it all made sense. I still look back at that night and think, holy fuck, thank God they didn't shoot first and ask questions later. Seriously. And that concludes the story of the time the cops thought we were a bunch of snipers.

Nope, just a bunch of teenage potheds. Hey. Keep it weird, but not so weird that you get pulled over high and almost shit your pants because the cops have guns surrounding you and think you're a sniper. Cheers. Emily.

Emily. Guys, wow, you nailed it. That was a proper really good one. That was a crop of just... I feel like we say that every time. Chef's kiss. Chef's smooch. Why is nobody say Chef's smooch? Because Chef's kiss I? Chef's smooch. Why does nobody say Chef's smooch?

Because Chef's kiss just sounds so. Chef's smooch, I love it. I don't, but you know what? You have yours, I have mine. Okay, I respect it, but we are supposed to love our iteration on this show. We do. Not always, but one begins with a C

and the other one begins with a Ness. Yeah, but like sounds. But like sounds. My favorite chef is the Swedish chef. Mine's the tiny chef. Mine's Bobby Flay. We all have problems. We all have our demons, okay.

The amount of times I've said that shouldn't to the red. So with that, I gotta tell ya that we hope you keep listening to We Hope You. We hope you. We hope you. But that's the way that you send it into the red while you're recording, and that's the way that you hang out with Angela Dias.

Not so, I mean, I think you should keep it so weird that you have a middle school dance where you blow raspberry in somebody's face, and then a cop tells you that they found a dead body over there, and like that's a lot. I do keep it so weird that the barrens need bear save your life, and don't keep it so weird that they're the barrens

staying bears because they're fucking not. Truth. And probably, I mean, keep it so weird that the Baron's team bear save your life and don't keep it so weird that they're the Baron's staying bears because they're fucking not and Probably I mean keep it so weird that you hop on because your car it's fun Don't keep it so weird that Belle be flays your future. Don't don't do that Hey, Prime Members! You can listen to Morvid, Early, and Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen Add Free with Wondery Plus and Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey. What makes a person a murderer? Are they born to kill or are they made to kill? I'm Candice D long and on my podcast Killer Psychie Daily, which you can find exclusively on Amazon music. I share a quick 10 minute rundown every weekday on the motivations and behaviors

of the criminal masterminds you read about in the news. I have decades of experience as a psychiatric nurse, FBI agent, and a criminal profiler. On Killer Psychie Daily, I'll give you my expert perspective on cases like the mysterious New York City drugings, Raking Down Lori Valow, a.k.a. Mommy Doom stays motives and what drove Caitlin Armstrong to murder. I'll also bring on expert guests who add even more insight into these criminal minds. I promise you won't regret adding these 10 minutes to your morning routine. Hey, Prime members, listen to the Amazon Music

exclusive podcast Killer Psychie Daily in the Amazon Music app. Download the app today. exclusive podcast Killer Psychie Daily in the Amazon Music app. Download the app today.