Morbid - Episode 390: Listener Tales 57

Episode Date: November 11, 2022

Happy Friday my dudes! It’s time for a listener's tale!! This installment includes a creepy ass basement with no stairs, a terrifying kidnapping that somehow involves rollerblading and a body discovered in a ditch, WOAH!! If you have a tale that you would like to submit please send it on in to [e-mail] with “Listener Tale” somewhere in the subject line :See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to morbid, early, and ad-free on Amazon music. Download the app today. You're listening to Immorbid Network Podcast. Hi, I'm Lindsay Graham, the host of Wondries Podcast American Scandal. Our newest series looks at the Kids for Cash Scandal, a story about two judges who stood accused of making millions of dollars in a brazen scheme that shattered the lives of countless children. Listen to American scandal on Amazon music or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, I started. That's okay. We can edit it out. Cool. Hey, Weirdos. I'm Ash.

I'm a late. We should just like not even edit that out. No, we shouldn't. And this is more bad. It's fri- it's not. Wow. This is a listener tails episode. I don't know if you can tell. We're always very punchy. I agree. It's not a listener tail. It's not. It's not. It's not a problem.

I think it's thirst. It's certainly a thirst. And you know what? Here we are. We decided to just turn on the recording device. Yes. Really quick. We're having a little discussion.

And we're like, why are we not talking to everyone else about this. So hey, you're in our discussion. So hey, what's up? We were just talking about how like, do you guys just like not give a fuck because I feel like it's like a really great place to be. I do give a fuck, unfortunately. That's where we're talking about that. Yeah, we were saying you go ahead and start the social. So I was talking to someone today and they were talking about how their friend, who was in their late 60s or something, has finally gotten to the point where they're like, if you like me, you like me, and if you don't,

you don't. I'm not gonna go out of my way to impress anyone, or try to make you like me. And I was like, wow, okay. And I was like, I feel like that happened to me somewhere between 30 and 36. Am I 36? Yeah, I'm 36.

26 or 36. Somewhere in there. And I feel fully nested in my, you like me, you like me, you don't, you don't. I can't do anything about it. Kind of feeling. And it's very, it feels great. I bet. It's great.

I can't even imagine. I'm in like my Jenna Ring stage right now where I just can't fucking wait to be 30, flirty and thriving. And I'll only flirt with Drew, because like who else would I flirt with? But I'm not thriving. And I give so much of a shit a lot of times

like what people care, like think about me. It's hard not to. It is. And actually, I'm like constantly thinking about what people think about me, which is a terrible place to be in. And we've all everybody is in that or has been in that.

So like everybody can relate to that feeling. That's why we wanted to talk about it. Because I'm sure many of you can relate to this. And we're on like such differing sides that I think we can both offer something to. Yeah. Everyone listening. Well, it's like just seeing like, you know, like we always talk about it. How like it seems like social media and, you know, like we always talk about how like it seems

like social media and like stuff is just really tankin'. It's really tankin' everybody's vibe lately. And it's like I saw, like I think I saw a TikTok where somebody was talking about this tweet that went out from someone and I truly believe Twitter is like a dumpster fire now. Like I really don't think it's anywhere good. But this person had just written this person who doesn't really have a massive following, just like, you know, just any person.

Yeah, she just woke up and she wrote out a tweet that said something along the lines of, my favorite part of the day is waking up and going outside with my husband and sitting on our next door garden, next to our garden with coffee. Like having coffee. And she said, like, we never run out of things to say, and I really love him.

Like, how fucking sweet is that? If I saw that tweet, I would either want like it and then move on, or to just move on and not even interact with it. Yeah. Because I'm like, good for you. That's great. That's a lovely sentiment.

I'm glad that you guys never run out of things to say. That's love. And that's great that you have that. But I'm just going to move about my day. But apparently, apparently, that tweet blew up and people started coming at her being like, Oh, so you have a garden. Oh, I wake up and I have to do this and, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And it's like, okay, it's not about you. No one else's life diminishes what you are going through. Like, you don't have to do that. It's so, in this person that I was watching on TikTok, was like, it is so wild to me that people do that now.

And you would never do it in real life. Like, if you were in front of someone at dinner and they were like, you know what, this morning was great. This morning was great, I just chatted with my husband. You know, I really love my husband. Like, it just felt really good. You wouldn't be like, oh, really fucker. I'm single and that pisses me off. Like, you wouldn't do that.

Yeah, like maybe you would, but then you just, uh, but that's the thing, you wouldn't. Yeah. Like, no one would. But because there's this nice little screen in front of you and you can just log off and go about your day after you fuck with someone else's, it's such a weird thing that we have moved into. And it's like, just let people, if so many loves their person and they wanted to say,

woo, I just love this person. Love my garden, love my coffee. Why don't love their garden and their coffee? Who could the fuck cares? It's just so wild to me. I don't, I think, they're gardening, they're coffee, who could the fuck cares? It's just so wild to me. I don't, I think it's just like everybody is always upset about what they don't have. But if somebody has that thing that they don't have, they want to take it from them. And it's like, that's just not a nice way to live. Because it's not how the world works. No, and I think social media and like everybody being able to say whatever the fuck they want to whoever

the fuck they want anonymously essentially. And with a keyboard, it's like I feel like it's just, you see this kind of stuff more and more and I feel like lately a lot of people I've talked to at least are like, yeah, I'm just kind of fucking over. This social media shit, like it's really starting to turn on itself. And it's like, just can't it be like a fun place? Like I love like my TikToks, just as fun little scrolls through,

watch puppies and kids and loopy, loopy, and just happy things and like interesting things and just like talented people. And that's what it needs to be back again. It's like, where did it go? Where do we go from here? But let me tell you if you guys have ever been considering removing yourselves from any social media platforms and you're struggling from it highly recommend Yeah, a detox is good. It feels good. We really does. You're not being subject, especially like Twitter and shit

It's like you're not being subject to all this, like, you know, just constant bad news and stuff and constant bad takes. That's the other thing, like you just can bad a pain in some things. And it's like, it just feels much better to not be completely up on everything. I like being behind the curve. I do too.

I keep finding things out like way later, just being like, oh shit, who knew? You're like, oh shit, that happened. I'm just like, oh shit, that happened all the time. That's cool. Yeah. But we were just talking about that. So we figured we'd invite our pals out there to chat with us about that. Yeah, I hope that was a good chat for all of us.

Yeah, you know, I just can't wait to be 30. I'm blurry and thriving. Yeah, I love that for you. I love that for you. You'll get there. You'll get to 30. Hopefully. It's coming. I mean an asteroid might come, you never know. I mean, there are times when I root for the asteroids. No, I never do. I want to have kids first. I can report sometimes. But

you know what, here we are. Listener tails. It gets wild in here for listener tails. It truly does. Sorry if you heard any clicking. I have to adjust my mic. I will just destroy her later for that So don't worry Maybe you're worrying about it. Don't worry about it. Don't destroy my I already copy and pasted that one into a document So don't you worry about it? You know, it's sad though. I have to read along. There you go All right, so let's start off here with One that is entitled that one time I went into

a mother-fucking-murder's creepy ass basement. Okay, let's start. There. Wow, you started off with a, with a bbang-bang-bang-bang. Bang-bang. All right, let me bring this up. Hi, ladies! I just wanted to start off by saying that I'm a relatively new listener.

Welcome. Hello. But I've been binging the hell out of your podcast. Do you get me through the day at my boring-ass job? And you also help me power through workouts after work. That's pretty cool. Ooh, I've tried to that. I know. I would love to power myself through a workout.

That must be so nice. How cool that you can work out after work. I think I'm just kidding. But that's great. I want to power myself through a workout. Maybe you just inspired us. I feel like you did. I was literally just going to say,

I think you inspired me. So thank you for that. I really appreciate all the work you put into research and cases, and now you showcase the victims rather than the shipbag perps. Thank you very much. Also, Elena, congrats on the butcher and the run. Thank you.

It's on my long-ass list of books to read. Thank you. Well, if you are looking for it, you can get it on tiny URL.com slash the butcher at the rent or you can go to Target Walmart, Kroger, Costco, BJs, or any other fucking store or airplane place near you. Airplane place. That's my favorite thing. Yeah.

Thanks, hype man. Yeah. Anyways, onto the story. This is fucking long. You can use my name and all of the other names in the story. I changed the names used except mine and the murderer. Thanks. This person's name is Samantha.

So thanks, Samantha. Samantha. Samantha. I don't even know what Samantha. There we go. Back in the mid 2010s, I worked in Eastern Ohio in the oil industry. Whoa.

That's wild. I basically had to test land owners water wells before oil companies started drilling in the area as CYA for the oil companies. Don't hate me. I had student loans and a girl's got to eat. You're a good girl. No judgment here.

This job involved me in a technician, James. James, going into people's houses, running their water for a while to clear the lines and taking samples of the water to take to the lab later that day. It's giving Aaron Brockovich. There you go. I also had to talk to the owner about the water source and any issues they had with it in the past. Usually I scheduled sampling events ahead of time, but on this particular day, we didn't

have anything planned. So we decided to start knocking on doors to see if we could find work near where the new oil well was going to be installed. We pull up to this house, and the first thing I notice is shit everywhere. Landscaping equipment, barrels, wood, trash, pots, pans, clothes, firewoods, beer cans, liquor bottles, just shit everywhere. I had been doing the job for a while at that point, so I had seen some shit and generally didn't judge.

But this was bad enough for me to judge a little. The house itself was dilapidated, peeling paint on wood siding, shudders hanging by one nail and aborted up window. I questioned whether someone actually lived here. I love that you still went away. I was gonna say, still proceeded. I think I would've been like, you know what? Yeah, I'm not mad at you. I love that you still went in. I was gonna say, still proceeded. I think I would've been like, you know what? I'm not mad at you, I love that you did.

I'm not mad at you. The other thing I noticed, that's like true no judgment. She's being true to her word. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. The other thing I noticed in front of the house was two mannequins hanging from real actual nooses. Okay, this is the time when you should-

Yeah, okay, I wasn't mad at you. I'm getting mad at you, Sam. Um, yeah. The mannequins were where it was this Halloween. I don't think it was. I didn't get that note. The mannequins were wearing high visibility vests. That construction workers always wear.

I looked down and noticed that I was wearing the exact same motherfucking vest that the hanging mannequins were wearing. Omen, probably. O Oh, man, probably. Oh, man definitely, definitely. At this point, James and I looked at each other and didn't say a word. I knew we were both thinking what the actual fuck. I told him to grab all the crap from the truck and to not fucking leave my side

because I had a weird feeling and my feelings are right. Most of the time, hell yeah, brother. I walked to the door and knocked, hoping that no one would answer. My hopes were quickly dashed when a man with long curly hair, no shirt, and two beers on his hands opened the door. It's 10 a.m. but whatever lived your life, dude man. He immediately offered me a beer. I declined. Kind. And no, at that point, I could have used one. Have you ever met someone who you knew was just a little off just by the look in their eyes? He was one of those people, but he was very friendly and seemed outwardly nice. He introduced himself as sunny ash. I went through my spiel and told sunny why we were there. He agreed to let

us test his water, so I asked if he had an outside spigot I could use. To my horror, he didn't, which meant we had to go inside the creep test at quarter den of a house. I could already smell rotting food from the porch. So I took a deep breath of fresh air and soldiered onward. You're a brief soul. You are inside was about the same as the outside, but filled with rotting food, half empty beer cans and un unidentifiable refuse, strewn everywhere.

There were paths through the trash leading to different areas of the house. The stench was unbearable. Just this heavy, sickly sweet and sour, rotting fruit and beer stink. Is that what it's like? Oh, like, whoa. I asked Sunny if he was a pressure tank.

If he has a pressure tank, I asked Sunny if he has a pressure tank. If he has a pressure tank, you were pressured to take a pressure tank, Sunny. I asked Sunny if he has a pressure tank, which is what usually creates water pressure in houses that use wells. They typically have a spigot on them, which is the best place to sample groundwater from since it's close to the well.

Unfortunately, pressure tanks are in the basement, 90% of the time. Sunny said he did have a pressure tank, and then runs away into the depths to the well. Unfortunately, pressure tanks are in the basement 90% of the time. Sunny said he did have a pressure tank and then runs away into the depths of the house. He comes back with a motherfucking goddamn head lamp and hands it to me. It's how into the lambs' door. It's dope.

At this point, I am so taken aback that I am just an autopilot. So I follow Sunny toward the back of the house with James and Toe. Sunny made sure to point out a cluttered desk where he fills shotgun shells by hand. That's nice, I say, as I continue to aimlessly stumble along, wondering if I'm actually in a nightmare, or maybe hell. It feels like it.

Pick your poison. Sunny stops at a dark doorway. I peer inside and I see a dark stairwell. Well, at least what's left of a stairwell? 75% of the stairs had collapsed. Before I could say, let's find somewhere else to sample. Sunny clamored down the quote-unquote stairs. So fast that I wondered if he was a professional climber.

At this point in my life, I wasn't into true crime, so I stupidly dawned the headlamp and followed Sunny into the abyss. Holy shit. The basement had a dirt floor and no lights dawned the headlamp and followed sunny into the abyss. Holy shit. The basement had a dirt floor and no lights. Hence the headlamp. I looked around and the floor is covered. An empty, come chakka bottles? Oh no. I don't know what that is. You know, oh, they're gonna tell me. You know, the cheap vodka that people me drank in high school because it was $10 a bottle. I didn't know that, but now I know what you're talking about. I stumbled through the bottles

towards the pressure tank, and there wasn't a goddamn spigot on it or anywhere in the basement. I wondered if he lured us down there to trap us as I was thinking that sunny exclaims, oh, you can help me change the filter. And this fucker runs up the non-existent stairs, leaving James and I in the dark.

We stared at each other and he put his hand on his pocket knife. I wondered if I was going to spend my remaining days as sunny sex slave in the dark moist basement. It's a rough thought. Whoa. Suddenly, a wild sunny appeared with a new water filter. He helped him change it and left the terrifying basement behind. I found another spot upstairs to sample and finished that part of the job unaventfully.

As we were leaving, Sunny hands me a coin, quote, to remember him by. Why do people do things like that? I don't know, man. That's a thing that happens. I'm like, I don't like, there used to be like, like, regulars at the bar where I worked and they'd like, give me some weird ass token of their affection and be like, so you remember me. And I'm like, oh, I'm going to remember you regardless. Don't worry about that. Woof. So he, you know, the coin to remember him by,

and casually mentions that he's a felon and just got out of jail for a weapons charge. Why do you end with that? Like, bye, I'm a felon. Thanks. I politely thanked him for the coin, told him to have a wonderful day, and then booked it the fuck out of there,

pulled over in a random field, and bathed myself in little packets of hand sanitizer for my trucks for a state kit. That was by far the strangest experience I had at that job. And Sunny's eyes still haunt me eight years later. I bet. But wait, there's more. There's always more.

Several months later, I had moved across the state for a different job. My old coworker messaged me on Facebook and asked if I remembered Sunny. Of course I did. I asked why. They sent me a link to a news story. Uh-oh. A few months after James and I had our adventure in Sunny's basement. He shot his girlfriend, cut up her body, and shoved her in one of those barrels in the yard.

Oh, I promptly opened a bottle of wine and drank the whole thing because I didn't know how to process that information any other way. I don't blame you for that. Oh, my God. Sonny, who I learned was actually named Ralph, was sentenced to 22 years in prison for the murder of Tracy Hesket. I've linked an article for you about his sentencing. Oh man. I need a drink after writing that,

but unfortunately, I'm at work fucking off, so I can't. Thanks for reading. Keep it weird, but not so weird that you ignore your gut feeling, follow a future murderer into his dungeon basement, and help him change his water filter? Happy spooky season, Sam.

Yeah, Sam, that was stupid. I was spooky, all right, Sam. Sam! What a conone! I am so glad you got out of that place. Me too, my goodness. Man, my child. My Sam child.

Sam, that you're okay. I am too, that was wild. Damn, I was picturing that the entire time you're okay. I am too. That was wild. Damn. I was picturing that the entire time you were talking. Me too. I was like watching a movie in my head. Yes.

And then just like you're like fitting the head lamp on. Yeah. S begrudgingly. And him like spider monkeying downstairs. And you're just like, okay. I just picked up like side galloping for some reason. Yeah. Like a parkour kind of situation going on.

I could picture Sunny yelling parkour at Target. Oh yeah, absolutely. Oh, he did. He did. And Portray C, I know. Like you some girlfriend. That is awful. Seriously, thank goodness that they found that.

I know that he was caught. Jeez. What makes a person a murderer? Are they born to kill? Or are they made to kill? I'm Candice DeLong and on my podcast Killer Psychie Daily, which you can find exclusively on Amazon Music. I share a quick 10-minute rundown every weekday on the motivations and behaviors of the criminal masterminds you read about in the news.

I have decades of experience as a psychiatric nurse, FBI agent, and a criminal profiler. On Killer Psychie Daily, I'll give you my expert perspective on cases like the mysterious New York City drugings, raking down Lori Valow, aka Mommy Doomstays Motives, and what drove Caitlin Armstrong to murder? I'll also bring on expert guests who add even more insight into these criminal minds.

I promise you won't regret adding these 10 minutes to your morning routine. Hey, Prime members, listen to the Amazon Music exclusive podcast, Killer Psychie Daily, in the Amazon Music app. Download the app today All right, well, there's no good transition here, but our next listener tale is the time me and my brother were kidnapped and forced to go rollerblading Okay, all right. There's pictures of it too. I'm horrified. Yeah me too. Hey guys

I have attached my listener story as a put a photo with some photos to put the faces of the story I had to forward this for my previous attempt at sending this as it didn't send the first time due to my inability to spell I feel you I feel that real hard. What are you talking about your whole ass author? All right, yeah, but I'm terrible at like technology My things don't send all the time because I forget to like put attachments and things and all that I suck at. I think everybody does. We all suck.

We all suck. It's fine. Hi, Ash and Alina. My name is Annie. Hi, Annie. You may use my name because if you read this on the podcast, I'll ship my soul out with exciting things. Don't you need a little soul.

Go get your soul. I live in a town called Huddersfield in the UK, part of Yorkshire. Yeah. Thank you for the pronunciation key. I love listening to you guys, pronounce British words in places because where I'm from, we all sound like Sean Bean, and it's weird to hear all the letters in a word being used. I will start how all listeners should by saying,

I love your podcast, and it's the only one I'll listen to as I usually get bored. I was introduced to your podcast by my good friend, Paris. I fucking love that name. Hell yeah, Paris. Shout it to her. You can also use her name, as she assured me that if you read this, she will be deceased with happiness.

Perform life-saving procedures, please. Yeah, defibulate. Since then, I have managed to recommend it to everyone I've met. Oh, thank you. I have a pH mother fucking D. I added the mother fucking. Oh, okay.. I have a pH mother fucking D. I added the mother fucking. Oh, okay. And criminal psychology.

I lecture in criminal psychology and work for the police. But I still use your podcast as a reference point. So that at least my crushing debt was worth it. You're a badass and that's amazing. Freezy. Damn. I have so many stories I'd like to share with you about spoopie ghosts.

I'm also a trained medium. Oh, is there anything you can't do? Yeah, get you a girl who could do both. What the hell? Who could do all? Damn, but I decided the time me and my brother were kidnapped and forced to go rollerblading was the right one for now.

And you chose correctly. You sure did. My story starts with a bit of context. Hold on to your tit because it'll seem pointless, but it'll make sense. Cool. I lived with my dad and brother in a different area of Yorkshire.

We don't tend to leave. After my mom passed away when I was three years old. I'm sorry. My brother and I are only 18 months apart and we're around seven or eight when this took place. We retreated as twins, and so our age is blur in my mind. I kind of love that. I do too, excuse me.

My dad had previously had lung cancer before we were born, which resulted in him having a lung removed and left him with a permanent cough and extreme tiredness. Oh my goodness. On top of that, he had two federal children who were pure dumb and constantly breaking things and fighting. Despite being poorly, he was an amazing dad who danced with us, painted with us,

sang silly made up songs, and had made up, and had made a lot of our toys. And hand made a lot of our toys. That's wild, isn't it? He sounds amazing. He used to have a five minute nap every day that usually turned out to be around two hours. During this time, we were not to go into the kitchen to prevent us killing ourselves. And we weren't to leave the house or garden.

Good rules, man. Great rules. Alongside this, we spent every weekend with our auntie and uncle to give data rest. We lived in a small village where people were bit strange and all the women seemed to fancy my dad. I love that. He was quiet, tall, funny, and creative.

So they were drawn to him like flies to shit. You can tell, yeah. He also had a dope as fuck mustache. Shhh. And you know what? He does. he does, because he would attach to photo and I love that mustache. She's a handsome man. And when I saw that I said that mustache was dopast fuzz,

that's right. At one point a farmer came to the door with a shotgun and told my dad to stay away from his wife to which he replied, who is she? Or the which one is she? And also, you need to move yourself before I really lose my temper about you bringing a gun to my house

when there's children playing. Oh my gosh. After this, he also had to go at online dating using the AOL dial-up connection to meet a lady online who was a bit keen. We all met her once and my dad said on the way home that we won't see her again as she was weird. I had attended a full full woody from toy story outfits. So good and judge on that. And so just nodded

wobbling my giant cowboy hat. My brother had gone as a pirate and we felt it deserved effort as we felt it deserved effort. After that, we would often see this lady driving past the house, despite living nearly three hours away. A small side note, where I'm from, anything that is more than an hour drive is basically inaccessible and doesn't really exist. If you're invited to an event more than an hour away, you have an automatic and legitimate reason not to attend.

I'm always astounded when you guys are saying, only a four hour drive because I'm like, what? I also kind of feel that way though. Like anything over an hour, I'm like, ee. Yeah, like that's long. Yeah. But it's like a really cool thing. That's haunted. It's four hours. I'm like, oh, I'll drive to that. Anyway, so she kept driving past the house and my dad was a bit like, okay, but we didn't think anything of it. And when he asked her, she said she had a family in the next village.

One day my dad had laid down an entire family. We saw the next whole last family. Oh, it's his family, she had family. She had a second family. I'm just a village. I had to get articles where they don't belong. One day my dad had laid down for his nap. And being my brother, we're reenacting our favorite scene of pirates of the Caribbean.

When this lady pulled into the driveway, she approached us in the garden and said not to wake dad up as he had rung her and asked her to take us with her to give him a rest. Oh, remember, we were often told this when we went to Leeds for the weekend and so it wasn't too strange. She told us to grab our toys and get in the car. Oh no. Me and my brothers dumb pricks. Dumb pricks self's got into that car. The fact that this woman came to your home when your father was sleeping

to write a nap you out of your home, she, oh, she's something. Oh, that's so scary. Due to her house being a while away and us being absolutely ridiculous and 100% unaware of the danger that we were in, we sang a chorus of, are we there yet to work with that?

Oh my God! And also had a meltdown about not having a McDonald's. Wow. She drove us three hours away to her house. Like God. Where she took us inside and told us to stay away from windows and doors and only speak in whispers. Oh my god, I'm so stressed out right now.

The curtains were all shut and we were told to get changed into clothes that she had ready for us. She then took us to various places like the park and took photos of us. She would then tell us to get changed and go to another place. One of these places was an indoor rollerblading ring where she forced us to put the roller skates on and took photos of us trying to maintain balance. There's a photo of me on the back of a skating conga line, which I've attached for you. It makes me howl would laugh to her every time because just what the fuck? What the actual fuck? My brother is not part of

the line as he sat in a corner screaming and I didn't let dare, and I didn't dare let go of the girl in front of, oh, I'm sorry. My brother is not part of the line as he sat in a corner screaming and I didn't let dare, and I didn't dare let go of the girl in front of, oh, I'm sorry. My brother is not part of the line as he was sat in a corner screaming and I didn't dare let go of the girl in front to go to him. Oh my God. I haven't been rollerblading since as I got blisters

and was bitter about it. Yeah, and you were in the process of being gay, right? I understand that. I love that you're like, it's the blisters, it's the blister for me. She then took us back to her house and fed us cucumber sandwiches. That sounds yummy.

And put us in separate rooms, a girls room with a dollhouse and a boys room. And these rooms were another boy and girl. And I remember the girl saying, why have you done this again? What? So she separate, she, she kidnapped other kids. What? Separating us was she kidnapped other kids. What?

Separating us was a big mistake as we were never apart. We didn't get different bedrooms until much later on as we would always sneak back together. Not being able to see each other, oh my God, you know, this is screaming me. And I mean scream. This lady then quickly tried to make us quiet by feeding us more cucumber sandwiches

and saying we could rollerblade again, which made us only scream more. After a while, she gave up and let us into the living room together where she took a final photo of us sitting in a chair together. I've attached this for you too as this photo is iconic. The next day, she got all the photos developed and had them framed on above her fireplace. I am horrified.

This is like a movie. I am horrified. This is like a movie. I am horrified. This is a horror film. I don't even know what to say. Meanwhile, while all this is happening, my dad had woken up to find his two small children and their favorite toys gone. Oh my God.

Plastic swords on the floor outside the house and us fully gone. Due to being in a custody battle with one of my aunties, another long and dumb story, he didn't ring the police and instead went full-blown taken style. Oh my God, the fear he must have felt. Seriously, and imagine the stress of being in a custody battle. And you're like, I can't call the police,

because I'm always them. Oh my God. On the second day of our kidnapping, me and my brother had a discussion where we had decided something probably wasn't right as we hadn't been allowed to ring home before bed Oh my god, I'm like this is like literally hurting me Something our auntie and uncle always allowed we had a brief whisper discussion where we decided we had practice playing pirates Enough and could take her out of my guys and swords and we went in a mission to find some we didn't

Our mission included us doing a lot of forward rolls until other rooms and walls trying to be sleeping. I love that you're just like sliving as you're being kidnapped. Finally, as the sun was setting on the third day, we hear a commotion outside and her front door was kicked in. Standing in the doorway, like a fucking superhero was dead. Hell yeah.

He had driven down to her town and knocked on every single door until he found us. Holy shit. He had shown our photos around and he had been told that we were this lady's niece and nephew who would be living with her from now on. Subblan also mentioned me on the back of a conga line so my dad knew something was wrong with me. Dad walks into the house like the Hulk

and began to scream at this woman. During this time, my raggedy ass self went and grabbed a couple of photos from the fireplace. As I decided, I looked quite pretty. My raggedy ass self. I love that you were like, I look good in those. I'm gonna keep them. My dad scooped his butt up and put us under his arms

like rugby balls in Stormdow. Oh yeah. He didn't ask us why we didn't run away from her. He asked us why we didn't run away from her. And we explained that she said he had rung her, but we had big plans to kill her with the swords we didn't have. Eventually, when we were home, he rang the police, but I don't know what happened. When we got back, I tried to put the photo of me and my brother in the chair.

Oh my god. And the chair on our own fireplace and when my dad looked at me This was the first time I ever saw a capital uppercase question mark as a facial expression You're like I look good He left it up, but when I went to bed he put it on the bin outside he left it up, but when I went to bed he put it on the bin outside. However, as we lived in a bungalow, I crawled out of my bedroom window and I got it and waited for him to go back to sleep and put it back. God, I was repeated for several nights until my dad was convinced that that was so haunted. But the fuck, oh my god, he were like, I look good.

Down. Oh my god. So stressed out. Both the photos I grabbed are now in our family photo memory box that we all look back on fondly as if we went to a nice. I think we went on a nice criminal holiday. It's a little damage for my dad shoving it into the bend and swearing at it to fucking fuck off. I feel him. A few months. Oh, man.

A few months after this occurred, my dad laid down for one of his naps, doors locked. Yeah. Oh, oh. And sadly never woke up. Oh, no, what a turn. I'll never know the full extent of his experience, but I can only imagine it was similar to a horror film. Oh yeah, waking up without you guys. Yeah, I can't eat that my brain won't even let me conjure up those feelings. And then I remember he had to drive three hours away

and knock on every single door. No, I could. Honestly, my chest is tight. Like I'm feeling like actual stress. A little blown fight or flight right now. Just thinking about that. So like, well,

and just thinking of him kicking down that door, iconic. It must have taken everything in him, not to like murder or something else. Yes. I think I would have just like lit that entire place on fire. Straight up. I also am wondering about the other children. Yeah, it's like, is those her children?

And they're like, why did you kidnap these kids again? But it's like again, like you've kidnapped other children. Yeah, what happened? What does that mean? Oh, I'm so sorry about your dad. I am too. I'll never know the full extent of his experience, but I can only imagine it was similar to a horror film. I miss him every day and he will always be my true hero. As I know, he spent three days a week and put the last of his money into the card to find us. Another side note, it's funny because when I tried to scan that photo in for you guys, it kept coming up blurry.

So I can only assume that he's still salty about it all. I bet he is. He's like, no. He's like, fuck that photo. Sorry, this is so long. I have lots of ghost stories too, which I'd love to share with you, but that's for another time. Send it.

I hope you guys enjoyed it. Listen to our tales, usually have me laughing, crying, and screaming, no, that's how we failed to. This story about the blue boots. I remember that one. Yes. That one was fucking terrifying, and replays in your mind constantly.

Thanks for a great podcast and your correction, but it's always make me laugh because people can be so precious about stupid things. Wow. Truth. Please don't ever stop being weird. Love Andy. Andy, thank you so much.

And I'll say, wow, like that's funny that we were just talking about that. I know. And we're getting, like, people are so precious lately about everything. They really are. And there you go. Oh my God.

I love that you guys were like, yeah, we're gonna be kept together in the living room. Thank you. Take a photo of us. That is adorable. You guys are so cute. You guys were the cutest. And look at your adorable dad.

You do look quite nice in the roller skating line. I would still in that picture of myself too. As I thought I looked quite nice. In the picture of you two in the chair, one, I'm hard by just looking at it because I'm like, wow, you were in the process of being kidnapped. So like you were actively kidnapped at this time.

Yup. And then the conga line, I'm like, oh my God. Like those are roller skating with a stranger. And those aren't your clothes, I'm like, oh my God. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close.

Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close.

Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. Like those are real close. You made very rarely do I laugh that hard. It's because you're from the UK. It's true. You guys fucking kill it with your humor. You just get it.

And you're all the same way that way, like how you ended it, like a hug, God. Like everyone's so precious about stuff. Like who good to shit. And like so self-deprecating and stuff. And like the funniest ways, like you just have great humor. I love it. So I appreciate you guys. Thanks.

So this one is titles ready. Listener tails. It says, Hi, my name is Kelsey. And I'm a huge fan of the podcast. I love you guys. Listener Tales. And thought I would send one in. I touched it in this email, double space, put a fove course. I hope you guys enjoy it. And maybe some young listeners or really anyone can learn a lesson from it. Hey, there you go. Love you guys.

A cautionary tale. That's really nice. Oh, it does have a nice. Oh, it's called. Okay. It's in the put a fove. That's smart. Listener Tale. Don't lie to your mother. Whoops. Love you guys. A cautionary tale. That's really nice. Oh, it does have a name. Oh, it's called. Okay, it's in the pit of fog. That's smart. Listener, tale.

Don't lie to your mother. Whoops. Which you know what? I'm indoors. Don't lie to your mother. Hi, morbid girls. My name is Kelsey. You can say all names.

Thank you so much, Kelsey. Woo. And let me just say I'm such a fan of you, girls. I'm such a fan of you, Kelsey. Me too. I found your podcast two years ago, and it did not take me long to get caught up. I'm actually re-listening to all your episodes now. Wow, that's awesome. Thank you. You girls have made my long car rides tune from college for breaks and my day's working at the

animal shelter go by so quick. All. People probably think I'm crazy laughing my booty off as I drive alone or scrubbing dog kennels. As a tiny 23 year old girl, it's a good day if people think I'm 15. That's relatable for Elena. Yep. I have incorporated your morbid safety tips into just about everything. Yay. I tell my mom that fresh air is for dead people when she wants to open windows at night and remind my boyfriend that we will 100% get murdered if we take a late night walk in the dark after dinner. Truth. I wonder what it's like to not assume you're going to get murdered all, murdered all the time. Me too.

I love your listener's tales and I've always wanted to tell them one of my own. While it may not be as crazy as some other tales I've heard on the pod, it is most definitely a good lesson of why you should out, probably not lie to your mom for all the youths that may listen. And just for the record, we are both a lot smarter, smarter, and aware now than we were in this story. And you're still young and... Hey! First, I have to give you a little background on my best friend Lauren to tell this story.

We are the type of best friends that met his little babes and were inseparable ever since. I love that. We danced around, we danced about 30 hours a week at the same studio, and we're definitely growing into sassy little teenagers. As we all do obviously, we were the type of friends who got kicked out of ballet for talking too much to each other or cry laughing together and nothing just because the others laugh was so fun. That's cute. Honestly, me and my best friends are still like that at 36 years old. Like me and lens the other day will just laugh because the other ones laughing. It's terribly like that just happens.

One Friday night, Lauren and I thought it would be fun to pull the classic lie to our moms. I told my mom I was sleeping at Lawrence, and of course Lauren told her mom she was sleeping at my house. Oh yeah. Something about our mother's not knowing where we're really going, we're so thrilling for the moment. Since we were free agents,

we decided to drive to the beach and walk around. Literally for no other reason than we knew our moms would flip shit if they knew where we were. Oh, and did I mention it was about 11 o'clock at night? So we started the 20-minute drive to the beach in the pitch black. Let me just mention I've driven to this beach hundreds of times, so I knew exactly where to go. However, we went on a night that, of course, the town was having fireworks and random streets were blocked off. Oh, that's the worst. Yep.

We attempted to put the spot we were trying to get to into our phone GPS, but neither of our phones were getting any signal. This was super weird. With all the streets blocked and no working navigation, I was getting all turned around in the dark because why have street lights? Am I right? No one needs to see it. Night, silly me. After driving around for over an hour, just trying to find the damn sand, we decided to just turn around and go back to

one of our houses. I pulled into a little parking lot with a couple of cars to turn around. I pull into a spot next to a white van. Yeah, like a little dumb dumb. By the way, I swear everything I'm saying is not made up, even though it sounds way too much like a cheesy murder movie with two stupid teenage girls. Lauren and I sat in the car for a minute trying to get signals on our phones. When I noticed a man standing behind my car, before I could say anything to Lauren,

another man's tapped on the passenger side window and motioned for Lauren to roll it down. I said out loud, do not open that window. So of course, Lauren opened that window. No. Again, I promise that both of us are much smarter now. The man proceeded to say that he needed help since his car wouldn't start.

I'm sorry, but this creepy grown man did not need the help of two teenage girls to get his car working. That's right, he did not. I told him, sorry, we can't help him and we were actually about to leave. The man was not taking no for an answer. He said he just needed someone to hold the flashlight while he worked under the hood of

his car. Why could a man standing behind my car hold the flashlight for my wonder? I kept repeating no over and over and the man started to get more and more agitated. As he was trying to convince us to get out of the car, he was getting closer and closer and actually had his hand inside the window now I was getting nervous that he was going to quickly reach in and unlock the car So from the driver's side, I started to roll up the window which made him even angrier as his hand almost got caught in there He started yelling and cursing at us and banging on the window My god

He called us so many names that I do not care to repeat. The man behind my car started to move to the driver's side now too, which I took as the thank you, as the perfect opportunity to skirt the fuck out of there. I was just gonna say, get out now. Bye. The man got to his car and started it right away. Oh, God.

However, he did not chase after us. I drove over a curb with my leg shaking uncontrollably and Lauren could not even speak. The roads were now completely open since it was so late and I started to drive home. Any car that drove behind me or near me on the way home, Lauren made sure was not the white band. Once Lauren could speak, she cried

and we both started freaking out about the reality of what could have just happened. The fact that like his car started right away. Yeah. And that he didn't chase after you. He was just waiting for someone to accept it. Yup, like he was so true. He was so true.

That's so scary. Both of our moms thought we were safe and sound at each other's houses. No one knew we were going to the beach that night and no one had our phone locations. I was currently in a battle with my mom about how she didn't need to track my phone and should trust me.

Ironic, huh? Yeah. So we easily could have just disappeared into the night and no one would even know where to look. Lauren and I started sharing our locations with every member of our families that night and decided maybe it wasn't so fun to do stupid teenage things.

Like sneak out and lie to your moms just for the heck of it anymore. Hashtag maturity. Hey! I know this story isn't as wild as some of the listener tells you both of red, things, like sneak out and lie to your moms just for the heck of it anymore. Hashtag maturity. Hey. I know this story isn't as wild as some of the listener tales you both have read, seriously, they're insane. But I thought it was a good tale of a lesson learned. It is.

Maybe it could teach some teenage listeners to be smarter than learn and I were. And even though it may seem fun, don't lie to your mom. Sorry if this was a boring tale. It absolutely was not. It was terrifying. It was not. And I completely understand if you don't read it. We read it. I would freak out if you do though. Freak out. Freak out. Freak out. Keep being weird and keep killing it in the podcast game. Oh, and keep it weird. But not so weird that you think you're hot teenage shit and lie to your

mom's about where you are. And then almost get kidnapped and murdered by a creepy beach man who tries to convince you that you can help them start his car. That started perfectly fine when you yeeted the fuck away from him. Yeah, not that weird. Never that weird. Wow. That was scary. Kelsey, that was a scary one. And I know what you're saying.

It wasn't like this wild ghost story or something. That was terrifying. Yeah, thinking about that man like being that close to you and the fact that they were lying in wait. I don't like it at all. Like started that car right up so you that they were lying in wait. I don't like it at all. Like started that car right up so you know they were lying in wait. Yeah, they were probably just going to get the next person. And there's something scary about the fact that they didn't follow you. Yeah, I don't know what it is. It's like,

I know you're right. Because they weren't willing to go that extra mile. They were hoping a victim would come to them. That's what it is. They were waiting there for a victim to come to them. Yep. And that's like somehow scarier. I don't know why. Yeah, but damn.

Cause it makes your mind think of like what, what the next part of the plan was. Yeah, exactly. That's the scary thing. But honestly, that is a good lesson. It is. Don't lie to your mom. That whole, I'm sleeping at this person's house

and they're sleeping here. It's never worth it. I did it. Yeah, we are. But it is so stupid to do. Like, just don't do it. And nine out of 10 times your mom or the other person's mom is gonna find out.

Yeah, it's true. Cause like, I have already said, I'm like, I'm just gonna be like a pain in the ass mom. Oh yeah. But it's like, just don't, because when shit happens, like anything can happen. And it doesn't mean like, some creep is gonna come out of the woods

and try to kidnap you, or they're gonna try to throw you in a white van. But what if you get hurt? That didn't happen. But again, yeah, what if you get hurt? What if you get sick? What if something weird happens? What if you get hit by a car?

What if something, like, chicken happened in an instant, and no one will know where you are? Exactly. And it's like, don't risk it. It's just not worth it at all. Yeah, it's really not, but we've all done it. And your parents aren't saying no to be dicks most of the time. They're saying no because they want to keep you safe.

Exactly. So just try to keep it in mind. But again, we've all done it. I was gonna say, I feel, this is the thing I always say. Like when I have kids, I'm just gonna have to lie to them so much. And don't listen to this future children. Because I'm like, oh God, like even saying that, I'm like, who am I always say, like when I have kids, I'm just gonna have to lie to them so much. And don't listen to this future children. Because I'm like, oh God, even saying that, I'm like,

who am I to say that? Honestly, though, I think the better thing to do is just be honest with them and be like, I got lessons learned because I didn't. I think, honestly, like I think if Ma told me, you know what, I did that once, and this here's how it ended up.

And this is why I'm telling you not to do it. It would sink in more. But then you're worried that you have one of those defying kids that's like, well, you did it. Yeah, that's true. But if you can sit there and be like, and here's the outcome of it, it didn't turn out well. And this is the reason why I'm telling you not to do it.

I'm not trying to just be a killjoy. Mm, you know, certain stories have to remain unlocked. You know, I mean, yeah, like certain ones. You know, you're like, you're like, every? I mean, yeah, like certain ones, you know? You know, I mean, every one's gonna be like, we're not gonna reveal all to the kids, but yeah, I think there's something to be said about being honest with your kids.

Totally. I think they appreciate it later. Totally, you know? You know, you know? Well, the next listener tale is, I have a catchy headline, but I don't want to ruin the surprise of this tale, so this is all you get. All right, I'm in, that's Claire. I'm in. I like it. Hello, but I don't want to ruin the surprise of this tale. So this is all you get. All right, I'm in. That's good.

I'm in. I like it. Hello, hello, attached. You will find a double space puttafa as I typed it. I read it out loud like puttafa. And truly enjoy saying it like that. I too like to say abbreviated words as real words and find it quite funny. Like, BBQ is pronounced boba ka.

And DNA is pronounced dana. Oh my god, we say that. We say dana. Amazing. I love that. I'm going to start saying boba ka. Dana bo say that. We say Duna. Amazing. I love that. I'm going to start saying, Bubbaka. Duna, Bubbaka.

No, it must be qua, Bubbaka. Thank you so much for the work and dedication you put into your podcast. Y'all are so funny and really truly amazing. Thank y'all, Blaschack. I listened to other true crime podcasts that are good, don't get me wrong,

but in my opinion, are not as entertaining and do not go in depth as much as you do. Thanks. Keep it up, and I am so happy to hear all the good that comes into each of your lives. And send positive thoughts when your way when trouble hits your lads.

Call me Ethic Kindness. That's really nice. I would like to keep my name out of this. Oki-doki. Thank you for telling me. And didn't include any in the story just because it isn't my story, but when I heard from somebody else,

and I'm not sure how willing they are to have this tale out there under their name. Thank you for doing that. From Anonymous. Anonymous. He-pulp-pulp-pennonymous. There you go. Hello, wonderful ladies.

I recently submitted another listener tale that happened to me a few years ago. But this is a new story, and it just came up about a few days ago for me writing this. And I didn't care if it seemed like a crazy girl emailing back to back. It's too good not to share. You're never crazy for writing back. But I do wanna say, you crazy girl. You crazy. But you're not.

You crazy girl. This tale takes place in a quite little country town in bum fuck nowhere or bofoo for sure. There you go. Our lovely town has about a thousand people, well no stoplights, a Casey's of course, and one restaurant. I don't know what a casie is.

I was literally turning my head down to see who the casie was. To some, it may sound boring, and I hear way too often, well, what the fuck do you do there? I always say like true country folk, we like to fill our time doing all sorts of activities outdoors and drink beer. There you go. In the winter mount, in the winter months, it's watch TV, read a book, nap, and drink a beer. The simple life.

The main component to everything we do, though, is that we always are spending time with the people we love and creating strong bonds for life. Oh, that's lovely. That's beautiful. That's what it should be all about. Hell yeah. So when there is nothing to do at all in our sleepy little town, you at least have someone to do nothing with.

Oh, that's a bad surprise. I really love that. You should bring your town's motto. Yeah. And let's be honest, the wildest things happen when you're bored with your friends. A few brusquies to be drunk. And only one part-time pop in town.

Yep, that is true. Now, that's a scene to set. The scene actually has nothing to do with the story. Just got to set it, though, you know? Yeah. Oh, I know. One night, when my boyfriend and I had nothing to do, LOL, we called his parents over to hang out

and drink some beers. Our faith. When his parents got there with their 30 rack of bush light, we got to shoot in the shit on the new gossip in town. Who got who pregnant? What the town drunk was up to? How the weather's been? Who's getting married? Who's getting divorced? A town of a thousand gets real big when everybody knows everybody, and you have a thousand people's worth of gossip to share. Ash, just saying you would drown in the small town tea pot. That's when happily amongst the tea leaves, you already know.

You already know. I love the tea. I'm such a gossip. I think that's like a Gemini quality. It is. I feel like it definitely is. Now, my boyfriend's dad is a smoker and decided to step outside for a smoke break.

As he is walking out the door, my boyfriend's mom goes, smoker and decided to step outside for a smoke break. As he is walking out the door, my boyfriend's mom goes, oh, don't forget to tell them what you found at work the other day. With the door half open and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, he most casually goes, oh yeah, we found a dead body in the ditch. Oh, and just walks out the fucking door.

Oh wow, I was about ready to sprint after him, rip that cigarette out of his mouth and go full copo demanding he step back inside and spill everything in this instance. Wow. I can't wait five minutes to hear this. And we've been sitting here 30 minutes discussing why Barb is on her third baby daddy.

And my Kathy raised the price of her home grown tomatoes to 30 cents. Well, he's just marinating on this hot gossip. Side note to my above statement about what we do in a small town. Gossip is for sure number one. It's all in a strange kind of love, though. Like a giant extended family,

where you want to know all the dirty seduits, but you are also planning in your head a way to help them through their troubles with the best intentions. Aw, I love that. Look at that. You know what's weird? I could feel that vibe before you even said it. I wasn't like, oh my god, they're gossiping.

I was like, no. I feel like this is all because they're like, you know what, what's going on with Kathy? Yeah, like, what's going on here? Did she need some help? Is that why she raised her child? Yeah, since up to me does, I don't know what I'm saying. Anywho, he comes back inside with myself

and my boyfriend ready to hear this shit, time to talk, mister. So my boyfriend's dad works for the county and oversees the road, such as mowing the ditches along the road and trash clean up to name a couple. One day he had to be out of town to assist a neighbouring county with a paint job and left his guys to moat the ditches. After about an hour into the work day, his guys call him up and tell him, uh, I don't know how to say this, but we had to stop the mower to move a large blue tarp in the ditch and uh, there's a dead body, there's a woman's dead body under the tarp.

Oh, that's how you say that. That's how you say that. That is the only way to say that. Apparently, they came across this tarp, and upon walking up to it, saw two feet sticking out, an arm with feminine features and painted nails, and they could see a neck sticking out without a freaking head. Oh. Not just a deceased woman, woman, excuse me, but a decapitated deceased woman. Oh, boy.

Hopefully not a non-deceased decapitated woman. This listener tale would come in. More is a warning to you, East Coast folks. We got zombies coming from you. For you, from the Central Straight. So get your nail-spiked baths ready. Thank you for telling us that you would give us that warning. Thank you.

Thank you so much. Naturally, my boyfriend's dad asked if they called the police yet. They said, no, got to let the boss know first, apparently. And then they called 911 to report a dead body. The local police showed up looked at the lady and confirmed that this was, in fact, a dead body. Oh, boy. I'd be like, wow, thank you. Thank you for that.

They then called out the local coroner to the scene who also confirmed that they were looking at a dead body. Oh boy. I'd be like, wow, thank you. Thank you for that. They then called out the local corner to the scene who also confirmed that they were looking at a dead body. All right, we got double layers here. Well, now apparently they were unable to touch the body or further inspect it and had to wait for CSI to arrive to do the initial investigation. While they were standing there waiting, new trucks began to pile around.

New trucks. New trucks, thank you. Brand new trucks. In this case. And the new trucks. New trucks, thank you. Brand new trucks. In this case. We have new trucks around here. News trucks began to pile around, and the roads were beginning to shut down in the area. Another interesting thing, the workers found the body,

another interesting thing, the workers who found the body said was there was no smell. The body clearly looked like it had been there for some time, and it looked like it had started to decay. My boyfriend's dad said they worked with a lot of dead deer that had been hit by a car on the side of the road, and a lot of times you don't smell it at all until it's moved, so they figured the same case here. Wow.

A little while later, my dad, my boyfriend's dad said he got an update call from his workers who found the body. They called him up and said, yes, CSI arrived and they were able to identify the body. He said, back, what? Identify? Did they find the head? Did she have a name tag on? Her wallet was there?

How do they already know who it is? Wow. He had asked a lot of questions. They said, back, well, no, none of that. We don't know if she had a name, but it's not a dead body. Oh, no. They actually started to touch it and inspect it

and found it to be a sex doll. Stop it. That's right. This dead lady was a couple thousand. Oh my God. This dead lady was a couple thousand some dollar sex doll that was dumped on the side of the road. This fucking thing fooled roadside cleanup,

the local police and the local corner. I was just gonna say the local corner has something to answer to. Who in their defense, of course, weren't able to get close enough to it to inspect it yet, that this was a real woman. Damn, that must have been a very realistic sex doll. Well, they said a couple thousand hours. I was gonna say, there you go. So if you want proof sex toys, I've gone.

So if you want proof that sex toys have gotten way of hand in their realism, this is the story for you. It is out of hand. Now somehow the local news did not get a hold of this or were somehow convinced to not leak it. Since it was considered trash too, the roadside cleanup had to dispose of this thing. They decided to put it in their dumpster at work. And my boyfriend's dad being the smarty pants he is, took the liberty of calling the local trash pickup company

to let them know this thing looks real as fuck, but is in fact a sex doll. He's like just a warning. They also called the dump to let them know when a headless body comes out of the truck, don't worry, it's fake and please God, don't touch it. It's probably been put to use a few too many times. I'm leaving.

And it's a deadless, what is that? That's a problem. That's a that about? That's a problem. That's a whole other layer of like, huh? Yeah, that's just like too much for my brain to think about. By this point, we're cracking up and coming up with stories on how this could have happened. Did his wife find it and make him get rid of it? Was he one of those guys who thinks their doll

is a real person and murdered his woman? Oh my God. Did she go flying out of the bed of his truck? And when he got back home, he was broken that his love flew away. Where she actually alive, like a sentient robot thing, and killed herself to get away from a bloody stiggy man who didn't treat her, right?

We will never know. We will never know. We did all come to the conclusion, though, that they could at least have tried to pull some DNA samples. Oh, excuse me, to not have samples. Insert gag to find the dude, and at least charge him with a littering fine.

Yeah. Or better yet, find his home and put the sex doll sitting in the kitchen with a sign around her next thing. Oh my God. I'm back. Whatever his name is. You can't get rid of me that easily. Oh my God.

Oh my God, I wish that was able to be done. Legendary. Imagine just to give him a little fright for all the freaking drama he caused that day. But who are we kidding? We love the drama of it all. Because he dumped it in a ditch under a tarp. It's like, you know people are gonna think

that's a real dead body. Maybe that's why he did it. That's what I mean. That's what I mean. That's a really fucked up. Yeah, that's a weird thing to do. So ladies, remember to keep it weird, but not so weird that you dispose of your headless sextile

on the side of the road and confuse her inside clean up the police in the corner that it's a real dead lady. Oh my God. I love it. This was a phenomenal tale. That was a really, really good one. That was great.

That just made me laugh so hard that mother fuckers wanted to find me. Anonymous, that was wonderful. Oh, no, no, no, no. Thank you for sending that. Also, your family and your boyfriend's family sound hilarious. Yeah, they do. And your town sounds delightful. I know, you for sending that. Also your family and your boyfriend's family sound hilarious. Yeah they do.

And your town sounds like delightful. I know I really love that. Like that just sounded nice so I was like yeah. Yeah like I want to talk to you guys and yeah with you guys I want to hear your tea. You're right. I want to hear your tea. If I was sitting in that kitchen I would have been like writing shit down. I would have been all over that like white on rice.

Oh yeah. She would have been all over it. Yep, all right, let's see. We're just fanping a little bit right now because we're- That's trying to copy and paste into a dog. I was trying to copy and paste into a document by here we are. Here we are.

This one, and it's probably the last one we'll do, is how I learned that keeping a corpse in your closet isn't normal. Everybody should learn that lesson at one point in their life, right? Interesting. Interesting thing to learn, you know? Yeah, one might say. All right, here we are.

Hi, Elena and Ash. I absolutely adore your podcast. For my listener tale, I'd like to share a tidbit about my hometown. Growing up, this seems super normal and it wasn't until I moved to New Hampshire and hey, New Hampshire. Hey.

And mentioned speedy to my coworkers that I realized my hometown isn't exactly average. I grew up in a small Kentucky town. For reference, it's about halfway. I love that this is like small town tales. I know, right? For reference, it's about halfway between Possum Trot and Monkey's eyebrow.

All right. Obviously, with that cosmopolitan frame of reference, everyone should know exactly where I'm referencing, LOL. I stand by my beliefs that you should have to have a passport in order to travel south of the Mason Dixon Line, and this story firmly supports that conclusion. Oh my god, I'm dying. Picture it.

It's the 1920s, and somewhere in Egypt, nosy white people are cracking open the great pyramids and wrecking everybody else's peace. Interest in all things Egyptian has hit a fevered pitch. Fun fact, back when people used to ingest mummy powder, literally that that is, excuse me, back then people used to ingest money mummy powder, literal crushed mummy for health. That's not healthy. That's fucked up. Inspired by the incredibly well-preserved mummies, that seemed to be appearing daily in the local newspaper, a funeral director in our sleepy Kentucky town decided to try his hand at long-term's corp storage.

Oh no. Oh, armed with what I can only imagine was his own version of KFC's famed 11 herbs and spices. He said about finding the perfect recipe for eternal preservation. But alas, he had no way of testing it. That was. Until a local man nicknamed Speedy drowned in the Ohio River. R.I.P. Speedy. Legend has it that with no close kin to claim his body, Speedy was slated to be buried in a poppers grave. Now to save dear Speedy from this sad fate, the funeral director did what anyone would have done, Iroh, and promptly called dibs on the body. Because, of course, I don't know if you can call dibs on a whole last ball. It sounds like this guy did. Well, to the funeral director's

great joy, his special formula worked, and Speedy's body was transformed from a typical mushy mortal vessel to a statuesque form resembling wood with a reddish hue. Now as horrifying as this sounds, the good director did keep things classy and dressed dear speedy and a nice tuxedo. This is so weird. Apparently the line between desecration of a corpse and scientific achievement is a trip to menswear house.

I guess so. He was toeing that damn line. As the kids would say, the director opted to keep it Gucci. I am done. I love you. Director opted to keep it Gucci. Now the director couldn't just leave

to your speedy in his facility. No, that would be terribly disrespectful. But so instead, he carefully transported speedy to his home and propped him up in his bedroom closet. Yes, that is not disrespectful. So instead, he carefully transported Speedy to his home and propped him up in his bedroom closet. Yes, that is not disrespectful. Right next to the Mrs. Good Church Clothes, where it quickly got round town of the director's prolific achievement. And before he knew it, Curie's townspeak began dropping by for a peep at old Speedy. Oh my God. The director would happily oblige and run to his closet to fetch him out.

Before long, speedy became an unexpected source of town pride. He became the guest of honor at all of our town events. No. Shut the fuck up. No, the next sentence. No, the next stop it. It became a cherished part of every child's fourth grade year to take the school sponsored sponsored pilgrimage to the director's home and get their picture taken with dear old speedy tuxenol. I am at a loss for words. Loss. I didn't even know. In fact, speedy even became a national point of intrigue and made appearances on the show. But Shitty's hit TV shows as Sally Jessie Raphael and Ripley's Believe It Or Not.

I never even heard of this. Pictures of Speedy still grace many of the town's publications and of course, live forever on the internet. Oh my God. Fast forward to the 1990s, the director passes away. Oddly enough, without enduring the same mummification process that made him a town hero. Mrs. Director took this as the opportunity

to do what, one can only assume had been her goal for the past 69 years. Clean out her closet. Oh my God. Allegedly, she did what all mothers do. She asked her now adult children to see who would like their father's old clothes, as well as his hobby corpse.

Oh my God, surprisingly. I'm just like out of law. Surprisingly, while space could be made in their respective homes for his clothes and other personal effects, no one could make room for dear speedy. It was only then the decision was made to give poor speedy the proper burial that he had been denied for nearly seven decades. Oh my god. Until I moved, I genuinely had no idea how strange this story was. Right? It never occurred to me that other towns simply don't have their own celebrity corpse. While this quote unquote cultural divide

between New Hampshire and my hometown has made making friends a little tougher than it is in me. My coworkers have earnestly assured me that this tidbit about my upbringing, quote, explains a lot. Ha ha ha ha. Luckily, I don't think they hold it against me. I guess Kentucky truly does keep it weird.

You certainly took the cake for that right there. That's Jen. Jen, that is amazing. Wowie Kazawi to that. That is amazing. That's fucking great. Wow I am I am just I don't even know what to say. Yeah, I don't even know what to say. Yeah, I don't I don't know That's something wow you guys were funny as fuck today. You're always funny as fuck But I don't know something about today. Yeah, you guys are just the best to be loved. You guys are funny as hell. Oh my God, these are like brought to you

by you for you from you and all about you, but also for us. That's true. I gotta fit that in there somewhere. I love listening to our tales. Listen to our tales? Keeps me breathing. Oh, it's a highlight of the week.

And the fact that we get to do it every week note, it brings us to a place of law, a place of shock, a place of hopper, everything. And we appreciate it. A place of woe, a place of woe. A place of oh my god, woe. So thanks guys and keep sending them in. And we hope that you keep listening and we hope you keep it weird. Weeeeee.

Oh you did it. Tricked yeah. That was scary. Tricked, yeah. Oh, that was scary. I'm thrown off. Bye. Ah! Ah!

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