Morbid - Episode 84: The Unbelievable Survival Tale of Susan Walters Mini Morbid

Episode Date: August 2, 2019

This story is truly unbelievable. Emergency Room nurse of 30 years, Susan Kuhnhausen (who now goes by Susan Walters) could have easily become the victim of a murder for hire plot but instead, she used every bit of her knowledge, experience and wits to survive. This story will stick with you in a good way. Susan, if you are listening, you are a legend. Sources: https://www.wweek.com/news/2016/08/17/a-hit-man-came-to-kill-susan-kuhnhausen-she-survived-he-didnt/ https://allthatsinteresting.com/susan-kuhnhausen https://www.oregonlive.com/portland/2014/04/woman_who_fatally_strangled_hi.html https://kpic.com/news/local/man-who-hired-hit-man-to-kill-wife-dies-in-prison https://www.cbsnews.com/news/intruder-killed-by-nurse-was-hit-man/ See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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That's ANGI, or download the app today. Hey, weirdos! I'm Ash, and I'm Elena. And this is a mini-morbid. It's so tiny! It's that small ass. It's very little. Mini-mini-mini-mini-mini-mini-morbid! Mini-morbid-mini-morbid-mini-morbid! It's very little. Mini, mini, mini, mini, mini, more bed. Mini, more bed, mini, more bed.

Mini, more bed. Probably not though, because it's a little inasmany and like, you know, how she does it. You know how I do. And like, you know, and like, you know, whoo, did I sound like a Kardashian? Oh. Oh, I'll see myself out.

And yes, today is a mini, more bed. So we don't have any business because it's a mini morbid. So, we just cut to the chase here. One, two, three, go. All right. So, tonight's mini morbid is a tale of survival. Oh, she lives. I love tales of survival.

We have room for all. Now, this was on an I survived episode, but I did not watch the I survived episode because it's fucking credited. Exactly. I'm not going to credit it because I did not watch it, so I didn't get any of this information from that episode. So before you go type in on your keyboard.

Yeah, what do I mean? No way for me. I got my information from a ton of articles and also some interviews with the woman in question. So, just saying. So, I'm going to start off with talking about a 911 call. Oh, I'm stressed. So, here's how the 911 call went. Does it start with? Hello momon what's your emergency? No, it starts with welcome to Wendy's what can we do? I had like a fall-to-fall. That's what you could do for me. So the collar begins we have an intruder in the house next door. The intruder was in the bedroom with a hammer. The woman who lives there

thinks she may have strangled him. He was down when she left. Think she may have strangled him? Oh, yeah. She's not sure. Oh, yeah. So the 911 operator says, can you put her on the phone? The caller says she's bleeding. 911 says, does she need an ambulance? The caller says, no, she's a nurse.

She says call an ambulance for the guy. He may be dead. Bad bitch alert. And the 911 dispatcher says, what did she use on him? She strangled him. What else did she do? And the caller says she put a choke hold on him. 911 says, I've got help on the way. Stay on the line. And the caller says she has a hammer here. 911 says, don't touch it. Don't touch it, just leave it there. So the caller says, she hit him in the head several times. That's the hammer he had with him. She struck him and she

strangled him and she thinks he's dead. Super casual way to start your night. This call came from Portland, Oregon on September 6, 2006. So let's take ourselves to Portland, Oregon on September 6, 2006. All right. Tell me what was going down. We're gonna go there. So 51 year old Susan Kuhnhausen was returning home from her job as a nurse in the ER room of Providence Hospital. Okay. So she's an ER nurse. So she's, yeah, she's already like this bad ass bitch because you can't just be any regular bitch working at a new year. No, you're a bad ass bitch. You're a bad ass bitch. A B A B.

So she's on her way home. She's a long shift. She's tired. She's a little pamper and so she stops at the perfect look hair salon to get her hair did. Hell yeah, girl, get your blow out. That's right. And while she's there, the stylist

said that Susan told her, she needed, she was thinking about getting a new hair color because she was going through kind of a tough divorce. Oh girl. Yeah. Which that's what you do. As like somebody who has a new hair color under the sun, yes, a men's. A men. Now that we know that Susan is an ER nurse, she's going through a tough divorce, let's kind of go back really quickly to her childhood so we can kind of bring you up to speed of where she is. Hate the pick of suit. Let's just paint this picture.

So Susan's childhood was definitely not abusive or anything like that by all accounts, but it wasn't super calm, and it wasn't one where you would really learn what a happy, healthy marriage was. Retweet, Susan. Bring my childhood trauma into every episode.

Yes. You're welcome. Brought to you by me. Brought to you by neglect. I'm out. Oh, that's a wicked one. Just kidding. Are you though?

Because I'm not. Just to be clear, mom, are you listening? We don't have the same mom, just even though. The latest mom is great. She is. She's my grandma. We're not sisters. She's mom.

Not so great. Talentine, don't recommend. Okay. Woo! So. That's so great. Talentine don't recommend. Okay. So Susan's father was an Air Force cook and her mom was a stay-at-home mom. They separated when she was in second grade. So pretty early on.

Now life was not bad when she was a child. It was just like kind of chaotic and not stable. Because again, they're a military family. So they're moving a lot. Now that I'm not saying military families are chaotic and unstable. That's not what I'm saying. This particular one, this particular one just happened to be when she was a child, they moved, they moved from Colorado to Arizona, Arizona to California, California to Nevada, like they were just everywhere. So they know Patata. You know, they're constantly, you know, shuffling through different schools and new friends

and having to start over a lot and then they're going between their parents as well. Right. So it was just a lot of movement. Yeah. And she said, Susan herself said quote, my parents loved me, but they couldn't teach me to have a successful marriage any more than they could teach me how to fly. I love that, which I love. So when she got out of high school, that's when she became a licensed practical nurse, and then she quickly became a registered nurse. became a registered nurse. She moved to Oregon in the early 80s and later went to Portland. She began in Kuzbe. Kuzbe? Kuzbe. Kuzbe. Kuzbe. Kuzbe. Somebody for Morgan will let me know.

So she started out in Kuzbe later went to Portland. It was in 1988 that her romantic life took a turn. Her mother and her friend, this is so 80s, I feel. I'm excited. Paid for a personal ad for Susan. I feel like my romance has gotten to that point where like I'm waiting for you to put out a personal ad. I'm going to pay for a personal ad. Actually don't, I think that's not safe. Absolutely don't do that. They took one out in the Willemant Week paper. I was like, is that supposed to mean something to me? It's a certain week. No.

And what it said was quote, someone different, SWF, which is single white female. Yeah, 33 overweight, but not over life. Which I'm like, yes, same suit and same overweight, but not over life. Which I'm like, yes, same suit. Same. overweight, but not over life. Suicide the best. Seeks SM single male. Joker?

Who wants more out of a relationship than just quote, slender? Yes. Go, Susan. The baddest bit. I just love her already. But she didn't, did she write that? No, her family.

No, but I'm sure they like consulted her. They better out. I just think they were like overweight, but not over life. Because like which one? Well, Susan was known to have like a great sense. She has a great sense of humor, because she's still alive guys. Just so you know.

I keep saying was, like she's not here. But Susan has a great sense of humor. She's very like vivacious, very outgoing. I want to watch this episode of I Survived. Yeah, she's a bad ass. And one of the replies they got was from a guy named Mike. Mike, what's up? It said quote, my name is Mike.

I'm a 39 year old DWM. DWM, which I meant to look that up and see what that meant. Do it with money. Do it with money. Do it with hope for. He wasn't. Oh, so. Dick without money.

Yes, that's probably exactly what that meant. Thank you. I'm going to Google it right now. I enjoy things in nature from wandering in the ape caves at Mount St. Helens to walking on the beach at sunset. So it's like, I like long walks on the beach. Divorced white male. Divorced white male. All right, we see. We see. All right. Well, this divorced white male named Mike likes long walks on the beach. This dick without money. This was my coonhausen. Okay.

without money. This was my coon housing. Okay. Later she becomes Susan coon housing. So spoiler alert, they get married. Now she first spoke to him by his phone on January 30th, 1988. So Mike grew up in Portland and he was adopted as a newborn in 1948. And he told Susan that he had seen combat in Vietnam, but she says she didn't think that was true. Because the records in the military actually show that he was a switchboard operator. Why did people lie about it? So he was already bullshitting. Like, I like to shut up. Just tell the truth. Just don't lie about it, man. You were in the military. Be proud of that. Right. That's enough to be proud of. Exactly. Shut up with your lies. Just shut up, Mike. Jesus. So they talked on the phone a ton and he's in Susan said he had a nice voice. I was impressed he wanted to talk about the deeper things. Okay. Because you know, that's rare.

Sure fucking is. So for their first date, it was in February 1988. They met at the Crystal Springs, wrote a Dendron Garden, and it was next to Reed College, and they fed ducks and fed squirrels unsalted peanuts. That's really pure. Isn't that so wholesome? It's the pure. It's so pure. Unfortunately, not all this pure. So within a year, they went to Reno, Nevada and got hitched, but

almost immediately after things just turned. Oh, come on. It wasn't romantic feeding ducks anymore. It was like him burping and down like guzzling diacoch in chain smoking and being all up on her business. And she was like, now I see why you were a DWM. Exactly, a dick with our money. And a divorce way now. Well, Susan herself says, it wasn't very long after we got married that there was no more hiking, no more getting out. Oh.

So she was like, yeah, that shit sucks. That must suck when you marry somebody and they turn into different parts of it. Yeah, it's like he pretended to be one person and then because you're locked into that shit. Yeah, you're like, I mean, I'm gonna trick someone into marrying me someday, but there you go. Fellow Zebra.

I love hiking. I love it. Let's go. So within a few years of the wedding, Mike got a new job. A good one. It was as a janitorial supervisor for their organ entertainment, okay, which was the parent company of fantasy adult video. Okay.

I mean, a paycheck. Soon it became pretty clear that Mike was not exactly forthcoming in the beginning with how like just a bunch of a bummer he can be. Because she said, oh, she said, quote, his life philosophy was life is a shit sandwich and every day you take another bite until you die. What? Life is a shit. To which I say,

Zah, don't live like that guys if it all possible. Like that's a real bummer way to live. So he just sucked. Like he just was like everything sucks. Can you imagine saying that to someone that you love? What like kind of in wow like hearing your husband say that you'd be like, oh, this is going to be a long life. A very long shitting life. Wow. I thought that was so funny. You did.

Ash is literally crying right now. Yeah, no, that would be really bad. That's how somebody was serious. Yeah, like she's like, that's a bummer. So Mike quickly became like a real pain in the ass. He was constantly handing Susan about her plans when she went out. Oh, why? Yeah, and it wasn't like, like, hey, where are you going?

It was like obsessive controlling kind of thing. Yeah, Mike, I'm going out. I won't see you in that way. Bye, Mike. Bye, you're divorced again. He also monitored her spending very closely and complained even when she made the most minor purchases, which is no good. I'd be like, I have a job and I make money too.

So she's a fucking ER nurse. She makes her money. The money I make. Yeah. Thank you. She earns her money. And so it wasn't like, there was just no teamwork. It seems like it was just kind of like judgment and like controlling behavior.

And he kind of wasn't like, you know, he's just being a dead... He shitty. How long were they married for? Well, 17 years into their marriage. What the actual fuck? Susan finally had enough. That marriage sounds like a shit sandwich. It really does.

And so she even said if she tried to kiss him, he'd burp. Ew, what a fuck you're just like being a frowse and disgusting. And yeah, like, are we gonna get yelled up by frowboys now? Oh, probably. So he, and she said, quote, I cared about him, but I didn't wanna live with him anymore. I wanted to be happy again. Oh, so.

Yeah, she didn't wanna keep taking bites of this shit sandwich until they both died. Now, if he went to kiss John, he burped. I'd be like, go. I would be like, what? What? What's off on fire? Is wrong with you.

Yeah, I'd be pissed. Like, that's so gross. That's why I'm single. So in September of 2005, she finally was like, listen, you got to move out. Yeah. We got to separate. Got it here.

So he moved into his father's home, but one important thing is Susan never changed the locks or the alarm code. Oh gosh, girl. I'm not victim shaming, but like change your locks. I know. But you would never think that I mean, by all accounts, he didn't seem like he was violent. Mostly. So it's like, I don't think he would think like my ex husband is going to do something terrible if I don't change the locks. So it's like, I don't think you would think like my ex-husband is going to do something terrible if I don't change the locks. You know, like that's a, I think we only think that way because we're like, yeah, so in. Oh, yeah. Like I would totally think that, but I think like

normal people would probably not even, yeah, that wouldn't even register. No, definitely wouldn't. And their alarm code was 1210, which was their anniversary. Wow, that's horrifyingly sad. So the night of her attack, Susan spent about an hour at the hair salon, the perfect look hair salon. Okay. Then she left. She felt real good. She felt real pampered. But she did.

You know. And she drove to her blue one-story K-Pouse in the Montevilla neighborhood of Southeast Portland. She got home at approximately 6.37 pm. She went into the mudroom at the back of the house and she found a note by the microwave from Mike. Okay. And it said, quote, Sue, haven't been sleeping, had to get away, went to the beach. And he added that he would see her on Friday or Saturday and he wrote, love me. Wait. Why? Because they were in the process of separating, but it was like, so they

were still see each other sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. I think it was like, they were just in the process. Okay. So she unlocked the door to the kitchen. And at this point, she was still wearing her blue ER scrubs, because was just coming home from work in the hair salon And she hears the beeping of her security alarm So she disarmed it walked into the house and then went back outside and like looked through the mail Like just was like not even home things. Yeah, like things. You're not even the and again She disarmed the alarm like everything was normal. Yeah

Suddenly no she walks back into the house with her male places it down and suddenly from behind the bedroom door The figure of a man appears goodbye and immediately attacks her. Oh my god, which to me is the scariest thing I could ever imagine walking into my house in a man just walks out of a room. Oh my god Oh my god, I'm like I'm like bone chills. Yeah So later it was determined that this man who was a complete stranger to Susan was 59 year old Ed Halfie, okay, he stood five foot nine inches Weed 190 pounds and when he attacked Susan He was wearing dockers, a blue striped

shirt, and a tan baseball hat that was pulled way down low, like, over his eyes. He was a big dude. Yeah, not tall-wise, but like, beefwise. Yeah, he was beefy. And he had long, straggly, like, grayish hair that matched an equally long, unkempt gray beard. Oh, I'm scared. So he was a scary looking guy. Yeah. And his hair was in a ponytail tucked into the cap that day. And he also wore yellow rubber gloves on his hands. What like kitchen sink gloves? Yeah.

And one of his hands held a red and black claw hammer. A fucking claw hammer? Yep. Now, every other day I told you I was going to claw him or you if you didn't sit down. That's true. You did. Wow. Yeah.

Keeping on being a speaker. Look at that. I'm calling it right around. Now, as soon as she saw him, she screamed, who are you? What do you want? And she screamed at us loudly. Yeah. Well, I mean, she could, but he didn't answer.

He just kept advancing on it. Oh my God. Now, Susan, who was five feet, five feet, four inches. Again, like we said, was an emergency room nurse for nearly 30 years. She's been on nurse. So she had seen some shit as most anyone who is a nurse, and particularly one who works in an ER of a hospital knows it is an a passive job by any stretch of the imagination. Even the tiniest, most unassuming nurses can probably kick your ass six ways to send that easily. And Susan, throughout all her time at that job, I mean, she had to disarm injured men,

women, anything. I mean, she's cracked people's chest sopens, her perform heart massages. She administered IVs to patients that are thrashing and fighting back to our, you know, like, oh my God, that's on. She's dealt with people going through drug withdrawal. She's dealt with it all. So it's like she has dealt with craziness and just chaos. And so she and all the other nurses at this particular hospital also trained regularly

in self-defense. Hell yeah. So they knew how to slip out of head locks because that shit's going to happen and all that good stuff. So before Susan could even comprehend what was happening, this dude was swinging the claw hammer wildly at her. Oh my God. And he was running forward.

Yeah. So he managed to quickly connect the claw hammer into her head and face. Oh my God. No, but somehow probably because she is literally superwoman, she was able to start fighting him off after getting hit in the head and face with the claw hammer. So the first blow that he landed on her was in her left temple, which like just gives me a headache. I know it.

We all both just instantly started rubbing our temples. We did. We did. We did. Oh, yeah. And this, and now this is such, what she does next is such an amazingly impressive move to me because it's something that a lot of us probably would not immediately assume to do in

this situation. When he came at her, she crowded him. So she went closer to him. She ran towards him. Right. Because she said she knew that the swings of the claw hammer would have less force if she was close to him. Oh, like if she stayed far away, he had more momentum to hit her with. But if he was shoes crowding him, he would have to like kind of like pick at her. Right. You know, and it's like, wow, I think that's lady. Yeah, that's so against your natural instinct of like running the fuck the other way. I just feel like I really hope heaven's real. I would just be running. But she was clear headed enough, even if you're getting slammed in the head with a claw hammer to do this. Oh my God. It just blows my running. But she was clearheaded enough, even after getting slammed in the head

with a claw hammer to do this. Oh my God. It just blows my mind. So she and also ends up biting him. Yes. And this was intentional and not just at desperate attempt to keep him at Bay. She said, quote, if I died,

I wanted it to be known that I fought to live hell. Yeah. And I was like Susan. Bad bitch. Yes. Susan. Now, once she bid him, they both fell to the floor and she immediately tried to disarm him. She tried to get that car. Yeah. So they're literally fighting over the claw hammer. And he got her up against

a wall. And then he said, quote, you're strong. Yeah, I am. Get out of my house. And she was like, for some reason, that just made me so angry because I was like, he's here to kill me. Like, she was like, he's not trying to rob me. He's not trying to rape me. He's here to kill me. Like, this is, it just made all of a sudden. And he was like, she was like, I just all of a sudden was like, I don't know who the stewed is, but I know what his intention is. Like, he's wants to kill me. It's killer be killed. Yeah. So he was, he was struggle busing with her because even with a claw hammer to the head and face, she was not even a little like

back and around her weekend. So she managed to wrestle the hammer from him. Yes. And she swung it three times, maybe four she said into his skull Hell yeah. With the claw end. Cause you have to.

And he snatched the hammer back. So she grabbed his throat. And she just fucking squeezed his throat and screamed, who sent you here? And she said he wouldn't answer. And then his face started turning red, then purple, then darker purple with a blue tinge. And she said, that's when she freaked out and let go. Yeah. And she said then she tried to run because

she was like, holy shit. Like I gotta get out of here. Because honestly, even in this situation, it's like killing someone is a big deal. It's like, yeah, you don't want to kill anybody. And she's sitting there squeezing his throat, watching him die. And she was like, fuck. And she's nervous. Right. Yeah, like her purpose in life is to save lives. You know what I mean? And she's sitting there having this.

This is fucked up. Yeah. So she tries to run out of there. And she ended up catching her as she ran from her bedroom into the hallway. Oh my God, come on, dude. He was hit too that many times. Yeah. Like in the head too. What is in the air?

I know what is happening. A lot of adrenaline. A lot of adrenaline. A lot of adrenaline. So he spun her around again and he punched her in the face. Oh, get out of here. You rude. You rude.

You rude. Man. Man. I did, I just lost all things to call them out of here. You rude, rude man. That's what I would say if I was attacked so that would Yeah, there you go. So he punches are he splits our lip he punches our again She that's when she falls to the floor. Oh no get up and she said quote He was standing over me with the hammer. No, I looked at the floor and I thought I'm going to die today

No, can you even bat them that can't that you're laying on the floor and I thought I'm going to die today. No. Can you even fathom that? Can't that you're laying on the floor looking up at this scraggly ass dude in a fucking baseball a tan baseball cap. What's that? Yellow rubber Fuckin dishwasher glass and he's sitting there with a claw hammer in his hand and you're sitting there going like Not only am I gonna die today with a claw hammer in his hand and you're sitting there going like this is not only am I going to die today, this is how I'm going to die today. Like I can't even wrap my brain around now. I want to know. No, I just couldn't do it. And so she says to this day, she has no idea how she did it. What you do, but she managed to pull him to the floor too. Yes. And she said, quote, I got to get the hammer. She told herself.

So she said she immediately started biting this motherfucker again. Good. And she said this time she bit him because she wanted to tie herself to him so that if he did kill her, they would be able to catch him through her bite marks. Oh my God. She was fucking Ted Bundy. That shit. She was like, I watched the Ted Bundy trial. I know what dental records can do. But I'm a bite the fucking

intentionally. Exactly. She did it. But she was like, I know that this can be a fucking smoking gun. So I'm going to do this. So she ended up buying his arm, his flank and his thigh. You know, that's not enough for you. Is that enough for you? I already read that. I hope it's not enough for you. I know. Because she also bit through his zipper and bit his dick.

I'm screaming! Like, she was like, I'm literally going to bite your penis off. Like the dick's dick. Like, she bit right through his zipper. Oh, I thought you were going to say right through his dick. I mean, I through his zipper. Oh, I thought he was like right through his dick. I mean, I wish she did. Oh, jeez.

But that is like, legendic level, legendic. Legendary. She's a power ranger. She's, I don't know what she is. She's a mythical creature of sorts. She is so much to behold. So if this isn't enough to send her in the hall of fame

of the most badass survivor in the galaxy, it is. But then she ratcheted up a notch, what she do. As if biting through his zipper and making sure she was leaving her teeth everywhere. In the midst of all this chaos, wasn't legendary enough. While chewing on him, she tried to rifle through his pockets to find an ID that she could toss under a bed or a chair or somewhere. So she said, she said in case police found it later, they could figure out who he was. Wow. Like this, she's thinking. How does your brain do that in the in the crazy moment? Like, you know, when you get like an argument with someone and then later on, you think about it

and you're like, oh, fuck, wish I wish I said this. I wish I said this. She did everything she wish she could have done. Like she did everything that none of us would even fathom. Like later on, as a ghost, I'd be like, fuck, I wish I'd been good. Yeah, I'd go down. Yeah. But she did. Wow. Yeah. Wow. She's everything. Everything. She said, quote, I was like a downed power line snapping on the pavement. Wow. Which also I'm like, what a metaphor. Also poetry, Susan. Susan, what don't you do? I think she even rocked her new haircut.

She did. What did Susan not do? She probably didn't even judge you. You know what she didn't do? Die. Yeah. You know what she did do? Survive.

Who needs never die. No way. They don't. So moments after this, she manages to climb on top of him and hammer the shit out of his face and pins him to the ground and she places him into a chokehold in yells in his face. Tell me who sent you and I will call a fucking ambulance for you. Yes. Like not. So now she has him totally powerless and she's like, oh, you want help? Do you want me to call a fucking ambulance?

Then you tell me who sent you because not only is she like, I need to survive, she's like, what mother fucka sent you? I'll tell them to. I'll buy their dick too. I'll buy their dick too. Tell me who sent you, I'm a like, are you kidding me? And she said he didn't say anything and just growled in her face.

You know, so I would have then killed him. That was set my ass off. I would have been like, today's the evening. So as he's trying to throw her off of him and she just strengthens her chokehold until he stops moving. Yes. Once he stopped moving, he did was growl.

Like you're an idiot. Yeah, it's like, was it worth it? Shut up with your growl. And so she drops his ass. She grabs the hammer, which is another small move that is like smart, because they don't know. Yeah. Have you seen screen?

Yeah, you've watched screen, you know. So and then she goes to the neighbor's house and that's when she calls 911, which is the call we were talking about in the beginning. Yes. So she was, she was brought to the hospital where she works. Okay. And they were all clapping, which they were just like holy shit Susan, but like we just saw you two hours ago. Like holy damn. And she was admitted to the emergency room. And while she was in there, she immediately started thinking if her estranged husband had something to do with this. Oh my God. She immediately was like, oh, fuck. So remember, she had kicked him out. She had asked for a divorce. And the locks and alarms had

not been changed since he had left the house. Now, the day after the attack, her friend Helen balloon went with her back to her house to get some belongings. I would not want to go in there. And she's just like, yeah, like I'm going to do it. Like she's so, she's so strong. I would call my best friend and be like, listen, crumb. I need a B and C. And we're going to go get it. Love you so much. Love you so much. Shout out to my best friend. And once they were there, her friend Helen said, Hey, there's a backpack in your basement that doesn't belong.

What? Now, police hadn't even seen the backpack when they'd gone in there because I guess the basement was kind of cluttered like a normal basement. Yeah. And I think they just didn't think of it. So inside this base, this backpack, which was not hers, was a container of Hershey's syrup, which not real sure where that was going. $200 in cash, diabetes pills,

maybe the other Hershey syrup. There you go, a daybook and a pay stub made out too happy A day book and a pay stub made out too halfy, the attacker. Okay. Now, there was a very damning entry in the day book and it was on Monday, September 4th, 2006. It says, it says, it says, it says, it says,

it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it paper with Mike's new cell phone number on it. So already they're like fuck up. So Ed Haffey knows Mike and some's going on here. So Ed Haffey, our attacker who is now dead had diabetes. He, I think he did for drinking her. He had lived in a trailer on North East

killing's worth street in Portland. That's ironic, right? That is a little creepy. And people who knew him said to a police that he had been raised in an upper middle-class home and was an avid tennis player his whole life before he just went down the tube. Before he decided to be a fucking hitman. Yeah, because he also had a gnarly rap sheet. Court records showed that he 15 years earlier on February 28, 1991 had arranged the murder of his ex-girlfriend, 39-year-old Georgia Leigh Dutton. Did he succeed?

Her decomposed body was later found along the Umpgwa River in Rosenberg. He ended up pleading guilty to conspiracy to commit aggravated murder on March 14th, 1994. And he spent nine years in Eastern Oregon Correctional Institution. That's it. It was released on November 3rd, 2003. For planning to murder somebody got nine years. It's amazing how little people get punished for like, arranging murders. Like, it's crazy. That's insane. Oh yeah.

And after he got out on November 3rd, 2003, he moved to Portland and he needed a job. So you get out of prison and you need a job. Well, in July 2004, a guy named Mike Kunhaus and hired him. And he hired him to clean floors at fantasy adult video. So he was already a violent guy, he was already evil as fuck and he was also desperate for cash and addicted to crack as well. So he was the perfect guy to do what Mike needed him to do. Now, during his autopsy, because remember, he's dead. Oh, I'll buy it.

It became known that he had a near lethal dose of cocaine in his system when he attacked him. Oh, so that's why he was so fucking so much. So that's why he was so like, just coming back and coming back. And also adrenaline, I'm sure it was like a total mix of everything. A lethal amount of cocaine? Yeah, so he was like near lethal dose. So he was just like, that's a lot of cocaine.

Really going for it. And records from that day show that Mike drove to the coast that day of the attack. He checked into the Lincoln city in with a credit card that afternoon. And he returned to Portland that same night, spent $339 on a Taurus, 357 Magnum revolver at the silver lining pawn shop on North East Sandy Boulevard the next day. You bought a gut the next day? Yes, yes. You'll see why.

Okay, sorry. They're now building a case to connect Mike with the murder for higher plot. So on September 8, two days after the attack, the news media started circulating the story everywhere. It was everywhere. Right. And police had already located the backpack full of evidence linking him to the crime. Right. So Mike on on September 8, leaves a suicide note at his father's house. And he says, quote, all I ever wanted was to be loved. And every time I had it, I fucked it up. Yeah, you did.

It's like, I'm sorry. Is you hired a hitman to kill your wife? You call this fuck up? I'm gonna fuck up. Like, have you read any marriage books? This is like the most epic fuck up. Chapter one, don't hire a hitman to kill your wife. Well, and then he immediately

ran. He went on the run. Oh, I hope he doesn't get a call. So police put out a bulletin form, obviously, they're like, yo, the stew's out. Right. At 10 a.m. on September 13th, a clacomus County Sheriff's deputy caught up with Mike. Oh, thank God. I'm so, so happy. They caught up with him in the parking garage of Kaiser Sunnyside Medical Center. In my claim that he was going to be checking himself in for psychiatric. Okay, buddy. And he said, quote, I have nothing to live for anymore. So they put him in a on an involuntary psychic holds. And 11 hours later, he was put under arrest for conspiracy to commit murder. Right. Now, it was later learned that Mike had tried to hire three other people to do this,

and they all turned him down before he got to happy. Now, once he was arrested, it was clear that there was, he had a motive for doing this. Now Mike had lost his job weeks earlier. Oh, he had no place to live. Susan was divorcing him. Susan named her brother as beneficiary on her life insurance policy. And Mike knew that. Well, for you to do that for me. Right. But Mike, but Susan and Mike had paid off their house and it was worth like $300,000. And if Susan died, that house went to him. So he tried to say he didn't know how to be at all to the police. And the police were like, yeah, we already have employment records dumbass.

We know that you hired him and worked with him. And another kind of your shitty stuff. Take another bite of your shit sandwich. Because he got want to jail? So they were like, yeah, we know that you hired him and you know him and all that could stop like, and that's when he changed his story and was like, okay, so I know him just because I know the guy doesn't mean I did anything. Yeah, but we saw in his and they were like, call Mike. No, you did.

Like just say it, make our lives a little bit easier. Like do we have to do this game with you? So aside from all the evidence they already had, there was also no sign of forced entry at Susan's home. Right. So obviously somebody knew the thing. Exactly. And security record showed that someone had disabled the alarm

while Susan was at work. Yeah. And Mike tried to cover this by saying he did it while dropping off the note about going to the beach. But they were like, no. Because it would rearm. And this was confirmed, this was all confirmed because on September 18th, a former, um, cellmate of Hafiz, the attacker contacted the police out of nowhere and was like, um, that dude Hafiz asked me to join a job, which was a burglary or an insurance scam. And he said, he and Halfie had met a guy at Southeast 82nd Street and Division Street.

That guy was Mike Kunhausen. No. Because he was like, oh, I saw him on the news. I definitely met with that guy. And he said, the man told him, Mike told him, that he would pay him $5,000 if he helped half he kill his wife. Wow. In this inmate guy was like,

and I said no, because like one, no, and two, $5,000. He's like, that's all you're gonna give me? That's all you're gonna give me for killing someone? Like, no. I'm gonna say, man, normally, guys, they're going right. I would think more than $5,000. I would Google it, but I'm like, I don't want to Google that. I wouldn't Google that. Yeah, I'm a going rate? I would think more than $5,000. I would Google it, but I'm like,

I don't want to Google that. I wouldn't Google that. Yeah, I'm not going to Google that. I'm willing to bet that people need more than $5,000 to kill people if you're a professional hitman. Yeah. So on November 17th, another witness told police that he'd driven half the attacker to meet a bald man

in the parking lot of an Applebee's near Interstate 205 days after that this person saw the man's picture on the news and was like oh shit that was my car that was my coon house and like he was so all these witnesses are being like oh yeah that was the dude that was driving me this. Wow he was sloppy as fuck about this. And now Susan filed for divorce the day after Mike was arrested, which is like good for you, Susan. She is bad bitch and I'll never let you down. She's just a place. And she is not even like laying down.

She's not even taking a deep breath. Like she just went through hell. And she's already been like nope, got a file for divorce, got to do this, like she's on it. They say a woman who changes her hair is about to change her life. That's Susan. Go go Susan. So when she got the chance to finally face Mike at the trial, what did she say, which must have been unbelievable? She she brought a microphone and dropped it when she was down 100%. She said quote, you are willing for me to share your small miserable life until death.

We did part the sooner the better as it turns out. And at the end of the statement, she said, quote, I am damaged by what you have done to me. I am damaged, but I am not destroyed. Yes. And I'm just like, oh, I got a little goose bump. Now, Michael, Mike pleaded guilty to conspiracy to commit murder, like we said, and was sentenced to 10 years in prison.

Oh, my fucking right. That's it. Right? That's insane. That's really insane. So that's 10 years from now, what she's going to be like retired and freaking out. And it's like, he is evil, man. So what happens?

So you sentence to 10 years in prison after theencing, Susan sued him for $1 million. Yeah, she did. Because she said she wanted to make sure he didn't have enough money to hire another hitman to finish the job. Oh my God, amazing. Yeah, she's just, I can't. And then she went into the witness protection program. So Mike was set to be released September 14, 2014.

Now, Susan's life changed while he was in jail, obviously, but it didn't necessarily change for the better at first because she said paranoid. Yeah, she said, she felt like quote, a broken plate glued back together. She said she sat in restaurants where she could only, wife, she could see the door. She switched all her driving routes. I mean, she circled, she would circle around before going home to make sure nobody was following her. And at the time she said, quote, I'm doing a life sentence for picking a bad husband. Yeah.

And that's the thing. It's like even though he's in jail, how do I know he's not hiring somebody from jail? Because to do this again all the time. So by 2014, when he was set to come out, she had moved to a new Portland home and it was like out of the way. She was very secretive. And she said she surrounded her house with gravel so she would hear footsteps of anybody. And she said she went to a shooting

range constantly and she learned how to shoot. She was like, I'm gonna fucking protect myself. Do you see the Halloween remake? No, she must have been like Jamie Lee Curtis. There you go. And she said, quote, if he came here, he was not going to get close enough to hurt me. She was like when he comes out of prison. Oh my God.

And as soon as my eyes get the fuck out of here, that's weird. Luckily, Susan didn't have to really worry because on Friday the 13th of June in 2014, Mike died in prison of natural causes. 92 days before he was supposed to walk out of prison for me. Wow. Yep. So 92 days before he was supposed to go free and probably terrorize her for the rest of her life. Absolutely. He just up and dies. Good, good night. Which is like, thank goodness.

Susan, finally, she said, quote, I don't mourn his passing. Instead, I mourn the life he could have had. If only he could have opened his heart to those of us who cared about him. And she said that she was sad that he died in prison. Quote, so far away from any of us who had ever loved him. Wow.

So she even still had it in her soul to be like, he fucked up. He's a fucked up person, but it's sad that he couldn't understand that people did love him. I will never be like grown. Like, I'll never be that grown. I don't think Susan, Susan's do not grow on trees, everybody. Like, that is just, there are not many Susan's around. No. But she does say that right now she says that she is, quote, rich in all things that count. And she says that she celebrates, she said, quote, I celebrate every

one of my bonus days. In fact, every one of my bonus breaths I celebrate. Oh my God. Like, are you kidding me? Susan, you're beautiful. Well, she is for long and in love itself. She continued working as a nurse until December 2014. So the year that he died and was supposed to come out. And she's known as a hero now. But she actually had a ton of trouble with that. And she still does because of the fact that she had to kill a man to survive. Yeah, that will save you from the danger. This just shows what kind of human she is

because she was meant to be a nurse obviously because she clearly has the most ecstatic soul. The most ecstatic soul. So much empathy and so much really respect for human life. And yet she was forced into a position where she had to end a life that normally she would be breaking her own back to save it all costs. So that must have really like for somebody who's just done that their whole life and that's their calling and right. Everything is like that must

really fight with you. So she and another quote from her as she said quote, if you can't run and you can't hide, you have to fight. You don't know that you won't survive. Wow. So she's literally like, don't fucking give up ever. And she says that each year on the day of her attack, she celebrates. Hell yeah. Because she celebrates that she was brave enough to take a chance on her own life. Wow.

What did she do? She's Susan. What did she do? I don't know, she didn't reveal what, because this was in an interview that I saw with her. And they asked her, like, what do you What does she do? Susan. What does she do? I don't know if she didn't reveal what, because this was in an interview that I saw with her. And they asked her, like, what do you do on that day? And she was like, I celebrate.

Because she's like, I took a chance on my own life. She said, and she said she tries not to think of it as like she took a life. Yeah. She said I chose to live. That's what she did. And that is a trip. Just as a lasting thing, that's like that this one little statistic like really, I was like, well, nearly one in four homicides in Oregon involve intimate partners.

One out of four. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? So that is the crazy survival story of Susan Kunhausen. Yeah. Like she is bananas. Let's all just worship her for ever. Everybody can we have a round of applause. Yeah.

Well, if you want to write us an email about Susan, you can do that at morbid podcast at gmail.com. If you want to follow us on Twitter to see pictures of Susan, a morbid podcast. If you want to join our Facebook group and talk about Susan, morbid, cool and a true crime podcast. If you would like to donate in Susan's living memory to our Patreon, you can do so. So at patreon.com slash morbidpodcast. And if you'd like to check out our website and maybe think about Susan while you're doing so, morbidpodcast.com, we hope you keep listening.

And we hope you keep it weird as weird as Susan. Ha, ha, weird as Susan. Hahaha. Keep it Susan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, good night. Susan, bye. Hey, Prime Members! You can listen to Morvid, early, and ad-free on Amazon music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus and Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash

survey. Hi, I'm Lindsay Graham, the host of Wondery's Podcast American Scandal. We bring to life some of the biggest controversies in US history. Presidential lies, environmental disasters, corporate fraud. In our newest series, we look at the kids for cash scandal, a story about corruption inside America's system of juvenile justice. In Northeastern Pennsylvania, residents had begun noticing an alarming trend. Children were being sent away to jail in high numbers, and often for committing only minor offenses. The FBI began looking at two local judges, and when the full picture emerged,

it made national headlines. The judges were earning a fortune, carrying out a brazen criminal scheme, one that would shatter the lives of countless children and force a heated debate about punishment, an America's criminal justice system. Follow American scandal wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wonder App.