Morbid - Listener Tales 36

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Prime members, you can listen to morbid, early, and ad-free on Amazon music. Download the app today. You're listening to a morbid network podcast. Whether you're running errands on your daily commute, or even at home, you can enjoy all your audio entertainment in one app, the Audible app. As an Audible member, you can choose one title a month to keep from the entire catalog. This includes the latest bestsellers and new releases. Plus get full access to a growing selection of included audiobooks, audible originals,

Starting point is 00:00:30 and more. If you've been wanting to form good habits, break bad ones, and improve motivation, atomic habits written and narrated by James Clear is a great lesson. It'll reshape your mindset on progress and success by helping you develop strategies to transform your habits. New members can try audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com slash wondery pod or text wondery pod to 500-500 to try audible for free for 30 days.

Starting point is 00:00:52 That's W-O-N-D-E-R-Y-P-O-D. Audible.com slash wondery pod or text wondery pod to 500-500 to try audible for free for 30 days. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your home projects done well. Whether it's routine maintenance and emergency repair or a dream project, Angie lets you browse home on her reviews, compare quotes from multiple local pros, and even book a service instantly. So the next time you have a home project, just Angie that and start getting the most out

Starting point is 00:01:23 of your home. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's ANGI.com. Hey weirdos, I'm Ash and I'm Alena and this is morbid and it's for you. It's brought to you by you for you from you and all about you. We love a listener to it's been a minute. It has been a minute. It's been a bit. I know been a minute. It's been a bit I know cuz I think this technically could have gotten out last week. Yeah, I think so second week of February

Starting point is 00:02:10 But we just pushed it. Yeah, it's you know, we had a lot going on We hope you liked our interview there. Yes the scream stars and creators guys Thank you so much for all the awesome feedback on everybody's been so sweet about it cuz it because I was, I don't know if you could tell. You could definitely tell. What? When I listened back to it, I was like, holy shit. The amount of giddiness in my voice. Oh, yeah, we were both that way.

Starting point is 00:02:32 I could not, like, you came off very chill. Oh, inside? And inside I was losing it. My giddiness was like, I'm talking to Dewey. This has been 25 years of your life. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Dewey. This has been 25 years of your life, like, being up to now. Dewey has been a very big part of my life for a moment like this.

Starting point is 00:02:50 Way too long. Some people wait 25 years. For a moment like this. And that was it. Like, that's my whole life. So I guess I've just been waiting since birth. There you go. So, you know, it was, and, you know,

Starting point is 00:03:01 Melissa Barra was so sweet. The kindest gal. Which, I mean, if you haven't seen Scream, you gotta go see it because she's, in my opinion, she's phenomenal in it. And I'm very excited to see her in the future. I'm not gonna say if the franchise are not, but I, because I don't wanna give any spoilers, but I'm excited to see her in the future,

Starting point is 00:03:19 just like in general. In general. And honestly, all of the new generation that was in Scream, I'm excited to see where they all go. They were great. It reminded me of like scream for. I was really excited because I liked a lot of those people. I was like, hell yeah. Yeah. But yeah, and then of course, you know, Matt Chad and Tyler are fucking awesome. They're always fun to talk to. And I would love to do a podcast with them like every week. I know. I know. I love that like it was funny because we would forget to ask like a follow-up

Starting point is 00:03:48 Cuz you're just so not We're just so excited to talk. I'm not Barbara and Tyler in particular Tyler Gillette I was like can you do you want to can you please like help us co-host regularly whenever we interview people because he had such good question He did and they did they just just came off very naturally too. You could tell he was genuinely on the screen. He genuinely had questions, but it was great. I was like, thank you for helping us out because you're awesome at this because we're both sharding our side right now.

Starting point is 00:04:14 I'm freaking out. That was one of the coolest things I think we've had the opportunity to do. Highlight. We're so glad that you guys loved it as much as you did. We obviously figured you would but but you never know So we're very excited. It was awesome. Definitely a highlight for the holy shit. What is our life right now? Yeah, again, it's because of you guys. I was gonna say thanks to you guys So that was all we have huge appreciation for you that we were able to do that because without you we wouldn't

Starting point is 00:04:42 So would not be sitting right here on this couch reading you some listening details. We fucking love you. To pieces, smiches. We, you know, bloody well love you. Yeah, that was like very us. Like I was like, I love you to pieces, smiches, and you're like, I bloody well love you. I totally stole that from Bradley Rose, the peloton-ton instructor. Yeah, you've been vibing lately with that.

Starting point is 00:05:04 Yeah, I have. Yeah, I did work on today that I almost barfed from. So that's where we're at in life. Well, there we are, you know? That's a little catch-up of us. And- But this is listener tails. Yeah, so we're just going to dive right in because we don't do any news,

Starting point is 00:05:17 we don't do any shenanigans on these, we just, boom, all right, let's do this. So the first listener tail that I have is entitled, Listener Tales in 14 point, Font Double Spaced PDF Glory, like, hello. You can't get better than that, spoke to my soul. And this one has two short tales included. How is that, how did that get better?

Starting point is 00:05:38 I just said you can't get better than that. And then it did, and then it did. So this says, keep me anonymous, call me Sally. And I said, all right, all right, Sally. It is a spolunking murder and Anna Rae is a piece of shit person and Pulitzer Prize article at the end. All right. All right. Hello, my bitches.

Starting point is 00:05:57 And I mean, sub my witchy weirdo beaches. Ha ha, seriously. Hello, weirdos. And I hope this finds you well. I love you all, right? I'm a frowly. Let me start. The first story is a cut and paste from an older email that I sent not in PDF form for which I apologize immensely, but it's still a good short story, and now it's a beautiful put if a I love you. I can't stop. Obsessed. I have since realized that

Starting point is 00:06:22 I have many stories, including criminals, nearser criminals near serial killer tales supernatural stuff and so much more The recent MLK tapes reminded me that I have a connection to an array and an eight right So I thought I would share and also had my previous murder tale. They're broke They're both pretty short so you could probably read them both. We're going to shorten them if you want We're going to and she said I know I know probably won't, but I love that you guys get us. You'll guys always get us. I'm now caught up on all your episodes. And I am so sad that I have to wait for new ones. I love, love, love your banter. It makes me twirl. Oh, that I just I picture you twirl. I was going to say that was precious. So here is my first tale, Spelunking Murder in all its 14-point double-space glory.

Starting point is 00:07:06 You shall be filled with happiness now. You know me because I am. Yeah. Hi, I'm Sally. I'm a 50-year-old special education teacher. Hell yeah, Sally. Hi, Sally. That's also something that I wanted to do. You spelled hero wrong. Oh, I was like, what?

Starting point is 00:07:22 I was like, it doesn't say hero. I just threw into my mouth. No, I didn't. what? I was like, it doesn't say hero. I just threw into my mouth. No, no, I didn't. I think that was just going like that just showed how where I'm at today. Right. Well, for my, that was amazing. No, you are because your face was like, I didn't.

Starting point is 00:07:35 It was like, I don't think I did. What are you talking about? No, I wanted to be a special ed teacher. And I couldn't do it because I got so emotional every single day. It's true. That's a hard job. So anyways, this past Halloween, I was looking for spooky podcasts and I found you two. I have about 20 episodes left because I went back to episode one after listening.

Starting point is 00:07:54 Like, praise you. Whenever somebody says that, I'm like, I'm glad you know us. Like now, because you're going back to one and I don't know if you'd stay. I get like a little like twist. I get very, I think every podcaster whenever somebody says, I'm starting at episode one, you're like, oh no, it sounds so bad. It does.

Starting point is 00:08:15 I'm making them better, don't worry. Oh, you're the best. Well, it's January fucking 13th when they wrote this. And I have listened to you non-fucking stop during my one hour commute to and from work. I remember those days. While I make dinner, while I do laundry, while I pick lemons and grape fruits from my trees, I want some.

Starting point is 00:08:31 While I water my plants, while I repot my plant, shower play with my dogs, you get it, I'm addicted. Here's my listener tale. I'm a child of the 70s, and a teen of the big hair, power ballad, non-self-one-having, non-google-having, barely VCR-having, Atari and Nintendo having no color ID, having right-your-directions on a napkin having, full letters into origami masterpieces and pass them to your friends in the hallway between classes having, homegrown

Starting point is 00:08:55 pinner dubies having, homegrown pinner-havies, I messed up. Homegrown pinner-dubies having of the 80s. Amazing. I'm so here. I was a child for some of that. I was not. You were. I was going to say, you were not. But I wish I was. In the summers, we left in the mornings and didn't come home until the street lights came home.

Starting point is 00:09:15 And came on. I'm from the country roads of Tennessee, which is where this takes place. I tell you all this because if this had happened today, it would have never escalated. It probably would have been a tweet and internet sleuths would have ended it rather quickly, I'm sure. But here you go. It's important to note that I F bomb a lot and there's mention of smoking old

Starting point is 00:09:33 school homegrown dubbage. Amazing. That's basically like, I love that. I'm obsessed with you. I love you so much. Me thinks it's good to clarify that little homegrown pinner dubies didn't have the same potency as the hybrids, et cetera, of today. So you smoked a few more, okay?

Starting point is 00:09:49 I believe that. We weren't flat. We weren't flattened on the couch. You're fried in a pan like our brains were on drugs. Ha ha. Not sure if you remember. Why do the just say no campaign was big in the 80s and TV PSA is saying, this is your brain and egg. And this is your brain on drugs and egg frying in a pan. Was it all the rage? They had a Rachel A. Cook one. A relate like that, and I remember it vividly.

Starting point is 00:10:11 That's just so funny to think about now. Yeah, I think she was wearing like a white tank top. I'm pretty sure. Like it's for some reason burned in my mind. The evolution of dubic smoking. We were into it though. We proudly wore our Just Say No Shirts stoned. We were into it, though. We proudly were our just say no shirts. Stone.

Starting point is 00:10:27 I love that. Of course. Here's a stock photo, but ours were white with green letters. Anyways, I didn't come here to tell you that, LMAO, so on to those summer days during the summer of 86 and between 10th and 11th grade. Me and some of my friends decided to go spolunking. What is spolunking, you ask?

Starting point is 00:10:44 It's going caving. What is cavinging you ask? It's going caving. What is caving you ask? It's exploring one of the many wild caves that are everywhere in Tennessee. That's so badass. That sounds like so much fine. Horrifying, but badass. Yeah, all of the above. Only locals know about them.

Starting point is 00:10:57 You gotta know somebody who knows somebody to find them. Most are on private land. Once the person who knows somebody who knows somebody says it's cool, you go find the cave from verbal directions, not by Google, but by directions that you have written on a piece of paper that you have ripped from the fucking phone book or an napkin or whatever, from somebody telling you over the phone who knows somebody who's been there. These caves were fun to explore. It was real wild back then. It truly was. I like, I picture like people just driving and looking at hand made directions and I'm like we're accident rate sire back then. Oh yeah because I was driving at the time with map quest directions

Starting point is 00:11:30 for sure. Yeah it was a harrowing time. Yeah yeah because even sometimes just like this is me being a bad driver sometimes but like looking at my GPS I'm like oh fuck almost hit that like telephone pole sorry. We just had to be better. Yeah we. We just had to be better than that. I think that goes for many different things. We were forced. We just had to be better back then. I lost my place. Because we were just talking about map quests. These caves were fun to explore. There was often cool graffiti art. Sometimes they were little creeks inside. Oh, that would be so much. They can have big rooms or little tiny hallways to crawl through. I would not do that. It could be like the descent and you find a whole just...

Starting point is 00:12:11 Oh, there's species. ...all-en-y species that have evolved to live underground in the caves and they eat you all. Yeah, it could be like that. Yeah. Or sometimes you would find remnants of the other people who had been there, such as the old fire pit or an empty beer can or two. No. So it would probably be better to find a little more cash. Yeah. So after we sat around one morning smoking some home, I love that it's always just home for the owners. I've never heard of pinners. I have not. I don't know if that's a good joint or something.

Starting point is 00:12:36 Yeah, I don't know. Sounds right. Because you can like push down the weed like that. I don't know if that's my best guess. That honestly that's better than I could have come up with. Well, they were doing that and listening to the radio and then they set off to find a cave. The windows were down in Boston, ACDC and Chicago were blasting on the radio. That just sounds like me and Drew's trips, like honestly, that's exactly what we listen to. Minus ACDC, we don't listen to a lot of that. But blasting on the radio and the humid summer air tangled our hair as we drove past corn fields and tobacco barns.

Starting point is 00:13:06 Good times, not a car in our world just cruising. Oh man, that sounds delightful. I'm like there right now. Like I'm sitting in that car, I can feel it. I just felt the wind blow through my hair. Yeah, I smelled corn. Because remember I smelled corn. Remember when you were younger, just just everybody remember when you were young

Starting point is 00:13:27 The end no remember when you were younger and you would just like roll the window down on a summer day Yes, you be playing the music that you just like blasted and you don't have shit all to do There's nothing to do you have nothing to do yeah for. For the foreseeable future, your shit is wide open. Yeah. And you do not appreciate it enough. You know one appreciate it. I used to get so irritated when older people would be like, appreciate your youth. Yeah. It's not always going to be like this.

Starting point is 00:13:55 I feel like shut up. It's not. I'm like telling my little sister I'm like, listen, you got to go out with your friends. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You should cheat. It look around the room. Take it all in. It's a look around the room. You get old real fast. Because, oh, a life comes at your fast.

Starting point is 00:14:09 When it hits you. Sometimes tough. Get a helmet. Knock knock. Does anybody remember Boy Meets World when they did that? I don't remember that. But I do remember Boy Meets World.

Starting point is 00:14:19 I think it was Eric did it at Kori. He puts on a helmet on his head and says, life's tough. Get a helmet. Knock knock. That was probably in the beginning seasons when Eric was a functioning human. Yeah, before Eric had the traumatic brain injury that he apparently had, that just never got changed.

Starting point is 00:14:33 His character completely, yeah. Yeah, real weird. Hey there, fellow podcast listener, it's Elena. And Ash! And we're taking you back to the days before streaming services. Whoa! You know when you would come home from high school and it was only a few hours until that TV show, taking you back to the days before streaming services. Whoa.

Starting point is 00:14:45 You know, when you would come home from high school, and it was only a few hours until that TV show, everyone was watching was about to come on. Well, in 1999, that show was Buffy the Vampire Slayer. In our podcast with Wondery, the re-watcher Buffy the Vampire Slayer, we take it back to 1999. So get out your knee high boots

Starting point is 00:15:04 and paste that poster of Angel on the wall. It's time to enter the Buffyverse. Some of you avid morbid listeners already know what we've gotten store. Join us. Join us as we sway our way through Buffy's drama, action, and romance episode by episodes. Slay see, follow thewatcher, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen early and add free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Darn, ee-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e cave that we were looking for. It took us longer than expected because our stone dasses were stoned, and that's what happened on the back roads of Tennessee in the 80s and the summer with nothing but time.

Starting point is 00:15:48 We parked and got out, put on our waders, got our flashlights, put some beers in our backpacks, smoked another pinner, and took off walking. We found the entrance and walked at least a mile into this cave. It was pitch black. Yeah. The only light was from our flashlights.

Starting point is 00:16:02 I can't imagine that you did that all stoned. I was, this all sounded great and then you were like, we walked a mile into a cave in the pitch blackness. I'm like, I'm in the waiters team. I'm out. Like, I don't like to do physical activity if I'm stony below need. It just, that sounds terrifying. And walking a mile into a pitch black cave, like your girl gets paranoid. Yeah, no. I would freak out. I would absolutely freak out. Probably stoned or not. I was just going to say I would freak out stone cold sober in there.

Starting point is 00:16:30 Nevermind. Woo. Cave crickets were jumping around everywhere. So yeah, count me out. Yeah. Because they said which is actually terrifying and I can only imagine. No.

Starting point is 00:16:39 But that's just part of the long- I need to look up what a cave cricket looks like. I feel like this. Because crickets in general, I'm sorry. They just look at me. Gosh darn cricket. They are prehistoric mother fuckers.

Starting point is 00:16:51 Oh, fuck no. Can I see? No, I don't. You're like, no, you can't see. No, I don't want it. Oh, fuck no. No, no, no. They're like huge.

Starting point is 00:16:59 They like, they would like land on your shoulder and then like, like become you. I just like, I don't need that to happen to me. Do it just become you. Yeah, like, I just, yeah, like the bug would just be exactly, exactly. I mean, yeah, I'm honestly looking at them. I'm like, yeah, they could,

Starting point is 00:17:16 they could become you get over with me. Like, just Google it guys. Google it. Or do a cave cricket. Or do. I think you should do it. You heard it here first. But that's just part of the flunking in the wild. So you should do it. You heard it here first, but that's just part of

Starting point is 00:17:25 full-onking in the wild, so you deal with it. You do. I do not. Well, we finally came to a dead end or so we thought. Looking around with our flashlights, we saw that we could keep going, but the quote-unquote hallway to keep going was about seven feet up from the ground. You have a ladder with you, ma'am. Ma'am, I'm gonna need some help here. How? Clean up on an I-7 fate from the route. Like if something's 7 feet up, just, it's not for you. That's, yeah, it's not for me. Unless you're a basketball player.

Starting point is 00:17:54 That is not for me. That was not made for me. I don't need to be up there. I don't even want to get to the top of my cabinet. It's out of the time. I don't care what's up there. No problem. We could lift each other up, but that meant that one person would be left behind.

Starting point is 00:18:06 Oh God. If I was that person, I would just leave. But they said not to worry. They wouldn't have to wait long. And no, he didn't get murdered. He just had to wait for us because he couldn't get up by himself. No.

Starting point is 00:18:16 Now as soon as we entered this quote-unquote hallway, we realized it was an entrance to a larger room. We stood at the entrance, and as we looked around with our flashlights, we saw the bottom half of a woman with just her legs sticking out from a pile of rocks and mud. Excuse me? And she was naked. Huh? A woman. What? A naked woman. I'm sorry, excuse me what? I'm just a spill-unking. So this is the descent. We turned around and got the fuck out of there like a motherfucker. Yeah, you did. So this is the descent. We turned around and got the fuck out of there, like a mother fucker.

Starting point is 00:18:46 Yeah, you did. You smart smart kids. We all jumped from the entrance seven feet. Jesus Christ. I didn't even think of that. I was like, yeah, somebody can get you up, but how do you get down? Yeah, you're going to break a tibia. Like, are you guys just doing cheerleading moves? Are you guys okay? And you guys were a lot. I love it for you. You were, you were so extra. So they jumped out and then they yelled to the one left behind that they needed to get the fuck out of here now. That's what you want to hear. Yeah, like we got a good audio.

Starting point is 00:19:11 I feel like, okay, we ran all the way back out of this cave. Excuse me. Like a fucking mile made it to the car out of breath and drove us fast as we could to the closest pay phone. Oh my god, because I forgot. This is the 80's. A sign of the times we called the police told them that we found a body and gave them directions to the closest pay phone. Oh my God. Because I forgot. This is the 80s. A sign of the times we called the police, told them that we found a body

Starting point is 00:19:27 and gave them directions to the cave. It's stand by me giving the police directions. I love it. They knew the one that we were talking about, by the way. It's a small hillbilly town. We drove back to the cave, ditching our underage beer on the way. Smart again.

Starting point is 00:19:41 Good, good call. You guys had, you guys knew. Yeah, you had it. It was a time. You're okay. I feel like everybody just got it back. You know what, the kids are all right. Smart again. Good, good call. You guys knew. Yeah, you had it. It was a time. You're okay. I feel like everybody just got it. You know what? The kids are all right. They are. Yeah. So we were freaked the fuck out. We waited. Soon fucking cops were all over the place. Fire trucks, ambulances. It was a total madness. We stood around while the search began. We were tripping balls. About an hour later, our happy homegrown buzzes were gone.

Starting point is 00:20:05 That's right, they were. Yeah, shit like that will so be real quick. We sat in the car, still waiting, and finally we saw them carrying her out of the cave. Then suddenly, they threw her back in one of those trucks. We were like, what the fuck? What is this like deliverance? Like what is happening?

Starting point is 00:20:23 Like there's just like, there's just like, there's just like, there's just like, there's just like, there happening? Like, there's like, there's like, just bringing this and just tossing her in the back of a truck. Like, this is like wrong turn. Yeah, this is not okay. Oh, that's a good ask me. That's a scary ask me. Oh, I want to watch that now.

Starting point is 00:20:34 Our jaws were dropped. Our eyes wide open. We were side-eyeing each other. Like, oh my God, what the fuck? We sat and waited for a second, wondering why they just threw a whole ass dead body into the back of the pickup truck. Why?

Starting point is 00:20:47 And then one of the officers came over. He explained to us that this was indeed tragic. He told us who she was. She was a fucking mannequin. Stop. I shit you not. Stop it immediately. Wait, what?

Starting point is 00:21:01 We were speechless. We drove home with the radio on silent, laughing and talking the entire time. We laugh about it still to this day, the end. That's amazing. I can't say the one time. The one time. The one time it is actually a mannequin. I love that.

Starting point is 00:21:18 That could be, I wish that could be somehow made until a short film. I was just thinking how amazing that would be to watch in a short. Yeah. Like just thinking how amazing that would be to watch in like a short. Yeah. Like just because I was watching it in my head. Me too. I was seeing everything, every part of this, I could feel it, I could hear it, I could smell

Starting point is 00:21:34 it. Yeah. Everything was there and then the minute and then I loved that it wasn't like, you know, we were so upset and blah, blah, blah. It's like, no, you just got back in the car and you laughed your fucking asses off about it. Because that's hilarious. And you know what? You the car and you laughed your fucking asses off about it. It's so hilarious. Because that's hilarious. And you know what, you did your job.

Starting point is 00:21:47 You called the police when something looked weird. You'd rather have you mannequin than not. So good on you. That's called due diligence. That's an amazing story. OK, well, there's another. Well, well, that was a murder story. Murder of a perfectly good buzz.

Starting point is 00:22:01 And also, to a tale to tell the kids, am I right? Ha. You you are right. So now on to the shipbag, no sorry, so now to the story of the shipbag that is Anna Ray. Let's go. As I said in the previous story, I grew up in the country roads of Tennessee. It was a big deal that Anna Ray lived near. It was well known that she lived there, but it was talked about in a hush, like a side whisper, did you know that's where Anna Ray lives? Who is Anna Ray? James Earl's Ray's wife. Oh shit, no way, yes way. And in case you're wondering, James Earl Ray is who killed Martin Luther King,

Starting point is 00:22:39 Jr. Yes, so he's a murdering son of a bitch. Big deal, that's his wife. As a whole wife. Yeah, fuck her. And so just so you know, fuck all of them. Fuck them. And then you moved on about your summer day. This story really centers around our family dog, baby. Or specifically, my little sister's dog, a little 15-pound pudo mix that was the sweetest baby in the world.

Starting point is 00:23:00 Don't worry, baby, it's fine. Thank you, does thedogdie.com is what I was about to ask. Precisely. She went to the Rainbow Bridge years later of old age and lived a happy life. Oh, my sister is eight years younger than me, and we were latched geek kids, so I often took care of business.

Starting point is 00:23:14 One day, she came to me telling me that baby was missing and she couldn't find her. I should go ahead and tell you that back in the 70s and 80s, dogs were going around without leashes often, especially in the country. They trailed you all around when you played with your friends or walked around the woods, went to the creek and crossed a train trussle. It was normal for your dog to tag along. One time one of my dogs saved my life from a pit of water moccasins. Oh damn, that's another story. You could tell. Please tell us that. Anyways, we all went out calling her name and looking for her.

Starting point is 00:23:43 We didn't have online help or computers or printers even to make posters. We just had to walk around door to door and street to street looking and calling. All the kids were riding their bikes around calling. We didn't find her that day, but everyone who knew baby was, sorry, but everyone who knew baby was and they were looking out. My sister was devastated and I felt helpless. There's nothing worse than when your dog gets out and you don't find them in a night.

Starting point is 00:24:08 It's, well, I can't even imagine. The next day, a kid knocked on her door and told us that they had seen baby an Anna-Rays backyard. What? That fucking crazy ass bitch had my little sister's dog. Oh hell no. I really, I rallied my friends and we walked past the house

Starting point is 00:24:24 which to us could have easily been an ax murderer's house for all we knew back then. The house was uncapped creepy house that housed the wife of a murderer or the murderer of Martin Luther King Jr. and she had my little sister's dog. We wrote our bike we've all wrote our bikes up and down looking at the house. Some of us were walking and trying to get a glimpse into the backyard. Okay, which one of you fuckers is gonna go up there? We went to my house to devise a plan, and the plan was me. I wasn't afraid.

Starting point is 00:24:52 Nope, I was just shit in my pants and seat. That's right, you were. But I love the gray face. My little sister was counting on me. Oh. So I took my little sister's bike and led the pack of kids. The plan was that I would knock on the door and ask for my sister's dog.

Starting point is 00:25:05 That's a great plan. That's what I think. You guys nailed it. Yeah, I think you did really well coming up with that. The gang of bikers and walkers would wait in the street a little ways down as... down as backup. If I signaled with my hand, they would fall in full force army style to my rescue. I'm screaming.

Starting point is 00:25:21 This is amazing, because I can also picture this. This is also like really... Can you imagine living near... No. ...an array? No, I'm screaming. This is amazing because I can also picture this. This is also like really, can you imagine living near Anna Ray? No, I can't. Like my brain couldn't handle that. And then having to go and be like, give me back my dog, bitch. Like, why do you have my dog? Oh, he. She was probably going to murder me for even knocking on the door, right? So if Tara and adrenaline flowing through my body, I dropped the bike at the road, walked up the driveway, and with all the braveness of Ramona knocked on the door. A large man wearing a wife-beater that didn't cover his gut area and... Oh, you got area...

Starting point is 00:25:54 Or flee-infested chest terror opened the door. I said, you have my sister's dog and I want her right now. Hell yeah. He said, what she looked like. I replied, terrified. With all the air I could muster to speak, she's a small white poodle mix. And he said, nah, I haven't seen it.

Starting point is 00:26:09 You laugh. You laugh. Just then, I heard Baby whimper and right behind this giant sass squash, I could see that baby was sitting on the couch and being held back by none other than Anna fucking bitch, Yasre. I screamed, that's her!

Starting point is 00:26:23 That's right. Without thinking, I pushed... Get's her. That's right. Without thinking I pushed get that dog Get that dog. I pushed back this troglotite Sneaks. That's right. You did ran over to baby grabbed her with the force of Wonder Woman And ran the fuck out of the door towards the bike screaming. I got her. I got her. Oh, yes another short film I love it the kids rallied around me and we rode Ran all this past as we cut home. I love it. The kids rallied around me and we rode up and ran off as fast as we cut home. I rode that little bike like an A-wall munchkin on the yellow brick road being traced

Starting point is 00:26:54 by flying monkey sass watch out. I'm screaming. I was barely able to hang on to baby. I almost dropped her several times. We finally got her back to my house and I looked down to see both my entire legs were covered in fleas. Oh! No, gross. We washed baby outside with the hosepipe and never let her out of our sight again. So that's my anaree story. She's a shipbag.

Starting point is 00:27:16 Yeah. And apparently she always has been. Just before deciding to write this, I googled her crotch at the ass to find out if she was still alive. And guess what? Arrested for Animal cruelty in 2021. I'll link an article which includes her rigamortist decayed-looking photo. Yeah, and if you look at this, I couldn't. If you googled her being arrested for animal cruelty, it's disgusting.

Starting point is 00:27:39 They have photos of the places that she had because she had like 44 dogs or something that she like. Oh, God. Yeah, and they were in absolute filth. They were like malnourished to like mistreated because she's a piece of shit. Seriously. Seriously. Like what is wrong with people? And that's, it's so fitting. Oh, so fitting.

Starting point is 00:27:59 That makes me so sad. Yeah. So thanks for reading my tales. Hope it wasn't too long. I so love your podcast and congrats on being number one Thanks so fun while lasted Keep it weird my witchy weirdo bitches all the best today and forever Sally. Oh, man Sally. I just love you You know, I feel like you're Mustang Sally. You are Mustang

Starting point is 00:28:18 Sally you really are Mustang Sally. I feel it. Wow, that was amazing. It truly was that was everything I needed it to be, that was amazing. It truly was. That was everything I needed to be. Hey, one and more and more. Well, I have one called Fartastic Listener Tale. This one had me lollily picked these out. I would like to point out that Ash picked all of these out. Yeah, just putting that out. So I haven't even read all of these. So this is going to be a new experience for everybody. This one is a treat. I'm pretty, as soon as I saw fart-tastic, I was like, yeah, I've picked these up. I remember when the password to my phone was fart for a long time.

Starting point is 00:28:53 Yes, I did. It's not anymore, so don't try to hack me, but it was. It was. Ah, all right, listen, or tell, was I cursed? Or did I just pee my pants on a haunted island? Probably both. I hope both. Hey mother fuckers, my name is Abigail.

Starting point is 00:29:07 Go ahead and use it, but it's Abigail, not Abby. Thank you and good night. Just kidding. I will start with the oozy, goosie, gushy, mussy love for your podcast and the joy it brings me. This year has been a shit show, so my dog looked at me crazy. The first time I rolled on the floor dying from the sparky big time episode.

Starting point is 00:29:24 Yeah. Also, y'all had me pissing myself when you go, you've been probed. We haven't said that enough. I know. I miss the you've been probed. I do too. It's so good. I hardcore think my dog has been probed as she has this gigantic satellite ears likely to communicate with the aliens and a small scar next to her ear that must mean she's been probed, motheruckers. Anyway, you guys are the motherfucking tits. And please never stop the banter. Fuck the haters. But now onto the story. I listen to one of your older episodes about Grey Cloud Island and oh boy, my traumatized brain goes here. It goes here is fantastic memory for you to process with your therapist, but sorry David, I'm going to write to some random

Starting point is 00:30:09 people I met on the internet to deal with my problems. Thank you and good night. Sorry David. Sorry David. Not today. Okay so for a little backstory I'll try to make this short, but it is necessary for the story. So at the time, home slice is a solid 18 years old thriving for the first time in ever. I appreciate the way you separate some of the trickier mental health issues from the actual cold-budded killers, and I am fucked in the head. I want those to be musical notes, but bitches trash. Fucked in the head. I love you so much. Now I started drinking daily at the age of 12 to fall asleep, holy! Resulting in a plethora of drug use and my sober ass surviving rehab twice to be a full-fledged

Starting point is 00:30:58 functioning adult. Get it! That's amazing. That's insane that you were able to come out of that and I commend you. Like, big time. That's right, motherfuckers. This bitch has been sober for a solid two years. Get it. That's like so amazing. That's amazing. FYI, my mental health issues are compounding from that super spicy childhood drama. But that's a novel all alone.

Starting point is 00:31:21 I got you. I just love the way you write. I do too. I graduated valedictorian of my high school with a scattering of other acknowledgments that don't mean jack shit so the rational side of my brain is thriving while the emotional side is dying. Fucking David would say if only you were in my mind. You were in wise mind. Fuck DBT. That's the kind of therapy that I do. It's a super cheap fuck DBT. I was like, I didn't even know what that was. I don't know what it stands for, but it's like a version of therapy that sucks. Wow. It's very helpful, but very, but it's hard to be going through your issues. Lina, what, congrats. Good for both of you for going through it. You know, oh man, you're funny as fuck. Hi, I'm Lindsey Graham, the host of Wondery's podcast

Starting point is 00:32:09 American Scandal. We bring to life some of the biggest controversies in US history, presidential lies, environmental disasters, corporate fraud. In our newest series, we look at the Kids for Cash Scandal, a story about corruption inside America's system of juvenile justice. In Northeastern Pennsylvania, residents had begun noticing an alarming trend.

Starting point is 00:32:30 Children were being sent away to jail in high numbers, and often for committing only minor offenses. The FBI began looking at two local judges, and when the full picture emerged, it made national headlines. The judges were earning a fortune, carrying out a brazen criminal scheme, one that would shatter the lives of countless children and force a heated debate about punishment, an America's criminal justice system. Follow American scandal wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wonder App. Dude, sorry, onto the story.

Starting point is 00:33:05 So home slice was in her second sober living in almost a year sober when some of us societal degenerates decided we must go to Grey Cloud Island. We made this decision at about 1 a.m. after a bonfire. Those were weekly occurrences, so nothing out of the usual. I love a good bonfire. I know. I was as hopped up as a sober person can be after smoking a solid couple packs of camel wides and shotguns in my third energy drink of the day.

Starting point is 00:33:29 Well, you remember how I am fucked in the head, right? So this toxic combo was flooding through my body, spiking my anxiety, but also my hypomania. So here we go. Now, I haven't ever seen a ghost sober. So the thought of seeing was that one was about as intoxicating to my attic brain as trugging vanilla extract in the school parking lot. Whoa, but I was also pissing my pants,

Starting point is 00:33:52 but I wanted to look like a big girl as I was always the youngest in my sober living houses. So I hopped into the back of a mother fucking Honda Civic, wielding a brick, and a large stick I found in the yard. Smart, you know, got to bring protection. I thought if I saw the haunted white truck or just an angry resident I would be safe. Sure a ghost would totally be scared of a brick dumbass. I reminded young, I rem- demanded young gravy bee on the ox as I sat with my brick energy drink

Starting point is 00:34:20 and watermelons our patch kids while smoking a cigarette, I'm pretty sure there's a haunting hour, but I can't remember, I wish I would've remembered. I need young gravy on the ox plates. Can I get some young gravy on the ox guy? I'm literally, I'm like crying. You're like, I'm crying. So I'm jamming out and thinking, maybe being sober wasn't so bad or I'm gonna die

Starting point is 00:34:45 My brain is kind of funny like that yikes We get to the island and change the music of course to set the ambience and maybe hear something spooky We knew we had to find the graves of the 12 nuns because not to suck my own dick, but I am actually good accounting so I'm hyped so hyped. I can't breathe. I'm literally crying. I don't I think I don't know if I've ever heard that expression before and I love it. Just that was so well placed. We were driving on to the island via small bridge when what do you know a white car starts following us. We had Google the coordinates to the cemetery since they were not marked and decided to head that way. When we were close enough to the coordinates the the car was still following us, so we decided to keep driving until we dropped it. That mother fucking car sped up and slowed down in queue with our car.

Starting point is 00:35:34 I am peeved. Not scared, but about ready to throw hands or brick. I mean, I am sober in this fucked up world that I was left on without my consent. And this girl just wants to see some spooopy gravestones, so fuck off and let me have some fun. We drove for a solid half and we drove for a solid half an hour around this island. I was smoking perpetually with the windows open and all of a sudden I heard something fresh air is for dead people. I told my friends to turn off the music and they looked at me like I was suddenly like I was suddenly stoned turned down the music mother fuckers I yelled they obliged Turn this young greedy down and on mother fuckers now try to explain this sound as best as I can But it was kind of like a mother leading some children in a lullaby. That sounds horrifying I don't like that. There was a deeper more adultish voice singing, but also very distinctively children singing.

Starting point is 00:36:28 I could hear it as clear as day, but no matter how hard I tried, I could not understand the words. So at this point, I got my head out of the mother fucking window trying to figure out what the fuck they are saying. And wondering if maybe there is more things wrong with my brain than my psychiatrist thought, when my friends are like, what the fuck, dude? They did not hear it. I thought I was shit-in-crazy. But when I sat down and looked over my shoulder, the car was not following anymore. Perfect, I thought. Let's go get those gravestones counted. Let's do it. So we drove back to the coordinates and started walking toward them since they were off the road a little ways. I'm sweating now with my brick and toe, and now aware that this may be fucking stupid

Starting point is 00:37:11 to go to a random island, park on a dirt road, and walk through the forest, without telling anyone in the middle of the night. And this bitch had to pee from all the energy drinks, so I clung to my friend's jacket with my brickless hand, questioning all my life choices. We of course heard the dumb beats that everyone talked about. And at this point, the fucked up singing had stopped now. Looking back with my new podcast induced brain, I can remember it was right around 3 a.m. We walked for a solid hour looking around with the dark playing tricks on our minds. We could not find the motherfucking grave stones, and I was starting to get annoyed. And did I mention I had a pee? We suddenly saw a blue light in the distance. It seemed to be getting closer, and we motherfucking ran for our goddamn lives. It was literally probably a security light from someone's property, but we yeeted the fuck out of

Starting point is 00:37:59 there. We decided to stick around on the bridge that separates the island and smoke a bit, because what else are you gonna do at the motherfucking ass crack at dawn? Also, I probably should have mentioned that we had a midnight curfew, so at this point we were fucked anyways. Now a bitch had to pee, but if you know anything about staying up far too late after checking energy drinks and smoking like a goddamn chimney, you know that I wasn't thinking the most clearly and shaking like a god to like a fucking body earthquake. So I'm on this bridge pulling down my pants in the light of the moon.

Starting point is 00:38:29 And a mother fucking helmet. And I mother fucking peed straight on my pants. Now home slice has been pee in her whole life. And now on a fucking haunted island, I choose to forget how to take a piss. So we headed back to our sober living, planning how we would sneak in, me without my pants, and the remnants of a strange lullaby floating through my mind.

Starting point is 00:38:51 Now too was I cursed. We snuck back in quite successfully, I might say, after some innocent sober fun, around 4.30 to 5 a.m. Immediately one of the other girls I went with, we shared a room. Got a call from one of the girls at our former soberhouse who had slit her throat and was screaming and crying over Facetime.

Starting point is 00:39:09 Holy! And it didn't take long to realize that she had relapsed on meth, her DOC, drug of choice for all you normies. I was gonna say I didn't know what that was. But woof, that came down real fast. Right. Now, if that wasn't bad enough, I forgot to mention we were supposed to be moving out of our sober living the next day. So after a solid hour of sleep I popped alive to gather my shit. Me and my roommates got into a huge fight that day, huge enough that I did not stay in our new apartment for two days. And this was all over a scuff mark on the fake

Starting point is 00:39:40 fake wood floor. I was quite convinced that I would now start doing drugs once again. Thankfully, I had many people who cared about me good, and let me stay with them until I got my shit together again. Now again, cursed. I got into a car accident that left me standing in the middle of the biggest highway in Minnesota. I have no idea how I got out of the car or what actually happened to cause an accident to this day. I had bruises covering my chest and a mad seat belt burn. Shit continued to happen one after the other from having to bike 10 miles to work, to sleeping for days, to refusing to eat.

Starting point is 00:40:16 I was not able to feel anything except pain until I left that apartment. We got into another fight about the fact that I bought a shy little pup that she claimed was wildly aggressive No dummy. She is it. She obviously just No, dummy. She is obviously just probed and trying to adjust to a new planet. Like come on Obviously I picked up my stuff and moved out while she was gone for the weekend and haven't seen her heard from her since I left and felt the most relief I've ever felt in my life So was I cursed? Who knows? But either way, I don't think I will be taking any more trips to Grey Cloud Island

Starting point is 00:40:49 unless I find myself doing drugs, which I pray every day I will never happen. I hope so too. And I think you're gonna be okay. I think so too. I appreciate y'all for listening to this long-ass story, inshortened if you need a work. I hope you can also learn a bit about addicts from my banter, and understand we are not all that bad and we do recover Peace mother fuckers

Starting point is 00:41:09 Abigail, yeah, you're a fucking legend in a half Abigail What did you just do to me that was amazing? It was like I loved reading that you are a hilarious person a gem You really are you just a freaking gem And you should be really fucking proud of yourself. You should. I'm very proud of you. Me too. And I hope you're still thriving right now.

Starting point is 00:41:30 And I feel like you are. I just feel it in the universe. I do too. I feel good things about Abigail. And you're killing it. I really want to know what planet your dog is from. I do too. Like good for you for having an alien dog.

Starting point is 00:41:39 I mean, that's probably a big task to take off. It's tough. You know, like obviously he, I was going to say human dogs, earth dogs. Human dogs. I mean, human dogs are probably pretty hard task to take off. I feel, you know, like, obviously, I was gonna say human dogs, earth dogs. I mean, human dogs are probably pretty hard to take care of. I think we've all done that, but I'm not gonna knock my ex, but I think earth dogs, earth dogs are pretty, it's so long to get there.

Starting point is 00:42:04 That's why I give you a little, you're like, not next to there. Not my ex. Not like not Corey, not my ex. But it hurts dogs. Feel like, you know, they're hard enough to take care of themselves, but a dog from another planet? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:16 Very good person. Sorry for rooting you. No, that was funny. All right, my next one is, I just wanted a baked potato and ribs. It really is clear that I chose these, huh? And sure is. Yeah, choosing the wrong time to be confrontational.

Starting point is 00:42:29 AKA a listener tale of me being a dumbass. Amazing. So it starts off hay, Elena. Ash, first I love the show. But of course I do. Why else would I be writing to you guys? You guys never fail to make me laugh every time I turn an episode on. I've also adopted way too many of your catch phrases that I use on a daily basis. What a simple being. I hope you have the date you deserve. That's such a nice polite way of saying screw you and rotten hell. Where did you get that from? You know I was just going to say, I got that. I saw somebody, I heard somebody say it. Oh I think it was on Patreon. No, you know what it was? I saw, um, I think it was, it was a Holocaust

Starting point is 00:43:07 survivor, actually, that responded to somebody who was claiming that the Holocaust didn't happen or some awful thing about the Holocaust that was untrue. And he explained everything. He, you know, he, he told his story. And then at the end of it, he said, I hope, you know what, I hope you have the day you deserve. And I just remember being like, he has every right to tell this person to literally go fuck themselves. Into oblivion.

Starting point is 00:43:34 Into the sun. And instead, he chose to say, I hope you have the day you deserve, which to me is such a better insult. It's really is. Because you know, you'll leave it up to have the one you deserve, which to me is such a better insult. It truly is. Because you know, you'll leave it up to have the one you deserve. Yeah. You're leaving it up to me.

Starting point is 00:43:51 That's all I'll say. You know what, I'm not going to wish you a bad day. I'm not going to wish you a good day. I just have the one you deserve. I love it. And I think it's great. I immediately was like, I got to use that. I like want to be in a context where I get to say that.

Starting point is 00:44:01 Yeah. It's just a great, great way to just be like, you know what? It's a great way to say, go fuck yourself without saying go fuck yourself. Yeah, yeah. Well this says, anyway, secondly, I'm Mason. You can use my name. I love how it's kind of. St. Louis.

Starting point is 00:44:15 St. Louis. St. Louis. In this. In St. Charles' co. County? Co. Co. Co- co up I don't know Company that we've got yeah, I enjoyed the Betsy for a episode because I literally knew all the places you guys were

Starting point is 00:44:36 referring to I had been to the Arbys that Richard stopped at the stand is alibi and I couldn't stop laughing who knew a fast food place could show up on your true crime podcast and you're listening to one day. But to be honest I hate Missouri. What a hellhole. Another important fact for this story. I'm not a confrontational person. Same. I get second-hand embarrassment from people confronting other people. Me too. And I will never speak my mind. Me either. But I'm working on an therapy. Me too. And here I am staying silent. Ss. Alina's usually the person who I need to get confrontational for me. Woohoo!

Starting point is 00:45:08 And I'm working on not being so confrontation. I think you're doing a great job. Thank you. I appreciate it. A problem. This story begins on some night in January when I was watching

Starting point is 00:45:21 the blues hockey game with my dad. Side note, I know you guys are from the Boston area. I have no clue if you're in your sports. I'm not. But I love the Bruins. Exactly. Well, you're not going to like this because either way, I thoroughly enjoyed watching the Blues and beating the Bruins in the 2019 Stanley Cup.

Starting point is 00:45:36 Oh, Mason. See, I couldn't even say that. Come on. I know. It's just the Bruins hockey sports. It's just like malfunctioned. Yeah. Mason, I love the Bruins.

Starting point is 00:45:45 If it's not about Bravo, I'm not there. But I digress. I decided at some point during the pregame or first period, I wanted Texas Roadhouse. Oh, fuck yeah, was Ethan hurt there? I was craving some... Was scream drop for ya? I was craving some ribs in a baked potato.

Starting point is 00:46:00 I ordered the food online and I decided that I would go in between periods during the 20-minute intermission. If I timed it right, I could make it back in time for the next period. I was driving my Nissan Versa down the road, listening to either Harry Styles or Nirvana. Hashtag range. Oh, it's just gonna say my goodness. I feel as though we get each other. Yeah. And this particular road is four lanes across, but right before the stoplight it changes into a right turn only lane. There is no indication of that on any sign. You just have to know that. It's gotta be there, man. I would be real fucked there. Knowing what I know about the lane I'm in, the left

Starting point is 00:46:34 lane, and that's... Knowing what I know about the lane I'm in, the left lane, and this white Pontiac is on me, and riding way too close to me. I get the little thought in my head. He's probably going to try to race around you, so don't let him, don't let people, sorry, I'm totally like, this is a joke. So don't let him. He's probably going to try to race around you, don't let him, people have crashed that way, I'm guessing. I'm sure. And what do you know, that is exactly what happened, but he ended up behind me. After the stoplight, the road is two lanes plus a center turning lane. I was driving and this guy was on my ass and I was already going like five over. Like my gut, my guy get off my gut, why am I saying that? I'm going like it says gut. Like my guy get off my butt please. So I did something that I haven't done since I was 16. I went the speed limit.

Starting point is 00:47:23 Oh it's the best thing you can do to put someone off. I love that. Even just go like a little bit under. I'm like, oh, just trying to be safe out here in these parts. Because it's not being aggressive. I'm just following the laws of the land, sir. What else?

Starting point is 00:47:38 I'll be the first to admit, I am not the most patient, and I am a bit of a speed demon. I'm going the speed limit, and he will not get off off me. Suddenly he cuts me off using the center turning lane and proceeds to go probably 65 miles per hour. By the way the speed limit on this road is 35. Wow. And I am stunned. Who does he think he is? But whatever. So I'm driving again and I have to make a left turn onto a four lane road including a center lane. And who's in front of me? The white Pontiac. In my head, I'm like, wow, fuckface, you got real far-cutting me off, didn't you? The light turns to a yellow, a yellow yield, and this guy isn't moving, despite that there's

Starting point is 00:48:12 not a car coming our way. The light turns green, and still he hasn't moved. I'm honking my horn wondering what this guy is doing. Is it pettiness? Is it revenge? A mixture of the two? I couldn't say. The light turns red.

Starting point is 00:48:24 I'm angry, and I just want my baked potato and ribs. the two, I couldn't say. The light turns red, I'm angry, and I just want my baked potato and ribs. I feel like I've been there. I am so angry for you. I know, like you deserve your baked potato. You do. And your ribs. I'm waving my hands in the air with emotion,

Starting point is 00:48:34 like, dude, what are you doing? Why didn't you go? I am sure I stuck everyone's favorite finger up at him as well. In my irritation, stricken rage, his car door opens, and he puts his flashers on. Oh, stop. Oh, shit. I am stuck at this point and cannot go anywhere. I'm a steak. I never make, but I wanted my food. I am too close to his car and I have someone behind me. He steps out of the car and looks at me dead in the eyes. Time stood still.

Starting point is 00:49:01 My first thought was my mom is going gonna be so fucking mad I got shot. But after looking so fucking mad I got shot. But after looking at me for a few seconds he closes the door and walks off into the night towards the family video turned CBD store. My mouth was open and I was still freaking out. I went around him and called my mom telling her what happened. She always tries to see the best in people and was saying things like maybe his car was about to run out of gas or break down and he needed to get somewhere safe. I told her that that made no sense. We've had three empty parking lots, but whatever. I hang up and get my food and pass back at the way I came. The white

Starting point is 00:49:38 Pontiac is still sitting at the light abandoned with the flasher's on. I have a bad feeling and call the non-emergency police number. I tell her the story and she's asking what he looked like. Now, lady, I have taken my psychology classes and know that it's hard to recall information in a situation like that, especially after thinking I was about to get shot.

Starting point is 00:49:56 Please let me try to take my time and remember. I also literally cannot see shit, which makes me an awful witness. But I'll sure track. Let me give it a shot. I told her what I recall about him. Mainly he was white, had a surgical mask, and a gray hoodie. She takes down my information, and I make it home

Starting point is 00:50:12 and tell my family the story, and they think it's funny. And I was right, my mom would have been mattified, gotten shot. I go back to watching the game, and I get a call from an unknown number. Hi, is this Mason? I tell him, yeah, it's me, the one and only. He tells me he's a sheriff and just got back from checking out the car.

Starting point is 00:50:29 I reported abandoned in the middle of the road. He told me that it was a stolen vehicle and that it had been hotwired. Oh, shit. Talk about a fucking plot twist. Oh, he also said that they hadn't found the guy, so you got to love that. Oh, that feels good. He took down my information and initially in my head, I was excited to get a certificate

Starting point is 00:50:46 or a good citizen award or something. The only reason I wanted this is plastic badges. Yeah, right. The only reason I wanted it was to have a visual aid to the story. I collect stupid random stuff. I feel you. My found treasures collection.

Starting point is 00:50:58 Hell yeah, you do. Weeks went by, which turned to months, and even a year and a last nothing. I was in no way recognized for being a crime stalker and basically giving the police something to do that wasn't committing a crime. That's right. The last sentence was pure sarcasm. But yeah, no certificate or sticker, just this story to tell. Memories are enough though. Also, if you could not tell from all the tangents I have gone on, this was written at night letting my ADHD take complete control of my body, aka, witching hours. You guys are awesome. Thank you for creating this podcast. It brings so much joy in my life.

Starting point is 00:51:29 All the love, Mason. Mason, you bring so much joy in my life. All these people bring so much joy to my life. Like, that's terrifying. And like, how rude. Like that, I hope your baked potato was still warm when you got there. I hope so. And I hope they also give you some free peanuts,

Starting point is 00:51:42 because sometimes they do that. I don't know any. I think I don't even know if I've been to a Texas. You totally have. I feel like mom Papa took us there a couple times when we were younger. No. Yeah. They never took me. Maybe once. It definitely wasn't a normal thing. They definitely took me when I was younger because I have a like childhood memory of all the peanut shells on the floor. Yeah. I do remember that. So I remember at least once though, I think. Yeah. I think we had a better one near us than it went away.

Starting point is 00:52:10 And I just don't know. I don't know the close one. And yeah, so that was that. Yeah, there you go. Well, damn Mason. Well damn. The next one is called Premonitions, a sister reunion, and that time she didn't eat when she should have

Starting point is 00:52:23 eat it so hard. She should have eat it. Let me tell you. She should have eaten. This one is so spooky. I'm pretty interested. It gave me chills. The spooby's is what it gave you. Yeah, exactly. Hey, Ash and Alaina, we're two sisters writing to you from Portugal. That's awesome, right? To be clear, Lauren, who is typing, is the Alaina in this sisterhood and Jordan is the ash you can use our names Oh, thank you. Wait, please use our names so we can feel famous for a hot sec. Yes, Lauren and Jordan Q gush time almost 10 years ago We had a major falling out in our sisterhood and it's been a long journey back to finding one another your podcasts

Starting point is 00:52:59 Has played a big role in us rebuilding our bond. That's like oh, that's so cool That made me feel so happy inside. Every time you post a new episode, we race to be the first one to share it with one another. And we've rebuilt our sisterhood over the terrible awful, sometimes hilarious stories you tell. This is our first visit back together with one another in those 10 years.

Starting point is 00:53:18 So we knew we had to spend at least one part of it sharing a listener tale with you. Wow, that just gave me all the chills. I know, maybe I want to cry. I can't imagine not talking to you for 10 years. No, I literally can't even fathom that. Let's not ever get that mad at each other. Let's not do that, but I'm so glad you guys are back together.

Starting point is 00:53:31 Same here. So we are here to tell you about Jordan's weird-ass visions as a child. This girl's experiences are fooked, as Ash would say. As fooked. Since Jordan was little, she would see all kinds of creepy things and get feelings about things that were going to happen. Sometimes she would see friggin' awful things, like the little old lady who would chill at the breakfast nook,

Starting point is 00:53:52 and her stuffed animals that used to move and talk to her at night, that sounds awesome. But only after our mother, Kofkof, we mean womb-doner, moved them to a shelf above her closet. From that height, they could stare down at her blinking grinning and gurgling shits fucked And you know what she wrote shits fucked, but I also am saying shits fucked Gurgling why the fuck did they gurgle maybe they were really into like deep care? You know what I know because I just got to tell you guys this do I know this yeah? You know what? Side note, because I just got to tell you guys this.

Starting point is 00:54:23 Do I know this? Yeah, it's about scale tone. Oh, scale tone. My youngest, my two-year-old, has recently told us, and she wasn't upset about it. Which is good. She's like kind of excited to tell us. She's pretty psyched about it, actually. I don't know how I feel about it, but here we are.

Starting point is 00:54:38 She recently told us that in her room, she was like, oh, there's, and she calls skeleton scouton. Scouton? And so she said, she said, there's a scouton in my room. She was like, oh, there's a, and she calls skeleton scout home. Scout home. And so she said, she said, there's a scout home in my room. And he sits on my bookshelf. He lays. And I said, and so at first, I was like, okay, I was like, okay, is he there right now? Because we were we're in the room at the time. And I was like, is he there right now? And she's like, no, I think he went to see his family. And I was like, well, that's nice. I was like, is he there right now? And she was like, no. I think he went to see his family. And I was like, well, that's nice. I was like, so does he just come and see?

Starting point is 00:55:07 Like, I'm glad he has a relationship with his parents, hopefully. And I was like, so like, he just comes to like, hang with you at night and she's like, yeah. And I was like, okay. And I was like, does he sit on it like this? And I like kind of like pretended to sit. And she goes, no.

Starting point is 00:55:20 And then she laid down almost like in like, like you would see in like you know some like Big like hunky dude laying on like a bear skin rug would do like with like his like Chin yeah, and I was like okay So he's just laying there like that and I was like is he scary and she was like no he's smiling And I was like okay, okay, okay, okay, okay? Skeleton is a nice guy and I was like I see, he's smiling. You know, it's like, okay. He's like, okay. He's like, okay, okay. He's like, okay, okay. He's like, okay, okay.

Starting point is 00:55:46 He's like, okay, okay. He's like, okay, okay. He's like, okay, okay. He's like, okay, okay. He's like, okay, okay. He's like, okay, okay. He's like, okay, okay. He's like, okay, okay.

Starting point is 00:55:54 He's like, okay, okay. He's like, okay, okay. He's like, okay, okay. He's like, okay, okay. He's like, okay. He's like, okay, okay. He's like, okay. He's like, okay.

Starting point is 00:56:02 He's like, okay. He's like, okay. He's like, okay. He's like, okay. He's like, okay. He's like, okay. He's like, okay. He's like, okay his family. So like that's it's a it's very important to him that he's with his family So I don't know what that means yeah, I feel okay about it as long as she feels okay about it But I had to tell you guys that because I knew you'd appreciate scale toll. It's K-tong It's kind of it. It's like the newer version of she didn't have a buddy. She was just made of bones except he was a bit I was It's like a better version of that because it's much better. I can still fucking see that lady in my head I'm sad that you had that

Starting point is 00:56:43 Because I wish you could have what little little lady has here because she's fucking love scout home. I think she might have been like the embodiment of like what I was dealing with as a child. I was just gonna say, I think it might have just been like, trauma, trauma, but little, trauma, little goobers. It's just like, she's just fiving. This must scout home for her.

Starting point is 00:57:02 I also like read Halloween books and stuff, so I'm like, I don't know though. It's she has the same thing. She doesn't change that story. She has described him. Yeah. He's smiling. He's nice.

Starting point is 00:57:14 He's a nice guy. He's a nice guy. He's a nice guy. That's what she says. So as long as he stays that way, he can hang. Go off, kid. I had to tell you guys that. It's just like, it's been a thing thing lately and I feel like you need to know

Starting point is 00:57:26 Because you need to know you need to have the deets all right back to the story We're talking about gurgling stuffed animals, but it wasn't all bad when our grandmother passed away Jordan was just eight years old She had been a big she'd been a big part of our lives growing up five desserts at night. Whoa She had been a big part of our lives growing up. Five desserts at night. Whoa, what? That's grandparent shit. Yeah, it is. We had a really beautiful ceremony

Starting point is 00:57:50 after the funeral in her backyard, where all the grandkids wrote her letters on white balloons, and we release them into the sky because it was the 90s. And you know, F, the environment. After that, womb donor had a rare moment when mothering wasn't such a drag. And she asked Jordan if she wanted to pray with her about our grandmother. Jordan's response? No mom, I don't need anyone to pray with me because grandma comes and sits on my bed every night.

Starting point is 00:58:14 Insert jaw drop, Google-ey eyes emoji. I think that's precious. I'm obsessed. And in other episodes of Kids Say The Most Fucked Up Shit, one day, completely unprompted, she told Wum Donor that she could imagine us sisters growing up, but not our brother. Ooh. Nine years later, we lost the Radist-Badest Big Bro. R.I.P. Andrew, we miss you a lot. Oh, R.I.P. Andrew.

Starting point is 00:58:37 I know, that part ruined my life. I'm so sorry. I love my big brother. I like that, like hurt my heart. It's like a premonition to you, like, as a child. She was like, I can see us growing up. But like I can see him grow up. Ooh, that, ooh.

Starting point is 00:58:47 We don't talk about Bruno. We don't talk about Bruno. We don't talk about that. As she got older, her visions became more intense. One night, as a teenager, she woke up in the middle of the night. Let's face it, it was probably some time around 3 a.m. I would bet. Her room was dark except for a low light drifting in from her closet door.

Starting point is 00:59:05 Just enough to illuminate the old-timey family of four standing in the corner. I'm sorry. Let me read that again. Just enough to illuminate the old-timey family of four standing in the corner. Love it. Okay. Not exactly here for it. I'm upset about it.

Starting point is 00:59:24 I'm having a visceral reaction to this But she is they were dressed in clothes from the 1800s and they just stood there Huddled together. They always huddled silent watching her. I hate that. I feel like old-timey families are always huddling together Why do you feel that? I don don't know, they're cold. It's not a lot of heat. I agree. You know, distress. Usually it's a depression of some sort.

Starting point is 00:59:49 OK. Like a great depression. Maybe a brain. Yeah, they're probably doing, they're huddling together. They're riding. But they're just silent watching her. The mother was tall with long, scraggly, dark hair, and incredibly pale skin.

Starting point is 01:00:01 I'd say it wasn't me. She wore a dark, primmed dress with a wide skirt, stockings, and a dead pan stare. It wasn't me. She wore a dark-brimmed dress with a wide skirt, stockings, and a dead pan stare. It wasn't me. The dad was short and stocky with a tall hat and a suit, vest, and bow tie. A real Danny DeVito type, but none of the charm. The brother was maybe five or six. Dressed in shorts and knee socks. Oh no. But worst of all was the baby lying in the pram. It was small and frail and wailing uncontrollably and no one stepped in to comfort it. Oh!

Starting point is 01:00:33 So I hate this. The family would come back to visit her often, always staring, always in the same formation, not like Beyonce. Mom backed, like I hate this. She didn't write not like Beyonce. Mom backed, like, I hate this. She didn't write not like Beyonce, but I just felt it was necessary. This is screaming.

Starting point is 01:00:49 Mom backed left, dad backed right, brother in front of dad, and the pram was facing her in front of mom situated. So she had a perfect view of that screaming baby. What a pram. A pram is like a, it's usually I think what British people call it stroller. Oh okay but it's yeah it's just a stroller. Oh I hate it. Like one of those old timey strollers. Yeah like with almost like a yeah like with the big bass and out over it yeah.

Starting point is 01:01:17 Okay I hate that. Okay somehow worse than that were the clowns. Alright, come on. I know, and she called on a picture, and like I just want to tell you like, I hate it. No. I hate it. I'm... No.

Starting point is 01:01:35 I hate it. To be clear, she had no previous fear of clowns before they started coming to visit her. Yeah, I thought I could understand that. Let's start it. The first time she was lying in her bed late at night on the phone with her friend. Her light was on, but everyone else had just gone to bed. Her bedroom door was cracked open, maybe a foot wide, with only the dark hallway behind it.

Starting point is 01:01:54 Something called to her to look over, and a clown had poked its head through the door, wielding a giant knife. Come on, let me repeat that. A grown-ass clown with a giant knife is peeking in her door and can you believe this bad ash bitch? She did I said bad ash bitch. I thought she did nothing. Nothing! She should have yeeted and yet there was no eat. The way that sentence is structured she should have yeeted and yet there was no need. She just looked away, trusting it would leave her alone.

Starting point is 01:02:27 They fuck it, did. Well, that's like the thing you're not supposed to pay, like, paranormal things mind because this girl is a more powerful, you're a hero because there's no way I could not pay that any mind. No, especially after the like fucking clown epidemic that was 2018 was like 2016. Oh, yeah, maybe it was 2018. So we're in 2016. Yeah, I feel like I get 2016 and 2018 like confused some times. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I think they were it must have been 2016. I think it was. Yeah, because then I think like AHS kind of use some of that in the

Starting point is 01:03:11 Season that year. Oh, yeah, good call good call round the election all that crazy. I think so right all that fun stuff All right another day another clown No, thank you. She went on a class trip to DC in high school and was sharing a hotel room with another girl Wow, I filled out for that girl. I love you so much, but I would have been like no, thank you It was so you can't sleep with us. You can't sleep with us. It was a pretty standard room. Two beds and a dresser that stood on the opposite wall. Sometime in the middle of the night, she woke up

Starting point is 01:03:35 and there was a massive clown sitting on that dresser with his elbows on his knees staring right at her. Nope, no, no, no, no. That's different from Skeletal. Very different. The photo attached is the best way to describe him. Mind you, these assholes never talked. They just stared.

Starting point is 01:03:53 Even when she tried to talk to them, nothing, they just stared. No, I also just wanted to know like what she said to them. I hate it so much. I know just like, hey, can I help you? What you do in La, La, you hear? But you don't sit there, you know? How are you? How are you doing?

Starting point is 01:04:12 No, I don't like this at all. And you know what the picture that Lauren and Jordan said is like a very John Wayne Gacy-ish clown and it has like the very hard sharp edges on the makeup and that's supposed to be like super aggressive and not and like scary for kids like that's why you don't that that's why everybody always said it's very indicative of who he was that he had sharpened all his makeup edges you're supposed to like round it edges because it's like calming yeah and shit yeah but yeah that's so this one's like a Joan Wayne Gacy kind of thing he also has. Also, it's a shroud of some sort.

Starting point is 01:04:46 Yeah, what is that about? I don't love it. It's because that just reminds me of like a sweet little grandma. Yeah, I don't love it. I don't even like it. I just don't wait for it. Okay, last story. Are you even still reading?

Starting point is 01:04:57 I am. I am, of course I am. Another late night at home in her bedroom, the door was wide open to the dark hallway. Just close that door. Why is the door still open door was wide open to the dark hallway. Just close that door. Why is the door still open? Close the door to the dark hallway. There's already been a clown that has shown you that's a bad idea. Maybe you have like animals or something. Maybe. That's true. Jordan is just mining her own business. Not summoning beasts from the darkest levels of hell. I'm good. When a bony-looking girl came running past her bedroom door. Why she gotta be bony? No.

Starting point is 01:05:28 Boney looking girl came running past her bedroom door. Why she got to be Boney? No. She was maybe ten or so with stringy blonde hair Fucked up skin and loose fitting clothes like hand me downs that were too big for This is what I need me have like the sixth sense. Yeah, like the girl under the bed or the girl puking in the tent that fucked me up She had huge creepy grin and eyes that were too big for her face. She was carrying one of those giant blue plastic cups in her hands. I feel like every household had these giant plastic cups. Anyhow, creepy pants ran into the bathroom at the end of the hall, then ran back the other direction towards the stairs and never came back. I'm glad. So this bitch was just running around the hallway, just with her creepy pants running a muck. No pants up here, I don't know, I hate it.

Starting point is 01:06:11 Okay, the next morning, Wum Donor questioned her about why she was running around upstairs in the middle of the night. And in her bathroom, she found that blue plastic cup sitting in the sink. No. No. I also.

Starting point is 01:06:25 I love that your boob donor was like not concerned about it while it was happening. She was like, I got to catch these Z's. I'm warning. I'm going to find out what happened. In the morning, I'll see why my children are running around the upstairs into the bathroom. And it's like that should, I mean, I think that's

Starting point is 01:06:39 like the international parent call of like, just on one puke, too. That's, you got to know. When I hear little like, puked. You gotta know. When I hear little like pitter pad of feet running down the hallway, I'm like, oh no. Yeah. Because it's either I threw up or I had a bad dream. Which is both equally as terrifying. Because you're like, are we about it?

Starting point is 01:06:57 Exactly. And it usually includes like, I saw someone standing in the corner and you're like, it's okay. No one's there. You're like, is someone there? I don't feel like it's a falsely. I'll just wait to do what's there. And you're like, is someone there? I don't know. I'll just wait here and cry with you. And then you say, why do I? Why do I?

Starting point is 01:07:10 Well, I think that's all the stories for now. Someday Lauren can tell you about the new step, Red Eye Demon, that occupies her bathroom. Oh, my whole body just went, no. I'm sorry, excuse, I'm sorry, what? What? Is someday today? Cool. You need to send that to me immediately. My whole body just went, no. I'm sorry, excuse, I'm sorry, whoah. Whoah? Is someday today? Cause you need to send that to me immediately.

Starting point is 01:07:29 I don't want it. I'm gonna be rechecking my email for that story. Like I am waiting for like a boy to call me back in 12 grade. Please, please send me that. But for the time being, she's saged to that fucker away. Hell yeah, you did. Thank you guys for all you do. You have no idea how much we love you guys. We feel like we have a twin

Starting point is 01:07:49 sister crew and some undisclosed location outside of Boston. You do sending you so much love. Lauren and Jordan. Holy shit. I love you. We love you so much. PS for our sister reunion we got matching tattoos. We hope you like them. They said pictures and they say, keep it weird. And it's like the prettiest font, it's like swirly twirly and whimsical as fuck.

Starting point is 01:08:12 Dude, that's the coolest and they look so bad at us. They're so pretty and I love the placement. And you should always keep it weird forever. Do that forever. Man, I love them. In case you're still reading this far, of course I am. I will read for you forever. Of course. If you could just tell Jordan that I love her so much,

Starting point is 01:08:27 and I'm so glad she's back in my life, I'd be super grateful. Thank you, Freaking Beautiful, Brilliant Goddesses. You are Freaking Beautiful, Brilliant Goddesses. And Brilliant. And you know what, Jordan? Lauren loves you so much, and she's so glad that you're back in her life, and so am I,

Starting point is 01:08:42 and I love you guys so much. That was so touching. That was the scariest should I've ever read in the most beautiful, and also the most beautiful at the same time. It was devastatingly beautiful. Thank you for just ruining me in every way you possibly can.

Starting point is 01:08:55 I was literally, I just, I don't know if you heard me, I went in and I was literally gonna say in every way you possibly can. I wanna make a film about those stories. They are so fucking scary. Yeah, they're like scary stories to tell in the dark. That's scarier than any conjuring movie.

Starting point is 01:09:10 Oh. Like, come on. I don't like it. That old timey, like crew there. No, stop. No, like someone take care of that baby. Bye. What happened to that baby?

Starting point is 01:09:20 I don't need to. Is that baby okay? I hope so. I hope someone calm down that baby. I would like offer it something. Of course. I'd be like, can I help so I hope someone calm down that baby. I would like offer it something Of course, I'd be like can I help? That sucks can I help a little bit that I wouldn't approach them in any way she Refer because the baby was clearly like playing upon

Starting point is 01:09:36 Something like oh yeah for people like you that would be like can I help yeah, no? That's right I'll just like don't have to hand everybody's weaknesses, strangers don't do it. Wow, Lord and Jordan and Jordan and Jordan. Jordan and Jordan. Thank you. Lauren and Jordan. I love you guys. You're the best. You're the best. Awesome. What do you think finished it up with one more? Yeah, I'd say one more. And this one looks like a good one. This is a great one. I just see bet mid-learn. That's all I see. It's entitled Yita Steletus or whatever Bet Midler and her sister said.

Starting point is 01:10:09 Hell yes. They did say Yita Steletus. I know it. Hey Weirdos, I've attached a puttafa and a word document for your viewing pleasure. The options I have right now. The last. It makes me feel like I have like so much autonomy when they give me options. Both of them. Ooh, yay. Ooh. All right, so Yiddah's to Lidah's. Hey, weirdos. My name is Kay. Feel free to use my name. Okay.

Starting point is 01:10:30 Please pause for a second while I crazy scream and happy dance as I realize that you're reading my listener tale. Okay, go. Okay. Okay. Now I proceed. My husband Josh. Feel free to use his name too.

Starting point is 01:10:41 Hi Josh. And I have been together since we were 13 years old. Stop it. I die. I love it. John's grandparents were like that and I've always touched my soul. That's one of my favorite stories of life. It's cutest. I love love.

Starting point is 01:10:52 We've literally grown up together and have been there for each other through thick and thin. From me getting my very first period in the back of his mom's station wagon, that must have sucked butt. That definitely did. To him getting recruited to his dream college play football. Oh my god. Oh my god. You guys are so precious.

Starting point is 01:11:08 We've been through it all. We actually wrote, I will always have your back in our wedding vows. Oh my god. I'm gonna cry. I love you guys. Wedding things lately are just ruining me. I'm watching so much say us to the dress and watch it'll ruin you forever afterwards. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:11:22 Because now when I listen to wedding vows, I'm like, oh my god. I love John. I want to write ours, but I'm like like I don't know if I'll be able to get through it. Yeah I couldn't. We just we just we added little like things into ours but we did not write up the whole thing. I want to write ours because I also want to hear what Drew would say. The pressure is on anyways and it says anyways. Here's the story of how my sweetheart left me for dead. So maybe it's not as cute as we think. Josh! When we graduated college and moved back home, we found a charming little apartment right above

Starting point is 01:11:50 a flower shop with huge windows for lots of natural light. Oh, that's real. That's great. We were ballin' on a budget, so I was pumped that rent was right in our price range. We lived there for a few months when Halloween finally came. As a fellow Halloween queen, I recorded all the scary movies playing on TV that week. Josh and I have a tradition where we take Halloween Eve, October 30th through November 1st, off to properly celebrate our Hallows' eaves.

Starting point is 01:12:16 Officially my people. I love you guys. This means we stay up all night watching scary movies, eat Reese's from our cauldron candy dish, and soak up every last second of spooky season. I needed to be spooky season again. We were just talking about how overwinter we are. How beautiful. I need fall now.

Starting point is 01:12:32 We started with Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Great choice. Childs play. Children of the corn. You know, the classics. Corn. And worked our way down to the list of the conjuring where that you just said that.

Starting point is 01:12:41 Weird. In Cidious, I think that movie sucks. In Sidious? Yeah. Wow. I don't really think it's that good. That's funny. And Annabelle, just had to throw that in there.

Starting point is 01:12:50 When the last spooky credits rolled, I was ready for bed, and Josh had already fallen asleep on the couch. Being the good wife that I am, and heating your life lessons that one should never sleep on the couch, less they be murdered, I will come up to go to bed. I definitely had his back. That's good wife shit. That's right there. That's wifey right there. While I was getting ready for

Starting point is 01:13:09 bed I heard some weird rustling noises, but I figured it was the apartment shifting and or there's two straight days of spooky movies getting to me. So like a crazy white woman in a horror movie I ignored. Here is why I would like to tell you, Here is where I would like to tell you that my husband is 6'4", a 300-pound black man who fears literally nothing and is both book smart and street smart. Where did you find this man? I know, he's so wonderful. Where I am a 5'3, 100-and-bleep-pound white lady. Oh my god, whenever anybody asks for my weight, I'm going to say 100-and-bleep-hundred-and-bleep-white

Starting point is 01:13:44 lady who loves all things spooky and true crime, but as dumb as fuck in literal life situations, I, like Ash, would have taken my flower crown and floated onto the bus with Charles Manson. Girl, I get it. I'm so obsessed with this. I got into beds and I was nuggled in close to my fears protector and went to sleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when there was a loud thud from the living room. I heard it, but chose to ignore it yet again. What is going on with you girlfriend?

Starting point is 01:14:08 That's when Josh said, bitch, wake your ass up. I know you heard that. Look at love, Josh. I sat up in my bed and my small house size has been staring wide eye at me. I said, how long have you been awake? He said, between you snoring, like you are auditioning for the role of the chain-soft and that Texas bullshit and the weird sounds in the living room. I've got about only an hour. Oh my god. We started cowardly walking to the front room, you know,

Starting point is 01:14:33 when you're tiptoeing slowly, bracing yourself for something to jump out and nap your little ass. When we heard a loud screech and two quick thuds by the window, I turned to grab a kitchen knife because again, like a white woman living in a haunted house, I would be damned if some demon was going to run me out. That's right, no diamonds in here. No, I heard the front door slam open, and all I saw was a dark blur run out. Thinking it was Satan himself,

Starting point is 01:14:56 I turned to see comfort from Josh, and he was gone. Turns out the dark blur was him, absolutely booking it to the car. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha at me. I was staring at him staring at me with his hand on the door handle Another loud screech and thud came from behind me and I took off A knife and hand between the screeches and thuds and jaw screaming knees to chest bitch. We got to go bitch we gotta go stop it love I was in full blown panic we got into the car but didn't have the keys small town leaving your car unlocked problems so we sat there and started to catch our breath I turned to him and said what the fuck Joshua you left me in there oh she went with Joshua this time that's how you know if

Starting point is 01:15:39 that's your government name your fuck that's right to which he replied lady listen to me one of us should live to tell our tale and I made the executive decision that it was gonna be me. Oh my god, Josh, this is my favorite. I love him. I love him. I love that he's like, you know what? Someone's got to live to tell this tale. Executive decision's needed to be made. I have no doubt that if this man had the keys, he would have left our tires on the road peeling out of there. I really don't think he would have came back for me either. So much for having my back, eh? That was in your damn vows. We look, we both looked up at our front windows just waiting for that little animal in a bell to pop up and wink at us or something, but it wasn't a Damon at all. We saw mother fucking bats hitting the windows. Oh my god. Probably five of them just screeching and

Starting point is 01:16:19 hitting our windows trying to get out. Josh and I busted into relieved laughter and decided to sleep in the car until we could call our way in order to relocate our new pets. In the morning someone came over to get rid of the bats and the what's it called? F***ing the Wano. Wano. And patched the whole in our attic where they were probably getting in. Josh again made the executive decision. Not the scaring movies were too much for us. So we deleted them off the DVR and said, he just delete us or whatever Beth Midler and her sister said. I would like to. It reminds me of Zeynon when she says see this Lapidas or something.

Starting point is 01:16:55 That's what it reminds me of. That's, but maybe it was like a mixture of that. It is. I would like to end this by saying that yes, my husband calls me bitch a lot, but no worries. It's just a joke. Oh, honey, I was not worried at all. I wasn't worried.

Starting point is 01:17:06 Literally, I actually didn't even think about it. I do not worry. You know, when you say a word over and over again, and it starts to lose its meaning, yep. That's what happened to my honey baby and deer after 13 years together. John and I call us butt face, and like butt head every single night.

Starting point is 01:17:21 Well, we literally say I love you butt face. Yeah, that's what we say. Most of the time I just called Drew a turd. Yeah. So that's I get it. Yeah, we all get it. That's the story of how my big scary husband left me for dead when he thought it. He thought a straight Damon was an our goal, which led him to come up with our new favorite face. Freeze. You just delete us. That was the perfect one to add, Non. Well, I was that so good. Oh,, I love this so much. And also that phrase, you don't get better than that.

Starting point is 01:17:47 No, you literally don't. You just delete this. You just delete this for whatever they said. Kay and Joshua forever. Such a dude thing to say too. You just delete it. Oh, I'm sorry. You just delete this.

Starting point is 01:17:56 I love it. Oh god. You love it so. You killed it. You always kill it. This is why we never want to stop doing listener tails ever and for always, because you guys just come out with the best stuff. You come out like, I don't know about that.

Starting point is 01:18:10 Come out swinging. Yeah, you really do. I think I showed the movement. You did. That's why I got it. So it's teamwork. Teamwork makes the dream work. Look what we did there. There we are. But these are so much fun. I love that. Even when they're terrifying, even when they're tragic, even when you brize bring like all the thing, it's just yeah, you always bring us everything. You can also always tell who picks them. You can. Yeah. Yours are usually like a little more intense. Like a little more intense than you bring them a lot of

Starting point is 01:18:35 funny. Yeah, I like to bring the funny. March will be terrifying, I guess. It will. All right, cool. Get ready. But, well, that was amazing. Being being said we hope you keep listening and we hope you keep it weird but not so weird that you go spilling king and find a mannequin because actually I honestly hope you keep it that way because it sounded like a great adventure really good definitely keep it so weird that you're a fantastic listener tail because that's just the best listener tail subject line that I've ever read in my whole entire life and I absolutely loved Abigail not Abby I also totally relate to the person

Starting point is 01:19:06 that just wanted a baked potato and ribs, but I honestly need to know an update of what happened, why did that man walk into the middle of the woods like that? What is he doing? Why did you steal the car? How did you hotwire it? Did you learn that on YouTube? I don't know.

Starting point is 01:19:16 Fast and furious. Bruh. Also, your sister reunion is the most beautiful thing that I ever heard in my life, and I'm glad that you kept it that weird, but definitely don't keep it so weird that you continue to see things and continue to leave your doorway open because I feel like that's a kind of like a lot of the problem there. It definitely do keep it so

Starting point is 01:19:29 weird that you have a love like K and Josh and K and Joshua if you're in trouble and who is- Joshua if you're nested- Joshua if you're nested- Good bye Hey, Prime Members! You can listen to Morvid, Early, and Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen Add Free with Wondery Plus and Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey. with Wondery Plus and Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself

Starting point is 01:20:08 by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey.

Morbid - Listener Tales 36

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.