Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - Babatunde Aléshé

Episode Date: February 21, 2022

We hear from the dads point of view on childbirth, raising a son, and the complete change of life when becoming a parent with the amazing comedian, actor and podcast Babatunde Aléshé! Topics include inclusivity, obstacles he has faced raising a black child and some warnings on what Ashley has to look forward too when Alfie turns 5!Baba is the host of the hit Puffin's children's podcast ‘Mission Imagination' - bonus episodes live on 16th February!If you want to get in touch with the show, you can send an email to [e-mail].--- A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well hello, if I sound out of breath by the way it's because I've literally just ran back from a mate date. It sounds like really weird to say but I genuinely just met up with someone purely on the basis that I need to get some friends in my new area and I found a mum friend potentially. I've run back, I'm slightly out of breath, but I'm also very excited about today's guest. And I know you will be too. He has honestly got me through some really dark times on my TV screen. We've obviously had lockdown,

my pregnancy in lockdown. He's on 70 Gogglebox. Honestly, that show just saved me. And this person, alongside his friend Mo Gilligan, are two of the funniest people. And that is one show that I'm not a part of. If anyone ever is listening, I would love to do that show. But anyway, he is an actor. He's a writer. He's one of the most exciting rising stars in comedy. It's Babaton De Aleshe. Hey, thank you very much

i mean i know that we're not here to talk about celebrity because obviously like your arguably most important role is your role as a dad and i can't wait to delve into that especially because um i did a podcast episode with my partner god i never know what to say because we're not married it's easy to say husband we lie when we're out because then it just like it's so much easier but boyfriend feels a bit like young or weird when you've got a kid doesn't it so anyway we did um a podcast episode together and um i know lots of men listen to it i know lots of females like getting the male perspective and i actually found it really interesting because I think when you're a new parent and speaking as a mom, you kind of like are going through all the changes that you're going through that you forget that dads are also going through this huge life change and all the relationship changes.

And it's interesting to hear about the perspective from the other side. Yeah, lots of changes, lots of changes that we'll delve into. But yeah, I've I've had to look myself in the mirror a few times. Your son is five years old, so I've never had a five year old yet. And I feel like when children are ahead, it's all still a bit of a mystery. But is he old enough to watch? Some episodes. I took him to one of my mates' house because it was one of my friend's son's birthday parties.

And instead of playing out in the bouncy castle, my son made his way to the living room, got hold of their remote control and went on all four and then put on Celebrity Coco Box and was just like, look dad my dad's on tv so he's well aware of of what i do that is so funny i feel like he's just like you're a hype man but he's more of a fan of mo than he is of me because he loves the manga so every time he sees

it he's just like mo mo mo and he's just like can we call mo and i'm just like no we're not gonna bug mo but he likes to call mo and you know to say hello and then run away he's still shy but yeah he's a massive Mo fan. Is it weird to now be such a recognisable face to go to like the school gates or have you just noticed that people are like? To be honest people where I live people notice they know who I am and they are you know they you know they notice like oh he's the guy from TV but no one has only a few people come up to me and you know actually make reference to to what I do and the fact that I'm on Gogglebox and other little bits of TV that I've done um but where I shop where there's like a little kind of like, I'd say like a little shopping centre where I go,

all the shopkeepers there, they always hounding me about every single programme they saw me on. So that's nice. But from at school, at the school gates, none of the parents bug me. I find it so interesting because I haven't done like the school, the school side of it yet. But I do want to rewind like rewind all back to pregnancy you know what's interesting i was talking to my fake husband last night i just need to work we

need to work this is good enough partners is great it's kind of the word you use when you're in your 70s and you find love again but is there a reason why you guys are not married or it just not happened so i mean to be honest we we reconnected we knew each other a long time ago and then we reconnected on the good old hinge app yeah first we went on a date and then things just went really quickly so the first reason would be that we didn't have time three months later it was lockdown which is actually how reason would be that we didn't have time. Three months later, it was lockdown, which is actually how he moved in. So we weren't planning on rushing things.

We certainly weren't planning on a family. And interestingly, he really, kids always made that really clear. And I was the one that actually didn't really envision a life. I wasn't ever against kids, but I was always a bit like, when I was younger, I always said, oh, when I'm older, I'll have kids when I'm older. And now I'm 34. And I was like, yeah, when I I'm older I'll have kids when I'm older and now I'm 34 and I was like yeah when I'm older

so um it was only when Boris did the announcement actually we were we locked down together or not and then so yeah the main reason that we haven't got married is, is like the timing of it all. And the second one, it's like, I don't know. I've really dreamt of marriage. I think he, he's so more. And I said to him, it was really important to you, I will. And he was like, wow. Well, when you put it like that. I mean, it's neither here nor there nowadays. It's not like back in the days where it's like, yo, no, you must get married. I think nowadays it's, so long as you. It's not like back in the days where it's like, yo, no, you must get married. I think nowadays it's,

so long as you have that, the same connection and, you know, the same commitment, it is what it is, you know what I mean? You are married, I presume. Yeah, yeah, I'm married. Yeah, yeah.

Six years now. Wow. Six years. Yeah. Six years. Were babies on the cards? Yeah, it was, it was planned.

We, we made our, our plans very clear to each other what we wanted uh going forward when we when we started dating and luckily she was on the same page as me I was just like because I was 20 26 and I was just like look I'm about to be 30 very very soon so you know I'm trying to speed things up you know I'm saying and she was just like yeah she's on the same page so I was just like good funny that we all have that 30 in our heads I know right yeah like it's so old and it's not old at all yeah yeah made our touches very clear got married and then within the the first year um oh she was pregnant we had our son and yeah life has changed did you notice like a

big change in the dynamics of your relationship so all of that going out and enjoying yourself and you know like we me and my wife used to do that was all out the window because it's so strange leaving the house as a pair even though she pregnant, and then coming home with a child. It was so strange because it's just like, OK, there's another person here now, you know, that we have to take care of. And that blew my mind for like the first month. month like I couldn't believe that we left to go to the hospital as two people came back with this person who we don't know but are responsible for you know I'm saying and we got to get to know this child and um it I say it wasn't it wasn't tough it was just adjustment but now I think we feel the effects of it because even the other day my my wife was just like, Hey, you know,

we don't really go out as much as we used to because me and we love being outdoors. We love it. We love going randomly. We'll just be like, ah, let's just go have dinner here. And let's go here and let's go there. And all of that stops. Once you have a child, all of that out the window, unless you're rich, you can afford a nanny, all of that out the window. You know what I can afford a nanny all of that out the window you know what i mean no it's so funny because we um have feel like we now that we've got alph is one we're just starting to be able to get our life back tommy's mum's actually staying at the moment so we went on our second date since and our site and so i was really hoping that you're

going to say now we're at this age you really start to get your life back you do I mean he goes to his aunties he goes to his grandmas and like he like we get up we've got our life back but it's not it's nowhere near the same nowhere near the same like just like you've always got your child at the back of your mind like even on our anniversary, we stayed at our house. We basically spent the whole night on FaceTime with our son.

It's just like, you end up missing them. They end up missing you. And they're just like, I really want to speak to mommy and daddy. And then it's just like, you can't even enjoy like your anniversary. You've got to entertain your child,

but it's, i i love it i love every aspect of parenting and you know being with my wife and things i i absolutely as much as i complain i love it deep inside oh we're parents you're allowed we're allowed to complain when you left the house as two and you came back as a three I find it fascinating to know from the other parents perspective what is it like to go through trial birth okay now because I I watched the whole I I looked I didn't realize this is the thing that some people just don't yeah I looked because some

well some the nurses were telling me that a lot of men faint when they when they see it when they see what's going on I didn't faint I actually number one I was high off the gas the hospital gas

I was high me and my wife we shared the gas I was just like the gas at the hospital. Yeah, I was high. I was high. Me and my wife, we shared the gas. I was just like, I want some as well. You're not just going to be the only one up here. So I had the gas as well. So I was, my head was gone.

But it's, I keep saying this to people. For me, it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever witnessed seeing a child come out and it don't get twisted it's not the prettiest thing but there's such a there's a beauty to it I don't know how to explain it but seeing your wife push a baby out it's it just I was just like wow that's a that's amazing like that is amazing how her body women's bodies can do that it's crazy I could never think of doing that did she have a good or straightforward birth she it was a bit complicated this was two weeks late so they had to induce her three times he was not trying to come out he was very comfortable in my wife's belly and um so it wasn't it was complicated for that reason but in terms of giving birth no it was straightforward it was a what they call a natural birth and yeah he was

eight eight and a half pounds oh eight and a half alpha's eight and a half pounds. Oh, eight and a half. Alpha's nine and a half. So, yeah. Jesus. Yeah, because I always think it must be, like, a strange feeling or strange witnessing someone through pain. Because even when it's a beautiful experience, it's still obviously a painful experience to whatever degree. And I guess when I gave birth, for example, like, yeah, of course, I was worried about that was

like the main thing on mine but I was also like distracted by the pain but what is it like as the other partner kind of I guess worrying about the wife but also worrying about baby for me I remember there was my wife had a huge contraction and I was holding her hand and I didn't know what else to say. So I said, OK, you felt that pain, right? She was like, yeah. I was just like, OK, now, you know what this is. I mean, it's not going to get no worse or better from like, you know, from here. You've got to stick it out. And I know you can do it. So just, you know, just just try your hardest just

you know listen to the nurses and I'm here I'm just here I'm and I just held her hand and that that's literally all I could say I didn't know what else to say because like just watching her going through that pain and then it's weird because once the child came out, it's like she didn't even remember the pain at all. And it still blows my mind to this day. Still blows my mind to this day how women can just go through all of that and then they see their child and then she was just weeping going, oh my God, he's so perfect. And I was just like, you don't remember that pain that you just went through?

You were calling me types of names and stuff. So, yeah. that you just went through you were calling me types of names and stuff so yeah you know what it's so mad because I feel like I didn't have that like experience to the point that

I was actually worried at first because I remember being so I was so I just wanted him to be healthy and I just wanted him

to come out okay because his heart rate kept dropping so I remember just being really relieved that he was here and alive and healthy but i didn't feel that like rush of love with like at first and i was waiting because everyone says the moment you get your child on your chest like it's all worth it it's all worth it and i remember

like looking at him feeling like you know thank goodness that he's here and he's healthy but i remember being like all right i feel like you know when people when i just had snoop people were about honestly you think you know like you think you know love but you don't until you have a child and i remember just really thinking like i can't wait to go home and see my dog which sounds awful and i remember saying to tommy do you love him like do you feel like love like love? And he was like, yeah, I do. And I was like, I don't know. And then I remember thinking, like, what's the situation down there? Like, I remember going to the midwife, like, am I all right?

Like, do I need stitches? But I don't know. It took me a while. And then, like you said, you left as a three. I just remember going home and going, like, hello, you live here now. Like, do you want anything? Just call, you know, you know where I'm at. No, I have heard about that. I've heard about I don't know the name for it, but I've heard about sometimes mothers may not feel that attachment straight away for me and my wife um I felt it straight away but I think that's because I I

I've always wanted to be a dad I've always wanted I've always wanted to be a husband I've always wanted to be a father so that love was there the minute he was here I don't know about now like now that he's five and he can talk I don't know man we might have to negotiate that love stuff I like him but you know I'm kind of over it you know what I mean but he's um yeah straight away but then you still certainly just can't let you go when you end up face time that's the truth like I can I can complain about my son all week and then the minute he goes to his grandma for like a day I'm like I want my son back I just want to see him and give him hugs and then by the time he gets here again I'm just like oh my gosh I can't wait for him to leave again because he's just a nightmare now, you know what I mean? But he just bullies me. That is like a mad paradox of parenting, isn't it?

Oh my God, yes. I go in and I check if my son is breathing. My wife is always me from going into his bedroom and giving him kisses because she's just like, you're going to wake him up, he's sleeping. But I just can't help myself, man. I love it.

Did you discuss like your roles and your jobs with each other before your son came along? Or basically because of this, like the term hands on dad, it always kind of like jars me a little bit because you never have someone say like, oh, so nice, hands on mum. Yeah. The type of dad I am, I'm strict.

I am strict. I think that's based off of my upbringing. My mum was a single parent. She, you know, she raised me by herself, Nigerian mum. And she was very strict. But that's given the environment we were living in, it was quite dangerous. So she had

to be quite strict to keep me you know on the right path and I feel like I've picked that up so with my son I'm learning a lot of patience I'm learning that it's not about telling him what to do you know I've got to communicate but yeah yeah, for the first, first like three years, very strict, very, very strict. And did you, did you like to do yourself to be like a hands-on dad as much as I say,

or did you want to be? Or how did you like kind of like split the roles? I don't know. We naturally kind of just fell into them. Yeah. Because my son has a lot of respect for me

in terms of just like, he knows, okay, dad doesn't mess about. And my wife naturally is the nurturer. That's not always the dynamics we would like every man and woman, but we've kind of just naturally fallen into those roles. And my son knows who to go to for whatever he wants like he knows that if me we're gonna go for a walk or we're gonna you know go out to the playground or

something like that he knows okay I'm gonna go with daddy because daddy's gonna keep all the bad people away because I don't I don't I don't mess about if I don't know you don't touch my son you know what I'm saying but he knows that hey if it's time for you know if it's time to go to bed and have a story read to him he wants his mum because he knows his mum's gonna give him hugs and kisses and sing him a song and all of that whereas I'm just like all right you've read your book uh night's out like bye night now so I'm I'm very straightforward and and and my son is recognized that he knows who's is it is it like interesting for you and just like when you said that you were raised by a single mom and I actually did um a whole episode on single moms last week because

I just think they're absolute superheroes um was it is it interesting to you being raised by a single mum now being a dad like yeah I had to definitely and this is why I said I had to look myself in the mirror a few times because I realized I didn't know anything about being a dad I've not seen it being you know being done apart from like some of my friends who had fathers so I really didn't know what I was doing at first and I think that's where when me and my wife have had conversations it's been it's always been a thing of you need to be much more patient you let back explain you can't just be you you know, order here and order, order, order time. You know, I've got to really start communicating with him.

And it's worked. You know, my son has always had huge love for me, but nowadays it's the thing where I think he just respects the fact that I'm trying, taking the time to not always get angry, you know, when he does something wrong. You know what I'm saying? taking the time to not always get angry, you know, when he does something wrong. You know what I'm saying? Because I am a strict father.

I'm a strict, in terms of just as a person, I'm very disciplined. So that carries, you know, throughout my whole, you know, with everything I do.

So yeah. Push Your Peak is a brand new podcast brought to you by what bike join me louise minchin and some of the world's most incredible sports people to learn what it takes mentally and physically to push yourself beyond your limits whether you're an elite or everyday athlete it can be hard to continually progress how do you push yourself out of your comfort zone? Where do you go to find that inner drive? Tune in to hear these inspiring stories and take away the belief that you can achieve your own goals, no matter how big or small. You can find us wherever you got this podcast. Just search Push Your Peak.

It's interesting because I feel like in like today's day and age, we hear the words like educate your, or the phrase educate your sons a lot. So, you know, like whenever there's like violence against women, male violence, whatever, everyone always says educate your sons. And I used to say it before I was a mum to a son. What does it mean educate your sons? How can we do our bit to educate our sons I think if we educate our sons we have to be the example me as a father I have to show him how how you tend to a woman how you tend to a woman, how you tend to a woman's needs. It's not always about, you know, trying to get into her pants. You've got to have love and respect for, you know, your half.

And so if I show him that, he's able to emulate that in, you know, in society when he grows up. But also it's about those conversations when you see somebody make a mistake because he's going to make mistakes early on. And that's, you know, that's what childhood and being a teenager is for. I don't think that you I don't think that you cancel them out. I think you actually sit them down and speak to them. But the issue is with the whole, you know, educate your son. You've got a whole bunch of sons being raised um by women who are not fathers and the fathers are not in in their child's life and that's just the sad reality

of it so i don't think i think it's a great phrase but i i also always tell people you know to encourage them just to exercise a bit of um. Don't always just cancel people out. A lot of people really do not know what they're doing, you know, out here. But yeah, I'm definitely going to educate myself when it comes to how you conduct yourself all around, you know, women and how you treat women. Yeah. I feel like the last two years have been like mad in terms of like violence against women, but also all the Black Lives Matter protests. And as a black man raising a black son, is that hard to navigate? It is absolutely hard. Absolutely.

We've had an incident. I've spoken about this before, but we had an incident at my son's school where a child just randomly, and I was with my son at the time, a child just randomly came up to him and said, oh, by the way, you're not allowed to come to my house because you're black and we don't allow black people in our house. And I was standing right there. Yeah. This was when he was four. This was when he was four.

Wow. And I was standing right there and, and I I what annoyed me about that the most is after you know we the school dealt with it perfectly they really really um dealt with it in in such a great way and I believe that the parents have been educated since that you know that that whole incident because I get it obviously comes from parents I mean that's obviously we me and you know that but at the at the moment at the beginning those the parents I don't think with that but you know that is what it is I the thing is the issue was I didn't want my son to deal with that so early on and that's why we moved out of the city we moved out of the city to the countryside and

we were just like okay well at least he'll get a chance at a better education he won't have to do this the thing that I dealt with as a as a child lo and behold yeah he may not have to deal with like gangs and things like that but he has to deal with uh you know, ignorance. And I was so hurt. I was so hurt. I was so upset. So it is hard raising a child as a black man. But it's one that he is going to have to understand at some point. I just didn't want it to be that early.

Not when you're four. It's mad and, depressing I mean obviously I I'm a white person I I never have to experience that but it shocks me actually that it happens still in this day and age I have to say this I've traveled up and down um you know this country and I have I I know for a fact that it is the small minority you know the majority of this country and I have I know for a fact that it is the small minority you know the majority of this country don't hold those values and that's only because I've interacted with so much people up and down this country so I do know that there's racism in this country and I do know it's you know it goes from working class to middle class all the way up to upper class and

you're aristocrats however you know I've interacted with enough people to know that not everybody who's white hold those values so it is a small minority you know even though it may be a lot of people if there's still a minority to the vast majority of us that don't hold those. You're a small minority and we need to all keep fighting for like for change really but absolutely how if you don't mind me asking like how do you navigate those tough conversations because he's like you said he's four he's now five like he's a child he shouldn't have to yeah like how like do you even deal with it I mean he did have a lot of questions after that incident. He was just like, oh, daddy, what's black?

What's white? What's this? What's that? And from then I decided to start educating him about, you know, the colour of his skin, the differences, why were black people and why they're white people. He doesn't understand anything I'm saying he still doesn't understand and that's the point you're not supposed to um you know but as he gets

older he will understand because you know we have I've always been a big book reader so we've got books you know on you know on African history and melanin and things like that so he will be educated 100 plus he's got a lot of um so he's half jamaican half nigerian so a lot of his family used to be rastas so you know they're all into their you know their african history so he definitely will be educated on on on himself and but we know enough to know that um it's not all white people plus we have a lot of white people in our family as well so yeah how do you like navigate because funny enough Alf literally has just gone and done his first little like try and out day at the child minders just so i can like okay on with work because i've just um recently finished breastfeeding so now he's able to like leave me for a few hours

which is amazing but um i actually said earlier because it's his first time interacting with other babies because we don't really know anyone else with babies although a few of our friends are now starting to get pregnant which is amazing But how do you have to do, how do you deal with like bullying with kids? Like, because obviously in that situation, that was racism, but it's obviously like another kid that doesn't really know any better, hopefully. Yeah.

Because like, it must be hard because I even joke, I'm like, if any of those kids pick on Alf I'm gonna like beat them but I'm like what was your reaction to the little boy um so to the little boy I didn't really I had no reaction to him because I knew I knew for a fact it was not him that that was not coming from him because the way he repeated what he said the way he said what he said I could tell he was repeating something he had been told. Because this was unrehearsed. My man just, he literally just came up to my son and just started saying what he said.

But in terms of just bullying on a whole. Okay, so no one troubles my son if they see me. So no one troubles my son if they see me. They don't because, like I said, I really do make my presence known when I'm around my son. It goes soft play if we go to the playground, wherever we go. So even if I see just an inkling of a child trying to intimidate my son, I'm right there and I make them know that, okay, daddy's around. So let me leave this child alone. Now, when I wasn't there and my wife took my son

to soft play, an incident happened where a child was trying to bully my son and my wife had to step in because my son is very, he's know he's just very chilled he just wants to play he wants to interact with other children and so my wife had to step in so when it's a bullying if my son can't defend himself we'll step in if we're there when it comes to you know schooling he goes to school where there is it's a no tolerance on bullying. They do not tolerate that. So teachers are always around to see how the children are interacting with each other. So he doesn't really have to deal with it too much,

which is good. It's like the scariest thing as a parent, isn't it? Because like, although, what if my child is the bully? All right, now that's another story. We did have a story where my son pushed a child and I had to, you know, step in and say, look, you have to apologise, number one, to the child. And then I had to take, you know,

I had to take the bullet and apologise to the parent because I don't tolerate that as well. So, yeah, we don't tolerate that as well so yeah we don't tolerate we don't tolerate it happening to our son and we do not tolerate our son bullying other people because you know even when he gets older it's not good it's weird isn't it because children are so innocent but yet there is like kids are savages oh yeah they just come out of it and you know going back to what you said earlier like usually it doesn't come from the kids. So whether that's like in your case,

like the racist remarks or it could be like fat room, like fat room, like, you know, like there's an appearance when you're children. Things like that, yeah. Because I did a podcast recently about around body image. And I always think body image when it's teenagers, especially now in like the generation of like watching shows like Love Island. And there's like for men and women, there's that sort of like one kind of body type.

It actually starts from as young as like three because kids pick on each other. And I almost like forgot because I guess we all glossed our childhoods a bit but I was like yeah we used to you know savage I mean yeah you would pick up over people for like loads of differences that like looking back you're like I guess all the things that is when you're an adult you're celebrating like we like celebrate our differences and our quirkiness as adults but when you're young you just want to fit in don't you um and that is our worry at the moment uh we have been worrying about the fact that you know he's only one of few black people at his school is that going to be should we be concerned um but the fact is i think we've put our trust in the teachers to do such a great job and they're they're doing a fantastic thing, educating children on, like, differences of, you know,

race and nationality. And, yeah, so we can only trust those who we, you know, put our child into their hands, so we can only trust them. I'd like to really, like, think and hope as well that as, like, diversity and inclusivity, like, increases on, like, TV and... Oh, yeah. Do you feel like the Black Lives Matter movement I mean I know it I know it existed before George Floyd's murder but I feel like that was like the catalyst of it becoming at least known in like globally the I see now so much more like inclusivity on TV and I grew up in an area that was a very white area up North.

Definitely like, wouldn't say that I was ever, ever racist. I always knew the difference of right and wrong, but I own any other minority, but always like others because I was in such a white area. And it's so good even for me to think like people who are in these very white dominated areas or growing up seeing, you know, like even like Mo Gilligan having a Saturday night show. And you have a podcast, right? About inclusivity.

Yeah. Puffing with Puffing Books, Mission Imagination. And that's all about celebrating diverse voices, not just like race, celebrating diverse voices not just like race but a lot of female authors were trying to champion voices unheard voices and so we've been blessed by Puffin Books they've sent us you know a whole load of books by people of color and you know female authors and so my son enjoys every single book that they like his favorite book son enjoys every single book that they, like his favourite book is one of the books that they gave us called Clean Up. And he just absolutely loves it. And that's led by a black,

the character's a black girl, black female. So yeah, that's been a blessing onto us. But in terms of on TV and stuff, I think now with the internet and obviously with you know people like mo gilligan there's so much black yeah and myself but there's so much voices now i don't feel like um anyone can feel left out because you know we're living in such a great time where everybody if you've got a disability if you know if you're plus size if you're black if you're female even just white you know if you're white like we champion everybody and it's such a great

time to live in and um I'm kind of envious my son gets to live in such a time where everybody's just being celebrated because like you said it weren't like that when I was growing up you know and I lived in Tottenham I grew up in Tottenham so to see a white person was rare you know I'm saying we used to be like oh where are you from like because we thought we were gonna hear something foreign and if you heard someone say they're English you'd be like oh so you're actually from here like you know I'm saying like it was fair to meet someone from England growing up because everybody was segregated. You know, this was a black community. This was a white community.

And the two didn't mix. It's interesting as well, like saying about inclusivity in books, because I realised like the other day, so I love what they call like small people. Do you know the story that's like, and the little stories, it's for children. And it basically tells you about these people. And I love because they also look really nice on bookshelves and i realized the other day when i

was walking past waterstones and there's one i saw i think it was like dolly parton and i was like oh i'd like to get that one but oh i thought something something along the lines of i can't wait to have a girl so i can buy her that book. And then I was like, why am I not buying my son? And like books with female characters, I call myself a feminist. And I do like, you know, I want Al to grow up if he wants to be like sensitive, whatever it is, I don't want to like instill. I just want him to be whoever he wants to be, like regardless of like what character trait that is.

And then I was like, why am I not? So I like went in to buy the Dolly Parton books of course I want to know about like strong female that you raise a good point yeah um you raise a good point because we've got my wife found these uh books from um I believe it's called Good Book Company and uh it's Christian books. It's Bible characters and basically short, just like an overview of like, you know, some of the patriarchs in the Bible. So his favorite one from that collection is the story of Moses,

but all the characters are black. And so I thought that was cool, even though that may or may not be accurate. I just thought it was cool just to like have him have a book that he's seeing people that look like him. So my son doesn't miss out, even though he goes to a white majority school. He doesn't miss out. And we don't see that as a problem. But we do obviously encourage and have encouraged the school that he may need to you may need to bring more black people in because it's like you know it's not that much you know I want him to

stand out and notice that he stands out because you know what's going to happen the minute they start getting older they're going to start pointing out each other's differences and that's when insecurities and all of those type of things come in yeah yeah i feel like i mean inclusivity and diversity is like you said it's just so important it is in all aspects it's gonna take a long time for us to get there but i'm glad whatever's happening nowadays i'm just glad it's happening because it seems like human beings finally on the right track you know i'm saying like we finally got our stuff together and we're trying to do something good and every week i always read a message out from um one of you guys my lovely listeners so um this one is

from pamela who actually sent us a voice note it's the first voice note that we've had hi ashley um my name is pamela higgins um spamela b on instagram and um yeah i have followed your instagram for a long time and listened to your podcast religiously um which is amazing i absolutely love it and yeah i just thought why not send um a voice note in I've just been listening to your latest episode um I'm walking my own baby he is called Oliver he is 10 months so not far behind Alf and I've also got a four-year-old boy called Thomas who's currently at school and so I go out on my daily walks every day while Oliver sleeps um and yeah I just want to say how much I adore your journey your openness your honesty everything that you share the ups and downs like with

everything being a woman being a mum I think it's so inspirational and yeah I just want to say like thanks and it's interesting obviously I've been a mum before and going through this kind of baby phase i feel like i've gone through very very very similar things at a very similar time especially um the breastfeeding and the biting so i made the decision only about three weeks ago after many biting attempts on feeding which was oh god as you know and spoke about it's just awful and really emotional but um i was expressing and he's taking the bottle and i was going i was aiming to do it until he was won anyway and yes i've closed that chapter and i feel like you said a bit more liberated a bit more free kind of getting my life back and identity back so thank you for

talking about that as well um yeah just keep up the amazing work um absolutely love following you and i try and share um your podcast to all my other friends that i've got so yeah anyway take care and yeah i look forward to the next episode thanks ashley bye thank you so much for that and um if you do want to get in touch of course you can leave a voice note uh the number is god i would honestly be a terrible like tv host that does a little bit of practice so i'm going to try and read it it's 075-999-27537 can you tell me before I let you go in a nutshell, what have I got to look forward to between the one year of age and the five year of age? What do I have to prepare myself for?

What do you have to prepare yourself for? The talking back when they start talking, the running away, bullying, they bully you. My son bullies me. He really does. I'll just be sitting down, minding my business. This boy will try and just jump on me. Yeah, the bullying and then the playing each parent against each other. They know.

Wow, a young as that. They start learning how to do that. Oh, yeah, my son. Oh, if I tell him no, he goes right up to, you know, his mum with the sad face and the sad voice. And then once she says yes, it becomes a problem between me and her. And so he knows that now. And, yeah, they're smarter than you think. You will know who the personality comes from.

My son is me. And I can't stand me if so I know I know I must be annoying because when my son starts to and I'm just like gosh is this what I was really like so um yeah you're gonna know exactly who your son takes after uh so yeah that's that's that's what you've got to look forward to. I'm going to let you go. Look at that. Bang on the time that you need to go. Bang on time.

Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. I just want to say you are an incredible host. This is an incredible podcast. You're doing so well. Keep it up. And yeah, this is great for mums and dads to listen to. So well done.

Thank you so much. And thank you for all the lols and the future lols. I know that will be coming. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you.