Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - Charlie Hedges

Episode Date: November 14, 2022

Radio 1's Charlie Hedges joins us this week to chat about her journey as a first time mum, the impact it had on her career, and feeling empowered to just do you! Get in touch with your questions, experiences and advice at [e-mail]--- A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm sure as parents we all know how messy things can get whether that's around the house during meal times and even when it comes to our little ones themselves when it comes to wiping Alf's messy face and body I want to be sure that what I am using is the best choice for his skin with baby eczema and nappy rash being common conditions using wipes for sensitive skin is a must we've both been loving water wipes. We've actually used them since Alf was born and they gently clean and help protect delicate newborn and premature baby skin. They're made of just two ingredients, so 99.9% water and a drop of fruit extract. That means they are the best wipe choice for sensitive skin. Alf loves them and I even find myself using them.

Well, hello. It's one of those days today. It's Monday and I feel like you should be organised on a Monday. You've had the weekend to sort your life out, but I'm not organised and I'm wearing really tight leggings. I'm still in that bit of pregnancy where you think you can get away with wearing your old clothes. And you can absolutely not. I've got odd socks on. But I'm here in the studio and I'm very, very excited about today's guest. Not only has she been a familiar voice in my ears for years when she was a breakfast presenter on Kiss. first presenter on Kiss.

She is now a Radio 1 DJ and broadcaster who recently became a mum to a little girl called Summer Rose who was born in August. It's Charlie Hedges. Yay! Can I just say, I actually cannot believe you're here. What is it, eight weeks?

Eight weeks. Since having a girl or baby. It's mad. I need to clap you because I was just saying to you you are what I really wanted to be like you're out and about and you look amazing thank you so much to make you feel better as well you're talking about it being um a bad Monday I left my house this morning I've got sick on my shoulder um a lady a really nice lady stopped me on the escalator on the train as I got out of the station to go to work

and told me I still had a tag attached to my dress. Oh, no. That was the size of my face. Oh, and I've just had a message from my mum who's looking after my daughter a minute to say my daughter has just pooed all over her. Well, at least it's pooed all over your mum and not pooed all over you.

And at least it's not your sick. I bet there would have been a lot of Monday mornings where it would have been your sick all over you probably still time on it from mine a couple of years ago but how's it all going like and how are you here like it's amazing I said this to my mum the other day and I feel like I sound mad saying this but the only way I can describe it is I honestly feel like I am living my life at the minute, watching someone else live in the life. I still, I don't know. It's just been the best, like literally the best eight weeks of my entire life. Everyone keeps saying to me, you look so different. You look like this. And I think it's because I'm happy I feel like my life is is complete now

like there's there's been little did I know something has been missing and and it was having my daughter honestly it's the most bizarre thing but I can't I literally get up in the morning and I'm going about my daily life obviously I'm back to work now but I feel like I'm not here is that really weird it's not weird but it's really nice to hear and I feel like I'm not here. Is that really weird? It's not weird, but it's really nice to hear. I feel like it's even nicer because similar to me, I guess, you always said that you didn't want kids. I was never 100% no, but I always put it off. I always put it off, always put it off because I was like,

okay, I've got my career. And I said this on air the day before I finished my maternity leave I said that I'd always been so frightened to think about having children because I thought my career was going to suffer and since going to radio one mentioned this on air like the support from my boss is just honestly ridiculous he's just unbelievable all my colleagues so for the first time in my life I felt safe which is why I feel like I'm so happy right now because I if I didn't have that support it maybe wouldn't have been the situation that I'm in now also doesn't it just show how easy it is in theory for companies to support people and

probably because they're so supportive that's what made you feel like I want to get back there I remember telling my boss and honestly bless him he's just the kindest person in in the world and he got all like I could see him like so happy for me because I was I was so scared about saying I was pregnant how saying that out loud is actually madness like that should be the best day in your entire life obviously depending on circumstance I mean I was so nervous to tell him when I told him he was like that's the best news ever oh and i was like sorry sorry what and i said oh i still want to look a bit workier he was like calm down your job's not going anywhere go and have your baby and we'll see you when you get back and i i decided to come back after seven weeks so that was that was my choice i love the fact that to hear that radio, which are such a like youth-led station, are so supportive.

But number two, I feel like there is so much judgment from the outside, but also judgment from within. Like we talk about mum guilt. And I feel like you actually can't do right for doing wrong if you listen to judgment, whether that's your own or other people's. And I love that you went back to work early because I didn't and I feel like I started to thrive yeah once I went back to work yeah and that was when I started to feel myself again and started to get into my flow and I think in hindsight and obviously I was gonna

say if I can do it again but I am doing it again I can definitely feel it I'm gonna I feel like I'm gonna have to roll my leggings down yeah make me feel better it's like when you're like when you know you're about to have a massive meal that's what I feel like I'm just like oh why did I put these on I've just bought some maternity leggings so next week I'll be comfy but um yeah I love that you went back and I think it's actually really inspiring and I I think it's really interesting because I remember Kate Lawler who I love who's been on the podcast before she tried to go back after I think about nine months or eight months to Virgin and she actually was the opposite she was like I don't I can't be back at work I want to spend more time with my daughter good for her amazing and I remember thinking I wish I was like I remember literally like kicking out through the

door of the trial minders being like freedom and both of those things are really valid but how what made you decide to go back so early um do you know what I just I stand by it. Happy mom, happy baby. And for me, so before I had my daughter, I was saying to friends and family, I want to go back around the seven week mark. And so many people were like, I don't reckon you will. I honestly don't think that might not necessarily be the right thing to do, or you should take it easy, this, that and the other.

But I don't know, just something in me just thought, I think it will be really good for me to go back, not only for me, but for my daughter as well. And again, I said this on air a couple of weeks ago, that I'm really, really, really lucky that it's my mum and dad that's looking after my daughter when I'm actually at work. And for me growing up, I grew up with my nan, a massive part of mine and my brother's life, a really close family. And those memories of my nan being around all the time, you can't beat those times. So the fact that I know that my mum and dad are with my daughter every day, nothing makes me happier. Like my mum messaged me the other day and said,

she started giggling. And that was the first time with my mum and dad. Like I cried with happiness because again, that is a memory that they are always going to have with my daughter for me it's not about me getting the first with her all the time or or um my husband getting the first with my daughter all the time it's about sharing I've always been a sharer and the fact that my mum and dad are sharing my daughter that's enough for me would it have been a different story if I didn't have my mum and dad probably yeah because I wouldn't have been able to go back as early as as I am but um a lot of people might not know this as well so I've so I do um a Saturday show and and a weekday shows and the weekday shows I'm actually go only going in once a week at the minute and I'm doing the

rest of the shows from home so again that just shows you how supportive my my boss has been so again I I totally am aware how lucky I am. But it was the right things for me to do. And I say this on my Instagram all the time. Just do you. There's so many opinions nowadays that the only opinion that should matter is yours. And also it's like everyone's circumstances and what makes you happy yeah are so different like you're like you said you're so lucky to have like your parents there i've i have tommy's parents and

they've always been here at least once a week and i love that they know all his mannerisms whereas my parents who live in the northeast they don't really get to spend that much time with him and selfishly i'm like move down south move down south but I mean for for born and bred northerners it's probably never gonna happen but I'm like I feel like you're missing out on so much obviously it's totally selfish because they get I mean they can live wherever they want and they they've done it all but move but I would love for Alf to have like the same relationship with them and similar to what you're saying I used to go to my gran's house every Friday and I still remember I'd get kinder eggs I would never be allowed kinder eggs and I'd have um they should always like literally put like an entire thing of sugar over the strawberries so

they tasted so much better and strawberries were like the posh fruit you never got strawberries at home it was like the standard apples bananas and like really old crusty oranges not even so it was amazing so yeah I and I think like so Alf's got childcare so it's not family but they get to give him things that I can't because as good as I am at some things I'm also well not rubbish at other things but naturally that we all can offer different things and I love that he's getting a little bit of everything from his different childcare providers yeah and for I just think, listen to the opinions of people that matter to you. Everything else, just do you.

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks because they're not living your life. When you go home after work or whether you're not working, regardless, when you close your front door, just block everything out. For me, you just got to be happy. Whatever makes you happy and your family happy. My family is my priority. So whatever is going to be the best for us, that's what I do. I love that. I actually did a post yesterday about unsolicited advice

because it can be quite overwhelming. And if you're feeling a bit vulnerable, it can just sometimes be like, you feel like you can't do right for doing wrong, can you? I don't know what it is about the moment you say you're pregnant, everyone wants to like offer advice. And you're like fuck off but obviously like most that i'd say 99 of people do it because they're trying to be nice but i always say it's a little bit like if you were going to go traveling on your own let's say and on the way to the airport everyone

stopped you just to tell you their horror stories on the way like i'll just let you know like i hope you have a good flight but my friend actually had a plane crash it was really serious just to let you know um my friend got mugged where you're going but i'm sure it'll be great and then by the time you get there you're like bloody hell this is gonna be a nightmare but it turns out that you go and you have an amazing time and none of those things happen it's so true so true so true mad yeah so lucky because on uh lion and through my job get to chat to loads of different people so many people dm me all the time and honestly i'm so lucky to say that i've not had one negative message from from anyone everyone offers support to the point the other

day where i am i put a photo up of my daughter and um she had a anyway I put a photo up and someone said oh is why don't you try this and I was like actually that's a bloody good idea more of them so again I think it's filtering the advice from the right people but also being open to advice because we don't I mean I definitely everyone's winging it right yeah no some advice is amazing isn't like I've learned so many things and also it's so nice to have a space where you can go, whether it's obviously for us, it's Instagram, but for other people, it might be like the Facebook mom groups. I just joined my local Facebook mom group.

And it's like knowing that you can go somewhere. Definitely. Because you don't know everything. Like God, trying to figure out how to like dismantle a pram or do a car seat. You just... My fella, he's always the one... We had like a little routine up until literally last week

where if we go out somewhere, he'll go and get the car seat from the car, put my daughter in it, strap her in. I'm normally grabbing the bag, putting the last minute nappies in there, blah, blah. That's just what we've done. So he sort of took the role of the car seat over. And then last week I was going to see my nan

and I was like oh my gosh I've not put my daughter in a car seat before hmm was I gonna call Lee and ask him how to do it absolutely not got straight on google on youtube put her in strapped her in in the car it was only a 20 minute journey I got out three times to make sure she was all right and then and then I was off, but it's been a mad few weeks. How did you, if you don't mind me asking, get to a point where you felt confident to leave her to get back to work? Because I remember and I was saying to you

before we start filming, I really wanted to get back to work and I was really conscious that I didn't want to sort of like be cast off as a mom and I'm sure part of that was just in my head um but the other part I was like I just want to be back DJing especially because it had been locked down I want to get back to DJing I want to get back in the TV studio but because I was breastfeeding and I literally couldn't get him to take a bottle yeah I just couldn't do it and I said I felt like I thought

I wanted to be back and I wanted to be doing all those things poor Tommy well not poor Tommy it was great we ended up doing boardmasters festival which is so fun isn't it and it was like it was really emotional because it was the first time seeing people back on the dance floor I was DJing but I was also really nervous because I was still breastfeeding so Alf and Tommy had to come down with me it took about 35 hours to get to Cornwall because it was when all the trains weren't quite back and running. Because of like COVID and the dreaded C word. There's one C word I love. Creep words.

And there's one C word I don't love so much and that is COVID. But yeah, it took so long to get there. And I was like shitting myself like, am I going to have to breastfeedfeed at the desk but how amazing if you did yeah I would love to see that what a great thing to like imagine if you again like good for you for going out and doing that because there's so much to think about when you're when you have a child which things I never would have dreamed of thinking about before I didn't't breastfeed. So it was obviously, it was a lot easier for me to think about going back to work because I knew that my mum could feed and my dad could obviously, my partner,

to be breastfeeding. And then, well, yeah, because how you wouldn't have been able, how do you even do that if you want to go back to work? Because you're the only person, I know you can obviously. I couldn't even do it. But honestly, we tried so many times

to give like express milk in a bottle and he just wouldn't. And it was was actually as he got a bit older he started to drink it from a cup but I remember feeling I just remember feeling really shit because at the first four months I'd say I was on like a high and I loved it and then I was really proud of breastfeeding but at the same time I was a bit like watching all my friends like go out for dinners and watching like people go back to work and I was like I feel stuck I feel stuck and now I know like whatever happens and by the way like I'm not against like people like don't breastfeed my sister couldn't breastfeed

like whatever works people and I feel like there should be less judgment on any one side but I felt trapped with it because I was like what am I meant to do but also I felt like at the beginning people kind of expect you to be in like mum mode but then they kind of get a bit bored of it yeah so if my friends were like oh do you want to go out for dinner and I was like can't because I'm breastfeeding and they'd be like still and I was like yeah yeah I know imagine how I feel it's so true like hats off hats off to anyone that breastfeeds because i think it's the most beautiful most natural most amazing thing in the world um and yeah again it was it was my choice not to but i've got a friend of mine whose baby was born a couple of weeks apart and she's

breastfeeding it's again it's choice do you mind me asking why you chose not to only because I feel like there's so much guilt and pressure associated with the choice to breastfeed or not and I love hearing I've got a couple of friends that were like I just didn't want to for what various reasons yeah there was do you know what there was no there was no reason why I chose to not to be honest it was just it was just something that I didn't really want to do again not for not for any reason for some reason in my head it was just yeah people used to ask me how I was going to feed my daughter and I would say bottle fed and that's as far as I went with it really I didn't look into it I mean obviously people told me the benefits of breastfeeding and like, you know, it's

good to know the full picture. But for me, it was just my choice not to. Yeah. I think this is really empowering though, because I don't think we hear enough from mums who are just empowered in their choices. And like you said, yes, you can know all the benefits, but like whether it's like sleep or feeding or whatever it is for me personally I like to know what the pros what the cons if the cons are going to make like say my mental health

completely suffer then actually is it is it going to be worth doing it yeah and um I think it's really nice hearing from people that are just really like sound in their choices and I think it will be really inspiring for people to hear I just think my thing is always go with your gut instinct and I don't know I just I'm very strong-willed anyway but once I've decided something that's what I stick with and if people try to sway me I just I've just learned over the years to to just sort of stand your ground do you think it's because you're by the way when I say this you're the same age as me but do you think it's because you're an older mum that you're more like confident in your own decision making maybe a part of me just goes I think something

kicks in and you just know what is best for you and that's why I was saying earlier like happy mum happy baby I don't think you should have to explain why you've done this why you've done that why you've done this why you've done that because for me I know I've done it for my baby's best interest and myself because I'm so happy and so is she and she's a beautiful little girl that is giggling already and he's loving life and my mum and dad say looking at her he's like looking at me when when I was a little girl they said I was just like love I just love life and from from a newborn and when I look at my daughter and see that she's a happy baby for me that's you know I've done a good job so

it's been our choice do you know what it's so funny as well because I always think like the amount of weekends I spent so hungover eating junk food whatever it is not one adult will come up to me and be like you know that's really bad for you like your cholesterol is going to be through the roof or whatever it might be but when it comes to a child everyone has an opinion but then I remember um Sophia Lispector came on the podcast a while ago and her kids are a bit older so I was still in kind of new mum mode I still consider myself a new mum to be honest and I'm about to be a new mum again um but I was like did you feed did you not and she was like do you know what's so funny when the kids get to my age none of us sit around

and ask how you fed feed the baby but for some reason in that first year yeah everybody wants to know like how do you feed the baby how do you feed the baby and she was like everyone most of them are beating mcdonald's by the time they're five so everyone's got this thing to say about like the health and this and that but ultimately like yeah they're all going to be like mcdonald chips off the floor of the car so don't worry about it do you know what i would i would never i would i don't judge people anyway not mums not whoever you are i don't judge people because just do you. That is it. Don't, I just don't, yeah, don't think about anyone else. And if people try to pressure you to do this, that and the other, I'm not just saying when you're a mum, just in life, I just think you, if you actually take a

step back, when someone says something to you, I feel like if you take a step back and just pause for a few seconds, you will make the right decision for you whether that is you being a mom not being a mom work family decisions it just takes someone said to me a couple of years ago when you hear something or someone asks you something just take that split second to actually think and you'll always make the right decision that's it end of story i'm like taking notes for the next one tell me more what else do i need to know that's it I've got no more advice you're screwed oh my god I just laughed and something really hurt I'm gonna have to pull my leggings back up now honestly I feel like I might have just like have I got hernia live on the podcast

something just like really twigged I've got no medical background so I can't save you today oh it's really sore I really need to get in my maternity leg. I'm sure as parents we all know how messy things can get whether that's around the house during meal times and even when it comes to our little ones themselves. When it comes to wiping Alf's messy face and body I want to be sure that what I am using is the best choice for his skin. With baby eczema and nappy rash being common conditions, using wipes for sensitive skin is a must. We've both been loving water wipes. We've actually used them since Alf was born and they gently clean and help protect delicate newborn and premature baby skin. They're made of just

two ingredients, so 99.9% water and a drop of fruit extract. That means they are the best wipe choice for sensitive skin. Alf loves them and I even find myself using them. Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for

outdoor runs, walks, and hikes led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. How did you find pregnancy? Just taking it back a bit. Did you enjoy it? Because lots of people either love it or they find it just awful. I loved the fact that I was pregnant, but I would be lying if I didn't say that I was scared every single day of my entire pregnancy. I'm a very anxious person anyway. I've always been a worrier, literally from a little girl up until now, always worried about the minor things to the biggest things, a big worrier. So every single day of my pregnancy, I would be calling my mum,

asking her a million questions from food related stuff to I mean I started posting about it on my Instagram every day because some of the questions when I look back now that I asked it I mean it makes me laugh but actually at the time you don't know the answer to questions so yes I loved the fact that I was pregnant but every day for me I lived in fear because every day you wake up as you know and you feel slightly different and you don't know if that's the right, if those are the right movements or if this is meant to happen, if it's not meant to happen. Simple things that, because your body has never experienced that before. So I'd wake up and I'd be like, oh gosh, I've got a pain in my bum. I don't think I had a pain in my bum.

Yeah, that would be something un-pregnancy related I might have had a pain somewhere and asking my mum but being so scared it was such a scary time for me because I was so happy

but so frightened towards the end of my pregnancy I just wanted to be here because I was sort of fed up with myself of being worried about everything. Because I have so much respect for people that are pregnant and they go through and they're not worried and they just sort of take it day by day. But I was just petrified. But see, I feel like I'm on the other scale,

which is weird because I would say that I'm quite an anxious person, but with certain things. So was you all right? I like, I'm so laid back about pregnancy to the point that sometimes I'm like, like I registered the birth at, I think, 11 or 12 weeks. And yeah, they were like, do you need to do a scan? And I was like, oh yeah, but I think because in my head I'm like, well, I'm careful. But I'm like, well, what's the worst that like if it's meant to I don't know I just have like a kind of sense of calm and funnily enough I went on this

app it's called peanut it's meant to be really good and helpful for so many like women because it's pregnancy app or mum app and you can find like connect with mums in the area so I thought okay great I'll do this because it was locked down and I didn't have any like I didn't have any friends I didn't have any like mum friends so I had but I found it it was giving me anxiety because lots of people who were anxious would be like I've just felt this is this normal and then I'd be like I've not even no but then I'd be like god I'm starting to worry about things that aren't even in my head because I didn't have any of those worries so then I kind of stepped back from it all because I was like god it's really it's really stressing me out and then um I remember when I'd go to baby swim and all the

mums would be like my baby's doing this nap time is that normal is this like is that normal what's yours doing how long is yours sleeping and I was like god I just didn't even like think about compare any of this or like to think that there was anything wrong and so then it was making me feel a bit overwhelmed and this was also why I think that do what empowers you like for some people reading every single book yeah having like you know your midwife on on the end of a phone call like if that's empowering for you and probably for you like having your mom like to reassure you totally you needed that whereas I feel like I almost needed to like shelter myself away because I didn't want to hear all the like ifs and buts because they weren't in my head already.

In the first place. Yeah. Again, you've got to do what is going to make you feel safe and feel better. If it means blanking off to comparing where everyone else is at this stage and whatever. And if you're like me and have to ask a million questions, whatever. I mean, it didn't make me feel any better asking a million questions. I trust, that's the thing. I trust my mum mum with everything so when my mum got to the point she was like stop it I've heard a message saying just stop because I was asking some crazy stuff

but it the thing is it's not crazy because it's all so new you're entering a world that you have no control over like I just remember waking up in the middle of the night thinking I don't know just it's just mad things like what can I have for dinner tomorrow that I'm allowed to have when I'm pregnant my mum's like well you just have a normal dinner but it's just bizarre how when I think about what I was a few months ago to now although I do feel like since having my daughter I'm definitely not sweating the small stuff I've definitely worried less about stuff because I don't I don't really care anymore she's my priority I know that sounds silly but it's mad now what I would have worried about nine months ago and what I'm not now such as what at work for example um if I've been on holiday for a couple of weeks

going back and and driving the desk like controlling the studio desk that would be something I would have sleepless nights over now I don't have time to think about stuff like that because I've just left my daughter and I've gone straight to work and now I'm driving the desk I've not had time to worry about it yeah so she's been a blessing in disguise because I've definitely I wouldn't say I'm calmer, but I definitely don't stress about stuff that I shouldn't have stressed about in the first place. Yeah, I definitely feel like that, to be honest. Yeah, I guess it's like your priorities are a bit different. So the things that you worry about now are a bit more like, am I going to keep my child alive today? And so then all the other things that you used to worry about don't seem that important i'm still a warrior guys but not a big warrior anymore

yeah and for anyone that's listening who maybe is pregnant whether it's their first or um but they are feeling anxious what advice would you have as someone that was an anxious pregnant person? I would just say no question is a silly question to ask. And honestly, like I have asked the most stupid questions. I cannot even tell you I've asked the most stupid questions that you will ever ask. But they're not stupid questions because if it makes you feel better and it means you can sleep a bit better at night, then I think you have to ask away. and it means you can sleep a bit better at night, then I think you have to ask away.

If you don't talk, if you don't ask for advice, like you said, whether it's you've got a family member to talk to or you join a group or you speak to someone on the bus or the train or whatever, if you don't do that, it's just silly. It's so silly because it just eats you up inside and feeling that anxious and, you know, you're carrying a little human inside of you we should be so happy about that which like I said I was absolutely so happy but I'm so glad I had my mum to talk to because otherwise it could have ruined that experience for me just through worry and it's

not worth it it's not worth it another thing someone said to me is why sometimes I used to worry about stuff that you know was coming up in say two months time or whatever my mum always said to me if you're worrying about something that's happening in two months time and you're worrying for two months by the time you get to that two months you're worrying again so you worry twice so don't worry if you are going to worry just worry the once not the twice well I was one of my friends is like worries about everything and I always say to her but it might not happen so you've like wasted your worries for nothing yeah so don't worry guys but it's easier said than done because i do worry yeah telling someone who worries not to worry it's

like oh god i'm cured it's like when everyone says to you when you're pregnant they go oh get the sleep in now because you're never going to be able to sleep again. Do you know what? That statement haunts me because I had less sleep when I was pregnant. Well, I mean, I don't get a lot of sleep now, but I could not sleep when I was pregnant. Could you? Well, I still can't because now, I mean, yeah, now I've literally just hit the point of pregnancy where it's starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. I probably have to get the pregnancy pillow out. But yeah, telling someone that is going through pregnancy insomnia, whether it's of pain like with alph i had really bad pelvic girdle pain telling someone to enjoy their sleep it's like is it a bank oh i've got loads i've got loads of sleep credit do you know what i mean it's just like one of the most annoying things but then it's funny because when

i was in the throes of sleep deprivation there is a time when Alf would wake up every hour like every hour and I used to always say oh I'm a DJ I don't need a lot of sleep I've like spent most of my 20s partying and then I realized like oh yeah I spent it partying but then I got to like recover afterwards when I didn't like move off the sofa for the entire Sunday whereas this it was like it was torture I mean it does not shock me that it's a form of torture in Alcatraz like because it was ongoing and that's when I was like oh shit like yeah you don't get you don't know like at least in a week's time I get the week off I was like there's no week off and then when I got the dreaded c word and I was like sorry is someone gonna take this baby so I can be ill and they were like no he's still yours what I have to look after him even when I'm ill.

Like, yeah, it was just, I think that's what I found hard. And I did reminisce weirdly. And I would never say it to someone because I remember how unhelpful and annoying it was. But I remember thinking like, I wish I was pregnant and not being able to sleep, but just being able to lie in bed. But when I was pregnant, I was like, I'd be so much happier if at least if I was up like with a baby.

You can't win. At the end of the day, if you're tired, you're tired. Yeah, deal with it. We have to deal with it, guys. Yeah, whether you're pregnant or whether it's with a baby, like it's like that thing, the grass is always greener, isn't it? Because I used to be pregnant thinking like, at least when my baby's here, I'll be up with them.

And then when I'm up with Alf, I'm like, you. I could be lying in bed watching Netflix. That's another thing. There's a few of my friends chatting about some series they've been watching. And I said, even if I start a series or just start an episode of any show, I have to keep rewinding it because I miss chunks of it. I don't think I've watched a full tv show I know I haven't I know I haven't because you just can't get to the end of

it so I have to start a series I won't know I won't finish it and called a friend up and ask them what the end is so at least I know what's happened but yeah it's this being a parent is the most beautiful thing in the world but it is carn carnage. Yeah, it is mad, isn't it? Is there anything that you are doing now that you said when you were pregnant or before you had kids that I would never do that? I would never do that. Do you know what? I didn't realize how many things you can do with your hands and your chin. do with your hands and your chin. When someone said to me, wait till you start balancing a bottle,

a baby's bottle on your chin, because you need to prop a cushion up behind your back or reach your phone or reach this or reach that. I was like, what is this? What is this trickery that you're all talking about? For me, I think stuff like that, because I've always been able to multitask, but I feel like being a mum has made me multitask on a different level. It's just, yeah, the amount of stuff I can do with my hands at once. It's unbelievable. I'm like a wizard. We're like wizards. earlier at the beginning how as a mom I think more so than well definitely more so than um as a man you worry about your career and how having a baby is going to impact your career but can you imagine the cv for a mom like I if I saw like just like just like role mom eight last 18 years and like everything that they've done I feel like you've got the job bloody hell you've done all that they don't even have to lease what they've done just mum yeah she's got the job guys yeah but that's like that's how it should be definitely you try doing all that on a daily basis i know it is it's like i said

it's the most rewarding job in the world but you know it's not it's not easy one thing i have started to think about and because you're here and you're a dj i need to ask you about it um songs for the birth playlist oh my god i had so many so i made an actual list of um of what what do you want to go there do you want to go yeah i want to go there i feel like lots of people i mean because i think some of mine originally were so cheesy but to be honest like my first pregnancy i i don't even know if there was music playing like whereas this time i like I want to think about a bit more and also we were going a little bit like just instead of music I actually liked we were like what cheesy songs that have baby in or like you know like haha wouldn't it be funny to have push it in there and then when

you're actually in the situation you're like get this fucking song off so this time I'm like I want like just upbeat or feel good. Or once that resonates. I think you need to do. So I did a bit of both. I did a little feature on air where I got loads of people to message in tracks, which did make the baby playlist. So there was funny ones like Push It and Yeah, I Will Survive.

And loads of ones that would have made me chuckle. Yeah. But then I also asked my family members. So I asked my brother to pick a song. He said Martin Garrix Animals. I mean, I had to get the clean version of that because imagine that. Oh, my gosh. I did put Sandstorm in there, Darude.

Calvin Harris, Summer was in there. Yeah, I saw that and nobody knew that it was obviously going to be her name. Is it because of the song? No. So I used to go to school with a girl called Summer this is when I was in my primary school and her her name always stuck in my head I mean I was tiny but I just always remember Summer and then Rose is my nan and Lee's nan's middle name so that's why we did the Summer rose and then i put calvin harry summer in there trying to work out

roughly where well when she might obviously come into the world and i've got it spot on and so that's why i put that track in there but i couldn't tell everyone that because then it would give them the name away uh so yeah i just went for half songs that i liked some that um people sent in when i was on air and then some random ones my my mom and dad put in and just family members so yeah i thought you need you need to have a connection with them otherwise you're going to be sitting there going like yeah you want to kill everyone yeah i think i was so stressed that we like i think was it spotify or something or alexa or one of one of the various names that you ask and i think i ended up with some like really depressing classical i can't

even remember what i think it was like a sleep playlist or something it was like whale noises like I just needed to chill out and then I remember like even when the baby was here Alf and I was like can someone turn this annoying music off and for ages it kept like suggesting it on my Spotify and I was like no I don't want to listen to whale noises ever again but I also love the name Rose so when when Alf um we didn't know whether he was going to be a boy or girl we were going through the names and I love the name Rose so much and Tommy was like no we can't have Rose and I was like oh god is it an ex because now you have to go through like ruling out the ones like either it's an ex or someone that bullied you or something. And he was like, no, but it's the woman from the Titanic.

And I was like, what's wrong with the woman from the Titanic? Like what has she done? He's reasoning for that. That was it. And I was like, that is not reason. What has she done to you? He was like, no, I just think of her. And I was like, yeah, but not even like positive or negative. And he was like, yeah, you know, like the old lady,

she goes up with the ring and it's like, oh. Is that her? Yeah, but I love it. I love the name Rose. But it is funny because when you choose names, it is funny how certain names do remind you of certain people that like you said, you grew up with. And I remember, oh, I don't know if I, no, I can say it,

but I did, I won't say the name but I did have another name um and I spoke to one of my friends about it I mentioned the name to her she was like oh no you can't call him this because of another reason and it put me off the name it was a boy's name I only ever had one boy's name and one girl but weirdly enough I knew I was always having a girl just weird feeling but yeah we told everyone with Alf I thought Alf was gonna be one girl but weirdly enough I knew I was always having a girl just weird feeling but yeah we told everyone with Alf I thought Alf was gonna be a girl but we told everyone his name um like friends and family straight away um as soon as we found out and I remember my mum was like oh well you've got about six months to change your mind obviously we didn't and with my sister

who ended up calling him Jasper, I think she said something about, oh no, my mum rang up and she's like, E, I've seen a name in a baby book. Why on earth would you call your child that? It's Jasper. And so now we're like, we're just not going to tell anyone this time round. But obviously it didn't make us change our opinions.

But we were like, basically if mum hates it, that'll be the name. I love Jasper as well. Yeah, I love the name jasper it's beautiful it's so funny honestly i feel like i could just like it's just been like a chit chat hasn't it to be honest oh god i'm spinning on my chair i've got that excited don't let me come back but honestly i just feel like it's such an inspiration a to hear someone that was really clear about what they wanted to do i hope it inspires anyone who does want to go back to work earlier but it's feeling kind of like judgment and i just think you're absolutely bossing it thank you and likewise so are you and even better is we found out we live in the same area i was gonna say see you down the pub but well maybe in

a couple of months time yeah i won't be much fun in the pub yet boring um but i've got to let you go because you're going to radio one so back at it thank you so much and good luck everyone whether you're having a bub or not just do you sod everyone else so you need like an inspirational channel and quit sod everyone else yeah god how much of a legend was charlie i feel like she's just so inspiring i hope it makes people realize that you don't have to listen to other people's advice and you can just do what's right for you and your baby i just yeah what what character i loved her um obviously i had to let go because she had um to go to radio one but before i let you guys go I did want to read out this email which we got from

Hannah she said hey Ashley I was so excited to listen to your latest podcast episode last night massive congrats on your pregnancy I'm so pleased look forward to hearing more about the journey um I'm just going to skim it because it is quite long she said I'm not the kind of mom I thought I'd be I said I'd never go sleep but of course I share a mattress on the floor with my little boy who doesn't do cots. I also thought I would formula feed after maybe a month or so of breastfeeding at the beginning, but my baby had other ideas and never took a bottle and one year old never has and I still breastfeed. I guess you just parent the child you get, don't you? I love this by the way. I feel like there's so many things I thought I would do differently, like I kind of mentioned with Charlie as well but she says um I just want to get in touch particularly after

tonight so many emotions come to the surface rather unexpectedly my son's first birthday is tomorrow and as I type I'm reminiscing about going into labor exactly this time last year god birthdays are so emotional aren't they um she said i'm back to work in a few weeks whilst i'm excited about going back to work full time i'm conflicted and feeling all sorts at the moment which i guess is normal i'm wondering if i've bitten off more than i can chew my baby's terrible sleeper always has been and will only settle with a breastfeed constantly throughout the night and my husband works nights who is not able to share the load in that way even when i go back to work however then i catch myself and, why am I doubting my choices?

Nobody's ever asked my husband if he did the right thing going back to work, despite everyone asking me if I'm sure I'm doing the right thing. Everyone should be free to make the right choice for them without others constantly questioning their decision. Motherhood is hard enough without all of that. So I just want to like interject in that bit and say honestly do what feels right for you and maybe you'll go back to work and like with Charlie or like with me you'll be like this is the best thing I'm so glad I went back to work and you'll figure out and make things work but maybe you'll be like Kate Lawler who I mentioned who goes back to work and thinks no actually it's not right this isn't what I want to be doing and obviously you know everyone's circumstances

are very different but I hope you know that whatever you decide it doesn't have to be permanent and you've just got to do what you can do and I honestly I really feel you I was a dummy a breastfed dummy for Alf who wouldn't take a dummy and who wouldn't take a bottle and I actually stopped feeding around a year um I think I did a podcast episode about it a while ago but he started biting and then I decided enough was enough and I just had like a couple of really teary emotional like nights for both of us where we went cold turkey um but yeah you honestly you will figure it out and you've just got to think what's right for you because ultimately that will be what's right for

them um hannah also said um i'll be looking out for your podcast each week i look forward to each episode i particularly love to hear more chats with guests about the difficult decisions surrounding the juggle of work and motherhood i'm also interested in hearing more about your current pregnancy. I'm at a stage where I'm considering whether to have another child at some point. What you said in this week's podcast really resonated with me. It's about where you see yourself in 10, 20, 30 years time. Whilst another baby would of course be such a privilege, it's not really another baby that I want. The last year has just been so so hard and I reached such a dark place earlier this year and I'm scared to potentially return to and yet when

I look at my dining room table I can't help shake the feeling that something's missing from my family and it's still yet to arrive so I look forward to hearing maybe a bit more about how you made the decision to go again if that's something you're happy to talk about what I will say here is I like totally echo of like the how the the juggle and the darkness and the awful place that I got to in the first year and it is of course a worry and what I will say as well is my reasoning for deciding to have another baby will be different to someone else's reasons and actually I think there is no right or wrong what I would love to do actually is find a guest who is one and done um whether through circumstance or choice or both um because I know so many people that are really really happy as only children or as single child parents um and honestly you don't have to make any decisions now. So especially if you're like not sleeping,

how can you make that decision? I feel like it was only once Alf was off the boob and I started to get my life back a bit that I was in a position to even think about it. If you'd have asked me after the first year, I would have been like, absolutely not. I felt like I'd ruined my life. And now I feel A, really privileged

that I have another baby, especially after experiencing loss. But B, I'm under no illusion that there'll be hard bits but I can look a little bit further ahead because I started to really enjoy it I think from about one year for me personally it got better and better and better and better so like please try not to put pressure on yourself it sounds like you've got a lot going on with going back to work and not really sleeping and it is a new adjustment I think anyone that goes back to work will say that whether it's um right or wrong only time will tell but thank you so much for messaging in

she just ends saying um you're doing an amazing job with the podcast I can't tell you how much less alone it made me feel during my darkest days and the very long nights at breastfeeding. Thank you truly. And of course, I'm under no illusions that what I've said is anything particularly profound. And if there's anything that I said above that you'd like to read out or share, I'm very happy with that. So Hannah, that is exactly why I wanted to start the podcast, honestly, to talk about the highs as well as the lows, and also to just hear from other people's experiences other parents experiences on their very very unique and different journeys and hopefully it does make you feel like less alone and whatever your journey is because god i know that i definitely felt lonely

with it but it's so comforting reassuring to me to hear how many people do it so differently and so if you did want to get in touch like Hannah has, you can WhatsApp either by voice note or message, which the number is 075-999-27537. Or you can email at askmumsthewordpod at gmail.com. Or of course, you can leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It makes it easy to find and obviously helps other people find us as well.

So if you are enjoying the episodes, then make sure to hit the subscribe or follow button so you never miss an episode. And Hannah, I hope that I hear from you in a few months time and you're just feeling in a completely different place

because all I can do is send you the biggest virtual hug because I've been where you are. And all I can say is it does get better and don't be afraid to change your mind if whatever you decide doesn't seem right with going back to work I'll be back with another episode same time same place next week I'm sure as parents we all know how messy things can get, whether that's around the house, during meal times, and even when it comes to our little ones themselves.

When it comes to wiping Alf's messy face and body, I want to be sure that what I am using is the best choice for his skin. With baby eczema and nappy rash being common conditions, using wipes for sensitive skin is a must. using wipes for sensitive skin is a must. We've both been loving water wipes. We've actually used them since Alf was born and they gently clean and help protect delicate newborn and premature baby skin. They're made of just two ingredients, so 99.9% water and a drop of fruit extract.

That means they are the best wipe choice for sensitive skin. Alf loves them and I even find myself using them.