Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - Georgia Jones and Kelsey Parker : FINDING THE BALANCE!

Episode Date: October 22, 2023

Our hosts Georgia Jones and Kelsey Parker come together this week to discuss their parenting highs and lows. Kelsey discusses her partners death and how to provide the best future for her kids, and Georgia confesses how hard it is to find a good balance and the feeling of judgement that seems to never go away. Do you have a question for us? Get in touch at [e-mail]---A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello and welcome back to mum's the word the parenting podcast i'm georgia jones and i'm kelsey parker and this week we have an extra special episode for you i reached out to you on socials to hear what you really want to talk about and the most requested answer was am i meant to be saying what the answer was there's a few what we're gonna have a massive chat about this aren't we so excited that we're together i know like there's actually someone sat here with me we were just talking about you coming back from that trek weren't we i've been trekking i've been releasing a book i've been here there and everywhere you have been releasing a book i'm've been here, there and everywhere. You have been releasing a book. I'm like, how's it going?

Yeah, really good. Really exciting. I am actually so overwhelmed with the fact that I have a book out as if I've got a book, but I have. Yeah, I bet like 10 years ago, you would never have thought you'd be like releasing a book about your life. No, it's literally my life. Yeah.

Yeah. So it's exciting, but busy. Good. So that gets us onto the... One of the questions that somebody posted to me, or to us, was about the work parenting struggle. And, you know, how as mums, we're kind of judged if we just mum. We're judged if we try and mum and work. We're judged if we work and get childcare.

Like, it's almost like we can't really do anything. Well, I think the moral of that story is we're judged yeah that's it i just think a little less judgment a little more kindness because i have had it where people have now said to me i am now using tom's death as an elevation in my career which is really hard but, I don't think people realize that, you know, financially, I now have to work. Of course you do. You are the breadwinner. Yes. The breadwinner. I am the breadwinner. And I've got a mortgage to pay and I have bills to pay. And, you know, the current climate, everything's gone up. I want the kids to

have the best life now and I need to provide a better future for them. Well, of course. But now I'm getting judged that I'm actually working. But you know what as well? The thing is, obviously, when Tom died, it did make national news. Everybody talked about it. And I think that by you talking about it as well, will hopefully have helped anybody else

going through similar things. And it's natural for you to then talk about it. If the newspapers, the magazines want to speak to you and see how you're doing, I have no doubt that Tom would be like, go on then, Kels. Like, absolutely. He would be so proud of everything that I've actually done and how I've changed my life because, you know, I could quite easily got into my bed and never got out of that bed.

You could have let it destroy your life, but would Tom have wanted you to do that? Absolutely not. Funnily enough, our husbands both went to school together. They did. They're fallen boys together. They're fallen boys. Tom was a bit younger than Danny,

but they went to school together. And Danny said to me, oh, just make sure you bring up how funny Tom found me yes Danny Tom found you really funny and he loved you no but I think they had the connection of being from Bolton yeah but Tom Tom would want me to succeed and Tom would also want me to have you know provide the best future for his children so that's what I'm trying to do oh yeah and and how do you feel like when when you get the negative comments about like you know oh you should be with your kids and looking after them and not working how do you deal with it it makes me feel awful because i really try and balance even before tom got ill i've i've always worked like i've run

a performing arts school i've had that for like 11, 12 years now. Yeah. Like, it's not like I've never worked. And, you know, even going back to the dance school days, I've always wanted to bring the kids to work because I think it shows the children that I teach that you can be a mum and you can work. Yeah. But obviously now I'm just trying to juggle things. So the beginning of this week, I've not had that much work.

So I've been around for the kids. I've run them to their activities. But now I've got to work for the next couple of days like you know it swings around about well that's it and i think it's just now it's just because it's in the public eye that you're having to work yeah and people just can't seem to to understand that that's actually a really positive thing that you're doing that and i'm sure i mean at like for me for me and my mental health i needed to work like i needed to have something even when he did when he died i jumped back into work really quickly and i think you know people that were looking after me at the time going are you okay but i needed something i

needed something to focus on i probably was like blurring everything else out behind me of what was going on and i was like i'm gonna work i'm gonna do this i'm gonna provide for the family what would tom want me to do yeah and also what yeah what would Tom want me to do what do I need to do because I was like that I remember not that long after having Cooper I definitely wasn't mentally as healthy as I should have been and I didn't really realize but what helped me was throwing myself into work and like I, I mean, you know, it will have been a distraction for sure. But sometimes you need that distraction to help you get through. And you sort of need purpose.

Yeah. And for you, it gave you purpose working. It's like I'm doing this and maybe I'm not feeling right over here. But this gives me something and gives me purpose. Yeah. Because like those months, those months, years are are like are they hard work especially like somebody's asking the questions about terrible twos um cooper i was a cooper was a terrible list of twos he because he his tantrums dear god i've never experienced anything like his

yeah he was he was a tantrum i think because he wasn't very vocal for until a little bit later it took him a while to speak um to the point where you know you're like on google how when should my child start speaking and you're like do we need to go to a speech therapist you know when you start thinking all those things it's like it's like when your kid's like a week old and you're like i think they might have autism they're showing signs they're not looking at me in the eye i just think there's so much pressure but like then you're putting pressure on him to talk like we all develop at different stages and they say by the time they're five they will all be at the same level yeah yeah exactly and boys they say boys develop later than

girls yeah yeah they do they do did you were either of yours terrible twos or um one of yours is well bode's sort of in it but we're moving out of it and his is just yeah he's quite he's just a so-so and he's so stubborn that's tom do you see a lot of him in your kids yeah i think you do and and i think now for me obviously like you've got danny there you can he's physically in the physical but mine will be whether it's nature or nurture yeah yeah of course so it will be interesting to watch them grow up but they've definitely got his traits and that stubborn and that he just stomps off he'll just he'll just actually storm off and go and sulk somewhere and you're like okay i'm just gonna ignore you well that makes me think that that i don't know maybe he was born with a bit of like tom because because he you know

he's only little yeah he can't really he won't remember tom that's quite sad yeah he's quite sad he was obviously 18 yeah 18 months 18 months when tom died so he won't a hell of a lot as well to like take on isn isn't it? Sorry, I don't want to go massive, too much down the Tom route because I know you've done a lot of talking about this anyway. But I guess the Tom route is my story. Well, true. To parenting because you've got to think, 35 weeks pregnant when Tom was diagnosed.

So I already at home had a 15 month old baby. So I brought two of them up whilst taking Tom to treatment. So that is my journey. And that's what I think to these people that actually comment on my life. I think, come and live my life. Yeah, see what I did. And then come back to me and see if you've got any judgment on me then. Absolutely.

I think that was just massive hats off to you, Kelsey, because I think that could have broken the strongest of people who like you're incredible for for powering through like just being a mum to an 18 month old was enough for me to yeah it is hard work yeah and it is and then you add all you had the fact that there was two of them yeah and then obviously everything with tom added into the mix and then having to be the breadwinner all of that so if anybody um has judged kelsey in the past i think you already apologize because you're evil you can slide into my dms and apologize to me if you would like to slide

into chelsea's okay oh my god why do i keep doing that judge keeps calling me chelsea i keep calling kelsey chelsea and i don't know why and it's really upsetting me i mean i've known you for years i know full well what your name is honestly i swear to god i'm not on this planet for the last couple of days well it's hard work being running on empty that's it i'm busy i'm literally like my battery's just on red it is the juggling i've now realized that it all becomes a juggling act. Yeah, it does, doesn't it? And then with school, school's thrown into the mix. So your eldest, is she at school? She's just started in September. Just started.

And it's like this school, this school life is a lot. Oh, I mean, honestly. How did you cope? Like literally, as soon as, when's school, so Cooper's in year one now. So he's already done. Oh, so you did last year? Yeah, so he's done a year of reception and then this year and i so i have a big mental load anyway just with like life and everything going on and um then the school like whatsapp started and i was like oh okay this is this is this is something else i'm not a massive fan of group whatsapps anyway

because what happens is i miss one thing that's been said then everybody replies and then i'm so far behind instead of then going right what i'm going to do is i'm going to sit down um when i've got a moment and read through all these and catch up i panic and i go oh my god there's far too much to read what i'm going to do now is just completely ignore it and and then I get myself into even more of a state because I've ignored it for so long I've got absolutely no idea what's going on um but I really hope I'm not the only one that feels like that because I feel like I don't think you are do you know what I feel like a few of the mums have got like sort of know what i'm

like already because uh one of my friends louise message saying um because last night they had a meeting at half five till half six and obviously solo parent i can't now i had no child care i couldn't go to the meeting so her husband took notes for me thank thank god but then another mum who is in aurelia's um school but she also comes to our swimming lessons she said to me last night tomorrow's the cut off to order the photos because she's just had her first she went tomorrow's the cut off i went okay so i went home last night and ordered the photos but i've realized how much there is there's so much going on like the dress up day the photos i mean we've only been there three weeks.

Yeah. Is it three weeks or is it a month now? Oh, I mean, I've got to be like, what day is it? Where's my child? Is he at school today? I don't know. Oh yeah, I'm not the best person to ask. I know, but I was the same.

I was more like, it was funny. One of the mums very early on um in cooper being in reception came up to me at like drinks and she was like do you even get the emails i was like uh yes and i was like it's just they get put into the group whatsapp because what happens is somebody puts the emails we get sent into the group whatsapp as well just in case you've like missed the email some mums are so on it i'm like i want to be that mum how are you how are you that on it i said to one of the mums i was like do you work for the school or are you just on it i said that on the group whatsapp and then i said to all my friends and they were like what what and i was like what that's surely a reasonable thing to say i just

needed to know whether she was on it or whether she was like i don't know what was her reply she's like she said i'm neither i neither work for the school nor am i on it i was like oh okay i was like welcome to cooper's class i am the mum that's like obviously i wonder if um cooper's like uh school the mums in his um from his class are all like george is the scatty one she's the one that just hasn't got a clue half the time what's going on i really try as well i've got like my paper diary i've got a notebook i've got a wall calendar yeah i put it in my phone i've got a wall calendar now and it's so funny because everyone that comes around goes oh yeah oh who even are you i'm like i need the walk i need the wall calendar now i'm not mom yeah i need a bit of a like routine with

things it's impossible when you've got a husband in a band isn't it but i think like when when tom was here though i just sort of like had to crack on my like on my own anyway like i feel like i was used to it like like what you're saying he'd sometimes spend the whole day in the studio and i'm like oh what about your daughter he's like oh yeah can your mom not just have her like so i sort of used to make plans without him the only day he used to actually have to have her was a saturday morning well he was meant to have it the saturday whole whole day yeah but what he used to do is used to get up in the morning and he used to get her dressed and then i'd be sent a picture to show the outfit that he picked. Like, oh, wow, I dress her every day.

Thanks for showing me. And then by lunchtime, he'd have dropped her to my mum's. Because he's got work to do. He's got work to do. I mean, but this is it. I would be so interested to see what Danny would do if we had parents nearby. because we don't have that. And I remember like way back in the early days when I was trying to work and I was trying to do that juggle.

And I remember saying to one of my best friends, Kat, she was like, she was like, why are you not putting Cooper into nursery? And I was like, because then like, cooper into nursery and i was like because then like then i've failed haven't i like i should be able to because i was obviously doing a lot of the influencing side of things from home i was like surely i should be able to have a baby at home and work and be able to do it and cat was like no you do not need to she was like just put him in like a few days a week start off with that anyway ended up within six months he was in there full time yeah and it was the best the best bit of advice i've ever been given because do you know what it's really hard for our jobs because now look at this poor us if you had a nine-to-five job then you would automatically put them into

nursery like there's no like no question yeah you'd just be like right they're going to nursery but because you are around and you almost feel like because sometimes you're working at home and you're shooting stuff at home and doing stuff from home yeah they could think it's not fair on them to have them at home either because you're they're not with them and playing with them so they might as well be in nursery and having a lovely time yeah exactly but that's the thing with the nine to five thing because i remember a few of my friends have actually said to me she's like yeah but georgia is very different for us and our family because we do nine to five so we do have that structure we know that one of us will drop off one of us will pick up and it's it's organized and the only thing that they have to

think about really is the weekends or like if you know if one of them has like after work drinks or something yeah but and we don't we like literally because i i don't know whether you agree but sometimes we could be working like very first thing in the morning till late at night and then it's like a constant and you just on a just running on like like i said like a red battery and there's just you're just powering through at some points and it's hard as well because I think what I started doing was I was like, I felt guilty for being on my phone. I was like, but this is my work. Like I wouldn't have felt guilty had it been a laptop.

That's what's mad. It's so funny because I was sat, I went out for lunch yesterday, but I run the performing arts school with my best friend who's also called Kelsey and my little cousin Oliviaivia now works with us so we were all sat at lunch on our phones and i was like people looking must think they're really unsociable we were all working on our phones yeah but it is that if we were all sat with laptops in front of us be different it would be okay oh look at those professional women there yeah look at them sending their emails earning life. Earning life. But yeah, we were all on our phones. We were all like sending emails, doing whatever.

But like my nan and granddad, like they never, like they don't get it. Why are you on your phone? I'm like, it's work. Yeah, I had to explain that to my mum and dad. This was a while back now. But I was like, because my dad would be like, get off your phone, Georgia, you know. And I was like, dad, I'm working. Like I am actually working right now.

And eventually he understood. But I think for that generation, they just think we're being rude. And obviously some people are. Some people are really rude on their phones, but like. But that's why I do find it hard to switch off. Because your work is constantly there. Yeah, I feel like I need to remove my phone

and put it away because i've i really find it hard and i think because everything is so busy yeah i want to be on it yeah i know what i'm doing and i want to have plans in place yeah so i feel like i do need to put put it down put it down do you know what i do which i think is really handy for any like mums or dads um out there is to set a timer on your phone so i do this like say if i've got a job to do like as in like a household job so like i need to completely clean the bathrooms yeah i'll put my i'll put my foot a timer on my phone really loud and then put my phone on charge in another room yeah and i feel like setting that timer for myself makes me do it. Like I've seen a lot of people with.

That's such a good idea. Yeah. I've seen a lot of people that have got ADHD use that technique because it almost like forces you. I know some people film themselves in like time lapse. Yeah. Because like it's almost that pressure of like. I've got to do it. Yeah.

I've got to do it. Yeah. Because I will start a job. Then I'll go on my phone. Then I'll go and do it. Then I'll go back and job then I'll go on my phone then I'll go and do then I'll go back and be like what job was I even doing

oh I'll I'm the same I'll like say if I've got to like hang the washing out I'll start getting the washing out and then as I'm doing it

I'll be like oh but I need to put that away first so then I'll leave that pile of washing there go and do that job but while I'm doing that job I think of something else I need to do

yeah and then you've got three jobs on the go literally three jobs on the go. Literally three jobs on the go, not finished any of them. Baffled, the Factor podcast bringing you some amazing facts that are complete nonsense. More people in the world have mobile phones than toilets. Since most people are right-handed, in World War II, the Germans trained their army to eat with their left hand

so they could spot spies in the cafeteria. A woodpecker's tongue actually wraps all the way around its brain, protecting it from damage when it's hammering into a tree. You can find us wherever you got this podcast. Just search for Baffled Amazing Facts. You know, when you ask a man to do a job, and Danny has got ADHD, and honestly, he'll start a job.

And I came home and he's like, darling, I've changed all the lights. I was like, oh my God, amazing. I went upstairs. They were all just hanging out of holes in the ceiling. I was like, oh, are we finishing it? And he was like, well, when I've got time. Tom used to be like that.

Did he? I think he was undiagnosed ADHD. Like now, you know, we're learning more about adhd and without a doubt he was told by a teacher at the school that he had add oh yeah okay slightly different isn't it yeah but i think he definitely had hyperactive because even when he'd get in the studio he'd sit there for like hours and not eat and do anything else like it was i'm just doing this yeah but then he was he could only sustain that for like a short period of time and then the next couple of days he'd have to have off and do something else yeah and it was retaining information

memory because um oh yeah that's a different story anyway but um what he would like so he built a chair for his studio he was like i've bought a chair and I'm going to build it. It was hilarious. The arm was hanging out and swinging. I was like, I just don't think that's for you, honey. I feel like Tom and Danny are the same person. But Tom would be like that. He'd be extreme.

So when I'd come home, he'd be like, I'll clean the whole house. It would be immaculate. Yeah. Danny would be like that. I've cleared out my entire wardrobe. Like, have you? You've got two shirts left. I'm like, there's nothing in there. Yeah, no, I just had a full on clear out. I'm like, my entire wardrobe. They're like, have you? You've got two shirts left. I'm like, there's nothing in there.

Yeah, no, I just had a full on clear out. I'm like, okay, brilliant. But that's when we've like been at events before and you've told me like the stories of Danny, like they do remind me of each other. Yeah. Danny is hilarious. I think Danny's hilarious too. Oh, thanks Kelsey.

Yeah. I mean, both the Barkers love him. It's what attracted me to him mum always said to me you need to find a man that makes you laugh and i did definitely find that so she said that's the key to a marriage oh we've really like gotten over to relationships now this is the mum's word relationship podcast um talking about relationships i don't think you i don't think you mind um touching on the whole sex side of things. Because obviously, you know, prior to Tom's death, you were having sex.

Well, yes, I fell pregnant pretty quickly. You got pregnant pretty quickly. I never forget when I found out, when I'd had a baby, and I always knew there was 15 months between me and my sister. Oh, you've got the same age gap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I remember saying to mum, I was like, mum, was I a mistake? Because I'm the youngest. She's like, no, darling.

I was like, I just don't understand how you could have had a baby so quickly after you had Lauren. And mum was like, well, I just wanted one. I was like, okay. Because I obviously wasn't mentally at that stage and I just could not understand. I believe that someone could do that. I don't know that someone would want to have two so close together but they do mine i think everything happens for a reason but it was literally the case of i stopped breastfeeding and i felt pregnant ah that does happen doesn't it

because they say that i mean i don't think it is a um a guaranteed form of contraception if it is it but i think they say something about breastfeeding and but then i know people that breastfeeding have had periods and stuff so yeah don't rely on the breastfeeding but i did yes stop breastfeeding i felt pregnant the next month with bodie wow and we was it so tom hadn't no he wasn't diagnosed 18 months late after no no no he was diagnosed what was it you were 36 weeks yeah yeah right god that must have been i mean so that i'm looking back at that you know i remember when i fell pregnant with bodie and then i found out because when i was so close in age i wanted to know what to keep and what to get rid of yeah and we found out we were having a boy and i remember one of my best friends said to me

what a perfect family like mom dad little girl little girl, little boy. And I was like, yeah. And then it was like how our life just literally got turned upside down. It was like, wah, wasn't expecting this. Did you know when you first, when Tom first got his diagnosis, did you know it was inevitable that he was going to not live as long? Well, I always believed that he would because we were doing so much. We were obviously given the fact of this is a stage four. So he was always terminal when he first got diagnosed.

But especially like the whole, you know, I'll just do a little plug for brain tumors right now. It's so underfunded. It gets 1% of funding. 1%? 1% of funding. So the standard of care hasn't changed in 30 years. So when they told me that he had that, I was like, right, we've got to do something else. So we really went down the alternative route, which really worked for Tom.

Did he have treatment? Was he having treatment? Yeah, so he had the standard of care. Yeah. That's literally what they said. He'll have the standard of care. We'll do the first like, I think, I can't remember how many. It's such a blur because obviously I did have the baby brain as well.

Of course. And the new, and the new mum brain as well. Yeah. So we did, we did treatment. So I think it must have been six weeks. Yeah.

Six weeks of like radio and chemo and you have that every day. So yeah, it was getting him up to London each day as well. So in the end, because it was in COVID as well and COVID added to this

brilliant wow you like I feel like things get thrown to certain people yeah but it's because the world no whoever

whoever it is knows that that person can cope yeah and that like because that's what people used to ask me how do you cope

I'm like I don't know but I am just coping because it was like even getting him up to London yeah because he was getting weaker, it was like we got a cab service to take him to their weight and bring him back.

But yeah, it was such a shock to us that, you know, that was, you don't know anything about brain tumors. It was like, yeah, you're going to get 1% of funding and this is it and this is standard of care and we're going to give you six weeks and if that works yeah then we might give you some more treatment if it doesn't then go and get your affairs in order then off you go yeah but i think because we did both together so we did some alternative he actually had a significant reduction right okay after he's that first six weeks so it just sort of like shrunk right back and i think they're a bit like oh okay yeah okay He actually had a significant reduction. Right. Okay. After his first six weeks.

Wow. So it just sort of like shrunk right back. And I think they were a bit like, oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. This isn't what we would suggest, but it's obviously working. Yeah. I feel like we went off on a tangent with that. And I don't really feel like we should go back to sex right now.

Oh, yeah. Let's talk about sex. I feel like it's a bit insensitive after you just told me about Tom. How did we even get there? I don't really know how we went, oh, this is what we do as mums. We go off on an absolute tangent. Yeah, people listening are going to be like, how did they get there? We're there, guys.

Yeah, but they're probably like... Sex, brain tumours. Yeah, brain tumour, sex. It's like, it all goes together. It's like, but it is, when you're a mum, you do just often go off on tangents. You can't hold conversations for that long, especially if there's kids it's literally like i've seen so many comedy clips on mums trying to have conversations and it's literally like yeah i'll see you i'll see you next week and okay yeah it seems me and my friends now we just do like the night out yeah yeah we do like a dinner

or some something where there isn't really kids involved. And we can actually talk. Yeah, unless you know you need a break and to take that load off parenting-wise and then you just go and throw your children together in a room and try and have a bit of a cuppa and a conversation. But apart from that, I always feel like the best times to see your friends is when your children aren't there, so you can actually fully... Catch up and know what's going on in their lives.

Yeah, fully engage in the conversation. I'll never forget when my sister first had her kids and it was before i had cooper i remember i sat there having a conversation with her i think i went to my mom afterwards i was like lauren just can't can't like to have a conversation like i'm trying to talk to her and she's just like busy off with the kids and obviously i had no understanding of it as a non-parent and then once i had cooper i was like oh i get it now totally understand why she couldn't hold a conversation and then i felt incredibly guilty because i was like i was really annoyed with her but you just can't you can't understand unless you actually have kids you can't you can't understand like because you can't not watch them even if even if you're in like just the house and then you're contained you've always got one little eye on them and

always got your brain thinking about them what are they doing and they've already gets up to mischief as well she's my mischief one so she will wander off and i'll be like doing something about where is she oh yeah and if she does something naughty she'll go well you weren't watching me oh she gaslights you yeah I'm like sorry she go yeah but you weren't watching me was she so oh my gosh I think it's awful isn't it when they start calling you out though because like I've done something before and I can't remember what it was like I told a little white lie about something just like um oh we can't come to that today because we're busy and like Cooper's like but we're not busy mummy and I'm like no I know we're not but it's okay well you're not meant to lie I'm like no no you're not meant to lie and I was like well

that's really naughty of mummy and maybe I won't be getting presents from Father Christmas this year who knows it is hard though I'm like even'm just going to always be honest because Aurelia is that kid that she's going to go, no, that's not right, mum. So I'm just going to tell the truth. And I feel like Bodhi will call me out as well. Well, that's what I think after that one time when he did do that, called me out, I was like, oh yeah, that wasn't a good, that wasn't a good idea doing that.

But they are like sponges. They literally pick up on everything. Everything that's said. They spent the weekend at my mom's house and i've got two younger brothers and they've really you know when they come back from there it's some of the language they use and i'm like have you spent the weekend with your uncles that's what cooper's like and you find don't really even notice this but when they do start school obviously you can't you can't like parent a parent you can't like see what other kids are saying to your children and like Cooper come home and say some words and I'm like who taught you that like what why you're not meant to say that that's a naughty word we don't

say things like that and he's like well so-and-so's allowed to say it I'm like well I so-and-so isn't your brother I don't pay I'm not so-and-so's mother am i so we obviously parent in different ways but you need to know that that is not what you say you started spelling things out the other day in the bath with um you know the little letters that stick onto the bath i went downstairs and i came back up and he written um oh it was blooming hell he'd written thank goodness yeah but obviously i say something different and i was like oh god that you really have to think about like what you are saying in front of those children when i went in and had the sit down with the teacher i i said look she's got older uncles my brother's at 18 and 16 and i said i'm so sorry now for what comes out of her mouth because she's she's at the school

gate swoon she's like um mum pass my bag bruv pass my bag she's actually she's going bruv can you stop calling me bruv i'm your i'm your mum it's when they start calling you mum instead of mummy as well i was like no it's mummy call me mummy forever please never stop kissing and cuddling me well i don't think boys do i think boys always love their mums do you think yeah yeah but there's that thing isn't there where it's like about a boy being a boy until he finds your wife boy being like a mummy's boy until he finds his wife and i was like my husband yeah it is where i've got one of each it's like it's gonna be interesting to see like

like me and my sister we're still proper mummy's girl mummy and daddy daddy's girls actually it'll be interesting to see because i can't imagine my brother's got like going off and leaving my mum no but then with girlfriends like you said before about like nurture nurture maybe it's just the way Because I can't imagine my brothers going off and leaving my mum. No. With girlfriends. Like you said before about nurture, nurture. Maybe it's just the way that they're brought up. My mum does everything for them. Does she? Everything.

I think I fell into that pattern. And I think I made a rod for my own back with it. Because my mum's the same. She is like... But does everything for you. Everything. Everything. Always has done.

Everything for... You know, it was very, very, a very old-fashioned traditional relationship, my mum and dad. Dad would go out to work. Mum would stay at home, look after us, cook, clean. And, you know, obviously,

it's different now, different nowadays. But that was kind of the way mum was. So I obviously grew up being very very similar and i remember when i first got with danny actually you might have been the same with tom is you almost go into a mother role with them because they have been basically kind of mothered by management oh their entire life yeah it's the management is the it's everyone the yes people around them that are pulling their suitcases and unpacking their suitcases doing whatever and then you're left with this human that's like that doesn't quite leave their pants everywhere yeah yeah and i remember danny's

tour manager i remember when i first like me and danny first like became boyfriend and girlfriend and you know i moved in with him and stuff and i remember he didn't set an alarm he his tour manager was his alarm so he would just get a call in the morning it would be his tar manager waking him up i'm like are you kidding are you can you not set an alarm for yourself do you need someone to ring you yeah that's what that's what they used to do for tom did they yeah it's just it's the same isn't it it is the same we live parallel parallel lives for a while didn't we yeah a hundred percent and it's uh when people like obviously when tom actually got ill they'd say about his memory i'm like he's always had a bad memory because everyone has done everything for him that's it so it was like

you know he went off and was in the band and did all that and and was completely babied and then came home and was babied then by me yeah yeah did you feel like you did baby like mother him a bit in that massively yeah but he was really good with like the bills yeah stuff like that i used to let him take control of that but like household yeah yeah say exactly the same and i remember i'd have a word with him recently actually i quit um doing his washing for him because I would wash everything, fold it up into a nice pile and then he'd rummage through it

because he's always in a rush to get everywhere, rummage through it and then it'd all be unfolded. Then he'd put his dirty clothes on top of that. Then it would all just get scooped up and put back in the wash. In the end, we have lived the same life. I used to just make piles for for tom that's what i do for

daniel of washing and i used to leave it on we had this used to have this swivel chair in the corner of our room and i used to put all this stuff on there because i was like i'm sick i'm putting stuff in the drawers and then the drawers like just like an explosion yeah absolutely exactly the same so i went on washing strike so i, unless these clothes get put away, I will not be doing any more washing. And I kid you not, it got put away. Like literally that day. Really? Yeah, but that's like a normal thing.

But I used to want to live like that Instagram home life. Do you know when you see people on Instagram, you're like, how does your house look that nice? Oh, I know, I know. I mean, you've got, I think what we've always got to remember is it's just sections of people's houses, isn't it? So they might have like, you know, they might have one room. They have a room that's like pile time.

Yeah. And also you never know how much help someone's having because it's really easy to judge yourself on someone else's life. But I always try to be super honest. Like I was very honest in the early days that we had we got a nanny for Cooper who was amazing and she just helped me and she was a bit of a she was almost like it's almost like having therapy as well because I would just talk to her about everything she was a parent um and then I was very honest that we had that help and then because we didn't have anyone else around and then that he went to nursery because I never want anyone to feel like, you know, someone's doing it all and like absolutely smashing life with zero help or, you know. Yeah, I have help.

So when Tom got ill, I actually got my auntie. She came and worked for me. Oh, did she? So my auntie's called Julie and now everyone goes to me. I need a Julie. I need a Julie. So Julie helps me with my washing, sorts the uniform out, all the stuff that I would do if I was around Julie so Julie helps move my washing sorts the uniform out all the stuff that I would do

if I was around at home yeah Julie is my go-to she's absolutely incredible tidies the house organises it that's amazing

and that's what I think that's what I think like a lot of parents need to realise is like that help is completely normal and it's okay

to have to need to have someone there to help well like you're saying you have no family around the corner you do have family you have no family no but do you know what i mean like my mom lives like five minutes from me yeah so i give her a call and go mom can you come and help me with this whereas if you haven't got that no i don't know how you do it oh babysitters but jesus because i i now talk about the village a lot and i wouldn't have been able to get through what i've got through without the village yeah so that's like you know my core like mom auntie nan and obviously the men in the family but the women mainly and

then it just feels out to like friends best friends and it's this village of people that i can call on and go can you help me with this can you help that and and i do feel like like what you're saying people are scared yeah to even say that they have the village and they have the help but i do think we've sort of lost the village as well like my back door's always open for someone to come in and do whatever like we have lost it haven't we yeah i think people i think people are so scared and i hold my hands up and say i was of asking for help and feeling like you should but it probably is because people see a lot on social media and you've got to follow the right people to to make

you you happy uh within that world you have to follow the right people because you can follow a group of people and they look like they have everything together and doing it completely on their own and you know not struggling and everything's wonderful and happy and I much rather would follow the people that show the hard bit sometimes and go oh god I'm having it you do it yeah I'm having a tough day day to day like you know it's hit me it. It's come to me today and it's just hard or like, you know, a battle with parenting. Like, because the thing is,

you think you've got it down and then literally the world goes, ha ha. I'm going to throw something at you. But I just don't think you've ever got it down because life throws you, like you're saying,

life throws you challenges all the time and life's not perfect. And I think we do look at Instagram and you're quite like blindsided, aren you that you know i'm saying that look at people's house and think how does your house look that nice but exactly i need the one room though that looks nice yeah it's mine just the kids there's the toys it's the everything i get so i'm like why have you just taken your school shoes off and just left them there now and why

have you just left your bag there and can you do this and i'm like i sound like my mom i actually sound like my mom but do you ever feel like that though like i i have this inner battle with myself so i'm like i do sound like i'm just nagging all the time and i don't want to sound like that i don't want to be nagging but i think you have to nag because if you don't nag it's not getting done nothing gets done does it so i think that's why our parents moaned that's why when i go to my mom's or i can hear her moaning it with my brothers i just think as parents we're just born to nag that's it if you want to be a mom yeah i just feel like there needs to be a new word from it like getting getting shit done or something like i don't know like because nagging for me i

feel like it sounds like such a negative negative thing but when you're nagging you do feel negative don't you well you do yeah but you never hear of a man being a nag

do you so it's only ever really we're tarnished with the naggy side of things oh she's a naggy wife yeah

isn't it well no it is and we probably are naggy wives but also it's because we're trying to hold it all together. That's it.

There's only so much we can hold together. You probably nag Danny all the time. I do. I know I do. And that's boring as well. You're like, how long have we been together? Just, can't you learn? Well, I do get a bit bored of my sound of my own voice though.

Sometimes I'm just like, oh, just do it yourself, Georgia. But even with that, sometimes you do just have to accept, like you've accepted him you love him he's funny he's got other amazing qualities like he's in a band but you have i think for a relationship as well you have to accept everything you do about that person you do and as well what what i always have to remember is this has always been danny's world you know and same with tom it was always their world of being mothered so you can't blame them you can't go for god's sake like you know what are you doing because actually it's all they know it's all they've ever all they've ever

known is that life and then we came in and gave them that life what are you gonna do with cooper you're gonna do that to him so he's gonna tear out a guy thanks yeah i'm hoping that well what i'm hoping is cooper sees that i work you know work hard and and like and and i always say to him if ever he's like mummy what like do you have to go to work? And I always say to him, well, yeah, because I'm working so that you can do nice things and so that we have a roof over our heads and we can do fun things and we can go on a holiday. But if mummy doesn't work and daddy doesn't work,

then that's not going to happen. So what would you rather? And obviously like the presence of a mummy working, he's like, okay, right, yeah, you can go to work. Yeah, you can go to work that's yeah you can go it's fine if as long as i'm living in this nice house and i'm still keep bringing the candy mom fish fingers and waffles actually but god my child is the fussiest eater in the world it's it's that's a whole nother story but goodness me like they do grow out of that well i'm flipping

well hope so because he is nearly six now and he's not. Do you know what? It could be a long time though. Bobby, I think my brothers, well, they don't listen to any of these, thank God. No one report back to my brothers

that I talk about on this podcast all the time. But Bobby was so fussy. I think as well, I've sort of been a young mum. I wasn't their mum. Yeah. Like I was 17 and 15 when the boys were born. Oh, right. So I've sort of brought a young mum. I wasn't their mum. Yeah. Like, I was 17 and 15 when the boys were born.

Oh, right. So, I've sort of brought them up as well. And Bobby only ate beige food. Yeah. Sausages and chips. Now, he hit like 17. And then all of a sudden, I think where he's looking on TikTok and, you know, he wants to build muscle and whatever else, he eats everything.

Does he? We used to try and we've used money to bribe him. Like, I'll pay you 10 pounds to eat a strawberry. He cried and was like sick. He was sick. He was sick. But that was like when he was a lot younger. Yeah.

Not mugging you off, Bob. Yeah. Not now. When he was 18. He was scared of food. Yeah. Like he had. He was petrified to eat

but he's grown out of that and now he eats everything so honestly i think that's quite reassuring to hear you saying that because like you do you definitely do go through phases as a parent of god like like am i a terrible parent because like they literally will not eat like i think the only vegetable cooper likes is a carrot. But that's amazing. He's even that, because I don't think Bobby ate any veg. Now he eats veg, fruit, the lot, so. Okay, I was not lost.

But that's part of it itself. But that's what I mean is relentless being a parent. Because you give up as well a little bit in the sense of. Well, how many times can you say, please eat it? Exactly. Please eat it. And then the last thing and i'm sure a lot of people can relate that the last thing you want to do when it's like

five o'clock in in the afternoon and you got you need to feed them you need to give them a bath and you need to get them to bed for bedtime i don't know what your kids is but cooper's cooper's seven o'clock but we're quite regimented with his bedtime yeah ours is if they're not doing an activity it's half six right oh amazing right yeah and I honestly feel like that is like as is the best way that we could have been with Cooper because I think he quite likes routine as well routine is perfect yeah and I always said and you need an evening with Danny yeah and I don't know whether you were like this um in the early days when Tom was still touring and I I remember me and Danny having a conversation before Cooper arrived and we're like we're just gonna be totally chilled like we don't really need routine Cooper can just

come on tour with us and you know it's gonna be amazing kids on tour woo and then and then we had him and I was like no and actually me and Danny were both like that we're like yeah i think we need routine routine is amazing for them and i think it like for my kids as well it's given them that security of a routine but going back to going back to the food that like what it's you know you've only got that window yeah that window and how how many times can you actually say please please and do you know what i had a bit of i'm i'm a foodie but not a foodie and i'm really really fussy about like the texture of food and stuff and i don't want to put that on my children because i think i understand it and you know when someone goes you've got to eat it it's like i actually can't eat it

because it's actually making me feel sick and i get it and it is so hard no and i told i actually really do get it because i was a bit i was a fussy kid i'll eat anything now but as a child it's so funny because my mom and dad are always like you weren't i'm like do you not remember me sat at the kitchen table by myself because i would not eat my food i remember what i used to do when i was a little girl was i would um be left because i wasn't eating my food and i would pull everything out of the bin and put my food in and then put everything back on top of the bin and mum and dad net were never none the wiser they were none the wiser until one time they opened this drawer and i think they were doing a clear out and um there was a load of chips in the back of the drawer,

like fossilized chips, because I'd hidden them all, hidden all these chips. Yeah, because you just couldn't face it. But yeah, it's that pressure of food. Yeah. Do you know what we did? You and me were meant to be talking about libido and then like literally.

I know. We're not on the sex talk, are we? We don't want to talk about sex. We'd be bothered. Because we can't be bothered to do it. Now they're all like, but did they have sex? How are they having sex? Do they want to have sex? sex we'll be bothered because we can't be bothered to do it now they're all like but did they have sex how are they having sex do they want to have sex

should we leave them on a cliffhanger yeah so I think I think we probably should leave them on a cliffhanger because we're going

to be doing this again so stay tuned stay tuned for the sex talk oh my god we could do a whole episode on sex but I actually don't

know whether I could fill a whole episode with sex poor Danny I know not I mean just I mean, just. Let's leave it there. Leave it there. Leave it there. Thanks for listening to Mum's The Word, the parenting podcast. Make sure to hit the subscribe

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