Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - Imogenation

Episode Date: March 21, 2022

YouTuber and founder of The Hunny Store Imogen Horton aka Imogenation joins Ashley and chats all about mum guilt, being a full time working parent, breastfeeding, dealing with a tongue-tie and healing after birth in this weeks episode of Mum's the Word! The Parenting Podcast.Get in touch with us at [e-mail] with your questions, feedback and guest suggestions, we love to hear from you!---A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm so excited to finally get to talk to this person. I feel like between both of us, like every time we've been planning to talk, either I've been ill or Al's been ill or she's been ill or her daughter's been ill, but we're finally doing it. And this is actually the first time we've caught up, both of us since becoming mums. I'm going to give a good introduction before I tell you who it is, but she has a huge online audience. She is the founder of The Honey Store. People just really trust her opinion. They come to her for guidance through the early stages of adulthood. Her content spans beauty, fashion, relationships, the world of work and life with her husband, Spencer, and her daughter, Benalia, who has just turned five months. I just love this person because she really uses her platform for good. She talks a lot about mental health and bullying.

And I'm very, very excited to have this conversation now that she is a mum. It's Imogen Horton, aka Imagination. Thank you that was a lovely intro you made me get good you're very kind I'm so happy to be here because I feel like like we were just speaking before it's just so nice to talk about things with someone who is again you're so open you have such an amazing platform you use your platform for so much good so it's so nice to finally be chatting about all things that we can just talk about yeah yeah it's so nice I love like being able to talk to people about motherhood because I feel like it's such a I mean it's just like the most life-changing I don't think any you know that your life's

going to change but I don't think anything can prepare you for it and with that I think comes all the unsolicited advice and the really amazing advice the judgment but also like the incredible Amazing advice, the judgment, but also like the incredible sisterhood that you kind of tend to. I feel like you can never be in anyone's opinion. You're never going to do what they really want you to do. You know, there are so many people that are so amazing. And yeah, you get this amazing support system, this extra community. But then also you get with it people wanting to give you this advice that make you then question you as a mom, because you're like, this isn't the first time I'm doing it. I have zero idea what I'm doing. And I feel like then you open yourself up to people giving you this advice where you're like, right, okay,

maybe I shouldn't have opened myself up to that because the more open you are, sometimes the more you subjectify yourself to people having an opinion. And sometimes, and I agree with people giving opinions, but then sometimes it's like, especially with a mum, you're're just trying to you're just blagging your way through it you're just trying to do everything you physically can for your baby but your baby's completely different to you know your baby i think with the unsolicited advice and the opinions it depends what the intention behind it is because some people and i'd say the majority of people, whether it's online, offline to any parents, most of the time, what they say is usually it's things that they struggled with and they wish that they had known based on their own experience. So they want to share that. But when you have so many people sharing their own experiences, especially like the lows and the struggles, can be like incredibly overwhelming for people, especially. And I think as well, I'm really mindful now.

I call them the just you wait moms, because it's like whenever you say like anything that you're enjoying or looking forward to, people are like, just you wait. And then it's like negative. But now that my friends, a few of them are starting to like be pregnant and have babies. It's like on the tip of my tongue. And I don't know whether it's

because i i but obviously i i never say it because i want people like why wouldn't i want people to be excited and to be happy and in no other part of life do we give our unwanted or unsolicited opinion like imagine if we were going to go on holiday and on our way to the airport like people just kept butting their heads in in the door or on the train being like by the way my friend my friend was on a plane crash by the way my friend went traveling to mexico and they got rocked when i was pregnant the amount of people who because obviously it's triggering for other people so i think from you triggering someone else they then send a trigger to you so i remember being pregnant and having so many people who were like, I'm going to have to unfollow you, which is completely understandable because something was triggering for them. They're going on their own journey and

it's hard for them. But also with that came horror stories. And the anxiety is going through a roof anyway, when you're pregnant, it goes through the roof. When you have a baby, it goes through the roof, thinking about everything you have to go go through pregnancy, birth, all those things. And I was being sent so many DMS that I just said to Spencer, my husband, I said, I can't look at these DMS. I love going through my DMS. I love being communicative with, you know, the people that follow me. Cause I feel so like I've built this family on the internet through YouTube and through my platform where I love it. But then also I felt like I just can't, I can't read these things because it was so triggering. It's obviously because it's a trigger for them that I'm pregnant. So it's brought up a really

sad memory for them or something that tragically went on for them in their life, but I couldn't read it. And I know that sounds selfish, but I had to put my own mental state first for my child, my unborn child at that point, because I felt like I can't read these, otherwise I'm going to get so bogged down with that. I will then worry and cause things to happen in my own life, if you know what I mean. Yeah. How was your pregnancy?

So I was very lucky. I had a lovely pregnancy. I was very lucky. And I also feel like I have to always, I don't know whether you feel like this, but I always feel like before I say anything, I think YouTube's definitely done this to me when I say something I know that there's always going to be another opinion but I know that I cause myself so like let's say I mean it's a bit of a different topic but me and Spencer we do open sex Q&A's and we

talk very openly about sex trying to break a taboo subject and we answer questions etc and me and Spencer said at one point like oh we don't we don't, we don't watch porn anymore. Like we just don't watch it. Well, I opened myself up to a can of worms because I have people saying your sex life is boring. I can't believe you said this. You're judging me for watching porn. I was like, absolutely not. Whatever you want to do in your bedroom, you do in your bedroom, whatever you want to do. But that's what I feel like like now I always have to second guess what I'm saying and I always sort of do a trigger warning for other people so I'm like oh I had a nice pregnancy but if you didn't I'm really sorry no because do you know what I feel like you have to own your own narrative and I get

why you do it there's like this meme that goes around that says someone goes on opens up twitter and says i love pears and then people are like what about apples i had an allergic reaction to pears i think it's really responsible and actually there's one thing about being mindful and there's one thing about being grateful but i personally do feel like a lot of motherhood and i don't know why, I think because it is such a sensitive topic for so many people, a lot of motherhood is being told that your feelings aren't valid because you should be grateful. Yeah. And I definitely found that.

And when I was at my worst, I've talked about it on the podcast before, but when I was having suicidal ideations and I was just in a really awful space in my mental health and in my journey to becoming a mother and embracing this new identity. The guilt of me, I already put so much pressure on myself of like, what is wrong with me? I should be so lucky. Some people can't have children. Some people are putting their babies on dinghies across the channel like who am I to be upset and honestly this is for anyone we cannot think this way because our emotion we are we are just humans at the end of the day and also I think every time you talk

when you're like trying to be grateful and mindful I think you can do that in silence because I actually find it a bit more not annoying that's not the right word when people are trying to be grateful and mindful, I think you can do that in silence because I actually find it a bit more, not annoying, that's not the right word. When people are trying to be mindful, they can actually sound. So I think, for example, that during like, in the middle of lockdown, when none of us knew what was going on, I remember, I think it was Hayley Bieber or Kendall Jenner, they said something like, I think, were they having a conversation online? But they said something about, obviously, we are so fortunate. We are so lucky.

We are so, and they were trying to almost apprehend what people were going to say. And it came across almost as more. Like they were putting it in your face. Yeah, like, yeah, exactly. It would almost have been better if they'd have said nothing. And I think sometimes when we're trying to be so mindful of other people or being like, I'm so grateful, people are a bit like, OK. And we can't live with other people's opinions because actually most people are happy for you and the people that aren't happy for you.

What you say and how other people perceive it, that's on them if they perceive you or the things you talk about. So I feel like I'm going into like a motivational speech. No I completely agree with you I feel like it was just everything I think I had I was very I was very lucky to have a nice pregnancy and my they were very mindful of me because I'd spoken about how my mum had suffered really bad postnatal depression with three out of four of her children so I spoke about that when I first fell pregnant they were very much like you know we need to always make sure we're talking to you because post-age depression can run in the genes apparently, or depression can essentially. And I was, I think because we were renovating our house, I had no bath, we had no kitchen. I had to move into my dad's. My dad was running his work through his house.

Is this throughout your pregnancy? Throughout my pregnancy. I mean, at nine months pregnant, I was still not in the house. I was at my dad's in a room that we had to keep changing rooms in his house because he was doing rooms up. And it was that I think gave me that stress that it took off any worry in the pregnancy. I think I had that focus and that like, that was really stressful. Renovating is hard when you're pregnant, but renovating a whole entire house, you know, it was, it was unlivable, completely unlivable. Every room was completely destroyed. But the one thing I found hard in pregnancy was the, the constant comments, you know, even from my neighbors that are just, they're lovely people. I love them, but they'd see me and go, Oh my God, you're so big. And that wasn't the problem for me. The problem for me was I wasn't that big. I was measuring small. So at my midwife appointments, no one knew about this because I didn't speak about my growth scans or anything like that on the internet, because I didn't that big. I was measuring small. So at my midwife appointments, no one knew about this because I didn't speak about my growth scans or anything like that on the internet, because I didn't want to put something out there that was worrying for me. I felt like if I speak about an anxiety in this sense, I feel like I'll make it worse. So I just kept to myself and I had to keep

going for growth scans. They're saying, oh, you're measuring small. We might have to induce you. We might have to do these things. And when people are going, wow, your bump's massive. I'm thinking, no, but it's not, it's not measuring how it should be. And you know, in your head, you're like, that's, that's one thing I found hard. And then other people are going, but you are really small. You're measuring, you look really small. Your bump looks really small. Is your baby okay? And it's like, there are enough worries and pressure that we have on ourselves as a pregnant woman, as a woman in general. enough worries and pressure that we have on ourselves as a pregnant woman, as a woman in general. And that's the thing I found hard. As much as I loved having this family and community, I found that quite, I found that hard. I found that triggering. I found that stressful. I found

that it put quite a bit of pressure on my body, really. Do you know, there's a really interesting, because I speak to people who have online platforms or who are completely private, like my sister who doesn't put her life online. She does the opposite. And everybody does say they experience the same thing. And it's the unsolicited advice and the scaremongering. And it's interesting and really good for anyone listening who's like, I'm going through this now. now like how can I stop people from scared like scaring me or saying these things that I loved a TED talk by a lady called Leslie Walters and it's called mind your own pregnancy and it's basically talks about that that women are subjected to the unsolicited opinions of random strangers they comment on your bump and that is apparently one of the like greatest forms of anxiety and it's

really interesting she said her job is two things one is telling them what they see so like about the growth and any concerns and then she said the other half of her job is calming people down because they've been scared by the advice of others and I think it's very easy to forget when you're a mum because I sometimes say to someone who gives me unassisted advice or if I have like for example when I was in like the absolute pits of my mental health and really struggling with the idea of being a mom and not knowing if I regretted it which obviously I always loved Alf but I was just really struggling and then when people were like if you think this is

bad just wait until he turns two and I was like I cannot hear that but I need to know that it gets better because it for me right now it can't get any worse and by the way I love things now I know that there's challenges but I've accepted my new identity as a mom I figured out the bits of myself that I wanted to keep and those unsolicited opinions can really rock someone that's already maybe struggling. It was the afterbirth. No one really spoke about postpartum for me. I feel like everyone spoke to me about my pregnancy. Everyone spoke to me about the birth, like prepare for this, do this, drink raspberry leaf tea, eat the dates, all these things, you know, those things. But no one told me I would bleed for this long afterwards. I didn't know. I didn't do any research. I didn't read any

books because I felt like if I read books and Renee wasn't what the book had told me she'd be like, I think that would have sent me into a frenzy like, oh, because she's not like Z child, she's C child. I think that's why I didn't read anything. And I just didn't have any idea. Postpartum for me threw me a bit like the in-between clothes. You're not in your maternity clothes, but you're not in your old clothes anymore. And it's like, what do I wear? Should I buy new clothes to fit me? And then I was pregnant in the summer. So I had all these floaty maxi dresses, which I then couldn't wear in September because I was like, this just isn't working for me now. And I felt like the postpartum healing, I mean, I'm really open about this now, but for me, loads of women

have said to me, oh my God, you know, you'll have an amazing sex life afterwards. And I've also had women be like, I'm still not healing. And for me, that's, that's not healing yet. And I went to the doctors, I went to two different doctors. Did you have a vaginal birth? Yes. And one doctor said to me, that's not normal. And I said, what do you mean? Four months after I had a smear and wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. I didn't realize how much that would hurt. And that's me being honest, you know, it just hurt me for my smear, but it was went quick. Like, you know, I'm glad I did it. And then she said, oh, it is very

sore in there. It's very sore. And I was like, okay, brilliant. And she said to me, that's fine though. And I was like, excellent. I then went to see the GP and the GP was like, yeah, it's not normal to hurt this long afterwards. I'm like, it's only been five months. Like surely some women heal differently. And then I've had so many women actually reassure me saying I didn't heal for this long and I didn't heal for this long. Like every person is different. Every body is different. And I feel like I actually was triggered more by going to the GP for that. I think the thing that shocked me the most about the post-birth side of it, you're right. Like we talk about pregnancy so much, like, and then when you give birth,

it's almost just about the baby. And of course, like the baby is so important. And like, I'm so grateful every day that he was healthy. But it was also a bit like, but what about me? I could barely sit down. I had stitches. It was quite a traumatic birth, which again, I've talked about. And I was really clinging on to this six week check. And so when it wasn't a physical check and I was like, what do you mean? How will I know if my stitches appealed? And in the end, I went private again, something I've talked about. And I was thinking, I feel really lucky that I can afford to pay for this to find out I have a prolapse prolapse but we shouldn't have to like I've had operations on the NHS before and they literally come and check

your stitches you get such good aftercare but then when it's childbirth it's like why aren't people taking it seriously and there's this kind of idea that it's just what women do you know oh you should and then the sex thing I think because we live in such a frumpy society that I find it uncomfortable to talk about sex but I was thinking like after six weeks I'll be back to having sex I'll be back to working out I'll be back to running and six seven months later I was still not ready but also my physio was saying to me if you went running now like you would do yourself some serious harm and it's like so why are we not taught about our bodies we're not I didn't know anything you know and that that can actually send you into a little frenzy

because you can be like, right, okay, without these people on the internet, really, who are telling me it's okay, when my own GP wasn't even telling me it's normal. You know, she scared the absolute living daylights out of me. I had an infection, I had like a bacterial infection, and she was telling me how I've got to go for this. I've got to go for this. And you know, you're just thinking, oh my God, I did not know any of this. And especially with breastfeeding, they say that your uterus contracts a bit more. So you bleed for a bit longer. So then I was like, I didn't have any idea about this. Now I do, but I feel like the unknown for me was actually way more

scary. Now looking at it, the postpartum for me was the journey where I feel like the unknown for me was actually way more scary now looking at it. The postpartum for me was the journey where I was like, okay, a load of people say when your milk comes in, it's going to be emotional. No one can tell you what it's actually going to be like when your milk comes in. And I remember I had a little bicker with Spencer on the day, day four, my milk came in and I went for a checkup on my latch and oh my God, I went into the midwife and I was just bawling my eyes out. But then I was like so embarrassed, but then also angry. And I felt all these different emotions and I was like, hormones are a real thing. And I don't think we really, really understand them until you really are hit with them. Because I didn't have any

explanation for it other than, okay, my milk has come in and this is why I'm feeling this way. I just had all these emotions. I just remember how painful the milk coming in was just for like that day. But it was just like, oh my God, why did no one tell me? It was so uncomfortable. And Tommy still talks about the fact that I'm quite close with his mum, Claire. She used to be a nurse. I was in my room and she was like, do you want me to like help massage the lumps out?

And I was like, yes, please. And Tom walked in and I was just topless with his mum, like, and I was like, don't judge me. It's so nice. I just feel like I really needed that. The ultimate, the ultimate. I was telling, people were telling me everything, use toothbrushes, use electric toothbrushes, yeah, vibrators, everything. I was like, get these lumps out. So how is your breastfeeding journey going now because obviously you're five months and last time I spoke to you was actually when we were meant to be doing the podcast but you were ill or Ronella was ill and the joys of motherhood whatever they get that was another shock for me of like I'm ill can someone take

this what do you mean I still have to look after my baby but I'm ill I want to lie in bed and I want to watch Netflix and I want to like be ill. Yeah. And then you're like, I literally need help here. I need someone to be, because I know you've tried and, you know, I know you've spoken openly about it, but we have tried every bottle. We've tried everything. And she did have a tongue tie, which was undiagnosed by three different people, which I know is understandable because they just don't have the resources and they don't have the training for it. And it's not something they necessarily. So I went private for that, got that revised, the tongue tie and that changed. That was a really hard thing for me as well. When her tongue tie got revised and it got cut, I had to retrain her to feed. And that night I was

on the phone to 111 and I was on the phone to where I gave birth and I was like, I don't know what to do. She doesn't want to latch, but she's screaming. She's so hungry. I was dripping it in her mouth. But then she was sort of choking from where she was so, so irate and so in a state, but I can honestly say wholeheartedly that everyone told me when you get to 10 weeks, oh, that's the one thing I loved. When you get to 10 weeks, your breastfeeding journey will level out. Your boobs will level out. Your supply will level out. Your supply will level out. And it'd be amazing.

Wasn't like that for me. It didn't hit 10 weeks. I was still so engorged. I had an oversupply and fast letdown. And I was still in agony. I was still having to give them Epsom salt baths and massage constantly. And then I was told, don't, whatever you do, don't pump because you'll cause more of a supply. And so it actually got to about, I would say it got to about three and a half, four months,

and then it hit me. And now I feel like we're on an amazing thing, but now I'm at the point where we're going to have to start weaning her because my milk isn't sufficient enough for anymore. It is sufficient, but you know, for her body, it's sufficient. My milk is giving her the nutrients she needs, but it's not giving her the fullness she needs. Like at night, I used to be able to feed her back to sleep. Oh no, she does not feed back to sleep now. She'll drain one boob, then the other boob, and then she'll still be awake, chatting, looking around. And I'm like, right. It's that something I'm struggling with now. Cause I'm like, oh, this is where I need you to have food for yourself because you clearly my milk isn't enough. And I feel like we just got to a really good point.

But that's the joys of motherhood. I'm assuming it's just constantly you've got to take every day as it comes. It's like I feel like no matter what people say, you know, like there's something about maternal instincts. people say you know like there's something about maternal instincts we we started weaning out a little bit before six months because also like we just we i knew that it was time like it was ready like he was ready and i also feel like a really good advice that i was given about advice ironically was have a list of people who you're willing to take and absorb advice from and the rest just let it go over your head because otherwise you get bogged down with everyone else's journeys and experiences and highs and lows and people saying things to you like from 10 weeks on, this will happen. And it probably did for them.

And maybe it does, but I, this is where I struggle with my mental health because I kind of had it in my head that the fourth trimester, as they they call it was where postpartum depression would happen if it would happen and I was on cloud nine for those first four months even though I was dealing with like the physical side of things and the worry about will my body be normal again I you know I was suffering with incontinence and fecal incontinence and all of these things and it did it does not did it does annoy me that the conversation around postnatal is still so much about weight loss because I feel like we have all these things that we're worrying about and people just need to care if you snap back or not when actually like it's a whole thing isn't

it not fitting in your clothes not knowing what like you want to feel good I don't think we can win in any way shape or form like I recently just did a TikTok I actually got good. I don't think we can win in any way, shape or form. Like I recently just did a TikTok. I actually got a comment. I can't remember the exact comment, but it was like, there's nothing womanly about you. Even after a baby, you've still got a child's body. And I just felt like, what a contradiction firstly, in the same sentence you've told me I'm not womanly, you've told me I've had a child.

So clearly there is something womanly about me. But also you just cannot win. You cannot win whether, like in pregnancy, your bump's too big, your bump's too small, you're this, this, but also you just cannot win. You cannot win whether like in pregnancy, your bump's too big, your bump's too small, you're this, this, this, you put on loads of weight or you haven't put on enough weight. Or when you do come back, it's whether I'm comfortable in my body or not, that's for me. That's for me to know. You know, my body has changed whether people on the outside, people think, oh, you know, you've snapped back really quickly. My body's changed. You know, my hips have got wider. My ribs have

got wider. Everything's got a bit saggier. I've got extra skin that I didn't have all these different things, but without saying it, I'm very lucky that I had, I am very lucky that I was able to have a baby. And I look at my body now and I, I appreciate my body more than I ever did before. I look back at photos now and I'm like, Oh wow. You sometimes used to feel bloated and all these things. And now, now I realize I appreciate my body way more, but appreciating your body and also having days where you're like, oh, I'm battling with the fact that things are a bit different now. You're still allowed to appreciate, but also have insecurities. I think this is it, isn't it? It's like a lot of us, and I'm sure people listening as well,

will look back occasionally at pictures and think like, what did I worry about? But that is proof that actually it's not all about the way our our bodies look ever it's all about our mindset and I found in postpartum I loved my body so much more but it also sometimes felt like I was looking at a stranger's body so I could appreciate and I was so grateful for what it does I still can't believe I grew eyelashes do you know I mean I don't know why the eyel didn't got me but I was like I just there's eyelashes like growing inside of me and and I I was I'm so in awe of it but sometimes I like look in the mirror like now that I've stopped breastfeeding my boobs are quite empty and apparently it can they can like fill out again um six months to two years but I look at my boobs in a bra sometimes and they're like they've got loads of line they're

a bit like empty and saggy and I was like whose body like whose body is this and they look like little triangles and you're like thank you very much for that I'm like I'm just waiting for Alf to like start talking and start like absolutely savaging my body cheers it's just that thing isn't it that you can be grateful for it but also be like wow I just don't reckon I own it it's changed but also knowing I always tell myself if I didn't appreciate my body 10 years ago in 10 years from now I will also look back at my body now and be like I looked amazing it's like you know bump pictures I'm so pleased I took pictures of my bump and if anyone is pregnant and no matter how you think you look or feel take pictures because I look at my body now and I'm like oh my god my body looked amazing I can't believe it was

out inside my belly that I look so beautiful like the baby you hold your baby that you're kissing and cuddling was actually with you, like growing. I just find it magical. I do find that absolutely magical. The female body is just incredible. But I also struggle, if I'm honest completely, with the fact that I think every time I've gone to take her to a baby class,

I've either been ill, she's had something, or it's not worked with our schedules. And obviously because I work at home, and yes, I do have my husband with me and we work together but you know I'm juggling work and also juggling having renalia so I haven't yet taken her to a baby group oh I've had so many people say like you need to do that and I know I need to do that and then I've had people say like wait until she's crawling it'll be more fun for her etc etc etc and I know I need to take her to a baby group and this isn't I'm not stopping myself for this reason, but I have, I have got a lot

of anxiety about making mum friends because I guess because of the internet, because I've had so many other mums attack me for anything tiny. If I've put something wrong up or, you know, they don't agree with what you've done, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So I feel like I'm scorned and scarred by that thinking, if I go to these baby groups, are they going to be really competitive moms? Are they going to want to compete with me about the fact that their baby's not sitting up with their baby is sitting up and all these things. And I think that that's me being honest. I found that a little bit. I think I found that hard. You know, one of my friends has a baby. One of my friends has an 11 year old child. So none of my friends are pregnant or anything like that or have a newborn. And obviously I don't anymore. But at that time,

I just found that quite isolating. And I have recently made a mom friend and she was so lovely and so like me. And she lives up the road. Our babies are literally three weeks apart. And I branched out my comfort zone and did that because I know that Renee needs to see other children. She needs that. She needs to be able to see other babies to develop and go, oh, wow, they're like me. And I don't know what their brains are doing, but that's one thing I think I've really struggled with the fact that I need to push myself out of my comfort zone. I am so incredibly confident, but underneath I'm such an introvert. I'm like, oh my anxiety. Like when I'm in front of people can talk for, for England, but before it, I'm like, Oh my God,

what if they're going to be like this? What if they're going to be like that? And I found that quite isolating. That's something I found quite hard. I think. Do you know what? It's really interesting because I think you'll find that most people are exactly the same, that they, they're nervous. And I think, you know, there is that worry of like, am I just, I don't really want to like have this competitive nature or make people like fill me with anxiety and I guess it's

like anything in life you know like making friends as an adult is hard and I like for me personally there is like almost like I've talked about this before but I feel like we are all a bit misogynistic about being mums because we're like oh but I'm oh I don't like frumpy clothes as if like every pregnant person before you is like lived in frumpy clothing or like oh but I'm not like the other mums or but I'm still not gonna I still like want to be me I but of course like we are all in the same situation and I think in life it's like you go to school every day you're not friends with every single person that you went to school with you find your tribe and I being really, really apprehensive about going to any group. And do you know what?

I went actually to baby swim. And number one, I was focused so much on Alf. I barely liked to swim anyone else anyway. But you find your people. And I moved to Essex when Alf was around five, six months. And I met some people people in like swimming a couple that I was like really close with and a couple not so much but we'd hang out and it was just nice you know to talk about someone going through stuff the same as you but anyone that

made me feel a bit anxious when I left or I felt like they were being competitive of like oh does your what your son still sleeps in your bed or you don't have him in a cot anyone like that I was like they're not my people yeah Like they're not my people. And then you don't have to do it. I think that makes me feel a lot better. I think actually, yeah, I think I'm overanalyzing thinking I have to be mates with everyone in the room. In anything in life, the scariest thing is the thought of doing something. But once you go, even if you go and hate it, like that's okay. You can leave or you can, but you might

find like, even just seeing, like Renee, you might hate it and you might be like, do you know what? That one's not for us us but you might get there and seeing the joy on her face of whatever it is you might be like god I don't even care about anyone else like this is so cool you might meet your new best friend like and I've become really good friends with a woman called Louise and I used to I always go to the duck pond especially when my mental health was bad I would just always like go without to the duck pond and I kept bumping into her and when I decided like right I really need to get some mum friends and again like not anyone of course I don't want to be friends like it has to be your tribe because there's nothing lonelier than hanging out with people that aren't on your level and that's the same with everything and she just

seemed cool and I think she might have reached out to me or I can't remember how it happens but now we meet every week or so to try and take Alf and her daughter to the farm or it's just so nice because she's on my level and we chat about non-baby stuff but we also have someone to talk to that gets it that we're going through so I feel like you know it's like it's like what made you start YouTube what made you start Instagram you had to like fight the fears to start something. And I always say this to everyone. Do you think that Donald Trump is the best, or Joe Biden, it's not political. Do you think they are the best, most capable people in the whole of the United States of America to lead the country?

Probably not. But most people who would be good enough are probably afraid of trying because they're afraid of failure yeah and it's usually the people that just try that get ahead and that can be the same with motherhood you know god i feel like i'm like no no i think that's i think amazing no i'm grateful for it and i think that it's important to talk about because i think so many people are like me i think i put it on my instagram so many people message me like i feel the exact same way i would never hold re Renalia back. I never, ever. And I'll never show her how nervous mommy is.

But I feel like that's something which I have definitely feel. I feel like even before the mom came around, I was like, I've never had a mom around with a baby before. What do they do? What does she want? Should I get bits in? So I went to M&S and I got all like the cornflake cakes and the brownie bites for the mom. And I was like, there's's there I got the coffee out I was like well I just I'm quite

a solo individual anyway I have a very small group of friends I have never had a big group of girlfriends and my friends aren't all in one big group they all live in different parts of the country so I'm quite a loner in some respects you know I have my husband and I feel like we're very much together but also for her sake I need to push myself out of my comfort zone and having her around, I'm so apprehensive before it. And then she came around and I was like, that was amazing. And I always feel like when you do something, you feel so much better for it afterwards. Even if it went badly, you're like, I did it. I pushed myself to do something that maybe I was worried about and I did it. And Renele was staring at her little girl and it was wonderful because I was like,

she's seen another baby, you know? So yeah, I definitely need to just know it's going to be fine. Push Your Peak is a brand new podcast brought to you by What Bike? Join me, Louise Minchin, and some of the world's most incredible sports people to learn what it takes

mentally and physically to push yourself beyond your limits. Whether you're an elite or everyday athlete, it can be hard to continually progress. How do you push yourself out of your comfort zone? Where do you go to find that inner drive? Tune in to hear these inspiring stories and take away the belief that you can achieve your own goals, no matter how big or small. You can find us wherever you got this podcast. Just search Push Your Peak. I remember speaking about this with Natalie Rushdie on another podcast episode. She loves going to mum groups. She loves it. And so she goes to loads. I don't go. I take her swimming, but that's it.

Because I think part of motherhood is also figuring out what you like and what you don't like and if you don't want to be at banging on drums and singing baby songs if it's not for you that's okay like nobody's criticizing dads like what you don't go to baby centers so it's it's okay if you love going and it's okay if you don't want to work and you just want to be a mom and it's okay if you want to work and also be a mom like for me like one of the biggest turning points of me starting to enjoy motherhood and also not feel like I'd made a really big mistake by being a mom and also like loving my time I spent without was realizing that I don't have to pretend to be someone that I'm not and doing what works for me, finding a way in which I can be happy

has made me such a better mum because I'm happier around him. Tommy's parents are here today and they're taking him to soft play. And that's amazing because he's going to soft play, but it's not me taking him and I'm sat doing my work and chatting to you. I think I need to get to that point

because I feel like I'm still at the mum guilt. And I know that me as a person I know that that's a massive thing of mine I think it's my biggest and best quality that I overthink because I care so much but also it's probably my biggest downfall because I overthink everything and I think at the very beginning I put so much pressure on myself as a mum but also I went back to work so quickly because being self-employed I didn't get those you know know, the time off. And also being on YouTube, taking a lot of time off isn't really a thing. Lots of people are like, you need to share her name. Because they've built a community with me and also they've helped me grow.

You know, I'm very much, you know, of course I put content out there, but because of them watching me, I have success and I am successful. So I feel like in a way you feel like you owe people something. So then I felt like, OK, I've got to go back to work. I went back to work after like four weeks. I remember when we went for her jabs, I was like, oh, I don't think we'll be able to schedule that jab in because I got work. And the nurse was like, you've gone back to work. I was like, no, don't look at me like that. Cause you've made me feel guilty. If I don't work, I feel guilty to Renalia. Cause I'm like, I need to bring in income. I want you to have good things. I want you to see a mom that's working and be driven in that sense. But then also I'm like,

whoa, if I am going back to work too soon, I'm like, wow, I should be with Renalia. I should be just a hundred percent, 24 hours a day being with Renalia because she needs her mom. And honestly, the guilt in my head about a lot of things, I'm getting better, but yeah, that's something that I feel like it's whirling 24 seven. I think no one explained to me, or, you know, every woman feels differently. I have a friend that has a baby and she's had a recently, she lives a couple of, she lives about 30 minutes away from me in Brighton. And she is so different to me as a mom, so different. And it's actually quite eyeopening being around her. Cause I'm like, wow, you're, we're so different. And it's actually quite eye-opening being around her. Cause I'm like, wow, you're, we're so different. And that's amazing because you make me feel more chilled because you're so

chilled and so laid back. I'm like, yeah, anyone can feed her, go and do that. And I'm like, she's not taking a bottle. So, you know, my mom, I had a shoot yesterday, two days ago for the honey store and they came down to do some behind the scenes. So they got their own brand, my friends, they were doing some behind the scenes shots for me. And my mom was feeding their baby. And I was like, this is amazing. Like I am so not that I'm not there for me. I don't want other people feeding Rene, except my husband or family. We're not at that point anyway.

Yeah. She doesn't take a bottle, but I just found like it's refreshing being around other moms because we are all, we're all so different we're all even if we agreed with certain things me and you we're still different mums because we've got different babies different sleep patterns different behaviors and the same way that as adults we're all so different so that's why i think it's so important that to realize that there isn't like a one-size-fits-all there is no good mum and maybe that can help with your mom guilt because like some moms go back to work some moms don't some moms do let everybody touch and feed their baby some moms aren't and

whatever you do it's fine like and I think that's why it's so important to like support and not judge because actually there is no right or wrong way and as long as you're happy because Alf didn't take a bottle either and I'm really proud of my breastfeeding journey. But I also feel like I struggled a lot because I felt like alone with it. Because as much as Tommy did, obviously, he wasn't the one up in the night. And he wasn't the one contorting his body into weird positions. And I went back to DJing. Like, Tommy had to come with me. Again, amazing that he took time off work to like come to cornwall say to ballmasters

festival but i always had that anxiety about is alf gonna need feeding i ended up having to feed him on the jeremy vine show because i know i thought that was well it's hard because also it shouldn't be a thing do you know what it should just be like of course you need to feed a baby and like if it was a bottle if it was a boob but sadly like no one else had the boobs i wish they did honestly i wish that they did and i tried and tried and bottled to the point that it was a boob, but sadly, like no one else had the boobs. I wish they did. Honestly, I wish that they did. And I tried and tried and bottled to the point that it was actually like stressing me out. Or the dummy. Give her a dummy. And I'm like, she doesn't take a dummy. I tried to give her a dummy. She doesn't like dummies. So I think other people, is she going to take the bottle? Have you tried bottles? I'm like, we've tried. We've tried.

I don't want to keep trying because yeah, exactly that. And like, even earlier I was doing a TikTok live and Rinalia woke up and she needed to feed and then loads of people were like, I'm going to report you. Obviously I didn't feed her completely. I zoomed in. I was just like, I'm just going to zoom you in because I know I have a younger audience on TikTok. And if you get reported, you can't do lives.

And I enjoy doing lives on there. But also breastfeeding isn't sexual. So we'll report you for what? For feeding a child. But unfortunately, I think you saw on TikTok, I did get my piece taken down. I actually went back and fought against it and they put a video back up

because they said it was sexual activity. Sexual activity feeding my daughter. Whoever finds that sexual, that's on them. They should be banned on TikTok. It's really sad, isn't it, the attitudes about breastfeeding. Like for me, it doesn't matter how you choose to feed your child or how circumstances dictate that you feed your child,

but we need to support people. And boobs have been so sexualized that it's considered private or sexual or intimate to feed a child. It's madness really. I've had people say sort of extended family members, not my direct family, but extended family members be like, oh, I'll go out the room. And I'm like, go out the room for what?

Like, I don't care. Like, why would you go out the room? I'm feeding her. I think maybe a lot of people feel uncomfortable because they don't want you to feel uncomfortable. When I was breastfeeding, I'd always say, by the way, I'm about to breastfeed. I'm really chilled.

Like, just don't feel like you have, because then it's, because I feel like maybe some people, especially older generations, are probably a bit like, I don't want to feel uncomfortable because I'm here. My mum breastfed all of her four babies. And actually, she was very much behind me and had a really good support system. But also, my mum was always very much to the point where, however you feed your baby, she educated me when I was younger. I was bottle fed after three months

because my mom had to return back to work after three months because they couldn't financially afford for her to be at home. And she says it still triggers her now, still really triggers her that I'm at home with Renalia. And she still says like, I feel like I'm reliving my life with you Imogen because I never got to see you at home.

I went back to full-time work and I'm so happy that I had a little girl first because of that for my mom to be able to go, I got the time I'm so happy that I had a little girl first because of that, for my mom to be able to go, I got the time I didn't have with you as a baby with your daughter, who was also inside me basically. So I feel so happy about that, but I feel like I'm the exact same as you. However you feed your baby is, you know, fed is best. Fed is a hundred percent best, but I wish that we just empowered each other more supported i think yeah supported exactly i feel like sometimes i actually feel not embarrassed of me breastfeeding i'm like yeah i sometimes feel awkward for mums because i think are they gonna judge me if i say i'm

breastfeeding or if i whack out you know my's other people's issues, not your issue. And I think that's such an important thing to remember that. I posted, I don't know if you saw a picture the other day, there's been this huge mural of a mermaid breastfeeding a little mermaid baby in Glasgow. I put up some thoughts about it on my stories, just saying I find this really interesting because basically this particular place in,

I think it's somewhere just outside of Glasgow, is one of the most deprived areas in Scotland. And they also have the worst breastfeeding rates. Only 19% of mums still breastfeed after six weeks. So they decided to put up this mural. And I was a bit like, I actually, as much as I love breastfeeding, as much as I support people who breastfeed, I think it's a bit in almost in bad taste because the support needs to be better because it is not easy. And there's so much like sacrifice. And I think a lot of people's attitudes also aren't very supportive about breastfeeding because they're like, I'll just give her a bottle. I'll just give up. And I was like, people need funding and free lactation consultants and free physio and free.

And also we, we don't know people's circumstances. Like, you know, like you said, your mom had to go back to work. My mom had to go back to work after six weeks. So it may be people can't breastfeed because actually the math doesn't matter because they, is it who, who say that technically you should breastfeed for two years? I haven't and I didn't, and I feel no guilt about it, but also also maternity leave even really good maternity leave what is it a year nine months how does that work because you can't breastfeed and work and in an ideal world as moms like the caveman times would have been much simpler because we could just sit and feed our babies and you know be these earthy

mothers but like we live in a consumer society. We need money to live. And also, we have privilege and luxury that we can decide what works for us and what doesn't. And nobody's judging dads for going back to work because, of course, they need to work. But a lot of women are breadwinners or career women. And why should they have to sacrifice?

And therefore, we have to get used to seeing breastfeeding or pumping because we should be like oh well good for you for like making it work because it isn't easy in the same way that bottle feeding isn't easy like god my sister would bottle feed and i was like i'm so glad i don't have to deal with the sterilizing of the bottles i can shove a boob in his mouth just like I'm crying. And a tongue tie isn't specific for what you're feeding. Breastfed and bottle fed babies have tongue ties.

Babies have tongue ties. And I think that's one thing I also think that we need so much more funding for that because, you know, I was really fortunate that I had the luxury of a baby. How did you know about tongue tie?

Because I suspected Alf did. But what did you look out for and how did you go about fixing it I got told on day one no tongue tie day four no tongue tie 12 days in no tongue tie and then again it just started to hurt really badly on one one boob one boob was not getting drained at all the engorgement the they were so worried I was going to get mastitis I had to keep going and constantly keep talking to a lactation consultant and actually I was lucky that I was fortunate enough to be able to have that because really the NHS, I was on a wait list for 10 weeks to be able to see someone. How would I have seen

someone in 10 weeks of this painful feeding? I would have given up. I would have given up because the pain, it was excruciating on one side. It was like, and then I would not feed on that side. So then because she'd favored this one so much, that one would just constantly get engorged and wouldn't get drained. And then I was like, the lumps, the pain, I had blocked ducts. And I was like, this isn't right. And Spencer and everyone kept saying to me, my husband was like, because he's very much new to this, just like I am. And he was like, we had no idea what even a tongue tie was. But I kept researching, like, because he's very much new to this, just like I am. And he was like, we had no idea what even a tongue tie was. But I kept researching, like, why does it hurt on one side?

And it just kept leading me to tongue tie. And I was like, I need help. So I followed this reflux lady because she had really bad reflux. And apparently when they have bad reflux, it can actually coincide with having a tongue tie. So then this reflux lady on Instagram, Rockabye Reflux, she was the lady that actually said to me, before you do my course, I actually think you should get checked for the tongue tie first. Because nine times out of 10, she's probably got a tongue tie. And thank God she told me that because I had no idea. I had zero idea. We went to see a lovely lady in London and she was like,

yeah, she's got a 70% tongue tie. It's very much there. It's not posterior. It's not the back. It's there. I was like, is it a hidden tongue tie? No, no, no. It was there. And because of the thing is getting your baby's tongue up is quite hard anyway, especially when they're not cupping up. So she wouldn't lift her tongue up a lot. So sometimes milk would sort of split out the sides. And the problem with it was because I had an oversupply and a fast letdown, the NHS were like, brilliant. She's gaining so much weight. She's gaining so much weight. She's doubled her birth weight already. And because when they gain weight, they never look into it. If she wasn't gaining weight, they would have said, right, she's not on her centile.

Something's happened. She must have a tongue tie. But because she was gaining so much weight, it got lost. And by the way, I'm not saying here, by the way, I'm saying anything bad about the NHS. I feel so great. No, it's okay. But it's also important that we accept that yes the nhs are amazing and we're so fortunate to have them but they need some serious funding and actually what women and mums the support or lack of we get in the postnatal times is so behind other countries like sweden and germany and france who get they get free physio they get lactation consultants they get check for tongue tie like we are miles behind so it's okay to say we need

better care and I think part of our love of the NHS is what stops us from complaining but I think women have put up and shut up for too long and actually it's not acceptable to go into births and not get the pain relief that you want or not get not get the aftercare that you need of course it's like it's not acceptable i've heard so many people say that and actually the lady who did her tongue tar revision what is a nurse as well and she was a midwife for a very long time and she even said this is why i went down this route because there wasn't that in the nhs and there isn't that in the NHS still now. And I've been doing this for so long with tongue ties. And I see so many people come in here and say, the thing is, the problem is apparently what the

lady said to me was that it's not their fault that they tell you there isn't a tongue tie. They've not been trained to look for those things or been trained. They haven't got the funding to be trained to look for a tongue tie. So they just go, yeah, okay. She's's lifting up she's sucking my finger or she's latched correctly so they're not really necessarily seeing all the different variations of lip tie or tongue tie yeah I agree with you there just needs to be more funding because it's just that's why a lot of women give up because of a tongue tie I had a horrific rash on my boobs like it was honestly I wanted to rip my boobs off it must have been about a month in or something, but they were like bright red. We were in lockdown. So there were no face-to-face appointments.

I remember I had like a really creepy doctor actually. And he was like, well, I would say send a picture, but you probably don't want to send a picture of your boobs, do you? And in my head I was like, not now I don't. Like what weird thing is that I ended up going private and actually they, it cost a fortune and all they did is like provide a steroid cream because it was some kind of like thrush or infection who knew you could get thrush in your boobs but again I would have stopped if I didn't have like the means to pay for that which I'd rather not have it was on

at that point I was like I will pay any money like I'm about to cut my boobs off like it was so painful day and night and everyone kept going stop scratching and I was like you don't understand don't understand yeah when something's itchy like that we all know when it's down there we're like this is on fire so so yeah one thing I do really want to talk to you about is the fact that you chose to film your entire birth yes so. So what made you decide that? And also talk to me about your birth. So it was never intended to go on YouTube because I never knew how my birth was going to go.

So I always said to Spencer, if it's going well, please can you get the camera out? I'll be out of it, but I'd like to see it back. If at any point you feel like I am in, let's be honest, when you speak about it, there's a lot of trauma in labor. There's a lot of trauma that women can go through. If there's a point where I'm like, absolutely not, or, you know, you can leave the camera

running. I'm never going to even watch that footage back, whatever, but turn it off if you can, you know, obviously he was helping me through my contractions. So whatever, but I was very fortunate that it went a certain way that I wanted to show that because I did the hypnobirthing course. And as much as some certain parts that I didn't really agree with, I did like the fact that it helped me with breathing and it helped me relax. That's one thing I liked. And that's one thing I'll take from that. You know, not every woman can give birth at home and all these things I feel like is a little bit more pushed on you during hypnobirthing. I feel like it's very much like if you can give birth at home and all these things, well, I couldn't even live in my house. So I couldn't

even think about doing a home birth. I couldn't think of anything worse than doing a home birth, but each their own again. I would like to in the future, if I'm lucky enough to, if my birth goes that way, but I don't, you don't, you never know. You never know. But I would like to in the future if I'm not renovating again. I feel like my mom with all four children, she renovated and was pregnant. And I feel like mom, history repeating itself. But with my birth, I chose to put it on there because one thing with the hypnobirthing course was they were like, watch positive birthing stories

because it'll not give you the trauma and go into it with such a, I went into it with a very open mind. I mean, in my labor, they didn't even look at my birth preferences because, and I didn't even ask them to because where I was very, very lucky that the hospital I gave, in my labor, they didn't even look at my birth preferences because, and I didn't even ask them to, because where I was very, very lucky that the hospital I gave birth in, we actually drove a bit out of Brighton. I didn't go to Brighton because I, if I had to go to Brighton, I would have gone to Brighton, but I didn't have to.

We drove a bit out of Brighton for a smaller, older fashioned hospital, but still with the, you know, the right resources, et cetera. And they were so on track with me. They were very much on the same mindset with me, saying the things I thought, okay, they're already in my birth certificate. This is brilliant. And it was to go a different way than obviously they would have had to look at it.

But I was overdue by two weeks, but looking back at it, knowing the dates of when we did, we weren't tracking things, but very much, I know the date we did because my little brother was staying with us and he went back to my mum's and I know the date we did because my little brother was staying with us and he went back to my mum's and I was like we need to lock this in before we go to Christmas you know whatever and it was very much like that but I knew even though I was

measuring small I knew that I think she actually came at like 38 weeks they say 42 but then when she came out she was covered in vernix they were like she shouldn't be covered in this much for being so overdue she should be dry and it should be not on her at all she was covered and he was two weeks over and he had none and I know that some babies can have some when they're over anyway but I just felt like I got to 40 41 weeks I was like right get on the walks get on these things get on the curries get on these things whatever and I actually feel like now poor girl would have been chilling in there for a bit longer if I hadn't been like but yeah so I had like early labor for about two days and that was was all in my back and my mum kept saying to me oh you need to check the position of baby and you check position of baby because why is it all in your back but through my whole labor I only had back contractions. I didn't have anything on the front and it was all in my rear.

And wow, that pressure was, I thought I would just bounce on the ball the whole time. No, I couldn't bounce the ball, couldn't lie on the bed. I had to stand up and I was knackered, but you know, I'm very, very grateful. It was a, I actually, without sounding, without sounding putting in there in people's faces, I had a very positive birth. I was very, very grateful. I actually, without sounding, without sounding, putting in there in people's faces, I had a very positive birth.

I was very, very- No, it's not putting in people's faces. People need to hear this because I didn't, I didn't, but I want to hear positive birth stories. And it's so nice to remind people that you can and you deserve to have one. And I think it's so important

to talk about the positive ones. I did. And my mum had four very traumatic births. So, and everyone kept saying to me, it runs in the family, how you have, how your mum labours, you will labour. And I was like, brilliant. My mum laboured for 72 hours. She had forceps, you know, epidurals. She had the lot. She had the lot. And then she had an emergency C-section for the last one. So I was like, right, you know, in your head. So I'm like, this is why I just had to watch YouTube and watch positive birthing stories. So I felt grateful that no matter how in the future, whenever we're blessed with more children, or if that's in my plan, et cetera, no matter how that goes, you know,

I I'm very grateful for this one. And I was very grateful to be able to put that up for other people to watch because I watched so many and I'm like, you know one. And I was very grateful to be able to put that up for other people to watch because I watched so many and I'm like, you know, even though I'm showing the rawness of it, I'm literally showing everything. There was one part that Spencer didn't film. And it was the part where I was at 10 centimeters and they didn't know that. So I labored for a long time on my own for about two and a half days. And then I got to hospital when I was three centimeters.

And I was like, I thought I was like 10, you know, like the pain I'm going through. And I had my mucus plug. And then in hospital, when I got to hospital, I had a lot of blood and I was so panicked. And they were like, this is just a bloody show. Don't worry about it. And they were like, the only thing we're worried about is the fact that her heart rate's dipping. And they were like, we can't let you go home. And I really envisaged being at home for as long as I physically can

and then going in but her movements had reduced and I'd called up and they were like we just need you in so they went I went in they monitored me and they were like okay well your contractions are doing something but they're quite far between but at the moment her heart rate is dipping so much from you know 160 down to 80, back up, back up, back down, back up. So they were like, we need to monitor you. So then they got me on the ward, the triage ward or whatever, not the labor ward, just the, I don't know what it was called, but I was there and luckily no one was in there. So it was just me and Spencer actually on this ward that no one else was in. And they were like, we're going to have to pop your waters

and induce you if her heart rate keeps dropping. And at point, I was like, okay, I didn't want to be induced because I heard so many stories of people saying it was so painful being given this fake hormone or whatever. But actually lots of women have told me that being induced was the best thing that happened to them because it went so quickly and whatever. Again, every body is different. So then at that point, I was like, okay, let's just see how it goes. Then suddenly my water just popped. And I was like, oh my God, it's amazing. Then they came to me and they were like, wow. And then they saw a little bit of like color in my, in my underwear. And they were like, we think that might either be blood or meconium where obviously they do the first poo inside you. And it can be really worrying because it can go into their lungs and

all these things. My little brother had had it and my little sister had had it in my mom. So I kind of knew about that. And that's kind of, I was like, that was the only time I was a little bit like, Ooh. And then they then examined me after a long time. And they were like, and at this point I was only on paracetamol and I was like, I'm going to keep going. And I thought I was so, so dilated. I wasn't. And then they did an internal, they didn't do any internal. I think they did like two and the whole thing and three and the whole thing. And they did this second internal and they were

like, oh, your front waters are broken. Your back waters are broken, but your front waters hadn't. Did I even know there were two waters over my head? I was like, what? So they said, basically, her head's just bobbing. Her head is just bobbing and you're not going to dilate for a while. And her heart rate was dropping so much. but actually now looking back at it, her heart rate was only dropping because I had a really short cord. She came out and her body could only actually go here. Her head was here. I couldn't even kiss her because when she got put on my chest and they were doing the whole cord clamping, et cetera, the delayed thing, I said to Spencer, kiss her because I can't. And they said that where I had such a short cord, she was on it so much, it was dropping the heart rate. So actually that's

something I now need to, you know, I might have short cords, but I did have meconium when they popped my water, they eventually popped my waters and they said there's significant meconium in there. And this was the only part I found quite triggering for me. And that's when I was like, turn the camera off. They wheeled her bed into the bathroom and I found quite triggering for me. And that's when I was like, turn the camera off. They wheeled her bed into the bathroom and brought out this incubator thing. And I went, they're going to take my baby off me. They're going to take my baby. And that's when I got a bit heightened.

And I was like, I didn't want that ever on the video because I can speak openly about that because that was a trigger for me. And we got through it because your body just, you get through it. You do. You're amazing. Us women are absolutely incredible. No matter how our birth goes, we go from A to Z and we do it. No matter how traumatic it is, no matter how nervous we are, no matter how horrendous the pain is, you, we get through it because wow, we've got our babies here. Like if anyone's listening to this and you, you know, you're sat there and you maybe are still dealing with the trauma from your birth you did it like you're amazing there you are like I literally think women need to be I just think

every woman's amazing honestly I'm well enough about it now but I just think wow and I just felt like I wanted to show that I was fortunate enough to have this positive birth experience but also I'm still open to the point where I'm like, not all my births might go like that. But I feel like I wanted to be a pillar for someone going through labor, thinking I could get there maybe potentially, but also I'm very much like, if your labor doesn't go that way, we need to put less pressure on ourselves. That's one thing I found quite triggering from hypnobirthing.

I felt like they were very much like have a home birth or have a, one of those wards you can go to where it's like a birthing center. A birthing center closest to me is like an hour and 10 minutes away. And I think it's just been closed down. I would love to have gone to a birthing center, but I couldn't. I didn't have the means or the facility to do that. Every week we basically answer a message from one of the lovely listeners. And this week it's from Pip.

This week it's from Pip. She emailed and said, Hi Ashley, I found recently I'm really struggling at times with the demand of being a mum and balancing parenting duties whilst working full time. Fortunately, I'm working from home, but if you see a ball, but I don't know how I would be if I committed to the office. Do you have any tips to balance these duties with work and tiredness? Thanks Pip.

You're a working mum. I feel like I'm in the same boat in that sense of I'm very fortunate to be working at home. But then also one thing my mum says to me is that you need to set aside time for you. My mum says sometimes I don't stop for lunch. I just keep going. And then I'm burning myself to the ground because I've had no sleep. I've got all these things I'm missing, you know, brand deals will come in and then I'm missing them. My manager's messaging me like, you've missed the approvals date. And I'm like, right. Okay. And I'm so on time normally with everything. I feel like the one thing I would say is I've just bought a whiteboard. I know it

sounds silly and cringy and whatever, but I've just bought a whiteboard to help put all of my, all of the stuff up in here on a board where Spencer can see, I can physically see, I can tick things off. I've got to-do lists on my phone, but I don't communicate that with my husband enough. I feel like we need to write things down, see it in the present, but also understand we can't get everything done. We can't, we physically can't, we're not robots. We with little to no sleep sometimes, even getting through the day is just a challenge challenge I feel like writing things down setting aside a lunch time setting aside a time where you go right I've got to do this I'm going

to switch off from this that's personally for me what is helping me at the moment knowing that I've got to be openly loud and communicate my worries and my stresses because otherwise there's no point having Spencer at home with me he needs to be able to help I feel like how I'm Tom and I are now balancing the work and the tiredness because we're transitioning Alf into his cot we have a double mattress in his next to his cot we are actually like splitting one of us does the night shift and he's waking up at like 5 5 30 in the morning so one of us is like with him through the night and one of him one of us is up with him in the day. So then the one that's up in the morning can go to bed early at night. So, I mean, it's hard. And also nothing is forever.

So if you have a partner or parents or anyone that can help, ask for that help because you can't do it all on your own. And like you said, remember, if there's another parent, they are the other parent. So don't feel bad.

Their work is no more important than you, than your time. Like we can't function whether you're staying at home with the baby or whether you're working too. We can't do everything night and day. So yeah, my advice would be find a way to try and split those nights up. And also don't feel bad about going to bed early when you can, if your baby is going down to sleep because that's what's helped us

getting out of bed early and then sometimes I just have to get to bed at eight tonight I actually have to go for dinner at 8.30 and I was like 8.30 that's only my bedtime

you also have to protect your own mental health because otherwise my mum always says to me Imogen you need to look after yourself because otherwise you're not going to be

any good for an alia you can burn yourself into the ground burning you know burning the candle at both ends but actually if you really want your daughter to be your priority in this sense you have to put yourself first because you're looking you're you're there you've got to be functioning for her so you've got to put your mental health first you've got to look look after yourself as well number one you have to because otherwise you're going to fall apart and crumble and then who's who's your you know your baby needs you I feel like you're leaving this on the best advice and you need to follow it yourself as well.

Don't feel guilty putting yourself first. We need to take it, I know. Imogen, thank you so much for coming to chat. I know that Renelea is waking up, but I really appreciate your time. I know how hectic it is, especially in those early months, but you're doing amazing. And thank you to all of you guys

for listening to Mum's World Parenting Podcast. If you enjoyed the episode or you think someone might enjoy listening to this particular one, feel free to share it. And I really should get you to do this, given that you're a YouTuber.

You probably just rolled. No, no, you're doing it, sorry. No, no, no. Make sure that you hit the subscribe or follow button if you are enjoying it so that you never miss an episode. And don't forget that I will be reading out different comments and trying to offer advice or at least assure you that you're not alone in how you're feeling.

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