Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - Kat Shoob

Episode Date: January 3, 2022

Joining Ashley this week is TV, radio and podcast presenter and mum to 3-month-old Reuben, Kat Shoob. They're chatting recovering from childbirth, returning to work after birth and getting over the fear of leaving your little one with someone else. If you have a parenting question you would like Ashley and her guest to discuss, get in touch at [e-mail]---A Create PodcastSee acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

today is actually a very exciting day to do a podcast recording because here's a fun fact i actually have a necklace with the third of january on it probably the most pointless purchase i've ever made i decided in my pregnancy that i would get my due date on a necklace so i could wear it with pride didn't actually think about the fact that the baby rarely comes on my due date on a necklace so I could wear it with pride. Didn't actually think about the fact that the baby rarely comes on the due date. So now I have a necklace with 3rd of January 2021. No, 2020. Wait, we are in 2022. There we go. Mum brain. Happy New Year. Happy New Year, by the way. Hope you all had an amazing new year. As you can see, my brain works no better this year than it did last year. I'm still surviving. I still feel like a new mum, but would not recommend

to anyone listening who is pregnant getting the due date as something to put on a necklace. But because it's almost a year to the day since Alf's first birthday actually next week will be his first birthday so what I was thinking was maybe this week I could do a very special podcast recording with the elusive Tommy I thought that could be quite interesting obviously that you would get to hear his side as opposed to just listening to me complain about him no he's great but I can't believe it it's been a year definitely definitely as cliche as it is they do say it goes fast but what a journey and I thought the perfect podcast guest for this week would be a really funny funny good friend of

mine who has a three and a half month old son, Ruben. And obviously because she's still in the kind of earliest stages of it, I just thought it'd be nice to like reminisce about the pregnancy stage and the newborn stage and catch up with her. So that is what I'm going to do today. I'm very excited about today's guest. I know Tom will be very excited about today's guest

because even though she's my friend, he talks about her more than me. It is Kat Shube. She is a DJ, a TV and radio presenter. She's on Tommy's favorite radio station, Magic. And what I love is this quote, which I don't know if it's one of your agents or old agents, but it says, Kat has grown in repute to become one of the most entertaining and genuine celebrity DJs on the circuit that's quite high praise well I didn't come up with that that's I'd love it if you did well yeah can you imagine put that noted I don't even know what that word means what genuine the word genuine or the word entertaining either I think that's because you

are also a mum to baby Rube. Do you call him Ruben or Ruben Franklin? Oh, I wish. I don't know. Do you know what? We call him Rubes, actually. Just Rubes. We shortened it to Rubes, already shortened.

And he sort of is starting to respond to Rubes as well when you shout it. I mean, it's just a sound, isn't it? But yeah. That's quite clever for three and a half months old. Well, I mean, this is the thing, isn't it? Alf's only just started to respond to his name and he's 11 months, so he must be thick as a plank. No, it might be because I'm clapping in his face and shouting it at the same time.

But yeah. Do you know what as well? When we named him, so he's got two middle names because my boyfriend's got two middle names and it was something he wanted to do. And one of his middle names is Inez. And everyone asked me after that, why have you

called him after the biggest tv villain on Married at First Sight do you remember in the last oh my goodness yes what character she is I just wanted to keep her dream alive no it's his dad's middle name it's Scottish but everyone was like why have you called it after that girl on Married at First Sight I love as well that it's called a middle name but you just went for both which to be fair are both still in the middle yeah so it works exactly just keep adding them so Reuben Franklin in his suit are yes that's it yeah took my boyfriend's surname yeah so did Alf so did Alf isn't it I just I'm I'm I'm sort of fine with it and then when I say it when I hear it shouted at the doctors I'm like Shube no but I don't do you know what I don't mind at all really because I don't I mean you've got like probably one of the coolest surnames ever whereas James meh like do you know what I mean

if he was if he was like Alfie James is it any different to Alfie Andrews like do you know what I mean whereas if my name my friend Jazz is called Jasmine Barcelona if my surname was Barcelona he'd be'd be alfie barcelona no questions asked not changing that that's amazing i don't really feel any way in particular about my name or tommy's name to be honest no offense to either families it's just a name it's fine it doesn't really make much difference i also realized that i clearly have much more affinity to his first and middle name which is Alfie Rivers because when we booked his holiday to Mauritius not only did I put his name on the British Airways

travel documents as Alfie Rivers I also did it on his Covid PCR test that we needed to get into Mauritius and it was only the night before Tom was like you've put his name wrong and I was like what he's like yeah you've put Alfie Rivers and I was like yeah he was like he's called Alfie Andrews and I was like oh yeah I was like can I blame it on the lack of sleep do you know what though you going away with the baby at that point is so I mean is amazing it is so amazing I we thought about and we're trying to get him a passport at the moment but even the thought of trying to pack things up, even when we go and visit family, the car is full. The thought of packing for a holiday makes me feel physically sick. Well, we also did pack his grandparents.

Yes. Yeah, essential items. Do you know what? I feel like it was all right you know because they get quite a lot of travel allowance like i thought he'd have to like share my luggage and i was like i am not sacrificing my dice and i wrap i'm not sacrificing i was like how is he how are we going to do this tom you're going to have to go you're going to have to cut everything by half but no it's all right he had loads of luggage you can take a pram you can take a car seat or a travel cart okay I'm still not brave enough for it but yes okay that

does sound easier and better we've still he's still only three and a half months I feel like by well I mean I I'm pretty sure by one month I was like I need a holiday but it just wasn't possible do you know what though this is the thing I found in the beginning if my boyfriend hadn't forced me to go out of the house I probably would have stayed in for three months. He was really good at like, we're going to the beach today. Like when he was about three weeks old and I was like, well, you and Ruben are going to the beach or what? And he was like, no, we're all going. I was like, okay, cool. But I would have stayed, I would have happily stayed in the house for three months, but actually forcing myself to get out early on was like

the best thing I could have done for myself as well. Just getting up and just getting straight out the house that's good yeah because I really didn't do that I don't even think I wore a top for about four months because it's scary the outside world and also you're in the middle of a pandemic I mean so were you we still are yeah I know right it's mad isn't it yeah it is it's a really weird world it is it's really strange but how how are you getting on because I feel like so Kat is actually my friend and we've not really spoken. I know, weirdly. I mean, we've spoken in bits, but we keep meaning to meet up and we just haven't yet. It's just, I mean, COVID, everything going on, but, and the world just being a bit weird, but we haven't actually moved closer to each other recently. So it doesn't make any sense,

but yeah. Do you know what? It's good it's it's fine it's uh are they the right words good and fine I feel like fine fine is a bit of a word like nice where yeah you're like I'm just surviving yeah it is that and also it's just such a shock to the system everything I thought it was going to be birth everything like I went in thinking I don't know I thought I'd handle stuff a lot differently and I'm quite a strong strong-headed person and I was like I'm definitely going to tackle birth in the way that I'll just get through this like a warrior woman and it just crumbled as soon as I got there it just was not it was nothing like I thought it was going to be interesting because me too actually oh really yeah so I kept saying well I've run marathons and I didn't really

train and it's just a mental battle if I can run a marathon I can I can give birth to a child you know it's so natural people have been doing it for years it kind of broke me I think after 12 hours when the midwives were like we're just going to go home and nap and we'll be back before the birth and I was like what please tell me you live next door to the hospital you've got beds here right yeah do you mean a quick five minutes and then we're back to it yeah that was the thing even on the lead up people were saying how bad it was and I was thinking yeah but not for me like I'll definitely be all right and the contraction started and I just I was like this is much worse than I thought that it was like oh god this is terrible this

is really awful by the way trigger warning for anyone who is listening pregnant night I actually do have friends that had really good births yes and this is the thing this is the thing I've got I've got quite a few friends who had really lovely births and I was like okay this is going to be all right but you know what I got there and it was sort of like 24 hours. I'd gone into labor on the Monday night. And then 24 hours later, they gave me gas and air. And I was like, this is absolutely fine. Gas and air is fun. This is really, really good. And then they induced me. And I think that's where, well, it was, it was the beginning of like all the madness, to be honest. My body wasn't ready for it. I was like half a centimeter dilated. They induced me

and my body just went into just contraction after contraction after contraction it felt like someone had poured cement into my tummy is how it felt because it just went so hard like with the contractions and then every time I had a contraction his heart rate dropped and yeah it was scary like I wasn't really aware of what was going on but I remember looking at my boyfriend and he was just like his face had just gone a shade of green and white I've never seen before and he just ran out of the room went and got the midwives and then it just was a bit of a blur and he you know eventually it was emergency c-section it was the best thing that could have happened in that situation and you just want them out at that point you know everything's like going through your head and you know I just want them here safe and they do you know they do the

best that they can to get them here safe and I wasn't you know great hands all the way but it was definitely more like I was like okay no not what I thought that was going to be I definitely thought I definitely thought I'd handle it better to be honest how did you find from the moment they said emergency c-section what went through your head like were you just like whatever whatever gets him out safe or yeah it was it was exactly that and actually it was a relief because then it was no longer in my hands because I was it was it was struggling and his heart was dropping and so I was just saying well he needs to come out he needs to get out but there was someone having a c-section at the time and do you know what the midwives are so overrun a lot of them had been there 24 hours

everyone would they were in a handover meeting at the time when his heart rate started dropping so it was all quite a scary do you know what was probably five minutes to be honest but it felt like a lot longer and I just went into this state of, they kept saying, right, well, we're coming back to check on you. And I was like, how long? Like, in a bit. And I was like, I need exact minutes. And they were like, 20 minutes. And then apparently I looked at my boyfriend,

like, honestly, 30 seconds later, I went, how long has it been? And he's like, 19 and a half minutes. And I was like, oh God, oh God. It's so weird. I had absolutely no concept of time when I was in that situation like I didn't I didn't even know how many days I've been in there turns out it was like less than one I think it was 18 hours but I was like what year is it we're still in lockdown who's the prime minister I don't know anymore it's really weird it's a really weird it's because

of the pain as well you know and actually after 24 hours 24 hours are gone and although my initial thought was the contractions are awful and so painful by 24 hours later I was sort of coping with them and your body does just naturally cope with it but it was the induction that screwed me I think in in that sense because I don't know as soon as I had the epidural I was like oh okay things are good we can do this now and then they're like no we've got to get them out and I was like okay that's what's happening how was the recovery from c-section I mean are you still recovering three and a half months later or no and this is the thing I was up and walking about two days later. Wow. It was weird. It was very strange. There was a lot of pain, but I was on meds and, you know, I was really strict on making sure every four hours they were in my gob. I was like, I had a little bag, like this little pink bag that was carrying around the house with me.

I was like, where's the pink bag? Where's the pink bag? And the recovery was actually fine. It was, it was all right. It was, it wasn't, I mean, you know, it's major surgery, but I actually found it okay. I was really, I struggled to take him out in the carrier or anything like that or have any pressure on my tummy. But actually I've found it, I found it all right. I found it okay. interesting because I was desperate to get off into a baby carrier because I had one of those like really overpriced but look amazing artichokes the leopard print one and I bought it in my pregnancy and I was like I cannot wait to get my child in this I think I have my dog in it like in the build up. Isn't there a yin and yang one as well? Yeah I've got that one yeah yeah and I was like I cannot wait and my pelvic health physa, was like, please stop carrying your child around. Like, you do know that you're recovering from childbirth. Like, you're basically loading up your pelvic floor in the same way that you wouldn't carry weights around.

And I was like, oh, yeah. And I feel like we're not really told about that. Like, you just kind of presume that's what you do when you're a mum. Well, fling them on. Let me get the sling out. And they say all this stuff about bonding. And then I was like, oh, so that's why I'm weeing myself like I'm loading up my very weak pelvic floor no he was in the pram I didn't take him for a walk in the carrier for about eight weeks maybe more maybe a little bit

longer I just wasn't I was too scared to do it and actually I'm glad that I gave myself that time but it wasn't a con I mean it must have been conscious decision in there somewhere but I just didn't feel ready for that weight to be on my tummy it was still quite tender I mean great and great that the recovery was good and yeah the scars all right you know the scars it's there and I it's very strange but you know I was never going to be like Miss Hawaiian Tropic 2022 so you know it's fine isn't it to be honest I didn't even know there was a Miss Hawaiian topic in 2022 I wonder who she is I don't know but I'm gonna look out for her you could be because I feel like you deserve it more than whoever Miss Hawaiian topic is and you know what I have to say I'm quite fascinated by I mean

childbirth in general fascinates me like how on earth we do this and then people are just do these announcements like mother and baby doing fine and I was like how are they fine like what are they doing what are their secrets yeah and but I'll tell you who I loved um well who I love following is Chessie King I don't know if you follow her on social media and yes I do I what I loved about her is that she was showing off her c-section scar and you could see pubic hair because obviously you can't shave or anything and I was like I love that because I mean we all have pubes we absolutely all have pubes unless you've had them lasered off and it was just so refreshing to see it as it is I know I remember showing the doctor and then after going oh my god my pubes oh my god and I wanted to go back in and go, sorry about that.

It's so funny because even like my friend Jazz hasn't had kids. And when I was going, when I was like starting contractions, Jazz was like, silly question, but have you shaved? It's like, that is the last thing on my mind right now. I don't care. It's just, and the dignity of it all is so funny. Like you go in and you're sort of like, oh, could you keep the curtain closed, every time someone goes in and out and then 24 hours later they were like they were trying to wheel me down to have the surgery and I didn't even have the gown on and I was like let's go let's go let's go and they're like Catherine because obviously

they call me Catherine like you know my Christian name they were like Catherine you have to you have to put the gown on before you go and I'm'm like, everyone's seen it before. Let's just go. Let's just go. Just in my white socks, trying to wheel myself backwards in this. Oh, it's just wild. It's wild. It's actually sort of kind of funny when you look back on it. There's some real like comedy moments that were involved, but at the time it just felt so surreal. I still think it took me like a few days to kind of like find my dignity again because my boobs were so sore when my milk came in and Tommy's mum used to be a nurse and anyway I was like my boobs are so sore and she was like would you like me to massage them for you I was like yes please yes and Tom still talks about just walking into the bedroom and

seeing his mum like massaging my boobs as I'm just like lying there naked and he was like this is weird imagine Freud but what that what that would do to him I mean it's seriously after the things that he's seen like it is incredible like there was a point where like after the induction there was stuff coming out at the top end of me the bottom end and my boyfriend was just stood there like didn't know which end to catch first like it was just dignity was completely gone I mean to be fair to Tommy I do keep saying did I poo did I poo in childbirth and he was like I don't know and in my head I'm like he knows that's a yes that's a strong yes that was the biggest worry and I actually I look back on it now I'm like oh a little poo would have been fine like out of all of it I don't think that's the biggest worry. God it's mad because yeah I had well similar to you that they were worried about Al's heart rate so I just remember getting on all fours and pushing like even between contractions

which I think is why my recovery was so hard with like prolapse and fecal incontinence and all of it but part of me was like I shouldn't be embarrassed about any or none of us should be embarrassed about any of that part of the recovery of childbirth because to push out a baby when like I mean that's all I cared about whether or not I pooed or had stitches or any of the things I worried about in the build up to it when you hear that your baby's heart rate's dropping like all you really care at that point is like I need to get this thing out safely you do yeah it doesn't matter what they say like it was even epidural. They're like, you know, we're going to put this in your back.

And, you know, there's all, you have to sign things, don't you? To say, you know, if I don't walk again and all the rest of it. And at that point you just say, I don't care. Just get him out. Like you just, you don't think past that moment. And just, I remember the anaesthetist trying to get me out. So I had my bikini on because I was hoping for a water birth. And I got a new bikini from ASOS

and I got in I was nearly cut out of it about 24 hours later because I was still in it no you're not having a water birth oh no I've got my water my love island water bottle ready for that instagram moment I was like just keep taking pictures keep taking pictures and like the pictures stop like when we went in and i'd like having an ice like this there's nothing till like 1am where he's out the next day and like it's so funny oh my god well i um i kept saying to tom around the midwife like please take pictures i really want to get pictures like you see all these lovely photos of like the moment your baby's put on your chest and you feel love for the first time.

Or so they say. So anyway, my midwife heard these conversations and obviously Tom being like, oh, I don't really want to be taking pictures. And I was like, it's my child's birth. Anyway, so she halfway through pushing, bear in mind, I was worried about the heart rate. I was in a world of like pain and hell. I was in a world of pain and hell. And she was like, oh, do you want me to take some pictures? And in my head, I was like, I don't care about the pictures.

But anyway, she did. And they weren't quite the ones I was expecting. So the pictures I have from childbirth are literally like Al's head coming out. I was like, oh, probably not wanting to get that I mean it's quite fascinating to see but I probably won't be showing them off on his 18th birthday well unless he behaves yeah I'll hold that over him forever like do you want me to show these to your friends that's the thing I'd seen friends who had had planned c-sections and they look lovely in there like they've got pictures after it and I did you know they've got their eyelashes done the hair done before they've gone

in everything that mine look so awful I've got this like shower cap thing on my head that's like half coming off I've got this single strand of hair that's coming down the center of my forehead from the back of my head and I was like my boyfriend's like why didn't you move that why did you think that that would look nice like not that anything looked nice at that point but I was like these are the first moments with the baby you know and I'm like why didn't why did no one move that piece of hair and that was my worry after it because you're just so out of it you're just like oh no but yeah do you know what I saw on telly after it was about two weeks later when my hormones were just all over the place I'd seen who uh Tommy and from the only way is Essex Tommy and Georgia they they had a reality show

and she had a planned c-section and I watched it on telly and it was so beautiful and so calm the way she went in had the baby that I just burst into tears I was sobbing and my boyfriend came in and was like what's the matter I was, Tommy and Georgia had a really lovely B-section. And I didn't. He was like, okay, who are Tommy and Georgia? I was like, the only way is as a group. And he's like, right, do you know them? I was like, no.

I was like, okay. He was like, not a shower cap in sight. No. She looked lovely. The moment you managed to hold Ruben for the first time, was it love at first sight? It was. And I did feel a real rush. And my boyfriend has admitted, he said that he didn't at first, he was sort of looking at him like, oh, okay, this is our baby. I know it's our baby, but he was putting my arms and I remember just doing like a quick scan, even though, so because obviously with the C-section, the partition is up when they put them on you, you sort of right around my neck. So I couldn't really see. I was

like, Oh yeah, he looks lovely. I couldn't really see cause he was sort of like, I was wearing him like a scarf basically like for about five minutes. But yeah, there was a real rush of love and, but it's amazing how three and a half months now, I mean, he looks so different, but I did think he was gorgeous. I did think he was utterly beautiful and a half months now, I mean, he looks so different. But I did think he was gorgeous. I did think he was utterly beautiful. And looking back now, I'm like, oh, no, it's Mother Nature doing her thing. It's cute now, but at the time, no. And I know a lot of people, I've got friends who didn't.

They were like, what is this damp squid that's been put on me? This does not feel like my baby. But yeah, I did have that initial rush with him see it's so interesting because I really didn't and I was expecting to especially because I've always had my dog snoot well I've not always had my dog snoot but I've had him for like seven years and people would always like annoyingly say to me you don't know what love is until you have a baby and I was like waiting for this moment obviously he came out healthy and I was so relieved and they put him on my chest and I was like oh like I was kind of a bit like oh and I said to Tom do you love him and he was like yes oh my god he's amazing like crying

and it was this like beautiful thing and I was like I didn't really like recognize it I mean how would I recognize him I just met him but I was a bit like god I feel like we're just taking this tiny little stranger home and I remember being like really excited to go home and see Snoop being like no still love my dog like and then being like hello like you live here now hope you like it I think it took me a good while like I mean don't get me wrong after a week or two I absolutely love Alf and obviously I love him now but I really felt guilty for not feeling that sudden love yeah but it's a stranger and also he looked nothing like I thought he was gonna look like I had so many pictures in my head so it is a shock it was a shock I was like oh did he look like your boyfriend no he ever he looked like me well um yeah he's got my eyes so he

immediately looks like me when his eyes are open. But when his eyes are closed, he really looks like my boyfriend. So it was a really weird mix. He really looks like you now. I know. I know. And that's really weird, apparently, for your first one, right? Well, I think Alfie's starting to look a bit more like me. It's funny because I'm like, Alf's getting so much cuter and people are like, he's starting to look like you. And I was like, well, there is my narcissism. Yes. look like you and I was like well there is my narcissism yes and I actually don't know the answer to this but I remember we were chatting when you were pregnant I think maybe I'd given birth but we were talking about breastfeeding and the fact that we've both got big boobs and I remember you saying that you were terrified at the thought of having to get boobs out in public

did you what what happened there what is your your feeding journey and story so I am still feeling like I don't feel as comfortable breastfeeding in public I still don't I've done it but I still don't feel I think it's amazing what you've done and I think it's incredible and the thing is I've got friends who breastfeed when we're out and it like it doesn't no one bats an eyelid but for me I still feel uncomfortable because being bigger chested I feel like it's just such it's a bigger event you know you've got to hold a boob you've got to get hold the baby there's like there's a lot of wrangling going on and a friend of mine who hasn't got as big boobs was like I didn't get it before but she said I totally get it now like I see why it feels very different but I basically we I've died a combi feed so I was doing in the beginning like first two months

I think I was doing about three breastfeeds a day and the rest bottle is sort of coming to a natural end now just because he now doesn't like taking the boob because it it takes too long and he I get punched in the tits basically by my child because he it comes out faster with a bottle so therefore you know why would you want it on the boob when it's coming out faster when you're used to that you know it's for him because he's a greedy little thing he um it doesn't come out quick enough for him so I was I was expressing a lot and which was fine because I wanted him to still have the boob milk but it was it was a hard it was hard to keep up with the expressing and make sure that it was happening.

Because the minute you stop, I mean, even a day, if you don't do it for a day, you can see that there isn't as much milk. So it's been tough keeping it up to do both. And I'm glad that I did both. But I really like breastfeeding as a thing. And I'm feeling a little bit because it's coming to a bit of an end. I'm like, oh, that connection that me me and him is gonna not quite be there anymore but I thought I was gonna hate it to be honest I thought I was absolutely gonna hate it I remember having conversations with you like I just don't want to do it I just don't want to do it but I have tried

to do it when I'm out and I remember like a week after we'd come out the hospital we were we went for a little walk and we came across margarita mondays in a pub and so we went in and I remember like a week after we'd come out of the hospital, we went for a little walk and we came across Margarita Mondays in a pub. And so we went in and I was like, right, before I have this margarita, I'm just going to pop him on boob. And I was feeling really confident about it. And I was like, we were in the pub garden and he just was like, he was screaming. I was trying to wrestle him. It was like all over the place and I was just a bit shaky. So I just put him down and just drank the margarita.

I was like, you can have a bottle while we're out then. That's absolutely fine. And I don't't know I think what you've done is incredible I think it's utterly incredible and I've got friends who breastfeed when I'm out and it doesn't make a blind bit of difference like it just doesn't it doesn't you don't even notice it's happening half the time but I don't know I still I still find it hard I still find it hard for me like my boobs are you know know, as I said, it's a bit more of an event getting them out, it feels, holding the baby, holding a boob.

Do you know what? It's great that you've actually found something that's worked for you because, yeah, I wasn't sure if it was going to, but we were in hospital still and I was on the second day and I was like, can I have the bottle yet? Can we put one bottle as well? Is that going to happen? I speak quite a lot with Lucy Meck,

who, I mean, I think she might still breastfeed in Roman's 18 months. And she was saying to me that while she's got a few kind of trolls online with breastfeeding, she hasn't really, whereas I have quite a lot. And, you know, I'm told that I'm an attention seeker and there's lots of commentary.

Luckily, I haven't had it a lot in the real world, although I did have a couple of negative experiences, like people trying to get me to go to a disabled loo to feed him and stuff. But all in all, it's more the response online. And do you know what I realized? That this isn't unique to me breastfeeding. This is a response to big boobs because I feel like probably like you, we have had it ever since we had boobs. It's been, there's been commentary on what we should wear, not distracting boys, not distracting teachers, not looking slutty, looking frumpy. There's been so much policing of, or judgment on, on our bodies. And I think that is why I was

terrified at the thought of breastfeeding when I was pregnant. And I didn't know whether I would want to or be able to do it because I was like, oh my goodness, I got to my thirties and finally was like, I don't care what people think. I'm going to dress to make myself feel good. And my morals aren't defined by my boobs. And then suddenly I'm like, wait, I have to wear outfits that allow me to get my boob out really easily, but not too easily that people think that I'm asking for it. Okay. And it was interesting to me to hear Lucy even say to me, like she hasn't had it as much as me. And I think that's what's kind of almost like spurred me on for doing it. And look, I'm glad that you found a solution for you where, you know, you can combi feed and it is the

perfect solution because why should you have to feel uncomfortable when you're out and about? Even if that discomfort is in your head, it's a valid discomfort and people just don't like boobs. No, but they do like boobs and that's the problem too. It's sort of, for years I've sort of had to, not had to, felt like have had to hide them away so you're right the thought of them them being functional and being out and being for everyone to see in a public place scared the life out of me I I try I did try it I did have a go and I just didn't feel that comfortable doing it and I you know it's a shame and I wish I wish I'd been more confident but like you said as well I've got a friend who's got smaller boobs

and she said she hadn't realised that when I was saying in the lead up to it that I was a bit nervous about it and everything like that. But she said, having seen it, she's like, I can see that it is more of an event. You know, there's a lot more going on. Like she'll just sort of lift the top, pop him on underneath, off you go. And like there is a bit more to it. But, you know, it shouldn't have to be that you feel that way. And, you know, I spent a fortune on bras as well. That's the thing, you know, getting bigger boob bras that were functional and still made me feel okay.

They're not cheap. You know, I spent about, I don't know, 90 quid, I think on a couple of bras because that's how much they cost to get them. And it's just, nothing's really geared up for having bigger boobs and breastfeeding, even though, you know, it is the most natural thing. But I think what you've done has been incredible because you're really flying the flag for bigger boobs. And I wish I'd been brave enough to do it. I wish I was brave enough to do it. Again, it's another thing that I thought I was much braver about this stuff. this stuff. Welcome to Paranormal Activity with me Yvette Fielding, a brand new podcast bringing together people's real ghost, extraterrestrial and paranormal stories as well as getting some

inside details from those who study the supernatural. I'll be listening through your paranormal stories every week and try to understand them, as well as chatting about my own encounters with an occasional paranormal investigator too. You can find us wherever you get your podcasts from, including Apple Podcasts, Spotify and Acast. Just search for Paranormal Activity with Yvette Fielding.

search for paranormal activity with Yvette Fielding. I hate this whole thing that I found in motherhood. I don't know how you found it, but there seems to be like just a lot of like judgment and divisiveness over feeding a child and sleep. And ultimately, if your child is happy and if you are happy, most importantly, who cares? I know what my journey is based on a set of circumstances, how easy I find it to breastfeed now that my milk's in good supply. The fact that I don't have a nine to five job to go back to, that it doesn't really bother me so much if I'm up in the night feeding. There's so many individual circumstances, not to mention, like you said's a lot of it's up to

the baby and I just don't I can't imagine caring enough what anyone else is doing to kind of start no about feeding no I mean the thing is I'm sort of the magic has been amazing about me working from home so I do my shows from home for the time being sometimes I go in if there's something that you know I need to go in for interviews and stuff like that. But like mostly I am doing it from home in my own little home studio. And, you know, in between songs, I'm pumping. It's just so funny. You're sat there and you're like, you sort of stop it. The noise is happening in between, you know, whatever you're playing. And it's just like, God, this, the reality of this is so funny. You know, the first weekend I went back, I was sort of, I was more emotional

than I thought I was going to be going back to it. And I definitely couldn't remember how to say things, how to do things. And it'd only been eight weeks. And I was like, oh gosh, you know, there's a lot going on in my head, a hell of a lot. And I'm pumping in between songs. So it was just, it was a real weird moment

looking at myself like, right, this is a new normal. I have to say that that is a reality of motherhood that I really didn't appreciate. Like how scary it is to go back to work, especially when you're like, I don't know, pumping or dealing with incontinence still or whatever it might be. I just had no idea. Also, I was just really emotional, too, and things would hit me. I went in, I did some bits live. Also, I was just really emotional too. And things would hit me. I had, I went in, I did some bits live. I did a show like in the studio and I was doing a read for a charity and it was about kids at Christmas and how every kid needs, you know, should have a Christmas or a present to wake up

to. I was sobbing. I could barely get through it because it hits differently. Of course it does when you've got a kid and, you know, and I I think I just I wasn't quite ready for how emotional I would feel going back and all the the pulling I felt for it there's bits that along the way that I could have done and I've had to say no to because he had a hospital appointment so he had you know I didn't realize there were so many doctor's appointments and stuff in the beginning you know which is great because they're checking up and they're checking everything's all right but there's always something in the diary with him there's always something to go and see something to do you know checkups and things like that and you know there was a day where I was meant to interview a couple of tv stars for for being on

magic and thingy and I couldn't do it because he had an appointment and there was a part of me that was like well I'll just move his appointment and then I was like no I can't I can't do that like I actually can't do that he needs this appointment so I'm gonna have to say no to that but it's hard because you're like you know the old me is still there trying to fight and be the old me but I've got a different I've got responsibilities now I can't do that that's I find that so hard having to well I mean having to say no I've had to say no to a lot of DJ gigs because I literally cannot travel around the country at the moment while he needs me. There's stuff you physically can't do.

It's so hard, isn't it? Especially when like you're still that same ambitious person. And also probably in a year's time, you will be able to be that same ambitious person. Of course. It's having to miss out on things or just know that the time's not right like you know before Alf I was doing lots of these debating shows Good Morning Britain, Jeremy Vine now another one that I keep being invited on is GB News which I think is the perfect platform for me to go on

and debate on because obviously I'm a much more liberal liberal mind and I love I love that but I also worry sometimes that if I were to do it I might cry because I know and you're like there's every bit of you that's like don't cry don't cry don't cry but actually your emotions are there and they're raw yeah and I feel like if someone disagrees with me I just go I haven't slept and I'm trying crying into Nigel's garage crying into Nigel's garage. Nigel, I'm leaking and I'm upset. Yeah, I know.

It's tough. It's really tough. We left him for the first time last Saturday with a babysitter. And yeah, yeah, really brave. I was like, I'm so brave. But he was absolutely, we got a picture. It was like, I'd gone out the door and I had to pop back in for something.

And as I came in, I could hear him laughing. And I was like, you little traitor. You little traitor. I've been gone two minutes. And then I was on edge all night. I was really on edge because we'd not really left him with anyone that wasn't family. And it was through an app. It was an app called Bubble. And a friend of mine who is a childminder, she works on the app as well. So I was like, OK, well, this is a good advert for it that she's on it she works on it too and it was fine it was absolutely fine it was time he went to sleep he didn't miss me I felt a pang of upset for you I think that is such a big step because we haven't we've left out for like a few hours you know like obviously me recording this he's

with his nanny who comes like five hours at time two days a week that's when I get all my work done Tommy's parents will come and take him for a bit but because Alf doesn't have a bedtime and he literally refuses to sleep without a boob in his mouth I still feel a little like a bit of a prisoner and I do kind of like envy the freedom that not being on a boob or not using a boob as a dummy, let's say, provides. And I cannot wait to leave the little fucker. I love him to death, but I can't wait. But then I also keep reminding myself, like the fact that he's almost a year old. Wow. Like it's true that, I mean, it's such a cliche to say, but it has gone so quickly. So

then I've tried to keep grounding myself to think like it will come and actually it's like lockdown I look back at lockdown and I don't miss the fact that I wasn't at restaurants or whatever it was. No you've had a really lovely time and it's quality time as well and yeah I was really nervous doing it I was really scared like the night before I didn't sleep everything was going through my mind like all the things that could go wrong of course I was I was just so nervous I was so sleep, everything was going through my mind. Like all the things that could go wrong. Of course I was, I was just so nervous. I was so nervous, but he was absolutely fine. And now you've done it. Would you do it again? Yeah, I would. Yeah, I would. I absolutely would. But now I'm obviously now in love with the girl that did that. And if she can't do it, no one else can. So I'm like, but yeah, no, it was brave and I've done it. And I think actually

just being bold with it, I think it has, but it's not for everyone, you know, it's just not for everyone, but he's been great. Was that your first date night? Yeah, it was his birthday. It was my other half's birthday. So we went out, yeah, it was the first time we'd been away. Both of us had been away. There's always one of us or my sister or my mum

who have been there. I don't know if it's an extension of its family. It just feels different, doesn't it? But yeah, that was the first time we'd left him. We both got in the car like, oh my God, we were both looking at each other like, this is weird. And then immediately looked at pictures of him, obviously, because we're that cliche.

It is hard not to. Sometimes you have to be like, in the time that we get without him, we're like, we need to not talk about him or look at him, pictures of him, because we both know what he looks like very well. Yeah, I know. And also, do you know what? I know three and a half months is early to leave him with someone but I just didn't even ask any friends about it because I just thought I'm doing this I'm comfortable with it I'm just going to go for it she was comfortable she's looked after babies before you know they

she looked after newborns I just thought if I try and if I speak to anyone about it I know that I'm going to get so much input from other people. It's like you were saying with breastfeeding and stuff like that. I had said to, I was speaking to someone and they'd said, and you know, how are you boob or what? I mean, it's so funny how many people ask you, are you boob? And then look straight at your tits and you're like, yes, that's how it works. She had said, what are you doing? And I said, I'm doing both. And she went, and you mustn't feel guilty about that. And I was like, well, no, I don't. mustn't feel guilty about that and I was like well no I don't I think it's no no no I don't I didn't really know like the conversation sort of closed after that because I was like I don't thank you very much no I think you're right and also I don't think it's too early at

all to leave like do you know what before I before I had Alf I 100% thought I would be that person that would be leaving him and we took him to a crash on holiday because we were like, wow, the hotel has a crash. Let's maximize that. And we got back, we did a hike and got back. And I mean, when we say there was hysterics, and I hate the thought of Alf crying, like it's just never something that I, I mean, who would willingly do it really, but like that she was like, oh, I'm really sorry. I think he was looking for a boob. And I was like, oh, okay.

Why didn't you give him one yeah could you have could you not found one it is mad isn't it like you just every child is different and good for you like I'm happy that you got time with David to spend celebrate his 40th was it his 40th yeah it was it was his 40th this weekend yeah bless him oh do you feel like your relationship has changed a lot since having Ruben yeah Yeah, I do in a very positive way. So we've been together three years. So, you know, that's fairly, that's not that long in terms of a year of that. I've been pregnant and we've had the baby.

And so, you know, he's seen an awful lot is what I'll say from childbirth. But the first couple of weeks it was weird I felt do you know what I found actually when the maternity pillow went was when I felt like we were back being a couple because it was like there was a physical barrier in the bed of pillows and everything and we didn't you know we didn't cuddle or like when we did but like even I had my bump was so big out front like you just couldn't really I don't know it was weird, we were obviously still very close, but like it's been better since like that's happened since the maternity pillows are out the bed.

And since we've been able to sleep a bit better. And like the first couple of weeks, you are just sort of like these two people that are sharing a space that are just trying to keep another human alive. And you just don't, there's no. I feel like you're describing Tom and I now. 11 months in months in well no you know it's it's always going to be different because of everything that's happened you know it's always going to be different but I remember there was

a point because after the c-section you have to inject and you have to wear socks for eight weeks I think it was like flight socks and things like that so it was blood thinning injections and he did that for me every day and I just remember there was a moment it was that so it was blood thinning injections and he did that for me every day and I just remember there was a moment it was just like it was a real caring moment you know that every day he did that and because I can't really I can't I didn't want to inject myself I just couldn't do it and every day he did that and you know for eight weeks and it was just sort of I don't know it's someone really taking care of you but it was it was strange it was strange I feel like we're only really just coming out of it now and becoming a couple again because it's it takes so much out of you that you don't really have anything left

for each other it's mad isn't it it's so crazy because also I feel like sometimes like with Tom and I we still sometimes forget that you know like there's so many logistics and like right what time are you finishing this because then when you look after them here then there and then it's like even though we're together a lot like like sometimes we like, I forgot to even ask how each other are or whatever it is. Yeah. And the first couple of weeks there was, I did find it was, we were both going, can you take the baby?

Can you take the baby? It was the whole day of each of us trying to pass him to each other. Can you take the baby? Can you take the baby? I found it really hard not to like feel resentment towards Tom because I found that he would get so much praise for doing like the bare minimum. Yeah. Which obviously he does more than the bare minimum,

but as in like he would change a nappy and everyone would be like, oh my God, so nice to see a hands-on dad. Whereas I'd be like changing a nappy. And he's so good with him. He's so good with him. And you're like, I'm good with him. Look how good I am. I'm great with him.

I'm a hands-on mum. Yeah. It's weird. It is. And it's hard not to point score in the beginning too you know sleeping is different for each other you know I naturally wake up all night because I'm just I sleep next to the baby but also my body is just in tune with him and I just naturally wake up a lot more and in the beginning I remember you know there was a night in particular Rubes was screaming to the left of me David was sleeping soundly to the right and And I was like, I'm mad at you because you're awake. I'm mad at you because you're asleep. And I'm just like in the middle, like, what is happening? Just like, but it just all gets better is the thing. It just all gets better. I found the, I found the first couple of

like the first three weeks you're in a bubble and everything's lovely actually. And then the middle bit I found really hard. I just, the the relentless everything I just found it so hard I was just like this is my life now and I don't know I'm really grieving my old life and then now everything's becoming a bit more enjoyable with him there and I'm like oh okay that's still fun that's still fun okay. I love that I love as well that everyone has such unique journeys and timelines which is why I love getting to like obviously I love getting to chat to you because you're my friend but I love that. I love as well that everyone has such unique journeys and timelines, which is why I love getting to like, obviously I love getting to chat to you because you're my friend, but I love getting to chat to people on the podcast because I feel like everyone's journey and timelines of bits that they hated and bits that they loved is so, so unique to them. Cause I feel like I'm, I found

it a lot easier for the first four months. And then I was like, oh my goodness, I miss my old life and sleep and all of that. And other people figure bits out sooner. And I feel like it's really nice, like comfort, not to know that other people are like going through bad times, but I feel like it's nice to know that it's not all smooth sailing when you're not finding it smooth sailing, I think. But it's war stories that you're exchanging too. Like even talking about birth, if someone's had a similar,

you're like, yeah, and then that happened, that happened, that happened. And you're like, too like even talking about birth if someone's had a similar you're like yeah and then that happened that happened that happened you know oh my god we are oh god yeah we both went through it we both went through it it's just it's such a weird experience such a weird weird experience but yeah I the first bit I didn't enjoy it I'm starting to enjoy it now and I think yeah everyone's completely different aren't they I did actually want to pick up on something that you said earlier because you I remember having a conversation with you when you were still pregnant about like maternity leave and the fact that you know you kind of felt pressure not from your place of work it should be said but you felt pressure to to kind of go back early because you saw like a few different celebs that work in a similar industry and they went back straight away

or earlier and what made you decide to go back after eight weeks and how how was it I know that you said it was like emotional, but. It was because they made it so easy, to be honest. And I'm not just saying that. It's like, they, they put everything in place that they were like, you can work from home. We'll speak to you just before to see if you actually feel all right to do it that weekend. We can always get extended cover. Don't worry about it, basically.

If you're ready to come back, come back. If you're not, don't. And I only chose, I chose two months off. Do you know what was another factor? That the maternity government pay was not very much. And it was easier for me to just do my shifts on the air. It's easier for me to work than sorting out the government pay. It was just, in the end, I just felt like if I was out of it too long I felt like it'd be more of a struggle to go back for it and I really I really missed work I think because I've worked so much and so long that I was enjoying having the time but I also after eight weeks I was really ready to go back and do something that felt really normal and yeah it's a break do you know what I do think there is a lot to be said for that because I do

feel like people that seem to struggle myself included with like missing their old life is because they're almost having a break from it yeah yeah yeah I didn't want it to go too long I really felt you know in hindsight I probably could have gone a little bit longer but because it was so easy to do it I just got on with it but as I said you know there were tears the first weekend and some I'm a listener text as well I'd said something I can't remember what I said they're like you've had a baby big deal shut up and I was like that was on magic I was like oh everyone's supposed to be nice on magic that's the thing that I find such a weird comment like I get that a lot as well usually by men on twitter but it's like oh you think you're the only one that's had a baby you keep going on about it and I'm like

no I really don't but I literally have no other chat yeah it's no no that's all I've got to talk about but also do you know what and and this is in total honesty I've done one one bit I just said I'd done one bit basically a long story my boyfriend had befriended a squirrel in the garden and he was giving him nuts and I was like you've got we've got a baby here there's a lot going on you know why are you why are you like making mates with squirrels in the garden there's a lot going on that's all I'd said and I just got this barrage of abuse like you know being ungrateful and I was just like oh god okay wow I still talk about my baby on air but you know yeah I chose eight weeks it worked fine I probably could have done longer but they were great they were checking in and I think do you know what in all honesty

they made it really easy for me to go back oh I love hearing about supportive employers yeah do you know what I was not shocked because they're a great company, but it's in this industry too. It's not, it doesn't happen that often. It doesn't happen that often. And I have to say it's, they've made it really easy and it's been, it was a pleasure to have that eight weeks with him. I was very excited to get back to work. I'm going to, I'm going to tell Tommy that his favorite radio station are really great to you. And I'm sure he'll love them even more. Tommy gets the most shout outs on Magic that I know. Do you know what's so funny? So we were driving back from Cornwall on Sunday and Pandora was on Heart. He was another one of our friends. And so he was like, can you text Pandora and ask her for a shout out? Tommy's so weird. Like he's like so cool, calm, collected, isn't phased by what I do. Isn't phased like, you know know doesn't get starstruck like he's just normal but

getting a shout out on the radio he's still like a child like that is like the ultimate thing so he was like can you message Pandora and ask her for a shout out and I in my head I'm like really okay yeah anyway waited a couple of links and it hadn't come bear in mind she hadn't even read the message because obviously she's got a job to do yeah she might be quite busy he went Shuba gives me shout outs oh no Shuba's got no other chat though she's only got babies to talk about so do me a favor before I had a baby I was like I will not be one of those people that only talks about their baby and then I remember like speaking to a friend who still doesn't have a baby I say still she might never have a baby that's fine like she doesn't have a baby. I say still, she might never have a baby. That's fine. She doesn't have a baby.

And she was like, so how's Alf? And I was like, yeah, yeah, good. And filled her in. And then she went, so what else is new? And in my head, I was like, what? But that is the new. I don't have any. I've got nothing.

I've got nothing else. But in my head, I was like, think of a topic. Think of a topic. And I was like, no, that is it. Sorry. That's it. I have nothing left and you know I have found that too actually things to chat about within the job it is different it is completely different it is it's mad and you feel that pull but you know what I'm making it work it's happening it hasn't been easy like I would be a liar if I said it was it's not been

easy at all but it felt like if I didn't go back when I wanted to and I took longer, I think I felt like I was going to forget everything. What's been your favourite part about motherhood so far? Seeing him grow and well, the bits that are so worth it is when like, you know, he had a cold the other day and immediately, you know, he wants his mum and he wants a cuddle and like his little arms around your neck that you know that is like the most magical thing and you're like oh god he needs me he needs me the needy person that I am but he seeing him grow and each day sometimes you don't even notice it it's subtle but like he started sort of like holding his bottle and things like that and you're just watching someone become a human and you know become this person in front of you.

And it's just it's baffling. I still look at him and think, how how are you in my tummy? That is still incredible. I still can't believe that I grew him. It's just mad to see him functioning and see him like picking things up as well. Or like, I don't know, it's tiny little things. If you him do something you're like oh I smile like that it's like oh my gosh it's me me me me me me me me me do you know what him him watching him grow and it's so cliche and I just didn't think that would be the thing but just watching him grow and watching him with other people he's he's a very happy little boy and he will let you know when there's something wrong. You know, it's usually bottle, whatever, bum, whatever it is.

But he's a very happy little boy and seeing him happy and just going to people and being very sweet is a real proud moment. I think that's the best moment. Yeah. That's so lovely. To be fair, I agree. I feel like it's definitely made me appreciate all the things that we take for granted, getting him to sit, like experience things first time last night. I always say he loves animals. So I always point at different animals and say, what do they say? He can do,

he can do the fish now. So he goes, and I said, and what does the monkey say? And he went, and I was like, Oh my God, he's got it.

Oh, that's so sweet. I can't wait. Those things that I keep, I can't wait those things that I keep I don't want to wish him away I don't wish moments away but learn when they start things interacting has been the real thing but I think that's why I'm enjoying him now because he's interacting with me more and you know you feel like you've got a real little person there and yeah no it's it's a joy also do you know what the other thing that I've really found as well

I care a lot less about everything I don't have time for any anything else anything that might have worried me in the past work stuff life stuff anything to be honest and I just don't have time for it and I think that has been really lovely too it's quite freeing to not to not worry about stuff as much as I possibly would have before Kat Kat, I know that time is so precious as a mum, but every week I read out a message from one of my lovely listeners. Rebecca got in touch via email at askmumsthewordpod at gmail.com. So I thought you could help me answer this one. Yeah, okay. I'll give it my best shot. Hi, Ashley. I just listened to your latest episode of the podcast. I don't know why,

but I really felt the need to write. I had my daughter a week before you had Al. So I found following you and your journey super interesting. And while we do things differently, I didn't want to breastfeed Fierce, sleeps in her own bed, et cetera. You really make me feel quite normal when motherhood isn't so fun. And I love seeing a different perspective

on the way things can be done. I left my daughter quite early overnight when she was about five months old because my boyfriend had pre-booked a spa day for my birthday. And I'll be be totally honest I didn't feel guilty about leaving her instead I felt guilt about why I didn't feel guilt does that make sense so I don't think it matters what we're doing I think there will always be some self-doubt in whatever it is I also went back to work after six months off I'm a general manager of a golf club I didn't feel

ready but I did have to go back because I wouldn't have been able to survive off statutory. Oh my God. It's like, I'm- Oh my God. It's like you're reading my story. Echoing what you're saying. I didn't think I'd survive off statutory maternity pay again. I feel guilt about why I didn't feel guilty for leaving her. I think it boils down to people doing exactly what you hate, giving unsolicited advice or asking stupid questions. I constantly get, oh, well, where is she? That must be tough. My daughter also slept through from very early on, which prompts, why are you tired then? As if the constant day-to-day tests of being a new mum aren't worthy of making you tired. Anyway, like I said, I just want to say you're doing an amazing job. Motherhood can be a lonely

place to hang in there. And when times get tough, keep being honest as it really helps people like me. Thanks again, Rebecca. Oh my God. That is one of the nicest messages. Definitely not a question. So Kat, I don't need your input on that one. No. And I feel like that, I feel like that is the same person. I feel like I had a very similar story to hers. Yeah. So it's so funny because I genuinely didn't obviously know what you were going to say and I hadn't read that before. No. But Rebecca, that is a lovely message. And do you know what? I'm so glad that you don't feel guilty. Like Kat was saying, like, why should we feel guilty? But I also get the feeling of being guilty that you don't feel guilty like Kat was saying like why should we feel guilty but I also get the feeling of being guilty that you don't feel guilty because yeah I do yeah

when I when I leave Alf um which isn't very often but you know when his nan is here if I go out and people will always say to me like oh do you feel guilty or you shouldn't feel guilty but nobody says that to Tom so it's almost like a given that he shouldn't feel guilty. And I was like, no, absolutely not. I've been looking forward to this all the time. Like, I don't want to feel guilty, but also it makes coming back to them so much sweeter. Oh, I can't wait to get through the door.

On the way home, I'm like, oh, I can't wait to see my baby. I can't wait to see my baby. Yeah, it does. It's made it really lovely. Like leaving him, it's a good thing. It's a good thing getting five minutes away. five minutes away well a bit longer but yeah I feel like the moral of the story is don't feel guilty because also we don't expect the dads to feel guilty no and also if you don't want to leave your baby don't feel guilty about that either like I was really up and down I nearly cancelled the babysitter two minutes before she arrived I was still like on the edge about it I

still didn't want to do it and then it happened and I was like okay it's fine I've heard really good things about that bubble app and I won't lie I have tried to use it but I think it's still not still not that good in my area so there were no available but I'm actually gonna try it again it's a good reminder yeah it's really weird it's like being back on the dating apps you're like not that one yeah that one very different reasons there instead of being like is he fit it's like will this person be a good person for my child instead of trying to get a baby you're trying to give one away to someone to look after no no oh I can't wait to meet him it's been so nice to speak to you I'm gonna let you go and um guys thank you so much for listening to Ashley James

first time mom the parenting podcast make sure you hit subscribe or follow buttons so that you never miss an episode. And if you are listening on Apple Podcasts, you can leave a review there. I sometimes read those out as well. And obviously a five star rating helps others to find out. I hope that you're still enjoying the podcast. I loved recording this episode with the cat. I actually don't think I've laughed so much on an episode. Oh, good.

Well, I think that's good. No, it is good. It's cat. I've actually don't think I've laughed so much on an episode. Oh, good. Well, I think that's good. No, it is good. It's great. I loved it. And we covered some quite serious topics as well. I know. It's been lovely

catching up with you. I can't wait to do it in person. So nice. Me too. And I can't wait to meet Ruben. Yeah, I'll bring him over soon. Thank you. And yeah, we'll be back

with another episode same time, same place next week.