Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - MOTHERS DAY SPECIAL - with Kelsey Parker and her mum Diane

Episode Date: March 10, 2024

On This Week's Mum's The Word:Kelsey Parker is joined by her mum Diane, for a Mum's The Word Mothers Day Special!They'll Discuss:Why Motherhood is the hardest job in the world?How their parenting styles differ?What Kelsey was like growing up?Get In Contact With Us:Do you have a question for us? Get in touch on our Whatsapp, that's 07599927537 or email us at [e-mail] for Listening---A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Happy Mother's Day everyone and welcome back to Mums the Word, the parenting podcast. I'm Kelsey Parker and I'm your host for this week. So this episode we are going to be focusing on the difference in parenting across generations to celebrate Mother's Day. And I feel like my parenting skills have developed from watching my mum parent, watching my nan parent. I feel like I am very much like them both. So on the podcast today is my mum. To celebrate Mother's Day I'm going to be chatting to my mum about what I was like as a kid, if our parenting styles differ and and much, much more. Hopefully she'll be sharing the best stories about me as a kid. So, mum, welcome to Mum's The Word.

Guys, I'm so excited for my mum to be on here. Like, she is going to be so robotic. It's going to be... Why are you, like, nervous, mum? Chill. Because I don't do this sort of thing this is out of my comfort zone look everyone has been bragging about you yeah so come on cara's come on here and spoken about you i speak about you every week without foul people want you on this is what the people want i am they want me behind the scenes not up front they don't they want you on here that's you have been requested to be here. And it's Mother's Day. And I think we should just celebrate being mums together.

Brilliant. Yes, we are both mums. We are both mums. So, happy Mother's Day, mum. And happy Mother's Day from you, from your little ones. I know. Right, so let's kick things off. How would you describe me as a kid?

What was I like? Tell everyone what i was like uh happy happy go lucky he was absolutely fantastic baby slept all the time all the time so i was a proper sleeper he was a proper sleep you're still a sleeper now aren't you yeah i need my sleep i think that's the biggest thing as being a mum that i struggled with is the lack of sleep but you've told me that i'm never going to get it ever back. No, that's it. Once you have kids, you're never going to get it back.

Really? Will I never ever get it back? No, because then you get older and you don't actually need to sleep anymore like me. So it's gone. It's gone. You never sleep again. Even like this morning, Bodhi woke up at like six and I was like,

oh, you can go and watch your iPad in your bedroom for a little bit. And then I went back to sleep till seven. But I think it's a mental thing. So because you have to have to get up you don't want to but once you don't need to get up anymore you seem to have you wake up and you get up because you just I mean guys so let me tell you about my mum my mum is literally a fitness freak she wakes up at five o'clock every day is it five you five fifteen five fifteen and she goes to the gym and she does 6am classes what an absolute legend she is aren't you yes i do it yeah i do it every day

just to keep myself fit and also set me up mentally for the day i think it's my time on my own to get my head together come back ready for the day and all what i have to do because my mom is actually still a mom of young teenage boys. Well, I guess they're not young teenage boys, are they? No, 19 and 17. Yeah. So mum had a baby at 19. Yeah.

He's now 37, nearly 38. Then had me at 23, 24. I can't remember now. Then had Bobby. At 39 and then Max at 40. Yeah, 40. 40. So mum's like done both extremes.

She's had the young babies as a baby. Like 19. I could not imagine me at 19 having a baby. Could you imagine Bobby having a baby now at 19? No, he wouldn't be able to cope. That's right. I mean, literally, when my brothers have the kids, I'll be like to them, oh, can you just watch them?

Literally, they can cope with about an hour, can't they? And then they're like, oh, they're in my room. You actually had a child at that age. That's right, and did it all myself as well. It was hard work, but... So, guys, when people say to me, why am I so strong and so tough? It's because this woman in front of me right now,

because mum did get through it. I mean, you know, she got with Sammy's dad. Yeah. But. That didn't work out. It didn't work out when you were young. Yeah. And you were rebellious.

I mean, this is more finding out stuff about my mum. But my mum was young, rebellious at 19 and didn't listen to her parents. Wanted to leave home. Wanted to do it all. At 19. At 19. And she did. Well, at 18, that was it.

I was gone. Got pregnant at 18 and had the baby at 19 and got married and got married yeah got married before i got pregnant so and then divorced two years later but it was different than now yeah people did have children younger yeah but did you find it when you were doing like the school and stuff i was very very young. So did you find it harder with Sammy? Yeah, because obviously as a young parent, you don't get the respect from the teachers and they actually do treat you like you're a child as well.

So I noticed on the third time round with the boys, I suddenly had risen to a different height and I was looking down on the teachers and they, you got a lot more respect and you obviously probably spoke a lot more sense than what you did at 19. Because you are a different person, aren more sense than what you did at 19 because you are a different person aren't you but you don't actually realize you're a different person no at 19 you think you can take on the world which you obviously thought you could that's right and you did and you know you have given us the best life

i felt i did yeah but it's just crazy because i was 15 when yeah bobby was born so i guess for me you actually were my contraception yeah and obviously you had a lot of experience with babies so that set you up on how to actually be a mum yourself i always talk about my brothers on here because i guess i get to see i've seen them grow up haven't i and a lot of helping me babysit taking them out for walks when i was trying to work girls can you go up the shots of them because Because I need to go and do somebody's hair. I need you to take them off. Yeah, and I guess I could cope. Now looking back, like probably 15, 16 more, wasn't I?

When they were about two, I probably used to take them out. But I could actually cope with. Yeah, what about all the cooking you used to do for me? Yeah. You used to love cooking, didn't you? I was such a good help. And then I moved out at 21 with Tom. And you missed me so much.

So now mum is in a house with all men. She's the only woman. Yeah, and that is very, very hard. And she's getting... Yeah, because I'm completely outnumbered. And men don't see it like women do. So I'm literally fighting a losing battle. Yeah, we all had a massive debate on Sunday, didn't we?

About what women's jobs are and men's jobs are. I mean, we're diverting a bit for men and women, but... Call Bobby down to cut the meat. Could be Bob to do that. The boys don't want to help, do they? And they just think we should do it all. No, they want to help when it's what they want to do. So they do their own cooking,

sort their own food out, but they don't want to come and help as a whole to what I would like them to do. They don't want set jobs to do. They want to do their own jobs. But I guess you're still parenting them now and we were trying to give them advice. I guess the parenting never stops, does it? And I speak a lot on this podcast.

Well, I'm still parenting you, aren't I? You always ring me up and go, Mum, what do you think about this? No, I don't. Lies, I do all the time. And I say, well, I don't really know. Try and decide yourself. Yeah.

I ring my mum for everything because for me, well, my mum, as in you, I think there's no better advice than your mum's advice. And sometimes I go completely opposite to what you say because actually I'll ring. But I'm quite happy about that. If you go, go with the safe bet and I think, no, I'm not going to do that. Well, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I say.

Yeah, she just goes. And like, even if you. I think if it feels right, just do it and see what happens. I do love mum's advice for that because it is true. Like, even money struggles and stuff. Mum goes, don't worry, you'll find the money. Like, get it. Like, oh, when I wanted to get the car, like, it's the car of my dreams.

And I rang mum and I was like, oh, it's going to cost me this amount a month. Like, what do you think? One, she said, Tom would have done it. What do you think Tom would have done? Tom would have done it what do you think Tom would have done he would have definitely done it he would have done it

but she said you'll find the money and you do and you do and I'm so happy I always think that you actually do find the money

for what you want and also I just think in life take the risk and if that's something like I really wanted that car didn't I and it's something

that I'd have to drive every single day that's right you know to go to the gym it is quite big now so maybe i am regretting my decision but it's my dream car and you said go for it and you know you'll find the money i often describe on this podcast that it is relentless being a parent like does that yes it's the hardest job you ever do in fact i was talking to one of the school moms when i ran a railing this morning

and she said to me she's looking forward to going back to work after maternity leave. She said, because I want a break from the children. It is the hardest job you'll ever do and it is relentless because you can't pick. So if you're at work, you can have a little sky, sit down, have a coffee. When you've got children, you can't. You have to go with what they want you to do. Well, they're on you, aren't they? From the moment you wake up.

It is the hardest job. It's easier going out to work, definitely. So it is the hardest job you to do. Well, they're on you, aren't they? From the moment you wake up... It is the hardest job. It's easier going out to work, definitely. So it is the hardest job you'll do. Because when you're at home, they're just there, aren't you? Because even if you've got the best child in the world, there's always something about every child that's a problem. And what you find is the more children you have, at one point they'll be so-and-so playing up.

You think, oh, I've just got over that. And then the next kid, there's something wrong with them. And then the next kid, it's like a rotation. With Aurelia and Bodie, oh, I've just got over that. And then the next kid, there's something wrong with him. And then the next kid, it's like a rotation. With Aurelia and Bodie, aren't I? Aurelia was the most, well, what was she like as a baby? Yeah, she was horrendous. Yes. She screamed all the crimes.

She touched everything, didn't she? You literally ran around after her. She never stopped. So she'd be up the stairs. As you're cleaning up the photos, as you just pulled down, she'd be trying to get up the stairs. Yeah, so in my mum's front room she's got all like

nice picture displays Aurelia used to go in take the pictures down yeah she'd then be on the like she'd literally get in cupboards out here there and even as a baby

you said you've never known a baby to cry so much do you remember Tom oh she was awful weren't she he used to put her in the car seat and then go and take her

for a drive up the M25 that time you dropped around to me the first time that you went out I think you went to see Jay do something or something wouldn't she? He used to put her in the car seat and then go and take her for a drive up the M25. That time you dropped around to me the first time that you went out I think you went to see Jay do something or something

and I literally had a trying to get her to sleep and you got her to sleep like that but you couldn't put her down and you'd just be like that for an hour and then suddenly

she'd be awake again and it's like oh. You literally didn't want to move she was a nightmare. Tom needed the sleep he couldn't believe the lack of sleep. But then she turned a corner didn't she look at her now she turned the corner she's

absolutely brilliant but now i feel like i'm then going through it all again with bodie but bodie wasn't he didn't touch anything did he no and bodie was such an easy baby i mean i never had a stair gate for him he mastered the stairs really quickly i think with your second as well nothing whatever compared to your first he's more challenging verbally yeah because he doesn't do naughty things but he verbally answers back he's not doing that he's not doing this well i can't bribe bodhi no well as you can arayla i can be like oh come on do this and if you have your hair done you can get a tick yeah end of the week you get another tick the tick scheme so i think i spoke about it before on here i've been doing ticks so it's been i've been doing the ticks to try and get bodie to sleep

in his own bed and he probably gets he definitely does never get he does never makes it through the week about yeah four or five he can do out of seven but now because obviously aurelia does sleep in her own bed so i've changed the tick scheme up. And now Aurelia has to get herself dressed in the morning. And not cry when she has her hair done. And not cry when she has her hair done. But, you know, I think it's changed at school because at Aurelia's school, on PE days, she now has to go dressed in her PE uniform.

But when I was at school, I went into the classroom, you know, you got unchanged and you got changed. And I feel like... But that is a skill that I think children should learn. So I feel like she's lacking on that. So now that's why I've made her getting dressed in the morning, a tick scheme for her because she's not doing that at school. And I said that to her, like, I used to have to get changed for PE and then get changed back into my school uniform. I think that is quite traumatic because Max didn't want to get changed for PE, did he? So Max is the 17 year old.

He is the youngest. And when he first started... He's mum's worst child. I hope the boys don't listen to this. When he first started school, he refused to get changed into his PE kit. So the teacher let it go for a week or two. But then he went to me,

Max won't get changed into his PE kit. Are you happy for me to discipline him on that? Went absolutely fine. Because now they're not allowed to be too, they have to be like really soft teachers, don't they? They can't be really strict. And after that, he was absolutely fine. He got told, you are getting changed in your PE kit.

And that was it. But again, it's each child that's different. Max, you can tell him and he will listen. Me and Max are similar, aren't we? Yeah, that's right. You can tell us, we'll listen, and max are similar aren't we yeah that's right you can tell us we'll listen we'll do as we're told but with a little bit of an edge i would say yeah bobby's stubborn isn't he bobby won't he's stubborn and he goes on and on and then with sammy oh yeah sammy was just

he was always he's always been because i suppose because i was quite young he's always been like more of my friend than myself he used to go to me mum have you got the keys at three years old when i was going out the door yes i've got the key sam he's always been really sensible sounds really sensible isn't he yeah and he still is now isn't he's so sensible yeah and he's the one you go to yeah and he's not and he's a calming yeah and he's a calming influence on the boys yeah and also if we're having an argument indoors with the boys you'll come down and go, this is pointless. Just stop arguing about rubbish.

I remember when me and Tom looked after Maxwell and Bobby. The thing is, with them being so young, they used to spend a lot of time with me, didn't they? I often used to have them. They loved coming over on a Saturday night, didn't they? And I remember this one time we had a sleepover at mine and Max walked in and in the space of like three minutes, he'd got my hairdryer and went,

like flicked it on and off so many times that it blew up. He then did a backflip on the sofa and then spilled all the orange juice. Yeah, that's Max does. He's done that all the time. And Tom was like, what's he doing? Is he being serious? I was like, welcome to the world of having Yeah, that's Max. He used to do that all the time. And Tom was like, what's he doing? Is he being serious? I was like, welcome to the world of having children, Thomas Parker. Max, he never sits still for a minute, did he?

He never sat and watched telly. Bobby would sit and watch telly and relax. He's more chill than he is back. Who's been your hardest child? I can't really pick anyone that's been. They've all been different. Who's your favourite child? I haven't got a favourite child.

This is the debate at home we have all the time. Every child says to me, I'm your favourite mum. I'm your favourite. I haven't got a favourite child. Mum. I haven't got a favourite child. Look, they're not going to listen to this. Just tell everyone I'm your favourite child.

You're not my favourite child. I am because we're both women. Well, we're both women. Yeah, we get on really well together. But then I do get on well with the boys as well. No, you don't. You get along with me the best of everyone tell me i'm your favorite desperate to be my favorite i'm not desperate to be your favorite child mom i know i'm your favorite

child like that is the difference i know i'm your favorite right okay i do everything for you actually you're they all my kids are actually good to me. That is true. They're all good to you, but I'm better than all of them. Tell me now. Is it quite crazy for you that you're back at the school gates dropping my children off? It's quite embarrassing, actually. It's embarrassing? Why is it embarrassing?

Because some of the teachers are still there from when the boys are there and they go, oh, hello, what about the ice cream lady? Oh, my God. She's actually retired now. But when I was at the junior, she went to me, what are you ice cream lady? Oh, my God. She's actually retired now. But when I was at the juniors, she went to me, what are you doing back here again? So the junior school. Oh, yeah.

So when the boys moved up to the juniors, I was back at the ice cream van. And then I saw her, didn't I, before she retired, one of yours, we walked past. And she went, you're not still here, are you? I said, yes, I am still here. I think that the kids should have a statue of you there. Well, you think obviously Sam started there five years old.

He's now 37. So I've been doing that school run and I'm back doing it now for, well, 30 years. Ridiculous. And literally Maxwell left year 11 and Aurelia started reception. Oh, and also the actual run that Bodie goes to on a Thursday, which I now run him to, is the same route as what I used to drop Max off at school every day. And you think, I thought I was, you know, and you think,

can't wait to stop this run. Yes, only another term, only another whatever to finish. And then I'm back doing it again. And now I'm like... But also, because mum loves the gym so much and if I say to mum, look, I need to go to the gym

in the morning, that's the way... Yeah, that's why I was around here this morning at eight o'clock. That's the way to get her to drop the kids to the stove. Right, she's going to go to work out. She's going to go to the gym.

I'll take Ray to school. She's going to do a workout. Yeah. It's important to go to the gym, I think. But also, do you know what I feel with children and I think us as a family, and this is how we've been brought up, that it's not just, you know,

I am the mum and obviously I'm in a circumstance that it is just me now. Yeah. But even when I was younger, I used to spend a lot of time at my nan's house. Yeah. We all lived on the same road. So my nan lived at number 12 and we lived at number 36 and i used to be like to mum can i call down to nan i'm gonna go out and then i'd go down to my nan's house and spend the night there so i have to ring up my mum and she used to on the phone

yeah on a proper telephone proper telephone not mobile and then she used to come out and watch kelsey run down i used to run down the road and spend time with my nan. So, you know, my nan and grandad had a massive influence on me. You used to sit and cut your grandad's toenail, fingernails for him, file them all up. Yeah. He used to love that, didn't he? Yeah, grandad loved it. I used to have a beauty parlor, basically. I just always liked looking after people.

And you always liked being around people. Yeah, I've always loved people. But I think for me, like now, obviously, even to caring for Tom, now obviously even to caring for tom i like looking after people don't i and i like yeah i like to make sure everyone's okay yeah that's right and i like to be around everyone i've always loved being around lots of people yeah so we moved house and then i only lived three minutes from my auntie so when i used to get the train home when i went to italia conti i used to ring my mum and go what are you having for dinner tonight and then she'd tell me what they were having for dinner and then i'd ring julie who's my auntie and go what are you

having for dinner tonight and then i'd weigh up the options the better option or who was having the best dinner and then go can i come to yours so i often spent a lot of time yeah with my auntie and i just think like share the load a bit yeah of having your children you didn't care about no sharing me i'm not one of these parents that have been some parents are a bit possessive of their children they don't like them to go and go to other family members yeah but i just think everyone all the input of the family i love it the fact that you used to go and go to other family members yeah but i just think everyone all the input of the family i love it the fact that you used to go and spend time with julie and mum because it's just another input of different opinions and then it makes you a bigger person because you listen to all and then you draw your own conclusions because i think you know with family and friends you you

are all different and your parenting skills are so different like now i sit back and look at me and my friends you know and how all our parenting is so different and i parent different than julie don't i yeah so we all parent differently i mean i put my mum was quite my mum and dad were quite firm so yeah nan and granddad were i think i was quite firm but i always think that i'm the parent that you could always come and ask if there was any problems. Oh, guys, literally, when I started Italia Conti, so I went to school in London. So my friends all came from everywhere. So I didn't really, we're talking about this on Saturday. I didn't really like sleeping at people's houses.

I just liked my own house. And I'm like that now. I don't like just staying at people's houses. So everyone used to have sleepovers at my house and I used to dread it because obviously my mum was like the mean gas mum I'm a cool mum I'm a cool mum but everyone used to come and tell my mum everything that was happening at school I knew exactly what was going on Like literally down to who was getting with who, who was doing sexual activities.

Yeah, but I felt... But you wasn't really shocked, was you? No, and I'm not a judgmental person either. So all your friends still ring me up and they're like, I'm going to ask, die. I mean, Tom used to literally ring my mum how many times a day? He used to go, da, question. Da, question for you.

Da, question. Yeah, my friends still ring mum now and even now with their parenting. Yeah, I've done the breastfeeding with them all. Little Kelsey, first one. All of it. All of it. Zoe. Zoe, yeah. Yeah, all of them. And then some will be like, oh, what does your mum

think about that? What does your mum think? So I think basically... But they don't have to take my advice. I don't care if they don't take my advice. No. Not one of them people. We're really straight and direct. So if you want an honest opinion...

Sometimes a bit too straight and direct. You can upset people if you're a bit straight and direct. Yeah, but I would say I am like Marmite. The people either love me or they hate me. And growing up, I was like that, wasn't I? Yeah. Like teachers. Yeah.

Certain teachers would absolutely love me. Then others would just, like, despise that, wasn't I? Yeah. Like teachers. Yeah. Certain teachers would absolutely love me, then others would just like despise me, wouldn't they? Too loud, too noisy, too much to say. Yeah, I've always had a lot to say. But look, I'm here talking for a living. Do you know what I mean? I used to have teachers that used to go, it's brilliant, she interacts with the class,

she's kind to everyone, a bit like Rayleigh. She's kind to everyone, looks after everyone and always got something to say. Some teachers found found that a positive so it is just an opinion i do think as well with aurelia that she obviously to look at she looks like tom both my kids just look like tom i don't even know how i birthed them out of my vagina because everyone just says to me all the time they look like they look like tom they look like tom i'm like okay cool but aurelia is so much like me, isn't she? Yeah.

Always dancing, singing. That's what Kelsey was like. So I think probably that's why the teachers found it. Because you always were flamboyant, weren't you? Remember when Julie made you that Barbie outfit? And you was dancing around the hall in the Barbie outfit. Okay, let's talk about the Barbie outfit. So we did a...

Yeah, what was it? It was probably like a school assembly. It was an assembly. You just all literally danced around, didn't you? I can't remember what it was for, but I think I was in year one or year two and my auntie makes costumes for a living. She makes Boram and Latin outfits.

Basically, you name it, Judy can make it. So Kelsey always was the best dressed. Always was the best dressed. When it came to a performance. So I had this barbie costume and i was i i've i think billy nicholson's mum has still got the video of this i need to get it from her where i strutted around the the school hall being barbie but that's when they pulled you to one side didn't they said to me have you ever thought put them into performing arts and i thought oh so

that's when we went up to italia content she started one one lesson a week yeah drama drama and then it just went from there to and then she was doing everything at that point she was doing ballet elsewhere you were doing horse riding yeah you were doing swimming you were doing ballroom and latin you did it all didn't you every day we did something different because she just didn't like sitting indoors what we're doing tonight which is what Arale is like what we're doing tonight my kids are like that what are we doing they do every activity and i think that's really important and i did get to a stage where mum said you got a pick horse riding is quite expensive boring latin is quite expensive and obviously when you went to main school yeah so i started on a saturday and i used to do nine to five

every saturday dancing throughout the whole day so i did dancing singing acting and then um the head teacher of the saturday school actually about auditioning for the main school didn't yeah mom says the main school no one knows what the main school is the main school is atalia conti academy of performing arts so you never really we didn't really know about secondary schools then, did we? No, we didn't. But he said, I think Kelsey should audition. And I auditioned at, I guess you're 10 or 11 then, aren't you? And I got a place.

So she never went to state secondary school. She went to Italia Conti. I went to Italia Conti, which I think was the best thing. Oh, definitely. Do you reckon I would have been chucked out of normal school? Well, you always managed to pick the naughty kids to be with. Gemma. Gemma, are you listening to this?

Gemma, we wasn't naughty. I just think sometimes with schools, it's very structured. Not naughty, mischievous. Mischievous. Gemma's very mischievous, isn't she? But I never actually used to do the naughty things with them. I was just with them. And I guess you get found guilty for, what's it called?

I was talking to Gemma's brother. Matt, Tommy went to that party and Gemma hid all the shoes when it was time to be picked up. We went to a soft play party and Gemma, Gemma's got to listen to this pod now. Gemma didn't. She was very mischievous. She chucked, she didn't want the party to end,

so she chucked everyone's shoes in the ballpark. That's it yeah so can you imagine when all these parents turned up and they tried to find their kids shoes they were all at the bottom

of this massive ballpond she just got that humour as well I know I had no part to play with that but she was your best friend so I guess

growing up yeah actually she was my best friend. The Motherkind podcast explores how to feel happier, more confident and empowered in your motherhood, even in our world of pressure, judgment and comparison. I'm your host Zoe Blaski and every week I speak to an incredible expert to share actionable steps and powerful lessons to living your life as a mother with more joy and unapologetic confidence. Listen wherever you get your podcasts, just search Motherkind. I guess growing up, did you always know I was going to have a career in this?

Well, you don't really know, do you? I didn't really know. So I did go and see a clairvoyant that said to me that my eldest son would wear a hard hat and he's a builder and Kelsey would be a performer, be on stage. I thought she said presenter. No, she said you would be in the industry of that, some sort of wear a drama hat. He would wear a hard hat.

No, she just said you would be a performer of some sort. And it has been a struggle, hasn't it? Yeah, it has been a struggle. Putting her through school was a struggle. So my mum put me through private school on her own with no, you know, my dad wasn't around and the school fees were really expensive. You did it, didn't you?

I did it, yeah. But again, I guess that's the story of just, I mean, most parents would go, oh, we won't be able to afford that. I couldn't afford it, but I thought, oh, we'll find the money. And I did. You will find the money for what you want to do. Just work a bit harder. And really, that was the best place for me to be because, like I said,

I probably would have been chucked out of a normal state school yeah and because again i couldn't sit still so they birds for feather yeah they they max should have gone to performing art school shouldn't he yeah because max can't sit still and in every class and also he was a good singer at one point he actually did have all the qualities but he didn't want to do it he didn't want to go down he auditioned at seven or eight for kinky boots and he got down to the last six boys he had a good voice tom taught him tom taught him and it was the most beautiful thing in the world and then he went but what if i don't want to make shoes and then tom ripped him so he didn't get the part and then tom ripped him for ages and kept going to him but what if i don't want to make shoes and then tom ripped him so he didn't get the part and then tom ripped him for ages and kept going to him but what if i don't want to make shoes what if i don't want to make

shoes and then me and kelsey get a call from oh yeah call back like a few months later they go we really want maxwell and he went i am not doing it now so i could have punched tom for that because that would have been great wouldn't it for him to do that but yeah he definitely should have gone to performing arts school. But yeah, they embraced us at Conti. Whereas he got into trouble. Didn't get into trouble, but he struggled to sit still at school. He struggled to spend an hour doing the same thing.

He likes to do different things all the time. So he was more challenging at school than Bob was. And that's why I guess school's not for everyone, is it? Well, different schools are for different people. So if he'd have gone to performing arts school or if he'd have gone to a forest school or something like that, like they do now, he would have probably done a lot better. So have you got any regrets for that?

Well, it was what it was, wasn't it? I didn't even think about it at that point. Obviously, he wouldn't have done performing arts, but now there are other options of more of a moving about education. You could look down that route. Yeah. Because I don't know if Aurelia is going to... I would love for Aurelia to go to school.

But she does enjoy the learning. She does enjoy the learning. So the word on the door today was tree. And she's not even five yet. And she went, tree. Yeah. She's doing really well. So she will...

Does she get that from me? Well, you was quite... Well, probablyE. Yeah. She's doing really well. So she will... Does she get that from me? Well, you was quite... Well, probably not, no. I think that's Parker. I think that's the Parker. They are academics, aren't they? The performing's me, even though obviously Tom was unreal at singing and performing.

But he didn't obviously get into that till he was... No. 16, 17. I think he did used to do the gymnastics. Oh, yeah. That's a different story and he's not around for me to tell that now. He did gymnastics and he did used to do the gymnastics oh yeah that's a different story and he's not around for me to tell that

no he did gymnastics and he did I think he did singing lessons he didn't pick up the guitar till he was 16 he never got talked

about the guitar but he was very academic Tom was really really academic well so Lewis Lewis is very academic Noreen's very academic so yeah

that's not really from me is it I think the performance might come from Nigel because he can whack out a tune, can't he? He's really good at singing. Yeah. What else do we want to know from Mum on this show? What more about me, Mum?

What have you got to say about me? I could say that you do parent like me. You are quite firm. Yeah. You do, don't you? Yeah, I think I'm more laid back than you, though. Yeah, I mean, I'm a bit neurotic. Well, I think as I've got older, I've got more neurotic about the housework.

But you say about finding, you know, don't worry about it, you find the money. But sometimes the things you worry about, I go, what are you worrying about that for? Yeah. Because you do it. And mum's housework is so important to her. And I just think sometimes, you know, I get about living. I know about living. But I didn't used to be like that.

That has come as I've got older because I was a bit more like you. Oh, it doesn't really matter. This cleaning, getting things in its place has become, since the boys are so messy, the house is so messy. So now I just think I can't bear it. I can't cope. But that is something new because I didn't use, as a kid, when you were young, did I really worry about the housework?

No, I didn't, did I? You didn't really worry, but you've always been quite, like, picky about stupid things. Well, some things are important to people and some things aren't. Yeah, you are much more laid back about, you're probably more, I want to spend time with the kids, I want to do this with the kids. That's more important to you. I'm probably about get the house straight,

then I'll do things with the kids but you know what for me it's probably because what i've been through you know the kids were babies when yeah that's right we lost tom so for me it's i think you do take a step back when something so you probably don't care about that mess in the corner you'd rather be chatting with your children and perhaps reading a book with them or doing whatever and being with them yeah because also i like i said to them last night and i obviously it's quite hard because it is just me and i know what mum says because she'll say oh you know i just have to do it on my own and but it is hard like i did have to at mine but obviously i didn't really because even though you're doing it on your own your husband is there as a backup aren't they yeah johnny's there

he's there to pick up the flack of whatever I might not be able to cope with. You actually have to do it on your own. There is no one to go, these kids, you're there on your own doing it, aren't you? And I did say that to him last night. I was like, you're going to have to help me. Yeah, that's right.

Because it is just mummy. And mummy does everything. I might get that with the kids, but then I'll be going and having to go, Johnny going it's your fault like he does with me like he's taking the boys

to work now he comes home and goes oh I've had such a day with them boys so my stepdad Johnny now has Bobby and Max both work for him they're training to be roofers now

and now he realises it is hard because obviously they're still quite young so they do like yesterday they might have had a day where they were mucking about being silly in the van

because it was an hour and a half journey home. And he comes home and he's like, I spent an hour and a half in the van with these. I can't bear anymore. I just would love to be a fly on the wall while they're working together. But I do think. But I guess now as well, he's having to look after the kids. Yeah.

But also I think the discipline has changed. Whereas you and sam you didn't ever cross me i say i only had to look at you and you knew they aren't like that i think it's the whole society as parenting so i definitely do because when i see people on the way to the school run i'm like i just don't understand their parenting i was like my mum would never get away with that and i'd go visiting with you so i'd go around my friend's houses visiting with kelsey and she would sit on the chair she wouldn't be bounced around the house and if she did get up i'd go like that just the eyes mum's doing a stare at me right now and she just sat back down again

and you knew didn't you you didn't misbehave no and i didn't have to come home and go right that's it you've made me look a full out today ever but i've done that a few times with max we've been out for lunch with my friend and he's been an absolute idiot mom's friend asked her has max got adhd oh my god yeah because he well he had a coke didn't he so he drunk a coke and he can't do fizzy he literally lost his head and was at back and forward calling the waiters over and my friend friend was a bit stressed because she was going on holiday. And she said to me, have you ever had Max tested for ADHD? I said, well, even if I did, it doesn't really matter. It's not going to make him any different.

I'm not putting him on any drugs. So he is what he is. The thing is. She did apologise after for that. I do think with your children as well that, you know, not one child is going to give you the package no they've got to have something so you've got maxwell who's they're gonna hate this podcast but you've got maxwell who literally bounces around and he's and he's full on but then can go up and order a drink yeah can. Can go and pay things. Yeah. Can sort his stuff out. Very independent.

Really tidy. Can email. Like, he's so organised. He's dealing with his driving instructor. He didn't have a driving lesson on Friday. I said to him, which I would have done for Bobby. Shall I message you? And he went, I'll sort that out.

Rung him up, sorted it out. Said, I won't be able to have a driving lesson. I'm in London working. I don't have to deal with anything like that. Whereas with Bobby, it was a little bit more like he's independent in a different way isn't he so i guess what we're saying is no child is the full package and you actually can't parent any of your children the same so do you parent even now yes i parent all my children differently a 100 how would your parenting skills i can get away with shouting out and doing whatever you don't get the um with me you might go oh shut up mum but i can probably

lose my cool with you a bit more whereas my eldest son's sensitive so i would never scream and shout at him the two boys i probably could shout at bobby but they i deal with them all differently i 100 deal with every child differently and the way I might want to ask them to do something, I would deal with them differently. So no child is the same. Yes, I remember that, parents. You can't lump them in the same category. But I do think that's when you have a little bit of a shock.

Because for me, this is what we were talking about earlier. Well, you're not parenting Bodhi like you do Aurelia, are you? No, and Bodhi was such a good baby. Such a good baby. And now, like you were saying, verbally. He's so intelligent though. So intelligent. Some of the things

he comes out with, you just think, really? And I hate to be that mum to be like, oh, my child is so intelligent. But he is.

And I think growing up, he is going to outsmart me. He trumps me all the time. I say to him, it will always give me a reason. I can't actually think of an incident, but he does, doesn't he? And you think, well, actually, he's right.

What can I really say about that? He is so intelligent, and I think he's going to be my... Well, Rayleigh's intelligent, but she's more in a different way, isn't she? She's ity-flighty. I'll tell you what, she doesn't miss anything, though, does she? Oh, no. I have to. I now... I have my nails done, and she doesn't miss anything, though, does she? Oh, no. I have to. I now.

I have my nails done and she'll go to me, I don't like that colour you've got on your nails, Nan. Or she'll notice that I've done my makeup different or my hair's slightly different. What did she say to one of the rugby dad on Saturday? Yeah, she said to one of the rugby dads who we see on a Tuesday and a Saturday and Claire runs the bar it's her her husband's they basically have this they're there at the rugby club all the time and she turned around

she went to Shane have you had your hair cut I'm like what a four-year-old would notice she does that Shane who's there on a Tuesday and a Saturday has had their hair cut the child notices everything so now if I want to talk about anything, I have to spell it out. But now she's learning how to read and it won't be long until she can actually be spelling the words. And you actually can't, she looks, doesn't she? What's that you're looking at on your phone? What's this? What's that?

She doesn't miss a thing, does she? No, she's just so on it. And she touches everything as well. Was I like that? We went to a baby shower on Sunday when we organised and it was all laid out lovely within five minutes of being there she'd undone all the serviettes and put the glasses in a different place

I said why have you done that because I think it looks better like that but they've laid it out like this put it back and she was most upset that I why are you putting it all back Nan because that's not how it's supposed to be laid out but she just does it

she doesn't actually think it through she thinks no I'm doing it I'm touching that I'm touching that I'm going upstairs getting all your jewellery out getting all your makeup out

yeah I don't think with her she thinks ever thinks of a consequence no she doesn't she's like bounce bounce tigger really

isn't she even like she'll just you know she does cartwheels now so now she'll just throw herself and flip over and also we are

encouraging the confidence because obviously she goes to drama school I want her to be confident she will stand up and sing in front of everyone and do you know what and I hope that that we are encouraging the confidence because obviously she goes to drama school I want her to be confident she will stand up and sing in front of everyone and do you know what and I hope that that doesn't

I hope she doesn't go through like a well I went through that stage I know and I don't want her to go through that really shy stage that you went through I went through a stage

when I was at Conti where which I think is quite common for I think it must be your hormones as well I think when you hit like 13 and now I just think to myself mum mom's the the lady with

the quotes anytime you want to quote you go to mom it might be the wrong quote and i might be quoting things that are completely wrong but mom you say you can't put a wise head on young shoulders and it's so true because old head on young shoulders and old head so you know i think back now to when i was at conti and think come, come on, this is what you're going to be doing when you're in your 30s. Like, this is where you're going to be. Like, believe in yourself. But I didn't. And I used to dread singing.

And also, as a parent, I found that really hard because you can actually see that your children are holding back. And you think, push yourself, push yourself. Because I remember when I did gymnastics, my dad used to say to me, you're holding back, you're holding back and you think push yourself push yourself because i remember when i did gymnastics my dad used to say to me you're holding back you're holding back but obviously at that point i thought i was doing as good as what i can do so you obviously thought you was doing you was as good as what you could say that to the teachers yeah i think you go through a dip like what i'm saying it must be a hormone i used to think i'm putting 120 but you're not because when you sit with your pupils no i know suddenly you hit pu, and it all goes wrong for a little while.

And you do lose your confidence for a bit. And then by the time you've picked up, it can be too late, especially at performing arts school, because someone else is now the favourite. Someone else is doing better, because it's all at different stages you go through it. So some younger, some older. And then that favourite kid is not you anymore.

I wish I'd pushed myself more. I just try, with Aurelialia to not make anything a deal. Like she's got a modelling job in March. It's quite a big campaign that she's got, but I just underplay it all. Really underplay it because I don't want her to stress and worry. And also she's going to love it, but you just don't want to put the pressure on her and go,

which a lot of parents do, you've got got academics you've got this exam coming you've got to do really well or what's the point they can only do as best they can do can't they it's true i know she can only go i think probably because i used to get nervous for my children i probably yeah and you are the problem yes but i don't i'm not so much now because i'm confident what you're doing now and that but i think because i would beicking, you've got to be really careful not to show that to your children. That's really hard. You definitely are. Mum used to panic and then it used to rub off on me because she used to be like, oh, I'm so nervous when I'm sitting in the audience watching you.

And I'm like, why are you telling me that? I did used to get really nervous. Why? Because I wanted you to do so well. And it used to be like, yes, yes, yes, you're doing brilliantly. But even now, certain things I just don't even tell mum because she stresses me out. You do stress me out. I worry, yes, because I do want you to be the best you can possibly be.

But I think parents do want that for their kids, don't they? So basically what we've come to at the end of this is that I'm always going to be stressed, I'm always going to be worried about my children. I'm going to try not to be like that because I think that is... But I think every generation learns because I learned, my parents were really strict on me because that's how it was. I was the eldest child and I rebelled against that,

left home and did my own thing. And I think you learn. So I've learned from that and I've parented you differently. I've never, ever said to you, don't do this, don't do that, have I? I've never been that, well, you're not going there. You're not going out clubbing and you're not doing whatever. I'll let you do exactly what you want to do. And I think you'll be even more.

Yeah, and you were like that. And I do and i think you'll be even more yeah and you were like that and i never had like a time to be home no because you have to trust your children it's all about trust even at aurelia and bodie's age you've got to trust that they're good you're putting them on the right path but at the end of the day they're going to do what they want so you've got to say to them i trust you to make the right decision i know they're not going out clubbing to make the right decision about even what they're going to pick to eat i trust you to make the right decision. I know they're not going out clubbing. To make the right decision about even what they're going to pick to eat. I trust you to make the right decision. Well, I did say to her this morning, the option at school was a chicken hot dog.

And I was like, you're not having the chicken hot dog. She went, I want it. And then I said, do you think that's good food? And she said, no, I'll have the packed lunch, mum, from you. So she has made that decision. But I do remember that growing up that I didn't have, you wasn't really and everyone's like oh you're allowed to do what you want also but you didn't do anything stupid though did you no so you didn't lose my trust you didn't lie i always used to say don't lie because if you lie you get into worse trouble than you do for being truthful

for not for telling me if something's gone wrong i'll help you sort it out if you lie you're in big trouble so i don't know if they really wanted a lovey-dovey Mother's Day podcast, but you definitely weren't getting it from Diane. Oh, I love you. You're so wonderful as a daughter. I'm so proud of you. I am proud of you. You know I'm proud of you.

Thanks, Mum. But I am proud of all my children. Everyone's proud of me the most. I'm proud of you all. But to be fair i have had the last three years have probably been the toughest three years that anyone and you have coped really really well you have haven't you but do you feel like i've coped because you have put the groundwork in because people always say to me how have you got through it how have

you got through these last three years i think we've always focused on one day at a time haven't we it's no point in thinking even when tom was diagnosed oh it could be dead next week it could be dead next year you have to get up every morning and do the day because it's pie in the sky because my my husband's always going oh when when when i retire when i get this when i get that well you might never make that so enjoy every day as it comes and just deal with it deal with the problems of the day and when you wake up in the morning as I always just say to my kids I could be absolutely fuming with them but when I woke up in the morning I'd forgotten about it a new day started all the things they'd done the day before

new day forgotten about it and as parenting mum has said that to me what happened yesterday you need to forget about it. However bad they've been, not that my kids are really bad. No, but whatever has happened, however bad it is. That was the day before and today is a new day. New day, new child, new everything. Because nobody's perfect, are they? And I guess that's why I have got... Yeah, that's right.

We did that with Tom, didn't we? We did that with Tom every day. And that's why I think we pushed forward and through it. And got through it and always you always set yourself a new change what he was looking at today what he's gonna give him today there was and when something didn't work it was on to the next new it was never like oh i wish i hadn't done that you can't change the past you can't regret and you can't change the past so why are anyone even dwelling on the past oh i wish i hadn't done i actually have no regrets in my life

i can't look back and go oh i wish i wish i hadn't done that. I actually have no regrets in my life. I can't look back and go, oh, I wish I hadn't done that because everything has led me to the point I am here today. Well, I guess as well, even having a child at 18, 19, getting married, having a divorce. Are you mad? Why are you having a baby? Because I want one.

I actually did. It wasn't an accident. I actually planned to get pregnant and have a baby. And I loved it every minute of it. I love being a parent. I love being a mum. I really enjoyed that. I and have a baby. And I loved it every minute of it. I love being a parent. I love being a mum. I really enjoyed that. I like being a nan now.

So is this your best job, being a mum? Yes, definitely. This is what I always wanted, to be a parent. And there you have it, guys. Right, just confirm to everyone that I am your favourite child. I will not confirm that you're my favourite child. Mum, just tell everyone. I love you all the same. Stop going on about being the favourite child. I will not confirm that you're my favourite child. Mum, just tell everyone. I love you all the same.

Stop going on about being the favourite child. See, Tom was right. Tom used to say, Diane, cold as ice. She's cold as ice. You weren't getting a lovey-dovey podcast from me and my mum on Mother's Day, but I hope we've given you some parenting advice. That you don't have to follow. You don't have to follow it, but this is...

How we parent. How we're parenting, and that's what we're doing, aren't we, Mum? Yeah. Thank you so much for joining me. Have you enjoyed joining me? Actually, I have enjoyed it, yeah. Have you calmed down? I was really, really nervous, but I've calmed down now.

She's calmed down. She can come back next week. She was an absolute natural. Thank you, Mum. Do you have a question you want me and my guest to answer? Get in touch by emailing askmumsthewordpod at gmail.com or leave us a voicemail on WhatsApp. Our number is 07599927537

or leave it as a review on Apple Podcasts. Make sure you hit the subscribe or follow button so you never miss an episode. If you're listening on Apple Podcasts. Make sure you hit the subscribe or follow button so you never miss an episode. If you're listening on Apple Podcasts, then please leave us a review and a five-star rating. It helps others find us. And talking of spreading the news, please tell another person about the podcast

and help us reach more people. So I've been Kelsey Parker. You can find me on being underscore Kelsey on Instagram where I'm just being me. We'll be back with another episode, same time, same place next week. Thanks for listening.