Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - Mummy Body Positivity - with Lottie Drynan

Episode Date: November 27, 2023

How do you deal with postpartum depression? How IBS affects pregnancy and motherhood? And why it's important not to feel alone and feel positive about your body#MyBloatedWardrobe founder Lottie Drynan joins Georgia Jones on this week's episode to speak about dealing with postpartum depression, how IBS has affected her life before and after pregnancy, the changes in a women's body no-one tells you about & why body positivity is key?Do you have a question for us? Get in touch on our Whatsapp, that's 07599927537.---A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome back to Mum's The Word, the parenting podcast. I'm Georgia Jones and I'm your host for this week. Now this week, a bit of a seasonal one, is slightly stressful and hopefully you guys can help. Write in, let me know what you've done. But how do we deal with there being lots of Santas dotted around the place? One of my friends has mentioned it recently online, so I'm not the only one struggling with this. And I'm sure you're all having the same issue, is how do we explain to our little ones

that there's more than one Santa? Because they definitely don't all look the same. So yeah, that's been a tricky one for me to navigate this week. Today's guest is Lottie Drynan. She is best known for her hashtag, My Bloated Wardrobe, which was back in 2018 and that soon became viral. Now her online journey began by sharing her struggles with IBS and anxiety, but now has made it her passion to provide uplifting messages

promoting body image positivity. She has brought together a community of over 275,000 people, including a private Facebook support group with monthly events, as well as releasing a wellness journal that has been used by several thousand loyal followers. That's incredible. Welcome to the show, Lottie. Now, Lottie, if you follow her, which I'm sure majority of you listening to this podcast do, does a lot of work around bloating and how to dress for when you're feeling just like you need something loose around your tummy, right? And know it's so funny i was talking to someone because i was like it's just what every girl needs to hear is that you don't need to wear like tight do you remember we went through a phase where everybody would wear tight skinny jeans those top shop joanie jeans they still haunt me yeah same like i've still i think i've still got a pair in my wardrobe and i think i just keep them there one for like nostalgia

and two just to try them on occasionally and remind myself why i don't wear skinny jeans anymore and i'm like oh god oh no no no like even this this is an elasticated waist and it's still on the tight elasticated side looking at that makes me bloated yeah yeah but it's funny isn't it when you wear something like tight around your middle i think it must do something to your inside to actually oh it does it's called tight pant syndrome so it's actually a thing yeah so if you wear something tight it can affect you both physically and mentally so it can actually cause the bloating do you find that like

if you were to wear the wrong type of jeans that it also really restricts your bits oh definitely like yeah especially if it's a strong seam yeah that is true strong seam down there you've got the front wedgie back wedgie belly button wedgie going on it's just a world of discomfort that none of us want yeah hence why elasticated waist only for me yeah exactly i know i'm gonna go for looser elasticated next time yeah especially when I'm sitting down so Lottie has a community of over 275,000 people that follow you I don't know what they're doing I do I completely understand it because I actually think I followed you before you were even a twinkle in our management's eye yeah you know when you meet someone and you're like oh my god i feel like i know you but i don't know yeah i feel like i do i love that yeah um and yes you actually have a private facebook as well where you offer support to people do you yes so we've got a community

called you've got this so sort of my page i guess does revolve more around sort of my life and my experiences with ibs etc whereas you've got this is bringing a community of women who have everything from endometriosis IBS and just a really lovely support group it's so nice you know people can put in I'm feeling bloated what do I wear I'm going for a laparoscopy what are your tips so it's a really lovely little corner of the internet yeah and I remember when you got pregnant and I think I messaged you and I was like, oh my God, this opens up so many opportunities because like of outfits that you can like post about because like once you've had your baby

and then like dressing for like, you know, when you've had a baby and you're not quite sure what to wear. And it's the ultimate test of how bloat friendly it is, right? If it fits the bump, you're going to be all right if you're bloated. So you already had your pregnancy wardrobe like down, didn't you barely i barely bought anything because everything i buy is elasticated it's just the the old melon yeah your boobs they were they were something else

listen i wasn't jealous but yeah lottie's boobs were well they are still fabulous but goodness me when you were pregnant they were something else. I mean, I've never seen anything quite as big as my own head on someone's chest. Ridiculous. They were a wonder. The eighth wonder of the world.

So, you obviously are mother now to Penny. I am. Gorgeous little pen, who is one. How many months is she now yeah 14 months yesterday oh my gosh i know how time flies i know even her party feels like yesterday doesn't it i went to penny's party yeah it was lovely you had a little garden party didn't you yeah it was very cute strawberry theme garden party of course you love a theme don't you i do i do i just work really well to a theme and you've got your house

account it's like like lottie is the woman that must never sleep i don't know how you do it all you are adhd that is how she does it all adhd anybody wondering i'm like i need to get myself a bit of adhd i've got plenty going spare so you can take some any time oh my gosh no but yes you you just don't stop when i saw you so lotto created this like little um wall hanging didn't you for penny's bedroom and i remember following it and it was before you'd had penny and i remember watching thinking that's not gonna get finished i don't she's gonna have the baby any day and i'm sure you were like really pregnant that baby is going to come and that is going to go out of the window and and it did but you did persist eventually I did I think it was yeah just before

her first birthday so it took a year but I did it you did it see I'd have just thrown it I think I'd have just gone I can't even look at it you know what if it wasn't for online but I'd committed right and I can't fail I feel like you do that a lot you hold yourself accountable online and you're like if I tell people yeah I am going to have to do it that's it yeah it's quite it's quite a good way yeah it's like I think it's you that do it do you film yourself on time lapse if you need to clean like oh my gosh yeah because I'm a messy person naturally so I just put my phone on time lapse and I'll get it done in because then I won't just get distracted either by my phone I'll get something done I'll clean the whole house in like half an hour like

because I'm held accountable sometimes I'll post it sometimes I won't but it's just the best technique for not getting distracted I swear by it and working as well I think I took that from you but I set myself just because I've not got much storage on my phone I set myself a timer so I was like right I'm going to set myself an hour. I'm going to put that phone in a different room and I'm going to get on with this task. Because I do that. It's procrastination.

I really, really don't like that word for some reason. I don't know why it gives me the ick of it. But it's best all like doing a blast. Ross has started, or blitz I think he calls it. And like 20 minutes, let's just go and then it's done. Yeah. Do you know what? Since becoming a mum, i always like would overwhelm myself at like my to-do list because i love a to-do list

but i'd still get overwhelmed by it because i'd be like there's no way i'm going to get through all this so i just like set myself like one thing i'm like right if i get that done well done georgia yeah well done you for doing that that's it well you know books that's why they're so great like break it down in that. Oh, she's promoting me. Little plug, yeah. She slipped me a fiver for that. I'll get you another notebook coming your way.

So going back to motherhood, you became a mum and all was wonderful. How was the birth? Was it easy? Was it not? Yeah. So I'll be honest, I texted you yesterday, didn't I? Saying, do you have any questions because some podcasts work where you send questions ahead you just have a chit chat

and you said no it's going to be more of a chit chat is there anything you don't want to go into and I said to you well birth is probably the one thing and then I thought about it and you said oh it was going to be on there but no worries we can take it off and I thought about it and I thought do you know what actually I text you back didn't i like an hour and a half later like actually keep that in you can ask that because i think for me the one thing that i would say i still very much stand by is hearing that my story probably isn't going to help other people or even myself and i was very much i think this for a few reasons i was very much so in the

mindset of when I was pregnant I only wanted to hear positive stories yeah and we've spoken about this before and you were different weren't you wanted to hear I wanted to know everything like the good the bad the ugly yeah the scary I think because for me that was me preparing myself but you were the opposite and some people said to me well maybe if you listen to some negative ones you would have maybe coped better or not felt as much of a failure. And I do totally see that. But I think knowing how my brain works,

I am very much an emotional sponge and I really pick up what's around me. And I knew that if something was in my mind, I would think about that over and over. So I wanted to just hear the positives. So I'm very aware that people are different, aren't but when I thought about talking about it I thought one thing although I don't regret not listening to the you know I'm not even going to call it negatives but the ones where I guess it didn't go textbook style I guess what I do regret not learning more about

or listening more about is how often it doesn't go to plan and how I mean I wasn't naive I didn't think it was gonna go like absolutely amazing but I think I didn't realize how birth however it goes is more than just that day that one event and how it stays with you for a really long time and I think that includes even if it does go positive like my friend had such an incredible surprise home birth and she's buzzing from that so again it's not just that day and it's done but I think then when someone does have a whether it's traumatic or difficult yeah it really stays with you and it can impact you and I think that's the one thing that I wish I knew about so that's why I thought maybe it's important to talk about

birth in that way because it did it's's something that really impacted my start of motherhood. I don't think people are aware that if, you know, your baby's entry to the world isn't quite like as smoothly as you'd hoped, that there are people you can talk to, you can re-go over the whole birth with your midwife. And people aren't told about this. They aren't told that they can like have a full debrief on what happened

and go through your entire notes, everything. Which I think is kind of like almost closure that a lot of new mums need to go, I didn't imagine that. Because when you're in the throes of it and you know, it bloody hurts and you're lost. It's chaos.

It's chaos. Even if it goes, the smoothest birth in the throes of it and you know it bloody hurts and you it's chaos yeah even if it goes the smoothest birth in the world i'm sure i still feel like there's a lot of chaos i mean certain people might find it quite calm chaos or might be able to like meditate through it oh i mean either way however it happens it's gonna be the one of the biggest things ever happens to it probably the biggest things ever happened to your body and your mind right yeah absolutely it just baffles me that there's not enough or not as much aftercare you know all the classes before that to be honest i didn't really learn did you do hypnobirthing or anything like that not really only because for me i was a bit like no you're more science

although it is actually based on science as well yeah it is um it just wasn't something that i was that bothered about or that interest about oh but with you know the classes the nct classes it was really nice really enjoyed them you know it was nice but i wanted to learn like it's the after bit it would have been yeah i feel the same you're so prepped on this one part of there one day when actually yeah but then it's just like oh wow and you may even have done a bit of a class and you know how to change a nappy and how to do that but actually looking after yourself like even the bleeding in the aftercare i was like oh my gosh am i dying like what's going on and your tummy afterwards yeah you know you still many things you still

look pregnant right no one tells you you still look pregnant after you've had a baby i was expecting it just to go like deflate like a balloon but that obviously doesn't happen silly me yeah but i reckon i'm not the only person and then yeah like the you know the bleed if you've had a vaginal birth and actually even if if you've had a vaginal birth. And actually, even if you don't have a vaginal birth, you still bleed afterwards. Which, of course, you would do because it's all connected. But I didn't even think about that. You know, and all those things. Caesareans still baffle me because I'm like, if like a man was in an accident and they had stitches like that, they would be in hospital.

Or a woman. Let's not doing injustice to men but you know yeah let's go with men yeah just remember they would be in hospital for oh yeah probably two weeks and they're like right see you later bye okay off you go you can't lift your baby but we also need you to keep it alive so work that one out okay um it just baffles me and yeah i don't think there's enough like of that aftercare of like i feel like there should be on i mean it's not gonna happen on the nhs is it but there should be like um like a therapy like class or like you know you could get therapy for like the first two weeks and so you can just have somebody that you can talk to and tell all your irrational fears to

and your irrational thoughts like um because i was looking like if we had another baby like how could i make it maybe smoother or get myself my my more of my mental health side of things because maybe that's a bit that not necessarily can control but can try and do something that'll have a really positive impact and i um found like postnatal doulas that doesn't come as part of the NHS but I was just really interested to learn more about it I didn't know that was a thing no I didn't I don't know how much they cost or anything like that but I just stumbled across and it's basically someone there to mother you as you're a mother and they can look after you

physically mentally just check in because you you've heard of doulas right yeah yeah and they can be there they like some of them cook you dinners and all those things that you know so you can fully concentrate on yourself and a baby and i just thought wow what a wonderful thing if you could have that it really is because they have a special job as well like oh my gosh could you imagine angels like you already think midwives are angels and then you have to say goodbye to them don't leave me don't leave me yeah i've got a job to do so they come home with you and look after you yeah and i just thought wow i'd never heard of it either i think it might be mother pucker actually who always said anna who always says about who's the person holding the mum that's it because everybody's there holding the baby but

yeah the mum needs to be held like we've just been through like the most enormous thing of our life and yeah we kind of get just then told to just get on with it yeah your mental health after penny how was it it was a bit of a journey right yeah i'd say there was like different sections to it so do you know what even as i was younger I've struggled like intermittently with my mental health as I guess of late teens in my 20s and so I've always had this fear that was my number one fear of having a baby was getting postpartum depression and it's something that has my where there's a history with with my family like the women in my family so it was always a fear of mine and when I had Penny it was like my brain was

in two parts so I did get diagnosed with PTSD but at the time it was just that just came in I guess sort of flashes and chunks but on in general I was in such a good way and I don't I look back and I don't know if that was shock adrenaline but also happiness like I guess I was worried one of my friends said you know if you don't feel that love and connection for your baby straight away don't worry like you haven't there's nothing wrong with you it's gonna come ask for support so I think that's what I was maybe expecting and I I was lucky and I did feel that connection straight away and I just felt so happy to be a mum so i was really lucky there and i think it was for like the first two months i was just i was like putting a full face of makeup on every

day and she was newborn getting dressed up and i don't know if that was my coping mechanism or i don't know a bit of a mask that you don't necessarily realize you're doing yeah because i was the same like i like it took me a long time to realize that I was not coping and I and I wasn't happy and you know skipping through motherhood like everybody kind of makes how you should be doing or you know the world does yeah tv yeah um it took me and it took me a long time to realize and when I finally did and it's that moment where you kind of look back on yourself and I feel like this is a lot of people like you don't realize until you're out of it a little bit yeah that oh god i i was

not doing okay there that was like look at that i can look at my eyes and if you get oh sad eyes yeah i was glazed over and i'm smiling with this makeup yeah beautiful baby and i think i was not okay in that picture same like ridiculous like and i couldn't i don't know whether you were the same but at that time i couldn't verbalize it i found it very difficult to tell anybody yeah do you know what i'm not okay because i think as well you don't really know why because like you said you're so happy that you're a mum like god you love your baby there's all you know you there's all these wonderful emotions that you are still feeling. Some of the time, not all the time.

Yeah. But like I was and you said you were. But then there was just this overwhelming like sadness. Oh, definitely. As well. And like anxiety and just feeling down. Yeah. That you kind of just powered through with.

Definitely. And we had penny in september and i feel like up until around christmas it started off as little pockets for me of the pain and then it just got big i don't know if that's how it happened to view of it but it just got bigger yeah and bigger and at first it was yeah it was more at night times and there were certain triggers etc but then it just got bigger and i remember it was around after christmas and i just found myself like just sobbing and feeling so much physical but mental pain yeah um yeah it does and yeah like you say you're just like but why and and it's hard to verbalize it to your partner as well you might have been different but with danny he was like what's what what's wrong why do you feel this way i was like i don't know i don't know why i feel this way but

i feel this way and i can't seem to get myself out out of it i mean i did and i didn't probably should have gone on some kind of antidepressant or something at the time i think because i was but even back then there would have been more a stigma like cooper's only what four five is he he's five yeah but even back then a lot's changed in those years yeah isn't it oh yeah completely like it's mad how things become more and more acceptable as time comes on which is great for like our children for the future but yeah like everyone just thought i was doing okay and i think i made out to everybody that i was doing okay yeah like the one bit of advice i would give to anybody that is feeling like that or thinks they're feeling like that just a bit unsure of like what's going on with their mental health just vocalize it and

talk to the right people as well because like there might be somebody you say it to that's just like oh yeah but aren't you lucky i think because when you were saying like you didn't know why how to vocalize it I guess for me the difference I had was I had the birth that I think played a really big part so I had something not to pin it on but I could I could explain that a bit like I think it's that that yeah might have happened anyway I might have got the depression anxiety anyway i think i had that at that which really helped me speak to ross about but yes for friends etc the same they they just didn't know why it was happening yeah and you know what you said like talk to the right people one thing i just want to say is pandas they're an incredible charity i don't know if you've heard

of them so they're for mental health for parents i don't think it's just new parents okay they're incredible and they've got like a free phone number i guess it's similar to you know like how the samaritans you can call up and it's mental health support it's like that and you can just have a chat and they they just really listen and pinpoint you to the next steps and they were who i called one of the first ports of call um and i've had a few messages since saying i called them and they were incredible. So they really are. If anyone's listening to this and they haven't got anyone around them

that they feel they can talk to, they're just incredible. Do you have an insatiable fascination with the paranormal? Brace yourself for the supernatural world is about to reveal all of its secrets on the Paranormal Activity podcast. And who better to guide you through this hair-raising journey than myself, Yvette Fielding, renowned paranormal investigator. Every episode of Paranormal Activity takes you on an unforgettable adventure into the unknown. But that's not all. The true heart of this podcast lies in the stories, evidence and questions shared by our devoted listeners.

Will you dare to join me? Listen to Paranormal Activity with me, Yvette Fielding, wherever you get your podcasts from. It's quite nice sometimes speaking to somebody that's just not connected to your life in any way that can just give a completely you know yeah and i think we often feel like a burden yeah as parents don't we so you're not like you're not a burden but you're not going to feel like it with someone that's totally impartial yeah well i do it with danny like you know there'll be

something that's like worrying me or stressing me out or you know and i won't tell him because i don't want to worry him yeah as well yeah and then he'll be that i've not told him and then it's just spirals i'm like now he's mad at me and i'm still worried so this didn't benefit anybody and i've had to suffer in silence for like the last however long yeah and it's mad like you do but at the time and i do it with my friends as well my friends always know when i'm not myself because i retract yeah um and it is it's like our coping mechanisms we go into like like i don't know it's like a shell hibernation yeah like snare i'm like a snail retracting to my shell if anything goes wrong okay goodbye world see you all see you when this

is all sorting itself out i don't know how it's going to happen because I'm not talking. When I come back, this better be okay. Somebody work this out for me, please, if you wouldn't mind. Moving on to something slightly less heavy. That is something I'm so happy we talked about because, honestly, I feel like that's going to help so many people. But going back to the whole, you know, IBS floating side of things. Your IBS changed when you were pregnant, didn't it? Oh, my gosh gosh it was a dream it pretty much what the first 10 first trimester really it was like a lot of bloating which is i

think yeah that's normal anyway isn't it for pregnancy so i was like oh great it's gonna be even worse yeah but then it went away yeah it was amazing so the baby stem cells that helps repair your stem i can't remember the science behind it but it can help with intolerances so yes oh my god you know i've heard so many people that are like i wasn't intolerant throughout my entire pregnancy i was eating tubs of ben and jerry's i was so excited like honestly it was amazing because you've got a few intolerances yeah which would normally kick my ibs off i'd be on the toilet for days normally yeah a bit of injury yeah it was amazing like I was living my best life yeah and just I just felt

so much more settled in my tummy and I know obviously you're physically growing but you know the feeling of bloating where it's like I was described as like a basket behind your skin it's so tight and you yeah like I didn't have that and it was yeah i had a lovely night and actually even after pregnancy i'd say for probably at least oh it must have been at least four months of pretty much no symptoms of ibs i know it they've come and then they've come back oh the past month and a half yeah no really really great thanks isn't it amazing like how incredible women's hormones are? That they can completely change what we can eat. Yeah. Our bodies are amazing.

I would have just appreciated it. Just give me a year. No, I didn't have quite a year, but a bit longer. A bit longer. Just let me enjoy my Ben and Jerry's just for a tiny bit longer. Please. I wonder whether any part of the not feeling as bloated as well because i was saying like i feel like a lot of people do this without realizing but they're like

hold hold their tummy yeah like i do it and sometimes i think right if i was to sit here and like fully like relax my tummy out that is not how i i go how i go through life no we're always sucking in always sucking in so I feel like when you're pregnant. Oh, you let it out and it's lovely, isn't it? And also, you know, it's kind of much more acceptable to like fart when you want. Because, well, she's pregnant. Oh, bless her. She's a baby.

Yeah, she's gassy. What she like. It's okay, if I sat and farted now, you'd be horrified. Exactly, but if you're pregnant oh bless you darling yeah oh you okay do you want to pause for a minute she's pregnant but yeah i feel like that does have a part to play in it a lot how did you feel like any different in terms of like body confidence when you were pregnant yeah and you know what it kind of i'm almost not annoyed

with myself because it's not my fault like we all know it's like diet culture yeah yeah yeah it was the most confident i've ever felt i think being pregnant and i think a lot of it is because i said in a post recently like the only time i've ever worn a bodycon dress oh i saw this did you see it yeah is either when i was like literally starving myself yeah or when i was pregnant same and i hate that like that it takes i've been ill or growing another human being for my body to be accepted like sometimes i look at my belly now and think well i look more pregnant than i did when i was pregnant but yet then people think oh she's got a lovely bump but if I just you know wore a bodycon now people would think oh that's not yeah flattering and it's sad

isn't it like it's really sad but we're all conditioned that way we have grown up to be that way I think that that is the perfect and only type of body whereas I said this I said can we all just make a pact yeah do you know what hardly any of us have a flat stomach or whatever it may be the perfect boobs curves bum stomach like that doesn't exist right so if we all just make a pact that our bodies all look different we can just go around in body condresses oh yeah feeling amazing feeling so comfortable comfortable yeah because unless you're conscious in them because unless you're conscious in them because when you're conscious in them you say that's what makes you feel exactly and let's also

whilst we're there make a pact to stop asking if people are pregnant oh because i think that's that's what people said to me oh because i set myself a challenge of trying to wear bodycon yeah and that is the number one thing that stops me and so many people people say ask if you're pregnant i'm like god we're in 2023 how are people still asking this question yeah how do people not know that that is something that just shouldn't be asked yeah because there's a whole like plethora of reasons why that question just shouldn't be asked to anybody but i'll tell you or i'll wear a baby on board bag unless i've got either of those things shut up yeah don't don't talk to me yeah i'm happy in my body can't leave me leave me alone but yeah so it is it's sad that you do because i was the same like i've never worn so many tight clothes when i was pregnant because it's weird it's almost like oh it's acceptable because she's

got a baby and it feels lovely doesn't it like yeah you're proud and like it's really wonderful and don't didn't you find everyone was so nice to you when you're pregnant it's like you're a celebrity yeah and then you have this baby yeah great so now i've got depression and now you don't care where are you where are you all now when i need you come and come and stroke my hair and tell me i look beautiful please tell me i'm glowing I'm not grey that's when you need the people the most to be like you're amazing yeah yeah I know I'm amazing when I've got it but now I don't yeah exactly it's funny it's just it's messed up really yeah like how the pregnancy world works and then afterwards so post pen how did you change about your body because I've got a feeling of how i changed did you look at yourself in any different way do you know what i thought i was going to be a lot more

focused on how my body looked and you know i've always struggled with body image and it's definitely improved in the years and i think doing this job as well as you know you almost fake it till you make it like i would talk about body confidence and over the years that has helped me more and more so to for that just to become my norm of thinking. Yeah, I think that definitely helped. And I remember there must have been a couple of months later thinking, someone asked me about my how I felt about my body. And I thought, you know what, I haven't actually really thought about it in terms of being mine. and I don't know whether that's sad or natural or I know a lot of women have felt it too and I just felt like it was almost a machine I think because I was breastfeeding that probably played a part in it but yeah I just felt like it was something there to do a job

and it wasn't even there to be mine and just felt very disconnected but not in a I wouldn't even say in a bad way no if anything it was quite freeing that for once i wasn't thinking about how i looked so it was like that but it's taken a while now and i am still breastfeeding so i do still think you know my boobs are their pennies yeah that's it like do you like i found this after i'd had cooper like i almost desexualized my body i was like i can't see this as a like a sexual vessel and no this is a child making feeding machine yeah that's it yeah and you kind of almost like oh god the fact that anyone ever like looks at my boobs don't look at my machine my child feed off me disgusting exactly that yeah and you're just a bit like oh god there's massive bodies than like

yeah pleasure yeah and that is fascinating right because you're going through seasons so if your body's serving you in different ways i think that's amazing but also i think that you get to a point where you want to connect again yeah and i guess in the past few months i think especially around penny reaching one that seems like a milestone right doesn't it like it is and I think that that's I have if I'm honest I have definitely become a bit more conscious and you know it's it's in the back of your mind as much work as you do you know I remember reaching nine months because people said to me at the beginning oh don't worry nine months in nine months out and I thought oh my gosh I'm nine months out and I should I look be I'm nine months out and I should I look

be looking the same as I did before like I absolutely don't and I think that's always in the back of your mind and I I can push it away and I I know I can question my thoughts and like well why do you think that like you know the answer always goes back but I think that yeah now I'm ready to feel more connected to it it's no longer just serving its purpose for my baby it's yeah it's mine again yeah and i think that's really lovely but becomes there comes new challenges with it yeah and i think it should be made like the norm when we're kind of like almost like reclaiming our bodies back you know as ours and babies had what they needed yeah it's time for us to like weed them no chance of penny oh my god she loves your boobs just as much as the next

girl um what we shouldn't feel and this is where i think there's a lot of stigma is that it's a bad thing that we want to like make our bodies strong again. You know, because the thing is you go through birth and it's a lot on your body. You probably don't look after yourself. We're exhausted. We can't be bothered to, like, you know, I worked out so much when I was pregnant. Yeah. Which I loved.

I really enjoyed doing it. It was good for my mental health and it was good for me as a pregnant woman. Each to their own. Yeah. I wouldn't. No, i was a sloth so i don't relate but exactly i think first trimester i remember downloading one of the apps and i was like i want to feel strong like it was for strength and stuff and you was like i don't know if i can swear but i was like f this yeah yeah this is the thing like this is what's so

lovely about um you know mothers, and accepting mothers, is that we are all so different. Everybody's journey, no matter how similar, is still different. And I remember, and then afterwards, I just didn't have anything in me to do that exercise like I used to. And I missed it.

And I'm getting it back. But part of me that feels like me getting fit again is seen as a negative thing really yeah and he's like oh um you know the whole awful term of like snapping back or whatever it is and then she's got a pre-baby bod back and i'm like there's never a pre-baby baby bod no you that you're getting back because so many ways everything Everything is different. Like your pelvic floor. Oh my gosh, yeah. I think I've wet myself already sitting here. Good, me too. No, that's true.

But yeah, I think what I really pulled out of that, what you were just saying is, like for me, I want to feel strong again. Like I really want my body to, I don't even care about how it looks, but I want that strength back. I think, yeah, like you say, for your mental health to do it for you,

like whether that's getting out to walk, but like, like you know I really tried to get out to walk with Penny especially when I was like in the thick of it yeah but that that in itself was difficult but now actually do you know what I want to go to work out like on my own and have some me time yeah and do so I used to love it I loved it it made me feel good it just feeling strong yeah I don't know if it's like being a woman as well and you think like oh i want to be able to wrestle yeah man off exactly yeah self defense exactly oh yeah i'm gonna do it yeah i'm like you know i remember when we moved in and i used to go to the gym a lot and russ's dad was like oh darling don't worry don't pick that up i said no i will do it i can pick this up yeah and i loved it yeah take that yeah i want to feel like that it's really empowering isn't it it is and

it's like there's nothing wrong with wanting to be a stronger version after having the you know i guess it's a question like i often ask myself is like why are you doing it are you doing it for you and that's you know that's the same with anything like people say oh are you anti-weight loss absolutely not i'm anti-diet culture yeah i'm anti-snapback culture you know you talk you can talk about any sort of topic you talk about botox or anything like that if you're doing it for you yeah to make yourself feel better not because you're trying to fit into society norms expectations or somebody else trends yeah if you're doing it to make you then albeit to you yeah it's your body absolutely agree i'm like look listen if you want if you want to do it you do it yeah and sod the people that judge you because well they're obviously very

unhappy with themselves to be to want to pick on you yeah for something and i guess at the same way if you don't want it like i haven haven't wanted to do it up until now. That's fine. That's absolutely fine. I'm happy living my best sloth life. Exactly. Life is exhausting. You're picking up any bit of crumbs that you can sometimes for food.

Like you're in this blur. Yeah. And so I think. You've got to do what gives you joy. You've got to do what makes you happy. Ultimately. Ultimately. Yeah. I noticed as well that after having Cooper,

that my body didn't go back to what it was in terms of my skeleton. So my hips and ribs are completely different sizes. And I was like, I'm really confused because like, I'm actually the same size now but the jeans don't fit the same i'm like how do you know i never had hips until having penny same same yeah i developed curves i loved it i remember i was funny you know you still kind of look pregnant you've got your sort of pregnant belly but also what are these curves

hello yeah i loved it so did I and you know what I've noticed as well which I don't mind so much and I think a lot of people try to lose this and there's been a lot on social media actually about this is part of your anatomy is my womb pops out more now it's not it's not as like I mean I can't tell I've got a belly keeping it nice and safe. But I have... Could be blood. Well, yeah. But yeah, like I can really see it more now. And yeah, there was a thing, like quite a few influencers do things about it. Yeah, I've heard.

This is part of your body. And I've seen some parts, some like bits be dismissed about the uterus, but I don't know factually. But yeah, people see a lot of changes. Yeah. It's so interesting. Yeah.

Is there anything like you would want to kind of tell yourself now now you've had penny and just be like look listen don't worry about this or this will happen and you need you know it'll all be fine is there anything like any bit of advice you'd give to yourself knowing now i I've put you on the spot here. No, it's hard to look back on it because you would do so many things differently. I always think that if we had a second, I'd feel so much more comfort in just letting it be. You know, all the things you stress about. Should they be contact napping? Should I be doing this?

Should I be running around making the house tidy like whilst they're napping like and you I wouldn't have done no like I wouldn't have cared about those things but I guess the biggest thing was you haven't failed if it isn't going how you expected it to be and I really do think that you know I'm I'm not special here most people can say even if it wasn't the birth it wasn't the like first part of the postnatal period most people can say this isn't how I expected and there are things that are harder and some things that are even I didn't expect the pure joy if I'm honest I didn't expect to love motherhood quite as much as I did I wanted to be a mum and I was so excited but I have never experienced joy like it and I feel so grateful and actually sometimes when I talk about like going through it the really difficult postpartum

like the depression I think in a way obviously I don't wish I I'm not glad I went through that but if I can take a positive from that is now i think i was saying to you this the other day even the i don't want to say mundane but just the normal just the sitting with penny with her blocks and it sounds silly but not feeling sad not yeah sobbing not thinking how am i gonna get through this day that feels euphoric to just feel okay just to feel normal it is literally like being in a movie I feel so happy to just not feel sad yeah and that's amazing so I guess if anyone's listening to this I'm thinking I'm in the depths of it I'm really at my lowest point like you will get out you will you will and I remember looking at people's I

was trying to desperately find on Instagram and TikTok like rules and i'd think yeah but maybe they don't feel sad as me maybe they don't feel they're not quite as low like but no that like you will get out of it and ask ask for help yeah however that help looks whether that's talking to a friend calling pandas taking medication asking for a debrief therapy whatever it be, because we can create our village in lots of different ways. Absolutely. And none of it is failing. You have never, as a mother, failed. No. Yeah. You've just got to get through it any way that you can until you reach the other side. And you will, won't you?

And, you know, I remember thinking, like, people say, you've got this. And I think, I actually haven't bloody got it, but that's okay. I haven't got this, but I am going to get gonna get this i'm not coping but i will yeah at some point exactly yeah and you will you will see the brighter days and sometimes what it does and i think this happened with you like you're saying just sat playing with penny with her blocks it suddenly springs on you and you go oh my god i'm really enjoying this little moment here yeah this is this is amazing This is a feeling. Is this how it was supposed to feel all along? Yeah, this is how it was supposed to feel.

And that's not to say it's now like bloody smooth. No. Of course not. It never is because what kids like to do is throw curveballs every five minutes. So yeah, never smooth. But you know, we'll get through it. We'll get through it.

But Lottie, thank you so much. Incredible chatting to you. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you. Thanks for listening to Mum's The Word, the parenting podcast. Make sure to hit the subscribe or follow button so you never miss an episode.