Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - Natalie Rushdie

Episode Date: January 31, 2022

Today on Mum's The Word, Ashley is joined by classically trained jazz singer Natalie Rushdie. They're talking everything from breastfeeding and birth stories, to NCT class experiences and the benefits of mum friends. If you want to ask Ashley a question, get in touch at [e-mail]---A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello. I'm feeling surprisingly sprightly today, given that I've been up since five in the morning. I feel like since Alpha stopped breastfeeding, not that he had much of a routine, but it's all changed. So now I'm doing the early doors club. So hello to everyone, but especially everyone who's been up since the crack of dawn and there's a few parallels with a friend of mine which is why I thought she'd be the perfect guest today because our journeys have actually been literally the polar opposite she is the most amazing singer she's a classically trained jazz singer and she's also just recently celebrated the first birthday of her baby girl Rose so she's just

slightly older than Alf so I just thought it'd be great to chat about her first year of parenthood and pregnancy because we've actually joked about how polar opposite our whole experience has been so it's Natalie Rushdie. I don't know why I said it like I'm a game show host. It's Natalie Rushdie. Just introduce me wherever I go. That would be great. It is always nice to be introduced. We have been the complete opposites. And for example, you read no books. I read nine books. Zaf and I have been together for 10 years. We were together for 10 minutes.

Yeah. I planned everything to a T. You're not really a planner. So it's been interesting that how both of us have been doing different things. But effectively, it really doesn't matter as long as both of our children are sort of happy and sort of healthy and doing what they need to do to grow and thrive. So it's interesting to see two different people coming together basically I think this is like super interesting because I want to go into that all the different parts of your journey but I think often like people give advice based on their own experience but even from what we're like the conversations we're about to

have like we forget that our experience our circumstances our personalities from what we're like, the conversations we're about to have, like we forget that our experience, our circumstances, our personalities and what we like and then our baby's personalities and what they like. It's like everyone's experience is so unique and different. And I think people don't realize that what's your sort of living situation, what's your life, what's your personality? Like for me, my personality works better if I know I have all the facts in front of me. I want to know everything, every single thing that could go wrong and thing could go right. And I was listening to your previous podcast when you said, I don't want to hear any birth stories. I wanted to hear all the birth stories. So I knew where to go with that. So I wasn't shocked or, you know, and I could make the decision. But then I think what really helped me in pregnancy, you sort of have to learn and becoming a mum who you actually are and what makes you tick and what's the best way to go forward.

I had to, I thought I had to make decisions before I was giving birth. What type of birth did I want to have? I didn't want a holistic birth. That's just not me. That's not who I am. And I wanted a very sort of clinical, this is what's going to happen. And this is how we're going to go forward, which you're completely the opposite. And both ways are fine.

By the way, for everyone listening, sorry to interrupt, but we have a positive birth story coming up. I know, it's very exciting. If you're listening and you're pregnant, I am actually so excited to hear Natalie's story because it's a positive one so there are no trigger warnings there are no it does happen it can happen. Yeah. So why don't we start right back to the very beginning even though I'm desperate to talk to you about Rose as well. Like you mentioned you and your husband Zaf have been together for 10 years yeah was it

a very much you said that you like things to be in control was it very much a very planned pregnancy it was a very planned pregnancy I think the thing is that we thought we were together for 10 years but obviously we would have liked to have had a child slightly earlier I love the fact that we had 10 years together we grew together we've been traveling together we sort of we had a house together so we were ready but obviously it was a lot more difficult to get pregnant than we thought it would be and that took a long time but then yeah it was definitely planned that was for anyone who is going through you mentioned of course that it took you a while to get pregnant.

What was it like for you and what kept you going and what kept you positive? And what advice or knowledge would anyone listening who is still on their fertility journey? I know, I know a lot of people say, oh, relax, but it's just one of those situations you can't relax in. And I remember we were doing a family Christmas and I just said to staff and they just had a baby and I was so happy for them but I just thought I can't go I can't sit after it's been trying for years and sit at a Christmas dinner and pretend that I'm of course I was happy for them but I didn't want to sit there and be like okay you have got the one thing that I am dying to have I there's no advice there's nothing that makes it easier. It's just, I think people accepting how hard it is. And, you know, you see so many friends get pregnant and then people say, I'll get pregnant straight away. And then you're like, oh. I suppose it's that thing as well that

I imagine if you were together for a long time and asking, people were probably constantly saying, so when are you going to have a baby? Which is what everybody likes to say yeah it's a nightmare and we had that a lot all the time but I think it's definitely telling you know your closest friends that you feel that would be able to sympathize with that and your family and just say look I'm really struggling with this so it kind of takes the pressure away so I just kind of was like oh god no no we don't want babies we don't have children and my friends were really shocked that I really wanted a baby because I'd kept it so underwrapped. What were your feelings when you found out you were pregnant?

And then was it all positive? Because obviously you wanted this little rose that we now know she is so much. Were you just straight away like, yes, I can't wait. And how did it impact your pregnancy? I was super excited but I was terrified as well because you've got even though you find out you're pregnant you've got a long way to go to get to the finish line and that really sort of stressed me out and we and I was so unwell like I genuinely and I think people fear saying they hate being pregnant or

they hate giving birth or this kind of stuff because people are like oh but you're so lucky to be pregnant yes you are lucky to be pregnant at the same time I hated being pregnant I was sick the whole time I felt awful I was I lost a stone in the first three months of being pregnant and then as soon as I hit 12 weeks and felt slightly better we had a national lockdown so I wasn't allowed to see my friends or celebrate. We told our family over Zoom. We broke all the news on Zoom. So it was a huge stress. And just sort of, you were so,

I was so paranoid that I was going to lose her. So many women had miscarriages, you know, family members have had miscarriages. And I just, I was just paranoid from the beginning to the end. So when the birth came, I had such like a relief she was here I was okay she was okay everyone was okay we've managed to get through lockdown you know we had a c-section which was absolutely wonderful but it was the idea of pregnant I know you had a really easy pregnancy and I horrible birthday all right so I kind of that's the thing I think that people have wonderful pregnancies

have like a not so lovely birth if that makes sense whereas I was like oh I don't feel sick anymore this is a dream yeah I was um pregnant in my first trimester during the first lockdown I mean that's basically how Tommy moved in he moved in because we locked down and we made the decision and I found the first semester I was actually really grateful for the lockdown because I was so tired luckily I was never sick so I don't want to complain and say it was awful because I know for a lot of people they're like oh poor you you were tired in your first semester that sounds awful but instead of having to DJ I just got to basically sleep and do do very much and work my work around um my nap times basically and then my second

trimester I think it's the best I've ever felt in my life like honestly I was like oh I'm on a cloud and so I just felt like also because bear in mind that I I was very lucky in that I I didn't try at all to have a baby I didn't even want a baby. Like it was just something that happened. And then, you know, we made a decision to have a baby. And so in my second trimester, I was like, how did I never want this before? This is magic.

I honestly felt like no way in a Disney film. And then third trimester, I mean, it got harder, just the more uncomfortable I got. But a positive birth story. I've promised one on here. So how did you make the decision to have a C-section and just talk me through the whole experience? So my mum had very traumatic births. And even though she encouraged me to have a natural birth, I don't know why.

My sister had a C-section and she'd had a very positive experience. She had it for medical reasons. I chose to have a C-section. Many reasons. The idea of having a natural birth terrifies me. It just for me, it's not natural. I know that's wrong. Natural births are completely natural. But I just wanted to go down the C-section route. I wanted to know when it was going to happen. I wanted to know who my consultant was. So I kind of wanted to know when it was going to happen I wanted to know who my consultant was so I kind of wanted to know what was in the room I wanted to prepare myself for that experience and I'd had in my second trimester I'd had a collapse and I know occasionally that

if I'm in a severe amount of pain I collapse so I had one in the second trimester I'd collapse and scarily I had phoned my consultant said look this is what happened and he's like don't go to the hospital it's really COVID is crazy you'll be fine stay at home he's like look just have a think about it speak to a couple of friends see how you feel here's the medical information I'm happy to do either go home and initially I was like devastated I think the realization of not having a natural birth I was like initially I was like, I did the realization of not having a natural birth. I was like devastated. I was like, I'm not going to be a real mom. It took me so long to get pregnant. Now I'm not going to have a natural birth. But then I was like, it really doesn't matter how you give birth. You just need to give birth basically. That's just the objection to have

a baby at the end of it. And so I decided to have a C-section. I knew when it was going to be, which was really nice. I had my own playlist so I picked songs that I wanted to listen to what were some of the songs I'm intrigued like musicals no I love jazz music and I was like what do I want that makes me feel like classical a lot of people listen to classical music and I was like often classical music makes me feel quite sad and emotional and I was like I don't want to be feeling that. So I picked my favorite jazz songs that came to my mind, picked them and then sent them to Zaf. And I was like, what do you think of these?

And he was, of course he loved them. I don't think he would have objected to any of them at that point. And then Zaf was holding my hand and I was listening to my favorite music. And I had an amazing, is it an anesthetist? And he was incredible. I had a wonderful midwife who was

insane. I did have to wear a mask at the beginning, which was, I found it quite difficult because when she was coming out, I was like, oh my God, this is happening. I had no pain. It was wonderful, her coming out. I watched her coming out. There was a lot of sort of family problems with the placenta, giving birth to the placenta. So the fact is that my consultant could tell me, okay, your placenta's out. We're just going to stitch you up.

Yeah, it was lovely. It was so nice. Could you feel anything? I know that's probably a really silly question, but I don't know anything about a preception. Because they obviously, she was quite engaged. So basically they had to use forceps to get her out. So they were pushing your stomach, know anything about reception because they obviously she was quite engaged so basically they had to use forceps to get her out so they were pushing your stomach but it wasn't painful

it was as if someone was giving you quite like a weird massage yeah it was really strange but and then obviously she went away just had um a bit of an k injection and then staff got to clip the cord but you can do delayed clamping you do, there's so many different aspects that I felt I was really prepared to know what I wanted to have. And then I wanted her straight on me, then chest, and then she was me. And she was, I remember thinking she was crying so much. And I was like, oh my gosh, what have we done? Is she going to be a crier the whole time?

Yeah, it was really beautiful. I had a really beautiful experience. What was the recovery like with the c-section because I think what I would fear the most is like can you pick them up and is it really painful but then again I mean I was completely stitched open so I had absolutely no pain like nothing at all like even afterwards I was on top of my paracetamol obviously knew I was going to give birth so I asked my mum to come and help so she was there for two weeks and she basically helped us kind of she just cooked us like our meals and things so we actually were able to like function

I think it's so important once you've given birth to make sure that you're actually eating especially if you want to start breastfeeding eating and drinking my friend jazz actually for anyone whose mom can't come or is a really bad cook my friend jazz bought me they call cook meals and i think they have like a package for new parents 10 or 20 off for new parents so oh that was like i think the best gift that we received of all the stuff is it was just so nice you're right like when your world is a bit upside down and you don't know what time it is and day it is just to get those like amazing meals yeah and I think because of lockdown like no one was like this we weren't in lockdown at that point we went into lockdown afterwards but it was nice knowing she she had isolated before so even even reach out to a friend and just say look can you just come and or a sister or sibling?

It just really helped us. And a week later after birth, I got neurovirus and then my husband got neurovirus. So the fact that she was there absolutely saved us because I remember breastfeeding and I was producing no milk because I was still unwell. And I was like a white sheet on my mother and Rose was screaming. And mum was like, give me her. I'm going to give her a bottle of formula. I was like, no. But I really needed that to actually someone just to be like, it's OK. We're just going to reset the system and you're going to be fine. You're going to breastfeed after this. It's fine. But I felt I needed that. And I just think a lot of people want to do it on their own. I needed that and I just think a lot of people want to do it on their own and my advice is just if you can get help or even just setting yourself up like getting cooked meals and things like that or a lot of people with c-sections I had one girlfriend who said oh my gosh I couldn't give

my baby my her first bath and I was like why she's like I had a c-section I was like get a bath and still it's like and that's the thing if you I think the problem is if you have an emergency C-section, you don't think about those things. But if you've had a planned C-section, I spoke to my girlfriends and they're like, get a bath and stilts. And then you can be involved with, you know, the first bath and everything. But I think it's just preparing yourself. And I think there's nothing bad with preparing yourself for a natural birth

and a C-section birth, because then you're not sort of disappointed with whatever you get basically yeah like you mentioned that you read nine books and I mean Tommy read more books than me I don't think I even read a book apart from science parenting which I love but that's because I genuinely that was more when I was born I just found it fascinating did you find because you did NCT and at the time when I was pregnant I was like I don't want to do NCT because I don't want mum friends and like I love I've got the friends that I have and I don't need to change my friends and I some like even Tom and I were talking about it we were like do we

regret not doing NCT because I'm actually a bit jealous of people having knowing people that are going through things at the same time but then I also remind myself that we've also moved house. So we would have moved out anyway, but would you recommend NCT? And did you find it really valuable to have people? I did do NCT. I did Bump and Baby. And I think the most important thing is you meet people that are going through

the same thing at that point, whereas it's okay to have friends, but they might've done it six months before you or after you and you have no like you I can't remember what happened six months and they would we have this what's that group that one of the girls set up and she'd be like reminds people would remind you of doing oh you need to your first year injection so you need to do this six weeks or eight weeks and like half the stuff I don't even remember so it's nice to have like a group of girls that are able to like oh you how are you dealing with naps

so how are you dealing with like oh she's got an allergy to eggs and there's just a kind of a group where you can just put out oh husband's annoying me or there's so many I felt that was a real support system but I don't know if we are closer because of lockdown because the only thing you could do is walk with one other person so like every day we just message the group and say, look, who's awake? Will someone come for a walk? And there'd always be someone that would do that. The actual course I found rather frustrating in a way. I remember one of the sessions which just drove me mad was they told all the men or the husband's partners to go out and have a coffee or a tea and we're going to talk about the women's and what's going to happen to you like physically oh shut up I thought this was a rumor I've heard this and I genuinely thought

it was a rumor and I would kick off I'm glad I didn't do a class because I would kick I was so livid because I thought hang on a second obviously we went my mum left after two weeks and she needs to me replace since there's some things that she can't do but after you give birth it is graphic your other half is going to see blood coming from everywhere basically I mean that's obviously a bit graphic but one of the things from c-section is after you've been lying down you have to stand up and obviously the nurse comes and they help you and they put down a pad and you stand up and they're like they do tell you this is what's going to come out this is normal but it's quite i mean zaf was in the room while this was happening i could hear like it dripping out of me and that's quite graphic but the point is don't worry about being graphic it's another podcast it's perfectly okay to say about blood and poo and all this

dilemma of giving birth you know and after and you still have to go to the number two after you've had a c-section and i remember saying to that i was like don't come in that's this toilet this toilet is closed i was like don't bring me the. I need to feel this toilet till I've gone to the loo. But there's so many things that happen, especially with breastfeeding. Like if you've got cracked nipples or so much goes on and they basically told them to leave. And I was like, hang on a second, this man, Zaf, I'm like, thank God we have been together for a long time because he's seen the worst and the best of me and everything in between so he sort of kind of doesn't really care but I kind of thought

I want him to know what's normal and what he should be helping me with and also Tommy and I had been together for three months and he hadn't seen everything but still I was giving birth to his baby and even for like the recovery process like they need to know what's going on and I think this site play it's all like prudish thing I'm actually angry for on behalf of people that it's like so 1950s like oh the men just go have a cup of tea now we're going to talk about vaginas and your baby bits and we need to get over that because actually I think a lot of like relationships it's that lack of communication around the more as you say graphic I just say genital reality of it like of course they need to know that you might have stitches or that you might have like pain or piles

or all of prolapse all of these things they need to know because if this is again like men are not archaic beings that just want sex but I feel like it would help them to understand that like more of what's going on also so that they can support you let's forget sex for a minute like I mean I had a prolapse if Tommy had if I'd have like sent him off for a tea even doing the first two like Tommy and I had not done we'd been you know we were in a new relationship we were definitely not pooing in front of each other but like damn did we high five when I did my first pregnancy poo well first childbirth poo I was like yeah I survived we did the same thing but it's just and also I remember I had you know so you wear nappies you wear nappies even when you've had a c-section you're not as most people don't tend to have such a heavy

period blood whatever you want to call it after a c-section but I remember it dropped down on the floor and I couldn't bend over to get it so I was on the toilet like Zaf can you come here so you can pull up my nappy and there's just these things that they like sent him out the room for and I was just like what is this I'm like I don't understand it's just like hang on a second we've just given birth you are there is no there's no night nanny there's no nannies here and there aren't midnight nannies all this kind of stuff for most people in the world why are we not encouraging our partners to understand what females go through to give birth I just don't understand for me it was like mind

boggling I was still supposed to send them an email of how infuriated I was but I haven't done it yet maybe for everyone listening we should bombard we should now bombard them with saying that they were otherwise they were amazing the midwife was absolutely wonderful and on the other side when I spoke to Zap about that I was so infuriated about this and I did say to Zap I'm saying but he was like look you're quite comfortable talking about your body and how things work but there are women that are not comfortable so that would have given them the opportunity to ask in that all-female environment and I do get that as well so I kind of there's two sides like it's being open so men understand but the same it's but you've got to make a I don't know

what the right answer let's do the benefit of the doubt we can hope that but you know one of the other reasons that I didn't want to do like any of the classes to be on a whatsapp group was because that was actually my fear like you said that you know it was really comforting for you to have people doing things at the same time but I think because I was quite I mean I don't want to say chilled about it all but I think my approach is just like not to plan and not to think about it and maybe it's just having my head in the sand that I like to be like I'm going to have this amazing holistic experience and you know everything's great and everything's rosy but when things happen I'm like okay cool this has happened I can deal with it now but I don't like

to worry about what might happen I'm like well might not. So what's the point of worrying about it? So the idea of being on a WhatsApp group with people worrying about stuff, I would be like, well, I haven't even worried about that. Or I don't know, I'd be like, is your baby sleeping? Because my baby's not sleeping. And I was like, I feel like it would be like too stressful for me.

But then I also found it lonely. You've learned what type of person you are that that's who you are and I learned as a person that I need that and I think that the best sort of advice you can give to new mums is work out who you are and what's helpful so if you don't find that helpful for example I read I saw one girl Instagramming saying, this book's wonderful for birth. I'm not going to say which one because people love it. But I read it and I was like, what is this utter rubbish? And I was literally like, I threw it in the bin. So I knew that wasn't me, but it doesn't mean, you know,

you don't want to join an NCT or a Bumper Baby. And that's fine because that's who you are. But for me, and I don't know if it's my job for like singing, I have to be prepared and I prepare everything to like the minute detail of how I even like walk on stage but I knew that I would sort of thrive and know that there's that support system that you know you can message people and say oh what's happening here and you know we do send other like helpful oh my baby's eating this this is a good recipe or this is a good like baby class I

know I don't know if you've been to many baby classes but I think I remember you saying that you're not haven't been to many is that right baby swim I have but I actually would I do want to go to baby classes but because I've been juggling work and yeah one thing or another and I'm not gonna lie like this is probably really bad to say but it's just not really what I enjoy but I kept I kept planning on it now I feel really bad I kept planning on but also bear in mind I was in lockdown for the first four months of house life so I didn't get the choice of that yeah yeah I love I love the swimming and like the thought of messy play and classes I'd rather like turn that one off to someone else yeah but you know who you are as a mother and I think that's a wonderful thing as well and I think

most people are scared to accept you know so I had loads of like you people like not abusing you but giving their advice or you should be doing this you should be doing that and I was like hang a second I know who I am I know who what our relationship is I'm going to do this but that's okay if you don't want to do the classes basically I feel like the message is be empowered to make the choices that make you feel good and don't worry if somebody else poo-poos it whether it's a book or classes or yeah because it would be really easy for like you to be like what you haven't prepared for your pregnancy and I'd be like what you have prepared for your pregnancy but ultimately do what makes you feel empowered because that your pregnancy. And I'd be like, what, you have prepared for your pregnancy. But ultimately, do what makes you feel empowered because that's what we want at the end of the day.

That's the best way to sum it up. You've summed it up perfectly. Do what makes you feel empowered. Welcome to Paranormal Activity with me, Yvette Fielding. A brand new podcast bringing together people's real ghost, extraterrestrial and paranormal stories, as well as getting some inside details from those who study the supernatural. I'll be listening through your paranormal stories every week and try to understand them, as well as chatting about my own encounters

with an occasional paranormal investigator too. You can find us wherever you get your podcasts from, including Apple Podcasts, Spotify and Acast. Just search for Paranormal Activity with Yvette Fielding. You mentioned earlier that obviously when you had norovirus and you had to well your mum was like we need to give formula because you need to get through this so obviously my journey and i've just talked about in detail about in a previous episode about giving up breastfeeding and how i found that but you had an even more of a like a end to your breastfeeding journey and instead of the norovirus it was he who shall not be named the c virus that has dominated our lives and i've actually not actually i'm not i'm saying actually

a lot i've not even spoken obviously i've messaged and said i hope you're right but you had covid really badly yeah i had really badly I was hospitalized for just under two weeks and I got COVID and then I got sepsis. So I was actually dying. I was breastfeeding. Basically, I always wanted to breastfeed. I found breastfeeding, unlike pregnancy, really natural. I found it easy. I found the first two weeks I said, you know, it was painful. My nipples cracked and then I was fine. It was like plain sailing. But I basically was breastfeeding and I got coronavirus seven and a half months. And what makes me really sad and I've been watching your journey is that you knew it was the last time that you were going to breastfeed or you knew it was coming to an end. Whereas I didn't know it was coming to the end and it's really weird I

just wish I'd had that moment of being like saying goodbye weirdly saying goodbye to it but then obviously it never happened and I was in hospital for two weeks and then the amount of drugs and steroids that I was on I wasn't allowed to breastfeed her for four weeks after that and they said oh you can start you know again and then I just thought you know what you actually have to be really well to breastfeed you have to be eating and drinking and making sure that you're well and I wasn't well for months after I had coronavirus so yeah I found it so I found it so difficult and I was going to say to you did you I felt I had to learn how to be a mother again because I literally came home and I was like if she was upset I would just put her on the boob and then happy days and then I couldn't

do that and she tried to best feed and I was just absolutely heartbroken because it was just it was so traumatic for me so I feel you know you should be super proud of yourself for going to a year but then at the same time now I'm like you should be proud of yourself like you did amazing and also I feel like everyone should be proud I feel like even the people who choose not to breastfeed should be proud of themselves because there's so much I can't imagine having to go through what you did because essentially it's not that you just had to give up breastfeeding like you didn't see your daughter for two weeks yeah no it was completely crazy yeah it was really it was really. But it was also a very strange time because I had such bad oxygen. My oxygen was so low that it actually makes you quite like delusional, like sort of spaced out. So time just went, rolled into one big ball. Yeah, so it's a lot. I mean, I'm sort of dealing with it now. So at the moment, I've got post-traumatic stress and have lots of flashbacks and nightmares about how what happened to me and I'm trying to work it all out but yeah that was really challenging being a new mum and having Saf got coronavirus first and

I was looking after him baby dog no one could come and help us obviously and then obviously I got completely wiped out and then no one could help Zaf he literally was left with a baby who'd only been given breast milk she'd just started food and Zaf I mean I remember we have cameras in our house and I remember watching him I'd woken up in the middle of the night and he was literally pushing the baby pushing Rose around in the pram at like three o'clock in the morning around like the sofa just doing this and I just oh gosh that poor I was thinking that poor man and then I was like poor me well poor because I imagine it must have been pretty traumatic for him that's the thing you know whether it's well especially if it's COVID but partners aren't allowed in hospital I think that

about everyone like it must be so hard having someone in hospital like you can't visit and and solo parenting I think whether you're a dad or a mum but thank god that you that you I mean that you're here is what I mean I know it wasn't like smooth saving saving recovery and you're right you know like since I stopped breastfeeding Alf it wasn't obviously my decision and it was really upsetting for a couple of days but it is like becoming and it's like a new chapter of the motherhood journey I found because you're right if Alf used to be like tired or upset or anything I'd be like get my boob out whack him on the boob and now I'm like oh god I have to entertain him

more like oh what can I do I like it well I feel like I was really prepared to have post weaning depression which I've been told is a thing And that worried me because obviously I've had really low moments of motherhood and I was like, I cannot afford to get any lower. I've had really low moments. I've had like suicidal ideation, which is very different to like, I guess I don't need to go into that.

But I was like, I literally cannot afford to feel any lower. And now it's actually really nice. Like I'm so proud of my journey I would have liked to have gone on longer but I also feel like I get to wear like cute clothes again and not have to think about breast like breastfeeding being one of those options I have found that he started eating more and therefore he's starting to sleep better one but down very big downside is I used to just whack him on the boob and he'd sleep through till whenever I wanted to get up now he is up at five like sometimes before five but five he needs that banana he

needs his morning banana yeah you've had um challenges with sleep and what I would say and I hate to say it but like giving up breastfeeding I I love breastfeeding but I also love the fact that now I can actually like leave the house and I don't need to think about pumping or any of that sort. That's what's like a joy. That is some of my news. I have stopped pumping. I haven't even mentioned that at all on the pod or on social media. I stopped pumping because I actually started using the Alpro Grow Up oat milk. So bear in mind, we wouldn't have cow's milk I was like what can I replace this with because I didn't really enjoy pumping so when I got to the year I was like you know what

I do feel like I've done my bit I wouldn't have ended it this way but it's ended and I don't want to be walking around like hats off to anyone listening who is like pumped for a long period because it's hard and I found it to be emotional connection out of breastfeeding for me and then I tried this outgrow oat milk and I was actually planning on slowly I was going to be like right I'm going to do 80 breast milk and 20 stuff and I'm gonna he loved it so much we put it in this oh it's right here actually this was his nighttime one in this little Tommy Tippy cup because he's never had a bottle and he goes through so he honestly loves it and he's not even tried to breastfeed since it's almost like he tasted the out pro

oat milk and was like where has this been all my life i didn't love pumping at all i just didn't but i was speaking to my cousin is midwife and specializes breastfeeding. And I phoned her because I had quite a... I tried at the beginning, the first two weeks, I did find it difficult to breastfeed. And I was like, I just want to be able to... And I remember being sent to someone, my midwife sent me to like a breastfeeding specialist who on the NHS. And I was like, look, I want to pump so I can be able to sleep at night. And she was like, this is just what it's like having a baby and I'd only just given birth and I was like how can you say that

to a new mum who's like struggling to like feed her baby and trying to like increase her thing but she said some women don't pump like can't pump I would always be able to breastfeed Rose completely fine and she would have enough but when I was actually pumping I never produced enough so the idea for me to carry on pumping was just not gonna happen the last time I pumped was in hospital and I had to and that my breast milk turned out blue with Covid yeah I've been able I think because I did carry on pumping yeah I hate the word pumping I don't know why I don't know if it's uh it's just a really horrible word I don't know if it's because like boys used to use it in reference to having sex or my parents used to use it in reference to farting

but I just cannot I even hate the word like I'm saying it and I'm cringing but I'm glad that I did that thing I'm glad that I carried on milking myself because I think it stopped me from having any form of mastitis. I suppose I did just wind down. But hats off to all the pumpers out there. I'm so jealous of the ones that find it easy. I don't understand. I would say if anyone's breastfeeding before, if you do want to breastfeed and you are struggling, get some advice from people.

Speak to people that understand. I'm actually going to have a really great guest on soon Stacey who's feed eat speak on so on Instagram she's an amazing lactation consultant and the reason that I love her so much is because unlike I mean I don't want to poo-poo the industry because it's an amazing industry and you know I think lactation consultants are invaluable in Germany they're free but she is so non-judgmental, I think lactation consultants are invaluable. In Germany, they're free. But she is so nonjudgmental. And I think when something like feeding, it's such a heated discussion, which is mad because you should be able to feed however you want. And some people can't breastfeed.

And, you know, that any way you feed your child, it's getting fed. I was formula fed and I'm perfectly healthy. So she gives nonjudgmental advice and help and support so she would help you if you wanted to like be able to bottle to sleep that's what you needed to be a mom like her but anyway I'm gonna get her on the podcast because she's amazing I remember I got a couple of messages on Instagram saying I said I was breastfeeding and then this woman like bombarded me with the messages Instagram saying I said I was breastfeeding and then this woman like bombarded me with the messages and saying women that don't breastfeed are disgusting

and I remember finishing breastfeeding and I remember thinking about her being like oh my gosh is she gonna judge me now and I was like are you insane you just had COVID and just had sepsis why do you care about some woman that's just told you that and i'm like i don't know why and i don't know why that could be judged in that scenario is her because it's actually why people breastfeed or don't so i gave my milk came in but it did take like two weeks and i remember having my first check with my midwife and we went into the surgery and they were just checking rose and they're like so you're breastfeeding a formula and I remember going I gave her one bottle of formula and literally like hysterically crying thinking

that I was like an awful mum and I know like all the hormones send you completely and utterly crazy but I remember thinking I think instead of saying to people don't do this or don't do that if you're breastfeeding and need to give one bottle of formula, don't beat yourself up about it. It's just not a big thing. Like just make sure that you pump or something or hand express a little bit more so your breast milk doesn't, your supply doesn't decrease. But I think people don't tell you that.

So you're just like, I will only breastfeed and I will only do this. And actually you can be a bit more flexible. It's fine. It's not like a big big deal whatever works for people that's basically the message do you feel differently actually I one thing I do really want to ask you I love the name Rose so much and you know when you're deciding names yeah we knew if we're having a boy or a girl we were talking about what do you want boys names or girls names and obviously like sometimes you have to like you find out that the other person either doesn't like the name or that or you can't know that usually because of an ex and I was like if

we have a girl can we call Rose and Tom was like oh no we can't and I was like oh why have you got an ex called Rose and he was like no like because of the lady from the Titanic. And I was like, what? What's wrong with the lady from the Titanic? And he was like, oh, she's just old. Like just reminds me. And I was like, give it. That is hilarious.

So if I'd have had a girl. That's so funny. He didn't want me. He's like, what is wrong with the girl from the Titanic? I was like, sorry, is there, have you got an issue about the Titanic? Like what is going on? So yeah yeah it's such a lovely name i'm so happy that you have a rose my first name was anastasia i love the name anastasia i love the musical anastasia so her second name was anastasia and i remember zaf loves the name jessica i was like no way you can't have

jessica because i remember having a boyfriend and he cheated on me with someone called jessica and and I remember Zaf loves the name Jessica I was like no way you can't have Jessica because I remember having a boyfriend and he cheated on me with someone called Jessica and I was like never the name Jessica's not coming in but then so much my middle name is Rose and I didn't know this till afterwards but my mum wanted to call me Rose which I thought was quite a nice little thing and we spent so much time in Chiswick House and there's a rose garden and we couldn't think of a name and we're trying to think of something that reflected what we went through Covid lockdown and Zaf was like why don't we just call her Rose and I was like yeah that's great because we spent so much time in the rose garden it's just a nice that was our little sort of happy

and it's like blooming and oh I love it lovely do you feel different as a mum of a one year old? Like was it an emotional thing having a baby turning one? I was very emotional about it. But now that she's one, I much prefer it. I saw a friend who's just had a baby and I was like, I'd love to have some more children. We'd love to have more children. But I was like, I can't go back, Steph. I was like, I can't go back to like the newborn stage where it's just like complete chaos. Yeah, it's a lot more, I kind of find engaging

and she's really exciting and she's like learning things and words and like her facial expressions are just so funny. I mean, today she's so sassy at the moment. I'm like, oh my gosh. But yeah, and I she's so sassy at the moment I'm like oh my gosh but yeah and I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing I feel like every day I'm discovering something new and I think you just feel like you're never doing everything right whether it's work or trying to gain a balance between being old you new you work baby house admin and then your relationship somewhere fits somewhere in there

and then bring in friendships and all the other hobbies this is why you need baby like new mum friends because they're the only ones that understand when you say oh do you want to walk at 11 o'clock in the day they're like yeah right you know i'm around oh i've got a couple of non-mum friends who are like just so good with you know what I think I echo what you say I am enjoying it a lot more since I've turned one and I was a bit weird that I loved that newborn stage like from nought to four months I was on cloud nine and then I started to find it really challenging and quite monotonous and I mean I moved house and I had no mum friends so I did find it like lonely and now that I don't

know I just feel like so much happier I still think I can't wait for spring to come so it's easier so I can go to the playground and stuff but for anyone that is listening who is still in like the funk at whatever stage you're at I am finding it so much more enjoyable now. And I mean, I see from social media that Rose is walking. I'm still not walking, but his little words and actions and standing, there's just more milestones and excitement at the moment. It is a lot more exhausting, but I find it almost easier to take her out. So we'll go to like the History Museum or Science Museum, and I know we can do things.

Whereas I felt when you were breastfeeding that i was like oh god i gotta like you have like this towel like trying to cover yourself be discreet and it i found that although i never bothered a cow i was like the opposite of discreet i was like i deserve to be here and if you have a problem that's your problem not my problem it was it was completely my problem because i think i'm a bit of a prude that I not what I wouldn't completely cover myself up I didn't set up like a whole tent but I just wanted to be discreet about it but that's completely my problem and no one else is it's not it's not a problem I mean it's perfectly I've got loads of friends who who feel very uncomfortable one who felt so

uncomfortable that I mean she struggles she doesn't breastfeed in public at Shoeb she was on my podcast a while ago so each to their own but um I've never done any of the museums because I didn't know if it would engage Alf does Rose like them? Rose loves them it's like amazing we took her to the history museum and I was like oh well I went on my own and I was like oh how is this going to be let's just see and she absolutely adored and loved it the only thing i would say is challenge is getting a tube in london as a completely and utter nightmare uh special because they don't have any lifts even though all the kids go there to the museum so i feel like we talk for england but i'm so conscious of the time and the fact that rose is probably broken up from her nap time and every week I answer a question

from one of my lovely listeners. And so this week it's from Mel. So I thought that I would read it out. I've not even read it yet. And then we can try and both give her some advice. She says, hey, Ashley, I recently heard your episode with Tommy and his obsession with the grow egg.

And I wanted to hear your advice on overheating. I'm a new mom of a 16-week baby girl. Congrats, by the way. I've looked everywhere on guides on how to dress my baby for sleep. I live in a really humid area, so much that I need to use a dehumidifier constantly to keep the mould away.

Things that won't dry without the dehumidifier. I've seen some advice after 22 degrees to use a Togwon sleep sack with short sleeve, but it seems a bit cold as I wear a long sleeve shirt to bed would love to know what else slept in whilst you're away or if you have any tips i feel like i'm gonna let what does what did rose sleep in in the summer first thing i'll say is that we had one of those egg things and they drew it drove me potty we had it for a couple of

weeks and then just threw it out we're like this is ridiculous i was like this is all we'd be checking it all the time and i'd be like no we got rid of it so rose is a bit weird because she basically likes to sleep in her onesie but she hates any of the sleeping bags so we tried her numerous sleeping bags tried with blankets obviously the ones with holes in she hates them so she's a bit of a weirdo but if like we put anything on top of her she like literally kicks them all off I mean obviously read the advice there's loads of advice on the NHS website and everything that will tell you but I remember when I went to see midwife she's like feel your baby like see how your baby feels like feel the back of the neck so I mean babies often

have cold hands and got cold feet and that's completely normal but like feel the back of their neck if like your baby's like sweating you need to take some clothes off if your baby's like freezing so I think it's just kind of and this is about the mother's sort of instinct I just think don't be scared of like feeling if that makes sense yeah I feel like I'm probably really bad for advice on this because obviously we co-sleep which is not technically recommended so if you do co-sleep good for you but if you are thinking of it make sure you do it safely and I just pretty much had skin to skin with Alf so he didn't really need to wear a lot but he is also

he doesn't like anything on him like sleeping bags the pram cover like anything he will not like having his legs restricted but what I would say is if if what you're saying Mel is that your baby doesn't seem to like the sleeping bag then try just get like a thicker pair of pajamas um but I think I feel like your advice is pretty good as well that yes there are guidelines but ultimately like every baby's different so hopefully you'll figure it out I feel like that's probably really poor advice so yeah if you do want to get in touch with anything at all then um i still haven't had a whatsapp i you can send voice messages for free the number is 07599927537 it's not my number by the way hence why i was really slow at reading it out because I was like trouble up but you can also leave a review on apple podcast that's where I read

out loads of messages as well and of course if you like the podcast then leave a little five review I mean I'm not going to force you to but it does help and if you are enjoying them don't forget I feel like such a youtuber when I say this make sure you follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode and natalie thank you so much i love you've been such a great guest and it's so nice to remember that there are polar opposite experiences and both of which are perfectly good and valid and i just love watching rose on socials as well i can't wait to meet her in person i know we should get them together to hang out maybe a history museum or a science museum yes definitely thank you so much for

having me on and as you said we've got polar opposites and our babies are thriving so there is no right or wrong way what a lovely way to end thank you so much for listening to mum's the word the parenting podcast with me and I'll be back same time same place next week different guest