Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - Perfecting the Work/Life Balance - with Louisa Lytton

Episode Date: December 27, 2023

What it's like being the mum as well as being on tour? Can you perfect the work/life balance? How important is asking for help when dealing with life as a parent?Louisa Lytton joins us this week who's most well known for her roles in Eastenders and The Bill to tell her story about managing having children with being on tour and if perfecting the work life balance is really a possibility?Do you have a question for us? Get in touch on our Whatsapp, that's 07599927537.---A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello and welcome back to the mum's the word the parenting podcast i'm kelsey parker and i'm your host for this week so what has happened to me this week in the world of being a parent so i just got from Sense Parks for the weekend and I just found Bodhi such hard work like being in in um the lodge and away from everyone he just literally I think he's a bit under the weather and he just wouldn't cooperate all weekend like there was always something if I said something was blue he would say it was red um if i said right can you put your snowsuit on now we're gonna go out i don't want to wear the snowsuit i don't want to do this he's really has pushed my parenting skills this weekend so this week on mum's the word podcast it's great to be joined by a good friend of mine louise litton

louisa is an actress known for her roles in eastenders and the bill but when she's not in front of the camera she also runs a clothing line called orasal with her business partner and in august 2021 louisa gave birth to her first child who is our beautiful baby girl aura louisa it's so good to have you on the show. Hi, y'all. So you've just come off tour from 222, The Girl Story. Yes, The Girl Story. I just finished a week ago.

I got home. It was hectic trying to go on tour with a two-year-old. I don't know what I was thinking, to be honest. It obviously just threw everything up in the air, like her routine, how she was. She's been so clingy with me ever since. But, look, we did it, you know? I did it, and I've sort of proved now to myself

that I can work and I can continue with my career, even though I've had a child. So that's a good thing. Do you remember when we went out before we went to see The Wizard of Oz and you told me, I've had a child so that's a good thing. Do you remember when we went out before we went to see The Wizard of Oz and you told me I've just got this job I don't know how I'm gonna do it and I was like you will just do it like you'll find a way and you figure it out and you and Ben are such a good like team and partnership aren't you that he you you did actually make it work. I don't think I could have done it with anybody else I said to me all the day

well if I married anyone else I wouldn't have been able to do that job. But he wasn't going to marry anyone else. He was going to marry perfect Ben, who's perfect in every way. I know we joke about it, but he actually is. And Tom used to always say about Ben of how perfect he is. Like there's nothing Ben can't do. And he's the perfect partner for you. I know he used to message me and be like, oh, for God's sake, why is it? And nothing ben can't do and he's the perfect partner for you i know he used to message me and be like oh for god's sake why is it now we can do that now we can do that he's a photographer dj he can put he can bake fresh bread now he's now i can be a full-time parent and hold down his own job he could be a full-time parent he doesn't even need you yeah no um no we did it

we did it we got through it and it's done it's so mad you get home from a like really intense job like that and it's like it never happened yeah how are you actually feeling pleased to be home I think it's a good time of year to be home isn't it like however you feel about Christmas it's always going to be busy and manic and people are putting in plans and so it's a good time whereas if it finished in January I reckon I'd have got home and been like oh my gosh like now what because it's it's you're on such an adrenaline for such a long amount of time for three months the adrenaline of the job of the show of sort of balancing like work and home life and then you come home and after most jobs you sort of have a bit of a crash but I feel like I haven't had the time to maybe that's just being

a mum now though I don't really have the time to sit and think oh how do I feel about that job how do I feel about what I want to do next it's just straight back to you know the washing the nappies and real life yeah yeah and that's the thing it's probably nice doing the show because it gave you that like bit of independence back which I feel like as your friend that you lost a little bit on the way of becoming a mum didn't you it was like you were a mum and when you're doing something it's like I'm Aura's mum and this is what I'm gonna do and I feel like you having that job definitely has launched you back into the world like obviously I know you've got Aura so and you're doing your clothes but it's definitely giving you that foot back in the door of of getting that acting buzz isn't it yeah 100 because you're right she was you know she was coming up too when i got that

job and up until that point i had pretty much been with her all day every day and even when we'd meet up before we'd go out or go for lunch or i was still sort of in the back of my head you know worried about her nap time and how she eating and i was still so immersed in it so yeah it's been good to sort of find a balance and actually know she's okay if i'm not there that's what was important for me to sort of work out i do think it's hard because you sort of had like a she was was she a covered baby she was sort of like the back end of covid wasn't she yeah back end so actually when I had her we got COVID when she was two weeks old and we were still in the rules of like isolating I think it was for 14 days so yeah she was off the back of COVID. But I do feel COVID made everyone so like intense about routine of

their child and nothing else to think about it's like what does she do how does she feed what's her pool look like it just like was so intense, wasn't it, for us? I am that sort of person. Aren't I? And she's Annie over here. So there was no way. Liz, my friend, that when we meet up, she asks me every single question. Like, so what does Ray do about this?

What does Bo do? What do you do, Kelsey, when they wake up in the night? Like, how do you potty train? Like like she literally will ask me every question don't you because she's a worrier and I go what are you worried about just chill out. Because I'm a worrier so there was no way I was going to go into parenthood and not be that type of mum and everyone says oh you know if you have a second it all chills out and I'm thinking yeah it won't for me so there's just no point but you do I guess you relax more as they get older definitely I look back now on times I think what was I so stressed about but everybody everybody says

that to you everybody that's further ahead will will say to you like don't worry about that and I'm doing the same now to my friends that have just had babies I'm going oh they'll be fine what you think they're never gonna to eat solids? Everyone eats solids. And I hear you speaking to me and now I'm speaking to them. Because you can't actually remember. When my friends ask me questions, I'm like, I can't actually remember. And I know for me it wasn't actually that long ago, but how did they sleep through the night?

I'm like, how did my kids sleep through the night? I can't even remember. How many times did they wake up during the night? I literally can even remember. Like how many times did they wake up during the night? Like I literally can't remember because then you're on the next phase of the child. So like for me now, it's like Bodhi doesn't sleep through the night. He always gets into my bed.

So I'm on that. Do I get him back into bed? Do I keep him in bed with me? But how do you feel now about those? Because like when she was younger, I was like, oh, we have to sleep train and they have to do this and have to do that. And even now I'm a bit like yeah but there's going to be a time she's never going to want to get in that bed with me so actually I quite like the cuddles or the

and so I'm I've noticed that I'm already becoming a bit more like lax about the whole thing there was a time where I was like I have to do the sleep training if it's been not been 30 seconds I can't go back in the room and now I'm like I'll get her in with her for me my mum obviously I go on what Diane says because me and my mum obviously co-parent together really and my mum goes well he's not going to be like 14 getting in bed with you is he and also I just think boys are mummy's boys that is it like yesterday we went we've been to centre parks for the weekend actually he's a mummy and nanny's boy and we dropped my mum home and he hysterically cried for about an hour after he's gone I just want nanny I want nanny where

Aurelia has never ever behaved like that like she actually is so like oh we're home oh there's Christmas decorations up like she's on to the next thing whereas Bodhi literally couldn't come back from it either what because she's gone oh stop yeah because he wanted to see my nan but he's in he's at a really awkward phase at the moment like everything is just him being awkward like if I say something's red he said it says it's blue do you know what I mean he's in that phase where it's like he just he basically just wants to argue the whole time with me and I'm really having to be strict and it's he's so dramatic and really Arale I've always thought that Arale is going to be like the one who's dramatic but it is Bodhi all day long like when he's like ill I'm

like is he does he really feel that ill But actually I figured out, especially over this weekend of being with them all day, every day, that he's such an actor. And I think he's blindsided me and he is the actor and the drama. And I just think he's so much like his dad. So you loved doing the tour then? You literally loved doing it? Yeah, I loved it. I just loved doing the show, to be honest. Obviously, being away from home was difficult, but I just love doing the show and love being back working. You know, I've acted since I was, what, 13 years old is all I've ever known.

So after having Aura, that's the longest time I've ever been out of work. It was really hard. It's a really hard industry to sort of, you know, dip in and out of work like in a normal situation so especially when you're then at home with a child all day every day you sort of as you said I sort of lost who I was you've acted your whole life and it was the why am I not doing it Kelsey am I going to get back into acting and you're like I've just got this job and I said that'll be amazing for you but I think for especially in our industry and what we do it's so tough when you have a baby because you sort of it makes you feel like is someone going to employ me again like I know I've had a child but am I employable but

of course you are and you made it work but how did you and Ben make that work? Okay so I started the job going right you know they're going to come with me every week and I booked all these like two bedroom apartments so she could have her own room and did it and the one of the women that I was working with is a mum of two she was like yeah I'll give you the first two weeks and you you're going to be changing this and I was like no they're going to be with me the whole time because obviously Ben can work remotely so the plan was they were going to come I was going to have her in the day I was going to go and do the show and you know well after like week two it was chaos I was doing two shows a day so I was actually leaving her by like half 11 12 meaning Ben pretty much had to have her for the

whole day in wherever we were you know you're in the middle of nowhere and she just wanted to be at home she literally sat there home home and I don't think I realized what stage of her life she was at and how aware of where she was that she was if that makes sense she just wanted to be home and I don't think I realized what stage of her life she was at and how aware of where she was that she was if that makes sense she just wanted to be home and the moment we got back in the front door she was like fine again so I said to Ben well that's it then you're gonna have to stay here and then I ended up just traveling some weeks I commuted some weeks I was like driving home getting in at like you know from when I did grease at four in the morning to be at home for 12 hours and then I was gone again but I got to the point where I just realized actually her being at home was more helpful to all of us than her not yeah and also

Lou like you were doing a hard job like coming off stage and even unwinding from the job and then having to be a mum the next day, like that would be really tough. And also obviously because she wasn't at home, she was up all night. So I'd have done two shows, got home, she's up all night. Then I'm up with her from six and I have to get back to work. And it was absolutely exhausting. Yeah, it was, it was. So then she came home.

I was still absolutely exhausted because everyone else would go home and have two days off. And I'd be like, right, back at it. Let's make cakes. Let's go to something. I just felt like I was going mad. That is being a mum. Even for me, like going on a night out, I sort of think, oh, is it worth it?

Can I deal with the hangover the next day and be a parent? Because I actually don't have anyone that can go, oh, worry I'll get up and make the breakfast even I went out last week to um Arj's birthday party he invited me to his birthday at Sheesh so he could sing for us obviously that's why he probably invited us. Thanks for the invite Arj. Anyway you just got no tour you got no you got no babysitters to step in and now I'm only going so so I went and mum was like oh I'll stay at yours and then I'll do the school run in the morning and um literally I got back and it wasn't really really late and I only had like a few drinks but Aurelia was in the morning going mum like you could hear her just shouting and my mum was going there was no point me staying if you're hear her just shouting. And my mum was going, shh, shh. There was no point in me staying

if you're going to go and wake mum up. She said, I just want to go and give her a kiss. Can I just go and kiss my mum? But it is that, what's the actual, like obviously I had a fun time or whatever, but I sort of think to myself sometimes, what's the point? Because I've got to get up and be a mum.

Yeah, you sort of like clock watch. This is where I'm at now. Like I went out the other night with one of my friends for dinner and it she was late she didn't get there till half right and I was thinking I wanted to be in bed by 10 like and I sort of sit literally clock watching I'm like right okay uh right okay yeah it's terrible you can't I find it hard to just switch off and just sort of go out. This is the difference between me and Ben. Ben can just go out of the house and come, swim back in whenever he wants.

And, you know, whereas I, if I leave the house, I'm constantly obviously on the phone, checking timings. Has she done this? Has she done that?

You just never, ever, ever switched off from it. That's the thing. No, and I do think that is being a mum, isn't it? It's actually also,

for example, when I was away on tour, what I missed, I kept saying to Ben, I just, for example, when I was away on tour, what I missed. I kept saying to Ben, I just miss sort of getting up with her in the morning and our little daily routine. I did really miss it. I think you live by the routine. Even in the morning, I play CBeebies, so I actually know

what program's on at the time is when they get changed. So just after Peter Rabbit's played, they need to be dressed ready for school. And it's just little things like that that I think if I went on tour, I'd be like, oh, what am I not putting sea babies on? I think the only way you can ever, ever switch off is when you're actually physically away for like a period of time. So obviously me being away for say four nights. Well, yeah, I've got to lay in because I didn't physically have to wake up for her if that makes sense so that's the thing isn't it like going out for dinner or going out for the night isn't really worth it if you're going to go away for a night and stay somewhere then it is because

at least you know you can have a bit of a laying in the morning or just switch off when I go and do the treks with G I won't speak to my mum or the kids when I'm away for that week. Because I just think I need to focus on what I'm doing. So I don't want to check in. I don't want to know what's happening. And actually, when I did go away this time, she just started school. So Aurelia got a boyfriend. Oh, no.

So the first week of school, she got a boyfriend. Yeah, of course. And so she called it all on. Obviously, this is like typical woman. So she called on, wanted the boyfriend. Then obviously he then really liked her. And then she didn't want the boyfriend anymore. So by the time I was trekking the Alps,

she'd absolutely lost the plot because she didn't want the boyfriend. And she was going, Nanny, Nanny, can you tell Miss Grant that I don't want a boyfriend anymore? Can you tell Harrison? Actually, and Harrison's my friend, Kim's little boy. So it was hilarious. And she's going, can you tell Miss Grant that I don't want a boyfriend anymore. Can you tell Harrison? Actually, and Harrison's my friend, Kim's little boy. So it was hilarious.

And she's going, can you tell Miss Grant that I don't want Harrison to be my boyfriend anymore? But she'd like called on. So then she'd had this whole breakdown that she didn't want a boyfriend whilst I was in the out. And then the teachers are going, oh, do you think she's upset because her mum's away?

And my mum was like, no, it's probably because this whole boyfriend situation like we've now figured out that it was all to do with with a boyfriend it was nothing to do with you being away at all no so then she turned she now says to people I'm not allowed a boyfriend because my my nan said I'm not allowed a boyfriend oh stop yeah oh stop it I'm not ready for this at that age she is that age. She is hilarious. Like only Aurelia really, wouldn't it? That's crying about a boy,

being a boyfriend. Already. At four. Yeah. Because she's it wanted. At four. Oh, darling.

So you've loved the tour, but now we're back and we've got our clothing line. And how's everything going? Yeah. So while I was away, it was, it was pretty difficult because, so I started launching a clothing line with how's everything going yeah so while I was away it was it was pretty difficult because so I'm I started launching a clothing line with my friend and then got a three-month

tour and it's just me and her me and her working on it at the moment and I was like yeah really bad timing uh I can't really ship my like clothing around with me so we sort of yeah we just had to sort of swap roles so she was doing all the shipping and everything and I was sort of working on like you know the the emails and the social media and stuff like that so I am really enjoying it though it's something that I first thought about it when I was pregnant I think I kind of kept seeing all these like matching frilly girly dressy things with mums and I was like oh kind of like that idea but I wish I could find something a bit more neutral

um and actually since you can sort of find it in most high street shops which is really annoying basically H&M sold my idea but it's nothing like Orasell it's nothing like Orasell so yeah I sat down with one of my friends because she's you you know, she's worked within a sort of fashion before. And I said, I've got this idea. I really want to launch a company that is unisex clothing for the whole family. So that's the route we went down. We've got a designer. We've had our second capsule collection is what we're working on at the moment.

And it is. It's selling really well. It's doing really well. I just think nowadays people really like to support um independent and small businesses because I do too like even for say Christmas shopping this year I've not really gone to a single high street shop even with like a lot of children's gifts I've gone on Etsy and I've sort of gone more down the independent route which I think most people did after lockdown because obviously during lockdown

so many people which is when I came up with my idea were like okay I need to take this into my control what can I do to generate an income or what have I had a passion for that I've never had the chance to work on and I think a lot was born sort of from lockdown and so was Orasol London and yeah we're still going so no it is going well and it's it's proved to me that I can obviously we want to grow the business to the point where I'm not physically at the post office most days so we're therefore when I'm away with work it doesn't matter whereas at the time I was like uh what happens what happens now but yeah no it's going really well thanks and I think

you're proving to people as well that you know you can be a mum you can be on tour and you can also run your own clothing company as well there's nothing you can't do Louisa yeah but I don't want that to sound like I don't want people to think oh my god how has she sort of got it all together and doing all of that because it is really hard and there are days where I'm like I just don't have time because I've got to clean my toilets and do the ironing. Like, you know, like normal life stuff. I sometimes think I don't have the brain capacity for all of this. But what was nice was to just be able to take something into my own control.

Like, obviously within my career, I'm not in control of what I do. I'm not in control of when my next job is coming. So it was really nice to just have my own thing that I can, my own project that I can work on and that I can grow and that will also hopefully grow alongside me, if that makes sense. But it's not easy. I don't want to sit here and go, yeah, yeah, I've got my own business. Because I look at people and I'm like, how is she managing all of that?

And the truth is most people have help that they don't let you know about. Yeah, we speak about this a lot on this show. Yeah, people have definitely got help, because it is not realistic, even for me coming in doing this, like I've literally left my auntie at home making my beds and putting my washing on from centre parks. Like, I'm so fortunate that my auntie was like, I'll come and help you and I'll come and support you but you know it is all about the support system and the village I always talk about the village like I wouldn't be able to run the businesses I wouldn't be here I wouldn't be doing everything that I'm doing without my support system absolutely not it's the same and it's the same for you of course like I just think

this whole Instagram world that we look at and we just think oh it looks easy but you know shows like this we're saying it's not as easy and even like talking of the whole Instagram world I remember when I first had Dora thinking oh I'm gonna do the whole sort of mummy influencer we've spoken about it a lot um going down that road I don't have the time to do it I don't know how these people like it was just to get her dressed in the morning and get her out the house to get to my mum's house or whatever it's chaos and I've only got one how do people make a whole Instagram reel of their morning I don't understand how have you had the time to set up a tripod and you know so I'm guilty of it I do it I am definitely in this world now on social media it's part of my job but I just want people to know that's not all it's got to be.

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And you're like, oh, like for me, I'm like, I don't really know what I am. But yeah, I guess I'm a bit of an influencer too. And they're like, oh, I'm like, that is not an easy job in itself. Like making content, getting content that is not an easy job in itself like making content getting content it is an actual job yeah when it first all started I was a bit like oh god but it is a it hats off to these like content creators because it is a full-time job it really is and

also you are a creative you have to be creative in order to be able to create content and churn it out to the extent that people are doing you know when I sit there in bed at night scrolling through watching it it's not as picture perfect as mum as mums sit there and watch and think it is and I think that's a really important message to push out there because it's hard yeah I went somewhere for an event the other day and one of the girls there literally does t, YouTube, Snap, Insta. And I'm like, but she's not got kids yet. I'm like, she ain't got kids yet.

I'm like, I don't know how she'll be able to do that when she's got kids because it is tough. It's tough. And even the days where I'm like, right, I'm going to do this today. And I sort of like, I don't even know how I'm managing to this podcast and she's not cool to me yet. Ben is like in the room next door, that's why. But there were days where I'm like, right, I'm just going to set up, I don't know, arts and crafts or whatever

and just write two emails. I have two emails to write. Mummy, mummy, mummy, what's this? Paint everywhere. And I'm like, it's got to six o'clock at the end of the day. I'm like, I didn't even write those two emails today. So how these people will be able to create content sit there edit video they just won't and the mums that do honestly hats off to you because and if they've not got any help because they've got to have help I'm sorry there's got to be someone there yeah or I say that they only use

a little part of the room like when they're filming they're just using the clean part of the house yeah of course they must be but what's so funny you're saying about your auntie helping and stuff with whereas with my mum if I said to her like oh can you help with aura because I need to do like an instagram reel she's like you've got to do what she doesn't see it as work like a lot of people still don't see social media as work what do you mean you've got to take photos of you know I'm quite lucky because I've got Kris Jenner as a mum so uh she's very on it she my mum's very invested in what I'm doing and can see that you know there's rewards at the end of it and it's also you know helping me support my kids and me living in the house that I live in and whatever

else so I'm so lucky that I'm fortunate that my mum is like very on board yeah and also I think you are very good at it does that make sense whereas I get so stressed I'm like oh I've just this isn't for me whereas I feel like you're so you're just so who you are that you're not afraid to be like right morning house is a mess and that's sort of the way to go. It's only because you overthink everything. You overthink absolutely everything. I know. But obviously that's what I actually love about you,

that you overthink it all. But sometimes you just need to breathe and then, you know, just go for it. Go for it, show people. I think I'll stick to acting for now. So what's happening with the acting world can we see you back in eastenders is the door still open what's happening as in the character went to prison i don't know how long what did she go to prison for i don't even know it was

something that she didn't do this is why i never know it was something to do with money laundering or drugs. But you didn't actually do it? But no, she didn't actually do it. She got framed for something. So it has been left. So she could be out. Yeah, so she could be out. Very open.

How do you feel like you'd cope with going back to EastEnders and having Aura? I think it would work sort of lifestyle wise. As in I live really close by to the studios it would obviously be it's full-on like with um with these standards it obviously depends on your schedule and your storyline but some days i could be there five six days a week for 12 hour days so i just wouldn't see and is that when you're in storyline? Yeah, that's when you're in storyline. So it's 12 hour days, I mean. But it does balance out.

You know, there would then be times where I'd maybe only be in two days a week. So then I would be able to have all or more. So it would definitely, look, mums have done it for years. Mums have been in that show for years and years and have managed it really well. So I'd definitely be able to do it and I'd be supported

because as I said, there's so many other mums there that would sort of, I guess, help you along the way with, right, you know, this is a good idea or I've tried that or have you thought about this? So yeah, I definitely could go back. I feel like she's at a right age now as well where like she started nursery, she's there two days a week. So, and she obviously now understands the concept of mummy going to work and coming back it's so

weird though because I've been away on tour and I've been away for sort of four or five nights at a time sometimes when when I put her to bed now she sometimes says to me um when I wake up nonna we call my mum nonna because she's half Italian nonna come to get me and I'm like no darling mummy will still be here and it's like she's she's trying to grasp like what just happened if that makes sense long and short i could go back and i do feel like now would like from now on would be a good time for me to go back to filming anything because she understands now that i like my concept of work which is good and i think they do. I think we definitely underestimate them of their ability to understand and to adapt. But also, Lou, before you know it, she'll be at school.

Honestly, I actually can't believe that Aurelia is at school now. I know. Is she enjoying it? Yes, she does love it. She just loves people, though. So she loves walking out of school. She loves knowing everyone. She just really is a people

person I don't know how she'll fare with work like school work at the moment she comes home and she's like I want to do my homework so she's doing letters and she has to like sketch the letter so she's really enjoying doing that but I don't know you know so hang on now you're at a stage where she so you pick them up you bring them back and then you've got homework to do with one. Yeah. That's another thing. And activities. Mine do activities like every night.

Every day. I know, I know. At the moment, I don't know whether to move her gymnastics. It's like, do I give her a Monday off? But she literally does Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday activities And then Thursday and Friday are off days at the moment. So you mean she gets picked up from school and she goes and does something elsewhere. So you've got to pick up. So she's at school.

He's at nursery. He goes to preschool. So you pick her up. You pick him up. Then you take them to where she's got to go. Yep. So we do dinner and then we'll leave and go to the activity. And obviously Bodhi goes with you.

He comes with, sometimes I might either, he might go to my mum's or he might go to my Aunty Julie's. And then you bring them back. Then you've got homework to do. I mean, letters, but still. Yeah.

And then you do bedtime. Bath and bed, yeah. Book. Also, she gets sent home with a reading book every night. So you have to read the book. This is too much. Right in the reading record. and then you've got the mum's whatsapp group chat as well which is you know everyone puts loads of stuff in that so you had to make new mum friends at

the school gate yeah I've had to make new mum friends I still am like I found that quite hard as well making the mum friends like I've sort of like stuck to the people I sort of knew before I mean I'd it's so hard as well and also because I you know because I do share the role with my mum and my auntie like they pick up as well so I don't always see the same people as well she's in such a big school but yeah it's it's making the mum friends it's all just so new when they start school it's all so new it's all so new yeah it's amazing and you're doing it and you're doing bedtime on your own I always think of you actually I think like you it's the mornings and the nights that you're doing on your own and that is hard it is hard

but then a lot of parents you know their husbands might have to go to work at six o'clock yeah they are doing the morning routine on their own no I know but yeah it is no i know you know the evenings are hard they are hard because also for me i am good cop and bad cop there's no one else there so you could be back up and go right ben you're gonna be the or vice versa do you know what i mean you've got ben to rely on like i've not so i have to say to the kids there's only one boss in this house and they go that's you mummy and I'm like yeah I have to be that person and it's sometimes making the decision to me I feel like you know you and Ben can talk it out and you are a chatty person and you you will tell Ben what's on your mind but I don't really have that like anymore which me and Tom would talk quite deeply and openly about you know what we're doing with the kids and it is that for me it's the

I've got no one to talk to have I about am I doing the right thing with bringing them up yeah about about the decisions that you're making you feel obviously feel more pressure because it's all because you're saying that you know to be honest I talk to my mum like I would probably I mean Ben will probably listen to this but i'd probably call my mum before i'd call ben anyway i do on some occasions so i i know you've got your mum in that sense but i know what you mean when it comes to making the final decision on your children you've got the pressure of it's just you making that decision because my mum says the same thing she goes oh well do you think i let johnny make any decisions no No, I made them all.

Johnny's obviously my stepdad for those that don't know. But Tom was so opinionated, wasn't he? Yeah. That's the whole thing for me, that he would have had an opinion on it. Like even Kel said yesterday, she went, oh, do you remember when Tom told me that as if kids know what time they go to bed? Because she was trying to stick to this routine of being like, at 7.30, Albie went to bed. And we went away one Christmas and Tom turned around to Kels and went,

do you think he knows what time it is? No, just get him to bed now. Like put him to bed at six o'clock. And then from that day, Kels and Dean started putting him to bed at like six o'clock because he was so knackered. But it was Tom being like, do you think they know

do you think he knows and it's so true it's so true Tom was always like the words of wisdom wasn't he oh yeah and he has an opinion on anything and to be honest most of the time he was right which was really annoying when you just have to make out otherwise so yeah I I know what you mean it's just it oh god he God, he's a huge, strong presence. For those that don't know, I actually met Louisa through Tom. They went and did a tour of Greece for a whole, was it a year you went on tour for? Well, we met on the jump.

How many months was it? We did the jump together, didn't we? Oh, yeah. Yeah, but I didn't actually meet you. I didn't meet you at the jump because. Because I was first out. Did you go in week one? Did you go in week one?

You hadn't even packed your case by this point and I was already at home. So I actually met him on the jump and get this. So we got on really well. I think we was out in Austria together for say, I don't know, say two weeks. We had a really good time. Anyway, I was out first week and then about a year later I got Greece and when I got the job I saw on the um email that Tom Parker was playing Danny so I was like ah so I called him to be like and he went hello who's this I was like you didn't save my number

I've never told you this he was like who is it, who is it? I was like, it's Louisa. And he was like, oh, you're right, mate. I was like, yeah. I was like, well, this is awkward because we're about to work together for a year and you couldn't even say my number. I can't believe I didn't tell you that. Oh, that's so funny. And then we went on tour, yeah, for a year. We basically were, like, sharing places together.

We were together the whole time, weren't we? Me, Tom, and the other really good friends yeah yeah and then that is how we met and then it was like typical husband and wife you know behavior from me because typical tom doesn't keep in contact with anyone and i guess me and you became closer because i would arrange when everyone was meeting up really that's how we became like better friends yeah i would say that because when we was on tour you weren't really there like as in you came up a few times you you didn't you didn't like him being on that tour did you no it's not that i didn't like it it was like

a long time and he expected a lot from me like a bit like what you're saying that like you expected ben to be there and whatever but that person came up twice and i said to him actually in the last i don't mean that in a bad way i i i get it because I said to Ben on the last week you're going to come and see the show again he was like nah but what I mean is I got to know you when the job what I was getting at was when the job finished because that's when I saw you more was when we were back home again whenever Tom did anything I didn't tend to go loads because I had a life back home and and I think when you're in a relationship having that life yeah because obviously I had a life back home. And I think when you're in a relationship... Yeah, and you were so used to him having that life. Yeah, because obviously I had it for like, you know,

months at a time when he was in The Wanted. He would go off and do, like, go to America and go here and go there. So I was so used to him being away. I was like... And also it was quite funny because he hated it so much, didn't he? But I think he was definitely shocked by, like, the musical theatre world.

It would make me laugh because he'd say, well so what acting roles think I'm gonna get next you I know you're gonna end up in a Netflix show before I am because that's just the way the world but yeah so that that is how that is how we became friends and yeah I'd say we got closer when the job was over because then we were sort of all back to our normal lives obviously by that point I'd met Ben so we could then do stuff as yeah like a group of friends rather than you sort of tagging along on on a tour bus you know yeah being like hi guys yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no and then we've sort of gone through this experience of having children together as well haven't we yeah and I do think having kids brings you closer to different people

like you other Kelsey you know people that had had kids before the moment you have a child you have people that you can go to and as you said like you can create your sort of network and your your team and I always find that it's funny that I go to people for different stuff. So like I could say to you, how do I do potty training? I could, you know, like you, cause you go to the people, I guess that you like how they parent and their style of parenting. Get the job done. My moral of parenting is just get the job done.

Yeah, but because of that and because you're, because you're relaxed and I, you know, and I know a lot of it is because of everything that happened. You sort of had to sort of sit back on or just be I guess a bit more relaxed and your style is more we just got to get on with it and I really like that and I like that I can sort of try and take try and take that from you I try most of the time I don't I do try but yeah I would say that we're we've got closer now we've become moms it's crazy yeah it is i just can't believe a lot girl and it is funny because now yeah we definitely have now when i go out with like to say like my events i go to some of the girls like i'm with are like 23 and

i'm like what you said like the other day i was out and i was like check i was like looking at the time i was like oh it's nine o'clock. Oh, it's half nine. It's quarter to ten. Oh, my God, I'm not going to be home till 11. Then I've got to get up and do the school run. And then I tell them, I was like, I've got to do the school run. And they go, I can't believe you're a mum and you're going to do the school run tomorrow.

Because at 23 and however old you are, you can't actually think that far ahead that one day you're going to be a mum and have to do the school run. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't believe that I'm ahead that one day you're going to be a mum and have them do the school run. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't believe that I'm that mum doing the school run now. After an event. I mean, it's quite nice, isn't it? Yeah. How are the kids when you take them to events and stuff? You know, you go to a lot of kids things. How are they within it?

Do they sort of understand it or do they take it in their stride? Do you know what I'm quite not strict when it comes to that I don't know like I'm like kids we're going to an event and I want you to be grateful for everything you're going to get at this event I try to make them grateful because what they're getting to experience right now is you know incredible like even how many Christmas events they've been to and the gifts they've got and, you know, the places they're going to. They are very fortunate children. So I just want them to be grateful and thankful for everything they've got.

So, but you know what kids are like. They're not all the time. So we went to Hamley's the other day for a Hamley's event. And all they wanted to do was go and get a toy. But I actually felt so bad by the end of it because they were like, we were downstairs and they had like Father Christmas and they had gingerbread decorating and whatever else.

And it was really, really nice and a singer, but they're kids in a toy shop. Like, all they wanted was a toy. Yes, because then they were in a toy shop. What else is there? Yeah. Yeah, it's like, I don't really care about decorating a gingerbread right now.

Like, I want to go and get a toy. And they went on and on and they were having like the biggest breakdown in the end I was like right come on let's go and get my toy because I did actually feel quite cruel at the end of it they were in a massive toy shop and so then they're like well we don't have somewhere else we would be here yeah we're in a toy shop you want to be at an event at a toy shop no I just wanted to go and get a toy so we did I think he got like a little paw patrol and oh she loves like slime and squishy stuff so she got something like that and they were so happy it's tough isn't it like even that like people go oh that's probably easy taking in there but you also don't want to be that person when your kid's acting like a brat I meant more in the sense of like do they understand like if you're getting your photo taken or like do they

understand that world now because obviously when Tom was sort of at his frame, he hadn't had kids yet. So do they know that world? If that makes sense. I think they're getting used to it and they're like, oh yeah, my mummy has pictures. I don't know what they tell.

I don't know what she tells school that I actually do for work. Cause I go, what do you say mummy does? I'd love to know what she told her boyfriend. Oh yeah. Or her friends. I just read to think what she actually talks about do you want to be my boyfriend because I can get you to Hamleys um yeah I don't know I

don't know what they think I think for them it's just the norm that they go and their mom gets pictured and it's normal that they go to events I I guess now, because that's all they've ever known really since they've been born. You know, and especially Tom being, you know, there's so much footage of Tom and they know that their dad was famous and he was a pop star and he was in a band. They know it all, especially Ray. She knows everything, doesn't she? Yeah, so she is sort of, she does understand that world.

Yeah, that's what I meant. I just thought, I wonder what they think. And it sort of becomes the norm. But, you know, even with Aura, she does understand that world. Yeah, that's what I meant. I just thought, I wonder what they think. And it sort of becomes the norm. But, you know, even with Aura, she'll think the same. Like, oh, my mum just goes on tour. My mum's in EastEnders. Like, my mum's a bit of a face. I know.

It's weird because I took her to see, like, a local show thing when I got back. And I said, oh, like, we're going to see a show, darling, on the stage. And that's what mummy was doing because I kept saying to her, her like so I'd FaceTime her every day when I was putting my makeup on in the dressing room to go and do the show and she said bye mummy mummy go and do her show she didn't know what that meant she just knew the word show was related to my work so then I went to see this yeah like local show and I said darling this is a show this is what mummy was doing and I did think like does she understand what? Like, does she know now that that's what that was? But I don't reckon she could comprehend it

unless like seeing you on the stage and doing it. To do it, yeah. Like with them and Tom, like they've seen him on stage and they've heard his music. So they know that that's what he did. Yeah, they get it. Yeah, yeah. But I think with me, they're a bit like,

what does my mum actually do she can't do a podcast what does that even mean have they seen you on telly they've seen me on telly but what I was finding was especially after Tom died it was really confusing them because she would watch the tv and see me on it but I I didn't realise that, well, obviously, you don't know what they're seeing behind it. And they were putting lots of pictures up of me and Tom and Tom. So then she was getting confused, being like, is my dad coming back then?

Oh, because she could see you on the telly and then you in person and then him on the telly, but not. Yeah. Because even Bodie said to me last Monday, you know, it is just for us, it's Monday, you know, it is just fast. It's just, you know, it's just constant, isn't it? This this talking to him about Tom and losing Tom. And he was like he put his Bolton kit on and he was like, my dad's coming back tomorrow.

And I was like, is he? And he was like, yeah, I've got a plaster for dad and everything's going to be better. And dad's coming back tomorrow. And I was like, oh, my God, like, it's so hard, isn't it? And you wanted to go off and just be like, like, I wanted to be in tears because, you know, it's not as simple as that. And in their world, I wish it was as simple because he probably does miss his dad, doesn't he? And he wants him back. Yeah, of course. And that's the thing, isn't it? How do you explain when they're that young?

I guess what you've always done is sort of be very open and honest and just use the thing isn't it how do you explain when they're that young but I guess what you've always done is sort of be very open and honest and just use the right words I know you I've sort of learned that from you and that's the best way otherwise they get confused and also the day before we'd gone to Tom's bench so I think that had confused him let's make this light because we all had a love for Tom didn't we and this is about you and what you're doing and you as a yeah this is all about me again and they'd be like look I created that friendship which he did he did create our friendship and we are thankful for Tom that he did bring us together yeah he did he did he did and that's that and now

we're mums and now we've got three mean kids running around after us and now we're like yeah we're mums but uh Lou it's been a pleasure to talk to you and thanks for coming to and thanks for being on mum's the word the parenting podcast no thank you so much honestly I could talk to you obviously I could talk to you all day so please get me out of here I'm a celebrity Why don't you go on that next? No, thank you so much. I was thinking this the other day, why aren't you doing it? Well, I'm a celeb.

I think we can get you on that next year. Oh, I don't know if I'm tough enough. And I'll come to Australia and meet you on the bridge. That's what I'll do. Okay, fantastic. But I don't actually know if I'm that tough. You know, like people think I'm really tough. You'd be amazing. I don't know really tough and strong. You'd be amazing.

I don't know if I am, Lou. You'd be amazing on that show. Oh, I feel like you've got to be a different sort of toughness. Let's get it out there. Let's get it out there. Put it out there. Kelsey Parker. Honest Love next year.

Yeah, you'd be great. I'll see you in Australia. Thanks, Lou. Do you have a question you want me and my guests to answer get in touch by emailing askmumsthewordpod at gmail.com or leave us a voicemail on whatsapp our number is 07599 927 537 or leave it as a review on apple podcast make sure you hit the subscribe or follow button so you never miss an episode if you're listening on apple podcast then please leave us a review and a five-star rating it helps others find us and talking of spreading the news please tell

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