Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - The Baby Club's Nigel Clarke on Changing Your Parenting Perspectives

Episode Date: August 8, 2023

OUR SAVIOR Nigel Clarke joins us this week to tell us all about the amazing work he is doing for parents not only in the Baby Club but also as the founder of Dadvengers. We hear some top parenting tips from him from night feeds to changing your perspective on babies to change your parenting style for the better. Get in touch with your experiences over at [e-mail] can find Nigel @nigelclarketv---A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Right, joining me today is TV presenter, father of Rory and Sienna and Cassius, your latest addition, of course, and founder of support network, Dadvengers. Joining me now is CBB's baby club presenter, it's Nigel Clarke! Yay! Hooray!

Thanks for having me, guys! Oh, wow. Do you know what? This has been the talk of the town that you're coming in today. Really? Between me and my mum friends as well and dad friends. Because you are our saviour. Let me say, we are not worthy. We are not worthy.

Do you know what? I get it a little bit. I totally get it. We help. You really help. We help. You really help. We help. You saved my first holiday. I'm just going to get this out the way early doors.

Wow. So tell us what happened. What happened? You weren't on holiday. We weren't on holiday. Was it on the flight? Was it in the hotel? It was when we were there.

It was when we were there. I mean, all of it was dreadful to be honest. I cried for the first three days because my little boy was nine months. We got there. We went to Cyprus and it wasn't too far yeah we were like this is all right nice short flight got a nice short flight got there and um i just hadn't realized that holidays weren't holidays anymore i i just hadn't got that through to my brain at nine months and i didn't know that it was just a different place a hotter

hotter place in a different part of the world with none of the things that help you. You thought you were going to be sitting on the lounger doing like, oh, I'm going to top up my tan. I'm going to get a cocktail and I'm going to chill. We'll take it in turns. Oh, dear. Yeah. Having an eight month old baby. I would.

That's not the thing that I would want to be doing right now. Because he's crawling all over the place. So it's literally stand up over him while he goes and tries to crawl at everything

and puts everything in his mouth. Yes. And that's it. And if you don't let him crawl, if you try and hold him away from crawling, then he's going to start crying

and go, I want to go, I want to go and see it. So I couldn't put him down. I couldn't keep hold of him. I couldn't do anything.. I couldn't keep hold of him. I couldn't do anything. Until?

Until Baby Club. The Baby Club, yeah. The Baby Club. Oh my God, we sang it together. Honestly, you saved our lives. Wow. You and Giovanna Fletcher. I could not believe it. So for anyone that hasn't it which I mean there's very there's literally no one

however if you've got a little baby if you haven't watched it you probably should oh you definitely should and the thing is because most of the time the people who haven't watched it

are people who are have the screen time debate going on in their heads right right right so they're like no baby like TV no never not until they're two and I, baby, like TV. No, never.

Not until they're two. And I get that. I totally get that. But this isn't that. No. This is a program that is all about a child's development. Yeah. And, you know, helping the bond between parent and child,

showing you what goes on in baby clubs in your area. It's a whole different thing. It's not just like mindless screen time. So, yeah. No, it's baby sensory, but on the screen and not just like mindless screen time so yeah no it's baby sensory but on the screen and you can join in at home so you don't have to go anywhere it's getting baby sensory like a place in baby century is worse than glastonbury my other half we when the tickets became available for baby sensory the second like the first time i couldn't get into it

and i just could hear mums talking about it this woman called Madeline who apparently is like the head of all of it and say hello to the sun and the tickets became available and I called my other half and he was driving and he pulled into a service station and we were both trying to get these tickets and neither of us got tickets to it

I swear to you so the discovery of Baby Club because it was on the telly and you can do it at home free sensory I swear to you. So the discovery of Baby Club, because it was on the telly and you can do it at home. Free sensory. Free sensory. My waiting list.

And it's so good. And also it must be so fun to do. It looks like it's fun to do. Oh, it's absolute carnage. But that's what the fun is. Like you can be middle of reading a story and the child can wander over and like be grabbing the pages

and want to eat the book while Nigel's reading the story but that's the beauty of it that's the fun of it and we want to show that because that's what happens

in a real baby club we don't want it to be some studio thing where it doesn't feel real we have people turn up late we have people leave early

because baby's not feeling it we have people throw up we have you know it's and that's just the m's it's and that's just the mums and dads that's just the mums and dads exactly so yeah it's brilliant honestly it's so i it's one of those things you're like i can't believe this didn't happen before but i'm very glad that we have it and yeah if you're having the tv debate about anything like that if you're gonna let them watch one thing it's this it's the one to watch it's the one to watch definitely and i'm so pleased that you did it thank you very much do you get this all the time people just like coming up to you like you

be walking around the supermarket walking around the supermarket go is that is that nigel von bait oh i'm getting emotional yeah i'm getting a bit teary because you helped me through lockdown you helped me when literally always the way god that's so good that's quite a nice feeling it's really rewarding it's like to know that we are there helping people on a daily basis that's the thing it's not it's not like a one-off or a once a week thing people watch every day becomes part of their routine yeah and if they're not sticking to their routine then we have tantrums and all sorts so to know that it's part of their routine yeah and if they're not sticking to their routine then we have tantrums and all sorts so to know that it's part of that and what i'm really looking forward to

is i'm looking forward to 30 years from now walking down the street and someone going i used to watch you i used to watch you when i was a baby i can remember it it's one of my few memories of of my childhood yeah like at that age yeah because you don't remember much from that but you remember one-offs and for someone to come and say that to me in like 20 30 years and i'll be like we did all right yeah it's gonna sting a little bit but sure it'll be fine that'll be great it'll be a nice moment uh so let's talk about i mean everything involved with being a father. You're a father of three.

You've recently had a new, well, eight-month-old. Yeah, yeah. Still new though. Still new, still fresh, still new. New human being. So there's a bit of a gap between your little one and your other two. What's the age gap between those two? So 13 years.

So Rory's 15, then Sienna's 13, and then you've got Cassius who's eight months. You've got the whole age range of hormones and everything going on. The full nine yards. How did it feel going back to being a dad of a little one again after all those years? I mean, it would have been 12 years, I guess. 12, 12 to 13 years. Yeah. So to be fair, this time around is totally

different the first time you do it and this is not to take anything away from anyone who's going through it the first time right now you are so overwhelmed and just learning so many things on the job that you don't have as much time to take it in. Everyone says like, enjoy it, love it, be in it, immerse yourself in it. Well, you know, they try and say that. Yeah, no, I'm just saying it doesn't happen. But it doesn't happen. No.

Because there's too much learning going on. There's just too much going on. But this time around, I'm able to do that because I've got a little bit more of the confidence and the tools and having done baby club. I mean, I did a course in like delivering baby club. So what? Yeah.

In delivering children. No, no, no. I was going to say. Mom's a midwife. So, Oh,

wow. I'm pretty confident. I'm pretty confident. But yeah, yeah. We did a course to be able to deliver what we do to, to the babies and children in the dog, in the baby club yeah and

learning about that gave me a whole different angle of of understanding what our baby's going through i feel like we should all get that training if you did if everyone had that training our parenting style in the first two years would be totally different and we'd understand why we're doing things more i would i'd be up for that training it's amazing it's incredible you you've kind of got to get your head back into the space which is hard for us to do because we know things that they know nothing every single little thing they do is learning yeah it's all new it's all new yeah it's all scary it's all exciting so us knowing that you know if

I'm looking at this microphone stand I know that's metal if I put my mouth on it it's going to be cold yes right yeah they don't know that

they don't even know what cold is yeah do you know what I mean so why would this feel different so there's so much learning going on every second of every day yeah it changes the way you parent a little bit.

And you let them explore a bit more, I guess, from that. You let them explore a bit more. You're not all like, don't do that, don't do that, don't do that. You change. It literally changes. Oh, so good. Let's get that rolled out for everyone. Yeah.

Plus, in addition to that, having teenagers who love their little brother. Great. And want to be involved and want to be given responsibilities and want to look after him and feed him and bathe him and oh my god it's worked out really well yeah you've got like people can still cook dinner now you can hand off a baby and say oh i've got to do this or i've got to take this call i've got a quick zoom what all of the things that you find really hard to do yeah and overwhelming in the first with the first one you got extra hands oh my extra goodness. Extra hands on deck. Because my sister, she's had a little one

and she's a year behind my little boy. But I was looking after both of them the other day and she dropped off and it got to bedtime and I went, right. I was like, who goes where? I was like, what the F do I do with this one? Do they have the same bedtimes? Similar, but not really.

Not quite. Not quite. And because I just didn't know what to do with either of them. And I was like, I can't put that one in the bed over there crying. Because if my sister comes back, I'm like, why is my baby in the bed crying? Exactly. And I'm trying to get him in the bed. Anyway, it's all that learning in the beginning.

But you feel like third one, there's a bit of a gap between. The kids can help out now. Kids can help out. And you're much more chilled as a gap between the kids can help out now. Kids can help out. It's just, and you're much more chilled as a parent. You're just way more chilled. You know, that old adage of the first child,

you take pictures of them left, right and center. And then the second one, you're a little bit like, the third one, you actually take pictures, but you actually know what you're taking pictures of. You're like,

that's going to be a good picture. You're just like way more chill. And what about sleeping? Are you better at those sorts of things? Are you better? Do you go into it differently this time? And you're like, right, what have we learned from the first two? Did you apply anything?

Right. So I'm going to really annoy your audience now. So my first one, we had him sleeping through the night six weeks. Second, we let the uh go a little bit there because we were staying with my parents and we didn't want baby to wake parents and household up and all of that luck i did all night feeds with all of my kids did you yeah we were rushing to her a lot more and just pandering to her way more. I find if people stay over, I go,

like, we're much more, like, relaxed about him crying and, like, seeing if it's going to be a proper cry or if it's what kind of cry it is.

Or is it just a little nightmare? Was it a little moan for like 30 seconds? But if there's a guest, you're like, oh God, have a bottle of this one. Exactly.

You're doing all these things that hold on. Did you actually need to do them? So I see, living with parents and stuff. Yes, yes, yes. So so second we'll drop the ball a little bit cassius he will sleep through the night and it was about eight weeks with him but i've got lots of theories about that i've got lots i think being the person doing the night feeds and it being the man and doing it with a bottle,

you eliminate first off, if I do an 11 o'clock at night feed or 10 o'clock, whatever the evening feed is, you eliminate that. How much milk did they have? If you're breastfeeding. Yes, yes, yes,

yes. So it's like, wait, you could do an 11 o'clock feed. And did they get 30 mils? Did they get 150 mils? Have they had enough to see them through? Yeah yeah you're in that world whereas if it's me and i've had milk expressed or i'm doing formula whatever it is or was um i know okay

you fed yeah most likely yeah and we're cluster feeding aside uh most likely you are gonna be fine on the food so it's maybe some comfort or maybe some burping you know and you go through your checklist and you can get them down my little boy when he wakes up in the night if my other half goes in to settle in straight back to sleep yeah if i go in he will have me up three more times you know that is right he's playing me no what uh well it stems from when they're, I think, from when they were a baby. And they can actually smell the milk. They can sense the milk. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The milk is there. Milk is in the room. Yeah. It's like you go into a restaurant. I can smell some really good food. Can we deal with the food? Not sleep right now. Yeah.

I'm hungry. Someone said to me really early on they were like swap places in the bed when they're next to you because they were like imagine sleeping next to your favourite bakery every night like

you would never go to sleep would you you'd be sat there and you'd be like god that smells good yeah exactly

exactly that so yeah there is a bit of that but I do think he's having me on as well oh yeah it's a routine now he's like it's mum do you give up do you give in easier than dad I do give in a little that, but I do think he's having me on as well. Oh yeah, it's a routine now. He's like, it's mom.

Do you give up? Do you give in easier than dad? I do give in a little bit easier. Yeah, I do. So he's got me. But that's a natural instinct though. Yeah, I know. He's got me.

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listen to paranormal activity with me Yvette Fielding wherever you get your podcasts from right tell us more about dadvengers then okay dadvengers so dadvengers is a great name yeah thank you love it big marvel fan so it had to happen um set it up off the back of our all dads episode of the baby club so we did an all dads episode everyone was raving about it going that's amazing dad sitting there with their kids singing and doing story time yeah i should see more of it and i was like hold on that is not the reaction we should be getting the reaction we should be getting is like wicked dads are all over the country doing that not shock and surprise not a shock surprise so i went online had a little bit of a look around and there wasn't as much support for the dads out there the support

i found i didn't think it was pitched right toned right so i just wanted to start a podcast at first the dadvengers podcast uh pandemic hit and we couldn't do the podcast so i started doing some instagram lives just to find out what people might want to hear or you know talk about on dad podcast that grew then we got the website and then when the world started meeting up again we started uh going and having meetups and now we've got meetups in norwich and london every week the dads will meet with their kids and go for walks in the park and just chat and have a community we've got like 50 or 60 in each uh whatsapp group are you coming down this week blah blah or the kids are on half term.

Anyone got any advice about where we can take them? So, yeah, we've got a little sort of dad community that sort of meet up and help each other out. Do you wear superhero outfits when you meet up? There might be one coming up. We've got a fundraiser coming up like in September. So there might be some superheroes dressed up. You never know. I mean, this is hot off the press.

Wow. I'm on it. This is hot off the press. This is amazing. Who knows? There might be some superheroes. Who's your favorite superhero? Oh, that's a really good question.

It's tough. It's a tough question. I'm an Iron Man fan. Isn't it gadget? I'm an Iron Man fan now. But as a child growing up and the original superhero that sort of did it for me superman oh wow christopher reeve yeah yeah yeah the film was made in the year i was born like 1978 but the way he played that role in that film and there'll be some people

out there who will just know what i'm talking about it's's the same man, but he acted it so well, he's a different man with the glasses on. He is, you're right. He did it so well. He's so different. It's so hard to do, to put on some glasses. Very subtle.

It's really subtle. There's a slight posture change. There's the mannerisms, but he's two different people. And you can actually believe, you can actually believe that that dude in the glasses isn't that dude and that it was

a game changer yeah I know and I watch it now and I'm like that was incredible so Dadvengers is something that started it grew like organically yeah it kind of grew organically over the pandemic.

But now we're branching out. We're doing all sorts now. So most recently we launched a course for new dads. So expectant fathers and dads who maybe just only just had their babies. Because there's no support after. This is what comes up an awful lot in doing podcasts and talking to other parents is the lack of help after you've had your kid. This is the thing.

And that's where all parents need it, but dads need it even more because yes, they're a part of the labor room or the birthing suite or wherever you're having your baby, but focus is on mom. That's fine. But once baby's here, dad, it's time to step up. You're in the game as well now. You can get involved with feeding, with bathing,

with bonding with your baby, with supporting mum. And that is something that hasn't been seen with older generations, as in our mums and our dads and our grandparents. And I'm not knocking them it was just a different situation our parents talk about it all the time it's so different and my mum constantly says to me because if i'm having a week and you know i've just given him chicken nuggets because it's just like the last thing i'll do is cook and she's like cat give yourself a break it's fine i was at home i had all the time in the world she's like the day

you've like it's like it's a different world We're trying to still fit the same mould of being a parent, a caregiver, being a mother in a world where it's just not possible. I can't physically do it all. And dad's asked, you know, stepping up or whatever you want to say. Dad's arm way more involved. I don't know any of my friends actually whose other halves aren't involved in some capacity these days, way more than. I don't know any of my friends actually, whose other halves aren't involved in some capacity these days,

way more than they would have been years ago. All you have to do is look at the way the working world has changed. Mums were at home before much more. Now, mums are out. They're going out being, you know, working people, breadwinners for the family. Dads are staying home more.

And that in itself is a dynamic change from the way we saw things so with that dynamic change i think uh the fact that men haven't had as much guidance on it talking about it learning how we can fit into that world and how we're gonna be the best and most supportive fathers for both our partners and our children is it's got to be a good thing you must see it in baby club when dad's coming and they're a bit like awkward a bit tiptoeing in because when there's the one dad

in the room or you know because even when I've been in baby sensory or whatever you're like oh there's a dad yeah exactly

it's the thing it happens it's so silly but like what are dads like when they come in are they a bit like tentative when they come to us

yeah when they come to baby club when they come to baby club they're I think they're really comfortable and I'll tell you why because there are more men around

one you might have me around two you might have camera people around you might have you know you might have a producer around

it's a way more 50-50 place than an actual baby club so but when I've talked to people who attend the Avengers things or people in our community who've talked to people who attend Dadvengers things

or people in our community who've been to other situations, yeah, we talk about that all the time. Yeah. About the only dad in the group and feeling a bit awkward and... Yeah, and not every dad's a confident, you know, striding in like,

I'm here, I'm going to own this. People have anxiety. People have other things going on in their life and people are shy. They don't want to walk in and be looked at. What we've got to remember is mums feel exactly the same. The whole reason that Baby Club was invented was to support mums who didn't go to the Baby Club to go to Baby Clubs in their local area to actually do it because there's a benefit.

But it's expensive. That's the thing I found. benefit but it's expensive that's the thing i found that if you want to do anything everything's everything's a tenner everything's 15 pounds or you've got to sign up for the whole thing or you can't just drop in there's no all the free stuff doesn't exist anymore it doesn't all our stuff all our walks all our meetups everything's free oh brilliant because we don't want to be having dads be like oh I'm not going to go it's a bit expensive

it's a cost of living crisis right now so yeah all of our stuff is free and that's why I mentioned we're having a fundraiser in September

so we're doing things to try and keep that and to branch out over the country and have the walks over the country my goal yeah I was going to

ask you where are we going with Dadvengers what are we doing you where are we going with Dadvengers what are we doing you know parkrun yeah yeah Dadvengers in your local park amazing

so you know on a Saturday or Sunday yeah in your local you can find out online or whatever that there will be a group of dads

even four or five of them yeah that meet up with their kids and go to the local playground or whatever hang out and have a little chat and go it's been a rough week

but little Maisies she's a trooper she's been pretty yeah but you know to have that ability to talk to to other men who are doing what they're doing so that's that's the goal ultimate goal single dads too or you know yeah we're doing dads that like have found themselves in a position where they're because it is it is it is all shaped around the months yeah yeah yeah everyone amazing yeah oh i love it so where can we find out where can people come and join dad because it is all shaped around the mum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Everyone. Yeah. Oh, I love it. So where can we find out?

Where can people come and join Dadvengers? Where can they see it? All you need to do is type in Dadvengers on any social media platform or anywhere. It doesn't matter whether you go to Google, whether you go to Instagram, Twitter, just type in Dadvengers, D-A-D-V-E-N-G-E-R-S and you will find us and what we're doing

and head to the website to see our dad groups, other dad groups. We really like to champion the whole thing. And the big thing about Dadvengers, I know it's got dad in the title. I'm going to tell you a bit of the psychology about this. Yes, please do. So you say mum, you get all the mums turning up. You say parents, you get loads of mums turning up. You say parents, you get loads of mums turning up and the dads are a bit like, it's a mum's thing.

You say dads, you get all the dads turning up. You get the mums turning up as well because they're really curious. Oh, right, okay. So our podcast is listened to by more mums than it is dads. Oh, wow. Because they want an insight. They want to think about how their partners are feeling. They're like, what are you talking about?

Yeah. And so even though it's Dadvengers, it's a parenting thing and it's a whole family thing. Great. But you've got the dads there getting involved rather than them feeling like they're on the outside. Yeah, sidelined. Yeah.

It's tough. It's tough for everyone, isn't it? Parenting is tough. Parenting is tough. Underline. Double tough. Now tell me, has Cassius watched any Baby Club yet? Yeah, he has.

Of course he has. Only he has. Of course he has. No, he watches both. He's watched both because no, no. But you say you're joking. There are kids who only watch one. Oh, really?

And it's not by like the mum or dad choosing. It's like the child. Wow. They have their favourites. Yeah. I mean, kids have got their favourites on everything. There's people who won't watch my episodes and there are people who only watch my episodes. That's so funny. So, yeah, their favourites. Yeah. I mean, kids have got their favourites on everything. There's people who won't watch my episodes and there are people who only watch my episodes.

That's so funny. So, yeah, we get both. Kids are so weird. My little boy at the moment will only watch Humpty Dumpty and he will only watch five seconds of a particular one on YouTube and then wants to watch it again or says a different, he says, no, no, no, no, no, no. You have to go back.

This is the problem as well. There's too much choice. When we were younger, we were sat down and if there was some kids shows on, we were lucky. And we just shut up and watched them. Hold on. When I was born, there was three channels. We didn't even have channel four yet.

So, come on now. Three channels. I know. Look at all the channels that they've got now. It's ridiculous. But there's too much choice. Anyway, we won't go into that. It's incredible incredible can you tell us some highs and some lows from parenting that you've had experience throughout the years what's the best part of being a parent the best

part of being a parent is seeing them adapt and go their own way in the world and sort of forge their own journey and and do things that you're like do you know what i've done something right you're off there you're you're going for it you know what? I've done something right. You're off there. You're going for it. You're enjoying yourself. You must be seeing that with your eldest too. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I've got some. I'm really lucky.

They're doing amazing stuff. So my son's a gymnast and he's training with like the British coaches and stuff. And my daughter's an actress, singer. And she was in Matilda in the West End. Oh, she's taking after daddy. Yeah, she's the performer. She's the performer. So, yeah, that's the highs of parenting,

seeing them grow into these amazing human beings. Loads of parenting. Or the tricky moments. The tricky moments. What I think is amazing is that when you've got a newborn, you can be right at the edge. You can have gone over the edge. The tears are there.

It's overwhelming. You're done. You're done. It's tap out time. Yeah. And your baby can look at you and have you laughing in that moment. In that moment. When you are finished.

When you're ready to throw in the towel and say look lock me up take me away i don't this is not the time okay and they will do something and you'll be laughing your ass off yeah and yeah that that's that's one of the things that i think is also just amazing about kids my little boy's driving me mad this morning trying to get him to nursery and he's just he's at that stage where it's just it takes forever to get him out to get him to do anything it's just it's it's unbearable it's unbearable it just takes so long to do anything and he was making a fuss he was being like just testing me and i picked him up and i was like right come on then and he went uh he just said hello and then he said mummy but he accidentally burped mummy and everything in that

moment i was like okay okay there you go that's it okay so those even the tricky moments i love you even the tricky moments if i'd got him in the car and got him out i wouldn't have had that moment yeah so surely fine but you know still irritating me but it's all good it's all good it's all good we're fine uh nigel thank're fine. Nigel, thank you so much. Thank you for having me. Personally, thank you so much for saving my first holiday because I was ready to get on that plane and go home until we discovered Baby Club. There you go. And ever since then, it's been brilliant. It's one of those ones as well.

And it's such a catchy song that in the morning, you go to bed singing it and you wake up and first thing in the morning, you're like, Baby Club. And you're like, oh no. Yeah. Oh no. We're there. It's an earworm. And you get so excited when that music comes on

but thank you so much. Because you've got some time. I know, I know. Where can everyone find you, Nigel? They can find me on Instagram, Nigel Clark TV. Clark has got an E on the end. They can find me on Twitter.

They can find me on Facebook, yeah. And Dadvengers too. Go and check it out. And Dadvengers, of course. Come and check it out. Thank you very much. It's Nigel Clark, everyone. Thanks, Kat.

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