Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - The Importance of Self Love - with Connie Simmonds

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

Why it's important to love yourself for who you are? Why motherhood doesn't have to be for everyone? How social media can be damaging as much as a help as a mum?Connie Simmonds joins us this week who runs The Pocket Coach, an online coaching site and has published her first book: Healthy Forever: The Happiest Weight Loss Book Ever! to chat everything self love!Do you have a question for us? Get in touch on our Whatsapp, that's 07599927537.---A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome back to Mums the Word, the parenting podcast. I'm Kelsey Parker and I'm your host for this week. So this week we are going to be focusing on self-love and I've really tried to set myself goals for this year. January I want to achieve an overall January I want to achieve an overall healthy diet and fitness and try and work out as much as I can because I feel like I need it. So Connie Simmons is this week's guest on Mum's The Word. Connie is a mum, a health and beauty blogger who promotes healthy living, body confidence, self-love and beauty from the inside out. Connie has spoken out about the importance of ignoring trends on social media and focus on health rather than how we look. She also runs The Pocket Coach, an online coaching site and has published her first book,

Healthy Forever, the happiest weight loss book ever. Welcome to the podcast, Connie. book ever. Welcome to the podcast Connie. So we're January, New Year, any resolutions anything? Do you set resolutions? Yeah, 100%. Do you? I've always been a goal setter, I think it's really important. People don't though, do they? No, I think people feel pressure because they set goals and then there's this pressure to get there because everyone thinks about the end rather than the process and the journey and like having like the smaller steps. So for me, it's like, right, I know what my goals are. And then now what do I do daily to get there? And I just focus on one day at a time and then it's less overwhelming.

And I'm doing that and I'm vlogging every day and it's keeping me motivated. So you're vlogging every day on Instagram? Yeah, only like a minute and a half. I'm whittling down my day to a minute and a half. Go girl, go girl! I'm eating a tuna sandwich going, it's not going to affect my calorie deficit. It's all right.

Sometimes you've just got to eat a tuna sandwich. I'm keeping it real. And I'm a mum at the end of the day. Like I can only do what I can do. But doing something is better than nothing, right? Definitely. Yeah. So if you've only got 10 minutes

to like lift a couple of weights at home in front of the telly, that's better than nothing right so definitely yeah so if you've only got 10 minutes to like lift a couple of weights at home in front of the telly that's better than not doing it yeah that's what i've been trying to do yeah break the day down a bit break it down break everything down break everything down last year i wasn't doing that i was in survival mode massively and why do you think that was well so 2023 you feel like you struggled 2023 I think 2022 when I had Chester in July my my youngest right through I struggled because being self-employed I went back to work really quick four weeks don't not proud of it regret it but I just I just couldn't see anything but no I hear you financial stress i'm worried

um and it felt like the only option when it probably wasn't and i don't always like asking for help i've learned to stop doing that because you've got to ask for support i do think when you are self-employed it is really tough like i um i run a performing arts school with my best friend and she had her baby in july and obviously we went went back in September so what did she have like six weeks that baby had to come like that baby that baby is Winnie. Winnie's had to come to work since like day dot and she comes every Saturday and we're there and she like we have to work around obviously one will be out there holding her then Kelsey she's feeding her but I think being self-employed is so amazing but yet so hard when you're a mum

yeah absolutely and I and I have a lot of clients and mums message me saying oh I'd love to work for myself I'd love to have my own business the flexibility and it's true there is flexibility like I can just come here today and you know do my emails at nine o'clock at night and whatever work in the hours that i want to work that is it though our self-employed are up until like yeah up until i put my phone down i'm still working probably and you have to say to yourself stop yeah right stop working switch off put your phone down um i did it i did it last night i watched selling sunset put my phone down on the side but even though i feel like that sellingset has just gone crazy and everyone just argues the whole time.

So it actually makes me feel a bit uptight watching it. But I thought I'm going to put my phone to one side and just switch off because I don't. And then I'm worrying about everything. And have I done this? Have I done that? And I think it's so constant. And when you're self-employed, it is your phone is there

and you live through your phone and your work is your phone. Yeah. And it's actually like people talk about boundaries and they think that boundaries are just for you and other people but you need them for yourself i mean have you ever put an out of office on yeah i have never i had you know why i have go connie yes i did because i was like no enough is enough because it's going to get to a point where I can't perform the way that I want to perform I know what I'm capable of but I'm actually stumping my own growth here because I'm exhausting myself I work for myself and I work for my brother so I've got two jobs I run

his fitness company get it done and I'm a life coach so two businesses two kids life coaching my clients here for me every day Monday toay to friday and with my brother it's monday to friday but if there's an emergency on the weekend then there's an emergency on the weekend but again working for him he he trusts me he he's happy for me to do what i need to do and sometimes i go i'm really lucky that these are my jobs but actually i've created that as well so i could have just stayed in other jobs or working for other people but like we've chosen this path as well so like I try and sort of celebrate myself a little bit in it I think that's important and that keeps me going definitely um because I don't know I get filled with mum guilt sometimes like when people are you know you're lucky and I'm

lucky I can do this I'm lucky well actually Connie you've worked really hard to get there as well so like be proud of yourself but also know when to stop yeah and for me you know like you say about the mum guilt you know especially with my job there's no nothing set so I don't know what's happening in February I know I'll be doing some more podcasts and you know I'll be doing social media but every day so different so I had to book Aurelia's parents evening last night and can I just say I'm so proud of myself that I was like the first one on and got the first appointment but again I don't know like I'm obviously gonna make time for that parents evening but I don't know what that day will bring yeah it's so scary to live in this world because

it's like I don't know what I'm doing week to week it's unpredictable so unpredictable and my partner will say to me right next week next week, what's going on? Do you need help on this day? Do you want me to work from home that day? Because he's great, really supportive. And I'm like, I wish I could tell you. But I don't actually know. I really don't know.

So I get exactly what you mean. It's like, you know, he could be there to help me. And I say, oh, what about Wednesday? And then I actually don't need him. Don't need his support that day. And I'm like, damn it, I've wasted a day of me. And I could say, oh, what about Wednesday? And then I actually don't need him, don't need his support that day. And I'm like, damn it, I've wasted a day of his support. I actually needed it on Friday. Can we change?

Can we do exchange on these days? Can you go back to that? So there is a lot of unpredictability around being self-employed. But I don't think that, I think the flexibility. Is amazing. Outweighs that every time for me. The fact that I can drop me to school pick her up and all those things that a lot of mums do miss out on that do nine to fives i do think it outweighs

it so i'm really i'm really grateful for that yeah i just think both have pros and cons like they obviously if you're in a full-time job you get the nine months off and yeah you get nine months yeah with your child exactly whereas like you said like you said, four weeks in, you're like, right, I'm back to work. Yeah, and it really did affect my mental health massively. So yeah, you felt like after you had him, after your chest started, that you just took a dip. Went back to work, rushed it.

There was stuff going on within the family, my family, and I'm the go-to person. I rescue everyone. And that's another thing I'm having to go, no, I can't rescue. They need to learn like they've got to get themselves out of these situations but I am sometimes you do have to put boundaries up you do you do because I've got kids now as well and they need me at my best as much as possible I know that's not always possible and it's good to show vulnerability but and it's good to show vulnerability but I'm someone that you know I want to feel my best I want to feel energized I want to feel positive I'm an optimistic person I want my cup to be

half full not half empty yeah so last year was survival mode and I had every excuse under the sun to like not move my body not eat well like oh my body can wait okay i need to get myself back into financial health i need to fit mentally sort myself out blah blah i had all these excuses i was very defensive i feel like that as a whole then the finances are not going to come because what you're putting out is not like you wasn't looking after yourself and when you do start taking care of yourself then you're freeing up your mind it's the manifestation isn't it it is i massively believe in i think you have to manifest but you also have to plan and have a strategy you know and even if you do read books about manifestation i'm reading this

with x king but he says like if you're going to the gym and you want to have okay i talk about the body like whoa me and my friends say do you want a body like well you know when people go whoa so we talk about the body like whoa but you're not going to get that unless you put a hundred percent in so if you put 50 in that's fine but you're going to take three months whereas if you put 100 in you could achieve that body yeah like whoa in two months do you know what i mean yeah and i think you have to put it in you can manifest yeah but you have to put the hard work in you're a manifest and then you've got a plan and then you've got to take action so manifesting helps you visualize it and want it more and helps with the energy and the attraction but you've got to have a plan you've got to have

take action and focus on yourself not everyone else like that whole timeline thing you can have your timeline but be ambitious and realistic at the same time have that balance because again as a mum I was going gym January 2nd came Tuesday I was at the gym every day then Chester got a chest infection ironically he literally has a weak chest and he's called Chester oh my god how's your luck and um he's been ill shocking sleep for like 10 days now and that affected my whole routine I've only been able to get my steps in and do a few like weights at home but which is I feel like maybe stumped my progression and the timeline but actually just because I've got goals and I've want to achieve a wall did you say body like well body like well it doesn't mean my kids are going to stop being ill or they're

going to start sleeping through the night every single night. Like it doesn't change them, you know. I've been talking about this because I feel like, Connie, I've been the same, that I set these goals and then my children, because I went on holiday over Christmas, which did me the world of good, I needed it, came back. And I think where we were all in the same room and Bodhi was in bed with me every night on holiday, he came back and he's like, yeah, I want in, I want this. I want to be in bed with me every night on holiday he came back and he's like yeah okay i want in

i want this yeah i want to be in bed with you all the time which i have struggled with him out of my two of him getting in bed with me but it's been literally the last two weeks have been nights from hell with both of them i think her going back to school she's a massive overthinker so she's been thinking of like monsters in her room i said you need to think happy thoughts before you go to bed yeah and then he gets up like the night before last from 1 30 till 3 30 but he's up and down up and down wants to touch my face wants to hold my hand i get i get a little rub and then i get a smack yeah no and he sits up and i'm like can you just lay back down in the end said you're gonna go back to your own bed i put him back in his own bed he did go back to sleep but then my goal that morning was to get up and do a workout before they woke up and then i'm so tired it's the

mornings i really really struggle so yesterday what i did was then went for a swim and then did a workout later on so yeah i'm setting these goals and i want to have a body like whoa but yeah it's about adjusting right and when I have a night like that and I wake up what I would have done before is tea biscuits sat on the sofa poor me now I'm getting up I'm going right it what it is. I'm not going to take any action apart from reflection. Before I decide what I'm going to eat and drink or whatever, what I'm going to do, I'm just going to pause. So I sit on the sofa and I'm going to pause. I pause and I go, right, tea and biscuits.

That's what you did last year. Look where it got you. What are you going to do this year? Nowhere. Just wait. Wake up a little bit more and then do your non-negotiable supplement and green tea or tea but no biscuit no sugar because i'm reducing my sugar so it's that pause and you don't understand how bad sugar actually is for you like when you research

sugar it does bring you down and also it makes you go up and then crashes you. And then you can't do anything. I mean, I'm not going to lie. I would really love to be one of these people that could sit on the sofa and just eat biscuits all day. It would be the dream. But it's not. I don't think the people that do that love it. I put weight on.

Yeah. I'm telling you now, the people that do do that aren't happy. Yeah. Trust me. But I feel like I was definitely the same as you last year that i feel like last year was obviously for completely different reasons but i was just numb and i didn't do anything i achieved amazing things within the workspace and i'm so proud of everything i achieved yeah but i feel like i was so numb i wasn't going to the gym you're in survival mode like literally i

had a gym membership and i the only time i walked in was to take my kids swimming lessons that was it like i didn't go to the gym i had such bad brain fog but i didn't know that i had the brain fog until now where i'm feeling so much better and so much lighter yeah well i do think there is always a place for survival mode like i needed it last year didn't I how was I going to get through it survival mode and obviously again different reasons I was in survival mode and you come out of it and you look back and you think oh my god was I even present but we did what we had to do to get through that year and the main thing is that you've come out of it. That's the main thing. So if anyone's listening, they're in survival mode, acknowledge that you're

in survival mode. That's the first step. Acknowledge self-reflection, self-acceptance. I'm in survival mode right now and that's what I need to do. But by April, I am going to X, Y and Z. Yeah. So the first thing is just pausingusing acknowledging where you're at right now that's what I needed to do I needed to actually get to the end of the year when people start talking about you know resolutions of and I know some people hate it but I think a window of opportunity whether it's a Monday morning or whether it's January is never a bad thing and your goal doesn't have to be huge. It can just literally be,

I'm just going to, this year I'm just going to make sure I take more photos with my kids. You know, that could just be your goal. Or even just the waking up and trying to eat a healthy, not have the tea and biscuits, have a healthy breakfast.

I'm going to swap my breakfast this year. It doesn't, you don't have to. It's tiny little things, but they make you feel so much better when you've achieved them. A hundred percent. And we've got like a, in our kitchen, a black chalkboard, Ricky's painted on the wall. And every time I do my morning ritual, I cross it.

Like I literally go, well done. And it's like an actual physical nod to myself, which gives you another little boost. Right, what's the next thing? Get my Fitbit watch on. I don't sleep with it on. Just get my watch and you know get those steps in today so I woke up and I didn't want to do any of that but I allowed that time before I made a rush decision I allowed that time to just like settle my emotions the chimp paradox is a really good book to read it's all about the mind and how we receive everything emotionally first and it's about pausing before you then act on that emotion yeah and that's what i'm doing as a kid you know what i was so bad as well like at school and that i just i never think before i speak i think i'm getting better now i'm older and i do now just

keep my mouth shut but when I was a teen I was I got myself in so much trouble at school but now I look back I know they say don't you can't put a wise head on on young shoulders but I just think oh why did I even say what I had to say then you probably learned so many lessons from it though I was the same no filter said it how it was some people didn't like it and I look back and think oh okay maybe I should have reined it in I'm exactly the same but I've learned from that and I know we're all here to learn but yeah I went the hard way about it like being at school and college and really yeah oh my god well the thing is I'm just like and I feel like my kids are going to be like

this too that if you feel like something's right and you know it's right and a teacher's wrong I would have to tell them yeah I got kicked out of law for that reason did you yeah I did law I chose law I'm gonna rule the world and she just said to me I don't think this is for you and I said what do you mean she went this is the law you can't change it it's not open to your opinion like it's the law yeah and I was like well I'm not having it yeah she was like do you feel like you're a truth seeker I'm massive yeah and that's the thing at school or in any situation I'd be like well that's not the truth you're not telling the truth I need to get the truth out of you justice actually my mum and dad moved house and they've got all my old school reports and in reception it said Connie likes things to be fair so I mean law was never for me and that's the thing I try

and teach Aurelia now I'm like I hope you're kind to everyone in your class and and you know play with everyone and because she said to me yesterday oh uh that you know sometimes she doesn't want to play with certain people I said that's fine but just i want you to be inclusive and kind yeah as long as you're kind because i was that but i would be the person sticking up for someone that's it's none of my business yeah that's me too i would be sticking up for him and it's like they they've backed out the conversation here and now i'm there arguing with the teacher or arguing with a friend yeah that was that's me with friends boyfriends yeah yeah and then you say it and then they get back together yep i've been there plenty of times that's just the story of my life falling out with friends and been like but you was saying how much you hate him yeah yeah and i do you know what

again it goes back to boundaries doesn't it it's made me go actually i can't rescue all my friends who've decided to be with arseholes i can't rescue them no so I'm just gonna say look I'm here if you need me and that's it my opinion stops there because it was affecting me and again it's with family like I've got three brothers I try and help them and support them as much as I can I do actually coach all three of them like more career focused but I have to learn to let go because there's a lot of emotion emotion attached to that whereas with my clients once I've spoken to them all that day I can switch off from it but when it's family and it's friends there's that emotional attachment so I have to set a

boundary now and also I think it's learning other people's personalities because you're probably the same as me that you think everyone's the same as you so what they say is like i'm very black and white and when people are gray i really find it hard to yeah to understand what they're saying because i'm like i'm i will tell you how it is people pleasing hard to understand yeah i do people please in the sense that if i sense people are uncomfortable i really go to the really huge extent to try and make them feel comfortable and then i'm drained but people pleasing to the point where people are saying yes to everything and they end up miserable and unhappy they say that people pleasing is literally a huge cause of mental health issues because you're not doing anything true to you you're saying yes to everyone

around you and none of it aligns with who you really are can you imagine that yeah i'm like am i a people pleaser i don't i feel like i am a little bit of a people pleaser but then if i actually don't want to do something i'll just be like no it's not for me yeah everyone probably has an element of that because no one wants to hurt other people's feelings but yes it's the people reason i'm like no you don't want to do that i know you don't want to do it why are you saying yes for like I get passionate I hate seeing someone not being true to themselves it kills me inside yeah and I think when you are just black and white and what you see is what you get and I've always been like mom like people either like me or they don't because who doesn't like you

there's probably people out there that don't like me but i have because i am a truth seeker and i tell the truth and i say how i feel like and you get it from my i definitely get it from my mom like if you want straight talking about a situation you go to my mom because she will there's no bullshit with diane it's like say it how it is i love that though and i and i know i think people are afraid of the truth yeah and i think there is a lot of that a lot of bullshit in the mum world as well and like oh you know people pretending that everything's perfect and i feel like that doesn't do anyone any justice no and that's why i think people have the shock of their lives when they have these kids

because they go and these babies because it is so hard it is i always use this word i think i've used it on every single podcast i've done so far it's relentless yeah being a mum is relentless it's the hardest job you will ever have to do and even when they're grown up look our parents will still be worrying about us now yeah my mum said to me today oh so what jobs have you got booked in and what's happening i'm like why are you worrying for yeah but she said I just like to know what you're doing and if everything's going okay you never stop being a mum ever and I do you know what I actually think that there's so much pressure on women on every woman to be a mum but actually I think that not every woman should be one if it's not for you it's not for you and that's okay i think you're better off going it's actually not for me then trying to force something because society or like

evolution or science or biology whatever you want to call it has said that your body was designed to be a mother but if it's not for you it's not for you if you know that it's not suited to your personality i mean some people are just because they have to but i don't actually think motherhood or parenthood is for everyone. And I think that's okay. I think that's okay. And I think that's okay. I think it's better for the kids.

It's not for you. And you know it's not for you. And so you don't bother having kids. I think people feel this pressure that they have to have kids because that's just part of life. Hi all, it's TV's Gail Porter here. I am so excited to tell you that I am joining the Paranormal Activity family and will be hosting a number of live podcast recordings across the UK.

The first is on the 6th of March at London's haunted Richmond Theatre. Expect terrifying tales, audience interaction and hopefully a spirit or two. I can't wait for you to join me and to hear your own paranormal experiences. You can find tickets at www.paranormalpod.co.uk. Also, having a child now is so expensive. I know. It is so expensive, and there is an expense element. I have a friend, and she's just like,

I just don't think I'll be able to afford to have a child. I find that sad. I think if someone says, do you know what? I just know that motherhood's not for me. I think, cool. But if someone's saying to me, I want to be a mum, but I can't afford it. Or I've worked really hard at my career

and now I don't know if I want children because all my hard work, I'm going to have to give it all up because I can't afford the childcare. I just think that's so sad. I think that's wrong. That really annoys me about how our country is run. I mean, I'm not going to get into politics because I don't really know enough,

but it really pisses me off. Don't get me started. She's taking on the world. If my law teacher could hear me now. And this is why she was chucked out of law school. Yeah. So, yeah. my law teacher could hear me now and this is why she was chucked out of law school yeah so um yeah but i think the best thing any mother can do is just be honest about how she's feeling because you are never alone in this and there's always someone that feels the same as you yeah and if you're on instagram and you're following every perfect i mean if you're following kelsey then

you obviously follow someone real but follow more thanks like less perfect pages you know all of that aesthetic stuff just follow less of that or just take it with a pinch of salt and make sure you're following and what you're watching and reading and listening to is real and authentic and honest because you're not helping yourself by listening to just the good stuff yeah so i've always worked with kids so i think i've always known yeah what a struggle book was gonna be you know what i actually my mum's one of eight and i thought oh if my nan can have eight she made it look easy they're all right my mum had four she made it look easy they're all right it's fine this must be what's the problem oh my god I had them myself

but my mum did say to me it's times have changed I have to work way more than my mum ever needed to she could go back to work once the last one my younger brother was four you know my dad could support everyone and we weren't rich or nothing back goes back to that like financial state isn't it that it's so expensive to have children now and also i think there's so much for children to do like actually gladiators has just come back isn't it and i was always obsessed with my nan and granddad and we all we lived down the same road so we lived at 36 my nan lived at 12 so on a saturday i'd call up my nan and go can i come down to yours and i'd probably sleep there and i'd go to my nan's and we'd have a pizza like but literally a pizza in the oven yeah takeaway pizza watch gladiators blind date and that was the best night ever but now it's like

you have to go to the cinema trips you have to do this like there's well you don't you don't have to but you don't if you're looking at what everyone else is doing then you'll feel this pressure to go and do everything yeah i'm actually quite good at not feeling that pressure i don't overdo the christmas decorations and spend like a grand on like a mad christmas tree i just don't do that like my kids still think our christmas tree is magical i don't aurelia was definitely offended that i didn't do elf on the shelf but i thought i cannot start that well did you do it ricky loves it so i don't really get that involved with it he's the big kid so if he

wants to do it i'm okay i'm the mean mum aren't i but it's just no i think it's fine it's just me it's fine it's just me connie at home trying to do it all. So I just thought I'm not going to add an extra stress. Every morning she wakes up. What is it just to make sure that your kids are behaving? Like it's not, we don't do any of the rules. Ricky just puts a bit of chocolate on toilet paper. Hi, he's done a poo. Like that's sort of as far as it goes and then whatever.

But I just think, again, it's like reducing that consumption of social media. I saw a quote the other day that said, our generation are more miserable than ever because of the overconsumption of other people's lives. Reduce the consumption of other people's lives and just focus on your own. What makes you and your family happy? But how do we do that?

Because we live in a generation and a society... Foundries of yourself. What of like just switching off, coming offline? Yeah, I can easily go through social media see people going on loads of holidays and go do you know what I'm bloody happy for them that's amazing I might not have a holiday this year that's cool like that's just my situation I know we'll have a holiday again I'm happy for them I'm buzzing for them or I'll go actually I spoke to her last week and I actually know she's not very happy so as much as that night

out looked unreal you know I know she's putting on a front because that's helping her cope like I think maybe being a bit of an insider you realize that what you see on social media isn't always what it really is so that's helped but I also focus so much on my own life and my own parenting and my own shit that anyone can do anything around me and I don't care I'm not really that bothered you know I'm so focused on myself I'm not really bothered about people taking their kids to a theme park every week I don't really care yeah well I actually saw Michelle Keegan she was on a podcast Ferns and she said about going out she's like I like staying at home I don't care about going out and I was like go on Michelle because people think that thinking she's so obviously she's busy with work and doing whatever like yeah of course she likes

to stay in yeah but I was like yes people need to hear that like it's not going out doing all these fancy fancy things all the time I just literally made a word up. Fancy, fancy. Fancy, fancy. What word is that? I love it. Yeah, I think, again, it goes back to goals, self-reflection. What do I actually want?

What actually makes me happy? This is what I do with all my clients. Where are you at with your life right now? Tell me everything. Rate it out of 10. And then if life was 10 out of 10 how would it look and then we create a little strategy and then i go well what are your core values but what if people set goals that are like they're just too ambitious and they're not though ever what it's

never too ambitious it's more about the timeline okay and getting there i mean if you said to me connie the goal is to get on a UFO and to find aliens on Mars, I'd say, all right, Kelsey, I'm not the right person for you, but good luck. If someone said to me, I really want to start my own beauty business or I want to become a makeup artist.

So you give them like the step-by-step how to achieve. Yeah, well, I'll say, well, where are you at right now with that? Okay, well, the first step would be to do a course or what would make you feel more confident or what is the next first step for you? And they'll go, well, I probably should do a course.

Okay, have you looked at courses? And it sounds so simple, but just having someone that is rooting for you and cheering you on and supporting you, who's not family or friends and going, yeah, but are you sure? I don't ever doubt the goals or anything because anything's possible for anyone.

I completely agree. And I talk a lot on my Insta about feel the fear and do it anyway because we are all so scared to do stuff. And for me, if you'd have told me three years ago that I would be hosting my own podcast, I would have said there's no way because i didn't have the confidence but somewhere within me i've well i've had to step up haven't i but i found the confidence and i think what is the worst that can happen push yourself

get yourself out of them comfort zones that we all love to sit in and the first three four five times you do something is all it will be scary and nerve wracking and you might be shit at it no and you think about you know you're saying oh i've got to go on a beauty course like you think who's going to be on the beauty course they're all going to know what they're doing like there's all these go like you know setting the goal to go to the gym oh but there's loads of people that know how to lift weights you go to the gym you ease yourself in you i just say own it own that you're a beginner own that this is the first time you've walked into somewhere own it that you've never picked up a makeup brush before just own it do you know what i've never picked up a makeup brush before

but i'm trying to learn and i'm gonna oh i've actually i haven't been to the gym for five years but i'm here and i'm here with positive good intentions so go me you've got to be your own cheerleader every single time you know the more you go oh my god what if there's this person what once you get down you get in your head though as well you're never gonna do yourself out of anything and how you talk to yourself is a choice then people that have a negative mindset because they've been feeding it for so long so you've got to go right i'm gonna stop feeding you i'm gonna start feeding that positive voice i'm gonna start feeding my cheerleader because we all have one and it's about got to go, right, I'm going to stop feeding you. I'm going to start feeding that positive voice. I'm going to start feeding my cheerleader because we all have one.

And it's about choosing to go, okay, I know there's, you know, the negative voices coming in, but I'm not going to listen to you today. What's positive about this decision I'm about to make? And that's where the pause is. That's the pause. I have so many voices in my head. We all do. And if you were taking your kids somewhere,

you'd team talk your child, wouldn't you? Like, we're going to go gymnastics. You're going to be fantastic. All the teachers are going to be lovely. You're going to be great. Like, that's what you need to do to yourself. And it's funny because I just had a psychic reading because I'm obviously into the spiritual world.

I love it. And I was told that I need to start team talking myself a little bit more and being kinder to myself and not taking in the negativity that people try and project onto me. I don't think it's like friends and family because they have been amazing, but, you know, people online. Yeah, of course.

But I need to believe in myself more. And I teach the children, you at k2k i'm like believe in yourself positive energy and i do these retreats and i'm saying yeah but i need to do it to myself absolutely i find with online when someone is going through a hard time but they're showing a positive light like you have and you've shown your journey and coming out of it and positivity but real as well I've done my journey with weight loss now I never don't get trolled but and when I start showing my weight loss journey or my health journey that's when it starts coming because people find it hard to lose weight what did they say to you

though well back in the day when i when i launched my book around that time people would say well you're still fat you know or your brother's a personal trainer can't he why what is he not very good or you know things like that you'd get but it's because i'm achieving something they wish they could and it's similar with you there'll be people that are experiencing grief that unfortunately can't but you know what i don't find it from people that are actually going through what i've gone through all of them it's like the people that have never lived this life or gone through it i think how can you even pass even more did you see that i've taken my rings off yeah i actually did see some of the comments well actually on my feed i just said look i'm only here for positivity like please so

it was and then a paper published something and the comments were just awful like but i'm trying to share my sorry anyone that's leaving comments online you need to go and find a hobby, yeah? Yeah. But it's like I'm trying to, I'm putting it out there to the world to help people, to be like, this is my journey. You know, I did a trek with Copperfield and I lost one of my teammates, Hannah. She worked at Lorraine as well. And Tom, her partner, posted on my ring story

and said, I took them all straight away, Hannah died. Because I put them in the box, Hannah's told me what she wants me to do with them. So, you know, it's each their own. I've taken them off two years later. Like, we're all on a different journey. I just think, if you've never, like, lived it as well, how can you pass judgment?

Yeah, I mean, that makes those people even more irrelevant to me their opinions even more irrelevant if you've never experienced it or gone through it your opinion is irrelevant the fact that you have even got time to comment negatively on a post that is irrelevant to you and you've never gone through what I've gone through look look inside go and look in the mirror and sort yourself out that's how I see it that's how I deal with stuff like that I just think thank god I'm not you and then I just carry on carry on thank god I'm not you before I had Macy healthy forever yeah and it was like a Bridget Jones style weight loss book it was no no dieting it was just about movement and actually thinking about health over skinny yeah and I don't think I think everyone was just obsessed

with skinny at the time so I was really proud of it and then obviously I had the kids so then but my body completely changed I mean and the book is still relevant, but I didn't have kids when I wrote it. Now, you know. Would you change the book now? I would definitely extract loads from it and all my recipes, unreal recipes. Did you know most people don't create their own recipes? I create every single one and they're like, oh, thanks for these. Normally we just get someone else to publish them in the book.

I'm like, what? I've just written 60 recipes from scratch. So, proud of it really proud of it now it would i would create a mindset life coaching book it would be all about getting out of that survival mode still recipes in because again i think you're feeding your soul you're feeding everything it's all about that 360 holistic approach to health for me you know it's about I've got the five pillars of the first step it's your finances fitness food sleep relationships so score out of five and the one that's the lowest scoring is your first that's your first thing to focus on mine's sleep at the moment so if you don't know where to start that's your that's your first thing and actually that was my first step out of survival mode was sleep i went i did it on myself and i went right sleep my sleep is so bad

that i can't do anything else nothing else i can't do so i went right the next two weeks everything else is going to be guess i'm going to just set it aside forget about it and i'm just going to focus on sleep i'll let everyone know what i'm doing just set it aside forget about it and i'm just gonna focus on sleep i'll let everyone know what i'm doing so everyone knows right the next two weeks i'm focusing on sleep i'll be in hibernation well getting chester sleeping through the night all of that stuff not just me sleeping it was about him routine it is about the kids because i'm sure you would actually sleep through the night yeah of course i'm bloody hell yeah i'm a good sleeper if the kids are sleeping i sleep i have no problem getting to sleep.

But sleep is a thing of the past when you do have kids. It's sort of like you sign a contract, really, don't you? Yeah. I mean, my mum, she said, like, your sleep's never the same once you have kids. Because then even when they're teenagers, they're coming back at night. Yeah, well, you've always got one ear open, haven't you? And I just think, you know, you listen out for everything. Like, I rarely sleep at all, so that wakes me up. And then you can hear, like, you know, my mum used to say, I used to be like, I'm such a deep sleeper. Like, am I going to wake up from?

She went, you will wake up, trust me. And it's even like when they have the sickness bug and you hear the cough. I know, the coughing. And then you jump up and you quickly run into the room and you pick them up. That was me last week. But you somehow know as a mum. Yeah. So yeah, sleep is overrated.

It's not. It's underrated. Sleep is so overrated. But I also think as well, like if you, like I said to myself the last couple of weeks, right, sleep is shit. There's nothing you can do about it right now. So what can you do to help you feel energized you know rather than before going well I'm not sleeping like sit on the sofa I go right actually I can get energy from something else good food going for a

walk you know getting off my phone and taking a break from just everyone you know things like that you know you don't just get energy just from sleep no i went to this amazing event with a brand and they had a sleep expert and she said everyone's obsessed with eight hours sleep when actually you can have five hours sleep but if you're feeding yourself the right stuff if you're moving your body if you're removing toxic people and all of that away from you that five hours is enough for me though i 100 because like even like last night i went to bed at like 10 but only got me up at four but i'm like i can't start my day at four o'clock because i could have just got out of bed so then what makes me worse is when i go then then I fall back to sleep. Yeah, yeah. And then I'm like, but I physically can't get up at four o'clock.

No. I could. I could be the new mum that gets up at four. She seizes the day at four o'clock. Yeah, well. She's out on a run. Stop. Vlogging at four.

Vlogging at four. Sorry, guys, I'm doing really annoying voices. No, I mean, you could get up at four why not if you felt like you could get good morning Britain is that even on at four no I don't think anything's on at four

just cut Mr Tumble no thanks Connie this has been actually amazing I feel like there's so much more that we could talk about

on here talk all day couldn't we but if people want a life coach please come over to connie because i feel like i've learned so much but thank you so much thank you so much for having me i've really enjoyed it i love catching up with you do you have a question you want me and my guests to answer get in touch by emailing askmumsthewordpod at gmail.com or leave us a voicemail on WhatsApp. Our number is 07599

927 537 or leave it as a review on Apple Podcasts. Make sure you hit the subscribe or follow button so you never miss an episode. If you're listening on Apple Podcasts, then please leave us a review and a five-star rating. It helps others find us. And talking of spreading the news, please tell another person about the podcast and help us reach more people. So I've been Kelsey Parker. You can find me on being underscore Kelsey on Instagram, where I'm just being me. We'll be back with another episode, same time, same place next week. Thanks for listening.