Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - The Secret behind Successful Co-Parenting - with Chloe Lewis

Episode Date: January 15, 2024

What is it like being a single mum and co-parenting? How to work with an ex-partner bringing up a child? How social media can be damaging as much as a help as a mum?Chloe Lewis joins us this week who's most well known for her role in TOWIE to tell her story about being a single mum and bringing up a child as a co-parent with a former partnerDo you have a question for us? Get in touch on our Whatsapp, that's 07599927537.---A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome back to Mums the Word, the parenting podcast. I'm Kelsey Parker and I'm your host for this week. Oh, this week what's happened? So, do you know what? Nothing dramatic has happened this week, but I just feel like I've learned that sometimes not raising your voice and being calm is the better option because we were at a swimming pool and Aurelia didn't want to get out and go and get changed so she got really angry and she hit me not hard but obviously she just she just lashed out and hit me and I just stayed so calm and I completely ignored her and after that she felt really really bad and kept kissing and cuddling me. So sometimes getting angry is not the answer.

Even though they really do push us, these children of ours. Yeah, I learned that being patient and being calm and being quiet worked in that situation. So on the podcast this week, we have the gorgeous Chloe Lewis. Chloe became a household name when she appeared in the reality show, TOWIE. These days, Chloe is a huge social media star and influencer with over a million followers on Instagram. She is a mum to the beautiful Bo and it's great to have her on the show today. Welcome to the show, Chloe. Hi, Chloe.

Hi Chloe. Hi. Welcome to the podcast. I love this. Do you love it? Yeah. So for those that don't know Chloe was in Tiawi. Tell me more about Tiawi. Like how did you get onto Tiawi? I got into Tiawi because well it sort of is in our area, isn't it? So I remember when I was really young and it's sort of the word was going about that it was starting. And I got approached like four times before it actually happened. And I had a good job at the time. So I was like, I don't actually know if it's for me. I don't really want to be in the public eye. I've never really been that person.

I was a fit model for fashion brands. So I'd done that for like eight years but it was such good money that oh yeah fit modeling is really well really well paid so and I was I was young do you know what I mean I was I was flying I was like 17 I was doing so well modeling it's actually quite hard isn't it because you actually have to stay at the exact measurements yeah yeah I mean I never really dieted ever I used to go gym and stuff yeah they would like measure me and they'd be all like Chloe you've gone up like half a centimeter on your waist today I'd be like great I'm not eating before the next one I'm not eating

no sometimes you used to do slim fast actually really yeah I like them I actually like them I'd still eat yeah but like instead of having lunch sometimes I'd do that instead just to yeah because it was my job that's what I got paid to do so you were doing that but you thought they've asked me to do TOWIE you don't know how you feel yeah you didn't really want to be in the public eye no it just was never for me I'm quite well was quite quiet I've come out my shell a little bit now yeah I was quite quiet and yeah it was all a bit daunting for me really so at the time the relationship that I was in was really rocky so they approached him at the time they and then they approached me and I was like I didn't really want him to go and do it without me so I thought I'm gonna do it as well if he's doing it I might as well do it yeah and then he just

escalated from there really but yeah I don't regret it no How long was you in it for? I did five, six years. Yeah, it's a long time. I can't believe that you were in it for that amount of time. I know. Does it feel like you did it for that amount of time now? Yeah, where I'm not in it anymore, but I'm still in the public eye sort of thing, it sort of feels like that's part of it, if that makes sense.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? As in like... like well it's been your journey to be where you are now yeah like if you wasn't in taoi then you wouldn't be where you are yeah and you wouldn't like you said you've come out your show you are a different person now probably to when you first started taoi yeah listen when i was on it it was emotionally draining i think i cried every scene well it's tough isn't there putting in situations that aren't I think I cried every scene.

Well, it's tough, isn't it? Putting in situations that aren't normal to be confronted by someone like... And I think when I was in the relationship before I started TOWIE, a lot of people started the relationship within being in TOWIE. So because I had the normality of it, well, it wasn't that normal, but...

What you thought was normal. The normality of it before and then going on a TV show and then seeing someone that you thought was this certain person, it was just honestly mind-blowing. It completely changed my outlook on the world. Yeah, but do you feel like it has made you more confident then by doing it? Yeah, yeah, one million percent.

I was really quiet and shy and, yeah, as a lot of people say, I was wrapped up in cotton wool as a child so yeah I always wanted like the Disney movie life don't we all don't we all Chloe so you did that and then you left Towie left Towie I fell pregnant and then decided that no it wasn't for me anymore and that's other cast members do actually have their babies on the within the show don't they I couldn't have done that I didn't really i didn't want bo to be part of that world if i'm honest be positive chloe be positive i do i know when i come today my sister was like you've got to be positive no i was like i'm gonna be positive i'm gonna be speaking really

highly of everything yeah um no i just didn't i didn't speaking highly of everything no it's obviously things you've got you have some trauma from yeah doing certain situations yeah putting yourself in certain yeah and they're triggering so you're going to talk about triggering moments yes that weren't so positive in your life i don't know if i want that for beau in his life not necessarily not to be famous but to be like i would rather him be mentally amazing and enjoy his life and not have any pressure with anyone looking in on what's going on

or wanting him to be a certain person or just things that I experienced with him being in TOWIE. So yeah, I just want more for him. So when I feel pregnant, you know what it's like. You become unselfish and you realise that this is what's important and you want to give them the best life that they can possibly have. So, yeah, for me, stepping away from TOWIE was the right choice at that time. So what did they say at TOWIE? Did they want you to leave?

Well, it was a little bit of a mutual decision, I think, because they called me into the office, which they do anyway, after every series that we had. And we had, like, chats and I don't I'm not one of those people that gets involved in other people's drama one it don't interest me and two I'm just yeah I'm just not that person but you have sort of got to be that way inclined you've got to be thick-skinned and I am in certain ways but in in ways where people like are rude to me and stuff no I just I don't like that confrontation they sort of called

me and said you know chloe we don't really know what your next thing is going to be and i i fully understood but i knew i was pregnant i wasn't going to tell them because i was early days but i just knew in myself that enough was enough enough was enough in that chapter of my life was over but it's funny because i obviously we have got mutual friends but i never knew you when you was in taoi but i remember watching you in taoi oh god i felt i feel so awkward for chloe in them situations because you're not a confrontational person so when the drama would come for you you'd be a bit like i don't really know what i'm gonna say and i could see it in your face thinking yeah i don't know what I'm going to say back to this person.

I'm not very good at arguing. I'm not very quick with my words. I'm not. I'd rather punch someone in the face, to be honest. You should have just done that on a regular TV. Was Chloe Lewis punching someone in the face again? I know. I didn't like it.

And not that a lot of people made out that they were your friends and they weren't. And then I caught people talking about me behind my back. And even at school, I never experienced anything like it. And good friends of mine, which I'm actually really good friends with now, they turned their back on me and things. And it literally broke my heart. Because it's not a normal situation.

Obviously, you're doing stuff for the TV and to make a TV show, ultimately. Yeah, of course, of course. So it's not real life because you know people do not go through this life and no don't bitch because no of course everyone does but you're actually having it yeah in your face then bitching and you'd be like no they weren't doing it in your face but then you'd watch it back on the show yeah be like i can't believe they're like this slacking me off i can't believe she's trying with my boyfriend or i can't believe like

she's talking about me that way. It's just a different world. Because like you said, when you have a little bitching session with your friends or whatever else, no one hears about that. That person that you're speaking about, he's never going to hear about it.

But when you're on TOWIE, it was just like... You're seeing it, you're living it. Yeah. And then you're also then seeing it in the papers. Some of the girls on there were absolutely ruthless and they were the girls That went far with Their career I suppose Yeah

Because you've sort of Got to be ruthless Because you've got to be ruthless Yeah So You fell pregnant With Beau Yeah

You went and told them Yeah That that was it So how many Was you really early on Really early I fell pregnant in January This was January Yeah so I knew I was pregnant How did you both, was you really early on? Really early. So like what, like six weeks? I felt pregnant in January. This was January.

Yeah, so I knew I was pregnant. How did you both feel when you was actually pregnant with Beau? Well, no, it was the decision we made that we was going to have a baby. It wasn't a surprise. Oh, okay. So you've been trying, right? Yeah, we'd been to the Maldives in the December. And then, yeah, it was either, I don't know why,

we either got married or we decided to have a baby. At the time, we didn't really have the money to have like the big wedding that we wanted. And we also wanted to buy a house and things like that. So, yeah, baby was sort of. I do think that we are becoming, it is that world now that you have to prioritize what you want. Well, I just think when you love each other. Why wouldn't you have a baby? Signing a bit of paper and all the rest of it.

Yeah, okay. It is. Oh my God, you sound like my mum. That's what she said it's like paperwork it is probably the right thing to do now looking back maybe i would have done things differently maybe i would have got married first i would have liked that whole experience who doesn't what woman doesn't want to get married majority do you know i mean everyone wants to be a bride but at the time yeah i was just madly in love and just we we just wanted his baby yeah we just wanted to have a little baby human yeah yeah so that was just the next step and I feel literally

straight away which just surprised the light about me because it does doesn't it you just think you just don't think you're gonna fall that quickly you don't and I think we know so much now so like back when our mums were younger we didn't they didn't know as much there's so much information now then you're seeing people having to go down the ivf route and they've been trying for years and i think there's so much pressure that you think is that am i actually going to fall pregnant is this is this an easy thing yeah you know when my when some of my friends have been like oh yeah we fell pregnant like the first time i'm like yeah you do know that if you do have sex you can have a baby like that that is what happens I know but you just you don't in yourself you just you never think that it's going to happen for you as quick as it did but it did I literally

tried in the January and fell at the end of January so just incredible yeah yeah amazing and you were over the moon did you find out that you were having a boy uh no it was a surprise yeah because I fell with twins first didn't I so I found out I was pregnant in the January and then at the time told like I told Danny on his birthday um wrapped it all up for him made it a big deal so we knew he was pregnant and then I think I went like three weeks or maybe a bit longer I can't remember now. And I had heavy bleeding. One evening I just had heavy bleeding. And obviously in myself, I just thought I've miscarried.

It wasn't a normal amount. Do you know what I mean? So Danny was trying to like make me feel better. And he was like, you know, it's fine. It'll be fine. It might not even be the case. Let's just go and get things checked out, blah, blah, blah.

So I booked a private scan, went in and I took my sister at the time. She was six months pregnant because I thought if anyone sees me, I haven't got her an answer. Do you know what I mean? So I took Abby with me. Yeah, you forget about this as well.

It was in my local area. So I thought if anyone sees me walking to this clinic, it literally is a scanning, it's for baby scans. So she took me into the clinic and then i actually know the lady because my sister's had loads of children so i knew her from going there before she was like hi chloe like lay on the bed blah blah blah she scanned me but she thought i knew that i had twins so she was like right so baby one's absolutely fine but as soon as she said that i was like yeah she went and baby two she's and I literally looked at her and

I was like what do you mean she was like you know you've got twins don't you well I just yeah my sister nearly fell off a chair bless her I just couldn't believe it I was in such shock but one of the embryos was quite far behind the other one was quite small she said this is quite normal in twins there's always one bigger than the other she said but maybe come back in like three weeks time And then I'll let you know if you've got one or two She said but I want you to go away Thinking that you've only got one She said because

It's so common Vanishing twin syndrome It's such a common thing No one talks about it That it happens all the time So yeah I went back three weeks later Do you think So by the time your 12 weeks scan scan, you only had one baby, like one?

Yes, only one baby, yeah. I think I was eight weeks. I think I was eight weeks when I lost the twin. Because I went for an early scan with Bodhi and there were two sacs there. But obviously I don't think that sac ever formed or anything else. No, but it could have done. Yeah. It could have been early days.

But because it's, because you go to these early scans now, you know more, don't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, because when is your first week? 12 weeks? Yeah, 12 weeks. First scan, sorry, 12 weeks. Yeah. So, yeah, that happened.

And then went back three weeks later. And yeah, there was only one there was still two yeah they shared a percent that was identical because they shared a placenta so i knew that but then the other one had just it was still there but it was just sort of and apparently bo absorbed the other twin which is quite nice in a way because I feel like he's in him yeah yeah but now I struggled for months and months and months and it's so stupid I know because people say to me you know you should be grateful you've got one and blah blah blah you were told that there was another one there so but uh it was almost like losing yeah like miscarrying it was it was miscarrying a child and then I had to be happy that I had

a good healthy one so I was so torn with emotion because I was so grateful I was pregnant but at the same time I was so sad inside that I felt like it was my fault I felt like oh was I going to Pilates too much or was I doing this too much you know what I mean yeah but then the doctor said to me she was like Chloe it has absolutely nothing to do with you it's just what happens but i didn't get over that sometimes i still look at him and i i think oh yeah you could have been a twin but i didn't know about the vanishing survived but i mean yeah yeah twins twins i know but even now even if i'm like walking down the street and i see twins in a pram or like people must think I'm weird because I'm like I stare over because I think oh it's so cute

that could have been Bo but yeah but you've got Bo I've got Bo and he's happy and he's healthy he's amazing so how was your birth with Bo because I like to talk about birth stories. Yes. Mum's the word. Awful. Really? Awful. Awful pregnancy? No. Pregnancy good. Pregnancy amazing. I felt my best.

My hair and my skin was amazing. I had so much energy. They do say that with boys though. Boys make you glow. I had so much energy. I have a bad stomach. I've got IBS. So when I fell pregnant, it took all my symptoms away so I'd have like a morning sickness every morning without being pregnant before I fell pregnant

with Beau so yeah I had so much energy I can't explain it really but my hair was great my skin was great I just had a very clear you glow yeah I had a very clear head it was strange but yeah I loved being pregnant loved being pregnant i mean the last two months maybe not so much because it was hot but yeah but birth no horrendous like what what happened tell us your story i feel like everyone has everyone has a bad time in birth like so i'm not gonna like hold it on me but i think i just that's why we're doing that podcast like this because we're talking about birth stories and birth trauma. Because I think we all think there's going to be a walk in the park

and then the pain, the everything is just so much. Well, I just went in so open-minded and I just thought hundreds and thousands and millions of women have done this in the world. It cannot be that bad. I really did think that. And the contractions, I didn't actually find that hard what did you find oh they were painful like don't get me wrong they were horrendous they were painful but i could do them again it was the pushing yeah yeah i pushed

for two two hours really yeah what and then did he did he come after two hours so i had an epidural eight centimeters and it didn't work. Yeah. And I had back labour. So I was like, and then I wasn't allowed to get on my knees. So I was laying on my back, legs in stirrups. And then, yeah, I pushed for two hours. My mum and Danny was in with me.

And my mum's actually like a really strong lady. And she seen my sister give birth three times. And it got to the point where she sort of started to break down because she couldn't bear to see me in the state that i was in i do think it's horrible for our mum yeah of course i would never want to watch that i mean you never want to watch your baby like i just think no because you are her baby there's nothing you can do no you needed to go through that process to have a baby yeah so I think she she broke down and she and then that made me worry because I thought oh my god my mum never gets us well she does cry I'm not saying she's like harsh yeah I just thought oh no mum's sort of giving up Danny

was crying because he couldn't believe the pain that I was in I don't think I think it's hard for me and I do like not as hard as for us not as hard as but it's hard for them to watch it's hard to watch them go through an out-of-body experience yeah yeah it was awful I absolutely roared when I was pushing really yeah when people say they were silent I'm like sorry what do you mean it's quiet you didn't say one thing they're like no I'm like oh my god yeah I ro would really i sounded like i was coming out the door yeah but i think like i have now experienced my friend's births so i was there at my best friend kelsey's and she was like mooing because that's what i was doing but i think that's how

you're meant to be like but you feel good i hope so because did you feel embarrassed at the time what was your like oh my god not one bit no you didn't care yeah oh no all your dignity absolutely goes out the window but you think back and you think oh not that kelsey should be embarrassed about her moving like i was there for it and i was like oh my god this baby's coming but you look back and think oh my god i was like full on moving yeah no i actually she's really strange because it's not a big deal at all but actually being naked at the beginning in front of Danny and my mum together was probably more weird than moving and pushing bar out which was you know what I mean you don't stand naked in front of your partner and your mum at the same time do you know what I mean it was just a bit yeah so that

was probably more for me at the beginning when i was going through the contractions i actually thought it in my head i thought this is really strange this is really weird but i am giving birth so i'm here yeah i've got to do it but then when the contractions came and i was starting to push oh my days because it is like different stages and i don't think you're ready for them stages no because yeah it hits you doesn't it yeah pushing stage you just think no well where I'd had the epidural but it didn't work I had a bit of why didn't that work well I never actually asked them if I'm honest but you're like why didn't that work for me I think it doesn't on some people and I was just I think I was just too

far gone I think it had gone too far and. And I was just, I think I was just too far gone. I think it had gone too far. And I remember having like 10 minutes of between the contractions. I was still having the contractions, but 10 minutes between contractions and the pushing, but they eased off a little bit. And I thought, oh, wow, this has worked a little bit. And then she went to me, we're going to push in a minute. And I was like, I don't feel like I want to push.

Yeah. That's the feeling I had. It's sort feel like I want to push yeah that's the feeling it's sort of taken that feeling away but then yeah as soon as she went right this is the first push I was like yeah I just never experienced anything like it now when I'm in pain when I'm like exercising or something I just think about childbirth and then it gets me through nothing is as bad as childbirth no I went in thinking it was going to be bad but I just didn't think it was going to be

that as bad so you pushed for two hours it felt like someone had lit a match underneath me I was on fire mine have been like rockets. So I've been quite lucky. You were too close together though as well.

Yeah. So that probably helped. Probably. Your body probably hadn't come back fully. I've got a prolapse. But they have rocketed out of me. Yeah, it's good though. Some people do.

But even that part, I remember getting to that. I've spoken about it before on here. I got to the part where i know i needed to push and the midwife came in and was like no let's go and get you an epidural because you're not going to sustain this pain and i was like i need to push and i was at the stage where i needed to push oh and then they they told me everything right let's get let's get you pushing as soon as he came out the first thing i said was, I went, I am never, ever, ever doing that again. And my mum was like, it's fine, it's fine. You haven't got to do it again.

And you sort of look at them, like, did you sort of resent Danny at the time being like, don't even come near me with that? No, I don't know. Yeah, well, to be honest, it didn't even go through my head. I don't even know I got myself pregnant in the first place. That's how I thought. But, yeah, and I remember my midwife, she was the most loveliest, loveliest lady. through my head i don't even know i got myself in the first place that's how i thought but yeah and i remember my midwife she was the most loveliest loveliest lady and her name was emmy

yeah emmy i was at whips cross hospital and i actually thought if this is a girl i'm gonna call it emmy because she was so gentle and so you know like people come in and out of your room all day don't they that they like stick their arms up you and do this and do that. Not their whole arm, can I just say? They don't stick their whole arm up you. You know what I mean? They sort of go, this one lady come in and she was like awful, awful, awful. Hadn't met her all day.

She hadn't been in my room once. She came in all matter of a fact and sort of was bossing everyone around in the room, sat on my bed and sort of didn't even ask me and just put her hands in between my legs. And I remember looking at Danny and I was like that. And he was just like, as if, don't say anything, just leave it, it's fine. Yeah, I just thought it was all a bit much. But then when this lady came in, she was so lovely, like just the loveliest, loveliest person. Couldn't have been kinder.

And yeah, she delivered Bo. Oh, if only you had a girl, I mean, it could have been kinder and yes she delivered bow oh if only you had a girl emmy it could have been named after you i didn't actually like that name but because i've been so traumatized i thought you know what oh it's going to be a middle name yeah yeah she was lovely i think that makes a difference yeah who's around you yeah yeah really did make a difference hi all it's tv's Gail Porter here. I am so excited to tell you that I am joining the Paranormal Activity family and will be hosting a number of live podcast recordings across the UK.

The first is on the 6th of March at London's haunted Richmond Theatre. Expect terrifying tales, audience interaction and hopefully a spoiler tour too I can't wait for you to join me and to hear your own paranormal experiences you can find tickets at www.paranormalpod.co.uk so where did you how did you come up with Bo?

what made you pick Bo? I've been called Cl Clobo all my life. Yeah. And we lost my nan a couple of years before and it wasn't actually one of my names. I always liked unisex names, but it wasn't actually one of my names. And then Danny actually said it to me

and I thought, you know what? I actually quite like that. And my nan always called me Clozy Bozy and now we call Bo Bozy, which is really weird. So yeah, I could always hear my nan always called me Closie Bosie. And now we call Bo Bosie, which is really weird. So, yeah, I could always hear my nan saying it. And it just, yeah, gave me a bit of comfort. And he looked like a bow when he was born. He did.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, we had two names and I named him both names for like 12 days. Did you? What, you was calling them both? Well, I couldn't work out which. What was your other name out which now i can't tell you oh why because you might be saving it well if i say it on here everyone's doing i know

yeah no i just really liked it i really like i really liked the other one but he just didn't look like that name he looked like a bow yeah he's such a bow and it is funny now with your kids like when they get like with mine i think oh my god they are that name yeah but bodie's name is bodie thomas paris parker and tom always wanted paris and i was like i can't call him paris but now i think we wanted his first name yeah but now i think he could have actually been a paris but he does suit bodie yeah and then we shortened it to bow yeah so we've got the Bo, the Bo boys. We've got the Bo boys, the best boys. Yeah, the best boys. So, birth, Towie, labour. It's a lot. Birth, Bo.

Now you. Oh, gosh. Do we have to talk about me? Yeah, it's all about you. Oh, is it? How do you find being a mum and doing Instagram and social media and creating content. Hard work. I think I find it hard, which I've learned to find out,

that I'm such a perfectionist that if something isn't perfect, then I'm not posting it. But since being a mum, I'm learning to be less of a perfectionist. Even when me and Chloe go out and if we go and do anything, I'm like, Chloe, take a picture. I would literally be less of a perfectionist um even when me and chloe go out and if we go and do anything i'm like chloe take a picture i would literally be slapdash and be like oh i'll just stand there and take the picture she's like no no let me adjust the curtain let me do this oh kelsey what content are you getting like literally yeah i just like yeah but then afterwards i look back and i think oh no chloe did get it right like that did look

bang on yeah or like if i'm taking pictures of someone I'll go make sure their hair's on the right side or like their collar is straightened up or I just yeah I am a perfectionist not so much anymore because I think that has to go out the window a little bit when you have a baby because otherwise you wouldn't get anything done you wouldn't get anything done and you drive yourself mad so yeah that I've learned about myself since being a mum is to not be a perfectionist but then I think it comes handy in certain things yeah of course it does in work and certain elements of life I think it's good to be that way so no I find it so hard I find it so hard juggling yeah I I just don't get I mean I think you're quite good at it to be fair and you've got two baby babies yeah I just I don't know why I find

it so hard I just do but even you took a break over the weekend didn't you yeah I just I don't know why I find it so hard I just do but even you took a break over the weekend didn't you yeah I just it's got to the point now in life where I just think obviously I'm grateful for my followers and then the people that have always supported me I'm so grateful really am because I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for them but at the same time Bo's my life and I want to make sure that I'm present for the times that I'm spending with him and doing with him without being behind a camera or being behind a phone to capture the moment to save on my phone and never look at that picture ever again because do you know what I mean I completely understand yeah so it's just got to the point where he's

he's my priority and i don't think social media is a massive issue i think for some people maybe it is because people do rely on it for people to you know like if you post a picture and then everyone says oh you look great or blah blah blah what's the word yeah the reassurance the reassurance of people thinking that you're and these people that we are getting reassurance from are strangers yeah you know i know i completely understand what you're saying like some people want the reassurance of a stranger being like oh you look amazing today you're doing great and you know sometimes you do need that yeah like of course in my journey i sometimes feel like i need to post things for

people to go kelch you know what you're doing a good job. Like I posted yesterday because I've had a couple of months where I've really, really been struggling and you sort of need people to go, you're doing amazing. Like keep going. You're fine. You're going to be all right. You've got it.

I get that. But then I also get what you're saying is that sometimes you don't need the reassurance of people going, you're doing great. Yeah. Like you know that you're doing good. But then I think the more sometimes that that happens and they're telling you that you're doing great,

you sort of question yourself a bit more and think am i doing that great yeah like you question yourself more and then yeah listen i've had a terrible terrible two years like it's not as terrible as some people's i know but i've had a bad no but i just think as well like your life is your life like i know that you're saying that because of me you're thinking kettles like my two years haven't been like yours but you're chloe you're chloe lewis and you're living a different life to me so for you two years have been really tough yeah and you've had a bad time yeah and we've got you've got emotional before to me about it yeah but you're doing you're doing amazing not today not today she's not getting a relationship positive day yeah i just for me i just think I always thought because my sister had children before I did I was

auntie first so I always thought I was gonna be a great mum I had this like like I just I honestly deep down in my heart I thought I'm gonna be great at this I'm gonna be so good at it and then when I had Bo it was was during COVID anyway, which obviously didn't help, but I was always a get up and go person. I always liked to get up, get myself dressed, get myself ready, and get out of the house.

Whether that be pop to my friends, or do it like popping into London to do work, or I was always on the go. And then when I had Beau, for me just to, maybe as well, because I didn't have a nine to five job beforehand. Yeah.

I think sometimes when you've had the nine-to-five job it's nice to be at home do you know what I mean because that's all people ever wanted to do when they're at work they're like oh I want to do a bit do is be at home and be on the sofa but I think where I didn't have a nine-to-five job when I had Bo I just struggled with it so badly I just I found being a mum so hard getting up getting out the house Bo had reflux so I had all that I just found that really hard I really did you know and I think you had your sister's kids and you were auntie but I do think like even for me my mum had my brothers like when I was younger so I think I had the realization of oh god it is our being a mum yeah I saw first hand if I really saw that though but would be an answer you giving them

back you leaving the situation you're not with them 20 years of course kids are hard work yeah it's constant constant and like you're saying you were used to being getting up sort yourself out going out yeah you've got you've got enough human that you're going what are you gonna do today we're dressing you what are you gonna wear and if you're a perfectionist yeah what's the perfect outfit the boat's gonna wear today and how good is he gonna look yeah and how good are you looking yeah it was i just found it a lot i really really found it a lot then obviously decided to move to dubai which how long was you in dubai for year and a half but I'm so shocked now knowing you that you moved to Dubai because you love your family so much.

You are such a home bird. I know. But you went to Dubai? Yeah. Well, it was for Danny's work. So it wasn't, obviously, we was going to give ourselves a better life. That was the plan. But I think where I was a new mum and I was in a bad headspace with being a new mum and then moving country and being away from

the people that I feel closest to yeah I was so completely lost and I was like getting up like I made friends like good friends but like getting up and going to the beach every day with a six month old baby it I know it sounds like it sounds like the perfect life been there with sand when you're lonely and you're doing majority of it on your own it was really tough did you feel a little bit depressed or low i don't want to say depressed yeah i just yeah it's i can't explain it's a weird one danny was really supportive because you're in a place where everything's amazing everything's fantastic but ultimately you're there yeah it's gone to work yeah you've got bow yeah and i'd lost myself that i didn't have much work happening out there because all my work's here in london do you know what i mean anything i do is here events and bits and

bobs it's all here so i wasn't working really and then went through because having a nanny out there is completely normal went through so many nannies but I just because it was my first baby and they're they're yours I could I couldn't find one that I like you wanted him to have his nanny yeah his actual nanny yeah yes exactly so it was just hard it was just the whole thing was hard and listen looking back now sometimes I wish I'd gone with a little bit more of a positive head and been a bit more open-minded with it I don't regret it but I wish I'd I'd probably just wish I'd looked at it differently but it's learning you've learned about yourself now yes so you had to go and be that person oh listen if I went now it'd be a

completely different yeah it'd be completely different but life is learning chloe that's it we're here to learn we've got life lessons life lessons so you've come back from dubai and you are co-parenting with danny yes how is that going is it yeah it's fine yeah it's hard it's really hard because you don't ever see yourself not being with that person and again I think that's like for you to deal with and you to get your mind around because obviously when you do go and have a baby with someone yeah like you picture it being forever and you're gonna have this family but sometimes it doesn't work out look for both of our reasons yeah it's worked out completely different but yeah it's similar it's similar but you you think I just

wanted that perfect relationship that perfect family yeah yeah what is perfect no I know I know I'm learning to learn that now learning to learn that yeah no it is hard sometimes but he's a fantastic dad he's really really good with Bo can't fault him in any way with that in that sense so yeah it's just we're amicable are you too good at making like decisions together joint decisions on parenting yes we are that's always been a good thing about us it's never a good quality a good quality it's never been or even like i would say something a few of my friends have the problem where they'll say something as in they want something for that child and then they'll go no i don't think that's a good idea

blah blah that's never ever ever been the case you both agree we both we've always both agreed or he'll give his opinion and i'll give mine and i'll go yeah okay or he'll say yeah okay it's never been even when we was naming him it was never a big that's what i'm having this yeah it was never it was always quite easy yeah so you're both easy going when it comes to the parenting that's really good yeah because especially you are having to co-parent like you both need to be on the same page yeah I'm quite a family girl anyway so for me more so now I'm finding it easier but I think Danny he's always wanted to be a good dad do you know what I mean he's always had that in him and he absolutely idolizes Bo.

How do you feel when Bo goes off with Danny though? Do you feel like, yeah, I'm here for the break, or do you be like, bye? Mixed emotions. I have mixed emotions. Sometimes I'm like, I really love him with me today. And then other days, I think, yeah. I need the break. Yeah, I need the break.

I'll go Pilates or have a day out with one of my girlfriends. Pilates queen. Pilates queen. To look like Chloe Lewis, you just have to do Pilates five times a week. Not the minute. I've only given up. Oh, whatever.

I have. The most unreal person. I always say to Chloe when I'm with her, why has she got the most prettiest face and the best body ever? Kells. It's true. As she drinks her drink, she hates it. She hates any compliments.

But honestly, she has. She's got the best face ever. You're the cutest. Thank you. Yeah. So it, but honestly, she has. She's got the best face ever. You're the cutest. Thank you. Yeah, so it's good. It's fine. Listen, it's been a really, like I said, tough two years between us both, but nothing really happening.

It was just differences of people and not growing together, growing apart, which is just, yeah, honestly, the saddest thing I've ever been through. But you have had obstacles as well with work and his work. Yeah. So you've had that between you both. Yeah, it's tough, really tough. And then when you've both got this child that you both love immensely and, do you know what I mean, you're the only two people

that have got the love for this child like you have. Yeah, it's really tough. Don't wish it on anyone. Yeah, but we're here, like's what i'm saying it is yeah your journey and it can change this is a stupid thing to say as well but it's almost like only because i know you grieve tom yeah but you don't see him do you know what i mean so you're grieving him but but he's not there anymore. Whereas I'm grieving someone, but I have to see him every day. It's a weird situation. I can't explain it.

So yeah. No, I know exactly what you mean. Like I'm in a situation where Tom's not coming back. Like he has died and there's no back from that. No, which I know is the most awful thing ever. I don't actually know how you do it, Kel. But what you're saying is, what's the future for you and Danny?

Because he's actually here. Yeah. And it's your grieving the relationship that... You've just got to get on with it. You have to just get on with it and still see their face. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how you do it. No, no.

Well, I mean... Because you do share a child together. And look, anyway, it's you do it. No. Well, I mean. Because you do share a child together. And look, anyways, you and Danny. Yeah. What's going to be is going to be. And that is it. And that's what I just think in life. What's meant to be will be.

Yes. Yes, God, it's made me bloody stronger. I tell you that. Yeah. But I think through life we do grow and we do get stronger. And like we were saying, you've been to Dubai. You've got stronger from that. You now reflect on that and you think, I'd be a different person

if I went back now. But you had to do that to grow. You had to go through this. Yeah. What's Barry's for? I literally, them four years, I'm a complete different person.

And it's been a rollercoaster for you. When I first felt, or even being in the Maldives that December and I feel in the, me being in the Maldives that December to the person that I am now,

my views and outlook on life and the things i used to worry about and care about and worrying about what people thought and then small stupid things that i've learned now that are just so unimportant and that your little bubble and your little team and family and all the rest of it is just what is most important in life and every all of us are different as well yeah like we all want the perfect family even in my upbringing yeah like i've not had the perfect family no so i think that's how i could actually probably deal yeah with that's why i think i feel like i've had an epiphany for you that that is it because you were brought up by your mum and dad and you're they're so in love and they've been together how many years and like your sister and her partner and then it's you feel yeah it's pressure the pressure yeah of course but your journey's different to this I know I know my journey's different love to know it's gonna take me those

years I'm interested to see though and it can be anywhere anywhere. I think for me now, I don't think it's, I don't know. I just don't think, listen, obviously I'm not going to shut doors, but I think my focus for me now is work. Yeah. Is just trying to push that and obviously Bo, but to do that for Bo. That was actually my question. What does the future look like for you and Bo now? Yeah, I haven't got a perfect picture. for Bo. That was actually my question. What does the future look like for you and Bo now?

Yeah, I haven't got a perfect picture. Sounds so cliche, but everything that I do now is because I want Bo to have a nice life. Do you know what I mean? And like, yeah, when he's 18, have money behind him that he can do stuff and I don't know, all the things that I just... You're out here trying to be the best mum yeah there's not a perfect picture no there's not a perfect picture and some days

I'm like just send me away to the sunshine somewhere and I'll never come back I definitely get moments like that that I look around

and I think oh I would love to just be able to just like what you're saying that you used to wake up and just leave the house. And just go somewhere. Imagine waking up and not having to make breakfast,

not even wake children up if they're not awake. Nothing. Not having to wake up during the night and then just get up and be like, I'm going to put some makeup on, do my hair, get dressed and leave the house. This is why people look young when they haven't got children. Because they make you old

I know girls my age I'm like You look so young Look at us Yeah Sometimes I'd love to just fly away But then your kids give you so much And they're so rewarding

There's no love like it is there There is no love And then when they look back at you And they tell you Mummy I love you Or like my Bodie My Bo When he just sat there last night

And went Mum I went yeah He went I love you Oh my my Bodie my beau when he just sat there last night and went mum I went yeah he went I love you oh my god yeah there's no feeling like it ever and then Aurelia being like can I have just one last kiss and cuddle I'm like you've actually had four now before bed but yeah I'll kiss and cuddle you again like there is just no feeling like it but you don't really get that till you're they're like two-ish do you yeah i think that's why i struggled at the beginning you don't get nothing you don't get you don't get a lot back and i think you're so obsessed with the routine yeah and what they're doing and what they should be in or stressing about that moment because they're not happy or and it just goes so

fast that that's actually that's a good one for new mums. Don't stress about what's happening at the time because it passes so quickly and then there is something new to stress about. A hundred percent. Even like the, I remember when you're obsessed with them sleeping. Yeah. How much sleep should they have? When should they be feeding?

Yeah. But then they're four and they're waving you off to go to school and asking if they can ride the scooter today. And they're like, where's my baby gone? Yeah. But I do feel like if I did have another child now, I would just be so much more relaxed. Oh my God, so would I. I was talking about this to one of my friends the other day.

She's just had a baby. I would enjoy it so much. There would be no pressure. Everyone's listening like, yeah, you two wouldn't. It would be back to the sleepless nights. Yeah, it would be no pressure everyone's listening like yeah you two wouldn't it would be the sleep back to the sleepless nights yeah it would be to be fair but i think you'd be over the sleep situation i think you're so gutted when you first have a kid that you your sleep's gone sorry for me that used to sleep till like 11 o'clock every day yeah and then i was the biggest sleep person would you oh that's what killed me what What do you sleep now? Like, what's your sleep like now?

Do you go to bed quite late? Well, I'll make you laugh. I go to bed with Bo. Do you? Yeah. I just feel so, like, sometimes emotionally drained of life sometimes that I just think, what is the point of me sitting up watching Armour Slab or When I Can Catch Up On It on another day

when I can just go to bed and have a good night's sleep and feel better the next morning and get up and go polities and feel good in myself that's how I look at it now listen I'm not saying don't ever watch telly but no but it's the same sort of feeling my days are busy and then I get home busy but also for me it's the that's the time when I start thinking and then my brain overthinksthinks. Overthinks. Sits on Instagram, scrolling. So I try and put myself to bed really early and try and switch off from everything. And just watch a bit of like rubbish TV.

Yeah. Like something that's like... It's my favourite time. It is my favourite time. Yeah. I've thought about it the other day. I actually got in bed with... Oh, he actually sleeps with me now,

which is really bad, I know. No, it's not really bad. Is it not? He's not going to be in bed with you when he's 14, is he? I hope he is. Don't leave me. Please hug mummy and kiss me still. I say to him all the time, I go, don't ever leave mummy.

He goes, mum, I'm never going to leave you. And I'll be, I'm going to record you saying that because you're going to leave me one day. But no, yeah, like you said, you get into bed, put the telly on. And I lay there and I actually think, this is my favourite place to be. Yeah. Isn't it? Yeah. With your boys taxed up in bed and just peaceful watching telly or whatever you're doing, reading a book or whatever you do.

Whatever you do before bed. But yeah, I do. I like the comfort of having him in bed with me. Yeah. And I was never like that. I was like, no, my kid's going to sleep in their bed and blah, blah, blah. And I'm going to be that parent. But I'm like, when he gets in my bed, I'm like, oh.

I love it. We spoon. Yeah. I think boys are such mummy lovers. My Bodhi is such a mummy lover. Oh, they just love their mums. Rarely gets in bed with me. If she's having a nightmare, she'll come into the bed and be like, I'm so scared.

But Bodhi, every night is like i get mum i get mum tiggle my back and then i tiggle his back and then the other night i fell asleep and i woke up and he was tiggling my face oh stop he was going like he was going like this i get the stroke he strokes me and i thought oh my god i love you so much oh my god we're theirums. We're mums of boys that just love their boys so much. We've got the whole girlfriend thing that's coming. Here's to come, girls. I'm going to try my best to be like a chilled out mum. As long as they're nice. Of boys.

Of boys. Yeah. Anyway, Chloe, it's been an absolute pleasure. Thank you. I feel like we've resolved a lot. Yes. In this 45 minute chat. But yeah, thank you so much for coming on Thank you for having me

Do you have a question you want me and my guest to answer? Get in touch by emailing Askmumsthewordpod at gmail.com Or leave us a voicemail on WhatsApp Our number is 07599927537 or leave it as a review on Apple Podcasts. Make sure you hit the subscribe or follow button

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same time same place next week thanks for listening