Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - The Truth about living with OCD - with Kayleigh Sherbourne aka DIY Mum

Episode Date: July 7, 2024

On This Week's Mum's The Word:Georgia Jones is joined by Kayleigh Sherborne, better known just as DIY Mum on social media, on this week's podcast.They'll Discuss:What it's like being a single mum with OCD?How DIY Mum started?What it's really like co-parenting two boysGet In Contact With Us:Do you have a question for us? Get in touch on our Whatsapp, that's 07599927537 or email us at [e-mail] for Listening---A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome back to Mum's The Word, the parenting podcast. I'm Georgia Jones and I'm your host for this week. So this week Cooper has had another visit from the tooth fairy. So his piggy bank is getting pretty full now. We're four teeth down, four teeth down and a wobbly one that's on its way. So wish me luck. He's not good at losing his teeth. So we'll talk about that in another episode. So today's guest is Kayleigh Sherbourne, a 35-year-old mum of two boys, George, who is 11, and Harry, who is 8.

She was diagnosed with OCD back in 2020. Suddenly everything made sense and knowing she wasn't the only one feeling the way she did. In June 2020, she separated from her husband suddenly everything made sense and knowing she wasn't the only one feeling the way she did. In June 2020 she separated from her husband and after a few bumps in the road they are now great friends and co-parents to the boys. She's better known on social media as DIY Mum which started as a lockdown escapism and it's now become her full-time job and she loves every minute of it and it's incredible you need to go give her a follow. Welcome to the podcast, Kayleigh.

Hi, Kayleigh. Nice to have you on the pod. Hello. Thank you for having me. So, we've not had a DIYer yet. Have you not? No, no. I'm very excited. I'm the first one. You are. And you're also the first one who has OCD.

Yeah. First person on to... Completely ever. Yeah, yeah. We've not had anybody on with OCD and I'm really, really excited to talk to you about this. But first of all, just to... Because it's obviously mum's the word.

You've got two gorgeous boys. How old are they? So, do you know, George, my eldest, is 11 tomorrow. Oh my gosh! Are you doing anything nice yeah yeah i'm doing lots of things for him and then on the part i'm having a party in my garden on the sunday football mad he's mad so all his friends come around to play football basically perfect so you're gonna like get some some prosciutto and beers um or you're not drinking i stopped drinking two years ago oh did you yeah did you for the

for everyone else for the other moms yeah yeah no because i was you know you know those people that you see on in like magaluf and they're on the side they're like god yeah i was one of them you uh so i was like go hard or go home i couldn't just have a glass of wine yeah and just i didn't i prefer to have a coke zero than a glass of wine with my meals but if I was drinking now I'd straw pedo the WKDs down in one and I was out of it out of it

so I just stopped so you decided that was maybe not the well it was just a lot of emotional stuff going through I was going through at the time

and I just thought I don't need alcohol yeah so one day I will it's not like I'm not going to no just for the moment it's just yeah and when i do

i can imagine i can imagine you're a wild one i'm awful thing is i always end up sick oh so do i when i'm sick i also wean myself and i that's fine is that too much information that is not too much information because i tell you yeah no you don't yeah i do so if ever i vomit with uh i i've put i put tissue there i have to put a towel down even if i'm not drunk we've gone straight into it the worrying thing is i did that prior kids yeah i mean i probably did as well and i probably was doomed so intoxicated i can't really remember but yes uh yeah no i'm with absolutely with you. So, Kaley, so you've obviously got two gorgeous boys.

Yeah. Not long separated from dad. Yeah. And you are... 2002. 2002. 22. 2002.

That's a long time ago. That's a long time ago. They weren't even born. Wow. 2022. Yeah. And how has it been from like from that point are you it's it's do you know what i i'm now in a in a place in my life right now that i am so happy i've got everything i feel like i've

got things organized in my life and i am not organized you know i've got elements organized like i've never ever been in control of the financial side even putting the bins out like i've i've never put the bins out and i've only missed it once like since since i've been on my own i've only missed it once i have run up the like the driveway wait for me yeah oh my god the amount of times i've done that i've got in my little nightie i'm like hello i'm so sorry but can i just put a bit there you are in your little night here but you look absolutely gorgeous as me right my hair's everywhere i've won uddy on massive goodies and i'm running up and they're probably like oh i'll take it don't worry yeah yeah but you go with farce that's what you need with the bin make because sometimes they're a bit like no too late we're not taking it no just just in time just in time. But like just little things that you forget.

Like the washing up. I never did washing up because I knew it would get done for me. It's awful, isn't it? Right, yeah. Yeah, I was like, I know. Because I gag at like if I have like, if there's something on the plate. Really? Really?

Awful, awful. Sometimes I can't even open my own fridge without going. Oh, it's awful. But no, so the first thing i did i got a dishwasher great yeah and i was like well this is great yeah so um that eliminates that problem i think i just needed to grow up i think i was you know wrapped in cotton wool growing up yeah and my mum did everything my mum still would do anything for me now oh absolutely yeah i mean she would she's picked me up on the side of a road at three o'clock in the morning like you know she's she's one of them like i'm with you on that my mom's exactly she

would do anything if i asked her i went from that and then i was 18 years old when i um got into relationship with with their dad and i think i was just so young and i just didn't grow up yeah and then and then that's all you know as well isn't it? Because you just get into such a settled routine that it's then so easy for it just to kind of become boring and just everybody does their own roles. You've all got your jobs. Yeah, I was borderline lazy. Now you're definitely not.

Now I don't stop. Because you're Mrs. DIY goddess. Yes. So your Instagram is DIY mum. DIY mum, isn't it? Yes, DIY mum. But it's do-it-yourself mum with all the dots in between. With all the dots in between.

Give her a follow. It's honestly, it's like, it's addictive watching. Is it? Yeah. Yeah, because you're one of those people that you can't stop scrolling through the videos on yeah which is great because you'll see you do one transformation on something it's the iq ones i really like so i'm like everyone likes everyone loves those ones yeah i got one coming too have you really brilliant i love it um because like as well like it's great for people that might be on

a budget but want their house to look a little bit more bougie. And yeah, so Kayleigh obviously does lots of different DIY upcycling. Yeah. Isn't it? Upcycling ultimately. How did you get into it? What? I don't really, I mean, I've always been creative.

So I had the creative bone rather than the, no, bone genes. I'm creative, I'm stupid, but I'm creative i'm stupid but i'm crazy right couldn't write an essay wow are we the same person don't get me to write an email or or anything like that but um i can i can draw i can i'm a photographer like that's what i was i was a photographer ah right okay but i've always been creative my dad was a painter decorator like still is like well she kind of still is and i've always just grown up knowing to make stuff rather than to build stuff and then i just thought well why buy it when i can make it myself yeah and i just kind of got into it and it was lockdown 2021 you know the january one where it was just really quite very depressing very depressing but the

other one had a great time and a jolly yeah oh lovely tan i. I had a whole, oh, my tan. It was a very long holiday, basically, wasn't it? Yeah, it was great. That was when I decided I probably needed to drink a little less because it was like, oh, it's three o'clock.

Shall we have a beer in the garden? Yeah. Because the sun was out. And all the Zoom quizzes and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. Got quite intelligent then,

actually. Yeah, me too. I knew a lot about random stuff. But yeah, so i started it in the january 2021 lockdown and i just started my page just to kind of make some you know you feel like you're spamming my personal page yeah yeah oh i caught all this yeah why and all this was i thought you know i'm gonna dedicate a page to it and then it just grown spiraled and yeah and it's grown to

like massive massive scales it's get it's get yeah it's big it's grown to like massive, massive scales. Yeah, it's big. It's kind of the IKEA hacks, they go viral and then you get an influx of followers. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, it's going great. And it's one of those things that people love to share as well. Like if I, like, you know, I would always share things like that with my friends. Yeah. Because also I do think like lockdown really got us all into DIYing into like you know changing

things I think everybody moved rooms around during lock I mean this you could not get and you could not book in at the skip no it was impossible or B&Q you'd have to like book your slot yeah it was a nightmare even now my local tip you have to book a slot in. No, you don't. You do. Yeah, and it's really, really frustrating because I love a trip to the tip. It's great, isn't it? Oh, it's so therapeutic. Unless you get a spider on your hat and it crawls up here. Oh, did I have that? I had that.

Chuck my hat in the skip. Are you scared of creepy crawlies? Because I feel like with DIY comes a lot of creepy crawlies. Well, like, if when it was under here. Yeah, maybe not so much under here. It was a little bit, ooh. I am. You are?

I'm alright. I can pick up a spider in the house. Yeah. It's a certain size and I'm like, no, no, no. That needs, that needs like someone else

or rats and mice are the worst for me. Are they? Ooh. Ooh. Ooh, no. Yeah, yeah. I mean,

do you live in London? No, Oxford. Oh, Oxford. Oxford, yeah, yeah. I was going to say, do you live in London? No, Oxford. Oh, Oxford. Oxford, yeah, yeah. I was going to say, if you're in London. I'm a country bumpkin, to be fair. Yeah, so am I. Who would think I'd move to London?

You're from Bolton, aren't you? No, Danny is from Bolton. I'm from Yorkshire. How dare you? Are they rivals? Rivals. Massive rivals. Well, there was the War of the Roses.

Oh, no. So were you like, you know that Elton John movie, you know, Gnomeo and Juliet? That's you and Danny. Oh, no, I've not watched it. Why? Oh, they would love it. Are they in Yorkshire and Lancashire? Yeah.

Are they? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They're just the Reds and the Blues. Oh, are they? All right. The Gardens. But you would love that. Oh, I need to watch it.

Cooper would love it. It might be like our life growing up no like you were a long time ago the Warren and Rosie sorry about that you're from Yorkshire right

I'm Yorkshire cut that bit and just say you're from Yorkshire yeah yeah clearly got it wrong no

yes but I do think my accent does have a little bit of a Lancashire twang as well because my mum's Lancashire but there you go

and obviously Danny's Lancashire as well so i am around it quite a bit i yeah i would say your accent's more yeah um but yeah mice in london i mean you get them oh i've i've caught maybe five mice in our house caught rescued yeah well yeah try and get them in a little box I'm not scared of mice though

are you not no Danny is the scaredy cat in the family I have to rescue it's normally the men isn't it

yeah I have to rescue from spiders mice everything the only thing I can't do is a moth

my god you've been hated I had a moth tree oh my god I saw it did you see it to message you about it yeah because oh that honestly i would say that would actually be my living hell i was like why is that tree look really haunted when you posted that i had to go i had to go off i had to go off it so it actually made me feel physically sick and It's fabulous. Yeah. And they're all gone now, so I'm like,

where have they gone? Where have they gone? Apparently, apparently they don't go into my clothes. Okay. Because it cost me a fortune. I love hanging clothes on the line at the moment. It cost me a fortune.

No, no. It was ringing though, isn't it? Yeah, it was absolutely hideous. If you haven't seen it, is it on your main feed? No, I had to save it onto my highlights. Yeah, can you? The tree is growing back. It's now,

they've now gone. They've done their business. And there's all that web that was all around it gone. It was disgusting, wasn't it? It was absolutely vile. Yeah.

We've gone off on a tangent here, but you know. What were we talking about? Kayleigh needs to put that on her main feed because honestly, you all need to see it. Yeah.

And if you're as scared as moths as I am, it's quite triggering. They're not actually moths. They are caterpillars. But then they must. They scared as moths as I am, it's quite triggering. They're not actually moths. They are caterpillars. But then they must... They go into moths, don't they? Were they in chrysalis?

There were a bunch of them together. Were they like, you know when butterflies go into... Are they called chrysalists? I might have just completely... Cacoons? Yeah, cocoons. Cacoons! That's it, yeah.

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. If anybody knows anything about moss you could if you could just uh message and let us know i honestly thought i i was gonna i'd move yeah i would so many people said move yeah burn it down burn it down that's it that house has got it for me so moving on yeah and this is like a really bad link. But one thing about you that I found super interesting and want to talk to you massively about. And actually, I think a lot of mums potentially suffer with this and don't realise or don't want to admit it.

But so you have got OCD. And you found out when you were 30? 31, maybe? And how old are you now? I'm 35. 35. So, yeah, like, I think it was just the beginning of 2020. Yeah. Because I was so poorly.

With OCD? Yeah. Like, it goes, like, up and down, and it's just, like, some little things trigger it, and then boom. Yeah. Everything comes. What were your symptoms? So what made you go, you it's like trigger some little things trigger it and then boom yeah everything comes what were your symptoms so what made you go oh i think i've got ocd so growing up i was a very

interesting child i was in the corner you know shaking like i was so scared of everything right like and i used to have to like touch things and and i pulled my hair out oh did you and that's that's a symptom but i never knew it like looking back now it's like oh my god that's what i had yeah like i was i was so scared of certain things and i would have to do certain things and and ocd i think people just think ocd is cleaning yeah but that's a form of a coping mechanism yes for it yeah so OCD is intrusive thoughts and how you think you control your intrusive thoughts is is by doing stuff that you you think you can control so you say you know that you talked upon it that you can't do certain

things yeah otherwise bad things will happen yeah and that that's what's what my OCD is it always has been that oh touch that bit of wood there otherwise something bad will happen or if you do that oh um you know you'll be all right tonight or yeah so I had it I had it growing up and um never really thought about it and then I'd say through my teens I was normal yeah normals can be and I hit 21 and boom I just went did you crazy and it was just you had to did you have kind of like routines that you would do yeah it was it was just the intrusive thoughts I couldn't get into my head and then you then you think well the thing is everyone has intrusive thoughts everyone does but anyone who without OCD it goes in your head and that goes out yeah well you don don't ever think about it. And you don't do anything to kind of stop it.

You don't think, well, if I do this now, that will stop that intrusive thought ever happening. Yeah. Yeah. When you have OCD, you're obsessive. It's obsessive, you know, obsessive, you know, OCD, whatever it's. It's obsessive and that's it. Yeah. So then you obsess on that thought.

And then you're like, well, why am I thinking like that? Yeah i'm thinking like that i'm wrong i'm weird i'm i'm the only person in the world thinking like this and then it just goes completely goes into a spiral and then you then the whole obsessiveness of like touching stuff or i used to have to lock a door five times and did you um i still to this day brush my teeth a certain way i have a routine yeah filling up with um petrol has to be on an odd number like everything has to be yeah so there's things like that i don't mind because that control i don't feel like that's really controlling my luck no no but it's it's the things when you're oh it's your when your head goes to that place yeah and it's mad isn't it

because like i was saying to you before like i and i've actually never spoken about this on the podcast i've never spoken about it on social media so this is a fact this is a um an exclusive here but i definitely have ocd um and i only realized it when i saw someone online talking about it which is why this is so important to have these conversations. And I didn't know what I had was OCD. I thought I was just like a really particular person with things. And like, and I kind of was like, oh, everyone must be like this. And then when somebody says it and you're like, oh, that's what it is.

So I saw a girl saying that online, saying that she said a certain thing in her head that would stop bad things happening or did a certain thing with her hands and i remember her saying there was something that she couldn't wash because if she washed it it meant something bad would happen i was like oh my god i have something in my wash basket i am a cleaner because like you said it's my mechanism it calms my brain down yeah and i can't wash it because in my head, if I wash that one item of clothing, something bad will happen.

Someone could come in and wash it for me and that's fine. Because it's out of my control. Or like, for instance, I can't take my rings off. But if I was having a manicure, say, and someone said, can you take your rings off? No problem. Yeah.

Nothing bad will happen if they ask me to do it. But it's me in my head. And it's the intrusive thoughts. And I think this is a big thing for especially like new mums is that when you first have a child, your intrusive thoughts become pretty big. Yeah. Because you've got this little person to keep alive that i think

that was a big thing for me was that like i suddenly had a child so my intrusive thoughts became more which then meant all my coping mechanisms of like yeah ocd got worse some a few more things were in my wash basket that i couldn't wash and the rings thing and then there was this thing i started doing with my hands that meant that something bad wouldn't happen it was ridiculous nobody knew no it was completely in like no one knew that I was doing any of this it's only recently I've told Danny now he notices when I do this thing with my hands and he's like and he never says anything which is quite helpful for me because I think if I got made into a big point every time I did it I'd start to feel really like anxious with it yeah no definitely I think when I had the boys

when I had George he was I was 24 and I wasn't it was an unexpected pregnancy but the best thing ever yeah ever to happen to me so were you happy when you found out you were pregnant then it was mixed emotions yeah you know I was 24 years old just moving to his house just brought our first house yeah six months in I found out I was pregnant I was like well I'm in a good place like you know I was earning good money and I was we've been together five years so it wasn't like it was out of the blue yeah and I remember my friend turning around because I think you're going to be amazing mum and I was like you know when it hits you like I'm gonna be a mum oh my god yeah like and I was like what do I feel like I knew I was pregnant from the day after 100% isn't it mad my body's weird I knew I weirdly when I was before I found out

I was pregnant I was driving along I used to do quite a lot of driving with my old job and I envisioned this little two three year old boy I don't know it wasn't a baby but it was like two three and it and it was George and it was just like him oh my god he had like a hat backwards the only thing he didn't have is curly hair and he had he has curly hair and he had straight hair in my little vision and i was like oh my god why do i why how did i know that how strange i was waking up feeling sick and i was like, yeah, I'm pregnant. Yeah, but your body's so powerful, isn't it? Isn't it? Like, the littlest change.

I can tell when I'm ovulating. Oh, 100%. I'm like, yep, definitely ovulating. Me too. Do you get on the floor sometimes and it's painful? You're like, oh my God. Yeah. And you're like, what's the matter?

I'm like, just ovulating. I get a shooting pain at my bum. Yeah. I remember the first time I sat down i was like oh whoa why did that hurt it's like i can feel the eggs coming off yeah yeah yes no one talks about this no nobody says you get ovulation like pains and i also get like really queasy around the time i'm ovulating like i feel a bit sick here i go a bit off my food i never know my food or i really want to eat loads of food.

It'll be one or the other. Yeah. And now I've linked it all. And you're like, oh my God. Isn't it weird? Yeah. And then two weeks later, well, a week later,

I'm moody. Or I'm moody. And I'm like, don't come near me. And why every month you go, I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I'm so emotional. And then you're like, oh.

Oh, right, yeah. Now. That's why. I don't know why we're not aware but when you've got the period rage you cannot be told that you have got

the period rage because you're like don't you don't you fucking dare you don't know what it's like being a woman I have no idea some months it's worse

than others isn't it some months I'm like oh my god I used to be a nightmare did you did you before kids I used to be horrific a lot worse so emotional and I used to be a nightmare. Did you? Did you? Before kids, I used to be horrific.

A lot worse. So emotional. And I used to have really heavy ones as well. And since having kids, I actually, I've mellowed down a little bit. Yeah, you sure. And then some people are going to be listening and go, no, you haven't. Some of your friends and family are like, yeah, whatever. She's lying.

Don't go near her. She's snappy. She snaps. What do you want? Sometimes my mum calls me. I'm like, what do you want? And I'm like, why am I? She's like, all she's snappy she snaps what do you want sometimes my mum calls me I'm like what do you want and I'm like why am I

she's like alright snappy I was literally just about to say my mum is the one person she knows when me and my sister are on our period

we've synced as well we've synced so did you get double whammy I remember this one holiday we went on and it was I was already pissed off

because it was basically when my sister was pregnant we went on like me and mum and my sister went on like it was I was already pissed off because it was basically when my sister was pregnant we went on like me and mum and my sister went on like a little girl's trip before she had her first baby you know just as like a last hoorah and um we went abroad we went to this gorgeous you know resort anyway well it was my turn because my sister's a doctor she couldn't get time off with her rota because it doesn't work like that. And so we had to go to Bath. So I was already annoyed.

And my pregnancy hormones are raging. My sister rocks up on her period. Well, let's just say that that little holiday didn't quite go to plan. My mum was like, this is terrible. Do you make it known as well? Yeah, I mean, we were just, yeah, we get on so well. So when, the fact we're synced is, yeah, quite.

It's great because then I can go, where am I on? Because like, I never record it. Oh, see, I'm quite good on my app now. No, never. Never have. I find it quite interesting. No. And I also like to know, like, right,

when can I not wear this colour trouser? Just in case. I'm like, no, I never record it. So I'm like, always ask my sister. Oh, great. I love it. That's our sister's a fuss. Tells when we're coming on our period.

But my poor mum. My poor mum. Do you have an insatiable fascination with the paranormal? Brace yourself for the supernatural world is about to reveal all of its secrets on the Paranormal Activity podcast. And who better to guide you through this hair raising journey than myself, Yvette Fielding, renowned paranormal investigator. Every episode of Paranormal Activity takes you on an unforgettable adventure into the unknown. But that's not all. The true heart of this podcast lies in the stories, evidence and questions shared by our devoted listeners. Will you dare to join me? Listen

to Paranormal Activity with me, Yvette Fielding, wherever you get your podcasts from. Paranormal Activity with me, Yvette Fielding, wherever you get your podcasts from. So how have you then dealt with OCD? What have you done to manage it? So when I got to 31, I think I had, I was so tired from my head, being in my head and just like, just being who I was. I was just like, why? I'm just so tired of me yeah of being me and I never ever looked at my symptoms never so you know when you're ill when you look you google tells you're dying yeah always dying I'm always well I electrocuted myself the other day did you yesterday actually I was in A&E oh my gosh it's do you know what it's stupid who puts a plug in in a in a socket and it's open the plug bits come off and it's open.

It's stupid. Why would I do that? What happened when you were... I was dramatic. I was like, ah! Did it make a noise? Yeah, I think it banged. Yeah, I know.

So my dad took me to A&E. It's just so stupid. I'm still annoyed at myself. Annoyed at yourself for doing it? Because I had so much to do. Are you? And I was like three hours of my life. Did your hand feel funny?

Yeah. Oh my gosh, did it? Yeah. Like, oh my God. She killed herself. I know. Curly's not on the pod today because she let you do it. It's so stupid.

I know. Oh my God. What was I saying before I said that? Oh God, what was I saying? My voice is going slightly. OCD. What were we saying about? So I never ever used to Google my symptoms

because I thought if I Google myself, if I Google what I'm feeling, it will confirm that I am the only one feeling this way. Yeah, yeah. So I never did it because I was too scared to do it. And I just did... Like one time I did do it and I read this whole article and I read it

and I just burst. I remember just being on the phone to my friend and being like, I've got OCD. Did it feel like a relief or did it upset you? No, it felt amazing. I would never be able to talk to you about it four years ago. No. I'd be embarrassed.

Oh, I wouldn't either. Or ashamed or I'm the only one feeling. I always honestly thought I was the only kid. Same. About that way. Yeah. Like I couldn't even, I was so scared of everything. Space. i couldn't even i was so scared of everything space i couldn't even go on you know the mario kart that has the galaxy in space and it has the rainbow track yes

right yes i couldn't play on that one because if i fell off it shows space oh it just makes me feel like it couldn't i can't i still to this day can't do it. Do you? Do, yeah. Yeah, Danny actually does like to wind me up occasionally about it. And he's like, I'm going to get Cooper to be a space man. That's not what you call him, an astronaut. It freaks me. What did you say? A space man. A space man, yeah.

A space man. An astronaut. And I'm like, please, honestly, you can do anything, but don't do that. No. Or don't be a deep sea diver because that freaks me out as well i think my space issue came from ocd people used to say i think it was 2000 in 2000 they said that the world was going to blow up didn't they said it was going to come in yeah so obviously ocd i was obsessing over it thinking my time's up that's it you know yeah you were like it came you know

when everyone at millennium like new year's eve 1999 new year's eve waiting to die we're all just waiting weren't we for this book to come well everyone was dancing around and there's me in the corner going I'm gonna die my mum's like

oh it's Kayleigh just being Kayleigh I survived it we survived look we survived but that's where my like space thing I couldn't ever watch

you know that film Armageddon oh god never even there's a few There's a few films that have space and I have to look away. I'm at that with anything that could actually

happen. Yeah, or don't. You know, like Titanic. Can't watch that. I've been on a cruise as well. I'm not entirely sure I could go on one. Watch me be on one next week. Don't do it. Virgin. They invite everyone, don't they? Virgin, if you're listening. I know I said I wouldn't go on one, but... Virgin, I will not go on but

send me send me somewhere else but no it's horrible oh no was it not for you no when you say you have cabin fever yeah yeah yeah yeah and i think what what do we do as a as people with ocd i'm like right what can i clean in this little tiny cabin yeah see i wish the cleaning was my thing but no no i'm the other way are you so if you open i always say if you open my garage and you open the top of my head it would be the same the mess is he did you actually go to the doctors and when you did you just the gp yes i went i went to the doctors and um they were they were super keen and then they put me on these uh tablets and i've upped it yeah i've had like i go up and down so sometimes if i've got like something important or you know just just stresses yeah stresses it can really affect me yeah yeah but

like day to day i feel like i got it. Yeah. And are the tablets like specific OCD tablets? Or are they like anti-anxiety? Well, they're for, I think it's for depression and OCD. Right. And something else. What are they called? Phylloxidine? Phylloxidine?

Why do they make it so hard to pronounce? I don't know. Honestly, antibiotics as well. They are the most impossible things to pronounce. I know Moxicillin. Moxicillin, that's the only one. There's one called Phyllox of something. Yeah, they make most impossible things to pronounce. I know Moxicillin has been on there Moxicillin that's the only one there's one called Flux of something

Yeah they make it so hard to pronounce you're like I don't know I don't know what I'm on but it is good I don't want to take it away Can I drink on it?

That's all I need to know Can I have a glass of wine while I'm taking this antibiotic? But yeah no I've since and I have been to counselling

and counselling really opens up and if you because you said that you go once a week therapy once a week yeah have you spoken about it to them? I have been to counselling and counselling really opens up. And if you, because you said that you go once a week, don't you? To therapy once a week, yeah. Have you spoken about it to them? I have, but it's not her, OCD isn't kind of like her specialist subject. So I think I would maybe need to speak to somebody that knows a little bit more about it.

Because it's triggering. And it also comes from trauma. Yeah. And I had counselling when I split up with my husband. triggering it's something and it's also comes from trauma yeah and i when i was having i had counseling when i split up with my husband and i thought right okay i'm gonna need something here and that was the first what that was the first time ever yeah did you find it really helped it's great you just talk about yourself don't you i mean yeah i was like i remember the first time i went into counseling into therapy and she was like so tell me about your life blah blah I basically went in and said everything was perfect I mean I don't like

honestly what what dick she must have been sat there going you just wait and she started peeling off yeah yeah she's like give me a few more sessions to break you down but no um that I mean that in the most positive sense but then you realize like certain things have happened in your growing up like i was such a quiet unconfident little child and i think a lot of things stemmed from that and it wasn't anyone's fault it was just the way i was and my sister was a you know very intelligent yeah quite uh outgoing and i'm one of four and where are you in the one of four third third third third third so there's there's my i got a brother a sister me and then my young brother right so yeah i'm one of four and it was a very busy household and we had nothing but love but also

i think back then it wasn't known to talk about feelings and stuff like this and weirdly my counsellor actually um narrowed it down she kind of like said oh why do you have this thing about death like if you do something you're going to die and i'm not sure she goes did someone die when you were when you were younger that scarred you and i was like well no obviously grandparents have but nothing can you think about anything that anyone that died and it wasn't explained and i was like yeah art and senna who oh the formula one racer oh my god i was oh yeah yes cooper's got a book on him because you spend so much time like i do as well at home like by yourself even if something bad does happen it would have happened regardless and it's like no i know i i know that and my yes my rational brain totally understands that but but my irrational

brain my intrusive brain just can't let go of the fact that i am in control of pretty much like you know it is it is it's. Like even I had to stop watching, I love football. I had to stop watching Arsenal game the other day, like this year, because they were losing. And I thought, that's because I'm watching it.

Are you joking? I don't know. It's so funny because I do that actually. One of my friend's teams, I always think when I know that they're playing, they then lose. And I'm like, oh no, that's me.

It's my fault. That is my, it's not the fact the players were shit that day. It was all my fault for knowing. I controlled that. That they were playing a match. Like how, like it's so. The brain is the most powerful muscle or tool. Yeah, the brain is the most powerful tool.

And it really is. It really is, isn't it? Yeah. Do you find it's worse at night? You know, when everything's quiet. Used to be. I'm quite like being on my own now. If I got no one else in the house,

that would have scared me. Would it? Back in the day, it did. But I love it. You love it now? Yeah. Yeah. And are your boys with you all the time then?

No. So I share my boys 50-50, which is... Yeah. It's hard. Yeah, my best friend does 50-50. which is... Yeah. It's hard. Yeah, my best friend does 50-50. As a mum, it's so hard. I can only imagine.

Oh, it's... And at the start, it was... It was hideous. You know, I've got more into a routine now. Yeah. And they're older. George, their dad lives in the same... Where I live as well.

Yeah. So they can just pop round on their bikes. Okay, great. So George does that. That's amazing. Because he's at that age where he goes out and he's cool and he's hangs at the park he's like good and he comes to my house and stuff but um yeah it was the hardest thing i've ever had to do in my life was telling them yeah and just dealing with all that but i think we've done a really really good job good well done you

for doing that and are you kind of quite happily co-parenting now? Yeah. And getting on? We get on really well. Great. We always did though. Yeah. We always got on well.

It's just when you're with someone for like 15 years, since I was 18 years old, I didn't know myself as a person back then. And then, you know, there's two ways it goes. You either grow with someone or you grow apart. Yeah. And we grew apart. Yeah. But we still are

great friends but i don't ever regret anything you know we've got these two amazing boys and they are amazing i know obviously every mum thinks that yeah but but mine are the best right really really great mine are great and obviously they're not perfect but they are but yeah but they're not but they actually are they're really really great but they um and they've never seen us argue or yeah we know we've never fought over anything in front of them you know we've had a bit of a tricky time last year but like everything else is kind of yeah we just got on with it and also it's not the end of the world if they see tricky times as long as they get it explained to them that's what i'm really really like because i i think it's very key for kids to understand how you're feeling so if you're crying

or if you're angry they can see that but then go to them sorry i was like this because this is this is why i was like it yeah and so they understand and so i think if you just ignore it and they're left to kind of think why she's like why is she acting like that and that's when it kind of like gets we actually had a therapist on the show a child i think she was a she was a child psychologist and she had said that um it's fine for kids to see you arguing but always explain to them why you've argued because i remember growing up like mum and dad would argue not loads just occasionally and you'd think they were getting a divorce every time they argued wouldn't you it's like that's it it's over and not next morning they'd be fine or they'd be a bit off with each other or you know

but nothing was ever explained it was never don't worry mummy and daddy are fine it's just daddy didn't put the bins out and it really annoyed mummy but which you get now when you're older of course you get it now you understand undeveloped little brain you don't get it no you you completely catastrophize yeah it whenever your parents argue so you do you almost want to protect your children from it but sometimes it's quite healthy for them to see it and then for you to be like it was it was interesting because i i always i didn't want to like split split because I didn't want to mess the children up I didn't want to like break a family up and make them go to therapy when they're older yeah yeah and then I kind of like something just a light bulb moment came under my

head was like well my parents are together and I'm absolutely doolally so like so that's not the case I think it's um oh my gosh like I, I was like, yes, fortunately. Actually, they're together. So it doesn't define me at all. No. I'm crazy with or without them being together. Of course you do. I've grown up really happy. I can't play Mario Kart with or without it.

So, I love it. Moo Moo Fam was my only level of Mario Kart. So, do you remember Moo Moo Fam? No. That was, that was like, well,

that was the lowest one. Were you rubbish? Yeah. Are you rubbish on them? Yeah. Oh, I know. I play you because I beat you and I feel great. Oh, no.

I don't even know whether I'd know how to use the controls. Cooper's great. You can play him. Is he? Yeah. Me, no, not so much. Kayleigh, we've come to the end. We've tried too much.

I feel like we haven't got everything in. I knew just from following you that we'd talk a lot. I feel like we haven't really. Have we got enough in there? We've got loads i mean yeah do you know what to be honest i think for me like as soon as i saw that you had ocd i was like this is going to be like a really good subject to talk about because i think there's so many especially like mums out there that are parents that are probably struggling with something like this and like the whole that's the whole like premise of this show is to make people feel less alone and make oh my god yeah

realize that they're everybody have has their struggles they might look shiny and you know perfect from the outside perfect on instagram like my my person when the boys were it was like look at me yeah photographer i had a great yeah I was just like, I have great photos of him. Yeah, yeah. But inside, I was like, right, that's not quite right, that's not right. Yeah, yeah. And I'd put my stresses onto them. Like, I'd be like, why has he got vein there?

He didn't have a vein yesterday. And I'd Google it, and I'd be like, it just, I couldn't settle. No, and that's it. And then you're like, oh my God, but I don't want to put that onto them. And they start acting like, you know, they get it from me. Because you do like, oh my God, but I don't want to put that onto them. And then they start acting like, you know, they get it from me. Because you do, because you learn from your parents, don't you? You do.

Totally. But yeah, everyone has this like shiny facade. And it's so important to let people in and let them see like, actually, everything isn't perfect. And nobody's like it. Nobody's perfect. Nobody's perfect. You can be perfectly imperfect. That's what I say.'s perfect. Nobody's perfect. You can be perfectly imperfect.

That's what I say. I bet Kim Kardashian's imperfect. Yeah. I'm just trying to think. What could she be? She probably does really smelly farts. Yeah. Or something. Bad breath. I don't know. She can't have it all, okay? Yeah, Kim, you can't have it all.

But it's been wonderful having you on. Thank you so much for talking so openly and honestly about everything. And if you don't follow Kayleigh, then go on and follow her at DIYmum. D-I-D dot... Do-it-yourself-mum. Oh, that's it. Do-it-yourself-mum.

No dot. No dot. Yeah. The end. dot yourself dot mum no dot no dot yeah the end because it's honestly it'll make your mouth water but thank you Kayleigh it's been wonderful

thank you for having me on thanks for listening to Mum's The Word the parenting podcast make sure to hit the subscribe or follow button so you never miss

an episode we'll be back with another episode same time same same place, next week.