Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - The Truth about Midwifery - with Pip Davies

Episode Date: April 21, 2024

On This Week's Mum's The Word:Kelsey Parker is joined by Pip Davies aka Midwife Pip to chat all about Midwifery and what are the common misconceptions around pregnancies that she wants to prove wrongThey'll Discuss:The importance of women being in charge of their own pregnanciesAre we given an misconception of birth?Why being a midwife is the best job in the world?Get In Contact With Us:Do you have a question for us? Get in touch on our Whatsapp, that's 07599927537 or email us at [e-mail] for Listening---A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome back to Mums the Word, the parenting podcast. I'm Kelsey Parker and I'm your host for this week. So what has happened to me this week? Okay, so my friend Rosie is pregnant. I'm her birthing partner and we have been waiting for this baby to come. I'm going to speak a lot about Rosie in today's episode with my guest, who I can't wait to announce who's on today. But yeah, it's just been the whole of the Easter holidays. We have been waiting for Rosie to have the baby. And also Aurelia and Brodie are loving Harry Potter at the moment.

And Ron Weasley says bloody a lot. So Aurelia now keeps saying, when's Rosie having that bloody baby? I'm like, please don't go into school and say that. Anyway, that is my funny story of this week, guys. So today's guest on Mum's The Word is Pip Davies, better known as Midwife Pip on social media. She is an experienced midwife, podcaster and most importantly a mum. Pip is on a mission to ensure all expectant and new mums to feel like superwomen during their pregnancy and when they give birth. This year she published her debut book Midwife Pip's Guide to a

Positive Birth. Welcome to the podcast Pip. First of all let's have your 2024 going. How's everything for you? How's life? You're pregnant. How is everything? It's a beautiful chaos. Generally feeling very blessed to about to be a boy mum for the second time this year and my book was officially published this month. So really exciting. Lots of positive energy happening in my world. Oh, I'm all about positive energy. Yeah, I feel like there can be a lot of lacking positivity. So sometimes we've just got to grab those simple things and big them up and make the most of them.

Yeah, all day long. Right, I'm going to talk to you about your book later. First of all, how did you become a midwife? What made you want to become a midwife? Tell me everything. Honestly, I wanted to be a vet and I still don't think my dad's forgiven me for the careful that was then midwifery.

Sorry, dad. I know, I know. One day he'll forgive me, maybe. So very much the plan was I had a place in vet school and then decided just before I was meant to go that I didn't really want to do it anymore. I didn't want to go all the way to Scotland, didn't want to study seven years, was like it's not for me. Anyway took a year out, had to have a bit of surgery in that time, met my now husband and I was only 18 at the time.

And so I was kind of finding who I even was. And his auntie just happened to be a midwife. And I thought, oh, that sounds all right. I'll give it a go. Midwife, yeah, do it. I'll do it. And then I saw my first birth and was like, what is this? This is horrendous.

What am I doing? Young 18-year-old me was like, this is not for me. Stuck it out and decided I actually quite liked liked it what put you off that first birth what when you were 18 I was training in London it was really busy unit poor lady that was like birthing in an assessment space it wasn't even like a birth room she didn't speak English her husband was on the phone updating the family then she made herself unconscious on the gas and air because she was like tiny. And it was just, I was still at the back of the room like, do a lot of people do that? Make themselves unconscious on the gas and air? No, not at all. Everything that happened in that room was a priority. I feel like my best friend Kelsey kept passing out.

She was having gas and air and then was like, oh. I mean, you can overdo it. You do need to have little breaks. But yeah, I think I just saw a lot of chaos all in one room as a young 18 year old girl that didn't really know what she was going into because she was meant to be doing delivering lambs, not babies. But over the years, I've decided I absolutely adore my job and I got the best job in the world. Well, I have actually had experience. I'm not a midwife. Obviously, I'm not a trained midwife, but I've actually been birthing partner now to my best friend, Kelsey, and my best friend, Rosie. I was actually Rosie's full on, like I was like her husband, but actually I'm waiting now for Rosie to have her baby. She's actually overdue, but Rosie's very spiritual and she doesn't want to be induced. She wants to have this baby naturally and she is waiting it out.

She's coming on 43 weeks. What do you think about that? I mean, I very much, do you know what? It's your body and your baby. So as long as women are making informed choices about their birth and what they want to happen, like that's fine. It's no one else's decision I feel like sometimes we put so many opinions on pregnancy and birth she literally just rang me when we were on the way when I was on the way up here and she was like literally when my phone goes like I feel this knot in my stomach and it's

making me anxious but I'm like but she said to the midwife she's like I want the best for my baby and this is my my journey and this is how I feel like my path is she basically doesn't want any intervention at all she doesn't want an epidural she doesn't want anything like that she doesn't really want her waters broken it's if this baby doesn't come at 44 weeks she's going to do a selected c-section that's how she feels obviously it's very we're now all conditioned, aren't we, I guess, to we have to do as we're told. But I did hypnobirthing for when I was pregnant with my first. And I feel like I've learned so much since then. But I feel like as, you know, as a mum that when you go into birth, you feel like you're not in control and

that you're being told what to do but I feel like that's what you're trying to do is give the women the power back. 100% like it is your journey and you know for some women actually going past 38 weeks feels terrifying so great that's why we can support them we have medical intervention to save lives and thank goodness we do because it's meant that we're in a time where childbirth is safer than ever for mums and babies so that's incredible but what's really important is that mums are empowered to make those informed choices for them and their baby and that they feel in control because at the end of the day it's our body so if we say yes if something happens if we say no it doesn't and it is actually that simple at the

end of the day so the control but do you feel like a lot of people do get pressured when they are in it like not every midwife is like you and i'm not like obviously saying all midwives are bad out there but in situations that i've been in even with rosie the last time she wanted to make her own informed decision but there was a there was a lot of um pressure on us to do as we were told but Rosie had done her like she had a doula they actually asked me if I was the doula I was like no I'm not a doula I just wear crystals and I'm a bit hippie but she had done so much research like I feel like Rosie could probably go on free birth if she wanted how do you feel about free birth as well what's what's probably go on free birth if she wanted how do you feel

about free birth as well what's what's your thoughts on free birth again it's you know it's up to women we we have to recognize that sometimes things don't go the way we plan yeah and as long as mums are aware that you know if that happens in a free birth situation the outcome for her and her baby is very different than it happens with medical professionals and as long as she understands those risks and she's comfortable with those that that's fine. I think what's really important, and sometimes that missing piece of the puzzle, is actually how we portray information. It's really important that it's non-biased. And also women understand the pros, the cons, and what that looks like for them. Because the difficulty with Google searches is that you get general population information.

But as we know, we're all unique. So actually, what that statistic looks like for one person is really different to what it looks like for the other person. And so we need to be able to talk openly to kind of understand what that actually looks like for us and our birth journey and our baby. And sometimes actually just what the alternatives are. It's not black and white. You know, it's not be induced or off you go and hope for the best. Actually, what can we do in the interim to keep an eye on mums and babies and preserve that kind of safety element that ultimately your health care practitioners are really worried about. So yeah, it's that communication piece that I think in the rushed system often kind of goes by the wayside a bit and doesn't help us out.

But is it quite rushed when you're actually on a walled in a hospital? Do you feel that pressure that you've got to deliver these babies quite quickly and it's a lot of pressure to get women in and out now? Do you feel like that or is that not really so I'm a delivery sweet sister so I work in quite a senior position on a really busy unit where I'm overseeing the whole of that department and in terms of birth like as midwives we're trained to normality what we want is for women to have physiological uncomplicated birth it's better for everyone it's easier for everybody so we want to very much support that. And in that birth space, we don't feel that rush.

Yes, we have to juggle beds and things like that, but we're never going to be trying to speed up birth because of those logistics. That's why sometimes hospitals close and we divert because we know that that's the priority. Where I think that's felt more is in the postnatal space and we know generation like if I talk to my mum she was in hospital for like two weeks afterwards with me just because that's what they did so they could look after her and teach her how to bath a baby and all of those

lovely supportive things whereas now it's like you're in hospital for two weeks it's because you're in intensive care like you're really sick not because you're just getting lots of TLC. So I think that postnatal space is where we really feel that like rush almost to move women back home sometimes and quite often before they're ready, especially when it comes to things like supporting breastfeeding for mums. I know often mums feel like, oh, I could have just done with, you know, more support or more time in in hospital but I felt a bit rushed out I think we really feel that in that kind of post-birth space I do think first time mums do need that I think there should be like a rule like when you first have the baby you've got to stay in in a nice room on your own like a hotel suite and then you you can have people come in. Because I actually had my babies at Princess Royal, which is in Alpington,

and they actually had a breastfeeding team. So they came round. I mean, I had my mum and she breastfed four children. So I had knowledge from my mum, which was incredible. And she was like, Kelsey, you can do this. I was actually really sick with my first child because I had preeclampsia. So was very swollen in a lot of pain probably did need to stay in hospital for longer but i just wanted to get out but the team were incredible because they

came around they helped me we were actually getting in syringes the first bit of milk the clostrum doing all that and it was incredible but because of funding it it's now gone it's not there and I'm like oh so many mums like would benefit from that like I know I only had it for a day and I was like this is incredible because sometimes as well like when your mum's own because my mum did have four kids I was like is she judging me is she looking what does she think this is really hard work my boobs are really sore but coming from someone else they're like no you can do this. You've got this. Yeah, absolutely.

And I think we spend so much time, don't we? And so much government resource telling women how great breastfeeding is. And, you know, I think I feel like no one now would be surprised to hear there are benefits to breastfeeding. It's out there, isn't it? We get the message. But what we're not doing is actually supporting people to do it. Like there's this big like point it's really really great and then there's no help to actually achieve it which then causes all that mum guilt you know like all of that postnatal depression

that we're seeing because mums can't feed in the way they want to not because they actually physically can't because no one's helping them and you do need that extra bit of help like my mum literally got my boob and got the baby and put like yeah if someone watching outside they're like oh that's pretty brutal in there but I needed that because I really wanted to do it and I know that if I hadn't have done it I would have been like oh my mum's breastfed four kids why can't I do it and to be fair breastfeeding was such an amazing experience for me but also it was easier for me because I am not a prepared person I'm not going to be preparing bottles I'm not going to be doing

all that for me it was so easy to just have my boob and and do that I know that's not for everyone you can't forget it can you it's always on you don't you like oh yeah milk milk yeah I got that but it is that you're so right that we're telling everyone breastfeeding is amazing, breastfeeding is amazing, but no one's showing women. And also, I just think that whatever you learn at school, when it actually comes to having the baby, it's like, what's it really like? And even the books that you've read and, you know, I know you've wrote a book, but I think there needs to be more positive birth books out there because we watch like Rumble and Every Minute and this and it is,

you do watch it from the TV point of view. You're like, oh my God, birth looks really scary. Yeah. And I'm about prepare, not scare, right? Because what we can't shy away from is the fact that in some hospitals, the cesarean section rate is almost 50%. We know the induction rate can be like one in three. So what we can't do

is just talk about normal physiological birth, because then we're disempowering like so much of the population. What we need to do is think about informed birth and positive birth in all light. So why might you need forceps? Why might that be recommended? And how can that be really positive? And how can you support your recovery? How can an unplanned emergency cesarean section still be really positive? And I think that's the big piece that's been missing. We see loads about like completely straightforward physiological birth, and that's amazing. And it's so many women's plan A, but then if that's not achieved, which is for a lot of women, they feel this sense of like being a failure or, you know, having had a really negative experience, and then they have birth trauma and postnatal depression

and delayed bonding. So the kind of ethos in the space that I come from is actually, let's explore all birth. Let's put it all out on the table, all those fears, all those worries, tearing, induction, instrumental birth. Let's hash it out. Let's take it apart and unpick it and actually think how can that still be a really positive empowering experience because it absolutely can be but we need to prepare for it if we just kind of blink our eyes and think no i'm not doing any of that then we put ourselves in a really vulnerable space well the magic is actually giving birth like that is pure magic however you do it it is the most magical experience. And I think that's why when me and Rosie went in for her first baby,

I think they were shocked that it was I'm having a natural birth or it's a C-section. But that's only because the research Rosie did and she didn't want drugs and anything in her. And they were shocked. They were like, what, you actually, you want a C-section? Actually, do you know what? When I watched it, she actually did have an amazing natural birth she had a little bit of gas and air and actually the learning she did knowledge is key and i think that because she had this like beaded bracelet that went through every stage of labor have you ever seen one of

them yeah so she got that she was like oh now i can remember i was definitely at that point and even for her she did like a trick with her hip and then this baby came out and being there was so incredible but again even if we were in the theater and that had happened like the magic is in within that baby coming out women's bodies are like incredible aren't they like we are sorry to big us up but like we're blooming awesome we are we're capable of we are incredible and i think that's why i say to understanding that is great friends that haven't had babies and they're like oh like we've not decided on a baby name yet but i like i'm like just wait wait until you've given birth because you will be allowed what you want whenever you want

it because he has just watched and gone wow we are amazing and I think for sometimes women actually just understanding how incredible our bodies are and how our bodies and babies are literally designed for this event and how they've adapted throughout that nine-ish months of pregnancy to accommodate birth just starts to give you that confidence which we need more I think for pregnant women because often we're told you know like don't do this don't lift that don't move in this way you know you mustn't do this and then we suddenly feel like this weaker more vulnerable version of ourselves but we're not yeah here's this big big old challenge that I've just told you you're incapable of.

My mum said to me, get to the gym, get working them leg muscles because you will need them. Actually, what I'm saying, I had the preeclampsia. I mean, the listeners would have heard this story about a million times. But I was so swollen. My legs had ballooned and I felt like I was in like a sumo suit. And the midwife kept going to me, you need to get on your knees. I was like I was in like a sumo suit and the midwife kept going to me you need to get on your knees I was like I can't I can't physically get on my legs because you know where they are anymore I didn't know and they wouldn't bend like my legs wouldn't bend I was like I actually physically

can't because I can't move that was obviously traumatic but I think again for me I'm not an over thinker so I think even going through something so traumatic of the preeclampsia I ended up in having forceps tearing being stitched everything but afterwards I was like I've got a baby and now I've got to feed it and now I've got to do this like it was so I didn't even think about the birth afterwards I think it's now doing this podcast that I keep talking about birth I'm like oh yeah thinking about it mine were actually quite traumatic both my births and that's often the way and often I find it's when women if they've had one traumatic birth when they conceive another pregnancy they've kind of compartmentalized it because like you say you're then into the next bit and the next phase and you're managing

everything else and then when they recognize oh I've got to do that again that's when some of those kind of weird fears and worries start to come back to the surface and it's really important that we start doing work to stop women having traumatic birth because we don't need to be living in this massive epidemic of birth trauma and it's I just think it's it's it saddens me but why why why why do you think that we are? I think it's, I mean, it's definitely multifactorial. One is I think we are fed sometimes a really unrealistic concept of birth. So, you know, I love positive birth books. I love positive birth stories.

But we have to look outside of this one type of birth. And so often we are fed this one type of birth. There is a lack of education information for women it's all very surface level you just can't prepare for the biggest day of your life through like a one day course or a couple of evenings it's not enough I would say think of the preparation we put into a holiday or a wedding because we know they're important and yet for birth we're like I'll just rock up to this course for like an hour and then know everything and set myself up for the best journey it's just not feasible you'll get some useful information but it's not enough like we

need to do more we need to educate ourselves more sometimes I think we need to value it because so often I work with second time mums who are like I just can't do that again and I wish I prepared better so then they have a great experience second time that we could have done that the first time like it's so possible do you have an insatiable fascination with the paranormal brace yourself for the supernatural world is about to reveal all of its secrets on the paranormal activity podcast and who better to guide you through this hair-raising journey than myself, Yvette Fielding, renowned paranormal investigator. Every episode of Paranormal Activity takes you on an unforgettable adventure into the unknown. But that's not all. The true heart of this podcast lies in the stories, evidence and questions shared by our devoted listeners. Will you dare to join me?

Listen to Paranormal Activity with me, Yvette Fielding, wherever you get your podcasts from. I thought I was going to rock up and they were going to be fine. I'm not going to lie, I thought, oh yeah, I'll breeze it. I didn't breeze either of mine. Well, actually, Bodhi probably more so, but I was just in a traumatic situation during his birth. But the actual birth was, he was literally like a rocket he

just came and and that was it it was fantastic I did get induced but like so I all my friends are actually quite hippie one of my other friends had a birth at home in a pool and this was do you know what they were both my dreams both I bought pools for both of my children and I didn't literally have one at home I really dreamt of this amazing home birth which never happened for me but my friend did it and watching it was like she filmed it obviously we'll film my birth now and stuff like that it was so amazing to watch and it gave me the belief to go oh do you know what like there is that out there because everyone I speak to and obviously I have a lot of people on here that their births are just it's just traumatic it is traumatic and then we're all suffering from that birth trauma

yeah absolutely absolutely I love what you say about the filming of the birth mine was accidentally filmed because I sat there in the pool I was in a midwife ed unit, but in a pool and I sat there and his head came out and my midwife was like, Pip, can I just take a picture? Cause you're literally sat there with your baby's head out, like smiling away. And it's just really funny experience because you took a picture, but my phone was on live. So then as he then actually came out and because I'd been so bossy and managed my whole labor, she was like, you might as well just live your own baby now. So she just had the phone.

And because it was on live, we then found that actually it was a live photo. So we've got this like mini video of him being. So did you? Which you weren't expecting. So his head came out and you were just chilled there. So you'd gone through that part and they're like, so, but normal people are like,

we've got to get the shoulders out. The are gonna come so then what did you did you just because this is right Rosie's asked me can she catch the baby when it cut is coming out I'm like Rosie I've got a lot on the list of what I've got to do for you when this baby's coming no pressure no pressure she's like I really want to catch it so how is she catching the baby tell me how how was how am I doing this so I did but it's a little bit different because I'm a trained professional so if there's you know if there's anyone listening don't catch your own child I'm not advocating everyone just has their own babies um but you can do it you can do it you can do it if you want to do it you can do it and I've supported women where you know like

we've had I've had my hands over them so you can kind of guide it. It depends what position you're in as well. In the pool, it's generally easier because they kind of float out and you're just guiding them. Yeah. Whereas in different positions, like if you're on all fours, it's actually really hard

to get into the right position. It's just awkward. So it depends on the position. But if there's something that's important to you, then have that conversation with your midwife. But just know that if there is a concern or a delay, then they might be like, okay, let's's revert back i need to support you a little bit more here but it's again it's having those conversations and having them early right because

it's so much easier especially if you've had a bit of a slower start to labor that you can have all these conversations at that point rather than wait until the last minute if it's like nought to a hundred and then you're like the baby's coming yeah the baby's here as long as someone catches it we're grand you know what i you're like, the baby's coming. The baby's here. As long as someone catches it, we're grand. Do you know what I mean? Like at that stage. What's been your favorite birth? I mean, I just love a question.

I said to my followers, I was like, I'm just going to ask random questions because I love it. What's been your favorite birth to witness? Oh, that's such a good question. I've seen so many, so many. I suppose one that resonates with me the most is a lady that I supported who had had a previous stillbirth experience, so really traumatic. And then I looked after her again and we kind of replicated that hands over hands that I just spoke about because that's how I'd supported her with her first birth because that was really important to her but this time obviously when her baby was born she was crying and it was just like for all of us it was just a really magical experience that's definitely

one of those that's kind of stuck with me I suppose. Pip I feel like you need to be everyone's birth I feel like you are so positive that if you walked in the room, I'd be like, right, that's it. I'm smashing this out. I'm actually going to smash it. Like, do you know when like, like, like you're saying the positive energy, like people feed off people and you are, I can just tell. I'm like, right, no, I'm not pregnant. I'm not having a baby anytime soon. But if it came around. Well, you know where I am. No, I love it.

I just think it's so important. Like, it's just, I think, certainly for myself, having gone through my first birth just over two years ago, like, it shapes who you are. Like, it just shapes who you are as a woman. I'm completely different to the Pip that I was pre-children in a really positive way. But even though that you'd experienced all them labours as well like having your own is just so different so different it's so different oh my gosh I remember being at home

like when we first brought our son home and you know the newborn period is is the period that I know a bit about right so that's when I was most confident but we sat in the lounge eating a takeaway and I was like oh gosh what do we do now like it's just so different it's your own I was like we've actually got to like keep this one alive usually I hand them over and then it's down to their parents it's down to everyone to sort them out I'm like this one's staying with us yeah and I think that like what I said when I I had a radio for the first time I was like I just didn't even worry about the birth I was like I've actually got to look after this human I mean she's four now and she's absolutely fantastic and full of life but good job you got her to four fantastic living loving that so what advice would you give to couples that have just felt pregnant what would

you say so first of all start thinking from the beginning so as early as possible actually start preparing through your pregnancy birth and then into that early post natal period because what we often see is forget about it get to 32 weeks and think oh gosh need to prepare for birth but actually there's so much that you can do in pregnancy to improve the health of you the health of your baby and then set you up for the best place. What would be health tips? Oh, there's so much. I'm such a geek when it comes to pregnancy health.

I'm here for it. I'm here for it. So things like your gut health in pregnancy has a direct link to reducing asthma, eczema, allergies in children. Like there's direct scientific links between that and improving maternal mental health and so many things. Certain nutrients we can eat that can improve your child's IQ levels and literacy skills at school later on because of

all that early brain development that happens in the early stages of pregnancy. So often when we think like, just prepare for birth later on, we miss this massive chunk of pregnancy, where actually we can really do things to optimize it. And then it adds to that feeling of how empowered we are as women going into birth, because look what we've done, like we've done this in our pregnancy, done this in our pregnancy. So actually, you just go into that place in a much stronger place psychologically. So that's some of my like actually get educated on what you can actively be doing in pregnancy. Exercise is a massive one. You know, you've had two children, birth, postpartum, huge physical events in our body, like the ultimate marathon. And there is no finish point. Takes a long time. It's a proper endurance event. So actually making sure that you're exercising not just safely for pregnancy and postpartum, but actually specifically

because there's no other time in our lives when our goals are as specific as they are in pregnancy and the postpartum. Like your organs are literally relocating in pregnancy. It's kind of a big deal. So there's lots of stuff that you can do to help support that we don't just need to live with pelvic girdle pain it's very much a manageable and treatable condition so many women that are hobbling around like oh it's just because i'm pregnant it's because i've got an unstable pelvis if our pelvises were unstable we wouldn't be carrying humans like it's such a stable structure it's the biggest load of rubbish out there and there's a bit of like a cop-out I think just like harming women off so actually yeah getting educated getting yourself empowered and understanding what you can proactively do from as early as possible

in pregnancy it's never too soon it's never too late but the sooner we do it the better but I think that's even from trying like make yourselves as healthy as possible to try and have a baby I actually detoxed for eight weeks before I fell pregnant with aralia and I fell so quickly because my body had cleaned out like I cut sugar out I cut just stuff in my diet that I didn't need. I put the McDonald's away. Do you know what I mean? I just really went for it. I only drank water.

I actually then did eight weeks, went to Vegas. And what happens in Vegas doesn't stay there. Bring back a baby. Yeah, I brought back a baby. But literally, I prepared myself for even getting pregnant. Then during, obviously, the pregnancy, and I did train the whole time. baby but literally I prepared myself for even getting pregnant then during obviously the pregnancy and I did train the whole time not to be like oh but for me it was mentally I needed to train and exercise I know now that connection it makes me feel better when I'm training and

exercising but like when you said before that people think I can't lift and think I can't do this I can't do that but you you are a growing human. You can do whatever you want. Yeah, absolutely. And I think it's really empowering for women to start shifting that. I remember not so much this pregnancy, my last pregnancy, I was peak marathon trainer when I fell pregnant. So I ran loads and loads in pregnancy and my mum was absolutely mortified. And my mother-in-law, they were like, you need to stop doing that. And I was like, no, things have changed. Things have changed. you can do what you want now yeah and I think I really hope you know we're getting there there's still work to be done but we are getting that with that

message but I really hope for the next generation that's where we'll see that that kind of big old shift in things but yeah definitely that that trying to conceive period I know you know pregnancies are unplanned sometimes but if you are planning a pregnancy ideally we say 12 weeks prior really start thinking about lifestyle changes folic acid vitamin d all of those kind of things gut health and we know that you know that period's really powerful because when you do conceive a baby and in the first trimester if anything like me you eat beige food and chicken nuggets actually that isn't the nutrition that's going through to your baby because you don't have a placenta yet what's going to your baby is what's in the yolk sack and that nutrient is what you were consuming prior to getting pregnant so if you then find

yourself like me avoiding all vegetables you've got 12 weeks to eat what you want then then start eating exactly so then you can yeah then you can start actually not feeling guilty that in your first trimester you're just surviving on you know salt and vinegar crisps or whatever it is i wanted just chips with loads of salt and vinegar on them for bodhi i was like yeah more vinegar more salt give it to me it isn't it's nuts isn't it that earlier was cake give me cake give me cake give me i literally was that they say sweet don't they for girls i really craved sweet and then for bodie it was chips chris salt and vinegar just yeah beige beige beige food i was beige so this is my second boy and both both boys were beige.

Beige, salty, plain. Finlay was basically growing on chicken nuggets. But he's doing all right for it. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. So you've looked into this. How intelligent is your child? Have we tested his IQ yet? Has it worked?

That's what I want to know. Second trimester, I was back on the salmon. We're all good. Oh, fantastic. But it's taking that pressure off. If you know second trimester I was back on the salmon we're all good but it's taking that pressure off if you know you can do something beforehand um so yeah using that trying to conceive time is really really tough we don't give ourselves enough time to conceive as well I think there's so much pressure I want a baby I want a baby I want a baby and like you're saying you know want a baby. And like you're saying, you know, it can take time. Like I think give yourself like a year, two years, especially like if you've been on contraception,

whatever you've been doing, your body needs to detox and clear it all out. So if anyone's listening and is having that worry, like you have got time, there is time. I think as women, we feel that pressure that pressure don't we especially because so often now like we're starting families a bit later in life if you didn't have your career first and things like that but then you suddenly feel that pressure of oh my goodness you know what if I can't conceive and it's really great that we're starting to talk more about things like miscarriage and you know IVF and assisted conception it's fantastic to raise all that awareness but I think then for women that are on that journey there they then feel that anxiety because we're more aware that actually perhaps we won't just suddenly decide I want to get pregnant and that's it and it's so

funny isn't it we spend so many years trying not to get pregnant and then we spend so many years trying to get pregnant and then you have the baby you're like what did I do no Jacob only I mean there's definitely moments of that so tell me the book tell me where I can get it from everything about the book because I feel like I need to just tell everyone about it oh it's I feel like it's been my biggest baby this year I kept forgetting what month the book was coming out and what month the baby was due because to be honest they've been equally hard work so yeah which which one which one um midwife pips guide to a positive birth you can get it on amazon you can get it on waterstones it's available on kindle and audible as well if you prefer listening to books rather than reading them but the idea is it's really a guide. So it's more than just a book,

but actually it's a guide to take you through all of that preparation that you really need for birth. And I went about 20,000 words over the publisher's word count because it was really important to me that it had the detail that I feel is generally lacking in the birth space when it comes to books and things. So for example, there's a whole chapter

on birth after previous cesarean section, a whole chapter on induction of labor and why that might be offered for different things like IVF, age, big baby, all of that kind of stuff so that we really get more into those details that women need because without that information, you're not making an informed choice. Like if we don't have the information,

we can't make that choice. And there's lots of checklists, there's qr codes little video resources in there so really kind of holding your hands and make sure you've got all of those tools and techniques in your little labor and birth toolbox to make sure that your birth is positive and is empowering no matter what that looks like you know whatever that birth looks like actually your birth can be a really really important positive experience and what I think about birth is ask questions if you were going to go and buy a house you wouldn't just walk into the house and go okay yep could I have it yeah I'll have this one yeah take it you ask questions for any midwife I think they they've heard it all your question will never be stupid literally whatever you feel ask it and I think they've heard it all. Your question will never be stupid.

Literally, whatever you feel, ask it. And I think it's so important to keep asking questions and speaking because some people, I think, go in and think, I can't say anything. Like, that's it. Like, they know what they're doing and I can't ask anything. But I feel, especially talking to you, that you'd want the question about how they're actually feeling, because by a question, you can see where they're at. Yeah. And sometimes, you know, I think I've told someone that, you know, I think I really explained some procedure beautifully, but actually I've forgotten that those words that are normal for me are brand new to them. So like,

what is that thing? And I'm like, oh yeah, you just haven't realised. So always ask, always communicate. The hospitals that Midwife's working aren, yeah, you just haven't realized. So always ask, always communicate. The hospitals that Midwives work in aren't there. You know, they're not coming into our house. This is a mutual space. So that space is yours. You do whatever you like with it. You know, don't feel like you're coming into someone else's environment. It's just like our office, you know, it's equal. So you come in and create what you want, ask what you want. You know, it's your's your it's your day it's your space and it's so important that it is that way amazing thank you so much for coming on I've literally loved this conversation and I feel that you are going to

empower so many people with this conversation and I'm so happy that we've got to do this together but honestly I think you are incredible oh thank you I'm a proper birth geek and I'm so happy that we've got to do this together. But honestly, I think you are incredible. Oh, thank you. I'm a proper birth geek and I could definitely talk about birth all day long. I love it. I love it. Thank you so much. Do you have a question you want me and my guests to answer? Get in touch by emailing askmumsthewordpod at gmail.com or leave us a voicemail on WhatsApp. Our number is 07599927537 or leave it as a review on Apple Podcasts. Make sure you hit the subscribe or follow button so you never miss an episode. If you're listening on Apple Podcasts, then please leave us a review and a five-star rating.

It helps others find us. And talking of spreading the news, please tell another person about the podcast and help us reach more people. So I've been Kelsey Parker. You can find me on being underscore Kelsey on Instagram where I'm just being me. We'll be back with another episode, same time, same place, next week. Thanks for listening.