Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - Trusting Your Own Instinct with Felicity Rosina

Episode Date: January 9, 2023

Trainer Felicity Rosina joins us this with with advice on the changes in your body after birth and the pressure to bounce back, as well as how you can ease yourself back into exercise. We also have a newborn baby interruption too! You can find Felicity @felicityrosinaGet in touch with your questions and voicenotes to 07599927537 and at [e-mail]---A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well hello, happy Monday. It's crazy because I'm not actually in the studio today. I'm working from home so it takes me back to starting the podcast in lockdown. But I am officially, I realised this morning, in my third trimester. I've been in my third trimester for a week but I hadn't even realized until I saw someone I follow on Instagram saying they're in their third trimester. And I was like, oh, let me see how many weeks I am. So I am officially in my third trimester, which is crazy for so many reasons. And I think one of the reasons is because with Alf, my second trimester was one of the most joyous. It's the best I've ever felt in my body it's the

best I've ever looked in terms of my own body image it was just amazing and I think I put so much expectation when I was being sick in the first trimester but like you've just got to wait for the second trimester and I won't lie it's not been the best experience. But saying that, I don't want to jinx anything. But for the last two nights, Alf has slept until 6.30 in the morning. So I feel like we're taking a turn with the toddler sleep. And he has stayed in his room. And then he will sit in bed with me and eat a banana and watch his program so that I can lie in bed for half an hour so I'm hoping now that the sleep deprivation is out the way this will hopefully be an enjoyable third trimester but I feel so excited I literally

I can't believe how quickly this pregnancy has gone. And I'm actually really excited to chat to today's guest because she's going to get me all excited for that newborn bubble again. So she is a pre and postnatal personal trainer and online coach. She is currently on maternity leave, gave birth to her first son, Harry, on the 25th of October. It's Felicity Messina. Hello. Thank you first of all for joining me when you're officially not meant to be working. Thanks for having me. It's all right. Give me something to do to be honest. How is it going? Harry must be nearly three months two months he's seven he's seven weeks tomorrow

as we're recording this so yeah honestly i'm having the best time i absolutely i absolutely love it and that sounds weird it doesn't i i was the same i was the same and i love hearing this i want to hear all the positivity like i just feel like this is what i've just always meant to do ah like it's not even i'm not kind of I'm not kind of, I'm not missing working. Like I'm missing kind of having a bit more of a routine. So obviously with the newborn, like the routine kind of goes out the window, doesn't it? But I'm just loving just like every time I pick him up,

I'm like, I love you so much. Like even when he's screaming, I'm like, it's okay. I'll help you. Don't worry. Oh, it's so nice. Oh, I literally can't, I can't wait for that newborn bliss let's take it all the way back to pregnancy how was pregnancy for you so it was okay I mean I think being pregnant in like literally the hottest summer on earth was horrendous like I

must have been about 20 28 29 weeks when it was that 40 degree day. And I literally like sat in the lounge and just cried the whole day. I was like, this is horrible. I can't, I can't do this. But in general, after I'd got past the first 12 weeks, I felt pretty good. The first 12 weeks was more of a like, I just, I was only sick like a handful of times, but it was more like the nausea was just a bit ridiculous like every time I turned on the oven the smell of the oven made me feel sick so it kind of got to the point where I was like okay well I can only eat things that don't involve me turning on the oven or that don't smell too strongly or like you know what it's like when you're like I really want to eat that but I don't know how I'm going to feel about that afterwards so um yeah other than that I

try to stay very active. I don't know if that's just because it's part of my job as well. But I was very like, I want to still go out for a walk every day if I can, I still want to go to the gym. And I wanted to keep up the routine more because I felt like everything else with my body was kind of really changing really quickly. And I could control like going out for a walk and keeping working and doing all that kind of stuff. So I actually had quite a good pregnancy other than the heat of the summer that was just horrible. I saw that you obviously worked out throughout your pregnancy pretty much until, was it kind of like 35, 36 weeks when you said you kind of, it felt right to stop?

Yeah, so I was going to the gym until I stopped at 36 weeks and I could have carried on but the gym's like a half an hour walk from my house so that half an hour walk was kind of ruining me already so I thought you know what like I can work out from home if I want to or I can just carry on doing the walk and I felt like I'd really push myself until 36 weeks so I just kind of thought you know what like let's just chill however long you've got left now. Because at that point, I was like, if I was to give birth at 37, like I've kind of trained up until birth anyway. And I actually gave birth the day after my due date. So I had another four weeks without training, but I still walked, I was still doing like 15,000 steps a day. So yeah, I just really think

keeping that momentum going of just exercising really helped my mindset as well of being like it's fine like you're fine you can keep moving rather than just it would have been so easy for me to just sit on the sofa and just do nothing I to be fair I remember I love going for walks and I loved working out up until the point my pelvic girdle pain kicked in and I physically couldn't anymore. But I did notice that you were quite often having to hit back against criticism for working out in pregnancy. There seems to be this sort of constant shaming of mums for exercising or concern for mums exercising. What sort of criticism would you get and what would you say to people that are worried about exercising in pregnancy? I think it's more that there's so much misinformation out there about

exercise during pregnancy, because no one's pregnancy is the same, and no one will experience it in the same way. So I think it's more for like a safety point of view. So no one can ever come back and be like, well, you told me to do this. Midwives in general will say, don't exercise or exercise a little bit or just start going swimming or stuff like that. And then it's very dependent on the individual of how they've exercised prior to pregnancy. I used to go to the gym six days a week. I'd play tennis four times. I'd do 25,000 steps a day. I've always been very active. So I knew for me, it was very safe for me to carry on training as I was because I didn't have any injuries. I didn't have any pelvic girdle pain. I didn't have anything. But for someone who was

going into pregnancy that maybe hadn't exercised before, who then decided that was the time to take it up, would probably have to be a lot more careful of what they were doing. Or someone that was then having back pain, pelvic pain, if you've got a lot of relaxing effectual joints anyway, but some people will get really like sore knees, your balance will go a bit weird like there's so many other contraindications of things that might happen to you so it's more of a like individual basis I've had a lot of clients that have been like oh I want to do this and I'm like but hold on a minute let's not run before we can walk let's dial it back and start with just bodyweight exercises maybe do go swimming if you've not exercised much you could go on a minute, let's not run before we can walk. Let's dial it back and start with just bodyweight exercises. Maybe do go swimming. If you've not exercised much, you could go on a bike.

Like there's so many things you can do. I just think people think as soon as they get pregnant, they start panicking and they're like, I want to exercise, but what can I do? Because I want to have a really good birth. And it's like, well, if you hold on a sec, wait, wait, wait, let's start with a walk more than anything else. So yeah, I think there's just so it's very individual of what you can and can't do but in general like exercise and pregnancy can only benefit you and your baby because it's good for you to stay healthy which is the bottom line really isn't it I guess like the tricky thing is like you said all our bodies are so different and all our pregnancies are so different and I guess there is that element of like privilege and being able to have a tailor made workout.

So it must be really hard to kind of give blanket advice because people obviously want to know what can we do to stay active and to keep the baby healthy and to support carrying the baby. But then it must be really hard to know exactly what you can do. What advice could you give to people that say can't afford to have one-on-one training I'd say there's an there's enough information out there of like people that do workouts on Instagram on YouTube that are very basic that you could follow along it's more of a like if something's hurting stop basically and don't think that pregnancy is the time to start hitting pbs or lifting really heavy or just decide you're going to run a marathon because that's not the point i think as soon as you think you want to

exercise you're exercising for the health of you and your baby rather than rather than your aesthetics one thing that makes me so annoyed is that pressure or that conversation around gaining weight and i know that you did a really good Instagram post, like dispelling some of the myths about weight gain when pregnant. Can you talk about that a bit from obviously like your professional background as a PT? Yeah. So the amount of people that I was getting messages when I was pregnant of people being like, I've put on five kilos and I'm giving birth, like I'm like 38 weeks pregnant. What do I do? And I'm like five, like, huh, I've put on like 23 at this point. Like, I don't, I don't know what I'm supposed I'm like five like hun I've put on like 23 at this point like I don't I don't know what I'm supposed to supposed to say but I think people worry about putting on

weight because some midwives weigh you at appointments I know you can opt out of that if you want to but I think the initial shock of maybe if someone has weighed themselves previously and then been like 12 weeks pregnant all of a sudden they look at the scales and they're like, wow, okay. They forget that they've got a baby for starts that are varying weights, but usually by the time you give birth they're around three and a half kilos. And then you've got your placenta. You've got your blood volume that over doubles when you're pregnant. And then you've got all the extra water that you're carrying

and the extra fat that you're storing for milk for breastfeeding. So I think it's really easy to stand there and stand on a scale and be like, oh, my God, I'm 10 kilos heavier than I was two months ago. But you also didn't have a placenta the size of a dinner plate inside you two months ago. I think for anyone that looks in the mirror and they're like, I've gained loads of weight this pregnancy. You have to look in the mirror and think, actually, you didn't gain loads of weight. You've grown a child and your body is holding the weight because it needs to hold the weight to sustain the child. You need the fat on your body to be able to sustain the life that you're creating. And if everyone was to weigh the same as they were before they were pregnant, your baby would probably be very malnourished and very,

very tiny. And that's not really what you want. So yeah, I think it's more of a like, don't panic. If you stand on the scales, and you're like, wow, I'm really heavy. Because I can speak from experience. Now when I gave birth, I was 26 kilos heavier than I was prior to pregnancy. And I'm seven weeks postpartum now, and 15 of it's already gone. And I haven't done anything other than walk and I probably eat more as well but that's just because I had a he was seven and a half pounds so what's that three and three and a half kilos and the percenter and all the blood and all that kind of stuff so I had a very normal size baby can I say that yeah yeah I think that's not yeah I'm like wow yeah because Alf was 9.5 he was literally such a a heifer lump. So because Alf was bigger and Harry was smaller, your body will have held a lot more fat in it anyway from extra milk to sustain Alf being a bigger baby. Does that make sense?

around gaining weight, both in pregnancy and postnatal, it upsets me so much because, I mean, I had a friend who gave birth a couple of months ago and even her mum was saying like, how much extra weight have you put on? You need to make sure you only put on an extra 10 kilos, otherwise you won't get back into your genes after birth. And I was like, don't listen to your mum. This is so toxic. But I can honestly say, I've never really followed the numbers on the scale anyway, not ever in my life. But it's like, please don't worry. And I think as well, like for my own postnatal recovery, it took a year for my bones even to move back to normal. even if I'd have really tried to lose weight, which I couldn't have done because I wasn't signed off to exercise for a year just because of my birth. But I wouldn't have got back into my clothes or I wouldn't have been the same size anyway because my bones were still going back.

Especially your rib cage. I think that's the one that people miss out the most is they're like, my bras don't fit me anymore. I'm like, but your rib cage has expanded to make room for a baby so obviously it's going to take its time I think it takes well not I think like it takes nine months to go back to what it was before so it takes the same amount of time as you've grown the baby for it to move back to how it should be which includes all your organs moving back so like my organs aren't in the right place of where they should be now my hips are way wider is one thing I've noticed um and my ribs I still can't put my old sports bras back on because they just don't fit around my ribs but I think I I knew that was going to happen so I never went into postnatal thinking that anything was ever going to fit me like all my clothes are still vacuum packed like

I haven't even I've got my leggings back out because they're stretchy but I haven't got any of my other clothes back out because I'm'm like, I'll look at them next summer. Like maybe when we're like nine, 10 months down the line, I'll get them back out. But for anyone that's like, I don't fit back in my old jeans. I gave birth a month ago.

Like it's been a month. Like you probably haven't slept well for a month either. So don't worry about it. Just go and buy a new pair if you really want to, or wear stretchy clothes. Yeah, definitely. It took me, it took me it

took me a year and I got them out for a year and now they're back in storage what um advice would you give to anyone in the sort of postnatal stages feeling that pressure to bounce back and especially from a fitness background like what's your own pressure on yourself because I guess you're used to looking fit and also being able to be fit through exercise so what's your own pressure on yourself? Because I guess you're used to looking fit and also being able to be fit through exercise. So what's your own experience? And what's your advice to anyone who is kind of struggling with that bounce back pressure? So I think my experience has been very different to what I was expecting it to be. Because I didn't realize that you still kind of have a bump for like a couple months, well, a couple weeks after.

And I remember looking down like three days after I was in the shower and I was like, why have I still got a bump? I was like, what is going on? And then I messaged my friend who'd given birth a couple of weeks before and she was like, oh yeah, don't worry. That goes after like a week or two. And I was like, all right, okay. And to be honest, the first three or four weeks, I just lived in like tracksuit bottoms and backy jumpers. So I didn't, I didn't really look at myself because I knew I didn't want to look in the mirror and kind of be disappointed. Not that I was, I had a bump where I didn't look like I did before, but I knew I wasn't pregnant and I knew I wasn't back in shape. So I kind of like hid myself thinking that if I don't see it, it's not happening. And I was talking to my friend and she was like, well, you might as well just like look and kind of address the situation. So I was like, well,

I'm going to take a picture because I just, I kind of want to remember how I was feeling. And I took a photo and I was like, oh, okay. I don't look anywhere near as bad as I was expecting. I think I just really talked it up in my head, but I have to keep reminding myself every day, like you grew a child. And every time I look at him I'm like I grew you so why am I worried about before I went into pregnancy I had had a six-pack for probably about 10 years and I'm like that probably won't ever come back but that's okay and I think there's a lot of people that rush to go back to exercise after they've given birth because they're desperate to get into shape whereas I waited for my six week I had a private

pelvic health physio appointment who has basically said you can do bodyweight workouts but please don't like run or jump or anything and I think because I've had that I'm like okay that's another six weeks that I can just go for walks or just do bodyweight but now when I look in the mirror I've kind of got a bit more used to it of being like okay well your stomach's not flat anymore but also you didn't have a child before. And you're more bothered about aesthetics before for your job than you were growing a child. So I think it's more of a, you have to think about what you actually have now compared to what you had before and to not look in the mirror and think, oh, I wish I looked like that. Because you can sit and wish it. But

realistically, I haven't had the time to work out either. So what was I expecting? I wish I took more pictures of my postnatal body without. I look back now at the few pictures I do have and I'm like, that's amazing. For me, it wasn't so much. I didn't care if I gained weight or lost weight or anything like that. It was more that I didn't feel myself in my body. It was almost like, you know, those films where you wake up and you're 17 and you wake up in the 30 year old's body. It was a bit like that because it's like, well, how do I dress this body? And how do I feel good in this body? And how can I wear clothes when my whole life I've been told to put my boobs away that suddenly my boobs have to be out really easily. And now I look back and I'm like, wow, like the whole process,

like in the way that we take pictures of pregnancy, of our bump growing, and you're like, wow, I kind of love that process of kind of seeing the miracle of your recovery. I wish I'd taken more photos early, early on, like for the first two or three days, because I took one in the hospital in the toilet because I was like this is really weird like he's just come out and I was like this is this is the oddest experience I've ever had but because I was so worried about looking and

then not being upset but being like okay that looks a bit weird because at the you have just like that hole don't you and it just feels a bit doughy I was like touching it like this feels really funny and I don't I think I didn't want the memory, but now I'm like, I wish I had it. I bet we have identical bathroom pictures. Cause I remember doing exactly the same, like going into the bathroom and being like, Hey, what the hell was that? There must be so many photos in those toilets. Yeah. So one thing I've been really looking forward to talking to you about is your birth, because you have spoken openly about the fact that you had a really positive birth and we need more good, positive birth stories.

How did you know you were going into labour and what was your whole kind of experience? Oh, honestly, I absolutely love birth. I was just thinking about it when you were saying that and I was like, oh, I'd do it again tomorrow. So I had a sweep at 40 weeks so my appointment was on the Monday and he was born on the Tuesday so Monday was your due date yeah so I went in and she was like I can give you a sweep if you want and on the Friday before that I'd been having I'd convinced myself I was going into labor and I'd been having like really dull period pains and I was like oh it's fine maybe it will happen this weekend maybe it won't

um and then when I went into the sweep she was like oh so your cervix is flat but it's not open so she the midwife is basically like I'm gonna give you maybe 48 hours but like hopefully he'll be born before then and in my head I was just like all right okay like I've still got two days and you know when someone says something you don't really clock on what's going on and Chris my partner was like oh so it'd probably be about two days and I was like I don't know what you're talking about like it's fine don't worry about it then that night we'd gone home I'd said because my appointment was in the afternoon it must have been about eight o'clock and we were watching telly I stood up to go and get a drink and there

was like a pop and I just thought oh maybe I've just wet myself like at this point I was like still in strong denial that it was happening and then I went into the kitchen and I was like oh maybe that's a bit more than wetting myself but I just went and got changed and sat back down I was like oh yeah I'm fine don't worry about it so then at like 6am it woke me up because I was like oh that's that's a really weird pain and so I just thought do you know what I've been having these period pains for a while I'm sure it's nothing and I messaged my friend and I was like so I'm having these pains. What do you think they are? And she was like, do you think you're in labor? And I was like, maybe, but I'm sure it'd be fine. Anyway, an hour passed. And I was like, I need to start timing these because this is quite a consistent pain now. Chris was still asleep and

I didn't want to wake him up because I was like, oh no, I'm fine. Don't worry. And then about half an hour later, I poked him and I was like, I think I'm in labor like I think I think I should call a midwife and he's like are you joking he was like don't wind me up I was like no no I think I'm in labor and he's all right okay so I rung the midwife we went to the hospital and she was like we were three centimeters so you should go home and like do some labor at home if you're feeling okay I was like yeah fine I'm sure it'll be all right put the temps machine on and when we got back and then all of a sudden within like three hours it got they got so close together and then I was on the bed on all fours just like pressing the contraction timer but not looking at how close together they were Chris was in a meeting he then comes out and was checking I was okay and he looked at my phone

and he was like these are really close I was like nah I was like because you know in between contractions you can talk really normally we were just kind of having a conversation so I'd have a contraction for like a minute a minute and a half and in the time in between like the 30 40 seconds in between he said it was like I was glitching because I could have a conversation have the contraction then go back to what I was talking about and he was like these are like we need to ring back so I was like okay like I was glitching because I could have a conversation, have the contraction, then go back to what I was talking about. And he was like, we need to ring back. So I was like, okay. I was like, don't panic. We'll be fine. And it happened again. And I was like, oh, okay. Yeah. So anyway, we called back. The midwife was like, okay, come back in. They're really close together. Let's check. So I

got there and she was like, you're still only three centimeters. And in my head, I was like, I cannot get in the car again. I can't do do it's about a half an hour drive from our house and hospital. I was like, I can't get in that car in the traffic again. Like no. So the midwife said you can either stay here for four hours. And if nothing progresses, we'll have to send you home or you can you can go home now. So I was like, let's say the four hours and if we hadn't stayed, he would have been born at home. let's say the four hours and if we hadn't stayed he would have been born at home because from then it just happened like so quickly as in the transitions of labor because it went from the contractions being really close together to then me kind of needing to push really quickly and there was a point where I was like standing in the room leaning with both my elbows against

the windowsill and I just projectile vomited like and at the same time my waters went and I wet myself and like it all went up the wall we're like splash it all and I was so embarrassed midwife was like we've seen everything don't worry about it so it was like kneeling on the floor and then I said to Chris you need to go and get the midwife now because I really need to push and the midwife came and she said oh we'll just have a look and she was like okay that happened really fast are you okay and I was like yeah I think so she was like do you want some gas and air and I was like well we can give it a go if you want she offered me some paracetamol which don't get me wrong I love the midwives and everyone was so nice but I'm not really sure what

the paracetamol was supposed to be doing when there was a head coming out of my vagina but um yeah so we had she gave me the gas and air but I found it really distracting from my breathing because I felt like having to add an extra step of like holding the the thing for it and putting it in my mouth was like an extra breath that I didn't need to do so in the end I just sack that off and I was like no it'll be fine let me concentrate on my breathing and she was like you can really tell you go to the gym from the way I was breathing from like weight lifting and then I really wanted a water birth so she was like okay I'm gonna run the bath now and I thought okay probably another two hours here if she's just running the bath now and then she comes back over and we had a student midwife in the room as well and they were like looking with a mirror and she was like oh, do you want to get in the bath?

I was like, oh, yeah, okay. Like thinking, oh, I'll just have a little swim around. No worries. Anyway, as soon as I got in the bath, the relief of the pressure, I was like, oh, I could do this for ages. Anyway, then all of a sudden she was like, do you need to push? And I was like, yeah, yeah, the same feeling as before. And then I pushed. And then three more pushes after that, his head and his arm was out because he was born like Superman.

And then after that, it was just over and done with. So from me getting in the bath to giving birth was like 25 minutes. So my whole active labor from when I needed to push to when he was born was an hour and I think it was an hour and 37. And then he was born and that was it. And I was like, OK, that was no pain relief. Like, I feel very lucky that I had a birth that was so positive. But honestly, like, I think going into it in a bit of maybe denial of what was going to happen kind of helped me in a way. Because I was like, oh, I'm sure it's fine.

But don't worry about it. Don't worry. I'm sure I'm fine. That's amazing. God, it makes me like so nostalgic. Because obviously, like, when you hear birth stories, you think about your own experience. But yeah, it's amazing. I mean, I wish everybody had a positive birth story to share.

And it kind of makes me sad. Like it makes me envious. Like obviously I'm so happy for you. But I went in with like no fear and really hoping that I would have a similar experience to you. But yeah, it's just so nice. It's so nice to hear positive birth stories welcome to the train happy podcast with me tally rye this is the podcast that helps you have a feel- good relationship with

fitness, food and body image. Each week we'll be digging into an intuitive and inclusive approach to our health and well being as we're joined by leading experts, friends of mine, and you to hear more about the journey of letting go of diet culture and feeling good in the skin you're in. It's a podcast for everyone, no matter what body you're in. You can find us wherever you found this podcast. Just search Train Happy wherever you get your podcasts and hit follow. When Harry was here,

how did you feel straight away? Did you get that rush of love? Yeah, I remember because he was born hand and head first. I looked down in the water and saw a hand and I was like, oh my God. I was like, what is that? Because I couldn't see his head. I could just see his hand hanging down. And then she was like, oh, you can pick him up now. But because I'd been on all fours for so long, my legs were really numb. So as I sat back I almost sat on him and I like kind of panicked for a second she was like breathe breathe breathe you're fine he's fine I was like okay and as I picked him up I just looked at him and I was like oh my god I've never loved something so much in my life and obviously they're really slimy when

they come out and I was like oh this is really weird like I'm just here naked holding holding my child and I was just looking at him and I was like I can't believe you have been inside me like that was the only thing I just kept thinking and then we did the cutting the cord and all that kind of stuff and I got out and I was just like I think I was just fascinated by every time I looked at him I just loved him even more and that sounds really weird but now I still I do it now and I look at him, I just loved him even more. And that sounds really weird. But now I do it now. And I look at him and I'm like, wow, like, that's so cool. Yeah, no, I did. I get that. I got the complete rush of like, love you. And then I just kept looking at him and I was all night. I was just looking at him like, oh my God, hi. And what was your partner like? What was, have you spoken to what it was like for him to kind of witness the birth? And if he felt that

rush of love straight away as well? Yeah. So he he kept saying like I didn't know what to do because he said I was so chilled the whole time he was like you were just having a conversation with me then it would happen and then you just kind of go back to it and he was messaging his friend at the time being like so I just pat her on the back like do I give her a massage like what do I do and they were like well just ask her and he kept saying to me do you want anything I was like no I'm fine at one point I was like you need to get me some get me some water but then he was trying to feed it to me and I couldn't really drink the water because that's when the contractions were like really really close together um and then he came out and Chris actually cut the cord in the beginning he

was like I don't want to cut the cord no like it's going to be really slimy and he was a bit grossed out by it and then he came out and he was like oh yeah okay I want to cut the cord in the beginning he was like I don't want to cut the cord no like it's going to be really slimy and he was a bit grossed out by it and then he came out and he was like oh yeah okay I want to cut the cord so I think he had the rush of more like oh my god I can't believe you just did that and how quickly it happened as well I don't think there was time for either of us to kind of assess what was going on so it was more just like yeah I don't know he just kept saying I just kept looking at you being like how did you just do that I think it was more of like an admiration thing than than anything else and then he did so when they were doing my placenta Chris did the skin to skin with him um and then he did the meconium poo all over him like literally it was everywhere and then I was like that that's your

son congratulations good job you're like welcome to parenthood and how have the last seven weeks been how's the newborn bubble been what have been the challenges is there anything that maybe you were worried about that you've realized that you didn't have to worry about or any surprises along the way I actually just think every time something's happened like I've just known what to do like I didn't when people kept saying you'll have maternal instinct I was like that don't be silly but honestly every time he cries I'm like okay I know what he needs I'd say the hardest bit was that first like two weeks when they're so small they're pooing all the time and you just kind of you're so tired that you don't really know what to do because you can do anything you want but that point where

your brain's not really working because you're tired I think it must have been like day five or six I just sat there and cried and I was like I'm tired he's crying he's hungry but I'm tired like and now I think I've got used to he's always going to be coming first so whatever I need always come second now. But everyone kept saying to me, just get to six weeks, get to the first six weeks and you'll be fine. And then about five and a half, it did just randomly woke up one day and it just started getting a bit easier. I was like, oh, okay, this is fine.

Like we just do the same thing every day now. That's cool. Breastfeeding, I did find quite hard, not because he wasn't feeding well but because every time someone checks my latch they were like oh yeah he latches perfectly and he hadn't been so my nipple had been rubbing on the top of the roof of his mouth so basically they were getting shredded to pieces and there was a point where he was latching and I was crying because it hurt so much and I just kept saying I really want to I really want to give this a good go like I'm really sure I can do this. I just need to sort this out. So I ended up getting a lactation

consultant who basically was like, you just need to use these shields for a couple of weeks and then they'll heal and he'll be used to it. And to be fair, now it's sorted itself out. So I'm glad I persevered. But I think learning how to breastfeed was one of the hardest things. And I think everyone kept saying to me, you'll know how to breastfeed. And I was like, no, I know what my child needs, but like, I don't know how to put a nipple in his mouth. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. That sounds weird. But like, I think that was the bit that I struggled with the most was actually learning how to do it. And then remember that he's learning as well. Like, it's not, not just for me, but like, he doesn't have any clue what he's doing either.

So sometimes he was like waving his head around and like batting his head against me. And I was like, what's wrong? It's here, take it. I don't know why people say, you know what to do and they know what to do when it comes to breastfeeding because it is a total skill that both sides have to learn.

Give me one sec, I'll be right back. Hold on. There's some, there's some little crying what did we chat for about 20 minutes uninterrupted um yeah he's hungry then you're when they get so hungry they just lose it lose it a bit and you're like it's here yeah of course i love hearing all the newborn sounds as well so grunts like I said I'm just very impressed that you're managing to navigate a podcast and feed a newborn how has the kind of newborn bubble been especially as a mum out of lockdown what what have you been

getting up to and how have you found everything so I kind of went in with the like mindset of I want to get up and do things so like yeah so like day two I was like right I'm gonna go for a walk so I went out I literally walked for like 10 minutes it wasn't very far um and then back and then Chris had three weeks off work so we literally just stayed in our own little bubble we were just going for like a walk every day and then just kind of chilling during the day and then we had pet like grandparents that came to meet him on day five and six I think it was and then we didn't really have anyone else around only because we were just enjoying just time just us three rather than like having loads and loads of people all at once I know everyone was desperate to meet him but I was like look he's not going anywhere so like I'd rather wait until like, he's a bit more manageable, then I'm not have

to feed him all the time. So we can come out and actually do things. And I also found this thing called the mom club. So I went to one of their brunches when I was still pregnant and met some ladies there. And then I went again, after he was born, just to kind of get out and about and like, it was fun to meet all of them again when I actually had Tim um so other than that I just made like kind of a mini routine if we get up every morning like have a shower have breakfast and then we'll go for a walk and then we'll come back and then I'll feed every time he's been for a nap he feeds when he wakes up so we go for a walk then we'll feed and then we'll just chill for a bit um and he is quite easy to entertain at the moment touch wood um so it's not like he needs everything 24 7 like he's quite

happy to just like sit on you when you do the like um contrast cards and things like that he's quite content with just kind of being there and he always just looks around and like i don't know i give him a lot of house tours and that sounds really weird that you're giving a child that doesn't know what's going on a house tour. But I'm like, so this is where we sleep. And this is the bathroom. So like, just entertaining him every day has been not a challenge, but like trying to think of things that he's not gonna get bored of, but then he doesn't really know what anything is. So I'm like, he can't really get bored of looking at the same thing for now. I when they get a bit older they do but for now I'm like okay well this is fun let's look at this card again this is a dog here you go dog I was gonna say to be fair it's funny I find like

even now as a toddler I'm like how do you want to watch the same program over and over again or read the same book like his favorite books he must read 100 times a day and they just love that repetition but also I think it's good for them to learn when they're like learning words and stuff isn't it when they like let's hear the same thing over and over again um but yeah the newborn bubble's been weird because obviously I can kind of go out and do things and I have a lot of pregnant friends at the moment so everyone's kind of like asking a million questions and what do they want to do so I'm like here you go I'll come around and you can hold him and you can ask the questions that you want to ask.

It's like a bit of experience as well, I suppose. But yeah, it's actually not been that bad, to be fair. Like he, the sleep for the first few weeks wasn't great. But I've kind of got used to it now. So it's funny, isn't it? Because like for anyone listening who is a lockdown mum, it's just so mad to think that things like the mum club, any kind of clubs and activities we didn't have. So I was locked down with Al for the first four months, so he didn't even get to meet family. But one thing that is really good is that we had that time to ourselves.

And I would say for my unsolicited advice to anyone echoing what you said is not making plans to meet people before the baby's here because sometimes you know I always say like let people just let people say you'll let them know when you're ready for them to meet because it is really nice isn't it there is something really magical about just having that time at the beginning yeah and even then I think even if we have had plans and I've had to cancel them because we've had a horrendous night or maybe he's a bit unsettled that day or like he's cluster feeding I'd rather say to someone please could you come a different day than them coming around and then me like being stressed that they're there or feeling like I have to entertain them or like that kind of thing and I think the first few weeks of people that came

around it was like if you couldn't make yourself a drink in my own in my house you can't come like I wanted people to feel like comfortable that I'm sitting there with my boob out feeding him not feeling like uncomfortable so yeah I can't imagine what it was like to be a lot like in lockdown because I think that must have been so hard of not even having like the support of other people um yeah because it's been quite nice to have the option even if I've said no to people but like the option of having them come around do you know what I mean yeah I'm really excited to do it out of lockdown um one thing I found really useful as well with like breastfeeding because I I mean I did it out and about or in the house or anything

I'd always say to people oh just let you know I'm about to breastfeed I'm really comfortable so don't feel awkward yeah and I found that really helped just like diffuse a potentially awkward situation especially if it was like male family members like in-laws yeah so he needs to eat sorry yeah um so what would be your advice to anyone about to enter into the newborn world I think just embrace what's going to happen like you every baby's different you can't control what they're going to be like but kind of get used to going with the flow like you can have a list of things you want to do in the day, but kind of come to terms with, you're probably going to get one thing, if that done on the list, but as long as you've made it to the end of the day, and both you and your baby are all good and safe, like you've done a good job. So don't ever think

that you're not doing that you're not doing well, because it like it is, it is hard. And like, I think I always go with the mindset of I'm just going to put a positive spin on everything so it is hard it does have its benefits but like the first time your baby smiles at you I was like okay I forgive you for everything like I'm tired but I forgive you it's fine and now every time he's like being a bit annoying he'll just have like a little grin and I'm like why are you so cute why are you doing this to me um so yeah going with the mindset of you it will be fine like it is going to be hard but it will be fine and you will get through it even if you the days you think you can't you definitely can

and what's been your biggest challenge or biggest surprise that you weren't expecting from motherhood I wasn't expecting to be this hungry and thirsty from breastfeeding. I think that's something that people don't really talk about a lot. And like some days I feel like he latches and all of a sudden my mouth is just as dry as the Sahara desert.

Like I definitely think that's probably been my hardest thing and managing people's expectations of when sometimes they come around and if he's feeding, they want to hold him and i'm like we can you give it like half an hour so i think it's more managing expectations and then actually eating and drinking enough to keep your milk supply up as well so not like giving into being hungry i've actually just been um like prepping my nursing stations ready and um yeah i put snacks and getting like getting a water bottle

just so it's you know it's always next to you because you're right like that hunger and thirst is something else um I know obviously I'm so grateful that you came on especially because um you're in the newborn bubble and I'm in awe that you've managed to even make it onto the podcast and it was me who was late and not you. It's all right. So before I let you go, I had a message from one of my lovely listeners, Jessie. And she said, hey, Asha, I'm loving the podcast. I was wondering if you could get a trainer on who could help me.

I'm just over three months postnatal and I was looking for some easy, non-intensive exercises that can ease me back into fitness. So I thought you'd be the perfect person to hopefully give some advice around that area oh um first of all congratulations that's so fun I love it when people have babies now do you know when people have like a newborn and I'm like oh my god send me pictures I used to be so annoyed when people send me pictures of their babies now I'm like send me all of them quick um okay, so your first few workouts back, I'd say probably

for the first three months of going back to workout, just do body weight or really light weights. And before all of that, I'd advise going to see a pelvic health physio, whether you can afford to do it privately. I know that's quite a privileged position for me to be in that I can do that. Or try and get a referral through the NHS if you can. By the way, and you can absolutely push for that. So yeah, it's so important and it's within your right to get one. So don't be fobbed off. You can get an NHS pelvic health physio.

And most of the pelvic health physio NHS ones will come through pretty quickly because I think they're more concerned, especially if you're like a younger mum, they're concerned about like internal damage rather than because obviously if you've had a birth you're like oh yeah everything's fine you feel great but there's a lot of people that I've trained over the years have had prolapsed that they didn't know about or their stitches haven't healed properly or like their pelvic floor is just not engaging and then it will cause problems further down the line so bottom line before you do any exercise the six-week check from the doctor isn't that thorough so you need one that's like

actually going to check your insides rather than just giving your stomach a poke being like okay yeah here you go um so before you wind back so you need to get that appointment try and have an appointment if you can with a pelvic health physio like mummy mot and things like that there's they're everywhere so it's not like just in one area that people do them um then you want to just stick to like body weight light light exercises so like i'd say don't go over five kilo dumbbells for at least a month and then you don't really want to run or jump unless your pelvic health physio is told you can for like up to six months after birth just because you want your pelvic floor to be in the best position it's in rather than absolutely trying to ram it through the ground for no reason. Goes the same with heavy lifting.

There's no point, honestly, like it can wait. There's no rush when you're getting back to exercise is what I'm trying to say. And then think about things like you need to do ab rehab. Even if your abs are back in the same position they were before, they're going to be very weak from the amount they've stretched. So you want to do a lot of ab rehab at the end of every workout and maybe at the beginning and then pelvic floor and breathing exercises. So don't rush back to it. There's no need to think that you're going to be lifting PB six months after you give birth.

So, yeah. Thank you, honestly, so much for coming on and chatting I've been so excited to chat to you especially about all things birth and newborn and I think one of my biggest takeaways from you I love that we have Harry in the background for the outro one of my biggest takeaways is um to trust your own instinct because like you said you do know and I feel like a lot of the time people are too scared to follow their instinct or they look to outsiders and you are living proof that when you trust your instinct it's a really positive empowering thing so um thank you so much

Felicity thank you for having me thank you to all of you guys for listening to mum's the word the parenting podcast um if you've enjoyed the episode if you're enjoying the podcast then don't forget you can subscribe or follow so you never miss an episode and as always i love to hear from you so you can get in touch on whatsapp the um either a message or a voice message it's obviously completely free you can do it anonymously if you want the number is 075 999 27537 and you can of course, email at askmumsthewordpod at gmail.com or of course, leave an Apple podcast review if you want as well. You can tell I don't use Apple from how I said that, an Apple podcast review. You can leave a review on Apple podcast if that's where you're listening from. And I hope you enjoyed reminiscing or looking forward to that newborn

stage and I'll be back with another episode same time same place next week