My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 100: Reflectionz: A Look Back

Episode Date: April 16, 2012

It's our hundredth episode, and it's also our two-year anniversary. Are you prepared for the celebration? Are you in a place where you can mentally handle 112 minutes of goofing? Is your spirit prepared for all the check-ins from past advisees? We hope so, because we really can't do this without you. Suggested talking points: Send in the Clowns, Borrible'd, Buttking, Neo-Nunnie, Juicy and Delicious, Stapler Thief, Tiesson, Dinklage Town, Tradeskills, Possession Shedding, Teeth, Behind the Scenes, Doorframe Bathtub, Jorsten Blaber

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's a new craze, and the girls, do you want it? Just say, hey, I want it. Just say, hey, I want it. Isn't it rich? Aren't we a pair? Me here at last on the ground, you in midair, send in the clowns. Isn't it bliss? Don't you approve? One who keeps tearing around, one who can't move. Where are the clowns? Send in the clowns.

Zuh. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my brother, my brother, me, 100, a retrospective. I am your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I am your middleest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm the sweet baby brother, Griffin. Why are we talking like this? It's like an NPR special. Like an NPR special remembering the McElroy brothers. Behind the wisdom. Behind the wisdom, they called it. I think that idea is Terry Gross. Oh, Terry Gross humor. It's like we're walking on broken ira glass. Those are the only two people I know from NPR.

Also, Rick Steves. So what do you know? This show stinks. That's my what do you know gag about what do you know with Michael Feldman. People have listened to 100 episodes of this. That's their bad. This is what we're delivering. These are the goose we bring to our 100th episode. This is our 100th episode. The show of 100 goose is what this is going to be called. This is not a lot of people know this, but the 100th anniversary is the bad NPR puns anniversary. It's the most treasured gift. So this is our 100th show. If you can believe that shit, we started. God, we we our first episode, I believe, was April 11th or April 12th. Yeah, this is also our two year. I believe it's our two year anniversary.

It is. Yeah. So we've been doing this job for two years. You've been listening, which also makes we skip 12 episodes. Oh, man. Well, no, there's a I don't think we numbered the candle nights episodes, did we? And good job on the math there, Griffin. There's 52 weeks. So we'd be at a hundred and four. That's 72 plus times two. Hold on. Hold on. Is a hundred. You forgot to carry it. Did you carry it? Did you do? Where's the square root? I dropped the one. Yeah, you never show your work, Travis. So this is our advice show for the modern era.

We have thank you guys so much for letting us continue to do this for you for so long. We're not. Thank you for not finding anything better to do. Thank you for not getting one more extra productive hour in your week. Although I'm sure you're like cleaning. Are you cleaning the sink right now? You probably are. Somebody's doing dishes right now. You're doing dishes right now. Hey, if if there's a couple doing dishes together while you're watching this show, I want you to look each other and just be like, looks like we made it. Because this is the these are the moments. This is like the equivalent of when you're painting the

the house together and she's got a handkerchief on her head. And then one of you accidentally gets paint on the other and then oops, roller fight. This is like that kind of. And also walking on sunshine is playing. It's like the first it's like the first four minutes of up and then hopefully not the two minutes that follow that. You know, the ha like I would like someone who hasn't seen up before to show them up and then like hit stop after the first four minutes like that was it was just one of those Pixar shorts. Pretty pretty great, huh? Yeah, it's just called Happy Marriage. This is like the middle five minutes of the.

Fuck yeah, curious jam of button man. What's that? That old rapid jam. You know where they were? He was old and she was young. Jack. You're thinking of Jack. I'm thinking of Jack. So let's let's actually get to helping people. We've got probably too much to do this week. So let's let's get right on it. My roommate's girlfriend has taken to spending four or five days of the week at our apartment. She takes a shower twice a day, uses the toilet, does most of her laundry here and uses the Internet and cable. Is it appropriate to ask her to start paying utilities or even rent?

I know this seems obvious, but we're in college and she's still paying for her own apartment to the lease ends in August. So I feel sort of bad. But at the same time, me and my other roommates feel as though we're basically paying her to live here. Brothers, what are we to do? That's from disgruntled in Delaware. There's I think I don't think this issue is as black and white as it seems. No, this question should be called how horrible it is to be in college. Yeah, because I'm guaranteed you live with six people, right? You live with six people in a three bedroom house. That's thorny no matter which way you slice it. She's coming in squatters. Now you have complained that she uses the toilet

and I would not bring that up when you approach her. Like, hey, every flush, every dump flush you do. It's like 506 cents. She's not going to put a piggy bank on the back of the toilet. She's not going to admit to her boyfriend that she uses the bathroom for another couple of years. So you don't want to blow up her spot this soon. Also, I would say that Internet and cable might not be a good argument because they're completely renewable resources. It's not like she's using up anything. You used up all of my Nickelodeon. Can I be honest? If I don't think the right solution is to ask for money, I don't think that's the right. I think if you're uncomfortable with how much time she is spending there, then I think that you should talk to

the guy about it. I'm going to talk to her too. Well, no, I don't mean that. I don't mean that in a misogynist way. I mean that in like a, like, he's the one you know presumably a little bit better and it's going to be more comfortable. And also, I don't mean like the man makes the decisions for her. Here's the thing. Unless she's like invited herself in in some kind of crazy person way, he brought her, you know, into the apartment. He's having her spend the night. Wait a minute. What are you talking about? The responsibility, I'm saying the responsibility is on your roommate, not her. I want to know about the crazy person way. Let's turn back to the crazy person way in which she's, is she secretly, secretly living in the

house like a, like a boreable? Is that what's going on? She's doing a spell. Well, I'm not necessarily going that far, but so much as it's like she never goes home now and she just like hangs out there all the time and he's too afraid of her to like ask her to maybe spend the night at her own house once or twice a week. She might be really physically intimidating is what I'm saying. She's like a witch, you mean? A witch? Yes. He's cursed with. Thank you. A witch that inhabits the eaves of her house. Is this what you're saying? Maybe she's, maybe she sneaks down into the kitchen and steals all of his fruit and also she's tiny because she's a boreable. Griffin's really hung up on the idea of a boreable girlfriend. I don't think a boreable is what you

think it is. Is it not? I think you're thinking of borrowers. God damn it. A boreable is a thing, but I think it's like a rat-like child. What? I don't know. I think it's a book dad used to read and talk about boreables. I think it's a book dad made up. Let me, let me cruise into this boreables well for a second. So there's a trilogy. They're written by an English author and they're runaway children who eventually become boreable and when they wake up they find their ears have been pointed. Okay, so they are rat-like children. They are very similar to elves and pixies of English folklore. What I meant is that your girlfriend's a borrower. Your roommate's girlfriend is a borrower and unless he's a borrower, I don't know, I can't get behind

borrower crossbreeding. I don't mean to sound, like that's not, I don't want to sound bigoted. I don't want to sound bigoted, but just like the physics of it is kind of gross to think about. You know, a hundred episodes in and the truth comes out. Finally, your freak, your flag flies. I'm so disappointed. Your flag, you're flying your flag of... Hatred. The hatred, hate flag. And intolerance. An intolerant flag. I think the only time it's appropriate to ask a girlfriend that's like staying over for rent is if she does not have her own place. You know what I mean? If it's like, well, my lease ended and now I'm just... Is she a homeless borrower? No, I'm saying like if she's like crashing there for a month or two, like until, you know,

she finds another place or something, then you sure as fuck ask for rent. This is like she has an offshore bank account though. Like she has an apartment that she pays $13 a month for because it's awful, but she stays here on the free skis because she can always say, oh, no, no, no. I'm mainly incorporated over on six, the dirty part of it. You know. This is where it gets to, especially if you're not paying for water, if like water is included in your rent, you got no, you have no like to stand on. Yeah. You know what I mean? But maybe it's just like, I think here, I think the money thing is not at the root of this. The root of it is a sort of place to hang your hat, but really like

she's there all the time. Yeah. Especially if she's there when he's not putting your foot down. This is like your place. Like, you know, any boyfriend, girlfriend, like you get a house and you think, okay, well, the three of us are going to live here. It's going to be a little crowded, but whatever will make ends meet. Like, and then you have this other person who's always there and you don't know them and they're not paying anything. So you resent them. Is it also that he just wants to play Madden and make dudefarts? Could that be a possible? I wanted to eat this oversized plate of chicken wings and make dudefarts and you're here all the time, crossing up the place.

I'm not saying that women can't eat chicken wings and play Madden and make dudefarts. That's not what I'm saying. That is exactly what women do when there aren't men around. I'm just saying the mixing of the sexes. When you mix, when you crossbreed, you can't, you can't crossbreed men and women. Girlfriend does not believe in breeding between men and women. No. No, it's disgusting. How do the parts even match up at that point, you know? It says in the Bible, you must be equally yoked and that cannot apply if one of you is a man

and one of you is a woman. It's disgusting. Like, if you're not dong slapping, which is when you hit two dongs together, like the thunder sticks at a stadium, like at a sports game, or I don't have a name for what it is when you do a two vaginas. Okay. Yeah. Oh, can we not. You're gonna have to, you're gonna have to bleep that out. Oh, I will. It would be our 100th episode without getting feverish questions about what horrible thing Travis said that we had to bleep out. Um, I hate you, Travis. I, I, you just got to talk to him and say, listen,

either, I don't think you can go halfway on this. Either she becomes a fourth roommate and she's there all the time, or wait a minute, the lease ends in August? Yeah. That's right. That's, that's a, that's a hike. That's a ways out. Yeah. Um, I don't think the money is going to fix your problem though. I think she just needs to stop being there so much. And I think that's really what's bothering you. I think four or five days a week is way too much. I think like two or three is fine. Especially, and here's the other thing. If she was just like getting there, like eight o'clock at night, they'd watch a movie and like she'd spend the night and then she'd

leave in the morning and go to class. But the fact that she's showering twice and doing her laundry, she's squatting in your home. She's literally squatting because she's using your toilet. And that's not okay. That's inappropriate. You should put, you know what you, you gotta put nails on the toilet seat like they do to keep pigeons off of subway stops. That doesn't mean, that is wholly impractical. That's exactly what you need to do, Griffin. Nailed it. Literally. Literally. Uh, we asked you guys, uh, those of you who we've helped, and I was using air quotes over the years, we asked you to check in with us to tell us how things are going, how things are going with you. How did it work out? Even though we do advise you to never

take our advice, we're very clear about that. Some of you still do occasionally. Travis, give me a check in. What's the story out there? You answered my question in episode 29, The Quickening. My question was in regard to my older boyfriend, me 28, him 52, and my fears about introducing him to my friends. I cracked up at your world's greatest grandpa slash boyfriend rift, but you eventually gave me some real advice, I would disagree, saying that my friends would be cool. It turns out they were. All my friends are now his friends, and we've been together for two years. Thanks, brothers, and congrats on your 100th episode. I listen every week in a proud, maximum fun supported due to you. You joke, but you really do help more than you think.

You're a faithful listener. Yes, I know it's weird. Yes, I know it's weird. So happy to hear from you. That's so nice. I remember that question. I'm glad everything worked out. Me too. Me too. Why did you take our advice? We are very clear about this, usually. We are in no way legally responsible for anything. Although we do sometimes give so much different advice that you would almost, I mean, you almost have to make it. We throw the advice spaghetti against the wall, and sometimes something sticks. That's exactly that. But for every one piece of spaghetti that does stick to the wall, like 80 pieces fall to the ground. And so in that respect and crush your dog, we may help their giant pieces of spaghetti. We may help more than we think, but we also hurt

way, way more than we could ever calculate. Right, because now you got mice. Look at this pasta on the floor. This is an issue. We need to get we need to get something in here to clean this. But thank you for listening. And thank you. Thank you so much. This is thanks for being a maximum fun supporter. Yeah, you guys did amazing with that stuff. We won't harp on it too much, but you guys are just the best humans. A billion dollars. Yeah, we raised a billion dollars. A billion dollars a month. A billion dollars isn't cool, though. You know, it's cool. Do y'all who answer? Oh, yeah, who answer question. I thought you're going for a transition. No, we're really, we're really rich now. The three of us are getting to a point where we are,

I would say we're careening towards pay to hunt Eastern European people in a forest. Like, that's about where we're about like hostile rich. I've actually at this point over, I took over a serfdom. Did you? Yeah, I have a whole army of serfs now. You know, so rewarding. But he's watching the twinkle in their eye as having them. Serfs is is one of I think one of the most rewarding investments you can make. My one piece of advice to you, keep your eye on Frankie and Annette because they will, they will get out of hand serfs. No, I got it. Serving. Uh-huh. Serving. Yeah. Yeah, I know. It's funny because because they're homonyms. Okay, they sound the same, but they're spelled differently. Here we go. Uh, this y'all who answer is sent by,

I don't think two homonyms should get married. There it's out. I'm sorry. Stop it. This y'all who answer is sent by Earl Parsons. Thank you, Earl. It's by y'all who answers user Bob, but not a builder who asks, why do kids think it's cool to sag if they don't know the real meaning of it? Correct me if I'm wrong, but in prison, if you sag, does that mean you are owned by someone else in the prison? This, this, this is, this is absolutely a guidance counselor who's wanting to go to school next day and just fucking nail people. Like, hey, you know what that means? I read on the internet. He's setting up his own scared straight scenario. Is that what that means? It seems counterintuitive to me to, if you are in prison and you belong

to someone, if you were meant for them and they were meant for you, um, and you, and you show off your, your, your plumage, you know, if you air it out and you show it off and you say, this is mine, this is what I'm working with, you jealous. It seems like, I don't know, it seems like a better thing to do would be to like cover it up as much as you possibly could. Just hoist it up to like your armpit. Like when you get married in real life, you don't, you don't, you know, walk around hanging brain, I guess. You know what I mean? It's like, you're, you weren't a committed, you weren't a beautiful and committed relationship. Um, you're, if I get married in prison to a, I believe, I'm, I'm not attempting to offend, I believe the nomenclature is bitch. When I get

married to a bitch in prison. Wait, I, what? Justin. Yes. You would be the bitch. Okay. Okay. I mean, I'm just saying. All right. Fair enough. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I will, I will commit myself to my man in such a way that I will wear a full tarp that I have fashioned out of paper towels I stole when the warden wasn't looking. Yeah. And no, no other man other than big Ricky J is going to have his. The card thrower? You will not, you will not be allowed to be in a room alone with a man who is not your, uh, your, I guess, butt king. What are they called? They're butt kings. You will not be allowed to be in a room alone with a man who is not your butt king, except for the hundreds and hundreds of men that you like legally have to stay in a room alone with

all the time because you're in prison. Right, but I'll be very cool to them. I will be very distant. Oh, just an ice, just an ice cream. Thousand yards stare. Just really inaccessible. They'll try to chat me up about, I don't know, how about the skits for that morning? I think everybody talks about breakout kings. You think they're only talking about breakout kings and, uh, like Alcatraz, that series. You guys see Alcatraz last night? I wish we could disappear traveling time and then Hurley would be there for some reason. I don't like living in a universe in which there's a secret code in clothes that I'm unaware of. Is this what, a couple questions. First off, are our kids still doing this? Yes. Well, okay, now I'm getting some, I'm getting some conflicting

reports on it. My kids aren't, my kids aren't doing it. Okay. God knows. Now here's, I counter an argument. Okay. Yesterday when I saw the three suges, the, there was a part where Larry, let me finish, there's a part where you, you had to torpedo our comedy by bringing that poison into it. Let me finish. There was a pretty good bit where a gentleman walked past Larry and he said, oh, your pants are hanging down. Let me help you. And then he pulled them up. So that is at least, I think their kids must still be doing it because why else would it be in the three suges? Well, as you're on the three suges, has their finger on the pulse of the youth nation? Actually, after watching the film, I can confirm it has the finger on the pulse

of euthanasia. I actually really ready to, ready to go afterwards. But well, pretty good, pretty good, pretty good flick. I feel like I don't see, I live in Austin. So I see kids wearing their pants actually tighter and higher up than, than the average, the national average. They like them tight and high here. So high and tight. Here in Cincinnati, I've seen this thing where kids only wear one leg of their pants at a time. Explain, please. Well, you kind of alternate. So it hangs the other, the other one hangs down off their dong like an elephant trunk. No, it's just off to the side. You know when on commercials, when people do the, I have big pants because they lost a bunch of weight. Yeah. Yeah. It's like that, except the side of the pants

and the other leg is naked. So do they hop around? Yeah. Well, no, they put like, they put like the left leg of their pants on their right leg, or they put the right leg of their pants on their left leg. So like the other side just dangles impotently, like a skip it. Yes. Yes. And then they skip it. The very best thing of all this bit doesn't make sense at all. Oh, Christ. I think, I don't know. I don't think that this is what this means in prison. I think there's another way of showing off that I am committed. But I can't, who can keep track? People are talking about salad. Of all the secret codes in prison. People, people talk about salad tossing a lot in prison movies. I have, in my life,

understood that to mean at least four different things. I do not know what that actually means. And I'm not sure any of the prisoners do either. So what means sagging in one, like what sagging means in one prison, may not mean the same thing in another one. Does that, does that make sense? I think I'm pretty sure that dong slapping is the only universal language of love. Yeah, that is true. Because that's that, that leaves nothing to the imagination. That is, that is as cut and dry as possible, except it is actually very wet. Even the name of it is perfectly described. Yeah. When I say dong slapping, you know exactly what I'm talking about. It conjures a horrifying mental image that you just can't get out of your head.

Horrifying. And a sound. Well, the sound. It's actually, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It's actually quite romantic. Did you see that episode of Planet Earth, when the Ducitas did it? There's never been a more beautiful expression of power in this world, I don't think. Hey guys, so from Cincinnati here, wanted to call and congratulate you on your 100th episode. I've written in twice and you've helped me both times on how to talk to my coworkers and also how to get my friends to wash their hands after they use the bathroom. So thanks again. Take care. Hey, Mumbin Bam. This is known Mumbin Bam fan, Uzman Mariko, and I'd like to congratulate you on your 100th episode and I look forward for 100 more, lots of laughs, lots of Googles, and lots of wiggles, I suppose. I am planning on

asking my lady friend for her hand in marriage. My grandma has made it known to me that she would like my girlfriend to have her, my grandma's engagement ring. If I give my girl my nanny's ring, she will think it is a sweet cinnamon? Or will I look like an El Chippo for not shelling out for a brand new ring? Brothers, help a brother. That's betwixt in Bethune, South Carolina. Bethune, is that the right pronunciation? Bethune? What? Bethune? Bethune? Bethany. Bethany, okay. Oh shit. You fucked that up so hard. There's no why. Guys, I don't know what El Chippo means. I don't think that anyone has ever received like, man, I almost said the phrase hand me down ring, not what I meant. It's a finger me down. heirloom, heirloom ring, and been like, oh, too cheap to

buy your own, huh? Like, I don't think that that translates. It depends on how shitty your grandma's ring is straight up. What are you dealing with? How many carrots? Is it like a ring pot? If it's a ring pot, then, well, I mean, if it's a ring pop with candy on top, then that's bad. But if it's a ring pop with a ring pop size diamond, that would also probably be bad because you couldn't really do anything with that hand anymore. The good thing about this question is that you don't actually have to figure out the answer beforehand. Let me explain. If you go to her, you hand her the ring, you tell her the story behind the ring, tell her it's sort of a family heirloom type thing, you watch her face. If she is touched and thrilled just at the prospect of the two of you getting

married and the fact that you gave her such a treasured family heirloom, you got to keep her. Great. If you see for a second something flick across her face that you did not buy the ring and she's as pleased by that, you snatch that ring back, you make a run for a plate glass window, you smash through it, and you never look back. You took a much more extreme second option than I thought you were going to say. No way. No, you listen to me. You smash through the plate glass window and you never look back because you did it bad. You thought you were doing good when you dated her. You did a bad job. You found a bad partner. Could he not just say like, no, I've got this ring until I like can't get, you know, a different one. No, no, no, no. You got to go to the

proposal. It's all over. You got to go plan your escape. Check the gauge of the plate glass because if it's too thick, you're just going to bounce right off and that'll be nice. Could you use your grandmother's ring to cut through the plate glass window? This is it. This is it. This is a good idea. Yes. Use the ring. Use the ring. And then you're going to find out if you're giving her some WACC cubic zirconia. Yeah. Like you use the ring to score basically a section of the glass that you will be able to smash through. Yeah. A mark-shaped hole. You just make a mark-shaped hole where Mark can take a run at it and just really smash through. Please, please propose to her on the first floor of the building. Yeah, I was about to say make sure you plan it on a low level.

Maybe second, but low level. But listen to me, nephew. You give her that ring and she's disappointed that you didn't bite yourself. You got to run. You have to run because you did it bad and get the ring back because your nanny is going to be pretty upset. Well, she'll be upset either way. That's her. That's her fucking ring. Just let your nanny have her ring. God damn it. It's like the only thing she has left. Hey, nanny, do you mind if I grave robber you while you're still alive? I may be in love with this girl. I can't figure it out until I try to give her your ring. Yeah. I gave Sidney our nanny's ring and she loved it. I mean, it was because it if you're getting involved with the right kind of person, they will understand that

things like family and things that have been passed down this way have more value than a billion dollar ring. I don't know. Well, if you sell, if I pawn, I have a chart. If I pawn my nanny's ring, I can get maybe a half gram of meth. Right. Okay. But if I, you're right, you've got to figure it out. If X is the value of how much you love your nanny and how much she means to you versus how old the ring is and the carrot, you can figure out a dollar amount, I guess, is that if that's what you're saying? That is it. Well, I was just saying that anytime you pawn something, I don't think anybody's ever pawned anything and then not spent the money on on methamphetamines. They actually started to do it using that metric in pawn stars. Yeah. They say,

you know, I have this authentic Roy Rogers shirt that he wore and shuffled down to Buffalo. Can I have three grams of meth for this? Yeah. No, I'll give you two crystals. How is it okay to propose to your girlfriend with your grandmother's meth? Yeah, sure. And I would like to think that you probably know the answer to this. Yeah. Like, I would hope that you know if that will mean something to her. I understand what you're, I don't understand what you're saying, but the, the sentiment in this case will mean more than the, than the dollar amount. And what's Griffin, you don't agree? I'm just, I had a thought. What if it's a, what if it's a toe ring?

He didn't, he didn't specify. Or like a belly button ring. It could be any number of rings to get engaged in because it doesn't say anywhere that engagement ring has to be gold band with a little diamond on top of it. I don't think, does it, it probably does say that somewhere. Yeah. Where would it say that? In the book. The book. The book. The book of Zales. The book. Turn, open your Bibles to the book of Zales. If it's a toe ring, then. It's a toe ring. Your grandma is wack. You have a wack nunny. And you need to get a new nunny first and then new wife priorities because your nunny may not be with you forever. You're going to need two plate glass windows or one very large, very rich

Okay. So you go to your nunny. You say, I'm ready to propose to Bethany in Bethune. I need, I need your ring. If you see her reaching for the shoe, you run at that plate glass and you smash it out because you're done with that nunny. You need a new one. New nunny. You find nunny too. She says, I keep my rings on my finger like an adult. Then you go to your new grave robber. And then you go. Girl friend. Yeah. And you say, I got this ring from Neo nunny and I need, and I want you to be mine. And then she says, did you buy that? Was it on a toe? You say, uh, no to both. Find that other plate glass, smash it, run back to nunny, realize that you went back to first nunny, say, Oh fuck, smash through another one. And by

this point, you are probably cut to ribbons and pretty tired. You're probably very tired because this all happened. And then go to Jared. And then you go to Jared's and you just go to Jared. Do it right. Travis. And then find a new girlfriend at Jared's. She works the cashier. She knows her stuff. She's a good, she's a good lady. Proposed to her. Travis. Uh-huh. Hey, brothers, we help anybody else? Nope. But, um, hey, brothers, I was the one who wrote a while back asking if the height difference between this girl that I like was a deal breaker. She is several inches taller than me. I'm happy to report that I took your advice and asked her out. We have been happily dating for most four months. She usually wears flats, so we're about the same height. Anyway, thanks for the

help, guys. You're awesome. And that's from Compact in Kentucky. Oh, that's good to hear. That's good to hear. But I feel like pretty much anybody would have told you that thing we told you. Yeah, that was not a talk. Did you talk to anyone else before us? Were we your first step? Oh, Christ, I hope not. That's like the one thing you can't do. What kind of horrible brand of dude would you have to talk to that'd be like, oh, she's taller than you? No way. No way. No way. Get out of town. Let's just sit around and make dude farts. Pass the Madden Troller. Did you ask Charlie Sheen about this before you came? He's a very diminutive man, right? Charlie Sheen? He's diminutive and horrible,

like some sort of troll, like some sort of swamp monster. Hey, guys, check this out. Check this out. Winning. Oh, boy. Remember, it was in Three Stooges. They would say, is there a scene in Three Stooges where they quote Charlie Sheen? Is that what you're saying? No, but there is a scene where Justin, I don't want to hear it. It's a scene. No, you do have to hear it. There's a scene for 20. Have to hear it for 20 minutes, maybe 25. It felt like seven hours. Yeah. Well, it's comprised of three shorts, three half hour long shorts. In the third shorts. Yeah. And in the movie for about half hour, Moe is part of the cast of Jersey Shore.

Dynamo, as they refer to him. Dynamo. Dynamo. Dynamo. Uh-huh. Dynamo. He's a part of Jersey. If you do this, I'm going to start talking about how I watched Joe Dirt yesterday. I don't want to do this. I'm just telling you guys I saw it. It's pretty good. I'm just saying that we will do mutually assured joke destruction. If you keep talking about Three Stooges, I will bring up Joe Dirt. Let's talk about anything else then. Okay. Anything else? Guys, I watched Hudson Hawk yesterday and let me... No! No! You son of a bitch! How about a Yahoo answer? Please. This Yahoo answer was sent in by Goliayoli. Thank you, Goli. It's by Yahoo answers user Lola. Who asks? Well, standing up and eating helped me get a fatter

butt, not a bigger rounder skinnier butt, a fat, juicy butt. I don't want to exercise her because that made my thighs and my butt skinny. I want a fat, delicious, juicy butt and also thighs. Please stop saying that. I want a fat, delicious, juicy butt and also thighs. Well, standing up and eating helped me do that. Can you read? I want a fat, delicious, juicy butt. Thank you. That was what I was going to request actually. So if you want a fat, delicious, juicy butt, there are three things you must do. Okay. First, avoid those workout tapes by Fonda. That's number. That's super key. Yeah. They'll give you a light bulb figure and you do not want

that. You want an upside down light bulb. Yeah. And you don't want that and neither does my anaconda. Yeah. Travis's an anaconda is very particular about fat. Just the juiciest butt. Now you did not comment on the flavor of the butt and I feel like that's an important modifier. Like a sweet, juicy butt. This is a very hoppy butt. This is a very bitter. What year is this butt? What year is this butt? This is a fine butt vintage. She is, let me tell you, I just started seeing someone. She is just marbled down there. It's wonderful. This is a juicy butt with some hints of what is that? Grape, tobacco. You can't smell it, though. I didn't mean so. I was sniffing. You can't smell the butt. You bite the butt and it tastes

juicy. You swish it around in your mouth and then you spit it out. It's so important that you don't swallow the butt. Guys, no. Butt drunk. Help. You don't get butt drunk. My favorite scene in sideways with Leslie. You can choose your own adventure on that. You can email the way that bit concludes to us. I'll give you a mailing address here in a second. Can you move food around your body like some sort of food wizard like this? I didn't know. You mean by standing up gravity takes care of it? If you do a headstand while eating burritos, then you get really toned calves. If you lie on your back and you drink a milkshake, you get fat back. That's the last thing you want. That's why it's so important not to be lying down. That's why hospital beds sit you up,

so it angles the food to your butt. Exactly. You're fat. You actually have to do that thing that they always do in the comedic hospital scenes where the bed goes haywire and bends them up into a V. You got to do that so it all settles. All the blood in your body is just in your fat, delicious, juicy butt. I just worry that if you didn't stand up, you're going to end up with fat, juicy, delicious feet. That's the worst. Unless you're some element on Craigslist. Unless you're a member of a certain community. Let's call them the feet, guys. My brother may fangirl. Ah, feet, guys. That's right. Guys, I don't think much about my own butt. But when I think about me, like at me, right, and I think about if my butt

could be considered by myself or any outside party as being juicy, that's not a good any sort of dampness. I would like a light, airy butt. I would like a powdery, a powdery butt. That's sort of my. A delicious, cakey butt. Something even cakey. Even cakey has intonations of moistness, which I cannot get behind. So like an overcooked, well done butt. Yeah, charred. Not like a bursting with fruit flavor. Like I want it. With a delicious, juicy center. Right. Smoked to perfection is what you want your butt to be. Exactly. You want a teriyaki jerked butt. Okay. Cam, I feel like this is actually an interesting place where the sexes divert in many cases, but not all. Tell me. I feel like most women, if asked to describe their

butt, could give you a few paragraphs on that. Yeah. Like sort of their feelings on it. I, most of the time, could not be less aware of the fact that I have a butt. Like, you know, the only time I'm aware of my butt, long car trips. Yeah. When I'm driving and my butt falls asleep. Yeah. If it's you outside, things get a little juicy. I'm waiting. No, it's because I have zero fat juiciness on my butt and my butt bones dig directly into the car seats and tear them up. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what Travis's butt is like. Yeah. What was your nickname when you were taught, Trev? Bunny Butt Boy. Very good nickname. If you must know. It's legit. Oh man, that's a good show. That Travis McRoy's got a sharp ass. That's the sharp ass. The most acute butt.

He sat. Not a cute butt, mind you. Nope. Nope. It's a cute. He sat on Santa's lap at the Huntington Mall exactly once and they would not let him back because Santa lost his leg. No, that happened. Yeah. Hey guys, I have a co-worker. She leaves her stuff strewn about our offices. She only picks up after herself after being asked to do so several times or she waits for someone else to do it for or she also takes my supplies and doesn't return or replenish them. I don't want to make enemies in the office, especially since I work on a relatively small staff. How do I nicely ask her to be more considerate? That's from irritated in Illinois. I think you post a note, a passive aggressive note. Yeah. Does that work? Can you? Hey, Deborah. Yeah. Notice things have been getting

a little out of hand lately, which reminds me I'm missing a stapler. Put it in my hand, please. Please. I'm pretty sure that's more active aggressive than you. Hey, babe. Stop. No. Hey, slut. No. No. You can't just say something in that sing song voice. Hey, where's my three hole puncher? Hey, gonna find your house down. Hey. Hey, how's it going? Gonna kill your dad. Bring back with a hole punch or I'll put centipedes in your vagina. Why? How would that self operation go down? Without you noticing. Without you noticing. I'm a wizard. Right. Did you consider becoming a wizard or a witch? You can find the eaves of her

home flushing her toilet, watching her internet. A passive aggressive note would be like, boy, it sure would be nice if people would stop stealing office supplies. Oh, I gave myself a chill when I said that. You're not good at this. We're not good at passive aggressive. Here's the one thing that we macaroids could do. We stew and we stew and we stew, then we get aggressive once, regular aggressive, and then we get embarrassed and we quit. That's our plan of attack. I guess start working on your resume. I guess, yeah, start reaching out to some of your LinkedIn contacts. Go get a stack of papers together and go to reach for the point where your stapler used to be and just stop with your hand in the air and lower your hand and just sigh deeply and do that like 50 times a day. Just every

once in a while, just announce, I miss my stapler. That stapler was given to me by my nunny. Maybe you could start stealing things from her and then you just have a drawer of all their stuff. Steal her, man. Her identity. No, no, that way, that is one way you can have all your stuff back. If you steal your identity, you'll be both her and you simultaneously. So you will, you could just go and lift stuff off the desk. It'll be like that. What was that movie with Matt Daim, the curious case of Benjamin Button? Good Will Hunting. No. No, it was. Tell him it's Mr. Ripley. Bing John Malkovich. Yeah. Something something man's name. Right. I don't know how to lose a man in 10 days. I don't lose a man in 10 days. Is that it? How to

become a man in 10 days is what it was. How to become another man. Is this, it's a fucking stapler. To me, I have a monetary value of how much I have to be inconvenienced before I'll start worrying about something and like put myself through that mental distress. And it's high guys. It's like, it's like 150 bucks. Can I, can I tell you guys something? But you're also, we're, you're now amongst the super rich though. You're incredibly, incredibly wealthy. But even before the max fund drive filled my coffers to a preposterous degree, if someone would like clip my side view mirror and take off, I would be like, I would get their license plate number and I would promptly throw it away because I can, I can fix that. That's not a big deal. They were probably in a hurry anyway.

And let me tell you guys, I, I am the other side of this question. I'm the person with the messy desk that steals everyone's stapler and tape dispenser and wide out. And I thrive on knowing that people aren't going to bring it up. Travis can't, Travis can't finish unless he knows he's suppressing somebody or some menial issue. Travis, you can loan Travis things like video games and he will insist several weeks later that he purchased that video game. And I'm talking about like things, things become a mind, a full library of games that I, I fully accept. I send his way and they will never return. He doesn't, he doesn't borrow things as much as he can scripts them. And the funny thing is I'm super, super anal about getting stuff back from people.

Well, yes, but that's just because you're terrible. Yeah. They have a word for that. It's a hippo shit. Neither a borrower nor a lender B. Travis takes that and he kind of makes it his own. He kind of puts his own spin on it. Like it's, it's cool to be a borrower, but fuck lending. I'm out. Travis McElroy. Peace. Um, now Travis is a good dude. We like, we like, yeah, Travis is great. Thank you guys so much. I'm trying to get better at it. I'm trying to get better at returning people's data, but no, like mentally I'm trying to become more okay with the fact that I

do. That is, that is our advice for everything. Don't fix your problems, but do accept them. So they're not problems anymore. They're quirks. If you could just like send me pictures of my seasons one through three of smallville every once in a while, just so I can like catch up on how they're doing. Just like a quick status update. I just want to know. I'm practicing to be like a totalitarian dictator, like just slowly taking over annexing the areas around me, but I started with DVDs and videos. Sure. I organized my West Wing seasons yesterday and it was an easy job because it was one and six. You see something like that. You think oops, it must be Travis. Hey, ma'am, ma'am, happy 100 years of podcasting.

Hello. This is Ira Glass from the popular podcast, This American Life, and I'm here with Dan Savage from the popular podcast, Dan Savage. He can't come to the phone. I just want to say you kids are doing a bang up job and to keep up the good work, you know, 100. You know, that's really impressive and I think you guys are going to make it this business. We got another check in email and it says, you answered my question on how to get my boyfriend to move from Chicago to Indianapolis. I'm happy to say that after listening to the episode, he molded over and he'll be moving here in about a month from now. I really think the part where Griffin threatened to kill him made

all the difference and that's from soon not to be isolated in Indianapolis. I don't remember. I don't remember. This is the one where we talked about the pies and the cheesecake and then Griffin said he was going to kill someone. Yes. That doesn't sound like something I do though. This is the baker. I definitely killed someone in Chicago. Hence why you live in Austin under a different name. What's your new name, Griffin? I meant to ask you. I've been wanting to send you a birthday card. It's Tyson with two S's and but no last name. I did some research. It's the most off the grid name that I could possibly write.

I miss Griffin. I miss him so much. Fuck Griffin. Tyson's here to play. Where's the women? Bring them out please for Tyson. So I said Tyson. So I have this clear. Is it T-Y-S-S-T-I-E? Oh. It's spelled like if you're like if it's spelled like ties son like you're telling your son about. Is it hyphen? It sounds hyphenate. Nope. It's just you put a little emphasis. There's like an umad on the second S. Tyson. Tyson loves to party. He loves the women. That's all there is to it. That's him in a nutshell. You can't you can't change the direction of the wind

and you can't stop Tyson from partying. That's the one thing about him that I do like. I don't like I don't I don't like nothing about Tyson. The thing about Tyson though is that his tastes run a little expensive. And uh as a result we have to uh every once in a while take him to the money zone. He said that like we're taking him to show biz pizza. We are. It's not the one place you can't take Tyson. Get in the car. Tyson in the car. Put on this paper crown Tyson. We're taking you to show biz pizza. Hey I'm really excited about this week because we are talking about Cast of Thrones. It's uh it's on iTunes. Search it right now. Cast of

Thrones. It is the uh top ranked unofficial Game of Thrones podcast on iTunes. It is spoiler free. It is very very funny and it will help you make sense of Game of Thrones which can get kind of confusing. They um they talk to cast members uh which is which is very cool. They've had some uh some high high profile guests on there from the program which I think is awesome. And as somebody who recently kind of got back into Game of Thrones after stopwatch of the series for a while and trying to hop back on uh I found Cast of Thrones pretty invaluable. Now what if I've never read or seen Game of Thrones and this might be the first time I've ever heard of it. Is this a podcast? Chavis doesn't know a lannister from a start from a Harry Potter.

Right. That's true. I would suggest that you download it right now. Uh-huh. Because it makes our marketing look more effective. Got it. And then then you listen to it later when you watch the show. Also why are you not watching the show read these books? It's made for you Travis. It's made for you. What do you love Travis? Do you love it? Do you love incest? Do you love dragons? I should not start with incest. Do you like swordsmanship? Do you like it when brothers and sisters bang down? No. Why is that? Don't ask about that on the air. We can talk about that after the show. What about when secret kings played dong slaps with each other? This is fucking classic Tyson. It has to make everybody so comfortable. There are also things that are in

the show so if you're not ready for the reality of Secret Kings. Can they talk about incest on Cast of Thrones? They have. What else would they talk about? They would have to. They can't talk around the incest. It's even better if they talk with the lighting on the show. Yeah. Sean Bean joined in a particularly thrilling performance and also two kings just totally went to town on each other. Cast of Thrones is on iTunes. You can search for it. You can go get it. And Griffin wrote this song about it. I'm going to try and do the actual theme song to the show. Really? Cast of Thrones. That was mostly just things that are on the show Game of Thrones.

Peter Dinklage lives in Dinklage. Peter Dinklage lives in Dinklage Town in the show. I'm sorry. Did you say fisting? Did you say fisting? There's a very long and uncomfortable fisting scene. With Peter Dinklage? Yeah. It's terrible. It looks like a deleted scene from the Muppets movie. Nightmare. Oh no. Cast of Thrones on iTunes. I just graduated. I just graduated from college in the middle of the school year. I have a job lined up, but it does not start until July. Any tips on how I can spend this incredible amount of free time? I already read, write, and play video games, but I'm looking for some new jams. Justin's been talking about geocaching. What's the good word on that? Anyway, thanks for the help. That's from Board Nightly and NYC.

I feel like I can't stop talking about geocaching, but geocaching is the shit. Tell me, please. Griffin's not on the tip yet. I'm sure there's lots of people doing it in Austin. If it's a weird thing that you can spend time on and not get paid for, Austin's got it. Within 20 Mozmians and Cincinnati, there's 300 geocaches, so I bet there's just millions in Austin. Did you find some choice caches by the way, Travis? Did you find some good stuff? I found so many choice caches. I've explored so many parks and had more outdoor time in the last week than I've had in the last three years. I know, because you go to all these places that

you would never expect to go to or things that are in your neck of the woods, but you would have no reason to climb or explore. Geocaching's great. There's two different things. There's one where it's like, I'm going to go explore this park and go for a hike, and there's two where it's like, oh, this is a parking lot I've parked in a thousand times, and there was something hidden under my nose that I didn't know about. Those are super cool. I love those. There was something hidden in a guardrail, and you've driven past it 10 times, and there's been something there for 10 years, and it's like, but you can totally do that in New York, I'm sure. There's some nice geocaching there. I made a poop the other day, and a geocache fell out.

I was wondering where you would be when you would discover that one that I hid. Did you sign the log and put it back? Yeah, geocaching is something you can do to do some free time. You read, write, and play video games. That's pretty much my whole day, so I can't take you too much deeper than that. Maybe try to watch all the movies on AFI's Best Films list. You can do that. I suggest going to your favorite grocery store and buying some sort of food item and go home, get on allrecipes.com, search that food item, look up a recipe, I guess go back to the store by the other things that you need to make the recipe, and then before you know it,

you're learning how to cook. That's how I did it. And then blog all about that. Blog about it, because God, I want to hear about it. Oh, you made crepes. Great. Great crepes. That's your website's name, greatcrapes.org. Greatcrapes.tumblr.com. Yeah, in our culture, I think when you have a lot of free time, you're supposed to spend a year doing something that you wouldn't normally do and then write a book about it. That seems to be the... Eat, pray, crepes. Eat, pray, crepes. Buy a sushi kit and start making your own sushi. You're wasting everyone's time not doing that. Yeah, learn to cook something you don't know. Yesterday, I made steak au poivre for the first time. It's delicious. It's steak in a

brandy cream sauce. Yeah, sure. That sounds delicious. It's really good and easy, but I wouldn't have known how to do it if I hadn't just gone out there and just... And you could also set a goal. Over the next five months, I'm just going to master breakfast. Over the next five months, I'm just going to masturbate. Every day, all day. You could also get obnoxiously into politics. Oh, don't do that. Oh, yeah, don't do that. Just super, just get over your head. What do we always tell people who listen to this show? Don't bother getting involved in politics, because it's not going to change anything. Yeah, that's the number one thing. There's no benefit from being political.

No one person has ever changed anything. Only like 100,000 people working in unison and nobody can do that anymore. So don't even bother. The only time the only time it's happened in the past decade is Coney 2012. And the stress of it was so much that it made all the guys' clothes disappear and made them run around checking off. Like, that's how powerful that is. You don't want that heat. Just live your life. Try to stay under the radar. That's that's my whole thing now. I'm 31 years old. Let's just get through this one. And by this one, I mean your entire life. That's the best advice that we can do. Just try not to leave a paper trail. Yeah, just keep it discreet. Just make it the end of your life without dying and you'll have succeeded.

Yeah. Yeah. Get to the end of your life and just let it be like a puff of air that no one notices when you die. Just like, what'd that guy do? Well, nothing. You gotta at least you want to annoy everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Don't get in anybody's way. You gotta, you gotta, you gotta take up a craft. I think that's the best thing that you can do with your time. When you're free time, if you don't want to feel like you've wasted your time, the only thing you can do is improve something. It's like the Sims. You play a guitar long enough and then you can paint a beautiful painting because it's both creativity. Right. That's a video game logic for you. You know, my, our personal friend, Brian Barth, when he found he had some free time on his hands, you know,

he took up metallurgy. Learn how to forge it. That now they, you laugh the first time because you know, who knows what they're doing with that. But now that he can do it full time, he can like forge his own weapons. Like that's amazing. That's a great, that's a great way to spend your free time. Yeah. It's super practical. Super practical. Well, not now. Cross stitching. You could cross stitch. It's kind of like metallurgy. Did you say crossed allergy? Crossed allergy. Make metal crosses. Throw them at vampire. Don't cross stitch. You can become a vampire honey. Wait, hold on. Vampire honey. Did you? Oh, girl. Damn, those fangs are looking nice, girl. Let me see that. You got some juicy fangs. Let me see that juicy, delicious neck. No, you got to take

up a trade that's going to. What's the fat neck? You got to take up a trade that's going to be impressive to people. Like, like magic. Like card tricks. Not the gathering. Magic cards. Magic cards. The gathering. Fucking do that, man. I had a bunch of free time. So I got like good at magic. We got back from PAX last weekend. Those guys playing magic cards. We're getting more trim than Matthew McConaughey in 1996. 1996 McConaughey. Like the peak of his parabola. Exactly. Hi guys. It's just me, your dad. And well, I just wanted to share this special memory on this special podcast. I remember bouncing you kids on my knee and now my knees are shot. So

thanks a whole hell of a lot. Hello, brothers. This is Kathy from St. Louis, Missouri, calling to congratulate you on your 100th episode. Because of your weeding questions into wisdom, I now know how I feel about man sized jars, how to place an order for stake them in tubes, how to take a big bite at a recovery sandwich, when to pack up at move away, and just how gross tropical killers are. I can't wait to hear the new and delightful nuggets of wisdom that you will provide in your next 100 episodes. Congrats. Trav, any other check-ins? Did we help any of us? We got one. It made me super happy. Hey guys, back on episode 67, I asked if there was any way to keep my mustache without people

thinking I'm the creepster. I took your advice and went full Sam Elliott. Within a few weeks, I was elected to my college's homecoming court. Thanks, brothers. Yeah, don't thank us. Thank irony. You're the best. And he attached the picture to you. It is a lovely mustache. Great. What's the bushiness rating from? I would say impenetrable. Trav, can you remember to put it in the forum so people can enjoy that? I will. I will attach to that picture. I will make this guy famous. Okay. Did he have any crumbs in there? Did he have like a full cheese it? He actually had a bird that traveled with him that helped keep his mustache clean. Like one of those rhino birds. Sure. Sure. Guys. We knew what you were saying.

This Yahoo answer was sent by Lisa Holofield. Thank you, Lisa. It's by Yahoo answers user China Dahl who asks, I need a hip hop group name. Help me out. I need a group name, but it needs to end with girls with a Z. It's the three of us. We need something cute that the teens and young girls can catch onto. Nothing stupid, please. Oh my God. That's easy buck girls. The phrasing of the part where she says we need something that girls can catch onto makes you feel like this is a few teachers that are going to lip sync a terrible song at the school talent show or they're going to do a terrible song, but like change the words to help promote teen abstinence. That's what this feels like. They're going to wear those the sunglasses with the neon

sides. You know, the classic style, maybe some jams. I guys, I've been sitting here trying to think of a parody of a modern song to which in which to work the abstinence themes into and I the problem I'm having is that I can't think of a modern song. Oops. I think the only song that popped in my head is marry the night. And I think they're selling about like waiting till marriage. I came with super bass. I think that's the only song that's been released in the past five years that I've heard. It's a good one, too. I don't have sex and I know it. That's one, right? Yeah. I don't have sex. Maybe sort of look at the stars. I am not having sex. Sure.

If you're listening to Coldplay, it's assumed that you're not having sex. The Coldplay girls would be a good name. Sure. That would be a good name because you've already got like the name recognition. Sure. That's copyright. No, no, no, that's how. No, that's how naming the fans works. Foo fighters are originally called Beatles, too. They're called Beatles Foo. They're like, this is too long. This sucks. Everything about this is about. This name sucks. This bit sucks. What? Okay. What about chunky girls? Now, hear me out because they know how to move. Here's what I'm going to do for the rest of this bit as we come up with names. Okay. I'm going to

double check and see if they're actual names. Yeah, get on my space. Chunky girls. With a Z. Oh, with a Z. It has to do with a Z. Yeah, that's imperative. First up, chunky girls with a Z. Okay. There is a chunkygirls.com. Oh, don't click that. For girls who are tired of you. Do not click that hyperlink. Don't click it. Too late. And chunkygirls.com is also on my space, but it does not appear to be a band. So chunky girls available. So you could be chunky girls of the band. Yes, they could be chunky girls of the band. Can I read off the best answer as chosen by Asker? It's by Yahuas. It's by Yahuas's user, Gouda, who says it's kind of long. I've played in bands, sang in bands, and written music for years. Currently, I manage a group of

local bands and singers, including Chainsaw Heart, All Girl Metal, Silver Age Heroes, Alt Rock, Georgia Boy, with an I, Rapper, Terrified, All Girl Alternative, Red Sun Alternative, Denied Metal, and My Pride of Joy, a band of three young men by the name of Stolen Ink. Check them on Facebook. You won't be disappointed. All these bands I named, all these bands I named, and they have good solid names that are fun to say and easy to remember. So please take to heart what I say next. Miss spelling a word and a group name never seems to work out well. But if your heart is set on it, here's a few names tossed your way. Girls, girls, sorry, girls spelled normally, girls spelled with a U, girls spelled with a Z. So girls, girls, yes. Name of your hometown, girls. Monster beat girls.

No, no, no, beat girls. No combination of beat girls should ever be in anything. TXT girls, text girls, power supply girls, and rolling rhythm girls. I think power supply girls is my favorite renewable energy girls. Oh, that's great. Green girls, wind farm girls, corn based ethanol girls. So guys, it's time for our check in of the Stolen Ink MySpace page. There are, of course, the trio of musicians from Bellevue, Illinois. Here are the literal names of the members of this band. We got Lucas Holland on bass. Okay. Stone Seerlock, guitar and vocals. And then my favorite, Kale Hugg, drums. Top comment on the MySpace page comes in from Adam. He says,

OMG, you guys rock. If I were a chick, I do all of you. JK, no, but really I would. And that was posted. And that was posted when? That came to us one year ago today. It was a day just like today. I believe that means they have gone viral. Then they changed their name to One Direction and now they're huge. Now we know them. I have clicked a button to bring Stolen Ink to Honey 20 Virginia on my space page. I don't know if that will work, but I have a 10. Give me that ink. I'm a band. Send it my way. You know that you've, you know, you know, you've got the Google heat when the third result for

searching for your brand brings up the headline office depot manager got rich selling Stolen Ink cartridges. You know, you know, you're making a dent in the scene. There is no band that you can put girls in that won't be miserable. Miserable girls. That's probably the most accurate you're going to get, but I don't think it has the penetration required to go viral. Penetration. You got to stop saying the things I say and then girls after it. Girls after it girls. Stop it. I'll hang you. I'll hang you. I will hang the life out of you. Don't fucking don't you fucking girls.

Here's some, uh, here's some bands that have girls in the name, uh, brought to you by our friends at allmusic.com. They're spice girls. Sure. Okay. Uh, new girls in you. So that's taken. Oh yeah. I've heard of them. Uh, 69 girls. That is, that is a large man. It's like the polyphonic spree, but it's all, it's all ladies. Yeah. Yeah. Girls men. No, I don't. They're bad. Is this going? Is there like 15 names on the list? There's something hilarious. You're hoping for a joke, right? Where's the pay? I'm just waiting for the payoff. It's cool. We've done this a hundred times. I know you know what you're doing. Um, can you just edit it? Can you put a payoff in post? Can you, how about, can I come up with a gag later and I'll

just fax it to you? Or I can just, I'll just type it into Microsoft Sam. I'll just put that in later. Thanks. So here's another check-in email. Um, I am potential runaway bride from episode 31, who you gave some very serious relationship advice to regarding a boyfriend who wanted to repose when I was terrified of the idea. In short, you told me to consider why I was so scared and leave him if it wasn't working. I did and then I left and I can honestly say it was one of the best things I've ever done. With him out of my life, I graduated college early, moved to a new city, and I'm in a wonderful relationship with a new guy. Thank you for giving me a dose of reality, brothers. Packed my bags and moved away from

Charlotte, North Carolina. Oh man. This is, listen, this is fantastic. This, this really does, it warms my heart and I feel so happy for you, but I genuinely hope that the guy that you were dating originally wasn't like General Zaraf, who's going to very slowly hunt me, Justin, and Travis all down for making you break up with them. Also, I just want you to know like what a huge risk you took. Yeah. Acting on our advice. I'm so glad it worked out well. We sound serious when we're saying these things. It still doesn't mean we mean them. You can't, you can't actually do the stuff. I can't have that hanging over my head. I'm just terrified of like, it's great that this worked out for you, but I'm terrified of like the six people that weren't able to write in because

they're homeless now and can't afford the computer to tell us the terrible thing that we did to their life. You have to remember, we've answered an average of six questions over a hundred episodes. That's 600. 40 people or so wrote in. So to me, that means 560 people are just dead. Just dead as fuck. Dead because of our words. Yeah. We killed them with our show. So for that, we're sorry. What if we get a question next week that's like, hey, brothers, I was going to propose this girl, but she done, she done dipped on me. So now I'm pretty much sad all the time. What do I do to? Now I just sit around listening to miserable girls. What do I do to stave off the loneliness? Love David. Love, I'm right behind you with a knife. Yeah. I'm going to tell you. I'm moving

to Cincinnati this weekend for my first grown up job and my first time living alone. I am in desperate need of tips for making the move go slowly. I've got plenty of family helping smoothly. I want the move to be as slow as possible. Can I ride on a giant tortoise? What's the slowest car that there is? I've got plenty of family helping, but I'd like the experience to suck as little as possible. I'm appalled with the number of books and video games I've accumulated over the years. Thanks, brothers. Gmail. All right, I'm going to tell you something straight up, and it may be too late for this. I've never, ever gotten rid of a physical possession and then regretted it ever in my entire life. I completely agree. I have never gotten rid of a

DVD or a game or whatever and wished later that I had that thing again. You know what? I'll take that one step further because I'm a huge pack rat or I was a huge pack rat and over the course of like four years from like age 24 to like now, I've moved like eight times and in moving into this apartment that I'm currently in, I finally went through and unpacked all the boxes that I hadn't touched in like five moves and they were full of just literal garbage like pieces of paper scraps of things that I'd just thrown into a box rather than like sorting through my shape. And I probably would have moved eight less boxes a move if I had just actually gone through and sorted through myself. In your defense, you are half borrower though. Yeah, that is true.

That's disgusting. And half magpie. Disgusting. Here's what you do. You throw away probably, well don't throw it away, go to Goodwill, drop off like half your clothes because I guarantee you don't wear half of your clothes. Just get rid of them. They take up space, they're heavy, they're gross, they're moldy. Get rid of those. Get rid of old shitty furniture. It's time for you to upgrade, get some nicer stuff. I wouldn't get rid of any video games because I can't, I got rid of all of my Super Nintendo and PlayStation games once so I could buy a computer and I regret it every day of my life that I don't have my original copy of Chrono Trigger on the Super Nintendo. That's got sentimental value. I'd hold on to those because you're going to want to come back

to your, yeah, I mean, yeah, that's like a box to put your video game. That's not like a big, and here's another thing. If you're really willing to invest a little bit of money, go and buy uniform boxes, especially if you're like packing a truck, having uniform boxes make it so much faster. Especially if you have a lot of uniforms, those are going to come in super handy. I mean like same size, same shape, same construction. You're absolutely right. And seal the bottom. Tape up the bottom of the box. Tape up the bottom. Don't do that thing where you fold over the four corners. You're going to drop your books on your foot and you're going to be mad. Also, if you've got a bunch of family and friends

helping you, you have to remember that like your efforts in the move are important, but you've got to keep an eye on people that they don't start trying to do stuff. Like, you know, all you want them for is manual labor. If you see people trying to get shifty and start unpacking things. Yeah. I just put your pots and pans under the sink. Oh, great, where it's super dirty. That's great. That's where I wanted those. That's where I hate them. I hate them there. Thank you. Great job. Keep it up. Also, I highly recommend doing furniture first. Yeah. Like when you move it into your new apartment, furniture first, then carry all the boxes and everything because the furniture is the big, heavy upfront, you know, push, and then you can take one box at a time

and it's less of a stress. But if you wear yourself up on boxes and then you get to the furniture, you're going to be so sad. And listen, don't let people leave. They're going to try to sneak out. You can't let that happen. You've got to keep an eye on people. They're going to run. They're going to try to bolt because everybody hates moving and they hate helping you. Oh, guys, I'm moving in like a month or two and I'm just reading this question and us talking about it. I'm having like a panic attack. The thing is, is moving is once you're all moved in and you've set up your new apartment, it's like the greatest thing. But the lead up to it, like cleaning out your three years of terribleness in your apartment, it's like the worst. And you can

try to clean your stuff. Like you can try to remove the signs of your life. It tastes like, why does it take so many time passes to like remove the evidence of your existence? It takes forever. And the worst part is like, you look around at your stuff, right? Right now, everybody stop, take a look around where they are. You think I don't have that much stuff. A couple books on the bookshelf, you know, some stuff. You have so much shit. Like you don't even know it. It's under bookcases and inside drawers, you have so much stuff. The comedian, comedian and hospitality expert, Amy Sedaris, she had a pretty good way of doing this. She would invite people over for garage sales. And basically, she would just lay out a bunch of stuff that she owned on tables in her

house. And you would give her a quarter for anything. And you would just go through her house buying her stuff. She'd just sell it to you because you would came over for a garage sale party. Can I just use this podcast as like my own personal Austin Craigslist? Like guys, I've got like two laptops I just don't use. I need to hawk them. I've got a bed that I'm probably gonna need to get rid of. Just like hit me up. I'll give you very reasonable prices. And you can sleep in the bed of a star. This is a celebrity bed. You can roll around in my skin flakes and you'll love it. I love every second of it. Dirty boy. You're never gonna sell the bed. So dirty. Such a dirty bad bed. It's got my teeth. It's got. Oh God, go on.

Good job on talking guys. 100. Holy shit, guys. I have been listening since episode one. And you're about to hit your 100th episode. And that's fucking awesome. And I've listened to every single one. You've answered one of my questions. You give me shout outs on the show. I drank a fucking a strawberry traffic chillers because of you guys. And it was the worst thing that I've ever done. But I'm glad that I did it. I've grown as a person and I couldn't have done that without my brother, my brother and me. Congratulations on your 100th episode from Ian Johnson in Kansas City, Missouri. Guys, I got a Yahoo answer from Steve Lewis. Thank you, Steve. I should be clear. Steve didn't ask it because I don't think this is Steve's style, but he sent it in. Thank you,

Steve Lewis. It's by Yahoo Answers user question mark who asks, my boyfriend has a teeth fetish? My boyfriend has a teeth fetish. Maybe it's a cavity fetish. He always wants to look inside my mouth at feelings I've had done or any dental work. He likes to feel my teeth in his tongue while we're kissing. And he's even asked if he could see copies of my dental x-rays. I care about him and this is the only persistent problem between us. So I'd really like to find a way to work around this, but it makes me uncomfortable. He is constantly asking me questions about my dental history and wanting to look inside my mouth. And he has made it clear that it's a sexual thing and he's turned on by it. I'm not really sure how to handle this because I've never really dealt with anything

like this before. Any help? I'd like educated responses only, please. I understand this is a strange question. I'm aware it's out of the ordinary. No need for anyone to use the response system to blast their personal feelings preferences on this topic. It's weird. I get it. Dear Yahoo, I have like the greatest boyfriend. There's this one little thing. I've got one ish with him. I now know that time travel will not be invented in my lifetime because there's no way future Justin would not have come and snatched the headphones from me just then. I said, no, don't do this. Don't do this. You can't live with this rabbit hole. You can't carry this burden with you of knowing this is a thing. The one thing that is bad about the internet except for

all the other things is the one major thing is I don't need to just do this in your own home. I don't need to know about it. Why would you foist this onto the public consciousness? Listen, did you not assume any hole that is on or can be made with the human body is people have a fetish over that, right? I just didn't assume that it would get so tiny as cavities. You know what I mean? I'm just glad that this because I was sure there was going to be some ambiguity to this, but thank God that the boyfriend cleared up that it is a sexual thing. Just real quick, just so there's no confusion. Don't let me be misunderstood. Gotta see those cavities. This is not at all. I don't care about your dental hygiene. I'm not like studying to be a dentist or

anything. I am boned out for your canines. Please get them out. This is really hot to me. So here's my question to you guys. When in this guy's younger years, did he have the best dentist ever or the worst dentist ever? So he had one of those that has turned him into this. So I just need to clear up which one. You mean like he gave him the gas and is like very comforting to him and like gave him a free toothbrush with every visit or yeah or he was just blasting slayer from all the speakers and ripping his teeth out that novocaine. One of them is triggering this. I'm just I'm trying to decide what the question asker wants to accomplish. Like is this person asking how do I become okay with the fact that my boyfriend is a teeth guy? There's no there's she's trying to do a pro and con

scale right and she knows all the pros and she's she's figured out the the value of them. She needs to know the metric weight of how terrible it is that he wants to fuck her teeth out. Oh very very I would say 2,000 pounds is how heavy this is. A metric it's a solid ton of bad. You guys all she's doing is she wants she wants to share her burden. That's it. That's all this is about. Hey take a load off question mark. Take a load off yahoo. Take a load free and put the load. Tell me about your boyfriend's thing with teeth. Pulled into internet. Gotta tell people about my freaking boyfriend. He likes to jerk off to people's smiles. His favorite member of the Muppets was Dr. T. He's got 20 pairs of dentures in the closet. He calls it his secret shrine.

You're turning to Randy Newman again. Give me a cavity search and it means exactly what it sounds like. Take a load off yahoo. Tell me about the thing with teeth. Oh fuck. Can we not? Can we please not? What's next? Is this this is the end game right? What's small I guess pores? Every time I hear one of these things I expect there to be like curtains on the computer that close. It's like the end. The internet fiend. Hey thanks for sticking with us this far Justin. You've reached the end of the internet. We've had a good run. Here's a printout certificate. Turns out we were all ghosts the whole time. Thanks for hanging in there for a decade. Thanks for sticking with us through the prodigy years. We know things were a little rough at the beginning. This whole thing has been a

Truman Show-esque television extravaganza. People watching you explore the horrifying depths of the internet. Most of it was user-generated content by people who are delighting in your torment. You've won eight Emmys. You're the most famous person in the world. It's all for you Justin. Because that's what people that's what people on the internet need to think that they are in fact even more important than they already assume that they are. Oh man teeth guys. You know the horrifying things that this girl. Yeah I know the horrifying thing Travis. No but there's like that there's like a whole group of people that are like yeah that's completely normal. Teeth. Sexy. That's actually the first answer. It's so it's weird. So what we all have

our own little ways of getting turned on. Yes perhaps your boyfriend is a little further out from the mainstream the most but if you love him should not matter. Like I don't and this is where this is where I agree like doesn't matter. I'm we are all three of us super in I think we proved last week we're both into and knowledgeable about the kink scene. We're down we're down with all that whatever you want to do just don't tell anybody about it. Right like I'm in the secret. I'm in the sexual waffle irons but like I would never ever say that out loud in front of another person let alone an enraptured radio audience. I can't stop walrissing. Yeah Travis is like stuck on walrissing. And I like you know I keep that to myself. I like I like um I like sex all sex weird sex.

That's gross. That's horrible. You're perfect. I was just talking about putting your penis in a waffle iron or some baby sandwich maker make a paninas. Wait I'm sorry didn't you say paninas? And the Oscar for podcasting goes to Griffin McElroy for paninas. The worst word that now I get is and the worst image in case there's one thing the 100% worst thing that is and you're crushed toasted. I actually went I went to the uh I went to Panera bread the other day and they had it a paninas on special. Oh no okay okay between your paninas and your delicious juicy butt. I have a lot to offer. This is the worst day ever. You got a lot going for you and I want to die. This is what happens when we record a two hour podcast usually we record a

one hour podcast we get to like minute 53 and we have to pull the ripcord because something awful has happened. We've learned something awful about ourselves in the internet. This time we have we have no such luxury. Yeah we're just getting as deep as it we're just figuring this out how deep this goes. We're making callbacks in this episode the things that happened so long ago we don't we no longer remember them. You know it's a little off topic of the podcast but I find that I think that this might be a time to answer some behind the scenes questions that we've been asked over the years of just stuff like uh how much editing so much show. None. You guys would not believe. Well Justin and I don't do it. Yeah they approximately zero minutes from both of them. Well

Justin does it every once in a while. Griffin what kind of editing do you do in the show? The time where when we say things that aren't funny I just I can delete that. And how much how many deleted scenes did you say that is? Half of it. Half of them. Half of them. 50% one out of every two. How many how many what percentage of that is funny but you would never want anyone to know that we said the things so you have to delete them. What percentage is that? So the so the the the bigoted material. Yes the more let's say the more bigoted material. Yes all all 100% pretty much all it's all funny it's just some of it is like the kind of funny that Don Rickles can get away with because he'll be dead soon. That's kind of funny. Once we're 70

we'll release the the master tapes and by which we do mean in fact the master tapes they are they are master tapes for the master race is the name of that uh collection. Now it's not called that. And we it is we'll it will be called that and but there will be quotes around it and then we'll be at the bottom like get it. We're old now. We're old this is cool. Travis do we have any more? Do we have any more behind the scenes question? Was that was that literally the only thing people don't understand about? Um we also get asked stuff like how we pick where we do the live shows. Fucking where does one of us live? Yeah the most convenient place if we could do one in our living room that's what we would do. We have plans to do other ones now. Yeah the places

we like. Now that we're super rich. Now that we're super rich the places we'd like to do live shows well I think New York is an obvious one. Yeah yeah. We we would love to do one there. We would we're doing one in LA for but that'll be like part of the max fun con uh so. We'd love to do one in Seattle. Yeah that'll be a lot of fun. And Boston. Boston. We want to do one in Philadelphia. In conjunction with PAX East uh sometime. You know I've been thinking about it if you if you work for a venue or if you are part of an organization that brings people in and you would like for us to come and do a show let us know you know. We can work it out. Invite us we'll see what we can do. DC we'd like to do one there um but anyway those that I mean those are the places

that we'd like to do them it's just logistics can be a challenge uh. Maybe a European tour I think I think the the the European's been waiting long enough. The we would love to do that if you guys can figure out how we we can make that like we can pay for it. If you if our European friends would be willing to do a Kickstarter with us. Don't say don't but don't just start one. Don't just start one because we need the money not you. Yeah but if you guys want us to do a Kickstarter where the end game is that we go to Europe uh and and I don't know maybe you donate enough money you can like well I'll have like a VIP champagne room or something. Oh a ship where we jerk them off. No what? No jerk them off with with with comedy with the comedy with our mouths.

We jerk them off with our mouths. Well giggle baby. Oh Justin no that's called another thing. No I I mean that's what it's called when you mouth off to somebody that's actually what it is. I just really want to get it. I just really want to get to Europe. I gotta blow a guy. Never. It worked for it worked for Maggie Gyllenhaal and Cherry baby. She got the thing like most of her life that way. I just want to do it once like I don't think that's asking so much. It's asking quite a bit. It is asking quite a bit. So here's another question we get asked a lot that I want to go ahead and knock out now so we don't go through another 100 episodes of getting this question once a week. People always ask they're thinking about starting

a podcast. Do we have any advice? Do we have how to make it funny? How to do it? Anything along those lines. What if your podcast gets more popular than ours? Where does that leave us? That's why we don't ever answer it. Honestly God. Yeah because there should only be one podcast in this world. That's not ours. That's not it. Hey stop podcast yourself. Do that. You're out of the game. Jordan Jesse go. Jordan Jesse stop. Get out. Out of the pool. Throwing shade. Throw some dirt on your grave because you're done podcasting. You're out. Former judge John Haught. Disgraced judge John Haught. The verdict is in and you have to stop with your show because we're the only ones left. What else we got? WTF. Where to find podcasts is nowhere because you're stopped. How

did this get stopped? How did this get stopped? That's pretty good. I guess the advice would be have two really funny brothers to carry your dead weight for you. That's been my plan for two years. It's been working out great so far. That's what I've been doing. Shit. I got you guys. I got this. I would say the best advice that I have for anyone is don't just start doing a podcast because you feel like it. Like wait till you find a good topic and a good podcast to people. Yeah but like we didn't say like let's do a podcast and start one the next day. Like we brainstormed and worked on it. That's exactly what we we workshopped it for like 35 minutes. Yeah and all that was coming up with the next day. What was our do we. Oh god I have a text document somewhere with some of the

failed names. Can we do that? Can you read that? Do you have it somewhere? Saved. Travis can really check in while you look for it. In fact Travis do it. Got it. Last summer I asked for tips and tricks for safely navigating one's first music festival. You know reply you guys warned me against getting hit by mysterious buses as well as avoiding the dangers of prostitutes. I'm happy to report that my trip to Bonnaroo was a rousing success. I maintained a healthy fear of parked buses and RVs while simultaneously keeping my butthole game correct. This year I will be returning to Bonnaroo and this time I will be bringing friends. Congrats on the 100th episode Battleworn at Bonnaroo. Now Travis you giggled. I like the phrase butthole game.

It's so vital though. That's no joke. Yeah. You want to come home you'd be like yeah I saw Wilco was great got a butt disease. Try to get another one from these vegetarians. Oh okay vegetarians. Here's another one. I asked you what I should do to feed my vegetarian friends in episode 46. Somehow I managed to feed them and remain friends with them. I even managed to pick up more of those delusional friends and am currently dating one. So I guess everything worked out well. Thanks and congratulations on the 100th episode. So and congratulations on your vegetarian girlfriend. You guys I found I found the document. Okay. Here's some of few names that we came up with that's that were really bad. Brother in my ear.

We got into robots for a while. Travis said fat robot. Not not quite human. Justin said the not quite human fancast. This is all legit by the way. This is not a bit. Brother attack. When brothers attack. Heat of the broment. Heat of the broment was such a good wait wait what was it. Heat of the broment. Blossom. Let's just blossom. Family. Family circus. Oh man these are some of these are so fucking bad. Oh this is great. Macklejoy. I was the first one to suggest my brother my brother and me. I forgot that piece of

Arata and then right after that I suggested Keenan and Kel and Justin and Travis and Griffin. Let's see. I remember we had a honorary brother was was one that we kicked around. Brother bought five thousand I think was one. Brother bought five thousand. I do remember bro your circle circle bro lay. I remember bro your own way was one for your own way. That was very close to becoming it. The Baldwin's podcasting. The Baldwin brothers podcast with your host the McElroy brother. Mr. Brother. Mr. Brother. I think maybe and you know how people who really love Mr. Belvedere calling Brock tune. I think that we should maybe maybe people who are super fans of show should pick one of these as a nickname they get that they can use for oh I like that that

only they use not only they use but while still let's go with blossom just please make it blossom but don't guys check out the latest episode of Blossom. Well we're actually trying we're still trying to build our brand heat so please don't do that. I'll just include the hashtag the ambient hashtag we do because like we're just really trying to go build this brand right now. How about a Yahoo answer. Yes. Are we still doing this. Are we doing like two shows in a row or something. Yeah we're going to squeeze in two hours. Oh my god. It's what people want and they've listened to 99 hours. I only want two more because they're fucking insane. This one is sent by Mark Touretzky. Thanks Mark. It's by Yahoo answers user Andre who asks 2012 into the

world safe places to hide. I'm not going to read his whole question because it's like six paragraphs of the craziest thing I've ever read but he had a friend who used to work at Area 51 told him it's a government bunker about 1500 miles underground. He said that in 2012 there will be quote a new beginning that the government knows all about it's going to kill 99.9% of the people on the earth. They're going to save Obama and Bush and Clinton and him his buddy who works at Area 51 NASA for some reason and it's a no fly zone. When do you get to the crazy part. When I said 2012 into the world safe places to hide. No but all of that's true. Right from the kickoff. No I saw all of that on the history channel

yesterday. Here's a problem. No you didn't. Yes. Here's another. Here's a second problem. He can't enter this facility. It's it's limited entry. He wants to move to the Himalayas but he's not a mountain climber but he doesn't know of any other safe places to hide when the depletion of the human race happens. Well I think the answer is obvious. Area 52. It's not it's kind of shoddily made. Area 52 is the name of the pizza parlor next door. It's hilarious. Flareous gag. What if you can you stand in a doorway. Can you get can you get in your bathtub. Get in your bathtub in a doorway. Build a doorway in the bathtub in the basement. That's the safest place you can be in any emergency.

That's a you a bomb can go off next to you and you'll be you'll be okay. Yeah. That's how that's how Osama survives for so long. He actually wouldn't leave the the the door frame in the bathtub in a basement. They had to carry him around like a like a giant sedan with guys on the side. Ah fuck. I should have said area club 54. Stop it. Damn it. That would have led to like a whole string of goofs. Oh yeah it would have been really great. Yeah it would have been really good. Well never. Maybe if you want to start a podcast there's a great way. Just take that goof that Travis left there by the right side. That's a I'd say it's a full podcast with a good it's a rich vein of goose. It's a rich goose vein.

Oh no claim jumpers. So claim jumpers would be a great name for a podcast. Can we change ours. No. No Travis. Listen I appreciate all the goofs. We are eight months out from the apocalypse. So like if we could come up with something something maybe a submarine. It depends on what goes on right. Yeah we don't know the problem. Well that's the thing you gotta you gotta plan for all. You get in a submarine and go under and you're like ha ha ha suckers and then what's this tidal wave you're caught in the way if you're thrown into a building. But of course like if Galactus comes or just eats the planet it's like well I wish I hadn't wasted so much time getting ready for this because you're basically. Well maybe that's why they're taking that's why they're taking NASA with

them because they're working on that the spaceship but then what if it's like a just like a wave like a solar flare that destroys the planet. Addending only people to be safe for the people in baths hubs and doorways and basements. So just free floating in space. Guys help. I shouldn't take my clothes off. I never thought this. My peepee's out in space. Can I look at you well. Um we're all fucked. Yeah it's over. So I was just trying to enjoy ourselves while we got time. I haven't seen Melancholia but I watched a few trailers. Yeah. That's how you choose to spend your 2012 experience is watching trailers for Melancholia. The sad thing about the world dating in 2012 is that no one will ever get to hear the master race master tapes. Yeah. Guys I know I'm actually

thinking about it. What if it does happen. It's not gonna happen. Well but if it does it's inevitable. You know. No sense in worrying about it. But it's gonna. Here's what's gonna happen. People are gonna be like when that day comes. What is it the 20th December 2012 right before Christmas. Five days before Christmas. Yeah I know. So it's gonna happen. I'm not doing any shopping by the way. Sorry. Fuck all y'all. There's gonna be a lot of last minute Amazon in from the kid. Do you remember when June 6 2006 came along and people were like oh fuck here it comes 666 everyone's dead. And and everyone bought into it so much that there was just rioting in the streets and like people burning down entire cities and just like people lost their minds until June 7th

came around. It's gonna be like that. Like people are gonna bring it about out of their own out of their own fear of it. See Justin's kicking it off early. I got Melancholia over here. Hey brothers congrats on that hundo. Hey guys this is Franz Ferdinand. I'm just calling to say you know my depth sparked World War one. So you can take this to the bank when I let you guys know that you're just tough and I really think you kids are gonna make it. Anyway I'm in hell because I was never baptized so I gotta get off the phone but just keep up the good work. I have this theory that if we go full like we're entering the third hour of podcasting that we have that we're in our third hour of it which is gonna sound hilarious to people listening and it's been on for 45 minutes.

Like wow Griffin really does clip a lot of this show out. This is really heavily edited. I think it's appropriate that we end talking about the end of the world. Yeah I think if we keep going it would just be clicks right. It would just be a bunch of clicks and noises that don't even resemble speech anymore. If we continue to podcast on into that infant night should we keep podcasting until the end of the world. That's my question. We've only got eight months left. Shouldn't we dig in and just keep podcasting the whole time. Let's do one. Let's do one more. Definitely. Definitely you can't stop me. This one is sent by Lisa Holofield. Thank you Lisa Holofield for your your content your unswerving patronage. It's by Yavanser's user Clayton who asks can I call my husband daddy.

Good night folks. Do we really want to do this. Goodbye everybody. Tell me right now should we do another one. Let me give you some let me preview out the other ones. How to make a how to make a best friend. Okay. It could be sad. I don't I'm not I don't want like why would a girl why would a girl send another girl a boobs emoticon. Don't you think Justin Bieber is turning ugly day by day and losing all his fans. All right let's let's explore that. It was also sent by Lisa Holofield. What do you know. Yavanser is a de-packed chathon who asks don't you think Justin Bieber is turning ugly day by day and losing all his fans after so many years of ruling the music industry. Basically basically King Biebs. I think he is turning a bit not attractive and he's losing

his fans due to the Robert Pattinson and One Direction. Only Beliebers answer and say the truth. No false prophets. I'm a I'm a I'm a Belieber agnostic right now. I'm not sure that I'm fully in the Biebs camp. I'm going to try to find the most recent picture of the Biebs that I can. Oh it's awful. He looks like Donald Sutherland. Somewhere there's a portrait of him getting more and more attractive. And Donald Sutherland's like I can walk without the cane today. I'm feeling really good. Thanks Biebs for the energy. Oh man if he's listening I just really took the wind out of his tail. If Kiefer's if Kiefer's listening I'm a fucking dead man. Oh the Biebs. How old is he now. He was born in 2008. He was manufactured by government scientists in 2008. He's 12. Hey guys

is it time for everybody to lay off a Justin Bieber yet. Oh I think once you saw Never Say Never I don't think there's anybody. I think you meant to say once you saw Never Say Never. I thought I made a film recommendation to you guys. Did you not remember when I said hey you guys should watch this movie and you said yeah yeah yeah it's on Netflix we'll watch it tomorrow. I don't remember saying that. I don't remember saying you should watch it and I don't remember us saying you were legally binding. Emphatically agreed. I'm having sort of a problem right now and that is that I went to Justin Bieber's Wikipedia page and he was born in 1994 and there was a section on the Wikipedia page labeled childhood and youth and it's like all step all of it. Still happen. Still

current. Current to now still youth. He's still childhood and youth. If the Bieber's youth is behind him I am a decrepit or I'm like the crib keeper right now. I can't even keep my limbs on. It's like death becomes hurt. Like shit's falling off my body if the Bieber's youth is behind him. Yeah but now that he's legal it's like ooh gross. Gross right. I think youth technically ends when you like fuck a 35 year old woman during your tour in Germany. It doesn't matter if you're 13 years old. Did that happen? Come on. Okay you're right. I don't follow the blogs. What are those new directions kids into? One direction? I don't understand how female attraction works. Okay. I was just sitting here thinking about it. It's unthinkable to me that there are people who

looked at Justin Bieber and were like he's fucking got it going on handsomeness sexy wise. You know Grif I bet a lot of that is uh like that he is possibly the least threatening person to have ever existed in the world ever. Yeah. You're just saying that because you've never seen never say never. You don't know how hard he is. And saying stuff like that just completely undermines your case Grifin. When he plays basketball with his friends back in Canada because he is Canadian. Right. When he's playing Canadian basketball. And writing songs about how he beat Jack. When he's writing songs about the party that he threw at his house that he got grounded for and his older brother Nick is like just killing it in 98 degrees. Is that what the

band he was in? Yes. Which one died? LFO. All of LFO died? Not all of LFO but the the only one you'd recognize on the street. F. F died. F died. I love girls that wear black. It's please. It's a funeral. Was that LFO? Yeah. I love girls where I'm coming bitch. Guys Justin Bieber is done. I was just thinking about it. Did some Google image searching. He's done. He's fucking he's gross. Don't make me look at him anymore. You're over it over the babes. He's got crow's feet. It doesn't he needs that. Well he's been a necklace made of crow's feet. He's been under a lot of stress. He's like the most famous person. Do you know how hard that is to deal with? I hear during his latest concert when he did somebody to love and then like the tour manager goes out in the

audience and brings a girl up on the stage to be his special someone and he like gives the rose and like dances around her like he does at every concert. I heard the last concert that he did that out. He gave the girl the rose and she was like mmm no. No. And she threw it back in his face and it poked one of his eyes out. But now he has one eye. And he's a lot less attractive because he looks like he's always winking. Hey doesn't Bieber here's a question for you. Does Bieber have to die young. Now hear me out. If Bieber, Bieber can't do anything for the rest of his life that is not exactly this. Like by the very virtue that Bieber will age he can no longer be Bieber as we have come to think of him. Does sure is the right plan of attack for a him to like

disappear for five years and then come back hard like five o'clock shadow. You know I'll bend through some stuff maybe some light cursing on his album. Is that is that like he needs to like pupate for a while and I enter a cocoon. He needs to enter a beautiful chrysalis and come out just in Timberlake. Start up his acting career maybe. Uh-huh. Yeah exactly. That's where this terminates. I would also like to propose a like witness relocation program for aging child stars and like change his name become a substitute teacher in Utah. Uh-huh. Hi I'm your teacher Jorsten Blaber. Today we're gonna talk about social studies. I'm gonna bring one of you girls back a 10 year old girl. I'm gonna bring one of you girls up

from your seat. I'm gonna make you my special someone and you have to give your all report on Custer's Last Dan. Get it. Are we done? I hope so. I can't say anything else. He ran out of steam like 20 minutes ago. I don't know any other things to say except to say thank you guys so much for hanging out with us like through all these years and two years I guess not all these years it was like some years but all these both years all these both years you guys have been here and Ubilisi has talked about utter nonsense and please don't get on Twitter be like this episode was wack like I don't know but if we ended it we're aware we're aware like we talk for two hours like at some point this just becomes like hanging we're just hanging talking. I just want you guys

we did this to prove a point so that you guys wouldn't ask for extra long episodes anymore. This is an object lesson. This is a tough love episode about my brother and me. Do you think we enjoyed this? We didn't. We did not. We did it because we love you. Yep we're trying to teach you a lesson that you'll never forget. I'm actually sleepy. I'm like yeah you're like all your goof energy has been depleted. You need to go have a hamburger and just chill out. Get a protein shake your Pilates. Head to the cool off tent. Drink some OJ. Put my head between my knees just like find my center again. Guys I want to thank John Roderick in the long winters for the use of our theme song. It's a departure off the album. Putting the days to bed. They just announced on the Max

FunCon lineup that he's going to be doing a panel I believe a Max FunCon which I am. He's doing a panel and I'm doing a panic attack as a result. Like I can't. Yeah. Can't I handle it. I know it's been six days since we mentioned it but I also wanted to say if you haven't yet if you haven't stopped this steward podcast go check it out. Go check out the cast of thrones. They were sponsored this week. You probably have forgotten about it but they're awesome. They're good too. Go listen to them. Thank you to everybody tweeting about the show. Nor Rockwell. Golly A. Olly of course as always. Christian Nobano. Joanna Eleven. Action Allen. Cambo Soup. Draze 1985. Law and Order PCP. Thank you guys so much for all your

support over these two years and the only reason people are listening to the show is because you told other people about it. So please don't stop that as we go into our third year and our second hundred episodes. We can actually because we are brothers can never stop doing this podcast so as long as people keep listening to it that would be ideal because we literally can't stop. Yeah. Thank you to to to Jesse and all of our our family members at Maximum Fun. It's it's it's an honor to be a part of this. It's seriously that was joining this network was a I think that's the best thing that happened to us in the last hundred episodes. Yeah or the or the last you know 30 years of all of our lives. And thank you to our dad for teaching us making us born

taking us about Chuckles at a young age. He was a stern taskmaster when it came to Goofs. And the one thing he told us to never do was to record for more than two hours. And yeah. Yeah. Here we are. Thank you so much to our dad for allowing us to spring forth from his loins. It is complicated. And fully grown fully grown. I can't. Is this. That's the that's pretty gross. I'm so sleepy. I just want the show to be over Griffin. You're the only one with the power to make it stop. Please thank everybody. Thank you so thank you so much guys seriously. And thank you for that money. I just don't know what you do. Sweet sweet money. God I'm so rich Griffin. I bought a Taco Bell. I bought a Taco Bell restaurant. I'm not a taco.

So our split may be off. This one is sent in by Lisa Holofield. Thank you Lisa Holofield. Very very much. You our shows would be like half as long without without your questions. Thank you. It's by Yahoo Answers user Amelia H who asks. Can I eat a turkey and cheddar crackers lunchables while pregnant. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. This has been my brother my brother and me. Kids are bad. I'm a lips. Thanks. Play your part.