My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 102: The Placenta and the Bear

Episode Date: April 30, 2012

As you spend an hour with us this week, we ask you to reflect about all the hours you've spent with us, and then think about all the partying that you haven't done yet, and then, just, wow, what are you doing? Suggested talking points: International Flair, Limitless Sunshine, Tween Dating, Cubicle Fort, Austin Powers Stroke, Tiny Stenographer, Discarded Gigapet

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? The Invenitos, Ichiban, go blind me. This is the international episode of my brother, my brother, me from around the globe, mi hermano, mi hermano e2, mi hermano... Hello? No, that's... That's my brother, my brother in you, isn't it? Yes, right.

How's it going? Don de esta. Don de esta los goos. How are your goos today? Pardon me, goofmaker. How much for a fresh dozen of goos? Bon chapeau. Travis informed us... This is all the French I know.

The moments before the show started that today is the international episode of my brother, my brother, me. It's the international, it's the, my brother, my brother, me you love, but it's got a crumbling economy like in Europe. Sorry guys. It's like when guts had global guts, and then all of a sudden there were French kids for American... And America was just whipping their ass. America was just grinding them in a prepubescent pace. They have no, they have nothing in their culture to prepare them.

They don't even put steroids in their chicken. That radical rock. And nothing, what has braced you for this? Travis, what do they call the agro crag in France? The agro with cheese. Wait, no fuck. Thank you. You're welcome.

Wonderful. So we do have an international flare on this episode of my brother, my brother, me, and my show for the modern era. I am your oldest brother, Jose McElroy. I am your middle-est brother, Vladimir McElroy. And I am your baby brother. Wait, was that a language or did you become the scat man? It's like Lady Smith, black, my brother, my brother, me.

In Port-au-Prince, scat man is the primary language. The national language is scat man. In the city, the national language is, in the city of Port-au-Prince, the national language is scat man. He's a national hero down there, national on a city level. He's the prince of Port-au-Prince. Basically, in the prince of the city, they held the elections and he won the election for prince of the city.

Right. He couldn't be mayor because he doesn't have, he does not have a, you know, a government background. So it's more of a figurehead position. He beat out Lou Bega, which was quite the coup. Literally. The Lou Bega militia had a few things to say about it. This is, of course, my brother, my brother, me.

We take your questions, your queries, and some unsolicited questions and queries from the terrible people at Yahoo Answers. And we turn them alchemy-like into wisdom. Let's get right to it. My boyfriend, a PhD student, is leaving to do dissertation research in Scotland for two months. Do you have any advice on how to cope with being a part?

Scotland's a country, guys, huh? I love doing this show early in the morning because it takes my voice down here. I sound like, it's not like Rick D's. Sound like Lou Bega. I love it. It's tough. I'm glad you included his location where he's traveling to.

Because if you were like, my boyfriend is leaving to go to some whack country for two months, then it'd be like, okay, we can help you here. But he's going to Scotland and Scotland's pretty dope. I wish he had included where she will remain though, right? Yeah. Because if she's in the UK, then I mean, she's not there.

From kicking it in Des Moines. I guess Skype video calling is good for this sort of thing. Yeah. You could Google Hangout him. You could Google Buzz him. Just hit him up on Google Buzz. Yeah, you could both sign up for eHarmony and see if it syncs you up there.

Although I can't imagine they would- That's not a great idea. I can't imagine they would pair a man in Scotland and a woman in Des Moines, and maybe you should take a hint. But I don't know. Maybe it's not going to work out for Cole. Have you thought about taking a couple months off?

Just being you, you know? So you're not saying like be single, not like break out for two months, but just like mentally? I'm just saying mentally, kind of inception them out of your mind, right? Take that, take that eternal sunshine in the spot. It's a mind pill and just kind of forget

they exist for two months. Think of it like summer vacation. Have you seen the film you just referenced? Yes. Yes. Eternal sunshine. And it's just him. It's just Jim Carrey just popping Zanis.

He takes the limitless pill. He takes the limitless pill and he forgets. But he gets it. Now I see that my problem with that movie has always been that he goes overboard. So it's not just he takes the pill, to forget Kate Winslet dumped him. He forgets like Kate Winslet will go to the store

and he'll take the pill. That hell, because he didn't want to be lonely for like 20 minutes. And I think that's probably a substance. And then it starts to get weird when he starts to take the pill to forget Elijah Wood. Yeah. And then he does it to forget algebra.

And then he does it to forget that the lady is actually a man in the crying game, which I don't know how they made that specific a pill. Well, it's, you everybody remembers their first time watching the crying game. That's a magical, that's a magical shock. There actually is a, I think there's a generation of people that, and I would include myself

in this generation, where they, through osmosis, learned the turn of the movie, but did not actually see the movie nearby. Oh, that's a shame. I have no idea what the movie's about, but I know that the woman is a man. Yeah, right? It's powerful.

It's a powerful movie. I think it's Willem Dafoe, right? Willem Dafoe, but he has a, he has, it's like Willem Dafoe, but with a vagina. I only watch the vagina Dafoe. I only watch Willem Dafoe movies if he's just like the Green Goblin or throwing hot wax on Madonna.

That's like half the movies. Yeah, it's half of his, half of his over, his criterion collection is actually solely movies in he plays the Green Goblin and or throws hot wax. Now, if we could get those two flavors together, how about it, Cohen brothers? Just, just give me that. You know, I was actually exactly,

pretty much exactly in the situation. Mine, of course, was far harder because my wife did not have access to the high band internet required for Skype and such. And it, you will level out on the, on the missing the person. That will be the worst at the beginning. And then you'll, you'll kind of get into our rhythm.

Try to, if you're, if you're in a long-term relationship, it's, it's going to suck because you, you get in this mindset that it's going to be the two of you. And it'll be weird to have experiences that are just you. And that's the thing that's going to suck the most, I think.

And there's going to be a temptation to not have any sort of memorable experiences, you know, for fear that you'll created some sort of imbalance there. But you got to remember that he's going to be doing, you know, completely foreign, completely new stuff. And you shouldn't keep yourself from also doing interesting things.

When Sydney was gone, I got into new stuff. I got into like what we talked about on the show where I got into like geocaching when she was gone, you know, things that maybe she wouldn't have any interest in, but I thought I'd pursue. And, and that really helped to, to make the time seem full,

even though it obviously wasn't full because my, my best bud said wasn't around. But. So get like really into drugs. Yep. Well, no. Find some experience that you would be ashamed to do in front of him, like geocaching.

Or like an eyes wide shut kind of sex party. Well, Travis again. Yeah. Imagine the thrill of him coming home and him showing you three baubles that he brought for you from Scotland said, these are great, Philip. Now watch this and you juggle them.

Imagine his eyes bugging out of his head as you toss them aloft and catch them and toss them until he gets bored, which is of course 20 seconds later. Hey jugglers, by the way. Hey jugglers. I can stream like every TV show ever made through a screen on my desk.

You're juggling is entertaining anybody. Nobody wants to see anybody juggle ever again. Can I make a side note about juggling that blows my mind? Can we just talk about juggling for like. We just talk about juggling. Here's why I love juggling. Juggling is one of the few like things that people do that requires constant escalation.

Like oh, okay, you can do three balls. That's awesome. Now do four. Okay, now do like knives. Now do chainsaws. Now do babies. If properly executed, juggling can only end in your death. Yeah.

That's the old. If you're into some like Greg Kennedy, like pro style juggling maneuvers, like that can still, that's like a fucking air show. That's entertaining. He's the dude who got in the cone and he juggles in the cone and he'll like throw the ball onto the like against the cone

and I'll like spin around him and like this beautiful perpetual orbit and then we'll catch him again and just like keep on juggling them. He sounds like an innovative juggler which is easy to remember since his website is innovative juggler.com. You know what I like to do?

I like to just toss one of something to a juggler. I just like go to town. Yeah, enjoy that. I hate that. It's very zen. It's very zen. What's the sound of one ball juggling? I really like there was a craze that took off for about,

I don't know, about a month and a half in college of it was like single object juggling. And so it's a ball. You know how David Bowie just like made love to those dream bubbles in Labyrinth? That's pretty much all it was. You're talking about fushigi. Is that, is, do you know what that's called?

Did you pull that from? Have you never seen the fucking infomercials where it's like that literally, you know, silvery ball that you make dance around your fingertips and shit? And every five seconds the crowd's like fushigi. No, but it's that sounds like a raw and primal power. I imagine that fushigi was the gift for like two Christmases that aunts and uncles gave their nieces and nephews

because we didn't know them very well. Ah, cool. What's it? Oh, devil sticks. Thanks, dad. See, this is what we need to get. We need to get a, we need to get a P.O. box or something because it seems like the kind of conversation

where after it people would just flood. Who would just flood the box with fushigi balls? Yeah. How many fushikis today? Donald. You know I'm ordering a fushigi. Fushigi, fushigi. You guys want to know who?

Yeah, please. This Yahoo answer was sent in by Maxwell McCandless. Thank you, Max. It's by Yahoo answers user question mark who asks, is there any good dating sites for 13 year olds? I am single and need a boyfriend ASAP. I am lonely. Oh my God.

Here's a good dating site for 13 year olds. The playground. I like to think that there's a secret context to every Yahoo answer question that it actually does end with an unwritten I am lonely. But this person went ahead and filled that out. Additional details. Check that box.

Additional details. Fuck y'all. So I guess the answers that this person got. I want your help, but fuck you. This is a pretty cool 13 year old actually. I'm kind of into it. I can't believe she's single. Yeah, somebody locked that down.

Quick before her looks start to go. Too late. How can you be 13 and lonely? You're surrounded by other 13. Oh wait, unless homeschooled. Trapped on an island. That's, I said homeschooled. Oh okay.

That's really the only scenario I can, unless like you're just striking out at the school that you're going to, which is, we've all been there. Like I was very, I was wildly unpopular in middle school, high school, elementary school I did okay. But I had a bunch of friends other schools, but I had no access to them. In middle, by the time I was 13, I dated everyone at my school.

I just worked my way through the ranks. Yeah, I had fucked my way through. What? I'm very much like yourself, Griffin, especially in middle school, which I guess is where you'd be at about 13, right? You'd be like six. I was like, I would compare myself to the Chris Gaines of my middle school. People were not having it.

They were not enjoying it. They didn't believe you were a real person. They didn't believe I was a real person. I could sleep at night because I knew that man, if I was kicking it over at Beverly Hills Middle School, oh man, that's where my friend base was. That's where my core competency is. They know me.

The people know me there. You're known there. You're a known quantity. Yeah. Take me out of Kamak. Take me over to, kick me over to Insulow. And I am all of a sudden, I'm, I'm, you know, I'm Dougie Fresh. Yeah.

Is he a known popular man? In middle school. In middle school he was. Middle schoolers love Dougie Fresh. Take me over, take me over to Beverly Hills Middle School. I'm, I'm Erkel. I'm Steve Erkel over there. Yeah.

But if you take me to, if you take me to Insulow, I'm Stefan Erkel. Stefan Erkel. Exactly. Although, you know kids in, if, if Erkel had shown up at your school, like. Oh man, when you're 13. Oh, forget about it. The shit's fucking Elvis.

It would have shut down for the day. Oh my God, he said the thing about cheese. The, the Red Power Ranger came to my elementary school. And he did a backflip off stage. And he bit his, he bit it too. I remember I was there. He did chop it. I was at fifth and you were in first.

Oh, it was hilarious. Nice try. Austin St. John, was that his name? Or is that the wrestler? Austin St. John was the, uh, is that right? I think he was the green. Was he the green ranger? The red ranger, the original red ranger became the green ranger.

No, uh, no. Fuck you. Oh, sorry. He became the white ranger. Tommy was the green ranger. Dragon sword. Austin St. John. Guys, all our girlfriends and wives just broke up with us.

Austin St. John is indeed the, um, is indeed the red ranger. If you were thinking of googling him to see how he is aged, allowing him to save you some time. He has, uh, he looks like, he looks like a young Dom Dallowese and you need to get out. Didn't he do some grown folks pictures of the, uh, all male variety? I believe he was in some all male grown folks pictures. I may be imagining that though.

Can we help this person diversify their tween dating portfolio? It's, it's, see it's dangerous because I have no way of verifying that this is a real 13 year old. I just assume anybody who says they're 13 on the internet is actually, you just go ahead and add 20 to that. Or subtract five. Oh. Yeah.

So this is an eight year old trying to date up. There's what I'm saying. Okay. That's what the money is. Yeah. I assume that 14 year old, I don't have any money. I'm assuming 14 year olds have all the money. Is that where it is all gone?

Uh-huh. You gotta get yourself a rich 14 year old. Yeah. They're pretty close to death anyway so you don't inherit it. You, I guess Facebook, I guess this is why Facebook. Facebook is like the teen dating thing, right? Yeah. And by teen dating, you mean all dating, all ages for every.

All ages and not just dating, also fucking. All conversation and contact with human people is Facebook. Funerals. Funerals, Facebook, funerals. Bob Mitzvahs. Bury me, like my, like my casket. Click, click the third dirt. Do you guys, how far are we from, from their, from more traditional

celebrations on Facebook? From like, basically Wally where everybody is floating around in the chair staring at Facebook constantly. Yeah. Like how long until I can just get, get, go to a Briss virtually. That, now this is largely not for convenience, but because I've never been to a Briss. I can never seem to get invited. So fascination.

Fascination, but I want to, I want to. You want to live stream a Briss. Let me Google your Briss and live stream it from. Can I Google your Briss is probably one of my favorite collections of words I've ever heard. Yeah. Let me you stream that Briss, please. Is your Briss, sorry, is your, is your baby son's Briss on Justin TV? Can you get that, can get the stream up?

How's the Wi-Fi at the Briss, Briss facility? What is that? A church, hospital? Or they do that? Uh, usually I just, uh, baseball, baseball field, baseball field. It's a, it's always themed, you know, you see a lot of rich families will rent out, you know, rent out Shea Stadium or something and it's like a, you know. That's why when I have a kid.

Put up a bunch of signs. Signs that says like Tommy's Briss is a home run and stuff like that. Oh, that's nice. Cut the tip off your bat. Get that, get the cork out. Tommy. I don't think that's a thing. I don't think you know how Briss is worth.

Cut the end of your penis off, Tommy. Tip your dick's got it. The tip of your dick has to Jose Cansego. And also, we have a guest Briss guy, Jose Cansego. It's a noted baseballman. He's, he's done slicing through the air and knocking out homers. Now he's going to slice through your wiener and knock out your foreskin. Jose Cansego's brother, Jerry, is filling in for Jose Cansego.

He cannot make it. Because he is, he is a surgeon. Please be careful. It's my son's dick we're talking about. My coworker keeps peeking at the personal stuff I'm doing on my laptop. Whenever she comes to my cubicle for work related stuff. What can I do to make her understand and mind her own business? P.S. You get a bonus of 10 internet points.

If you can provide a solution that doesn't get me fired. Well, we're going to be biggie. This is from Worried in Columbia, South, South America. I gotta say, okay, don't, don't come to us and ask us for the favor of giving you advice. And then hamstring us at the same time, you know. Right. You gotta let us free. Well, you help me move.

But you also have to wear these really constricting jorts. Think of it this way, Griffin. It's like in a video game where it's like, we need you to go in and steal this thing. And you get an achievement if you don't kill everyone in the process. Okay, I guess that's it. So this is completely optional. Achievement. And now you're speaking my language.

Hello. So this is sort of like, we'll start this question like the rock in the rundown, not using guns. And then if we get stuck, we will use guns. It just won't be as, as brainy. Sure. So don't look at personal stuff while you're working. That's, yeah.

That's like work 101. If you want to do that, get a job right above the video games from your house. I was going to say, I don't think you guys are, are qualified to answer this question. Oh no. We are hypocrites from way back. I don't know. I was going to say, you live your life looking at personal stuff on the internet. I don't accidentally write about video games.

I, I, uh, I'd be more concerned about like my bosses go. That used to be tough when I would work when I worked at like offices. You're always worried about like, how's it, what if the boss sees this? This doesn't look like I can't even pretend this is for work. It's two words. Alt tab. Alt tab. Now, what does that mean?

That's shady though. When you see, when you walk into somebody and you're like, is that a dick? And then it flickers really quickly. Whoa, whoa, whoa. How personal do you think this is going? They're, they're live streaming at Briss. I assumed it was like, I assumed it was like they were looking at bee dogs. Travis, no one except you looks at bee dogs.

Or has ever looked at bee dogs. I think in Columbia, bee dogs is pretty big. When you say bee dogs, no one knows what the fuck you're talking about. I think, I think you guys will find that many people know what I'm talking about. No one knows what bee dogs are except you. I think that bee dogs is a pretty big deal. I want to see how much I already, you guys, so I'm going to tell you that no one knows what bee dogs are.

I think you'll find that bee dogs are pretty. Jesus. What do you bring up bee dogs? It's like listening to Mariah Carey kibbits. When you bring up bee dogs, it makes everybody sadder because they don't know what the fuck you're saying. And it's time for them to learn. Hey guys, I want to talk to you about bee dogs.

No, no, no. Fair enough, fair enough. You're not using our show as a platform for spraying your madness. I've got something that might walk the line of fire, firing. Okay. Blanket fort. Now listen, you got the cubicle and the cubicle seems like the perfect chassis for a blanket fort, right?

You really just have to have the one blanket for a roof and then the one blanket for the entryway. And then all of a sudden, you're dealing with a blanket fort situation. Yeah, that doesn't seem like a big deal. Do you think the boss can come by and be like, hey, I'm going to need you to take this blanket fort down? Nobody's ever said that since. I think unless you work at Pixar, it's not okay to build a blanket fort.

Yeah, you know, the iPad. If you work at Pixar, blanket fort, if you work at Pixar, it is no holds barred. Anything goes six-year-old stuff. Yeah. You want to ride a razor scooter around? Everybody, whenever you come in, you have to take your shoes off and put them in a cubby hole.

Yeah, there's a ball pit in the corner. The only sin at Pixar is to not hang up the sign that says, don't come in on my blanket fort. I'm dream-imagining in here. I'm trying to make a wish. Dream-imagining, it's one step up from imagining. That nothing good comes from imagining anymore. No one has imagination.

But dream-imagining is where you sort of half-sleep, half-read a comic book, and just let your muse wander. You smoke like half a bowl of salvia. Half a bowl of salvia, and then just head to the streets of inspiration. And you're like, talking cars. And then you make cars three. This coyote is screaming at me. No, we can't use that one.

But keep your imaginary. And then I watch as a bear ate the placenta. No, that's not a good Pixar movie. That's a bad one, actually. That's a bad Pixar movie. The placenta can talk? Let's think about it. I like it.

Okay. Can we get Buscemi? Can we sign Buscemi on us talking placenta? Can we get Ryan Philippi into the studio to play the bear that eats the placenta? That could be a good movie. I would watch that movie. That's what brave's about. And you know, and you could just call that movie the bear that ate the placenta.

It's very descriptive. And it's catchy. Here's the thing, though. It's gotta be 3D. Gotta be 3D. Gotta be 3D. When the bear tears into the placenta and shakes it out of his matted fur, I want that placenta to just come soaring into the audience.

Because I think it's about time kids learn what the placenta is. Yeah, I think that we can actually make it in 4D and have it reach back through time. That's appropriate. That's the kind of dramengineering that you come up with at Pixar, time travel. Time travel. Right. We all used to be placenta, you know? Why not like go back and remind ourselves?

I don't think that's how it works. Travis, I don't think you're made of placenta at any point. I have to admit to you, Travis, that when you said 4D, I automatically assumed that you were just going to launch chunks of placenta at the children in the audience. I understood that is what 4D meant. I thought 4D was smell-o-vision. Yeah, well, can we bring back sense around?

Yeah, I'm sorry, Travis. Do you think you're going to get chunks of placenta launched at you and you're not going to smell them? How fresh is this? I would love to see a movie in which they do it in 4D, but they remove smell from the equation. Like put on these glasses and also this nose flip. Why am I going to waste, why am I going to waste fresh placenta

when I could be selling that to Tyra Banks for pennies? For, you know, hundreds of thousands of dollars. I'm going to use old placenta when I check with the kids. Huh? Sorry, guys. The FCC is here. They say that we've said placenta away to me signs in this episode.

The man shutting us down. Now we have to change it to schmussenta. Now we've got to change it to baby lube. Here's, this is easy. We changed placenta, cat, bear to a dog, Milo notice two. I'm going in the back. In 3D. In 3D.

Oh my God, these whiskers. Those dogs are, I bet all the animals in that movie are dead. Every animal. Oh, homework bound. It's all dead. All dead. All dead. Shadow went first.

You know it. You know shadow went first. Also, look who's talking. My baby's dead. Yeah. If homework bound the incredible journey of the movie where dogs go cross country and find their owners, if that movie played five minutes later,

you would just see the dogs having heart attacks and dying because they went so far. You know, I actually know that that movie is a work of fiction, not just because of the dog's talk, but because at no point does one of them roll over and show you as boner. You know, homework bound, what they don't show you is the next like five or 10 years

living with those animals is going to be insufferable. Yeah. You know, you throw the stick. Let's go for a walk. I don't really feel like going for a walk. Oh, really? Because you fucking left me in San Francisco. You cunt.

You remember? You fucking piece of shit. Oh, you want me to go fetch? Yeah, I don't think I'm going to because I fetch you from across the country. So I'm cool. I'm fetching forever. Were you going to eat all that turkey?

I didn't think so. Give me the rest of your turkey. So guys, do you think there is a website that this person can go to that would not get them fired? But would also teach their co-worker a lesson about looking over someone's shoulder. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Like pipe bomb stuff. No. No. No, fired. Fired. Fired? That's fired. Swords.

See, because I immediately went to something that was titled like, How to Eat Your Co-Worker by Indemnity Fired. Sword polishing. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. OK. Christ, I think the whole internet is so weird now. It's hard to think of something that's not

really broken down. You could get on a dating site for 13-year-olds. Yeah, we didn't actually come up with a good name for that. Do you guys have, like, Teenster sounds pretty good, but I'm not sure that's working. Let's mull it over. Teen love. Teen zone for kids.

Teen zone for kids and fake kids. That are uncles, actually, secretly uncles. You know, there's a pain teller book, and I can't remember how to mess with your friends. Is that it? I don't remember. I don't know. But at one point, they talk about being on a train

or playing and somebody reading over your shoulder and type out onto a Word document. Like, I know that you're reading this. I know I can see you looking over my shoulder. Oh, that's pretty good, actually. Leave right a note to that person and then make them feel bad when they scope it. There's nothing.

Here's the problem, though. There's nothing that you can do on your computer that you shouldn't be doing at work that won't be so, like, incredibly scintillating that this person won't redouble their efforts to peep your business. Right. Oh, you know what it is?

Here's what you do. Have your personal website or whatever, whatever you're checking out, and then when they come in, close it real quick. But your background is just a collage of pictures of them. That's it. That circle gets a square. Circle gets a square.

Travis has finally helped somebody. Only took us 102 episodes, but we did it. Someone has been helped. Guys, do you want a yahoo? Yeah. Yeah. This yahoo was sent by Malik Marcellus. Thank you, Malik.

It's about yahoo answers user. Yeah, baby, yeah. No. Justin, could you say that correctly, please? Yeah, baby, yeah. Thank you. Who fucking asks? What themed party can I have for Halloween?

I want to attract lots of lovely ladies. Oh, behave. Oh, no. All right, Griffin, I'm going to have to take this question away from you. OK. Can you please paste the text into our Skype window? OK, you just typed, fuck you. That is nothing.

Ahem. What themed party can I have for Halloween? I want to attract lots of lovely ladies. Oh, behave. That was a miserable one. It sounds like Austin Powers had a stroke. I did. Do I have any harm?

This isn't my fault. It's Mike Myers' fault for not releasing a new Austin Powers movie. I don't know what you sound like. It sounds like your face is melting. What are you doing? It's like Austin Powers had a bucket of water. Oh, man, come here, baby. Hold on.

I got a hot root canal. Not going to kick you fine. Oh, you can't make me. Yeah. If my day is over, my big red Elvis costume is over. It sounds like if Austin Powers were a fat woman on South Park. That's the sound I apparently was. Yes.

Oh, behave. OK. I think this guy, can I say something? I think this person has their heart set on a theme. I think the theme has been decided. Guys, I don't want to get outside of the question, but is it possible that this person has just chosen to live an Austin Powers lifestyle? Oh, here.

Can I share the top answer? The top answer from Yahoo Answers is her rock titan says, it's April. Oh, he's the pragmatist. Oh, that's great. Any Halloween-themed party? The harder thing to think of is a Halloween-themed party that women somehow won't find a way to make sexy. Is that too much?

What are you saying? I'm saying that. So you're saying like a Captain Pike-themed party, wherever he rolls up in a big container. Maybe this isn't true anymore since none of us are in college. I feel like in college, if you had any Halloween party, there would be at least one to two women there who were dressed up in a scintillating way. Hey, are you in college right now?

Can you not listen to podcasts? I promise you, there will be lots of time for us. We'll still be here when you're 31 years old. Don't waste your college years listening to us, please. Store us away in a vault and then when there's some kind of apocalypse and everyone else on the world is killed, there will be time then. There will be time for that. If you have listened to every episode, that's like five entire days that you could have spent

getting it. Like who knows? Getting it. Just getting it. Man, woman. It's a good time to check in. It's been a solid five months now. We're a good way into 2012.

Are you guys getting it? Like, are you in college listening to a podcast right now? Unless you're getting a Mani Petty and are getting ready to go out and get it? I can't think of a good reason to be listening to this show right now if you're in college. It's a bucket now. Think about that one thing that you want to do but you're too afraid to do. Hit the pause button and just go fucking get that thing. Get it.

Get whatever it is. You guys have just blown my mind because there is probably a pretty solid group of our listeners that have one month of college left. Oh my god. They will graduate at the end of May. Never to be in school again. This is it. My last month of college was the best month of school time that I ever had in my entire life.

And if you are not, if you are not dipping, you're just drunk on, well, pabst. And but you're also drunk on like fear of what's going to happen once you get out of school. You're drunk on like excitement that you're about to be finished with college. You're you're just you're drunk on power because you're the highest. You're the highest. If you're a little nervous about leaving, don't. I train wild that shit. I treated myself through year five and I don't regret it.

Well, you know, you guys know why I had to take a fifth year of college because I failed Spanish. I never knew that. I thought you just like, I thought it was a choice. I thought it was because you wanted to change your major. No, I failed Spanish. OK, so don't don't rage that hard. I rage so hard.

I forgot myself. You know why I failed Spanish because I walked into the class and the motherfucker is speaking Spanish dog. I don't speak it. I know this is the fourth one of these I've had. Like I don't speak this language. Can you please he would make assignments in Spanish? I don't even know what the homework was. He would show up with a picture of your family you had drawn in red crayon.

Like, is this what you wanted? I baked empanadas. Is that what you wanted? Did you want this? Did you want these empanadas? This is what I made. Can you say that again, please? Empanadas.

I just sound like Marley Matlin taking a Spanish class. Justin is either he has an aphasia or he's having a stroke in real life. IRL. Empanadas. Empanadas. OK. Nope. Your tongue is melting.

Get to the hospital. Time loss is brain loss. I got timelitis. Let's, can I take it to the bridge? Yeah, can I take it to the bridge? Yeah. Money's up. Money's up.

Guys, this is an exciting time for my brother and my brother to make busy, busy time. So many people to say that we're thinking about them and other people are thinking about them. I would like Griffin to tell me about this first, first group. This first message is from Alex and Kate for their good friend, Dan Cober. Happy birthday, Dan Cober. They have been friends with Dan Cober. God, I hope I'm saying that name right since I'm saying it a lot.

They've been friends for over 10 years. They met in 10th grade chemistry and Alex was the best man at Dan's wedding. He and his lovely wife, Shannon, live in Grove City, Ohio. They have a shit ton of cats. He likes home brewing. He likes video games and a computer engineer. So he sounds like a neat guy. I mean, Griffin, it says four cats.

You know what I mean? He has the most cats. There's a possibility that he will die and his body won't be discovered for five days and it'll be partially consumed by all of his cats. If you have one cat, that's cool. If you have two cats, they better do tandem tricks. Any more than that, it's a metric shit time. Anyway, happy birthday to you, Dan Cober.

I'm not judging your number of cats. Fill your life with love. Measure it in love. Seasons of cats of love. Guys, in the spirit of 20 does, our next advertiser quit their job, packed their bags, moved away from Seattle and applied to grad school, then spent a month making his first iOS game, Singing Star. The idea is that you travel through space,

seating barren plants with life using musical shooting stars, which is basically what Cher has been doing for three decades, in a metaphysical sense. No, in a literal, per body of a spaceship. Cher has a spaceship. I did the art, programming and sound design, everything. He's not a pro game developer, so maybe Travis could review it since he's not a pro either.

So search for Singing Star in the App Store and download it and let everybody know that I'm going to get it right now. Go impregnate some planets. I think that's it. Is that it? He was impregnating planets, basically. Here's another one. This one was sent in by Peter McCaffrey

for his dear wife, Megan McCaffrey. He says that he wants to wish his wife, Megan, good luck delivering their third child on May 29th. She's 25 years young. She's getting it done. She's a saint and all women would be so lucky to be like you and I am a lucky so and so to be with you. Keep getting it, honey.

20 does, get it. Just effing get it. I like this guy. He's really there. Yeah. I also think this would be the most amazing in the Moz class. Yeah. Go, get it.

Get it. Fucking dig deep. 20 does. I think that this is actually Bob Harper from The Biggest Loser and he's just like, tear it up. You can do this. Get it. You guys know Bob Harper?

Please don't be ridiculous. What are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? He's the man on my workout DVDs and he's like, reach deep down inside yourself. Find your soul. Rip it out. Griffin, can I ask you?

Kiss or eat it. Can I ask you? Use its power. Use its power. Well, Senna, has there ever been a moment before that has worked on you unironically? Please be honest. This is for posterity.

No. Well, it makes me angry at Bob Harper, which is my own source of energy. When I'm working out on his expert edition workout, I am fueled by like a small son of hatred for Bob Harper that I keep inside. Megan, maybe if you can focus on a small sphere of hatred for Bob Harper, you can get through this pregnancy

congratulations to you and Peter. Travis, we have, let's all go to the movies. Let's all go to the movies. Let's all go to the movies and hear some guys talk about stuff. Well, have you guys checked out cinemabums.com? I love cinnamon buns. No, no, cinemabums. I, Travis, you're saying it?

I just hear in cinnamon buns and I'm- No, cinemabums. Okay. I think they make cinnamon buns. It sounds like you have a line. You have a little kid trying to say cinnamon buns. It's adorable, Travis. I just ate a bunch of peanut butter

and I want to talk about cinnamon buns. I'm pretending you're on your, one of the characters in Family Circus and it's adorable. If you follow my footsteps back, you can get the cinemabum stuff. Now I can't even say it right. Chefy eat it all. Chefy eat it all the cinemabums.

Cinemabums.com, Travis. What is it? I don't even want to talk about it now. You guys made me so conscious. Well, you have to. They paid us. It's a great webcomic. It comes out every Monday and Thursday

and it's, you know, your funny takes on movies and, you know, they talk about movies that are coming out now and just cinema in general. I'm sure that will appeal to the perplexingly gigantic webcomic audience that we have. It's got its own style. It's a distinctive style, which I appreciate. You know, they're not trying to blend in here.

And I read some of these before we started and I got a big kick out of it. Cinemabums.com is the name of the site. You can go and read the webcomic and enjoy it. We would recommend it. Go, go on. Updated Mondays and Thursdays. So there's a new one right now.

Do you guys have any ideas about to weave these fucking two things together? Nope. Great. Thanks. You're very, very helpful. Hey, what's that smell? I think that it's cinnamon buns.

You tell me it's not, but I'm a grown adult. You say it is cinnamon buns. I said that's what I said. Then you say it's a webcomic and you can't eat those. I say watch me. So I eat the webcomic and I get real sick. I have to go to the hospital for a week. And while I'm there, you say,

hey, I know how to occupy your delighted filled hours. It's an app called singing star. And so I get it and enjoy it. There it is. Read at the needle. No, like Charles Denver, it is heyday. Hello, fake radio listeners. I didn't see you over there.

This is Judge John Hodgman relaxing in his chambers. You know, I've resolved the greatest moral conflicts of our time, like the potluck problem, snob versus slob, and of course, the toot dispute. Do you have a pressing issue that needs swift decisive justice? Visit us at www.maximumfun.org slash J-J-H-O.

That's J-J-HO for Judge John Hodgman. And here are the results of each case on my weekly podcast, Judge John Hodgman. You can subscribe in iTunes or find it online at maximumfun.org. This is the sound of a gavel. That is all. This question comes to us from,

well, I'll tell you at the end. Many of your letters are about how to deal with unintentionally douchey family, friends, and acquaintances who I think probably just got comfortable with their surroundings and slid into doucheiness. How can we police ourselves so we don't make such a slide? That's for moderately comfortable in the Midwest. You got to surround yourself.

You can't police yourself, I don't think. You got to surround yourself with douche-liss-ness tests that you can police them. It's like a circle of trust, you know? Ooh, I like that. A circle of accountability. Jeff, can you scoot a little closer in your mic? I hear quite an echo.

Yes. Thank you. Sorry. You got to record every conversation that you have. And then like go- Hire a stenographer. Well, you don't have to go that far, but you can just listen to every conversation

that you have that you've recorded. I think you should hire a stenographer. See, here's my thing. You can create a job, and that's what this economy needs. Thanks. You're right, Travis. Thank you, Travis, for thinking about our economy when the government's so selfish.

Thank you. And then hire a stenographer for your stenographer. I got a tiny your stenographer. I actually think that if you have a stenographer right now on all your stuff, you're going to say cooler stuff, because you're going to know there's that accountability there. And you get to yell stuff out, like read that back to me. Can I get a copy of that?

No, actually, Vicky, you can see here what I said was that I will do the laundry when I get some time, as you see here. And that would be actually really good for marriage. If you can get a marriage stenographer, it would be hugely helpful. And I sound like I'm about to go on a Tom Poppus bit, so I'm just going to steer off here,

fall off the junction. Pump the brakes there, men of a certain age. I don't know. I really enjoyed the concept that doucheiness is caused by comfort. I like that idea, like doucheiness is like a pair of sweatpants you slip into. It's not.

I don't think that it's quite that matter of fact, but I think that is the way that it happens most of the time. You know what? Fuck it. If you become a douche and all your friends and family become douches too, just try to corral that and keep it inside your own bubble, but then just live in it.

It's fine. Hey, guys, can I read a question? Oh, shit. I know. But I really like this question, and I feel like if Justin reads it, he'll cop out halfway through. OK.

OK. That's always a good sign for me. As long as it's not about pee or farts. Oh, no. My fellow co-worker and I are having a debate, and we need you to settle it for us. One day, we both happened to use the urinal at work at the same time, and my co-worker passed gas.

I told him you can't do that in public bathroom, only in the privacy of your own home. He disagreed. He stated that it's perfectly acceptable to fart in a public bathroom because that is what goes on in the bathroom. Please shed some light on the situation, and that's from Flatulent and Fargo.

I don't want to do this. I can't talk about this. Yep. Come on. No. Farts. I don't want to do this. I don't want to talk about this.

Why don't you guys want to talk about farts? Be an adult. Talk about farts and pee and poopy and stuff. OK. I don't want to, but I don't want to do any of that. No, but like an adult. Talk about like an adult. No, but I don't want any.

I don't want to do that. We'll call it flattis. No. Let's see. When you release flats. No. Let me answer this question like 10 seconds, then we can all move on with our lives,

and pretend we never talked about duty. OK. Farting is 100% OK in the bathroom, because you poop in the bathroom, and what are you, some kind of fucking hypocrite? Yeah. Yep. Right?

Farting in the bathroom, totally cool. Can you? And everybody probably can tell if you didn't have that. Oh, already as he sees back, they said, oh, you might as well title this episode, fart placenta, and then put a little sticker on it that says, do not release, and then don't release it. Oh, this one's going in the fucking Disney vault.

Right next to the blu-ray of the buried in placenta. We're going to bring that out back in 2030. Audiences will think that's tame by then. They'll be completely over the whole bare placenta thing. Let's do something else. Anything else, please. Farting is totally cool. OK, next question.

OK, next question. Did I ever tell you guys this story? I was in an airport bathroom, and this dude was in this stall, obviously on his phone, having a conversation with someone, and just going to town. Some of the raunchiest toots I've ever heard, and was just not holding back during a fucking conversation on the phone in a very public restroom.

It was like a trumpet solo in a Chicago song. Yes, it was amazing. See, this bothers me. This is why phones should actually collect your phones before you go into a bathroom. Because by going into a bathroom, you're entering into like a, I know what you did last summer situation,

where we're all doing terrible things, but we promise not to do it ourselves. Exactly. Exactly. And you promise that the things that are happening in there, you're just going to pretend never to happen. And it's embarrassing when you're in a stall, next to somebody else in a stall who's on their phone,

and they're like, hey, man, what's up? On their phone, and you're like, uh, not much. I, you know, I had some Taco Bell earlier. I, what are you? I had some local treat. This is, why are we, then it's like, yeah, she's doing okay, okay. You're like, ah, fuck, god damn it.

And then you gotta pretend like you're having a conversation on your phone. Yeah, yeah, dad. Sorry I haven't called in a while. I had a couple minutes free. And we've talked way too long about this. Here's the Yahoo answer that was sent in by Sam McKay. Thanks, Sam.

It's by Yahoo answers user Haley, who asks. Cute inside jokes? I am writing my friend's notes. Like, you know the ones you pass in the halls, and I don't want to be lame and repeat past things. I'm out of ideas. So are there cute inside jokes or funny things you and your friends talk about?

Like examples from me. Banana face, inside joke. Neon nerds with a Z code name. Let's go eat ice cream, random, choo-choo, IDK. Stuff like that. Anything I could put down to be cute, even though it might be a code name to someone else, but just something cute for me.

Please, smiley face, heart, Haley. This is the grossest thing I've ever heard. Hey. Choo-choo, IDK. Ice cream, random. Jelly bracelets. It's Dr. Scholes. Hey, I don't know how to write this to you,

but this was asked by a 50-year-old man in Y Focals, eating a Chef Boyardee out of the can. So I'll say middle school plus 20. Yeah. He just wants to, just what are you guys talking about? What is happening there? I just want to know. Sneaker snappers.

What's up? Edamame. Grab your really bad at this. Mop and glow. Why? Power of Pinesol. IRS form 1099. Why?

Fukushima. What is it? Fukushima. It's Fushiki. Fushiki. Umari. Yakitomari. Kwanzaa, Winkface.

Chamelele Chihuahua, Lost Pepper Incorporate. Random. Random, Kwanzaa. What do you think kids are talking about, Travis? Apparently, I do not know. Yeah, that's... I thought I did. You thought you did.

Until about five minutes ago, I thought I had my finger on the pulse. Pokemon cards. I thought they talked about the green ranger turning into the white ranger. Raffinator. That was way off. So, yeah, any of those things that we just said,

or you could just like collect two random words off of, I don't know, anything, and just say them with like a smiley face or like a lull, I think, works? You could put lull in there. Do kids still use Tamagotchis? Can you, can you talk about your Tamagotchi? They replace it with Fushigums.

Fushigums? Fushigums? Hey, get over here, Fushigums. I can actually twirl my Tamagotchi. Fushikens! I can twirl my Tamagotchi between my fingers and elbows, like a magic trick. He loves it, too.

He has such a good time. I mean, he makes a sad face with them poops, and then I can play with them between my fingers, and then I'll give them a walk. Those things are so fucking... You're playing with a calculator. Idiot. Idiot Griffin from 2000.

Stupid 1998 Griffin. Do better. I like how you're retconned. You're aged, which you thought Tamagotchi's were. I never bought a Tamagotchi. This is a true story. I was walking home from school one day. It actually may have been a gigapet.

You remember that? It was like a knockoff. Anyway, I found it lying in the grass while I was walking home, and the screen was cracked. As if to insinuate, somebody was like, You fucking gigapet! And threw it to the ground. It's like, I'm done with you!

And that person is making someone a wonderful parent, right? Yeah. Fucking Timmy! Get out of here. I'm sorry to have to do this, but I do think I need the rest of that story. What happens after you find the cracked gigapet? Do you throw it in the garbage?

No, no, I kept him. Did you nurse him back to health? I mean, there was some structural, there was some hardware down there. Let's remake Homer bound with gigapets. You can think of something sadder right now, than 12-year-old Griffin playing with a cracked green gigapet, like some sort of war refugee.

Please let me know what it is to watch this image from my mind. I couldn't be more depressed right now. He's wearing pumps, but our parents can afford pumps, they're squeezers. Are you killing me now? I kept that gigapet very happy for two weeks, and then the screen bled out, and then I kept interacting with him,

even though I couldn't see him anymore. And then about two weeks after that, the battery died. I walked in on Griffin sucking out the juice from the liquid crystal display. He wanted the gigapet to live inside him forever. My body is just like a big mech suit for the gigapet that lives inside me. Okay, so this is what our dumbass stupid show

about placendas and shit, called My Brother, My Brother Me, an advice show for the modern era. Thank you for listening for whatever dark purposes you have for doing that every week. Especially if you're in college, you should probably stop listening. Big love to May.

The show Big Love. Big Love. Bill Pullman. Getting it every day, Bill. Congratulations. May, see in your face, just listen to 20 hours of Mabin Bam on a long, long drive. So thanks to him, thanks to everybody tweeting about the show

with the MBAM hashtag. Nick Wastrak, Little Socrates, Heron Bird, Aurora Hack, BuzzClick, Milano, everybody. I want to thank Sean Rodgerick in the long winters for the use of our theme song, It's a Departure, off the album Putting the Days to Bed.

Set up four, I'll say it again. It's a good band. Hey, Justin. You? On a personal note, I want to say that I'm very, very glad that Sydney is back and you guys are doing the satellite dish again. Oh, the satellite dish?

You mean the satellite dish that you can find on iTunes by searching for a satellite dish? And it's a comedy podcast about TV. That's correct. That I do with my wife. I'm glad I missed it. You know what I didn't miss, because it's still been here,

the Incase of Emergency cast. And what can you tell me about the Incase of Emergency podcast? It's about emergencies, and you do it with two people, and at least one of them is an Australian. That is correct. At least one of them. We haven't confirmed the other one yet.

We're not sure. To my knowledge, at least 33.3 repeating percent of them are, in fact, Australian. So, and in case of emergency, you can find that on iTunes, just search Incase of Emergency. Oh, you guys want to talk about Rap Zone? Yeah, Griffin, tell us all about Rap Zone.

Well, Rap Zone is a new podcast. It's not comedy-based. There's nothing funny about rhyme, like, we'll come up with rhyme battles. When you're battling and you have to rhyme somebody really fast. So, Rap Zone is like my podcast. It's like my, it's like an advice show, I guess. People, like, call in and ask their rap questions,

and I give, I advise them. That sounds great. Now, can people find that on Zoom Marketplace? They can't, you have to hack into my sub-network on Linux. That's more of a private chat. If you're a Linux user, I can, like, send you my FTP information. And if you see Griffin in public, he'll just give you a jazz disc that has the show on it.

Yeah. And a jazz cigarette. Everybody has a jazz player, right? I also want to say, I want, while we're congratulating people, I want to give one more shout-out to Chapman Cara, because she is, her Twitter icon is her wearing a shirt of ours in front of Posner of Ours,

and it makes me happy, so. And we haven't mentioned it in a while, but go check out all the other wonderful Max Fun Shows, if you haven't yet. Especially, it's brand new, it's our newest one, Throwing Shade. If you haven't checked it out yet, it's every, every episode is consistently awesome.

What's great about Throwing Shade is that they're only, like, 30 episodes in. You can, like, listen to all of them, and then you can be caught up. Do you guys realize how hard it is to stay up on a podcast, like, and have it all listen to? It's basically impossible. Yeah, but you can do it now.

Get on board. Get on the Throwing Shade train, because, goddammit, it's the funniest. You've earned it. So that is our show. We really hope you enjoyed it, and we hope you will come back. Subscribe to us on iTunes and stuff,

if you don't already. Which, how are you getting it? You piece of shit. Justin just dropped. Oh, no, Justin. Justin just dropped a copy paste of an Amazon receipt for a Fushigi Magic Gravity Ball. You son of a bitch.

And it comes with a C- Is it the ball and CD-ROM? I think it's a combo. God, I hope so. If I just get the CD-ROM, I'm gonna be very put out. You could use Apple, maybe. This final Yahoo was sent in by Tom Powell, or Thaum Powell.

Thank you, Tom Pom. It's by Yahoo Answers user Frank, who asks, Why are there so many gay Burger King commercials? I'm Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. This has been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad.

Just go wear out the lips.