My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 105: Daymare Pile of Watercolor Donors

Episode Date: May 21, 2012

Chuck! Chuck, it's MBMBaM! Your cousin, MBMBaM? You know that new comedy advice podcast you're looking for? Well, listen to this! Suggested talking points: Miners Part 3, Foreplexting, Jedi Bush, Askalate, Butt Problems, Geof & Ron Continued, Chubby Choker, Earl of Daveshire

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's a new craze, and the girls, do you want it? Just say, hey, I want it. Just say, hey, I want it. Nope. Nope. See, you said you got it. You didn't have it, did you? I do have it, because it's, it's, it's the two-year anniversary. Is it the day of?

It is close. You're doing like when you do Disneyland's Birthday, where it's like the entire year. This year, all year, we're celebrating the second year anniversary of the Chilean mining. I don't think you can do that. I feel like our listeners can, can chart, like when there's no big news stories or big movies coming out, they're like, ah, here come the, here come the miners. I wish, I wish it was that simple, because then we would have gotten them out with the release of Captain America, and they would have only been in there for like 45 days, rather than 69.

But yeah, I mean, October 13th, right? It's just around the, just around the corner. What, that was the day? Hey, do you guys have your Halloween costumes picked out yet? I'm a fifth of, because Christmas, Christmas is just around the corner now. You know, well, the fifth of August is when they get it, got in. Oh, I see. Well, we're kind of close to that. So we're celebrating, we're celebrating the two year anniversary of them getting trapped.

Yeah, we're celebrating entry day, not emergence day. Oh, no, forget that. Right now, we're celebrating the two year anniversary of when they went in. In two weeks, we'll celebrate the two year anniversary of when America kind of lost interest. And then in like, in 70 days, we'll celebrate America getting back into it again in a big, big way. You know, day one, they probably didn't know that their, that their shit was so, so fucked, right? They probably thought that they were going on another fun spelunking adventure.

Right. But I think around day three, the shine sort of came off the apple. It's just like camping, isn't it? You go there, so nice to be back in nature, or in this case, a lightless oxygen reduce. There's even less threat of bears, right? Well, except for underground bears. Exactly. Fossil bears. Bone bears.

Yeah. So, so this is our advice to the Chilean miners, really savor, savor this time. It's your time, you burned it. Because this is an advice show after all. It's an advice show called My Brother and My Brother and Me, and I am the oldest mining brother, Justin McRoy. I'm the middle, I don't mine things, Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy.

I'm playing Minecraft right now while we record the show. So, if I'm not paying attention, it's because of the Minecraft. Little known fact, Griffin is the canary of My Brother and My Brother and Me. If he dies, then we know that the air has become toxic, and we have to stop doing the podcast. Oh, I think we all know I'm not going to be the brother that dies first. Which brother is the brother that dies first? Kind of three.

One, one, two, three, Travis. Justin. Yeah. See, I was going to say Griffin, and now we're all split. Okay. I know that you have a weak constitution. Yeah. What if we do a murder-murder-suicide pack?

Yeah. Well, who's the suicide? We're all going to live up to that. I mean, if you guys need me to kill you, I would kill you. Unfortunately, we're booked on sponsors for the next couple of months, so we can't offer ourselves yet. But maybe after that, we can kill ourselves, maybe. Oh, for sweeps.

For podcast sweeps. For podcast sweeps. Hey, have you guys listened to me? Super good. They're going through some radical changes. Both personally and professionally. It's a big departure, literally. Here on My Brother, My Brother Me, we take your queries,

we turn them out, and we like, into wisdom, and let's get to it. Our first question. On and off for a year now, I've been sexy texting. That's a gray zone between sexting and flirty texting, a fella. The other day, he told me that he has been engaged for about four months. Am I good? Should I stop? Or can I continue and leave the moral ambiguity in his court?

That's from Gmail. There is no middle ground between regular texting and sexting. There's no fourplexing. There's no nexting. You're either doing it or you're not doing it. It sounds like you're doing it. I'm also going to throw out here not to pass judgment. There's not a lot of moral ambiguity here.

I'm going to say it's pretty morally black and white here. We're desperate for slivers of light to help you shimmy out of. Press to pour sweet, sweet, life-giving water down. I do agree that it's on him. Well, I mean, no, but I'm saying the previous bad is on him. Future bad is on both of you. Fool me once, then that one's on me. Fool me twice for four months after you've been engaged.

That's no good, dog. Yeah, that's not, oh man, this is a tough putt. I understand you're invested in this. So much as you can be invested in a relationship with your thumbs. Which is a lot. It's a lot more than you would think. Yeah, I mean, look at Billy Mitchell. But I think that this is a good time for you to make your

egress from this situation. Yeah, I think that's a great word for it, situation. That's the thing is like there is no into this. That's not messy. You have been foisted against your will into a situation. I would say even outside the moral ambiguity, get out of it because you're better than that. Yeah.

This is an engaged dude, he's taking out all of his whatever fear of the future with his fiance, with you. He's using you. If you're in for the excitement of a good sext, maybe start sexting your bank. Now that creates some problems. Sext the time and temperature line at your bank so that you don't have to deal with that moral shadiness and you can still get your rocks off.

Do you think that just like there are like phone sex lines, that there are phone sex lines that people are working on, where you can like sext something and they sext you back and. But it's just a little bit. Absolutely, absolutely. And it's all computer generated. You know it's true. Oh yeah, you're fine.

You're completely texting with a robot that is learning and adapting. And you're texting their uncanny valley. Right. Extricate yourself from this situation. Also, just to clarify something. If you find out that someone is engaged, the gray zone, if it ever existed between flirty texting and sexting completely disappears. If you would not show, it's like, you know it's a sin.

If you wouldn't do it in front of Jesus. Like if you, if the fiance would look at it, what you guys are doing and say. And get infuriated, then that's, that's, that's cheating. That's sexting. And this guy, I think, knows exactly what he's done. If it's taking him four months to tell you that he's engaged. Yeah. And he, you're too great.

That's what I'm saying. He can't end it. He's begging for you to help. Guys are stupid. I think he's begging for you to help him get out of this. Because he, he sees no solution. He's like, he's like a rat in a maze. He's, he's begging for you to lead him, lead him to daylight.

Which you can do and save face and be totally cool. And more importantly, like feel good about it in, after the short term sort of bummer, you will look back on the situation and think, gosh, darling, you were really responsible there. And, and that's pretty great of you. And I think this is just like any situation when somebody's like, I really like this girl, but she's dating this guy. They're really unhappy. They're probably going to break up.

You don't want to be the catalyst that makes anything happen here. It puts way too much pressure on you. And you don't want, you don't want Joey Greco kicking down your door, taking your phone and throwing it into the street. Because he'll do it. That's his new thing. Is that his thing? I haven't seen that thing yet.

It's called e-cheaters. And actually you'll get a text from a number you don't recognize saying, Gotcha, bitch. And then it takes your phone. He throws it in the street and he yells, cheaters. Then he zooms in on it real close. I mean, this all, all of our advice right now sort of precludes the, like we can't account for the possibility that the fiance is like the worst person on earth

and he really needs to leave her. But it goes back to what Travis said. If that is the situation, he needs to leave her and then get back in contact with you. Like you don't, he should have done that from in the first place. And, and you need to let him sort of get his situation sorted out. It may be that you're his special one and he's your special one, but he needs to be a grown-up in that other relationship first. And then, and then you guys can,

can go back to whatever weird thing you're doing that didn't exist when I was your age. Hey, you want a yahoo to wash the palette of weirdness out of our mouth? Yeah. This yahoo is not that our, not that our dear listener is weird. The guy's weird. Yeah, everything, everything. Everything is weird. This one was sent in by Emily Smith-Dix.

Thank you, Emily. Don't lie, that's a woman's name. Okay. Sorry, try again. Emily Smith-Dix asks, you're the worst. Justin, I won't, not this time. Not this third time that you say it. I won't, I will not giggle.

Thank you, Emily. It's by yahoo answers user like IDK who asks, starting a Jedi braid? So I am planning on growing a Jedi braid. And I know it is behind the right ear, but IDK exactly where? Is it right on the bone? But should I let it grow on its own or put extensions on it till it is long enough to be braided? And then he's included a picture of you and McGregor with the braid.

And you're assuming this is a guy asking this question? Uh, I'm assuming, I'm assuming as much. If it's, I think if a lady Jedi has a braid, it's, it's, it's just a braid. Here's the number one thing. And I, and I tell this to people so often and they never listen, but it is key. And it's going to feel uncomfortable. You can't wash it for the first three to four months. Just let your natural hair oils.

It's really not about growing a piece of hair so much as it's about just letting your spirit sort of become unchained from corporatism. It's a, it's a commitment to the Jedi lifestyle. Right. And your own spiritual oneness. Like just don't wash it. Your hair naturally wants to grow you a Jedi braid. You've got to let that happen. What a lot of people don't know is they think that that is hair,

but actually it's an extension of the brain growing externally through the skull. No, it's not that. I'm almost certain it is. I know a lot about both Jedis and science, you guys. Wait, a lot of people really don't know is that you also got to just let that, just let that bush go crazy. You get Jedi Bush? That is a Jedi style that a lot of people, a lot of people don't know about.

Old Obi-Wan Kenobi. It was like the, it's like the forests of Dantuin down there. You wanted to, you wanted to be so whacked down there that when you drop your pants, everyone in the room says, that is not what I'm looking for. That is not the bush I'm looking for. Thank you. That situation is not in any way what I'm looking for. So you've got to have a braid down there.

And you said that jokingly, but you know it's braiding. Which, you know what that means, Jedi can't wear shorts. What's that coming out? What is that thing at your knee, dad? Oh no. Do you want to go to the desert planet? Fuck. Again?

Fuck. Just put on some cargoes. You'll be fine. I can't. Stupid braided bush. It's not only a bat, it's not only the worst look, right? It, it's the worst explanation of a look that you can, I think if I had this thing, I would rather say, oh, it's a rat tail.

That's right, I honestly was just thinking of a rat tail. I have a rat tail because I'm a dirty boy. Which I think is better than, oh, it's my Jedi braid. I'm, I'm at, I'm at the academy. It's an unrated Jedi braid. Can we start calling rat tails lazy gen eyes? Because that's basically what it is. If you braided that up, you would have, you would be one with the force,

but instead you're just going to watch. Here's the thing about the rat tail though, and the difference between the Jedi braid and the rat tail is it's like you said, you know what's a really unattractive look, the rat tail, you know what would really help if I just took it 90 degrees to the left. Yeah. You know, like, why are you putting something on the saw? And then just starts spouting off like,

Hey man, fear leads to hate, man. Hate leads to anger, buddy. Do you know? Don't do this thing you're thinking I'm doing. Are you a Jedi? Because I will assure you that in the, in the wide pantheon of the Jedi lifestyle, that dumb hair thing is pretty low on the list. Oh yeah.

Like, although it wasn't even rocking it. There are several other steps. They're more important to the Jedi life. Yeah. Miss Windu didn't have a dumb braid. Miss Windu didn't have any hair, except for the bush. Is that, is the policy that you only have it when you're a patty wand? I think that's, I think that's what it is.

Is that what you're thinking? By like 900 years old that, that Yoda just had like the most rocking bush. I imagine Yoda was half bush under there. At this point, 60% of his body mass was bush. Let's just put it this way. If he fell forward, he would bounce like a gummy bear. It's complete, it's complete bush right there. Spring green.

But really well groomed. Just like grunting. Yeah, it's a, it's like a fucking topiary. It's beautiful. I can't wait for Star Wars 3D. We're finally going to get the kind of depth that we need to finally peep that bush. It's going to look like you're buried in an avalanche. It's going to be amazing.

Oh guys, Chewbacca. He's like all bush. We didn't even think about that. I guess he's not a Jedi though. Tricky. Let's, how can we make this joke work for us? He is a dog Jedi. Do they let dogs be Jedi's?

I don't see why not. They do seem like a pretty inclusive organization. Hey, my issue. This person, I like this person. They get right to it. My issue is whether or not I'm dating this girl. So it's full stop. It's full stop.

So it's for two months now. This girl now and I have been seeing each other once a week. But when we hang out, it's usually outside somewhere. Really just chilling. My problem is I can't figure out whether we're dating or not. Some of my friends say no, this isn't. Some say we are. I really like this girl a lot.

If this is considered dating, then I think I'll make a move to further relationship. Thanks, brothers. I look forward to hearing your guys' advice on this. And that's from Gmail. If you don't know, you probably aren't at this moment. Once a week is a lot though, isn't it? I mean, it's a lot. Yeah, but here's the thing.

No offense, question asker from Gmail. You don't give us any context to what this once a week hanging out is. It could be like a study session. No, it is outside. So they play an ultimate together. Yeah. They're on an ultimate. They could be sitting in the quad playing guitars for money.

That's right, Travis. They could be buskers. I'm going to point it out. It could be troubadours. They could be troubadours. They could be gardeners at a mansion. They could be farmers outside together. These are all out.

They could hang glide together, tandem. Maybe one of them is a hang glider. Maybe one of them is a statue. The other one sits under the statue. This email comes to us from a hang glider. You dummy. Hey, this is weird. A hang glider is that thing you used to hang glide?

What do you call a person who does it? A hang glidist. Risky is what you're called. Hang glider Reno. Call him. This is why you just got to ask. You just got to escalate. Like, if you don't escalate, how are we supposed to?

You're not going to know unless you try to escalate. Halfway between escalate and just ask, you'll find a little thing called escalate. Ascalate. That's what you got to do. You got to escalate this. And let's break this down mathematically, right? So two months, once a week, you've been on eight dates.

Hypothetically, right? If by eight dates you have not done some kind of physical contact, hand-holding, a case, something, you're not dating. Butsa, you're not dating, right? Right. Like, you're not. You know, I'm saying there's been no indication to you. There's been no physical contact.

No kind of flirting, you know, making plans for the future. Like, what are we going to do in two weeks? I mean, maybe there is physical contact. He just didn't say whether or not there was physical contact. They might be doing, like, mad butt stuff. They might have jumped right to butt stuff. If you are, if you're doing just all kinds of butt stuff, you're dating.

You're dating, right? You're either dating or you're a real tramp. Should we specify the stuff? Like, butt stamping. Yeah. Moon landing. Diapers. Lassoing it.

Lasso butts. Booty juice. Booty juice. You're dealing with booty juice. Did you say booty juice? Beetle juice. Beetle juice, booty juice. Moon juice.

Spankerino. All of it. Nug but thing. Upside-down nuggies. The Chilean minor. Like, whatever. All that stuff. I've been dating you for 60 days.

Okay. Who got eliminated on Idol? If you guys have not had any physical contact, I'm going to pass judgment and say that you are not dating. If you have, then you're really bad at missing cues and you are dating and it's time to ask late. Either way, you got to escalate it because one of two things will happen.

Either they'll say, no, we're not dating. Okay, that's good. That wraps that situation up. Would you like to go on a date? We could do that together. We seem to enjoy each other's company. That is a thing that could happen, physically. And then, you know, if it turns out you are dating,

you might look a little foolish, but she's already into you. Yeah. It is a no-loss scenario. And if you're together forever, any one thing that you do doesn't matter in the fullness of time. Right.

Exactly. Maybe it's possible she's wondering the same thing. I know it's scary. Or maybe she's not. She might not be wondering that because she's a scarecrow. It turns out she is a scarecrow. I was looking for a geocache.

I found it inside of her and we struck up a conversation. We've been talking ever since. Ever since. But geocaching. That's another one. Butt caching is what you're looking for. Guys, speaking of butt. And doing the dirty scarecrow.

This yahoo is sent in by Bryn. Thank you, Bryn. It's by yahoo answers user Kayla who asks, help me with my butt problem. Oh, no. Well, this may sound quite awkward in some ways. But I tried to squeeze my butt cheeks as hard as I could. Oh, god.

And now my butt is really sore. Is this some kind of exercise or did I hurt myself? Butt kangles. I really like that our sort of world is at a point right now that someone could accidentally do exercise. Be terrified at the consequences of that exercise. See, not be able to identify whether or not exercise had. Oh, this is exercise.

What a possible world. Explain to me why one would squeeze their butt cheeks together as hard as they could that wasn't exercise. Maybe they're trying to figure out what exercise. It's like backing into exercise. Like, I don't know any exercise. Literally. I'm going to do things.

Yeah. I want to do things until they hurt. And then I'm assuming that will have exercised me. I will say this though. From the first half of the question, I squeezed my butt cheeks together as hard as I could. I was expecting so many worse things that now they're sore. Like, I think that the question-askers

should be happy that they're just sore. Yeah. Yeah. Not like I pulled something and now I'll never be able to poop again. I mean, from help me with my butt problem. Yeah, there are so, so many other butt problems you could have that would be worse than this. I think we can agree.

You got off pretty easy here. Yeah, pretty light as far as butt problems go. You could have like fused them together permanently. That is not a thing. That's true. Justin, that's true. Like on Breakfast Club. Yeah, they call it sphere butt.

When Amelia O'Svee has made that nerd have sphere butt. Did you guys hear about that when Mitt Romney in school taped that kid's butt cheeks together? And he got detention. He was such a bad guy. But the other guys on the wrestling team cheered him on the whole time. Yeah.

Yeah. He's under so much pressure from his dad, I guess. But also Mitt Romney can put on lipstick with his boobs. Yeah. Yeah. What's the other thing? Mitt Romney eats sandwiches with cereal on him. What's up with that?

It's craziness. That story about Mitt Romney doing that thing, I think was terrible. Pretty much the worst. Pretty much the worst. I would say that we're probably none of us are proud of everything we did in high school. Are you apologizing for Mitt Romney right now?

No, I wanted to make a broader point. And that's what that when you guys heard the story was anybody else sort of disappointed that the end of it wasn't. And then he turned out to be the Joker. Like it reads very origin story. Oh, like the kid that he punished. Exactly.

The kid that he teased. The kid that he teased turned. And then as it turns out, he was some butt. Oh, you're saying like Paul Harvey, like the rest of the story. Exactly. Like, and it turned out that was Obama. Taking the bunches together. And as it turns out, it was Obama.

Right? And now you know the rest of the main story. It was Mohawk and Alfie. Who knew? I was just disappointed. I like narrative arcs. I was disappointed in Pan out that way. It turned out he was just just hazing some poor kid.

But I thought it would be cool if the poor kid, and this seems like a pretty good open window now. The poor kid like got psychic powers and burned down his high school during the prom. Something like that would be great. Which I think you were referencing, I don't know, Kerry, but I really wanted you to be referencing Zapt or Zapt again. I was referencing Zapt again.

You were? And they all perished in the fire. Is that how Zapt again ends? Yeah, it's not a very good movie. Yeah, where it sounds like a really good movie. You know, I'll let you be the judge. What? Okay, so imagine this scene.

You're this child's mother. You walk in on your child squeezing their butt cheeks together. Are they? Are they? Well, he was trying to fly. You ever see that movie, Boy Who Could Fly? This is about. That's what it is.

If you push hard enough, the force just lifts you off the ground. Do you think that they were just sitting there and they were struck by a fancy like, oh, I know what I'll do? Or do you think they really prepped for this? You think they put on some sweat bands, maybe, and got ready to really, and maybe left school a little early, to give themselves plenty of time to squeeze their butt cheeks. Before their parents got home.

Excuse me. Teach? Can I spend today's class standing? I am going for a world record this afternoon. I'm in training. I'm in training. I need zero butt pressure until it counts. I need it to feel like a popped bubble wrap underneath there,

just like soft and pliant. Please don't wind the donut for training. This is my training donut. That's right, Sydney. I don't have hemorrhoids. I just training donut for my butt squeezing. This is really unfortunate, because this probably is a little kid. Can we, can, 16 or older for the internet, please?

Can we, can we get a licensed program? Can we just get a limit? When I have kids, they're going to do dumb shit, because I did dumb shit, and like, I don't want them going and telling the internet about the dumb shit that they did. Better question is, I mean, honest to God, if I had a kid right now, if I had like a 14-year-old son,

and I was like, what are you going to do today, son? He was like, well, I'm going to go in my bedroom and squeeze my butt cheeks together. So I was like, yeah, okay, have a great day. Like, I wouldn't stop him. Don't tweet that, but don't tweet it. Never tell anybody. Yeah.

But go to town. I mean, it's your life. I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm not the boss of you. You're never going to know how your body works until you do these kinds of brave experiments. Just try not to break your butt. Just don't let your kids on the internet.

People are just throwing trebuchets of dicks at them, and like, they're just tweeting all of the horrible, dumb kid stuff that they do. Don't let it happen to your kids. Wait, what exactly was the advice that this person was asking for, by the way? They just wanted to know if this was some sort of exercise. I'm going to go ahead and say, yeah,

you can probably increase your butt. The best kind of exercise. Your butt resistance. If you can get to a point where you can pick up a pencil with your butt cheeks, you're God among men. I guess. Promising career at the landing strip, I guess. That doesn't sound extremely difficult.

You're just one step away. One step away from being able to pick up singles with your butt. OK, well then let's say pick up the pencil and sign your name with it. Oh, that's incursive? Well, of course. Or else it doesn't count. We have a lot of sponsors lined up this week

for the Money Zone. I'm excited to get there. But as long as we're talking about Yahoo Answers, I wanted to draw to your attention. It's rare that we follow up on questions here at my brother and my brother and me. But you'll remember last week, we heard from a young man called named Geoff

who had some trouble with his stepdad Ron and used a dog to send messages to him. And I wanted to just thank Drew MG on the Maximum Fund forums. He went and unearthed another question from Geoff that I don't think we need to address. But it does help to color in the story a little bit more. Can we? No, let's.

I haven't read it. Let's get into it. You haven't read it? Well, Griffin, can you read it? Because I don't think it's legal for me to read a Yahoo answer. I don't think it is you. Let me see. Oh, shit.

Oh, thank you, Drew MG so much. Geoff asks, can my stepdad legally ground me? I got in trouble and my stepdad Ron grounded me. Can he legally ground me if he is only my stepdad? And also, does lying make you stupid? My stepdad Ron caught me lying and called me disingenuous. I don't think that lying make you stupid.

I see celebrities who lie all the time and they are famous. I know it's wrong. I was just wondering if anyone else thinks it makes you stupid. I would watch a series of movies about just the relationship between Geoff and Ron. I was just thinking, how is it that shit my dad says is a TV show and I don't have stepdad Ron and his stupid stepdad? Stepdad Ron knows best. It's like we can watch their relationship develop, right?

It's like, I have this new stepdad. I stepped out of line. Can he legally ground me? Because I don't know. This is a new scary situation for me. I'm growing up so fast. Please help me. I'm Geoff.

And then a couple of days later, he lies to him and he says, I'm having a hard time making this relationship work. Does lying make you stupid? I don't know. Please help me. Am I going to become stupid? And then a few days after that, he asked if he can write messages to his dad on his dog without making him sick.

In fact, becoming actually pretty stupid. It's like a whole narrative. Through Yahoo Answers. It's the first Yahoo Answers exclusive sitcom. Oh, Christ. Well, I don't know what to tell Geoff and Ron, but I hope they keep on trekking because they certainly filled my life with a lot of joy. But you know what they haven't filled my life with?

What's that? Mine. Griffin, who's the first person taking us to the Money Zone this week? Today, we have Wednesday Wolf, whose art you can see at WednesdayWolf.com. It is, they sell fucked up watercolor paintings. I have seen these paintings. I can indeed confirm they are pretty fucked up. But man, there's some awesome ones just right at the top of the page there with

Chewbacca and Yoda and like, they're awesome. There's a Mario. Looking more like a human pubis than he ever has before. Exactly. But the paintings are really neat and they would look good on a wall of an apartment or a bathroom or a nursery of a child that you want to just ruin. Yeah, just for life. Yeah, but go check it out.

It's WednesdayWolf.com. I think you're going to like what you see unless you're prone to nightmares, day nightmares. Daymares. If you're prone to daymares, stay away. But otherwise, you should get to WednesdayWolf.com. It's, there's some Pokemon too, some really scary Pokemon. Holy shit. They've even got my favorite Pokemon, Ghastly.

He looks horrifying. He looks horrifying. He looks ghastly, quite literally. But it's awesome. You guys got to go take a look. WednesdayWolf.com. Just type it in your browser. Don't think about it.

Justin, just do it. What's, tell us about our next sponsor. The Imps of Margin Fletch. If you haven't heard of him, you can go to theimps.org. And they're a creative group that spends their time making absurd, this is a quote, absurd situational photographs to entertain their audience. They've made some pretty fantastic stuff in the past. I appreciate especially Intellectual Dogfight.

It features two dogs playing Scrabble, which makes me really happy. But they're doing a new series, a sci-fi influenced series called Intergalactic Expansion, for sure they're going to do in Vienna. But, and they need your help to make it happen. You can find the link to this Kickstarter at theimps.org. And if you look at the one photo that they have already put up, if it doesn't make you happy, I don't know what will. Your heart has been replaced with a hard lump of hatred.

But you can go and kickstart them. I'm most excited about a limited edition signed Imps calendar good for the year 2022. Now, hold on, they're giving away a limited magician. Griffin, as you should know by all of our associations with magicians, they are by definition unlimited. But yeah, you can go to theimps.org and you'll find a link to their Kickstarter at Intergalactic Expansion. They're going to put the show on in Vienna,

but they will send you cool stuff for helping them to get it mounted. And it looks fantastic and I support more cool things going into the world. So go check it out. Speaking of looks fantastic. Once again, this week we're sponsored by Mob Rules Games, the makers of Haunts of the Mansa Macabre. They're working on the Kickstarter. It's going great.

They've raised about, I would say almost about $11,000 so far. So they're almost, you know, close to halfway there. And we're seeing a lot of people go and donate and leave a comment saying that MBMBAM sent them. So great. Thank you guys. For those of you, maybe you've missed a couple of weeks or anything. Let me read you the description real quick so that you know what you're missing out on.

Mansa Macabre is a turn based horror game that allows you to play either side of the haunting. So you can either be the explorers or the denizens haunting the house. We, they spent so far $42,000 on development and they just need another $20,000 to see it through to completion. Mob Rules Games believes that transparent business practices are vital to earning your trust and will make your budget, expenses and sales and schedule publicly available. So every single thing they do, you can go and see. There's no, you know, hidden agenda.

There's it's completely transparent. Every $5 that you pledge earns you a copy of the game. So if you give $5, then you get a free copy of the game whenever it comes out. If you donate $25, then you get five copies of the game to give to your friends or, as they encourage you to do, sell it. You can sell it and make some extra cash off of your $5. I think it's one of the best marketing tools ever to say, hey, pirate our stuff. Don't pirate it.

Don't pirate it. Don't pirate it. No, no, no, no. Pay for it. Profiteer. Profiteer. Thank you. And their goal is to-

Highway robbery with our stuff. Highway robbery their stuff. Their goal is to get it out in time for Halloween this year. So there's, I believe, about another 30 days or another 45 days left in their Kickstarter. So make sure you go check it out. It's mobrulesgames.com. They have links there to the Kickstarter. So make sure to go check out their stuff.

It looks amazing. It's kind of Edgar Allen Poe inspired, you know, Edward Gory stuff. It looks awesome. So make sure you check it out. Mobrulesgames.com. Last up in the money zone this week is Travis. Hit me. Well, it's a little TV show pilot called Don't Take This The Wrong Way.

People are still watching TV? I know. It's amazing, right? Is this Everybody Loves Raymond again? It's basically like Everybody Loves Raymond again only better if you can believe it. And it's a pilot developed by Craig Lewis and Matthew Chandler. They're friends from college. They worked together, you know, since 2002.

And so basically they're working on this show. They describe it as a combination of the league, which is a show on FX, and a younger half hour version of men of a certain age. Men of a younger age. Men of a certain age that's not the age that the men are on the show. Maybe men of a funnier age. Men of a younger, more accessible age. Men of an age where there are fewer jokes about prostate cancer.

All their boners still work. More jokes about iPods. I had to go to my doctor. He put his finger on my butt and found an iPod. Men of a younger age. Kickstart it. They've been working on the script for a couple of years now, and they've reached a point where they're ready to film it,

and they want to just grab that pool by the horns and wrestle it to the ground and film that whole process. Fuck that bull. Fuck that bull. So basically, they just need $18,000 for development, shooting, post-production. Indiegogo.com forward slash wrong way is where you can see a clip with the guys. You can hear a little bit more about the show. And this is very exciting.

If you mention my brother, my brother and me, and I can't stress this enough, not Jordan Jesse Go. My brother, my brother and me. If we bring more people into their donor pile, then they're going to... They're writhing pile of dough. They're writhing nightmarish pile. They're daymarish pile of watercolor donors. Watercolor donors is an awesome band name.

Yeah, by the way, it is... Then we will get into an episode. A mention of us, some oblique reference that only people who enjoy our program will appreciate. Right now, across the internet globe, Jordan and Jesse are talking about this show. And they're great and all, but we're killing it. They're phoning it in. We're killing it. So we need you guys to go and prove that by mentioning us more than them

so that we can get in the episode and not them. Again, it's indiegogo.com forward slash wrong way. Go support those guys. But most importantly, help get us into something. But even more importantly, keep Jordan and Jesse. Just help us crush our friends, Jordan and Jesse. Help us crush our foes in opposition. So anyway, those are all our sponsors this week.

Unless I'm mistaken, Griffin, that is a song you are going to weave together to craft together. I'm so fucking angry right now. So let's see. You got to get WednesdayWolf.com, themps.org, mobrulesgames.com, and indiegogo.com wrong way. Actually, mobrulesgames will win that. You busted one out for them. I will give them a final draft of that come the end of this promotion. So don't take this the wrong way, Themps and WednesdayWolf.

I like the idea of Daymare Pile of Watercolor donors. I like that, but start there. What is that cover? That covers WednesdayWolf in the end. It covers all three. They all want money. That's the connector. Everybody wants money.

Here we go. Hold on. Let me take a check. Build a Daymare Pile of Watercolor donors. All these businesses need funds to operate. You can help WednesdayWolf. Themps don't take the wrong way. That's almost what it's called.

But I ran out of words in the verse. Go give them some cash to chase all of their dreams around. Whoa. I like how it ended on some of that unresolved. Dreams of dreams. I don't know, guys. Build a Daymare Pile of Watercolor donors. You need to give these people lots of cash.

That's how the market works. They take your money and turn it into goods and services. And you can take those services to the bank. While they take your literal money to the bank. Visit WednesdayWolf.com Themps.org and don't take this the wrong way. It's a website which you can probably find on Google. Oh, man.

I think the real contest is defined which way of spending your money. Your grandparents who lived through the depression would improve up the list. And it's the buy messages on our show. Yes, surprise. Big twist. It's giving us money that they would really approve of the lease. Hey, I recently met a girl that's wonderful. We have a lot in common.

She has expressed interest in dating me and it's mutual. I worry though that in a year when I'm finished college, I will likely have to move a pretty large distance to start my career. I also worry that she wants to start a family sooner than I do. Is this a deal breaker? Should I just stay single yet another year? That's from concern in Canada. Oh, man.

Of course not. Of course not. Anytime you start a sentence with, I'm worried that in a year, just stop right there. And finish the question with, should I just stay single yet another year? Yeah, like no, of course not. Quetzalcoatl's coming for you and me and everyone you love.

And it's December 21st this year. So no, I wouldn't. Hey, Quetzalcoatl, can I get just like a short extension? Is it cool if, let's just tell you what, let me pencil you in for like March 014. Oh, no, you're a giant Thunderbird. We're all dead. Yeah, we're all dead.

Thanks for the slow pitch. Ask this girl out immediately. Yeah, you have no time. You have to, everybody needs to live like Quetzalcoatl's coming back. Yeah, don't even bother with birth control anymore because we are less than nine months out. Don't even go to the dentist. Don't even get your teeth checked.

That's bullshit. You don't want to get eradicated when you're six months pregnant, though. That's that your back's going to be hurt. Life begins at an inception. That's true. Weird cravings. What if you get a weird craving to talk back to Quetzalcoatl?

Then you're going to die, you know, die a lot earlier. I mean, yeah, I mean, it's six in one. We're going to live in his service. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Honey, listen. I know this is going to sound weird. I have a craving for a stew made from the feathers of Quetzalcoatl.

I need you to fetch them from him. And then just a picture of like the dude driving in a minivan grumbling just in the middle of the game. And now I got to go take some feathers of Quetzalcoatl. His nest of bones into the tower of death corpses. That he's formed over where the White House used to be. The watercolor pile of damn rare corpses he's made. And now he lives at a top.

Listen, in a year, what you want, if this is the person, the one, the person, the special person, that's going to change your whole path, in a year, here's what you'll want to be with them. And the other stuff you can figure out. You don't know what you want because you are only living half of your life right now. If this is the special person that you're going to.

That's beautiful, Justin. Oh, shit. Yeah. That's fucking gorgeous. That's pretty unless you're like a fucking homework card. Right. You don't, honestly, everything changes when you enter into a committed permanent relationship with somebody.

No. Here's the thing though. Like I agree with you, Justin. And the other aspect is anything could happen in a year. Like maybe you guys get together. It's great for three months. It doesn't work out. It ends.

OK, great. But to say because of something happening a year away, I'm not even going to give it the chance. Like a year. Now, if you were saying that you were moving away in like a week. Yeah. That's different. That's a different kind of fish.

There's a lot of hurt feelings and stuff that are going to be associated with that. Yeah. But yeah, a year. She could die. She could die. You could die. You could die.

You could kill each other. You could kill each other in a gunfight. In like a, like one of you tackles the other one off the top of a building. I mean, you're falling together but still fighting. So you're still punching each other as you fall. And you think like if I can put her body below mine and when we fall and hit the ground, then she'll die.

But I'll be OK like in crank. But guess what? Life don't work like crank. And then she pulls a parachute and you're like bullshit. I don't have one of those. Bullshit. Got cranked. I should have married you when I had the chance.

You're very smart. Cranked again. Hey, have you guys seen Cranked again? It starts Scott Bayo and at the end the school burns down. It's a pretty weird movie. What would you be fighting? I mean, it is, we're joking. It is very realistic that they could be

in a gunfight when Quetzalcoatl comes. Maybe their fight, maybe their mom, both their moms have an infection and they both need penicillin. Of course, Quetzalcoatl drinks penicillin for energy. So there's not a lot to go around. Oh, Hunger Games. There's also a lot we still don't know about Quetzalcoatl.

Yeah, sure. There's a lot you don't know about Quetzalcoatl. I'm spilling all kinds of facts right now. It's a bird. It is avian in nature, right? Am I imagining? I believe it. Isn't it a bird snake?

Chickasnake. Cockatrice. I can't be bothered to wake up Pedia. I don't know what we're talking about anymore. I don't know either. I don't know either. So yeah, go love this girl. The only thing I know is go love this girl.

That's everybody, by the way. Just pair up. Yeah, just go ahead and partner off now. Just partner off. It'll make it easier to consume. Stop. His mouth is only two people wide. So actually, it would be great for him

if everybody could pair up before he gets back. And then maybe if you each hold hands, you can loop around one of his giant fangs and try to hold on as long as you can. If you are mega fat, hook up with another mega fat, pair up. He goes to, dead.

Choke to death. Oh, you sacrificed yourself. Thank you for your sacrifice, John Goodman. If it turns out that the fate of the human race turned on the moment that Tom Arnold and Rosanna Arnold split up. That's exactly what I was just thinking of. Sam, Dr. Sam Beckett goes back and rehab.

And habits the body of Roseanne Barr. So Tom Arnold and Roseanne Barr all stay together. Now, Tom, oh god damn it. Oh boy. I don't know. I don't know, Sam. I think you got to, I think you got to be eating my quetzalcoatl. You got to first seduce Tom Arnold

and then be eating my quetzalcoatl. I don't know which one is worse. Oh, Ziggy. No thanks. Quantum leap was a good show. It was. There's a lot of possibilities they didn't explore, though. I just, so my girlfriend and I just moved in together

when we were going through her CEU. She has the soundtrack to Quantum Leap. What? She has the soundtrack to Quantum Leap. The Quantum Leap soundtrack. What does it sound like? Can you give me, can you break me off a beat? Yeah, sure.

Tracks one through 19 are like buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh. And there's like a jazz cover. Do you guys want a yahoo? And then there's a, there's a spoken word one. Can I tell you guys something true about Quantum Leap? Yes. I read when I was in middle school, I was so way into Quantum Leap

that I read a novelization of. Totally shit. Based on like a, like an unfilmed episode of Quantum Leap. And in this novelization, Dr. Sam Beckett leapt into the body of a carnival worker with a down syndrome. Yeah. Yeah. And it was never produced, you say.

Yeah. I mean, there are like side stories, basically. It's the best, is the best way I can, I can explain it to you. But yes, yes, that is what happened. And you buy this at a scholastic school book fair. If you're at a scholastic school book fair, then you will have no, no problem tracking this one down. It's pretty fantastic.

He has to pretend to have down syndrome. Oh my God. I know, it deals with a lot of questions that the episodes never, never had the courage. Like, what would it be like to be just super offended? Yeah, like, what would it be like to breathe the most offensive novel we've written? Griffin.

This yahoo was sent in by Krista William. Thank you, Krista. It's the doucheiest. Just get ready. It's my yahoo answers user 5th Earl of Davishire, or perhaps Dave Shire, who asks, I'm not, I'm not, okay. May I have to do like a voice?

May a gentleman kick a door off its hinges in an emergency? I'm not usually the sort of fellow to go around kicking doors off hinges, but for reasons too wearosome to detail, there is presently a locked door between myself and a crate of gin. Obviously myself and the gin need to become better acquainted. Is there an etiquette to kicking doors to match wood?

The door in question is the house of a particularly tiresome ant of mine. This is the happiest I've ever been. I am not kidding you guys. There is probably 20 responses, each of which are done in the style of like a Downton Abbey role play. Who taught Anthem of Morphized Owls

how to use the internet? That's what I want to know. Can we not? Kick indoors? I don't think the Barbies would approve and I know your aunt wouldn't. Breaking and entering plus theft is good for about five years in the Gaul.

If auntie were to suffer a stroke during the misdeed, then they'd probably permanently confine you in the Tower of London. Like listen to these London things I know. Certainly not. One has people to carry out such tasks as the hero song goes. Lord Derby tried to mend the electric light.

The current shock struck him dead and serve him right. It is the duty of the wealthy man to grant employment to the artisan. Now listen, are we going to deal with the issue of this being the douchiest thing I've ever heard? Are we going to talk about kicking indoors? Listen, we will get to kicking indoors.

I want to know what sort of splinter Yahoo answers these people are using. Steampunk Yahoo. That everyone else who uses Yahoo answers hasn't stumbled in and just been baffled by what's going on. Hey yo, are we going to kick down doors or what? Fuck. Yahoo answers.

Listen, can we get back to talking about my fucking stepped out or what? Shit. Listen, I broke my butt cheek. So let's focus up people. Jesus, what is this bullshit? Listen, I was trying to leave poop in some bitch. Yahoo.

What are you even saying? I'm trying to figure out how to Superman a hoe. Can we please focus? Hey, I cut myself for a mermaid spell. Yahoo. It would usually be considered a poor show to kick a door in yourself, old boy, but drastic times call for drastic measures.

That gin won't drink itself after all. The very next guy, I fucked a tree to summon aliens. Oh. Oh, chap, that sounds like quite a splintery situation for your tallywacker. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Oh, god. Tip top, someone said.

Just that? What's the opposite of that? Because that's what this is. Bottom, bottom. Bottom, bottom. Yeah. Can we, on the subject of crazy Yahoo answers, can we, I mean, we're, this is the closer, right?

Are we in the closer? Yes, this is the, we're living in the closer. All right, we're going to do all our thank yous, but I feel like Travis and I, I feel like every, I don't know, 50 episodes or so, we need to give a plea to our listeners and question submitters, because seriously, we love you guys so much.

And like, we couldn't do this without your help. But some of the questions and some of the Yahoo's have gotten a little rankerous, I think, is good. Let's just run down a list of the things that we won't, for lack of a better word, touch. If you talk about having sex with sleeping people, like, fucking stop it. Like, don't, if you, if you submit something,

either Yahoo or a question and you look at it and go, ah, this is pretty fucking gross, we're probably not going to read it. Like, that includes poop. It includes, it includes masturbating your amputee son. Yeah, that's a real thing someone sent in. That's awful. Like, don't send in gross awful things anymore.

Like, thank you for the funny stuff. And like, we appreciate it so much, but just like, we're not going to read it. And it's psychically upsetting when you send us something that is, that is- And it's a completely different vein, but please stop asking me questions about Diablo 3. Yeah.

It's not the same as masturbating your poop, but Diablo 3 questions, we're covered. I'll, I'll, I'll drop my, my battle tag up in here, if you guys, if you want to meet up. Um, you know, so just focus up and get your question game right. Yeah, just get it together, maybe. Just a little bit. Like, think about it before you submit.

Think before you submit and get it right. Thank you so much. And if you got a, if you got a query, just, it doesn't have to be anything big. Sometimes you just need an argument settled. We're there for you. Also, I need something every day. If, if you could email, we've probably

haven't given out an email in a while. It's mbmbamadgmail.com. Send your questions and your yahoo's there. I really appreciate all the ones people send to Twitter, but it's so hard to like look through that. We have like a catch-all for yahoo answers that come in the email. So if you email them, that, that's stupendous.

Thank you so much. mbmbamatmaximumfund.org works the same, goes the same place. Yeah. Um, maybe it feels a little more official. So that's, that's, If you like it a fish. That's my plea.

Thank you guys. Everybody, thank you. I'm, I'm, I'm honored every day. Every day is a, every day is a winding road. Your bodies are winter lands. Thank you. All for all your body. Thank you.

Thank you for your bodies. I appreciate all the bodies. I just wanted to get on that bandwagon. Everybody else was talking about bodies. Come on. No, I didn't. Come on. Let me hop on that band, that body bandwagon.

Thanks to everybody who tweeted about the show this week. I don't, I'm not going to do what I normally do to start the top. I'm going to go backwards. Okay. Thanks to Tyler Woodburn, plain zombie. Uh, me can't tweet. That's a pretty good one. Alicia dances, Spaceman, Spiff, Iggy K, IDF inners.

IDF inners? It's hard to say. Spell it right. Loser names. Emma Hickey. I've almost certainly fucked that up. Brian from WI, presumably Wisconsin. Or from Wee.

Or from Wee. Little froggies. Admiral Christie. Jamie is a twit. Things by Dan. Thank you to everybody tweeting about the show. It, it means a lot to us. And so thanks.

Just so you guys know, we've got coming up Max Funcon. Coming up in just a couple of weeks, we're going to be doing a live show there. So if you're going to be at Max Funcon, and you would like us to answer a question at our live show there, then make sure that you email us that question, and make sure that you put in the subject line that it is a question for Max Funcon,

so we can answer it for you live. Please make it good. There's going to be so many people there that are going to be intimidated. People that I've never heard the show before possibly, so. Oh, I can't think about it. I'm like, I'm pants-shittingly terrified of this show. I want to thank John Rodgerick in the Long Winters

for the use of our theme song. It's a departure off the album, Putting the Days to Bed. It's a fantastic, fantastic album, which, which everyone should own. There's no, don't Spotify it, okay? Because then if your internet goes out, you can't listen to it. You creep.

Purchase it physically. And make sure you go check out theimps.org, wednesdaywolf.com, mobruelsgames.com, and indiegogo.com, slash wrong way. And go give a listen to all the other great Maximum Fun shows, Throwing Shade, Jordan Jesse Go, Judge John Hodgman. Stop podcasting yourself.

They're all, they're all just delightful. The end. The end of the show. The end. The end of our show. This final Yahoo was sent in by Lisa Holofield. Thank you, Lisa. It's by Yahoo Answers user, Annoying, who asks,

Who is your favorite Beatle from the band, The Beatles? I'm Justin McAvoy. I'm Travis McAvoy. I'm Griffin McAvoy. Is it my brother, my brother, me? Kiss your dad? Oh, wear on the lips. Keep your heart, three stacks.

Keep your heart. Hey, keep your heart, three stacks. Keep your heart. Man, these girls are smart. Three stacks, these girls are smart. Play your part.