My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 108: The Garfield Monstrosity

Episode Date: June 11, 2012

What dark forces could have possibly conspired to bring you this episode of MBMBaM? Jetlag likely played an important role, but some of the content is so heinous, Chtulhu's intervention seems like the only likely cause. Suggested talking points: Moleman Sword, Whimsical Road Trip, Japanese Dale Earnhardt's Ghost, In the Cloud, Pam-Body/Garf-Head, Public Gaming, Rough Stuff

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother meet and fight show for the modern era, and we are celebrating today. No more human interaction for a year. Yay. Yay. Back to the safety of my shell. We did Max Funcon, it was great, we did E3, it was great. I'm done. Was it? I'm done talking to everybody. I know Max Funcon was great,

I don't believe you when you say that E3 was great. Okay, Max Funcon, it was great, I did E3, it was, so did you guys have a good time at Max Funcon? Max Funcon was amazing, we made so many new friends, and there was a man who had a play of sausages in a hot tub. That's really the only thing I took away from the entire weekend. Jesus guys, did you not go, did you not do like any of the, did you do the, like I went on the spelunking session. You went on the spelunking session? Yeah, I went on Ashcon's spelunking session, it was called Ashcon's Subterranean Adventure. Yeah, Subterranean on the late night. Yeah, it was really nice, we went down a deep inside of the mountain and we fought,

we fought mole people. Is that where you, you brought back a sword that was glowing that had some runes etched on it? It was an etched rune glow sword that lets me know when there are either mole people or podcasters nearby. So that bitch, that bitch was going full-blown neon the whole weekend. I did the Steve A.G.'s Lazy River session and I ended up at the bottom of the mountain. I don't know what happened and it was terrifying, it was not lazy at all. Now, the tricky thing about my my etched rune sword is that John Hodgman is both a podcaster and a moldman, so I didn't know, you know, I didn't know whether to strike or to giggle. Last year at the con, I got myself an etched rune sword, but it just lets, it glows whenever haters are around,

so it lets me know when haters are around the corner, like about to hate on me. There weren't that many haters at Max Funkon, though, were there? No, no, no, no, no, no, but at E3, it glues so hard, it became sentient and blinded an Asian businessman, so that was that was too bad. This is, of course, an advice program. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your baby brother, Griffin McElroy. Seriously, guys, if you came up to Max Funkon, thank you so much. It really was such a great weekend. You are all collectively my new best friend. Yeah. And LA, fuck, I'm glad to not be in you anymore. Hey, LA? Hey, LA, just one quick note. Just, you know, constructive criticism. You fucking suck.

No, you know what? I'm in the minority. I'm the minority of the three brothers. I love LA. I'm gonna get a T-shirt. We knew! Um, I mean, it was, Travis luck around with stars in his eyes. I was like, where's the contracts, people? I will say, I saw so many celebs, no kidding. Like, I saw a shock. Aside from it, of course, the great celebs there at Max Funkon. How many, what celebs did you actually get? What did we get on the show floor? We got, uh, well, I saw, we saw Tim Hydekker coming out of the arc light when we went and saw, uh, he was at our show of, uh, of Prometheus, shitty, shitty alien, shitty aliens four. Um, I saw, I saw Dave Foley just like walking the street with his kid. What? Cut me out, no way. I saw the saddest thing I saw a week

was I saw Vern Troyer rolling into the conference center, and then I saw a man trip over him. How can you guys say you hate LA? Um, well, let's say, let's just say none of these people were smiling. Did you guys talk to Dave Foley, by the way? No, I don't know what I would have, I don't know what I would like, like, fuck, man, I'm so sorry. Can I help? Is there anything I can do to help you, Dave? David? I'm so, I'm sure, I just want to set you straight. Is there anything I can, I can chip in? Is that a, we didn't talk to Tim Hydekker either, Charles. We really needed you with us. See, this is why I should always be there. Pardon me, sir. Pardon me. I saw who's the woman from Leeds and the West Wing. Mary Louise Parker? I thought I saw her at the Burger King

in the LAX, but that doesn't seem very probable, does it? No, it was probably her. You're probably right. She was there with like a family of, like maybe a husband and a daughter. I didn't do the trouble of Wikipedia. I just saw her while I was walking out with my Tinder crisp and I was like, yeah, that's probably Mary Louise Parker. The thing about Mary Louise Parker, she loves chicken tenders. She was eating a chicken tender through a rye smile and I was like, oh, that's probably the MLP. She calls them chicken tenders. That's how excited about him she gets. She's like, Justin, let's go to BK get some tenders. And I'm like, I don't know, MLP, I'm married. I'm not sure. But she also calls Nintendo nintenders, which is really weird. Let's get into the advice.

I'm going to be driving across the country at the end of June and I'm wondering if you have any advice for doing a cross country road trip. Mostly I'm wondering how to avoid going insane while driving by myself for 12 hours at a time, five days in a row. That's from West Coast to Best Coast. Oh, Jesus. It's urine for a, urine for a pretty rough trip. It's going to be kind of a thing. I did, I did, I did this exactly once. I drove from Cincinnati down to Huntington and then from Huntington up to Boston. And most of that was by myself and it was a total, it was a total nightmare. I drove from Huntington to Oklahoma and back a couple times. Yeah. I've never taken the plunge and gone completely across country. I mean, I think everybody at some point like

fantasizes about doing like the route 66 traveling the American highway. And I think that that lasts all of about five hours and then you hit like Pennsylvania and you're like, oh, this is dump. Yeah. Well, actually, Pennsylvania is great because Pennsylvania has the turnpike that is, I think the speed limit on it is 158 miles an hour. So you can just like get in and it's like a vacuum tube that like sucks you through the state as quickly as, as humanly possible. Whenever I picture doing that like route 66, you know, cross country thing, I always just, and I know that this is the eight year old in me. I want to stop at every like roadside attraction and giant plaster dinosaur. Let me taste your gravy. Yeah. Now I see here you have the world's best coffee cake.

Let me get a piece of that. I would like to experience this. I always imagine that if I'm going to drive from, from, from one end of the country and other along the way, I'm going to right a lot of wrongs and I don't write wrongs in my neighborhood, but I kind of feel like if I do that, I'm going to become a wanderer and I want to be the kind of wanderer. I don't want to be the kind of wanderer that steals your kid when they're going to the bathroom. I want to be the kind of wanderer that sets things right and helps people, you know, finds people that are missing or maybe like quantum leap across the country, figures out who stole the pie, just like helping, you know? I want to be like a, like came from kung fu, just, just helping people.

Bill Bixby. I wish I did that here, but I don't know. Everybody knows me and they think I'm just, they think like I'm hypocritical. I think every person of a certain age has that, whenever they do go on a long road trip, they try to fill it with a whimsy and a meaning that just does not exist. Like they, like as they drive through, they're like, yeah, man, this is life. This is what it is. This is the real America. They just watched Elizabeth Town and they like want every single stop to be like, oh, this is so steep in history. I'll be changed because of this. And I really think that the wheels come off of that wagon really quickly when you do drive through, say in Oklahoma. And you're like, oh, it's 115 degrees here. And I haven't seen a tree.

I want to die. I want to die. I probably will. I mean, I don't, I've never done such a long one. I mean, my, my typical advice is always just, just the easy stuff, like get a book on your phone. No, she's driving. She can't do that at all. That's a horrible advice. I said on your front, like, get an aria book. Okay. I think like, get an earring. That cuts, that cuts down on the whimsy. You know what I'm saying? Like, you can't really appreciate, you can't soak in America and life and this American life. If you're listening to, you know, the new Grisham, it's hard for you to roll the window down and put your hand out the window and do that like, do that snake thing and just like, one with nature, one with the fucking road. You know, you can't do that when

John Rhys Davies is in your ear. Just like, telling you how it is. Well, what, I mean, what, preach it, Jim Dale. Let's do this. Should we, uh, man, I, I do miss Maury. I wish I had my Maury to spend Tuesdays with. This is a good book. Wait, oh, fuck, I'm here already. That was convenient. See, this is why I recommend podcasts instead of the books because I get caught up in the book and I'm like, but what's going to happen to Harry? And then all of a sudden I'm swerving all over the road. What, how, how into this book are you? Well, whenever I, whenever I listen to the book on tape version of the novelization of Harry and the Henderson's, I get pretty into it. Don't punch it again. He just wants to live with you and be a family of love. Damn it, novelized version of John

Lithgow. Relax. He just wants to stay with it. Oh, I'm in a holiday in. Just drove into it. Fuck. Just drove into the building. I'm in the pool. God damn it. Wait, there's John Lithgow. That's a, John, John, you're not going to believe this, man. Listen. How's your fish? Oh yeah, it's a fish. Something expensive. Yeah, really, your two options are uh, whimsy, but that's going to require a lot of work, a lot of suspension and disbelief, a lot of pre-pro, a lot of yelping, a lot of yelping, or total turn your mind off, just like distraction. It's like sleeping, but you have to be awake to do it. You know,

like you have to zone out so hard and there are podcasts that will do that for you prairie home companion. You want to know the horrible, horrible posture thing I do when I'm driving by myself on a long stretch of road? I'll set the cruise control and I'll sit cross-legged. Oh God, Travis. How'd you really do that? Not, I haven't done it in a long time because I haven't been on like a big, but like when you're driving back from Oklahoma, there are literally like 40, 50 miles of straight, nothing road. Like you don't see another car for half hour, 45 minutes at a time. But trade-off, it takes you 30 car lengths to stop. To stop your vehicle. That is the way you take it a little. You set your cruise control, you get a little shut-eye. Oh no, this

person stopped in front of me. I gotta, hold on, wait, I need to, I should let you and you, hold on. Charlie horse, Charlie horse. Ah, fuck, I'm dead. Everyone's dead. I ran the loop. Is there anything scarier than accidentally falling asleep behind the wheel and not realize, is this not a thing that you guys have done? Oh yeah, yeah, I just feel really alive afterwards though. I drive it, like don't do it, like see, it was the stupidest thing I've ever done. I tried to drive back from Bonnaroo, the day that it ended. So I was still like floating on opium and, no, that's a joke, opium. Body, body just coursing with American cigarettes, tobacco. Yeah. American spirits, great tobacco. Just American spirits and opium and some sort of, it was like a black

oil and you, I drank it and, I mean oil. I guess it was just, it might have just been oil, but a man gave it to me and he called it spirit water. Anyway, I was just rolling, I was floating on spirit water and had a van full of people and I was like, all right, time to go home and I drove the seven hours back from Tennessee to West Virginia overnight and I would just like, I would just like be driving and then all of a sudden I would hit a rumble strip and realize that I was in a different state than I was a second ago. Jesus. That's terrifying. And I, but I couldn't have been asleep the whole time, right? Because I'm talking about entire state jumping. Talking about, it must have been some sort of, some sort of twilight region between, between

sleep and awakeness. Anyway. There was, there was a long period of time when I worked in Charleston, I was driving an hour to work in an hour back and there would be times that I would leave work and suddenly be at home and like, I couldn't, I couldn't tell you anything. How did this happen? Yeah. There was no whimsy. Oh my, I'm, I meant for this to be such a whimsical return trip and instead I'm home and oh no, it was all a dream. I'm dead in heaven. I think it might be a really great opportunity. Just what if you could spend the entire time with no stimulus, just spend it thinking about everything and just, oh, put some tape over the clock. Yeah. Just clear it out completely. Put some tape over the windshield even. Yeah. Some mushrooms. I'm not, no, not that.

That's kind of stimulating. I mean, just like, just watch Fantasia 2000. Good. Just get in there, get a broom and just unpack your adjectives, you know, just sweep it all out. Yeah. Get everything that's been on your mind out. Figure out where you are going. By the end of it, you'll, you'll be morey. You don't, you don't need to spend two days with him anymore because you'll be him. I think I would eat my own arm in this scenario that you've described. All right. Fine. Just, just for something to do, just for the novelty. I have two arms now. I want to be like with one arm. This will be whimsical. Do you want a Yahoo answer? I do. It was sent by Ethan Booker. Thanks, Ethan. It's about Yahoo answers user Jamal who asks,

what was the goal of Al-Qaeda in their assassination of Dale Earnhardt? Oh no. What? In February 2001, members of Al-Qaeda tested their infiltration skills on American soil by sabotaging the race car of Dale Earnhardt Sr., which ultimately resulted in his death. Several reliable sources indicate that this was an attempt to destroy the country's morale in the months before the plan 9-11 attacks. However, it's common knowledge that most U.S. citizens do not watch NASCAR. If so, what was Al-Qaeda's motivation for killing Dale Earnhardt? Okay. First and foremost, disclaimer. Dale Earnhardt was a perfectly fine human being as a tragedy of his loss. What the fuck? I mean, I think everyone knew that. We don't have to,

we're just telling people. Yeah, but I'm probably going to launch into my anti-Dale Earnhardt thing later. I did not know that you had strong feelings one way or the other towards Earnhardt. I do not have strong feelings towards Dale Earnhardt. It sounds like you're about to have them. Well, I have strong feelings towards the number three, never forget, and it being everywhere, and like it was a tragedy, but this making him a saying, I almost lost a job over at once. I think that anyways, I don't like NASCAR. How did you lose a job over here? I have to know how you almost lost a job. You can't just leave those breadcrumbs out. Come on now. I brought it up and my boss literally looked at me and said,

take it back. I said, excuse me? And he said, I swear to God, take it back or you're fired. What job was this? It was when I was working in a shop at OU and I made a joke about how he, oh God, this is a terrible joke, but I was an asshole in college and I said, all he did was drive a race car really fast and apparently not that well. Oh, Travis. I know, I don't defend the joke now, but is that really something to fire a man over? Just because a man didn't tweak his bit, you know, like, yeah. Was this a comedy improv shop? I thought I was here to workshop these gags. Yeah, I was at the chuckle garage and we were getting deep into a bit and Dale had you hoisted

up, was lubing it. I was lubing the bit and he was like, hey, apologize. And so I was like, I'm sorry. And he was like, that was close. Thanks, man. If you hadn't apologized, I don't know what I would have done. I lose, I entirely lose control of my body in actions. I start thinking about the Intimidator and it's literally, I grow black and red. Literally the next day he came in in like full, like, t-shirt, jacket, t-shirt. Oh, like, you didn't already fucking know. Like, he had to... Like, just to really drive the point home. Huge Earnhardt fan. Now, listen, you can't apologize to Dale Earnhardt himself. So you're going to either apologize to Junior or you're going to

apologize to Barry Pepper, who played him in the hit sports channel miniseries three. Apologize to Barry Pepper. Go call Barry Pepper. Go call Barry Pepper. I'm sorry, Barry Pepper. I'm sorry, Junior. I'm sorry, Barry Pepper. Now, leave me alone. I'm going to go jerk off at this pin's oil. I got damn it. This is 530. This is 530. I need 400 to get it in there. I don't like this guy you work for. I want to call him. How awkward is the apology that you have to make to somebody when you make a tasteless Dale Earnhardt joke? Because are you... It was pretty awkward because we were also, like,

on our backs underneath a platform, attaching, like, regular relying next to each other in the dark. So it was, like, doubly creepy. Kind of romantic. And also, the other thing was, it's a dude in theater, right? Like, in no way would I have ever suspected that this was a touchy subject with him prior to this. Right. It's not like you were dissing Terrycloth bathrobes and small dogs, right? Yeah. What are you saying? Oh, shit. Why did I have... I know we've gone over this, but I have to know why he demanded an apology and wasn't just, like, oh, that was kind of tasteless. What does you apologizing to him get him in the long run? He felt I had crossed the line, I guess. I don't know what line that was.

Yeah, but he is not a conduit for the Earnhardt estate, you know? He actually was the executor of the Earnhardt estate. And I failed to mention that earlier on in the story. He was Dale Earnhardt Jr. I should have said that. If you believe in Dale Earnhardt hard enough, and if that's a big part of your belief system, then you have to clap your hands and break your back. You have to believe that Dale is watching us all the time. If you don't believe that, that he is always seeing you, that he can see the tasteless joke you made, that he can see me making fun of Barry Pepper, he doesn't care for that either. If you can't believe that Dale is omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and omnifast, then what's your belief system? Travis, how many Hail Berries did you

have to do? I'm sorry, it's actually a Hey Barry! That's what it's called. When you make a tasteless Dale Earnhardt Jr. senior joke, you have to do eight Hey Berries! And if you say something about how Dale Earnhardt Jr. is going to lose a race, that's only two Hey Berries! Why did it okay to have against it? You know what they had against it. Why? Because he was so inspirational. This was a man, Justin, who played by his own rules, changed the rules. There's something to be said about the immeasurable amount of freedom had by these men who are only allowed to drive in a circle very carefully. And so they took that sign of freedom. It's like if they had single-handedly killed

all bald eagles on the planet, that's pretty much what they did when they killed Dale Earnhardt Sr. I do really like the logic of this theory, which is they had, so they were planning 9-11, and they said, okay, so that's pretty bad. But what can we do to undermine the morale of the country? 9-11 is not going to do it. It's just a massive miscalculation. I think if you're sitting in a room planning on 9-11 and you say, you know, the problem with this plan is it's not going to make people in red states hate brown people enough. They're not going to be too upset about it. We really need to dig into those guys and get like, no, they're going to be the angriest. They're going to be so angry at anybody who looks like you for the longest time. They're going to be mad

at Harry Hamlin. It's going to get bad, okay? They're going to get really mad at anybody who even remotely looks like you. I don't think you need to also kill Dale Earnhardt. Did you imagine on the day that Dale Earnhardt senior died being a graphic designer who had really only nailed down italicized numbers and wings? Yeah. Like it must have been just like the best day for that one guy. Especially if you just hooked up with like a plate manufacturer, like it's whole fucking time to print some gold. Oh gosh. I'm sorry. You know, we brought the show down, I feel like. I feel like. Is there any way we could cheer up Griffin? I know a great way we can cheer up when we can ponder the death of Dale Earnhardt senior. And that's to watch

Comedy Bang Bang every Friday at 10-9 central on IFC. It's an absurd half hour comedy show that only looks like a talk show. It's comedy so nice they banged it twice. With your host Scott Ackerman, a band led by Reggie Watts, and it's got amazing guests from some of the biggest names in comedy like Amy Poehler, Zach Alfinakis, and Seth Rogen. So you can catch that and give it a watch. Give it a watcher. Hey, I need help overcoming my absent mind in this. Ever since I was a kid, I've been prone to misplacing things. Forgetting what? What? I've been prone to misplacing things, forgetting appointments, and suddenly realizing I have no idea what I came in the room looking for. Generally, I'm very good-natured about it, but now that I'm a young professional with

bills and deadlines, I spend more and more time worried that I'm forgetting something important. What can I do to improve my memory and maintain some peace of mind that's from Leonard Shelby? You gotta put it in the cloud. Is that the key? I don't know. You gotta let go and let God? Yeah, let go and let God. Jesus, take this wheel from me, please. Jesus, take my appointments down. Jesus is my stenographer. Got it? Okay. Dictated, but not written by Jesus. So yeah, you gotta put it in the cloud. Keep e-files of everything. That's what I have to do. The second that anyone tells me, I have to put calendar to eat breakfast, or I forget oatmeal

is a thing. What do you normally end up eating then? Nothing. I end up eating a hunger. There's a sad realization to make about yourself, Griffin. I know. Gotta put it in the cloud. Is there a, what's the name for that when you forget something that you're, like you walk into a room and you forget what you're gonna be doing in the room? There's an idiom for it in another country. Does anyone know? Fushigi. Fushigi. Oh man. I went a whole week without practicing fushigi. That's the real human cost of Max Funko. Can I tell you something though? What? If you put that shit in the cloud. That's true. I could have been working with it in the cloud for the whole week. I could have been, I could have had my Johnny Mnemonic virtual reality

gloves on and I could have been manipulating my fushigi during my mini breaks, my mini schedule breaks. And you still would not have been the naughtiest looking person at either Max Funko or E3. Do you know what I do to help remember things? What's that? This is not a joke. I'm really bad about setting things down in random places, like without thinking. And then when I go to look for it later, it's like on top of the refrigerator or in a drawer in my kitchen or something. I loudly announce exactly what I'm doing whenever I set something down. No you don't. I do too. No way. When I'm at work and I need to, like I'm putting my keys down, I'll say like, I'm putting them in this chair. No you don't. I do. Because I have at work, because I work in a very large theater,

I will put my keys down somewhere and then when it's time to leave, we will spend 45 minutes looking for where I put my keys down. So this way I just announce where I'm putting them down. And so when I say, where did I put my keys? Everyone that was in the room will say, you put them in that chair. Now listen, I know, I know some problems. I get a little overzealous about Dale Earnhardt, but I work with a guy who announces every goddamn thing he does. Today he said, I'm eating my 27th bite of this muffin. I'm eating my 28th bite of the muffin. I'm throwing the wrapper away. Is it possible, Travis, that you are actually being haunted by the mischievous specter of Dale Earnhardt seeing her because of your tasteless comedy, Goofs? And he just moves

your things around on you. Is it possible? Is it likely? Yes. Is it 100% certain exactly what's happening? Every culture has its own Dale Earnhardt. Some people call him the Sasquatch, some the Yeti. In Japan, Dale Earnhardt fills the children's shoes with motor oil if they have been bad. If they have been good, he leaves them a koozie. Hello, Ricky. Have you been good this year? I'm going to leave you a koozie filled with skull tobacco products. It's the kooziest Christmas. This is the kooziest. You know, every child in Whoville had no koozies yet Christmas came anyway. Someone had stolen all the koozies. That is my favorite rank and bass animated series when the Japanese specter of Dale Earnhardt has to travel across the globe and recapture the koozies

that the evil, insert other race car drivers name here has stolen from around the globe. Jeff Gordon, is he still on the pro circuit? We could do Jeff Gordon. Yeah. Yeah. Remember, known for being an evil koozie thief. Jeff Gordon is the purpose. Jeff Gordon hates fresh and cold beverages. Koozies and oil. Koozies and oil mean so much more when I see that black liquid filling up koozies. Under racing Christmas trees. Countries are much weirder than ours. It comes to holidays, I think. You got to respect it, though. You got to respect it. Oh, did you ask it? Maybe the guy was Japanese Travis. Did you ask if he was Japanese? Maybe that was the problem. Oh, no goof. I can make you won't be racist.

I want you to move on, please. Yeah. We've entered into this weird venn diagram of racism where redneck people and Japanese people cross over. Oh, Christ. Oh, man. So, yeah. Yeah. This is goofy, but I take a, this is really goofy, actually, but I'll take a picture, like I'll make my fingers like a frame, and then take a mind picture of something. If I need to remember where it is, do you say like click? No, I'm not like a crazy person. I just take the mind picture, and then I'll remember like, oh, okay, I put this down here so I don't forget it. That's a whimsical thing that you can do on a car drive. It's just like stamp pics, make a little frame with your hand. It's hard to Instagram them, though. You know what really makes me like super mad

is the fact that my memory is selective, but also really shitty. Like it's shitty about the things that it selects to remember. Like I can't remember to eat my oatmeal in the morning, but I can remember the password to Mega Man 2 that is saved right before you finished all of the robot masters, except for quick man. It's like, I can remember the exact pattern that password is, but I cannot remember my dad's phone number if I need to, in case of- You know, I've learned over the last couple of days in communicating with one of my new Max FunCon friends, Rhea Butcher, that I can tell you like every tertiary character in Back of the Future 1, 2, and 3, but I cannot tell you the names of most people I met at Max FunCon.

Yeah, which is a shame because we kept seeing them over and over again. And they wore name tags. Like they wore basically little things that said, hey, stupid, this is my name. Travis actually couldn't remember their names in the time it took his eyes to travel from their name tags to their eyes, so it was pretty humiliating. He had to do like this quick like up and down dance. It looked like he was just like nodding very intently, but actually it was just like, Jeff, okay, Jeff, ah, fuck, I'll launch it. I've gotten really good at hay-duding. Yeah, hey bud. No, actually hay-duding is where you pretend to be one of the characters from the Nickelodeon show,

hey dude, preferably Ted. Hi, my name is Melody. Hi, I'm Ted. Did you see how Travis actually just set up that conversation with a plan to sabotage it? Thank you. Thank you for appreciating the prep of the goof. I wish, uh, what, what's okay? I just wish I could remember things better. I wish I could remember more practical things because it is almost never that I can impress somebody with my Mega Man 2 password knowledge. I actually, whenever I have something I have to remember, I feel like I'm racing its time until I can put it in my phone as a reminder. I shit you not. I agree. You got to have buckets. I mean, that's the only thing that I can tell you is like buckets for, I use a service called remember the milk, which is a, it's in the cloud.

And it is just a big to-do list that is parsed out with like different areas of your life. And it, when I have something I know I need to do, that the only time I can breathe easy is when I'm like race is when I can actually type it in to remember the milk. It's like, okay, got it. That's in there. I don't have to worry about it anymore. But until then, like I can't leave the room. I can't stand up. I won't, my brain will hold on to it for more than like 20 seconds and then it'll just be gone forever. That's the problem. It's like a memento where like you blink your eyes or you look away and look back and it's gone. Like I will sit here and say to myself like, don't forget to grab that bag on the way out the door. Don't forget to grab that bag on the

way out of the door. Don't, and then if I turn and do something else, I'm out the door and I've left the bag. Yeah. Unless I do it in that second. That's the problem with the cloud is that like, I'll be on a bus, like playing Chrono Trigger. I'll be like, I'm gonna check my email. And so I go back to the home screen and then I see my cloud and I'm like, oh, shit. I haven't been my cloud in a while. I'll go in. I'll be like, oh, fuck. I was supposed to pick Billy up from soccer practice two and a half weeks ago. I put it in the cloud, but I forgot to go back in the cloud. Now he's just a cute little skeleton. Now I have a tattoo of a cloud on the back of my hands. So I know just keep the cloud. So I guess that's good advice to do everything right away. Don't

wait. Or just like eat some ginko below or be fucking smarter than we are. Yeah, that would be good if you can figure out what combinations of supplements you need to take to remember shit. Yeah. Now this is going to sound like a goof, but I've actually always wondered this. Yeah. Because they always have it in movies and TV shows, like professional business people have personal assistance. Is that a real thing that you can just like hire someone to do? I make the internet, my personal assistant. Right. By which I mean like, I'll get on Twitter and be like, Hey, Twitter in like a half hour. Can you remind me to take my vitamins? How's that working out for you? Not very well. People are not well. I'll get a tweet like a half

hour later, but it's like suck my dick. And I'm like, that's, I don't think that's what I was supposed to do. But I didn't need to write him a dick. Yeah. Let's go to the money zone. What was that? Chuckles the clown. This message is for Kara Joy Chapman. She's at Chapman Kara on Twitter and it's from Israel Johnson. They're best friends. She's a college student, future coolest elementary school teacher ever been listening since episode three and got me into the show for my episode 11. Last year, we went to the sincey live show for her birthday, where she got the poster Justin mentioned in her Twitter profile pic. She's turning 20 June 13th. Happy birthday, best friend, love Israel at the monster truck rally this Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. One man

against the world, four wheels, hot rod, birthday, birthday, the ghost of Dale Earnhardt poster, the Japanese ghost of Dale Earnhardt in Kara Chapman's birthday. First hundred kids who've been good all year through the door and get a cozy supply by Japanese Dale Earnhardt's ghost. Happy birthday, Kara. Happy birthday, Kara. I want to tell you guys about an album, a musical album, on Bandcamp by Red Sky Phenomenon. It's an album that is entirely made on a Nintendo DS using the Korg DS10, which is a Nintendo DS game that is sort of an emulator of the Korg synthesizer. The album's name, your own price. I mean, you can get it for a buck or two or you can get it for free and you can check it out at redskyphenomenon.bandcamp.com. Wait a minute,

this guy just played DS for an hour? He played Pokemon Platinum and he recorded it. He recorded the sounds. You didn't get a video of me playing Pokemon for two hours. God, I would probably do that. You would buy that? I probably would. Yeah, I like seeing how people develop their tactics and which Pokemons they go on. God damn it, you've got a problem. You got a serious problem. I like to be the best. This podcast is supported by Bing Making Search Social. Use Bing to include results from both the web at large and also social media sites like Facebook and Twitter, pulling content from your own friends and from the experts. More online at bing.com. Bing is for doing. For doing what? It. It. Is for doing it? Yeah. I don't love Bing. I don't

think they want their message to be like that. Bing is for doing magic. Baby. You know, with some of the sponsors we have on the show, they like it when we get silly with it. I'm not sure Bing wants it to get silly. Bing is for riffing. What if I said, ah. Is yours for French? Well, if I said, I'm trying to bang tonight. What if I said, hold on, wait, let me say, but let me try this. You know what my favorite character from Friends is? What? Shandler Google. No, wait, that's not it. Okay, this is pretty good. This is a good. Now, listen, I, seriously guys, I don't think Bing wants their corporate message chopped and screwed in that special way. The only way. Okay, how about this? How about this? No, no, they said like read these things and then

dip out. We read it. I'm just saying that Google has been horse shit lately. I don't know what they do anymore. Yeah, they spent all their time making goofy logos. And then what the fuck? I don't even get those logos. I don't even get search results anymore. How about this? I search something like, I don't know both. How about this? Bing colon, because Google sucks now. And what else are you going to use? Altavista? Dummy. Josh, you want to tell us about this next thing? Sure. Smooth. So there's a once again, we've got another Kickstarter and I tell you what, this one looks awesome. Basically, we're looking to support word realms. And so I'm sure everyone knows Kingdom of Loathing, the incredible stick figure game. This is from the people that bought

you Kingdom of Loathing. And so think words with friends. If it was an RPG fighting game. And basically, through the construction of words using word tiles, you're able to do attacks and stuff. And it looks just incredible. And they describe it as 50 cuffs scrabble, which is basically like the best thing I've ever heard. The single person single person version is already finished. And it can be yours for just $11 for Kickstarter donation. There's only 11 days left on the Kickstarter. So make sure you go to word realms.com and check it out now before it's too late. Trust me, you won't regret it. It looks incredible. Sounds really neat. I get down on RPGs and word games. Yeah. And this sounds like a nice, a nice collaboration of those two.

Yeah, so go check it out now before it's too late. There's only 11 days left. So don't wait. So for Bing, what if Bing, what if it was just like, Bing? That's good. And that's the whole thing. Oh, that's nice. Bong. Nope. Nope. We blew it. There it is. So that's my Bing joke. I wish I could just make the I wish I could just make the jingle for the Korg album, Pokemon, like me playing Pokemon on my Nintendo. Why can't you do that? I can actually. Griffin, can you just sing along with me? Yeah.

Money's own. This time is for Red Sky Phenomenon. He made an album on the Korg DS10. It's like Pokemon with less Pokemon. Everybody's got to pick it up. Nobody likes Fleet Foxes anymore. Fill the Fleet Foxes void. I think that's all I got. It's hard to sing along with this version. This is like a chop and a screwed remix. Like somebody losing their mind. I hear you saying that and I instinctively want to give you $3 and ask if I can take you to the nearest shelter. WordRels.com. I need help. Can you have some soup? I live on soup. I live on the streets.

I fight with words. I yell at the dogs at night. Is that audio coming through? How are my levels? Is that audio coming through at all? The speaker on the Game Boy Micro is, it's surprisingly, yeah. Well, this is all I'm doing now during the show. Okay. All right. I'm going to put it down. Come on. I can hear you playing the game. Do you guys want a Yahoo answer? Yes. Yeah. This one was sent in by Josh Papal. I haven't decided if it's the kind of question that we could get in trouble for reading yet. Okay. Yay. Yay. Thank you, Josh. That's why Yahoo answers your question, Mark, who asked, really freaked out my girlfriend. Need help?

As a teenager, I suffered from severe depression and formed a strong bond with the character Garfield in his outlook. It's sad, but reading Garfield anthology obsessively was the only thing that made me feel normal and it eventually took on something of an erotic fixation. Oh, no. And I think you mispronounced normal. Reading Garfield books obsessively made me feel normal. To avoid feeling like a sicko, I drew pictures of Garfield with a woman's, I think a Pamela Anderson circa 1991 body and Garfield's head. Yeah, because that doesn't make him a sicko. Go on. So that I was assured that my fixation wasn't with animals or repressed

homosexuality. This Garfield Pam hybrid still had the same biting wit and acerbic outlook and tended to cut herself in self loathing while wolfing down a lasagna to fill the void after sleeping with drawings of a much more handsome and muscular version of myself. These drawings eventually evolved into erotic fanfiction starring Garfield and myself. In my head, Garfield still has a woman's body, but someone reading the stories would think I'm having sex with regular Garfield. I killed off John in a jealous rage. I didn't touch Odie. I enjoy his companionship and don't mind if he watches. What the fuck? The stories are your pretty basic wish fulfillment stuff balanced with the self loathing rants. I've been doing this pretty basic. I've been doing

this nothing out of the ordinary here. I've been doing this near daily for years and I have a substantial amount of writing in a folder I keep buried in eight different folders. My girlfriends stumbled across them by accident when they came up in a search and is pretty freaked out. How can I show her I'm just a normal guy with a weird outlet from my psychological problems and not some kind of sicko? And then they included a sample of some of the erotic fiction and I didn't think I would ever say this on this podcast, but it's too gross to read out loud. Okay, first and foremost, ladies and gentlemen at home listening to our podcast. After this, I don't want to receive any questions of how to meet people and fall in love because this

fucker found a girlfriend. So on the days that he has unconcential sex with Garfield in a woman's body, does that happen on Mondays? Because that would definitely make a lot of sense. That would fill in a lot of gaps for me in the narrative. I also like that he had to go out of his way to clarify that it had nothing to do with repressed homosexuality. Yeah. Anybody who stumbled upon this would be like, you want to have sex with Garfield? What are you gay? Yeah. No, no gay boys living in my house. You'll have sex with Garfield's girlfriend or nothing. You'll love Gadget and that's it. Now, maybe just maybe if you put his head on Pamela Anderson's body, maybe we could make that work. Guys, I know different strokes for different folks. Listen,

we've all got something buried deep inside that you never, ever, ever want anybody to know ever. Now, I'm not saying mine would be as weird as putting a woman's body on Garfield's head, but it's pretty fucking weird. The secret to not getting made fun of is that you can't tell the entire world which is on the internet. This is a secret you can never, you're embarrassed, your girlfriend found out so you decided to put it on the internet. How bad are you at internet? You can't hide a yahoo answer in folders. No. Because I found it. I found it and I know it forever now. Yeah. Now, everyone knows this is going to, it's a ripple effect. It's a butterfly effect because you put this out, there's going to be like a tornado somewhere because you want to

fuck Garfield. Right. And if you know the worst thing about it is that by setting a new bar of creepiness, like the perpetual creep out arms race that is the internet, someone else is now going to have to do something weirder and creepier than this. It's like the last scene of Batman. You know, it's escalation. You know, I've always been a fan of Heathcliff. Time to step up my game. Time to step up my game. Time to put a fucking Steve Buscemi's body on Heathcliff's head. And then I'm gonna fuck, and I'm gonna fuck that. I'm gonna fuck that. Come here. What are you, Capbert? I do. I really love the rabbit hole-esque quality of this question where he kept trying to make it better and was only making it worse. Like by putting Garfield's head on Pamela Anderson

that was supposed to in some way improve the situation. But I feel that it made it creepier. Yeah, there's nothing that's going to get you out of that, even if at the end you're like, and that's what Tree of Life was about. Nothing is going to save you. I think when you drop the sentence, I killed John off in a jealous rage. Yeah. But I like it when Odie watches. Well, I wonder what his position on Nermal is. Why not just fuck Nermal for fuck's sake? Is Nermal, I thought Nermal, well, one, it's still a Cartoon cat, a dude, right? Is it Nermal, dude? I thought Nermal was the lady cat. Nermal's, I'm pretty sure Nermal's asexual, not that that's gonna slow this guy down. Fair enough. Do you guys think, I'm just where, if Jim Davis ever saw

these drawings, I think he would literally fucking die. I think he would fucking die. I think his heart would explode in his chest and he would die. He would say, my baby! And then he'd die. Yeah, he's fine with Garfield minus Garfield, but Garfield plus dick. Yeah, Garfield plus plus of vagina. Garfield plus sweet tit. Garfield minus Garfield plus Garfield's head plus sweet tits plus, uh, plus a strange dick. This is awful. I feel like the answer for this guy is simple and that is, you are fighting a losing battle trying to convince her that you're not a sicko. I think you need to accept the fact that you are a sicko and it's part of what makes you, you, and maybe, I don't know, try to turn it around on her. How do you, Travis, tell me how

to make that fucking riposte work and I, I'll quit the show. You say like, well, yeah, I want to fuck Garfield, but you never wear matching socks. What's wrong with you? Yeah, sure. At least mine's imaginary. And you don't want to have sex with the lights on. What's your problem? Only because I wear my Heathcliff mask. Weirdo. I wouldn't want to do anything with the lights on in a room with this guy. I'm gonna be too afraid to find me. I need to make, be able to make a quick egress. Hey, real quick. Just for a second. Let's play devil's advocate here and just like get ourselves in this guy's headspace and just like imagine. Oh, I'm not. I don't want to do that at all. Guys, come on, come on, come on. Come through the, come through the, come through the door.

We're gonna step into this guy's mind. What if I die in this dream? If you die in the dream, you'll be stuck in Garfield fucking limbo forever. You need, you need Joseph Gordon-Levitt to give you the kick. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's right. But if you kick you in the head and tell you die. Give me the kick. I'm ready. Which would you, which would, no, come on. Which would you prefer? Pamela Anderson body and Garfield head or Garfield body and Pamela Anderson head? If you had to party down on one of those bad boys, which would you go with? Additional information. The Garfield head is wearing sunglasses. Garfield body, suction cup hands or no suction cup hands?

Either or, whichever you, whichever would feel, be more pleasurable. Will, will Garfield's head be in terms of fighting against me wildly? Is he being a cervic and biting or is he down? Does he real? Okay. Okay. Does Garfield's head on Pamela Anderson's body realize that his very existence is a sin against God? Or is he like into it? Does he know that he's a myth, misfit toy? Or is he or is he like DTF, like ready to fuck? And same question for Pamela Anderson head on Garfield body. Is she like wildly like screaming at the horror? The human centipede ass kind of situation that she has been placed in? Or is she like, what was she born into this world as an abomination

and has accepted it over the years? I think that, I think the gypsy curse that put her in this, this sad state, I think she knows about it. I think she's been aware of it for, for quite some time. So I think that they have both, they've both been in this world like this for such a long time and they are just happy to have some companionship. Okay. Hang out with each other because that's how you're making it sound. Um, no, I think that's probably the weirdest brothel in the world. Yeah, that would probably be awkward. Um, yeah. I mean, obviously Garfield's head would prefer feline companionship, but he realizes that is anatomically improbable. Is there a danger? Okay. This is, this is actually what I need to know. And this is key. Okay. Obviously these two

things have been created by, by science. Yeah. Not God. This is nothing God did. It, if I have sex with Pam body Garfield head, is there a danger of impregnation? Because I'm pretty sure that would bring about the Antichrist. Oh Jesus. Is that a danger? I need you to answer this for me. Um, I don't know. It would be human ovaries down there. I'm just saying, if we're getting science on it, like it'd probably be human ovaries, but then again, I don't know. Cause if it didn't have a hybrid DNA, then it would reject your seed. Your seed would find no purchase in her, her, her loamy soil. Okay. Let me ask you one more question. Okay, please. Is Odie there and is he just jerking it so right? Odie loves what he sees either, either way, either scenario. Odie's down. Odie is, Odie is

down to clown. Uh, there is Justin, do you want to pick first? Well, Griffin, you ask the questions that you have to answer. Fuck. I'll say, I'll say if it's Bill Murray's voice, Pam body Garf head. Well, well, I'm flaccid forever now. He had a good run. I knew it would happen, I knew it would happen eventually. Travis? Oh no, I've already killed myself in this situation. Descending opinion from, from Justice, from Justice McElroy? I think. Okay. What did you choose? I want Pam Bobby, Pam body Garf head, Bill, Bill Murray voice. Okay, I'm going to go. So Travis is dead. Travis, Travis, if, if afforded the options,

Travis would kill himself. Can I throw Travis's body at the corpse and by myself enough time? Travis's corpse at the creation and by myself enough. Here's the problem though. You throw it at Pam body Garf head. Who's that coming up from behind? It's Garf body Pam head and, and it is very upset. Okay. For many reasons. You have in your inventory a dagger and a shield. Open doors, open doors are west and north. Okay. Can I, I am going to go with Pam head, Garfield body, but Lorenzo music voice. I have a thing with the real Ghostbusters, so I think that would be enough to get me through it. And also, you're worried, you're worried about finishing? I can't, I can't, you also changed Pam Anderson's voice. No, listen, if I have, if

I have too much respect for Bill Murray's work, if it's Lorenzo music, Pam Anderson's voice, I don't see why Pam Anderson's voice is not going to come out of Garfield head. And I, I find Larry the crash test dummy to be a very soothing sexual influence. So if I can pretend that if it's Lorenzo music's voice and I can pretend it's Peter Finkman of the Ghostbusters cartoon or Larry the crash test dummy, or perhaps even tummy gummy from Disney's. Okay. How many other cartoons can you ruin for me right now? I can't, that's all Lorenzo music said that I'm aware of. That didn't even, that thought didn't even, the thought of, what would be the most sexually pleasurable? That didn't even cross my mind. This was pure

survival instinct. I can't think about Bill Murray even, I don't want to ruin Bill Murray. Like, I don't think that that's that much to ask. I don't want to ruin Bill Murray for myself. We need to, we need to pull out of this nose dive. Let's move on, pull out of something. Hey, I am 24 and I'm trying to get my sexies so right, but I'm afraid there's one thing that's holding me back, Vigigames. I love them, play them all the time, talk about them all the time. And most people my age seem to enjoy them as well, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that they are kid stuff. And then people think of me as a man-child when I play my Game Boy at Starbucks. I really don't want to stop playing, but is it time to put down childish things and

start reading a newspaper? That's from digitally distraught in data. This, oh fuck, this is really rough because Justin and I both write about games for a living and so I don't want to sound like they are a thing that you should be ashamed of, but I do have a real problem with playing them on handheld devices in public. You know what? I feel the same way. I play Vigigames a lot and when I started reading this question, I did not have a problem with it until you hit the phrase Game Boy, which let's face it, is not designed to sound manly in any way. I don't think that's it. There's something that suddenly becomes very childish about this handheld game. I don't think the problem is the name of it. I don't think people are walking by and saying Game Boy, huh? I need a Game Man.

I want my tall, vintage rip. No, it's not about getting a Game Man. It's about the difference. It's just like, it is, it's named that way and so, you know, it's not exactly, I'm just saying that across the board, it was not designed to be incredibly adult. It's not, I mean, okay, video games by and large, you're not going to be seen as like a more mature, it is not going to help the perception of your maturity if you're playing a video game in public. Does that always stop me from playing a video game in public? No, sometimes I'm not, I'm not, I don't have any fucks to do. You just have to not give a fuck. Like, I was, it's also way more socially acceptable on like an iPhone. That's what's so fucked up. If I'm playing Pokémon on my Game Boy Micro, which I bought,

because I prayed it would be so tiny that people couldn't see it in my hands on the subway in Chicago, I'm going to get some, I'm going to get some looks, but if I'm playing it on an iPad, which God please, Nintendo, make that dream come true, it's like, look at him, he's so sophisticated. What's he doing? Browsing the web? Nope, catching them all. I, and I'm being honest with you here, because like, I, my whole career is video games, so like, I'm not disparaging them, and I personally know the, the progress the medium has made in, towards like maturity over the past 10 years, or what have you. I'm just saying that you're not shaking the perception that they still are a childish thing to be playing in public. I mean, people are not going to think of you as a mature

person. Maybe you don't care. Maybe that's the, see, if I'm going to be in public, and I'm going to be consuming media, I want to consume media that's going to make them think that I'm cool, or cooler. You know, so like a newspaper looks very grown up and debonair. Yeah, but let me, let me, let me, let me counter-argument that. Okay. Who? The random people that are on the subway? The random people who are at Starbucks? Who gives two shits? You're never going to see those people again. So this is what I'm saying. If you're not in a mood for fuck giving, then just play it, and who cares? Like if you're already paired off with somebody, you got a beautiful child, like fucking play your video games in public. But at the same time, there are people out there,

like what's so great about events like, like PACS, stuff like that, is that when you, when you like are playing your, your PS Vita in public or something like that, people aren't going to walk by and like give you a dirty look. They're like, Hey, what are you, what are you playing? Like it'll attract a certain type of crowd. And I don't think we should say that it either won't do that, or that that crowd is, you know, not the kind of people you should be associating with. I'm just fucking do it. Who fucking, who gives a fuck? I wish I was playing video games all the time, but I, I, No, there, there are certain environments, like if you're in a reception area, waiting to go in for a job interview or something, don't break out your. Obviously. Yeah, but, but I think unless

you're going in killing some time, yeah, unless you're going in for the job interview for the position of number one, Pokemon master. I, and I, and if we're looking at like a larger scale, like in terms of not just like what you, what people see in public, the thing that has always that, that helps me to counterbalance whatever perception people might have of video games is that myself, I take in a lot of different media, like I read, you know, I listen to music, I watch movies, like it's not video game, whatever people may think of people who play video games, I know for my own peace of mind that I'm a pretty well rounded person. So I don't, it doesn't bother me, you know, what people want to think. If you are the sort of person that only

plays video games that doesn't have knowledge of, you know, what is going on in the world, like, you know, you mentioned a newspaper, like, are you reading a newspaper? I try to read a newspaper every day. I mean, this guy obviously listens to podcasts, like we can tell that he has some good media habits. Yeah, that's true. You're breaking it up a little bit. So, so don't give anything up. Are you saying like diversify? You know, diversify. Maybe get, and then people can think whatever they want to fuck. Get really beefy strong. And then get super beefy strong. And then you can play like the craziest, like Japanese nudity dating game on your PSP in public. Be strong and get a Tamagotchi. Yeah. And then when people walk by, when people walk by you,

they're not going to say shit, because they're going to be like, who's this guy? And then they'll see your guns and be like, uh-oh. Time. The only, the other thing you can do to really help the cause is play video games in public, but dress like really good. Like dress like an adult. Dress super debonair, you know? No black cargo shorts for you. Yeah. You're dressed like an adult and playing video games. No change to your wallet. Your wallet's going nowhere. Yeah. If I saw, who's a stylish man? Donald, Jesse, Donald Trump. If I saw Jesse Thorne collecting Pokemon, I don't know how that would treat me. I can actually probably see that happening. Who, what about like Donald Trump? What if I saw Barack Obama, like in a sweet suit,

like sweet silk suit, just like, just like dip it into fire red. And I'm like, would you start with Squirtle? You're the best president. You're a Squirtle person. We've reached a point, I think, in video gaming where you say those things and none of them sound completely utterly ridiculous to me. Like I could almost picture, maybe not a Game Boy, but Barack Obama kicking backwards in Fruit Ninja on his iPhone. No, he's a Wii. He loves the Wii. He does. This is public knowledge. Yeah, he's into it. He drinks a cold PBR and plays some Wii. Yeah. No, he doesn't do that. He does too, you guys. He loves the Peabers. All right. Loves Peabers. It's Garfield beer. Garfield, you know what I mean? Yeah, I have an answer. Can we just do the Garfield one again?

Actually, that got a little gross for me. Not going to be able to do it for a few years. Well, this one isn't incredibly and accidentally related to that one. It's sent by Yahoo! AnswersUser. Question mark. Gotta put names down, people. Gotta know who sent them in. Gotta cite them properly. It's asked by Yahoo! AnswersUserxxsnalesxx, who asks, is it possibly a cat likes aggressive petting? I know that sounds very weird, and you may have had weird thoughts, but in all seriousness, my Siamese cat is strange. I can pet him gently, or tickle him, or rub his ears, head, chin, etc. And he just chills like it doesn't matter. If I pet him aggressively, put pressure on him, pull at him when I pet him. He'll start to purr

like he's the happiest cat in the world. He'll start fights with me, bite me, claw me, and then flop over and love on me and start purring like I'm the best cat mom ever. Is it possible for a cat to like tough love? This little guy is evil, haha. Hey, cat people? No, no, no. Is it possible this cat just loves that rough stuff? Griffin, if people like rough stuff, I don't see why cats can't also like rough stuff. There problem with it is. Is that we already did a cat fucking question? That cats don't like, cats don't have mouths. They can't tell you what they like and don't like, so you probably should assume the thing that isn't abusing them. Right? And I also have to assume, and I hear that there might be cats that like rough stuff, but there are cats that

like it super romantic. You like some candles, pour a glass of wine, tie also smooth music. Hey baby, this cat, this cat loves a warm, warm bath. Why don't you drop some salts, baby? Sometimes my cat and I will meet at an agreed upon location and pretend that we don't know each other. Hey, what you doing with this alley, girl? Damn. Why don't you come on home with me? Let me get you some warm milk, perhaps a flea bath. Hey, hey baby, you want some pussy? That's a little joke. That's a little joke I like to tell, because I'm a sweet pussy cat. I'm a sweet, sweet pussy cat. Straight shooting. Hey, you want some cottage cheese mixed up with peaches? Come on. I ain't Siamese, but I would love to attach with your body. What do you say? I'm just a little nasty

tabby. Don't worry about it. Yo, that's a little bad, girl. Hey, does anybody smell tuna? Don't worry about your bag getting all rough. I'm a short hair, pretty. It's gonna feel real nice against your skin. Don't worry, baby. I've been to Claw. No telling marks in the morning over here. I'm just gonna gently paw, gently massage your tummy. This is a lung behavior. I remember from trying to get milk out of my mother's sack. Had to compete with four to five brothers and sisters. Typically, genetically speaking, it's a large, large litter. And don't worry about it. Hey, baby. I'm gonna be dead in like seven years. Ain't no need to tie yourself down. You're not looking for something long term. I dig that. I dig that. My lifespan is rapidly accelerating past your years of humans.

Mmm, baby, don't mess with those dogs. Don't get down dirty with the dogs. No, listen, hey. It's so uncomfortable right now. Leave the canaries, K-Junkman, baby. Oh, God. What if I name a little snappy rooie after we, uh, well, you know, meow. Okay, we gotta stop. I try to be cool. I want to, I want to issue a public apology to anybody who was wearing headphones because that had to be the worst. I would have an ice pick jammed into my cortex because there had to be like 30 seconds in where there was like an inner monologue of, are they talking about fuck? No, there's no way. There's at least the creepiest part is there's the worst part I should say because the we did it. The worst part is that there's one man or woman

who has just realized like, well, this is the thing that turns me on. God damn it. I need to listen to the McRoy brothers do impressions of a human voiced sexy cat. Yeah, it's somewhere between Red Dwarf and Red Light Distance. Somebody is, and there's also somebody hoping that we do a voiced impression for the cat that loves to just like, just fuck. Just like, fuck. If you want to do that, just go see cats. That's what it's all about. Cats will love to fuck. Mr. Mestopheles loves to cat. Colin DTS. Yeah, loves to be, he loves to be choked. Oh God, let's end the show. Speaking of that, well, before we go, so I have see this Friday on IFC comedy bang bang with

guest Amy Poehler. She sits down with Scott and dishes on her feud with Mad magazine and her hair and Reggie premieres a trailer for his inspirational new movie and the science scientist comes by to help Scott and Reggie remember their dreams. So make sure to check out comedy bang bang and this Friday on IFC in which I am almost positive there is no sex with cats. That's their new tag line. So this has been my brother, my brother. I mean, I am so sorry for like the majority of it. Like I really, really am really sorry. I feel like this should be like the more you know kind of bit where we apologize to like the family of Dale Earnhardt and cat owners Jim Davis and Jim Davis. Yeah, everybody, I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. I ain't sorry. Hey, guys, I'm trying to think

John Rodgers in the long winters for the use of our theme song, It's a Departure off the album, Putting the Days to Bed. It's got some smooth tracks that you can really, really get down to. I want to thank people tweeting about the show with the human being and hashtag undodally random factor. Yeah, Pat, spikes and beer, Bocom, Evan is awesome, Cole Ross shown in 413, Church of Life, Little Froggy's, Jace Russ, Demp, Coax Metal, all my other bros. Thank you guys so much for tweeting about the show. Remember when you tweet about the show or suggest it to somebody, throw in a link to our sampler bit.ly forward slash it's ma bem bam. I also want to thank Tom and Brian and Andrew and Joanna. They drove all the way down from Indian

apolis to see me in complete works of William Shakespeare abridged the Cincinnati Shakespeare Company last night and they brought me some cheesecake and it was like the best day of my life. So you didn't eat it. Yeah, so I haven't eaten it yet. I'm saving it for a special occasion. Make sure you like make Teresa eat some first. Okay, just have her taste it just to make sure they didn't poison me. They didn't swim fan it. Yeah. Okay. If you guys would like to check it out, just go to sinceyshakes.com, sinceywithyshakes.com, and it runs all throughout June. If you guys want to come see me in complete works, go listen to the other maximum fun shows, throwing shades, stop podcasting yourself, Jordan and Jesse Goh, Judge John Hodgman, Bullseye.

We got to meet Aaron and Brian from Throwing Shade along with everybody else at Max Fun and they are just awesome hilarious people. I think we're best friends now. I can't like. Yeah, we're pretty much best friends. I don't know what the ceremony is for becoming best friends with people, but I'm pretty sure that we did it with them by which I mean. So if you haven't gone and listened to it yet, go listen to our best friends at Throwing Shade right now. Do it. And thank you guys for listening and subscribing and reviewing and everything. It really means a lot to us. Yeah. If you oh, if you'd like to send out a happy birthday greeting to someone or really any kind of message, you can go to maximumfund.org forward slash jumbotron and email us.

If you got a Yahoo answer, we should see or you have a query. It's mbmbam at maximumfund.org. This final Yahoo answer was sent in by Eddie Rogers. Thank you, Eddie. It's by Yahoo answers user. My name is Binky who asks, will Barack Obama pay for my cat food? I'm just a microwave. I'm Travis McAvoy. I'm Binky. This has been my brother and my brother and me. I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to have you. Choke me. Teens.