My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 110: J.R. Junior Jr.

Episode Date: June 26, 2012

It's so hot in the studio, gang. So, so hot. Logic and reason tend to leave the room as waves of molten hot air move in. It's like our ability to keep it together was displaced by degrees. Suggested talking points: Brave Fever, Bugle Bones, Wayne Knightverse, Mrazzle Dazzle, Nose Douching, Prefixin', Vacation Tips, Yahoo Nonsense, Jaded

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello, welcome my brother, my brother, me and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle-est brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your baby brother, Griffin McElroy. Ladies and gentlemen, we got brave fever here at my brother, my brother and me. Movie that comes out every movie that reaches a certain box office gross and rotten tomatoes

rating. Travis has seen the film. He won't stop talking about it. Travis, give us your review of Brave, the new hit from Disney's McDonald's Pixar's. I'm glad you asked, Justin. Let me break it down for you. So there's this red hair girl, right? She's sick of being a girl because it sucks. And no, in the context of the movie, I don't think that's in real life, but she's like living in like 10th century Scotland. So they want to like burn her for being a woman. Good to be a dude back then. Yeah, it's so great. I really love dudes. So they're like, oh, you're a girl. We're gonna burn you, right? Because she's a witch, obviously. And so then, because she's got red hair. And so then she like throws it back in their faces. And she's like, fine, then I'll be a witch. And so she turns her

brothers into bears. And then she rides a horse for a while. And then she's at the Stonehenge. And she does some magic. And all of a sudden, Wally is there. And they're hanging out. Let me interrupt you. Can I interrupt you? Can I interrupt you for a second, please? Yes. That's exactly right. I haven't seen the film, but I read the official review in the Christian Science Monitor. And that is word for word, witchcraft and bears. I did read the original script leak on coolnews.com. And it was there. So isn't it kind of cool? This is the name of that one. This is perhaps, hey, no, no. As you've probably guessed, this is an advice show primarily, not just advising you on which cinema that you should take in, although that's obviously an

important role that we play here. It's one of our facets. Predominately, we give advice on on life's life's little robots. Life's little stumblers. Life's little polyps. Life's stumblers too. Still stumbling. Life's little fiddly farts. Life's little sharding. Okay. Well, people need advice after that kind of event. Hey, I'm a nail biter. Why is the closest door? Okay. All right. I'm a nail biter. Along came Polly, everyone. Classic, classic. Next up, Travis talks about some Indian food he had and now it's upsetting as a toad. Hey, you got a ferret? I'm a nail biter. I'm not proud of it, but it's true. I never do the deed in public, but it can still be embarrassing when people notice my nails. My girlfriend is also not so much a fan of this habit and is always encouraging

me to stop. I am meeting her family next month and I want to have it under control before I meet them. How do I kill this habit that has had some 20-something years of reinforcement? That's from nom, nom, nom. I think it's nom, nom, nom. Nom, nom, nom. Are you eating them? Yeah. Oh, are you consuming your nails for power? Don't do that. Very. Don't do that. It's a lot of empty calories. Yeah. No, you you have to cut your nails so that you can use them to clean your teeth. Everyone knows that. Didn't Gwen Stefani have to get her stomach pumped because she had like 30 pounds of nails? She was eating other people's fingernails. Don't fucking spread lies around. It was either nails or semen. It was either nails or semen or heroin. She had 30 pounds of semen

nails. She had 30 pounds of something in her stomach and it might have been semen or maybe nails, but maybe heroin. No doubt. No doubt. What I've always heard that people do is like put like Tabasco sauce or like red pepper or something on your nails to stop inviting them. Can you imagine forgetting and going to like scratch an itch on your eye or something? Or jerk off your penis. And all of a sudden you have to kill yourself because your penis is on fire. Yeah. I'm not a good, I'm not, I'm perhaps not the best person to be advising this because I still occasionally do. I think of the grand scope of habits. It's not that bad of a word. As long as you keep your nails clean. But you physically, you physically can't do that. That's physically impossible. I am actually

constantly scraping from under my nails. Usually with a pocket knife which is horrifying for people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're filing, you're filing and picking habits are awful because I know that pocket knife isn't cauterized. Like you're getting it's so much germs up in there. You know it's so much germs and you're just getting those in your mouth and you're eating them and swallowing them and you're going to get, you're going to get polyps. How do you stop that? That's a question. Like how do you stop? Well, I have, I have a counter suggestion. Okay. Rather than stopping, if your fear is people noticing them, come up with a story for why your nails look like that and tell them you're really into power sanding. Okay. Okay. That's it. You keep getting your nails too

close to the belt sander. Sure. Sure. It happens to me all the time guys. Sure. Sure. And then people think you're a noble carpenter. Are you saying the problem is not that he bites his nails in front of people. It's he is unsightly, he has unsightly nails. It's an image problem. So just go to the manicurist. Get them, that could be, okay, let me hit you with this. Why don't you go to a manicurist? Go every week and have him just like get a great look and then you'll think to yourself like I can't bite these nails. I paid so much for these. It has to be a really expensive manicure by the way. Do you think that they make like edible press on nails? Like nails. Like the hit SNL sketch corn chip nail tips. Is that what you're talking about right

now? No, I wasn't. Oh, start putting some bugles on your fingers. Okay. If you put bugles on your fingers. Okay. How is that not a temporary fucking fix? Bugles? You gotta have a lot of fucking bugles. I wish bugles were permanent. I wish I wish that instead of cartilage, I had bugle bone. I wish I'd bugle bone. That's actually one of the curses that the red haired witch does in Brave. She gives somebody permanent bugles. Feel boogie boogie boogie bugle bones. Of company B, you know. I think that the main problem with bugle nails is that at the end of it, you will just have perfectly seasoned nails. Delightful and playful even in their pecan taste. They have a southwest flavor that you're sure to enjoy. You're going to have to fight the rest of the family off to get

to these nails. Let me throw this out as a way to stop doing it. Here's my suggestion. Stop doing it. There's like cold turkey. Just don't do it anymore. That's good. Is this hypnosis? I've heard about this. I'm saying like what is there other like you could put super glue on your nails and make them taste really nasty, but like anything you do is going to be so remarkably unpleasant. This is just like being on a show with Dr. Drew. It's great. Dr. Drew is all of his shows about self-help. Now Travis, what? Put down the fucking sandwich. What if I wanted to quit heroin, Travis? What would you suggest? Just fucking stop it. Yeah. Right. Just not doing it. You're better than that. Aren't you? Could have fooled me. Oh man. It's kind of like your tone of voice is a

little more Hulk Hogan though. It's like having a Hulk Hogan as my mentor. It sings from like tough love to like I hate you love. Yeah. Right. Do you only have two settings? It's just a good thing that Travis doesn't have any bad habits because who would be around to remedy them if not himself? Sometimes I just like stare in the mirror and I'm just like stop it. Yeah. But you're not start crying. And you're not addressing anything because you're a perfect man. Yeah. Honestly, I'm worried I'm being too perfect. Like I fear that it alienates others. If you're just worried about if it's hurting your self-esteem that you can't quit this habit, think of all of the habits that you are simultaneously quitting. Like think of all the things that you're not doing in that

moment that other people with addictions are definitely doing. Like you might be biting your nails but at that exact moment you're not smoking. You're not pouring. 30 pounds of nails in the tummy. That's how is that? That's the worst. You know that's what don't you know that's what don't speaks about. Yeah. About the time that she's busy eating fingernails. You know the sweet Maraca solo in that song? It's not a Maraca. It's not a Maraca. Like tell me. Or tell me it's become hardened and gourd like from all the nails. There's just little points poking out from the edges. Like oh don't mind that. Is it possible that you could start doing like an even worse habit? And then when your girlfriend's like you need to stop firing your

gun in the house you can be like well I guess I could go back to biting my fingernails. Yeah. I like that. Make her be happy about this bad habit you have. Gwen Stefani had a baby. Can you imagine being in a stomach that also is adjacent to 30 pounds? It's like living with a giant pine cone in your house. She was eating fingernails for two. I'm sorry. She came out with a taste. I love this. That kid came out with fucking antlers. Poor Gwen. Poor poor Gwen Stefani. Alternate suggestion. Dip your nails in poison. How? That's like the pain box from Dune. Like you got to keep it ever present in your mind because poisonous nails are the mind killer. And it's like a zero strike policy. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Well I guess you get the one strike.

One strike you're out. But then that's it. Yeah. Best bet is honestly just to cut them with nail clippers then. Real funny Justin. Sorry. Oh bring in some more chuggles. Back up the jump. Just dump that load of chuggles right over here. What if you just cut them. Wait. Hold on. Wait. Wait. Wait. You didn't let me finish this. You didn't let me finish. The scissors are pickles. You really pulled out of that nose dive in the last second. Go work balloon the bear. How about a yahoo. How about a yahoo. He's the only trick pilot I could think of because. How about a yahoo. Yeah. Hold on. No. Yeah. He is Sully Sullenbrook. Nah. Fuck it. He is the only trick pilot. Yaz Cruz sent this one in. Thanks Yaz. It's by a yahoo answers user. An American asshole

who asks. Hello. Yahoo answers needs to tighten up their naming policy. I don't want my kids seeing that. An American asshole asks. Are fat people easier to hunt? Like fat criminals when they do wrong and the cops are after them. But there's no context for why he needs to know this. I am maybe he's trying to get his life in order and he's trying to find like a bunch of good reasons to get real fit and healthy. I need to pick a scapegoat. Should I pick someone fat? And the answer is yes. You're saying that he should have fatter friends in case they get no fatter accomplices. Okay. Or it could also be like a generals are off situation. We could we could be dealing with the most dangerous game and then you do want fatty shipmates.

You should always have fatty shipmates. They're good luck. That is to eat them. Well I mean there's a lot of different ways in which having a fatty shipmate could help. Right. Off the top of my head. Eating them. Okay. If they die flotation devices. Yeah. They're just you know usually they're in better super fuckable. No. Yeah. When the sea when the sea madness sets in. You're not going to run out of places. Let's just put it that way. To put it to qualify. He means like the roles and folds and what. Yeah. You're not going to run short on places to get ready. You'll find places they didn't know they have. No. No. Griffin when you pick this question. Yeah. Yeah. Is this where you saw it going.

I thought we might be able to make an argument. That day. That you will be harder. You see in like fucking movies all the time. When shit goes rough. Who's the first ones against the wall and or floor. The fats. And it's I feel like movies portray them and like they're so they can't run as fast as a skinny which I don't even know if that's true because they got so much inertia. Right. Yeah. They'll run into a mountain side and just go 10 or 12 feet. You're saying if you cut through all the Hollywood bullshit in Jurassic Park Jeff Goldblum dead Wayne Knight out of there. Yeah. He's safe. Wayne Knight escapes.

Wayne Knight floats away on a river of mud into freedom. Jeff Goldblum washing the breeze. A breeze catches him pulls him into the water. You know that you know that he actually Wayne Knight's character in Jurassic Park left the island floated all the way to Manhattan started a life as a as a living next to Jerry Seinfeld. Now they say to him the first day they go and they knock on the door and he says hello. Last name for the person living here. And he says why I'm a new man. Newman. That's that's how it's a prequel. It's all because it's a prequel. Jurassic Park is a prequel. Can you can you explain to me how Space Jam fits in the Wayneiverse. We're in Wayne Cannon. I don't want to give Wayne Knight a big head and telling him

that there is an entire verse. Because if you did that then his head would be in proportion to his body which would just be his sickening fucking body. Wayne Knight get it. Lose some pounds. It's gross to look at you. I'm sorry. In Wayne I'm sorry a professional listener of our show Wayne Knight. In Wayne in Space Jam Wayne Knight Schools Michael Jordan MJ I call him in in How to Dunk. I was just googling for more information about this and the only YouTube clip I found that popped up is labeled this. I show you not. Michelle Jordan is having a Space Jam dot WMV. Michelle Jordan is having a Space Jam. I'm not sure that that is I was having a Space Jam last

night. Do you buy into the the split timeline Wayne Knight of our theory or I well there's the different cannons because there's one in one reality he travels back in time after he dies at the end of Space Jam and then that's the oh cannon that's the original cannon and then there's the one where he goes on living his life as a whatever his profession was in Space Jam that that's the teacher cannon professional Jamologist professional Jamology. I think fat people would not be easier to hunt. I think that if I had to I think if I was a blood thirsty jungle hunter or maybe you know I was on the desert plains and I was hunting hunting a man and I had to choose between a you know a slim good body and a fatty arbuckle I think I I think I would go a slim good body

every time. There's no pride in it you know. It's not it's not a matter of I'm I'm thinking about the difficulty killer be killed rating not not how I'm how am I gonna feel after I skin and wear Wayne Knight you know. You're gonna feel great you're gonna have a loose breathable fabric his skin really breathes you know it's gonna be airy light on your skin it would be nice unfortunately it breathes like this. The other thing that aids fat people when they're being hunted is that you might see him at the beginning and think it's like Hunger Games you'll see him at the beginning of the hunt and think oh I'll come back for him you know I'll find him later no danger there so I think you you might forget where you left him but I guess what I'm saying

I think we should just not hunt I'm gonna go out on a bold stance here and say we should not hunt people. That's a pretty that's not a bad policy. I mean it took me a lot of trial and error to come to you I didn't just like wake up one morning and know it so I'm just passing on to you guys my wealth of experience and say listen it's a mistake don't hunt people except for Wayne Knight because like I have tried to get that dude on a health track to wellness it's Griffin McRoy's health track to wellness the program Travis you were on that for a while I was 163 pounds yeah and I've been pursuing Wayne Knight to really get off his duff and and do something for him you know make himself feel feel good nothing is just nothing is working so I'm gonna need

if anyone knows Wayne Knight could you put him in contact with Griffin please or just a f***ing start hunting him down hard target soft target soft target. Speaking of the art of film let's talk about uh independent film channel it's got a new show called comedy bang bang comes on every Friday at 10 p.m on the east coast nine central it's an absurd half hour comedy show but it only looks like a talk show don't be confused it's comedy so nice they banged it twice they got amazing guests biggest names in comedy they got Reggie Watts hosted by Scott Ackerman it's based on the hit podcast but it's a good version of something on the internet not like the tv show they made about stuff my dad said or things my dad tweeted thank you it's a good it's a good version of that my kids

my kids listen to this show so if we can cut down on the cursing thank you so tune into that Fridays every Friday 10 p.m my FC comedy bang bang hey over the past few years I've picked up quite a few stickers slash decals at various concerts restaurants bars etc my problem is I can't seem to find the perfect place to display my collection I feel like I have outgrown putting them on my car but I do like having them around where could I put them that won't seem to immature or douche douche baggish that's from decal delimit in florida this is I have a good answer for this okay my boss and your boss chris grant he puts his stickers on his vacuum cleaner it turns it into like a it turns cleaning

time into rock and roll time makes it fun for everybody got lots of pizzazz and you're excited about cleaning because it's got like you got a fun vacuum cleaner it's got lots of fun stickers on it and it's not like it's a decoration nobody expects it to look cool he's put put stickers all over your vacuum cleaner I have such a problem with this I have a bunch of cool stickers and like I just don't I I think I'm just constantly thinking about an item that I own its resale value like right anything anything like a computer or a vacuum cleaner or an ipad or an automobile I would I would never put a bumper sticker on a car would never do it because I feel like if I put it on there that's like 15 to 2k can I can I tell you guys a little story yeah I own a green

foot locker a green chest that I've had since I was 18 so I've had it for 10 years used to be a lot of porn and and so much of that all the porn and because of the length of time I've had it and the permanence of stickers that chess still proclaims my love for Jason Moraz yeah oh nice yeah so that's my main problem with stickers is because 19 year old Travis doesn't know jack shit yeah about anything that's cool and I don't want 28 year old Travis to have to deal with the repercussions to be fair though to be fair he didn't have the beard back then yeah he was not nearly as crunchy as he is now he's hyper crunchy he's become just the crunchiest dude you know there's a you can throw that trunk in the river you know that right no it's still

good trunk and now it's a heirloom you won't give it to my kids I don't think your kids are gonna want to inherit dad Jason Moraz fucking sucks we all you've got an inaccess and I know he's jack shit bullshit you've got an inaccess sticker on here you're 28 you're not that I will say the other said thing there's only one sticker on the chest you are fucking like there's a huge collection of stickers you put on a Jason Moraz sticker and we're like done no I was like oh this will begin this trunk is ready installation ready to go with all the artists I ever really love I'm gonna add him to this trunk and it turned out he did do exactly just that I mean he just never find anybody else he liked there's no one ever as good as old J.M. Mr. M. R. I did call him

I did like his first CD for whatever it's worth I thought he's live in Java Joe stuff was brilliant but then like what the fuck was the rest of that shit I like that one Jason I like that one song it's like you know the song I'm talking about I do actually you guys want to know the sad truth with both him and Dave Matthews still hang out with him in a heart if I got the opportunity yeah you guys could compare like fishermen's hats hey those are some really nice sannocks what did you get those now on the internet with your light gingham shirt how many buttons down do you go because we were basically the trend setters in this department it's getting I'm sure it's got squiddled about I did like his live CD

not image that you fucking assholes that was like mine like mind control they played at the borders all the time it was so good and I was working there I played it 24 hours a day I probably do all the lyrics could you do like a scrapbook of stickers I mean that's sort of that's sort of what scrapbooks are from what I understand so that way like you can display your cool but that feels disingenuous doesn't it like I have cool like I have a sweet max fun sticker I got max fun con and I'm very you know I'm a huge max fun supporter but I don't want to put it on my car because what if I want to sell my car but I don't want to just put it in a book because then it's like here's a book of stickers I'm ashamed of that is worse because it's like I didn't want anything to

happen to these stickers I have yeah what and then it'll be worth something someday please tell me the conversation you're having we're like actually did you want to check out a book of stickers you know I actually have a quick and convenient way to convey to you everything you need to know about me if you want to know everything I'm into we could talk about it but that'd be too exasperating god damn you know what I'm thinking though like honestly that's all Facebook is yeah it's just a digital version of like do you want to sit down for a few hours and look at all the stickers I have these are all my stickers some stickers some pictures of me and my friends and just some things I've written under a list that says things I like yeah I'm pretty sure if you have a sticker

collection you're gonna die alone Travis if you don't change your Facebook banner image to like some Jason Mraz album art before this episode gets published I'll never forgive you I'm gonna send everybody your Facebook and make a look okay could you do like okay let me throw this out because if your worry is like looking mature and adult do a collage like you would on anything else but like frame it under glass see that's what's fucked I have so many posters and I really like my posters and they're just basically huge rectangular unsticky stickers right that are more expensive than stickers are usually right and you can put them in a car because it would whoa whoa slow down brainstorm put the stickers on the posters on the back and then it's like a

hidden map and you flip it over and someone goes oh he really like Jason Mraz yeah it's a map for your life what am I gonna do with these pogs though that's the question I've got all these Flintstones jelly jars where I supposed to put these I have two to three thousand snap bracelets get a whole room keep them I used to be my sneaker snapper room but I you bait all them oh and then I your sneaker snappers he made my sneaks nice thing about beanie babies that value is never gonna go down is it I've got all of these pizza shaped discs left over from my teen angel eating the turtles sewer boat um just the disc I got rid of the boat but I've probably got 150 of them right different years different the ones with

like he'll if you come over to Travis's house he's like come into the pizza disc room and he's showing you like the ones with small factory imperfections and and that kind of thing basically all I did was I just stable onto the wall directly yeah there's no furniture in the room there's a body but I know I don't ask about it there are there are five people right now who just threw down their iPod and like ran into their attic like where's my fucking pizza launcher dad dad dad you promised you said that if I kept up like gpn that you wouldn't throw away my pizza launcher what do you mean I'm 32 what do you mean you died seven years ago dad how long have I been asleep dad I think dad I think that old man was a genie dad I think I got a genie curse

dad I heard Schwartz today was on TV he says he's governor what's going on I used to be Zac Efron and I'm Steve Buscemi help me dad I've got adult balls and no pizza launcher what gives dad I wanted my suit fit over the counter what's going on they said I couldn't at the star is that a problem you can't find just all the shelves do you want to get me yeah yeah hit me this guy who answer was sent by Emily wall thank you Emily it's by yahoo answers user Nagini Potter who asks could I use a water gun instead of a neti pot this is an awkward question but I've broken my neti pot and I'd like to clear out my nasal

passages before I leave in a little while or I'll be uncomfortably congested for the rest of the day I've got at my disposal a little toy water gun and I've seen people use a squeeze bottle version of the neti pot would it be an efficient temporary replacement for my neti pot only if it is a super super sugar brand that's what I'm saying and not blows your mind out of I think it's got to be a certain caliber super so I think a 50 is not going to get you there oh you're gonna need the 120 I think 120 to 150 at the minimum you think 150 that might be a little bit I think you fucking get the one with the backpack in it and just like never you crazy bitch I know I I know that you're gonna you're gonna uh you're gonna rebuke me here okay guys the

neti pot's dangerous it's not too I used to be full of bacteria it's not full of back way up on the pot two people have died from using it how many people have to die before people stop pouring water in their face some people don't put that the hole is not for that god is looking down at you and saying like that's not the hole Griffin I told you where the hole was it's your mat it's your singing hole I just want to water with some sign to say hey guys you know what always makes me feel better drowning let's see if we can't put that in some kind of home version that people can feel like they're drowning all the time please just boil the water before you of course I but what do you think I actually I make a homeless man gargle it and spit it into my nose now Griffin you did have

your first neti experience right recent this week what did you think um I'll tell you what's rough what I don't know how the flaps and flanges in there work I don't know right I don't know how the valves I don't know how to operate those particular water works to real wake up call when you realize those two things are connected let's talk about my flange control here's things I can do I can open up my wiener to pee when it's time to go do that when I put water in my mouth I know how to use my tongue to push the water down my throat what I do not know how to do yet is to open my net in my nose to connect the two nostrils and just somehow seal that tunnel so that things go in one side and out the other side without like ending up like in my eyes or something so wait so did you

like pour the neti pot in like your nose and like it came out your wiener is that what you're saying where'd it come out like it came out like my mouth and stuff it was it was you didn't get the flow going huh that's when you get it working I got it working eventually but it takes some it takes some doing it says it's not as effortless as they make it look like on tv I don't know once you get it going it's pretty pleasurable right once you get it going oh my god you guys it's not pleasurable at all but afterwards but after like drowning no it's uh I mean if you do it wrong I guess but if you do anything wrong it's like drowning because you could slip in a pool and drown trap have you netted have you know I would never do that don't let your fear control you because it no it's not

fear I don't want to I have no desire you don't you probably haven't had these kind of these kind of signals science problems that yeah I'm on steroids right now for allergies I have to take things to make my body and muscles stronger to fight the allergies the allergies in Austin the mold it's it's like visible you can see it it comes and knocks on your door in the morning it's like hey stop can I shove myself in you hey do you mind if I cram I say oh no get the pot sweetie maybe get the hose do you feel better I don't know that I'll ever feel better again thanks thanks mold thanks for nothing I know it always makes me feel better money that's very shallow

even when the person who invented neti pot invented neti pot they like for I would say they were trying to kill themselves for 18 18 months or so when they were workshopping it they tried to pitch it as nose douche I can't get much traction that this is not what I I've been in so many businesses trying to sell them the nose douche and no one will take them on board till we get to the name and then it's just like slam door slam door what about hey if I change it to face cinema is that better um hey big news you guys remember uh uh stack soap right talking about um Griffin wrote a great song for them um but you can now I got one this week I know a lot of other in bnba and listeners have gotten theirs recently but now you can buy it if you

missed out on the Kickstarter you can go to uh amazon and look up stack soap uh and get it with free shipping that's you just search for stack soap that's so great or uh or you just go to stack soap dot com that's going to take you directly to amazon um but it's great it's like 12 bucks for six bars uh free shipping like that's you can't beat that it's soap that stacks in itself so when you get down to just a sliver then you put it up uh you put it in the new bar because it's got to divot it's an endless cycle of soap it's amazing so go buy it stack soap dot com I um I got my stack soap in actually last week and it's I don't know if it's sad or awesome that I haven't used it yet because I'm waiting for my current bar of soap to get down to the stupid

sliver and I once I once I make the exchange it's going to be the best it's going to be so really I get so excited I am excited like when I shower once you go stack you never go back I have been laughing like I'm like a fucking crazy person lately because I want to get a stupid shitty bar down to a point where I can where I can stack it up you know my brother my brother me is supported in part by bing it's got a new social search that will bring together all your favorite people from social networks like facebook twitter and into one place where you can exchange ideas you can discover new things and it'll help you to do things together check it out at bing.com because bing is for doing is it'll bring you together you can come together and talk about

my brother my brother and me say hey I heard this new podcast I heard this old ass podcast this old beat up podcast but they talked about bing I knew it was fresh it sounded fresh to me you brought it all home I what if there was a site called bong you check out bong no bong is a weak shit no it's still a search engine but it finds you exactly what you do not want this is terrible I heard it's for Jim Varney it's just a picture with casket bong is such a downer it's not even that it's wrong it's like morally wrong bong is for uh oh guys it's friday on the independent film channel it's comedy bang bang airing at ten nine central the guest this week is michael sarah uh Paul who michael sarah it is america's uh america's

hardthrob did you not know who he was or was i just not loud enough michael sarah and paul f topkins is there it sounds like you're yelling to your old wife in the other room honey honey come in come in bang bang's on michael sarah is on tv you love that michael sarah he was on arrested development he's the little he's that little sliver of a boy from arrested development he's a man you loved him he was in that show where he fought all the evil x guys he's a fraction of a boy you like him he's non-threatening he looks like a normal boy who's been whittled down but they need to find a larger boy to bring him in he looks like he would fit into another boy and then combine and be an infinite loop of boys so uh what else is going on the show

uh well in this week's episode reggie uh the musical host uh worries that product placement is taking over the show and scott octman gets warned about his future by the cake boss so cake boss cake boss everybody that's uh that's this this week's episode of comedy bang bang check it out i see ten nine central lock it in hey brothers so i have a name that is somewhat gender neutral it is used as girl's name more frequently now but was originally only a boy's name my problem is that while i like my name people often assume i am male before we meet i also receive mail addressed to mister perhaps i'm overreacting but i'd like to avoid future gender mix-ups advice that's from secret girl in virginia and that's from mark

well steven uh well let's ask griffin since griffin you've got a girl's name so what is it like to often be go fuck yourself in the throat no but i'm just saying like every other griffin is a girl right so you're the only male griffin you're the only male griffin you're living your life is the only male griffin looking for one other griffin that you can help repopulate your species with um i would be i think that's a great thing because i'm always excited when i think like if it's a work situation for example and i think the person is a man and then it turns out it's a woman i get excited because it's like oh good they'll be competent no i shouldn't be able to do this thing and no i thought i was worried that they would be dumb but they're i thought it

would be a dumb but turns out that they're a woman so that's quite a relief i think it's kind of a little bit of that secret power like when you know something the other person doesn't right and you roll up and they had like addressed yourself as like mister and you instantly have a leg up on this person because he's like oh no actually i'm a girl so now you're embarrassed so now i'm running the meeting well i don't i don't think that just because the person assumed you're a man and it turns out you're a woman that you automatically get to run the meetings but i think i know you haven't worked in any traditional business no this is you if you can weave a thick enough mystery then then you win the game of clue oh fuck i was thinking about the game of

clue not professional not professional business settings i do that all the time yeah that's a big mix up stupid could you start dressing yourself as like miss whatever your name is so i should know all the time no that's you don't need a horse and pony should why do you why give a fuck man yeah wait a minute now i think about it this isn't your concern no it's not it's their problem yeah you don't have to do jack shit they're the ones that come out looking like you know they assumed and they made asses of themselves and me that is a power i hate i hated travis's idea but like with the miss but what about lady if my if somebody's like guys name is gaga peterson i don't know i don't know much about him but he's supposed to come in

here for an interview that's confusing if it turns out it's lady gaga oh my oh i know there's no question there what about duchess duchess duchess ralph what about i'm totally and you guys know this about me i'm totally genderblind like it doesn't i don't it doesn't matter to me so what if he actually can't distinguish what if your prefix was just hmm well well you'll move hot shot that's not a good prefix that's not like legally reckoning you think that's like too many words too many words i think it's gotta be just a series of letters i don't think you can make a sentence out of it your sentence you're like your prefix can't be like guess what gender i am because you're probably wrong what if it was just a little bit long mm-hmm griffin macaroy

the one that always confuses me is uh mr mssr what's that mean you know really could be mr mister you gotta love that band i think that that's two wrongs don't make a right though and that means feminine what if what if your name is dr hugley and you become a doctor right guys did you also mean dl no he's brother he's lesser known medical brother dr of course he's a brother travis god damn it can you get through one show without being a wicked racer what if your name is jr jr jr i made myself laugh at that i'm jr jr jr what if your name is calls jr and get a job at carls jr what if you're in the band jr senior and you're somebody's dad and son with the same name simultaneously and you're also a medical

doctor and a lawyer and a senior in high school fuck so i'm wait hold on now just in what prefix do you get for being a lawyer you get a uh suffix esquire okay so i'm i'm i'm high school high school high school senior junior junior junior junior junior senior senior junior esquire same name phd but i'm not a doctor that's just a part of my name it's a dangling modifier it's pronounced junior junior junior senior shake y'all coconuts oh god like i am taking my first vacation in a year in early july my new job is in upstate new york i'll be spending three weeks visiting family and friends in galveston and austin texas respectively before this year i always took the existence of evenings and weekends to myself

to be for granted always spent my vacation just lounging around eating my parents food but now that i don't just have a job but i actually live on the job i'm afraid of wasting my precious precious vacation time in front of the tube how can i get the most out of my vacation and return to the relatively real world refreshed that's from overworked in new york bunch of drugs no just no no no you really want that lost week absolutely out like a jimmy buffet song on a drunk like if you were jimmy buffet in fear and loathing in las vegas right just trying to kill yourself on documentaries um i think honestly you're the best thing you can do vacation is a lot of people like a busy vacation

maybe if their day-to-day lives are are pretty pretty slow paced i think they like you know something with a lot of activity i personally think that you should just try to counter program like whatever you get an influx of in the workplace then you should you should try to try to avoid that at all costs to really help to bring balance to your life it's technology for me i got a steer try to steer clear of it to have a relaxing i'm i'm usually fairly successful at that but that's a key for me i remember being a kid and like we gone big family vacations and everything that like nine and ten all i wanted to do was everything all the time so like we get there and be like let's go mini golfing let's go do laser tag let's go to the beach let's go see a movie

let's go to the mall let's and mom and dad would be like can we just like not can we just like sit here on the porch and not do anything just go make a turkey sandwich for yourself get out of our site and i couldn't understand it i was sitting there like you're on vacation and we're not doing anything and only now as an adult do i kind of sit there and go man there's nothing like no way you've got nothing to do i was the shittiest kid ever i was just such a dickhead such a piece of i'm glad mom and dad didn't just leave me at the beach that's why i like going on vacations with my sister in law riley she's 11 years old and if i get that that little tickle in the back of my throat that you know that that youth that that young that young spirit i still

have my my wild those i think hey i'll make this kid do something with me hey kid let's go play a game or something but if the kid is like wanting to do something and i don't want to i just put her in a closet yep you're gonna be the park they're very small they don't need a lot of room you were going to put her in there with my rock and roll vacuum you are going to be a superb father one day thank you you are going to make one child very very very happy for like a few minutes at a time whenever he's convenient for you you will make that child so happy i'm going to be the cliff octable of my state okay i'm not i don't get the reference he's a cosby cosby he is a he is a cosby he's one of those a cosby cosplayer he's one of the permutations of cos after cosby's fourth

generation if he was cliff octable after he uh after littered part six died uh cosby regenerated as uh cliff octable why did they call the show the cosby show but he was not the character was not named cosby i just had a problem with that like who were they trying to fool by changing his name well in case they built cosby everybody knew what was up they didn't know how many cosby regenerations they were gonna get so they the people were very were crazy about the the cliff octable regeneration and they were originally gonna go ahead and do the the cosby regeneration from the cosby mysteries during that series but people were so crazy about it they couldn't ever you know switch over and people were really confused at that time that cosby

regenerated and he was uh british yeah and he had a bowtie you remember when theo died and they recast him as a robot dog it was pretty yeah that one was weird do you guys can anybody on this call tell me what the cosby regeneration name was in the cosby mysteries what the name of that regeneration was schmiff schmuckstable no it's not schmuckstable very close thank you ghost dad is actually guy hanks okay it's not a good name not at all um i don't know what to i haven't been on i'm going to i think we're going to i'm going on vacation going on a beach vacation this summer and i feel like where are you going i made a pitch for tibie island i'm gonna i'm gonna hit up south kikilati baby you know what is that that is uh that's where the people in south carolina call

south carolina i don't think any of them call it that okay i think i saw that you're on a savannah are you going to savannah go fang yourself drink some menju looks i actually can't say where i'm going because i don't want to be uh hunted down by paparazzo trying to get the topless picks of you um but yeah i don't know like i haven't been on my vacation i don't know what my body is going to do i don't know if it's going to be like let's just lamp or is it going to be like i want to see all the sites because you'll never get a chance to see these sites for a while that's a good question you gotta go someplace that's not very exciting that's key i'm gonna i'm going to take a week long vacation just lay on my couch okay that's a staycation no i don't want to call it that i'm an adult

it's just called unemployment yeah it's just called travis doesn't been at work this week does anyone notice that there's a strange smell coming from his bedroom travis's dad i'm worried about that you guys want a yahoo answer yeah i was trying to stole one out of you um here comes a fresh yahoo answer for you um can you deliver that again with a bit more pizzazz here's a here's a hot and ready yahoo answer oh guys there's there's some real this one sent by secret person it's by yahoo answers user desirah who asks i'm a peanut butter lava lamp with pretty little unicorns on it what are you don't be afraid to be crazy oh no i'm i'm dying i need to get out of my skin this is terrible in here all of a sudden i'm cute it's being

boiled over and it's burned on the burner a little alley cap alz he says i'm arthur the aardvark with no horns and pink spots and a black and white stripy headband and an allergy to peanut butter lava lamps with pretty little unicorns on it smile smile smile smile stop it what i love you says i'm a nerdy purple tiger with three tattoos i just made that up because i'm smart my favorite color my favorite animal and i like trees oh god bless it i'm spiraling into madness so many real podcasts has continued on and this is just all i can i'm a colorful dino that has superpowers x p p p p p no no you're not you're a sad sad person i could just cut loose and be silly um a shoe being thrown at you oh this is the young who answers that bong brings up

i'm a purple cheese ball my face is a greeter that has a card on it come on stupid lamp right i'm the swirling pit of sadness that stands you down in the face every day i'm the unavoidable truth that your life is finite come climb in the temple i'm a slow march of death dragging you ever onwards towards the grave i'm the drugsy dad used when you were a little kid that made you the way that you are today i don't know where you have to put a cosby ref at the end of each one fuck that fuck that whole that's not like a goof no that's not a fucking zinger that's just not even a setup it's not even like pick your favorite color it's just like string together a big long

mish mash of nonsense where i'm a bacon abortion wow now are there any others because i do i i my interest is beef no that's all no i mean there's more but i'm not gonna read anymore i'm a mildly successful accountant with kids that don't respect him come on griffin give me more i know there's more in there uh i'm a reckless individual four eyes green hair two left feet an extra toe and a severely big head okay now he didn't get it you know he didn't get the you didn't get the purpose of this experiment i'm charles mansons love child work work work work work work work it's like oh guys what if this is a brilliant government like like a sting operation and all of these answers psychologically can be broken down to figure out who's a terrorist and who's not

oh my god can i see uncle sands become so crafty he can't tell like you can't tell if i got bombs in my shoes so i gotta take them off but he can tell these fuckheads are gonna try to attack a beloved american landmark plan triceratops with bubblegum coming out of my ears oh my god take him oh my god man this sounds like a sounds like a fucking character creation sheet for dungeons and dragons and fuck you um here's a here's a good answer well i guess i suppose that's subjective i uh it's sent by steven louis thank you steven it's by yahoo answers user low redhead who asks i want my tattoo covered up with another tattoo okay so i have a tat on the small in my back it's one of my daughter's names but i would like to covered with another tat the name is jade

any ideas of anything big to cover it you don't have to be specific just a general idea of some things that may work thanks much and a happy friday y'all uh additional details i'm covering up my daughter's name because i have gotten another tattoo with both of my daughter's names in it so i don't see a point as to having her name twice when my other girl only has one spot i'm not a bad mother lule yeah well what about not jade that's pretty good okay fuck you jade check that out you think you get two placements nah nah what look at this i it's still your name but i just drew a i threw a grave around it now it looks like jade is buried here now what about with very little altering yeah jade a pink at smith or just jaden jaden jaden would be easier because you could just

add the in instead of having to yeah but if you're not a fan of jaden and you're just friend of jade i don't really like i like the source material do not like the byproduct no no thanks you mix it you mix a little will smith in there it's very distasteful pardon me jordan but i saw the new karate kid and i'm havin a stroke all my woods are wrong um strokes are funny could you write dragon at the end of it and then it's like jade dragon and then it's like a mysterious like a mysterious source of power in your chakra chakram what about giant butterfly but it would still say we would still say joke there's no joke i like butterflies cool don't judge is that how tattoos work can you just put a thing over it or do you remember the game upwards yeah it's a lot like

that is it if somebody gets tattoos over and over again on the same spot they'll just have like a dorsal fin by the end of it what's wrong with your back it says jaden mystery and then i was a big fan of jade maras back in the day and i needed to get that covered up just and then he just kept dragging me back in with his siren calling changing tattoo so it says jades and maras just so people know jadara diet pills there you can get a get a ad can you sponsorship here's what you i got it you get a eraser a tattoo eraser erase the okay have another kid name him jad or or erase the d and the e and then it's just ja or erase the d and the e and then put an i and then a space and an h o and then it's jai ho like in a slumdog millionaire movie you guys that's

that's timely i'm not a bad mother i'm just a big fan of something i love jai ho that's how that song the jason razz cover of jai ho did you hear it so crunchy jai hopadopabo once the show has been reduced to just clicks and noises we don't have to do it anymore is that the rule yep that's usually once we've convinced everyone else to turn it off we can stop erase the j replace it with an s and then it's a sha day tattoo you're welcome erase the a turn into a you jude law there's so many opportunities here get rid of the j add a d at the end put an f at the beginning it's faded get come on brah e lose the lose the e put a d in jud ashley jud no wait you gotta get a u in there fuck hold up let me try it again lose the j

add a b in an l and then you're celebrating wesley's knives this movie get ready d e put i l jail jail tattoo get get here's the solution for all this just get a tattoo of somebody else around it that has that tattoo so it's not you that has a tattoo of jade your tattoo has it your tattoo has a tattoo i don't know where he got it he wondered all for five minutes and came back with it baby it's not that it's not that i love jade more it's that that guy from pawn stars loves j more and i have a tattoo of him so he's a big hoss loves it more it is actually his tattoo from that what's that fat piece of his name is uh his name is jade uh perfect ideal scenario how i'm so glad that that worked out it was true how much work would it take to get that jade changed to just craich on

how many letters is that different what just get a big black bar over it because i think tattoo your daughter's name there i actually fuck her i hate that kid i'm over it she had a good run but it's done how did you not realize that you got the same word tattooed on your body twice you dumb oh shit dammit ah fuck dammit i already had a jade fuck it's not like when you go to the supermarket you go to target and you buy season five a top chef and you get home you're like ah fuck i thought i had season four but i now i have two seasons it's a word on your body i only i don't have any of those if i had one i would know it stupid fuck fuck this has been my brother my brother made advice show for the modern era thank you so much

for listening yet again to our program um i know that that sounded just there like a rough edit but in actuality that is the case we just ran out of steam we just ran out of steam and knew it knew it when it happened it's the summertime months we all have to turn our acs off i'm like delirious there ain't no cure for the summertime blues right um thank you to everybody tweeting about the show with the mbm mb mb am hashtag dale a uh cannibal kisses uh bob winston 42 prickly porcupine pita uh dude girls indy mike jam collie tokyo rude the kyleese planet jk icky k buzz click yeah pat cos we're doing that everybody thank you for tweeting about the show if you would like to tweet about the uh the program just again use that mb that mb mb am

hashtag uh thank you to teddy corgi also for for tweeting about the program that's the best way we have of sharing it if you are going to tweet about the show maybe including to our uh our uh our sampler there it's bit dot ly four slash it's mb mb am i want to thank john rodrick and the long winters for the use of our theme song it's a departure off the album putting the days to bed it's uh it's a it's a fantastical album it's got it's got all kinds of earworms and ditties excuse me it's got earworms and ditties um also if you want to uh have your personal message promoted on my brother and my brother and me or your business message uh you can find out how to do that at maximumfund.org forward slash jumbo tron uh and you can find all of the necessary

legal filings and FCC paperwork there um also if you haven't give a listen to some of our other maximum fun shows throwing shade stop podcasting yourself jordan jesse go judge john hajman bullseye each one each one of jim more than the other all of them all all jams a pocket full pocket full of kryptonite and go check out uh when you're at the maximumfund.org homepage just look over and see the little max fun merch link and just go check out all like the great t-shirts and books and everything that are there and buy a bunch of stuff man just doing blazing your chest with all of our logos and whatnot or you can just go to maxfunstore.com that too if you don't like to click on links and stuff if you're afraid of links and things don't be afraid also tickets are on sale for max funcon

east um we all got back from max funcon west earlier this month and i think we can all agree it was the fucking best time ever so um that's definitely a thing you should check out if you if you live on the east coast it's going to be held in the pokonos and uh surely a beautiful and majestic vista so uh yeah tickets are on sale right now you can get into the max funcon uh website this yahoo answer was sent in by question mark thank you question mark it's by yahoo answers user frankie who asks can i get my dad arrested for watching the news i'm just macaroy i'm travis macaroy this has been my brother my brother me kiss your dad square on the lips keep your heart three stacks keep your heart hey keep your heart three stacks keep your heart

man these girls are smart these girls are smart play your part