My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 115: Womenade

Episode Date: August 13, 2012

Hello, oldest brother Justin McElroy here. I've taken over posting duties from Griffin this week, but I don't really know the things he normally writes. Does he just try to get you excited about it? Cause man, this episode ... it's got, you know, jokes. Jokes for miles. Oh man, the goof to not goof ratio, she's just dizzying. Suggested talking points: Oh shit, what goes here? Like, the things we talked about? Umm, there was the thing about John Candy and the Jamaican Running Team, Griffin said "straight up Christmas crazy" and then we did the Womenade thing that I mentioned before and ... I don't know, it had lots of jokes.

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Nobody that can't believe Jamaica's got a running team. Ladies and gentlemen, against all odds and probably, Jamaica has won the little country that could. Jamaica has won all three medals in the 200 meter dash. It's a real underdog story, Justin, because of course the favorite was the runner from Switzerland.

Right, because of the hills. Yeah, and barely got beat out by the Jamaican three. It's real, you don't think about that, but it is hard to learn how to run without certain natural aspects of the environment, like hills, like the snow makes it hard. You gotta train your legs, your glutes, and your crutes to really get your legs up and over those snowmounds. Now Travis, I understand that this Jamaican running team, which did take all three medals in the 200 meter dash, I understand it was coached by John Candy. Now, how and or why? Well, how is the big question here, Justin, because as you know, he's dead, and he's been

dead for quite some time now, so mostly they just watched Wagons East over and over and over again while they were running. They set up like a vid screen in their running complex to watch Wagons East. If you'll remember, there is that one scene in Wagons East where John Candy and Matthew Perry have to run away. I'm not thinking of the right movie. Nope, not in the least. You're thinking of Shanghai Noon. No, what movie is it that you're thinking of? You're thinking of almost heroes. Oh no, I made a Farley Candy Goof. In case anyone was wondering, almost Heroes was another movie poster I had on my wall for a long time. Let's be fair, first off, that's fucking bananas, but let's be fair. John Candy was a very, very fast man, very expedient. Yeah, for once so large,

quite graceful. In his prime, which is to say, when he was alive, John Candy could hoof it. This is my brother by brother. Me, it's an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middleest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your baby brother, Griffin McRae. God, I miss you, John Candy. I genuinely do. Did you know that Motherfucker shot his entire role in Home Alone in a single day? One of that almost his entire part was improvised. That too, but still, one day in these Hollywood magic doesn't exist anymore because every single second of the Avengers took four whole weeks to shoot. Every second, every frame. That's true. Actually, at one point, Chris Helmsworth died and was replaced by his

brother, Liam Helmsworth. Exactly. And no one noticed. Nobody even noticed. Do you think that all happened on one of us someday? I can only hope. Griffin, I can't be sure it hasn't already. That's true. We all look so similar. With podcast magic these days? Yeah, that's a good point. Let's get right into the advice. How do you break up with someone you aren't at something? Okay, that's easy. Sorry, Desk. I'm out of here. Sorry, we had a good run, Coffee Mug. You could tell Griffin that I just named the first thing their eyes laid on. This is how improvisational comedy happens. Don't say no and just name the things that you see in front of you. Those are the two things. Recite them. Yes. And I see a cup holder. How do you

break up with someone you aren't actually dating? I connected with the gentleman on an online dating site. We started texting and went out on one coffee date. Then he started texting me all the time, making plans way too far in the future. Like, where would we go for Christmas dinner? Oh no. He even sent flowers to my office. I tried to tell him he was coming on too strong, but to no avail. How could I break it off with him when it was never really on? That's from Mystified Miss in the Midwest. I could probably shed some light on this situation. Being probably the only one of the three of us who did this, who did the online dating. I mean, not that I went straight up Christmas crazy. I thought that's what you were saying.

I don't like to think about where I'm having Christmas dinner. Right. So what you do, and let me tell you from first-hand experience, it's very effective. I just don't ever respond to anything they say ever, ever again, because that's the real beauty of Internet, is that you can just turn your, when I block somebody on Twitter, they die. Did you know that? I've heard that. They're dead. They are for all intents and purposes. If I never see or talk to you or experience you ever again, you're dead. And that's really- But Griffin, here's the one thing about this question though that freaks me out, is that she could totally easily do that, but the gentleman has already sent flowers to her office. What if he just starts like bombarding her cubicle

with like the teddy bears with like hearts as a, why don't you tweet me anymore? That's the other beauty of online dating, Travis, is because this person is online dating, they are not going to be brave enough to do any of those things. So you are made in the shade. Just let this, just let this, this Adam's half-life just decay slowly. And then- What about the texts? The texts, psh, not a big deal. They're not going to keep that up. He's got a, he's got pride, you know? He's not going to let 12 texts go unanswered, maybe 10. You're suggesting full cold shoulder. I'm suggesting two cold shoulders.

I know, this is what always happens to me. So wait a little while, don't respond to them. And then in like a month, respond to one with, who is this? No, no, no. And I'll tell you why, because whenever I get that text from someone, I always just assume that they've gotten a new phone and this is someone else who now has this phone number. That's like, it's Travis. And they're like, oh, okay. Wait, now how does this, I've never actually seen, but Travis is in the same room as me. I've never been able to see one of these bad ideas formulated in person. Now can you explain- Now what is helped by texting them, who is this? Then they get embarrassed. And either thing that you've forgotten about them or that you're somebody

new and then they stop texting you. It's way better than a straight up denial and shoot down. You need to pretend like you no longer know who they are. Justin, I imagine that when Travis is formulating one of these things, like a thick cloud of purple dumb smoke, like starts to, like comes out of his mouth and ears and just like envelops his entire body forming a cocoon. Here's the weird thing. You guys, you guys are not going to believe this, but steam just pours out of his ears. Yeah. It looks like Franken, it looks like Herman Munster. It's bizarre. You said you'd never tell anyone that. Don't rub the salt in the wound. Just let him die.

Well, it depends, but I'm just saying it depends on how quickly he picks up on it. If after like three texts and no response and like you blocking him on stuff, he's like, okay, great, I get it. I'm saying if he's still texting you like four times a day, every day, for like two months, you can't just assume that he's going to get the hint and stop contacting you. Yeah. You got to do something. You got to step up. And I mean, at some point, you might just have to say, if it gets to that point, just say like, hey, this is done. This isn't going anywhere. This was never anything. Please don't contact me anymore. Oh, can we do a sidebar? Sure.

This is for the person on the other end of this question, which is to say probably a few of our listeners, probably a lot of our listeners, if you're online dating, this is the worst period. That's the end of the sentence. That's the whole thing. Don't do this thing. You've done it all wrong from A to Z. As cool as you need to play it with regular dating, you need to play it 900 times cooler when you're doing that online stuff. Now, why is that, Griffin? Because people, when they meet online, they're like skittish little birds. They're like little birds. And if you try and squeeze them too tight in your hand,

they will die in your hand. Why are you squeezing birds? Because you love them so much. Now, at the beginning, because at the beginning, you are distracted by the fact that, you know, your relationship is built on a pretty thin basis, which is a computer thought we love each other. And I mean, eventually, you'll have more to go on than that. But that's a pretty... But based on like my Amazon suggested buys, a computer, I think, is able to make that decision for us now. I think a computer is there. But what's great is, on that first date, you have the option of just getting up and leaving, just late, and then not having to worry about it

ever again. See, it's one of my favorite things about the website. Okay, Cupid, because it's built into the name of your acceptance of whatever the website tells you to do. Yeah, sure. Okay, Cupid. Whatever you say. All right. You drive this train. Yeah, keep it cool. Don't just don't text. Don't just don't bring up the words Christmas, dinner, ever again. Don't mention when you are on a blind online date, holidays do not exist. Neither do your family. Live in this moment. Keep it super fish. What are you talking about? What are you eating and drinking? How about those Olympics? Use it. I'm giving that to you. Once she's done eating her dinner, it's gone. It never happened. You might need to eat a second dinner to really commit to

how in the moment you're going to be. Now, if you're in your 50s or 60s, everything I just said out the window, first date, start talking plans. Start figuring it out. Well, that's like old people catnip. They'll eat that up. Oh, they love that shit. It's old people optimism. They love that. Anything. You know how we go around for Christmas? Let's talk about it. Yeah. I'm thinking about building a shed. Tell me more. How long is it going to take? Are you going to get your supplies? The depot? You're going to totally be allowed to finish it. I love that. I need a Yahoo answer question. Sure. Here's one. It was sent in by Spummy or Spummy. Still haven't decided. Thank you. So Yahoo answers user Carly who asks,

do teens in high school have parties like in Superbad? Because I have not once seen a party like that. I am a junior now and I haven't really seen it. Any of you guys been to parties like that? I'm not a mom pretending to be a kid at all. I'm not an undercover officer. Does anybody see parties when underage kids are drinking? Can I tell you the best answer I have to this is that there's a sort of a fraternity row here in Huntington where that I have driven past and I think that there have been parties like that in there. Like it looks very fun. It looks like they're having a good time. I've seen the after effects of a party and believe that once there was a party there but I've never actually caught it in the act. Right. It's sort of like

Oasis-like. When I approach a party like that it dissipates. I don't know. I think if everybody thinks back, I think everybody in their time goes to one party that is way cooler than they are and you realize it in that perfect moment like holy shit I'm at a super bad party or an animal house party if you're not 12 and then you just try to live it up. You try to experience it as hard as you possibly can because it's never ever ever going to happen again. It's like Narnia. Once you go back looking for it, it won't be there. I remember mine. We watched Jurassic Park on LaserDisc. Fuck me Justin. That's the saddest thing. No but later there was a got pretty crazy because we

watched a bootleg VHS of Into the Woods. Oh my Christ child. It got pretty good. Pretty good. I don't have to deal with Travis's disapproving looks. He's like actually physically here looking at me. This is great because the people at home don't know how hard I'm judging Justin right now. That's your question. Real hard. I think I went to one and I did not it was like a friend of mine was like let's go to this party and I thought it was going to be like every other party I went to but it ended up being like a full blown. Our parents are like his parents weren't even out of town. His parents were like really asleep. His parents were like fucking going to see the lake house or something. He was like we got an hour and a half window while they were in

trance by Keanu Reeves. Let's do this. Let's drink and let's hankie-pank. It actually got broken up by his parents while I was there. I swear to God it's the only time that's ever happened to me and it felt so. We left that party. I felt like some sort of conquering king. When I see that scene in any movie we're like you know it's going to be pretty chill. I got cheese plate for me and my six friends. Is that all that is coming? And then it's like cut to the whole house like full of teens and somebody smashes a vase and this scene isn't basically every movie. There's like you know hey are you a dillip? No I'm Phil. I live here. Okay man we're all party on. That scene is more terrifying to me than any horror film I've ever seen. I cannot imagine.

First off it's bad enough that you're in a huge huge party. That's pretty brutal but I'm an introvert like myself. If you're planning if you're looking forward to intimate get together with friends maybe come up war games and then it turned into a party. Oh my god I want to puke just thinking that. I would just call the police on myself. Excuse me. Could someone please come down here and help me break this up? Can you throw everyone out of our house except for the sick people? I'm so scared. We were going to play cards against humanity was like please. I was just planning a quiet risk night and now I'm so scared. You were in my risk night. That has an allure when you're young because when I was at that party and realized like oh my god

this is an illegal party I was so down but I think at the tender age of 25 as I am now I think if I I think if I went to somebody's house and there's a crazy party going on inside and it's like hey man is this your house? I mean like nah man I'm house sitting for my brother I would just be like oh thank you and leave because I don't want to be I would be so uncomfortable at that party. This is or you're breaking and entering basically. Yeah you know I think back to I remember being in college and my roommate and best friend Brent and I would often like just try to find a party and we went through a period which was really weird where we would just like try to find laying friend of a friend of a friend anything so we weren't bored and meeting new people because

we were hanging out with the exact same people every weekend and now I think about that and if I rolled up to a party and it was just crazy wild even if it was like my friends throwing the party how how just against it all I would be like oh man I just want to sit down like drink a glass of red wine. You get to this point where you realize I actually it actually happened to me in my fifth year of college and no comments from the peanut gallery but my fifth year of college that's my that's my old man voice uh my fifth year college where I was talking to to my college friends and we were like where are the parties and then we realized we were like we never we never hear about parties going on anymore and then it's like hold on a second I don't think we actually thought

for a few minutes like why doesn't anybody do parties anymore why does everybody stop throwing parties then I was like wait a minute nobody asks us to go to them. I work in an office where I spend most of my day sitting in a cubicle my co-workers are older than me and they decorate their cubes pictures of their spouses kids and pets whenever they come into my cube they always comment on how I haven't decorated it at all decorated it at all yeah I got the right number there we go I'm a single guy without any kids or pets and I need some decorating ideas that are personal enough to be interesting but still appropriate for work any suggestions that's from memento less in Memphis oh man now I'm bummed well I mean you could do toys like I've got in my cubicle

um a harahudini bobblehead a superman bust and a donkey figurine from shrek that talks go fuck yourself what why griffin no travis you're an adult I am an adult that works at a theater I can you're gonna be somebody's husband soon and you have a shrek toy on your desk where you work he says like you know that's my life's parfaits you know you never heard someone say you have parfaits as hell no I don't want to parfaits parfaits are delicious it's hilarious that was word from word you have used this toy so much that you have memorized that entire soliloquy it's great it's a good thing and he also makes jokes about shrek farting he says like shoo shrek

you used to rip one off I'm not opening everything it's pretty great I'm just saying it's just a pretty good thing Justin Smith coffee all over his keyboard he had to go did he really yeah he's cleaning it up um okay um what an idiot you're stupid shrek doll what about um there's gotta be something you like right about doctor who there's a bunch of doctor who memorabilia here so I also have a dolly at clock that's what city's got in her office it looks awesome got a bunch of doctor figures and uh adipose and um river song it's great you guys you guys are thinking about the fashion of the desk uh what it's going to do for you what you gotta think about when it comes to desk management is uh the function of it what's it what's it gonna do for

everybody you know right like I've to in my mind I think you've either got to go full blown minimalist like just your keyboard mouse and screen that's it and those are the only things you have and if you can if your cubicle isn't already stark white from floor to ceiling then go ahead and paint that the opposite side of that is you clutter your desk with so much garbage that everybody thinks you are the busiest man in the whole world oh yeah right you've got to look like an old-timey newspaper reporter you got to have like stacks of papers six half empty coffee cups uh which are sometimes called mugs and uh you know pins pins scattered around uh uh two brief cases uh uh uh some so a sandwich wrapper from the deli nearby uh skittle empty skittles bags

because busy people eat skittles right there was a lady uh that I worked with at the newspaper one of the newspapers over to who had a jar of candy on her desk and the deal was if you came over and took some candy you had to talk to her and not like wait wait wait this is not like a stated deal this was not like an unwritten social contract this was a deal vocalized by her oh no well if you're taking some candy gotta stay in chat oh i'm so crushingly lovely please there's a bear trap installed on the table and if i see you try to pull your hand out of that jar with some sixlets without chatting me up first hey say goodbye to your paul so how are you kids how's your sugar daddy huh how's your day about my sugar daddy well how's your family that must

be nice to have that basically all i got are my uh wrestling tapes that i made the 80s i taped a bunch of wrestling i watched those and i do have a ferret i had a ferret he left he ran away he moved away that's my life i know debora it's the same thing you've been telling me for the past 17 weeks well nothing has evolved well time to go enjoy these sixlets thanks for the conversation totally worth it i'm gonna start going to the store i'll buy my own candy what about if you put up pictures of everyone else's family that is a bad idea on 14 discrete levels i can't see how this could possibly go wrong everybody other people's family that you do work with or that you don't work with that you do work with just ask if you can photocopy their pictures well that's the ballgame folks yeah

oh man just buy frames that already have pictures in them this is me at my eight weddings right here this is me graduating from high school uh this is my son kevin i love him very much what about just this is me and my whole family in raincoats as you can see we love sailing we love to sell this is my selling ship i have a picture of it i built this model of my selling ship we figured out we saw we saw just a big selling family can you just have empty frames and then if somebody asks what happened just say a terrible tragedy happened it's something terrible ghosts ghost took the oh i somebody traveled back in time and erased my past he used to have really great beautiful pictures of my children

someone traveled back in time and stopped me from meeting what was to be my wife yeah and it was my son so fuck him fuck that kid he's he's imaginary now yeah he doesn't exist anymore it's very very i'm starting a charity if you'd like to donate twenty dollars then you can also have some candy put uh put just put empty frames up and then have a little post it's on like one will say mother and one will say son to do behind a sun fine son um that would be great if somebody came by like where are all these picture frames empty stand up and be like like you just realized like oh fuck not again strap on the time belt and then disappear you've got to disappear that's going to be the hard part of this game you gotta have a TARDIS

right next door yeah i'll be right back hey do you have any creative ideas for fundraisers i'm raising money to spend two years in Nicaragua volunteering and i'm a little short of my goal thanks ebd can you kickstart a nicaragua trip you can start pretty much if i wanted to go to hardy's but i didn't want to pay like the four bucks for for a sandwich of of sausage and eggs then i could kick start that let's kick start on my brother my brother and me hardy's party and it's basically like however much money we get that's how many people okay to start we need five hundred thousand dollars to build a hardy's what there's a hardy's in route 60 you guys have hardy's here go get it we'll need at least i gotta go i i think we're in pretty good with

android wk so he'll probably cut us a pretty sweet deal to record a version of a song when it's time to party we will party hard ease what are the california raisins doing will they come back i will put on a garbage bag and dress like a california raisin for you this is gonna be a really good party i'm really excited about you guys this is gonna be like a super bad party you're welcome i would my super bad party was out of hardy's on route 60 they had a little sliders it was it was awesome it was a little arty farty what are we doing i mean it's hardy's it's no sardis but it was a hardy's party just don't be don't be tardy oh for christ's sake move on get arrived with my friend marty to the

hardy party next year erase all my pictures uh i created ideas for fundraisers um i think if i saw a grown woman selling lemonade that would be pretty crazy i think i would probably donate to her because i'd assume she was she she had fallen on hard times especially if some of the letters are backwards oh no she put like women aid wait not women not women fundraising gold i actually think you could be arrested for selling women aid on the street excuse me you got permit for this women aid you sound adorable officer no i mean is lemonade is lemonade is women aid lemonade sold by women what is it i thought it was lemonade sold for women like made of them like you put a spigot in the side of a women and women aid comes out

it's a hundred percent pure freshly lemonade this is like i feel like a new energy beverage a new vitamin water is invented every week and women aid is our fucking meal ticket i know women aid is is the here's what it's got it's got natural balance of electrolytes it's going to help you rehydrate it's also got estrogen because that's something that's in ladies here's what you do so b12 yeah and whatever is in red wine that makes you not get Alzheimer's you you gotta you gotta you take a regular country time on an aid you cut it with water because vitamin drinks uh can't taste as good as normal drinks right and then you throw a one a day women's uh supplement in there that's okay and then just a dash of red wine just a guy's gonna let me throw this out

let me eat you with this okay okay the spokesperson ray leota ray leota for women aid now can i that's a brave that's what that's a brave choice that seems seems pretty cut and dry i don't like it too obvious um you know what women these days are so concerned about is osteoporosis so women aid does have ground up bones in it yeah so you can get your calcium it is it's the chunks that let you know it's working it does make it a little mealy it makes it sort of sludge like hey guys what what would you think of this as like a mascot uh the the little animated baby from alley mcvill i love it your biological clock's ticking and it's counting down to women aid time crack open a fresh women aid with the baby from alley mcbill and ray leota our spokespeople's get out of here

baby you're creeping me out this is ray leota's voice they they promised him that they were gonna CGI the baby and later but they never did did you see that fucking women aid commercial i really it is losing i'm losing my mind over this no i don't want this little diaper doing that little dance what do you call that baby it's just hey baby get back here hey hold this drink for a second baby i got a women aid i got pitch women aid gotta sell the people on it right baby you like that all right baby remember that remember when you appeared make nick oh man i love that show this i i feel like women aid idea is gonna make us a lot of money but in the mean in the meantime we could make money by going to the money zone

hey building website dummy can't do it on yourself i don't blame you i don't know how to build me there but here's what you need to do you need to get to all new square space six it's got beautiful new templates dummy it's got a drag and drop interface it's got responsive design social media connectivity you don't know what that means tough nuggies square space to go walk you through it all they're gonna hold your hand and lead you through this forest web design so go to squarespace.com and you can get 10% off by using the offer code mybrother8 no spaces and in the number eight my brother eight ten percent off dummy ten percent off i know you don't know anything from anything but saving money am good stupid go to squarespace.com and get out of my

hair god jesus guys i know right well if our listeners have had a hard day you think that's gonna make it any easier they can now they can build a website to cry about it okay it'll be java script why is that click a button to make me cry i'm an internet baby i'm an internet baby my feelings are hurt ray leota can you see me dancing around oh cuddle me ray leota cuddle me ray leota you nurture me ray leota i'm an internet baby from all you mcbill for women make all my problems go away ray scoop me up in your arms and rub my soft cheek on your bristle protect me from everything that could possibly happen to me ray leota your breath smells like chewed up cigarettes and old whiskey i love you ray leota i'm an internet baby the the macarons

hurt my feelings way way way right me up in your old leather coat and drive me we'll watch wild hogs together ray leota you can tell me what it was like working with tim howling i won't understand the big words you have to slow down i'm a baby cuz i'm an internet baby ray i love you here's my new dad oh god travis your pile of media you don't like anymore has become a threat to me and others that you love they're my babies leave me alone will you sell your babies yes you go to a bunda trade for five years they've been perfecting the media trade in biz they take 25 percent more things than anybody else and they're gonna give you 10 percent more for your cds dvds video games and gadgets like iphone's ipods and androids so i don't know why

you get rid of an android trade in data trade in data get some money on trade ins value 25 dollars or greater you're gonna get free shipping and our listeners can get an extra 10 percent on their trade in so that's even more money for you go to a bunda trade a b u n d a t r a d e dot com forward slash my brother dot php and you're gonna get that extra 10 percent on your babies that you used to love and now our money you want a yahoo yes that's what i'm about to ask for that this yahoo was sent by lisa holofield thank you lisa it's by yahoo answers user marley can fly with two eyes who asks how can i make a homemade engagement ring i am ready to propose to my girlfriend of over a year but we're in college so you can imagine that money is tight i want to

make a ring by thursday night which is when i am proposing it doesn't have to be super fancy as i know eventually i will buy her into something nice i just need something to show i care and love her please help smiley face hey bro you're doing this all wrong now uh we haven't dealt with this on the show but uh one of us just recently went through the very similar process yes i i got engaged a couple weeks ago um and let me tell you here's the thing bro it's real easy to say like hey i made you this ring out of a coat hanger and i love you will you marry me forever the point is that you cared enough about it to save up and get this beautiful it's not it's not so much that you cared enough to make a ring yeah good i think it's more of a hey hey i am a good partner to share your

life with because i have enough financial stability that's what i'm saying it's that and also to say i've been thinking about this for long enough to save the money like i'm truly committed to this idea and not like hey you made me a really nice dinner monday night so now i'm totally sold on it let's do this i mean are we talking pipe cleaners that seems like the number one get yourself some popsicle sticks popsicle sticks preferably not the ones with jokes on them after all this is a formal event and uh just wrap up wrap up a a pipe cleaner around like a marshmallow for a gem i think that'll be beautiful no that's good what about can i uh propose just a uh no pun intended just a like a how about a ring pop but you gotta suck it down for a bit or else it's just gonna be ostentatious it's gonna

be gaudy two guys she's not jazz rock aboard yeah exactly uh and if they do make like a i don't know like a do they make like a plain crystal like rock candy like a meth flavored ring pop they do they make a flavorless uh colorless ring pop yeah but there's tons of flaws in it so it's not it's not ready very highly that's well that's why you gotta suck it down you gotta whittle it you know like you do you know how people whittle diamonds right here's the thing you could all time you guys sit on a porch and they whittle down their diamonds with their diamonds they get their laser knife out and they carve it right down exactly oh lost with them and i'll set my kneecaps and i'll set my kneecaps i hate this laser why did i start this why god i hate my empty life what you're have you ever

watched the real housewives of any state of any of any statehood no never no never in fact i've actively not watched i haven't let me let me go ahead and set up this this thing i'm about to say by saying i have not either but i bet you if you got one of them like a ring that you had like a ring shaped piece of construction paper that you had cut out and said will you marry me they would throw you off the premises of wherever it is that they live now okay but what we haven't caught and taken into consideration is maybe this guy is a blacksmith right that he's actually smelting a ring okay maybe he owns like a blood diamond mine sure right i do like that in his question he specifies that it doesn't need to be fancy as though by thursday he's going to learn

metallurgy i don't need anything it doesn't need to look store bought yeah no kidding i mean it'll be electroplated but other than that right i only have access to cubic zirconia so now if you like learned how to make rings yeah and you actually like put the work into that like took a class or something you know you went to the museum and you took a class on ring making ring ring ring history you took a class on ring history and then you made the ring that's special because it wasn't something you wanted to do by thursday yeah yeah well i and you know i'll say this having just done it after i did it after i actually bought you know a nice somewhat for me expensive ring i felt really adult i feel like i really earned it and deserve to propose to my girlfriend you know because i was

an adult now and i could pay for a ring that an adult would get what was that so there what was what was that i've been googling furiously for like two and a half minutes what was that toy and it was like uh it's like an easy bake oven but metal maker metal maker yeah i believe so was that really i don't think you made rings i think you just made tiny dragon and wizard figurine you're you're gonna propose your your girlfriend it was just it was like an easy bake oven except you put little pewter balls in it and it would melt the pewter balls down into whatever shape no a metal molder that was it metal molder um i don't know i think you could probably yes it was metal molder you could make something like that work i feel like i feel like they

probably made a ring shape thing and then maybe if you get fancy you could stick a wizard on it yeah and then you put little rhinestones in the wizard's eyes you stick a wizard on it and you put the gemstones in his eyes and just fill in with the gemstones and then and then the person knows how much you love them oh honey you sought out a 1995 metal molder and you made me a wizard ring how did we think that was a good idea for our kids how did we not think that they were just gonna be a thousand wizards and you were the only child in the whole country who didn't fucking johnny tremaine themselves right away fuck you beat me to johnny tremaine damn it you you open that door just so you could say johnny tremaine right sometimes it sometimes i do sometimes i do that

for my kids read a fucking book johnny tremaine is a book idiots idiot just read it i swear to god last week our listeners were smart i don't know what happened it's like i don't know what i have they listen our show too much another time i guess hey brothers i repressing issue my best friend started dating a girl last year she seems to make him happy and that's great here's the problem i really dislike her it's not that she's a bitch you're mean to me most of the time it's just that i don't like her personality they often ask me to hang out with them and a few other friends of ours my question is this should i not hang out with them and so not see my best friend or should i still hang out with them and just grin and bear a company please brothers i need advice that's from

reverse jesse's girl you know i i'm starting to learn and i'm coming to accept this that as an adult that exists in society i don't get to play that game anymore like i used to think i don't like this person so it's completely within my rights to make it obvious to them that i don't like them and i never have to talk to them and i never have to see them and then you know you have friends that start dating people and you get jobs and you you know have kids that start dating people and all this stuff gets added into your life that you can't control anymore and you gotta learn the scale of grinning and bearing and yeah it's a great trick like washing your hands with somebody is a great trick that you can do like five times and then you wake up you're like i have a loan

and it really only works till somebody else says hey what's your problem with that person and suddenly the scrutiny makes it no longer an available option if you ever watch Lost you'll know that if you spend enough time with somebody that you at first really hate you may get to really like them and perhaps even fall in love with them or Jack and Sawyer or possibly they're an evil ghost okay what if but if she's an evil ghost don't you want to unearth that and save your friend the indignity the embarrassment of having dated an evil ghost that's what no one ever tells you in that story where they like the guy picks up the hitchhiking girl and then as he passes her grave she disappears and then he just feels so embarrassed oh boy

i am such a dummy not again get it together chuck i was already planning christmas dinner how many times is this chuck idiot this is just what mother warned you about yeah this isn't your tough like tough tough tea yeah you gotta deal with it if you ever send us an email and the question is he's very happy but like just erase the email and then go go play nintendo or something go do something else you got it it's like if you really care about this this dude that's what you want for like that's the goal you want him to be happy if he's happy unless the end of the sentence is but i don't think he should be doing as much heroin

as he's doing right but then you can step it by him with hm yeah unless this one unless this woman is like shooting sweet sweet h into his arm every night as she sings into sleep she she has uh uh she has bullied him emotionally into forming a radical to semi-radical hate group but he seems to be enjoying himself uh that is a condition under which but like i mean seriously who knows maybe you'll get to like her maybe you won't news flash about growing up you're not gonna like most people i there's six billion people on earth i know like 20 of them and here's the thing is you're not saying i started doing this girl and i don't like her you're not involved in this you don't get to make this decision process you just gotta hang in there and maybe and like

even if you don't like if she's hurting him that's one thing but if if it's just that you don't dig her personality like suck it up tough i love you because you listen to our show and maybe you're a donor to max fun in which case you're right god that is service we provide we can tell you that the bad life decisions that you're making for only twenty dollars a month we can totally reinforce your behavior yeah right but no it's it's it's i mean you you might get grow to like her you might see if you like this guy and he sees something in her maybe um and maybe she doesn't like you and maybe that's why she's acting the way and here's some other practical advice that i just know from studying acting if you fake it enough you will eventually grow to like her if

you get embarrassed enough if you hang out with them and you pretend to have a good time and try to convince yourself that she's great eventually you'll at least grow to tolerate her which is better than what it sounds like you're at now and note to uh those listening at home especially the young and if someone says to you here's something i learned from acting usually you don't want to do yeah and no but what i said was good what's fun is you can actually usually do the opposite to to great benefit to your life and health here's something i learned on the floor boards on the stage when i was trotting the boards as we say in the limelight you just you just find as i was practicing the board you just find the nearest sharp thing put it in them somewhere i need a

place to store this in you hey hold this in your tummy thanks christ cool hey you want another question yes another one uh i've recently started my first office job and i've noticed something unusual i attend several meetings each week and frequently hear my co-workers use expression i've never heard before for example i'm not here to cut down the bush and throw it in the fire i'm not gonna put the elephant on the table and attack what we're up to our eyeballs and alligators there's a little hair on that i'm gonna go over these again because they're fantastic i'm not here to cut down the bush and throw it in the fire not a real thing not a thing i'm not going to put the elephant on the table and attack it physically physically improbable do you work at a zoo i have so that

totally work up to our eyeballs and alligators again there's a little hey and uh finally there's a little hair on that uh i understand these in context where they seem weird to me i also find that others pick up on them and start using them too am i missing something and these are common expressions any ideas about a new weird expression i could try introducing into the workplace that's from oblivious in ontario okay there are two equally awesome situations you stumbled onto here one you work at the coolest place ever and people are just coming up with this stuff yeah two you work at the coolest place ever and people are fucking with you yeah before each meeting they said no which one are we going to use today oh there's a little hair on that let's do it is it

possible that this is just someone sending back their lunch order there's a little hair on this i can't you got a new phrase listen i i i hate to be a bother and i really don't want to put the elephant on the table and attack it but um you forgot the swiss so so pardon me uh i i think listen i i ordered the crocodile and then we are up to our eyeballs and alligators does this person work in the outback is this these all sound they sound outbacky to me and that might just be like racism do you are you saying the restaurant steakhouse no i mean the outback of the great uh the great country continent uh which is australia australia uh you know what that country continent stuff you know that there's other countries oh come on i know i didn't know

i found out there are sure just like there's other countries in north america pop window guinea that's in australia yeah what did you know this i didn't know that everyone know everyone's fiji in there i tricked you everyone knew it uh i i think that you we should be able to help this person you could say let's dump let's dump this melon let's dump this melon we say that yeah just steal stuff from us mm-hmm we say a bunch of dumb stuff that we forget about we say a bunch of fun uh we say a bunch of shit that's not real shit rachel googled we used to say we say scrowdy row all the time in reference to a thing that's not the nicest that it could possibly be yeah it's a little scrowdy row and rachel heard me say that and said that's not a real thing and i said it

definitely is and then googled it and the only result was a joystick posted justin had written like four years ago so it isn't invented it is it is not real uh uh yeah so i now as far as adopting these phrases i that would make me a little nervous because i can't imagine an office where someone said like i'm just gonna come up with like a few different things and see how long before the new hires start using them in which case that's kind of cool and you're playing along but like i would make sure that those are going around elsewhere maybe you need to be at a certain level of the office to be able to use those like you're like yeah there's a little hair on that and like whoa that's a middle management right that's kind of our thing we've earned that because we've

been here for a while is it now here's the thing throughout time and and the english language none of none of our idioms were just there all of them had to be invented at some point so somebody had to say like let's throw it at the wall and see what's there hold on how to go what the fuck does this person maybe work at like an idiom factory that's what i'm saying maybe you're in a think tank that's just there to come up with idioms your your real job is is a ruse it's not a real like yeah we make the yeah we make the whole things that hold the toilet paper in bathrooms you're not there's plenty of people who already do that you're currently being Truman showed you are being Truman showed and you've got to come up you are under a lot of pressure right now to come up with

idioms that we can pass on to our children let's just put it this way if you don't start coming up with some of your own it's show improve time you may have to uh hit the bricks yeah or else you're gonna be like a puppy on a skateboard on a boat listen you are up to your eyeballs and alligators right now and you need to get it together yeah i i am exposed in our in my job i'm exposed to um a sort of surprising amount of corporate speak the kind of language i never thought i would hear growing up and uh plude like curse words no like adult like no like synchronize oh yeah synergy now i heard it i heard one for the first time this last summer we were at a game developers studio and they were going to show us some secret stuff

and they're referring to it as opening the kimono now if you have no excuse me if you have not heard this expression it's ghoulish and there is a great temptation to say i'm gonna start saying that don't let's what's under the cup does that mean they're inviting you to the swim your party who i'm gonna who wants to see you guys here we're just gonna open the kimono just show you and that's like it's an expression for like show you everything and this is like a business thing who wants to see mario's penis we're gonna open the kimono and happy ending because that's on special order today is mario and wario's penis two penises at once underneath this sweet kimono i tell you what if you're at home and you've heard a cool business expression

a business idiom being thrown around at your office send it to us maybe we'll read some next week most of our uh most of our business terminology that we use in in at uh my current employer polygon are just uh things that we started joking about and then started saying unironically so like we i heard uh the guys on you look nice today say blue sky solutioneering started saying it as a goof and now we say it for real yeah now we just actually say let's blue sky solutioneer this yeah and we often refer to ourselves as solutioneristas at work because we've got to figure out problems and i wish that that was not yeah like if if i come up with like a really good idea at work sometimes i'll call it like the final solution i'm dying son of a

bitch all right i i don't want to do this podcast i don't either i don't think anybody else says to i'm done with it this has been my brother my brother me it's an advice show for the modern era thank you so much for listening i'm sorry it got hostile um but uh but i do want to i do want to thank everybody for for uh tweeting about the show uh mike claus noah uh anna eng anna meyer uh brian wildsmith grant buell as always our dear friend michael maney if you haven't got a chance to check out his um bmbm origin comic uh we we posted a link to it man it's beautiful make sure you don't how about that that doc curmudgeon art our our dad's uh comic comic column uh doc curmudgeon he did a piece of art with uh all of us and our our significant

others in it it's it's really dope thank you to dan rumenstein samuel doran stoic romance wicked cheap bursar k greatness and rocky horror is working on the next my brother my brother i mean mixtape so if you have any suggestions or requests make sure you treat that the tweet at him at rocky horror oh shit yeah is it gonna have skrillex in it you think this time i don't know i think you might do some dub strip breaks good maybe trip step who knows who knows uh griffin did you want to thank anybody um i want to thank of course john rodrick the long winters for the use of our theme song it's a departure off the album putting the days to bed i also want to thank john rodrick for the fruit basket he sent me it was lovely did he really yeah what the fuck he heard i got engaged

and he was like hey congratulations every week every week i push albums from that guy and i don't that's uh that's it i'm is it possible he just doesn't like you i'm cutting off the gratitude train no i'm i'll i'll keep it i'll keep it going i'm sorry uh make sure to listen to all the other max fun podcast stop podcasting yourself bullseye uh throwing shade uh george essico all those all those hit shows um and tune in next week because uh i'm going to be the most jet lag that any human being has ever been in the history of mankind and it's gonna be probably it's gonna be real fun to listen to i bet catch that uh and anyway griffin i believe you have one more question for us something for us to grow on yeah sure ponder chew on yeah this one was sent in by christopher thank you christopher

it's by yahoo answers user tanya who asks eel help has he gone crazy oh sorry one more time eel help has he gone crazy i'm just a macaroy i'm griffin macaroy it's been my brother my brother me kiss your dad we're on the lips keep your heart three stacks keep your heart hey keep your heart three stacks keep your heart man these girls are smart three stacks these girls are smart play your part