My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 117: Romneycoladas

Episode Date: August 29, 2012

Summer's coming to a close, but we're still riding high aboard the SS MBMBaM. The boat drinks are flowing, we've got a no-limit charge card at Extreme Restraints and the Republicans are one step closer to realizing our nation's long-held dream of getting a rich dude elected president. These, friends, are the golden years. But can they last? Suggested talking points: If You Like Romneycoladas, Griffin literally forgets the vice president's name for like five minutes, Slammo Jammo'd, "We've helped literally no one," "Game of Thrones, I finally get it."

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Ladies and gentlemen, I'm live from the floor of the Republican National Convention, and Griffin, I understand that you just got back from Mexico. I couldn't decide which one to do, I did both. We got to use a fisherman's knot to weave these two things together. I just, I couldn't pick one to do, so I did them both that we said.

Okay, here it is, I've got it. Okay, ready? I just saw a headline that says the GOP is now going after women and Latinos. Okay. Griffin has been in Mexico. Let me tell you. So now my brother, my brother and me is going after Latinos. Now Griffin, I understand that you actually had a stipulation that you would only be exposed to other Caucasians. That was the one rule in your travel, you were actually traveling from one Caucasian bubble to another. That is true. And being blindfolded in between, is that accurate? It's not blindfolding, it's a blinders system. It's a pair of goggles, they call it white vision. It's complicated because they put these blinders on you, and then each hallway that you walk down

in the resort has special lanes that you walk down. So the blinders shut out the far left and right lanes, which really saves you from a lot of hassle vis-à-vis non-whites. Which is very much how the Republicans may view the world. Okay, this is good. This is political and international. It's just what I keep. I'll be the footnotes at the bottom of the bullet back to a Republican National Convention. I'll tell you this much. When I was sitting on those silky alabaster beaches, contemplating the ocean, as I do, I can't tell you how many Romney Coladas I had down there. If you like Romney Coladas, do you know what goes into a Romney Colada? They're very refreshing, but they're each $12,000. To me, seems overzealous.

Instead of making you drunk, it makes you just kind of boring. Just a little sleepy. This is my brother, my brother, me. It's an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McRoy. I'm your middleest brother, Travis McRoy. I'm your baby brother, Griffin McRoy. I don't feel good about how we did that. Did we get good jobs? I don't think we did good jobs, no. Griffin, the one thing that you should have learned from Mexico is no regrets, you know? Which is also the Romney campaign slogan. Never look back. Romney 2012. It's like my 12th time trying this. I have nothing left to lose. You want to see my taxes? I want to see the future. Why are you in the past? I wanted to talk about

how much money I'm going to make next year. That's what I look forward to, which is why I've hired a baby to be my vice president. Come on, baby. We're going to the future. Come on, baby VP. Baby VP. Okay. How would you not vote? I don't agree with Mr. Romney's politics. If he did put a baby on the ticket, what if he actually showed the baby sitting on the ticket? Sitting on a ticket. You did like Romney was at his podium, and then you had a small baby podium next to it, then you put a baby dressed like Mitt Romney with a Mitt Romney wig on, and he's wearing a toupee. I would vote for that. Hey, Romney, if you're listening, you're welcome. Just imagine that VP debate too, right? Because you would have our VP whose name escapes me. Is what? Sorry?

His name escapes me at the moment. Oh, man. You know, Joey B. You know the guy? Joey B. Joey Bagadonuts is up there, and he's doing his thing up there. I can't remember the goddamn Vice President's name. I've been out of the country more days than I've been in the country. Don't you have to take a test to get back into the country? This is hugely embarrassing. I'm pretty sure it's Joey Flip. Is it not Joey Flip? Flip Wilson? Flip Wilson, Vice President and then known cross-dresser, Flip Wilson. Okay, I want to see a VP debate with Joseph Gordon-Biden. You know, he was so good on Third Rock from the Sun. I love his working brick. I want him up there. I want a baby up there, and one of them is going to poop his pants, but the other one is going to say something offensive

accidentally about the gay community, and it's going to be great. Which one was which? I don't know. It could really go either way. You pay your money, you take your chances. Let's get into the advice. I just forgot the Vice President's fucking name for two and a half minutes. For like five minutes. You're not even like an American anymore, really. I peeled, I peeled a layer of skin from my elbow to my fingers, like a lady's delicate glove. Why are you taking me on this journey right now? And that skin contains your memories of Joe Biden? Possibly. This is the part of me that remembers Joe Biden. This is my Derma-Biden Titus, and this is the part of the Derma layer in which Biden is stories. I tell you guys what, one time I had Biden Titus. I had to have my Biden

removed. But you know what, Travis is still living the life he wants. He doesn't need no Biden, nor no man, because he is strong and proud. A few months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 1.5 years and friend of 10 years because I had a strong feeling that I am gay instead of just bisexual. However, a couple months past the breakup, I realized that instead of not being attracted to all men ever, I was just not attracted to his lazy ass anymore. My question is, if I start to date a new guy, my ex slash friend is definitely going to bring up the whole being gay thing. How should I feel in the truth without completely crushing his side? Why are you laughing at this? A confused lady in need? Because here's the only thing about it is that you can never talk to him again.

He can't ever, ever, ever know. You can't ever talk to him again. He has to go to his grave thinking that it was a misunderstanding. Now, this is also a rare week in which Justin has put together the question list, and I did not know until the end of the question that it was a lady, and I thought that this was a dude who broke up with his dude boyfriend because he thought he was bisexual instead of full gay, and I was really confused. Are you dyslexic? Yes. I hadn't read the question list until this. Travis is actually dyslexic, which is how he confuses genders and sexualities. No sex per year. I think that it is, I think you are doing your ex a disservice if when he's like, what the fuck, if you're not like, oh no, no, you're really unattractive right

now. You are living an unattractive lifestyle. As it turns out, you are the bits. You are the permabits. You are the whole stinker, and I don't want to be with you no more. Listen, it turns out, I am not, I am not full-blown gay, and for that, that mistruth I apologize. I was confused at the time. I wasn't quite possibly sure. Now, I would define my sexuality as everything but Mike. You know when you order an antipasta, and you expected to be a plate full of everything ever cooked except for pasta. You want some skittles in there. You want a hamburger. You want a hamburger. Some fondue. Right. It's like when you order a hamburger, sometimes it's just easier. Like, I want it with everything except Mike. Can you imagine, but that would be predicated

upon there being a sexuality out there? That's just like Mike's sexual. I want Mike, and that's all I can think about. But this is the world we live in, right? There is a polar opposite for every person. So the good news is that although me, myself, am an anti-Mike aficionado, I like everything but you, somewhere out there, is a microsexual that just wants to get it done, you know? With Mike, with you specifically, Mike. If you could back away from the door, I am feeling a little uncomfortable by how close you've got. Oh, man. Oh, boy. I would also like to be in Mike's shoes in that moment when you walk in with your new boyfriend, and he just double takes. Like, what? Oh, no. You could go, you know what? Gender roles are very loose right

now. You could insist to your ex that the man you're dating is a woman. I don't think that. No, she's going to get in there for a look. That dog won't hunt. That dog has no legs. That dog does not have legs. That dog can roll around. He can bark maybe. I guess the reason you asked me why I was laughing earlier, and I don't mean to mock the pain of others. I just can't imagine what it must feel like to date someone, and they say not, I dislike being in this so much. But I don't want to be with an entire one half of the world. I am writing off half of the world's population because of the extent to which you have repulsed me. That's never the case in these situations, because typically I would imagine if someone realizes that they are gay and they have

to leave a heterosexual relationship, that's almost always the case. I would imagine it's very difficult for both parties. This is that rare instance where the parents are getting divorced, and it is in fact because of something the child did. Is that rare anomaly? Okay, I can't pretend to understand what it's like to be in this situation on either side of it, because I've never been on either side of it. But I can't believe that you come to that realization because of one person, because of one relationship with a person on the gender. I think what Justin is saying is that you don't say, oh, I'm gay because of this one person, but to say, am I gay because I'm not attracted to this person anymore, and then realize, oh, no,

no, no. It's totally cool. It's not everyone else that's them. Awesome. Right. Right. I'm saying, I don't know, it seems like that's, again, I can't pretend to understand, but it seems unlikely to think like, well, I've had Mike, so like, that's all the guys. I don't think that's, I think that it's probably indicative of a lot of things. It does explain his t-shirt. Once you go Mike, there's no more like. I understand that now. Travis, you didn't quite nail this amount. The Russian judge has generously given you an 8.5, so you are going to go home with a bronze. Thank you. Olympics. It's a theme show. Okay, so as far as how to, oh man. You don't know, no, listen, no, listen,

because this is serious, because this is a person that you've known for 10 years and is obviously. Right. I'm trying to shepherd. A good bud, but not like a Dayton bud. And here's the thing, you don't know this person fucking jack shit, because you're finding yourself, finding your sexuality and your needs and your desires and what gets, what gets off your rocks. And if. Explain it to him exactly like that. Just say, you're not what does it for me anymore. You don't get my motor, Reverend. And I thought that was indicative of all the guys, but now I've just realized that it's not because of all the guys. It's Mike. And I would actually take a moment to think about whether or not it was completely just your repulsion

with Mike that put you off of men forever, or if maybe, if you're being 100% honest with yourself, if there wasn't some part of you that thought, gosh, if I was, it would be such a. Make this a lot easier. It would make this so much easier, because a lot of times your brain is going to hear you thinking that and is going to bridge that gap for you because your brain wants to avoid bad situations. And you know what, even if that's not the case, even if I'm full of shit, that's a pretty good thing to tell Mike. That's a good out. That's a good out. Like if I know you're into excuses, get out of it. You know, forget, I have to look at this as there's also a little bit of, you hear it all the time

where people say like, you know, once they break up with someone, they say, I just don't want to be with anyone right now. I just want to be by myself right now. So I think that this is a pretty common feeling that maybe is just. Oh, that's all, that is all horseshit though, right? So yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying until the moment when they realize that that's not true. They just don't want to be with that person. Right. That's what I'm saying. So I think that this is just set in a different frame, but a pretty common feeling. You know, I just want to be single right now, but you don't really just don't want to be with that person. I don't know. We're out of our depth. Just, just be honest. You don't know this person.

Or a lot, or use that lie I told you about. The lie is also good. How about a yahoo? Please do it. This one was sent by Steven Ketchum. Thank you, Steven. Ketchum, Ash Ketchum's brother. It's by a who answers user Milan, who asks, how are some people able to get a lot of likes on Facebook? 10 points for the best answer. There is this guy who I know on Facebook. We're in college who can post something and often gets 20 plus likes on most of his posts. I know people say it depends on how many friends you have, but that's not always true because we both have the same number of Facebook friends, 900. But I barely get 10 likes on my status where he can easily pull off 40 likes on a really good

status of his. He's not one of those attention seekers. He doesn't get posts every 10 minutes. It seems to be only two to three times a week, but when he posts, it's like people stop to read what he writes or wait for his updates. This guy's like Facebook Martin Luther King Jr. I know it's just Facebook. I know it's just Facebook, but it baffles me. How do some people just have that natural, I guess you would call it internet popularity? More than some others do. Can you imagine if you had a baby and like it just turned out he was a prodigy at posting on Facebook? He has one talent and that is- He's the one. He puts those posts up. What if you fucking planned your whole life around one status update you would do,

your entire life, just the one, and you could even like drop the date for it. It could be in sync with the Mayan apocalypse and you could make that one Facebook blast that everybody on earth would read in like former religion around. I love it. Do you see where Dave said he made a sandwich today? It's the only thing he ever said, but it means a lot. It touched me. That's a- Okay, so I follow people of disparate backgrounds on Facebook and these are the three things that you can put in your status. One, you can put in complaining about bosses. People love that. Two, you can put in pictures of your kids, then something, something about being lucky. The third one is complaining about Facebook. Those are the only three things that are on Facebook.

Now, are you saying that the- Okay, so you're not saying these are the three things you should post? No, I'm saying these are the only three things you can post because they're the only things on the service. Now, but wait, what about like a crude drawing of Obama taking away America's guns and stepping on the Constitution while Jesus cries and you post in it, you say, my daughter drew all this this morning, please pass it along if you like it and then- If you don't repost your communists. Yeah, and then 35 million trillion people, all post like it and thumb it. Or the other way around, I mean, the other side has got them too. I just can't think of any right now. Yeah, none as, I would say, stirring.

Why is he stepping on the Constitution? How did he even get out on the street? There's one where like Mitt Romney's like making a farty face and there's some comment about like women on there or something. Yeah, sure. I saw somebody on my Facebook who's a family friend and they posted a quote from John Adams about how America would have no religion but God. And it didn't pass my smell test. So I went to Google and I googled John Adams quotes and I googled quotes by this specific quote and then I found out the truth of the matter is it is a combination of several quotes known which were made by John Adams and I typed all of this into the response box of this person's Facebook before I stop and said, fuck, what have I done?

Yeah, because your whole afternoon was gone by that. That's the whole fucking day was rebutting. It was a fucking book report on this guy's Facebook tweet. Yeah, the whole day was spent on rebuttals that I couldn't do anything with that time. I'm not getting it back. Maybe that's how he taught you and if that was his trick along. Oh man. Oh man. And then the same guy later was talking about how he put the IRS asked him how many dependents he had and he put on 11 million welfare moms, two million trackheads and I thought and I thought and then put this guy's a Christian too and I thought, man, I bet I'm gonna, this is a fucking, this is true. I thought, man, I'm gonna, Jesus love taking care of poor people. I'm gonna find

a Bible verse where Jesus said that. No. Justin, you're just a cog in the machine. So I literally got to this exact same place again where I'd selected some choice Bible verses that was really going to put it in his pursuit and then I stopped myself and I did it again. This is why Facebook is amazing because it's the only propaganda that allows you to propaganda back and then have propaganda back at your propaganda. This is great. Justin is like, a lot of people are never going to see this side of Justin except for me. The side of Justin that I have to talk down when somebody says something mean to him on the Twitter or Facebook because he's about to go off. Justin is basically like internet Batman only instead of like,

instead of like getting super strong. It's also about somebody I care about. That's also something I'll get mad at people for. But you're like internet Batman. If like Batman, like if the Joker was doing something bad and so the Batman started training his body and then would like get a bunch of tools together and then would like go and like step outside the bat cave and then think about how awkward the confrontation is going to be and then just like goes back inside and plays BioShock or something. Yeah. I also can I jump back to the Yahoo question real quick? Yes, yes. I also like this idea of having a Facebook rival that they have no idea that you are their Facebook rival. Sure. So every time when it's like their birthday,

you like change your information so it looks like it's your birthday and then you see who gets more opposed on the wall or when like they put a picture of a baby, you find a picture of a baby, you put it like, now this is my baby, you see who gets the most likes. Are you kidnap them and then you take control of their Facebook and then their likes are your likes? Give me your passwords. Yeah, it'll be like swear to me. God damn it. That woman who posted that picture of Obama feeding the Constitution to a baby playing with a kitten is my solitary. She's got 250 likes on that bitch. That's such a good picture. God damn it. I can't believe she beat me to that. I'm going back to Reddit. We'll find something really good to get her back. I got this great velociraptor thing.

Oh, it's going to make her look so stupid. And I wrote like fucking 800 words about why the chronology of this does not work out. Who is the baby? What does he represent? Damn it, Facebook. It's, here's the truth about the Facebook and I, it's sort of my whole, it's not just for me, it's not just Facebook, it's life, you know? Uh-oh. You got downright Matthew McCulloch in Mexico. Now listen, listen, listen. Let's get these stinky, sticky bongos out. Let's just, let's wrap about this. Fucking, how is anyone ever supposed to miss you if you're always there? Are you saying to disappear for a while? Was that on the, uh, was that on the note, the tweet stream of quotes from the notebook? Because I do follow that.

Hey, listen, for real, listen. If you're a bird, I'm a bird, I mean. Fuck. I want to puke. Fuck. Listen, seriously, for real. It's seriously. Listen, for real. This is F-R-E-A-L life lesson. How, like, if you're always tweeting and booking and LinkedIn and then about everything you do, no one's going to give a shit. You got to compress and even then nobody gives a shit about anything you do. The reason that your friend gets all these likes is because he says something broad. He says something that means something to everybody, not just him. Went to five guys today. Too many fries. Zero likes. Everybody likes fries. No likes, no shares. You know why? Because everybody went to fucking

five guys today. Yeah. You know what? I'm going to drop some Carnegie on you. Here we go. You can win more friends in two weeks of getting interested in other people than you can in two years of trying to get other people interested in you. You put up a Facebook status that is about your life and how much it blows slash rules. I don't like either one of those. If it rules, I feel jealous. If it blows, I feel empathy. I don't like either of those emotions. If you put on your status like five o'clock somewhere, you know I like that because I'm into that. I feel that. I'm with you on that. Or get engaged because that's what I did and I got fucking like 350 likes in two hours. I love this. Travis, you have just given birth to the king of ideas.

Cracked it. Get engaged. Or just everything. Then end it and get engaged again on cycle. That's a little extreme, but there are a ton. I opened up my new business today. Three days later, business went under. Should have had a better plan. Anyone know a good music to listen to? I then say like pray for me. Pray for me. I've got to go pray on it. Let go of my God. Anybody got any choice quotes about prayer and its meaning and value? Anyone got some sweet Bible verses for me? Need them? Last weekend was my birthday. Happy birthday. No, no. Happy birthday Justin. Not me. Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like. I'm gonna share that with all my business friends. Oh, one idea. Find a picture of an old guy in a military outfit and

then say this was my pop pop. He passed away this week or something like that. Like, like, like, like, like, like, people like him and my G. Mauer high school sweethearts. People are gonna like that. This is my G-Paw. This is my G-Paw in the war. I want, I like how your G-Paw looks. I want to be his LinkedIn professional buddy. I want a buddy, I want a buddy link with him. Like, like, like. I named my farm bill after my G-Paw. Like, like, like, like. I retweeted your grandpa's pussy farm. Like, like, like, like, like. Last weekend was my birthday. I got a little swerve on some devil's juice. You've mixed your idioms there. That's not an idiom. We're gonna move on. I woke up the next morning with a busted up face, broken nodes and multiple scrapes. I work at a corporate job

where things like this will not look good. Can't pass it off as a fight club incident. I need to come up with a good explanation for this that isn't. I got drunk and don't remember. Any help here in BNBAM? Um, Bill? Bill. A couple things I need to know here. Yeah. One, most importantly, why can't you pass it off as a fight club incident? Why are such squares work at your workplace? Two, do we need to see a side of this shit and figure out what happened? Yeah, like, what kind of scrapes are we talking about, Bill? Do you have any scrapes on your palms? If not, you did not try to catch yourself or you got into an altercation with someone and it was not falling. So it punched

you in the face. That's good. Check the blood splatter, too. Bill, I do want to say, we'll get back to the problem with your corporate job. You know what? Let me just wrap that up. Tell him you fell off your bike. Yeah, our time you got the shit beaten out of you. It doesn't matter. Let's talk about the first half of your question. See if you can see where the gap is. Last weekend was my birthday. I got a birthday. That's good. Yeah, like, like, like, I got a little swerve on some devil's juice. Oh, Bill got drunk. Like, I woke up the next morning with a busted up face. Okay, now wait a minute, Bill. There's a gap there. That's a pretty big gap. I can say in all of my years of enjoying alcohol, I am never so drunk that I've woken up the next day,

busted up, broken nose and multiple scrapes and gone, well, something happened. Yeah. Yeah, sure. No, I've woken up with two jellyfish on my chest like a bra. Sure. We've all been there. I've woken up surrounded by busted up faces. I just screamed like, oh, no, not again. Yeah, sure, sure. One time I woke up and I had eaten the majority of the contents of a sandbox. That was a bad one. It wasn't even your sandbox. It wasn't my sandbox. One time I went to sleep and I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. And then when I woke up, my pillow was gone, but it turned out I had pika and I was deficient. Many pillow-based minerals. You just told a joke that everybody ever has heard at summer camp,

but you took it and you made it smart for the 21st century podcast. And slightly depressing, you couldn't help it. It was a compulsion. Yeah, apparently the paint they used in my low-income housing project was lead-based and gave me pika. So I ate my pillow. Did you not have anyone with you, Bill? What kind of fucking friends let you fall on your face? Bad ones. If you ever see people carrying people out of a bar drunk, this doesn't happen, Bill. Yeah. Bill, your resolution for this year of your life, beget better friends because they let you down. More like of a bracing kind of friend. Right. Right. How do you win them, you ask? Well, you can win more friends in two weeks of being interested

in other people than you can. So you can get interested in how you're going to hold them up. And also you can make more friends by not drinking so much that you stop being alive. Okay, I want to bust this myth, myth buster style. Okay. It is not more fun to get so drunk that you can't fucking remember the fun you were having. Yeah. Right. Like, that doesn't... You can only... I remember being that old. I remember being 22 and in college and thinking that the only way I was really celebrating my birthdays if I got so drunk that I couldn't remember. That's stupid. Yeah. That's like saying I want to spend a bunch of money to go see a movie and fall asleep during it. Unless... Unless you hire an archivist or some

some manner of scribe to fall... A bard, perhaps, to follow your... A bard! Okay, someone's writing an epic poem about it. Then yes. Travis, what's that one bard from Hercules named? He writes the songs from Hercules. Eolus... Eolus. Travis, you know this. I think it's Eolus. Yaris. It was played by Ted Bundy. No? No, it wasn't. Ted... Ted Raimi. Ted Raimi. It was named Eolus. What is it? Eolus. Oh, geek check. Really? Because you asked like eight times. I got you. I got you. Griffin's gonna edit it. And he was actually on Xena and not Hercules. Oh, man! Travis, Griffin's gonna edit that in a way that's like... Makes it sound like a sick geek check. I'm gonna pour a cup of water into another cup

and make it sound like pee and like the pee's going into your diaper. Now I'm even more worried about the fact that maybe that's not the right name and I would look like a stupid geek. I thought it was Jafar. I'm pretty sure that's off base. Joxer. Joxer? Then who is Eolus? Oh, was that Bruce Campbell's character? I think it was. Good news Travis, you have thoroughly dismissed my geek check. You have passed the test or failed it. I've lost track. But was that Bruce Campbell's character? I need you to check that now. I'm not doing that. Justin. Moving on. But Justin, let's go to the Money Zone. Justin! Do you like to fuck?

Fuck. But you're bored with it? Do you like to fuck on the cheap? Do you like to fuck? Not cheap Travis, because these aren't cheap toys we're talking about at extremestrates.com. We're talking about value. They're cost effective. More inches per dollar. You trying to fuck? Sorry, I just... I hadn't said it. I wanted to say it because it sounded fun. Extremestrates.com is, and I don't think I'm out of line here, it's an adult super store. They've got everything. It sure is fuck not a kid super store. It is an adult playland. And I also want to stress before we give the wrong idea, they're super nice and it's a super great place. They're the best. Seriously, if you are going to buy

sexual pleasure, if you're going to buy marital aids, and you should, this is the place. Or pre marital aids. Okay, well, okay. Well, no, that's okay. But this place is good. They're really nice and they're super classy and great shit. So much good feedback from the community. So many purchases, so many happy customers, and by happy, I mean they've come buckets. And if you want to buy a come bucket, that's on the fast there. That's there. It is actually an augmented game, a version of the game Mr. Bucket. You put the balls in your mouth. And you do. You do indeed put the balls in. Yeah. In fact, it is not actually that augmented at all. It is basically just they sell Mr. Bucket.

And I know what you're asking. You're saying, but Travis, I've priced come buckets before. Yeah. And they were always 20% too expensive. That's what's held me back. Well, I've got good news. That's right. With the coupon code middleist, M-I-D-D-L-E-S-T, you can save 20% at extremestreams.com. And this is some great stuff. And they're really super cool people that totally get it. Very discreet. Very discreet. Very discreet. And they make this fun, which like it should be. And their workers legit listen to my brother and my brother in me while they're like packaging your stuff. Yeah. So imagine that a urethral sound probe that you put in your urethra has been bombarded by M-B-M-B-A-M at some point in the process. Oh, that's great. It's like we're

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She's super excited as this is her first acting experience and I'm proud of her for pursuing her dreams. I'm looking forward to going to the premiere and supporting her, but here's the problem. There is evidently a risque love scene and I feel weird about seeing my little sis in flagrante, even if it's simulated. How should I handle this? Pretend I have to pee whenever things look like they're heading to the bedroom, develop a sudden intense interest in the bottle bottom of my popcorn bag, Prudish in Pennsylvania. Well, don't do that because you're dicks down there. Yeah, that's and speaking of which, it will probably not look great as soon as your sister gets naked. You have to excuse yourself to the bathroom. Gotta go to my bunk. Bye. I'll be in my bunk.

Here's the thing. Suckers. You just watched the movie like an adult. Yeah. Listen, your sister's got a fine ass set of boobies. No, I'm saying- You sit there and enjoy. Hey, hey, don't make me turn this car around. Enjoy your sister's bosoms. Don't pretend like you're not curious. That's my thing. And this is the best way to check them out. No, no, we can't go down this road, you guys. No, listen, for real, this is the best way to check them and peep them because it's going to be artsy and shit. Check them and peep them. They're artsy. Never going to get a bad look from Jesus or otherwise. Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

love. You look fantastic. Song tonight. Long story short. Good work. Like, like, like, like, like, Game of Thrones. I finally get it. Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, Oh, Jesus. Oh, shit. I'm sorry, British. There is so many. There are so many. We're joking because there's so many unknown fucking gradients. Yeah. How bad is the movie? That also what is really tasteless. And I was really tasteful and awesome and well shot, and you never ever see it. But if it's the fucking sex scene from the room, get the fuck out of there along with everyone else. Travis, that is comparatively mild. Are you fucking it goes from the sex scene and forest gump to the fucking ass to ass scene and requiem for

a dream like these can get so bad in there. Yeah, I can get really bad. These can get real thorny. It's gonna be tense. You got to cut the tension. Just wait. But you could help your sister and this film company by saving 20% at extremistrains.com. Wait for an opportunity moment and then just shout do a sit up. Because I think that first off, that's some great sister griefing right there. I mean, you need to use this as a great opportunity to attack him. Are you saying he should shame his sister's naked body in front of everyone? Wait till in her first film appearance? Wait till it's projected two stories high and then point out that maybe, maybe cutting back on the snack. He was like, mom's pizza rolls have had quite a impact on your bedroom. It won't be that weird.

It's only gonna be weird if you make it weird and just pretend you're French. Okay, real quick, just real quick. If the podcast art for the next episode is my dick. I'm quitting the podcast. Okay, so let's not, but like an artsy dick. Maybe someone did a cast. Oh, God, you can't go. You can't go to the movie. You want to go and there'll be some word of you can't go. I just decided you can't go. Sorry. If you, the thing is, if, okay, if it's a premiere and they know the actress is there and then there's a nude scene, they know her family's with her, they are going, you have to be there. They are going to look. Everyone is going to look. Especially if it's, it's a fucking local film. Like you've got, one knows it. You've got to

invest yourself in the emotion of the scene. That's the only way you're going to get through it. Like, if you weird yourself out about it, it's going to get weird. If you just really think about how touching it is, and God, I hope it's touching because if it's like some brown bunny stuff, I don't know what to tell you. He works just in a bad way. This, this represents a time in which getting so drunk that you cannot remember what happened may not be a better way. Yeah, maybe just hoist a few or eight before. Can I inject what may be an unpopular opinion though? Do you know it would be really more uncomfortable than going to the movie and watching your sister bone down or up as if you went and everything about the movie was really terrible

and then you had to pretend that you loved it. For me, that would be more uncomfortable than watching, than watching like Justin and Travis in a colligial and orgy scene. If they were in the movie, for a lot of reasons, that's terrible. Keep me with other people, right? Listen, yes, maybe. Listen, yes, yes, yes, listen. You have a horrible imagination and you're a terrible person. It can get weird, it can get weird up in there, but let me finish my point. Okay, go on, please. I would rather watch that in a good movie where you both did good, acting jobs than a movie where you both tastefully, tastefully made love. No skin at all. You could be wearing wet suits and dry humping, but you act really bad and then for the rest of my life, I have to carry that weight.

I feel like some shit just came out, but listen. You're saying the afterward, you're saying the after effect of having to say, I loved it. Yeah. Because you watched them have sex is weird or because it was terrible and you had to lie. It's going to be better. You can joke about, oh man, you really took that hog. I see. You took that hog so good. Like, that's, that's a cute- I was really proud of the way you took that hog. You really, it was like wild hogs in there. You did not hold back and I was deeply impressed. Right. I haven't seen a hog embrace that openly since at the end of wild hogs when Tim Gunn hugged Tim Allen and then David Allen Greer watched. I haven't seen the movie. You can goof that, but you know what? You can't goof. Man, you are just not going to make

it here. This is not going to work. This is not going to be your jam. Hey, think of, think, look on the bright side. It's going to be uncomfortable for you and it's going to be better than the utter shame your parents will feel. Yeah. They're just going to be really embarrassed and wonder where they went wrong. Look, darling, darling, we made that and now it's having sex in front of us, 80 feet tall. In front of, oh, all of our friends and oh, there's some neighbors. Yeah, look at that. Wow. Look at that. Listen, man, she is really getting slam jammed up there. Glad we made that. How could they afford Mickey Rourke for this movie? This is great. This is great. That's our DNA up there getting slammo jammoed by Mickey Rourke. Hey, please pass me the knives. I'd like to die a bit more

if that's until everyone here. I'd like to be less alive than I am currently, which is to say all the way dead and not like Bill and Ted dead, where I come back later after seeing some hijinks. I mean, dead as fuck, like oblivion, embracing the sweet oblivion. This sprite is delicious. What a good acting you did. I'm so proud of you. I hope we all go to Applebee's afterwards and talk about it. I hope you do. I'll be dead. By the way, I just want to say that accounting degree I paid for is really paying off. Let's just finish the show. We're only at like 45 minutes. It was great. We've helped literally no one. We laughed at the first person. We gave no helpful advice to the second person made from them for being an alcoholic. And then the

last person, we told them to enjoy a sister boner. We're great. Let's keep going forward. The way I imagine it is people listen to this show one chapter at a time spread out over the week. So since they did not have Monday and Tuesday to go through with us, that means that they only need five sevenths of the show they normally get because it doesn't have to last them as long. Does that make sense? None of it did. In fact, it stopped making sense so soon that I didn't listen to most of it. Good. You guys want to hear a great joke? It's on Yahoo. Okay. Justin Cain. I've never read a Yahoo joke before. We'll see how it works. Ronnie says, how do you make a horse laugh then cry? To make a horse laugh, you go up to the horse and whisper

in their ear, my dick is bigger than yours. To make a horse cry, the guy shows him his penis and it was bigger. That is a pretty, that almost beats my pika joke. Almost. Comes close. Yeah. The top answer on that says horses don't care about penis size. Bullshit they don't. They don't even speak English you guys. You don't evolve penises that big without some sort of underlying bodge, geological, biological imperative. Bodge of conscience. But that's some sort of John Hollen imperative. And a man with a penis larger than a horse is to be pity. He will never have a full erection. It could not lay with a woman even if he could. Weird. Yes. Do you guys want another Yahoo? I guess. I really don't. It was sent by Krista Whalen. Thanks Krista. It's by Yahoo

and his user Gaara who asks, can a spirit get you pregnant? My friend's boyfriend just died 10 days ago and she thinks his spirit had sex with her while she was sleeping and when she woke up she had blank in her Virginia. Is it possible to get pregnant from a spirit? Do you know what a sad commentary it is that I had to wait to the end of that question before I could remember whether or not we have answered this question. It was literally to the point where you had blank in her Virginia before I realized, no, I guess we haven't specifically talked about this four of our day and also it's a Tuesday. Oh okay. Variations on a ghost come theme I think is what we've had. Right. That is also my favorite

Miles Davis record. Sure. If you've never enjoyed variations on a ghost theme. The alternate title was kind of boo. Kind of boo. Yeah. Kind of boo boo. I guess. I mean once you read a question like that. No, don't even answer that question. Isn't it possible? I mean isn't it possible? Listen guys. Radical science is still finding new things out every day. Okay. So yes. The answer is yes. Okay. So you're saying there's infinite life in the universe and it's always expanding. So why can't your friend find a little bit of ghost come around her vagina? Yes. Oh that sentence was the grossest. Yeah nothing. I like that this question is not, my friend has gotten pregnant and claims that it's from a spirit. But the fear that oh god I hope

she doesn't get pregnant from a spirit. Sure. Let's read something else. This is awful. Let's say anything else. Okay. Guys I want you to know Eolith was the friend on Hercules. Right. Of course. Of course. Was the name of Bruce Campbell's Thief character which appeared on both shows. Okay. Okay. I just wanted to clear that up. I didn't want all the emails. How was there any debate about that? We didn't clear that up in the question. I apologize for whoever is building a thing outside of my house. I don't want to, I don't want to talk too loud because they might hear me. But it's uh, it's 616 p.m. Who the fuck is building something now? Of all times. What's he building? I'm too afraid to look out because he's like literally. Look out the window. Guys I'm on the

first floor. He'll literally see me. Look out the window. Look out the window. It's coward. It's completely, completely rational that if you're building something people are going to look. Okay. He probably wants people to look. I'm going to see but what if he's building like, what if he's making a murder room? What if he's making a murder room? What if you look out the window and he's building a coffin? He just points at you. Maybe. But you know what would be more awkward? What? If he was making art and he was bad at it and he made eye contact with me and he's like, wait. And also he was naked. Yeah, yeah. A different spectrum of social anxiety. Literally the worst thing that can ever happen to anybody is someone making bad art. You think I'm joking.

You probably actually know that I'm not joking, but the people who are listening probably think I am joking. I don't want to comment on that. Let me see what this, let me see what he's making. At Hindenburg, it was terrible, but at least there was, but the drawing on the side, atrocious. Yeah. Maybe there was someone on there doing a bad monologue in which case, or playing piano badly, in which case that would have all made it. A literal birdhouse. A literal birdhouse. He's building a birdhouse. A literal birdhouse. It's 617. No kids in sight. He's on speed. He had to build that, he had to build that right now and it could not wait. He has to work through his meth energy. This birdhouse is for Ronnie.

Ronnie's had a hard week, even though it's only Tuesday. Ran out of meth on a Sunday. Gotta build a birdhouse. Listen, we've built this, we've, we've done built this birdhouse and I'm not going to talk any more about people. So thanks for listening to our podcast that we, that we share together. You, you've, you've gotten through it again. I know you said you wouldn't be back and yet here you are. So now who's the weak one? Sorry it was so late and also it's so short, but we, you know, it's going to be a great length. It's a perfect length. Pretty short, but we had a, it's, it's been a fucking insane month. You guys, I wish, I don't, I don't need your sympathy. I want it, but yeah. You want sympathy because you've got a free trip

to Germany and then you got to spend a week in Mexico? I pity you. Listen, no, listen to me. Unlike, unlike, unlike, unlike. Okay. But listen, I forgot what I was going to say because Travis got real mean there for a second. I'm sorry Griffin, but I want to go to Mexico. I know, but I want to go to Hermony. It's all over now. It's what I mean to say. It's, I, I want to thank, um, we've got an MB, MB, AM, wisdom Twitter, uh, follow. We didn't create it. A friend of ours did not a friend. I mean, it is a friend of ours, but we don't know who the fuck we don't know it is. We just know it's a friend. Can we keep it that way? Can we keep it like Zora? Yeah. Yeah. They need their, I actually know who

it is and they need their anonymity code. Tell me who it is right now. I can't tell you that. MB, MB, AM, wisdom. And there's also a, a similar wonderful Tumblr that is actually MB, MB, AM was hyphen wisdom dot tumblr.com. The two were created independently of each other. So you figure that one out. So thanks to both, both of them. Just a quick question. Sorry. I, I, I hate to keep interrupting, but just, Travis, just real quick. Is it Gary Oldman? I can't say. Fuck. Is it Paul Ryan? I can't say. Okay. Is it Ariana Huffington? Yeah. No. God damn. I can't say. Is it a he or she? Does he wear glasses? Is it Troy Aikman? Yeah. Well, weird. See, I've read here. Those are all the people that I know.

Thank you to everybody tweeting about the show. Thanks to Jacob Dixon, another Huntington, West Virginia native, uh, Landry Bale, Steph Kingston, Perch Snickers, Shredspread, Joey Blanton, uh, Aaron Creets, Big Bag Gunner, lots of, uh, follow here, there, Skood, Zernick, everybody tweeting about the show. If you want to share it, MB, MB, AM is the hashtag bit.ly forward slash it's mabim bam is the, uh, is our, our, uh, sampler. If you want to share that with someone. I want to thank John Roderick and the Long Winters for the use of our theme song. It's a departure off the album, putting the days to bed. Thanks for letting us use that tune, guys. Thanks guys. It's a good, it's a good jam.

But I want to thank Ted Raimi for allowing his personality to be used on the show. Thank you for your likeness, Ted. Is it Ted, is Ted Raimi him? Is it him? It's not Ted Raimi. I would, believe me, guys, I would tell you if it was Ted Raimi. I bet it's not somebody famous at all. No, it's gotta be somebody famous. Why would you say that? It obviously, it doesn't count otherwise. I mean, they're not famous yet. They are one day going to be famous because of this Twitter account when they fucking just take our goofs, fucking not persona non grata, just take them from, just take them from us and repurpose them. Griffin, give me the last question.

How are you guys cool with this? This guy is like a prophet. It's like Carlos. It's like the Carlos Vinci of Twitter's. I would. It's like, it's like Carlos Vinci if he named his, his something like Joe Rogan jokes. Yeah, I do want to say that was his ass. I wish he would. I don't trust anybody that has an egg on Twitter. I need you to change your egg to something us theme. Yeah. Okay, Griffin hit me. Can you get us hatching from the egg? I'm ready. We're hatching from your egg. I will photoshop that for you if you want or somebody will. Here we go. Krista Waylon, sit this one in. Thank you, Krista. Return to form. Really, I appreciate it. So many good, so many good yahoes this week. Thank you. Thank you, everyone. And thank you,

Krista Waylon. It's by Yahoo Answers user. Oh man. It's by Yahoo Answers user. Dog chode 69 who asks, what is the boiling point of semen? I'm Justin McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. God damn it. Brother and me. Kids and dads. We're on the lips. You