My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 121: Dyump

Episode Date: September 24, 2012

Ah, Fall. Smell the crisp autumn leaves and squash-scented candles. See the children, begrudgingly returning to school. Hear three brothers talk about the dark secrets of Juggalo Nation. Salty Chocolate, Gift of Gab, Horsebush, Da-a-a-ddy, Dude Food, Juggalo Shame

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my brother, my brother, me, where we have sprung into fall. Is that? We sprung a leak. I fell into fall. You trip forward. Hold on. We reached for fall. We missed it. There's a lot of leaves and branches and debris on the ground, and so you slip and trip forward into the fall hour, and then in the spring, you have to wind

the springs of your clock backwards. I will make a confession for you right now. Everyone has that childhood memory of their poppy or their peepums raking up a big pile of autumnal leaves and leaping into that pile. I have no memory of ever doing that, and I am worried the ship has sailed. I am worried that if I were to now leap into a pile of leaves, I would be perhaps given a lollipop. Now what you do is you rake up the pile of leaves and then you just like slowly lay down in it and go to sleep. Yeah, it's a good place for a nap, or actually not, because the last time I jumped into a pile of leaves in Ironton, Ohio, a spider bit me right on the hand, and it swelled up, and I never even looked at leaves ever again. I can't look at leaves.

Take note, Ironton, Ohio. Full of spiders. Yeah. You're on watch. You're on notice from Griffin because of the spiders for arachnids. I think the true celebration is the arrival of the PSL in your closest SB. It's back. It's better. Griffin, can I tell you? Thicker than ever. Can I tell you guys? I hate to make this confession to you, but for me, in my heart, in terms of fall beverage consumption, the PSL has been dethroned. What? It's been dethroned by the SCM. Yeah. I'm a way. Salty caramel macchiato? Salty caramel mocha. I'm way, way, way into it. Yeah. It's good, but it can't beat that pumpkin-y flavor. I love the pumpkin. It has probably a leg up on the PSL in one department, and that is that the PSL really does get thicker every year.

It is pretty much, it's a pumpkin-ish sludge. You know what I mean? It's like a squash-based triple thick milkshake. There's a half a pumpkin in every cup. I think that it's bad. Part of the problem is that I'm 31, almost 32, and I can appreciate complex flavor combinations like salt in coffee, and I think that you guys maybe aren't there yet. That's the new thing, isn't it? It's salty. I can't eat, like I ate a crunch bar the other day, and it was covered in cardamom, and I was like, come on. Whatever happened to the good old days where chocolate was chocolate, and we didn't need to throw sea salt all over. Every Snickers bar comes with one of those pepper grinders, and you just put code in some sort of strange spice. Get out of here with that. Good

old days. Sometimes I feel like the salted chocolate is an emperor's new clothes kind of thing, where they're just waiting for some child to be like, hey, you ruined chocolate. Hey, you put salt on my chocolate, sir. Yeah, you're right. It really is for, I feel like it's for 20 and 30 some things who are like, I know, it's salty chocolate. Can you believe it? I'm eating it too. I'm really only one of the Hershey bar. Can I just get some fucking chocolate, please? Yeah. That is, it is a testament, I think, to where our society is at now, that we can't even, us indulging ourselves has become so unspectacular that we have to put irony into our dessert. It's like there must be a slight amount of punishment. It's like that idea when they put

like the red pepper in chocolate, and you bite down and it's like, oh, and there's cayenne in it. Yeah. It's like, can I just get some fucking chocolate? Why do I have to punish myself? And like, oh, I want to vomit. Thanks for the chocolate. I think they're like, I think all the ad wizards were like, seems like this chocolate's pretty unhealthy. Can we get some sodium up in it? Like a bunch of it? How much sodium can we get in this? So much you can feel it between your teeth. Great. So you've been listening to three Andy Rooney's talk about candy. Do we introduce ourselves? No. Okay, I'm your oldest brother, Justin Andy Rooney, McRoy. I'm your middle-aged brother, Travis Andrew Rooney, McRoy. I am Griffin McRoy,

lead singer of the band Rooney. I think it, I think Andrew Rooney should have been the main villain in Bioshock. Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his own brow? No, says the man in the bottle. Would you kindly tell me why there's so many Japanese? Jeff, where are Andrew Rooney? Where are there's in Japan? Yeah. It's where they are. I was a, I was in my private hydro bubble dome yesterday and I thought, I'm kind of thirsty and I thought, that's crazy, Andrew. You're underneath the water. Do you ever think things like that? No, says the man in Washington. I don't. Oh man. Well, this has been my brother, my brother and me. Tune in next week. Tune in next week when we, I don't know, do,

probably pretty much that again, just with different voices and hope you don't notice. No, this is an advice show and we're going to turn some questions into wisdom right now. Here it comes. Oh, here it goes. I have a slight problem. I talk way too much. Not because, you guys hear how good my voice sounds this morning? Yeah. Really? Sounds so good. Let me try again. I have a slight problem. I talk way too much. Not because I'm insecure, socially awkward. I just hate the idea of silence in a conversation. I've noticed recently that it makes me seem stupid as a young college student who considers herself intelligent. I have a lot of interesting things to say, but they come out sounding ridiculous when they are said after a long,

long rant. What are some ways I can make my gift of gab more meaningful and intelligent? That's from a loquacious in the lone star state. I personally. Justin loves a good, long, awkward silence. I love to dip in there. He just likes to soak in it like a hot tug. He's one of those people that whenever there's even a brief silence in a conversation, he will address it and say like, you know that it's a good friendship when you can just sit there and be silent and it still feels just so, so good. I'll say that though. I said it was 1368, so please pull up to the next window. I think that the way you can transmute your gift of gab into something that'll make you a hit with other people is instead of, I know you're joking

when you talk about having a lot of interesting things to say and I'm sure you do, but if you can turn that gift of gab into asking questions, wanting to fill the conversation up with asking people about themselves or filling any spare silence with a question about the other person invitation for them to talk about themselves, you will be more well liked and people will want to spend more time with you. I was thinking yesterday about an old bit by Mitch Hedberg, dear department Hedberg, and he said, I don't have attention deficit disorder, but I took Ritalin and I found that I just had an extra long attention span. I would tell people, there's got to be more to that story. If you can be that kind of listener, if you can use your

gift of gab that way, then people are always, that is the ideal person to have in a conversation. And I know that I have dealt with this too. I tend to talk. No. I know. And the important thing to keep in mind is that while you have many interesting things to say, so do the people that you are do they really though? Well, I mean, if they've just finished a long, long rant and pause for a brief second and you go, there's marsupials and they have pouches and they're like mammals, but then maybe just let them finish their idea. And then they're like, man, that is great. And you said that it was actually your cousin the whole time and like make it about their story, make it about what they've said. The secret to human relations is that no one cares about what

you are saying. Yep. With very rare examples, no one wants everyone's just waiting for their chance to treat you to the thing that happened to them because unless they're delivering instructions, like even then, even then it's like hit or miss back in the day. Like, okay, back before radio and TV, you had to rely on humans for your entertainment. You would say, like, you've got to hit, come on, you rock and tour, hit me up with a story to entertain me. Like, now anytime that someone's talking is a time that you are not watching the X factor. So like, you don't need humans to entertain you anymore. You need them to give you relevant, pertinent, important information. And you'll also see, this is one of my favorite phenomenon,

like you'll hit a word in your story and watch the person you're talking to, something click in their mind that reminds them of a story they know. And then it's literally like you're watching a fuse. Yeah. They stop listening to the thing that you're saying as they just fucking cock it in the chamber, like wait for their chance, wait for the tactical precision strike to enter, like, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah. Speaking of your dead brother, did you have you seen the curious green, the green man, been a green man? What's the, what's the picture of a button by these plants? Timothy button. Timothy button. You can always tell the, the, the, when a person is doing this, because when you see your, when your story starts to divert from the point they were going to tie

to it, you can see them in physical anguish. It's like you're, it's like you're going around highway curves too fast or something. What were you saying about tiny cars? You said something about tiny cars. Hey, do you remember 25 minutes ago when you were talking about the other thing? Have you seen that new Benjamin green man? So if you can, if you can start, use your gift to the gift really is asking questions is a lot harder than talking. I've, I've found this is I've tried to ask more questions because a lot of times questions can open you up to some pretty awkward interactions. Sometimes the answers are not something you want to get back. But so, so use your, use your, your speaking talents to try to

figure out questions to ask other people. Also, another thing to keep in mind when it comes to conversations is there is not like a, you don't have this like basket full of topics and you need to get your entire basket empty before the end of the conversation. It's not super market sleep and reverse. And so like you may have a bunch of things to say, but if you have to pass by, you know, some topics, conversation, it's going to be all right. The only reason I actually like talking to Travis is cause I'm always hoping he's going to slip a dope metaphor and super market sleep and reverse. It's super market sleep and reverse. Yeah. Are you guys going to Yahoo? Yes. Yep. This Yahoo is handed by Nicole B. Thompson. Thank you,

Nicole. It's by Yahoo Answers user Gracie who asks, what should me and my horse be for Halloween? Please no headless horseman. I was thinking about dressing him up as a dragon, but I think the wings would be too complicated. And I have four weeks until the show. He's a brown oldenburg gilding with four black legs. Oh, and I'm a girl. Thank you. Smiley face emoticon. Where are you going that you need a horse costume? It sounds like some sort of some sort of horse based costume contest. So like, like, like toddlers and TRs for horses. Yeah, right. Here's the thing. You could make a dope centaur costume, but you would have to cut off a significant portion of the horse. And I would, I would call it a very important portion of the horse, which is to say it's pretty

much its head and everything, all that part. The thinking portion. Yeah. But the think meat that makes his leg meat run. Well, they still have their tiny four brain. Yeah, sure. After brain. I don't know. Hey, hey guys. What's up? Yes. Check this out. Okay. Falls and something that's like a crown that starts with F. I don't know what you mean. I'm trying to do like it. Falls and fedoras. Falls and fedoras. That's not good. No, can you dress your horse up like Dick Tracy and you go as flat top. Okay. That joke would have been fun. I was going to go with hooves and hay bales, but that doesn't make any sense. I really feel bad about it. So here's what you can be as a camel.

You can be a shitty camel. You can be a shitty one hump camel. You just put a tan blanket over you and then you're going to want to secure that. You're going to want to secure that with some pipe tape and then just be a shitty camel. I think the obvious answer here is you dress him up like a person and dress yourself up like a horse. Like a horse, right? And then you put him on your shoulders and you carry him. Wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Slower. Continue. And then you're the horse and he's the person. Continue, but slower. What part of slower? Do you guys want to? Travis, would it kill you to turn some detail? Yeah. Maybe like, what kind of music was playing at the time? The lighting. Is it real sloppy down there?

Hey, do you guys want to hear the best answer? Voice them into horses. Yeah, what is it? Yahoo! Instructor Gisello says, you could be a fairy of the forest. Dress up in a skirt slash dress that has a leaf pattern or a skirt slash dress that you would glue leaves fake or real onto. If you choose to wear a skirt, you could wear a pretty blouse for a top. Put some leaves in your hair with maybe some orange, red, or yellow glitter. If you're allowed, you could go barefoot for a better effect for your wings. Anything from the Halloween store would do. Add some sparkles and leafiness to them. For the horse's costume, you go bareback. Add a saddle behad with leaves on it. Or use your regular saddle and tape some leaves to it. There's more, but this

person is basically just saying, throw some leaves on that bitch. Put leaves on everything. What is the costume? A bush horse. Horse bush. It's a horse that jumps in a pile of leaves. Man bush. Nature's greatest wonder. My brother, my brother, means your source for references to obscure 90s comedy The Stupid. Be there. Keep it locked. In the name of the Lloyd, we gotta go on. In the name of Lloyd. Oh, you could dress your horse up like Stanley Stupid. Okay. Yeah, from the hit 90s comedy The Stupid. It's as hard as it is to find a Halloween costume that you, as a human being, can wear and then have people notice the clever reference that you've made. Imagine doing that for a horse. That horse has to be some sort of horse. Right. Now, let me throw this out. You

know how they have those things, like the costumes for dogs that just fit over their front two legs and then they have like arms. Yeah, those are fun. It's like a business suit. And those are fun. I like those. Why don't we get like that, like horse size. So it fits over the horse's head and the horse's front two legs and then it's got like arms and it's like a horse business man or like horse Yoda. Man, I just thought about running into that at a party and it gave me the shippers like a bipedal standing up person but with the horse's gigantic head. So you guys everything about how big horse's heads are and then just get scared apropos of nothing. You could, I don't see why the horse can't be dressed like something

that people dress like. I remember one time a costume that I thought was pretty good was I saw a guy dressed as Judge Lance Edo. So you want to dress a horse like Judge Lance Edo? From the J. Simpson trial. I thought that was a pretty good costume. So you could just dress the horse like, what's something people dress up like now? Probably dog the bounty hunter. Uh-huh. Oh my god, horse the dog the bounty hunter. Don't mind if I do. What if you dress as a hunter and you dress your horse as like a wall-mounted like head on a, like you had to put something around his neck so it looked like his head was mounted on a wall. That's, that's not macabre. Yeah, yeah and you and you had to put the rest of them in a wall. But then it's like pretty good.

You put them in a box. Just stand still horse. I know I think that, I think that that would be a pretty good, make it something like a plaque out of cardboard and then just put, what about a zebra? I mean I feel like zebra's right there. I think that's like a minstrel show for horses. Oh my god. What? What? Come on you guys. Come on. Did you see what Daniel was where? I couldn't believe it. It's so bold. Then two days later you see Lady Gaga wearing the exact same thing. She's so edgy. She's so edgy. She's in zebra face. It's unbelievable. She's in black and white and black and white and black and white and black face. Unbelievable. Didn't they make a movie about that called Bamboozled? Yeah. Oh. What? What? They're 10 people out there that will laugh at that,

Joe. No, there are. There are 10 people who go, oh yeah, like Bamboozled and then they'll turn off our show and then they'll throw their computer away. Just so I can quantify, did you just say Bamboozled? Yeah. I did. Okay. Like in a zoo where they get a zoo. Okay. All right. I think it's all right. I think there's meat on them bones. Thank you, Justin. Man, I tell you, if you did not have Cinemax in the 90s listening to our show, like we're battling. I don't even know how we had it. Our parents didn't pay for it. We have free weekends or something. There are like specific free weekends. If you could go back into the annals and like cut, cut, like you could rebuild all of our pop culture knowledge. You're really good. I don't know what a Hunger Games is though.

I feel like there's very specific gaps. Basically, here's the flow chart. Did it have Tom Arnold in it? If yes, McElroy's. Yeah. Was Tom Arnold in Bamboozled? I know he was in Soul Plane. Yeah. He was definitely in Soul Plane. He was in True Lies. Tom Arnold was in everything. Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys, you guys feel like we drenched all the meat off this bone? Oh Christ, yes. Let's do another thing. Okay. So let me, I need to take a moment then to ask you something, Griffin. Yep. People ask us a lot. They seem to notice that you guys end up talking about horses and ghosts a lot. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, that's true. And I think, man, I wonder how it happens. And it just dawned on me that like, you are the one who's continually introducing horses

into the conversation. We don't get any like listener submitted questions. Yeah. Like, hey, my brother, my brother, me, horses. If the three of us were sitting in a room, Travis and I would be talking about like life and love and growing. And every few minutes, Griffin would like lean in and say, yeah, and like horses. Right? Let me hit you with this. Do you remember the first time we talked about horses? And I found that Yahoo! or someone found it, but either way, I claim credit for it. It was like I had staked my mining pick into the ground and just a torrent of, I guess, horse blood shot into the sky shot into the sky. And then I was like, Yahoo! I'm rich. I'm saying we have found red gold. We have found a deep, deep pocket of natural comedy gases.

And I am ashamed when it runs out, we have to start fracking for horse questions. Yeah. Yeah. Honey, does this ice taste like horse blood to you? This is strange. Anyway, that's why also there, of all the people groups that there are in the world, I'm speaking out against horse blood fracking, of all the people groups there are in the world to make fun of, I feel like horse owners, horse enthusiasts, equestrianistas are the funniest and also it's totally... The safest because none of them are listening to the show. Correct. Okay. You can love your horse. Just don't... Just not as much as your kids and family.

It's not as much as your kids or your family or your dreams. It's important. I know it's tempting because when you ride a horse, it's like it lends you its wings. I gotta go back and remember some of those bumper stickers. Has everybody on this podcast ridden a horse? I have. Yes. What was... What did you like it? I rode bareback because I was on a farm. I was on it for about... I'm going to say nine and a half seconds before it bucked me off and I thought it broke both of my balls, broke them in half. It's the worst pain I've ever experienced down there. When I rode a horse, it was at a place called Bob's Happy Trails

Horse Farm or something like that. Definitely Happy Trails. Or was that at Shawnee State Park? Happy Trails Horse Farm. Yes, something like that. Yeah, in Shawnee State Park. Did they call it Happy Trails Horse Farm because it's where the horses go so that kids can ride them before they are killed, before they are destroyed? You actually ride them to the glue factory and drop them off and walk down. Say Happy Trails Tiger. I guess that's the name for a horse. I'm sorry, is Ben's... Maybe it's under new management though because it's been a long

time since I was there. It's been 20 years, but Ben's Happy Trails Horse Camp. I see. The only time I ever rode a horse, I just remember feeling its rippling muscles and warm skin betwixt my thighs and then I stared deep into its classy eyeball and I grabbed this chinkal chankal and started praying to access. Oh, don't stop. Slower? Slower for me, please? The horse in my fucked. A little fast. Well, it was tender. No, don't back off of it now.

I don't want to play the horse in a bad light. He might be listening. Um, was it JTRH NBR or what was the deal? Just, was it JTRH NBR or what do you guys know it was? We actually, I don't think we talked about JTRH NBR on the show. No, you got to listen to the set dish if you want that, that nug. If you want that nug, that choice nug. Justin, tell us about your Happy Trail experience. I rode it. I got a boner. I don't, I wanted one.

Oh my God. It's, you can't be buying for that because you're riding on just a massive rippling muscles. It's like, it is simultaneously like riding a bunch of vaginas and also like a gun. Wait, like riding a living cannon. Yeah. Yeah, made out of vaginas. That's what it's like. A vagina cannon. A vagina cannon. Justin, tell me where the, where the horse's pubes trimmed in like a tasteful line going to its penis? Why can't we just ride horses? Why do we have to fuck on them?

We don't have to. I'm saying, we don't have to. We get to you because God gave us domain over all the animals. I'm still trying to figure out the title. This seems like an abuse of our privilege. I'm still trying to figure out the name of the farm. A Happy Trail is a but, is like a butch thing. Ben, Happy Trails Horseman Camp. It's called Happy Trails because the horses are about to die.

And the trails are pretty happy. I just want to say as funny as it seems like to make fun of a person who loves to have sex with horses. There is, it's America, there's, and it's earth and it's this reality. There is somebody who falls into the cross in the Venn diagram sliver who is of our show's listeners and people who like to have sex with horses and is not amused. I would hope that that person has a good sense of humor about it. No, the line must be drawn here. There is, no.

I'll apologize to Furries about my ill-advised ill-informed rant about Furries. I will apologize to jugglers or should I say juggler about the shit that we said about jugglers? I am not gonna, I am not gonna go so far as to apologize equestri-files. Nope. We, we do not stand by our previous calls for violence against the furry community. Nope. That was, that was an ill-advised joke.

We love Furries now. Ditto for jugglers. And I totally support people who want to have sex with jugglers. Yeah, if you want to have sex with a juggler, go nuts. That's between you and your god. But yeah, I think we can take a pretty bold stand against having some horses. You know, this might be a little, little controversial, but I just do not support horse fucking.

All right. Well, well, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It's okay between horses. Let's, that's how, that's, if we were, if there was no more horse fucking, there wouldn't be more horses. And that's the, at the end of the day, that's what you have to keep in mind. But man or woman, I guess woman is sorry. If a horse wants to bury his powerful horse shaft into another horse's quivering, waiting horse vagina. I think that is, I mean, give me a sell tickets to that.

I don't know why you are going so fast with this. I keep telling everyone, slow down. We have an hour. You know what I mean? That is more than enough time. From, from. There's no rush. There's no need to rush this dance.

Yeah. Yeah. We're just in a, this is, I'm trying to rush straight to a gallop. And you guys are, you guys are more of a canter. More of a canter. Well, that was half the show on one question. Whoops. Let's move on.

About having horses. Moving on. Hey, a few months ago, I moved from Ireland to Michigan and almost everything has been great. Should I, I should, I should have a brogue. Don't do it. I should probably. Keep breeding. Keep breeding.

If you want to think about my brogue, should I have a brogue? No, keep breeding. I think you got to go brogue. He's talking about, okay. When American people meet me and hear my accent. What? They always ask me to say stuff. Didn't they often do other things?

I mean, you should have a stroke right there in the middle of the question. How should I react? Okay. So when American people meet them, they hear the accent. They always ask me to say stuff. Then they often do their best. Oh good. Oh no.

Oh golly. What a kerfuffle. How is my face red? Or should I say green? Irish. How should I react to these requests? Should I be polite or should I tell them to go to hell? That's from different in Detroit.

You know what we talked about earlier? About how everybody wants, doesn't want people to talk. You're in one of the rarest positions where people actually do want to hear you say stuff. Yes, but my friend Miranda McGee who's also a co-host in case of emergency with me. She's got a pretty noticeable Australian accent. Every time that she goes out somewhere, some douchebag is like, where are you from? Okay, now say, throw another shrimp on the barbie. Now say, and it's like, it's like turns them into like a side show act, like a puppet.

It's the grossest thing. And the dude thinks that he's laying down mad game. Yeah. Like, ah, she likes how cute I think it is. She likes how xenophobic and narrow-minded I am. She loves that shit. I'm really going to segregate her from the rest of the group. Yeah.

Awesome. Can everybody just be like, cool about accents? Yeah. Just chill out? I guarantee, I bet I've never traveled outside of this country because it's the greatest country on earth. But me, I bet that you don't go to like England and someone goes, oh my god, what is that, an American accent?

Well, no. Talk about your president and stuff. Our accent is the grossest. But I also bet that no one over there is like, you don't roll up and someone's like, what is that, an Irish accent? Weird. No, because they get that shit all the time because they're right up next to it. That's what I'm saying.

Could we maybe just pretend like it's not the first foreign person you've ever met? I think plus they say it on TV and stuff a lot because all their TV shows are. I think our accent to people on not on this continent or this continental mass, I think it just sounds like every time we're talking, whenever we're talking, it just sounds like pizza is just falling out of our mouths. I think it's a muddy, I think it's a muddy, sloppy, sloppy dialect. I don't think anybody likes listening to it. Maybe when these people are like demanding that you say stuff in your Irish accent,

then you respond to them with what you imagine an American accent to sound like. Yeah. And be like, okay, and that's my impression of you. How do you feel? We all best friends to like a British person. We basically sound like the cockroach alien in the human skin from the first Men in Black movie. A lot of times when we have conversations like this, our international listeners take it as a cue to write in and kind of fill in some of the gaps

in our international knowledge. I just want to make it clear on this point specifically. I don't really care what you think of our accents. I like to say, please don't. The only thing that I really want you to do is kick the sugar and put it in the water. I remember, you know what? I can remember being a young boy. Griffin won't remember this.

I don't think Travis will either, but I have a very clear memory. I don't have a very clear memory of the first time I discovered I had an accent because I was like 10 years old and I was at the beach. I think it was like an all-inclusive resort or something where people, there were like a lot of activities planned for the kids. So the kids would do things separate from the parents and let the parents, I don't know what parents do either by themselves, watch TV or something. So we were leaving for the day, for the week.

And some of the kids I'd hung out with said, oh, we're going to miss you, Justin. We love your accent. And it was literally like, it was like the end. It was like the end of usual sun strength. It's like, guys are so insane. Like, wait a minute, I do. I have an accent.

I have an accent. For Christmas, like two or three years ago, Dad gave us all of our home videos converted to DVD. Oh, yeah. And I sat down with Theresa to watch them. I was like, honey, come watch. Here's all my memories as a child. And I had always known that we had an accent,

but not until that moment was it thrown into so harsh reality as the video of Justin and I playing on the jungle gym. Oh, yeah. And it's like, hi, father. What are you doing? You motherfuckers turned the word daddy into a four syllable word. You sounded like old prospectors.

It's the grossest thing. If we weren't like three and six, you would assume that we were doing like the worst comedy routine ever. There are a lot of that. If you watch this in Malcolm Gladwell's book, The Outlarge, he talks about how you need 10,000 hours of experience to become an expert in something. I like to think now my brother and my brother and me

is a show made by comedy experts. But if you watch these tapes. Hold on, because we have done 10,000 episodes. Go on. No, but we've been trying to do bits for our whole lives. Oh, I see. If you watch these bits, if you watch these tapes, you could see a lot of half-formed comedy ideas.

All of my jokes now make about as much sense as they did then. They give you an idea. There is a tape. And then watching them now, I just like, it's hard to watch because I can see the setup and then the execution just falls flat. There's one tape where Travis is, I'm going to put them at four. And Travis says, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.

That says, who's there? Travis says, knife. That says, knife, who? And Travis says, would you rather work nightly or knifely? Yep. What does it mean? We'll never know. What does that mean?

Might as well be said in hieroglyphs. But see, if you had done that on a stage and just taken your bombing as hard as you would have, it would have been like Andy Kaufman-esque brilliance. So you're saying that four-year-old Travis was just a comedic genius. Griffin had a great bit when he was four or five. Are you talking about the cheese?

No, I don't remember the cheese bit. Every time there was a camera pointed at Griffin, I would say cheese. He would just go, cheese. And it didn't matter if it was a video camera or a regular camera. Or if I was at a funeral. Or a pinhole camera. I used to look at Eclipse's.

Griffin, don't care. Now Griffin had a pretty good bit where he used to come up to you and say, is there a baker under your bed? And you would say, no. And then Griffin would say, have you checked? They would say, no. And then Griffin would say, then how do you know there is not a baker under your bed?

And for some people, it was adorable and hilarious. For me, it was terrifying. And I often lived in fear of bed. Because they were in bunk beds, and Griffin would hang his head down at four o'clock in the morning and shout this into Travis' face. I have a confession that I need to get off my chest. After probably 22 years.

OK. Oh, wow. I stole the baker under your bed joke from the movie Rocket Man. I stole probably my most minute, the joke that whenever you talk about how funny a kid I was, I stole that shit from Harlan Williams. Took it right from him. Are you telling me this?

I hate you so much. Took it right from him. Hate your fuck. Are you serious? Ten years old, you thought, oh my god, this kid's on another level. Nope. You know who is on another level?

It's Harlan Williams. He, well, he's on another level for a 10-year-old. That's great, because when I was seven, I used to think that Griffin was like a young Harlan Williams. Holy shit, Griffin. Yeah. Now I'm being usual suspects again. I know.

Kaiser Soze too. Soze again. I didn't. Soze, we all. Soze, we all. You've been suspecting those. Oh, god. Can we go to the Money Zone?

Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I guess. Stranger. Whoever you are. I don't even know you. Maybe you were adopted. By Harlan Williams. Harlan Williams left you in a mask and on your doorstep.

Take good care of this precious baby for me. Hey, I want to tell you guys about weight you haven't seen.com. That's actually weight you haven't seen on iTunes also. And you can follow them at weight you haven't seen. And that's weight the letter you haven't seen. And I want to tell you about Ross has seen every movie twice. Tucker fancies himself a pop culture expert, but has not seen anything.

Not Jaws, not Pulp Fiction, not Scarface, or even Roadhouse. It's time for Tucker to see the films that everyone else has seen. They watch the films, discuss its pop culture significance, and occasionally bust into freestyle rap. Observe it. Only occasionally racist. Kidding. And always entertaining.

If you want pretentious dinks who spend hours discussing the artistry of one shot, this is not for you. That's weight you haven't seen. Have they seen Harry and the Henderson? Have they seen Rocket Man? Have they seen Rocket Man? Ribbed all of its comedy. You guys, you don't understand.

I did you a fucking favor. I waited, I went deep, deep into the Rocket Man minds. And I came out with all of the comedy or that existed in it. And I'm going to be honest, it was not, it was not much. It required a lot. There was a lot of cruft. I just, I think it's really, I think it's really indicative of the box office success of Rocket Man,

that Griffin has been cribbing this bit and it never occurred to anyone. I actually talked about that extensively on ICOE. And every time I've ever told anyone about Griffin, I've mentioned the bagers of your bed. And not one person in all of these United States has ever gone. You mean the Rocket Man? Actually, Jessica Lundy put me on blast once. She was like, I remember that one from on the set.

Harlan, Harlan dropped that one on the set. And I don't think he'd appreciate you. You're like the color spincy of Rocket Man. This bit has been brought to you by Airbnb. I don't know. Come on. Give me some credit. Come on now.

I had to watch it. You did, obviously. I mean, you did watch the movie, I guess. Jessica Lundy also in the stupids. It's all six degrees here, people. Six degrees to Tom Arnold. Six degrees with deceit. People come up to me and they're like,

I bet you can't like Tom Arnold and Harlan Williams. I'm like, sit your ass down. Dumb bitch. Dude, we didn't won. Lundy. So sex toys, they are, I like to think that we here at My Brother, My Brother, and Me are part of the normalization of adult play things.

I think they're already pretty normal, but go on. Well, us in Fifty Shades of Grey are really helping to normalize toy play. Justin, it's funny you should mention Fifty Shades. Okay. I'm not saying that we are responsible for this, but on the homepage of extremistrains.com, there's a banner that connects you to items inspired

by Fifty Shades of Grey. Now, Travis, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that's probably inspired by the massive heart-stopping, no success. I have to success to Occam's razor this and say that we talked about Fifty Shades of Grey and extremistrains.com last week. I believe we made this happen.

I want to see something in the hero section of extremistrains.com. There's the online marketing terminology for this sort of thing. Oh, I thought you meant items inspired by the show Heroes. No, I want to see items inspired by My Brother, My Brother, and Me. Oh, you can just buy the book on Extremistrains.

That is, I suppose, an item inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey. Here's that they got cat suits and everything that you think you know about, bad news is you don't know anything about it. So, like, you think catsuit, oh, sexy, like Catwoman. Yes, they've got that, but then they've got another one that covers up your whole body. Like, I don't even know.

I don't have a, I don't have a, it's like a no-man. Like, it takes you out of reality or something. Like, you're phased out and it's scary, but maybe you can fuck it. I don't, can I fuck this? Can I fuck this shadow man? Go for it. I don't know.

I'm not going to make rules for you. The R&D scientists at extremistrains.com are willing to answer that question for you. Can you fuck it? Can you fuck this thing? R&D, by the way, stands for Rumping and Dildos. There is a, okay, so if you want a steel bra with leather straps, you can have that.

It's $240. And there's a check box here that says for, add a four-inch nickel-plated die-cast snap for $2.95. I don't want to be there with those married couples looking. They say, I don't know, honey. Do we need the extra, do we need the extra four inches or do you think you're going to be okay? Times are tight.

Times are tight. I mean, there's a lot of affordable options. You guys would not believe how inexpensive anal beads are. They are giving them away. They're cheaper than you think. And hey, the good news about all these prices is that we can knock 20% off for you. Use the coupon code middleist and you're going to get, it's going to be like way cheaper.

It's going to be like crazy cheap. 20%, right? 20%, well, 20% cheaper. Yeah, I mean, it's going to be awesome. extremestreams.com is the website. It's E-X-T-R-E-M-E-R-E-S-T-R-A-I-N-T-S.com. Did you guys get all those letters? M-Ford slash studio strip.

Ford slash Geo cities. Ford slash tripod. Ford slash fashion use. Do yourself and your lover a favor and go check it out today. Treat yourself. Train that ass. I'm looking at the strict leather large dildo harness and that's out of stock. So don't miss out on the, like the, something else, the army harness with dildo or something.

You don't, don't miss out. Just get it. Get that female plug. You earned it. Get the anal trainer set. Get the anal trainer set now for only $23.80. Listen, we've all been very disappointed in your anus's performance lately. We want to enroll it in a seminar.

And by seminar, I mean a gradually increasing in size series of butt valves. I guess this, what's a good way to describe what these things are, but, but missiles. We're just going to ram jam them up in there. You're going to be good to go. You're going to be a very productive member of the company. You're welcome. You're welcome. Yeah.

You're welcome. Extremestplace.com coupon code middleist. Me and my pals are in the throes of a masculine evening. We had a big old barbecue with burgers and wings. Photos attached. Thank you. And now we're watching the usual suspects and drinking beers. Whoa.

That's crazy. Inception. But there's a problem for our post bbq suite. We ended up buying a lemon meringue pie. While delicious, we are all agreed that the LNP is a far from testosterone inducing post-dinner treat. We'd love to hear if you have a recommendation for a manlier dessert. We presume as members of the volume loving American nation that you have a better idea

than us sissy Brits. That's from a feet eater in Southeast London. Well, you've come to the right place. I'm fat. Might I suggest each of you eat your own cheesecake? That's well, no. See that like that hoves into sex in the city territory for me. Everybody having their own individual cheesecake.

Just four women. That's what most of the series was about. Everybody just eat a pint of hog and dolls. Yeah, exactly. And that's that's the vibe of that. Why don't you four just jerk each other off? What a sweet, sweet dessert that'll be. I don't understand that.

I think the obvious answer is deep fried things. Is that two? Is that two? Well, I think the obvious answer is to not assign goddamn genders to the dessert that you're eating, you mad man. Why is this bothering you so much, Griffin? Because it's it's I think it's sexist to say this sweet light treat is a woman thing and these these hearty barbecue ribs are for dudes only bros only with these ribs.

Now Griffin, that's that's wonderful. That's beautiful and you're very open. But have you never just like had a dude's night like? Yeah, I will have a night where I primarily hang out with my dude friends, but we're not going to eat like a key lime pie and be like, what are we doing? I man, this is tough because I think that whether or not you I mean, you can you can do this without assigning gender roles to it. I mean, you can just say that you're having sort of a a hearty a hearty night.

I will say that I don't think a lemon rind pie goes with barbecue. Yeah, that's crazy. If you want to talk about flavor parings, you're yeah, that's not I don't think I think if you're saying like this is a themed like outdoor cookery, you know, old school kind of dinner, then yes, lemon rind pie does not fit the theme. God, you know what? I know that this is kind of a weird question, but now I'm sitting here trying to think about it like a like you have all your guy friends over.

He's just boys nine out, you know, and you're making some ribs and drinking some whiskey. And I'm trying to envision a dessert you pull out that it's not like what are you doing? Well, that's why back in the day, I would have like a cookout day. The dessert is more meat like you just eat me fall asleep on the couch. There is no there is no like the way to transition that conversation of yeah, it's good steak. I like to eat it. I'll get something sweet.

I need something sweet on my teeth. Here's my suggestion because whenever I do a cookout party, this is what I go with. Get some bananas, right? Slice them open without peeling them. Stuff some chocolate chips in there and wrap them back up in foil. Pop them on the grill for about 10 minutes. Is this a real thing you do? Pop it up and eat it.

Yeah, it's delicious. Sounds really good. It is amazing. And it's like grilled bananas, you know, stuff with chocolate. And it's badass because you're like eating in foil and it's like fair food. Simple as shit. Still still shaped like a cock. Yeah.

I mean, there is that. I mean, you can do the same thing with apples to core and apple. Soak it in like brandy and syrup. Whittle it. Whittle it into a cock shape. And then put your dick in it and then put your dick inside the dick. Wrap it up in foil. Pop it on the pop it on the grill for a while.

I wish there was a way of and maybe I don't know what the what you would call this aesthetic, but I wish there was a way of separating what you would traditionally apply as the, you know, call the the dude, you know, pastiche, the steak, the whiskey, the Jason Statham movies, what have you. I wish there was a way of separating that from just dudes. Yeah. Like, like I understand this is an aesthetic. And I think that women should be absolutely able to enjoy it too.

I just wish they didn't have like gender roles attached to it. They might not just call it like an evening of badassery. Yeah, I don't even like, I don't know, a badass seems kind of presumptuous for eating steak and watching Kevin Spacey movies. Like just seems like, I don't know. Hold on, hold on, hold the fucking phone. Yeah. Did you just give Kevin Spacey a carte blanche badass status?

I know, I said, I said, no, Travis, I'm saying it's kind of self important for watching for what badass this describing yourself, watching a Kevin Spacey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, man. Don't fuck with, don't fuck with Spacey. He, this dude looks like he could fucking wreck you. Did you see him in American Beauty? He was getting jacked. What if you, what if you called it just like an evening of male bondage?

Okay. No. Okay, hold on. We'll come back to that. The first time I heard K-Pax, I assumed it was somebody's frat nickname from college. A guy named Kevin Paxton and everybody called him K-Pax. K-Pax! Hey, man, I hope Gryffindor said that one very fast.

I love Justin so editorializing. It's just a note, I hope we can hear that. Written in red ink. Cut this, I cut this. That's kind of funny. Male, you've actually explicitly put the word male into the thing that I'm trying to execute. So you think like an evening of person bondage?

Okay. No. What? Okay. Evening of bondage. Because like you're bonding together, but you want to say bonding. Yeah. It's not even about the bonding.

Like I don't get down on the sense of fraternity so much as just a sense of like- Eating food that is bad for you. I don't know. Eating food is bad for you and like eating some steak and having a martini and watching K-Pax. A good question. But why can't you just say like we're having an evening, we're doing stuff, we're getting together.

It's important to let people know what they're coming, like what they're coming into. Yeah, you want to establish the vibe, right? So what would you call it, Justin? I don't know. I'm saying I don't have a good answer for it. I think we got to use a totally gender neutral word for like- It has to be gender neutral. If you're eating nachos and steak, then what if we just called that like dump?

And it's like a very- We're taking a dump. No, no. It doesn't have to be that. It's just a word that sounds like the thing that it is. It's dump night. Come on over for dump. And then if-

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, dump. Don't wear your fancy khakis. We're taking a dump. I'm going to take that word back from the way that the honestly the juvenile way that you guys are using it. I'm going to open a fancy Chicago restaurant called Dump. Does it have like three years in it? No, it has one you with an umlaut.

Dump. Come on down to dump. We got steak. We got stew. We got steak at dump. K-Picks? The walls are just lined with plasma screens showing the choices. We got all the freshest angus sticks and all the choices cuts from K-Picks.

A dump. I just wanted a word to describe Manly that doesn't exclude people with vaginas. That's what I'm saying. I don't think that that's asking so much. What about dump? But to be fair, I mean to be fair, this is not just dudes are not the only guys who do this because every so often the ladies here in Cincinnati will have like a ladies night where like they do a clothing exchange every year and they'll like literally no

joke sit around and like give each other manicures and pedicures and talk about boys and drink wine and like you know I see to me that sounds like fun. Yeah that sounds like a good time. I know but it's not about like yeah I would love to go to that too man clothing exchange. I'd love to get some new duds but like it ain't gross. I'll talk about boys all day. Orlando Bloom? Orlando Swoon we're like I'm in.

But so then when that happens me and the men of Cincinnati we go play pool and you know we go see a band and play shuffleboard. And jerk each other off. Turkey tell her off on the biscuits. It's Tuesday you know. Griffin you got a yahoo point. Yeah let's hop to a yahoo. We've only done one yahoo.

Give me a nut. No that one wasn't funny. Let's do like a funny one. This one was sent in by. Just put in like horse or ghost or something. Um this this ghost was sent in by Emily Wall. Thank you Emily Wall. It's by yahoo answers user Ghostiff or should I say Joseph.

Who asked. My ex called me out saying that I'm not a juggalo on Facebook. I tried. How dare you man. I've tried everything to prove to her that I am one and she still keeps saying that I'm not one. What can I do to get her off my three asterisks. Which means dick. I was just saying maybe you could learn to curse like an adult.

Yeah you think juggalos are very reserved about their cursing. To get her off of my butt. My fanny. Help me help me murder Jay. How do I get this how do I get this lady off of my my rear end. She's a real pain in the backside. He's getting really PO'd right now. Is the problem that okay.

Did did she accuse him on the social network Facebook of not being a juggalo in his day to day existence or he's not a she accused him. Is he not repping the juggalo lifestyle. I think that she was saying when push came to shove like at the breaking point he would he would croak and he would not. You ain't no twiddle though is what she's saying. Yeah right. Sure he claims to do it.

He talks the talk of course but could he walk the walk. He so and you say you mean like when he's at the gathering. He's wrapping a hatchet man yes but on Facebook. He's just like we're completing best classes and stuff. On when he goes into work at 711 is he is he living the juggalo lifestyle. Is he openly juggalo. So in the in the world in the in his night his native habitat. He's you know slippery Dick Dave but on on the book.

He's just he's Michael. Just Michael. His mom calls him on Facebook. He goes by regular Dick Michael. Just completely normal Dick Michael. You know Ryda is a down ass juggalo or juggalette who is down to ride for you or with you. And I think that she is that is RYDA. What does that mean.

A down ass juggalo or juggalette. Okay but you said two words in those three words. I don't know. Well like a down ass juggalo. Like they're depressed. No they're like you but hold on. I need to check the cross over to see what down means. Okay there is no down is not covered.

Okay we let us assume that it means like cool. Can I tell you guys the top two injuries in wakia in the juggalo wakia for juggalo terms. Okay the first is axe a motherfucking serial slaughter and weapon used for honor and to split your shitty dome piece haters. Okay holy shit that isn't fair. That's the same it says as Marion Webster. Now hold on.

This fucking tool is the shit. You want to split some haters dome. No problem. So that's dictionary out. You just got dictionarized. Bitch. A is axe B bigot. An extremely prejudiced person very attached to their own blue system.

That is the only entry for B is the word bigot. That means the thing that means they think they made up the word bigot. That's crazy. That's an old thing we've been saying. Could we could we use it in a sense could we could I get the origin of that word. I used yes I used my axe on that bigot who died. Thank you who then got who was then root word then perished. Root word big.

I hate you juggalos. Here's an entry for C cherry pie. This means a virgin. Then it says listen to cherry pie for reference. No thanks juggler wikia. I think I get it. You may have not have put this together because it's when it's now I do want to I don't want to act like I'm not repping the clown love I'm down with the clown for life.

I actually think the jugglers are a I misrepresented people who are kind of fun and I'm not anti juggler. I'm pro juggler. Oh juggalo. I thought you were saying juggler. No sorry sorry everyone sorry jugglers just kidding. Oh man do you think we have any juggler listeners. Oh we have one and it's this guy it's the same guy with these girlfriends online being like

you listen to my brother my brother me known juggalo haters you ain't juggalo. I do I do I like the juggalos I think it's a fun I like how they all get together and like beat the shit out of tequila tequila it's like a fun it's like a fun game it's like a they just they just threw garbage at her. No nothing wrong with that you guys I think okay let me ask you this are you really better off it would you be better off in a world without juggalos. Okay well that was easy this has been our comedy podcast. Wait do you mean like my day to day.

Yeah your day to day life this has been our comedy podcast with my brother my brother and me thank you so much for spending your time with us yet again we we sincerely sincerely appreciate it. We want to welcome a new podcast the maxfun family it is uh it's called risk true tales boldly told and uh and and it is our it is our newest edition hosted by kevin allison who you might know from I don't know the state. Which state no that's a joke it's a television program. Not a great joke but yes still a joke um but but uh yeah so risk is is the newest edition to our family I like that show and uh I can't wait to welcome them to our to our bosom um thank you to everybody

tweeting about the show our show not their show fuck their show our show we win. Yeah uh thanks to uh little so crates instant gyms sweet doom yeah pat note and color dart 2d2 uh dan jack co these are songs in my cowgirl uh nicaskel so many grandma's brian we really appreciate you uh and love you very much um I want to thank john rodrick in the long winters for the use of our theme song instead of partshawthy up and put in the days to bed if you secured tix to maxfun connease you are going to get a chance to bro bro down with john rodrick um so so thank him in person for the good jams for the power jams uh we can't do it in person because of a restraining order which is unfortunately why why we will not be a max

fun connease a couple people have asked we went to max fun kind of west and we want to leave room for all the other uh podcast kids to be there so we're in luck them out with our charisma you're in luck though because it is an amazing lineup and you will have a great time so don't even worry about it and just know that while you're there uh look up at the heavens look at the beautiful uh clear sky and see the moon and know that somewhere out there we're dreaming of you that's probably not true um if you if you'd like to ask out there oh uh mail mail call excuse me jents mail call uh some things we got to our we have a mailbox it's mb mb am po box 54 huntington west virginia 25706 oh did you get any more veiled death threats

no no more veiled death threats i did get you keep that postcard by the way because i would like to frame it no i threw it away because it's horrifying uh tiffani and dember writes us with a picture of a horse that's delightful uh let's see kenjamin kenjamin thank you for writing this is a postcard of a a girl saying i know how you must feel brab but kenjamin wrote us a very nice note we got some comics uh sent sent to us uh through the mail uh from andrew fulton so thank you andrew for the uh the comics and then things got a little weirder we got a dvd of a japanese wrestling sampler nice uh leo sent us a picture of a cat uh no sorry the cat is lea the cart is from jill and jordy hoit came in the mail uh alex from timpy sent us uh some amazing papercraft

of uh panel anerson with garfield head and garfield with anerson head thank you uh that is now sitting on my desk so thank you to everybody who did we get a brochure about pet turtles we did get a brochure about pet turtles i did not know who sent that but thank you for shining it's up is it not i don't really enjoy have people not gotten the fucking we can't say it i'll edit this out but we really want people to send us money right like that's why we did it is so that people could just send us money unsolicited yeah i don't i don't want weird like i don't want the fucking thanks for the postcard i guess but how much i can't spend this you know just send us i don't know like i don't want money because then people think that's a joke and they'll send me

like monopoly money and i'm like hardy hard that's gonna go in the post office trash can i need like cash baked goods gold some of the grants would be great something untraceable i just need something i can trade when the revolution comes guy high stacks some something i can barter with you know just thought that you get us out of the country give me some of that barter paper they call money do you guys want to um yeah please god save me for myself this finally i who was in my emily wall oh man it's so good they're these the following 11 words i feel like summarize this human being more than any 11 words could ever summarize any other human being it's by yahoo answers user trevor who asks is it possible for a ferret to hide a fushigi ball

i'm just a macro i'm just a macro it's been my brother my brother and me kiss your dad square on the lips you keep your heart three stacks keep your heart hey keep your heart three stacks keep your heart man these girls are smart three stacks these girls are smart play your part