My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 124: This is Our Rumours

Episode Date: October 15, 2012

Happy Max Fun Day, everyone! To celebrate today's most-special of holidays, we've created our most Fleetwood Mac-est episode yet. We just know you're gonna love it. Suggested talking points: Second Hand News, Dreams, Never Going Back Again, Don't Stop, Go Your Own Way, Songbird, The Chain, You Make Loving Fun, I Don't Want to Know, Oh Daddy, Gold Dust Woman

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's a new place And the girls, do you want it to say, hey, I want it to say, hey, I want it Welcome my brother and my brother and me, and if I show for the modern hour, well, we're about to find out what's in the box.

What's in the box? I got a box and now I'm opening it and I want to know what's inside. Griffin, what's in the box? I'm using my car keys and it's not good. Let's take guesses what's in the box. Is it an exciting product from Extreme Restraints? A dead fish? Nope, because I'm afraid of my penis.

I'm afraid of what it might do one day. Your penis is a dead fish? Man, you're taking people on a sonic journey with these box cut noises. This is like that thing at Coast Eye where you put the headphones on, sat in the dark room, and listen to the people walk through the haunted house. This is like Radio Lab, but instead of talking about emotional science, I'm opening up. Oh, it's a high definition webcam. That's not interesting.

One of the bad things about using Amazon Prime for all your purchasing is that every once in a while, you'll excitedly open a downy ball. Something I learned today when I excitedly opened a package to find that I had ordered a triple pack of the downy ball. Let's play what is the most humiliating thing that you bought on Amazon just so you wouldn't have to go to the store? Justin, I'm assuming your answer is downy ball. No.

For me, the answer is a 40-pound bag of cat litter. And that was only because I was afraid my spindly, reedy arms wouldn't be able to lug the shit dirt out of the store. For the novelty of like, if I didn't have Amazon Prime, this would cost me like $400 to ship. And they ship it in a box and it's a giant box and you get home and you're like, oh my god, that's either the ventriloquist dummy I ordered or a big bag of shit dirt. Oh man. Possibly Jimmy Hoffa.

Oh man, it's the other one, the one I don't want. I ordered centrum chewable vitamins. But that's, I just didn't, when I'm at the grocery store, I don't think, like when I think about getting my vites at the grocery store, I'll buy a fucking orange. Yeah, right. I won't get tablets. No, you guys are, there's a lot of you guys, 10 million strong and growing. That's what the ad tells me.

Well, it's adults, it's adults, it's like adults chewable vitamins for adults. Sure, right. They do not taste, they do not taste good. And that's how you know it's for adults. I don't think adult chewables taste, I have these chewable gummy vitamins, not the super frit gummies that I used to be on, but are these, these chewable adult vitamins and they, they are gummy vitamins and they taste terrible. Yeah.

It's, it's because things that are good for you can't be good for your senses. Right. You know what I mean? When I was a kid, I, I once ate, like a whole jar of Spider-Man vitamins and they were fucking delicious. Fuck man. Wait, what? How are your, how is your, your liver and just, how is all of you after that?

It was just a shit, a rock. I just, she had so many minerals. Yeah, I just shit nutrition. It was amazing. Where were our parents during this? They were upstairs and it was my Saturday morning snack. This is an advice, did we do the name thing where we sent our names? We went straight into box adventures.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McRoy. I'm your middleest brother, Travis McRoy. I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McRoy. And guys, it's Max Fun Day. Max Fun Day all day. Is it just me or is Max Fun Day not like way better than Columbus Day? Well, it's because mom's senior or maximum fund didn't come to a country and then kill everybody in it.

Do you think that like, are the people who assigned Columbus Day to be like a national holiday, like deeply regret it once history came to light and they were like, ah, shit. Well, we can't take it back now. Now, wait, do you think that they didn't know at first? Do you think they were like, it took them a few years to be like, hey, wait a minute. There aren't that many Native Americans. No, I think that what they realized was like, oh, Columbus wasn't the one who discovered America. It was a Viking.

Well, we'll just keep it Columbus Day because he wants to celebrate Viking Day. Wait, that sounds awesome. Yeah, it sounds actually way better. Mutton and what and whatnot. Today is Max Fun Day. It's the first Max Fun Day. It's like you said, better than Columbus Day or basically any other holiday. What we're trying to do is get some new members to the maximum fun family.

We're going down to the adoption agency. We are looking through the windows into the cages where they keep the children. We're going to take home some babies. We're going to take home some babies today. I want to walk into an adoption agency and just yell, I'm ready to take home some babies. Can I tell you guys something? Seriously, no biscuits here. I thought that I thought like for my formative years,

I really didn't think the orphanages were like pet stores where like you would go in and there would be kids behind glass. Yeah, these fucking babies are price to move. And in your mind's eye. There's just like a sawdust and wood chips at the bottom and the babies are like falling all over each other. And in your mind's eye, they're all babies too. Because if they turn five and they don't have a home yet,

I guess they burn them or something. So today we encourage you to go to maximumfund.org.com, maxfunday. If you can throw us a $10 a month donation, I know it doesn't seem like much money at all. But we do some amazing things with that cash. We make Judge John Hodgson. We make Memory Palace. We make this show.

We make more commie flowers. What? Orgami flowers. We make origami flowers from your money and then throw it in the garbage. I take wishes and I put them inside those origami money flowers and I set them out onto the lake, the Asian lake. And then we fire arrows at them and have a Viking burial for your money. So donate, won't you?

We're always adding new shows to the family, always adopting new babies. This time last year, did we have international waters? Did we have, I guess we had JJ Ho. Did we have, we did not have throwing shade though. We certainly didn't have Memory Palace and we didn't have risk. Those are only made possible. Those shows are made possible because of your gift. And we are going to put out, as you might be suspecting,

if you're an existing donor or a new donor, you're going to get a special episode of My Brother, My Brother Me that we recorded last night. That is, I think it is fair to say, unlike any other you have ever experienced. It was super silly. Here's the tease. We gave each other advice.

And we were kind of drinking a little bit. And so sleepy. So it's got a little crazy. It got a little crazy in there. So go to Maximum Fun Day or go to MaximumFun.org forward slash maxfunday. And if you're already a member, you know, you're already giving, that's great. Tell a friend, tweet it out.

Tweet that URL out. Get some, get into something. We're gonna, Griffin and I are gonna do a Google Hangout today. You want to go to get all the details there. So MaximumFun.org forward slash maxfunday is the address. Please go and help us build something great. And now let's get into the advice. I'm ready.

I'm ready. I guess, I guess I'm ready too. Okay. Well, you got to be ready. You have no choice. Fuck. About a year ago, we moved into my father-in-law. Ow.

How did he get, how did he get out of there? He's roomy and spacious. And we encourage others looking for shelter. We knocked out a wall, we turned two rooms into one room. Really open to place. Hey, if you're, if you're in there, don't knock out any walls. Almost all of them are essential. They, we moved to a father-in-law across the country before.

That time he had asked me to call him dad, which was very sweet and meant a lot to me. The issue now is that he's here. It's kind of weird. I love him very much, but he's not my dad. So every time I try to make myself call him that, it just feels wrong and I can't do it. At this point, I'm using his first name to talk about it with other people and a mishmash of, hey, grumpy and assorted mumbles when I address them directly. I can't get past how wrong it seems to call anybody, but my actual dad, dad, help.

That's from who's my daddy in Cincinnati, which is a nice little bit of, I like a, yeah, a little bit of rhyming, which I appreciate. You know, in, in, in acting, there's this idea of like, if you try to do an emotional moment and it feels weird, it's probably because you did not earn it up to that point. So maybe there's not earning calling him dad. Maybe you got to earn it, like a fishing with him and ask him to teach you to whittle stuff that dads do. Can I ask why you think grumpy is an acceptable alternative?

Yeah, grumpy seems like a weird pick. Maybe he's grumpy because you call him grumpy instead. Like, I don't mind if you don't call me daddy, but can you please not call me grumpy? When I'm, I had a friend in a church who used to call pooping. He would call that grumpy. He was going to make grumpy. The logic being that, the logic being that the face that you make. Very much.

It's a grumpy face. That's, that's a very childish thing to say, but I can't hear that word without thinking of, yeah, I'm getting grumpy. Anyway, were we doing a show? I'm sorry. Were we, did we have a thing we were talking about? Can you upgrade it to daddy or sweetums or? Sweets perpa.

Sweets perper. Sweets perpa. And then. Hello, Sweets perpa. Make him, if you can stick with that, stick with that for 48 hours. And then when you downgrade it back down to dad, it's going to be great. Yeah. I, I, I mean, you, you've got to, you, you've got to let it come naturally.

If, if it doesn't, if it feels weird to you, then, then, then you may not have that relationship. Like I didn't call my, I, I didn't call my in-laws mom and dad for, for quite a long time. I don't think I've ever heard you call them that. It's, it's something that I call them when I'm, I'm feeling very like close to them. When no one's around. When no one's, no, no, uh, it's something I call it, it feels appropriate. It doesn't always feel appropriate. Sometimes it feels weird, um, but, but sometimes it feels appropriate.

I mean, we're, we're very close now. We are more like family and it, and it, and it feels natural, but I don't try to force it. Is there, I don't even feel comfortable calling Teresa's parents by their first names. Like there's something about being like, Hey, Mike, what's up? Like something about it seems so informal and disrespectful. I know like that's, I do call them that, but it still is always a catch before I do it. It doesn't feel natural yet. What we need is an English Usted, right?

We need, we need the formal term that, uh, Usted in Spanish basically means, uh, hey you, which is basically like, hey you person. I, I, that is better than me. You're better than me. And this is me addressing you free of, free of gender. Um, that is what we need. That is what we need in the English language. Hey, you might work, but it feels a little, uh, it feels a little imperative to me.

Yeah. It imperative? Yeah. It's like, it's like your shot. It might be, it's me, it seems to have an urgency to it that may not always be applicable. Yeah. What we need is just a, just a, like, oh God. Boss now boss, boss, man.

I want to, at this point, I rarely, we rarely reference culture on this. Your honor. Your honor. Your Excellency. Uh, but I, this, this song, this, uh, brings to mind, uh, a classic country tune. The only number one hit for, for Doug's Supernau. Uh, and the chorus of it goes a little something like this. I don't call him daddy, but he takes care of things when you pick me up on Friday.

Are you going to bring me anything? Oh, don't worry, dad, you know, it don't matter what we do because I don't call him daddy. He could never be like you, be like you. Now, now, if you're going to sing that song to your dad with a straight face. Okay. You don't want to be a liar. Doug's Supernau did not go to his father and sing that song at his death bed as his stepfather looked on in sadness.

He did not do that with a heavy heart. He did it with a clear conscience. Is it possible? Is it possible, Justin, that he did not? Anything's possible. Okay. But is it probable that he did not do that at all? I am not that close with the Supernau family.

Now, was it originally recorded by Kenny Rogers? Yes. Could Kenny Rogers have done that? Perhaps. Was he saying that he doesn't call Kenny Rogers, daddy? No. Yes, I'm going to record your song, but I'm not going to call you. It's not technically Kenny Rogers song.

It was, of course, written by the power duo of Nielsen Pearson. This is like a book on tape of Wikipedia. I'm sorry. Actually, Finding Eye Who Wrote It was the first point, which I had to use Wikipedia. I know a little bit about Country Music, because this song was really big at the time when I was a Country Music DJ named Justin Tyler.

So. That, can you permanently just change it to that? What? Justin Tyler. It sounds just- Who wants you out of the family? It's not, I don't have shame about my last name. Just that one sounds a lot better.

If you had some way of tapping into it, there's little in my life I'm embarrassed about, and I'm not actually embarrassed about this either, but if you had the wherewithal, you could probably find tapes of me speaking excitedly about the exploits of Tim McGraw. Oh, fuck. Please, please.

Somebody, somebody, somebody. I do remember a news story. I said where Tim McGraw was talking about Faith Hill's new record, and he said, I think it's sonically the best record she's ever made. It visually is lacking. It visually is lacking. Sonically, it's one of her best records ever made,

and he actually said, I think this is her rumors. Absolutely perfect. Christ, can we do everything in our power to make this episode of the podcast our rumors? In fact, we should call this episode our rumors. Griffin, do you have a Yahoo? I do. You know what I was just thinking about?

One of the names we almost went with for the show is Bro Your Own Way. That's true. Yeah. So good. Alt-Reality. It could have been. This Yahoo was sent in by Steve M. Romain.

Thank you, Steve M. It's by Yahoo Answers user, Baylin. Who asks? If horses wear people, who do you think they'd vote for? My eight-year-old is the more dominant one. I think she would try to vote herself as the president. My 11-year-old, she'd probably be too lazy to get up there and vote.

But if she could, she'd choose the one with the better tie, XD. What about your horses? You're fucking kidding. Who would you vote for? I think they'd vote for Ralph Nader. You did shit. At least I waited till Griffin finished the question. I saw no one for like half an hour.

I appreciate that. Now, let me just go ahead and tell you that it seemed like a half an hour to you and your millisecond long attention span. I think that it is insane to think that horses, if given the ability to vote, would vote for different people. They would be so oppressed that I'm almost positive they would be voting as a bloc.

You would have to woo the horse vote because you would go to whatever candidate is more friendly to your cause. Can I suggest that if a horse could vote, it would probably vote for Salt. Or, if you will, if we want to make this functional, the saltiest of the two candidates. Whichever would happen to be holding a crunchy apple

at the moment of voting. Who do you think, if licked, which presidential candidate do you think would provide the most flavor? I don't think there's a way to not make this about race. I think that there is and the fact that you just said that is kind of racist. Okay. Here's my deeper question about life.

You know, horses really care about race. Yeah. Here's my deeper question about this. Hold on, because Travis, Travis, Travis. Because horses like to race. I gotcha. God, there's a fucking Laffy Taffy joke in there somewhere if you could find it, people at home.

I want to know what the personality is of this person's 11-year-old horse that makes them think that their decision would be based on the tie. Like, does this horse have this everyday life? Choose Paisley over Stripes. Sure. Is it, maybe it tried to eat his tie once. There's no way that we can discuss this without becoming the kind

of, like, sickening whimsy that sort of characterizes the Yahoo Answers service. Griffin, just keep it up in mind. Let's just talk, the horse, maybe the horse likes to wear ties. Maybe it's like, horse ties on them. Oh, Christ. Christ, you can't go into Yahoo Answers with an open mind.

That's how they get you. You have to go and close-minded to protect yourself. Hot to touch. Maybe, you gotta be careful. Maybe he's a real clothes horse. All right, all right. Okay, Griffin, what are the answers? I will flip the fucking kill switch.

Here's what's great. The top answer is a link to a November 2011 Washington Times article, and I'd like to read you the lead if I can. President Obama last month quietly signed into law a spending bill that restores the American horse slaughter industry. Yay. So Romney? I guess Romney.

But more importantly, yeah, I think that quietly is the only way to sign that kind of bill into law. He dropped the banner from behind him. It's not going to end up in this stuff. Mission accomplished. We got him again. Yeah, I got Obama. Osama bin Laden.

You know who else I got? All the horses. Yeah. Mr. Ed, we're like Mr. Dead. Peace out, horses. I hate you. Obama. 2012.

Answer three. That's a tough one. On the one hand, my horses would fit better with the Republican. Just leave me alone and stay out of my business mentality. Oh my god. But on the other hand, they'd like to be taken care of by the government, like Democrats. God.

Horses are generous people, you know? I don't think that, I think that it's a fallacy to think that horses wouldn't also want to take care of people. Am I wrong? Am I wrong about this? Horses are free. When you ride a horse, it's like borrowing wings from God. Two riders, one heart is basically what I'm saying to you.

Sure. Yeah. I think they would probably go GOP. Yeah, galloping old part. Because I'll tell you why, because they hate donkeys, I guess. Sure, sure. Yeah. That joke, I got about 20% of the way through making that joke,

and then I started googling stuff and instead. Did you say you started googling stuff or stuffing? Because I myself would like to know how to make a savory one without resorting to water chestnuts. It's impossible. Hey, I have a question. I'm in my third year of college, and I'm looking for funny movie plots I can turn into short student films.

Any suggestions? And this is from Hoosh. Now guys, this is the typical question that we answer, and I just want to take a moment to say, you're better than this, Hoosh. So you put this question. I want to make it clear here. You composed the question list this week. You put this in strictly to shame Hoosh.

I wanted to shame Hoosh because, Hoosh, you're better than this. You do not think you can come to our door with your hollowed out pumpkin, knock on a door, trick or treat, and get us to throw the fun-sized baby booth of our inspiration into your bucket. It's unfair, and it's hurtful, Hoosh, and you're better than it. Plus, I am not going to crack open my black and white notebook to give you all of my hilarious short student film ideas. The other reason I added this question is because I thought Travis

probably had a few that he could spare. I, every day, I burp and a movie idea comes out. It got to the point when Travis is younger, where I told him that in order to listen to one of his plots for movies, he had to make one. I remember that. Just one. And once he made one movie out of one of these plots, I would listen. I would cycle forward.

The queue had failed. And it was like he had attended the Dawson Leary School of Cinematic Conceptualizing because he'd be like, tell me your idea, please. And he'd be like, witches? You're like, ah, cool, cool. Sounds like a lie. I am better than that. That's not fair.

Some were quite good. Travis did, in fact, write the entirety of Inception. That's true. And then it got taken from him, ironically. But my ending was quite different. Yeah. Good. In his ending, the top just fell over.

There was a sense of finality to it. And then there was like a Benny Hill type chase scene. And then Leo walks over and picks up his top. He's like, thank goodness. I'm glad this isn't. Oh, shoot. Glad to be home with my family. That's good.

Travis, Travis hates ambiguity. That's his, that's his bugaboo. I do. I hate, I do legit hate any movie that you're supposed to walk out of going, oh God, just don't, I'm not sure. I think so. What do you think? I want to know.

I want me and the person next to me to know the same thing about the movie. I'm going to walk out being like, yeah, so it was the dad, right? It was the dad. Yeah, cool. So in your version of No Country for Old Men, Tommy Lee Jones is sitting there and he's talking to his wife about the dream that he had about the man with the fire. And then he picks up the local paper and he says,

oh, it looks like somebody else got Anton Chagur. And then, then the credits roll. That sounds like a better movie in fairness. That does sound actually very good. That sounds pretty good actually. At the end of Benny Hill music play. Yeah. I got another question for you.

Quickie, how long into a relationship do you think it becomes weird to not say I love you? My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year and have not said it. Even though I know the feeling is there. It's from anonymous. Are you, are you waiting for him to say it? Why haven't you said it? Oh, you think it's a chicken situation? I could see that being a real possibility of both people feeling it.

If you know the love is there, both people feeling it. But being afraid to say it and not wanting to be like, we're in love, right? Like that's awkward. So maybe just say it. And if after a year, he's like, oh, what? Oh, then it's probably best you find that out. If you don't go ahead and say it, this is going to turn into a thing where you're going to wake up one of these days.

And it may, I may not be tomorrow, but it's going to be soon. You're going to wake up and realize that it would be weird to say it at this point. Yeah. It would, oh, I can't, I mean, I can't do it now. If I wasn't going to do it before, like I can't like say I love you now. It will be weird conversation I've, I've had and heard many times that how long did you guys wait before you said it? Can you imagine being at a party and someone asks you that question right now?

And you both like knew that you had never told each other. That's going to ruin the relationship. Can I tell you something? Just say I love you. I love you. Just say I love you. You love the person. You've been with them for a year and you haven't put a steak knife through their neck.

You love them. Yeah. That's love. Maybe you could start out by saying things that sound like I love you and see if you like how it feels. Elephant shoes? Or maybe like even step, step back even further from that and be like Danny Glover. And then see if, see how that treats you sonically.

If it's, if it is the rumor. Is it your rumors? If it's your rumors of talk, of words that you've shared. Saying I love you is my rumors. Hey guys, I'm, I don't say this enough and I want you to know I really, I don't want to bring things down, but I really do mean it. Danny Glover, you both. Thank you, Griffin.

Danny Glover, you too. Danny Glover, you too, Griffin. Danny Glover, everyone. Guys, I do not Danny Glove that joke. Me neither. I'm not, I'm, I maybe Donald Glover it. Yeah. I don't, I don't.

Unrelated. Can you believe it? Now, wait, hold the phone. I know how you're gonna, I know how you're gonna spend this. No, no spinning required. Just shove it a little bit forward. Wait, what are we talking about? Travis just said that everyone, he says that all black clover should be related.

I don't think that. I did not say it should be. I assume it's Hollywood. I assume nepotism. That's the only reason I thought it was weird. That's exactly what it was. Okay. And if I, okay, when I found out Adam Baldwin wasn't related to the

Baldwins that I was surprised, was I racist? That's a great, thank you Travis. Yes, that is a fine point. That is not racist. But the Baldwins have a history of nepotism. Danny Glover, Danny Glover's worked hard to get where he is and so has Donald Glover. That's all I'm saying. The only thing I, listen, you don't have to, we don't have to fight about this.

The only thing I'm saying is that you're a horrid racist. I am not a horrid racist and on the off chance that Donald Glover hears this bit. I want to know how much I respect him deeply. Wow. Fuck that guy. You know what, you know, there's only one God I serve. Who's that? Money.

I love him. Danny Glover has done so much. I want to talk about organs of state. Organs of state is a performance company in Brooklyn. They are holding a ritual dinner, a dinner ritual. Based on the Passover cedar about the story of America. And that runs before and after the week at a Max Fun Con East. You can dine and remake America from the company Jesse Torn once dubbed

the quote greatest theatrical experience of all time. Now seating is, I know, seating is super limited. They have nine seats per night. Jesus, I have, but I've, I've got, I've got nine friends and I want to go. You can't go. You'll have to kill one of your friends. Yeah. There's, yeah, there's nine seats at the table per night.

So it's, it is basically the most limited seating there can be. But it looks. Let's change that. Let's change that word to exclusive. Ooh, I like that. And while we're changing. Exclusive cedar. While we're changing things, let's go back to when Justin said cedar.

Now let's change it to the correct pronunciation. Cedar, cedar is a delicious smelling wood. Cedar is like a super, it's like a super delicious religious dinner. Is it cedar? It's cedar. It's cedar. Cedar is the wood. Yeah.

Yes. The greatest theatrical experience of all time. And the basically also the best wood have finally joined to present. Yeah, nothing to do with the wood. I mean, I take that back. The table might be wood. The chairs might be wood. I don't want to assume.

There you go, dipshit. Go to, you want to go to tickets.organs of state. That's O-R-G-A-N-S-O-F-S-T-A-T-E dot org. And look into that because it sounds fascinating. It sounds like something I'd love to go to. If you're anywhere in the Brooklyn area, you're going to want to check that out. You sound like a real student of Hebrew traditions. Yeah.

All right. Just for the record, by the way, that's October 19th, 20th, 21st, 25th, 26th, 28th, and then November 1st, the 4th. So there's a lot of opportunities to see it. Don't miss it. Don't pass this one over, this event. Fuck. Got it.

Nailed it. For Henry from Alyssa, we have some goodwill to you. Henry's a wonderful boyfriend. He introduced Alyssa to Mabimbam and everything else worth knowing including, one presumes, his body. He is sassy and smart and attractive. And all he asked for as a birthday gift was a message on this very Jumbotron. Don't worry, I got him extra things anyway.

And some of them are sexy. I love you, Henry. Gravel? Gravel? Greenville? It's actually been out of Seder. Seder, happy birthday. Dustin, in all the time, 124 episodes.

I have never been made sad by a thing you said until you said his body. And then I was made sad by yours. That was your thing, huh? That was the one thing that Griffin- It was the tone of voice that you had set it in and the way that you took this wonderful birthday message and spun it into, what's the opposite of gold? You spun it into evil crap.

I truly am surprised that we managed to take something sweet and innocent and then corrupt it into something bad. Yeah, it's the first ever. It's the first ever. Oh, no, wait. We're a fucking conveyor belt that goes through a cardboard box and the cardboard box is bad on it. And then there's a special robot there and he's got a shaker

and inside that shaker is concentrated bad. And he puts it on there. Let's not ruin Mark Little's message in the same way. Okay. Griffin hit me. Okay, fuck. This one's for Mark Little from Eric Harmony and Rebecca who say, Happy birthday.

This isn't as good as a jet pack, but we hope it will do. We love you tons. From your brother, your wife, and your sister-in-law. Wait, who says this isn't as good as a jet pack? I'm tired of people downplaying the importance of the Jumbotron as a gift. First, Alyssa went and got Henry other things. Which, how do you think that makes us feel? You know?

Pretty good. Well, we can't. Thank you for getting him material goods. Let's, well, it may, it's sexy. It's also good for the economy. We can't give him that. We can't. I can't be that for you, Henry.

We can't, you know, we can't grab Rod Stewart and never let go. You know what I mean? Rod Stewart is the name of his penis. When I, when I buy Sex and Things, you know where I turn? Did you guess extremestranks.com? Well, if you've listened to this show at any point for the past two months, I bet you did guess extremestranks.com. You probably saw that segue coming, felt it in your way down deep.

You might have said it along with it. Yeah, you probably, yeah. It's like a, it's like a romper room bit at this point. You're just, the kids at home are shouting along with you. God, extremestranks. That's right, kids. You're on code middleist. There is nothing that makes me happier than the fact that our show is now,

how do I put, synonymous? Is that, is that overstating the point? It's definitely a symbiotic relationship. You may be hearing this thinking, I already bought a dildo from extremestranks. Why don't you go buy another one and then you got Lummi sticks. Oh, God bless. You know, if you want to treat your cyborg right, I just, I'd entreat you to go to the electro sex gear section of the site.

They got that Zeus electro sex torpedo plug. They got the Zeus electro sex clamps. I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill, Justin, but for the past, I would say three episodes, maybe more. Whenever you have to turn to anecdotal sex toy, suggests, you always go to electricity. It's very, Do you got a Tesla thing?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess I just get a charge out of it. Oh no, why is this show so bad? When you, when you do things, do you like, do you like alternating or direct current? The show is so bad, it's shocking. Holy fuck. Can we stop the shallotry? Can we put the shallotry to bed?

I actually used, I used inferior sexual electric toys to shock pets in my neighborhood and killed them to show how dangerous they were. Oh, okay. For a second there, I thought this was like a fun story from your childhood. No, it's, it was a reference to something that Edison did because he was a creep. He's a cock. Yeah, don't, don't shock the local kitty cats. You know, if you buy,

What you do is you shock the monkeys. Shock the pussy. No, wait, yes. Shock the pussy. Come on now. Shock the pussy. Justin is going to single-handedly take that word back from whom I do not know. But when he does it, he's going to be armed with that pronunciation.

I don't know who has pussy. I need to go to the copyright office and see that pussy. Now when you say it like that, it makes me uncomfortable. When you add like an O or two into the, into the word. Extremestraints.com, extremestraints.com, coupon code middleist. It sounded like you were playing some sort of pussy theremin. Extremestraints.com. Fuck.

Fucking say the link. Right. Fuck. We have a giant rubber electric dildo. Extremestraints.com. Ford slash nothing. And then the coupon code middleist. Use that and check out.

You're going to save 20 percent. There it is. Explode your pussy. Explode your pussy. Do yourself a favor. With the power of this. Explode your pussy. And don't forget to go to maximfund.org.

Maxfunday right now when you're having this much fun. Where else can you hear the word pussy 5000 times in 10 minutes? It'll explode your pussy in another way. A more altruistic. Your mental pussy. Do we mention that every 10 and 20 dollar new donor, they're going to give food for enough food for 20 meals at the local Los Angeles food bank.

Did you know that? I bet you didn't know that. Go explode your pussy. It's not all about pussies and dildos you guys. It's about helping people. If my donations go to Los Angeles food bank, there is a good chance that Harlan Williams is going to be eating off of your generosity tonight.

And Griffin O's in big. Hey, my pregnant wife just ate 18 bagel bites for lunch. Should I be concerned about how this will affect her and my unborn child? That's from pizza blasted in the peach state. Oh no. Honey? Honey?

Should you stop? Were some of those supposed to be for me? Did I miss my window? That. Do you think that this is the person's real protest? Baby, should you have heated those first? Your teeth are broken. Is it bad that when I heard you read that,

the first thing I thought of was the little pizza bites? What are the pizza rolls? That's what I initially thought of and I got yucked out. But then when I made the realization that we're talking about bagel bites here, I was like, well, okay. Pizza? Well, the reason is because the bagel bites are so flexible.

Hold on, hold on. Justin's singing the pizza bagel song. You let me try again. Do you want to do it in chorus, Justin? Yeah, yeah. We'll just start and we'll do harmony. Justin just decided that he wants a good eight seconds of the show where nothing funny happens.

Go on. You ready? All right. I don't call in daddy. He didn't scare me. Pizza bagel. He picked me up on Friday. Are you going to bring me bagel bites?

Oh, don't worry. Dad, you know, it don't matter which flavor. I don't call daddy because he doesn't have bagel bites. That's okay. I love, there definitely needs to be a version of that song where his allegiances change so quickly based on which hand is feeding bagel bites down his throat. It could be even more mundane things.

I don't call daddy. He didn't take me to the mall. Weren't you saying earlier you wanted to go to the mall? I don't call him daddy, but if you don't get me some fun dip, I'm going now. And I'm going to start calling you Jeff. Do you want to be demoted to Jeff? Do you want to be fun dip, Jeff?

You guys know that every country music song has to have the word twang in it somewhere. I don't call him daddy, but I can sure use a sugar glider. They're like mice, but they can fly. And they really need all your love. Sugar gliders will die if you don't pet them every 30 seconds. Did you guys know that? That was told to me by a man at the West Virginia pump

conference today. They're selling sugar gliders for $400. Fuck, that's a lot of money. That seems like a weird impulse by the pumpkin festival. Thank you, Travis. That is specifically what I said. Thank you. Who did this morning at the pumpkin festival?

Like, oh, jar of pumpkin butter. Oh, OK, I can get that little Scarecrow man. Oh, $400 sugar glider. I just happen to have $400 cash in my pocket. Because if there's anything I know about Justin and his reaction to small animals that shouldn't be in places where they are, your initial reaction when you look at a rat is, man, I wish that thing could get airborne.

Let's just get that up in the sky. Can I get you closer to my line of sight? Can I get you up in my eyes and face region? That would treat me so right. If you could just do that for me. So you bought it, right? I got about four. Like I'd be a family.

They can pet each other, keep each other alive through the winter. Alvin and the chipmunks and his other stupid brother ain't got nothing on me. I got four sugar gliders. They run in a circle in shit. Wait, hold on, hold on. What other stupid brother? What?

Well, no, because you have four gliders, there's only three. I bought four gliders. There's three chipmunks. So they got to get a fourth one to even get in the game with me. They got to recruit a non singing like regular chipmunk. This is our brother, Stephen, the chipmunk, and he just does all of our electric work. The chipmunk version of bonus Jonas.

Oh, bonus Jonas. Oh, he's doing okay. I haven't heard about him in a while. Yeah, exactly. You want to know who? Please. That's for you to do that. Yeah, maybe we shouldn't.

This one was sent in by J.P. Grant. Thanks, J.P. Grant. It's almost identical to the last question. Okay. Theme show. I hate my life because I just ate 17 bowls of oatmeal. What should I do? It's actionable.

Disadvice. Okay. It's direct questions. If the wife had said, I just ate 18 bagel bites. What's my next step? What's, yeah, what's my next thing? This guy, he didn't, he done did it already, and he needs to know where to turn.

He adds, I thought it would be fun. Now I just hurt everywhere. Please help. What? What? What? I think, I know how, can you imagine how those last few bites was to felt?

It wasn't fun at all. What am I saying? I imagine bite from bowl eight on. It was like that scene in Matilda. Yeah, right. With no kids chanting. No kids are chanting for you to eat the cake. The horrifying cake the old woman put her blood in, I think.

Now for real you guys, this, what we're seeing here is the direct negative influence that is man versus food. You think this is a man versus food? Oh, people aren't really making their own MVF challenges at home. All the kids, they watch the man versus food and they just think it looks so cool. And they think, why not me? This week on Dale versus Food, I'm going to eat all my DVDs.

And that's how people die. Yeah. That's not the only way people die. That's it. It's the number one cause. Until now death had never been introduced into the cosmos. It's the number one cause. It's the number one cause of death among men named Dale.

That's, that's. Uh, I have never been tempted. I don't call them Dale cause everybody I know named Dale is dead. They ate something in their house. It wasn't technically food. How bored do you have to be to like look at a table with that. How bored? Ome on it and be like, yeah, this is going to be fun.

Yeah. Yeah. Here we go. We do it. Buckle up. This is what I'm doing today. I do want to make a point though about I like, I wouldn't eat 17 wheels at oatmeal, but can we just agree that those packets, those suggested

serving sizes, at least two at once. You got to do two, right? It's a joke. Yeah. If nobody eats that much, it's three. It's a three packet day. Wow. I'm eating super early and it's like five a.m.

And I know I'm not going to eat lunch till two. I need three packets. That third one's going to kick in like the red logs and back to the future three. And it's going to burst me through the day. I've managed to, I've actually cut back to one pack and a patch. I'm deeply impressed, Groven. An oatmeal patch? Is this a wheat oatmeal, technically?

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's actually, it's technical, like it's scientific Latin name is, is slower. It's technically what it is. Cruel of wheat is wheat and oatmeal is oats. They're two different families and they are both loved by horses. Where's cocoa weeds falling in? Coco weeds are fucking wallpaper paste. No, cocoa weeds, cocoa weeds can't be beat.

How many more jingles can we do? Let's do 10 more jingles till the end of the show. Worst review ever on the AV club. They kept singing jingles, no stars. AV club out. I don't call him daddy because he brings three cocoa weeds. They don't even sell those anymore. It's like, it's like Bosco.

That's not even a product that's for sale. They just accidentally left the commercials on. I saw Ovaltine at the store yesterday. I checked it to see if there's like a picture of Ronald Reagan on it somewhere. Give me a thumbs up. I endorse this. I endorse this milk powder. That's not half bad.

I was going to say that might be the best impression you've ever done on the show. Let's stop it. maximumfun.org forward slash maxfunday come join our family help someone in need and get that bonus episode because I bet after listening to this what you're thinking is, god damn, I wish there was more of that. If it makes you feel aware, it's not just us.

You'll get episodes from other maxfun shows as well. Oh yeah, but they might make sense. Or not be covertly racist. So what's the point? Don't waste your megabits on that. I want to thank John Rodrick and the Long Winters for the use of our theme song. It's a departure off the album, putting the days to bed. Thank you.

Thank you for the gift of your music. Can we say that? Is it weird to say that? No, it's a beautiful gift. Thank you, daddy, for your gift of music. Thanks. I don't call him daddy because he's any musician, John Rodrick. But I do appreciate him loaning us his dune.

Can we thank all the twitters? Yeah, the people have been tweeting about the show a lot lately. I think people... And by lately, you mean the two days that have passed since we last recorded the show. Oh my god, I can't even think about it. I want to say thank you to our favorite fan. Well, our favorite fan this week, Lynn Manuel. Oh, you might know him as a Tony Award winning musical producer.

It's not a big deal. Why are we bragging? What? Oh, I don't know. It's not a big deal. It's just like, you know, if Lynn Manuel Miranda tweets a video at you that says, Hey, you got to check this out. It's like, makes me feel pretty good.

Which, by the way, was the coolest video I've ever seen. It was a really good video. Is that the marching band? Yeah. So thanks to him. Thanks to Kigmento, Marrerooth. Indiana Matt. Folly here, there.

Logan Bonner. Chuck Jones, 1970 Wi-Fi Pirate. Josh Budd. Don Chapel. Noton Color. Game Beast 234456. Coy Moore. And seriously, everybody, you guys are already always make us feel really, really nice and happy.

Yeah. You're El Geeky Lindsey, of course. Chapman Cara. Meek and Tweet. Everybody. I also want to say thanks to everyone that is already a Max Fun Donor. The content, the bonus content will also be available for you. We're glad you're in the family and make sure you take this opportunity to get all of your

new friends and old friends into the family with you. You know, so even if you're already a donor, go ahead and tell everyone that, you know, you are a donor and they should be too. Thank you for your continued support and we love all of you. Um, I hit somebody I wanted to thank on Twitter. Oh, personally. Oh, Daniel Corsetto, who's another webcomic artist that I am a fan of, started listening to this show.

We are joining the army of webcomic. Guys, why don't we just stop doing the show? Why are we even doing the show? We can crowdsource all of our shit out to webcomic artists. I mean, if somebody wants to do like an MBMB or a webcomic, go for it. Just theme. No, don't. They got to do like licensing deals.

Yeah. Okay. Whatever that means, license it. Get a license. Okay, Travis, you're just losing it. You're losing your mind right now, Travis. We're watching it. We're watching you lose it.

You're losing it right now. All kidding aside, and I know we like to have some fun here, but it really does mean a lot to us that you guys listen to the show and support the show and it, I don't know, it makes me feel really good when people that are so cool, like Danielle Corsett or so many others, and even commenters who don't have a lot of followers. When you guys support our show and listen to our show weekend and week out, it really does mean the world to us and we can't thank you enough. You're the coolest, Abel.

You're the fucking coolest community. You really are. And sometimes in this life, you need really cool people in your corner and you guys are always that for us. So thank you so much for that. Thank you for that. We hope we can be that for you, but probably not. Probably not.

This yahu is sent in by Jeremy Schoble. Thanks, Jeremy. It's by yahuanswersuselora who asks, where do wizards live? Just a McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. This has been my brother. My brother may kiss your dad.

School air on the lips. Keep your heart through stacks. Keep your heart. Hey, keep your heart through stacks. Keep your heart. Man, these girls are smart. These stacks, these girls are smart. Play your part.