My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 126: Blast My Cache

Episode Date: October 29, 2012

Ya'll ready to get SPOOKED? It's like an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark up in this piece, only way, way scarier, and way, way less Canadian. Suggested talking points: MBMBM, Ghost Realtor, EMF Reviews, The Elder Jeffert, Ghostholes, Spooky Believer, Ghost President

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? I was working in the lab late one night when my eyes beheld a site for my brother from his lab began to rise, and suddenly he did advise in B.M.B.M. It was my brother, my brother in me, in B.M.B.M. You are a jealous person.

You don't like it. It's good, you missed a letter in our signature branding. In B.M.B.M. It's like you leave out the capitalization on articles. I get where you're going with it. It's kind of a monster mesh pastiche if you couldn't get that. No, I think that was clear. I think you could have committed to the bit, maybe just a little bit more. I could have written something before, I think.

I also think that there's a certain amount to be said about like parodying novelty songs, but that's very meta. That's a good point, Travis. There's a Halloween channel on Pandora, and you will be surprised to hear that it's not just monster mash, repeated, not just monster mash and thriller and thriller, monster mash mash-ups. Yeah, thriller, monster mash, werewolf, bar mitzvah, just in a little bit constantly. But there's also Halloween parodies of songs like Creepy Game of Poker. Is it a good one?

Creepy Game of Poker is one of my favorite OAR parodies. This Haunt Me Maybe. That's a great one. I love that. Walking in Memphis, but there's ghosts all around. There's already ghosts walking in Memphis. Do you mean walking dead in Memphis? There we go, they nailed it.

Fuck! Then there's Gangnam Style, but for Spooks. Yeah, Spookam Style. Spookam Style. How was your guys, did you guys party last night? Yeah, it was Ectoplasmic. I am partying this evening because it is the traditional theater weekend. Yeah, yeah, sure.

You guys have everything special. Everything has to be special. I was Mr. Belvedere and this year again, and not again. But this time out in public, not just at home. This time for Halloween. This time for Halloween and not just your Brock toon cosplay. Not to get my sad card. I was Mr. Belvedere and last night we were a party with lots of friends of ours,

of mine from college, and they all knew who I was. But I went to a party with Sydney's doctor friends who maybe don't have their finger as close on the cultural pulse or are perhaps younger. And the popular guest there was 1800 bartender. So, but real quick, what kind of pulse does that show possibly have at this point? Well, they just like cultural osmosis. Things that you absorb about Mr. Belvedere without actually watching Mr. Belvedere, I guess, I mean, just that cultural awareness.

In the same way that I'm aware of gun smoke, for example. Maybe they've made a few jokes about it on Family Guy. Yeah, right. They've looked it up on YouTube. They saw the SNL bit on YouTube. You're talking about secondhand. I went as a Belvedere, yes. So I went as homeless Elmo to a Halloween party where I knew maybe 5% of the people at the party.

And this costume was, I found an Elmo torso and Elmo head and it's very convincing. And then I stippled on a beard on my face and I put on like gym shorts over some sweat pants and like a t-shirt and it was real dirty. Not that that's what all homeless people look like, but obviously I was trying to, you know, over exaggerate for the, oh God, I'm thinking about now this costume is a little offensive. But it was built into the fiction of Mitt Romney shuts down Sesame Street. Elmo suddenly has no place to go except the real street. And so this is what I was wearing.

And I would say all, but maybe one of the people I didn't know at this party, they would see me and be like, oh, it's Elmo. It's like, yeah, but you're not like wondering why I have a fucking like stippled on beard and I'm wearing like dog shit clothes. It's morning, Elmo. I guess it's a good together yet. It made me very frustrated. I put a lot of work into the, the invention and I feel like people just saw the head and they'd,

you know, yeah. This evening, I'm going to be going as Marty McFly from Back to the Future. And I feel as though I'm relying heavily on props to really help me impress the people because the costume in and of itself is not that impressive. It's just a vest. Yeah. It's a vest and like a jean jacket and a shirt and some pants. But I'm building my own hoverboard, uh, non-functional.

And, um, I bought myself a big clunky 80s video camera and a Walkman and some headphones. And I'm hoping that this will carry me through. Griffin, how far are you in, um, Dawson's Creek? Wait, you talk about all your costume? I'm actually almost done with Dawson's Creek. I'm almost done being the first season. Okay. Here in a couple of seasons towards the end, a bartender shows up.

Okay. Who, uh, inexplicably cosplays as Marty McFly every day. No one ever references it, but he's dressed exactly like Marty McFly all the time. I can't wait. I can't wait to not have the burden of that show hanging over me anymore. I just can't wait to be done with it. I'll watch the other two seasons, aren't you? Are you like so deep?

I'm in so very deep, danger deep, and I want to be out. Okay. I want you to jump in this hole with me because you've been here before. I know the way out. You know the way out. Here's the way out. You keep digging at the bottom. You hit China, by which I mean the season finale.

Um, oh man, I feel so bad. Can we please stop the show now? How long have we been doing it? You want to get back into it, right? You got that disc just calling your name. I don't want to wait. Actually, no, it's the DVD. So the DVD has the song, the knockoff.

Has a heart is in my hands. My head is in the clouds. We can do the whole thing. Yeah, let's do the, this has been so funny. This is my brother, my brother. So far, so good. So far, so funny. My brother, my brother, me and advice.

So this is our Halloween episode. So we're only talking about ghosts. And Dawson's Creek. And Dawson's Creek. When looking for a new apartment, I asked the realtor if the house I was looking at was haunted. She said she isn't legally allowed to talk about that. Is that good for yes?

It makes me nervous because I get the vibe Virginia can be pretty haunted. Sure. So Ohio is for lovers. And Virginia is for lovers who killed each other and a terrible passion. Oh my God. God, I hope that's true.

I hope that when you're getting your realtor's license, it's like you can tell them about the bathrooms, talk about the hardwood floors. If they asked about ghosts, legally, you must be ambiguous. Well, legally, I don't think they can talk about if somebody was murdered in the house, which is the number one. Ghosts don't just like fucking wander from house to house.

Like, oh, it seems like a pretty good place to set up a ghost shop. Check out two and a half bath for how much? Is that a good day? That's going to feel good on my ghost part. Oh, it's got like a pool grotto thing. I love the idea that the first week of realtor school is prices and like cleaning the house and decoration. And the second week is ghosts and ghost related questions.

Like, listen, today we're going to deal with a sensitive topic of if you are asked about ghosts. Tomorrow we'll talk about Indian burial grounds. Right. Yeah. Is it possible? Curse placed on the thresholds. Is it possible that they just actually have a week

called smart ass visitors? Yeah. And it's just things that you say to people who are smart asses that come to look at your house. Why is this person using a realtor to find an apartment? You know how I found an apartment? Oh, with a Ouija board. Just carried around the Ouija board and waited until it goes totally in.

I know we're trying to make this a spooktacular episode, but we don't need to fictionalize. You're right. I don't know why I felt the need to embellish my life. My life's been just fine. I don't know why I need to embellish. Have you guys ever seen a ghost? Oh, man.

Wow, just went right for it. Just went right for it. Before we spend an hour talking about what Yahoo thinks about ghosts, we should really dig deep and do some spiritual exploration. Are we being real talk? I might still be drunk. Is this real talk? Are we doing real talk ghosts?

I don't know, Travis. I don't know, Travis. Can you make it funny or will it be sad? That would be sad. I want to hear. Oh, now you have to. Sorry. Let me clear mine up.

No, because ghosts aren't real. Go on, Travis. I mean, neither of us. Like, listen, neither of us. Hey, listen, we're all friends here. Let's all just be straight. Let's put our ghosts on the table. No, I've seen no ghosts.

Okay. I also ain't afraid of no ghosts. Okay. But I do have a certain belief that not in ghosts, but that if something really tragic or really horrific happens in a place, that there is really bad Gigi there.

You know what I mean? I'm sure it's all purely psychological and you're telling yourself that. You've walked into the Moundsville prison and the Lincoln State Hospital that we went to in Point Pleasant. Like, you walk in and you're like, something bad happened here.

Like, is that just me? No, but I think a lot of that's aesthetics. Yeah, that's true, too. You very rarely walk into a Macy's and you're like, oh, something bad happened here. Griffin, where are you at? You know the ghosts I don't like that I really double don't believe in

are ghosts that have repeatable behavior patterns. Oh, the ones that are like, and every night she appears on the stairs. Yeah, she stands in the road. If I was a ghost but I had to live on a schedule still, I would be a bum. Fuck that. Yeah, I can float through anything.

Yeah, no, I'm going to go be a hedonist. Thanks. Yeah, see, I'm going to go to the Babes Palace. Yeah, I'd haunt you, but I want to just rub up against money, all the money in this bank. That's what always kills me about those damn haunting shows

or it's like the most haunted places in New England or something. There's always that hotel manager that's like, yeah, and guests have reported, they always see a little girl playing with the ball on the stairs and I'm like, then why don't you have people there with fucking cameras

and like, if it happens all the time, get some fucking proof or say, now we made up all this bullshit. There's also like, I know that there's the whole deal with the electromagnetic fields. No, there's not. That's not a deal.

This is true. You have electromagnetic field that is around your body. That just is true. That's science. Okay. And if you lose a limb and take a picture that captures electromagnetic fields, it'll still show the field.

Fuck you. Around your ghost arm? Yeah. That doesn't. That shit's not true, Travis. Look it up. Look it up. Travis, it's not true.

It can't possibly be, it's not science, Travis. It may be fringe science. And that's ghosts. Your ghost is your electricity. Energy can't be created or destroyed, guys. It can if you fucking die and you decompose. You don't have electricity in the shape of your body,

just like chilling on earth. So close-minded, Griffin. So close-minded. It's normal. It's normal-minded. It's normal-minded. Just regular. Totally normal.

Regular-minded. Because if you fucking think about that, how many people lives on the earth? Like a, like, 200 billion. It's crowded with ghosts? Look around you, ghosts. So everywhere. If you would get that,

that's what I'm saying. That feeling you get- Listen, guys, guys, I'm just bullshitting. I don't believe in ghosts. That feeling that you get, though, because you did say you get a feeling when you wander into a place where a murder happened. There have been two trillion people,

60 trillion people that have walked the earth at any given point. Well, not at any given point. All the points put together. Everybody, there's not a square foot of this entire planet where somebody hasn't been horribly murdered. You don't know that?

I know that for sure. Yeah, think about, if you think about all the people who've ever been alive. Law of large numbers. Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. My counter-argument there is it's not just like somebody was killed here

at some point, bummer. It's always, like, usually, and this is, you know, I stated by saying that it might be purely psychological and, like, placebo effect, but, like, it's usually places where it's been a big, mass, horrible thing happened there.

Sure. You know, this isn't like you walk into a house where 20 years ago someone's killed and you're like, oh, people that do that are charlatans. I'm saying that this is, like, when you walk into what used to be an asylum, like, it's not a pleasant place to be.

There's a hanging funk in the air. Yes, thank you. A hanging funk. Now, I also have to state that one of my personal heroes is Harry Houdini, who is one of, like, the biggest debunkers in history. And so I don't believe in ghosts.

I believe in Harry Houdini. But he died. So he can't be all that great. Fair enough, Griffin. Fair enough. Speaking of EMF, so a lot of people turn to us for advice. And sometimes we don't have

the exact expertise to give to them. Like, for instance, a lot of people wanted our advice on which ghost meter to buy. So I turned to Amazon.com and dug up some reviews of the ghost meter EMF sensor. So let me just real quick. You traded in your fishy-ghee balls for, I forget what you traded them in for,

but then you have re-traded that thing in for ghost hunting technology. Juicing. I was really into juicing. Juicing, that's right. I'm starting to juice fast this week. You're really into juicing. But right now I'm into the ghost meter,

which if you can Google this or Amazon it, it is basically just a picture of a, what looks like a child's chew toy. And it says the ghost meter in like sans serif on it. Well, no, that's not good. So I went through the reviews of the product because I figure barring my own expertise that I could pass along what a few people here have said.

This does not pass my spectral smell test, Justin. It simply does not ring true. No. Oh, but there is only six left in stock. So hurry up. So get it now. And you guys can see, I've left you a picture there if you want to see.

This ghost meter is awesome. It's easy to use, comes with complete instructions and features the most bang for your buck. They may sell more expensive meters, but more expensive meters doesn't always mean better. Yeah. In fact, quite literally this case, the ghost meter is compact, easy to carry,

and the power LED is bright enough that you could read the meter in the dark. I'll buy another one when this one finally wears out, and I'll recommend it to anyone joining my team of ghost hunters. I would give anything for a transcript of this instruction manual. Stick this thing in the air, and if it goes up, then you are touching a ghost.

Be careful. Would you give $24? Because that's what it cost to buy the thing. Little Egypt Ghost Society, Southern Illinois Paranormal Investigators, have field tested several EMF meters, including the K2 EMF meter and the ghost meter. We have come to the conclusion that the very best EMF reader

for the price is the ghost meter. Unlike all the other EMF readers on the market, the ghost meter indicates EMF using three modalities, analogometer, flashing LED light, and sound. Oh, thank God. The sound can be turned off so that we'll not interfere with EVP experiments. Because ghosts hate loud noises, I guess.

We at the Little Egypt Ghost Society, Southern Illinois, recommend the ghost meter to ghost hunters and paranormal investigators from beginners to the most experienced. I love how they're coming at this from an angle of thriftiness, because even they acknowledge, like, if you're going to just fucking waste some money on some shit,

you might as well waste the smallest amount that you possibly have. Right, exactly. That's, yeah, exactly. All right, just two more. My thing is I take a quarter, because that's only 25 cents, and then I throw it directly in front of me.

And if it's trajectory is interrupted by some sort of intangible entity, then I don't know that a ghost has happened. Stupid ghost thinks you can still buy things for a quarter, so they'll try to catch it. They'll go crazy for it. Well, they're stupid because they're like, I could buy a candy bar.

It's like, no, you can't, grandpa. I can't. It's 2012. It's been dead for 100 years. Sorry, bud. I ordered this ghost detector to help me determine if I was, in fact, experiencing paranormal activity and could not be more pleased.

Sometimes when I'm home alone, I'm safe. Sometimes when I'm home alone, I hear creaking in the attic and noises in the closets and garages. How rich is this person? Poor old garages. I've been trying to convince myself for the past two years that it's just the house settling, but the creepy feelings kept occurring.

A friend of mine suggested I look into getting a ghost detector. And I looked at them and they were like, wait, what? A friend of mine suggested I looked into getting a ghost detector and I looked at them like they were a ghost themselves. Anyway, I've discovered that I- And I were. And here's my short story about that. And that's the end.

And the end by Stephen King. Anyway, I have discovered that I do have a ghost, but he or she prefers to keep to themselves. And I don't have any detection in the main parts of the house, but it goes bonkers when I enter the attic. Thus, confirmation of this paranormal activity. I highly recommend this if you're attempting to confirm the presence of ghosts. Okay, this is the last one I want to read.

How does it- Real quick though, how does knowing that there are ghosts- Like you feel better? You have that- You live in fear because you think there's a ghost. You buy the ghost meter, it pings. You're like, yep, ghosts. Cool.

Like now I know that they're there. That seems like step one of 20. Okay. Justin, is the next review really good? This is, yes, this is the last review. Okay. The subject is, found all the ghosts. Incredible.

I have ghosts all around me and never knew it. I bought this meter as a joke for a friend and figured I'd try it to see if it did anything at all. Well, I was totally surprised when I turned it on and the meter started jumping all over the place. I should have known since lately I have noticed cold spots in my house. Sure, it's January, but cold spots mean ghosts, right? So I've walked around my house checking to meter each time.

In my house, I seem to have haunted electrical wiring. My switches, outlets, and plasma TV seem to be crammed full of spirits from the beyond. Maybe that is why TV sucks so bad. I would recommend this meter to anyone with haunted electrical wiring and hope they can find their ectoplasm or hot dogs or whatever. Okay, that person got me fucking with people. But maybe not.

This is why I'm afraid. Whenever Justin gets a spark up his ass and buys some random shit on Amazon like fushigi balls, is that you would write a review one day. Like, I bought these fushigi balls as a goof for a friend. And then like six months later, you're moving to Reno to take your contact juggling show on the road. Because the thing is, those electromagnetic field detectors

pick up any electromagnetic field, including electrical wiring, TVs, any kind of electronics. Hot dogs, I guess. I guess hot dogs and how you're electromagnetic hot dogs. But like, here's the, okay, people, here's the thing about buying yourself an EMF detector. The only way that you would be able to know that it didn't work is if you had a ghost sitting next to you that you knew was a ghost,

you held it up and it didn't do anything. It doing something doesn't prove anything at all. No, it proves that things are worse than you could possibly imagine. I don't, wait, it didn't make sense. It says ghost meter. Let me explain to you why that didn't make sense. It says ghost meter on it. So when it's at zero, that means there's no ghosts.

And then when it's not on zero, then there's at least more than zero ghosts. Yeah, so that's what I'm saying. It's the only way that you would know that the product you have just bought sucks is if you knew conclusively that there was a ghost and it didn't show up on your ghost meter. Another fun fact about the ghost meter, it comes with three folded pieces of paper. The larger one has information on ghost sightings that have been made

and the other two are advertisements for a special Asian health remedy. Sounds legit. Sounded about right. Griffin, you got any yahoo's? Yeah, I have a yahoo. This one was sent in by Kiran Devlin. Thanks, Kiran. It's by yahoo answers user.

Muckraker's local number 227 who asks, My uncle, Jeffert says his trailer park home is haunted. Can trailers even be haunted? What kind of low-class ghost sticks around in a fifth wheel for eternity? This is the right category for this question, right? Ghosts go in spirituality? I'm sorry, Jeffert. Jeffert?

Is it a typo? I don't want to believe it is. I was the best name ever. I don't know why you would. No, listen, I'm not going to speak ill of trailers. No. I've been in trailers before, though, and I know that they are not known for their massive amounts of square footage.

See, if you had a ghost in your trailer, you'd know it. You'd know it pretty conclusively because you'd look up and see to the other end of your home. Yeah, there's literally a ghost. Yeah, there's nothing. There is no periphery in a trailer. You see everything all over the time. I think it's definitely haunted. Wait, what?

I think it's definitely haunted. You think the trailer is haunted? I think Jeffert's trailer has a real bad ghost situation. I think the problem with Jeffert is his heart seems to open the paranormal. I think you have to guard yourself against that, or because that's how the devil gets in. That was the problem. And I think that's why we're probably so obsessed with ghosts

is growing up in the Baptist Church. You were told that it was sort of this weird double standard that ghosts don't exist, but if you start thinking about ghosts and stuff, then Satan can use that as a way to trick you. To get ghosts up in there. To get ghosts up in there. Right, exactly. Suddenly possessed.

Suddenly you're possessed and you didn't know what happened. Listen, you guys, straight up, if you feel like you or anyone you know and love is possessed, get them to the doctor. Yeah, see something, say something. Don't check early and often. Do you think? I mean, there probably are, we're probably not on point earlier, when we're talking about how ghosts go to live in the dopest situation they can float into.

I imagine that ghosts, like regular people, like living people, they have different wants and needs and desires, and maybe some ghosts are like Jeffert, and they, you know, they appreciate the coziness of a bago. So you're saying like, maybe this is like the ghost of Jeffert Sr. And he's just like, I feel comfortable here. I like you here, I feel comfortable here. I know this place, this is where my armchair is.

I get to watch my son dip. I love it. I've buried skull in the front yard, and I can't go until you find my secret skull stash. Now, why did he, now, grip it up, curious, in the fiction you stitched together. Not fiction, go on though. Why does Jeffert bury the skull? Jeffert didn't. Jeffert's dead dad buried his secret skull stash.

Jeffert Sr., the elder Jeffert. The elder Jeffert buried his secret skull stash in the yard. And it's, it's, guys, it's enormous. It's a repository of sweet, difficult tobaccos. We're talking about hundreds of dollars worth of skull, and he can't leave this earth until Jeffert finds it. So is Jeff, so when we're talking about- Have you guys seen No Country for Old Men?

It's basically this. This is what I'm describing to you, is the sequel. Skull Buddies. Skull Hunters. That, that would be a pretty good plot for a new City Slickers movie, if anybody's in the market for one of those. The Legend of Pearly Skull. The Legend of Jeffert Sr., the elder Jeffert's skull. I'd watch that.

Hey, for the longest- Yahoo Answers user, Emmy875, and some other shit, I think, 8-7-5-0, said that ghosts can attach themselves to anyone or anything. They could have died on the land or rode nearby and claimed that trailer home. Doesn't that fucking suck? Doesn't that fucking- If it was me and I died, like, I would, I would be, like, careening towards the 18-wheeler.

I would get Google Maps out real quick and just be like, where am I gonna fucking- Aw, god, damn it. I couldn't, like, go careening off the Hollywood Hills and, like, fucking chill with Will Smith for the rest of eternity. That's just great. Good, twist of fate. It's the person saying that, like,

as they're driving past this place, they died, and that's how it happened. That's how it happened. You go to the nearest residence, the nearest hauntable thing. This is why you guys, if you're gonna get murdered, have a conversation with your murderer first. Maybe try to negotiate the spot. Don't let him kill you, like, in the middle of, like, a downtown sketchy place.

If you could get, like, a realtor to go along with the murderer just to, like, show off a few places and how it would be good for ghosts. I actually have a living murder will that is a legally binding document. It took a while to set up, but basically it states that if you are going to murder me, you need to take me to within a hauntable distance. There has to be a Starbucks nearby and it has to be Jeff Goldblum's house. You got the signature of the head of the assassins' guild? Yeah, I got him to sign off on it.

He agrees, so it's top-down, you know, it's official. Wow, good work. Do you guys think Wi-Fi is Wi-Fi important to ghosts, do you think? Like a good, strong Wi-Fi, like real fat pipes? I think it becomes hard to distinguish yourself from the Wi-Fi signal. I think that at some point the ghost is just, like, Johnny Mnemonic. That's a good point. That's a good point.

Fully plugged in. Yeah, but can you imagine, like, the problem that old people have, like, figuring out new technology? Can you imagine being, like, a ghost in, like, a thousand years from now and trying to cope with, like, the new technological developments? And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what is this? Back in my day, I just floated in the pipes and carried myself around the Internet.

So, what do you call this? If I get fucking stuck haunting someplace for a thousand years, I'll be livid. Those local kids should have solved my puzzle by then. I mean, let's get, okay, so Justin Griffin, if you die right now, what's your unfinished business that's going to keep you around as a ghost? Because mine is I haven't finished watching Walking Dead yet. I just, I just gotta clear out my Internet history. Gotta, gotta blast, blast my cash.

What? Did you hear that? Blast my cash. Please. I try to go incognito, but sometimes I forget. Blast my cash. Set me free. Press Control H. You hear a voice on the wind that sounds like, it's telling us to review his cash.

No! Press Control H. Check all the boxes and go. Set me free. Blast my cash. Shrink the window down in case some words show up that don't, you should see. Please. Grandson.

I am, I actually need to master the fushigi, but I'm going to need human hands to do it. Someone need a willing host, a sort of whoopee Goldberg situation. Oh. Where I can, um, through her hands master the ancient art of contact juggling. Who, who do you think of the two people on this call you would prefer? I don't want to put you in an uncomfortable place, but.

Like to possess between the two of us? Travis has larger hands. Yeah. But I think there's a better chance of Travis losing interest. That's a good one. Even if he knows that my very eternal damnation hangs in the balance, I think Travis will try for a few hours and then just kind of blow it off. You also would then have to like just fully live through all like the horrible stuff that I do every day.

Yeah, like eating. Just awful. I have crooked middle fingers and I don't think that that lends itself to fushigi. It's the same reason why I couldn't do those little skateboards that you do with your hands. You know those things? Flip. Sure. Flip decks.

Flip decks. Flip decks. Hey, I got a question. For the longest time, I've been a person of logic and as such, I've always thought the people around me were complete idiots for believing in things like ghosts, spirits, spiritual energy and karma. How can I put aside my judgy feelings to put on an empathetic smile for people who get swept away in the magic?

Or can I somehow be convinced that this stuff is plausible? That's my shrunks. I would first like to say that you probably shouldn't lump karma in there with ghosts. Yeah, yeah. Mostly because that's like a religious thing and you don't want to be like, hey, what's the deal with ghosts and karma and shit? Yeah, it's very different.

Jesus and all that, all that jazz. You know, I literally, okay. So yesterday, Teresa and I, we were watching all these weird like documentaries as I was narrated by Lyndon Nimoy. We were watching one about witches and like I had this moment where I looked at her and was like, do you ever think like it's so easy to be like, well, of course, this isn't real. This is stupid. But like, maybe, maybe, you know, maybe one day, like you'll be sitting there and be like,

well, oh, maybe that's possible. And I've just never really opened my mind to it. And they're like, oh, no, that's dumb, that's dumb, that's dumb. Hold on. So you're talking about how you open yourself up to these ideas of maybe being real? I'm just saying, like, it's very easy to be like, no, okay, let's look at it from a different way. Have nothing to do with ghosts. Think of like aliens.

It's very easy to be like, of course, there's no aliens. That's stupid. Or if there were, we would have seen them by now, blah, blah, blah. And then like a hundred years from now, we find aliens. It's like, well, it was really easy a hundred years ago to say that, wasn't it, dumbasses? Yeah, but that's, you got to go with what you got to go on. And I ain't seen a ghost. Two on a trill people walking the earth through the fullness of time.

No ghosts recorded proper, no proper ghost recorded footage. Like what you're saying is like, you can't, you can't retrospect it. You can't look back at it and like, yeah, it was really easy to dismiss the idea of tiny bacteria causing disease because we couldn't see them yet. Yeah, because you didn't have that information. What I'm mostly saying is fucking, let's all enjoy these witch-free times that we have now. Because one day we might not be so lucky. It might be incantations and shit going around like crazy.

Oh, I understand. And then we'll think back and be like, do you remember when we used to watch that movie, The Witches with Angelica Houston? And we would say, this is so silly. Oh, the movie that scared the fucking shit out of me when I was a little kid. And you scared of like the- When she trapped the girl in the painting. The feelings that you got?

Like when you saw Angelica Houston's Dennis, sorry, Houston's. But they put the little girl in the painting. Yeah, I don't like that one bit. Justin, you got anything to add? Oh, God, I don't want to be in a painting. Oh, let me know, anywhere, anywhere, anywhere else. If you, if you had to be, if you had to be in a painting, which is not ideal, it's not the ideal situation.

Where do you want that painting to be hanging? Because if it's in like the toilet room, then you are in for a- I'm going to be in a room with a girl. I do it with a really pretty girl in it. All right, sorry. All right. And I'm also okay with any painting except Guernica. I don't get it.

I like- There are people out there that just got that. All right, cool. Can they email me and let me know what's up? Yep. I like to be in a painting because it has a lot of juggy babes in it. You know, sometimes- Like the juggies from like the man show?

Yeah, like sometimes you see a painting, it's got like lots of, and they're kind of like old-timing juggy babes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking about. Like all their, all their boobs look like baby heads. You know, they got kind of that curly thing, curly hair, juggy babe thing going on. I think that would be a pretty good painting to be in because I could just replenish, you know?

When you go to museums- When you go to like get trapped in a movie poster for like Weekend of Bernice II. When you go to museums, Justin, I'm curious if you like, I ask where the Botticelli section is, and then you're like- And then ask the murder there. Specifically, I just want to see the juggy babes of his, his, his juggy babe era.

Yeah, take me through the juggy babe period, and then murder me. And then the security guard goes, oh, yes, of course, follow me. If you could cast some sort of wizardly spell on me to put me inside the painting, as like a, as a curse, oh no, I'd hate that. Don't put me in with the juggy babes, no please. Don't throw me into the bar, Patch. Yeah, I'm not, I, I maybe stole your gypsy treasures. Don't do this, please.

I'm not saying all gypsies are witches, by the way, that's- Technically speaking, all gypsies are not witches. But, do you guys want another regular question? Do you want to go to the Money Zone? Do you want to yahoo? What do we want to do? I like money more than questions. Money!

Guys, support for my brother and my brother and me comes from audible.com, a provider of digital audiobooks and more. With more than 100,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature, including fiction, nonfiction, and periodicals. Audible suggests that my brother and my brother and me listeners might enjoy The Bedwetter by Sarah Silverman, or Not Taco Bell Material by Adam Corolla. For a free audiobook of your choice and a free 30-day trial membership,

go to audiblepodcast.com slash mybrother. I also want to suggest some other books. Oh, good. Maybe like, what's some good Halloween suggestions? You could read the novelization of, uh, Hocus Pocus. Um, I have, the book I have at Audible is, uh, Dale Carnegie's, uh, How to Stop Worrying. That's not an especially Halloween thing. I guess you worry about-

How to stop worrying about ghosts. About ghosts, right. How to stop worrying about being killed in front of a pleasant place. Is it just like, him, and he's like, Hello, ghosts aren't fucking real. Calm your shit down. Calm the fuck down, you stupid idiot. Calm your shit.

Why don't you hold your nonsense? Thanks for the $30, you stupid asshole. There's tons of, uh, Stephen King books on them. Listen to the Talisman right now on Audible. Okay, so Audible, Schwannable, I get it. They're great. Justin. Let's talk about, let's talk about blow up sex dolls.

My favorite is the Fatty Patty Love Doll. Now tell me what- This has been a real treat for me lately. Okay. Fatty Patty, if you're a fan of plus size love, then the Fatty Patty is the doll for you. It's available at extremestrains.com. And they're an adult super store.

They have the, an amazingly wide variety of items. But for me, it might as well- Do you think we have any, any listeners still at this point that like, here's job extremestrains, and they're like, extremestrains, what's that? What could that be? This is peculiar. This is, a sex flesh Sammy doll.

I'd love to see where they're going with this one. I, uh, I, uh, they're on the sex flesh Sammy doll. It is a, a, uh, blonde woman depicted with two incredibly attractive people standing behind it as if they're ready to go to town on it. And hey extremestrains.com, I love you. But let's, let's all, let's, can we not, can we? Let's all just be a little bit more honest, okay?

Can we not? Can we just all be a little bit more cranky? I can't wait to fuck this raft. Oh man. I'm gonna fuck this thing. I know that you're gonna find another person in the world that says ready to go as I am. I know that you're a real person with heat and bones,

but can you suck on her rubber boob? Come on extremestrains.com. This is good synergy because do you think it's possible to go down on one of these, um, blow up dolls while listening to Dale Carnegie's How to Fuck? How to, man, there is a- How to, how to fuck right by Dale Carnegie. Dale Carnegie Jr. presents.

How to fuck right. You know how to be a gentleman and give people like you, and once you're there, you need to read my son's book. He's gonna teach you how to get down. There's a picture on the Sex Flesh Sammy doll that is worth the trip, even if you're not gonna purchase something, because it is showing me an interior that I cannot identify.

It's all stars. It's like, it's made of stars. We are all stars. It's beautiful. I don't know what crevasse this is. Is this, is this, it looks- It looks like there's like a, a buckle in there. It looks like a scene from Solaris.

It's, it's horrifying. I can't figure out what they're showing me. The weird thing is I wanna put my- It's like a scene from Inner Space. I wanna put my dick in it. Yeah, I gotta, gotta, gotta. It's the weird thing about it. Gotta shove.

Gotta shove that. I wanna know what that glow is. If you go to extremestreamershames.com- Is God living in the Sex Flesh Sammy? God lives, that's, that was what Lost was about. Each Sex Flesh Sammy doll had someone murdered next to it, and now there's a ghost light inside whatever hole this is. Extremestreamershames.com, your destination for haunted sex holes.

I'm looking at it like in all angles. I've turned my computer upside down and I got nothing. I still don't know what it is. But hey, go to extremestreamershames.com, check it out for yourself and while you're there, pick something up and use the coupon code middleist. That's M-I-D-D-L-E-S-T. And you're going to save 20% on your order.

So make sure to get there and buy something that to fuck. So order some sex toys and order some books, but don't get them switched. No, don't, I guess don't fuck an audiobook. Don't fuck a book. Okay. Do you guys want a yahoo? Please.

This one's sent in by Steve Lewis, thanks Steve. It's by a high school musical lover who asks, How do I become a ghost without dying? I want to become a ghost to creep out my friends, but I do not want to die because that might hurt. Any suggestions? You know, this is the problem we use today. No commitment.

Yeah, no pain, no gain, no dead, no ghost powers. Listen, if you want to freak out your friends that bad, you're going to have to die. Hey, do you want to know a great internal geek test? If you heard this question, you thought, Oh, you should look into astral projection. And you're an nerd, then you're an nerd. And I know I thought that.

So I did too. I was going to suggest that I'm glad you got to it before I did, so I didn't embarrass myself. Can you, I mean, okay, here's the thing though. You can harness the power of ghosts by just being quiet. And every once in a while, I'm locking something over when someone's not in the room. There's one ghost power there.

Second ghost power, you wait till someone is, okay, you're waiting in an adjacent room while someone is drinking a beverage. You wait till they turn their head, when they turn your head, you sneak into the room, you slap the glass across the room, and then you get out of the room right away. Ghosts, ghosts are there.

You go up into a room that no one else is in, you go, ghost, there's the ghost sounds. So you already harness. Ghosts is an onomatopoeia? Yeah, ghosts are onomatopoeia. I had no idea. Yeah, that is the sound that ghosts make. So go into the house of a very, very stupid person

while they're sleeping. Like the stupidest person. The dumbest person you can find on the internet. And you get some symbols while they're sleeping, and you crash them over their head, and then you yell, I'm not real! And then you leave the room. Consider yourself spooked out.

To be fair, I think that that trick works out of context of ghosts or not. Just scream, I'm not real, and run out of the room. You're the only one that can see me. Don't call the cops. Oh, why not just do that? You just find your fucking stupidest friend and walk up and be like, I was killed today.

I'm a ghost. No one else can see me. Don't tell anyone I'm here. I need you to blast my- You saw a few tans that some close friends haven't come by? Like, Jimmy's right there. You can't see Jimmy?

And they're like, what? No. And all the while, they got that sweet tenor. He died. He died today. Let's check out his browsing history. But wait, I feel like he drew a message in the mud. Blast my cat.

I don't understand. Did he go geocaching? What's he talking about? Oh, wouldn't that be horrible if that was your unfinished business? Like, you had one last geocache, you couldn't find it. That would be horrible

if that was your finished or concurrent business. Can I read the best Yahoo! answer response I've ever seen on the platform? Yes, please. By all means. Yahoo! answers user Bill C responded, Oh boy, you don't know you already are a ghost.

All of your friends are ghosts, too. No, just kidding with you. However, as you grow and mature, your goals and thoughts will change. Thanks. Thanks, President Obama. Who was that from? President Obama.

Bill C. Might be President Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton. Hey, this shit's dumb, but don't worry. We've all been there. Eventually, you'll grow up. You won't be such a dumbass. You're going to grow out of this real dumb shit.

Oh, God. Didn't you know? You're a ghost. All your friends are ghosts. Listen, just playing. Listen, I need you to know that I'm serious. You can actually tell the moment in that response when the person turns their chair around and struggles.

Hey, let's get real talk. We've all had a lot of fun today, pretending that everyone you know is dead. But let's talk about how you're going to grow up and change. Let's rap. Let's rap. Listen, your school brought me and they talked to you guys about the fact that you're a dumbass.

Do you guys want to see me play some stunt volleyball and talk to you about drugs? Also, all your friends are dead. Not really, because I just sunk this basketball shot. But now let me tell you about how you're all going to grow up and not be so stupid. Pick any five people. I will stunt basketball against them so low.

You are going to love this, but you shouldn't love heroin. Take it from me. I used to do heroin. It's how I got so good at volleyball. I'm a ghost. I'm a motivational ghost. You and all your friends do drugs, but please don't and don't commit suicide.

And now I went to have this phone book in half with only the power of Christ. Just watch these yoyo tricks because I tell you not to kill yourself. It's ironic. Telling people not to kill themselves while making a watch you do yoyo tricks is really a zero-sum game.

As fast you're going to reset back to one. If you were dead, you couldn't see me throw this frisbee across his football field. I got a cannon that shoots marshmallows. Please don't tell your parents about this. Now watch me do all these push-ups. So I'll tell you not to kill your friends. Guys, my supervisor at work spends a fair amount of time

of her weekends doing what she refers to as paranormal investigating. I can tell she's deeply into it because she frequently listens to episodes of shows like Ghost Hunters at her semi-boring office job and misses out on social gatherings to spend time in allegedly haunted buildings. I don't feel comfortable telling someone

who is one step removed from my boss that something she spends her free time engaged in is totally BS. But I also feel it's a disservice to reality to allow her to continue believing such a delusion. How would you tackle the situation? That's from bemused in Boise, Idaho. We've had a lot of fun here today, guys,

but can I get serious for a second? Yeah. What is, you don't owe reality anything. Yeah. Let this person, how much, let me put it this either way. How much better is your life? Knowing there is someone you come into contact with who is deeply into paranormal investigation?

The answer is 100, 100 times better. My life's better just from having heard you tell me about it. Because here's the thing, there's shit that we all do. Maybe it's not to the scale and it's not a delusional thing, but that's like saying to someone, like, you spend too much time reading your books. Like, it's just what this person is into. It's not affecting you in any way.

I want to believe. Right. I think, no, I used to want to believe. And I think that that is, is, I miss those times. I miss those times where it was like, ghost? Maybe. I'm in college. These are things that I would say out loud.

I'm in college and I'm exploring my spirituality. If there's any ghosts around, I want them to know. It's Occam's razor, guys, it's ghosts. It just makes sense. I miss those days, those sweet do I days. Not the days when you believe, but the days when you wanted to. The days that I possess the desire. You want to want to believe.

Now it's like, I'm, I am way too busy for that. I have way too much on my adult plate. I think that wanting to tell your boss, like, hey, what you're doing is stupid is akin to like, I can't believe these stupid kids believe in Insana Claus. Like, leave your boss alone. Also, it is, I think, super mean to just roll with him. Like, this thing you believe in, it's stupid.

Yeah, it's stupid. I'm out. And also, do you think that your bosses, like, has not heard that from anyone before? And she's going to be like, oh, oh, I suddenly have opened my eyes. I didn't even consider the possibility. She may be living in an emperor's new clothes situation

where no one has actually pointed out the fact that ghosts aren't real. Or unless she's embezzling from the company to buy her ghost meters. Maybe her, she has a very strained relationship with her son. And the only way that she copes with it, or perhaps stays close to him, is hunting ghosts with him. Because he's a ghost. How do you feel now? If you are listening to this episode and you are not sufficiently spooked,

you are not paying attention. You just got shivered. Sorry, you just got shivered. The call's coming from inside the house. The podcast would have been dead for 30 years. What do you think about that, Fred? And I bet there's someone listening to the show named Fred, and they're like, oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. You got me again. They shivered me when I least expected it. That's when it always happens, Fred. Okay, I draw a webcomic. I know, I know, lame. It's not lame. That's not lame.

That's not editorial from Justice. Yeah, webcomics are like 80% of our demographic. We have to keep our webcomic artists happy. I would rather alienate white people at this point. I'd rather alienate white college-aged males. I would rather alienate 18 to 24 college-aged males with podcast addiction than I would webcomic artists at this point. Can we start reviewing our favorite Wacom tablets?

I feel like that would be a good expenditure. That would be a good way to spend our time. Anyway, it's about ghost hunting and bounty hunters, and it's called Wait For It, Bounty Hunters. Now, I myself am a skeptic. Don't buy into the whole, oh, god, I don't know what it was. Therefore, it must be a dead guy thing. But I love ghost stories.

My question is this. What's the scariest place for a ghost to show up? And what would you do if you saw one in said location? In drawing the comic, I have idea after idea that I come up with, but then I decide that it's too scooby-doo. Then parks, museums, hospitals. Theme parks. Not them parks.

Man, them parks. I'm going to send them. Where would the brother's back rape most not want to meet up with a scary boo-boo, or what is your favorite ghost story? Okay, I want to limit this to the first part of this question, because I can't tell you my favorite ghost story, because it is dirty and racist. Sorry.

There's like a whole 10-minute spiel about Obamacare. You do not want this. It gets raw in there. Charlie Daniels is the protagonist. Let me leave it at that. I'll tell you where I don't want a ghost to appear. Sometimes I'm in a long room or hallway, and I will not turn the lights on on one end,

because I'm just going to be walking through. And about halfway through, I will regret it, because it's dark. And I'll get so, so pooped, way pooped out. When you say that, do you mean so scared that you defecate? So scared. No, I mean, I'm a grown man, but I would pee pants. I get so scared. You guys ever do that?

You're in a dark hallway or something? Yeah, all the time. Like halfway through, oh shit, I know it's on. Justin, I'm routinely going into warehouses and old shops and stuff. Yes, I do that. Can I tell you guys the other place I just thought of this way better that you definitely don't want to see a ghost? Yeah.

At the bottom of a pool. Oh, no. No, no, no. Okay, let me throw this out. You throw it down with your mouth because the ghost is like gurgle, gurgle, ghost. You're like, no, it's a ghost, the pool. You reach the bottom level of a building, the elevated doors open, ghost, right there in front of the elevator.

Let me get you with this. Opening night of a movie, midnight movie, and you just wait it in line, you get a big tub of popcorn, and you get it, and it takes you 20 minutes to get it, and you paid eight dollars for it, right? You know, it's so expensive, and then you take it back to your seat, and you got to work your way through the aisle, excuse me, excuse me, and then you get back to your seat, and you look down, and it's not popcorn. It's just a ghost.

Oh man, now you have to go all the way back up. And you have to wait in line for 20 minutes because they can't let you skip, and you get there, and you're like, excuse me, you gave me a ghost, and then they say, no, I didn't, and you looked down, and it's, you looked down, and it's popcorn. Shivered. Shivered, I am fully shivered at this point. Okay, imagine this, you've been waiting for a new car for three months.

All right, I love it. You've shopped around, you've gone through all the different financing options. You weren't sure at first because you wanted like a two-door, but then they started showing you the four doors, and you were really happy with one of them, and so it's been months, you got all your financing in order, you pick the right colors, you know the car you want, you buy it, as you're driving off the lot, you open the glove compartment ghost. Check this out, check this spooky story.

You wait in line at the start of the bus, you're waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and then you wait, and then you wait, and then you get to the front, and you say, I want a grande salto carol mocha, and a binti skinny salto carol mocha, and oatmeal with brown sugar and nuts, and pumpkin bread, and pumpkin muffin, and then you reach, and then he says, it's going to be 1978, and you reach in your pocket, and to get your wallet, but what's in there is actually a ghost. Oh my god. I just flipped my popcorn over.

He just got shattered. I bet this one, you go to a party, and because your friends say that you're going to know a bunch of people there, and you get to it, and you don't actually know, you don't actually know that many people there, and then maybe there's a ghost or something. Imagine this, okay, so you've been marinating this roast in your crock pot for like, let's say like a 20 hour, it's like a real slow roast, and you've been building up, because you're going to have a dinner party that night, and then you open the crock pot, and you didn't put enough liquids in, and now the whole thing's dried out,

and suddenly the doorbell rings, and you open it, and there's a ghost, and he wants to tell you about Jesus. That was good. Let's check this out. All right. Voting day. You vote, go to the polls, you go and you vote, and you drive home, and you have some dinner, and then you wait for the results to come in, and then at the end of the night, you're looking

at Mitt Romney, 20%, Barack Obama, 20%, 60%, landslide win, a ghost. Our first ghost president of the United States of Spooktacular America. Yeah, and you know he's not paid life. Let them ghosts vote. We give them ghosts the right to vote, and they're going to elect a ghost every time. Yeah. Hey, ghost, why can't we see the death certificate? Proof to me you died in America.

I'm a deather. I hear that ghost died in Kenya. That ghost. So this is our podcast about ghosts, our ghost cast. I want to tell you that we got some, I want to check the mailbox, the spooky mailbox. You can send this mail to PO Box 54, Huntington, West Virginia, 25706. Send an attention NBNBAM. We got a card from the guy who sent us the creepy, horrifying, veiled death threat postcard.

Oh, that, what a treat that was. Where Travis and I were scratched out, and Griffin had a heart around him, had a heart around his face, and it says, sorry I set you a horrifying veiled death threat postcard. Enjoy the substantially less horrifying version, a Starbucks gift card, and a picture of a dog with a hamster on its head. Oh. All things are forgiven. Yeah, you are, that is so cute.

All things just keep getting better. I want to say thanks to a cat who sent us some origami. She did a horse and many other items. We got a postcard with lots of sexual positions on it from Fred. Somebody sent us what seemed to just be an envelope full of trash. Like just like a broken watch and a receipt. That was pretty creepy. We got one from Laurel Kate who sent us a skipbook card and some microfiche and a picture of a bird.

We got a CD from a man called Local Wizards. Have you looked at them? I don't know them, but there's their free promo. Have you looked at the microfiche? Is there like a picture of a murder on it? Maybe it's a clue. Probably. We've been trying to crack the case.

Don't throw away that skipbook card either because it is an important codex to crack in the case. I want to thank John Rodgerick in the long winters for the use of our theme song, Is It A Parture, off the album, Putting The Days To Bed. I bet they're just fucking jamming at Max Funkon East right now. All right. Hey, yeah. Big shout out to all the people that went to Max Funkon East this weekend. Hopefully, and remember, we're recording this in the past.

So hopefully you guys were not hit by Hurricane Sandy and everything's cool. But if not, travel safe. I think they're heading back today, right? So they should, they should be able to like just leave New England entirely. Yeah, just get out of there. Just fucking come chill in Austin. No storms guaranteed. Although it's a little brisk here.

No storms. That's 100%. It's like 61 degrees here. It's getting a little nippy. Jay Monty, you want to hit this audible? Yeah. Let me tell you guys one more time. Support for My Brother, My Brother, Me comes from audible.com, provider of digital audiobooks,

and more with more than 100,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature, including fiction, nonfiction, friction, and periodicals. Audible suggested My Brother, My Brother, and Me listeners might enjoy The Bedwetter by Sarah Silverman or not Taco Bell material by Adam Corolla. For a free audiobook of your choice and a free 30 day trial membership, go to audiblepodcast.com slash My Brother. More like Toyota Corolla. Yikes.

Take that. She's got podcast competition. Griffin, shiver me. You want a final? Shiver me timbers. Shiver me timbers, Griffin. I'm ready. This final yahoo.

We should really get like a woman with a really nice voice to read those audible things. That seems like. Yeah, when they'll be ready. Seems like what you hear. Maybe she's got like a slight lisp. She's got something interesting in there. One last one last. Hey ladies out there, send us MB3s if you're repeating that thing we just said and we'll

use it someday. Hey, thanks. One last Halloween thing. If you're looking for something to do this Halloween week. Oh God. No, I'm in Titus Andronicus at the Cincinnati Shakespeare Company. It's the Shakespeare's glorious play. There's Blood and Guts Everywhere.

We got a performance of it Tuesday night and Wednesday night at 7.30. Downtown Cincinnati, so come see it. No tip. Don't play karaoke for two hours before going to a party where you're going to keep on drinking for a long time. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen. I'll hurt you guys.

The final question. This final yahoo was sent in by Nicole Thompson. Thank you, Nicole Thompson. So by yahoo answers user Michael F. Who asks. Shooting a ghost. Do you think it could work? Mead rapid response. I'm Justin McElroy.

I'm Travis McElroy. I'm the ghost of Dale Earnhardt Jr. And it's been me the whole time. Shit. This is my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your ghost dad square on the list. Ghost dad seemed right for a sequel, didn't it? I'm ready for ghost dad too.

Let's wait till he's actually dead though. I can't fucking wait for Bill Cosby to die. Is there one to say that I want her?