My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 129: Krumping Across America

Episode Date: November 21, 2012

Happy Franksgiving! This week, we're sharing our thankfulness for aggressive hip-hop dance moves, drugs for horses, and having sex with Craigslist. Suggested talking points: Praying Mantis, Horse Weed, Recovery Pop-Tart, Holy Krump, Pecan Thief, Old Strength

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello, welcome to My Brother, My Brother Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle-est brother, Chaboy. I'm Griffin, I'm Griffin the youngest brother of Travis, okay, Chaboy. Thank you. I don't understand, can you walk me through this forest that I all of a sudden find

myself? Here's the thing Griffin, you know, I'm working on this whole, you know, working on a new me for 30, you know, and I decided to reinvent myself as a hip-hop personality. Okay, you know, I'm not going to say like a hip-hop like music star or anything because I have like zero musical talent, but I just want to be like that dude who danced with the umbrella in the Andre 3000 videos. And kids love, kids love that motherfucker. They love that farnsworth bastard. Yeah. Now, can you walk me through kind of a, I mean, I find myself in kind of a spelling quandary. Can you walk me through? Yeah. Thank you, Justin. It's C-H apostrophe A apostrophe B-O-I. Okay. Chaboy from the context, it's Chaboy. Now, at first blush, you might think it's Chaboy,

but it's really just one fluid motion, like throwing a baseball. Chaboy. Okay. There might be an Umlaut in there too. I haven't decided yet. I've got a marketing team working on it. Umlauts are really big right now. Kids fucking love Umlauts and they love people dancing with umbrellas. Fucking love people dancing with Umlauts. That'd be a great, that'd be a great Paula Abdul video, just her dancing with an Umlaut. Yeah, or cartoon cat. Hey, happy Thanksgiving, y'all. I, hey, happy Thanksgiving to you, Chaboy. Um, Griffin, it's not like you said Thanksgiving. It did sound like you said Thanksgiving. Listen, I've been working with my own marketing team. Was that an intentional? I haven't worked with my own marketing team about how to sex up. Are you gonna

eat a bunch of hot dogs tomorrow? How to sex up Thanksgiving, and I think I've come up with the perfect solution. Tell me. We reinvent it as a hip hop personality called Frank's Giving. Okay, let me throw this out because this, this is my topical humor joke that I alluded to before we begin the recording. Oh good, I've been on pins and needles. A hem with Colorado legalizing marijuana, more like Thanksgiving. Okay, all right. I like it. Thank you. I still like it. With what's going on at Tiananmen Square, more like Thanksgiving. That is not, I don't think that's still an issue. Now, here is my hip hop joke personality that I have. None of these are jokes so far, but go on. Okay, it's, you didn't have a follow through for that, did you? It's

shitty Tim. Pardon? It's a character that I made up called, his name is shitty Tim. Does he have any distinguishing characteristics at all? He's named shitty Tim, and he has, he's an ironic at all? Like, is he in fact really awesome and names me? He has a really, I'm not good at this, like you got, he has a really big butt. Is that funny? But not, but not where you'd picture it. I'm 32. Is there an outside, is there an outside chance that he stinks? Why, why would he, like shit, why would, I didn't meet, let's just answer, let's just answer a question. I'll do it in the city Tim voice that I've been making up lately. About a month ago, I responded to a woman's craigslist ad looking for a virgin man, i.e. 18 and older, to have sex with.

That's done. Done. Check please. Bye. I'm not a virgin, but it's been about three and a half years since the last time I had sex, so I responded to the ad anyway. She came over to my house a couple days after that and we hooked up. Now, here's my problem. We've been out about three times after this and I'm starting to develop real feelings for her. I know that it won't work if it's built on a lie, but she has a wonderful personality and could see myself in a long-term relationship with her. What do I do? Oh man. Okay, there's a lot of layers. There's a lot of moving parts in this Rue Goldberg machine. I'd like to start with the top layer, which is yes, yes, you should tell her. If you want to build a relationship with this woman, you should tell her

because you're right. Your instincts are right. Yes. And you may, I mean, it may be irreparable. That's a pretty big thing. That's kind of the biggest. But it's better for it to be, if it's irreparable, it's better to get it out now than like nine months from now. You know, I don't know. Some friend telling a story about this wild night in college or something and then she finds out and it's like, well, we've been living a lie for nine months as opposed to three days. Right. You don't want to end up like this one guy, I know, and have to pretend to really like Barbara Streisand movies for three years because that was the way you got the relationship going. What you also don't want to happen is to get your whole head cut off and

buried in her fucking yard. Why are you dating a praying mantis? What? This is a good question because now let's go to a deeper layer. Okay, which is every sentence in this email is the craziest thing I've ever, she wants a virgin man, i.e. 18 years or older. So she's a witch, right? I should fucking definitely hope so. So she's like fully gozer, right? I mean she's gozer, basically, just so we're clear. She's looking for the key master to her gatekeeper. Right. Let's also talk about the fact that she wanted to fuck a sweet, sweet, innocent porcelain doll of a fresh faced boy and you were not a virgin. You had dipped it before. But that's what she was saying, like if you met up and immediately had sex, she just wanted to flower a dude, right?

These are all good and important and awful questions. But then to say, okay, listen, question ask her. I'm not trying to judge. But to say that her whole deal was to look for a dude to flower off the internet and now you're developing real feelings for her, it's like, man, maybe you need to really examine the second half of the sentence I just said. Because I don't think that she, I mean, that doesn't sound like what she wants. Yeah, I think she just wants to really look to settle down. If so, she'd be on match.com instead of skivvy Craigslist. Yeah, I think she's just going back to make sure you're like super deflowered. Like she's made sure she got every last petal off of you. Like what about your anal virginity?

I'll take that next. I want to get all of it. Ask to mouth. Here we go. What's up with your knee pits? Haven't seen those yet. Gonna fuck those. Lube them up. Put that weird monkey toe in me. Come on, date. Come on, shitty Tim. Put that little toe in me. I want to fuck all your toes. One by one. Come on, calcium. This is cramp inducing. All of this is thoroughly erotic, but you need to, you need to keep your heart three stacks because this, I don't know about this. I don't know that she's looking for this. I bet if he didn't listen to the whole Craigslist, he said 18 and older. I bet it's a little more like 18 to 19 is how the ad read. I don't want anybody, I don't want a bunch of old meat.

She wants a fresh, fresh, fresh plate. If you can actually come to me the night before your 18th birthday and then we can bring it in in style this second. Please don't tell any loved ones where you've gone or somewhere where they can track you. That would be great. Yeah, this is going to be, well basically what we wanted is a 128 hours setup. I need to resurrect my fallen lord. How much blood do you have in you? Hey, let's be like totally honest that if you responded to a Craigslist from someone looking to consume an 18 year old virgin, maybe instead of developing feelings, you should be busy counting your lucky stars that you have a head attached to your body and that your blood is not staining

in Motel 6 right now. From the 80s where like he goes and they go to like collect his blood and they're like, but it's not working. Are you really a virgin? He's like, well, it's been three and a musical sting. I can't believe this fucking panned out for this dude. I can't believe that you went on Craigslist and Craigslist was like, hey, I want to fuck you, shitty Tim. And then he was like, okay, and then he fucked Craigslist and now he's alive. Like none of the, maybe three of those things could happen, but not all of them. It's got to balance out until like three years from now, like an asteroid falls on him or something. Just as like, it's like final destination. You know, he, he death missed him and now he'll be hunting him for the rest of his life.

I sold my bed on Craigslist. I was selling it for $200. This woman showed up. She's like, oh, nice, nice. How about $100? So I kind of got fucked by Craigslist in a way. Wait, did that really happen? Yeah. Did she give you a hundo? She gave me a hard sell for a hundo. She was just coming out of a divorce. Things were not doing great and she was sitting on my bed and I was extraordinarily uncomfortable. She's sitting on her bed. She's like, Hey, this, this has got a good spring to it. What's your virginity sitch right now? Where are you at as far as your flower? Where's the flower at? Uh, Gryffindy, have you got whose force? I got a few. Yeah. Um, how about this one? It was, uh, it was sent in by Robert Chachere or Chachere or Chachere

or Chachere. It's, it's fun to look at end to say. It's asked by a Yahoo Answers user, iCorp's grinder. Oh God. Blasks. What happens if you give a horse marijuana? Some friends of my brothers gave a horse and now it's a marijuana and now the horse is just laying on the floor. Could the marijuana kill the horse? I'm seriously concerned. He hasn't gotten up in a while, but I know he's alive. Well, one, what happens is you've wasted a bunch of sticky weed. Oh no. But I'm assuming this question takes place in Colorado or. Okay. Where it's just like falling out of people's pockets. It's just falling out of people's pockets and butts. Is it an accidental thing? Because I knew a dog in college that ate a bag of weed.

It's the most chilled dog. Or was this like, they like rolled a carrot and some honey and then dipped it in the weed and tossed it to the horse. This deaf, deaf sounds like funsies. This sounds like, honestly, like when you think of any time that a horse riding disaster takes place, it's usually because the horse gets so fucking crazy riled up. When that horse buck Christopher Reeves over that fence and basically, you know, paralyzed him forever, it was probably because he was like going fucking buck wild because he had a man riding on him. Right. Not just any man. If he had just rolled him a sweet joint. I think if we could, I think if we could mellow these horses out, then we could really get something going. I don't. Okay. How was the

marijuana administered to the horse? Peer pressure. Come on, black beauty. Just dip in. Come on, don't be a pussy. Do we have pussy, black beauty? With your powerful haunches. Bring those powerful haunches over here and use them to smoke this herb. I can't imagine if they give, they had to design, they had to create something called horse tranquilizer. Like it's specially designed because a horse was so powerful that a normal tranquilizer couldn't take it out. And you think that like an ounce of weed and the horse is just like, I'm never getting up again. I'm done. Maybe I read this question wrong. Maybe it's asking about horse marijuana. Oh, what happens if you give a horse marijuana?

Oh, now it's okay. See, that makes a lot more sense. What does it, why are we using our, who are these teens, right? Who are these teens that, do you know where I buy drugs? Right aid. I have no idea where to get drugs. I don't know how to get, people, I say this on the show. You actually just go behind the right aid and there's a guy. There probably is a guy. There's a place called wrong aid. I don't know where to get, like, I don't know where to find drugs. And these kids have such a solid supply of them that they're giving them to horses. Yeah, it makes me so angry. I mean, how do you think they do in like Denver? This is what this, like in Denver, no joke. I bet everybody has just pockets

fattened with that dank fish. I give it six months before horse weeding is like a professional sport in Denver. How high can you get a living horse? Now that caveat is so vital. Because anybody can just like feed a horse a bunch of weed. I want you guys to know I almost said horse stoning, but then I thought that that might sound like throwing rocks at horses. If this show is devoted to anything, it's the protection and preservation and not killing of horses. It's been like Jonathan Swift level of like irony up to this point. You know, we talk about killing horses because we don't want to kill horses. Yeah, but the New York Times told me that the irony is bad and that we should live without it from now on. So I'm going to say

that I think horses are just beautiful and majestic. Yeah. Did I use the right word there? Did Jonathan Swift write with irony? No. It's a little satire, but you're almost there. You know, if I see someone using glue, I look at them like they're Coney 2012. Like I have no patience for it. Can we stop melting them? I look at them like they're Coney 2013, which is a sequel. What if you made a horse sniff glue to get high? Wait a minute. So, oh my God, that's terrible, Travis. Sniff your brother. That's not going to be a mellow high. That is going to be a rough journey that you're going to go on. Hey, I just broke up with my boyfriend at 12 years today. Naturally, I'm pretty devastated. This isn't me. It's a question. Oh, okay. Naturally, I'm pretty devastated.

It has been over 12 years since I've been dumped. I have no idea what to do right now, aside from some really heavy drinking. All our close friends are mutual, so I don't have anyone I can feel I can entirely discuss the subject with without it turning to idle gossip. Brothers, can you put this in perspective? Find me a silver lining because I just cannot find one and help me figure out how to feel not so toxic towards my ex-boyfriend. If the subject matter is too depressing, I have no problems with you turning this into a hilarious goof. That's from Gutted in Toronto. Listen, because I've been doing a lot of soul searching over the last two or three weeks, and here's the main point. The biggest point to take away

is that what's the silver lining is that you're still alive with a bright future and a whole new world in front of you. I mean, it seems bad in 12 years. Yeah, it's a massive scale, but you still have so much time left in this world. You still have your whole life to live. Gutted in Toronto any day above the grass, baby. Right? Any day above the grass. Quarter mile at a time. Quarter mile at a time. Got a plate of the whistleblows. Here, let me give you this silver lining. Right now, I in my life stress about, I stress about work, I stress about the show I'm directing, I stress about how, more morally, I stress about how I'm eating too much, how I need to exercise more, how I need to get healthier, how I need to have better relationships

with people. You have that so, that rare, rare gift that only comes around when something really terrible happens to you that you don't have to give a solitary fuck about anything. Oh, yeah. You can just treat, have you ever always wanted to have a pop tart with butter on it? Fucking have it. You're healing right now. Take, get a big, get a big bite of that recovery sandwich and by recovery sandwich, I literally mean a giant sandwich, like a meatball sub. The biggest sandwich, whatever the fuck you want on that sandwich. Can you make a sandwich out of pop tarts and butter? Oh my god, yeah. If you want like an ice cream sandwich that's just like bread and ice cream, go to town. Well, don't do, that sounds fucking awful. What about a peanut butter

pop tart sandwich? You don't want a peanut butter between the two pop tarts. Why don't you just go to fucking Papa John's and eat a pizza like a normal person? Okay. I mean, you guys were talking about weird sandwiches first. Listen, and don't, and I know that you're worried about harboring a lot of resentment and bitterness towards your ex-boyfriend, but let me tell you something. That's, that's how adults work. That's completely wrong. Listen, when a big event happens, you're going to go one of two ways, really happy or really upset. Like children have hope about the future to fuel them. Adults have bitterness. Let your hatred toward him be an engine that helps you to keep moving forward. You have a renewable resource of, of energy and vigor.

All you have to do is think about how much you hate his guts and look, oh, you're revitalized. Thank you, adulthood. This is way better than kid. You have nothing to worry about. Stop beating yourself up. Stop, stop stressing about needing to feel better and stop stressing about harboring ill will towards this guy and focus on the, the important thing right now, which is take care of yourself, making yourself happy in the short term. You do it enough in the short term and I promise you the long term stuff will figure itself out. Griffin hit me with a yahoo. Put it in me. Oh, could we stop and just stop? Put it in me. How about this yahoo? It was, it was sent in by Ira Ray. Thank you, Ira. It's by a yahoo answers user

Jezebel Terrace who asks, is it right for a 13 year old to know how to crump? If I'm 13, is it okay if I know how to crump? My mom told me that it's not very Christian-like or appropriate to do this, but I love to dance. I also love, love, love dancing to hip hop because it lets me get my feelings out. But my mom, but my mom says I should stick to sports. Any advice or comments? I need to look at crump dancing to see if that's a thing. It's like you've never seen a Missy Elliot music video or that one episode of America's Next Top Model where they had the ladies crump and they took pictures of them fucking mid-crump as their faces were all rubberized in beast mode. Oh man. Oh my God. I laughed at that person for saying

hip hop dancing is how they get their feelings out. And the very top line on the crumping injury of Wikipedia is the youth who started crumping saw the dancers away for them to escape gang life and to, quote, release anger, aggression, and frustration positively in a nonviolent way. I will say this, every time I've seen someone crump, it looks really violent. It looks like someone has bees on them and they're trying to kill beetles underneath them. So they're choosing the bees to kill the beetles on their body. Right. Yeah, they're just trying to kill the beetles, but they're distracted by the bees. That's what crumping looks like to me. But I am 32. That's true.

Holy shit. Are you watching some videos? Are you watching like a sick crumping video while we're trying to make a podcast? I'm looking at the history. The root word crump came from the lyrics of a song in the 90s. It is sometimes spelled the K-R-U-M-P with... Yeah, that's how it's spelled here. No, with periods between it, which is a... Oh, so it's an anachronym? It says it's a bacronym for kingdom radically uplifted mighty praise presenting crumping as a faith-based art form. It is. Obviously, much like my brother, my brother, me, it is a faith-based art form. Crumping was created by two dancers, Cesar Tideyes Willis and Joe Artis Big Mijo Raddy. Oh. Now, is that... Joe Artis has the best name because it's J-O,

apostrophe, capital A, R-T-I-S. Now, Travis, is that Tideyes or Tideyes? Great question. It's Tite, space, eyes with a Z. Okay. I don't know how one gets the nickname Tideyes. Ken, so is this Wikipedia entry telling us that we can use crumping as a method of praising our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? I think they're telling you that it's a way to motivate kids in the school gymnasium. I think that whatever you're doing, maybe it's about praising Jesus, maybe it's about just being really angry at your dad. The key thing is to have emotion that you bring to it. I think it was, I believe it was Robert Foolish with pH Jones who said, expression is a must in crump because crump is expression. I don't think I could vent my feelings

via crumping in a healthy way. I think if I ever got into a crump off with somebody, it would start out as a very healthy, just pounding it and grinding and then it would very quickly turn into me like, good fucking get it, come get it. People will be like, hey, stop, cut that out. Might I suggest clowning, which is the less aggressive predecessor to crumping and was created in 1992 by Thomas Tommy the Clown Johnson in Compton. That is actually the, it's funny you bring that up, that is the subject of the episode of America's Next Top Model, of which I learned everything and that there is to know about crumping and clowning. You know what sucks about crumping though, if you're really good at it? It has less

practical applications than the Foxtrot. You can't bust that shit out at a wedding. You can use it to dodge bullets. You can use it to matrix. I would rather watch someone swing dance than crump at a wedding. I have a theory that sometimes when you do a crump, it's the crump that you'll need to use to save yourself from a hail of bullets and every crump move that you crump is specifically designed to help you avoid those bullets when you eventually are shot at. So it's like signs? Well, it's basically, I was thinking Slumdog Millionaire, but yeah, signs would work too.

I bet like if someone from the past were to be launched forward in time and see someone crumping, they'd be like, that's the mythical dance to defeat the dragon. It always seems like it has some kind of mystical significance to it. Yeah, I've always seen somebody crumping and said that seems significant. This means something. Is crumping inherently solo or can you crump with a partner? There's so much flailing involved. I think if you get more than one hot body in there, then it's going to, things are going to get dirty. Things are going to get rough. I think you got to have six feet between crumpers. That's why crumping across America never got off the ground because they would keep punching each other in the nose. You got to leave room for the

holy crump. Because Jesus is in there crumping too, you guys. Do you think when mankind crumps, God looks down on us and says, yes. This is the pinnacles of civilization. They found it. My creation. Thank you. It's all led to this. God is watching us crump from a distance. Um, everybody stop doing wars. These guys over here figured it out. Everyone listen. I'm God. In case you were wondering why crump is apparently the best dance I've ever heard of. It is this, the first line of the Wikipedia entry for style. There are four primary moves in crump, jabs, arm swings, chest pops and stumps. That sounds like the best dance. That sounds like something I could get on board with. You remember the bonus boy dance? Yeah. That's more or less

crump at this point. Um, so we hope that you've enjoyed learning about crump as much as we've enjoyed learning about crump as we record our show. But believe it or not, we get paid to do this. Money zone. Griffin, who's this message to this particular message? This shit right here? Yeah, it's popping off right now and we've got to deliver it hot. You mean this message that you're talking about now? Yes, this current message to one that you're fervently looking up in your email. Man, did you guys see that latest episode? Sorry about that. This, uh, this episode was, uh, sent in by Annie. Thank you, Annie, for sending in this, this special birthday message for Catherine.

Happy birthday, Catherine. Annie says, happy birthday. And then she says that the Dilbert Scott Adams goof is Catherine's favorite goof that we've, we or, assumedly, anybody has ever done. Um, so if Justin could work it in somehow, that would be great. Justin. Could you lay down some Dilbert goofs? Can you, can you guys remind me what the Scott Adams goof is? Dilbert ties me up because he's got a boner. I, that or, I think it was that just Scott Adams just hates women so much and he just doesn't know what to do. I mean, here we go. Scott Adams hates women so much. He doesn't know what to do with that hate. So instead he turns to crumping to get his misogyny out. Go. My pens almost dry running out of ink. I can't believe my

bitch and my wife forgot to buy more ink at the ink store. My pens dried up. I hate her. I can't draw flipped up ties. Somebody give me, ah, there we go. I gotta get this energy out somehow. I gotta shake it. I got ink all over me. There's ink all over the room. Why am I still holding the ink container? Ah, I'm going to eat my pen. I want to hold it to my teeth and I'm packing my chest pops. That's it. My chest pops are good enough. I'm just doing chest pops the rest of the day. Hey, you bitch, get in here and watch me. Watch me crump your heart. I got to get this to my editor. I'm tired all the way down. Scott Adams. Happy birthday. I guess. I got another message for Debra. This one's from Andrea and Mike. Travis, what's, what, what, what are we talking

about? What's going on for Debra? Well, Andrea and Mike want to congratulate Debra on her new grown up job as a reporter. She's a rad friend, a brilliant journalist and a huge My Brother, My Brother Me fan and North Battleford's answer to April O'Neill. They wish that she live closer so they can celebrate properly, but the consolation is that she's, they now have a professional to investigate their gruesome murders and or sex scandals should they occur. So that is, that it's so important to pre-select the investigative reporter that will become obsessed with hunting you across this great land of ours. What happens if they, if they overturn a gruesome sex scandal? Oh no. What if things get, get real sloppy in North Battleford? Ribbon there. If you'd like to

eugh, eugh, grossed. I'm fully grossed now, but congratulations to you Debra. You've worked hard for this and, and we hope that someday you get to tell our story, but just not. If we sex murder each other. If we sex murder each other. If you'd like to have us deliver a special message to somebody you care about, go to maximumfun.org slash jumbotron and we'll uh, we'll get that all sorted out for you. Jesse Thorne here, proprietor of maximumfun.org. Look, we had a great time in the Poconos and everything, but there's no way we are forgetting about our annual trip to Lake Arrowhead here in Southern California. So unless the world ends first by Mayan prophecy, Max Funcon West will be held May 31st through June 2nd, 2013. Join us for a showcase of

elite stand-up comedy performers in the woods, plus informative classes and talks from some of the best creative minds in the nation. If you've been to Max Funcon before, get ready to reunite with your old friends, and if you're a first-timer, get ready to make a whole ton of new ones. Registration will open up on Black Friday, November 23rd, the day after Thanksgiving, at maxfuncon.com. It's basically the greatest holiday present anyone could ever get. Act fast. Max Funcon pretty much always sells out and we don't expect this here to be any different. So, Black Friday at maxfuncon.com. Hey guys, I currently rent a small house within a bigger suburban neighborhood,

and I've been renting for some time. It's a great place, but in front of it is this big pecan tree right over my driveway. This morning, I saw a little bit older Chinese woman walking around down the street. Turns out she was stealing my nuts from my yard. When I confronted her about what she was doing, she simply sort of giggled and sort of motioned the bag towards me. This went on for a minute or two, me asking what she was doing, and it's obviously not communicating that she was bagging my nuts, and it was weird. Brothers, did I do the right thing to confront me? She obviously wasn't an English-speaking woman, but she was stealing stuff from my yard. Would it be different if it was a lemon or apple tree, or is it the same level of sin if it was a bunch of kids

that didn't know better, and that's from Nutty in Houston? So basically, is the fruit from a tree that falls into your yard, is it fair game for people to just like snatch up and get vitamins? From what I've always understood is if it grows in your yard and has juice in it, then it is your property. If there's juice, let it be. I can't think that right, I guess. But nuts, I think, are pretty much fair game because nuts are pretty much like leaves, you know? They're just like a part of the tree, and it's weird that we eat them in the first place. Yeah, because where do you draw the line? Like, some kids come in and throw in acorns at each other and you're like, hey, those are my acorns. That said, pecan halves at my local HEB are like

nine dollars for a half-pound bag, so she is basically taking money from you. Oh yes, that's your mic. You probably water that pecan tree from a sapling, so you could have these pecans, so you can have the protein and the unsaturated fats, so you can keep yourself from getting gallstones. Now, does it matter? But here's my question, you guys. Yeah. And why isn't he out there collecting the nuts himself? That is a great question. Well, maybe he's busy, you know? Well, then he doesn't get to complain about someone else taking the nuts when they're sitting on the ground, just like rot. Now, if she's like scaled your tree and picking them from the tree, that's bullshit. Okay, but if you start washing your car, but then you go inside because earth girls are

easiest on on TBS, nobody can fucking come steal your car. It's not different. Your car is in scattered around your yard. And yes, someone would steal your car if it was scattered around your yard. In pieces, you mean? Somebody like finds a rear view mirror and just takes it? I mean, if you want to get specific, yes. I, this irks me because I think it does definitely, definitely matter that it's an older Chinese woman that's doing it. Because if it was like, if it was a bunch of kids, you could just shout them out, you could shout them off your yard, get off my arms or Mike pecans, you little shits. But you can't do that to somebody who's older than you. That's true. Because and and someone who's another nationality for me. You can't do it to

somebody who's more Chinese than you are. If someone is more Chinese than me and all or any nationality, more Asian, more Italian and older than me, I assume that if I cross them, they will put a curse on me. And maybe in Italian, holy shit. Yeah. I don't want it. It's not great. No, is that not worth like saying out loud on the internet? What? That you think anyone who's not white is going to put a curse on me? That's so wrong. I don't think that I think that's a pretty common assumption. His army of Mogwai on me. I can't help it that I was raised in an era of cinema in which old Chinese men, all they did was sell you kindly things that would turn into monsters and all the Indian men were actually Fisher Stevens in brown face. Like I don't,

this was the age. This was with the era of cinema that I can't. This puzzle box looks like a lot of fun. Oh, it's a portal to a sex pain dimension. Thanks. Thank you. I wanted to get my flesh ripped with hooks. This is fun. I can't help it. I also think that all old people should climb into cocoons and they'll be rejuvenated. That's my era. That's my baggage. That's my load to carry. I was on a walk with my jeep the other day and we came across some pecan trees in a park and there was just pecan laying on the ground and this is the first time I've ever done anything like this. I don't know what, maybe I was trying to impress her, but I just picked one off the ground and shucked it and ate the sweet nuts inside just off the ground. What the fuck you'll

give us? How did you identify a pecan from sight? Because one was already cracked and I could see like the wrinkle nut inside and normal nuts aren't wrinkle. You know that's a pecan and so I just ate it and it tasted like pecan and then I knew I was in the clear. Jesus Christ, Griffin. It's a yum, it's a, I went on a yum voyage. I would suggest that everybody do it. Yeah, because you were probably tripping on like deadly nightshade or something. Yeah. Also there was an old, there was an old woman who was wondering I'm picking them up so I figured it was probably safer. Oh, oh, well, okay. I mean, that's fine. If her old ass constitution can handle what those nuts are going to do when they ravage her body, I imagine that I probably could too. Yeah,

I know, there's no doubt about that. Hey, I, Griffin, do you have a yahoo that you want to drop on us? Because I got another question, if not. Yeah, sure. This one was sent by Andrew Kaplan. Thank you, Andrew. It's by Yahoo Answers user, the Maverick who asks, question on old man strength. Is there a science behind this? You know, those old guys between the ages of 40 and 50 who look weak, but when you wrestle them or box them, it feels like you're going against an animal. They may not be able to bench press or squat a whole lot, but they are still incredibly powerful. How often is this coming up in this gentleman's life? Why is this such an issue for you that you have to ask yahoo about you keep trying? Is this like a, I don't

think that this guy just fights people. I think he just fights old men. He's like, I can get this one. Oh yeah, I got this guy. Guys, come watch. Come watch you do this. I'm going to get him. I'm going to beat up Mimo. Mimo is what he calls his poppy. Is he just trying to fight his own poppy? Aren't we all? They say that man's greatest struggle in life is to best his own father. This guy is vaulting over that goal. He's hunting though his dangerous game. The most dangerous and most satisfying game. It's poppy. They call it the greatest generation because when you beat the shit out of one of them, you're like, oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, this is going out great. You beat Hitler and I beat you. So by association, I just beat the shit out of Hitler. That's why the final

level of punch out is just you fighting Jacquela Lane. Uh-huh. Just get, who was the one that had the juicer? I bet I could have taken that guy. Is that Jack? No, it was King Hippo. It was the juice. It was the juice man. You know, the juice man. Jay Kordish horse marijuana. Jay Kordish is the juice man. Maybe Jacqueline did a juicer too though. I can't remember. I don't understand. I don't understand how it happens because I'm just, I'm 25. I'm six months into 25 now and I feel like I'm fucking 88 years old. Like my body has already started. It's already peaked and has already started decomposing. I don't know how these fucking guys do it. The old men. The old, the elders. Yeah, I don't have any energy right now.

How are they getting up and fighting people? Yeah, I bet there's a certain kick of energy that comes from like knowing that you're, you've got nothing left to prove. Like, you know, you're on the slow descent to like, what are you afraid of? You're going to break a bone. You're going to die. Like to have a fear of death. But they, but they should because they're more likely to do those things than we are. If I get punched in the arm, I'm probably not going to break every bone in my body. You know what I mean? If I live long enough, will I eventually stop being afraid of death? Is that the secret? Yeah. That they've conquered. Listen, I also think we need to accept that back in the day. Are the puppy age, you know, that generation, they were just more hardcore than we

are. Ooh, interesting. So they, they being raised on fighting Hitler and, uh, like cabbage rations and stuff like that, that made them like wicked, just like crazy tough. They were basically like all Captain Americas. Okay. Oh, well, okay. Okay. That makes a lot of sense. It's not their age so much as the, the ground from which their manhood blossomed. Oh my God. If you balance like a 25 year old dude from like 1940 versus a 25 year old dude now, it would be like a 25 year old dude now fighting a baby. Oh my God. Yeah. It would be like, Hey, have you read the new, uh, Chuck Powell? And then he would die because he got stabbed with eyelashes. Yeah. You looked at me hard. I'm a live journalist. You just ripped the fields off her lucky strike

and just smoked it. Wow. You're a tough guy. So imagine how bad it will be in like 50 years from now. Oh, our kids are going to beat the shit out of us. Are you kidding me? Oh, you think that the pendulum thing's going to go the other way? Oh my God. Yeah. I think that, I think that like fortitude skipped a human generation or at least an American generation because like my kids are going to have to fight over, you know, rare earth elements against every other country in the universe. And then they are going to be like super tough. And then I'm going to be like, Hey, do you want some quiche? And then they're going to fucking curb stop me. Yeah. Hey guys, welcome home for Thanksgiving. I made you a fist face. I just

finished beating up Osama bin Laden too. So I'm looking forward to the terrorist sequels that we're going to that genetic cloning is going to bring us. I'm really excited. Beware it's son of Hitler. It's it's pride of just girls. It is mega Stalin. Mega Stalin. I liked it when you made that joke trap. Thank you, Justin. I like it when you laughed at the joke that I made. Guys, I'm so thankful for both of you. Yeah. And all of our jokes that we got going on right now. We're all thankful for each other. Most of all, we're thankful for you for joining us yet again for my brother and my brother and me. Real quick,

got a ton of great presents for our B day. We got a joke, a joke book sent to us from not great penmanship. I'm going to say Jason is what that looks like a very kind note. Are you sure it's not German? It might be German. I got a novel dirty job by Christopher Moore and that's for Griffin. I don't know what Griffin got a present, but probably because he sent us other things. He sent me a copy of a book called The Wind Up Girl and sent Travis Jim Butcher's side jobs stories from the Dresden files. Good choice. Excellent choice. We also got a Ghost Meter EMF sensor from Alan Black. Holy shit. You've been playing a lot with that. Oop, Tacular. Niko Gerima sent us a copy of Captain Underpants and the Wrath of the Wicked

Wedgie Woman. So do appreciate that. And we got so much more. I tell you about the wedding we're invited to, right? Yes. Spill the beans on that. That's in Chaitown, right? That's in Chaitown. Let me know the date. Let me know the venue. I respectfully told them we wouldn't be able to make it, but I did send them a very nice, I did send them a very nice set of drinking glasses and also, I believe, a peeler. So this is the nicest fucking podcast ever. It's basically everybody loves everybody on the show. But thank you so much for those birthday presents from everybody. I haven't been to the post office in a while, so if you sent one recently, I'm sorry that we did not receive it yet. We're part of the Maximum Fun Network and they have a ton of shows

that you will really enjoy. There's Risk, there's Throwing Shade, Judge John Hodger and Jordan Jesse Goh. Bullseye is one of the best interview shows ever and you could be listening to it for free right now if you wanted to on MaximumFun.org. So go there and check out all the programming. They got on offer. Next time you're about to buy some shit to keep yourself entertained, next time you're about to buy yourself a trifle, just think or a rifle. Or a trident. Just think about or a trident. Thank you Travis. Justin, do you want to chime in or should I just keep going? No, go for it. I just just think about all the free shit that you can get on Maximum Fun.org. Thank you. There are thousands of hours of shit for you. Thank you to everyone who tweeted about

the show, Decryce0921, Useless Click, Gigi Lindsey, Hallways, Iggy Kay, Darkinit, Green Gardening and Five, Sam Brassanti, SDeasel, everybody who's sharing the show. If you can, just tell a friend, Adam J. Ford, Little Socrates. Or is that so great? Thank you to you guys. You're what helped us to grow the show, so we really, really appreciate it. Please tell some friends if you can, if you get a chance, burn our shit onto a CD, give it to a friend, pick your favorite one hour episode, burn it onto a one hour disk, give it to somebody as the ultimate gift, or give them a jump drive. That would be a great present for whatever holiday you celebrate. Just get a jump drive, fill that bitch. Did you know that you can get one of two different styles of

My Brother, My Brother Me shirts? They're all at Max Fun Store, and you can just get them. I also want to thank John Roderick in the Long Winters for the use of our theme song. It's a departure off the album, Putting the Days to Bed. I cannot wait for that Fool's Holiday album to drop. Can't wait. It's gonna be so good. So yeah, thank you so much, everybody. Can't wait for Candle Nights. Candle Nights coming up so fast. Are you guys ready? Yeah, our always are always underwhelming holiday episode. Be sure to catch that. Don't want to miss that. Have you guys trimmed the whatever it is that you trim for Candle Nights? The bush? I guess I think there's a bush. No, Travis Beats is so bush. Hey, Gryff, did you have another question, one last one to send

us off on? Yeah, I could. I could do that for you. It was sent in by Nolan Hitchcock. Thank you, Nolan. It's by Yahoo Answers user Jessica, who asks, Is it bad to give my six-year-old baby a little French onion dip? Oh, Justin McRoy. I'm Gryff and McRoy. This has been My Brother, My Brother Me, Kiss Your Dad, Square the Whips.