My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 130: Holy Terror

Episode Date: November 26, 2012

Time to unpack your stockings and wreaths, or whatever the Candlenights equivalent of stockings and wreaths is: We officially on that Christmas Creep. Suggested talking points: Creepin', Noseblind, Teenbaby, YOLO School, Large Marge, Lotion and Candles

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Can you feel it in the air? The everything's frosty. What's that smell? Is that pine? Of course it's pine. Why is that pine in my nose? Something tells me. We on that Christmas creep. We on that Christmas creep.

We on that Christmas creep. I'm sorry guys, do you mean holiday creep? No, I mean Christmas creep. You're fucking. Do you mean non-denominational, non-offensive holiday creep? No, I'm on that going to heaven creep. Get your socialist moonbat ideologies out of here, Travis. This product was brought to you by the red, white, and the blue. Keep your war on Jesus where it belongs in my new religious-based fighting game. Holy terror, holy terror. It's in full effect here in the ATX. It's our street is known for its extravagant Christmas light displays and I am paralyzed by fear of not being able to live up to the expectations. Do you have a plan, Griffin?

I do and it's I'm going to do like a shooting for or sort of like a Jackson Pollock of light. You know what I mean? It's sort of like a slopping something up there. Just slopping. Just maybe sort of like a maybe a Kevin Pollock of light and maybe I'll do like I'll do like I'll cover myself in lights and then stand up in the front yard and just do my favorite Kevin Pollock routines and I'll do that day in and day out and that can be the whole display. It's like fun. Your favorite Kevin Pollock routine, do you mean like you would be doing an impression of Kevin Pollock doing an impression of someone else? That is precisely what I mean. It's fun for kids. It's fun for adults. It's fun for your grandma and your dog, but not for Kevin Pollock. If he

comes around, I'm going to have to do someone else. Yeah, you're going to have to do someone else doing Christopher Walken. So just throw it. Do you have any I mean, do you have any activities with wiring or or anything like that? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, wiring, electricity, electrodes. Are you going to have to wire it up, Griffin? If you can wire it up so that like every time you flush the toilet, like Santa would wave, so your name was really no, how it's going. Maybe the lights are spelled out in a way that just makes it say I just pooped and then people will know people will know that. I think Griffin's going to have the oversized like PSA plug that Louis the lightning bug warned us about that outlet with like eight different plugs plugged into it.

Oh my god, yeah, yeah, yeah. Griffin, just remember you got to play it safer on electricity. I'm going to have it going into a European converter and then back into an American converter. It's going to be disgusting. And then, Griffin, is there a potato in the middle of your extension coin? This is a hyperconductive piece of produce that you've used. You've lodged in here. And at the end of the day, you got you got yams. That's not how it works. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. If you cook a potato, potatoes, plus electrical current does not equal yams. Yeah, that's how they turn. Let's answer some questions. This is an advice show for the modern era after all.

Did we introduce ourselves? I don't believe we did. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy. This is my brother, my brother, me, and advice show for the modern era. And here we go. I'm moving schools in a month and I had an idea. I'm going to pretend I can't smell at my new school. It's just a little thing that will make me unique. Is this a good idea? Any ideas on why I can't smell? How about because you're because you're an angel and because angels can't smell? Is that fun enough for you? You're an angel sent by gold. What are you doing?

Have you casually dropped that you can't smell in a conversation at your new school when someone's just like, smell the french fries in the lunchroom? I can't. I smell that Christmas creep. I'm not aware of any Christmas creep. You know, this is going to be all negative for you because you're going to constantly have to keep in your mind that you can't smell that horrible thing that you smell. But not only that, your friends are going to test this shit constantly. You are going to have four butts around your head farting at all times just so that people will be like, oh, what's wrong? Let's assume that you're in high school when you drop something like, oh no, I have lost

the ability to smell. High school students do not inherently go, oh, okay, I accept that. Oh, interesting. Well, I mean, it could be college, but even college students, I think, haven't haven't mastered the curve yet where they're like, oh, I understand and I will be more sensitive to that. Next time we drop by that bakery, I won't say anything about it. I haven't learned tact yet. So smell everything. I mean, everybody, when they go to a new school, has to adopt some sort of affectation. That's like, that's even if you find that process completely douche-tastic, like, it's going to happen. You've got to do it or else you'll be eaten alive.

I'm just not sure. But it seems to me like the things that you could do to make yourself unique, not being able to smell is like one of the least attractive, least interesting ones. Like, this is, and it's such a high, it's, it's so high pressure and it's so easily disproven. Like, why not go with something that's like more, like, I met Donnie Osmond. Like, nobody can, unless they hunt down Donnie Osmond. Do you remember this fool, Donnie? Like, that's the only way that that's going to be disproven. I think you're thinking too small. I think you need to pretend you're a kid who can't walk. What about that? Okay.

Oh, oh, pretend you're a kid who can't walk. Keep it up for like two months and then start to improve. Oh, I love that. I love the ability to walk. Does the school rally behind you? Yes. Oh, oh, oh, before you put on this ruse, can you train your body to be like the world's fastest runner? And then now that's a kid's, every fucking day some kid stands up from his wheelchair and starts walking. That's not cool. You know what's cool? A billion dollars. What I'm saying is practice basketball a lot. Get great at basketball. So at the end they're like, coach, coach, if Wheelie Rob isn't going to play, I'm not going to play. He's learning to walk and

I'm proud of him. Yeah. And then they'll be like, give it to put in Rob. Put in Rob. And then you'll get it like, what? I guess this whole time I've been great at dunking and then you look as surprised as anybody. But another idea is you just get really good at basketball and then you'll be fucking popular because you're really good at basketball and you don't have to pretend to be handicapped. That, now listen, I think that terminology may be offensive. I have a hard time keeping up. What's the, what's the, the first day go in and say, I have a nausea. I got it from, I got it from a nasal spray. I use the nasal spray too much. I'm too, I was too congested. And is there a kid who's going to hear that and go, Oh, fucking cool.

So I got an awesome spray. And then if anybody busts you on it, you say, no, my bad. I said insomnia. And I have a hard time getting asleep at night. How about here? Okay. I'm going to throw it. It's a little change, but I think it'll make it easier to keep up the ruse. So saying you can't smell. So you don't smell like you've made it. Smell this like, Oh, no, I choose not to. I would rather not smell. I don't. Well, that's, that's a good life advice, regardless. If someone says, Hey, smell this. Usually the answer is no. Yeah, I would prefer not to. I choose not to. Um, I think that you say the reason you, I think the reason that you lost your smelling is the, is the important part of the story. I think it can't be something tame. I think it's

got to be like you went on a coke bender, maybe you went on a coke bender with Donnie Osmond. And then it's the best of both worlds. Uh, Griffin, please give us a Yahoo question. Sure. This Yahoo question is sent in by Michael Lee. Thank you, Michael. It's by Yahoo Answers user question mark. Somebody explained what that meant. I think it's like the person deleted their account, which I love that Yahoo answers like treasures their questions so much that they don't just delete the questions too. Um, question mark asks, How do I un-potty train myself? I am a teen baby and really want to know how to un-potty train myself night and day.

So I can be more like a baby again. Yep. Just wait. Just wait. Like wait 60 years. Close your eyes. Relax. And wait for 60 years. You'll be un-potty trained. Easy. I mean, it sounds like this guy is looking for a better answer than just poop and pee in your, in your pants instead of in this toilet like a big boy does. Like you did on your big boy birthday. Um, but I don't know what to tell them. I don't know what to tell them. Open your toilet and put scorpions in. That is an option to you. Yes. You're about to use the toilet. Don't. Okay, Josh, you think I'm a bit small. Let's go back to scorpions for a second.

I hope when you're about to use the toilet, you look at the toilet and say no, not today. And I will hear a million toilets screaming poop in us and I will whisper no. Can you remove the toilet from your house? Or better yet, can you have a friend do it when you least expect it? Oh, this, this is the bye-bye hole. There used to be a toilet here. Now I just put things in it. I never want to see again. Like all of my friendships and my dignity. Hey, Justin and Travis. Yeah. Can you explain to me what a teen baby is? And it's not, apparently, it is not a baby sired by a teen, which is what I prayed to Jesus. It did mean. So some people have chosen to live their life and I'm trying to be very diplomatic here

because I, I'm sure there are people who listen to this show who are adult babies, but some people have chosen to live their lives as babies because that's what makes them happy to live as babies. And I'm not sure if it's completely always sexual in nature. If it's not sexual in nature, what is it? It sounds pretty fucking sexy. If we're here. Here's my thing with adult babies. Okay. I mean, nice work. If you can get it, I'd like to be a baby too. Like I think we'd all like to figure out how to put this particular genie back in the bottle. And I do re-bottle. If I may, even then, you may. Adult baby, I get that. Adults tons of responsibility if fucking sucks and you want to be a baby and just be taken care of. I get it.

Teen baby? What's your life really like that's so hard? No, Travis. As a teenager, that you're like, if only I could regress eight years. Think back to high school. High school is middle school, especially, but high school to some extent, the worst part of your entire life, the absolute worst part. I feel like the reason that not all teenagers are teen babies is because they don't know that that's an option. Yeah, they can't just retreat. If there was some sort of awareness campaign like, Hey, here's this crazy fetish you can get into and then you don't have to deal with the, you know, how none of your classmates like you, then that, I feel like it would become much more popular. I think that it would be like at least a secondary, maybe tertiary

storyline on Glee. And honestly, I would say that if you, if you are charismatic enough, you could probably pull off teen baby and be one of the most popular kids in the school. You're like, ah, big baby, what's up? I think you're thinking of Teen Wolf. Yeah, Teen Wolf couldn't pull that. You're right. You guys, sorry. Oh, could you tell your new school that you're a werewolf? They would want to see some, some, they're gonna need to see hard proof. Yeah. They're gonna need to see the long form. Tell them it's too dangerous. Now the commitment is two days out of every month. You can't go to school. You don't want to see me. I get super randy and I'm real good at basketball and I surf on top of my friend's van. It's too dangerous.

You don't want to see this? I do want to update everybody about teen babies. You can go to the tbjumpstation.tripod.com and find a whole web network of great links to TB, DL and bed wetter sites. All right. Now here's the really important thing. I find this web design more offensive than teen babies. I find it more upsetting. There are lists of links and they have put pictures of sunglasses next to the best ones. Like for instance, good old Andy's playpin at iBigBaby.net. That's got sunglasses. Jared's diaper site, which is not a good name, has sunglasses. Now why is that not a good name? Because it sounds like it gets straight to the heart of the matter. I think it's Jared. I think it's an odd comparison. There's one called Teen Two Wear

Diapers, which is direct. Again, we are getting into the nitty gritty. I enjoy my favorite personal website is Tony's Nappy Place. God, these are also so real. No. Here's the best advice you're ever going to get from a Bim Bim. Never take a nap or become unconscious in any way around anyone named Tony. Ever. Ever. Now those are just the premium links. If you're willing to go down- To get down into the snickle frit? To get down into the chaff. Might I suggest angelfire.com forward slash ct forward slash poop two. And you'll be transported to Baby Sammy's Baby Summers. Which is this, I think it's supposed to be a series of stories about Baby Sammy, but there is just one story called Baby Sammy's First Ever Baby Summer. And yes, you guessed it.

It does have 30,000 views. Jesus. Is there any website on tripod or angelfire remaining that isn't about fucking people in really weird ways? I can't find any if there are. And I've looked. Oh, have I looked? It's like if you have a baking website, you transfer from Angelfire to Tumblr in like 2005. I feel like the people who haven't gotten the net are the people who spend their entire day pretending to be fucking babies that are 38 years old. Not that there's anything wrong with it, despite the tone of my voice right now. I know it may sound. It sounds angry and confused and a little worried, but it's totally kosher. Right. I just, I'm not angry. I'm not judging. I'm just, I'm just confused. I want to know if it's like a full on like diaper bib,

rattle lifestyle, or if it's like a mental thing that like you just know deep inside that you're a baby and that's enough to get you. I want to know what that match.com profile looks like. Do you come right out with it? Because it sounds like a pretty defining thing in your life. I think you should probably figure out how people are going to be with that. I think there you got to get a read on that before anything. You think it's going to hit some people's palate and be like, hmm, no, it has a nice finish. It's like a raspberry Jolet. I wasn't expecting it, but it's very refreshing. Hey, that maybe it's good to be a teen baby because you get it out of your system. For instance, when I was a teen, I took catillion

classes and thought the Heights was a pretty good band. So maybe. Wait, so wait, if you're a teen baby, then do you grow to be an adult teen and then you grow to be a senior adult and then eventually you're just actually a chorus leachman, just an old lady with the heart of like a 45 year old. You can actually keep going, but you can keep rewinding to baby. It's like that movie big, but the complete opposite. It's called small. It's called small over and over again, starting Tom Hanks as a teen baby. Well, that's what cloud that. That's what's that's right. Sorry. That's copyright infringement. I have a severe problem. I got an interview to apply to Cambridge. However, two days before

I'm also going to a party. I'd quite like to get characteristically wasted, but I need to be on the ball for this interview. So how can I make sure I have fun at the party while it's maintaining a hangover less interview? That's from Blasted and Blighty. Man, I've gotten, I've gotten fully Blasty Blasted before and I have never had a hangover for two days. That's never, I've never had a free hour. Yes. One, that's amazing. If you do that, you should tell some kind of news program and get on TV and then some sort of counselor hangover. Secondly, don't, don't like, just don't. Do you, are you writing into an Internet advice show because you don't know how to not get so drunk that you're drunk for two days?

Is that how to not get so drunk that you ruin your future? Like, just don't. This isn't like, but the girl in my dreams is going to be there and I'm worried that if I don't, just, just don't. Don't. Just don't. Maybe, maybe go to the party, say hello to some friends and then excuse yourself at a reasonable hour. Go home and think about how great it's going to be to graduate from a good college with a great education. And just don't drink that much. Just don't. Maybe space it out. One drink, one glass of water, one drink, one glass of water. Just really hold yourself back. You have a lot of options as far as moderation goes, but I am actually, I am shocked at you two for telling him not to yolo because

you do only live once and then that's going to end in like 23 days when Quetzalcoatl comes out. And so like, it's, we can't really, I feel like it's irresponsible for us not to say, you know, yolo, yolo, live like you were dying. Is there a thing for a live like you were? But is there any way to like, transition and say, yes, it's yolo, but it's also like a, choose your own adventure, yolo. And you could say you only live once is time to get wasted in this party or you only live once I should prepare for this big interview. Okay, but have you, when teens use yolo, when teens, when teens exercise their yolo, they don't, it's always like, they're jumping off of a bridge with the bungee cord and they're

like, yolo, you never see a teen like walking into like an important college interview like, all right, man, yolo. And then he comes in the door because then the interviewer is like, what's it, what's a yolo? Explain to me what a yolo is. Speaking of which, this week, I was a little, a little tipsy and I came up, I came up with a great slogan for a frozen yogurt stand and the lady who's producing our musical, one of the two ladies producer musical, the city now working on right now, is in the frozen yogurt business. So I, I texture I said, I got a great slogan for you. Check this out, fro yolo. And she said it was great and admitted to me two days later, she had never heard yolo. So it probably did not come off as a great slogan

in the moment. No, it's a great slogan. I call it fro yo baggins fro yolo. Okay. That's not, I don't, I don't understand. Nothing to me. It doesn't mean anything to me. I respect you as a person. A range of all capitalized letters, but okay, thank you for passing them off. And then I, I made a point of saying that she could use it for free. I didn't want there to be any sort of question of payment. Like it's just hers gratis. I'm surprised at you, Justin. Why don't sell yourself so short? You're right. I should have charged your what your future wife could be at this party. What's up? What's up now? Yeah, your future wife could also attend Cambridge. Yeah, but that's much less likely, don't you think? No, I'm sorry. It's my future wife is probably not

going to be knocked off her feet by the guy who literally knocked her off her feet because he's falling around the room drunk, two day drunk. Like that. Why would you not want to be at the top of your game to meet the girl of your dreams? Do you guys not understand this show is better when there's contention between the three of us? Of course he should go to the fucking it. Like, of course, go to go to the goddamn interview. Of course you dumb dumb, but it's way better if I'm like, well, what if he likes to? I know why are you tearing down the walls? Why are you? Why are you? It sounds like you guys don't get it. And I don't want people to think that I'm endorsing irresponsible drinking. Just. I adore responsible drinking. Get really drunk after the interview

to celebrate how awesome your interview went. Or get really drunk and then roll on some doja because they cancel each other out. Does the doja help? The doja gets in there and it fights the toxins of the alcohol. It lowers your content, actually. If you get pulled over, I saw it on Mythbusters. If you get pulled over and you're about to get DUI'd, you just roll a quick doja. Yeah, that weed special was one of the weirdest episodes of Mythbusters I've ever seen. Yeah. Jamie Hindemith was like, yeah, man. That's what people sound like when they, I've never heard, I've never been around. Hey, I got an idea. Let's blast this cannon through that dude's house. Let's do it. It's a Mythbusters deep cut for everybody.

I think if you don't end up hungover for the interview, you should announce that first. Say good news. I'm not hungover for this. Listen, I don't want to brag. I don't want to brag, but I was really worried that I would still be hungover from two days ago, but it turned out that I wasn't. So what's your first question? Will I leave? Sure. Yeah. Okay. I'll let's go. Let's go to the money zone. Guys, we have the return today, the return of Audible as a podcast sponsor. And as we requested, we have, we have a handsome female voice to, to read the, like every, it's like a professional podcast. We have a handsome female voice to read to you about Audible sent in by Nancy Hartunian.

Thanks, Nancy. This podcast is brought to you by audible.com, the internet's leading provider of audiobooks with more than 100,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature, including fiction, nonfiction and periodicals. For a free audiobook of your choice, go to audiblepodcast.com slash my brother. Perfect, Nancy. Thank you. Yeah. Like every professional podcast, we like to warn you before it's about to sound professional to give you a nice buffer in case this transition is grating to your ears. Well, I didn't want them to be like, whoa, did my computer glitch out and now it's playing radio lab? Like, no, don't worry about it. It's super not still super not radio lab. Although I can tell you all about science facts.

Yeah, we're basically radio lab for cool people. Do you guys know what creates rainbows? What? Kid wishes. Gay dust. Hey, God, what? What's gay dust? It's, it's from, I don't know, crunched up gay things. And if you want to crunch up some gay things, you need to head to streamerstraights.com. That's right. The magic's back for an unprecedented, the holiday is spectacular. How people have been so cold, people have been like,

people are like going around like breaking off chair legs and like trying to jam it in themselves because they don't know, they don't know what to do without our fucking guidance. This is like, uh, extreme restraints presents my brother, my brother and me season two. We took a brief summer break, but now we're back with the new plotline. This is the season premiere. The season premiere. In this episode, one of us buys some special balls that you put in your butthole to make sex feel better. Strict, like here's my featured item today, strict leather locking butt plug, harness with an inflatable plug. So let me walk you through this. You got to ring around your, your ding dong and you have a belt, a pocket full of pose and a pocket full of belt

that goes up to your belly button and then around your waist and through your butthole. And then you can inflate it to make your butt bigger. I think, I think that's how that works. Okay. Um, can I drop some knowledge on you about the strict leather cock straight jacket? Hit me. It's a straight jacket for your cock and also according to this picture, your balls also, your whole ball, it's your whole unit. You get it tied up in this thing. God, I have like, I have like 14 dicks on my monitor right now. Um, and then you have to, I guess it's like a trick. It's like a stunt and you try to get it out. It's fun for the kids. It's fun for the whole family. It's, you can do like Houdini, but with your, but it's like your

dick instead of like, I'm like an immigrant. Holy shit. Okay. You guys, I feel that when we do the extreme restrained spots, we have a tendency to focus on stuff for dudes. Or, and so now I'm going to say I, my product of the week is the passion. He's the vibrating strapless strap on. Hold up. Looks like, how does it strapless strap on? I don't even know Griffin. And here's your body through magic. Yes. It just will never let go. Once it's in, it never goes away. It's a permanent fixture now. Well, you're going to have to buy new pants, I guess. It's, it's like an eight-prong thing and it's just fun for everyone is what it says. And it looks fun for everyone. So it's like a, it's like a menorah? Yes, it's a sexy menorah. If you're looking for a perfect, perfect candle

lights present, then this, this butt menorah is going to be your thing. I want you guys to know, I keep looking at it and blushing. So check it out. If Travis's audio sounds bad right now, it's because he's got both of his hands in front of his mouth and he's giggling. Here's a quick sample of a review from the Strict Leather Locking Butt Plug Harness with Inflatable Plug. My wife bought this for me to wear to work and around the house. One day, I was in the bedroom wearing this butt plug harness and the kids were out playing with their friends. Hey kids, hey kids, big news, big scoop from my brother, my brother, me. You thought you were having fun outside, but your dad was having the real fun in the bedroom. When you saw

him through the window and he looked happy, that is why. It wasn't because he loves you, it was because he had, he does love you. He does love you, but he also loves this, this apparently a balloon and it's asshole. Listen, we don't want to scare you off with these, these products are more on the extreme side of extreme restraints. Maybe things are getting a little stale in the bedroom. They have all gradients of sexual pleasure tools for you to enjoy. Maybe you just want to, maybe you just want a dildo. Maybe you just want some lubricants. Maybe you want something with a little flavor. Then these are all things that you can play with and experiment with and it's safe and it's fun. It's called, they're called dildos, right?

They're called dildos and listen, if you want your dildos at a bargain rate, you're going to want to go to extremestrints.com, spell just how it sounds and enter the coupon code middleist. What will that save you? What that's going to save you is 20%. That's a fifth or a fourth. That's a fifth. It's a fifth. We'll call it a fifth. Let's call it even fifth. Well, you can call it that because math arithmetic fucking says that that's what the number is. Well, I created this agreement. Let's decide that it's a fifth. Let's say a fifth for now and then we'll revisit it. Now, extremestrints.com, coupon code middleist. At some sex shops, when they sell you a dildo at four-fifths of the price, they'll chop off the tip of the dildo

and send you four-fifths of the dildo. The extremestrints will not short you like that. You get the whole hog. That's their motto. Come to extremestrints and get the whole hog. The hog in this case is like a fake cock. It's like a hog. It's like a hog. Yeah, I guess I didn't need to be any more explicit than that. Sure, yeah, I think it's covered. This Christmas will be the first I've had while being in a long-term romantic relationship. My girlfriend for sure expects me to get her something nice. The problem is, I'm a minimalist and in my lifestyle, I'm a mental... I am so opposed. I'm a mentalist. I'm so opposed to non-materialism that I cannot say it. This Christmas will be the first that I've had while

being in a long-term romantic relationship and my girlfriend for sure expects me to get her something nice. The problem is, I'm a minimalist in my lifestyle and as such have a really terrible, terrible time picking out things to give people. I'm just as bad at selecting gifts all around. It occurred to me, however, that my girlfriend and a close female friend of mine who, full disclosure, I previously had a pseudo-remanent relationship with, have similar taste in fashion accessories and stuff, and that if I got her to help me pick something out, it would for sure be a hit with my girlfriend. I just can't decide if this idea is brilliant and practical solution of my gift-giving woes or the worst idea ever. That's from Gift Blind Guy in Minneapolis.

Oh, it's the worst idea ever. Hey, Gift Blind Guy, if you want to get back together with the first girl you dated, just do it, okay? Please don't make me watch you and JC Penney as you go through the scarfs, okay? Thank you. Um, I mean, it depends entirely on what the relationship is between the two women, because if, if your girlfriend is not comfortable with you hanging out this former beau of yours, then I don't think she would be cool with like, oh, these are so great slacks. I love these slacks, where'd you get these slacks? And you say, JC Penney, and you say, how much do they cost? And you say, well, don't ask me a question about that. Like, that is a gift. And you say,

oh, well, how did you know how I would like these slacks? And then you say, oh, oh, Large Marge told me. Why did I, I am so fucking bad at thinking of names whenever I tell anecdotes. Well, that's the role of Large Marge. So your friend, Large Marge, helps you pick this out. If she, if, if current, current special someone does not know about your relationship with Large Marge, Small, it's Small Marge. If New Marge doesn't know about Large Marge, then you are fine. Here are some key notes. I don't care what the relationship is. No one wants to hear that they needed someone of the opposite sex to help them pick a gift, because they, they know you that little, like that's not, that's going to sully the present.

They must never know. Okay. That's number one. No reason. No reason. I don't think there's any reason to be bad at buying people gifts because that just means that you don't know what they like. Like, yeah, this is the problem is that when you say that she wants something nice in your minimalist and blah, blah, blah, you're missing the point. The point is not how expensive or, you know, how big or how great the present is. It's that when, when the, my, my feelings on gift giving is that when the person opens the present and sees it for the first time, they should know instantly why you thought they would like it. Whether they actually do or not, they should be able to think, okay, well, he knows that I like this movie and this is a piece of memorabilia

from that. Or he knows that my favorite color is blue. And so he bought me this blue shirt. I come out at more from a shock and awe angle where like, holy shit, I can't believe this person spent this much money on me. I'm just saying your advice makes you really sound like one of the 47 percent. But go. It sounds like poor people advice. You're poor mouthing right now. What do you, okay, so, uh, gift blind, do you want me to solve this for you? Do it. And it's a, it's a little tweak, but just don't have the person go with you. Ask them beforehand.

Ask Large Marge. Say, Hey, what, I'm trying to think of things to get my girlfriend this Christmas. Do you have any suggestions? And then you don't have to say that someone helped you pick it out. Well, except that she did. No, I do that all the time. If like, and I never, you know, go on that solely, but I'll pull some friends and say, I'm thinking about getting Theresa this. What do you think? You know what I mean? Like I, there's, there's no shame in asking the audience. Yeah. You know what I mean? So you don't have to go in it alone, but maybe don't make the person such an intrinsic part of picking out the gift that you've got to give them credit for it.

How about this? Just buy us some lotion, you gooster. Is this your fire hit? What flavor? So, you know, fucking pecans or vanilla or something food, like so sorry, dessert flavor. Or just get us some food. See, that's classic. That's how Large Marge thought. Large Marge want everything to smell like food. So of course she's going to get you like barbecue sauce lotion. But that's not what New Marge likes. New Marge likes baubles. Yeah. Maybe, maybe get her a date to spa, but who wouldn't like that? Maybe get her some bath

salts, actual bath salts or the drug. Yeah, just get her the drug. Have you guys noticed, and I don't know if it is this way at your personal malls, have you noticed that the, like after November 1, the Bath & Body Works is just untenable? Yeah. You cannot enter that. It is a throng of humanity. It is, it is Black Friday in that, in that particular kiosk all month long. Yeah. And the smell, the smell manifests into a very physical presence. It's a, it's a, it's a visible smell coming out of that place. It's like you, it's like a smell ghost, like wafting out of the front doors. It's like somebody baked all of the different cookies that there are in the world and then

covered them in rose petals and then buried them in the ground for 2000 years and then dug that up and then injected it straight into the nostrils. Like it continues when the, when the like whiff of smell comes out and like entices the hobo to like come to the pie in the window. Yeah. It's like that only with sons and husbands who don't know what their wives or moms like. Yeah. Going into Bath & Body Works to get a gift for your significant other is basically just like giving up. Just like, I don't know. I guess they like to smell good and be soft. Fuck. Shit. Smell beautiful for me, Deborah. It is also like the quintessential like, you know, white elephant, you know, secret Santa present of like, I know nothing about the experiments

that they don't like to stink. I just don't like the idea of getting somebody a gift that basically says, I want you to smell better for like two weeks and then this is going to be gone. Enjoy this for less than a month. Can we, can we also say that there's something skeezy about saying, I got you a gift and I want you to rub it all over your body. Well, rub this on your body. I've gotten, I've gotten several grandmother's lotion from Bath & Body Works and that thought didn't really cross my mind. It was more like. This is just, this is just twisted peppermint. Rub it all over your body. No, it was more like. This is the way, I got in vanilla, vanilla bean noel. Take this vanilla

bean noel. Rub it all over your ashy elbows. Mine, mine was more like, meeps, meeps, meeps. I know that your hands get all crackly when you play computer pachinko. So why don't you rub this sweet, sweet peppermint all over. I'll take care of that crackly problem. You can play pachinko uninterrupted. It's, it's very, it's very, very dry in your assisted living housing. Maybe put some pink sugar plum onto those crackle knuckles. Oh, meepers. It's dry, dry work writing in all caps on my Facebook. You know, you gotta lube them up. Lube those, lube those joints up as you can keep clicking and sharing all your. So I guess I'm just as to how the jazz musician made his way into our conversation about lotion. Jazz musician has a grandma too.

I'm jazz granny. I'm Lou Reed and I'm gonna rub stuff all over all your grandma's. I'm gonna put a little, we're gonna put a little soul in a bowl. We're gonna rub, rub stuff up. Wait, wait, did you say Lou Reed or Lou Ross? I said both of them. Both of them have grandmothers after all? We all have grannies, don't we folks? Lou Ross is gonna tag team your grandma's elbows. I used to like this show, my brother, my brother, me, and then every episode devolved into them low talking and trying to say the most upsetting things they could think of to each other. Vanilla B Noelle folks, that's the scent to watch in my opinion. I'm keeping track of all the scent stock markets. I invested heavily in Pink Sugar Plum. Yankee Candle has got it popping off. They've

got some apple and pine needle is one. That smells great. That sounds delightful. So I've dropped about 10 large on one that's just called Buttholes. They sell it only on extreme restraints. Some people just can't get enough of that funky stuff. This is funky and oh, funky is a terrible word. There are now at Yankee Candle, they now have scents for men. Like pumpkin pie is not a scent for it. They're all scents for men. There is a smell like, for example, of fresh pussy. Like the smell of freshly cut wood, the smell of carpentry basically, is a smell you can get at Yankee Candle. I want to know how you play that off to your bros when they're like, hey, bro,

have you been cutting? Are you building something with your own hands? Well, almost. I lit a candle that smelled like I did. Are we good? Am I good right now? Am I good? I'm sorry, Yankee Candle. I usually like you, but I do not live in a world in which I like a pumpkin spice candle and some bros walk in the room and say, are you burning a candle like a lady? Or I've never heard that before. You light a cut wood candle and your girlfriend comes home and is like, what the fuck is this shit? I hate this smell. Oh, it's like poison. And now I can't smell. There is an actual no bullshit Yankee Candle that is called, and I kid you not, man town. That is a candle. You could go to Yankee Candle and say, I tell you where I want this scent to transport me to.

Man town, which is also the follow up hit to the weather girls that's raided men. About this fragrance, escape to the man cave with this masculine blend of spices, woods, and musk. Oh my God. Is there a word worse than musk? That's been the problem with men exclusive rooms, all these years. It says they haven't smelled enough like dudes. No, wait a minute. I got that completely backwards. No one ever walks into your quote unquote man cave. First off, gross. Second, no one ever walks into your man cave and says, man, I tell you what it could smell more like in here right now. Dude, or better yet, I fucking love this smell, but it's so hard to get bros together, drink beer, eat corn nuts and watch football all the time. I wish I could wake up to

this scent. I just wish that there was some way that I could just take myself to man town. I tell you, I tell you, Felipe, it really, really smells like you've had a bunch of dudes in here hanging out and bro-ing. It smells like that, doesn't it? It's pretty much just me, me and my candles. We had a pretty heavy bro sesh last week and the musk is still hanging in the, it's in the wallpaper. That stank ain't never coming out. Well, now it won't because I just don't know what, if you like a candle. What market? What market? Yeah, what's the market? If I like a candle, the use is almost always to get rid of a smell that a man created. Like it is almost always from like, ah, Greg, you left your fish out again. Guys, I know what the market is. Tell me.

Army wives. Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! How could this be? How could this happen? 130 episodes without picking on America's most, most deserving demographic army wives. They've had it easy for too long. Here comes my brother, my brother B, to knock that proverbial. Conk, conk, conk, we're gonna bully you. Here we are. Can we end this show? I feel terrible. Yeah, that's the end. Yeah, I think, yeah, I think that's the end of the show. Absolutely. I don't really know if we've really given it to army wives enough. I think we even, we cracked open the door and it was enough. They're getting, listen, listen army wives, you're on notice. You don't have any good

goose for you this week, but next week, oh boy. You're getting off easy, easy right now, but. You're finally gonna get yours next week. You'll get your comeuppance. This has been my brother, my brother, me. It's an advice show. Thank you so much for listening, for whatever reason you do do that. Thank you for tweeting about the show with the mb, mbam, hashtag. Metric, sir, Amy El Russo, little Socrates, Chris Twail, and of course, Mason V.D. Alfwetti, Alfwetti, I believe, James Leff from Miss Dapper, DJ Pizzazz, everybody, we really appreciate it. The Thunderboss. Also, I want to throw out, Christian is heading out to basic training, I think this week, and he's looking forward to two

months of my brother, my brother, and me waiting for him when he gets back. So Christian, have a good time, I guess. Thank you. Get trained up, basically. Thank you for your service. And apologies for that sweet transition. Travis, engineer, sorry to your wife, if that's a thing. I want to thank John Rodrick and the Long Winters for the use of our theme song. It's a departure off the album put in the days to bed. A great candle night's present, I'm sure. I'm sure everybody who listens to the show already owns that album, but maybe your friends don't, maybe your parents don't. Your parents are going to love these sounds. He's got a real Peter Gabriel thing going for him that your rins are just going to enjoy. Travis, do you have anything

you want to say? I actually do. I realize going through the questions this week, we get a lot of questions every week, and we can only answer usually three or four or two for not really paying attention. But I just wanted you guys to know, I do read every email that you guys send, and I just want to say I love all of you so much, and I'm sorry that we can't get to all your questions every week, but just know that I do read and I do care, and I know that some of you are going through some pretty tough stuff. And just know that we're here and we're pulling for you no matter who you are or what problems you're going through. We care about you. So there, we love you. There, I sent it. There, the shoe's out. Take a load off, Annie, and put that load

right on me, but not in like a sex way. Do you guys want a yahoo? Oh yeah. This final yahoo is sent in by Frederick Olson. Thank you, Frederick. It's by yahoo answers user Hunita, who asks, what kind of juice is good? I'm Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. This has been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad. Scoooow, we're on the lips.