My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 183: C-3P-Oh Yeaaahhhhh

Episode Date: January 13, 2014

Heartfelt apologies about the audio quality on this week's episode; Griffin's mic was obviously hacked by some sort of anti-advice internet forum. Next week, he'll make sure to 'cast straight from the throatputer, which should prevent these kinds of issues. Suggested talking points: Wearable Tech, Party Planning, Steve Harvey the Ripper, Travel Tips, Belayment Payment, Scoping Kevin, 'Bating to that Plating, Premium Rush 2: No Bikes

Hey everybody, it's Griffin, and you may know me from the podcast that you're about to listen to. Listen, this week's episode is what people in the TV industry would call a very special episode. Maybe an arrow that you would keep in your quiver until Sweep Sweep when it really mattered. Because here's the thing, it sounds really shitty. Not all of it, actually just my audio, which I accidentally recorded with my webcam, instead of my high quality microphone. So for the next hour, I'm going to sound a little something like this. Yeah, so it's going to sound something like this. That's not great, is it? It's so unpleasant that I don't actually even want you to experience it in this sample version because you're about to

eat an hour of it, and I feel really genuinely very bad about that. So let's switch back to good mic. There we go. There's the stuff that you're used to. So yeah, that's this week's episode. Really, I'm very sorry. I try to make this show sound as good as I possibly can despite the fact that we live in three different states, and syncing all that up is kind of tricky from time to time, and big fuckups like this don't help. So bear with us. It's not going to be an issue in the future. I don't like putting out stuff that's not as good as we can do, but that's very much what you're going to have this week. So if you want to skip this week, like I totally understand. We do some bits about Home Alone 2 that I thought were pretty good. We talked about having sex with Star

Wars characters. That was a pretty nice run. So that's sort of like a Cliff's Notes version of it if you want to pass. Again, I totally understand. Otherwise, here's the show. Enjoy. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Welcome, my brother and my brother, me, CES 2014 edition. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McRoy. I'm your middle-est brother. I'm your middle-est brother, Travis McRoy. I'm your baby brother, Griffin McRoy, just loving all the tech. I have a lot of wearable

technology on right now. A lot of wearable tech. It's hot. I was in an H&M yesterday and there was a dude wearing ski goggles in the H&M, and I think there was probably a little bit of wearable tech in those there goggles. I have a new cyber implant that I got on the show floor. It's a throat. I don't know if you guys saw these, a throat computer. They actually embed it in your throat. What it does is it turns your mind signals from your mind into speech without having to move your mouth or throat or anything. It's not working super well, just based on that last sentence. You know what, the piece that I'm most excited about, because I saw a little clip about it, it's a six-slot toaster. Interesting. I don't think, Travis, that was actually part

of the CES technology. This January, get into subway for a $5... Okay, I didn't know. Here's the thing is, no, this is the problem with the throat computer. Very expensive. It is subsidized technology. So occasionally, in the middle of... Don't miss Will Ferrell and Anchor Matt Teary. Why does it make you sound like that though? Well, it has to be very clear. It's not my mind. That's what it sounds like when Justin is resisting with throat pewter with his own organa muscles. Yeah, I'm fighting against it as hard as I can. Can I hack your throat pewter? I don't think it's Wi-Fi. I think it's just with my throat so anytime is snack time with popcorn. I'm glad that they're doing well enough to afford such prime time

ad, though. I wish I could shut it off during certain times, like when I'm recording my podcast. Kids love lunchables and lunchables are kids. Apparently, lunchables are made of children. I think I might have been hacked. I do think that hacking is possible because that seems to have happened. Do you want me to ram McAfee like antivirus down your throat? Yeah, or I could just take a cold and flu medicine. Or you could just drink something, I think, and the liquid would probably compromise. You'd have to eat some sand, maybe, and get in the gears. Yeah, that did. I just drank some Diet Dr. Pepper. Okay, that wasn't an ad. I did just drink some Diet Dr. Pepper. It is goddamn delicious, though.

It tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper. I don't know what the big hubbub is. Travis, you're not feeling great? That is correct. Did you get any, maybe you caught a computer virus at CES? Yes, that's exactly what happened. I caught an electronics-based virus. I worried for a second that we had lag on the call, but I think it's lag on your brain. I think your brain is lagging. Oh, no, I just didn't enjoy your joke. In my defense and yours, it wasn't so much of a joke. I think Travis is just put off by all the CES talk because he's something of a luddite. I do fear technology and all the things it can do to us. Oh, I connect those. It might as well have never been connected before in like fixed diseases

and 3D print flesh for burn victims. Yeah, and eventually we become too reliant upon it. Please, just no more flesh. Fleshbot, I'm not interested anymore. How about some more flesh? Like, I'm good. I definitely have plenty of flesh. What about when the kids, they're on their cell phones and they're not connected with nobody? That's a good point. What about that, Griffin? We're creating a communications ghetto with our phones. Because the people always, they're taking the Instagrams. They're taking the Instagrams and they're not just enjoying the moment. Back in my day, you just enjoyed the moment maybe with a Polaroid or some such and then you pin it on a wall. And now the people,

they take it with their phones and they put it on the interwebs. Man, you sound horrible. Yeah. Like the quality of my voice or like what I'm saying. Check, check, check, check, all of it. Check. Hey, let's get into the advice, guys. I'm ready. Are you ready? This January, Josh Hallway stars a special agent, Gabriel Vaughn and Intelligence. Have super agent, have computer, basically, Chuck. How hard did the throat, Peter, have to research that one to know everything about it? Off the top. I think it's just being streamed directly into my throat. That seems like a weird marketing campaign to like write for your show. Check out our show.

We basically stole the idea from Chuck. Chuck, but serious. Serious Chuck. We call it Charles. My wonderful girlfriend of four years is turning 21 in a couple of weeks. I'm throwing her a surprise birthday party inviting all our friends and even some friends from other colleges. I was worried about people mingling and getting along, though, seeing as many of those people have never met. Are there any activities other than drinking legally that I could put on, make sure everyone has a great time? That's from Perplex Partier in Pittsburgh. When was the last time you guys threw a party?

I mean, I have get-togethers. Right. That's not what this person's talking about. We're talking about a 21st B-Day fucking rager barnstormer. Yeah, because I mean, honestly, what my mind immediately jumped to is I know lots of like party games, but I don't. Is that what you're looking for? I think they're looking for like some great, you know, it's hard because you think about the formal atmosphere that we sort of issued from the Victorian era. We sort of let that fall by the wayside, but there certainly is something to be said for having some sort of codified way of handling interactions in a place. You need one. Every time we have, like, we want to have

people over, there's usually like a activity that serves as sort of the linchpin for the entire thing. Like, we're going to grill. And then people know that this is where hot, this is where like charred food is going to be served, where we say like, we're going to play hero quests. And then people know just not to come. Not to come. Because they don't want to do that. What, I mean, we usually do like cards against humanity or, you know, like you can also play, I don't know what it's actually called, but we call it fishbowl where you like write down. Put your keys into it. You put your keys into it. Then everybody sleeps with everybody else. It's pretty good getting to know you exercise. Yeah, getting to know somebody and maybe something

about yourself. You could have a herald announce everyone as they come into the party. Yeah, that's over pretty quickly, isn't it? Yeah, well, that seems like a pretty good way to get to know each other when you're like, oh, that's Lord Stephen of Miller. That's why the idea to put do parties like this is Halloween because then even if you don't know the person, everybody knows Snooki. So you feel comfortable with Snooki. You want to talk to Snooki. God, Justin, your fucking pop culture references are like super, super on point. They're like super, super up to date, hot hip. What's now? What's what's hip? Do you have anybody who knows Nicole Richie? What are you even saying anymore? It's 2004.

I'm done though. I'm 33 years old. I'm out of the game. I am out. He knows everything about pop culture that he'll ever know. Here's the thing about it. Here's the thing about pop culture. We're making more every day. Fair, correct. Yeah. There's new YouTubes. There's new whatever. There's like three new YouTube videos every day. How are you supposed to keep up with that? At some point, you have to say, well, I'm done. I'm going to work backwards from here. So at least there's a finite amount of culture for me to intake. All the good stuff's already done, been made. I'm out of the game. I'm done. Back to this person's question. The easiest thing to do, and I think the thing that I run into the

most when I or my friends have these sorts of gets together, is to base it around the preparation of some sort of non-everyday food. Like last night, we went to a friend's house and he made ribs that he got from the Salt Lake. Like, oh, that's exciting. Or like a friend will do like a like a shrimp boil. Like things that you just... What about like fondue? Fondue? Sure. I think that was sort of like the whole idea behind that craze. Not that anybody... Justin, I got you in Sydney at Fondue Park for Christmas like two years ago. Have you used that? Oh, yeah, we did. Put some chocolate in that, Mother Grabber. Well, some pretzels. I'll take you right to town. I think that's like... You could do a fry. We used to do fry parties in college where we'd set up a deep-fried

fryer and then you just bring shit to fry. That's kind of safe. It's super safe. And it's super drunk while you're doing it. I met the cutest guy with the cutest scarring ever at this point. He was very bubbly. Not like his personality, like his flesh. He's a keeper. You guys want a yahoo? Please. Guys, you fucking drowned me in yahoo today. I got like ready for the show. I usually take about 20 to 30 minutes to prep. There was easily an hour and a half worth of yahoo, which is why I was late. Sorry, boys. Thank you all very, very much. This yahoo answer was sent in by Ira Ray. Are you Ira Ray? Who wants to know? Ira, welcome back, my friend. It's by Yahoo Answers user books where the magic happens. Done. That's all I needed. Thank you. Books where the magic happens

asks, how often should catchphrases be used? Just like people in real life, characters often have catchphrases for things uttered often. Just like people in real life. Just like those real people. So the question is, how much is too much? How many times do you think is just the right amount? Well, the trick is that it's per hour, but you could use them all up right at the top of the hour and then have to wait like another 55 minutes. So you get to say like, them some sweet pants, bro. Right? And then you got to like, you could say that like 10 times. Is it always pants, though? Oh, it's a good call. I mean, I guess, well, then it comes into, can you vary the article of clothing and count that as varying the catchphrase? I don't know why it has to always be clothing.

Sweet sock suspenders, bro. Yeah. Pretty sweet merkin, bro. I don't know why you'd be looking at that on your bro. Well, maybe he was self-conscious about it. He didn't know if it was a good merkin or not. Maybe you're an American. Does this look natural? Does this look natural? You're like, it's a pretty sweet merkin, bro. Do you know, first of all, like, I guess we have catchphrases for the show. Can you just ask her on the lips? I guess there's a catchphrase we only do that once per hour, which I guess is not so bad. No, I guess that's fine. I mean, it's more of a sign-off than a catchphrase. I mean, Griffin, when you were establishing Oops, I Eated All the Potato Chips.

I really, yeah, I did not get that one. For your serious little Gryffin. Yeah. Yeah. But during the run of the sitcom, during the sitcom run of Little Gryffin, or was it Little Gryffin? Little Gryffin. The issue was the sensors were really hesitant to have a show where a child ate potato chips. I'm sorry, ate all the potato chips. Sorry. Eated all the potato chips multiple times per episode. It didn't really paint a healthy picture of Little Gryffin's dietary habits. And they were afraid that kids at home would see that and just like go grab up all the cheetahs that they had on the shelf and just let them introduce themselves. The names are diabetic because they ate all the potato chips four times over.

During the, you can tell if you're watching late series or early Little Gryffin because he'll say, Oops, I Eated All of the, like, quinoa in the house. Oops, I Eated a reasonable amount of potato chips and balanced it out with some fruits and vegetables. Right. Jump the shark, actually. There is not, I don't think, a reasonable amount of potato chips. I think the, I do think that catchphrase is a sort of a lost art on television. I mean, like the last great catchphrase I can remember is like, good work of Steve, Steve, well, I would say the work of Steve Urkel. I think it comes a little after the firehouse heydays, but did I do that? Friends was pretty heavily catchphrased, like how you do in.

Yeah. There were some good catchphrases there. It's true. Oh, fucking how about your mother is like everything that Neil Patrick Harris says is like catchphrase. That's true. I guess it's still like alive and kicking. I just don't know people who do that shit in real life because it would make them like. Think in your lives. Do you guys actually know anybody that literally has like catchphrases? Well, the thing is, is like there's such a huge difference between having a quote catchphrase and having certain patterns of speech that you tend to repeat. You know what I mean? I think as soon as you identify something like this is going to be my catchphrase, you're on like the fast track to douche down because like you shouldn't

actively make the decision. But if you're a guy who just says like, you know, coolio a lot and that's just a natural thing that you do. It's also very situational. Like I have a circle of friends here in here in Austin that we band year out about terms like like day rage and crush sesh and things like that. But we never like there's not like a thing that anybody says every time they enter a fucking room because that would be the weirdest. Yeah. I think it would be awesome. Jeremy J's in town. Yeah. I've tried that get to the get that one going. Every time you're in a room. Oh, hey, I think it would be really awesome if like when when you turn 12, kind of like in the giver, everyone was assigned a catchphrase

came to you with your social security number, you know, and you you were legally required to use it every time you entered a room. Sure. And then it would be like retire when when low Griffey dies, then the giver would receive oops, I eat in all the potato chips and then would just like store those memories. It's a very heavy burden that we have. Well, you would have to think though that some people's catchphrases would be really like pertinent and be like, holla at me, right? But then some people would just be like, we have to walk in and be like, I'd like a raise. And it's like, my head doesn't work. Yeah, man, that's not great. Well, gentlemen, we've been trying to solve the case of the Ripper for three years now. We believe we finally have a break in the case.

According to all eyewitnesses, he says later third burglars. Every time he leaves the scene of a crime. So it should be let's check with the catchphrase office. Let's check the index. Oh, Steve Harvey. It was Steve Harvey this whole fucking time. Yeah, who knew? I didn't even think he was alive. But that's like his whole thing. That's who he opens up every episode of Harvey. What's the show? Family feud. Family feud was the answer. He's got a lot of he's got a lot of catchphrases. He does. When I last time I was in New York, I took a cab to JFK. It took me like an hour from the hotel. And my cab driver listened to Steve Harvey the whole time. And I listened to it too. And I laughed at it and made me feel pretty hip. Pretty pretty now. Have another question.

My girlfriend and I are visiting a city neither of us have ever seen before. And our question is this. Should we plan out a long list of things to do and see beforehand? Or is it more fun to just wing it? We don't have a ton of travel experience. We already have a place to stay. And just about nothing else. We're going to be there for six days and the city is Austin, if that helps. Fuck yeah. And that's from thanks scouting in or sorry, that says thanks. And then it's from scouting in San Francisco. Now, before you jump in, before you jump in with Austin suggestions, let's answer as a general question first. Alright, go to Barton Springs. It's like this beautiful swimming hole, like in the heart of downtown. I'm not saying like if there's a

Barton Springs in whatever town that you visit, like make sure that you check that out. I know that there is one in Austin. So by and large, I think that the thing you want to plan and over plan is like getting there transit. Like that's where you're gonna, that's where you're gonna get boned. That's where I will get overly analytical and figure out every last detail, like figure out how you're getting from, you know, your house to the airport to your hotel, etc. After that, I tend to just bring a laptop with me and sort of figure stuff out as I as I get there. It never hurts to have like two or three, like don't want to miss things so that you always have something to fall back on should it be. So for example, if you're in Austin, you want to go to the Alamo

Draft House, cool. Then you know that at least one of the days, the centerpiece of the day is going to be going to the Alamo Draft House because that always kind of lets me relax a little bit more when I know that the something is planned, but I don't feel the need to plan every single second of the day. I just, I just, I plan everything. Like it just, it's more of a, it's a relief to have like a big checklist of stuff and like a schedule. I think that once you do that though, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Yeah. If you got no, if you have no plans and you can't fail. Teresa has been, you know, helping me with that because I tend to like, I used to over plan stuff and then it just leads to frustration because if you're like,

I'm going to do these eight things today and then you only get to do like five of them, you know, you don't want to be stressed about the three you didn't get to do. You want to be living in the moment of the five you did get to do. I really, I think another good thing that you can research is find like a general area that is nice and then go there and, and don't have any specific plans beyond that. But like when we were, we went to the UK recently, the nicest day we had in Bath was going to just sort of the center of town and looking around. And, and we knew that that was an area we wanted to get to. But beyond that, there really wasn't a, you know, a lot we had planned. We sort of let the day unfold as it, as it wanted to. And that's a lot more relaxing

than having a checklist that you got to go through. I guess it's a good point because like, whenever people come here, I tell them to go to South Congress, which is just like a cool street with like a ton of cool shit to do, instead of saying go to this one specific place. Because like a lot of cities, especially Austin, like there's some shit that you might have on your checklist. Like I'm going to go do Franklin's barbecue. And then like, guess what? You are totally, totally not going to be able to do that because the line is around the block. Yeah. Food, food for me is an important one. I usually know like two or three places I want to like have dinner or do breakfast or some, some place that either friends have told me before

him, like I went to, you know, I went to Pittsburgh and you got to check out this place. You know what I mean? But that's usually go find an area with the restaurants and stuff like Justin was saying and just kind of cruise around. The other, the only other thing that I would say in terms of like planning that is really useful is to find out the car situation. Because there are some areas where like friends to use two recent examples. When we were in Bath, we rented a car and as it turns out, if you find a place to put your car in that city, it lives there forever. Like you can don't ever, ever move it because that's where it lives from then on. They just pour cement over the car and turn it into a statue commemorating the moment where you found a parking spot.

Right. You'll visit it from time to time. You take your grandkids and then I just turn left and then I turn right and there it was. Fuck, I left my bill of flex CD in there. Shit. Now it's gone, part of the memorial. But in Austin, if you don't have a car, I don't think you're going to do much. You're not going to really get around much. People bike, but like they just do it so other people see them on their bike. We get it, guys. We get it, guys. Like it's got only just the two wheels. Can I give Austin suggestions now? Yeah, make it quick. You got to get a pizza taco at the place. There's a food truck downtown. You'll see it. It has like a giant pizza taco on top of the car. So you'll see exactly which one to get. With the Alamo.

Go to the Alamo definitely. There's a beautiful spring fed pool behind the Alamo. That's very refreshing to dip in. There's the Custer's Last Stand Frozen Custard Shop that has some of the, I would say like the fifth best frozen custard in Texas. Easy. Top 10 at least. You can get a 10 gallon hat full of custers. They call it Custer's Custard. You can buy that there and eat that. You have to eat it on the spot, though, because they got it. They need that hat back. Please demand a clean hat. A lot of times they're going to tell you that they don't have any and you're going to get one with someone else's custard leavings and you don't want that. You don't want that. Go to a longhorn fight. Is that two longhorns?

It's eight longhorns usually. You have to really plan your trip around that because just because of the rate of death, I mean they burn through seven longhorns every time that they do it. So it's like a longhorn demolition derby. They're a tough animal to breathe for obvious reasons. Those horns get in the way of the copulation. You got to make sure you're planning a trip around that because I think it's like once or twice a week. Make sure you meet George W. Bush. He's just wandering around handing out peppermints to kids. He runs a cool-down tent on Sixth Street Fridays and Saturdays when it gets pretty tazy. Hey, you're looking a little beat. What's going in? Gel out. Come on in. Have some orange juice. Have some insure. It's good

for you. Bring you down. Oh, bro, you got to rehydrate, bro. Come on. These are all really good George. George W. Bush. Oh, sorry. It's George H. W. Bush. It's the one that runs the cool-down tent. So anyway, those are just a few suggestions for me to use. I dropped my Pringles. Oh, that wasn't an ad. Justin dropped it all in Potato Chips. They're actually technically potato crisps because they're made from reconstituted potato granules. So there's a little lengthy lawsuit about it. I'll walk you guys through this sometime. I work in a type of service industry that not many people know about, but it's growing in popularity. I work in a rock climbing gym, hosting birthdays and private lessons. The problem is,

I don't think people know it's customary to tip their belayer, the one who pulls in the slack of the rope while the climber climbs after pulling the kids up a wall for about an hour. My question is, how do you ask for tips without asking for tips? And that's from Tipless Trainer. Let me help you out with something, Tipless Trainer. Allow me to assist you with something. If most people don't know it's customary to do something, then it's kind of what a custom is, is that you kind of do it because it's the thing to do. If people don't know that that's the custom, I'm sorry, Doug, but like, not a custom. Unless I'm mistaken, not like a chart somewhere, some official laminated chart that says you tip your belayer and yet people have not bothered to

go check out that particular office. I don't even know what a belayer, like I didn't know that word until Justin, via you, just like introduced that shit into my brain, like there's no way I would have tipped you. Not a chance. The only way I tip, where I don't know, like know for certain that I am supposed to, like obviously there's some of those that are easy, wagers, taxi drivers. The only time that I do, I have to see a bowl, I have to see a bowl, or you have to do the thing that Rob Schneider does in Home Alone 2, or you kind of rub your fingers together, like you're looking for a fruit stripe gum. That's like, I've got to see one of those two actions. Maybe what you could do to kind of be cute is once the kid is up, just hold him there and wait,

because you've got that kid. You've got the look at the dad, like, so is that your son? Yeah, he's like, how much is it worth you for me to not let him fall? Yeah, or turn the kid upside down, turn the kid upside down and then you'll fall out of his pants, like he's in that cartoon. Or maybe just let one kid fall. Yeah, let one kid fall so they know you're serious. And then just loudly announce, I guess his parents didn't tip. And then when you're on the run from the wall and you move to another state and you get a job. Because the kid and you are in it together. Oh my god, he faked it. The kid knows what's up. Now the kid died. The kid sacrificed his life. But he was in it with you.

I think he lived and it turned out he was David Blaine. What? How did this happen? He's amazing. I'm going to dress like a white kid named Skyler for the next six months. It'll be the greatest hoax of my life. We've talked, I think, at length about Home Alone 2. You mentioned it and it brought up something I didn't really realize until my latest holiday time viewing of that film, which is like, I think it has cemented itself as a holiday classic by this point. Okay. Have we talked about this on the show recently? I don't think so. We talked about how Tim Curry was so very, very upsetting in that film. Yes, but let's explore that subject just a little bit deeper. That's the worst hotel basically ever. Okay. What is your problem with

it? There's a scene. It's entirely managerial or my issues with it. And not like the obvious stuff of like they let a kid check in. It's that once they did that, they definitely invaded that person regardless of his age, invaded his privacy to a felonious extent. Case in point, there's a scene where Tim Curry goes to check on the room and this is after his suspicion has been peaked and he starts sort of snooping around and Kevin gets wise and it's the scene where he sets up the clown in the shower and plays the recording of his uncle singing. But let's like play through Tim Curry's brain thoughts in that scene where he sneaks in and he's looking for an adult, but he doesn't see an adult. So at this point, he thinks, oh, a child is staying in this hotel room

and definitely fucking grifting me. He walks into the bedroom and he hears that the shower is on in the bathroom and Tim Curry's next like fucking step is to just go right in that bathroom and check out what he fully, fully believes to be a naked kid in the shower right now. Like it sounds like an adult voice, but there's really only one way to be sure to see if it's not a naked kid in a shower that's totally grifting me right now and he pops his head in and then he finds out it's an adult and the adult sees him and that's what makes him run away. Not that if he had seen like, what if that scene had played out differently and it was naked Kevin McAllister in the shower and naked Kevin McAllister was like, hey, dog. Hey, buddy. Hey, pal. And Tim Curry would have just

yelled, I knew it. Hey, pal. Yeah, you caught me. You're also looking at like my kid Dick right now. Nice bust. So like, kid Dick was also my favorite procedural cop drama. Like, great work. You bust. I'm busted, I guess. You busted me. But now like, man, you're going to prison for like a long time. You're going to prison for checking out your hotel's fucking gone. Like once this hit the press, what's the new fucking kill, Kevin? That's what he has to do because if Kevin talks, yeah, great hotel manager definitely checked out my kid dick in the shower trying to catch me grifting like that was on me. I was grifting. I was not an open invitation for Tim Curry to like scope out my zone. I love that movie. It's a holiday classic.

Can't watch that part anymore. Because what human being is like, I've opened the case. It would have been worse if the kids did this. I think you sound more like the count from the sentence. I am basically doing the count. One, one, one. Ah, here is. Here is my problem with Hobullet, too. They originally had intended to shoot the climactic scene in the toy shop. That's right. They ran out of funds as they ran out. Ran out of funds or F.A.O. Shorts wouldn't let them do it. And they that's where they originally

were going to shoot the climactic scene. But instead they didn't. So they decided to do it at an abandoned house on a soundstage, which is problematic because what it does is it removes from the burglars the impetus of robbing a place. They're not trying to rob this place. They're trying to kill a child trying to know that's problematic. Sure. But the other thing that is worrisome about this is in turn, this little dexter just lures these guys in this house to kill them. Yeah, let me fill this out. Why doesn't he call 9-1-1 and just say like, hey, there were some guys scoping out the toy store. He has to kill bad guys. But oh, P.S. 9-1-1. P.S. 9-1-1. Fuckin' Tim Curry scoped out my little kid dick and balls.

What? I've got you here? Well, I've got you here. This will come as no surprise to anyone who's seen him do anything, but Tim Curry scoped my kid dick. I'm just kidding, Tim Curry. We love you so much. Love to have you on the show. Please get at us if you can. Let's go to my channel. I need to make a website to support all of these Home Alone 2 conspiracy theories, problems, accusations. Have you checked out GeoCities? What? GeoCities? They don't exist anymore. That's problematic. So I'm going to turn to Squarespace. They support us. So we'd like you to support them and turn it. It's an all-in-one

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them for some help. Because you're dumb. You don't know what any of it is. You're like a kid trying to do a shower. You're like a kid in the shower. You're like a kid in the shower right now. Weird. Weird. Why is Squarespace scoping you? Go to Squarespace.com. If you use the offer code MyBrother1. That's MyBrother. That's one word. And then the number one, you get 10% off your first purchase. My suggestion, make your first purchase a large portion of Squarespace. Yeah. Buy a Squarespace stock. 10% off. Turn around. Flip it. You just made an instant profit. You're welcome. With informative ads like this, Squarespace is obviously a service that's going straight to the moon. But you know, the thing about flipping websites, that's hungry work. It is. It's been my

problem with it. I've got not like, not like as much as like working at like a salt mine. No, well there you got salty. That's more thirsty work. That's more thirsty work. This is hungry work. And if you want to curb your if you're a hungry man or a hungry woman, you got to curb it. You want to you don't want to tough it out. Just treat yourself to a little nature box. Box. Box of snacks box of snacks. It's where the snacks are good. These are healthy snacks, right? They're healthy. There's no question about that. But it's not what you're thinking. There's not you're not going to get a box of celery. If that's what you're thinking. I wouldn't ever thought I wouldn't advertise that product on my show. And I know you guys wouldn't either.

We're talking French toast granola, salted caramel pretzel pops, sweet potato fries, dark caramel. Now I'm see now I'm it started as a goof. Now I'm legitimately hungry. The good thing is you're not going to get anything artificial. No trans fats or high fruitless corn syrup. Now that chunk is just healthy. Good for you. Is that good shit from what's from the earth is of the greatest worth? Think about it. Just think about that. People usually say that about wheat. But I think it also works for salted caramel pretzel pops. If you order from a farm nature box, you're going to get that good cush. But I wish I mean you're going to get that dank, dank smoke by which I mean dark cocoa almonds.

Sweet, sticky, eggy almonds. Get ready to get high off snacks with nature box.com. Use a coupon code my brother and you're going to say 50 percent. That's 50 percent more cush for you by which I mean salted caramel pretzel pops. You'll be able to chief so many more dubbers by which I mean snacks. Guys, I have a message for star and it's from sky. We are getting celestial. Yeah, I like these messages. Wishing a happy 20th, maybe belated birthday, January 6th. Okay. Yep. Slightly belated. Hey, hey, we belated your birthday. Can we have a tip? Isn't that how this works? We're belaters. Happy 20th, definitely belated birthday to my amazing sister.

I'm not going to lie. While writing this, I forgot how old you are. But hopefully you can accept your new favorite brothers wishing you a happy birthday as an apology. Love you lots and have a great birthday from your now least favorite brother. I hope that star like turns out to be like 62. And he was like, I think she's like 20. I think she's like 20. She just went through menopause. When do ladies do that? Starling. We got the old health book. The sky was hitting way too much of that good cush, which I mean eight hours. Again, like you do not have to be as honest as you were in your message. You do not need to fess up to fucking up. Let us take it for you. We read the birthday wrong. That's on us. Oops. We can carry that heat. We'll carry that load.

It ain't heavy. It's a fuck up. This next message is for Alice Thornburg from Eric Lind, who says, Happy anniversary, Alice. I love you. Boom. Boom. You don't need to fucking goose in here. You don't need like promises or admission of fuck ups. All you need. It's a for all we know their anniversary was in September. Yeah. Yeah. For all we know, Alice doesn't exist. And neither does Eric. And this is just generated by Jesse Thorn. And Jesse just sent us this message because he felt bad for us for not having many jumbo trons. Just kidding. You guys keep us. You keep our pockets lined. That's what we're saying. Dankest. Happy, happy anniversary, Alice and Eric. I would say that we love you.

Yeah. Eric loves you. We love you. Star in sky. Love you. Star in sky. Love you. We're all just one big love thing. Breaking news. January is one of the biggest months ever for the Maximum Fund.org network. We're launching four new shows. Yes, four, four new shows, so much stuff to listen to. The first new Maxfun show is Oh No, Ross and Kerry. They join fringe religious groups, undergo alternative medicine treatments, and investigate the paranormal. Also, you don't have to. Your new late night best friends are Jasper Redd and Kimberly Clark. And their new Maxfun show is called The Goose Down, Not To Be Missed. Also coming to Maxfun in January, Song Exploder. It's a podcast that talks to musicians about their songs and deconstructs

how they were put together. And our fourth new show is Lady to Lady, a weekly talk show with Tess Barker, Brandy Posey, and Barbara Gray. It's like the view if the view was a good thing. And one final announcement. Dave Holmes, the great Dave Holmes from television, is joining the network as the new host of our funniest heck international quiz show, International Waters. It's going to be a great year for Maximum Fund. You can check out all our new shows at Maximumfund.org or wherever you find your podcasts. You guys want a Yahoo? Yes, absolutely. Yes, I do. I don't care what anyone says. Well, I mean, all I'm saying is trying to. I want a Yahoo, dammit. And I'm mad as hell. Okay. Can I go? Yeah. This Yahoo was

sitting by Ira Ray. Are you Ira Ray? What was that? I realized that I already said it once the other way, so I hesitated halfway through. Okay. I guess I had a seizure. You lost focus. If you lose focus for even a minute in this game, Justin. Thank you, Ira Ray. It's by Yahoo. She's your question mark who asks, you have got to have sex with either R2D2 or C3PO. What's it going to be? Additional information. Things to consider. C3PO has a very poofy voice. Man, that's not cool. Come on. R2D2 has many appendages, including a periscope. Do you want me to fuck the parrot? Is that what that movie down periscope is about? That way you can totally see like what's up your butt or whatever.

I guess. I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sure. Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Have sex. Yeah. Sorry. Let me put it in the way that God in this question asked your intended. You have got to have sex with either R2D2 or C3PO. I don't know if that means you are required to or like sort of like how you have been poisoned. And the only antidote is to have sex with either R2D2 or C3PO. Or maybe it means that like I have got to eat some Pringles. I'm out of Pringles now, so I can't. There's nothing I can do about that. You ate the whole. I ate all the potato crisps. Copyright infringement.

Uh, I mean, first off, let's hurry this conversation along because I'm sure Kevin Smith is transcribing it for inclusion in clerks three. So we want to make sure to really not keep it out of the park. Yeah. I think the obvious answer is R2D2. There's a lot of hateful like people agreeing with Travis in the comments saying like, well, C3PO is a guy. R2D2, though, like he's got the better personality. You want to chill with him. Well, I like about R2D2 in this case. Hey, I'm gonna fucking keep a secret.

Yeah, you can. The problem, look, I'm going to need to make sure I don't know which of his widgets and servos I need to deactivate to make sure he's not making a 3D hologram of our love making. But I am definitely going to need to deactivate that. I might just dump a big gallon of ice tea on his head to make sure that, like, that part of him is broken for good. Just open up the microwave, turn it to high. Exactly. Yahoo Institute or Aiden says R2D2. It's possible that it's a girl. Plus, the robot probably has a great dick sucking mechanism in there somewhere.

Oh, no. Why would that be part of the, that's why the Javas were like, Oh, definitely him. Definitely. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the protocol, protocol droid like, sure, he speaks like three new languages like, yeah, we're into it, but this dude. He's got a great dick sucking mechanism. He has a great, a great.

Dick tugs out of this world, you guys. I actually saw that at the CEA show for the dick sucking mechanism. The dick sucking R2D2 attachment. You know, you know, they're gonna upsell that. That's gotta be an upcharge. You're gonna have to do that. Oh, it never comes standard. It doesn't come with the base model. It's a, it's a USB dongle. For your dongle.

What's your dongle in this dongle? Uh, and literally every Yahoo answers user response. C3P is a guy. I don't want to, I don't want to get shit when I fuck one of these fictional robots. I mean, when you're talking about fucking a fictional robot, can you just like open your mind for like a minute for like a minute and think about like one of them actually has a humanoid shape? Maybe that's something that would be interesting.

I'm also going to throw out C3PO is not a dude. He's a robot. Uh huh. Right. You don't know. The job of the hut might be, might be like the female of the species. Why are you assuming you have such a closed mind about like this idea of gender? Take that internet.

What better chance to experiment with your sexuality than with a robot? That's fiction. That fictional robot. That fictional robot. You can't even imagine the idea of having sex with a robot that is, I mean, theoretically gendered. Like, I think that that's so, that's so short-sighted. What if it's not like just have the thought experiment?

Like, I just, I guys, I just fucked Gandalf the Gray in my brain. I just thought about it. I just did that for me. And you know why? Because it's like, it's fictional. Have some fun. I bet if you were to do an interview with a million gay people and you were to ask them, how did you realize you were a homosexual?

I bet not one of their stories start with, well, I was imagining having sex with C3PO and I realized I was gay. I bet that that is, well, okay. It is the Earth, there's one, certainly. But it's probably not you statistically speaking. No, it is what Malcolm Gladwell would call an outlier. That's why his book was all about, by the way. I don't know if you guys read that one.

It's probably, you can probably skip that particular novel. Here's another thing too. Call me crazy. But I would bet there are many homosexual men who would also not want to have sex with C3PO. Yes, thank you Travis. Yes, thank you. I don't think our nation's gay men are lining up. Oh, we had a really great turnout when we relaunched the Star Wars series.

But why? But why? Can't crack the code. Obviously, C3PO has no orifices. Look at him. Look at a picture. There are no orifices. That is the end all be all of this question.

And the prequel trilogy, you do get to see him with that as plating on. And that is- I was baiting. I was baiting to that plating, baby. It was perfect in Mundo. Yes, please, George Lucas. Show me more of Anakin's youth if that's the trade-off. A spoonful of Naked C3PO helps the Jar Jar go down.

And Jar Jar does go down. Jar Jar does go down. In the sequel, you got to stick around for that one. He goes down on the Gungan King and I watched it in my brain. It doesn't mean anything. It's just like expand your horizons. You know what I mean? Sex with a Gungan.

Have sex with a Gungan. How many people in the early 2000s do you think were just starting to like, ah, fuck Jar Jar. Fuck Jar Jar. Fuck Jar Jar? Fuck Jar Jar. Fuck Jar Jar. Okay.

Interesting. Interesting. Let's explore this. Mr. President, please get down. Bring me George Lucas and a typewriter. And an artist. We're going to do this. We need to do some revisions.

Listen, Revenge of the Sith is out in three months. We have a very limited amount of time to commit this to celluloid. Here's a Yahoo answer that was sent in by Ira Ray. Are you Ira Ray? Who am Ira Ray? Who am Ira Ray? Thanks Ira. It's by Yahoo Answers user Bill V who asks,

is parkour weird or sad? I'm 15 and an Englund and want to start parkour, but since it's not the most popular thing around where I live, well, people think I'm weird or sad climbing roofs all the time, etc. There's only a few people who do it around where I live, and they're really good with all their flips and stuff. And I can only do a front flip so far. Well, I look stupid.

Here is the thing about parkour. The level to which you look stupid is inversely proportionate to how sweet you are at flips. If your flips are sweet, you may look like it may be like new for some people, sort of experience. But if I see anybody doing anything really well, it doesn't really matter what that thing is. You know what I mean?

Like if you see someone busking on the street and they're playing saxophone badly, then that's kind of cool. Okay, that would be sort of sweet. It's kind of a sweet thing. That would be sort of cool. Like, oh, shit. That was a man fully committed to the goof. That is a smooth operator over there.

Is that careless whisper almost? If you see someone doing parkour... Is that careful whisper? If you see someone doing parkour badly in public, that's someone who's desperate for attention. If you see someone doing parkour well in public, then that's someone who just had to let it loose. They just had to practice that.

Justin, but the problem is, I don't know that parkour is a solo activity. Because I think if you're just doing it by yourself, you're just that guy jumping over fences and climbing roofs. And shouting parkour. And shouting parkour. But when you are in a group, oh, now it's fine. I think it's one of those things that if somebody's not filming you with the camera, saying, oh, this is going on YouTube,

then it is going to be like a weird thing to catch you doing. You're saying it's important to have someone to film you doing the parkour. Yeah, or else you're just... What are you doing it for? Here's a possibility. Let me hit you with this. Do all your parkour with like a messenger bag. And then it's like, whoa.

Oh, shit. Whoa, we got a premium rush. We do have a premium rush situation. Yeah, premium rush guys. Critics just got the response back. Did not like the bikes. Too many bikes. They said, love JGL.

He did a great acting job. Little too much biking. So we're just going to subtract them for premium rush too. No bikes. No bikes. We're going to go ahead and put no bikes in the title. Maybe that'll entice people who got a little burned by the first one and all its bikes. Did you think though that like when skateboarding first started to take off,

there was like a kid who was like, I want to do skateboarding, but everybody else in the city is really good. I don't want to show that much stupid. Okay, here's the thing though. You see someone with a skateboard and you think, oh, that guy's out there skateboarding, having fun. If you see someone doing parkour badly, it's just like, hey, asshole, the stairs are right there.

Yeah. Don't be an idiot. Well, I also think that parkour badly translates to broken ankles. Well, that's right. It's not a game. It's not a long term game plan. Yeah, you see somebody jump off the roof and you died. You see somebody jump off the roof and just barely land it.

And you think like, that's not sustainable. That kid's going to be in the game for maybe another couple of weeks. And then he's going to have to get an office job somewhere. It's going to, it's going to affect his gait. Is parkour weird or sad though? Like, I think the word sad, it makes me think of like, all clinically depressed people actually do parkour. Whenever you see somebody doing parkour, they're actually crying

and they're, they're flipping their tears. Every time they do a backflip, a few tears just like, just like fling off their face. Why are they so sad when they're able to flip and gyrate in such an artistically impressive manner? I would be so happy. They're not, if the parkour isn't making them sad, they're parkouring because they're sad is what I'm saying.

They're trying to parkour the pain away. And it's the only thing that works. It's the only, it's the only thing that works. The only bomb for my sadness is flipping. It's a flip and a spin and a jump. Just do it. I mean, I don't think it's weird or sad. Like, I'm pretty impressed with anybody who wants to

get out there and get active, I guess, in this society especially. If I bought some soaps, the shoes with the, the slippery like inner part that you're supposed to like be able to grind on like railings, just using your shoes. I've never seen anybody do that, but I always thought it was pretty fucking cool. If I bought some soaps, would that be weird or sad? I don't think it would be either of those things.

I think it would be, it would, you would look great and, and feel great about yourself. For like a minute. For a minute and then you fall and you hurt yourself. I got come to your funeral, got fly away at Austin. That's great. Yeah. I wouldn't want to play this.

You'd be buried here, right? Where do you want to be buried? This is, welcome to our comedy show. My brother, my brother and me today. It's tricky because I'm all like, I'm gonna be buried. I'm full blown like Texas for ever, Jason Street down here. Yeah. I only drink Lone Star beers.

Like I'm, I am full blown Texan. Um, but I think that there would be more like ground space for me in Huntington. Like they wouldn't, I would go maybe a bit longer before I got exhumed. Just like make room for the next guy. Yeah. Travis, where do you want to be buried? In your arms, Justin. He wants you to carry a giant pile of dirt around with him buried in it since coffin.

No coffin, just dirt. Justin just like carries his shirt out. Like he's trying to carry like a bunch of like apples, but it's not apples. It's his brother. Uh, that's going to do it for us for our comedy show. We're going to have a, a last question. We're going to be buried when you die. I'm not going to die.

Thank you to everybody tweeting about our show, like Chucho, Greg Bales, James Donaldson, Rapuncle, uh, Chase Leah, New Hook, J, Joe Smith, John B, Diva Dine, I think Diva, Diva, Devine, John B, John B, Diva Devine. Thank you, Brian, Safi and Aaron Gibson, our old buddies from Thuring Shade. Thank you for tweeting about our program. We sure appreciate you. Speaking of Thuring Shade, make sure to check out all the other Mechs Phone Podcasts. We just added a bunch of new ones.

They're all awesome. Go check it out. Thuring Shade, Saul Bones, One Band Mother, uh, International Waters' Back, Jordan Jesse Goh. There's Tonto and go check them out. Go on. You've earned it. I want to thank John Rodrick and the Long Winters for these for our theme song, Is It A Parture, which you can find on the album.

Putting the days to bed, you can buy that from all music retailers. Go to your local record store. Maybe you'll catch a, maybe you'll catch a vinyl of one of their, of one of their records. I have putting, I've put in the days to bed on vinyl. I've been hunting for the others. I don't actually know if they got pressed or not, but we'll find out. I'm sure he'll call us. Yeah.

And thank you to you for, for listening to us yet again. Want to give another thanks to our sponsor, Naturebox. They make great tasting, healthy snacks. Get 50% off your first order. Go to Naturebox. Use promo code, my brother. All one word. Oh, and we just opened Hamlet down at the Cincinnati Shakespeare Company.

I'm in it. I play the air tease. You should come check it out. If you're able to go to scentsyshakes.com. It's scentsy with a Y-C-I-N-C-Y-shakes.com. It's really awesome and it's selling out. Programming note the medical history show I do with my wife, Sydney Sawbones. It's a comedy medical history show about all the terrible ways we've tried to cure people over the

years. We're moving that from Fridays to Tuesdays. So we're listening to us on Monday. Come back on Tuesday for Sawbones. You can find that at sawbonesshow.com and on iTunes and everywhere else. So go check it totally out. And if you want to have a message on our show, it's maximumfund.org slash jumbotron. They'll have all the info there for you to get it on.

Griffin, last question. I'm ready. This final Yahoo answer was sent in by Alan Jackaway. Thanks, Alan. By Yahoo Answers user Scampi. Who asks? What if we are the ghosts? I'm Justin McRoy.

I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. This has been my brother, my brother, and me. Kiss your dad. Score on the lips. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

Listener supported. Hey, folks. This is Kevin Allison of the Maxfund podcast, Risk, where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. If you've never heard Risk, why not start with our 150th episode? It's an all-star lineup of jaw-dropping true stories from Aisha Tyler. This being the 90s, I was drinking Walt Ligger. Don't fuck you when you're racist.

We're all racist. We're laughing. Tom Lennon. Whenever I walk into a place that's called Mr. Pinkies, I'm expecting Armenian Bumblebee to be like, I got jackoff pills for you. Jay Moore. Me, public school in New Jersey.

I didn't need to know anything because everybody knew you got pregnant by peeing in each other's butts. That's how we knew it. Andy Dick. We've had a monogamous relationship for five years. I barely cheated on her. And the Daily Show's Jessica Williams. Oh my god.

I have, like, this need to be responsible for some reason that doesn't really benefit me. So, like, Jessica, clean it up. Look for Risk on iTunes or, of course, at MaximumFun.org. Risk!