My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 200: The Two-Hundredth One

Episode Date: May 12, 2014

Gang, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You're the wind beneath our wings, and also the wings themselves. You're also the rest of the plane, or the bird, depending on what kind of wings we're talking about, here. Suggested talking points: Singing Episode, Pussywillow Tribal Tattoo, Steellll Dreamz, Velociraptor Hugs, Lenny Kravitz' Fiery Bird Dress Hotline, All-Purpose Goof Room

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's a new place, and the girls, do you want it? Just say, hey, I want it. Just say, hey, I want it. Isn't it rich? Don't you approve? Is that the song you're going with? One who's just running around, one in ten air cabins. Let me throw this out. Let me throw this song out. Where are the clowns?

Okay, now try this song on. Are you ready? As we go on. That's not bad. We remember. Welcome to definitely the final episode. That's what that song says. This is it. I couldn't remember the rest of the song. It definitely doesn't spiral off into whatever that Zelda menu music you were just doodling. That was pop and circumstance, I think. What song would you like to sing, Griffin? Just when I'd stop. Justin actually has it on the nose. It's a little bit masturbatory, this introduction so far. No one is there. It feels like those episodes of Quantum Leap where like, it's got

Dracula would jump into Elvis. Isn't it queer? Just because you wanted to sing. Losing my timing this late in my career. It says in my writer, Donald Bellisario, I get four singing episodes a season. Where are the clowns? Quick, big finish. Send in the clowns. Oh, fuck it. Don't bother. They are dead. I haven't heard this song. We're here. The clowns. My brother, my brother and me. Don't need to send us in. We're here. Episode 200. It's huge. Can we not play it up like we made all these big grand plans for the old two-double-up? We're a special guest star. Larry the Cable Guy. Hey, hell yeah. Get her done.

Hey, brother, thanks so much for having my kid. You're done. I want to say hello to all them little pygmy children out there. Lord, I apologize. Get her done, Dave Salad. You're done. I have been confused. We are hive mind now. We are one of the blue collar competitors fusing one man. We fell on a big pit of comedy acid and now we're just a big gelatinous blob of country idioms. Get her done, Salad. I'm Larry the Fox Highdecker and I'm here to tell you get her done, son. Please kill me. Please set me free from them. I've got seven arms. My mortal pain. I'm in a flash prison, y'all. I'm in a flash. I have no mouth, but I must screen get her done. Listen, we didn't do that. It seems like a good episode to start with. It seems like it's pretty

good so far. If you wanted to get somebody on board with the show, this seems like the one that you would tell them to jump on with. Episode 200. We have passed actually last month without comment our four year anniversary. 2010 is when this whole crazy, crazy journey got started. And when will it end, Justin? When will it end? December 12th, 2016, along with all the rest of creation. So mark it down. That dude was so close. And by that dude, I mean the entire Mayan culture, I guess. Their whole, Steve. Their whole sort of thing. We're saving the juice for five hundo. We're not even fucking halfway there. 500 will destroy 500. We will have special guests. We will get Billy Crystal. We will have jetpacks. We will have jetpacks. We'll get Billy Crystal over to our

studio with a jetpack. I don't know what's more unlikely in that scenario, that A, we will somehow get ahold of Billy Crystal. B, there will be jetpacks. Or C, that the three of us will somehow pool our resources to have a studio. I think it's actually most unlikely that we'll stick with this for like another seven years. God, I hope not. Oh God. Don't even say that. I get a little scared just thinking about it. Anyway, this is our comedy advice show. My brother, my brother, me. You're here. It's gonna be a lot easier to keep track of these now that we're starting at 200. It seems like counting has become hard. 187. What does that even mean? What is 187? What is 187? Two down numbers. That's a big one. We're not going to do that much different. Just help you.

We're going to check in with some old friends. We're going to tell you about some snacks, and it's just going to be like a regular show, so it's going to be great. Ah. Do you like it? Hi, brothers. I've been spending the last year or so getting fit and beefy. I got designs drawn up for a couple tattoos that I've wanted for a few years. I've told myself I'd only get them when I finally got my sexy right. Now that I'm there, I feel like I might be too old to get my first tattoo. I'm 25. I get the feeling that getting your first tattoo is something for rebellious teens or dipshit college kids. Did I miss the window or am I good? That's from

hesitant in Houston. What kind of world do we live in that at 25, someone's worried they're too old to do something. To do anything. Oh my God. If 25 still do anything, that is only exacerbating my panic attack. Please. I'm 33 years old. Please tell me that's not too old to do anything. Look at me. 25 got all my shit together, living up here in the adult life in this penthouse. My old rotten bones. Let's take it up at noon. Wait, do you have Jack disease? I didn't ask. We can't. Do you have Jack by our disease? Can I tell you guys something? I think our advice would be a hundred times better if we would stop assuming that everyone who asks us for advice has Jack disease.

But it wouldn't be as applicable to that one person that does. Someone out of every 100. No one's talking to me, the one guy with Jack disease. One out of every 100 people does have progenitals. What if? Okay, I'm not talking about the actual disease. I'm talking about Jack disease. The other thing's a real thing that is not funny. No, most diseases are not known for their humor quantity. Except for chuckle piece and jungle favor. Here's my advice. One, two, three, and fuck it. Yeah, it's 25. You want to get a tattoo? I think 25 is a great time. I think I was probably around 25 when I got my first tattoo, maybe younger. Yes. I think, here's the question though. If you're a beefy dude,

I'm going to assume that this guy is like thick as shit. Not chunky, but like... Like Vin Diesel. Like Vin Diesel, but maybe a little bit shorter and a little bit thicker and a little bit broader, but it's all muscle mass. I'm thinking... You are painting quite the word picture. I'm thinking of the thing from the fantastic four. A lot of ripples and a lot of bulges. And I think when you are that rippled and bulged, you can't get a Triforce tattoo. You have to get some tribal shit on your neck. Oh yeah. You have to get a sleeve of tribal... I think just tribal shit in general. I think the tribal tattoo industry

is built upon the scaffolding of 100 beefy men. Let me throw this out. Tribal tattoo around your bicep, but you only tattoo three quarters of the way around. And then when people ask why you didn't finish it, you say, oh, it used to touch. And then I started working out. That's my extra skin I got. I was just like totally ripping, lifting, crushing, dipping, squatting, potting, jumping, and crumping in the gymnasium with a lot of super heavy weights. And I just looked down one day. I was like, oh no, my tattoo got interrupted by the new skin that showed up with the extra muscles that I built. Yikes. I think tribal is absolutely the way to go. I think it's got to look like a spiky alien is eating you from the inside, consuming

you gradually. That's what it should look like. The dream is that it looks like the venom suit mid-transformation, right? Correct. That's the idea with tribal tattoos. Um, where do you get it, though? Because neck, I'm a fan of next, next, okay. Wouldn't it be great to get a tribal tattoo while you were working with Greenpeace, like in a tribe? And then when someone's like, oh, a tribal tattoo, like, yeah, I got this. Yeah, but then you don't know, like, maybe the tattoo says like pussy willow, and they wouldn't, they wouldn't tell you that they would tell you. Or even better, you ask for that. Can I get one that says pussy willow and it says like hard ass motherfucker and you're like,

damn it. Oh no, I definitely want to pussy willow. I want to never want to know that I am a gentle soul. Griffin, how about Yahoo? Sure. I'm glad we started off our 200th by not helping someone. I mean, we told them exactly what kind of tattoos to get and where to get it. So if that's not helping, I don't know what is. The fuck it is the best advice you can get. You're 25 years old, you want to get a tattoo, get a tattoo. Yeah. What do I care? You're pretty far from death. You got a lot of ballgame left to play. Yeah, it's, it's still, you're still in early innings. Um, mystically speaking. This, uh, this Yahoo is sent in by Peter Steiner. Thank you, Peter. It's by a Yahoo Answers user who has been deleted from the Tron grid of Yahoo.

Thank you, Peter. This mystery user asks, what are some hot guy names? Uh, this is in the section pregnancy and parenting baby names. So they're looking for hot guy names for their baby. Okay. Yeah. Um, do they mean a hot, do they mean popular or names that would be fit a hot guy? Um, like, like blaze. How about this? Or steel with four L's. Additional info. Steel. Yeah. Uh, just, um, tell me guy names that sound hot. Thanks. Okay. That clarifies it. It's definitely steel. I mean, they have a point, right? I've been Rachel and I've been watching a bunch of survivors. They just add a bunch of that shit to Hulu. And, um, I feel like, you know, you don't even need to see the dudes you'll hear

of like Noah and you're like, fuck, yeah, that dude's gonna look awesome. That's gonna be one awesome looking guy. Yeah. Uh, or dreams. Dreams. Another one of my favorite survivors. My name is steel dreams. Um, so here's some, there's some suggestions, uh, from Yahoo. Uh, fool in the rain says Brody, Jake, Luke, Taylin, Spencer, Jackson, Ethan, Heath, Jude. Matt is usually a hot guy's name. Matt? Matt? I can write from the top of my head, name you five, just pick a little Matt. I can name you five. That was my favorite cartoon movie. Sort of squirrely Matt's, um, with weird hair. I don't know. What about Matt Mateus? I don't know that is. I don't know. I'm

just saying like that'd be a way hotter version of Matt. Oh, super, super hotter. Yeah, sorry. Yes, definitely. Thank you. What about Mateo? Um, what about Materia? Matt? How about Bahamut? How about E free? Um, to the round. So I'm, all right. My name is Knights of the round. Hi. Hi. My name is Chocobob. Oh, I get it. My name's Sid. That's a much better one. I should have used Sid. Yeah. That's like a real person. Can I tell you something? It's a fucking hot guy's name. Sid? Yeah. Uh, I'm just going to just burn down it. Travis, yes, somebody does actually say Blaze. Uh, Silas Matthews. How many Z's? Uh, just one, just the one regular. Is it BLA with the apostrophe over at Z? You mean Blase? No, no E, BLA with apostrophe Z, Blaze.

Bloods. Silas Matthews, Preston James, Landon Edward, Carl Gregory, KAHL, Indermichael, Stopit, Kane. Whoa. Wait, are these all, wait, hold on. Are these all like one name like you would name a girl like Sue Ann? I don't know what you're doing. Are you saying Indermichael is like a name? Yeah. I have, I have a theory to run by you guys that I was just thinking about here. Okay, you know how the joke when like a rich dude gets a convertible and everybody jokes at he's compensating for something? What are you compensating for with your sports car, you know? I feel like nerdy dads do this with their kids' names. They will pick the like coolest, hardest sounding child's name from popular fiction to compensate for, like when I hear you named your

kid Inder or Han, for example, just to name two off the top of my head, I feel like you're over compensating for something. You're trying to gird this child with a sort of veneer of rugged, cool that maybe has escaped you throughout your earlier years. But at the same time, I'm with you on that, Justin. I genuinely am. But at the same time, I've never met a Brody that I wasn't like, DOOM when I saw him. When I saw, when I like, maybe I became internet friends with them in freshman orientation. And then you see them for the first time and you're like, God damn, Brody, you did great. You got it right. You did so good. So is the reverse of that theory that if there was a dad that was like super cool in high school, so much so, that he felt all this

pressure to be cool and behave the way that he did, and he was like, you know what, I don't want my son to be that cool. No, I'm going to name him Greedo. I'm going to name him, I'm going to name him Bill. Have you guys ever met a Bill that you were like, Oh, is that short for William? No, no, it's short for William. It's standard Bill. It's like the vanilla bill. Classic Bill. I'm Vabila. I think it's the inverse of the boy named Sue sort of strategy where rather than having a less tough sounding name that like crafts them into like a dynamic person, what you're doing is like giving them a lifetime of trying to live up to Riker. Like they're just never going to hit it. They're going to constantly fall short. Y'all are dipping into some nerd ass shit for

your recommendations. And I hope you understand that if a child is named Riker or Ender or fucking lightsaber, they're not going to end up like a like a fucking Maurice. You guys understand that yet? Well, Maurice is probably not great. Drake. Go go with Maurice. I like Maurice. I do too, but that's not like a standard like, Oh, that's a good looking guy. I bet just based on the name. Oh, you're saying it's just not a hot guy name. Not a hot guy name. It's a subversive guy name. I think you need a name that can evolve and change as you get more or less physically beautiful. Like if you, uh, maybe you're Brodeus when you're like a little, you let yourself go a little bit, you got some punch. You're saying Brodeus is what happens. Brodeus is like you're

full. That's like, I don't, that's like someone says, Hey, Brody, I don't deserve to be called bro. Yeah. I haven't seen the inside of a gym for three months. I am not Brody. That's your sweat pants name. That's your cookie pants name is Brodeus. So that intimates that my entire life, my cookie pants name has been Griffin, Andrew McElroy and that someday I'll get totally blasted and I'll be grifter, grifter with five Ys in the middle. Yep. I am worried that when you two have boy babies, you're going to like dip into this bizarre well of like, like hacker names, like weird cyberpunk names like grifter with four Ys, Deslyn, Deslyn with three Ys and a zero and a one in there together. We got, we asked all of you for, uh, follow ups.

If, uh, if you gave us a question, we answered it and you did or did not follow our advice. We wanted to hear about it. Um, don't let this, don't let this segment make you think we've changed our mind about you not doing the things we tell you to do because you still definitely don't. That's the, that definitely not. Uh, so let's check in with a few of these. Uh, Travis didn't really call them down to the good ones. So we'll just take a shot. They're all good in their own special way. Uh, you answered two of my questions, but I only took your advice in one because I'm lazy. In episode 159, you answered my question about apologizing to a friend about dating her ex. My cover name was monster engine.

That's a great cover. Good cover name. I decided to take Travis's advice of Envino Veritas and got drunk with her. What of all, what are we, what were we doing? Well, sorry, what would the fuck was Travis doing? It did not devolve into Envino Punchitas. Fortunately, we laughed about it and she forgave me entirely. In fact, she's now a listener of your hilarious and amazing show. Excellent. You guys also read a Jumbotron for me and my boyfriend from, from my boyfriend, Eric in episode 183, which was fantastic. It was only a month after our anniversary. So don't sweat the fuck up. Don't worry. I wasn't that that is good to hear. I'm glad that that paid out okay for you. I like this one specifically because I cannot remember what we talked about,

but it's this. Hey brothers, you answered my question in episode 104 concerning song choice at karaoke. After your suggestions of don't choose a downer, something good, but would claim to like ironically and smack my erect dick on the mic. We didn't say we would never. I ended up choosing, I ended up choosing some like it hot by the power station. It was a hit that ended up getting people clapping to the beat. Unfortunately, I did not get the chance to throw the goods around, but I'm sure it would have earned a standing ovation. Thanks for the help. The artist formerly known as Thunderwaffle. It's pretty good. We couldn't have said don't put your dick on something. That doesn't sound like it. That doesn't sound like us. We're very conservative with dick exposure.

Somebody put together this incredible video of all of the final questions that we've done throughout like the history of our show for four years. It was an immense labor. Yeah, it's like an hour long or something. It's crazy. It's a lot. And I listened to all of it, and I didn't remember anything before. No kidding. 196. Every so often I see like MB&B and wisdom will tweet like a quote from the show where I go, who said that? Oh, it was me. It was me three and a half years ago. Weird. And then there are some despicable things that come from MB&B and wisdom. And I think, oh, no, who said that was very naughty. Yikes. Those are very bad boys. They have maybe,

they have maybe gotten some more progressive views about a couple of things and learn a few things about how to be sensitive and in the world. Maybe since they said that, maybe they don't know that. Maybe. Yes. Sure. That's been a good 200 episodes of learning. 200 episodes and growing. Humiliate. Oh, the growing. Here's another one. Petting zoo boyfriend here from episode 162. My lady and I decided to, to just have a kid so we could take her to the petting zoo. Follow question. How old does she have to be to go to the petting zoo? She's about three months old by the time you read this. Don't question the numbers, Travis. That's Zany and Zafti get the zoo. That's bathroom monster, right? This child is bathroom monster. That was, yeah, absolutely.

Is that the same one that like, all right, you know what, we get a lot of questions like this. It reminds me of the guy who got a lot of tickets at like the showbiz pizza and didn't know what to, didn't know if he could hand them off to kids safely. I'd like to hear from that person. Kids are tricky yet. We get a lot of questions that are from people worried about looking like child abductors. Yeah. I feel like this is a very common issue plaguing today's young people. Or today's old people of not young or today's people just like take a child. I actually have been struggling with this now that I have a kid on the way. I want the child to experience everything. I want to show them the world shining, shimmering, splendid. But I want them to A,

but I want them to appreciate it when I go. If I'm going to lay out the money to do the Disney thing, I got to know that they're going to be forging childhood memories and not some vague, hazy, you know, recall of a man in a mouse suit. I can't have that. It's got to be crystallized memories. But this puts me in an unenviable position of like, so am I just not supposed to do anything good for five years? Am I just supposed to stall and wait till the kid is forming like really great crystallized memories? I don't know what to do with them. I don't want to waste a bunch of time and energy if the kid's not going to remember it. Let me throw this out, Justin. Okay. Tell the kid that you went to Disney World with them when they were three. Yeah.

So when they're like seven, they're like, I want to go to Disney World. Like, you've already been there. Don't you remember? We just took you there four years ago. We were just there. We just got back in 2007. I sent you a question for episode 108 about getting my sexy so right as a gamer. You told me to get super fit, dress classy, and not give me any fucks about what people think about my gaming. Well, since then, I've lost 10 pounds, completed two half marathons, and greatly improved my wardrobe. Best of all, about a year after I wrote it, I met my super wonderful girlfriend who's as into games as I am. Lately, we've been marathoning through this. Oh, all right, man. I don't need to know

everything. I don't need no video. We don't need to know about your sexual habits. I lost interest. I lost interest when it stopped being about how great we are. But I introduced their show, and now we listen every week. Oh, thank you. Thank you for the wonderful help and support over the years. That's from formally digitally distraught in Davis. 108, that was 92 episodes ago. That's insane. I'm just going to throw this out. If I run two half marathons in my life, I tell people I ran a whole marathon. But using that logic, Travis, and I can say that I've probably run like 80 marathons just with I took a half the break just with the cumulative total of walking of perambulating that I've done.

You ran a whole marathon? Yeah. Yeah, I ran half of it. Now I had to catch my breath. For two and a half years. I didn't really think about what it meant to complete the marathon. And then I didn't want to overexert myself, so I took a break, finished it later. I don't think they let you do that. You come back to the same marathon two years later. No, I paid last time. No, no, I'm going to start up there, because it's where I got last time. Is that cool? Just come stumbling out for the woods, the giant beard, and your same numbered outfit. Where have I been? Okay, I'm coming in with you guys. I wrote in two to three years ago worried about being taken seriously by my employees.

Justin laid down some wisdom about being lavish with my affirmation or something mushy like that. And then the advice wound up including something about a rubber baby, I think. Sounds about right. Post advice. I actually did try to be more positive with my employees. This was to no avail. All right. Listen, when some lose some. The situation. Pobuddy's nerfic, baby. The situation actually got really bad. Employees threw things at me. There are all sorts of racially insensitive and otherwise inappropriate language. Yeah, he beats. That's physical intimidation. And these people were older than my parents in acting like this. So I quit and went to grad school. I graduate next week and will be

working as an individual contributor in a more professional environment. It would be hard to find a less professional environment. They do let us off the hook and say I'm not sure any advice could have saved me from the situation I was in. Thanks. Thanks for that. I guess. I'm glad we could make it so bad you had to get out. That was our plan. That was our plan. Listen, we knew you were in an unwinnable game. So we set into motion. The only way to win an unwinnable game is to change the rules. Or quit playing Kobayashi Maru. Find a different game that's not Kobayashi Maru. Or find an easier game. Kobayashi Maru is a hot guy, Dave.

Yeah. That's what. It sounds like two kids. This is my son Kobayashi and Maru. That's what Kobe Bryant's full name is. Listen, Travis just said that and then one of you fuckos out there just went, uh-huh. Hello. Let me jot this down. They're diary. Kobayashi and Maru. Maru is actually would not be a bad pun I'm saying. Anyway. So twins. You guys discussed very social dynamics of hugging vis-a-vis friend groups. But what if you're in a situation where you want to hug some of the people in the group and not all of them? I hang out with a group of friends on the rag and mostly I don't see those people outside the group situations. I like everyone but I'm kind of picky who I let in my touch bubble. Touch bubble would be a good name for a kid.

Yeah. Ooh, that's a high name. This season on Survivor. Hey, I'm touch bubble. Hey, ladies. Touch bubble here. She'll have to handle too cold to hold because she's got a very small touch of bubble. And only some of the people in this group qualify. I want to hug them but I don't because I don't see them much. Otherwise, I don't want to make the non-huggables feel bad. Is there a way to negotiate this smoothly? I need a hug. That's from I need a hug but not from you. Oh, that's so tricky. It's so true. You've got to start thinking like a velociraptor. You have to separate the group. You have to lead what off from the heart. Hey, Dylan, could you step in the bedroom with me? I just want to hug you. Well, not the bedroom. If you're

going to conduct a secret laundry room with me. Physical intimate act. Yeah. You don't do the bedroom. You can step into my hug panic room, please. You cannot. You cannot bust your touch bubble in the bedroom. It is inappropriate. I'm saying is weed them off. Maybe it's just like a line of sight thing where you come up from behind while the rest of the group is watching Eurovision or something and then you hug them. Quick, quick, quick. Quick, quick. Now, now, now. Okay, okay. Well, you can't fucking rush it is the problem. You can't dip in their stealth and then bust that bubble and then get out in like half a second because that's going to be a shitty ass hug. You need to get a full embrace. You need to go chin to shoulder. Can I throw this out?

This is the, this is the third time you said throw this out. You've got to get kind of pull the buttons on there. Let me, let me interject this. Okay. Please allow me to insert this into the conversation. Excuse me while whip this up. What if you just fucking do it and you look the unhuggable is dead in the eye and then when Deborah's like, Hey, how come we never hug say, Hey, remember that time when I tried to tell you about my meanwhile surgery and you kind of cold-shouldered me? That's why. Or, or while you're giving this other person a deep, deep chin to shoulder hug, you make eye contact with the unhuggables and you whisper just to really let them know where they stay. I get it. Like this happens a lot when like we'll go on these overnight trips with a big

group of friends and maybe we're standing at a lake house and just like bonding. Oh, the tightest bonding, bonfire secrets and lakeside memories. And then at the end, everybody's going their separate ways and you get that little bit of summer camp tinge of like, Oh, I'm going to miss you fools because we're not going to hang out constantly. Like we did this week and you start hugging everyone. And then there's like, and then there's Blaze that like your buddy works with who he brought and he's fine. But like you haven't known him long enough to get those lakeside memories going with Blaze quite yet. Like going for the awkward time for the entire weekend was when you and Blaze found yourself making pop darts at the same time in the kitchen. Hey man. Hey.

Pop darts, so silly. Yeah. Toaster pastry, who knew? Kyle seems cool. Yeah, Kyle is pretty cool. I've known him my whole life, Blaze. Who are you? What are you? Interlober. I find myself in this situation with surprising frequency and I just do it. Just hug them, whatever. Just hug them. Just hug them. You're not going to start, you have to start hugging Blaze sometime. You're going, listen, you're going to hug Blaze. I don't like it all the more special because like, Blaze sees you hugging everybody else and then one day seven trips in, you hug Blaze and Blaze is like, I'm in. Have you ever, have either of you ever met somebody who is like a friend of a friend who like all of your other friends know and you just haven't met yet. And then they come up to

you and they say, oh, hey. And then they just go in immediately, immediately from the jump. Yes. That person is named Travis Patrick Mackerel. Okay. But like outside of yourself, have you met a person like that and then not immediately been like, oh, I like that, Blaze. Like, you know what I mean? Like they go, they just fucking go for it from the jump and it lets you know like, I can feel comfortable with this person. I can feel comfortable getting to know this person because they're very warm, very inviting. They go full-blown chin to shoulder, guaranteed a hundred percent of the time. What everybody wants at the end of the day is to be liked, you know. And I think that if you can give off that vibe that you like the person you're

interacting with, it doesn't take forever to build a relationship or rapport. People really respond to that. So just go in for the hug. What I like about it is it kind of skips a lot of awkwardness by saying like, hey, even if we're faking it, we can be comfortable around each other. Like we're, you know, like let's pretend like we've known each other forever and just skip past all the shit where you don't know me. Skip the shit. There's a lot of shit and getting to know somebody. And it's this bullshit. It's this shit of, are we hugging friends yet? Fuck that. Just hug that creep. I'm hungry. Is your, I'm hungry trying to get in the money zone? Yeah. Okay. Teach me how to snacky. I don't know what you mean. You haven't said money zone yet. Money zone. Okay.

Kind of giving away what the contents of the money zone is. Teach me how to snacky. Here's a little preview taste for the audience. Here's a little sneak, sneak taste. Snack sneak. It's gonna, it will involve snacking. Teach me how to snacky. You slide to the left. That's not what that is. No, that's it. You slide to the left and then you get on www.naturebox.com because you remember that you left your computer slightly to the left just out of reach. What do I do once I'm there, Chav? What do you do once you go to naturebox.com? Yes. You're going to start snacking smarter. Well, not eating all that bullshit. Not instantly. It's not. You click on the website and then you have there are snacks in

your mouth. Griffin, do you know what makes the best sauce? What does? Worcestershire. You don't pays attention to that. For a second, I thought you were talking about a food product on the Naturebox website. Okay. So you click on the website, you immediately have food in your mouth. What else do you have to do? You got to choose the snacks you want. They got BBQ Kettle kernels. They got everything bagel sticks. I heard there's some stuff with seaweed that's pretty good on Twitter. Somebody told us that. The South Pacific Plantain chips. There's over 100 more. There's a ton of snacks. They're all like healthy. They don't have trans fats or high fridges corn syrup and they're not genetically modified or any of that garbage.

They're just healthy and good for you. And they're cheap because if you use our special URL, then you can get 50% off your first box. That's half off. I don't know. Not only that, but free shipping always. Oh, yeah. That's naturebox.com forward slash my brother all together. Naturebox.com slash my brother. And you can get your first box with your sent off free shipping. Get some snacks. Get your snack on. Stay full. Stay strong. Get those caramel pretzel pops because goddamn. It's all delicious. Thank you Naturebox for sponsoring our program. Yeah. And thank you to Squarespace who's also supporting my brother and my brother and me. It's the all in one platform that makes it super fast and super easy to make your own

professional website or online portfolio. They got updates. You thought you knew Squarespace. You don't know shit. Shut your mouth. It's uninformed. They got beautiful designs you can start with. You can start from scratch. They got style options. Whoa. Whoa. Style options. Nobody told me there'd be style options. Style options is a pretty hot name for a kid. It's like a hat for your website. And you put it on there and it's something new with the style options. It sounds pricey. It's not pricey. You understand that these people are paying us to talk about their awesome. I'm not saying it sounds expensive. It sounds the worst. It's not. It's awesome. It's eight dollars a month and that includes a free domain name if you sign up for a year, which is

a steal. Justin has bought so many domain names so maybe he can speak to like how much those cost normally for Fart Patrol and what's the Fart Patrol dot com. You got the dot com on that one. What's the other one that you just bought and Fart Patrol dot gov. I wish I had Fart Patrol dot gov. I cannot get that. The NSA actually has that. What is the other website? It was like the smoothest, smoothest, smoothest face. My smooth face. Hold on one second. I'll tell you. Let's see. I own Fart Patrol dot com. Yeah. GryffinSpaceJam dot com. You own that? Yeah. That's mine. My smooth face dot com is what you're thinking of. We're going to get rid of that. We're going to sell that off for fucking. We'll retire. We will retire off my smooth face. If you go to our website

but you don't use Fart Patrol dot com to get there, I don't know what's wrong with you. You can start at Squarespace. It has responsive design so regardless of what platform people are looking at your website on, it's going to look good. You can start a trial without any credit card. Just like see what they can do and start building your website today. Just go to Squarespace dot com and use the offer code mybrother. That's all one word mybrother and you will get 10% off your first purchase. That's Squarespace. A better web starts with your website. We'd also like you to visit thespenseroan.com and that's all one thing. Thespenseroan.com to learn more and stream for free some awesome Spencer Owen music. Spencer Owen is a thoughtful

energetic. Learn more about what? Well, I'm going to tell you and then I'm going to come back. Hold on. Spencer Owen is a thoughtful energetic Bay Area pop musician who idolizes Prince and they might be giants equally and for a lot of the same reasons their dress sense. His brand new album called Blue Circle is available now in vinyl and digital formats. He sang, wrote and played it all himself just for you. So go to thespenseroan.com and learn more about it and stream it for free. And when you buy Blue Circle on Bandcamp, enter the code mybrother to get 25% off. That's one word my brother. Justin, are you listening to this album right now? I thought I'd lay it down underneath. Kind of like, okay. Oh, I like this. Yeah, it's good, right? This is it work. It's some

dump from Blue Circle. Dumpy bass. Leave it on the ground. Maybe he's going to sing here or should I sing? Turn the treble all the way up and turn everything else down because that's how I like to listen to the music. Oh, this is good. Okay, this is at thespenseroan.com. Okay, you understand that this is arguably the worst way to listen to music. We're not doing Spencer. I don't disagree, but like, what are we going to do? Edit it in? I have a message for pizza, Zach. And it's from Caramel who says happy belated birthday to my best friend. Hope you enjoy this birthday message because I couldn't think of anything else to get you that wasn't yoga clothes. Oh, pizza, Zach, your interests are so single faceted. And Zach, he likes two things, this podcast

about hot guy names and pizza and yoga clothes. So three things. Well, he eats the pizza while he does yoga. It's really pizza. That doesn't mean he likes it. If somebody invents a yoga that you do while eating pizza, they're going to be rich. And who else could help appropriately celebrate this milestone than the McRoy brothers themselves? So happy quarter of a century and here's to getting it done in 24 word. Hashtag blessed. I don't like thinking of my age as being above a quarter of a century. It bumps me out in pretty big way. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. Hello, my name is Graham Clark. My name is Dave Shumka. Together we host a show called Stop Podcasting Yourself. We're from Canada. Don't hang up, don't hang up. And every week

we're lucky enough to be joined by a guest, sometimes a comedian or sometimes just somebody that we like and somebody probably you've never heard of. Trust us. If you followed us this far into the promo, just try it out, please. Do we sound too desperate? Stop podcasting yourself on maximumfun.org. Let's check in with somebody else. He's also dying. Stop it. You're killing me. Wait, just pretend I said that. Pretend I said something else. I got advice from you in episode 130. Holy terror. I wanted to send you an update for episode 200 check-ins. You understand that's check-ins, not check-ins. Hey, I got a hot check-in for you. I wrote in asking if it was okay to have a friend slash ex-girlfriend help me pick out a gift

for a current girlfriend. I loosely followed the advice Travis gave me and had my friend who you dubbed large margin. Why would we do that? No, she is actually a petite Asian girl. Recommend some hip stores rather than a specific gift. And with that, I was able to pick out a nice gift myself. The present was a hit with my girlfriend. We are still dating to this day and very much in love because of that price. In addition, you're welcome. I got a chance to introduce my friend and my girlfriend and they hit it off really well. I've been listening to the show since around episode 16 and I'm a maxfun donor. Thanks for all the great work. We're looking forward to the next hundred episodes. Thanks again, giftblind guy in Minneapolis. Okay, that one turned out really

fucking well. That is incredible. You are welcome. So let me follow that up with this one. I'm hungry and awkward. The guy who wondered if his Chinese delivery guy was flirting by adding extra things in my order. I weighed the value of the food against the awkwardness of the situation and decided to say screw it and asked him out. Wasn't gay. He had no idea about the extra stuff. Turned out the dude was just a friendly guy. Luckily, it was a totally not awkward situation. We both laughed it off and I'm still able to order my whole grilled fish and weird spicy sauce without problem. He even pointed out another dude who works there who was gay, but sadly, that did not work out well. Satisfied and secure. Well, you're welcome. You're welcome.

I mean, I'm almost certain. I don't remember this specific question, but I'm almost certain we would not tell anybody regardless of their gender or sexual preference to ask out a person that delivers food to them professionally. But I'm glad it didn't work out because we told you it wouldn't and didn't. Here's a good one. Back in episode 87, I asked you how to gain weight for a movie role and sign it irritatingly thin Portland hipster. I ate a ton of bread because that's what I could afford and I gained 10 pounds. I did not, as Travis suggested, do a ton of squats to try to gain the weight all in my legs. That was a quote. Quote all in my legs, but I still looked a little bigger and it read well on camera. I'm now a slightly less than LA hipster and the

movie A Tale of Light comes out on video on demand this month. Thanks, Brian. I'm glad that worked out for you. And the movie Yum Yum Bread Boy comes out on video on demand this month. Silly, silly. Silly Billy the bread king. And the movie Johnny Huge Legs comes out on video on demand this month. Can't wait to catch it. This is great. Writing a follow up on advice given about my friend's fantasy football league I had been forcibly drafted into. Your advice was threefold. One, get out of the league. Two, money ball. Three, something about looking at players' teeth. Well, just wanted to let you know that my friend got in trouble at work and lost his internet privileges so the league collapsed before it even began. Happy endings all around. Thanks to the

advice that's from Sam from Lakewood. Wonderful. Wonderful. We solved another one, gang. We actually reported your your league commissioner to his boss at work. That actually would have been a much better idea. I wish we had created that because that would have been a great plan. Well, that's some Machiavellian shit. I don't think we could have. I'll be capable and generate it. Soon on sense. You must undo him. Yahuayahu. Yep. This Yahoo is sent in by Campbell Bird. Thank you, Campbell. That's a great fucking name. That's a pretty hot guy name. Oh, super hot. It's by Yahoo Answers user Liv who asks, how to command attention and have a presence? When I walk into a room, I want to look like I mean business. I want to have the thing about me that makes people look

up and pay attention when I speak or walk into a room. I want tone like an unstoppable force. Is it something to with a period? Oh God. Is it something to with appearance, the clothes I wear, something to do with how I present myself, posture, the way I talk, etc. Or the way I speak, I feel invisible when I walk into a room. Literally nobody notices me. How can I fix this? You can wear a t-shirt that says swag. That's pretty good. I mean, it says it all. Not great for says it all. It does say who doesn't look good. Who doesn't command attention and a sweet t-shirt with simple type swag. I don't think I would look great in that, Travis. I think you would, Griffin. I think I might actually look pretty bad in that. Can you get a pallbearer? Sorry,

like the wrestler, not an actual. Oh yes. You need a hype man. You were coming for you at SummerSlam, Hogan. I'm sorry. I asked if you wanted fries with your hamburger. We're coming for you. How about an animal mask? About George the animal steal. What about Coco beware? Can you get Coco beware to fall you know? It's got it. I feel like you're really thinking inside the box of this one. But yeah, I can't get myself out of the box. Give me the high points of the question again. How to command attention and have a presence. I want to look like I mean fucking business when I walk in a room. What is it? Posture, clothes? How do I present myself? I'm invisible now.

Sincerely, the invisible boy. How about you set your shoulders on fire? Like in the Hunger Games. Like just as you're about to walk in the room, you set your shoulders on fire. Every time you walk in the room, be wearing a magic dress that when you, that Lenny Kravitz made you, that when you spin around, it turns into fiery birds. I don't see why you're having such a hard fucking time with this. That's 101. That's 101. Lenny Kravitz will make you a magic dress. Call Lenny Kravitz. Call Lenny Kravitz. He's sitting by a phone. He's sitting by a phone. Waiting for your call. He will make you a magic dress. Lenny Kravitz's are standing by. They're multiple crab eye. It will make you fiery dresses. Uh, wasting our time.

Make sure it's a big room though. Those fiery birds don't know where the fuck to go. They're made out of fire. Lenny Kravitz makes you promise to use it only outdoors. I'll give you this fire. And only for good. I can't go back to jail, man. With fiery Lenny Kravitz dress comes great responsibility. Spider-Man 3 in theaters now. Took a couple liberties. Organic web shooters? What are webs? What are webs? There are no webs for this. What is a spider? Uncle Bin, is Lenny Kravitz? That seems like you're retconning a little bit. Sally Field also Lenny Kravitz, huh? Okay. I don't remember there being so many fiery dresses or birds. Excelsior, I guess. Stanley is in it though. He's the voice of one of the

fiery birds. Hail true believers. Look at my beautiful Lenny Kravitz dress. Sorry about your hair, lady. I said it on fire, Excelsior. I like how his uncle is named Bin as if we just forgot about that rice. Yeah. Same guy. Same guy. That's how Peter can afford to do all this science shit. Exactly. Guys, is it just confidence? Is that how you command shit? Is it just? I'm pretty confident and I don't feel like I command anything yet. The problem is you're not hoving into enough people's field of view. If you stand in one place in a room, people only address you or like are made aware of you and they're looking directly at you. You start, you've got to get on the hustle to start getting in front

of people more. What the fuck did you just say? I mean you need to move throughout the room more so people have to address you more often. I want them to turn around and you're there again. Maybe with doing a very quiet, almost inaudible, techno beat under your breath as you chug a chug around the room to be in front of everybody all at once. Just oots, oots, oots, oots, oots. You know Mysterio from the Spider-Man 3 movie and it turns out that he can like do, it seems like he could pull this off. It turns out that Mysterio was the one in charge of all the confusion and all the fiery bird dresses and stuff. It was a trick to make Spider-Man forget he was ever born. So if you want more people to notice you, you just have to be in all

places at once. You have to have a glass-bub dome on your head like Mysterio. Allow me to leave you with this. Okay, leave us with something. Rather than asking people to look at you, dare them not to. Next question. What is that? No, no, no, no, no, no. Griffin, he's seen very concrete about it being time for the next question. I'm sorry but when Travis uses that voice I have to comply. Question. Starting next month through my friends and I will be moving into a new house together. Each of us will have our own bedroom but there's an extra medium-sized room downstairs no one will be using. The room has no egress window so we don't want to make it into a bedroom. Got some code issues there, dig it. But we're at a loss for what we should do with it. I was hoping

the brothers could come give us ideas about what we could do with this extra space. Any thoughts? That's from Many Problem in Minneapolis. PS for what it's worth. We're all guys. Hot guys? Well, hot guys. Sincerely, Chad, Brad, and Blaze. Did you say Blizz? And Blaze. Three hot bros. Blizz, Blaze, and Blance. Just kidding. Blance is the goofy one. Yeah, the goofy one. But it's still so hot. But it's still super fucking hot. He's incredibly gorgeous. Great work, Blance. Blance? He's Austrian. Guys, I didn't know... I didn't know egress windows were a thing because when the first apartment we lived in,

in the 13th story, which is great just for starters, just in terms of fiery luck, we made Eric sleep in that one room that didn't have any windows in it. I think once you're on the 13th floor, Griffin, you don't have to worry about egress windows. Yeah, I don't think that's going to do you much good at that point. So how about this? Lock the door to said room after filling it with like child's bedroom furniture that you've covered in dust and cobweb. You're just leaving a little surprise for the next person that tries to remodel this place. Every time your friends come up and we go, I want a tour of your house. Like, here we have this is the kitchen,

here's the living room, our bedroom's upstairs. What's in that room? We don't go in that room. We don't go in that room. Not since the boat accident. Can you to make this the longest and best con? Travis, you just took that idea to 10. I'm about to take it just a little bit farther to 11. Can you wallpaper over the door to that room? Because then nobody's going to find it for 40 goddamn years, and it's going to have a level of authenticity at that point that I think it's in the center of the room, copy of Jumanji. Oh, wait a minute. The movie. No, you lost me. That's great. That's real great. That's too funny. That can be where you smoke all your pot. That's always important. Drug room? This is our drug room. The laziest panic room.

Just go in there. Close the door. Dude, this is tricky because I've worked from home for a long time and in a couple of places, including like the house that I now own with my wife, one of the bedrooms is where I sleep and the other one is where I work because it's my office and it's like I get two rooms. That doesn't really seem fair. That doesn't really seem like an equitable situation. You could trade off and say like Monday, Wednesday, Friday, the room can be whatever guy A wants, but then Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, it's whatever guy B wants, and then Sunday, you share it free for all party room. If you guys had an extra room in the houses you live in now, what would you do with it? Yoga studio. Did you say yogurt studio? Because then maybe.

Yeah, that's where I paint yogurt. I think gosh, I don't know. We just did like a big purge of all our stuff. We had one extra room and that was for the kids, so I guess I don't have any extra rooms anymore now. I don't know what I would do with it. Maybe like just a more storage? Oh man, you really shot the cannon indoors with that one. Here's what I would do. Okay. I'd put a bunch of newspaper clippings and pictures of people around town on the wall. All right. And then with thumb tags and pieces of string. Yes, all of them. Absolutely. With like some people's faces. I have always wanted a room like this. Yeah, that's like, what does it all mean? Where'd the money go? What happened with the case? You know, just all over it. That's just there for people to walk into

and go, what is, and like, I've almost got it. I've almost got it. It's right there on the tip of my tongue. I've almost solved it and then usher them out of the room. So basically Travis, you want an all-purpose goof room. Yeah. I want like a room of requirement that every time you open the door, it's a different punchline to a joke. Sure. Okay. And a team of people that changes it out but tweaks the goofs. Okay. Can they live there? Can we just please have a bedroom here? Please? You call us in here to, no, you can't. This is our all-purpose goof room. We will sleep on the inflatable mattress in the dining room because that's, I mean, we gotta have our goofs. We're human. We're human. We're supposed to do not goof.

We're human. Humans have to goof. Humans gotta goof. Always be goofing. That's us. That's us. And that's our show. I want to wrap up. Let's get one more of these follow-ups. This was the one I was most excited about reading, so I saved it for the end. I wrote in asking advice on how to get our babysitter just to skedaddle after my husband and I returned from a date night. You guys offered many practical solutions, and we naturally chose Justin's about faking explosive diarrhea immediately upon our return to apply to our next night out. Good. However, the fates intervened and seemed they didn't smile on our play in dishonesty as we didn't need the faking illness. And I got horribly car sick on the drive home from our date.

It did end up rushing through the door and making it rain dollars on the babysitter on my way to the bathroom. So in that way, our plan was a success. Thanks so much for all you guys do. Really enjoy your show. Happy 200. Is karma punishing our listeners? It's not karma. It's not karma. It's faking clairvoyance. We are the diarrhea mediums. Starring Patricia Arquette? I knew we'd be good for something someday. Predicting people's diarrhea. Don't get on our- At some point in the future, you will have diarrhea. Don't get on our bad side ever listeners. Don't you hit that unsubscribe button. Jeff, who will have diarrhea on June 7th at three o'clock after eating that weird hot pocket in the back of his freezer you should in

eight. They don't even make the meatball one anymore. Jeff, for this explicit reason, enjoy your diarrhea though. Maybe think about subscribing again in the future and becoming a donor. Only then will we repeal our curse. Well, that's going to do it for us here on My Brother and Brother Me episode two hundo. Gosh, I can't believe we made it and we're so thankful. So, so, so thankful to all of you for sticking with us through thick and thin. We really do love you. I know, we don't say it enough. We don't. Thank you so much. This, this show is crazy, crazy. I can't even call it a dream come true because like what psychopath would dream of something like, like what we do. It's, it's crazy and it's the best thing ever and we're

very, very, very thankful for it. Thank you to people tweeting about the show like Nick K, DJ, JD Wynn, Sarah Jones, Singular Foster, Miles Cox, Dylan Scott, Perch Snickers, David Jewel, the Nick Klaus, Steve Talbot, Grace Perdue, Eru, Matt Volk, Justin Jaquie, many others. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And thanks again to Naturebox. We're all huge fans. We're all subscribers. Go check it out. Naturebox.com. If you go to naturebox.com slash my brother, you'll get 50% off your first order. Go check it out. That's going to do it for us, right? No, no, we're not even close. I want to thank John Rodgerick in the long winters for the use of our theme song instead of Parcher off the album

putting the days to bed. You can get that wherever good music is sold. Don't go looking for it in the bad music store. You will not find it. I want to remind you about Boatparty.biz, the Atlantic Ocean Music and Comedy Festival. They are still selling tickets to that and it's going to be amazing. You can go on a cruise to Jamaica and they announced three new acts. The Antebolos, Afrobeat Orchestra, Lake and Matt Browlinger are all going to be there. And a ton of like funny people and W. Kamau Bell and John Rodgerick and of the long winters of the long fame. Boatparty.biz go next week. We're probably going to have to do a weird app. I'm not sure what it's going to look like, but I'm going out of town for a while. We need to start saving up

shit for the crazy three podcast day that we have coming up in a couple weeks. So next week is probably going to be, what is it going to be, Juice? Anything like Best of? Best of? Yeah, you and I can work on a Best of. But still, go ahead and send in questions because we're going to need a lot. Please, please, please. We got to do three shows. We are Bone Dry in the Yahoo Department. I need all my, I need Emerald Member Drew Davenport. I need Ira Ray. Are you out there? Ira Ray? How about Jacob Blocker? Where you been, buddy? Krista Whalen? Krista Whalen. Guys, I need some help. I need some serious help. Also, we are in the final stages of planning for a live show in June. With our app next week, we may or may not be able to announce it when it's all done.

So make sure you're following our, check us out on Twitter and check, you know, my brother, mybrotherandme.com, our Max Fun. And we will announce as soon as it's up and make sure everybody gets the chance to get tickets. It's going to be in Los Angeles, if all goes well. So make sure you stay tuned and pay attention to our Twitter feed. And we're trying to figure out a way to do more. That's all I'll say for now. That's all I'll say for now. But we're doing a lot already this year. For us, for us, it's a lot. For a throwing shade, it's not very much. They're very good at this. We're very bad. We're very bad. Anyway, that's good for us. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You're all the best. We love you. Please share the show with a friend. Maybe not at this

episode. It seemed kind of hit or miss, but like another one, a good one. One that's already proven to be a classic. Right. Who knows? Maybe this will ascend the annals of comedy history. It's hard to say. But that's going to, thanks. I mean, thank you. Thank you. That's it. Griffin, do you have a lot last, Yahoo? Yeah, let's see. Oh, and before we go, hold on. Whoops. I got one more. Oh, whoa. Thanks to Max Fun. Yeah. On like episode like 32, we joined Max Fun, and it's just been super great since then. We wouldn't have been able to do, you know, the last 170 some episodes without them. If you don't listen to all the other Max Fun podcasts, go to maxfunfun.org and fix that right now, because they're all amazing.

And it's a super great place to be a part of. So thank you to them. Thank you. Go listen to all the shows. Yes, definitely do that. It's finally Yahoo. It was sent by Michael R. Thank you, Michael. It's by Yahoo Answers user Glenn. Pretty hot boy name. Glenn asks, how to get Cosmo Kramer hair? I'm Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. This has been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad. Skull hair on the lips. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Hey, folks, this is Kevin Allison of the Max Fun podcast, Risk, where people tell

true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. If you've never heard Risk, why not start with our 150th episode? It's an all-star lineup of jaw-dropping true stories from Aisha Tyler. This being the 90s, I was drinking a lot liquor. Don't fuck you with your racist thoughts. We're all racist. We're laughing. Tom Lennon. Whenever I walk into a place that's called Mr. Binkies, I'm expecting Armenian Bumblebee to be like, I got jackoff pills for you. Jay Moore. Me, public school in New Jersey. I didn't need to know anything because everybody knew you got pregnant by peeing in each other's butts. That's how we knew it. Andy Dick. We've had a monogamous relationship for five years. I barely cheated on her.

And the Daily Show's Jessica Williams. Oh my god. I have like this need to be responsible for some reason that doesn't really benefit me. So like, Jessica, clean it up. Look for Risk on iTunes or of course, at MaximumFun.org. Risk!