My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 201: Bro's Better, Bro's Better, Bro's Best Ch: 31-45

Episode Date: May 19, 2014

We're back with another round up of our "best" bits from the early years. 15 hours of show condensed to an hour of worthwhile material! That's a bargain. Also, get all the details on our upcoming LA show! Suggested Talking Points: Big Bad Beetleborgs, B'Doodleykitten, Bramblepelt, Snowing All Over, Chin Deep In Chinchillas, Peepums Nastygum and MORE.

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, me, and an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. Well, I'm your middle-est brother, but for the purposes of this, I'm your youngest brother too. I'm both. I'm both brothers. I'm middle-est and the youngest. Yes, because we are without Griffin right now. Don't worry,

we're not going to do a whole episode without him, rather than that. That would be pretty great. He's out of town, and rather than just leaving you all hanging, we wanted to put together another best of episode. This encompasses our 31st through our 45th episode, and there is so much good stuff. Bramble Pelt, I think is in this one. Badooly Kitten. Chin Deep and Chin Chillas. All the classics. I don't remember any of those. I know. We'll just wait. You're going to hear about them. But all of those were animal-based. Do we do a lot of animal-based humor on the show? All animal and penis-based humor in these early episodes, for sure.

Okay, nice. We wanted to mention, first off, we'll jump back in with you here in the middle, but we wanted to mention right up front, we're doing a live show in Los Angeles, California, and that's going to be on June 13th, 7.30 p.m. at the Downtown Independent Theater. Ticket sales are going to begin May 21st at this Wednesday at 3 p.m. Eastern, that's noon Pacific, and you are not going to want to miss out because they are going to go fast. There's only going to be about 200 tickets available, and they will go fast because we're doing a show with Jordan Jesse Go double bill explosion. It's going to be huge, and you are going to want to be there for it because it's going to be awesome. So there's one show, and it goes on sale.

And we cannot add more, people. We cannot add more. So Wednesday at noon Eastern, or at 3 p.m. Eastern, noon Pacific, 3 p.m. Eastern, noon Pacific, and you can get those at mbmbam.brownpapertickets.com. Okay, time for highlights. We'll see in a few. Like the Chilean miners, emerging. Like Chilean miners. Is that a reboot? Is that what this is? Are we refreshing the franchise? This is just celebrating the hard-working miners of Chile. This isn't like about anything. I'm just glad that they're there.

Yeah, my spring break is coming up too. You want to maybe go to Chile? Maybe we should go chill on the beaches of Chile. Like Chilean miners emerging from a mine. We've returned for another week. You know, a lot of people like that when I did it right after those famous guys came out. So I thought, what if I brought it back? I mean, Chilean miners are still coming out of mines. They haven't stopped, I hope. I mean, they're going in there getting butane and gold. They're getting butane? They go down there with just plastic shopping bags, and they just scoop up the bute.

Take a chance. Be open to receiving communications in varying ways. For example, your dream may be filled with a conversation with a dead person, or the dream may be filled with images, colors, or symbols. I had this dream where I ate a giant sandwich. What do you think Hitler was trying to tell me? It was very colorful, the sandwich, and symbolic in a way. Yeah. As an example, the dead person may say to you, I can't get through to your mother.

She isn't picking up the phone. Let me try that again. Could you try her for me? Maybe send her a text. As an example, the dead person may say to you, I can't get through to your mother. Obviously, there is no spirit phone. You dumb fuck. You dumb shit. I hate dummy, but it's the dead person's way of saying that they're coming to you

because the other person isn't open to communicating with the dead. And rather than say that, they brought up the complicated idea of a phone. Travis, listen. There's imagery, there's colors, and there's symbols. The spirit phone is a symbol. Your mom-moms, don't talk to ghosts. Tell your mom to talk to ghosts more. Tell your mom to stop being such a prudish bitch. I'm trying to get her noodle. If I have a dream in which I'm in Pee Wee's Playhouse, and all of the talking furniture sounds like Charles Nelson Riley.

Yep. What's going on? Ghosts of Charles Nelson Riley. Yeah, huh? He's trapped at Paul Rubin's house. He's buried underneath Paul Rubin's house. Paul Rubin killed Charles Nelson Riley. Everybody knows that.

Buried him in the cellar. Yep. And now he makes the corpse of Charles Nelson Riley, watch him eat dinner. He's, it's a really weird, it's a really weird arrangement they have. Mystery solved. Mystery solved. He would have gotten away with it if it weren't for us meddling kids. Chicken chance.

This question was asked by Yahoo Answers user Nat Ilf, who asked, what is the heaviest babby to ever be birthed? Jesus. Really? Again with the babby? Again with the babby. Fucking cut it out. Uh, she, she goes on to ask, I am pregnant due on Christmas,

and the doctors say my babby is very heavy. I think they said he was going to be 175 pounds. Can I do anything to make my babby smaller? I am really worried about the labor. That's going to be a wicked labor. It's going to be, you will most certainly die. Your, your lower section will open up, it will bloom like a flower. You pass that 175 pound man through your lady tubes.

Let's be honest, this guy's wearing her like an inner tube right now. He's just walking around with his lava on his face. Sure. This is, it's vulgar. He's already applying for jobs. It's pretty awful. Is this like an early onset, early onset, like Jack disease? Is that what's going on here?

You think that job market is stuff right now. Try going in with your mom when her skin stretched out all around your hands and feet. I see a human face sticking out of your chest, like through the skin. What is going on? We're both applying. You hire both of us, or you hire neither of us? Unless it's a very compelling offer.

And then I, I, I will consider a late term abortion. Although you know what, you know what conservatives, that is one area where if you abort a full grown man, I think I can get on board with you. That should be a crime. When does consent, when does life begin? I think what you have stubble. I think definitely life has officially begun at six.

Yeah. Sure. Life begins at six feet. How bad, I don't even care about the miscommunication. Like, how bad have you been at weight your whole life? That you don't, like that doesn't immediately like, whoa, did you say 175? That sounds like like a hefty person.

You only weigh 130 pounds. You physically can't, unless your urethra is a TARDIS, there is literally no way that you could have that in you. It's like, no, it's like the genie bottle, you see. And I just said urethra as if that was some kind of body part that's involved in the passing of babies through humans. That is in fact the tube that a man's urine goes out, right? Ladies have them, don't ladies have them too?

I don't know, you may know a doctor. So the urethra is where your baby is. You're going to pee out that 175 pound baby through your urethra, and it's going to be a worst day of your life. Enjoy that elf, you're a dead woman. Take a chance. My boyfriend and I joke around and call each other by fun pet names like chump and punk.

What are some names I could call him, or what have you called boyfriends or girlfriends? I usually call my girlfriends chump or punk, so I'm fresh out of solutions. You could combine this called chunk. Yeah, or pump. Cydnians is on comadont, is that normal? Is that okay?

This is my girlfriend, this is my girlfriend chunk pump. I love her very much. She's very sweet, this is my girlfriend the captain. I really love her very much, she's a real sweetheart. Chunk pump makes me think of like the old timey way that pioneers used to get cream corn up out of the ground. Got a deep vein here, this is a nice vein. It's rich, make it out like my cream corn dowsing machine.

It's made of cream corn, or whatever, just like fossilized cream corn. I hold a scoop of cream corn in my left hand and it leads me home. What cream corn? I think we can find some elucidation in the answers that have been provided. Okay, that's good. Anastasia responded, Mr. Sweetsy Poo, Lovey Snookums, Cuddly Kins, Huggy Bear, Love Muffin,

Snugly Pie, Boo Boo Bear, Bon Bon Sugar Lips. Hi, I'm Bon Bon Sugar Lips. I'm Professor Bon Bon Sugar Lips. I'm Bon Bon Bon Sugar Lips. The next thing is the best thing I've ever read. Badoodly Kitten. What?

What? Badoodly Kitten? Say that one more time. Badoodly Kitten. Can I get one more? Just take me to the bridge. A Badoodly Kitten. That would be B-Apocrophy, D-Oodly Kitten.

I didn't know that we could just like say sounds and like mash them together. Like, Bacquancha. Like, Bacquancha? Like that's Badoodly Kitten. Take a chance. I sense from this email that you guys love each other. I can tell that.

I sense a love there. But it sounds like you guys are one good long conversation away from getting this sorted out. Sounds like a combo needs to take place. If it's not going to work out, there's always Griffin. He's, I can give you his phone number. He's super nice. Please, ladies. Ripe for the picking.

Ripe for the, like a delicious cherry. I, one might even say overripe. One might say he's developed some tendencies during his year of solitude that maybe are not so attractive. Maybe a few, few bruises on the fruit. Maybe my rind is a little moldy. Figuratively and literally. Ladies, please. Ladies are guys.

Line forms to the left. Yeah, I'm not so picky anymore. Just anybody and it just take him. Griffin, give me the Yahoo. Yeah, I got, I got one. I've been staring at it. The whole show. It's like a deep dark pit.

This, this question. I think we just got to dive into it, even though we don't know where it'll, it'll stop. It was sent in by Goodbye Babylon Babylon, which wasn't that a, is that a David Gray song? I don't know. It's by Yahoo Answers user Ruby Hart McKinley. Who asks?

What are some good warrior cat names? What? Excuse me. I need five warrior names. Three names for three black cats. One for a white cat and one for a brown cat, please. I have no fucking idea what's going on with this question. There's no more details.

Please tell me there's more details. Wait a minute. That's all we've got. Warrior cat names. Now let me read you some of the answers. This one was sent in by Josie J. Feather McKaney, or rather it was answered. The answer was provided by Josie.

J. Feather. Mulcaney. Hey, there's your first name. Name one. Who says? I love creating warrior names. Smiley face. Here's some for black cats.

Yes. Nightshade, night river, nightfall, nightfire, nighthunter, shadow skin, shadow live, shadow rose, shadow child, shadow bird, shadow storm, night storm, night bird, fallen shadow, night wing. Oh Jesus. Here's some for white cats, lily pad, lily heart,

lily moon, white shadow, white claw, white knight, white moon, white rose, white leap, white swan, snowfall, ice wind, frostbite, frostpull, snow song. Here's some for brown cats, thorn prick, cobra strike, snakeskin, viper fang, adder snap, bramblesong, bramblesong, thorn wing, fallen snake, snakebite. Calico. Is you out of calico?

Hodgepodge, black and white, and orange. Silly buddy. Mixed up. Oh Jesus. Oh Christ. I mean guys, there's a full page. There's a full page of people providing answers like. Could you read the first name for the white cats again?

The first name? No, I can't, there's so many that I can't repeat them. I'm almost certain it was lily pad. Lily pad was one of them. That is not a scary warrior name. Hey girlfriend, do you have any ideas on warrior names for brown cats? Let's see what the other people have to say.

Brown cat, bramble pelt, sun fern, sand dust, sandy pelt, sandy mist, sand. Bramble pelt? What is tabby? Tabby claw, sand claw, sandy claw, dust claw, sparrow flight, autumn flight, trout leap, morning dew. Trout leap. Trout leaf.

Mouse fang. Trout leap? Rose whisker. Like what the fuck? What is a warrior cat? This is why I am scared for humanity. Every answer to that question should have been what the fuck are you talking about?

Aurora song, like what are we doing? This is this horrifying truth that we've unearthed. With this show is that there are whole other worlds. Yeah. There are whole other things that don't connect to us. Like we don't have any vines into them, reaching into them to give us some connection. It's a completely different planet.

It's just spinning wildly. We have some wild misconceptions about the furry community that I feel like we now understand and totally accept into our hearts and collective minds. But what? The ramblesong. What? I mean.

Bramble pelt. Snowy pelt. Bramble pelt. What are we doing here? Child jump. I'm not angry. I'm a little angry. I'm scared.

I just want to know what's going on. Like are people dressing up their cats in like tin foil armor and like just like taking them outside and just yelling hidden mist. Star chaser. Like go. Here's what I want. I want to see this guy actually picks five four year cat names

and tries to get him to all follow him in the battle. Star chaser. Go. What? Bramble sky. You're just licking your butt. This is not a warrior like attitude. You're not.

Thorn prick. Oh god. Chicken chance. Apparently you're having babies every year. So maybe with two wives you could alternate it and they could at least have a year off. Yeah. I know you don't want about your wife being worn out

and at this rate she will be. So I would say get a second wife to maybe carry one of the twins. Is that possible? Is that possible? A brood wife. Yes. Get yourself a brood wife. And then like one can be your society wife.

And then one can be your you know your gestating hive queen. Hive. This is this is this is my second wife. Crystal. Crystal. Chrysalis. Chrysalis.

Her name is Crystal. It's not Chrysalis. I don't know why I found that. And her name is also not DX173 bond. So don't believe people saying that either. And I certainly have. I have never considered harvesting her jellies. For for Valentine's Day I got you a second wife

in a tank of plasma. And we're just going to use her to harvest organs and babies from. You're welcome. You're welcome. What did you get me? Oh a stone tipple pilot CD. This one is this one's by Yahweh Yathres. He's your dragon 101 who asks.

I'm a dragon. Okay. But I don't know how to summon my special skills. I can do some things on ordinary. Anyone have ideas. This is kind of new and also confusing for my age that is. I can tell you right now that I'm under 21. Anyone have ideas on what I could do because I'm a dragon please.

Well this is the age old question of is it a mental thing? Is there a muscle that you flex? Is there an incantation? It's age old questions. And really it's different strokes for different folks. Like for me it's all muscular. I've had to tone. I've had to develop.

You've had to cagle. I've had to cagle my dragon muscles to the point where I can execute my my unordinary abilities. But the thing is 21. That's kind of a you're a little late to the game. You are. You're getting a late start to learning your your dragon in the old tongue. Your your draconic your draconic abilities.

Because I mean that's a that's a weird age. Dragon and Huberti. Like I had mine in I had mine in middle school. I was kind of an early bloomer. I hit mine of course in the third age. But it was a long time ago. Okay. Yeah I'm I just become I just became so terrified.

Because I just realized that dragons have learned to use the internet. Oh and we've lost our one vantage. One thing we had that they didn't. I don't know how to break this to you. But one out of every four people you talk to or meet on the internet is a dragon. Holy shit. Is that a velociraptor noise? Travis oh shit.

Travis is one of them. I didn't know this was a dragon cast. If dragons aren't using the internet then explain TMZ. You can't. It can't be done. Fuck dragons. Made by Gossip by dragons for dragons. Prez Hilton half dragon.

What does a dragon keyboard look like? Do you think it has runes? I think it has runes. I think it's very runic. I think it's made out of like loot. Just like. It's made out of what? Made out of loot.

Like dragon loot. Dragons have hoards right? Just full of like jewels and gold. Travis a loot. Oh L-O-O-T not L-U-T-E. Yeah. You think you made it met several little stringed instruments? Like that's what a skateboard was made out of?

I couldn't. I couldn't. Like sting? Like sting plays? Yes. Sting is a dragon. This one was sent in by Matt Warren. Thank you Matt Warren.

It's by Yahoo! And it's his user Megan who asks, I need help naming my chinchilla breeding business. Hello. I am looking into breeding chinchillas, but I need a name for my company. I want it to be something elegant and pretty. And the last word needs to be chinchillas or exotics.

I don't want anything that says Megans or Ontarios, etc. I also don't want silly names like chinny chinchins. That's the best. That's the best one though. It needs to sound sophisticated. For example, some names I like are Blue Moon chinchillas,

Blue Moon exotics. Autumn Breeze chinchillas, Autumn Breeze exotics. White Rose chinchillas, White Rose exotics. If you need any other information, just ask. Also if you want to add in some possible chinchilla names,

I wouldn't mind. Bramble Pelt. Thanks for everything. Megan. Storm Scream. Night Shadow. Can I suggest Fluffy Rats exotics? Because that says what they are

without coming right out and saying chinchillas. Chinchillas have been on the nose. Can I suggest Chin Deep? Chin Deep. Now it does have to end with chinchillas or exotics. Those are the rules. Chin Deep exotics. Oh, that's not good.

That's not a good. That doesn't work for me. That's not a good. A few levels. That's there. That sounds like a website that opens up when you're on another website you shouldn't be on accidentally.

Ready to go Chin Deep? How did you get Chin Deep? Why isn't the one starting to dump the exotics? When it got waist deep, you weren't like out. It didn't happen all at once. I am Chin Deep and exotics. That bit of exotics doesn't look so deep. I'm going to jump in and just see how it goes.

I'm Chin Deep. What about speed rats? Speed rats. Because that's what chinchillas are. They're like rats, but they dart back and forth very quickly. Erotic exotics. Okay, now we're on to something. Yeah, that's good.

It's got like a little flow to it. What about Mussolini's Chin Chillas? I mean, you want something classy. Something classy. How about Sacco Chin Chillas? Sacco Chin Chillas. And then your best thing is like you already have a gimmick. So like people come in, you're like,

how about a Sacco Chin Chillas? And like they can pay extra for the grab bag and who knows what's in the grab bag. Spoilers are dead Chin Chillas. Ooh, there's a good one. Dead Chin Chillas. People come in like, hey, what the fuck, man? You're like, no, no, no, they're very, they're very much alive.

So would you like one? It's pronounced the odd. How about tiny shitty cats? My jealous exotics. There's got to be something. I think we've got a curiosity. Are there any answers on that question? Yeah, there's got to be some, right?

I mean, they're all, but they're all very, how about clueless money grubbers are us? That's a little mean. Excuse me? Breeding any animals, not a business or a company. They're not for your profit. I'm ruining things. Oh God.

Oh God. Ragged telecaster says, I don't know about names, but I'll breed with your Chin Chillas if you like. Oh no. Dude. What? What did you say to me? You'll breed?

Here, hey, do it on site and call it the worst thing you've ever seen to Chillas. The island of Dr. Moreau. Yeah. A nightmare circus side show. Everything you've ever feared in your life, Chin Chillas. How about just Chin Chilla? Maybe want to die. How about loose and easy Chin Chillas?

Sluttiest madam. Madam Chin Chillas. Chin Chillas. Your first number, I got to want Rosie. She writes in the new base. Yeah, who answers these are Emerald A responded. I like Autumn Breeze exotics, but I am thinking Chinny Chinny Chill Lala. Chin Chilla Cool Cats.

Or Chin Chilla CCs for short. Chin Chilla CCs. What? It is good to start out the name of C because one of the first listed in directories. And how about Chinny Chilled Out Cats? Lol. What the fuck are you saying? Chinny Chilled Out Cats?

How about a fun dip baseball disco dance? How about we just make a bunch of words that have nothing to do with the thing that she asked about? So he says you should pick something with C because it's one of the first letters. Like, you know the first one, right dog? Yeah, there are like maybe a few pages in the directory that precede Chinny Chilled Out Cats. You dumb fuck. To be fair, everyone knows everyone just skips right over A and B because those are for pussies. You got to go right into the C. That's where the meat of the matter is.

Absolutely amazing. Chinny Chin Chin Chilled Out Cats. Ardvarks Chin Chin Chillas for fun. This is what you call your business. Ardvarks and Chinchillas and not Ardvarks. Ardvarks Chinchillas and just kidding about the Ardvarks exhaust. Just do a revus with a picture of an Ardvark plus Chinchilla minus Ardvarks. Because everybody knows it in the film book.

Revus is coming first. Go on in and watch a grown man fuck a Chinchilla. I'm so bad we're back to Bob. The revus for that is going to be a nightmare. Here at Ardvarks Chinchillas and not Ardvarks. I came here to fuck Ardvarks and Chinchillas and we're fresh out of Ardvarks. Would your parents explain sex if you put it in your Christmas wish list? Um.

There's additional details but I feel like we need to address the first question first. Would your parents explain sex if you put it in your Christmas wish list? It sounds like he's asking his parents never explain sex. I mean that seems like a pretty important present. Yeah. If they skipped out on that. I don't know about you guys. I received a series of lectures.

Yeah. I think it's funny that he has to outsmart his parents about it. Like. You got me. All right. I guess you got to have the talk now. You did put it on your list. Good call.

Is this question asked or wanting this information? Like are they in need of this? Like they know how to ask Yahoo to ask their parents about sex. Let me bust out the additional details. Okay. I'm 20 and still awful at it. Oh no. Now that now we just broke through the first question.

We just broke through the crust into the creepy creepy mantle of this question. Wow. So you are wanting sex tips. Like no. You want to you want you want to go to your mom and dad and say, hey mom and dad teach me how to doggie. Like is that what you're saying? I mean he is saying something like that.

I'm still terrible at it. I knew mom and dad to teach. Hey daddy. Daddy. My daddy. I love you. Happy Christmas. Happy Christmas.

Papa. Do you enjoy your bowling ball? Good. I'm trying to rearrange some guts and I could use some pro tips daddy. Yeah. Happy birthday Jesus. And I know it's Jesus' birthday. Nothing's as a family good together like sex tips.

And everything but I'm getting laughed at over here. I'm getting some I'm getting some coital giggles that I could really do without. So if you have like a strategy guide that I could crack the spine of. Hey daddy. After Rudolph could you jot me down some charts maybe some diagrams. Just jot me out like a Venn diagram of what to do and where to do it. Yeah. How to do it.

How you do. Take a chance. It's by Yahoo Answers user poetic bbq. All right. Who asks Valentine's Day gift for my cougar. I'm seeing an older woman me 30 her 43 and want to send her an awesome gift for Valentine's Day because I'm gone working on the road. We've been seeing each other for a couple months and the coitus is pretty amazing.

Oh good. And want to get her something that is classy but not overbearing. Any ideas. Hey eggs mom that coitus was really oh man. Outstanding. I don't want to put this in the creepiest way imaginable. But that coitus felt really good on my genitals. You saying that's so gross.

I know the perfect gift stop calling it coitus. Can we. Is it. Is it possible that he's referring to an older female literal cougar. It could be. It could be. There's some raw meat. Yeah.

And here's raw meat. I mean why do you get a jungle cat like. Maybe you should just make a commitment to take care of the horrible by species baby you created with all your coitus. During your coitus. Listen Deborah cat when you have our terrible terrible cougar man I will take care of him. I will raise him as my own. I will not elicit in public schools because he will he will consume the other children.

But this is like the fifth episode in a row where we had to talk about half human half animal hybrids. This is a very very bestial podcast and I'm not comfortable with it. Yeah. Goose man. That's what happened 20 episodes ago. Oh man. What if Goose Man and Cougar Man got together.

I'd watch that show. William H. Macy. As everyone in the show. Everyone in Cougar Man and Goose Man. I will watch it. Oh John Lithgow. What a great what a great coup for Penguin Man. My name is Mike and my wife's name is Darlene.

She's made of snuggies. She's made of snuggies. Her parents are also Mike and Darlene and her brother's name Mike. Wait for it. She wants to name our kids Mike and Darlene. But I think it's a bad idea. If I am a reacting and he didn't sign it but I'm going to guess it's Mike. That's a wicked bad idea.

Yeah. His full name is Mike Mike Darlene. I'm Darlene Micerson. The third. This is my brother Mike his sister Darlene and our dog Mark Darlene. It's hard family reunions. Somebody says Mike in the whole house just burns down. What?

Who? What? What if every Mike you've ever known is in this like up in the mix up in this family. What if this is like some sort of I don't know some sort of legacy. Or a cult. Uckerman. Listen. I don't.

I know this is weird to say at this time. It's the holidays and everything but I have to tell you something. Okay. I saw Mike making out with Darlene. Oh no. No. I know. No.

That's either. No. I saw Mike making out with Darlene. Don't do that. Don't do that. What are you over it? You are under reacting. If you're taking the time to write to us instead of filing divorce proceedings.

What? There's no way. There's no way that that conversation doesn't go like this. Fuck it. Let's just call him Mike and Darlene. Like there's no way it was like a coincidence that you came up with those names. Because you're assuming that everybody in this situation had a choice of what the next generation of people's names are going to be.

Right. So Mike and Darlene are either the parents of Mike or Darlene. But whoever that child was had to go out in the world and find another person named Mike and Darlene that they can marry. Like they're they're getting a fucking name monopoly. Yeah. They just they do understand what I'm saying. Like it is.

Yeah. I've played it. I know. Listen guys. I this is bad Mike. If we can call you Mike. Why don't you suggest naming the boy Darlene and the girl. I love it.

Yes. Tell me that's the only condition under which you'll accept. Mike is M. Y. K. E. E. And Darlene you spell M. I. K. E. There's a silent Mike and an invisible Darlene in there. You know silent like invisible Darlene are my favorite new rap duo of 2010. Did you hear that one their new album. It was the EP. It was very limited release and it's really good.

You can only buy it if your name was Mike or Darlene. Don't prepare food in the bathtub. You guys it's like you guys have never given a public service announcement before. It's like playing poker with my sister's kids. Do you want me to do one. Yeah. Okay. You go first.

Yeah. Let me do one year first. A hundred people every year get sucked down the drain. Fucking look sharp. See that's all you needed. And they can play that. They can syndicate that on the radio. Oh OK.

You want to try again. Or yeah let me try. Let me try. OK. I'll give it some put. So this would be like free publicity for us. Right. Yeah.

Totally. In fact if you even want to say like our names or like the name of the show. All right. And then. OK. All right. I want to try one. I don't have.

I don't have a good one. God damn it Justin. I'm sorry. I thought I had. This is so difficult. I want to see what has died in the bath because of you. Yeah. If they fell asleep because you're you know how boring and awful you are.

All right here we go. Here we go. If your fingers are pruny. That means it's the sin coming out. As Jesus. I love you. My brother my brother. What.

That's brilliant. You just saved some lives. That's good because it's got a religious message. But I'll say my people that earthly love is real. And it's my. How about this. How about this. OK.

The temperature of your water shouldn't exceed 115 degrees or else it'll flay the flesh off of your bones and your baby's bones. My brother. Hey. Hey. Don't jerk off in the bathtub. That's awful. My brother my brother.

That washes down the drain and goes and mixes with everybody's water. And then you get somebody pregnant and have to pay child support. My brother my brother and me. The water you're in right now is like 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 percent come. Have a good bath. We'll never be clean again. My brother my brother. Travis all of this has got all this like great comedy that feels as fresh as the

day it was created. Has got me pretty hungry. Well I guess you could just like go to a vending machine and need some shit and then make yourself feel like shit and look like shit. Just be shit. I don't want to be shit. Travis help me. Of course you don't want to be shit Justin.

You want to go to naturebox.com and sign up for their free delivery service of delicious snacks. That's pretty good. I could get into that. Some some bbq kettle kernels maybe some everything bagel sticks. South Pacific plantain chips sounds good to me. I mean it's really an amazing deal. Teresa and I are members and our last box like we got it and we're still eating it. It's so filling and so good that it really like lasts till the next box comes.

We got stuff left over and our next box comes like tomorrow. So it's an amazing deal with really like good for you. You know they got snacks if you're gluten conscious. They got stuff if you're looking for non GMO stuff. Nothing artificial. It's it's really amazing and it gets even more amazing because if you sign up now I will and use the promo code and go to naturebox.com forward slash my brother. You get 50% off your first order.

That's absolutely insane. It's absolutely insane and deliveries always free. That's freaking amazing Travis. Thank you so much for telling me about naturebox.com forward slash my brother. And I'm going to head over there right now but while this web page is loading I'm getting bored. I'm bored. I was hungry now I'm bored. I'm really a fuzzy baby today.

Clip shows made me so fuzzy. So fuzzy. Travis help me. Entertain me. I mean you could do what we've literally talked about a hundred times in the last couple months and go to huluplus.com. How many of you are not huluplus members? What is wrong with you?

Do you do you live in some kind of spider hole cave type thing? Don't you want to watch the profit? Don't you want to watch grim? Don't you want to watch sad night live clips? Don't you want to I mean like it's all on there waiting for you. Now you're just doing it to be spiteful. You're just doing it to hurt me. Huluplus.com is amazing.

They've got Family Guy. They've got Community South Park. Some Dr. Who, Grim, SNL, The Profit like we talk about every time. It's amazing and it's it'll stream to all your devices. It's fantastic. Huluplus.com is the greatest entertainment service ever launched. There's a new show called Deadbeat about a comedy about a pot smoking guy at toxic coasts. That's just there.

You're welcome. You can just watch it. Why do you have to hurt me like this? You're killing me. Okay, you don't want to pay for it. Oh, that's fine. This is still America. We do still have to pay for things except we can get you a month for eight dollars normally.

That's normal. Eight dollars a month, but we're going to get you two weeks free. Yeah, no problem. No big deal. Go to Huluplus.com slash my brother and you'll get two weeks full access to Huluplus and it's completely free. This is what I picture. People are going to do that. Do the two weeks.

Say, I'm going to hop on for two weeks. I'm going to watch all of it in two weeks and then I'm going to dip out. But here's what you're going to find people. You can't. There's way too much and you have to sleep or you'll die. And so you're going to watch it and go, well, I can't. I can't stop now. I just have to stay on Huluplus forever because it's such an amazing deal and all the shows are here.

Go people. Go now. I feel like this has been the most sales pitchy we've ever been. It's wonderful. I love it so much. Griffin normally like evens this out. I want to tell you guys real quick before we let you get back to the clips about making things beautiful slash making beautiful things.

It's an interactive book. Just the website is beautiful. It's makingthingsbeautiful.net and it's an interactive book about the difficulties with the human drive to create the delight of that human drive. It covers ideas like perfectionism, inspiration, and like resonance. And they talk about all kinds of like really wonderful how we create, why we create. And not only that, it's interactive. There's illustrations.

There's work by other creative people and concepts from artists, philosophers, and authors. It's really an amazing, amazing idea. Yeah. It's awesome just to look at the webpage about the thing and so imagine how good the thing is. You should get it right now. That's at makingthingsbeautiful.net and you can also follow Scott Garner spelled just the way it sounds to hear what else Scott's making. And that's available.

The book itself is available on Apple iBooks on your Mac or iPad. And you can even download a free chapter or buy it for a half price through the end of May. That sounds like a deal. It is a deal. We're full of deals today. Yeah, we're just tossing out bargains like it's a parade of bargains. That's all of our sponsors for this week. Thank you so much to all of them for supporting us.

And now we're going to get back to the jokes, the old jokes. The yucks. The yucks. Enjoy. Take a chance. You want to eat? Do you want to eat or snort or somehow imbibe this PCP? Sorry, guys.

PCP, bad for me. Do you want to help me drink this empty squeeze it bottle of PCP? That's what they keep them in. They melt the top of the lighter. Yeah, they drink to squeeze it. Then they melt the top of the lighter. That's why it's so popular as a drug is because They fill it with PCP.

There's so much impetus to squeeze it. Sure, who wouldn't want to squeeze it. Who are these people that are constantly having to turn down drugs? And why can't they just say no? Is the dealer going to be like, that wasn't creative enough. Take this. Try again. I need to feel it.

I need to feel that you really don't want my drugs that I bought. Could you if only you had rhymed, I wouldn't be shoving this PCP in your mouth and eyes. Or possibly ears or nose. Or ears or nose. Perhaps butthole. I don't know how it's distributed. I don't know about PCP very. Angel dust, Griffin.

Angel dust. Is that what it is? Yeah, you know, angel dust. Probably snort. That actually sounds kind of nice. It's by Yahoo Answers user question mark. Who asks? I need to perform a colonoscopy to myself.

I need a colonoscopy performed on me, but unfortunately, in these economic times, I cannot afford a doctor. I'm pretty sure I could do it myself. But what should I get to perform? The only store near me is a Home Depot, so the tools need to be from there. What items should I get? I have a very low budget, so don't pick anything too expensive. You're going to need a rubber hose.

You're kind of tying our hands. I want a homemade colonoscopy, but I got maybe like eight bucks that I can drop on this. I found an wallet. I found an wallet at Camden Park, and now I'm going to spin on a butt camera. Can you help? Now, I can't imagine the kind of yoga one has to go into to operate a self-butt camera. The tech. You can't afford it.

The tech, recline, is outrageous. Like, I would say the smallest camera that I own is my iPhone 4, and even that is going to be, if you'll forgive the term, a stretch. The thing that bothers me is not just that he doesn't just want to do a home one. He wants to do a home one on the cheap. Like, you can't say, I'm going to be cutting. Yeah, you're already cutting like the biggest corner. There are no other corners to cut.

It's like oblong now. You can't. You can no longer cut corners. You're out of them. I'm all about pioneer spirit. I'm all about DIY. I'm all about looking up shit on the internet and then doing that shit without getting help from people. You're looking up shit in your what?

But not. But this is a, this is a bridge too far dog. Yeah. Yeah, it is. This is, I love value. Like everybody who knows me, they say, Justin Bargahire, that's what everybody calls me. This is, this is too much.

You've gone too far. And nine months ago, before we started doing this show, like, I would have thought this was a joke, but like reading the answers, it's like, it's a real concern. Yeah, it's a real concern. Take a flexible hollow half inch diameter flex hose about two or three feet long. Stop it. Take a webcam housing off around the lens and circuit board. Run a cable attached to webcam lens and circuit board through the hose.

Insert circuit board into flex hose and mount camera lens even with the tip of the hose. Grind a flashlight lens down into the diameter of the hose. Cover, no, no, no. Lens. Plug your computer in and turn the webcam on. Ram the device off your ass and look for the problem. Step six, kill cell. Can I make a humble suggestion of maybe sell your fucking computer and get a colonoscopy?

Like as long as we're leaking outside the box. Can we start a fundraising drive to get this dude to a colonoscopist? Why is this your, why is that the plan? How about, how about what are some ways I can get some more money? Like I need more money. I guarantee if you went to any doctor and said, I'm thinking about giving myself a self colonoscopy unless you do it for free. Doctor will do it for free.

I'm gonna hurt myself in my butt really bad if you do not come and give me a hand here. I'm gonna give it to you straight, doc. You can either A, give me a free colonoscopy or B, dig a homemade colonoscopy camera out of my bottle in two hours. You decide. This is how we're gonna get healthcare. This is how we're gonna get healthcare pushed through congress. Is everybody calls their local, their local representative and says,

hey, I'm about to irreversibly damage my rectal wall if you do not get this shit approved. Hey, Obama. Hey, Obama. I'm gonna hurt myself. This one's on you, bro. Yes, yes, we can stick a webcam up our assholes. Good news. I appear to be cancer free.

Bad news. I'm never not defecating anytime you see me. I broke whatever flange or cap is supposed to be there. Take a chance. I would like to believe enough in humanity that it's not that every woman is instantly attracted to a guy because he is married. But I think it's more that you become more comfortable. You're not trying to impress anyone.

I mean, you've already got your significant other. So you're not working at it, which instantly makes you more attractive. So true. That's it. 100%. Brain married. That's what I call it. You gotta be brain married.

I like that. I like that a lot. How deep does that inception go though? I need obviously a name for my brain wife, right? I would need a name and a story of how I met your brain mother. I'm saying I could invent an entire scenario around a person and then not let anybody know about it except for me. I can do that.

Like I've played Dungeons and Dragons. I'm totally capable of suspending entire, you know, worlds in my mind. Those two skills dovetail so nicely. Because I know that when I'm trying to stop impressing women, the first thing I do is talk about Dungeons and Dragons. Hi. And you know what? A lot of people try to keep their brain wife secret.

I say you open with it. I say hi. My name is Griffin. I have an imaginary wife and a great skill at playing Dungeons and Dragons. What do you like to dance with me? And you know something? My favorite December's album is The Brain Wife, so. I thought I'd kill that conversation.

What is the best way to greet your own when you're first meter? Is shaking hands awkward? Is it appropriate to give a sideways hug context, perhaps like on a first date or blind date? Recently, my grandmother hooked me up with a date with this girl she met during a Zumba class. What is that? Zumba, you know, Zumba, Zumba.

Yeah, it's like it's like Brazilian yoga or something. What's your grandmother doing there? I don't know. I talked to the girl on Facebook and she was very much interested in meeting up with me to go on a date. How do I greet her in such a way as to give a good lasting impression that will set the tone for the rest of the day? God, that's tough.

If you shake hands, you're setting a weird tone. Yeah, don't shake hands. I definitely don't side hug. You're damned. Here's what you can. All right, I'm going to list off all the things you absolutely cannot do. Okay, hit me. Don't do nothing.

That's all right. Don't shake her hand. That's just a bad tone. Don't hug her. Don't kiss her. Don't. No high fives. No high fives.

No physical contact. Whatsoever. So don't not touch her, but don't touch her whatever you do. Yeah, don't do nothing. Chest bump. What about a chest bump? That's touch. Don't do that.

There's some sensitive stuff up on the top. What about just the first time you meet her, just slow dance with her? Ooh, that's good. Ooh, you know what you should do? Zoomed her. Just zoomed her all over. You know, if you do go in for a chest bump, though, that's a pretty clear message about what kind of knife that girl's going to have.

She says this is going to be terrible for both of us. Essentially, we stand across the way to slap your chest. Go ahead. Hey, bro, chest bump. Here it comes. Chest bump, bro, chest bump. I'm going to bring those. You're going to have a bad night.

I'm not paying. I didn't bring any money. I stole your wallet when I chest bumped you. You're paying, I guess, my extension. So don't do any of those things. Don't do anything, but don't do nothing. Why don't we bring back kissing her hand? Oh, God.

You're up to one day kissing her hand. Make sure you're wearing a fedora and make sure you're within eyesight of me so I can come kick the shit out of you. Yeah, dullard. What about pinkie swear? How about a pinkie swear that we're going to be in love? Maybe this is the kind of thing that you should like decide with her ahead of time on Facebook. When I see you, what is the proper?

How should I touch you? You know, you're wondering how to touch you. God damn it. I want to touch you right. You know, you're, you know, you're wondering about the right moment to say I love you. You found it. That's right. This is it right here.

She won't think about what you're doing with your hands. I think you want to touch me too. Yeah, I think you'd like to touch me. I think I would like to touch you. We don't know each other well. I want to make sure when I touch you. And now listen, I can't stress this enough. You really have to type this whole paragraph before you send it

because if you send this piecemeal, there's a good change. You're going to lose your midstream. She's got to see the whole thought, see it through the end. Because if you just open with, I want to touch you. You can't get her slow. Just send her an email that says, could you wear clothing with brightly marked areas where it's OK for me to touch you? Can you wear a hyper-colored t-shirt when you touch?

Oh, fuck. You should probably just not go on the date. You should probably just stay home and just eat it for you. Not in the bathtub. This is by Yahoo Answers user, dearestlove. Who asks? Friend might be a robot. Help.

OK. So my best friend of 15 years might be a robot. She beeps and boops and has a crazy phobia of water. And sometimes she spazs out like a machine overheating. Should I confront her and be like, I think you might be a robot or leave it alone. Help. Now listen, straight up, everyone's immediate reaction is going to be to mock this person.

No, no, no. Yeah, what the fuck? What is? It's an epidemic. Yeah. This is what I'm saying. If we don't listen to these people, we are losing our first line of defense. This is how they get us.

Yeah. When you, when someone someday has a friend who is secretly a robot, when they come and they will, there's going to be at least one. It has to start somewhere. That's what I'm saying. Like there has to be a first. And everyone thinks it's going to be Will Smith who's going to be that person who flips it. But I think it's going to be people like you and me and dearestlove.

Yeah. Here's it. Here's here's let's let's get the conversation started. Here's a response by Yahoo Answers user, James, who says, Splash her with water and be like, oh, sorry, I thought you were a robot. If she dies, she was a robot. Fundamental problem right here. People aren't using their fucking noodle.

If she's a witch, she'll die too. Yeah. Think about that. What's up, mind freak? The, the preferred response here is to close her off in a room with no access to electricity or food or water for two weeks or three weeks. Yep. And then if she is able to, if she like dies without electricity or food or water, she's a robot.

Yeah. That's science. You could ask her to divide by zero. Just see what that does to her noodle. Oh shit. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah.

You got to pose a logic puzzle to her. Yeah. Like could God make a rock so big that he couldn't move it? Like yeah. If it's a religious robot, I guess. And I'll take a religious bot. I'm Bibley the Bible bot. I know all the verses.

What if, what if you were to say, hey, pie, what, what was pie again, that number? And then like try to remember it. And if she goes any more than like four or five digits, I'm going to go ahead and call robot. Well, she might have that Rain Man thing. Oh fuck, is Rain Man a robot? Yes. Ah, that would be so much better now. Ask her to watch AI and if she enjoys it, she's a robot.

Rain Man is basically Minority Report now. It's like Minority Report prequel. If you think about it. Holy shit. You are in Goodwill Hunting. You are living with Will Hunting. It's like Baltimore Goodwill Hunting. It's like the wire beats Goodwill Hunting.

I haven't seen, I haven't seen Goodwill Hunting. What's it about? It's about two friends taking Hollywood by storm. Enlisting the help of a wizard named. Patch Adams. A wizard of comedy named Patch Adams. And going on to Oscar gold. It sounds like a fucking tight movie.

It is fucking badass. Is that on Netflix? And what they do, they hunt Patch Adams throughout the course of the movie. It's pretty badass actually. This movie sounds incredible. Every time they catch him, he gives him some Hollywood wisdom. Like, oh, like that. And they're like, oh.

Please tell me that was your Robin Williams. Carving off another slice of that, please. Car Robin Williams is basically my dead knight. It's just FYI. So it's either, oh, daddy, a little friend's good daddy. That's my dead knight. Catch that Robin Williams. Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Hammer.

That's not bad. It's kind of like Artie meets Dead Knight. Now, can you do Robin Williams doing one of Robin Williams' trademark voices? Can you give me one of those? Daddy, a little friend's good daddy. Who's Danny? Right back in the dead knight from Daddy's Shack. Okay.

It kind of, kind of vaclates. Man, I don't fight. So this is what Google hunting is about. Okay. It's by Yahoo! Answers user TacoB. Who asks? Ladies, Xmas gift?

Ladies, if you sexual partner asked for you to walk on him with your high heels for Christmas, and that's the only gift he wants this year, would you do that for him? Step on his privates for him with your sexiest heels if he proved it does not harm him at all? I like that he clears up. It's the only thing he wants for Christmas. Well, I should hope so. You can't be like, I'd like you to crush my genitals with your sexiest heels and also a Kindle. I mean, this seems like kind of a shitty present.

Yeah, it is. By anyone's standards. Like, even if you're into this kind of thing, like, even if you were the biggest, like, ball crush fan on the planet, this seems like- And I am. Yeah. Not a lot of thought went into this. Yeah. It's like Griffin really loves mixing bowls.

Let's get him a mixing bowl for Christmas. That's far too obvious. That's way too obvious. You didn't think of no heart, no love went into that decision. You know what I'm saying? Like, you've got to flip it on him. Make him think that you're going to step on his balls for Christmas. And then maybe, like, step on his butthole.

Like, it's a new thing that he doesn't know about. But maybe he'll be just as big a fan. Discovery. That's the real gift here. What she needs to do is Christmas Eve sneak into the room wearing a Santa suit and her sexiest heels. And he's like asleep, right? He's conked out, visions of sugar plums dancing in his head. And then she just crushes his balls.

And his sugar plums. And his sugar plums. He just crushes his sugar plums. Do you think that he would have time to get a rouse? Or do you think like your fight or flight would kick in? Oh, man, I would be out of there would be a Griffin shaped cloud. What's a press? I think it's a party that Jewish people throw when the circumcision happens.

So it's a party. It's a party for getting your wiener cut off, which is actually ironically the exact opposite of a divorce party. Or the same. Am I right? Women. That's what I was going for. But I didn't. I didn't got it because she's leaving you.

So it's like you're going to put it back on, you know, like you're getting the hood of your penis put back on. You know, I'm getting queens. Can they do that? Do you ever see that one? I'm getting the queens. Wait, excuse me. Are you saying that there was an episode of King Queen in which Kevin James had his wiener chopped off and then sewn back on? Had his circumcision.

It was an arc. I mean, it wasn't all about. Repaired. How many episodes was that arc? Was that? I mean, was that sweet? It was like a two app arc. It was like a season ending to be continued.

So it was like a clear hangout. Did you guys remember that ad campaign between the third and fourth season when there was a bunch of billboards with Kevin James and just his penis stomp? And say, what will happen? And then like, then like, I don't know, George Costanz's dad was looking at like disapprovingly like, ah, not again. And then Leah Remini was like, ah, get it back. So, so who in this situation cut off his wiener? Was it a mystery? Yeah, it was like that was what provided the suspense at the button of the end of the first half of the arc.

Turned out it was Maggie Simpson. Guys, this is the weirdest fucking episode we've ever done. Yeah, that's saying something. Chicken chance. Have you guys ever heard of cutting a hole in the bottom of a popcorn bucket? Uh-huh. You could do that with a bowling ball. It's going to take some flexibility and it's going to take some dedication and it's going to take some butter.

But you are going to do it. You're going to pull it off. It will not. It will not. Cannot feel good though. Cannot. It will not be pleasurable. It will be raw.

And no, not like you're thinking. Dig it. Dig it deep in there. Like stick your prick like right in the back of the bowling ball like on the opposite side of the three holes so that when she tucks her three fingers in there like What's up? There's a chance she may graze. Yep. She puts her two fingers and thumb in there gives you a Minnesota pincher and you are off to the races.

Oh man. But it is so important that she realizes what you've done before she bowls. So important. You have got to figure out getting into the situation if you thought that was hard. Try getting out of it. It is. Wow. Maybe wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. My dick's in the wall. Yes, Travis. That's what we were talking about. You know what I love? What? You don't kill a horse.

You destroy it. The term for putting a horse down, which is like the saddest thing ever. I'm not making light of that, except I totally am. You destroy though. You throw the horse into the fires of Mount Doom. That's basically what we're saying. I guess it sounds interesting to be like, oh, my horse can't walk. So I just like I totally emptied a clip.

Merged it. Dome, popped a bullet in his bubble goose. You don't do that. That's not enough. That's not what he deserves. He deserves to be destroyed. He deserves to come back. Oh, I obliterated that fucking pony.

Hey, Justin. Yeah, Robbie. Me and Robbie, but the Packers last night just got destroyed. Why are we riding towards Mordor, Justin? Well, Robbie, I'm right. Justin, are you going to pitch me into the fires of Mount Doom? God, this is awkward. I do need to destroy you.

Like the more you say it, the more ridiculous it sounds like you're like talking about your robot best friend who turned evil. Like they have like I have. I must destroy him. The horse shall be no more. Like there's a button underneath their saddle. If you push it, it just sends horse meat everywhere. I love you, Secretariat, but I'm going to I'm going to fucking give you like you're done.

I'm going to hit you with a rocket launcher, Robbie. I'm sorry. I don't know. Horses. What big fucking stupid animals? What other animals? Like I broke my leg. Now I have to be destroyed.

It's it's exciting news. If this is the first place you're hearing about it, it is it is still pretty exciting, even if you already know. My brother, my brother, me has joined with the Maximum Fun Network, Voltron like. We are the left foot of the Maximum Fun robot. Right. Could we also be like Megazord? I mean, does it have to be Voltron or can we go into like Mighty Morphin Power?

I'm more comfortable with Mighty Morphin Power. Ideally, we would be like Dragon Sword and we could be like our whole other mech, but I don't think that we could. I'm not going down this road with you guys. There are new people listening. I don't know. I'm just saying we pull out our magic green ranger flute and we summon the dragons. I can't do it.

We don't have to make a big deal out of it. I can't do this with you. I can't do it. Y'all, you're thinking more of like a white sabertooth like Tommy, the red ranger when he came back. One word I'll quit. I swear to Jesus. No, this is an advice show for the modern era. We take combination of Power Rangers fancasts.

And a Power Rangers fancast. We used to do VR troopers too, but that one ran dry. If we get into the beetleborgs, I quit. We had a brief big bad beetleborgs face for that. We grew out of that pretty quickly. Yeah. We now it's pretty much just advice and Power Rangers and tattooed teenage alien fighters from Beverly Hills. I'm just saying we're out of pizza cats.

Take a chance. Put another log on there. It's a toasty show. It's funny to me that you should mention, you know, depending on your location, because just this year, I realized that just because it's snowing here, it doesn't mean it's snowing everywhere in the world. Like, I really... Is it like St. Travis?

Oh, really? This is like a rap and beats level confession. Yeah, it really was like winter here is not winter everywhere else. And I had no idea. I just assumed when it got cold here, the entire world was cold. And that's apparently not how the world works. That's like some tribe. That's like some middle ages shit.

Yeah, that's about the goddamn dumbest thing I've ever heard. Why? This is my brother, my brother, and my pet canary. That somehow gave me the ability to talk. National Eye Donor Month. Okay, let's do it right now. We don't need to go any further. I'm going on a list.

National Eye Donor Month. Nothing beats Eye Donors. Friends, March is National Eye Donor Month. So think about it. Are your kids really looking at with both? My brother, my brother, and me? Look around. See the flowers blooming and the children smiling.

Well, some people can't, Stingy. Give up one of them. My brother, my brother, and me. One didn't flow quite as well as you anticipated did it. No. How about this one? You know that Jessica Alba Movie, The Eye, where she gets to eye donation and then she sees demons

and it really fucks her shit up. That only happens like one out of every five eye donations. So don't worry about it. My brother, my brother, and me. It's like taking your contacts out only like times a thousand. My brother, my brother, and me. There you go. See you back on the horse.

Eye patches. Uh-huh. What else are you going to do with all those eye patches? It's like a permanent wink. My brother, my brother, and me. Well, the holidays are coming up and I have a big bin full of worn out underwear that our family has been accumulating for a while. I know I need some cushioning material for shipping out holiday gifts.

Is it acceptable to use the underwear for this purpose? Of course, the present will be inside a wrap box, inside the shipping box, so it's not like it will be inside the gift. BQ, what's your favorite winter holiday song? What kind of fucking family are you in? I think my favorite winter holiday song is you ruined our Christmas with your stinky, awful old underwear that you wrap around the iPod. Why does your family have a bin of worn out underwear?

Well, additional details. Our family tries very, very hard to be eco-friendly. We don't have anything else to use and the thought of buying extra paper or bubble wrap to waste makes me cry for the earth. You know what makes me cry for the earth? You know what makes me cry for the earth? Your stinky, awful underwear, the wrap that you're shipping through, you're shipping it through the US Postal Service.

I send my rent check to my landlord through that. I get open up, you might live in my neighborhood, I might open up your mailbox and get like a fucking pungent, like a foamy spew of your fucking stinky old underwear that hits me in the nose and stays with me for the rest of my life. I'm so fucked. It makes me mad that it sounds like you've already made this decision because you've been collecting this underwear for a while now.

Yeah, what have you been doing? Why are you keeping it? Hey, uh, hey dude, if you have to send it in dirty underwear, it ain't a gift. It ain't a gift, it's an oppo gift. God damn it, I don't, like, these green questions are straight bombing me out. They're really harshing my mellow. I wouldn't give a fuck if the earth had like six years left in it.

If the earth had four years left in it and people didn't send underwear through the U.S. Postal Service, like, that's a, that's a tradeoff I'm willing to make. It can go 2012 up in 2016 as long as, as long as people stop pooping in bags and sending their dirty ass underwear to their aunt. Well, all I can think is there has to come a moment where like, you go to pull out a pair of underwear and you're like, oh, this is covering stains and then elastic is shot and your mom's like, put it in the bin. Like, put it right in the bin.

Get it in the bin. No, fucking throw that shit out. Throw it away. You're not going to reuse those textiles. Don't, don't fucking kid yourself. Hey, check out my new winter coat. Lots of boxers went into this one. This one was sent in by Curly Head Poet.

Thank you, Curly Head Poet. It's by Yahoo! Answers user Amy, who asks, oh man, does anyone know of any other grandpa names? Oh, no! It can't listen to the parameters, please. Okay, all right, all right. It cannot be Poppy, Grandpa, or Pop-Pop. Gramps sounds like cramps.

Don't go there. Don't, don't eat that. Additional, additional details. And please, no names in other languages. This is America, we speak English. Did she say that? Awesome, awesome. That's awesome.

Yeah, no, definitely awesome. Amy, cool. Any P-Vowel-P sound? Yeah. You can, you're fine. Like pee-pee. Well, maybe not that. No, not that.

No, let's- P-Papo. P-Po, that's good. Poppy. Pee-pums. As long as there's two P's. Guess, guess, guess your Pee-pums. This is my Pee-pums.

Sarah, go see your Pee-pums. My Pee-pums always has the hardest, crumbliest chewing gum. Don't, don't, don't you eat Pee-pums' nasty gum. You know what happened last time. Pee-pums' nasty gum sounds like a product that we should copy right immediately. Oh god, I just purchased a pack of Pee-pums old-timey nasty gum. You're still in the juicy fruit? Oh, that's a bitch gum.

I'm in a Pee-pums' nasty gum. Fuck your fruit stripes. The thing about Pee-pums' nasty gum is that you have to put the emphasis on a different syllable every time you say it. Pee-pums, don't you do it. Oh, Pee-pums, don't you do it with that nasty gum. Oh, it's a lump of the carrot for it. Wow, Trout, I am spent. That was just a lot of great humor.

I feel like people don't appreciate how hard it is for us to recreate those bits in their entirety live as we're recording. Doing Griffin's voice alone is exhausting. Yeah. Thank you to HuluPlus.com for supporting our program. They got thousands of hit shows anywhere, anytime you can stream them and you can get a free trial at HuluPlus.com slash my brother. That's amazing. Yeah. Do you want to say something nice about NatureBox now, Travis?

Yeah. Hey, do you like snacks? Remember what we talked about like 30 to 40 minutes ago? About snacks. About snacks? Do you remember? Go to naturebox.com and check it out. At least do yourself a favor and go look at all the different options. I promise you you won't be able to look away. So go to naturebox.com slash my brother to get 50% off your first order.

Trust me, it's worth it. Go check it out. So you're going to go to naturebox.com slash my brother, huluplus.com slash my brother, and makingthingsbeautiful.net. There's not a slash my brother on there, but I'm sure he'll get a custom domain going eventually. Go to all those. And also, while you're typing in URLs, why not go to boatparty.biz?

There is a big ass cruise with all the coolest people that have ever lived on planet Earth and they're sailing the ocean blue with the Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival, July 25th through the 28th. They've got so many great guests. Moshe Casher is going to be there. Carol Colb, Kyle Canane, Natasha Leguero, our dear, dear friend, John Roderick of the Long Winters, and many, many, many, many, many others. So don't miss out on that.

It's at boatparty.biz. One last thing in bnbam.brownpapertickets.com. That's our show in LA at noon Pacific 3 p.m. Eastern this Wednesday. And speaking of John Roderick, I want to thank John Roderick in the Long Winters for the use of the theme song. It's a departure off the album, Putting the Days to Bed. I feel like we do that every week and really it's 100% because it's such an amazing album that people need to listen to it.

I won't rest until everyone has listened to it. So there. And that's going to do it for us here. My brother, my brother, my niece, I hope you enjoy it. Real quick, we have our three live shows coming up in New York next week. It's going to be just a marathon day. So make sure you send in all the Yahoo answers you can. If you're going to be at the shows, send in questions specific like say,

you know, 1 p.m. show for a clock, whatever they are, so that we can do your questions there live and call you out and embarrass you. And we will try to hang out after all those shows as much as we can. We're going to be a little exhausted. What with them doing three shows, but we will do our best because we love you and we're there to see you really when we get right down to it. So that's it. That's we don't have a final Yahoo.

Travis, make him a final Yahoo out of a whole cloth. All right. So the Yahoo answers comes from Steven. Steven asked, why is my Wiener sad? That's not bad. No, just McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. Is it my brother, my brother, or is it me?

Kiss your dad at school where I'm a lips.