My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 285: Home Alone 0: Blood in the Snow

Episode Date: January 12, 2016

There's a lot more to the Home Alone series than slapstick home defense and Tim Curry's pronunciation of the word "pizza." Like, a lot more. Some dark stuff, too -- and it all exists within the confines of Justin's pseudo-canonical thriller fiction. Suggested talking points: Great British Fancast, Detergent Cop, Hugs for Drugs, Bye Bye Potter, Mrs. Bakula, Utility Ghost, Prequels

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello, hello everybody, and welcome to Doning That Mary, a great British make-off fancast. I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. And I'm Pimbles. And I'm Pimbles, the bread man. This is our pet, Pimbles the bread man, a man made of bread this week. Oh, that's me, they left me in the proving oven too long,

didn't they? I sprouted legs and arms and I became a real man, but only instead of where my skin would be, it's all crusty bread, isn't it? Don't be afraid of Pimbles child, don't be afraid of me, but also don't eat me. Don't become too friendly child and try to push your mouth round, Pimbles. Don't get too comfy with Pimbles, eh? He'll also seal your identity. What we do, what we do, little one, what we do, we look, we don't touch, that's right. Don't touch Pimbles. Don't touch Pimbles, he's made of crusty bread. And he's got leprosy. Well, it's everything made of bread has leprosy, if you think about it. It's not leprosy, it's caraway, so you just fall off when he walks around, don't it? Oh Lord,

the bread comes off in the boot, doesn't it Pimbles? But don't be afraid children, Pimbles pieces gonna fall off from time to time, but that's just life. You'll learn, you'll learn. Little bit of hummus, glue it on back on there. Oh, don't eat that, oh, Mary, don't eat that, don't eat that Mary. Don't eat that Mary, don't eat that Mary. It's raw. That's raw inside, isn't it? Pimbles didn't have a great cook job, did he? That's not a good bake. Pimbles got a little too thick in the middle, didn't he? He's got a soggy bottom. Overproven. He's got a soggy bottom, buddy. Oh, Mary. Mary. Mary, don't eat that. Mary. Mary. Bad Mary. No, Mary. Don't let me get the spray. I'll get the no-no can, Mary, you know I will. I'll get the no-no can. Mary. Mary, don't

eat it. That's grass, Mary. Mary, put the grass. Mary, that's a fork, don't eat that. Mary, it's a pile of grass on a fork, Mary. Don't eat too, Mary. Mary. You cannibal. Mary, you're gnawing on my elbow. You have a little gnaw, aren't you? Mary, down. I've been having a hard time thinking of what would be, how we could improve The Great British Breaking Show because I think it's like pretty much perfect, but I do like the idea of pimbles, the bread boy, the bread man. Like, it needs a mascot. It needs attitude. It needs more merge possibilities. Right. You need a, you need a like an unleavened mascot in there, like a, like a bready, a starchy geck. Oh, that's great because you could have like, you know, your pimples figure and then you could also have like

battle damage pimples and like, you know, you're like in armor pimples. I mean, the whole thing is merge for adults because it's like, oh, I got to get that rolling pin. I got to get Mary's special Proving Gloves, which are, of course, the fighting gloves she uses in the, the, the Great British Proving Ground, which is where they make you fight. It's a different show. The Great British Proving Draw, BBO after hours. Right. But the kids watch the show and they don't get a whole lot out of it. Let's get pimples in the mix. Oh, kids, it's made pimples, isn't it? And it can be like elf on the shelf, except it's like bread in the box. He knows if you don't let the bread rise long enough. And also if you touch him, he dies because he's so flaky. I'm by the crusty bread and

I could bread and crackers. I like Great British Bake Off, but there's been, I do have, I think British people are too nice to have their own cooking show. Like they don't give anybody actual criticism. If somebody burns their shit, they're like, well, I think you let this bake go on just a bit too long. Like they burnt their shit. It's on fire. It's still on fire. They don't even eliminate people when they get rid of them. You can still see them in the corners. They're just standing back there watching other people. They're letting them bake still. They just politely asked them not to come back next week, but it's really up to them. Oh, love, I'm sorry, but this flamencoosh had a gun in it. I took a big bite of your flamencoosh

and I bit into a gun. Oh, your Queen of Mollies full of pebbles. I'm so sorry, but you can't service all of your muffins in a garbage can. We expected them in a muffin tin, didn't we? The pinball show of the door. This way. But I like the plate. It was a very playful presentation, the garbage can. The garbage can has a great bake. It's a great bake on the can. Great, great proving on the tin, I'd say. Also, you, hey, British people, you guys are putting some things in bread, huh? Yeah. You are putting some things in there. You know what we put in bread? Bread, for the most part. Sometimes we get real crazy. We'll put like a soup.

Sometimes? I guess every time I watch British Bake Off, I want just one time, 11 of the contestants to get like, you know, all the ingredients out. I'm like, one guy just to pull out like a box of like, you know, the ready made like Pillsbury, you know, cake mix. And he's just like looking around as he dumps it into a bowl with some water and stirs it up. And he's like, I don't think I'm supposed to be here. I feel way off. I wish you would let me finish my exploration of things that British people are putting in bread these days. What else do people put in bread, Justin? It was olives and stuff. Olives? In bread? Everything goes in their bread. Yeah, that's true. I saw somebody make a loaf of bread and they would stuff it inside another loaf

of bread. It's like, and then there was like, they put a G.I. Joe in there. It's like, it's a T-loaf, isn't it? Like, no, it's what? You put a G.I. Joe in there. If I open the bread and they find memories from their childhood. Yeah, what? How did you do this? There's just bobbles full of my dreams. I'm pretty sure British G.I. Joe's were called Union Jacks back in back in the day. I don't see what's so great about baking that it deserves its own show, because that's all they do on that fucking television program. If we can even call it that basically it's radio with pictures is about how thrilling it is. Is it like a graphic novel? Yes, basically, except the pictures move. But what I want is other forms of cooking, like the super cool British frying challenge.

And that show would basically just be called Chips. Chips. And this is Chippy. He's a boy made chips. We've done my chips again, didn't we love? For this challenge, Mary would like you to make some chips. I just like chips. Here's another spot, right? You would never guess it's about me. I don't know how to make them. My name is very bad. I have no idea how to make chips. I just know that at one point, they're potatoes. And another point, the chips. What the fuck? I'm fucking losing my shit. I put potatoes in the oven. I cut them real thin, didn't I? I left them in the oven. I waited. Nothing. No chips. I'll be done if they didn't turn into bread in there. It's like I can't not cook bread. I think I've done accents from

every part of those beautiful aisles at this point. I think I've done a bit of Welsh. I think I've done a little bit of dirty Welsh. Dirty Welsh. Let's do some advice. What do you say boys? Here's our first question. If you have one, you can send it to mbmbam at maximumfund.org. Here we go. It's so weird that you just gave out the email because I don't think we've done that in like 100 episodes. It's really weird, right? People keep finding it though. I mean shit. I don't work on Fridays. Okay. So occasionally, I will go see a movie on my day off in order to beat the crowds who would normally come on a Friday evening. This past time, I was sitting in a relatively empty theater when a man who smelled horribly plopped down next to me. Since the odor would be a distraction

during the film, I knew I had to switch seats, but I wanted to do it in a way that the man didn't think I was because of him. I ended up getting up, taking off all of my stuff, walking out of the theater, counting to 10, re-entering the theater, and sitting on the same row as the guy, hoping he just thought that I was unaware my original seat was actually closer to him. Did I make the right move? Could I have done it better? That's from movie seat mover and makin'. Why did you sit in the same row? Yeah, that's a great question. Did I do the right thing? The least stealth approach to this thing? No, he's gonna notice that you're two seats away from and not one seat away from him. What he wouldn't notice is that if you came in and sat three rows

behind him, he would think you are a different person because while we do develop better object permanence as we go, it's not that good. They're paying attention to the fucking locale of every single human being around us. But this is one of those things that's so indicative of people being afraid that everyone's also thinking about them as much as they're thinking about us. Absolutely. You just get up and move. That dude isn't gonna think twice about it. Can you imagine a reality when you sit through his back and that dude's like, up, up, up, up, excuse me. I don't think so. I believe you were next to me. We were going to be movie buddies. Even if this fool like did notice A, did notice B, definitely, definitely took offense. C, definitely fully knew it was

because he did not smell good. Even if all those things were true, he is never going to like say to you like, excuse me, can we confront this together? Can we like, let's just lay all the cards on the table. Yeah, can we hit the head on? We've been dancing around this all movie. Me and my boys, Johnny and Justin, we went and saw The Hateful Eight earlier this week, and we saw at the draft house, which has a signed seating, which is amazing for like any number of reasons. But these dudes were sitting in our seats and it's like, that's the least perfect crime. It's the worst imaginable crime because I have a little piece of paper here with numbers on it. It says you're in my seats and they're like, no, we're pretty sure this is right.

So my boy Justin Taddle, didn't he? He went down the urscher and was like, you need to get these guys out of here because those are our seats. They were trying to make us sit in the back corner and like, I'm a, listen, I'm an excitable P-boy. And I was seeing a Tarantino flick so you know my bladder was going to be a tremble in the whole time out of just the pure attention of the things of the work. And then they moved and I think they said something gruff about it, but you know what? But they were wrong. They were wrong. Yeah, I'm not going to feel bad. Matt, props to my boy Justin for taddling. I'm too afraid to tattle most of the time. That's upsetting because I love taddling. It's so rare you get to as an adult.

But isn't it like the, okay, the unspoken rule is this, just in case anyone was wondering, if you get like, I've done this, I've sat in a movie theater where it was assigned seats and I was like, ooh, I like that seat better. No, like, but, but, but, but, but the unspoken rule is this Griffin, as soon as someone walks up and goes, I think you're in my seat, you go, oh, sorry, I, I read the ticket wrong. Oh man, sorry. I guess, I guess I confused a two with a 14. Like really? You confused a two with a 14? But everyone accepts what's going on. Like, they know that you tried to sit in their seat because you like that seat better. But like, you have to move as soon as you're confronted about it. They're already embarrassed, but they

thought maybe, maybe I am right. Maybe deep down I'm right along. Don't do that. Don't do that. That's, this is not germane to the conversation. This is a different kettle of fish. This idea of moving in a non assigned seat because somebody sat right next to you because they wanted, they, they really, really, really wanted somebody to catch them jerking off. And there's no reason why you need to like, be that person for this person. Yeah, it's, it's important to note your question Oscar that if this theater was, let's say maybe they're 10 people in the whole theater, right? Friday morning, like 10 a.m. showing. And this guy comes and sits even like one seat over, even one seat. Same row. Same, same row. He's a jerker. Definitely 100%. He's a, yeah. He, something,

something's going on. Smell this. And I think that's, that's why if you move rows, that guy's going to be like, what? Is that too close? That's why I always wear a, a cot badge, just like hanging out of my front pants pocket. And then like, if somebody tries that stuff and tries to get me to like, either jerk style, I keep, keep an eye on their jerks. Check out these sweet skills. I point to the badge and I say, are you sure you want to do this? I'll be your huckleberry, but are you sure you want to do this today? Is today, is this how you wanted today to go? And I'm pointing to my cops badge that says Detective Griffin McRoy, attorney at law. Are you sure about this? Sir Griffin McRoy.

I listen, I don't want to live your life, but I'm pretty sure I could get a conviction off this one. Detar, deter, detergent Griffin detergent, detergent Griffin McRoy kid cop. Hi, I'm, I'm detergent Griffin McRoy and I'm here to wipe out the, the stain of crime in the laundry that is on the fucking seat with your jerk off jizz. You guys want to know who? Maybe you act like, maybe you act like you're doing him a solid. So here's what I'm, here's what I'm suggesting. You're like the trailer, your mid trailers, you're seeing that new, like they're still making Harry Potter movies, even without Harry Potter. And you're, you go, no, no, no, no, no. And you run away from the person and then you put your hand in your mouth and kind of go,

like you were going to fart and you didn't want to expose him to it. So you ran for it. You make it a run for it. Like it was, it was, and he used to say to the guy like, Hey, listen, this, it's going to be off and on, man. It's going to be one of those flicks. So I'll just stay over here Solid. Thanks fart, buddy. Thanks. Thanks fart cop. This Yahoo, this Yahoo was sent in by Rachel Rosing. Game recognized game. Thank you, Rachel's by Yahoo answers user. Oh, they're anonymous, probably because they're asking about a criminal crime thing. And they know that detergent Griffin McRoy, attorney of laws on the case. They ask, oh, I give them a name. Pimbles asks,

where to stash weed and pipes? And then in parentheses, weed smokers only. So my parents always find it in drawers, secret compartments in bed, used to hide stuff in backpack till school found out. Where are some good places to hide them? Nothing dumb like in shoes or things like that. I've tried everything I've seen in videos or tips, but they keep finding it. Fellow weed smokers, help me out. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are you going to hide that cush and that cush piece? How many times do your parents and school have to find it before you just stop? They're not gonna stop. What are you talking about? For some people, it just seems to me like once you get busted once by school and once by parents, like they're all so on point looking

for your shit, you're going to have to get like a safety deposit box downtown. But the alternative is you no longer have that good cush smoke hitting you right in the brain and making you feel like so nice. Is there a place? Is there a smoke shop? Much like I've been to beer houses where like they take your stein and they lock it in like a little cabinet and when you show up, you get your special stein to drink from and then they lock it back away. Maybe there's like a smoke shop where like they keep your pipe and weed for you and you come and you sit in a very comfortable chair in like the back. You smoke as much as you want and then they lock your pipe back up and you head on home. No. No, okay. Not yet. What if you're delinquent on your payments though

and then they come and they cut your your little storage unit open and then people bid on your gross ass pieces. I'm looking in there and I see what looks like a good old little greenie piece and then behind that, I think I see what appears to be the the carb on a bong. So I'm going to assume a bong is in there. So I think I'm going to be able to get a bit up to 30 on this one, but we'll see how it goes. Maybe Elvis's bong is in there. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe a jet skis. Old arcade games. Maybe a jet skis in there. That would be crazy because it's a small box. It's like a shoebox, but we'll see. You could bury it. You could bury it. But then you're going to need a treasure map. And what if it grows? Oof. Didn't think about that.

Now you're really in the shit. Yeah, that's a that's federal. That's a federal thing. That's a federal thing. A federal thing. I've got it. You're going to thank you for that one federally speaking. I've got it. What? Okay. So you've already been caught, right? So your parents are looking for it. They're on the lookout. So you hide it where they would least suspect it. You hide it in their drawers. Oh my God. Deborah, is there something you want to tell me? Exactly. Deborah? Well, we found this. We found this awesome doge and it smells like a quality strain. What should we do with it? Give it to our son? Yeah, I agree. Yeah, we can't be trusted. Apparently we sleep. We sleep by weed. There's only one person I know who I would trust to

take care of this kind strain of doja. And that's my sweet boy, Derek. Derek, get in here. Derek, get in here. How about this? We can't be trusted, Derek. Can I take it one step further, Travis? Uh-huh. Can you tape it to the one place your parents will never see it, which is your parents' backs? Okay. What if you tape it to each of their foreheads? So that way they don't know about the one on their head, but they're too embarrassed to say something about the other one's head. That's very good. Uh-huh. They will never see that coming. Oh, Derek, that was a great hug he just gave me. Thank you for that great hug, Derek. Then five minutes later, they're just a weird smell coming from Derek's room. I'm too busy thinking about

that great hug he gave me, so I'm probably not going to investigate. Maybe he's smoking weed, but could somebody who hugs like that be still smoking? No, hugs not drugs. Or in this case, hugs to drugs. Hugs to drugs is my new program. Yeah, I think that I have the helps. I'm happily and recently married to a wonderful man. There is just one problem. He recently learned how to smile. At first, he thought it was cute, but now he does it all the time, and it's sort of terrifying. How can I get my husband to stop smizing and start smiling like a normal human being? That's from Scared of the Smize in North Carolina. It's my favorite question. It's very good, but it's also bittersweet, isn't it? I've only

launched like three episodes ever of America's Next Top Model. Could you guys please explain to me in detail what smizing exactly is? It's like over here at me. Try to look at me. Uh-huh. So this is a smile. Okay. Okay, now this is a smile. All right, okay. Do you see how it looks like the top half of his face is twerking? Uh-huh. Smizing is, okay. Smite, all right. You know how you've been smiling this whole time, right? Yes. What is the key? You, the listener, enjoying our podcast. This is a great podcast you see yourself smiling and enjoying yourself. Here's what you do. Smile like you're remembering one of our classic, classic runs, runs of gas. Okay, I'm doing it right now. Imagine you're remembering one of Travis's great goofs, Travis. Have you got it, Travis? Yes,

I'm picturing my own hilarity. What's happening with your mouth right now? Uh, it's kind of formed into a smile shape. Stop. That needs to be straight, but the rest of your face still does the smiling business. Oh, I see. So you're smiling with your eyes or you're smizing. I see. Is it like rubbing your head and like patting your stomach or whatever at the same time? Because you can't make the smile with your face. Well, with your lower half of face. But you have to, I mean, that's why it's practiced, right? That's why modeling's not all runways and short skirts. There's a lot of work to it. You've got to work that hallway like a runway. God, can we not? Like, it's really, it's too, it's a little bit too soon because like, they tried to placate me with those articles. It's

like, who's coming back for streaming? It's not. It's not. Like, it's probably, it's not. And I've been trying to fill the gap with, with RuPaul's Drag Race, which is like so terrific in so many like incredible ways and a lot of ways is superior to ANTM in like every conceivable way. But you always remember your first, don't you? The first is the, the first cut is the deepest. And I'll be damned if Tyra didn't cut me really, really deep to the bone. Her husband is smizing. Yes. How do we feel about that, broadly speaking? Are we okay with that? Like, do you really want a family, like for your Christmas photo, like you're all just beaming and Philip is in the background like, this is a really hard conversation to make funny.

Because everything I'm doing with my face is like, it's classic and lost. Yeah, yeah. Can you combat it every time he smizes? Can you tooch? Is that farting? Tooching is like farting without the fart. Okay. Tooching is like when you, like you're going to get a good one out. Like Stanley Toochy. Yeah. When you morph all of the muscles in your face to appear like Stanley Toochy. When you turn your own face into like a grim Stanley Toochy mask of death. My husband wants out Toochy eating. My husband is Stanley Toochy. And at first I thought it was cute, but now he's Stanley Toochy all the time and it's

sort of terrifying. How can I get my husband to stop Stanley Toochy? I have to stop Stanley Toochy. I've come back from the future to stop Stanley Toochy before he kills again. Stanley Toochy is going to make his own Hunger Game sequel just starting Stanley Toochy and the Stanley Toochy president get down. It's Toochy. It's called Back to the Toocher. I've got it bad. Hot for Toocher. Hot for Toocher is also good. That'll be the spin-off. I'm thinking if I can fucking make Harry Potter movies without Harry Potter in them. I don't think we can't make Back to the Future without Marty and Doc and the crew. Or any other characters except Stanley Toochy. Yeah. Beloved. Beloved Back to the Future

character Stanley Toochy. Can you imagine how upset, how livid. It's Star Wars premiere night December 18th. I guess 17th over there in jolly old London. And poor the marquee dims. The lights of the theater go down. And up starts the trailer for Dane magical creatures and where to find them. Magical beasts and where to find them or whatever. And that music starts and the font and what all can you imagine the just a pure shock and despair that must across the face of a young Daniel Ratcliffe in the audience at night. How could they. Wait. Am I in this? Am I in this? How do I not remember whether or not I did this? Is he Harry Potter? This is so upsetting to me Daniel Ratcliffe. Me Daniel Ratcliffe. Beloved actor. I Daniel Ratcliffe am just not finding out

about this. Why didn't anyone tell me Daniel Ratcliffe about this. Is this punishment for the dick thing I did? I said I was sorry. I apologize for my penis thing in the play. Okay. I have to call John Hamm. I called every child in America individually. Not in London because like we're fucking cool with it. But I called every child in America individually and I apologize for my penis thing in the play. But it's not I wasn't improvising. It wasn't like I pulled my penis out every night of aqueous. Like and they I got notes. Okay Daniel you did a great job up there but please please please please please stop taking your penis out. It's not in the script and it's just for you. Like it's just for you and you could I can tell it's just for you. Let's say what we've all

been thinking. The great hog. The little dick. The young man who played Harry Potter got his dick out in a play about horses. He did it for us. Yeah. He did it as a goof favor to us. And now he's going to be punished for it by them making a Harry Potter movie and just copying, pasting out Harry Potter. Like fucking Eddie Redmayne. Like Eddie Redmayne hasn't gotten his dick out in a play before. I saw a production of fucking Bye Bye Birdie where he whipped out his his trouser snake, his dingus. He played Birdie. And we all forgot about that, huh? He actually played Hugo. Anyway, it's not right. Both. He actually played all the parts. He played all the parts. It was like his dick out the whole show. Yeah. It was conceptual. I thought it was actually

pretty fucking incredible. Yeah. Was it cutting edge? Of course it was. It was. With the score by Lin-Manuel Miranda. Right. Which I thought was maybe a weird pivot for him. But yeah. Aim high, I guess. Let's go to the money though. Can I tell you about a new advertiser, Justin? Yeah. Last night, my daughter, Charlie Gale, got a little choked up because I was making her laugh at this great game where I pretended to be a ghost. Nice. And she got choked up and then she puked all over my sheets. Okay. Nice. Ruined them. Ruined. And then literally five minutes after that happened, knock on the door, UPS man, what did I get? But a delivery from Bowl and Branch. B-O-L-L and Branch. Bowl and Branch

brought sheets to me. Yeah. In the exact moment of my need. That's funny that you say that because in a related story yesterday, I shit my pants and then who's that knocking at the door? It's me, Undies. And they had me covered as well in the same way. That's crazy. We're not talking about them though this week. We're talking about Bowl and Branch. I just want to tell a fun story about when I shit my pants. And me, Undies, was like, they basically changed me like a mommy would. Okay. But the important thing is Bowl and Branch. And the sheets were some of the best I've ever slept on. They were fantastic. There's one important thing you do to make sure you have a good day and let's get good sleep tonight before you can go to Bowl and Branch. They're going to make that

possible for you. They've reinvented sheets in bedding with the sole purpose of making your nights more comfortable than ever. And here's the thing. Maybe you're sitting there thinking, oh, I've tried to buy sheets before I go to the, you know, I go to the store and they're so expensive and I don't know anything about thread count and I'm a big sheets dummy and I'm stupid and I don't know what's good. But stop it. You're great. One, two, the thing is at the store is you get so much overhead, right? Because you're not just paying for the sheets. You're paying for the building. You're paying for the lights. You're paying for all the employees. You're paying for so much stuff that has nothing to do with the sheets. You're paying for the special permit that buildings have

to have to have that many sheets inside of them. Correct. But Bowl and Branch, they keep the overhead low. They don't sell in stores. They just sell online. They don't worry about thread count. They just get good cotton. That's what's important. Thread count is a myth. That's the thing that people tell you to make you buy overpriced sheets. Bowl and Branch, they just focus on great sheets. And so here's the thing. Right now, you can go online to bowl, that's B-O-L-L and branch.com, right? You go to bowlandbranch.com. Today, for 20% off your entire order that sheets, towels, blankets, duvet covers, everything, go to bowlandbranch.com, use the promo code MyBrother, all one word, 20% off your entire order. Trust me, you're going to love it.

They treat you fairly. They treat their workers fairly. And everything's like, it's great. It's, you know, they keep the prices low. They keep the quality high. Go check it out. Yeah, bowlandbranch.com, promo code MyBrother. Go check it out. I want to talk about Blue Apron this time. Can it please be my turn to talk about Blue Apron? Yeah, talk about Blue Apron. God. Blue Apron is a meal delivery service. Only imagine if the meal came to you, all busted up into its constituent parts. And then it was up to you to solve the puzzle of how to make the meal out of those parts. Ooh, what do you win if you solve it? A meal.

Nice. A delicious and healthy meal. Blue Apron, for less than $10 a meal, they deliver all the fresh ingredients you need to create awesome, home-cooked meal. No matter what your dietary preferences are, Blue Apron makes it super easy to discover and prepare dishes. This week, just yesterday, I made Udon Chicken Noodle Soup, which turned out super good. It was super tasty. I'm not even like a chicken noodle soup guy and turned out great. A little pro tip. Let me tell you about- A little foo hack to put a little bit of sriracha in that. And it won't,

it won't lead you the wrong way. Let me tell you about the ones for this week, right? So the week of the 11th, when you're listening to this, here are some. Buffalo chicken sandwiches with blue cheese salad. Seared salmon and salsa verde with orange spinach. Ooh, I love the way you say verde. Can you hit me with that? Oh, Jesus. Chicken and drop biscuit casserole with, yeah, Cajun fried catfish and collard greens, lamb and beef yearos with roasted cauliflower.

That's plenty. Stop it. There's so many. I think you mean collard verdes. Listen, last night. And there's also, it's important to note, there's also vegetarian options. Those are just all the meat options. But listen, Travis, listen. Last night, I ate ribeye steak, perfectly prepared.

Thank you, Justin, with a hash made of carmini mushrooms, oyster mushrooms and roasted potatoes. Thank you, blue apron. Them shits was a slam dunk. Anyway, slam dunk, right? It's really amazing. It's changed my life legit. I've learned how to cook and made really amazing meals for myself and my wife with blue apron. My wife, that's anything.

It's also important to note that if you're sitting here and going, yeah, but I don't know how to cook, I buy all my meals frozen because I don't know what I'm doing. They give you step by step, incredibly easy to follow instruction. Easy peasy. Go to, you can get your first two meals for free. Just go to blueapron.com slash my brother. Again, that's blueapron.com slash my brother. Go do it. Get fed.

Drink the sauce is a brand new comedy podcast and they're looking for listeners. They need you now more than ever. They're looking for listeners just want to hang out with two cool guys and talk to each other using sexy trucker slang. If you're not comfortable with a bat with sauce right away, that's cool. We'll just dance here alone till you're ready. We can hang out all night. Microwaves and mini corn dogs.

Listen to the podcast until a romance blooms. You know what I like about that? Approachable. No pressure. Drink the sauce.com is where they've been since high school. Also on iTunes. So come check us out and bring all your hot friends if you can. So this is like, this sounds like a cool party that I would love to get. Yeah, that's an easy sell to my hot friends.

Hey guys, do you like spongy mini corn dogs prepared in a microwave? The only right way to prepare mini corn dogs? Do you like back rubs? Of course you like those two things. Let's go get down with drink the sauce. Drink the sauce.com and also on iTunes. Go fetch, hang. We also have a message for David.

It's from Sarah. It says, you know how we were going to donate some money to a good cause? Well, I decided to use it for this instead. This is the best cause. This is the best cause. Happy 30th birthday. Since you hate your birthday and everything surrounding it, I thought we should celebrate it with MBMBAAM's billions of listeners.

Here's to hundreds more awesome birthdays. I love you, Robot David. If only Robot David could feel love. Ugh. Well, that's the gift of the match I twist right there, isn't it? It's more the terminator. He needed this money to buy bolts. It's the terminator twist.

Cause if Robot David understood what love is, it would definitely, definitely be self-aware. And that would be the ball game. Happy birthday, Robot David. That's what turned them into the terminator is they understood love. And so he came back to kill John Connor. Any complex human emotion. Any.

Okay. So like anger and like. That's not very complex is it? And hunger. No, it's anger is pretty straightforward. Desire for donuts. Horny. Horny.

Horny for donuts. Are you troubled by lack of astute yet dick joke filled analysis of bad movies? Do you experience feelings of laughter and enjoyment when you hear three friends go off on stupid tangents? Have you or any of your family ever seen a spook, specter, ghost, or totally rad party dude house cat who really only exists as a sound effect? If the answer to any of these questions is yes,

then pick up your podcast listing device of choice and subscribe to the professionals. The Flop House. Our award-winning and usually only a little drunk staff is on call 24 hours a day to serve all your bad movie podcast needs. The Flop House. We're ready to make you laugh in public so that other people look at you funny.

Hit it. I'm pretty sure we don't have the rights to this song. Here's a yahoo. Do you guys want a yahoo? Yes. Do you guys want to hear me do a yahoo and then we'll talk about it? Absolutely. Got a couple here.

Do the best one. Well, one of them is about Britishisms and I feel like we maybe already did that a bunch. Oh yeah, that would not be great. I think we got that. This one was sent in by level 9000. Yahdru, Drew, Drew Davenport. Thank you, Drew.

It's by YahdruAnswersUserCheetara who asks, If you could live in someone's shoes for a day, who would it be? Gross. What? If you could live in someone's shoes for a day, who would it be? And then additional details. Scott Bakula's wife. Okay.

Ask to him to answer it. Put it away. File this one under red and completed. So this is more of like a John Malkovich scenario, like being John Malkovich and not like little old lady who lived in a shoe. I don't think he would be a silent passenger. It's a silent passenger. What if he was on business?

That one day, a year ago, one day. Oh, what a twist. Where are you? I'm in New Orleans. I'm on set on a shoe. I'm on set on the big easy. Like you need to calm down right now. You're not on camera, Scott.

We've talked about this. For God's sake, Scott. Dial it, rain it in. I'm just trying to get, find me a cardboard down on the, down in the, down on the- Shrump lands. Scott. You're melting.

Boundaries, Scott. Boundaries. Anyone can anybody find me one of them little crispy louisie. And the donuts I've done. Forgot what they called. Hey, Scott. It's me, Dean Stockwell. Your best friend.

Your wife called me. She said she was really, really worried. Oh, Dean, you gotta calm down. I'll show you a good time. Scott, first things first, Scott. Listen, first things first. They're called beignets. Second things first.

Rain it in. Oh, third things third. I've been controlled by somebody who's left into my body for a day. We're getting real close to Gushy territory. We do need to pedal away. Peddle away. Get away from Gushy territory. If you could live in someone's shoes for a day, who would it be?

Love. You know who? Love, Scott Bakula's wife. Please, God, let me out of this. You know who I'd like to be? Who would you like to be? I'd like to be that. Benedict Cumberbatch.

Everyone seems to like him. Yeah, he's very busy, though. I don't think that'd be great. Because you pop into his body and then he's on set in the new Star Trek or whatever, and then you fuck up his takes and then he never works again. Because Travis, you're great at acting, but you wouldn't know how to control his body. You just wouldn't. That's true.

It's a completely different mechanism. But I will say this, maybe it's a mutually beneficial thing. I jump in. I get to feel what it's like to be a Benedict Cumberbatch. But also, Benedict Cumberbatch, I forced him to take the day off for what? Take a little Benedict time, right? And he's able to recover. Next day he wakes up and he's like,

I feel like I've had a great day the day before. I don't remember any of it. Or is he in my body? Do we switch places? Is it a Freaky Friday thing? He's good for my career because he's in my body. I'm good for his mental health and well-being because I'm in his body. Yeah.

So we each learn a little bit about each other. He jumps into your body right when you're doing whatever it is Travis does at any given time. And I'm just saying just looking at your schedule, I'm just going to say eating an entire ham. And he hops in. He's like, he chokes on the ham a little bit because he wasn't expecting to have ham in his mouth because he was just acting in the new Star Trek movie. And it was like, wham, bam, thank you, ham, right there in his mouth. And he was like, what is this?

What's all this said? Where's my cheekbones? What was I mean? Why do I have a beard? It's like Dr. Manhattan wearing a wig anymore. I look like just a regular person. This would be my greatest acting challenge ever. But then they would know that you weren't him, Travis, because the ultimate test for a fake

Benedict Cumberbatch. If they made a recreation of the thing, the horror movie, the thing, and they had to do the test to figure out who's alien and who's not alien. And in the fiction of this, the thing remake, first of all, it would be the second remake because they did remake it a few years ago. But everybody in it would be British actors, and they would be playing themselves. And then you have the Benedict Cumberbatch there. And it's like, Benedict Cumberbatch, we need to test if you're an alien or not.

He's like, well, I don't say, that's gonna happen. And it's like, well, say your own name. And he's like, oh, it's easy. It's Bimba Ditchjumbadatch. It's Bimbi Buck Blumberbatch. And it's like, fucking kill him. Get him, kill him, kill him, Hugh Laurie. And then I'm on the run.

But luckily, I've got those super long Cumberbatch legs. Yeah, you got those daddy long Cumberbatch legs. Just leaping over small children, hurdles. Much like Jack Skellington. Do you think you and he heard they were making a movie called The Amazing Spider-Man? He was like, I'll audition for that because I am one. Finally, I can unspool my other four legs that I keep tied to my body at all times. Fitted it, come branch the living spider.

Giant living spider. I should have said giant spider. A living spider is not that impressive. Most are, I think. I share an apartment with another graduate student at home. We split rent, chores, kind of, and utilities. Our university gets an entire month off of school during winter. They've given specific dates here.

That was unnecessary. Thank you. And I went home. The dates are December 14th to January 19th. That's crazy. That's a long ass time. Chill break. Yeah, very chill.

I went home. He remained at the apartment. The day I left, I appeared in my share of the utilities, which ended on like the 10th to the 11th. Now, since I paid that, I have not set foot in the apartment, meaning I haven't used an iota of utilities the whole month. The utilities will be due soon, and I don't know what to do. I just know he's going to try to get me to pay half the utilities,

even though I haven't used any. Am I responsible for half the utilities? My girlfriend thinks I should just pony up to keep the piece, but I don't know. What do you do, Sam? Okay, we've done this fucking question before. We did it from the other person's perspective. My deadbeat roommate won't pay for the utilities because he was gone for a month.

Let's put this fucking thing to bed. Unless you're going to start measuring out how much water everybody drinks and then come up with a ratio of how much of the water bill they're going to start paying, you can't extrapolate that shit to this degree. You pay for your utilities. It's your house. You can't like, how many volts? How many volts, Brian?

No, just paid your half the utilities. That's not how utilities works. When you enter into the lease, you enter an agreement that we're splitting it, not like while we're here. The only way out of this scenario is it's like you have to find someone to enter the cave so you can leave. Like you could sublet your apartment for that month that you're gone, at which point, yeah, it's not your responsibility.

It's that other person's. But right now, there's a ghost of you still living in the apartment, and it's all your stuff. And as long as all your stuff is there and your ghost is there, you have to pay half of that. Hold on, because I almost let you get away with what you said. There's a ghost of him there? Yeah, like his specter is still taking up the spot.

I can't tell if you're speaking poetically or you're talking about like an actual phantasm that is like turning lights on. Well, I was speaking poetically, but now I'm thinking that maybe it would be better for the goo if I was speaking literally. And we're off to the races. Okay. But I mean, if you think about it, it's still your apartment. Yeah, like think about this.

If like you're the only one living in the apartment and you left for a month, you couldn't call your landlord and be like, I don't think I should have to pay rent. I wasn't there. But that's not how it worked. You're in an agreement. Yeah, like you can't. It doesn't work this way.

What the agreement that you have made is that like, I'm going to take this space of earth and keep it from chaos. Like I will try to tame this piece of the wilderness. And I will do my part. And part of that is like paying some money to keep it like warm. And, and, and watered and full. I will say this. Yeah.

If you get back, right? And half the people have been living the apartment for a month and your utilities are still the same amount. I think it does open up a conversation. You still have to pay. You still have to pay. But you can go to roommate and be like, Hey, what were you doing while I was gone?

Were you just like leaving water running for like days on it? How is it still the same? Half the people were here. You have to get more conservative about your utility use, Derek. You're using it all up. Have you seen a documentary? For your information, I had to put an inflatable cloud in the shower and turn it on while I played cool joke to scare away some robbers.

You monster. Thanks. Thanks for asking how my break was. I had to put some weird hyper heater thing on a doorknob. And I think you just choose your energy. And by the way, let's not talk about what that thing was because have they ever explained what the fuck that was that Kevin put up? I think it was a cattle brand.

Yeah, I don't fuck you have that McAllister's. It's from my weird sex dungeon. He has some access to things, huh? He got some access to some stuff, dude. He's Amazon Prime. What did he put on that doorknob? What did he put on that fucking doorknob that burned? How did it not burn the house down?

How was it hot enough that it burned human flesh touching the other side of it? The metal was red. But that didn't like burn the house down. I can imagine. I can remember watching it as a kid and seeing that and thinking, I don't know what that is. But I bet when I'm an adult that I'll know what that is. They just don't let me know about it because I'm still a kid. Well, the bills come due Chris Columbus.

I'm an adult and I still don't know what the hell he's doing with that thing. Some sci-fi. That's some sci-fi bullshit. If it could make metal turn red, it would have set Joe Pesci's skeleton on fire inside of him. There's literally a point in the second one in which Daniel Stern is turned into an electrified skeleton and then he's fine. I almost always said Daniel Craig, but I knew that wasn't it. That would be a way better movie.

Sticky bandits, aren't we? How British is this episode? Daniel Craig versus Macaulay Culkin. Man, I would watch that movie. I'll watch the hell out that movie. So this is saying that, oh god, I guess where I got this data. Yeah, who answers? Yeah, yeah.

This says an iron is on top of the door and there's a bit of rope connected to the iron and wrapped around the door, which makes it hot. What? What? No, no. He hangs like what looks to be just a portable heating element from an oven onto a doorknob. There is also an iron, but that's a completely separate shenanigan. Unless I'm to believe that Kevin McAllister is like a young Elon Musk and has invented

some sort of super heater rope, that movie would be sick too, wouldn't it be? The McAllister's parents would come home and there'd be all these weird ornaments hanging on the trees and be like, what are these weird ornaments? And they'd be like, oh, well, I'm Elon Musk, so I just divided Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern down to their like chemical elemental components. Like that right there, that ornament there, that's Joe Pesci's carbon. Isn't that crazy? I'm Elon Musk.

I'm a murderer. I have an answer. It is an electric charcoal lighter. Is what? Is what he has there. That's nothing. That's not a thing. Do Google image search and you'll be like, ah, dunk.

I guess that's what it was. Hold on. You still don't know what it is though, but what does one do with that? I think you light charcoal electronically speaking. I think you, but like. But you wouldn't turn metal red enough to set Joe Pesci's skeleton on fire inside of them. Wouldn't happen. Yeah, and you also probably shouldn't leave this where kids could get to it.

Well, that's true of like everything in the McAllister household. Yeah, like what is everyone in that house doing the rest of the year that justifies all of this crazy shit? Yeah, killing, killing burglars. It's gotta be, they have to be, they have to be like a freelance burglar killing. It's like Dexter, but like way not as justified for the stuff that they're doing. You know what I mean? Like Dexter kills serial killers.

They just go to like, if they find out that a shitty burglar is planning a heist anywhere in one of their neighbor's houses. And I'm sure their neighbors like look the other way, right? Because they don't want to get burgled. Well, it's a, it's a family full of vigilantes. And like when you're a vigilante, everyone's like, I don't, I wouldn't do it. I don't condone it, but I understand the need of it.

It's not the family we want. It's the family we deserve. Hey, if, if, but let me hit you with this. If the web bandits have killed, then home alone is a lengthy prequel to Dexter. Like it could be envisioned that way that like, this is how he gets his start. He wants to let make it take its time. They have also killed, they do that off screen the moment before the shot like opens up before the film begins.

That's a weird tone to say, don't you think? It's, that's why it's not in the film, right? It's in my fan fiction that I've written. Hold on. I have a flyer here somewhere. Crumple, crumple, crumple to my pack pack. Hold on. Justin, I am not coming to the dramatic reading of your fan fiction.

Hold on. It's in here. So, home alone, home alone zero, blood in the snow. Wow, that's a big fucking backpack. Yeah, there's a lot of documents. A lot of prequels to a lot of things. You guys have gotten there. What other, what other pre-precies, what other pre-precies you got?

I got a prequel to Uncle Buck. It's called My Brother Buck. Kids. We got one, it got, it looks like we got cool runnings. This one's just called Runnings. Because they were doing that before. This is just regular. So just do it regular.

There's a, a prequel to the fly called The Guy. I have that. It's in here. I can't find it. I'll have to get it later. You should publish these. I've been telling you that for years. You're right.

You're right. What, what are you afraid of? Just failure, just being ostracized. I have a forest gun prequel called Dumb Baby. That one's mean. What? That one's mean. Why?

He's canonically dumb. But that's a dumb like, you can't, that's not a good like, you can't be like, here's a prequel to Borat. It's called Young Borat. No, but like, if you said here's a prequel to Borat, it's called Harry Baby. That would be a different, a different, foreign baby. Okay.

But then, so then to extrapolate that, like anything, anything, like sling. Oh, you're saying it's not special because it's like a baby. Yeah. This is Billy Bob Baby. What? The, sorry, the prequel to sling blade. You need to keep up.

Baby Bob. Baby Bob. Baby Bob Thornton. Baby Bob. This is called adventures in baby. It's about when the babysitter was a baby. Right. Adventures in our parents are home.

It's the sequel. Please tell mom the babysitter's fine. Check in with mom. The babysitter just got here. Dustin serves orbits for the right place to check into because later he'll be checking in. Dustin confirms his reservation. Dustin has to wait till 4 p.m.

because the room's not quite ready yet. This is my new movie, The Henderson's. Do you guys want to go out to the woods this weekend? Yeah, sure. Sounds fun. Have you, have you seen the new historical musical 1775? Everything's pretty chill. It's pretty chill actually.

So, is that it? Yeah. Yep. That's going to do it for us here on My Brother, My Brother Me. We hope you've had some fun. We also hope you've learned something. Hope you've grown, right? Learned something and grown.

Want to say a big thank you to John Roderick, and the long winners who used their theme song. It's a departure off the album Put In The Days To Bed. You can go get that and just enjoy it. Just drink it in. We also want to say thanks again to Blue Apron, who makes cooking at home easy, even if you have no idea what you're doing.

You can get your first two meals free by going to blueapron.com slash mybrother. We are all three users, all three fans, blueapron.com slash mybrother. Can we talk about new projects? Yeah. Is your new project going to be live by the time this goes up, you think? Hard to say.

Probably not. Okay. But I can say that I'll give a little bit more details. Teresa and I are working on a new podcast that we're hoping to have live and ready to go. We're traveling this weekend, so that kind of slowed us down a little bit. But hopefully at least by the end of the month, if not sooner.

So keep an eye out for that. My wife Rachel and I made a podcast that it'll be out. I think I'll get it up today, actually. Although it's not going to be on iTunes. Just look at my Twitter. I'll tweet about it where to find it. It's still tentatively titled. I think we're going to go with Rose Buddies,

and it's our podcast where we talk about the Bachelor of the Bachelor of Bachelor of Paradise Family and Products. Very enthusiastic about this project. Please listen and let me know what you think if we should do a full podcast out of it. Also, I've started a new video series on Polygon called Griffin's Amiibo Corner, where I review amiibo toys. Griffin and I make a lot of video game videos.

A lot of people still aren't just now getting into it. Search YouTube for a series called Monster Factory that Griffin and I make. It's the best. A lot of people like that. We need to get back on that fucking bus. Yeah, it's about us trying to break video games and succeeding, but also breaking ourselves.

We also do a lot of other podcasts. You can check out Sawbones, The Adventure Zone, Bunker Buddies, Trends Like These, Can I Pet Your Dog. Also, till death do us blart. We haven't mentioned it in a while. It's our annual podcast with us and the guys from The Worst Idea of All Time, where every American Thanksgiving we watch and review. Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 for the rest of time.

When one of us dies, we will be replaced and the show will continue. You can find it on iTunes till death do us blart. Is that going to do it? We have other shows. There's other shows on the Maximum Fun Network. You should also listen to Jordan, Jesse Go, Can I Pet Your Dog. Stop podcasting yourself, Throwing Shade.

There's a new show called Getting Curious. That's very funny. There's a ton, ton, ton, ton of stuff. And it's all free and it's all good to listen to with your ears. It's all at maximumfun.org, just waiting for you to experience it. And we haven't mentioned it in a while. But if you want to hear us talk about either something business-wise or something personal on the Money Zone,

just go to maximumfun.org forward slash jumbotron. Be aware that we're pretty solidly booked. So if you want something in the future, go buy it now. Okay. Oh, and there's a lot of merch, www.maxfunstore.com. Yes. We've probably talked enough. We also have the maximumfun Facebook group,

which is quickly turning into Lin-Manuel Miranda's just private, just dumping grounds on me. Well, that's my brother and my brother and me group. We also have the maximumfun group. Oh, yeah. Join both of them. All right, let's wrap this shit up. That's gonna do it for us.

Griff, do you have a final yahoo? Yeah, this one was sent in by Liz Bush. Thank you, Liz. It's about yahoo answers user Black, who asks, Did anybody have sex in the 1990s? Did it feel different from now? Why are you just a McRoy? I'm Travis McRoy.

I'm a McRoy. This has been my brother and my brother and me. Kiss your dad. Put it on the lips. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listeners supported.

Hi, everybody. I'm Justin McRoy. And I'm Dr. Sydney McRoy. Every Tuesday, we bring you Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine, a show about all the dumb, weird, terrible ways that we've tried to fix each other over the years. You know, some light summer listening.

Maybe you want to hear about yogurt enemas or why we tried to eat mummies for a while or why drinking cholera diarrhea sounded like a good idea. That and so much more is waiting for you every Tuesday right here on the Maximumfun network with Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine.