My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 286: Coyotes Ate Our Dad

Episode Date: January 19, 2016

Listen, it's our own fault, really. We teased that coyote with the promise of warmth and familial love, which are a coyote's two most favorite things. Feeding him that sweet 'ched probably didn't help things, either. Suggested talking points: Bliss Delight, Get That Surprise, Meme Scene, Elderly Bank Robbery, Kyle: A Movie About Being a Good Dad and Good Human

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, and me. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. Your middle is brother, Travis Patrick McElroy. And I am the being formerly known as Griffin McElroy, who has transcended into a ball of energy that now surfs the cosmos on a wave of pure energy and joy. You made it to the next level.

I'm thrilled to hear about your ascendance, Griffin. What was the motive? Sorry, I am getting, I guess, a little bit nostalgic, but I am no longer the one called Griffin. I am now just sort of a being that is just light, if you can imagine that. Can we just go with Griffin with a lowercase g? You're no longer identified as the noun Griffin, but now just the idea. I guess so. We apply this word Griffin to the energy space that you are inhabiting, Griffin. Can you just call me Delight? Okay, Delight. That's cool, Bliss. Bliss. This is my brother Delight Bliss. Yeah, that's me. Bliss Delight. Delight, Blissington. This is my brother Bliss Delight. What happened? It's pretty cool out here in the cosmos, I gotta say. Just surfing

from by Alpha Centauri, just seeing what's beautiful and you know what the answer is. Fucking everything, guys. Look around. Bliss Delight, how did this state before you? Well, it started like all good stories with a harrowing journey through the darkness. As in future, you got winner Lin-Manuel Miranda just started buffeting me with pictures of gold dust, which you know I didn't like. Yeah. Every day I would wake up and the pictures of gold dust that I had just like shoveled out of my sinking security boat. You know what I mean? Like my own sort of sense of self-security, self-preservation. We've all read Malcolm Gladwell books. We know all about your security boat and all of that. Right. We gotcha. I had to get these

pictures of gold dust out of my boat. Every morning I wake up, more pictures in the boat. And there was a malevolent, I'll go ahead and call him a demon, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Hamilton creator and demon, Lin-Manuel Miranda, just covering me in these pics. And finally when I reached my breaking point, I could take no more, he turned into an angel. It's kind of like a reverse Satan. He pulled like a reverse Satan 720 heel flip and he sent, which will get you like super high points in Tony Hawk. Yeah, of course. If you do it at the end of your combo, he sent a video. He secured a video of Carly Rae Jipsson wishing me, just saying that I was doing a great job. And that's when my

transformation began. Like Rachel was home when it happened. She was like, whoa, Griffin, light's coming out of your fingertips and all your teeth. And I was like, yeah, I think something big is, I think the winds of change are blowing. Something big is in the works. And then I- My current body is a trailer for my future body. Exactly. And this happened the afternoon, after we recorded the last episode. So we didn't really get a chance to talk about it. And I'm glad we didn't, because this morning I woke up to another video of- It's weird. I can't even say it out loud, is it? It's weird. This is, I guess, the first time I said it out loud. Tyra Banks saying that I did a great

job. Ty Ty Baby. Ty Ty Baby. No, she didn't blow me a kiss, like CRJ did. And that was, I mean, an important catalyst in the transformation. But yeah, now I'm just sort of like a being of joy. And I just sort of surfed the cosmos. I'm going up Orion's belt right now and going under the belt and checking out his dick. Don't look to the left. Nope, already dead. But it's beautiful. All of creation, guys. Look around. Orion has a beautiful hog. Beautiful hog on Orion. Look around, guys. I actually woke my wife and infant daughter up this morning by about 7.45, I guess it was 7.45, 8.00, something like that, just loudly exclaiming, that motherfucker, because I just watched the video. That's how he does you, hot and cold. That's what makes Hamilton such a great,

creative endeavor, is it comes at you hot and cold. And that's Lin himself, man. He is a, he is... He'll torture you. And then just when you think like, I can't handle it anymore, he brings you like the coolest bowl of water. And you're just like, oh, relief. A cool, sweet bowl of water, of sweet, sweet water. Yeah. And that's what it, and that's what CRJ and Tyra mean to me. Literally, just like the two best people in the world. And now they've said my name and, oh, my former name, because now I'm Blist Delight. Correct. It's gonna make podcasting maybe a little bit harder, because I can't like click the stop button on my mouse to stop this recording. How did you start it? I have a helper. Helper monkey? I have a helper monkey that does

my podcast buttons for me. Do you ironically just name Griffin? Yes. No relation. No relation whatsoever. So can we assume if we say Griffin in the next few, like next hour or so? I will not answer that's right. But we're talking, Travis and I are talking to your monkey, who will then pass the message on to you through five minutes. I can still fucking hear you and talk to you, idiot. It's also important to note, Justin, that Griffin, the helper monkey, is spelled with an E in at the end. Yeah. So let's make sure to pronounce that. Just because I'm a being of pure joy energy, doesn't mean I'm not going to call you guys out on your shit. Okay. Can we still like make weird references to 80s cartoons that no one else has seen? Absolutely. I'm a little bit above that now,

having transcended, but whatever you guys feel like you want to do, I will support you in that, unless it's really dumb in which case, you know, Blist Delight is not going to stand for that. All right. Travis Blist Delight. Also, I've been watching a lot of RuPaul's Drag Race, and I have decided to become the America's Next Drag Superstar. And my name, yes, conveniently enough, will just become Blist Delight. Yeah. Can we also say real quick, happy birthday, Lynn. Thank you for everything. Yeah. Much like Justin and Travis' birthdays, I got gifts on it, which I really appreciate. I'm getting married and want a surprise bachelor party. The problem is that my male friends don't know each other that well, and none of them are

the planning or implement type. I can't see them calling the others and starting it up. I don't want to tell them what to do because I really want it to be a surprise. That's from Surprizeless in Stockholm. You cannot want surprises. You can't want them. You can't make surprises happen to you. Yeah. Also, surprises are the fucking worst. Yeah. This is the equivalent of like sitting on your hand till it goes. I'm a masturbating. Give yourself a stranger. That's exactly what it is, Justin. Let me check the book. Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip. Yeah. Oh, it's a one-in-one correlation. You are absolutely correct. It's not even a metaphor. It's just literally the exact same thing. This is true. If I, almost 10 days ago now,

when the chrysalis of light was formed around me, had said like, boy, I sure hope that my friend Lynn sends me a cool video of my favorite musician, Carly Rae Jepsen, saying that I was doing a great job. I don't think I would have actually had the energy to begin pupating multiple times. I'm not sure the universe would have delivered it to you. That's a good point. That's the secret. Well, it's the opposite of the secret. Actually, the secret explicitly tells you, yeah, the secret just tells you, get that fucking, get that surprise. Get that surprise. That was the original name of the book. Get that surprise. Get that surprise, hyphen, catch that kid. You cannot catch that kid.

It's one of my favorite running flop house jokes. Travis is making references to other podcasts, which don't exist in the reality of this podcast. That is non-canonical. That's non-canonical. It's not to say I don't think those guys exist. I'm saying that no other podcast exists in fiction. You're with me. Okay. Because it's my favorite podcast, one of them. I mean, I like other, fuck. You can't just want a surprise and not say anything about it. Also, you can't get to get it both ways. Either you're the engineer of your own surprise destiny, or you just roll them bones and hope the universe delivers you something. The nice thing is here, you could lay out a framework. You don't have to break down every

individual event that you want them to take you to. You just have to call your most reliable friend out of this group and say, I want you guys to do something. Here's everyone's emails and phone numbers. Contact me again in three months. My boy, we've spent three minutes saying not to explicitly, not to do that. You've just fucking revolted. You've just betrayed me and just all you need to do is say, I want a surprise, but not what the surprise must be. But that's not, that's terrible advice because we're all, we're all wanting surprises. We all want surprises all the time. All the time. Wait, wait, let me roll it back. I have a different suggestion. Great. You need to make a new friend before the bachelor party who is reliable and

organized and planning friends. Oh my God. That's such a good idea, Travis. You have like a screening process to ask people about their event planning backgrounds. And then you ask them like, what's their, what's their favorite doctor? What they like on their pizza? Just like friendship screening questions, but keeps circling back around to like, so what are we talking about? 100, 150 type person engagements? Like how big of an engagement have you planned before? How responsible are you? Is there like a bachelor party planning? Like you get a wedding planner. That's exactly, you're on my fucking wavelength. Is it too late to get David Tutera on board to plan your shit? Who's David Tutera? You guys are fucking bringing my light, Dunge. You know that?

I've been surfing the fucking cosmos now for about seven hours. And then this is, this is the event. You asked me who David Tutera host of my fair wedding, only the best wedding planning show in, in history, in reality. Never mind, move on. Oh, okay. A new show, new show title, say match to the batch. And it's, you get a guy who plans your bachelor party and you just gotta say like, ah, naturally. And like, you just gotta be on board. You just gotta be on board with whatever the bachelor party planner throws out at you. And you know what? Maybe you didn't even know it was the surprise you wanted, but it was the surprise you needed where he's just like, first we're going to the strip club, then we're going to have brunch with your biological dad.

And you're like, what? I'm adopted and you didn't even know. We're going to pause the fucking podcast recording right now for two hours. So you creeps can go watch my fair wedding with David Tutera, just pick any two episodes, throw a dart at your TV when Netflix is on my fair wedding by David Tutera, because he would be the ideal host of this show. Do you know this motherfucker planned a wedding? And all he had to go on was this, this bride, her name was Candace. And he said, what do you want the theme of the wedding to be? And she said, Candace Sheik. And he said, fuck. Okay. And he did it. And he crushed it. Candace Sheik. He said, I have this. He could do anything with it. He would throw the perfect bachelor party, but you would have to befriend

him, which is a service I think you probably lend out. That's a man. I feel like we really solved that one. Yeah, I feel like we fixed it. Like David Tutera? Get him on the phone. Do it. Do you guys want a yahoo? Please. This yahoo was, I mean, there were a lot of doozers. Maybe it's because we went, we recorded the last episode kind of early. And so we had like more yahoo receiving days. But man, there's some slam dunkarooskies up in here. Let's start with this one. It's from Brooks Oglesby. Thank you, Brooks. It's by yahoo answers user unknown. That's not like, they're not anonymous. That's like the name, the designation they chose for themselves. Is it spelled correctly? It is, yeah. How did they get that? Unknown asks,

I need a funny meme for a girl I didn't mean to hurt. What? So basically, she kind of liked me, and I said no. I was following bro code. And we used to have meme arguments. So I want to make a meme for her so that she knows I still like her as a friend. I saw a really good one that had forever alone face to it. But I'm not sure. It said, they say love can hurt. So watch out and be clever. Don't start a conversation. Stay forever alone. And I'd send that to her with the forever alone face. But I think that one would do more bad than good. Help me out. Help me out. Help me out. Help me out. I need a funny meme for a girl I didn't mean to hurt. Should I send her one that says she'll be alone forever? Or do you think maybe that might do

you just don't you don't get the meme? I don't I if I love these memes. I just love this meme. You're crazy for this meme. Memes, right? A lot of people are talking about them. And even more people wonder what are you talking about? What the fuck are you saying? What do you mean with meme? Like I know like my generation invented meme and it had like an actual meming, a meaning. No meming. We're keeping that meming where it had like what it meant was like some shit that wasn't really funny but it popped up enough times on internet or maybe it was funny and it just got like endlessly. Yeah, just eviscerated by repetition and it became like part of the internet vocabulary. Right. Like here's some good memes that I know about. Okay. Mr. T ate my balls

the end. That's the only one that is the only good meme. The only good meme is Mr. T ate my balls. Here's what I'm imagining. This boy, this young man shot down this young woman and he was following brocode. No fucking clue what that means. And he needs to make it up to her. So imagine they're on the quad and he walks right up to her because you gotta have courage in a situation like this. You can't fucking back burn his stuff. You can't take it through the back channels. When you've hurt somebody, don't back channel it. Front for the front approach. And he walks up to her and he just goes, Hey, Star Wars kid. Think about it. Hey, drunk baby. Hey, this is here. David after dentist. And he just hands her a printed out meme. Hey, David after dentist, I don't love you.

Hey, Charlie bit my finger and told me that I shouldn't get you. He was very wise. I don't love you anymore. That video where the guy does the nunchuck stunts and then tries to do a backflip but he lands on his neck. Hey, I'm sorry I hurt you. Also, here's a guy jumping into a frozen pool. Excuse me. Cancel the question. Uh-oh. Mr. T ate my balls is 20 years old in 2016. This year, my 20th anniversary celebration of the first launch of like the really the anchor of the eight my balls web ring. Mr. T ate my balls launched, of course, by Nihao Patel, a University of Illinois student in 1996. Oh my God. I don't know this thing. I don't know this thing. I don't know this thing. Okay, well, well, that's because this is literally like your dad's meme. This is

your dad's meme right now. If Griffin, if let me just give you the web address, go to flamesjiff.com slash archive slash eight underscore my underscore balls slash Mr. underscore T or just search for Mr. T ate my balls, which are going to get his picture. This is what passed for memes in my day, 20 years ago. Mr. T ate my balls is sort of like a progenitor of our show because it's pictures of Mr. T talking about how he wants to eat balls and he maybe he ate your balls or perhaps he was planning on enjoying your balls later or perhaps he had enjoyed your balls previously and would like a repeat performance. Should you have any more balls for him to ingest because Mr. T ate my balls clever turn of phrase just to catch everybody up on like my current light journey.

I'm having like a full blown panic attack right now and it makes it hard to sort of sustain. And if I lose it, I'll just be floating in space forever lost in my human form. Well, it was if you need a reference, if this book sounds familiar to me, it's probably because you read about it in Dave Barry's book, Dave Barry and cyberspace, which I bet has the choices cover in the world. I bet it's Dave Barry floating through stars and his fingers are plugged into electrical outlets and he's got like bits and bytes all over his face. And you know, you want to know the incredible thing that book is 120 years old. He's like the no sir of comedy somehow just like 1896 Dave Barry Lord Dave Barry said someday Mr. T will eat some

balls. By the way, a little bit of a disappointment is just Dave Barry reaching out of a computer screen and pressing a key on your on your computer, which is how he kills you to help you get over that disappointment. I have just purchased a copy of Dave Barry and cyberspace and the next like three episodes can just be readings, I think. Wait, are you joking? Because if you are not joking, I will do this thing. No, I'm doing it's done. It's doing this thing. Okay. Yeah. Like Amazon is like, yeah, we got you. And then the mailman is going to show up to my house like we got you make some good comedy out of this. You paid $13 for next year is the 20th anniversary of Dave Barry and cyberspace. So like, I guess he did this the year after Mr. T my balls. He's

like, I've got to get on the internet. Yeah. Yeah. I'm missing so much. Fuck. That's a bad meme. Memes are bad. Don't meme everybody. Fuck. This was a meme. Oh my God. Even memes. Like, it doesn't matter. It's still the same shit of just like a joke isn't fucking funny. The trillionth time is told. And that's all memes are just jokes you tell a trillion time except for a success kid. That's a good one. But all the other ones are like, fucking, what are you? That's not even good. What you know, just a just a griffin just to be fair. Like that is what a joke is. You know that like those joke books that are like knock knock jokes and shit. That's just old memes. Yeah. But memes, I think memes tend to at least in the way it's being used here.

What they do is they take a familiarity and they confuse they confuse familiarity and repetition with with actual like humor or or a joke. Like, there's not actually a joke. It's just sort of like you've seen it enough times that it's a laugh of recognition. Like, it's not when you've been away for a while and you see your house and you laugh because you recognize that that's where it kind of looks like a face. Yeah. It's like, it's like the doors of mouth and what's going on here. And he's going to eat you when you walk inside and your house is like and your house as you step inside your house is like, I'm going to eat your balls. Yeah. He's like, I love that house. Guys, I just want to tell you that this past these past this past 10

day has been pretty great for me vis a vis like turning into a giant ball of light. The best thing that's maybe ever happened to me in my life is I'm on the checkout page for Dave Barry in cyberspace. And there's a little window here that says why wait until January 20th 2016 the expected arrival date of Dave Barry's in cyberspace to my house and says read the beginning of this book for free. Start reading button clicking it now processing my request request accepted. That's the sound of it downloading. I've broken it. I've broken the app. I can see the reviews. Library Journal says hilariously

imaginative nonstop humor whether you're a computer whiz or computer nerd this tongue in cheek guide to computing by bestselling humor. Stay Barry has enough bite by T. Fuck you in the neck to keep you entertained. Publish this weekly and it spans from all the way from computer whiz to computer nerd. That's the same shit. Anyone in that wide spectrum would enjoy this book. So I'm not making this up. There's a page of reviews. There's a page of a table of contents and then 63 blank pages. I think I've been bamboozled by Dave Barry again. How perfect that the web app for Dave Barry's web book doesn't work. Dark Omens bad portents. You got me again Barry.

Class classic Barry right there. That's Barry in a nutshell. This is like when I bought Dave Barry teaches driving and he did not go well. I lost my license. At the moment you clicked by his car careened into your home. Yep. Your front door windows like let's go kid. It was hilarious. You're with me. God that's funny Dave. Some of the other big eight my ball slides where Chewbacca ate my balls. Neo for the Matrix ate my balls. I'm assuming all the characters from Wings ate my balls just because of the time. The time of it. Yeah. The time of it. Certainly. Two questions. Two questions. A girl on a pizza place ate my balls. Yes. Kramer ate my balls. Certainly.

Kramer did eat my balls though. That one's actually real. Guys we've had a lot of fun today. I want to make this explicitly clear. Michael Richards did eat my balls. Why are you fucking laughing at that? Well because now you're being of light you don't have to worry about it anymore. Yeah I mean it helped in the transformation actually like less. It was more aerodynamic as I sailed a million miles into the sky and burst into flames of delight but still in my earth form when I was you know when I was a being of disgusting flesh. Michael Richards ate my balls though for real though. Excuse me pardon me this just in I just invented the best game of

all time. Are you ready for the best game of all time. I'm going to read you captions from eight my balls. No sites. This is a bad game. Who ate my balls. Travis are you ready to play. I am a bad game. I can't believe this is a fucking meme and now we're like now we're a part of the machine. The meme machine. We're part of the eight my balls industrial complex. This sucks. I hate this podcast. All right go. Your your balls are the perfect drug. Oh I'm the one without a soul. I'm the one who wants to eat your balls. These are all the same. These are all the same. I don't know. Michael Richards did say some of these things to me but I don't think that's the right answer. Your balls are my perfect drug.

I feel like it's a musician and I'm going to be kicking myself. You let me violate you and eat your balls. I handle electorate my balls. Oh Travis is trying to resonate my balls. Oh fucking let me down again. I don't want to play this game anymore. I was I was going to say Kurt Cobain but I didn't I don't want to be disrespectful. Yeah next question please God don't say it my balls one more time we're also burning the podcast down with all three of us inside of it. Happy 20th birthday eight my balls. You're a great meme as in terms of the strict definition of that exact phrase. You really feel it. You really fulfill all the criteria. I work in a bank at a rich part of town. I'm new to the job and when I ask for identification I get lectured. You should know who I am. I've had

in the county longer than you've been alive. I have a lot of money in this bank. Everyone else here knows me etc. Brothers how do I avoid losing my mind. That's for pilloried in Pittsburgh. You take all the money out that they have in their account. All right and wad it up and you throw it at their fucking face as hard as you can. Like you know when mobsters like make a point they're like yeah here's your fucking money that went like that's the caliber I'm talking about and I'm saying take your disrespectful ass to the fucking fifth third around the corner I'm sick of your shit. Can you imagine looking at I was about to say a bank teller but any human being ever and saying something along the lines of you should know who I am.

Do you know okay but like if you really want to know how to handle the situation the answer is pity because if the thing you have to hang your head on in your twilight years is well hey listen at least the people at the bank know who I am then you have gone terribly awry like the only time you're allowed to say you should know who I am is if like a wife or loved one has been struck on the head and can't remember your name only then and maybe not even then. In like a nowhere man situation if like obviously you go to the bathroom you come back and you're like I've never had a husband like that's when you should know who I am you should know who I am. Can I say something though? This is sick grift isn't it? If this is 2015 I would

really think about getting back in the game I would need some old age makeup put on by convincing young cosmetics artist. You should know who I am I'm fifth thirdington. I would roll up to the roll up to the whatever chase bank I'm Mark Chase. You know me you know my style? I've been here for years you should know my style. I live above the bank. I live above the bank I've been here for years you should know this style for this guy. I'm the old old man who always drops off perfect stacks of unmarked bills. I need to know back. I drop off nasty stacks all the time I'm Mark Chase. You should know my style. Just go get my stacks. Go get my stacks please before you make me cry more. My stacks are like my children because I could never conceive.

I couldn't conceive because Michael Richards ate my bowl. Please give me my stacks I'm so tired. I just want to die. These young men are keeping my nasty stacks from me. Well this bank floor is so hard it hurts to stand on it. Are these lollipops for everyone? I tried to fill out the proper withdrawal form but the pin broke all my old fingers. I was here the day you were born in this bank. The cost of putting a skyrocket in the four nasty stacks. Your pap needs them. That's a perfect crime. Nobody in good conscience is going to turn you away. They would give you all the fucking stacks that they got on their shelf. If nothing else just to make you like stop crying. Please don't cry. They would even know that you're a young person in old age

makeup trying to rob the bank. That doesn't matter. They would be made so uncomfortable by you. They would leave and the manager would be like did he just rob the bank and they'd be like well he needed it more. It wasn't really a robbery. We just made a charitable donation to old man, young man Griffin. Yeah he needed it. God 20 grifting he ended too soon. Fuck. We're in January. January 18. 18 days too late. We'll get it in 30-15. The fucking heist of the century. Yeah that's a good point. Not 21-15? I guess. No let's do 30-15. Give us something to work towards. Bank tech will probably be pretty advanced at that point. They'll have every bank teller wears special glasses that lets them see through old age makeup.

After a rash of crimes in 25-15 by my great-great-grandkid who listens to the fucking archives of this podcast that they found buried under the soil of my basement and they find this and like oh fuck this is a great crime and then they do it and they're billionaires. God my great-great-grandkid is so cool. Too cool for us. I didn't quite math it outright because I don't think by 25-15 I will be two generations down. That would be fucking crazy. You don't know? Yeah I don't know. There's advances in metal technology every day. Yeah that's getting wild out there. It is. Do you guys want to go to the Money Son? Are you saying like should we go Rob Chase Bank right now? Basically yeah. It's the heist of the century. The 25th century.

My brother, my brother, me is sponsored in part by NatureBox.com. I don't know if you're familiar with NatureBox if you've never listened to a podcast before but they have over 100 tasty options like sriracha, roasted cashews, and french toast granola. I've been really into they have a plantains type vibe that I can get into pretty deeply. They also have Parmesan garlic pop pops which I'm I just got a thing I just got a thing called peanut butter, gram, and jam trail mix. What the fuck does that even mean? It's just a big cracker's covered in peanut butter. It's gram crackers covered in peanut butter with like berries and nuts and it's like the best. But no loose jam. No loose jam. Okay that's actually a guarantee they give you before you

order anything in NatureBox. No loose jam. No loose jam. Yeah just kind of open a bag and a bunch of jams gonna fucking fall out. No loose jam accident since 2014. They've got a ton of like really great snacks for you to enjoy and they deliver right to your door and you could try and mix it up every month. Get new snacks. You can get your first box right now. You go to naturebox.com and unlock a world of taste and possibility. That's right. Still the best marketing writing probably in existence. Your fingers are the key to well your keyboard's the key. Your computer's the key. Go to naturebox.com and open the door to the world of taste and possibility. If you want to improve your style it can be a little daunting if it's not something that you're intimately

familiar with. You don't have the time to read Jesse Thorne's Japanese style fashion magazines that he enjoys. Like he reads voraciously to keep up on the latest trends. It's impossible. So let me recommend to you Trunk Club. Okay. You go to trunkclub.com slash my brother and you're gonna answer some simple questions about your style, your preferences, your size and you're assigned an expert stylist that is going to handpick clothes for you from the best brands. You just approve the stuff you like and you send back what you don't. You're only charged for the stuff that you want and you want to keep. You get to try it all on. It comes in a big cool trunk and the stuff you don't want you got a prepaid trunk to send it back to them. And you

know what's crazy when you say the thing about the the stylist like I was anticipating I would get like you know little chat window pop up a little fucking dress dressed up clippy. Well just like a and it was like is this a real person or is it I got a call from my stylist Brooke and she's like hi Travis and I was like oh hi Brooke and we talked about sweaters. See I think I would actually like you know how much I love of talking to strangers. I think I would actually prefer a little clippy that popped up and be like hmm suspenders with a belt top nope nope nope nope nope. Well when Brooke dropped the bomb on me that there's like a trunk club store I can go to in town that has an open bar. Hell yeah okay yeah I'm there. So in anyway you're gonna want to go

to trunkclub.com slash my brother remember free shipping both ways you'll keep the stuff you like and it's a really great great great experiences those stores that Travis mentioned are also in LA Chicago Dallas DC in New York City where you can meet your personal stylist right in front of them. So again right now go to trunkclub.com slash my brother and get your look right. I want to talk about me undies me undies change of the game wearing them right now keeping me fresh keeping me dry but not so wearing me undies oh nice so I just I'm going to start assuming that all three of us are constantly wearing me undies uh they're they're really wonderful listen Valentine's Day is coming up and and if you want to get your you know zone between your legs and your tummy looking very very

good I would suggest maybe turning to me undies for the perfect solution for that they're really comfy they're made of micromodal fabric meaning they're twice as soft as cotton fuck cotton for real though me undies they don't just feel great they look really great they come in tons of cool prints and styles and new designs come out every month and for men and women you could get a matching set for Valentine's Day they got this really cute set that's like red with white polka dots and you and your significant other could have like matching genital sheaths and like yeah go for it. February has a special limited edition design from the legendary artist Keith Herring and it's it's a retro design and it's inspired by love just like me and the three of us always inspired by love

it's a great Valentine's Day gift think about it that's how we do our thing that's how we do our thing uh you you can win Valentine's Day this year just head to meundies.com slash my brother and you'll get free shipping and 20 off your first order don't wait till the last minute do it while the idea and the thought of you having a sexy zone is still fresh in your mind order before February 4th in the US and your your pair will arrive in time for Valentine's Day again meundies.com slash my brother free shipping 20 off your first order meundies dedicated to providing the world's most comfortable underwears. We also have a message for Brittany from Marshall happy happy happy birthday Britt you are so amazing and deserve the world sure show. Now I think that's

just XOXO but I do appreciate you trying to read it as though it were like Mandarin. I read what's on the page Griffin you know what I what I really like that Marshall had more words than this but he knew he had crushed it yeah this was probably like draft number five yeah and he was just like you know what simplify simplify brevity is the soul of wit that's something I come up with I'm gonna say happy three times birthday to acknowledge exactly what the day is and then the name of the person the message is for and then a sentence of nice things and then some Mandarin a Mandarin proverb that means show show that means I love you so much Brittany it's weird that the man there's a Mandarin proverb that says I love you so much Brittany but and it's only four characters long

that's the weirder part yeah just XOXO means that in Mandarin but yeah it's well it's an efficient language so I just you know mysterious language I got a message for James Donaldson and this is from Susan Phil Drew Ali and Greg they say James they used some of their characters about four on S's which is fine it's their money you fascinate us with your tiny pencils snazzy style design skills with a Z and disturbing knowledge of fonts and comics you're a coolest least moist non crevice guy who still can't pronounce the word ambulance so happy birthday you're awesome and we heart you you deserve greatness business cards and this greeting from the McRoy brothers how do you mispronounce you think it's like ambulance maybe he's fucking Jeffy from the family circus and my ambivalent

there's a lot of talking in here about comics so maybe he was a comic uh-huh specifically Jeffy from family circus he grew up came out of the comic like ahas take on me mm-hmm and he fucking became a comic artist himself because it's like all he knew but the only problem is if when we try to say spaghetti it does of course come out biscotti and when he says ambulance it comes out man bullets now would cool world be a more topical reference than ahas take on me no because in cool world the man went into the cartoon right but then a cartoon did come out i forget and then that cartoon ate my balls oh boy oh boy actually if you eat your balls while in tune form it does trap you in tune form forever you die in

real life hi i'm brine soffy and i'm erin gibson and we host the throwing shade podcast on throwing shade we look at an issue important to ladies and an issue important to gay people and then we basically make fun of it yeah and just to answer your question no we don't have a marriage pack but if we don't get married by the time we're 30 we're gonna do that no that's true although we have each been divorced three times you guys want a yahoo yes yes bring it this yahoo is sent in by jill okay yahoo jill davis all right jill davis sent this one in it's by yahoo answers user kenneth who asks what's the frequency uh fuck you come on i love it don't ever stop kenneth started his account on january 9th 2016 i think he started his account to ask this urgent

question and it is a fucking urgent one and frankly we're we are now nine days behind the eight ball kenneth asks what should i do about this coyote my kids have been feeding what so i have so i have two terrible sons i added terrible i added terrible and that's a bit of editorializing on uh on my part uh bliss delight uh but it's true uh i have two terrible sons age 11 and 9 i just learned about two weeks ago that they have been feeding a wild coyote that lives in the ground underneath a large flat rock in the woods near our house he in fact seems quite friendly my boys introduced me to him dad this is this is kyle uh my boy our new dad my terrible boys introduced me to him he even responds to their call and comes to get food however i wasn't comfortable

with them interacting with him like that and i told them they couldn't feed him or go near him anymore as soon as they showed him to me we are having quite a cold winter in minnesota and in the past weeks my terrible boys haven't been feeding him he's begun lingering in or near our yard he absolutely appears to be starving to death we will see him wheezing and growling outside then a couple nights ago my terrible boys decided to leave a carton of eggs and a two pound bag of cheddar cheese on our porch because they want to give kyle diarrhea forever um they wanted him to make an omelet uh which you can imagine he loved he did seem to go away for a couple of days then yesterday while shitting himself then yesterday he got very aggressive with my wife

scaring her quite a bit and tearing her insulated leggings i feel bad for the coyote what i feel bad for the coyote because it seems like he became reliant on the food from my terrible sons during the winter and now he's in a situation where he didn't move to a location uh when he should have uh but i can't have a coyote attacking my family if i have to shoot him i will do it but it feels wrong and it doesn't help that my terrible sense had given him a name kyle and grown attached what should i do i added a lot of words to that question and normally i try to just preserve the work as it is in its native state but at boy when the when the shoe fits wear it what can we all agree that at this point coyote kyle is trying to replace human kenneth as the new as as coyote

dad yes coyote dad like he he approached the wife the only way he knows how he's been uh courting the two sons this is like that movie um daddy's home except with a coyote or the movie jack frost where um michael keaton dies becomes a snowman kenneth i guess he hasn't died yet has he well he will if this coyote has his way it's i'll shoot him if he doesn't shoot me first basically exactly octodad except yeah seven octopus it's a coyote and instead of hilarious adventures he eats everybody he eats all of them and he eats them and it takes 30 seconds it's a very short game and we eat your whole family here's a movie idea and it's about a coyote that wants to be the dad of a family but there's already a dad and this makes the coyote very sad and it's starting

to death and the the coyote is voiced by who's hot who do people like love just hearing their old tatum no no no no the fucking oh the late night host guy the the british late night host guy that was on that doctor who episode and he was in into the woods james corden corden corden james corden plays kyle the coyote a coyote who befriends two children but his dick their dick dad scares asshole kenneth scares kyle away and he goes into the woods and he's starting to death but a fucking fairy comes to him the forest the guardian of the forest comes to him and says kyle i'll grant you one wish and he says i just want to be the dad of this family and then the fairy bestows upon kyle the power to go in and eat this dad wholesale just eat the dad wholesale

but it's fine because like he's the villain in the story and everybody loves kyle and then kyle gets to be the dad of the family sold but you are rooting again i have to state this you are rooting for kyle because he's voiced by a very affable james corden coming soon from pixar coming soon from pixar coyote's a coyote dad coyote get my dad i coyote ate my dad dot dot dot but it's okay he was an asshole i really wish i could have been there on the day that the other coyotes went to warmer climbs and kyle's like nah nah nah yeah i got a fucking pretty sweet situation i got it completely completely set up here don't you have cheese at your warmer locale no i didn't think so guys brice and derrick and they got me they are my bone thugs for life yeah they introduced me to

their dad we're tight stacks of sacks i want to be there at the introduction kyle kenneth kenneth kyle pleasure to meet you sir please don't come around my kids anymore what what crazy about these crazy about these boys but kenneth he left me a little cold one out of five would not meet would not that again kenneth you say you want me to stay away from your sons but how are do you know another way for coyotes to get dunkaroos like do you know of another way i'm method i'm not familiar with this is the twist after asshole kenneth right doesn't want the kids to be around kyle but he's also not there for the kids but coyote kyle is going to teach asshole kenneth how to be a better dad when he like drags him in the woods and like i don't know keeps him in the

woods for a couple days he's like i'll show you how i interact with my family kenneth and what is that entail like just like killing like rabbits and like bringing them killing like fowl and yeah you know like dragging i don't know rabbits back for his kids and then kenneth is like i've never killed a rabbit for my kids kyle you're the better dad i've got to go on i don't know some kind of spiritual hike for several months please don't eat my wife while i'm gone do you think this is how um that revenue movie like started when they were like blue sky in it is that what the film is called yes the revenue i think it's called that revenue movie the revenue that revenue movie um and that not for us who did and uh the they would they would like the the original idea for the flip for the

flick was a dad who befriends a coyote and he learns to be a better dad and then at the end of the movie of course he has to kill the coyote just because like nature and then like it says something about like how humanity abuses nature i'm still like working on the imaginary picture would be etc etc but then it got nature vs eggs then leo rolled up is like they are not going to give me the oscar for this they are not going to give me the oscar for this make it a bear make it a bear step one step one get rid of the talking of the bear that's not going to do it for me i have to i kill the bear in scene two i adopt its cubs now i am the bear this is this is better fuck guys why aren't we why aren't we making movies being a bear dad is oscar bait everyone knows that

yeah and being a dad named oscar is bear bait shit science how many fucking hearts of the ocean do the three of us fucking manufacture every episode that we then just like toss into the furnace saying like ah good joke buy good idea into the furnace with you and if we actually followed through with our fucking dreams for once we would we would be the most successful entertainers in the in the world yeah that's we coyote dad coming to screens near you 2018 maybe this is the time is this the one that we finally just buckle down and get it done well we have to come with a better name than coyote dad all the other coyote dad the musical dad coyote dad coyote ugly coyote what about why don't we just call

it kyle like if they can call a movie carol and it's like what's it about it's like don't worry about it i don't see why we can't just call our movie yeah i don't see why i can't name our movie kyle and then we know at at least one thing every kyle in the world is going to go see it and that's what like 300 000 people finally a movie for me yeah they will say and then they'll show up and it'll actually be a story about like being a good dad and a good human more importantly a good kyle and a good well yes a good human a great kyle that's a 10 okay coyote okay coyote the world's premier coyote dating site right next to it right next to it but where's all the coyotes in this bar okay okay online chum okay coyote is the second most popular coyote website in the world right

behind dad yelp which is where coyotes leave reviews of dads for other coyotes and also look up i met my wife on dad yelp keneth what's wrong you're crying in front of your computer yeah just logged on to dad yelp and uh that coyote that coyote that our terrible sons uh have befriended he has left some frankly some pretty wretched comments about me on here i think i have to kill kyle i just want everyone to know that it's just occurred to me that when i picture kyle underneath a rock out in the woods yeah i'm kind of picturing that shadow wolf from never ending story okay who's like the voice of the nothing yeah sure that's how i'm picturing kyle but still more charming than kenneth yeah fuck kenneth for real though i'm glad i got bad but dad you have to be before

your kids are like here's our new dad a coyote a coyote you'll do he ate mom's insulated leggings yeah he and our mom's insulin and he's our new dad and we love him what how bad is your real dad i do want to just shout out to my girl amanda on yahoo uh uh 17 best answers not bad uh who says call a zoo and ask for advice animal control will probably just result of violence pretty cool haven't we hi uh zoo do you guys even coyotes i've got a free coyote here i've got a free coyote like you've captured one like i guess we could open up a coyote exhibit no i don't have it under i don't like have it in hand you guys would have to send your like wranglers for that now we're pitching a mouse hunt type movie we're a hilarious like but you know befuddled

zookeeper shows up to help kenneth catch kyle but kyle cannot be caught he is out smarting them left and right while teaching the sons i don't know about life yeah i don't know but in the end they all learn something from kyle also maybe he's magic i don't know we can we can focus group that later i feel like even animal control would be a bit of a stretch right because he calls animal control he's like hi uh kyle the coyote i don't know if you guys know him but uh i can you come kill him what's he doing you sir um well nothing right now but like earlier he tore my wife's leggings he taught my sons how to vape and i really i would like him to be killed please really in your house no he's in the woods if anything i'm in his house yeah he's in the

woods like a regular coyote but i just hate it when he comes around i just hate animal control could you come take my terrible children away they keep luring coyotes to my house i hate just hate knowing that he's out there somewhere thinking about kyle is out there putting the moves on my family in my house and everything i'm trying to steal my i have a hi i have a coyote who's doing identity theft to me and he's stealing my credit cards out of the like the shredded receipts out of there and put it back together this little kenneth please stop calling hi is this the number for animal control yes kent what is it today i was gonna make nachos to eat during the big game but all the fucking chedd's gone what why why is that even close to

being our jurisdiction i think it was two pounds it was two fucking pounds it was supposed to be all the chedd i needed for the month there's only one animal i know that can down that much chedd oh god no no no no no let all like kaiser sozey falls into place in his mind yeah he could just see kyle putting all the pieces in place you see four paws walking out of step and then they start like into a perfect prancing gallop and then you you pan up a little bit and there's a big fur line cheesy mouth and he's wearing sunglasses and he goes nachos cut to black fade to black no don't fade cut it hard cut star wipe no not even star wipe like nachos bam a macroid brother's production with some guy richie music fuck yeah guy richies a band

guy in the family richies rags to riches we're changing everything right now film music it's all on the fucking table the world is ours we just have to take it just have to reach out and take it rags to riches is actually not a great idea because we would have to convince guy richie to start a family band yeah and i don't like the movie is perfect the movie is money in the bank rags to riches is going to be a tough sell that's going to be tough sell but you do the movie to support rags to riches i guess yeah it's sort of yeah they form at the same time yeah and you're driving business to rags to riches yeah it's all it's all that's the secret to good business is funneling uh so what do we do now i think we

should end the show let's get on the show yeah that's a great place to end uh hey thank you all so much for for listening to our program um is everybody still recording by the way we don't do a time yeah for sure okay i want to remind you to go to nature box you order hundreds of great tasting snacks you go to nature box.com get your first box a handpick sent direct to your doorstep and thanks again to meundies who are dedicated to providing the world's most comfortable underwear go to meundies.com slash my brother for free shipping and 20 off your first order also the world's best lounge pants fuck those things are so fresh yeah they're so good i want to say i'm very excited to announce i teased it a little bit in the last couple episodes but uh my wife terisa

and i are launching a new podcast called shamaners um and it's all about extraordinary etiquette for ordinary occasions um and how manners are used in the modern world how they still apply uh we just put a promo up if you'd like to check it out you can go to bit.ly forward slash shmaners promo uh or you can follow us on twitter at shmanerscast and i posted like the rss feed and a direct download link for the promo if you're non-itunes user i did want to ask travis i listened to the pilot episode and are you gonna end every episode with you and terisa having a burping contest yeah well you know we're trying to appeal to as much as to a wider audience as possible it just doesn't seem mannerly to me i guess okay well we're still working on it so maybe we'll edit that out i've

got to send it to jesse for a couple last minute sure sure sure um so maybe the 30 minute long burping contest will get cut i don't know it was a lot it just like a lot of it there was a lot yeah and a lot of it was just like dry heaving yeah it's really really bad uh but go check it out shmaners at shmanerscast or search for it on itunes um i have some new projects i have a new hit youtube series called griffin's amiibo corner where i put nintendo brand amiibo toys in my mouth and review them um i'm very proud of it just search for griffin's amiibo corner uh just something i do monster factory for polygon which we don't talk about a lot on the show but is also i'm very proud of i i want you to know the latest episode um and i won't give too much away but when

you're working on the face and you manipulate the mouth to make him talk yeah i was crying oh good like i i had a hard time breathing for the entirety of that thank you very much uh me and my wife rachel have a bachelor fancast called rose buddies i'm gonna try and get an official podcast feed up for that but right now they're up on soundcloud um like you can find that on soundcloud uh and i should be launching a new video game podcast this week with uh with the polygons nick robinson that i'm also really happy about uh might be next week on that one but i'll let you know when it goes up what's it called uh i don't want to i don't want to say okay it's a really good is a really great promo griffin it's called okay i guess i guess i work it took to

get to that point yeah no a ridiculous amount of work to get to all right uh that's gonna do jesson do you have anything you want to plug no my baby about saubons my baby's doing great saubons is a medical history podcast that i make with my wife sydney it is you will learn something and you'll laugh and you'll laugh and learn our new episode is about uh green sickness which is sort of like uh anemia except it's fake okay it's a great app so uh check that out saubons on itunes or at saubons on twitter or what have you i want to say thanks to john roger for the long winters for this our theme song it's a departure off the album putting the days to bed terrific album always great for a listen anytime of year any mood any feeling you're trying

to capture this album has it all also want to say a genuine thanks to lin maywell maranda who has turned to my brother my brother and me appreciation group on facebook until just a non-stop fucking screaming hilarious party yeah if you're not uh on that facebook group you need to get there search for my brother my brother and me appreciation group uh just a quick note to people on there we just so you know like when you try to put things on there and they don't appear we're fairly stringent with like like we had two posts this week that were videos of uh tire banks and um uh uh carl ray jebson saying hi to griffin so like we try to give a pretty high bar there um so if you notice that you're like putting things and it's not just they're just not going

through um it's probably because we're not letting them through because we're pretty we're pretty strict about what we put up what justin is saying is find a celebrity and get them to reference our show in some way and then you'll make the cut i'm like a list please a list please and please don't just fucking find a picture of a horse and say like i know who loves horses stop it uh we do love like we do love horses we do love horses but we already have all those pictures yeah run it out and paste it all over our room like serial killers yeah all right so you all want the final yahoo hit me uh this one was sent in by uh zoe kinsky climbing that ladder thank you zoe it's also sent in i did a google search or a gmail search for it's also sent in by rustle treuer

like a month ago and i just missed it weird uh thank you to both of you uh it's a smash hit it's from roxy's girl who asks army wife or arby's wife i'm justin back right i'm travis back right i'm uh fuck what was it bliss delight thank you let's see my brother my brother me kiss your dad square on the lips maximum fun dot or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported i listen to bullseye because no show does a better job of showcasing the best creators we have today it's like the line i know it's on a favorite album but for everything in culture it makes me happy to hear music i've never heard before voices i'd never thought to listen to and culture recommendations that are

outside my comfort zone that's why i listen to bullseye you should too bullseye is your guide to what's good for maximum fun dot org and npr