My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 288: Shuriken Dip

Episode Date: February 1, 2016

We're glad that the subject matters addressed in this episode are coming at this point in our careers, because we're not sure we would have been equipped to handle them four years ago. Like: Sleep Jeans? SLEEP JEANS? JEANS FOR SLEEPING? Suggested talking points: Football Pointers, Sleep Jeans, Tim McGraw's Krav Maga Returns, Accidental ASMR, Candy Stamps, Realtor Kisses, A Matter of Taxonomy

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother and my brother meeting and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. I'm your middle-est brother Travis McElroy. I'm that sweet baby brother Griffin McElroy. Everybody's talking about him. I had an idea, and this is not a thing we normally do, but I thought that with the big game coming

up, we could offer a service to our listeners and that is we will provide for them some things to toss into maybe a conversation at a big game watch party for people who have no idea what's going on and know nothing about football. So say like a loved one has dragged you along or maybe a brother has insisted that you come to the party and you're surrounded by football fans and you have no idea what to say, we'll give you some sentences to kind of like sprinkle into the conversation. I tell you one good one, and this is a good catch all, just like look at any player on the field and then say their name and then say like, I just disagree with the way that he carries himself off the field. Oh, that's good, because like 80% of the time, you're probably on

point. Yes, or you're just echoing some controversy that probably doesn't exist. I want to ask you to clarify, just be like, you know, it's just, I like it when players just do it for the love of the game. Nice. It is another sort of one that you can. Anytime anyone does anything, literally anything, just shake your head and say too showy. Yeah. Too showy, I think. I liked it better when they just did it for the love of the game. You can also just say, oh, that was clearly defensive pass interference. Just literally every play because it usually is most of the time. Oh, if you can also just say DPI if cam fumbles, you can say more like now who is that cam Newton.

What is the he is the quarterback for the Carolina Panthers. Okay. You could say more like old town and then high five a bunch of people now that he's actually pretty young and Peyton Manning is the old one. Yeah. So that one's probably not going to get you many, many points with your with your friends. Let me suggest, let me suggest one when you first show up and everyone's making chit chat before the game while they're eating their the canapes. The what now? The canapes that are served pre game. When was making pre chit chat? Canapes? I don't know what the fucking words you're saying. Canapes? They're it doesn't. I can't tiny party food. Come on. Thank you, Travis. The when you're eating

canapes and but in the pre game ritual, loudly announced to anybody that'll listen, you know, every year I only watch for the commercials. And then the first time someone gets a touchdown, say that's a commercial. Nice. That's a good fiction wherein this whole time you thought touchdowns were called commercials. Yeah. That's what if you what if you created a fiction where you had like super like your whole financial life was riding on like how many field goals were kicked in the entire game? Well, okay, more field goals. Let's have as soon as the first field goal breaks upon the completion of the first field goal, just barf right there. And people are like, what's wrong with you? He said, I had 15 K that there wouldn't be any field goals the whole

game. No, no, no. I never bet. I've never bet. And this is my first bet in my whole life. And I never see my kids after this. And make it up to me. I bet there'll be some field goals. And you said bullshit 15,000 on the table. I need to go sell my kidney. I bet it's going to be zero zero at the end of it. First Super Bowl tie. I put 45,000 on zero zero. Can you just have a quiver of things that you can shout whenever everybody else shouts? Because that's the real secret. You don't have to like lead the charge in talking about how good the sporting has been so far. But you do need to participate when other people get super psyched whenever like a good pass or run is done to completion. And so just like whenever you say everybody like stand up or

be like, oh, just be like, slam a jam and ding dong. Pass the hummus. Well, no, that's great because it works on both levels. You get to participate in the yelling. And then you will also get dip out of that hummus. Yeah, but you could do what I do every Super Bowl, which is leave the room, reenter every 15 minutes and say, how are you boys doing on snacks? Can I freshen up anyone's drink? Can I freshen up anybody's drinks? How are you boys doing on snacks? Funyuns running a little low. Let me top those off. All right, boys, have fun. Those are your fucking snacks. What? Those are your snacks that doesn't. No, those are my, those are my canapes. I still don't understand what that was like a Friday on. No, okay, I'll be honest.

My go to for that sort of vignette would have normally been pizza rolls, but they didn't pay to be on here. So I'm going to keep the name out. You gotta pay the canapé. You gotta pay the canapé. Sorry, T blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, apostrophe S. I think I put too many blanks in there. I think it was Tatino. No, no, no. I think it was not enough. What is the halftime show? I think it is Friana. No, it's, wait, is it Friana? Or is it? It's Rihanna with the Moody Blues. No. I, is it not, isn't it Col, is it Coldplay? I think it's Rihanna and Coldplay and that guy that did, don't believe me, just watch. And then I think on top of that. Bruno Mars.

The red hot chili peppers are going to come down and just gently lower their balls onto the halftime show just to ruin it a little bit. Wow. It is a big one. It is Coldplay and Beyonce and Bruno Mars. You're right. Oh, wow, really? Yeah. Bruno Mars like just did it. Yeah. Like power lined it up all over the place. We're reflecting on all the classic moments of super old halftime shows in the past. I really get Prince. Prince is the best halftime show that's ever been. I think you could. Do you remember when he had a guitar boner? Which time? You can't just say that about Prince. Do you remember when he had a guitar boner? Are you talking about in like? This guitar was a penis in 1985. I guess he's probably going to say, do you remember

when he didn't have a guitar boner? Can we start with a decade? Here's the thing. Go in and be absolutely 100% ignorant of sport and all rules of sport. And then as soon as Coldplay takes the stage, just start hammering Coldplay trivia and all the Coldplay. Just like you're like the performance lights come up. You turn to the person next to you and say, hey, you know, Chris Martin's father is an accountant and just wait, just wait, pace it every 15 minutes. Just 15 seconds. Like, hey, did you know their first song is called Ode to Deodorant and it was written as a joke? Hey, can you guys name anybody else in Coldplay other than Chris Martin? Steve Coldplay. I don't think he's one of them. He formed it like in Van Halen. There's Doug Hotwork,

which is weird. I work hot so I can play cold. Chris Martin, while he was writing Yellow, noticed the phone book, the Yellow Pages, and decided the word Yellow fit nicely in his song. That's why it's there. Where are you going? Please. There's still so much more. Please sit back down. Please sit back down. I have so many more facts. I think I thought Doug Hotwork was the creative lead behind Yellow. Can we create a three-person Coldplay slam band called Hotwork and just like all of our songs are just like, get it together, Coldplay. It's all songs about Coldplay. Yeah, and how bad they stink because we're Hotwork, the evil Coldplay. Oh, I see. We're the Riverbottom Nightmare band. Yeah, and we'll just like show up to all their shows and

play smaller concerts in the crowd and try and just distract. Amp versus Amp Coldplay. Bring it on, Christopher Martin. We're the misfits to their Joe and the Holograms. Yeah. That's a weird thing to call your cartoon band because that's a thing because that was like a real ass band. Real, yeah. So that's a let's talk about advice for people. Yeah. Oh, that seems pretty good. I like to sleep in my blue jeans. Stop. Next question. You don't deserve to have this. You just read the fucking thing. I'm going to mute my Skype call for a while. By that it's like, we have influence and by putting these ideas that are about to be in this email out into the world, we may influence even a single person to adopt this monstrous

behavior. Like, like, I'm not sure I want that on my conscience unless we just tear this person a new person, a new person. A new person. We tear this person a new person and read the fucking question become a different person. I like to sleep in my blue jeans. My wife thinks I'm a total monster, but for me, there's no, I'm not making this person sound defensive enough. Hold on, let me try again. I like to sleep in my blue jeans. My wife thinks I'm a total monster, but there's no greater comfort than the feeling of denim rubbing against my shoes. There's a billion, billion, billion greater comforts. There's a million, millions of greater comforts. There is a sagan of greater comforts. I work in a cube all day, so it's not like my jeans are dirty.

Why does the geometric shape in which you do your biz influence their smell and dirt level? Sometimes I get a fresh pair from the closet to sleep in. My sleep jeans. Please vindicate or vilify me. That's from Stylish Slumber in the South. I have news for this person. They have taken like cork and they dropped a brick on the gas pedal. They ramped over through the vene. They pressed the nitrous button and they ended up in fetish chasm. Sorry. This is a fetish. You do not have a comfort, like the comfort is not the issue when talking about jeans and sleep. You have a denim fetish and that's cool. That's fine. Don't own it, but you got to own it. You got to lean into it. John Mellencamp had a denim fetish and he fucking turned it into a successful musical

career. He rebuilt America's economy without denim fetish. He did. He was the Hamilton of denim. Is it? Okay. Question asked. There are sleep pants. Yeah. I'm just, I'm worried that maybe you like didn't know and this is the first you're hearing about it. Like there are really nice sleep pants from beyond east. You can go to Target and get like $10 sleep pants. And I think maybe you've only ever slept in jeans. And if you put on even like the shittiest pair of sleep pants and you get in bed, you're going to be like, Oh my God. Do other people know about this? I just like, I, it's un, it's unthinkable. I can't get my jeans off me fast enough when the work day's done. And I work from home. So that's an entirely

arbitrary distinction. They just, jeans just bend in such weird ways, like at the knee and, and everywhere. Like they just don't, they're not a comfort pant. They're not, they're, they're like the Chevy old timing Chevy truck of pants. It's not like a sleek, like look at me fly around these curves. It's like, I got to get a load of lumber to the mill. That's what denim was, denim was invented so that like cows, when they bit you, it didn't hurt very bad. Or like, that used to be the tagline underneath like Levi's. So it doesn't hurt so bad when cows bite you. Or like, if you and Stevie are having a pitchfork fight, you got basically a little bit of armor down there. I, I put jeans on, like even on the weekends, like when we have to

do the show, uh, I put jeans on before we start and I take them off immediately afterwards. But I need them to feel like I'm at work. Like I need them to feel like I'm not relaxing. And I need jeans to keep me awake. I'm like the polar opposite of your gene situation. Unless there's no, no, no, I'm trying to fucking line. There's no, unless no sleep jeans. He said unless I have to say it, unless this guy is a wizard of denim. No, stop it. That's nothing. No, hear me out. Hear me out. What if he's found a care regiment for his denim that if he just revealed it to the world would change the gene game forever? And he's like, Oh, do you guys not like soak them in lard first and then put them in microwave for 30 seconds? And it's like, what? And when you do that, it makes

them feel like satin. Then just wear satin. Guess what? Pint jeans wizard. I can, I'm one step ahead of the game and I save lard money. I just buy satin. You gotta save that lard money. It's expensive. 2016. You gotta send, send kids to college. This makes me so angry. This makes me so angry. Maybe if you got like, if you, if you, if your pre bedtime regimen was just like you did like 20 Whippets and it was just like you fell into bed and forgot to take your pants off every night, that sucks. But I'm willing to give that person like more, more, I would be less, I would be less irritated by somebody who said, listen, every night before I need to get asleep, I have to do 20 Whippets and then I just crash into bed and just like whatever I'm wearing.

That's my sleep stuff. You purposefully, you have genes specifically for this thing. There's, there's criminal intent. Can I tell you one thing that would be really, really nice though is travel for travel. You wouldn't need to pack, you know, your sleepy time shorts for that hotel lounge, when you get a hotel lounge. Now, okay, okay, here's a question. When you got, when the work day is done for y'all and it's time to like unwind, maybe make a blue apron and sit down, watch some television, drink some club W. Yeah, whatever, whatever, what are your, eat some nature box, do your, uh, fucking job applications with Zipper creator, put three dildos up your butt, like you're a toothbrush cup, saying that you bought from

extreme restraints. Actually, no, you, uh, you actually bought them from Squarespace. Weird twist. Uh, what would you, do you guys like get out of genes and get into like something more comfortable? Like you get some sweatpants going or something. Justin, I might as well have a Wallace and Gromit machine that does it for me. Okay. So this is my question. Does this person who sleeps in jeans, do you think that they're spending the entirety of their evening in jeans? Or like, does that not spell comfort to them? Like, how do they, I mean, like maybe they work in sleep pants and can't wait to get these off. Yeah, exactly. 24 seven, 365, it's opposite day. Let's get silly. You can't wear, you can't wear sweatpants to the office. You cannot do it.

You fucking low rent Alice in Wonderland character. Like he got to get the right pants for the right time today. I'm a silly pants boy. Stop. You're not. You have fetish. That's fine. Just don't air it out here. Or do like, this is a good venue for airing out your fetish. But just say like, I've got a denim fetish. Right. Don't tell me they just sleep jeans. But don't say it. Now you're on the clock at Barnes and Noble. You can't just go around saying that, parading it around in front of all of us. Because we're jealous. We are jealous. Because we always had something that made us feel as alive as your jeans make you feel. Do you guys want a Yahoo? Please. Got a bunch of real good ones. Thank you everybody. This one's sent in by Game Recognized Game Rachel Rosen.

Thank you, Rachel. It's by Yahoo Answers user. Oops, they're anonymous. Oops, all berries. It was asked by Captain Munch. Captain C. CC asks, am I too powerful? My mum, me mum, just recently signed me up for Krav Maga lessons. My instructor says I'm an my instructor says I'm accelerating at an unimaginable rate. What I'm trying to say is, what if I become a human weapon and I'm not allowed out in public? Oh God, I get that, man. This is that con air fear. Like you actually kill a guy in a bar fight and the judge is like, well, we all know that he's a Krav Maga weapon and his hands are deadly weapons and he shouldn't be allowed in public anymore. And we got to lock him away in a prison

filled with the worst scum and then fly him across the country. But then the plane crashes in the desert, I think, and see Bushimi's there and he has tea with the little girl. I don't want to give away the ending, but you should check out the plane crashes. Yeah. And they all die. It's pretty sick. I think every Krav Maga instructor, which is the deadliest martial art, right? Have we officially said actually, I feel like maybe at some point during the history of the show, we've said what the most deadly martial art is. It's the one that don't mess with the Zohan uses. So that's enough for me. Thank you. Every Krav Maga instructor has to have a contingency plan for this exact scenario where they have like some sort of

biotoxin in a syringe in the underneath the cash register that they use to take payments for the lessons. And then like, oh, yeah, you're doing really good. You're just about to earn your green belt. Just come over here. It's time to cash out. Stab him in the neck with the biotoxin. But then your student turns against you. You try to stab him with the biotoxin and like they stop your hand and like, damn it, I waited too long. Yeah, he's already ascended. Or how was I supposed to know that they only needed 35 seconds to become a Krav Maga master? This is unimaginable. Unimaginable. It's unimaginable. It's unimaginable. Like in my days as a Krav Maga instructor, I've seen a lot of students come through here and I've watched them progress.

And in my wildest fantasy, sometimes I dream of a student who is progressing at an even faster rate. And I have tested the, and then I saw you and I have tested the bounds of my imagination to conceive of how you could be progressing at this rate. And I cannot conceive of it. Here are the keys to my dojo. I have to step down and go in a cave and think about this for a while. Just as a fun thought experiment, how fast can someone get good at kicking? Not that somebody has their mind blown by it. Exactly this fast and no faster, most certainly. Oh God. No, no, no. Oh God, Zachary. Oh my. I have to check the scrolls. Yeah, just kick this. Let's just, this is the first test that we do here at Tim McGraw's Krav Maga. And the thing we do

is we just like, I hold this up and you just kick it and I see how. How could this be? How could this be? My God, the reality is dissolving around me. Everyone get out. I have to go pray to the patron spirit of Tim McGraw's Krav Maga and find out. You got Tim. Tim, you'll never believe. Tim, it's me. Try to imagine how good someone could progress. You can't. Tim, you can't. It's Tim McGraw. Listen, I told you you could use my name, but I was also real clear. I don't know anything about Krav Maga. So I'm going to have to trust you. Tell me what to do, Tim, please. Listen, I have informed you repeatedly. I'm not even familiar with Krav Maga as in fighting style.

I'm not getting so good, Tim. I need, I just give me some guidance. Trust me with your wisdom. My only fighting technique is smashing a beer bottle and cutting a fool. I'll try it. Okay, click. I gotta be honest. I gotta be honest. When you told me you were opening Krav Maga place, I thought it was a Mediterranean restaurant. Which I would love. That's on me, I guess. I love that shit. You got none? Tzatziki? I'm all about it. Listen, I sent you a picture of myself dipping some pita into hummus to use for the logo, and you did not send that photo back to me. So I thought that was for me to keep, Tim. I'm so sorry.

You used it for like the logo of your dojo, your dojo logo, which I thought was weird, because who's going to sign up like, well, there's, well, there's country music superstar Tim McGraw enjoying some Mediterranean bean dips. But on your logo, you have photoshopped out the pita bread and change it to a shirking, which seems weird to me since I don't even think that's a Krav Maga. That you were still dipping it in hummus. I did it. I heard sir Google search, and almost certainly they do not use shirking in Krav Maga, and they definitely do not dip them in hummus before throwing them some bitches. And listen, it seems like you photoshopped the hummus out and put in the brains of my enemy. How do I know? Because you've put a speech bubble above

my head that said, this is the brains of my enemy, not hummus. Hey, Tim, I gotta go. I've got this person kicking real good in the go joking. I'm going to need to see you're born a few days ago, man, because I do not think, I do not think that you are very, you are excellent at photoshopping. I think bad at Krav Maga. I have to imagine. Oh man. How about another question? My cube mate whispers to who herself constantly. Sometimes she's reading out loud to herself. Sometimes she's talking to herself. Sometimes I can't even tell what she's saying, but I hear the whispers. Oh my God. This is hella distracting. Why there hasn't been a cube mate there in over 40 years.

This is hella distracting because I'm pretty down with ASMR and I can't get any work done. Oh shit. I'm in the channel zone. Oh fuck. This took a turn. This took a twist. Any ideas on how to address this? That's from, huh? In Houston. See, I thought we were going with like, it's annoying because I would always kills. I tell you why that people like that drive me crazy and it's not an ASMR thing. I can't stand when you're the only person in a room with someone else who starts talking. And of course you're like, what are you? Sorry? Like, are you talking to me? Okay. And it's like, no, I just reading really funny Ziggy cartoon. Sorry. I'll try to keep it down. Like, but how many times does that have to happen before the person is like, I need to stop talking

because like 30 times a day, Deborah is leaning around going, excuse me? Why? Did you? What did you say? Like, eventually you would think that the cube mate would be like, I need to shut it. Travis, I don't know if you've worked in a lot of offices, but there are always people who like, no, they don't. Like they don't have any, like you think that they would get better at this, this scenario that everyone is in and they don't, like they belligerently don't ever grow as people. What if you just quietly start whispering back if they're like, I gotta staple this and you're like, yeah, you do. What do you see my wiener? You're what? It's me, the ding dong buddies. I'm both of them. I am both of the ding dong buddies. This is my new song. Wait till my wiener

makes its debut. I think that the ASMR thing actually gives you a leg up because one surefire way to get this person to stop is to explain what is happening to you. I think that would get me to stop right quick. Yeah. Excuse me. When you whisper, it gives me a tingling and a denim boner, a denim style tingling in the back of my head. You know, denim, you know, the feel of denim on sheets. It's like that. When are we going to do an ASMR episode? I could feel like that. Oh, fuck, we definitely should do an ASMR episode. I feel like the ASMR episode is like there. It's waiting for us to pluck from it. Already somebody's done a super cut of like our 288 episodes every time we whisper and it's like four hours long. Well, yeah, I just, I just gave us a good like

20 seconds of material right there with my ding dong buddies run. Yeah, that was somebody's trigger. Yeah, that's going straight on the greatest hit CD. Or the quietest, it would be the quietest hits. This is the second question in a row where somebody's mentioned working in a cube. Is that what we're calling cube goals right now? Because right now it just kind of sounds like you're floating around in like some sort of geometry void and that like a wizard trapped you in. Right. And I guess with what I sometimes that's what it feels like. Am I right? Mondays. Dilbert. Dilbert from downtown. Maybe you could like sound insulate your cubicle, maybe put some baffling up, maybe some fiberglass, some Navajo rugs, just something to try to deaden

the sound a little bit or show something in your ears. You can put your mattress foam on their cubicle too just to absorb some of the noise. Don't mind me. Oh, it's six foot by three foot. Oh, I got a great piece for this. Okay. This is great. Can you just play music on your computer that drowns out the noise of the whispers like just a bunch of trombones going? No, you know what? I just thought about it and literally any music will do. It didn't have to be trombones. Yeah, it didn't have to be. It didn't have to be trombones. It came to my mind. It was like, hey Griffin, think of something to say on the podcast right now that would be like loud music. I was like, oh, I know trombones. Not like any EDM or any rock music with guitars in it.

I mean like any music. Just like any music you turn up on. It doesn't have to be trombones. My point is it doesn't just have to be trombones. A lot of people think it has to be trombones, but is trombones the opposite of ASMR? Because if we do an ASMR episode, we got to do a trombone episode. I think it's like the palate cleanser of ASMR. Like you're starting to get tingles and you're like, oh, thank God. I was so close. Thank you for ASMR edging me. I got to say gross. I also got to say that movie Trumbo that got nominated for Oscar that I've literally never heard of before. Is that about trombones? Mm-hmm. Yeah, but it's like the slang. It's a street slang term for it. Sling me that trumbo, said Dizzy Gillespie. Well, what's funny is it's also a slang term.

It's also a slang term for like the groupies that follow trombonists around. Like, oh, they're a real trumbo. You know what I mean? Okay. But it can get confusing when you say pass me that trumbo. And you're like, wait, do you mean the instrument or the groupie? And by that point, you've used more words and letters than you would have by just saying the full word like trombone, groupie or trombone. Just trombone. Yeah. I got to see trombone. It sounds hilarious. It's pretty great. You should also check out Trumbo Drop. You mean Operation Trumbo Drop? Yeah. Oh, with a set up and an alley hoop. Oh, that's another thing you can say during the football game. Yeah, give it to me again, Travis. And Griffin will just edit it in to like pretend that you

just come up with it and you're just saying it. Just like the full title Operation Trumbo Drop. Yeah, but like isolate it. Okay, let me see it. Oh, like Operation Trumbo Drop with a steal, with a fucking swooped in, you just got dunked on. Dunkarooskies. That's another thing you can do in the football game. That's another thing you can do in the football game. Let's go to the money zone. We're there. Look around you. Look around you. You've been in the money zone the whole time. The whole show's the money zone. The money zone is us. I want to talk about Nature Box. Can I talk about Nature Box? Yes, please do. I love snacking. And I'm worried that I have a snack obsession because I just snack every day and when I can't go to sleep without eating snacks in my mouth,

which is dangerous. Fortunately, there's a snack provider out there that can change your life. And it's called Nature Box. Nature Box has over 100 tasty options for you to choose from snack options like Sriracha roasted cashews and French toast granola. You can fill out your snack profile, get personalized recommendations based on your preferences, and get matched up to go on dates with people who like the same snacks that you like. I also like granola. Let's kiss. Let's have a granola kiss. What's that? Well, we both put granola in our mouths and then what happens next is up to us. I got a new Nature Box. You can set up your own Nature Box snacks to get the specific things that you want. I like to just go crazy. Whenever you guys want to toss at me,

I'm sure I'll get into it. There's a new one called Crispy Coconut Squares that I tried this time. Oh my gosh. They're like crunchy. God, they're impossible to describe, but they're absolutely delicious. And I cannot recommend them enough. There's so many really, really good snacks that they do. I got one peanut. Who was talking about peanut butter graham jams? That was me. Oh man, those are good traps. You were right about those. And you can check out all of this and get your first box at naturebox.com. Just head to Nature Box, right? Stick the landing here because this is the best line in marketing ever. Head to naturebox.com right now to unbox a world of taste and possibility. I like to imagine there should be a door. You go to naturebox.com and there's a

little like gift of a door. And when you click on it, there's just like you see the universe. Everything is edible as long as it's in a nature box. Yeah, and like there's a million, million butterflies. I want to tell you guys about Bowlin Branch. Can I do that? Oh, please do. Actually, Justin, you tell me about Bowlin Branch because you're sleeping on these shits. Oh, I'm constantly, constantly sleeping on these sheets when I'm asleep. How do they interact with denim? They are perfect match for denim provided you take the denim off before you get into bed. Nothing reminds you of how bad denim feels like the soft comfort of Bowlin Branch sheets. Bowlin Branch, that's B-O-L-L and branch.com, make great sheets. If you've ever slept in like

a bed, I use the hotel comparison a lot when talking about Bowlin Branch. Like you sleep on sheets sometimes at a hotel and you're like, where are they buying these? And not like a shitty hotel. Not like a hotel that was only $43. This is like that, you know what, we're going to splurge $175 a night kind of hotel. Yeah, like a nice place. And you think, where do you guys get these sheets? Because I've bought a lot of sheets trying to find something that matched the quality of these that give me that hotel luxury experience. I haven't found them until I started sleeping on Bowlin Branch. They come in this beautiful decorative box. You feel like a real fancy prince. And when you're unwrapping them, and then you feel less fancy when you got to put your own sheets on your own bed.

I bet Prince has never had to do that. But then when you get into bed, you feel like a prince again. So you like feel like a prince. And then you have a good tarbonner and you feel like Prince. Yeah, it's a real prince in the popper scenario. And here's the best thing. Maybe you're a little bit hesitant because you're like, I don't know, buy them online. I don't get to like, you know, check them out first. Well, good news. They're going to let you try them at risk-free for 30 nights. And you're going to love it though. Trust me, I've been sleeping on them as well. They are amazing. And they seem to just get more and more comfortable over time because they use like super high quality cotton. And it's really, it's really princely.

As a, as a special Mbam-Bam bonus, you can buy sheets that have come with our own individual smells pre-baked into them, our own individual unique sleep musks. Do not mix them together. Do not to mix them together. You can get right now 20% off your first order if you use the promo code mybrother. All one word. That's bowlandbranch, B-O-L-L and branch.com. Boy, they must have been so embarrassed when they realized they didn't spell it B-O-W-L. B-O-L-L and branch.com. Promo code mybrother. Don't punish them because they don't know how to spell bowl. Go buy their sheets. All right. We got a Jumbotron message. This is for Andrew. It's from Matt. Let's see it right to it. Happy birthday,

little bro. And happy future birthdays because this present is worth a few birthdays. Nice. I agree. Hopefully this got in on time. What with your birthday being November 20th and all. Yeah, you got it. Split the uprights. Slam a jamma ding dong. Pass the hummus between his birthday and some other day. Pass the fucking hummus, Andrew. You crushed it. Anyway, thanks for introducing me to MBNBAM and making my life that much funnier. I agree with this being worth a few birthdays because here's the thing. You can listen to this episode of this podcast anytime. It's a great thing about podcasts. They're eternal.

The weird thing is it's not consecutive birthdays. This is going to be good for his 24th, his 28th, and his 33rd. Yeah. But you know what birthday won't be good for? The intended birthday because that was fucking four months ago. Oh, well. Pobuddy's nerfict. This message is for Jesse. And it's from also Jesse. And Jesse says to themselves, hey, man, I am communicating to you across the void through telepathy. Kind of. If I did my math correctly, the brothers should be reading this on your birthday. Almost certainly not. Happy 31st from three to four months ago. I truly hope you're keeping it tight. And if you need me, I'm on my mobile. So good. So, so good.

Do you think this is from Jesse to Jesse, like themselves? Or do you think that it's just like there happened to be two Jesse's in the world? I think there's definitely more than two Jesse's in the world. Well, I've never seen them in a room together. That's right. Wait a minute. Jesse is Jesse, the perfect disguise. But who's Jesse's girl? I'll stop it. I wanted to mention something. We alluded there to the best personal message we've ever read on the show for Elliott from Matt Hall. I went back and looked at it just now because it'd been a while. And there's something I've never noticed before. The and the message is, of course, thanks for vibing it and keeping it tight. If you need me, I'm on my mobile. First off,

I don't think we said vibing it. I think we just said vibing, right? And the and is all caps. So the message is actually like the main thing that they want to communicate is that they've somehow managed to both vibe it and keep it tight. That's really impressive. It's unimaginable that they were able to both vibe it and keep it tight. Yeah, because vibing it, the very active vibing it usually just loosens that thing up. But no, you kept it very, very tight. And that's impressive. Very tight. Let's be honest, we live in a world with too much media. You need a podcast on the front lines, figuring out what's great. We're here for you. We're Pop Rocket. I am Guy Branham. I'm a comedian. I'm Wintern Mitchell. I call myself a digital strategist. I'm Oliver

Wing, academic and disc junkie. Margaret Woppler, J.S.S.W.E. as John Elise. And we watch, listen to, and read everything so that you don't have to. And then we tell you about all the things that you'll love to love. Find us in iTunes or wherever you download podcasts. Pop Rocket, every Wednesday from MaximumFun.org. You want to have a Yahoo question? Yeah, I'd love a Yahoo question, Griffin. Got a bunch here. Do the best one. Well, fuck, that's tough to... I know. I got three Drew Davenports. Can I, you want me to just... You can trade those in for one megaport. I'm gonna fire these Drew Davenports at you guys. Just rapid fire. You tell me which one you want to really

explore. Because I honestly can't choose. It's level 9000. Yeah, Drew Drew Davenport, of course. Thank you, Drew. This one is from Devin, who asks, if you put Mountain Dew in a purifier, would you get water or Mountain Dew? I think there's something to talk about there. This one is from Sal, who asks, every time I go to lick a stamp, I really want to gently kiss it instead. Is this okay? And then this one is from Something's Gone Wrong, column Bernard asks, big hands? When do I start getting big hands? I'm 18 years old. When do I start getting bigger hands? I think it's going to be big hands. Yeah. Although I am curious, if you put Mountain Dew in a purifier, you just get like that crisp Mountain Dew.

I think it just turns into vodka. Why is this so crisp? Is this pure Mountain Dew? I think that's how Dew Shine is made. All right, let's close that. Get out of here. So close that one out. Okay, so somebody watched the video for Everlong and they're like, wait a minute, the Foo Fighters managed to get big hands. What do I get big hands? Do I need to do some intricate steam rolling? Because that usually happens in cartoons. We can make a huge mistake. Big hands aren't as funny as I thought they would be. Get out of here, big hands. Every time I go to lick a stamp, I really want to gently kiss it instead. Is this okay? I think it just depends on what the stamp is. Are we talking like American

presidents? Are we talking like hippie symbols through the years? Are we talking like, I don't know, world war two pilots? I'm never stopping. Yeah, just keep naming things. Just keep naming. Maybe Woodstock performers. Maybe Woodstock. Maybe Woodstock. Is it, is it, it might be a Snoopy situation, a peanut situation. It could be famous circus elephants. It could be inventors of the 1820s. It could be the many faces of Elvis. I mean, there's lots of different stamps out there. The different finger bones that there are. How many finger bones are there? Look at these stamps to find out. You'll never believe how many finger bones there are. Number 23 blew me away. Fun stamp facts. Which is ironic because it's on stamps. There are

stamps that have pictures of other stamps on them. Those are very rare. If you find those, hold on to them for dear life, Charlie Bucket. And run home. Run home, Charlie. Don't show anyone your stamps, stamps. There's Jeff Probst dick pic stamps that I made. They are not, they're not legal tender. Please don't use them. Hey, wouldn't it be cool if stamps were edible? What if every time you got mail after they, like after they did their job as postage, every time you got mail, you like saw, oh man, I got like five candy treats just waiting for me, like little dissolvable candy treats waiting for me stuck to the cause they're just going to go in the garbage. Otherwise, like, why can't they be edible? Like if you peel them off,

that's good, Justin. Yeah. What you do is you have to make one third of them edible, but you don't have any kind of sign as to which ones are and which ones aren't. You just have to try it and then think of how exciting it is when you get one that is. Yeah. And you're like, no. Okay, no, one third edible. I don't think, let me say this, if one third of stamps are candy edibles, I do not think you're going to sit and eat a pile of stamps. If, if one third are able, there is, however, a number between all stamps being edible and one third stamps being edible, in which you would try to eat every stamp you got, right? I thought you were going to say the number. You're saying we don't know what that science

has not found that number yet. I'm saying, I don't know the, if it was 50-50, I think I would probably find better ways of spending my time. If 80% of stamps were candy edibles, I might sit and eat a pile of stamps. You would stop differentiating because he would assume, well, this is, well, this here, this is male candy. But I think the problem with 80-20 is now the 20 has become a disappointment rather than the 80 being a pleasant surprise. Can I just- Now you're getting punished for getting one of the 20%. Let's put a pin in this because I've realized just sort of one problem with the candy stamps idea, and it's a, Justin, it's a great idea. Terrific idea. Thank you, Griffin. Easy to, easy to produce too. Just cut

out little pieces. Copyright, TM, TM. Cut out little pieces of fruit roll-ups and then they, they bobs your uncle. The only problem, the only problem with this idea, Justin, is by the time that the letter gets to you, it has been touched by 200 of the dirtiest hands imaginable. 200 of the, these hands, unimaginable how dirty they are. Maybe it's sealed in its own like wrapper. Okay. Perfect. I got a better, I got a good idea then. 50% of stamps are candy, but edibles, 50% are antibiotics. So you eat- Nice. So you eat the candy ones and you also eat the antibiotic. But you have to do it like a tequila shot. You eat the candy stamp and you immediately chase it

by drinking antibiotics? Mm-hmm. Okay. But you don't- Out of someone's navel. You don't know which or which. So like, it's like, oh, I just ate five antibiotic stamps in a row. I'm really grossed out. I'm really hope I get some candy. Or all the stamps you get that day are candy. Like, well, I, somebody's getting a head cold. Okay. I like all of this. This is great. And for me, it's less, I'm less worried about the contagion of it and more like, I just knowing, oh my, so many dirty hands have touched this as fast as around. I'm not a fan.

Maybe they just work around the, like, just like, it becomes a postal thing, like a superstition if you want to, if you want to just like a rule, like, don't touch the stamp. Well, you wouldn't want to touch the stamps. You get those sticky hands. You don't want to. Oh, yeah. Well, they wouldn't touch it. They wouldn't touch the stamp because they don't want their hands. They don't want sticky hands. Yeah, shit. This is good. This is all good. Full proof. Now, here is the question. Oh, boy. If the person who is sending the stamp has to lick it,

wouldn't it be better if they were kissing it? Because that would be, you kiss anybody, you kiss anybody and everybody. And so I think that would be better. Just going to charge, just going to charge right through that statement. Just like bully it, just bully it onto our podcast. I don't, I don't understand, Justin. Please, please repeat. Okay, I'm saying, okay. If through space and time, this candy stamp is bringing you the physical greeting of affection from another person or maybe somebody who works at the IRS or somebody who has sent you a catalog. Gotcha.

I think that you would prefer the thought that they kissed the stamp and send it off to you and you're eating a kiss. Okay. Then they lick the stamp and it's like they're licking the inside of your mouth. Okay. It's all, it's, Justin, if I may, it's both are pretty bad. It's all bad. It's all very bad. It's bad all the way down. The reason, by the way, I want to just take this into a quick sidebar. The reason, please give me the fuck out of this bar.

I hate this regular bar we're in right now. The reason I got distracted is when I said you kiss everyone and everything. I remembered a true life story that I wanted to share. I sold my home this week, my former home that I lived in and I went, I was the only one on the deed for some reason, not me and Sid. So it would just be weird at the closing and I was very excited. Hi, Patrick. Patrick bought our house. Patrick, dear friend, Patrick Stanley.

I hope you guys are enjoying the home. But anyway, good luck finding where I should call my secret shits. Signed the paperwork. My realtor was there. Her name was Lori. My realtor was there. We had finished signing the paperwork and she gave me one of those Christian side hugs to celebrate as we were leaving. Because I guess she felt bad for me because I was there by myself during this momentous occasion.

As we were leaving, she gave me a side hug and I turned towards her to turn it into a full hug, to do the full hug conversion because I don't like the side hug. And out of nowhere, before I realized what I was doing as I hugged her, I kissed her cheek. And then you had to burn the house to the ground because it had seemed too much. It should have been one of the happiest days of my life. I ruined it. I walked back to my car thinking, what the fuck did you just do? Who are you?

You just kissed her cheek. Give me a fucking, I need to know the trajectory, the angle. Like, did you just plant it on there like you would do to a grandma or was it like, and did you do it in like the French style? It was a grandma trajectory and I have to say, even though I'm, listen, we all have a lot of fun here. I have to say, I think I sold it pretty confidently. I think she walked away from that thing and walked me through it beat by beat. I think I gave you a pretty, a fucking zap rudery and like breakdown of how it happened, Travis.

But I need to know, okay, this, okay, this will clarify it for me. Let's imagine we are in the .0001 second right after you have kissed your oven cheek. I don't want to be here. Just write to me the face that you made right after you did. It probably would have been something like this. Like that. Probably something like that. I think you sold it.

Did she seem like, what the fuck? No, she, it was like a really, you know what Griffin? I felt like I had dominated the situation socially because I think she walked away from it thinking, man, that must be pretty cool where he comes from. Like from his, like from his point of view. Oh, she thought you were so just a metropolitan. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Very metropolitan.

Ooh, big city man kissing cheeks. She knows where you live, Justin. She literally just sold her own house. Literally. That must be really cool in his new house. She didn't know where my new house is. Listen, before we get a bunch of emails, I know that some people kiss cheeks. I know that this would not be a momentous occasion for everybody.

This was, this is not how I comport myself in the universe. We keep our list of people whose cheeks we kiss very, very narrow. It's either our wives or our daddy. And that's it. That's it. That's it. It's a sacred bond that we have. We don't kiss each other on the cheeks.

I give my baby little baby kisses aren't cheek. Gross. And then I whisper to give her those ASMRs that babies love ASMRs. Holy shit, no. Read another question. I'm taking an ASMR video of a baby giving her, of a woman giving her baby a massage. It's an infant massage ASMR video.

If Charlie loves it because it's got a baby in it. I love it because it's ASMR. It's a video we can all agree on. The whole family can like it. Hey, why don't you go ahead and airplay that from your phone to the Apple TV dad because the whole family is enjoying this ASMR video. I'm going to go throw you in jail, Justin. I'm calling the cops right now and they're going to toss you in the pokey.

They're going to, they're going to try to toss me in the pokey. I'm going to be like, hey cops, thank you so much for putting save it for the ASMR episode. They're going to get tangles and they're not going to be able to arrest me. What a weird superpower. How about another question? Please. I live with my fiance.

And although I have my own laptop, we share his desktop for gaming. He's a bit messy in real life, but that I can deal with. His computer is an issue though, because he saves his porn to the desktop. Oh, I don't know. Oh, no. Playing TF2 in Windows. Who the desktop? I need instant access to ButtSlammers 21.

I needed that already. I got it in my holster. My ButtSlammers holster. You don't know when the moment's going to strike you. Do you think? Hold on, let me finish the question. Playing TF2 in windowed mode with some asses staring right back is unsettling. I assure you.

I've asked him to sort it and he just laughs. It's not a deal breaker. It's just weird. Do I learn to live with it or do I sort it myself for his upcoming birthday? That's from, there's no porn pun I can make about Eugene Oregon. No, you can't. Is it, is the unporniest town in the world? I love the idea of, hey, honey, could you sort the porn you've saved on your laptop?

Okay, bye. Good show, honey. Catch you later. From a chaser bliss, stand in your truth, whatever. From a taxonomy standpoint, sort your shit. I'm with this person. Sort your shit. Put your shit in a folder.

Sort it and name that folder. Please don't look at this. This is my secret. Oh, just call it porn, but they'll just put it on a deep on the desktop. That's a cluttered desktop. I don't think hearing your background. I don't save my audio files to my desktop. Why is your porn there?

Yeah. And do you think it is large? Okay. Do you think it is large files he has downloaded and does not want to go through the time and trouble of downloading again? Or do you think you were talking about like hyperlinks like hyperlink files that get him right to the sites he craves? This is his go to like never fail porn.

Like even if he's having the worst day and maybe he's got like a cold and is running a fever, this is the porn that he knows is going to work all the time, every time. And he doesn't want to lose those links. Or why is he downloading this stuff? Did he just like get Kazaa and was like, this is it, the pinnacle of technological achievement. It's just Kazaa.

What does streaming mean? You mean streaming? That if you are no longer available to access porn on the internet, everything else in society has collapsed around you. It will be, I guarantee you, the least of your worries. I can't keep reading. I keep this person put it in all caps. And for a good reason, because that's how I am also reading it,

which is screaming inside my own head. This should desk time. I would have been offended if it was any file. If he saved any file, like he saves this whole music library to his desktop. Bad. He saves individual photos to his desktop. Stop it. He saves gifs of monkeys wearing hats.

Nothing belongs on the desktop. I got to say, actually, I'm being pretty hypocritical right now. I'd like to screen share my screen with the two of you boys right now. Just to enjoy sort of the screaming hellscape. Big bosom seven. No, stop. That doesn't, that's not out there. You have Buzz Lambers two, three and.

They didn't make a zero is that a pretty cool. We know your line because they didn't even make a butt slammer's three. They skipped it. This one's called thugs and jugs, which seems like almost kind of offensive Griffin. Wait, did you say thugs in jugs? Thugs and jugs. No, it says. This is called, please let them know.

You're misreading that. It's called jugs and jugs. It's about women who put their boobs into jugs. No, it says dugs and jugs. Dugs and jugs. This one just says jugs in jugs. No, that's a bug's life. I got a Kazaa and I downloaded a rip of a bug's life.

Okay. There's some, it's kind of, okay, I wish I had the confidence and the self-assuredness and just the openness that this gentleman clearly has that they're like, I don't care. Look at it. I don't care who knows. Everybody, everybody. Come look what I masturbate to.

It's not about that travesty, it's about taxonomy. It's just. What if you did a two monitor set up and one monitor was just all porn, but the other one you kept, you had three icons and the whole thing. It was just Kazaa, Firefox, and I don't know, like a chat room, AIM. It's inconceivable. It's unimaginable. It's unimaginable.

This, this computer's done. This is, this is, it's, no, no Tino, Shay, no Pink Lemonade. Do your thing. It's just unthinkable to me. The storage solution that he has landed on. Is it, it is. It's not a solution. It's anarchy.

This is how, this is how jungle animals would save pornography on their desktop. Do you think they would use Safari? Travis. You piece of shit. How could you? I have one job on this podcast. No, it's good. I needed, I needed that because I was getting lost a little bit.

Hey, I want to sit. You should use navigator. I want to sit. You dickfish. I'm trying to, sorry, Joe. I didn't understand the last thing that you said. I feel like we're not communicating very well. Uh, I got nothing.

Netscape communicator was another. Anyway, it's not as good as navigator. Anyway, uh, I want to say a big thank you to nature box. You can order hundreds of great tasting snacks. Go to naturebox.com for your first box of handpicked snacks. Send the rest to your doorstop. We got a lot of. After you go on a safari, you're a real explorer.

You're forcing it at this point. Okay, I'm going to, I'm going to, um, I'm going to double back on that one. Okay. That's good. That one do over podcast. We got a lot of new shows that were holy shit. So many new shows, so many new programs. I want to give a personal plug to two shows.

One is called still buffering. It's a show about teenage life from my wife, Sydney, and her teenage sister, Riley. It much like saw bones. It is appropriate for, uh, kids and parents. It's, there's no, no bad words. Um, and if you're looking for a show to listen to with your, with your kids, I think it's, it's, uh, it's a great one. I've listened to their second episode.

It's about, uh, technology. And if you are an adult that wants to have a full blown panic attack, oh boy, please, please hear, uh, how Riley reacts to technological solutions that I still think of is fairly current. You'll also enjoy her horror at the description of what a chat room is and was. Oh yeah. Yeah. Cause it's like not even a thing.

But anyway, that's called still buffering. It's on iTunes. I also want to give a plug to, uh, a new show from Griffin. Uh, it's about video games. It's called Cool Games, Inc. That he does with Nick Robinson, who is, uh, another staffer at Polygon, the video game website that we make. And it was, uh, it is about Griffin and Nick coming up with video game ideas

and then pitching them to someone. And it is uproariously funny. I can't recommend it. We have one episode you can find on iTunes. Um, and I believe on sound, sound, cool games, one word, Inc. Uh, and, uh, our first episode, we take tweets from people and we polish them into full game pitches. And our first episode is about a single tweet that we got

from, uh, Ben Esposito from Arcane Kids, who made the amazing, uh, Sonic Dreams Collection, which probably explains the tone of his tweet, which was grandma once at al dente, which we then turned into a, uh, a fucking goatee contender 2016. Um, and did I let me also say that, uh, I really enjoy Rose Buddies, which is a show that Griffin and his wife do you about the bachelor. I've never watched an episode of bachelor in my life. And I thoroughly enjoy your bachelor fan.

Thank you. We get a lot of tweets from people saying, well, I enjoy this, but I don't watch the show. And I literally, I love you. I have no idea how to answer that. That's like between you and your God. Um, I also want to tell everybody, if you haven't checked it out yet, um, my wife and I just launched a podcast called Schmanners.

It's all about etiquette in the modern age and whether or not it's still applicable and learn about stuff that you might not have known about. We've, we've, uh, in our first week, we put up two episodes. So we have episode one, thank you notes, episode two, table manners, and episode three, which is going to be coming up, uh, this Friday is conversational etiquette. So check it out. Um, you can find it on iTunes and on maximumfund.org. And you can follow us at Schmanners cast.

If you have any, um, things, any questions or, uh, ideas for future episodes, tweet at us. It is, it is the most delightful show. And I'm, I'm so glad that Teresa has a vehicle because as many people have commented, just a delightful voice, just a wonderful, delightful voice. And just a delightful human being who really makes me seem personable and relatable. She makes you seem like fucking Shrek. That's fair. But people like Shrek.

He's done like eight movies. That is true. He has a Broadway show. Do you have that? No, go listen to the other shows on maxfun as well. There's a lot of very, very, very good ones. Um, I'm talking about shows like stop podcasting yourself. I'm talking about shows like, uh, well, saw bones we've already mentioned.

I'm talking about like can I pet your dog? I'm talking about one bad mother. You can find them all maxfunfun.org. Go check it out. Um, you can also, we've mentioned a lot of projects that we're working on. If you want to see all the projects we're associated with, including like stuff like the monster factory, Gervin's amiibo corner, uh, all of our Facebook groups, all of our Twitter accounts, just go to macroyshows.com.

I also want to say a very personal thank you to Jeremy Baker, who, uh, hooked me up with some Disneyland passes. So I was able to take my friend. Yeah. I was able to take my friend Bradbury and my wife Teresa to Disneyland and we had just the most epic time. So thank you, Jeremy for that. Let's see.

Uh, oh, I also want to say just cause I'm trying to get the word out as often as possible so I can switch them over. I've got the new PO box set up PO box nine zero nine van nice, California nine one four zero eight. The, the old one is still active, but I probably won't keep it active forever. So, um, if you're worried that you sent some stuff and it might not have got, we're still using that one for now. But if you have anything to send in the future, use the new one. And thanks, John Roderick and the long winters for the use of our theme song.

It's the departure of the album, putting the days to bed. Please go listen. It's like the best album. I listen to it once a month and it's so, so good. Finally, Yahoo. Yes. Yes. Justin, are you ready?

I'm so ready. So it's sent in by Brooks Oglesby. Thank you, Brooks. It's by Yahoo Answers user Raleigh H who asks. Fuck, it's so good. Feminists. Are you impressed that David Blaine held his breath for 17 minutes on Oprah? What?

What's that, Justin McRoy? I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. This has been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad. Square on the lips. Hi, I'm Sydney McRoy and I'm Raleigh Smerl and we co-host a podcast called Still Buffering, a sisters guide to teens through the 80s.

On our show, we tackle all of the hot teen topics that kids have on their minds today. Hot teen topics? Well, you know, the questions that are plaguing teenagers through their tumultuous growing years. Questions like, how do I party? Or what do I do with all this hair everywhere? The same questions that people like Sydney had during their years as teenagers. Many, many, many. Okay, not that many.

So, so long ago. Yeah, okay. I think they get the idea. So search for Still Buffering on iTunes or maximumfun.org for new episodes every Tuesday. Still Buffering. I am a teenager and I was too.