My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 291: Most Likely to Boat

Episode Date: February 22, 2016

Bliss Delight returns to the studio after a few weeks spent traveling the Ethersphere and kicking it on Earth Jr. for a bit. We've only got about an hour of studio time before the next metamorphosis, so let's get this thing on wax. Suggested talking points: Carly Spray, Rick Steez, Life Skills, Getting a Boat, Cat Permission, Old Man Star Wars, The Guyron Throne, Drum Fighters

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, welcome to my brother, my brother me and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle brother, Travis McElroy. And I'm Blist Delight, an intergalactic being of all-encompassing love and light. Cool.

Guys, it's good to be back in the studio after traveling through the aether sphere, which is a whole thing that you guys haven't even gotten to yet. So why, what, this is the second metamorphosis, if I remember correctly. Yeah, you know, I came back, I took a sabbatical from being Blist Delight, and back then I was just sort of a ball of energy, which was sort of launched into space, hadn't even, I hadn't even hit the aether sphere yet. And guys, let me tell you, someday humanity's gonna get there, and that'll be a good day. What inspired this turnaround, Griffin?

I saw the, I saw the Queen last night. I saw Queen Elizabeth? Yes, reincarnated into Carly Rae Jepsen. Gang, three words, shades of Liza. Shades of Liza? There was, there were glimpses of Liza. God rest her soul, reincarnated into Carly Rae Jepsen. Okay, that's two-way, hold on, not passed away, she's reincarnated as.

She's a lot of women. She's a future reincarnation of the undeceased Liza Minnelli. She's every woman. You know, actually I always had that concert too. Oh, you were not? I was, it was okay. I mean, one time I saw Sticks and Concert, and let me tell you guys, they can put on a show.

See Travis, I'm impervious, I'm impervious to these jests. No, I said she was good. Blisterlight does not recognize haters. I'm not hating, she was fine, she was good. Once you become an all-encompassing. I can really see what she was going for. Once you become an all-encompassing being of intergalactic love, it's just like the only emotion that really,

emotion that matters to you at that point. Once you've sailed through the cosmos, guys, I went to Earth Junior, the other Earth that's only... Kids programming. It supports human-like life. I have to say, I love Earth Junior, but I'm really into Earth at night when they show old Earth. And then there's Earth Games and Sports,

which is just like global guts. I went to Earth Junior just to like check out their pop star scene. Not a lot, there's not a lot going on there in that department. Interesting planet, though. They speak through taste. That's so different. Yeah, they have like a spray nozzle on their palm. And then if they want to like talk to somebody,

like that person has to open their mouth and they spray their flavor into the mouth. You know, Earth Junior would leave me to believe that they're just the next step, like after Earth comes Earth Junior. So you're saying we're one step removed from spraying taste for talking. It's actually a really effective way of getting the job done. Unfortunately, it's not an effective mode of transmitting pop music. If there was a Carly Rae Jepsen, Earth Juniorite human, but she would just spray her music into your mouth directly,

fuck, that would be great actually. Do you think that we would just coin them as like two men's? Yes, absolutely. I was at that concert too, let me tell you. I saw Justin there. I was there. I really liked the music. Wasn't as crazy about the decor.

My Blumen Onion was a little bit substandard. No, Justin. My steak, my steak was excellently prepared. And the 599 added skewer of grilled shrimp was worth all 599 pennies that I paid for. Now, how were the rules, Justin? Well, there weren't any actually there at the concert. It was just right. That sounds nice.

Now, I thought it was weird when they had to pivot and take the concert out of the Austin City Limits music hall where we're supposed to take place. And then half way through the show, she was like, okay, come with me. And then we walked all the whole crowd and her leading it like a big parade to the Outback Steakhouse that doesn't exist in Austin. Yeah, very anti-coffin and inspired. Yeah, well, they only had Austin City Limits reserved till 8 p.m. And then it was being taken over by the White Stripes.

I think that, well, the nice thing is if you're already at the Austin City Limits, you're pretty close to Outback because they have to put it legally just outside the bounds of the city. They got to keep it weird. Got to keep it weird. Got to keep it weird. You know, every, my brother and me is somebody, my brother, my brother, first, my brother, my brother and me.

And I really hope that this is somebody's. I hope it's Carly Rae Jepsen's first one. She's like, fuck yeah, podcast all about me. Awesome. I wish, CRJ, I wish. But instead, what we do is we take questions from listeners and we put them, did she do any covers? No, God.

What? No, God. She's curious if she did covers. No, she did emotion, front to back. But wouldn't she like to hear her do Purple Rain? No, I want to hear her do fucking emotion. Oh, you fucking tell me if CRJ walked out and was just like, I'd like to do one that's really close to my heart and saying fucking Purple Rain,

you wouldn't lose your goddamn mind. Yeah, amazing. It would be pretty good. You know what else would make me like totally psyched, totally like, totally just crazy for this would be any other song off emotion. Okay, two questions. Super quick.

Was there an opener? Yeah, there were two. Anybody? Good. Prince. There was Carly and then also Carly Spray Jepsen, who was the Earth 2 version of Carly Rae Jepsen. And that was actually pretty horrifying because our mouth don't possess

like the the the the sensors that are required to like understand spray talk. And so when she just like fucking fully fully, you know, Nickelodeon Teen Choice Award like blasted us with GAC, like none of us knew how to accept that. Was it like a Gallagher show? A lot of people left. And I was just like a Gallagher show. Yeah, and they but they missed a good Carly Rae Jepsen concert.

It was the only bad thing. It seemed like you're pretty good seats from the photos. Yeah, well, it stands. They were stands, not seats. They were stands. We had seats. And we were like, yeah, and I said fuck this and they let me exchange the ticket for to be in the dance zone.

And God, where where in the concert did she drop? Call me maybe close to the end. It was it? Well, I could do the place with his mind. Yeah, everybody went crazy. But I mean, she closed with I really, really, really, really, really, really like you. And I want I mean, do you want me? Hey, gang.

Hey, gang, can I talk to you for a second? If you think for like a second that even an ounce of this is ironic, put yourself in a toilet and then flush it like in the Harry Potter movies. We are never ironic on this show. Very rarely we issue it. We occasionally are. But I work really hard to issue irony. Like if we talk about meet the Beatles, it's because it's a fucking dope movie.

Everybody should watch. I do want to say see your irony. What I that's what our brand is. Yeah. And see your irony. I do want to say since living in Austin, I like the entire five years I've lived here, I've run into maybe like two people who were like, hey, I listen to the show. And that's really, really neat.

Last night at the Carly Rae Jeffson concert, I ran into maybe nine people who were like, great job, Griffin. You're here for you're here for the big night. And I love that all of that, like this this relationship building took place at CRJ. It was meant to be. Of course it is. It's a better sampling of people. Yeah.

It's a better class of human. Can I tell you guys my favorite fan spotting moment I've had since we started the show. And it happened very, very recently when Bradbury was in town, he and I were walking into this wizard themed shop here in Los Angeles called Whimsic Alley. It's amazing. But I was talking to Bradbury and this group of people turned around were like Travis. And I was like, yeah.

And they're like, we're big fans of my brother, my brother, me. And one of the guys looks at me and goes Andrew Johnson. And I thought he was introducing himself. But actually he was chastising me for not knowing who Andrew Johnson was. And to just really drive it home. I had this was like the day after we put out the Andrew Johnson episode. And I'd already forgotten. And I just went, oh yeah.

And he went like the episode. I was like, oh yeah, yeah. I've already forgotten who Andrew Johnson is again. Excellent. Like I cannot hold Andrew Johnson. He's like the silence from Dr. Who. I can't hold Andrew Johnson in my mind. I want to we need to get into the advice because we're going a little

it's been it's a little laborious. People get it. I love Carly Raich Epson and the two of you. We're also there. You were there. But I want to mention this Facebook post that I saw right before we started recording from Rick Steves, the travel author and travel video man. Justin, you know Rick Steves, right?

From Rick. I don't know. Rick Steves, Europe. You know Rick Steves. I do. He's an amazing travel man. He has one of my favorite NPR shows about traveling. He's an amazing travel man.

He's a beautiful old soul. And he travels and he does TV shows about it. And you have Facebook post and there's a picture in the Facebook post and it's this old beautiful soul man. And he's holding a wine glass and he's sitting at a piano. And there's some Chopin sheet music at the piano. But wait a minute. That's not wine in that wine glass.

It's about 30 gigantic weed nuggets. And he's holding one in his hand and he's grinning like next next stop. Rick Steves is going to take you to the fucking blaze zone. And he has a really impassioned post about I'm Rick Steves. And if I want to get blazed because I just went on a trip with my whole family to the fucking black forests of Germany to check out their hostels. And it was a stressful trip. And now I want to come home and get fucking blazed in my house.

That's my fucking right. I'm Rick Steves. That's a good point. He's got every right to go get blazed. It's all in all. Look at the picture. It's fucking dope. Isn't that the best picture I've ever seen?

All right. Let's go. God, that's good. Oh, you know what sets it off as the fucking book of Chopin. He's just sat down to do it to play a little. And I just I want everyone to know look at this picture and then picture that the two seconds after the picture was taken, he just pops a nugget into his mouth and eats it.

Like popcorn. Like I'm imagining what I would really enjoy is being there at this concert as just to listen to Rick Steves play Chopin beautifully and then listen to it. It progressively works. Another one for Chopin. Plank plonk plonk plonk plank. What do you think? This next was my favorite Chopin song.

Hey, now you're an all star. Get your game on. Hold on. I'm trying to I'm trying to save this image to my heart. So this is as you've almost certainly got people know what's up. Let's just read that damn question. Do the next these fancast time to do the damn thing. For years, I've always had the problem of people assuming I don't know a lot about

common knowledge subjects or how to do basic tasks like cook or small home repairs. In fairness, it usually only comes from people who don't know me very well. Still, I find these assumptions insulting and damaging to my confidence and would like a subtle way of letting people know that they're out of line. Yeah, I know how to clean a cast iron skill. It is the name of that question. Ask her, Travis, how do you deal with this? I'm I'm a fairly capable human being.

Yeah, Justin. Yeah, try that's not. I feel like this is going to be leveraged against anybody. I don't think it would be Travis. We have had. No, I'm talking about people assuming I actually saw a Twitter exchange last night where somebody was like Travis wouldn't like something about Travis doing construction, how badly it would turn out.

And Travis talked about how he was a carpenter, a stage carpenter for a long time. And he knows his way around us all. I don't know why he also said that if I touched the saw, I would have a heart attack, which no, no, no, no. I said, if you touch the table saw you die. You die. I don't know why I felt compelled to tear me. I do my fair share of home improvement projects.

But yeah, but I don't know. It seems like part of it. For some reason, people assume Travis is less capable just because back in 2010, he thought that the weather he saw outside his window was the same weather all over the planet. It's amazing how much shit like that sticks with you. Well, what a difference six years makes, right, gang? Yeah. Well, I went back to school.

Here's what I've learned. Kindergarten. I'm going to tell you the truth, question asker. Here's here's what you need to keep in mind. Everybody on this planet knows so very little off the top of their head. Like the idea that people in this day and age know as much as we did before we had like phones and computers to just tell us stuff whenever, like people used to have to hold this shit in their head all the time and just memorize it and know it.

So when someone does have a piece of knowledge that they know off the top of their head, they're so proud to whip that out and tell you how to do the thing that you just need to let them have that precious moment of like, I know how to clean a cast iron skillet. I'm going to tell you how to do it. You just have to sit there and let them feel special for a moment and then go on about your day. Like fuck that. No way.

You're like, you're saying that he should just let them like run wild on them with their trivia? Just for a second because everybody's got that thing that they know how to do that. They're so proud that they know how to do it. But if they're using that knowledge to actively make you feel small for not knowing the thing, then fuck them. Like that's garbage. Well, it is in the delivery because if they're like helpful hint time, let me like, Mr. Goodbody, Mr. Roger, share a helpful tip with you.

That's great. If they're like, let me make you feel stupid because I know how to do this and you don't. Have you seen those posts of like, it's a picture of a guy with like a beard and it's like, if you don't know how to change a tire, like you should shave. Fuck that shit. Like I hate that. But the idea of like, you know what? Most people don't know how to do most things.

Like if you think about all the things that there are to know how to do in the world, how many of them do you know? A very slight percentage. Yeah. Like three. Rick Sees can't change a tire. Actually, that's not true. He travels a bunch.

I bet it's pretty. I bet that fool knows how to do most things. I bet he's road wise. But I bet Rick Steeze knows how to do pretty much anything. Now you've called him Rick Steeze. I can't help but notice. Yeah, that's when he's blazed. That's his blaze name?

Steezy's blaze name. His blaze name is Rick Steeze. What's your name? What's your blaze name, Justin? Justin McRoy. I've always, I'm always blazed. Let me tell you my secret. I'm always blazed.

There's going to be a weird episode of Mabumbam in the future where Justin's like, hi, my name is Derek and I'm ready to get a lot of stuff done today. Are you, are you ready advice boys? Like what the fuck? No, this is me. That's Derek. Yeah. The, the, the question, the part of this question that's kind of tripping me up is

that the person finds the, the assumptions insulting and damaging to their confidence. Listen, you are giving your power away and it is completely unnecessary. You don't have to let anybody, people can only make you like, people can only make you feel the way you let them make you feel. Like that the, I think a big part of life and like trying to maintain is deciding how much like you're going to let people in with the way that they're treating you and how much you're going to let that affect your mood and your own view of yourself. I mean, if someone assumes you don't know how to do something and you do know how to do it,

that says more about them than it does about you, don't let that take away your own, you know, your own confidence in yourself because it's, I mean. Yeah. If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love anybody else? Can I get an amen? Amen. Amen.

Now let the music play. Do you guys want a Yahoo? Sure. This Yahoo was sent in by Morgan Davy. Thank you, Morgan. It's by Yahoo Answers user Conley who asks, jealous of other people's boats. I don't have a boat or jet ski, but I do enjoy kayaking and paddle boarding. Whenever I go out to a lake with boats and jet skis, all that I can think about the whole time

is how much I want one of those. People I know have them. It bothers me so much. I am 15. How do I get over this? Wow. How do I get over this? Does anybody else feel like this?

That's a lot of babysitting jobs. Okay, wait, wait, hold on. To get a boat. So that I can understand because he doesn't, or question asked, he doesn't quite say, are we to assume that they have a kayak or they have some sort of non-motored boat? I think it's possible that they have a kayak. They have a super-puffy life jacket. Okay, but what we'll work a picture is that they're out on a said lake in a non-motored boat

and a jet ski or motored boat goes flying past them and they're like, man, that's better. If I had a jet ski, I would make little punks like this eat wake like 24 seven. Right? Yeah. And I get it because when you're paddling a boat with your human arms and then you see like a mechanical engineering marvel go flying past you. Yeah. It's like you are tapping into the deepest, most primal human impulse.

Yeah. No more row. No more row. Row bad. Motored boat. Good. But it could also just be like this 15-year-old has already made up their mind about the trajectory they want their life to take, which is to say ocean work.

Their life, their love, their lady is the sea. They want to get out there and see what's up in the deep ocean. And they want to get started early. I'm fucking into that, man. No, listen, I get it. And I'm not saying that there's not a beautiful time to like paddle a canoe down a river and you're like, I get it. This is me.

This is danger. But listen, jet skis are made for one thing and one thing alone. Fun. Also, sweet tricks and probably ocean rescue, but mostly fun. And surfer towing. And surfer towing, but mostly fun. And also maybe like dolphin petting. That's fun.

I would argue that also that sweet likes stunts are fun too. Yeah, but I mean it all falls under saving people from the ocean, petting dolphins and sick tricks all fall under fun. And carving wake. Where does carving wake fit in? That's actually work. Yeah. Yeah.

That's a job to carve wake in the ocean. That because that's what makes it look sweet for astronauts. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Thanks, Jeremy. But even when you're on your jet rocket goes flying up past, you're like, well, now I want that. Hell yeah. Look at that sweet wake he's carving out.

Oh, shit. He drink Jerry Garcia. Fuck. That's the dope. Thank you so much. God, it's awesome. Hold on, guys. Hold on.

Your rights down. Thanks, Jeremy, on a piece of paper and just like blast it out the airlock. That'll get to as Jeremy slams his Capri son. Great work, Jeremy. I want a kid captain captain kid, the kid captain sailing the ocean. I want I want if this kid is going to be 15 and going to own a boat, he needs to fully like, like I want a full blank check kind of deal where he's wearing like a love boat style captain's hat.

I want the jacket with the buttons on him with anchors on the buttons. Like looking very very traditional, like very stern task master like captain kid, the kid captain 15 year old out there on. I want a big boat though. Like a 15 year old on a jet ski. I would think like you little punk. Well, if I see you like a jet, just a motorbike for a while. I love that what you're pitching is like a sequel to little big league,

but it's like a kid and like a kid inherits his grandpa's pirate boat. And the crew is just like, well, we're signed on for 10 years. So I guess we're stuck here. Okay. I'm sorry. Train mark, train mark, train mark. That's a great idea. Also, he, he broke his arm and it makes him really good at sailing.

Uh-huh. He's the fastest sailor because of how quickly he can turn the wheel, which powers the boat. He can yank, he can yank the anchor and run the jib so fast. So good. Funky that kid jib. Funky butt loving. That's a fast jib.

Did he just say funky butt loving? That's a fast jib. Um, which one of the three of us. Listen, time for another Mabin Bam superlative. Everybody's favorite segment, which one of the three of us is most likely to own boat. And also for bonus credit, what would we name it? I think the answer is Justin.

Correct. Yeah. I think, I think, well, just because like, I think Huntington, you could probably house a boat like a lot easier than you could. And Justin also strikes in as a type of person who would see boat and be like, yeah. And just get it. I'll take a boat.

Yeah, boat. Sure. He'd go down to the local boat show at the big Sandy superstore arena. Could you, I just don't know that I would, I, here's my fear. I don't think I'd use the boat a lot. No. I feel like I would have spent a lot of money housing it. It would metaphorically collect dust in your front closet.

I would not get out there very often. I feel like, uh, I don't think it would be a good investment. And I hear that from a lot of boat owners that like, or boners as I call them. There's an old saying that the two happiest days in your life are the day you buy your boat and the day your first child's born. And then after that, you sell your boat. That's also a pretty good thing as you're excited.

Then you're going to say the day you buy your boat and then the day you either sell or crash your boat. But that is actually the saying that I don't think is well known enough for me to have turned into a joke. The joke is the two happiest days in your life are the day you buy your boat and the day you sell your boat. Which I thought that was, uh, well known enough that I could sort of twist it in my trademark skewed perspective.

So you thought it was like a boat proverb? That everybody... Yeah, a boat proverb that everybody knows. It could be you uncultured fucks just don't know it. This is my night at the museum where everybody will be like, oh yeah, everybody knows that saying. It's a classic. I want to be clear here.

I did know that saying. Thank you, Travis. I did know it. Well, you guys eat at Cracker Barrel more than I do, I guess. That's true. And I read a lot more New Yorker and Ziggy comics. And you read a lot more of the novelty signs that they sell at Cracker Barrel.

So many of them. Like, I would say obsessively. Like, sometimes I'll be there for hours just reading the signs. Hey, listen, two words for you guys. Jayden Smith. Uh, is that the name of your boat? Get captain, the captain kid, Jayden Smith, running his crew.

How good would that be? I'd be very good. He's not so much a child anymore, though. He's kind of a big boy. He's kind of a big boy. Jonathan Lymph Nicky. Well, he's also a bigger boy. He actually got bone deep.

Hailey Joel Osman. Absolutely. Can you read another question? Willow Smith. I'd rather have Willow, frankly. I am naming my boat Jayden Smith. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you.

Captain by Willow Smith. How do I ask my roommate who I never interact with if I can get a cat? I don't want to get one without asking. That'd be pretty rude. But when we're both home at the same time, she goes and hangs in a room. The most we say to each other is hello and ask how our days were. I really don't know how to casually bring up the topic of a kitten in that small amount of time.

Any advice on how I should approach the topic? That's from Gmail. So you have currently a creature that lives in your house that doesn't pay a lot of attention to you. Yeah. And you walk in, they greet you, and then go away. You already own a cat. You own a human cat.

Yeah, you have a cat. You have a roommate cat human. This could be a reverse hocus pocus situation. Cat to you. How do you mean? You know how the human became a cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In Hocus Pocus, the movie?

I went and saw The Witch recently. I was sold that it was basically a spiritual sequel to Hocus Pocus. No, no. It was not? No. Was it spookier? No, no, Jimmy. Significantly spookier, I would say.

Like on a scale of hocus pocus to Sabrina the Teenage Witch, the spookiest thing I've ever seen. Okay. How spooky was it? There's a part where Hocus Pocus were capping the Jimmy rides around on a vacuum cleaner. That's funny. That's funny.

It is funny. It is funny because it's kind of a modern broom. I don't know a problem that you solve with a cat that you don't less depressingly solve by getting to know your roommate a little bit better. I just feel like owners, let's be clear here. Yeah.

Yeah. I have two cats, like one and a half cats. Well, no, CJ's one and a half cat. Yeah. CJ's one and a half cats and then I have a border who is a cat that has nothing to do with me. Bravely. She is renting.

And what she pays is turds, I guess. She pays in turds. That's currency. Anyway, that was the cat no man has touched. Nobody's ever touched that fucking cat. It's the worst. I'm not saying that this is going to work. I'm saying you should make a go of it first with your roommate

before you buy the cat. Because it works both ways. One, you form a bond and you think like, you know what, I don't really need a cat right now. I have a new sort of relationship that I'm trying to foster. Or you become close enough to them where you can say, listen, this isn't working for me. I need to buy a cat.

Or third option, you get to use the phrase we should get a cat. We should get a cat together and use it to help our friendship develop. We need this. We can combine our names and smush them together into portmanteau. And it'll be like our cat that we share together. You are absolutely correct, though, that you should not get a cat without asking your roommate. Well, yeah, Travis, that's basic.

I think that's illegal. You would be amazed, Griffin, how many people I know have told me stories about their roommate just bringing home animals and be like, we own a dog now or we own a cat now. And be like, well, fuck. Shit, Stephanie, I got bad news. I completely spaced and I totally forgot to tell you about this. But we bought a zoo.

Yeah, we bought a zoo. You live in a zoo now. Just lemurs and stuff. I think it's going to bring me and my daughter together because her mom kicked it. But anyway, lemurs, zebra, it's going to be great, Debra. I mean, Stephanie, fuck. I have a good way into this conversation

because I'm assuming that's the only thing this person's asking for. Since they obviously do have a way of getting in contact with their roommate. They're not in the fandom zone. Like they can reach them. I would say to them, hey, a quick question. Do you have any allergies? And then they would answer and you would be like, that's okay. Cool.

Thank you. Because I was thinking about getting some milk on the way home. And if you're really allergic to milk, then I didn't want to have it in the house. So it's going to mess you up the milks for a cat and then walk out. Well, you went in a different way than I would have thought. It's a little disappointing because I was just about to comment on how disquietingly good you are at the back door conversation.

Well, mine was a joke, but the initial thing is actually, I think, would be pretty good because that makes you seem considerate. Like, oh, thank you for asking about that. That's really nice. But it's like you're opening this conversation where you're asking for something by a considerate act, which is like a really good entryway into an awkward conversation. But here, let's try that out.

I will be the roommate and Justin just throw that at me, okay? Hey, I meant to ask you, do you have any allergies? Cats, I'm definitely allergic to cats. Oh, god, bring a cat around me and I flood my attic, by which I mean I sneeze and I get stuffy and stuff. Can you, well, oh, no problem. Seriously, one time I saw a video of a cat on YouTube and I went into anaphylactic shock.

So. Well, we're good news. We're getting a skunk. Then you buy a black cat, white stripe on the back, paint your roommate dies. It's fucking foolproof. Full proof. What if you just left your front door open until a cat wandered in

and then you just have to keep it? I can't catch this darn thing. Yeah, fucking castle doctrine. I guess this is a, he called sanctuary. This is our time now. I am 90% sure that that is what castle doctrine is. Should we go to my zone? Meow.

I want to talk about trunk club. Oh, thank god. I, I just did it. It's my, it's my elephant appreciation society. You're dumb. I'm in the trunk club. I've been admitted. Congrats.

I was sent a red letter with a golden triangle on the front and inside it just said, you're in. Here's the shirt. And now I belong to the trunk club. The power I wield is mind boggling. What's the trunk club, Trev? Oh, I'm glad you asked. Drunk club is basically it's a,

you know how we have lots of questions about where people say like, I don't know what to wear. Imagine if you had a friend who knew what to wear and you could say, here's the kinds of things I go to. Here's the kinds of clothes I like to wear and I have no idea where to get them or how clothes work. And then they came back to you and you're like, Hey, here's like a thousand options that you'll really like.

And you do in fact, like all of them. The way it works, you have to try on the stuff in your box, in your trunk, then you keep the stuff that you want. And the rest of the stuff, you put it right back in the box and ship it back to them. Like no problem, no questions asked. Only torture for the stuff you keep. Trev, what are you, do you have any items in your,

did you get your trunk yet? Can I tell you, Justin, here in Los Angeles, there is like a brick and mortar place that I went to. And like one, they had a pool table and an open bar. It was like the coolest yet. And to Brooke said like, okay, what do you want? Okay, great. And came back with this rack of stuff

and they were all club bangers. Like, and I got a pair of jeans. That's the, it's like the first time I've ever worn jeans. How's that butt look? It's so good. Like it's how jeans are supposed to feel. It's the, like the best feeling. Thank you.

The best fit I've ever had. Do you sleep in them? Griffin, can I tell you something? No joke? I could. No, no, but don't, but don't. They're so comfortable, Griffin. It's like I've always thought I was wearing jeans before,

but then like I take the pill and I realized I've just been wearing barbed wire pants. I'm a big fan. I'm a big fan. How can I get on board? You can go to trunkclub.com slash my brother and you'll get set up with like your account and the recommendations and everything.

But the personal stylist, like I was talking about who like is a real person that will like really help you. It's not like it's an AI thing where you type in pants and it's just like, yes, pants here. Like it's a real ass person that will help you. It's not a subscription service. You only pay for the clothes that you want. No hidden charges.

Just great clothes. They'll style you for free plus free shipping. Both ways. You only pay for the clothes you keep. trunkclub.com slash my brother. And listen, if you're on the fence about any items, just tweet us a picture. No.

We'll give you like a thumbs up or thumbs down. We're not style. We are absolutely not style. I turn to us with these questions. Travis is now he's in the club. I know how pants are supposed to fit. I want to tell you all about bowl and branch. It's B-O-L-L and branch.

One important thing you can do to help ensure having a good day, it's getting the right amount of sleep. The night before I have been sleeping recently, a lot better thanks to bowl and branch sheets that I have been using obsessively. If it's time to wash these, usually I'll like circulate. You know, you wash one and then you put on the other one, the clean ones that you have in the closet.

I wash them in my bed just sits naked until those sheets are done because that's all I want to sleep on. They're some of the most comfortable sheets I've ever slept on and they're really nicely priced. You're paying for quality sheets, not department store overhead. So you get really luxurious sheets. Luxurious. They're luxurious sheets for a couple hundred bucks.

Go to online to bowl. That's B-O-L-L and branch.com. And they'll let you try them risk free for 30 nights. There's no way you're going to want to send them back. If you go to bowlandbranch.com today, you get 20% off your entire order for sheets, towels, duvet covers, blankets, everything plus free bandages. No, they don't have any other things.

Survival access. Lasagna. You're going to use the promo code mybrother on one word. Go to bowlandbranch, B-O-L-L and branch.com today for 20% off your entire order. Just use the promo code mybrother. I want to apologize to bowlandbranch for laughing through a lot of that message.

It's not because I find the idea of high quality sheets and duvet covers since your door particularly funny. It's because I read ahead to this next message. If you want to get a message on the show for a friend or a small business, go to maximalfund.org.com. We'll get you set up. But this message is for Eric,

and it's from Big Daddy Hoffman. And the entirety of the message is, what is dickshoulders.biz? And I was laughing because I clicked through to it. Have you guys visited? Yes, I have. I'm visiting it. I'm there.

This is the best website in the world. Dickshoulders.biz is maybe the best website. What is dickshoulders.biz? That's the whole message for Eric from Big Daddy Hoffman. And now you all have to live with this. This is for Sarah. Fuck you. From Tim.

Dear Sarah. Happy anniversary. These last two years have been amazing. And I feel closer to you and love you more than ever. I'm incredibly excited to spend the rest of my life with you. Love Tim. P.S. I know our anniversary is October 5th, which is exactly why I had our brothers read this on

February 22nd. Could not have fucked it up worse. We couldn't have fucked it up worse. Oofa, doofa. Yeah, we almost got it. This is another one of those wonderful messages that's almost like the equinox. Like we almost split the uprights between the dates

across two different years. Do you think every episode Tim was teared again and going, I didn't just listen. I think you'll, oh, no. No, no, fuck, no. Number one. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. And then it got enough months away where he was like,

oh, hope it's not now. It's gonna be worse than this. Now this is gonna be weird. But hey, happy anniversary, you two. You guys, I'm so excited to introduce to you my new baby, Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness. This is gonna be a really fun look at things that I find curious.

Whether it's a menstrual cup, it might be the Romanoff family, it might be fracking, it could be Carly Fiorina. I don't even know, who knows. It's gonna be whatever I think is interesting. I can't wait to bring it to you guys. We're gonna be bringing in content experts. I'm gonna be learning the things.

It's only gonna take about 30 minutes for you to expand your baby brains with me and have a super fun time. So I can't wait to see you on our first episode of Getting Curious. Hey, it's time for a yahoo. I don't, okay, fine. Everybody's doing yahoo's now.

I don't feel like it's like, it doesn't feel as special to me anymore. Yeah, but their yahoo's are like, I put Piscatti up my butt and I'm a penguin. Like, fakey fake bullshit. I'm not into that. I'm into the real shit. Real shit slung to us by heroes like level 9000,

yah, drew drew drew, Davenport, thank you Drew. Hashtag real shit. Hashtag real shit. It's by Jamie who asks, I put Piscatti up my butt. That's what it said. Is Mark Hamill going to be able to do lightsaber fights in the next two movies of the Star Wars?

I have just realized and looked on Wikipedia. He is 64 years old. Plus, I am thinking he will fight like an old man like Obi-Wan Kenobi in episode four, A New Hope. Is Mark Hamill going to be too old to do the fights? No. Okay, first things first. Mark Hamill is 64 years old.

That dude looks fucking great. Yeah, he looks really good. Looks really good. But does he look good enough? That beard is working for him. But can he flip and shit? You know what I mean? They did it with Yoda and he was like 875.

They did it with Yoda. We're going to have a CGI, Mark Hamill. Oh my fuck, how awesome are that? Or just put him in a mech suit. Is that a thing that happens in Star Wars? I feel kind of bad for Mark Hamill when he found out that it was like, we're doing this again, huh? Again, get back in it.

Because I bet Mark Hamill was like, if that is coming up, you know that you have to start getting carved. Like you have to start getting it. How baller would that be? Start of episode eight, he just pulls back his throat and he's fucking riddled. Yeah, he's as jacked as Mark Hamill was in the original trilogy.

No, more so. And it's just like, we haven't seen Luke in 20 years. That's just because he's been getting diesel. No, I'm making a joke at your two expense. Because I don't think there was a part in the original Star Wars where he ripped off his shirt and he had like a 13, a glistening 13 pack. Not in the original edit.

In the fucking George Lucas wacky CGI special edition. It was like, oh my god. We take you live to Dagobah where I just found this image of Luke carrying Yoda on his back. And I gotta say, boys, those fish lifters are looking mighty tempted. Yeah, all right, that's fair, that's fair, that's fair. D's.

But D's, Rick D's. Look at Rick D's. Rick Steve's is doing it, give me Rick D's. That's taken. Yeah, you know what? This picture just made me realize there was somebody whose face was right at Mark Hamill's butt with their hand up Yoda.

Oh my god, you're right. You're right. Yoda is on his back for so many years. Like his hand basically up Mark Hamill's ass. Yeah, oh that's very unpleasant. That's hugely unpleasant. Let's just call it like it is. That fight with Sir Alec Guinness as Obi-Wan Kenobi

in episode four is bullshit. It is two old men just touching their dicks together basically. It is the worst most boring fight ever. And then that's why I was so psyched in the new trilogy when they got crazy with the flips and stuff. They had the horn-headed man that had the two lightsabers and it got crazy up in there with the flips and stuff. And that's what I want.

I don't want two old men having a cane fight. I want to see some fucking action, some dynamic action. Some Diego Montoya shit. But you don't want to see grumpy old men in space. Right, but here's the thing. In this day and age, I would famous person. Yeah, that would be great. I just need to say real quick.

I know that it's unlikely considering. And Jack back for grumpy old men in space. CGI. Just thinking about all the factors. It's just difficult. It'd be a big get. I mean, it'd be a big get, but I would just really like to see that film.

If we could see that film. Everyone I think in this day and age knows that like a celebrity like 64 is like normal person 30. Like I just saw, okay, saw Deadpool, right? Ryan Reynolds totally ripped. 71 years old. Think about the fact that like he looked exactly the same as he did in Two Guys a Girl on a Pizza Place.

And that was fucking like 45 years ago. Yeah. And he still looks that he has not aged a moment. Mm-hmm. And it's like, okay, Mark Hamill might be 64, but I bet he still looks better than me. 32 year old Travis Mackay. Two Guys a Girl on Pizza Place was like pre-911.

And that motherfucker looks the same. Looks exactly the fucking same. Rob Lowe looks actually has aged backwards. Rob Lowe is like Dorian Graying all over the place. Will Smith looks great. Will Smith looks great. This is what I'm saying. Yeah, Will Smith's like, his face is like a reverse cut

in a tree and a half to count as rings. You cannot tell the age of anything by Will Smith's face. Like- Try cutting it in half. You can't. Try cutting his face in half and counting the rings. There's no rings. Recently, I've been invited to two, quote, passion parties.

If you're unaware, this is a thing where women gather around and examine paraphernalia of the secular variety. It's where they watch- Wait, no, no, not secular. It's where they watch Tyler Perry's The Passion TV special. By my female identifying family members and their co-workers, and it was just as awkward as I had envisioned it. Oh, you went?

Oh, you went? Mistake. You said you had been invited, but then you went? That's a whole other kettle of fish. That's a horse of a different color. My question to you all is this. Despite the popularity of such events, these rituals are normal for relatives to be participating in,

though. Personally, I consider myself a fairly well-adjusted individual that has no issue having these conversations with my close friends, yet I'm immensely uncomfortable discussing my intimate life with my family in particular. And due to my research into this, I'm a bit concerned that I'm the weird one. And that's from Much Love Moby.

Stand in your truth, stand in your bliss. Like, chase your bliss. Whatever feels right is, you know, go for it. I don't think there's anything wrong with these parties, and the family thing wears me out a little bit. Like, not the friend thing. Like, going to one of these parties is like, whatever. Could be a real hoot, nanny.

I don't really understand, though. I think the point of it is the awkwardness, right? Because it's not like you're going to be doing some, like, peer-reviewed research on different bilbos. Like, I think you can get on extreme restraints and just look at the critical consensus on the bilbos and their special features. I don't know how much info gathering

is happening at these parties. But then I think about if I was in a room with my two brothers, and we were examining bilbos, and God forbid my dad was there, and we were scoping some bows, then I would probably be hugely bummed out by that. But like, if someone were to invite me, I would be like, oh, man, that sounds super fun if that's your thing.

It's like if someone invited me to any event that I don't particularly enjoy, I wouldn't go to it. You know? If somebody was like, come watch, like, soccer, I'd be like, no, thanks. We try on this show to, and it's something that we weren't great at when we started, and I think we all caught on.

One might say that we were fucking terrible at it. We were fucking terrible at it. We try on this show to be as open-minded and open-hearted as possible, and we try, like, we work really, really hard at it. But there is a part of that where at some point you do run into a wall within yourself where you say like, okay, this is my personal limit, and that's not a failing, but if someone says to me,

Justin, do you want to go look at plastic dicks with your aunt Dana? The answer is no, I don't. I don't want to do that. And I'm like, I know I don't like spicy food, and I don't like looking at plastic dicks with my aunt Dana. Those are two things I just know about myself. Aunt Patty, that might be a hoot,

but I still am going to politely decline. No, I don't want to look at plastic dicks with you, especially not if there's going to be spicy food. Please let me know what sort of canapes you're planning on. Those are just two things I know I don't like. Flavorful, spicy, that's fine, but just heat for heat sake and also plastic dicks. And big metal cocks.

Yeah, that's fine too. Definitely. We're going to have some. I don't mind that. I have a problem with plastic because it's bad for the environment. Do you know how long it takes for a plastic dick to break down if you like bury it in a landfill or something? You can't recycle plastic dicks for anything,

but big metal dicks, you could turn that into a park bench. You could turn that into, I think, shopping bags. I haven't read the literature, but I know there's a thing you could do. And also, please don't make the food too spicy. You know how long it takes for a plastic dick to break down if you bury it in an anus because, listen, I'm in a pretty bad way.

If you could give me some sort of timeline. But a metal dick, a big metal hog, you could take like a hundred of those and make the Iron Throne from Game of Thrones, except crazier and way more hilarious. That sounds awesome. I want that. That sounds awesome.

What if every, do you guys think if I started recording the podcast and the Guyron Throne, which is what I'd call it. Not the Iron Bone. Fuck, the Guyron B- No, we're getting too silly. That's too much. Would you be able to tell the difference?

Just sort of in my demeanor and my attitude. Yes. I think that you would naturally take on a certain gravitas that you don't get in just like an office chair. Okay, Justin's just linked another image that I'm assuming it exists and it does. And wow, this is really good, Justin.

Hold on. What we're looking at here is the crown. The exact thing that I've described, but it's sitting on it sort of lazily. Yeah. As they have to say, killed him. Is a giant hog. Anyway, thanks for that, Justin.

We've got to get a visual component of this show. We've got to have some sort of... Now imagine instead of Yoda on Looseback, it's a dick. Listen. We haven't been closed-minded in this, right? I think this could be really empowering and fun. But what I'm saying is you shouldn't feel obligated to go because you don't want to seem closed-minded for not wanting to go.

This idea that you're the weird one because you don't feel comfortable doing it. That's the worst possible thing you could do. You're actually in a broader sense, and I know that you're... I can tell from your question that you're trying really hard to be progressive and open-minded sexually, and I'm really into that.

But part of that, the biggest part of that from where I sit is the lack of judgment. And when you say, am I the weird one, you're judging yourself because you just have a preference. You have a limit. You have a thing that you don't want. That's completely... That is 100% within your right.

And by saying that you're weird, like you're putting that judgment on yourself, if you're not going to apply it to other people, you shouldn't apply it to you either. It's just not your thing. That's the thing you got to know yourself. Know what you're into, know what your deal is, and then follow that.

Yep. That's where I'm at. I feel like this has been a weirdly... Do you guys feel like this has been an unusually help? I feel very like I'm really... I think we've really gotten the help from people. Well, let's take five minutes just as a palette cleanser and knock out this Yahoo real quick.

Hell yeah. From Yahoo. It was sent in by Game Recognized Game Rachel Rosen. Thank you, Rachel. It's by Yahoo Answers user Camille who asks, Any good nicknames to call drumming? Hey. Hey.

I need help finding something cool and preferably original to call drumming for my bios for X. What? What? What? What? Like for their X. I don't know.

Oh. Um, something original called drumming for my bios. Skin pounder, tub banger, stick thrower slash crosser. You feel? All of those could be names of dildos. Stick skin pounder, yes. Tub banger, absolutely. Stick thrower slash crosser, the least of the three,

but yes, still good. You feel? Oh, I feel. Anything helps. So just leave anything you've been called, heard, or made up, please. Thank you. So we're supposed to believe that we exist in a world

in which just saying drumming isn't cool? Right. You need something sexy. You know, like they call guitar players like shredders or masters, master splinters. They call bassists like string, slippers. And then they call singers throat pusher, throat, throat, throat, throat notes.

What if, what if, what if you were just like beat punisher? That sounds a little extreme for me because like, what if they're just like, you know, sort of a a pop rock, sort of outfit. Nice. Symbol tickler. Symbol tickler. That's pretty good.

I like that. But I feel like pianists have like tickler like on lock. Like nobody else can be a tickler. They are the ticklers. Master of beats. That's a little wordy, I think. I tend to lean towards the grandiose because I believe and, you know, I know that my musical feelings are strong

and some people don't feel this strong. But I believe that the drummer is the heartbeat of the band. I know like the drummer sets the time. Yeah. And I feel like that's important. I don't know much about music, but the little bit I do know, I feel very strongly about. Uh, I am Spartacus.

I love you here. Uh, Spartacus is the name of my favorite drummer from the film, that thing you do. What about Bop Bop Boys? One more time? What about Bop Bop Boys? I like it. Um, can we just call them?

And if it's a, if you're a woman play, gong girls. I like that too. It sounds a little bit like gong girl. Yeah. Yeah. That's a fucking, fucking great pun that I'd like cooked up. But that's like a terrifying thing that you wouldn't want to be.

I'm looking forward to you identifying other puns that come up. But, but what I'm saying is like, I don't know that anyone wants to be identified as a gong girl. Tap lads. Tap lads is good too. Beat machines. No. Okay.

Drum machines. Okay. No, fucking stop and think about it. Please think drum machine is a thing. Oh, well, here's the thinker. And you could think all you want to, but the one thing I know about music is not about thinking. It's about feeling.

Damn, especially the, the drums, which is all about you. Have you fucking seen whiplash? It's not about thinking. You should just be a whiplash. How about we're all just whiplashes from now on? What about conga kings? Justin's the best at this. What about Cuban Pete?

That's not a Travis. Let's just take a backseat and just let Justin. Okay. What about bongo bears? Pretty good. Give me three more. Okay. Jim Bay, Jim.

Are you okay? Nope. Stop. Okay. Do you have a Wikipedia page open? Called different drums. No, just thinking of different. The different drums that there are.

Fuck it. Boys. Snare bears. Snare bears. Back in the game on the scoreboard. Bass bass. Like a what? Like a bitch playing drums?

It's great because it also works as bass bass. What about cymbal tickler? You said that. What? What about Jim Bay, Jim? I like that, Griffin. I'm having an episode. How about rhythm Robbie?

Well, that's specific. I think we're naming like musical garbage pale kids for the most part. Can we call it blue manning? Can we call the act of hitting one thing with another thing? You could be like shaping a sword with a hammer. And we would call that blue manning. Stomp without the trash cans. Or stomp with the trash cans.

That would also fit. That's not drumming. That's just noise. What are they doing over there? Stomp. Sure, I'm glad somebody's taking them to task. Yeah. What's up, stomp?

Come at me. What about drum haters? What do we call people who hate drummers? No, no, no. Because if you think about it, what you're really doing as a drummer is just like hitting drums. Drum fighters. Drum fighters.

What do you do in what do you play for Coldplay? Oh, I'm the drum fighter. What do you mean? Well, the drum, if you don't keep it, you know, beaten back, will just attack and kill Chris Martin. So I have to like constantly sort of keep it in its place. I think it's probably the hardest to, as a drummer, like it's the hardest instrument to convince people

that they need to be careful when they're carrying your stuff. Yeah. Because if they drop it, you're like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. And then they say, well, you're, I mean, you're just going to hit it later, right? I'm just going to hit it with sticks later. I don't see how I'm going to be in any worse. You know, I don't think that's any worse. Technically, by dropping that snare down that flight of stairs,

I played the drums. I guess I'm drumming. I guess I'm a drummer now. I guess now I'm the Jim Bay Jim. Now, now who's the skin pounder is what I want to know. That's going to do it for us, folks. Thank you so much for listening to our program. We hope you had a lot of fun.

Super quick stuff, macro shows. You can find a bunch of our shows there. We've got, let's see. I want to try to keep these shorter. Yeah, real fast. We got Rose Buddies is a new show I do with my wife about The Bachelor. I got a new video game podcast called Cool Games, Inc. I just started one called Enterobang with Travis and Tybee,

where me and my friend Tybee go on rants that take us through winding conversations, do one called Shmanners with my wife, where we talk about etiquette. And we just moved trends like these over the max fun. So that's very exciting. I do a show called Sawbones with my wife. It's a medical history show. If you haven't listened to it, our most recent episode was about heartburn. And like why you get heartburn and how we've tried to treat it.

It was very informative. I thought you can find that on iTunes or macaroshows.com. They're all there. I want to thank John Roderick in the long winters for the use of our theme song. Instead of partying off the album, putting the days to bed, you can find it on iTunes. You can find it on Amazon. You can find it anywhere where music is sold.

And it's very, very good. It's a terrific, terrific album. And John's a good guy. We also want to say thank you to maximumfun.org for hosting our show, as well as like a ton of other shows, a lot of them ours. Coming up, we got the Max Fun Tribe, so look out for that. And go check out all the other amazing maximumfun.org shows. Folks, that's going to do it for us.

Thank you so much for listening to our program. We hope you had fun. And we hope you have a very safe and happy rest of your week. Griffin, do you have a final yahu for us to think about? I sure do. This one was sent by Brooks Oglesby. Thank you, Brooks. It's by Yahoo Answers users.

Something's gone wrong. Let's call him Dave. Dave asks, did the moon exist in the 90s? I hate the moon. Oh, my name is Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. This has been with my brother, my brother, me.

Kiss your dad. Square the lips. And I want it. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Hey, I'm Barbara Gray.

I'm Brandi Posey. And I'm Tess Barker. Together, we make up the Max Fun Podcast Lady to Lady. Each week, we welcome a kick-ass lady guest. We talk about our lives, our dreams, and the terrible decisions we've made that's still on us. Mm-hmm. We've had on great comedians like Ayesha Tyler and Margaret Troh,

plus screenwriters, doctors, authors, you know, anyone who's willing to be as open as we are. It's all a lot of fun. That's us, Lady to Lady. Can you give us a good neither?