My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 294: Goofbusters

Episode Date: March 14, 2016

AWWWW DUNK. It's MaxFunDrive time! We're kicking off a two-week celebration of your generosity with this an episode that's just, like, chock-full of pandering. By which we mean we revive all of our classic bits, some of which were dead for very good reasons. Donate at www.maximumfun.org/donate! Suggested talking points: Haunted Doll Watch, Hat Stink, Quinoa Month, The Saddest Lib, Lil' Musky, Boogle, Mailroom Ghost, Dr. M'Crum, Truck Month, Regarding Marrying Sonic Characters

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everyone. It's my brother, my brother, and me, and the time has come. Time to pay the piper. Time to pay the piper. I'm gonna grab you fucking nerves by your socks, by your shoe meat. I'm gonna shake you till all your change in dollars fall out.

That piper is thirsty, my friend. Oops, your car keys came out too. Looks like I'm gonna have to sell those for metal scrap. How's your Goofs been this year? Oh, we've had a fine crop of Goofs, a bumper crop of Goofs here at McElroy Farms. We've been given away for free. But here's the thing, folks, now the piper's come, and he wants all those pickled peppers of potty humor that you've been enjoying. He's come to, you gotta pay him for them. Do you remember a time when the McElroy's used to give away their Goof crops for free? Pepperage Farm remembers, and now it's time to pay. Pepperage Farm always collects on its debts.

I can't hear you guys very well, and I thought you were saying Goose, G-O-O-S-E, and I was like, you should let those around your pickle farm. They will do a number on your crop. So anyway, it's time to pay the fucking piper. It's Max Fun Drive Weeks, and the fun has stops, and the drive begins. The Max is important too, because we want the maximum amount of the bunny that you can give us. And a lot of the other shows on the network won't tow this hard a line. Yeah, they seem embarrassed about it. Oh, you know what we offer? Here's, by my math, we've done about 30 good ones. I think about 30 good ones. Statistically, it's pretty good, which I think is pretty good. Better than those podcasts. And what you don't know is actually

the machine of comedy is lubricated by your money. So lube us up and let us make you laugh. So it's all glistening and slippery. We put your money, your cash money, and your change money into some sort of like oil press, and we just squeeze it down. And then I guess all of your finger and hand juice sort of comes out, and then we just dump that into the mouth of the goof machine. Correct. And that keeps it going for another year. I'm just going to give you this address right now. Let's get it up early and often. Maximumfun.org slash donate. Go now. What's that? What is that? And where is it? Where is that? What is it? So now the non-goof portion of this. Every year, Max Fun Podcast is delivered to you free of

charge. That's the deal, and that's the way it is now and always shall be. But we do come to you once a year and say, hey, if you wouldn't mind, if you could, if you got the extra scratch, if you could kick a little bit of that our way to help support the shows on the network that you love. We offer great thank you gifts, and it's a way for you to say, hey, I really like this stuff. This is good stuff. And Maximumfun is a podcast network that only exists because you like it, because you like the shows that are on the network, and this is your chance to sort of say, hey, I cut the cable. I'm just doing this thing now. Just doing podcasts. The Max Fun Drive runs for two weeks. We're going to be talking about it all throughout the episode,

but we're going to do a long one. We've got some special stuff planned. We also got bonus content. Every show on the network has bonus content. If you become a donor, you get access to not only this year's crop of bonus content from every show, including this one and the Adventure Zone and Saw Bones and Shmanners and all of them, but also all the bonus content we've ever done in perpetuity throughout the fullness of time. It's a lot of, it's a lot extra stuff. If you're a fan of the network and you haven't donated before, just day one. It's days of stuff. We're going to be talking about it all throughout. I'll tell you how you can hop out. It's Maxfunfun.org. Donate if you just want to get in sight on seeing

ground floor, get all that bonus content and gifts and stuff like that, but we'll check back in. Unless you want to do that, feel free to skip these parts in good conscience. You've done your duty, but we might say something like, funny as shit. You don't know. It might be like the new hotness, like the new thing. Everybody's like, have you heard this new sound? Here's what we're doing this week. Just to say thank you to everybody that's been on the My Brother, My Brother, Me bus for the longest time. Do we have a name for this? Back to basics? Ground Zero? My Brother, My Brother, Me, Ground Zeroes? What do we call them? How about Mbem-Bam zombie bits? Because these shits are dead for a good reason.

And I don't know if this is like the biblical apocalypse or like some sort of scientist got buck wild, but they're back. They've reanimated. Cheech Marin just like looked out from his hovel on the dock and saw the Titanic come back, and he was called into the mayor, and now the mayor's calling the ghostbuster because these bits is back. This is my brother, my brother, and me goofbusters. Yep. Yeah, there it is. You found it. All right, goofbusters. That means we're going to be hitting all your favorite dumb things that we used to do, but don't. And if we didn't, if we don't get it this time, we're doing another week of this, so I'm very committed to doing every dumb thing we've ever done again.

Wait, we didn't agree on this. If we're talking about doing a goofbusters 2, then it is going to, just like following the pattern of the film series of Ghostbusters 1 and 2, it is going to experience maybe a, let's call it a 40% decrease, a sharp 40% decrease in quality. But it might contain some of the more recognizable characters, whatever our comedy Vigo is on comedy. Peter Scolari? No, no, it's Peter McNichol, my dude. McNichol! Damn it, I got my Peters confused. We're definitely going to have Peter McNichol on goofbusters 2, and I'm definitely going to be controlling him from inside with a big NES arcade controller. That's canon. That's Nick Cannon. Let's touch down in this pool of jokes. Should we start off

with one of these Zombos? Drop it like it's hot. Griffith, how hot is it? It's pretty hot, because it's March and that means, I mean, I'm in Texas and that means it's hot. Drop it then, put it down. Okay, I'm trying to put it down. No, it's making you hold it, Griffith. You are actively making me hold it right now. Then put it down and free me from this prison. Travis, my hands are burning, they're sizzling because of how hot it is and you keep interrupting me while I'm trying to put it down. Travis, Jesus Christ, please let him put it down. Okay, please, put it down. It's too late, I'm on fire. Whoa, breaking news. Breaking news, this one just came over the wire. I am so sorry. I know this is inconvenient timing,

but we got a haunted doll. This has just come in. This breaking haunted doll watch report is coming to you from eBay. That's the locale on this particular one. Electronic Bay? The electronic bay washed up on the electronic bay. This dinghy just washed up on the electronic bay. The whole crew is dead. The whole crew is dead, but Mary was back. And she's a porcelain doll, but here's the thing about haunted doll watch. I let it go because it seemed like there are a lot of sob stories. I want to introduce you folks to the fucking most posy haunted doll on the planet. Her name is Mary and this is the literal subject of her eBay listing. Haunted porcelain doll, Mary, beautiful, pure white light, positive energy, light work.

So, G-Bay, for that shit, if you're looking for a Christmas gift for me, it's not too late. What are the, what's the, like, what were the SEO tactics on that of a person just like, somebody's going to be searching eBay for like something positive and light and lightly haunted and porcelain? I can't imagine, although, I mean, I do want to meet the person that found Mary as their top search result. Uh, let's get into just like, let's, let's get into her backstory because it's very uplifting and amazing. Uh, not all of it is because she's a haunted doll, but you know, yeah, and someone had to take a turn. Greetings. I'm going to read this as close as I can without punctuation. Greetings. Today, I like to introduce you to the sweet spirit of Mary. She chose this

vessel as the best represent her in human form. Mary was born in the 1950s and she met her demise in the late thirties. Um, okay, wait, let's back up. Hold on. Okay, wait a minute. This is a problem we've reached already. This baby died in 2030. That's a problem for me. Wait, is it supposed to mean her late thirties? Yes. Okay. Yes. That was actually a misread on my part. Mary, burning hell. Mary was born in the 1950s and met her demise in her late thirties from automobile accidents. Multiple. She tried to figure that out. That, that fucking crash. Whoa, I'm flying through the witch. Oh God, I didn't do another one. Just let me die. A transporter fucking cannonball run bullshit. Um, she remains earthbound and she wasn't ready

to leave yet. She enjoys being around the living. She was inert. I mean, which is pretty striking, especially considering she's someone that was in multiple car wrecks. I'm imagining like meet Joe Black. It was just like car to car to car, ping pong. She, uh, was a nurse and never married and she also practiced white witchcraft for her natural remedies. She brings healing for emotional support, such as grieving anxiety and depression. She has high vibrations. It is pure white light. She has very joyous vibrations. I've seen her beautiful lavender orb cascade throughout my home going from room to room as if it is still doing your job. Baby, baby, look, the orb is back. Wonderful. The lavender orb is back. Look, baby, baby, the orb is lavender today.

Wonder. I'm trying to watch Netflix. I'm watching house of cards season four. Can you turn the lavender? The lavender is wonderful, but can you please tone it down? I'm getting a lot of glare from her lavender orbs. Uh, if, uh, mainly in the wee hours of the morning, cool. That's a good time to spot a floating purple orb. Dave, do we have any chocolate chips left? Mary, I'm trying to sleep. Sorry, Dave. I just need those chocolate chips real bad. You know, you get that late night craving. Hey, Dave, I hate to barge in on you while you're having sex, but I noticed you left a trail of Reese's pieces up to your bedroom. So did you guys want me in on this? Okay. We didn't do that.

First of all, Mary, we dropped one Reese's piece out there. Uh, okay. I asked her, okay. She says there's somebody seeking her healing energy and it's time for her to find a new spirit keeper. She responds strongly to pendulum EMF are outstanding is in the photos. I asked her to turn on certain lights and she did. Nice. She's perfectly harmless. Love children and all great for a first time collector or an avid collector. She has come through the spirit box with the words of Mary Carr, hello and healer. How does she get along with like cats in the house and other dogs? Uh, well, she's great for kids. If you're looking for a starter, uh, haunted doll to buy for your children that has a ghost inside of it. It's the it's the Bulbasaur of haunted dolls.

Definitely. I, um, this sounds like a pretty good deal. Like it sounds like a sweet roommate roommate situation because you get that calming ass energy lavender light that's so wonderful, but also like, um, you know, when, when you and the, the, the, your, your spouse are in bed at night and either of you wants to get up to, you know, turn the fan on and turn the light off and turn on the air purifier and turn off the dehumidifier. Um, then, then you got this orb that's just like, don't worry. I got you. Click, click, click, click. Do you need anything else? I'll fill the humidifier with my presence. I love this too because you don't usually see this in haunted dolls, but you could get a return on investment. Like she's got marketable skills that you could

sell. Yes. I, I really, I just, I'm almost done with this listing. I just really need to get this, this last part out as per eBay rules. I'm selling an approximately five inch high. This is the saddest part of haunted doll watch. This is the new eBay rules. And I think maybe if, if, if I was looking for a reason to get out of the game, this is it. Even now, in addition to your fucking amazing choice sweet as hell eBay listing with like ghosts and shit in it, you also have to put in a boring one for the norms where they're like, here's what I'm actually selling. Okay, fine. Let's drop the veneer. It would be like, if you went to go see like Evita and she's staying on the balcony and she's like, also I'm an actress. There's no, there's no bow. It's just a fake balcony. There's

a ladder behind it, but do if you want to, because I'm trying to enlist it an emotional response I like in Zootopia at the end when you like you and your kids are having a good cry because it's a film for both parents and children. And by Zootopia, I definitely meant coming through Panda three. It zooms out and you see the animators and they're like, we got you. And then they wink cut to credits as per eBay rules. I'm selling an approximately five inch high porcelain doll with some wear due to age. She will come with a cute little broom and one that I handcrafted myself, especially for her and a small shoe in which to hold them. Just one? No, it's a shoe in which to hold the broom and wand she made for her. That's where they go. Yes. Yes. She comes

with all her accessories. Absolutely. That's where a broom is. A shoe and a wand and a broom to go in the shoe, which hold them. She will also come with her story handwritten, a simple ritual for communication and a free gift. Oh, you almost made it. You almost made it in there, but you did say a simple ritual for communication with the doll, which I cannot imagine is within the purview this of the kind of like moderator at eBay going, I don't know. I mean, it is a ritual. I mean, it does come with a ritual for communication. I'm going to have to take this up the ladder. It says eBay forbids the sell of intangible item. Therefore, any experience that may occur is simply free gift to you. So like, is that what you meant by free gift? Like I was hoping for like rope or

like an air freshener or something. Or a second shoe. So I can have one for the wand and one for the broom. It comes with a shoe and a bonus shoe. So I didn't have to double up. They're both left. Why do we ever stop doing hot doll hot juice? What's the current bid at? You can buy this for $35 right now. I've got $35. I was going to use that to donate to maximum fun, but instead. No, let's go. I'm psyched for Max Fun Drive. I think it's a great cause. I love being a part of this network. This is a better thing to spend the $35 because I could make money selling her healing services. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. The buy it now price is actually $33.75. What a deal. It's an even better bargain. Absolutely. I just carved off $1.25 for you.

Um, should we do another Zombo bid or a Yahoo or? Let's do a question. All right. Yeah. That's an actual question. Hit me. My brothers. I lit this is actually Hey Brothers. There's a young man on my bus wearing a top hat. He is dressed casually otherwise. Why is he doing this? What should I do in this situation? That's for Max. I originally, I just read it and I thought the last question was why should I be in this situation? This is how you do me, God. Oh God. That's how you do me. Why should I be in this situation? Matt first, stay calm. You're going to get through this. Yeah. We've all been there. Let's, we, there's so many variables that we don't know. So I guess let's start with a broad net and then we'll tighten up that net by

grabbing the corner ropes of it and just like sort of squinching them together. Who normal, normal net procedure. Right. Who wears a top hat? Magicians. Yes. Old timey men. Yes. Oil barons, carpet baggers. Dead, dead. There's, are there, oil barons, I don't think wear them anymore. Okay. The Undertaker and Mad Dog McCree. Yes. It's dead. Abraham Lincoln. Dead. Dead. Okay. They said, I mean, a lot of people who wear top hats are dead. I'm learning now. Wait, what about the carriage driver ghost from Scrooge? You said ghost in the fucking. Okay. What about the carriage driver of the ghost tours in Savannah? Good call. Where they share where the ghosts are. I think they wear top hats. The, the host guy at Jekyll and

Hyde Club in New York. A lot. Okay. But I'm discounting both of those that it could be a, a carriage driver. It could be somebody working at Jekyll and Hyde, except that they wouldn't, they would either be completely in plain clothes because they ended their fucking shift and they don't want to dress up like they're, you know, like, they're, they're like, listen, Brian, you do a great job here at Jekyll and Hyde Club. We really appreciate you very much. Your top hat stinks. It smells so fucking bad. And you've got to take it home and launder it. You know, we laundered the rest of your uniform for you. Your hat smells like fucking head dookie. Yeah. And I hate it. And I please would go home. He's got a weak old sandwich underneath it.

Hey, Brian, there's moss in your hat. And I hate it. Yeah. You don't even need a sandwich up in there. I remember distinctly, I'm getting, oh man, I'm getting like nightmare flashbacks right now in this waking moment. That's giving me very strong anxiety. Remembering back when we used to do Huntington Outdoor Theater in the middle of summer at an outdoor amphitheater and we would do shit like fucking Hello Dolly and these period pieces, remember, wear hats and just kind of sweat their stink up into them, just sort of vent up into the, the velvety fabric and then would take them off backstage and you would see a slimer come out of it each time. Yeah. It was, and then, then, then they do shows like Beauty and the Beast at the outdoor theater. Oh, you're just

trying to kill people. Yeah. Wooh. Tragedy struck this time again, predictably. We're on another actor. There's another Beast. Yeah. Yeah, they just keep dying. So maybe, maybe this is a prank, a hat prank, where they got it glued onto them and they can't take it off or maybe it's like an alien that saw a human wearing a top hat and morphed into them, but that's like part of their physiological form now and they can't take it off because it's part of the replicant. Maybe it is an alien but more like a morgue style and he saw a picture of Abraham Lincoln. It was like the first thing he imprinted on here on earth and he just like wears them because he thinks that that's what earthmen do. Oh, it also depends to me what, what bus,

what city you're in on the bus because like there are certain cities that if you said, I'm in Portland, I'd be like, oh, okay. But if you were like, I'm in Atlanta, I would be surprised. Well, okay. That's not against Atlanta. It just doesn't seem like a top hat city to me. If you're talking about a city where a PAX is held and it's on the weekend of a PAX, then it makes perfect sense. I believe it. Maybe just, I hate to keep digging into this fucking alien well, but it could be a cone head that's embarrassed about the shape of their dome. Could it be that the alien is the hat and the hat has like landed on top of a human's head and controlling the human and you have to save that human by knocking the hat off of his head?

Yeah. Is it possible? Hold on. No, no, no. We should be explicitly clear. No matter what, we figure out what the situation is or what we tell you to do. Walking up to this stranger on the bus and knocking the hat off their head is absolutely the most important thing you can do right now. This is objective number one agent. This is your mission. Should you choose to accept it? Just kidding. You have to go knock that hat off. And if he starts getting upset, shake him and say, I freed you. You're free. I saved you from the Zebulotroid. What? Stop out of it. Okay. What are some dope things you can say to someone before you knock the top hat off? I'll start. That's off to you. Okay. That's pretty good. How about this? Let me guess.

Ferguson? And then they say no. And as they're saying no, you smack the hat off their head. Okay. But that sounds like bullying. I just want to say, because Travis and I are doing some like fucking independent say, welcome to Earth shit. And it sounds like you might just be cyber-bullying, but in the meat space realm. He needs it. I mean, he needs it. I know. You're meat-bullying, Justin. That's not all we do here. We don't meet bully. How about Abraham Stinkin and you knock it off his head? Okay. No. Okay. So I have two meat-bulliers on the show now. If you're giving someone bullying that they richly deserve a need that is called parenting, it's very different. It's a different idea. No. I'm saying- Oh, I've got it, Griffin. How about this? Compromise. You knock the hat off

his head and then you say, the magic was in you all along. Okay. Okay. Knock the hat off your head and say, you see, you were beautiful without the whole time. You don't need the hat to be special. Knock the hat off and pretend it's like you just took the secretly attractive woman's glasses off in any movie ever made. The hat is his scrunchie and paint stained overalls. Now, wait a minute. Right, exactly. You lift up the hat, he shakes it out, just a beautiful baby hair, cascades to his shoulders. There he goes, starring dude Rachel Lee Cook. I'm gonna fuck that top hat. I'm gonna go fuck that Ferguson turn him into the prom king. Just watch me do it. No way, man. With that hat, I'll go. Bro, you'll never be able

to fuck him and get him to be the prom king. You wanna bet? My Ferrari. Okay, I bet my virginity. Wow, there's a lot of really super sexual stuff going on right now. There he goes, a psychosexual top hat wrap from Lionsgate. Not another one. We've already released six of those this summer. Bring your family for a heartwarming tale of meat bullying and talk fucking. This month in Mad Magazine, there he went, a parody of all the hilarious top hat psychosexual adventures that have been happening in theaters lately. Let me worry. Presented by the Wayans brothers, top scat. Okay, we just confused three different parody things. Yeah, we sure did. We sure did. We definitely should hold that art form in higher regard.

Griffin, how about another yahoo? Yeah, sure. Or fuck off. How about this instead? Because it's March and we need to fucking get ahead of some stuff. We gotta get ahead of some stuff with some monthly observances because we've been sleeping on it for a long, long time. Well, here's the thing. They don't invent new months. Like once you do 12 of them, you ran through the set. But they do invent new bullshit for them months, don't they? Like every time. I'm talking about stuff like humorists are artists month in March. Thank you for this. Thank you. Thanks for the recognition, finally. I'm sick of running up against that wall. Yeah, no. Adopt a rescued guinea pig month. Stop buying them at the guinea pig box stores.

No son of mine will ever be a humorist or a guinea pig. That's not what that one is about, I don't think. What's it about? How about play the recorder month? Hey, do this. Hey, do this thing. Hey, I'm not. Who am I? I'm not your music teacher, but go do this. Hey, dad, can I have that new bicycle I've been dreaming about? I'm sorry, son. Things down at the recorder plant have been going real slow lately. People just don't want to play them like they used to. How about if you're older than 13 and you buy a recorder, you should be arrested. Yeah, it should be illegal to buy them of your older than 13 year old. That's some Piper bullshit. That's Piper bullshit is what it is. There's only one

Piper and that's the max fun Piper. This one's important to me. Workplace, I well this month. What? Workplace, I well this month. You've got to be on constant fucking vigilant lookout for things that are going to come directly for your eyes while you're working at the workplace. Like staples? Staples? Who knows? You know, like that kidder, that kidder Evan who's always like pretending to fire staples at you from the stapler. You get one of those. You meet the business into one of those little paper, paper huggers and you're done. You're done. Cut it out, Evan. I mean, it's important too about all these glare from the screens. I don't have any science on it, but I bet it's probably not good for you. That's why Justin wears those nerdy-ass

gunners all the time. I just put a little blue gel over mine. I mean, I can call them nerdy-ass gunners because they are. They're gaming glasses that you wear, but and I'm going to be laughing to you until I can't fucking see you anymore in like 15 years. I actually don't. I just, you know, I got out of the gunner's biz. I found a place on Amazon that sells them. It's like similar things for 15 bucks, much more stylish. So like, I'll get you up on it. Okay, cool. Do they still look like you're about to go fucking paintballing? No, they look like, they look like, they're actually in a way worse because they look like you need glasses. Oh, good. I don't. Yeah. So it's like, I don't. So it feels a little phony. Man, I don't know why we, I can't, I don't know why we

stopped doing these. Yeah, it's so funny. How does this bit usually work? Remind me, Griffin. They usually settle on one and then we, like, what's the funny thing about this? We settle on one and then we come up with slogans for it. We do PSAs. Oh, okay. National on hold month. What? Wait, hold on. Quinoa month. Get crazy. I do like that because for a long time I said Quinoa. You didn't. I did. No, you didn't. Until this year. No. So it would be great if we had a month to bring that up. Okay, then Travis, why don't you sort of take the fucking lead on quinoa month and try just to support you as much as we possibly can. But I do want to keep, like, a distance from you. Okay, yeah. I'll, here, I'll start. It's not Quinoa. Yeah, it's not.

Travis, you're trying. Go ahead, Travis. How about this? Why is it spelled that way? We might never know. But for some reason it's quinoa, national quinoa month. Hey, let me try one. Hey, I know they call them ancient grains, but you can still eat them. They're not expired. Quinoa month. These grains belong in the museum, quinoa month. Rice for real turkeys. Okay. How about quinoa month? These ancient grains are fit for a quinoa month. Crackling over here for babies. Get in this good shit, quinoa month. If you don't like the taste, you can put some cranberries in there, you goof. Check out this fat sand. What about just, like, a picture of whatever a grain of quinoa looks

like with, like, sunglasses and its arms crossed, and the caption is quinoa, like, K-K-E-E-N. Wow. Yeah, wow. But, yeah, so kind of like a Budweiser WhatsApp thing. Well, I was thinking more like Pepsi Man. Okay. That's some quinoa. How about this one? What? Rumors that quinoa is just what is inside of beanbag chairs is false. This message is brought to you by the quinoa council on this most sacred month. Quinoa. There's like a 2% chance they'll give you superpowers. We don't know yet. Quinoa month. You're going to be shitting like a dog. Quinoa month. Enjoy your loose shits.

Quinoa month. We want to get ahead of the whole loose shits myth. Your shits are going to be tight and compact, but they are just going to, they were going to have, they're going to have purpose getting out of you. Quinoa month. Quinoa month. Hey, we made shit like you mean it. Shit like you mean it. Hey, we made spaghetti bad. We made it wrong. It's not too long. It's stringy. No dirt. This is little spaghetti dots. Quinoa month is like flavorless, non-frozen dipping dots, but cook them. Oh God,

my ice cream of the past. Quinoa month. You got to cook these things. Quinoa month. You live 30 years without it. Don't waste any more time. That one's for me only. It's made too long. Oh God. Speaking of it being too long, I would like to talk to you about Maximum Fun. Abraham Lincoln never ate quinoa. That's something you can hold over his head in heaven. Travis, please tell me about the Max Fun Drive because now I'm all boned up for it. I would like to tell you about the Max Fun Drive, Griffin. Here's the thing. But keep it tight. Okay. As we mentioned, Maximum Fun.org is a donor supported network,

so we count on you to support our network. And the good news is if you choose to donate now, which you should at MaximumFun.org forward slash donate, you're not only going to get that warm fuzzy feeling of being better than most people that don't donate, but you're also going to get rewarded. Tell me about these hot rewards. Or I can tell you, you tell me how you want this deal to go down. Well, how about I start and then you pick up the ball and you run it into the end zone. Okay. That's a giving. That would be a fumble recovery. And then we'd be on opposite teams, I think. Damn it. No, it's more of a lateral trick play. Nice. A flea flicker. Here's the thing. No matter what level you donate at,

you're going to get access to what I would say a metric shit ton of bonus content. Let's break it down. My brother and my brother and me, we did something very similar for our bonus episode this year called Second Chances, where we actually went back to the actual questions that we did for the first 10 episodes for like an hour. And we went through and fielded them and just saw how our advice back then has changed to our advice now. And almost like unilaterally, we are just sort of better human beings than we were in 20.10 the year of our Lord 80. There's also like, I mean, but we also have what, four other bonus, five other bonus episodes on there. Yeah. As well as like bonus videos and shit, you're not going to get anywhere else.

And that's at any level. So even if you only start out at $5 a month, which $5 a month, that's only $60 a year. That's totally doable. You get access to a ton of bonus content. Let me hit you with that $10 bonus, because this one's amazing. We have, do we have 22 shows on the network? Is that right? It's like 24. Okay. Well, we have these 22 bandanas, see, and you're going to get to pick your fave and get that as a reward for the $10 bonus. So you might be saying like, well, I've been a bandana, but I'm not a biker boy. I'm not a biker mouse from Mars.

Hey, I'm not Hulk Hogan and like good, good thing you're not because right now he's tied up in some, some stuff. He's having some issues. We'll talk about that later. He's in some hot water and we're going to get to that. No, we won't talk about later. He's a litigious gentleman. Yes, that is true. Anyway, 22 bandanas, each one is modeled after one of our shows. There's an adventure zone one that I am just crazy about. There's my brother, my brother and me one that I'm also just crazy about. These are some dope ass looking bandanas. You can see them at maximumfund.org slash donate. They look really great and that's your,

your bonus for the $10 thing as well as $10 a month and as well as all of the bonus content, which again, infinity of it basically. What about the $20 a month, Griffin? Oh man. Okay. I was going to take a drink of water, but I'll, I'll bust this out too. No, stay dry. Why don't you let me? Okay, go, Justin, go. Take, take a break, Padre. Let me take over. Uh, $20 per month. You're going to get the max fund adventure necessity collection. What does that include? You ask, well, let me tell you, there's a multi-tool. Okay. With like little skizzers and a knife and stuff.

You said it bad. He said it good. He said it good. There's toilet paper for your butt. There's not just sitting toilet paper. This is not just your butt. Yeah. Not just your butt. Either you could use it on your eyes. If you were watching a sad camp movie, or your pants, like lady bits, or you hear a sad camp story.

There's also a hot chocolate packet in there. How do you use that on your vagina, Travis? Um, very carefully, Justin. Paracord bracelet looks cool. It's got a rocket on it. Oh, this has a rocket on it. You know what? It puts you right up on your butt. Paracord, isn't that the thing you can like unravel and then you have like a rope in case you need to like, I don't know, just do that fucking strangle somebody in the wasteland who's

trying to steal your water? That's exactly what it is. It doubles as a grot wire. Yeah. But then there's also the multi-tool, which looks sick as hell. And actually, I am probably going to bump up my donation this year to get that. And you get all of that plus the bandana, plus the bonus content. It's a great deal for $20 a month. Well, there's more stuff. We'll get to it later, but like, uh, I don't want to take, well, let's- Well, if I could, Griffin, I actually wrote a little, a kind of a little story

to kind of help illuminate why I think people should donate to maximum fun. I hate what this, I hate what this is. And the story goes a little something. I've had these fucking, I got these hairs on the back of my neck. They've been standing up since we started this fucking project. Once long ago. You knew it was coming. Let's get it over with. Once long ago on the moist planet known as La Crosse.

It's always moist. Moist isn't every fucking one. Hey, gang, like now I'm mad at you. The listeners who are, first of all, like supporting this type of behavior, don't sit in moist. We've done moist before. It is trained to be in comedic value. There was an alien known as ravioli. Every night ravioli would eat a churro, drink some banana pepies, and dream of sharing a catawampus with his wonderful friends.

But you see ravioli had no wonderful friends because his planet was magnanimous and empty. Then one day he tuned his proboscis to the northeast and picked up a craggy signal. Poppycock exclaimed ravioli excitedly, friends, he listened and heard stop podcasting yourself. He heard fleshy fun called Jordan Jesse Go. He enjoyed the donkey screeches of throwing shade. He laughed himself silly at the dog football of mbmbam. He instantly loved this malarkey.

Although he couldn't talk back to his new friends, this network of maximum fun made him feel like he was a part of something masticated. Then he heard something fantastical. Holy chalupas he cried. He had the chance to support his new shenanigans. He ran to his space computer, logged on to Space America online, and pointed his browser to www.maximumfun.org forward slash donate. My flange feels amazing.

I love supporting things I love. Your flange could feel amazing too. Just go to maximumfun.org forward slash donate and become a donor right now. Refuse to believe this is still okay. It's okay. That was all and that was all true. Every word of it, huh? Yeah, me and JJ Abrams pinned that.

Can we? It's a true story written by me and JJ Abrams. That's a donation incentive. Can we make it so that if we reach a certain point you never do that to us again? Yes, if we get 10,000 new and upgrading donors. Okay, but our goal is 5,000, so that is ambitious. Agreed, but it would take a lot for me to give up my one true passion in life. The only reason he does this podcast is to do one sad lib every 35 episodes.

Yeah, your passion sucks. We're going to talk more about maximum fun drive though, because it is, we think it's important a bit later on. You guys want a Yahoo maybe? Yes. Yeah. Okay, I've got this one here. I built this city on Yahoo's.

Okay, we did kind of. This one was sent in by top of the world, Zoe Kinski. Is that what you said it was? No, it's Ryden High. Ryden High, Zoe Kinski. Because I thought about this, I like Ryden High because it implies that where she do misstep, she could fall back down the ladder. A few rungs down, Zoe Kinski.

Yeah, Ryden High for now. Zoe Kinski, thank you. It's by Yahoo Answers User. Something has gone wrong. I see an ad with a picture of Michael Phelps on it. I'm going to say it's from that dude. Fykel Melps. It's from Fykel Melps Swimboy69.

Thank you. Fykel asks. My favorite movie. Fykel asks, my son wants a Google themed party for his ninth birthday. Any ideas? What? My son wants a Google theme. Sometimes I think you say what, even though you heard and understood the question.

No, I, well, heard and understood are two very different concepts. Okay, very. Yeah, I gawked all the words you said. Yeah, sometimes I just kind of wish that you would like sit on it and think about, because you do, I enjoy like the little John asked enthusiastic yelp, but it's doubling my workload. Okay. My son wants a Google theme party for his ninth birthday.

Any ideas? Yes, he's an incipient geek. I don't know what that fucking word mean. Apart from sending the children on an information hunt activity. Sounds like a cool birthday party. Whoa, dad or mom. Yeah, my, my son's a real dipshit. Real nerd-o.

He's a real dingleberry and I kind of hate his guts. Apart from sending the children on an information hunt type activity, it would be nice to have a few themed games that doesn't involve just sitting around the computer. Love Google. Love Google. Love. If I could just say like, you probably shouldn't have any games that involve sitting on the computer. That's not actually a party technically.

Yeah. Love Google though. My kid. My, my brat. It is so. My new Google. My brat son is all about. Fucking annoying.

Loves that fucking Google. Oh man. He calls him daddy Google. Listen, whatever you do for this kid, you better do it right. Cause this kid is your mail ticket right here. This kid is going to do you real right as he gets older and becomes able to earn money. He may be the only person that earns money. Yeah.

He's going to be like musk, musk junior. Junior musk. Junior musk. Lil musk. Lil musk. Lil musky blowing up. Lil musky blowing up bombs on Mars to make it livable for human lives. I love you, Lil musky.

I'm glad I threw you the best ninth birthday ever. Thank you for activating the Genesis device with me inside of it on Mars. I do appreciate that. Thank you for letting me live forever. I wish that everybody wasn't a clone of me up here, but we'll figure that out in Lil musky version 2.0. Can you get a petting zoo with Elon Musk in it? He's not a Google boy. Is he?

Nevermind. Bad idea. Canceled. Griffin, what kind of things do people use Google for? Well, let's start there. Like, let's not just first thought this. Let's A to C this shit. Yeah.

What do you use Google for? Maybe it's Google mouse. Maybe it's Google Docs. Maybe it's Nipslips. Maybe it's Google Docs. Maybe it's Google Nipslips. Google Nipslips. New from Google.

All the Nipslips all in one place. Jeffrey Rush Nipslips. Let's be honest. That's basically Google images. Like, I don't want to cast this version here. I guess that's true. I got some results for Jeffrey Rush Nipslips. Did you?

I'm seeing them. I'm looking at them. Enjoying them. I'm enjoying them and loving them. They did good stuff. Anyway, I'm going to get rid of that image. Thanks. Like, you'll always be on that watch list.

Google birthday information gathering, I think, is fun. Maybe he's talking about some private detective shit. Like, hey, I think the Terrence has stole my fucking lawnmower. Go get over there. See what you can pick up. All kids love being private eyes. What's your piece of shit dad up to your mouth? Let's find out, kids.

You know, the irony here is that this dad could figure this out just by Googling how to throw a Google themed birthday party. But the sheer jealousy he feels with his incipient geek's son's love of Google versus his own. He's too proud. His own hubris stops him from solving this problem. Well, fucking Google's got that go bot now, right? That can be a Chinese board game that is a billion years old.

That nobody's ever been able to master. And they just, like, program that. I don't see why they can't program this kid like a better dad or mom. Like, happy birthday. I've been replaced. Bye. I'm going to go, like, kick it. And they're probably psyched about it

because they hate their nerd son so much because they're a piece of shit. The parent, not the nerds. They just need, like, a break. They just need, like, one second to themselves. They just need, like, a minute to themselves. Just one day to not think about Google. Yeah.

You can just stop talking about Google for a second. We get it. You love Google. What about my needs? If you guys could, if I could make one different Google, like, if I could make one change to Google or, like, an alternate Google. Yeah. My alternate Google would be a Google that did not return.

Like, every time I searched for an actress for more information about her, it did not return searches also about her feet. Every single time. Literally. Autocomplete with, like, more information about her feet, like, every single time. Let me actually do a quick test.

That would be my dream Google. I'm on google.com. I've typed in Jeffrey Rush's name. And that's a tough one to think about about how to spell Jeffrey. It's because it's not. It's all wrong. The top result, it says right here is Jeffrey Rush's nip slips.

So, like, again, like, the standards are disgusting. I believe you might have some search history there. What if we invented a program, an app for Google called, like, Google Buddy, and it was just, like, a program that you typed it in and before anything came up, Google Buddy came up like, hey, do you want this to not be weird?

Do you want me to, like, sort through this for you? And then we could come up with a fucking dark timeline bad Google called Google. And Google is just going to be, you turn on your computer and you open up. It'll have its own web browser at that point. It's not even Google Chrome anymore. There's just a Google web browser

and you just click it and just a random pick of feet come up. Because it's just, like, we cut out the middle, man. Not just feet? No, Google. No, Google. Get the fuck out of here. Get out of here, Google Buddy. I can't.

He typed me up in the other browser. Are you sure it's Jeffrey Rush? He's got lots of crazy warts on there. No, I'm good. You gotta see what he's been walking on, Griffin. I don't, well, I do. I'm kind of curious. It's not what you think.

Would you like to see Jeffrey Rush crush a pie with his giverish feet? Don't do it. Google, you shut up. Would you like to play Go? I'm super sick. Yeah, that would actually be great. Okay, move one.

Well, this is, you've just replaced the image of the board with, are those Jeffrey Rush's feet? And his nipples. I photoshopped him onto there. He's got nipple toes. Google, you are the absolute worst piece of software. I would like to invest $10 million into you. I'm Elon Musk.

I see a lot of promise here. I love Jeffrey Rush's feet. Welcome to Elon Musk's special Mars Dome. We only have one search engine here. It's Google. It's kind of like the Wild West. How about a question? Yes, absolutely.

You want a regular one? Yes. The one that we built was in time. And I would like you to read it. At the end of each work day, my husband and I arrive at the entrance of our apartment complex to check our mailbox before heading in. For the past three weeks, like clockwork,

a white-haired elderly gentleman around the age of 75 to 80, exits the mailroom and literally, no, and literally walks backwards towards his own apartment. A good five to seven-minute walk. This is going to be a great opportunity for us to talk about one of our favorite, just sort of running bits,

which is a ghost-themed thing, because he's a ghost man, and this is a ghost, and you got a ghost in your spot. It's a very surreal thing to watch. Thank you, question asker. Thanks for those important details. He almost always has grimace in his face,

and worse, he stares right at it as well as he's doing it. No, I can't. We've been trying to figure out why you could do this. He's a bad ghost. Is this a new exercise for the elderly? Are we in an episode of Twin Peaks? And most of all,

why in God's name must he stare at us while he does it? You have to free him. Is it any chance you might be able to shed some light on this? We would love to hear your own thoughts and conclusions on the matter that's from Alexis. I think you need to shed some fucking proton light on him. I think, Buston, I think it's time for you to feel good. He's not being threatening in any way.

Oh, you sure? Because he's walking backwards and mean-mugging these two. Well, he's walking backwards five to seven minutes. Maybe he's mean-mugging because he wants you to free him from this eternal pain. Oh, it's a Misha Barton ghost, not a slimer. Yeah, it's always one of those two. Yeah, you're either dealing with a bartender or a slimer,

although she does barf all over herself, and that's kind of slimy. You gotta protect this old man, one, from other busters, because they don't understand. Busters just don't understand. And two, you gotta find a way to free him. Maybe there's a piece of mail he never collected, and you need to break into his mailbox and get the mail for him

so he can finally be freed from this pain prison. Maybe he woefully misunderstood that one scene where people started running alongside Forrest Gump because he was so insurational. Maybe he thinks that he's going to get one going now, and it's just you walking next to him backwards. Like, what is going to curtail this behavior faster than you joining this man on his, like, leisurely backwards stroll?

Maybe he completely misunderstood the scene from Ferris Bueller, and he's trying to roll the miles back by walking backwards in the same distance. No, this is the saddest, this is the saddest possibility is that he thinks he will unate, he will binge him and button himself by rolling back the old ageometer on his tether. No, I think he's probably just, like,

the greatest old man effort. And he's like, hey, I got a fucking, I only got a few years left. Let's do this shit. Let's freak out. Let's get it wet. I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass.

You know those new kids who moved in next door? I'm going to gaslight the fuck out of them. I'm going to gaslight these fucking little idiots. Enjoy your thirties. I want to fuck them up real good. I'll be embedded a decent hour or two. My life's awesome. I can watch Jeopardy and not feel guilty about it.

Like, my whole thing is awesome. And I know everything because I've been around for so long. It's like, yeah. I know everything. I know all the answers. I've read that, been there, been there, read that. Super old. I did awesome shit for 65 years back when people used to just

let you do whatever the fuck you wanted all the time. And now there's restrictions everywhere, so you can't do fun stuff like smoke on a plane. But I can make your minds melt from inside out by walking backwards. The simple act of walking backwards confuses the fuck out of you. Enjoy your lives, millennials.

One time I visited the White House, and while I was there, I ate a whole pack of cigarettes. Fuck you, millennials. Guess what restaurants I can get away with ordering pudding at? All of them. All of them. That's right.

I can order pudding anywhere I want to. They don't always have it, but I'm not going to get any mean looks. Enjoy your fragile bubble lives. Guys, I feel like it's time for us to bring back a bit. Okay. Trying to think of a fluid way to do it, but it's not possible because the bit I want to bring back,

it's hard to fit into the thing that we're doing here. And the thing that we're doing here is we're going to talk about, oh, well, maybe like, okay, millennials, if you do want to maybe learn some stuff and go to a place where you can be whatever you want, chase whatever dream you want, stand in whatever truth you want to stand in,

it's time for you to get out of that city life, that Urbania. And it's time for you to slide on over to rural town because it's time for farm wisdom, far wisdom. Find Daryl in a barrel, farm wisdom. Hey, Daryl, I found you, Daryl. Now you have to grab me a wish. Oh, God, Daryl, how long have you been in here? Oh, God, no.

Daryl, you're all macerated. What's the song looks like? You're all bones, but can I still get that wish? That's the first, that's actually the first, if you find the Daryl in a barrel, he has to grant you a farm wish. Daryl, I know you're all bones, but hey, listen, have you seen my Tivo remote?

Because I can't find it anywhere. I'm looking, so we didn't get any sent in because why the fuck would we? I had to go Googling around for them. And I found a few stinkeroonies. Here's one from modernfarmer.com. There's a few tips here. Birds are farmers' friends.

Thanks, guys. I think I could have figured that one out. They like shit on your plants, and they get better, and they eat all the bugs. Now tell me when birds become farmers' best friends. I would love to see that unlikely. When do birds become farmers' friends with benefits? On farmersonly.com.

It's all birds. This one is a treat your winter squash gently. That one's not especially useful. Oh, man, into that rough shit. How about this one, though? This one is important because it's also sort of tapping into one of our key interest areas. Make sure your horse doesn't eat too fast.

Scouring, again, keep in mind, this book was written in 1815, but it still holds true today. Scouring is caused by too rapid eating, which can be prevented by putting half a dozen pebbles the size of the fist into the manger with the oats. Oh, meatballs. That sounds like a good way to get pebbles in your horse's tummy. Well, no, it's the size of the fist,

so they're going to taste that rock and be like, nope, that's a rock. Let me just put that to the side. According to modern farmers, some commentary on this old-ass book said, horses in 2014 still need some help taking it nice and slow when they eat. Like, of course they do.

Like, guys, we got to get it together. We talked about this last week. Guys, we got to eat slower. We're scouring our bellies. It's bad, bad stuff. And rocks in the feed trough are still a simple way to keep them on pace. We still do that, says Pete Berkholder,

a large animal veterinarian. Now, wait, I want you to read that again, Griffin, but do it with a really posh British accent. Oh, he still do that, said Pete Berkholder, a large animal veterinarian based in Dayton, Virginia. That's a stanzas recommendation. You sound like Tim Curry. So do we, are we saying they put rocks

in the pits where the pigs think there will be food? Spice them up. No, I think they say they mix the pebbles into the, not just like, oops, all pebbles. Yeah, I don't prefer this. I would prefer just more oats back, thanks. They learn to eat slower. Here's a, you've done,

you did really good on the track today. Here's a Sugar Cube and a pebble. I put it right on top of it. I made like, I made horse sushi, basically. Here's a bad one, though, extra bonus content. Thank you, modern farmer, extra bonus content, very bad piece of old farm advice. What's the opposite of wisdom?

Ignorance, farm, farm fuck-ups. Farm fuck-up. This farm fuck-up says, one of the miscellaneous pamphlets tucked inside the encyclopedia, oh, is it old asset encyclopedia, is an older brochure entitled, The Horseman's Friend, or Pocket Counselor.

That's a great name for a fucking podcast. Hi, we're your pocket counselors. We live in your phone. Nice pockets. W.B. McCrum. It's the author's name. I'm not making this up. Maybe this website is Dr. W.B. McCrum.

That's M apostrophe, C-R-U-M. McCrum. Have you seen McCrum? I'm Dr. McCrum, and here's a bad piece of horse wisdom. McCrum offers instruction on how to treat dozens of common horse ailments, including weak eyes or hooks. Do you mean hooves, you bad doctor? If the horse's eyes or lids are swollen,

he recommended bleeding the vein below the eye. Come here, buddy, I'm just gonna goose you out. Not a big deal, let Dr. McCrum. Oh, thank you, McCrum. Dr. McCrum, get in there and fix you up good. They call me a horse killer, McCrum. This is definitely certainly not good advice. It's just crazy, says Burke Holder.

Don't do this. Then why'd you put it in the tan pamphlet? It's a welcome to He-Haw Bones, our show where it's like saw bones without horses. Welcome to He-Haw Bones. Weird ways. Welcome to He-Haw Bones pocket counselor. So how's the show going?

Oh, no! Hello! Are you allowed to tell me how the show is going or is it a secret? Couldn't tell which one you were for a moment there. Just kidding, I'm the only one who's made multiple appearances. How are you thinking about my Lee, my sister?

Canon. My sister, I'm Lee's only been on one, I should have really considered the sport before I shot my son in London in the sweater. Snowden, could you tell? I wanted to see how the show is going, but I've been listening the whole time. Okay, Snowden, can I?

Snowden, I think you might have some sort of laryngitic property about you right now, because you do sound like a small old witch. A little old secret is that I am that. I am a small old witch, a lot of people don't know. Snowden, could you tell the listeners what they get if they donate to maximumfun.org at $35 a month? Their name on a list, they will be on a government list.

Oh no. For people who are known supporters of podcasting. What is that a list for? It's sound like wind going through a broken tree, end of bit, done, end of bit. That was like a hit character, Head Cold Snowden. He's done. That's an exclusive version of the figure.

If you can find Head Cold Snowden, it's worth like at least $150 on the market. It's a chase version. Okay, so now human meat, Justin, please tell us what you get at $35 a month. $35 a month? Well, I'm glad you asked. That's gonna get you into the leadership squad.

You're gonna get a Maxfun thermos? Is that selling it short? I think that a vacuum thermos with a tumbler on top for travel. It's really cool looking. It's really cool looking. It looks like a bullet, a podcast bullet. Fuck yeah. And you can put coffee in it or booze or whatever.

It's up to you. It's your thermos, or it will be if you donate $35 a month to the Maxfun Fund. Now remember, you're not just buying gifts. That would be an insane price to pay for a thermos, honestly, $35 a month in installments. You're paying because you really like the shows. Think about how your life would be

if without Maxfun podcasts. Probably about the same, but a little worse, right? So we would love it if you would pay us for that. You can go to maxfunfund.org to donate and if you do $35 a month, you get the thermos, plus all the other stuff we already talked about, and you get a chance to choose all the shows that you listen to and support all the shows

that you listen to. If you're a hundred, so if you wanna get like buck wild and you really wanna help us out and you wanna line our pockets with meat and vegetables that we can eat and consume and get strong, we have higher levels, like $100 a month gets you a membership in the Inner Circle, that's a monthly culture club,

where one of the hosts of a Maxfun podcast recommends some cultural thing, maybe a book, maybe a game, maybe a movie, maybe, I don't know, music. I don't know why I said I don't know, like music is obviously an obvious thing that it could be. And then you'll be a part of the club and you'll get that sent to you in some form or another. Didn't we do Meet the Deedles?

Oh, maybe we did, I think we did Meet the Deedles, we also did Buckshot the Funk. Oh yeah, we did have a Buckshot the Funk album. Got that album, kicks ass. Anyway, $100 a month gets you in that. If you really, really wanna go ham, go full ape, then there is $200 a month, that gets you free registration for MaxfunCon 2017.

So it's, you know, we don't expect that everybody's gonna be able to chip in at that level, because if so, you're like your musky junior and you know, we dig that or whatever. But really just like showing any support that you possibly can means the most to us. Because I really think about it, like we started this thing doing,

my brother, my brother and me, once a week, it was this 50 minute goof-em-up thing that we did. And now like, because of the support that we've gotten from this network, we've been able to like do a bunch of live shows. By the way, maybe news on that coming up in the next few weeks. We've been able to launch a bunch of new podcasts

like the Adventure Zone, which we all love doing so, so much, and shows like Sawbones and Bunker Buddies and Schmanners and all these shows. Like the reason that we've been able to expand and basically turn this almost into like our full-time jobs. I mean, it is Travis' full-time job at this point is because of the support we've gotten from you. And it means a lot.

And if you wanna like, if you like what we do and you wanna help support that growth and allow us to experiment with new stuff and do more of the stuff that you like, then think about donating. Just go to maximumfund.org slash donate. And if you're already a donor, this is a great time to kind of consider

maybe upgrading your donorship, your donation. You know, we've added a bunch of new shows. Maybe you've started listening to a bunch of new shows on the network this year. This is a great time to say like, you know what? I'm gonna raise it up a little bit, include some of the other shows I listened to. And if you become a donor, if you upgrade your donation,

be sure that you tweet at us and let us know so that we can say thank you. Yeah, we also have a challenge. We have challenge donors too, who have agreed to donate a certain amount of money for each new donor we get. And hopefully we can reach that 5,000 new donor and upgrading donor goal.

But every time we get a newer upgrading donor, those challenge donors kick in a little bit of money. So you're also kind of doubling down on your donation. Anyway. We know 5,000 donors sounds high, but a lot of people right now are saying that we'll never do it. Our nemesis over at Channel 8 say

that they are gonna buy Max Fun. They're gonna buy it, the whole thing, unless we can get 5,000 donors, they made a bet. And if they buy us, they're not gonna use us the way that we wanna be used. They're gonna change the name of the network to Craps Fun. And then they're gonna make it. Bulldoze all the shows and turn them into parking lots.

Well, no, they'll make us keep doing it. They'll keep making us do the podcast, but they get to decide what goes in on it just to embarrass us. So the Craps Fun version of the show would just be like, oh, my boogers fell out. And I don't wanna say that stuff. I don't wanna say that stuff,

because it's embarrassing, but that's what Channel 8 wants us to do, if we don't get our goal. Sorry, I know it was that. I know we ate Channel 8. I know they're gonna buy Max Fun if we don't get 5,000 donors. That's hysterical.

Yeah, my boogers fell out. People say my boogers fell out if that's what gets you to donate. We will dance for you, whatever way you want to. Yeah, if you want us to launch a new podcast and a new decade, once a decade podcast, call my boogers fell out. I mean, just say it.

Like, just say it. Don't leave me hanging here, guys. My boogers fell out. My boogers fell out. Yeah, I know, it's very good. Do it. So let us know how fast my boogers fell out. Okay, but here's the key.

Here's the key. If you're thinking about it, you're like, you know what, I would like to do that. Do it right now while you're thinking about it. Don't wait. If you're driving, pull over to the side of the road. Donate now. Don't wait, because the longer you wait,

you might forget about it. And then the two weeks will fly by, Max Fun Drive will be over and you'll miss out on your chance to be a part of this super fun energetic time of the year. We'll purchase this already. Two related things, not quite about the Drive Adjacent. We're doing a Max Fun Meetup Day.

It's gonna be Tuesday, March 22nd at 7 p.m., whatever your local time is. Listeners have been organizing meetups at maximumfund.org slash meetups. So if you wanna celebrate Max Fun Drive Fortnite in person with other folks who like the network, go to maximumfund.org slash meetups. Everybody we've ever met who has come to like shows

or has come to Max FunCon has been really, really great. It's a really great squad. If your city's not on the maximumfund.org slash meetups page and you wanna throw one, shoot an email to Stacy, that's S-T-A-C-E-Y at maximumfund.org and they can add that to the page. What was the second thing that you said there were two things? Yeah, two things.

Oh yeah, if you tweet about the show with a link to the donate page, so it's maximumfund.org slash donate, along with sort of a statement to help spread the word about Max Fun and what we're doing here with the hashtag toast to Max Fun, you're gonna be entered into a drawing for one of John Hodgman's favorite Breville products,

a kitchen electronics, consumer electronics device for the kitchen that you will- Like a toaster, hence toast to Max Fun. Oh, that makes a lot of sense, doesn't it? Okay, anyway, we've talked forever, let's get back into it. I have another question, guys. Yes.

Oh, how about a Yahoo? We've only done one. Perfect, sounds good. This Yahoo was sent in, fuck, there's two good ones. Can we do both? Yeah. So I'm sending by Kate Anselm, who, thank you, Kate, it's from Yahoo Answers user WFR74, who asks,

when is Truck Month traditionally celebrated? When is Truck Month traditionally celebrated? Is Truck Month, when dealerships give discounts on trucks? Yeah, and they just kind of celebrate the damn things, don't they? They just do the damn thing, you know? We love you trucks. I'm glad we get to sell you for so cheap

to people who give you a good home in a good garage and good drives. Don't you hate it when Truck Month, there are people who only celebrate trucks during Truck Month, and you're just like, oh, you're like one of those once a year truck owners. Well, what if they, okay, instead of establishing a calendar month,

what if they just did it? An easy way to do it is just piggyback onto another month-long event. So how about Lent? Because then you're gonna get all frustrated because you can't drink your Mountain Dew or you can't jerk off, but you can go muddin' in your truck that you bought,

Truck Month, Lent, get it. And then when it's over, you Mardi Gras the fuck up. Over, is that before? Do you think people ever, do you think people ever got really confused about Truck Month, and then at the end of Truck Month, they put their truck in their garage, and they're just like, I'll see you in a year, old friend.

See ya, buddy, I love you. Love you, have a great year. Have a great year. Oh, sleep good, my buddy. I left you a big bowl of car food. Get hungry, do it. And if you get scared in this dark garage, just honk for me, buddy.

Okay, I'll come in here and I'll tell you. I won't get in you or I'll bring you. I know, because that's illegal thanks to Obama, but anyway, I'll tell you a story about the better times we had when we trucked together. What if you're fuckin' on the road, and you're like in Tucson,

trying to get back to Dallas, but it's like 8 p.m., the night before Truck Month ends, and it's like, I gotta fuckin' go. I gotta fuckin' go. It's like the purge. Like, I gotta get back to my garage. It's gonna turn back into Miata. Holy shit, no, that movie you just described,

it could be literally Gremlins. Is that what happens in Gremlins? No, there's a car call. Yeah. Okay, oh, I see. What if instead of Truck Month, and I did the math here, you did two hours a day every day for an entire year?

And that's gonna add up to Truck Month, but instead you took two hours a day to really appreciate trucks. So, that's a lot of time. That's a significant investment. Would you rather do it all in one block, Griffin? 12 hours a day for 31 days? Yeah, you'd die.

Exactly. I didn't eat today, I was too busy praising my truck. Could you schedule at least half of it during sleep hours, like you promise yourself you're gonna dream about your truck at least once for an hour? But what happens if you don't? Do you have to like, vlog yourself?

Yeah, well now you just have to spend an extra hour the next day, and then you get people who like try to, like listen, I got a busy weekend of travel coming up by kids with two hours to think about trucks, so I'm gonna spend four hours thinking about trucks today, and four hours thinking about trucks on Monday. I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a truck dream tonight.

Oh, but it's a great excuse though, when people are like, hey, do you wanna like go bowling? You're like, I wish I could, but I'd blocked out like eight to 10 for trucks. Yes, truck month, truck month. Let me ask you this, if we go bowling, how much are you gonna be comfortable

with me talking about my truck? You know, not at all. How comfortable are you gonna be with me parking my truck at the end of the lane and throwing bowling balls out the rolled down window? Poop-bye! This is a cool, this is a cool bowling, hey, hey man, y'all are cool,

thanks for letting me do this. It's so tough to squeeze in the time, you know what I mean? God is, this truck month is demanding and I forgot to do my sleep dreaming about my trucks last night, so I gotta do my bowl trucking. Anyway, thanks a lot, I'll promise,

I'll clean these floors up, I'll come back next Tuesday and get them. Hey, Zamboni month. Hey, listen, I just wanted to say, y'all are the fucking coolest synagogue ever. I will never spend the Sabbath anywhere else, this fucking rules, this fucking, you let me up here even like,

I'm not gonna get behind the curtain because I know nobody's allowed back there, it's like the Torah wherever, but like, I'm so fucking soaked that you let me pull my truck right into your synagogue. Thanks for having an open mind. Sir, I have to ask, are you drunk right now?

Are you drunk driving? I've pulled you, I'm a cop, let me set the stage, I'm a cop, I've pulled you over from drunk driving. What do you think you're doing? Hey, mate, I gotta squeeze them in, you know? You know what, there's like, I gotta squeeze them in the times

to this truck month, you gon' buy me a four truck, I close it, I'm out on the road, yes. Sir, you're literally inside a police station. Yes, yes. You drove your truck into a police station. Yes, I am, and I'm thinking about these trucks all day, buddy, baby. Get in, come on, get in.

But just this once. We're gonna knock out some of these. Just cause it's truck month. We're gonna knock out some of your credit hours, come on, buddy. Love fucking love trucks. I fucking love trucks so much. Fucking love them.

These trucks like our new thing, like, you know that scene of trucks? You know that scene of trucks? Impacts the future when he fucking throws open the garage and there's that fucking boner-rific. It's just like a big cock. I love that scene. Headlights on it, just a big headlight, just donger.

Ah, cool. Just a cool, shiny, new hog. And Biff just got done polishing his boner. Oh, Biff was, like, Biff that fucking cook just polishing that new future hog. Was the car from the future? It wasn't. I don't think so.

No, I think it was just a new car. Okay, real quick, let's get to this other yahoo cause I don't wanna sleep on it. It's by, it was sitting by level 9000, Yadru, Drew, Drew Davenport, thank you, Drew. It's by Yadru Answers user Terra Sage who asks, do Sonic characters have last names? I really want us to get into the Sonic verse more often.

I think there's a lot of stuff in there. Or fuller titles than just Sonic, Knuckles, Shadow, Silver, Blaze, Amy, et cetera. I always assumed that his name was like Sonic T Hedgehog. That's ridiculous. That's ridiculous. Okay, Tails, yes, does have a full name. Bernie Sanders.

Oh, what if, hey, what if though, right guys? What if, what if, he's still my heart. I mean, do you know what Tails is, Miles? Last name? Oh, Brian, but that's the character from Deep Space Nine. I've been watching a lot of it. Can't tell the difference. Nice, yeah, you've been tweeting a lot about Deep Space Nine.

Kinda had to mute that hashtag. Kinda had to mute it. You've been penetrating that hashtag through my channels. I'll come up with a different form of it. You can't hide from my hashtags. Miles Power, yes, Amy Rose, yes. That's as far as I think- Miles per hour? No, Miles- Holy shit, that is what it means.

Yeah, no shit. Are you kidding me? No, yeah, that was a joke revelation. So, as I throw those in, just to see if you guys catch it. But yeah, I know, I got this. Yes, Miles Power, fucking Amy Rose, yes. Those are the only two, I think those are the only two that we know, but a last name can't be the Hedgehog

or the echidna or the bad or the rabbit. There is absolutely no way that like Knuckles is his given name or Sonic. Like we've already established that Tails isn't actually called Tails. So what if Sonic's name is like Steven Herman? And he's like, call me Sonic. And he's like, no.

No, I'd rather call you by your regular name. I'd rather call you Sturman. I like Sturman the Hedgehog. Now, Big the Cat, his last name is actually Berkowitz, which not many people- Berkowitz. Big Berkowitz. Big Berkowitz, I like that. Sonic, his last name is also Berkowitz

because him and Big are married in my hood. What's Dr. Robotnik's first name? Is it doctor? Is he a medical doctor or has he been named doctor? His first name is Obama. Obama Robotnik, Bobo Robotnik. Justin, it sounds like maybe you're scared off of this question, maybe you're afraid to fucking step

on the toes of the Sonic fan verse. I literally, the Sonic fandom is very perplexing to me because I don't know if, like I never know if it's sexual or not. Like I don't know people who like Sonic. I don't know if it's a sex thing. And there's some things- Which is fine. It just colors how I would discuss it.

You know what I mean? Justin, I want you to know something. Yeah. At some point in all of the Sonic fandom, someone has written Sonic fan fiction in which Sonic has collected a ring, looked at another character and said, you know where this would go

and then put it on a Sonic penis. I don't like that. Right on his chili dog. I mean, they throw, the chest was tricky about this is they throw in some landmines like cream the rabbit. You can't have a guy named cream. You can't have a woman named cream rabbit on here. What are you doing?

You can't do have that in your video game for kids. No way, inappropriate. There's been crossovers where like Sonic and Mario have done shit together. Yeah, like didn't done sports at the Olympics. And it's like, I can't imagine that, you know, that changing room between games. What's your name?

Mario, what's yours? Cream, okay. Are you sure that's what- All right. That's what Sonic called me. I don't, and Mario has done quite a few crossovers with people through your smash bros and whatnot. Yeah.

So the Sonic universe extends- It's huge, yeah. Way farther than anyone could possibly imagine. And they're all married in my head. No way. Don't try to pull in this Tommy Westfall garbage that we're like all video game characters- It's true though, it's just named two Nintendo boys.

Name two Nintendo guys. Those little dipshits from Ice Climbers. They're married to each other. No! Wow. What about the blob from Boyness Blob and- The boy from Boyness Blob are married, yes. They have some, let's just say they have some-

Jelly Bean Fun. But Griffin, are all of these loving, marriage it? They're all married. Yeah, they're all- They're all legal romance. Yeah, but think about it. It makes sense if you think about it, because if you're the boy from Boyness Blob and the blob,

you're stuck in a video game cartridge. There's only two entities that don't try to kill each other. Yeah, what's he gonna do? Marry the snakes? No? No. I bet the blob has a real name and hates being called the blob.

He's a ghost, isn't he? I was assumed he was a ghost. No, I thought he was the beanbag chair. I think Travis is suggesting that he's like a Jeremy. Yeah, a boy and his Jeremy. I have a name. It's Jeremy T. Blob. All I'm saying is Bowser and Ganondorf are in love very much.

Well, yeah. They get together and they make spaghetti for each other and they kiss and they- Talk about how hard their day is. They talk about how hard their day is. Like Mario did it again. A boy stabbed me in the head for the second time. And he smashed all my goddamn pots.

Smashed my pots. I bought those pots. Stabbed my head. It's all bad. So you think I'm made of pots? Justin, you, again, it sounds like you don't really care about married Nintendo characters. It sounds like this is not a thing that you think about

all the time who's married Nintendo and Taka. I'm just gonna be respectful of the one person who's permanently masturbating because you just opened a fucking dark, dark cocoon that they're trying to like understand and absorb. Hey, listen, that's all the podcasts we had in this today. And we tried really hard to do a good podcast for you for a whole year.

And now, and it was with an understanding you're gonna pay us for it at some point. So let's, let's, let's, let's, hey, no more goofing around. Let's do the damn thing, huh? Let's go to maximumfun.org or slash donate. Just carve off a few bucks. And hey, let us know if you do that on Twitter

so we can like say thank you. I know we've goofed about stuff a bunch, but like we really do appreciate like, I mean, this show is like amazing and it is, it's changed, changed all of our lives. Is that what you meant? This show is so fucking sick. This show is raw fire.

It's fucking changing comedy. It's changing words and sounds. No, it's changed, it's changed our lives. Like I can't believe that we get to do this and that like whenever we do live shows and people come out to see us, like I can't believe that this is, this is the fucking stupid lives that we have.

It's so great. And it's all because of, it's, it's, it's all because of you guys and it's because of the Maxfun Network and it's because of the support that you all show us year in, year out. So genuinely thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Go to maximumfun.org slash donate. You can find out all about the rewards. If you donate at any, at any level, you can get all that bonus content and then there's, there's tons of rewards, tons of gifts for you to get into at different levels. So again, maximumfun.org slash donate. And if you're already a donor,

don't forget to tell your friends that you know our Maxfun listeners. Go on Twitter, talk about it, retweet links, you know, do whatever you can. When a fucking, when a fucking toaster. When a fucking toaster for your troubles. Do you guys want that final? Yes. Give it to me girl, thanks.

Oh, oh, one other thing. If you do donate or if you like don't have the dollars to donate right now, either way, it would be awesome if you could tweet about the Maxfun Drive, Maxfun Drive is the hashtag. But if you could tweet about it, just let people know and make sure to include the link there. That would be excellent.

We really appreciate it. Yep. How about this final yahoo? Oh, and thanks to John Rodger for getting the long winters for you for a theme song instead of partying off the album and putting the days to bed. Another friend.

Another friend of the Maxfun family. Thank you. It's by yahoo answers, or sent in by Nicole Thompson. Thank you, Nicole. It's by yahoo answers user, I think it's just me. Yeah, it's just me. I ask, I ask this. I ask.

Can you clone a pizza? My name's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother and me. Kiss your dad. Square on the lips. Maximumfun.org.

Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. The three of you enter a cave of a big red dragon and is standing over a horde of precious golden rubies. And he says, what do you do, adventurers? I'm a dragon man. I cast fire on him.

It's very good. I addressed the red dragon to say, us, we're the hosts of the Adventure Zone, a podcast about family playing Dungeons & Dragons. Very good synergy. Commit to the bit. I rolled a charm new listeners. It is very effective against all odds.

Everybody wear the macros. We host the Adventure Zone's podcast where we play Dungeons and Dragons together. It's a comedy podcast. We don't take the rules too seriously because there's a lot of them and we did not take the time to learn them. Maybe listen to us.

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